@@awakenkids There's another good one he has on vimeo, which is based on dialogue, but it really does some great things with the action, too. Just google John August dialogue, and it's the first link, which takes you to his site, where you'll see a link to the Vimeo site.
It's your story. If your characters misbehave, change their circumstances so they can't do dumb stuff. You may have set your stakes too low so that there's no consequence for their action or inaction.
you are a good man for doing this for free! I've learn a LOT by just downloading many available scripts (of really good movies) reading reading reading and also sometimes reading along with watching the movie REALLY helps. Tedious work...but if you want to be a writer...
I'm currently in the process of writing my first full length screenplay and this video really helped. Start with the action and describe the characters feelings instead of how they act, great tip
Mr. August, this is incredible! you elevated the whole scene to another level. I would appreciate more of these videos if you possibly find the time!! it's very valuable for aspring writers.
I new in to the world of screenwriting and I really find it fascinating how differently you have to think when writing a screenplay. It's like a puzzle I want to solve. Great examples!
You're professional! I love that! Just the first couple seconds into the video, and I was like, "I like this, simple and to the point, along with a visual example." Keep up the good work, John!! :D
Wow, a co-screenwriter of the movie Frankenweenie and Charlie's Angels... and screenwriter of the movie, Big Fish! :) Thank you for making this video, sir! I really admire your writing. :)
Hello John, Thank you for your scene instruction. I especially liked your reference to writing better action. I'm a disabled veteran with a lot of ideas--but new to script writing.
John August started listening to scriptnotes a while back and I absolutely love it. im glad you also have these tutorials online. for someone that didn't and will never go to film school it really helps. This is like getting a Harvard education for free. You're my hero! Do you ever proof anyones work? There is a Seattle based company that offers those services but I don't really trust anyone NOT in LA.
there is nothing here that i didn't know but it helps a lot to open up some knots and tighten some bolts... so at the end of it all- its helpful. thanks john.
It's good, but it changes the motivation of the character's dialogues. The original showed us an interest from Kara for the factory, we know, for the way it was written, she's up to something there. The rework makes the interest appears in the manager instead. He brings up the topic instead of her. I would had kept the original intent of Kara to get information, by following the initial question with a continued conversation prior the scene, something we wouldn't be able to see.
Beginning screenwriters often make the mistake of starting a scene at the beginning of an interaction instead of at the most meaningful part. "hello, how are you." "I'm fine, how are you?" "Nice day isn't it?" "Yes, it is. You're looking good." "So are you." Nobody wants to film that.
TheRLification We all have to learn. Sometimes you need to write that stuff just to push yourself into the scene. Then you read it over and see that you can just cut to the chase.Boom.
I just imagined a really nice scene with your dialogue about two incredibly socially awkward people going on a date. There's a lot of subtext and a lot of room for the actors to do their thing.
MajorKeys . The point wasn't to put new writers on the defense I think. The point is new writers leave that fat in. Write it if it helps you grease the gears, but yank it out before showing it to anyone.
it was great. it is really important to show things and show the acts through the dialogues. sometimes we can see more through our words than through our eyes.
Great video. Perhaps you can do one explaining how to write a scene with multiple locations, like a crime scene or a horror scene. I am trying to figure out how to do that. Are they separate slug lines, or just 'cut to' segments of the same scene?
Question? For Sluglines, should they be written from General to specific? Or does it not matter? For example: In this scene it's INT. Front Desk - Local Hotel - Day, I was told, it should be INT. Local Hotel - Front Desk - Day. So what's the most accepted?
Interesting, but I feel like you've taken the protagonist from an active investigator to a passive answerer of questions. This isn't just adding tension, it's fundamentally changing what this scene is doing.
I think you're missing the point a bit. Movies aren't about giving the audience info, it's to entertain them. The 2nd version sets up mystery and plants seeds of suspicion into the audience. The joy of finding out.
I would think for a short film, your suggestions might be right on, but for a feature, nuance seems to work better, after all, this is only the first minute. I don't need all that info crammed into that short amount of time.
Not always one minute though- that's a rough estimation. Because if any setting or character has to be described, that doesn't count as screen time. :)
Hello. After watching the whole video I'm quite left confused. What actually changed from the first to second version? Like what did the change achieve? Was it that it was more directly to the point? Was it more focused on action rather than dialogue or the other way around? What's the meaning behind those changes? What's the greater lesson here?
Great video! It's always great to see a visual. Now I better understand why getting right to the action is important! I only have one comment. That parenthetical, (surprised)... The only reason I would put a parenthetical in my script would be if my subtext wasn't obvious. Is that correct?
The exchanges seem odd; a hotel clerk/receptionist is hardly like to speak so coldly; they wouldn't say 'You a reporter?!' They'd be more diplomatic and mannered and then to say abruptly 'Sign here. Initial there!' it's like dialogue you might hear in a concentration camp but that aside I would avoid describing characters who are not overly essential; giving them moustaches and ages treads on the toes of directors and casting agents. Let them decide all that.
Hey John August. I read one of your articles on your blog "11 steps on how to write a scene" a lot. I have a question. the second thing you said on step one "ask what NEEDS to happen" . but one of my characters does stuff that is stupid,random,and slows down the movie. would you reccomend writing a list of what jonathan CAN NOT DO? how do i be bossy with my characters?I would LOVE to hear back from you. it would be a priveledge. the 11 steps really changed the way i screenwrite.big fan. Olivia.
I use the apostrophe. It's done that way in most screenplays. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen it without. Maybe I have and just wasn't paying attention, but either way, he's John August!
I cant seem to find a tutorial regarding characters' descriptions, how long should they be where should they appear and to what detail level do we need to go down to when presenting someone. thanks in advance for any assistance.
Hello! John how are you? I've been writing for a while now since I am a college student and I have written a few papers that was good. But I'm new to this screenwriting script and I have no idea where to start, and I'm a little confused on how to start. What do you recommend someone like me to do or start screenwriting? Oh! I bought a book today called " The Screenwriter's Bible." This book seems interesting. Have you heard of it? If so what is your opinion about it?
I'm sorry but the first version was better: We found out she was a reporter, she planned on leaving tomorrow, she was here for the factory, and it's been closed for a year. But in the second version we don't know anything about the factory at all, why she's there or how long, and it's only a guess that she is a reporter but not confirmed. Also, wasting time locking in the hotel manager into burly and having a walrus mustache, therefore tying the hands of the casting from getting good actors.
That used to be the norm during the typewriter days. That's how you'd write if writing a novel, or just general writing, but in modern screenwriting, it's acceptable now to single space, so save space.
My problem has never beginning a scene, according to the script consultant I use it's ending a scene. I haven't gotten that together yet. You should be a script consultant. Once writers know the basis about tbe craft the rest is creativity.
It's boring but it starts off a hell of a lot more concise than do most scripts. I could imagine that style of writing working very well if the tone was cut-and-dry, or subdued like a British dark comedy.
This entire scene is fat and warrants cutting. We learned nothing, no stakes, no mystery, no CONFLICT. Knowing reporters came from NY for what I'm guessing was a big crime event is not necessary. I think the original purpose of the scene was exposition to say Kara's business in this location will be 1 or 2 days or she's from New York. The latter can be revealed in passive dialog later. This can all be erased and replaced with Ext Hotel - Day Kara's car is parked outside. Int Hotel Room - Day Yadda yadda yadda whatever this scene is about moving the story right along. Bam! Done. Having a desk scene at all just makes the pacing sluggish as most amateur writing does.
C Ch I was thinking the same thing. The rewritten scene while better doesn't propel us into the next scene. It's not presenting me with a dramatic question I'm hoping to see answered in a subsequent scene.
The commenter's changes make it no better. Yes, he moves the story quicker but it is very choppy. For one thing, the lack of formalities at the beginning such as a "hi" or "hello" et cetera, which takes only seconds, makes the scene look unnatural. A woman rolling a suitcase approaches the front desk . . .
I wish you'd make more of these. I've watched the same three videos over and over, whenever I need some inspiration on how to make my writing better.
same here!
@@awakenkids There's another good one he has on vimeo, which is based on dialogue, but it really does some great things with the action, too. Just google John August dialogue, and it's the first link, which takes you to his site, where you'll see a link to the Vimeo site.
@@xxoxia omg thanks so much!
It's your story. If your characters misbehave, change their circumstances so they can't do dumb stuff. You may have set your stakes too low so that there's no consequence for their action or inaction.
you are a good man for doing this for free!
I've learn a LOT by just downloading many available scripts (of really good movies) reading reading reading and also sometimes reading along with watching the movie REALLY helps. Tedious work...but if you want to be a writer...
Any success so far?
Good luck!
Andromeda same
Same
i do that too! really does help.
I've found that I work a little more efficiently when I have a movie on in the background. It can be any movie for me.
I'm currently in the process of writing my first full length screenplay and this video really helped. Start with the action and describe the characters feelings instead of how they act, great tip
Mr. August, this is incredible! you elevated the whole scene to another level. I would appreciate more of these videos if you possibly find the time!! it's very valuable for aspring writers.
Thank you for this! I really appreciate you taking the time out your busy schedule to school us on the art of screenwriting . Thank you!
Wow that totally transformed this page! thanks a lot John
Really good video! Please do a full screenplay end-to-end. Take a newbie screenplay with a good story and improve it.
I new in to the world of screenwriting and I really find it fascinating how differently you have to think when writing a screenplay. It's like a puzzle I want to solve. Great examples!
Wish you'd make more videos like this. Good stuff!
You're professional! I love that! Just the first couple seconds into the video, and I was like, "I like this, simple and to the point, along with a visual example." Keep up the good work, John!! :D
Thanks John. I just got out into Script Notes recently, so when you popped up while I searched UA-cam for info I was stoked! 😀🕺🏻🎥🏖🇦🇺
You never fail, John August.
Would love to see more of these.
Wow, a co-screenwriter of the movie Frankenweenie and Charlie's Angels... and screenwriter of the movie, Big Fish! :) Thank you for making this video, sir! I really admire your writing. :)
and aladdin live-action 2019 too ;)
Bad exposition...
@@vaibhawsingh01???
Hello John,
Thank you for your scene instruction. I especially liked your reference to writing better action. I'm a disabled veteran with a lot of ideas--but new to script writing.
I'm super thankful for these videos as a beginner at scriptwriting! I wish you would do more of them, thank you
John August started listening to scriptnotes a while back and I absolutely love it. im glad you also have these tutorials online. for someone that didn't and will never go to film school it really helps. This is like getting a Harvard education for free. You're my hero! Do you ever proof anyones work? There is a Seattle based company that offers those services but I don't really trust anyone NOT in LA.
there is nothing here that i didn't know but it helps a lot to open up some knots and tighten some bolts... so at the end of it all- its helpful. thanks john.
It's good, but it changes the motivation of the character's dialogues. The original showed us an interest from Kara for the factory, we know, for the way it was written, she's up to something there. The rework makes the interest appears in the manager instead. He brings up the topic instead of her. I would had kept the original intent of Kara to get information, by following the initial question with a continued conversation prior the scene, something we wouldn't be able to see.
These old videos are still really good. Would you ever do more like these? (also recently started using Highland 2 and love it)
I really like your videos on screenplay writing such as this one from 2009. Hope you might be adding more someday! Great work.
I been looking for this information all day today..... thanks
Beginning screenwriters often make the mistake of starting a scene at the beginning of an interaction instead of at the most meaningful part. "hello, how are you." "I'm fine, how are you?" "Nice day isn't it?" "Yes, it is. You're looking good." "So are you." Nobody wants to film that.
Yep. That was me a while ago.
TheRLification We all have to learn. Sometimes you need to write that stuff just to push yourself into the scene. Then you read it over and see that you can just cut to the chase.Boom.
Also, don't start with a line of dialogue. It often seems weird and sudden. Start off with an action. Someone goes in or out from somewhere.
I just imagined a really nice scene with your dialogue about two incredibly socially awkward people going on a date. There's a lot of subtext and a lot of room for the actors to do their thing.
MajorKeys . The point wasn't to put new writers on the defense I think. The point is new writers leave that fat in. Write it if it helps you grease the gears, but yank it out before showing it to anyone.
it was great. it is really important to show things and show the acts through the dialogues. sometimes we can see more through our words than through our eyes.
excellent example. thank you. i just started out screen writing and this puts things into much better perspective for me.
Excellent demo, John.
People cannot do emotions and talk at the same time. Emotion is communication without words.
Great video. Perhaps you can do one explaining how to write a scene with multiple locations, like a crime scene or a horror scene. I am trying to figure out how to do that. Are they separate slug lines, or just 'cut to' segments of the same scene?
Amazing video - it makes me feel like I wasted three years on a film school (these seven minutes of this video were more valuable).
I love the special rhythm John always reserves for saying "now, there's nothing [micropause] WRONG with this scene as it's written..."
Question? For Sluglines, should they be written from General to specific? Or does it not matter? For example: In this scene it's INT. Front Desk - Local Hotel - Day, I was told, it should be INT. Local Hotel - Front Desk - Day. So what's the most accepted?
This is pure gold!
Great tutorial man! Thanks :D
The changes you made created tension where it first was just plain and pointless interaction. Nice indeed.
Immediately saw the difference from the beginning of your rewrite.
Interesting, but I feel like you've taken the protagonist from an active investigator to a passive answerer of questions. This isn't just adding tension, it's fundamentally changing what this scene is doing.
Very Good Video. Thank You.
Gave me some ideas for rewriting
I think you're missing the point a bit. Movies aren't about giving the audience info, it's to entertain them. The 2nd version sets up mystery and plants seeds of suspicion into the audience. The joy of finding out.
Great. Thank you for sharing...
This guy wrote Frankenweenie.
Instead of pressing period three times for an ellipsis, press 'option' semi-colon.
That's idiotic.
I would think for a short film, your suggestions might be right on, but for a feature, nuance seems to work better, after all, this is only the first minute. I don't need all that info crammed into that short amount of time.
This was extremely helpful! THANK YOU for posting!!!!
Been on yr site for research. Subbed.
Not always one minute though- that's a rough estimation. Because if any setting or character has to be described, that doesn't count as screen time. :)
Hello. After watching the whole video I'm quite left confused. What actually changed from the first to second version? Like what did the change achieve? Was it that it was more directly to the point? Was it more focused on action rather than dialogue or the other way around? What's the meaning behind those changes? What's the greater lesson here?
More these, please!
Fantastic vid. Thanks!
Great video! It's always great to see a visual. Now I better understand why getting right to the action is important! I only have one comment. That parenthetical, (surprised)... The only reason I would put a parenthetical in my script would be if my subtext wasn't obvious. Is that correct?
Double spaces after periods/full stops... WHY??
The exchanges seem odd; a hotel clerk/receptionist is hardly like to speak so coldly; they wouldn't say 'You a reporter?!' They'd be more diplomatic and mannered and then to say abruptly 'Sign here. Initial there!' it's like dialogue you might hear in a concentration camp but that aside I would avoid describing characters who are not overly essential; giving them moustaches and ages treads on the toes of directors and casting agents. Let them decide all that.
Hey John, just wondering why you tend to do two spaces in some instances. Saw them in other vids too. Thanks.
Hey John August. I read one of your articles on your blog "11 steps on how to write a scene" a lot. I have a question. the second thing you said on step one "ask what NEEDS to happen" . but one of my characters does stuff that is stupid,random,and slows down the movie. would you reccomend writing a list of what jonathan CAN NOT DO? how do i be bossy with my characters?I would LOVE to hear back from you. it would be a priveledge. the 11 steps really changed the way i screenwrite.big fan.
Olivia.
Could I read the full script?
"30's" is wrong. It's "30s" you don't need the apostrophe. Other than that, this was very informative.
I use the apostrophe. It's done that way in most screenplays. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen it without. Maybe I have and just wasn't paying attention, but either way, he's John August!
It's grammatically incorrect. Just because it's John August it doesn't change anything...
Easy to read is more important than grammatically correct in this case. It's not a book.
Thank you.
Can i just ask, why does it matter what the hotel clerk looked like? Was there a reason for him being described?
I notice you usually put two spaces after a full stop. Is there a particular reason? It's a serious question:)
That's about one page right? How long will that be in a movie?
Would you mind if you leave the link of this software?
Please
I cant seem to find a tutorial regarding characters' descriptions, how long should they be where should they appear and to what detail level do we need to go down to when presenting someone. thanks in advance for any assistance.
Hello! John how are you? I've been writing for a while now since I am a college student and I have written a few papers that was good. But I'm new to this screenwriting script and I have no idea where to start, and I'm a little confused on how to start. What do you recommend someone like me to do or start screenwriting? Oh! I bought a book today called " The Screenwriter's Bible." This book seems interesting. Have you heard of it? If so what is your opinion about it?
What software do you recommend, John? And what are you using for this?
Thanks =)
Andrew J. Gregory Final Draft. Every screenwriter uses it. It's not cheap though. www.finaldraft.com/
I'm sorry but the first version was better: We found out she was a reporter, she planned on leaving tomorrow, she was here for the factory, and it's been closed for a year. But in the second version we don't know anything about the factory at all, why she's there or how long, and it's only a guess that she is a reporter but not confirmed. Also, wasting time locking in the hotel manager into burly and having a walrus mustache, therefore tying the hands of the casting from getting good actors.
What’s the story called @John August
Give that lady her credit card bacK!
Brilliant. Thank you!
I need John to edit all of my scripts 😂
Is there a reason that there is so much 'sliding' of cards and IDs in this scene, instead of simply handing them over?
Shouldn't anyone point out that after the hotel clerk has been introduced as such he should also be named clerk and not manager?
wow. just found this channel.
Two spaces between sentences?
Thanx it really helped..
Wich program did you used?
That's Movie Magic Screenwriter.
Question. How come you use double space after a period?
Because that's proper English typing
That used to be the norm during the typewriter days. That's how you'd write if writing a novel, or just general writing, but in modern screenwriting, it's acceptable now to single space, so save space.
Shouldn't it be 30s? (as opposed to 30's)
My problem has never beginning a scene, according to the script consultant I use it's ending a scene. I haven't gotten that together yet. You should be a script consultant. Once writers know the basis about tbe craft the rest is creativity.
please more
1 page = 1 minute in a movie. so an average screenplay will have about 120 pages.
Impressive.
thank you so much
SUBBED!!
It's boring but it starts off a hell of a lot more concise than do most scripts. I could imagine that style of writing working very well if the tone was cut-and-dry, or subdued like a British dark comedy.
🙏🏽💟
im writing a play call a little princess
lol how could someone actually take the effort to click on 'thumbs down'?? what could possibly be so upsetting in this video?? hahaha
Now we're talking turkey. You have to watch your movie as you're writing it, n'est pas?
Do people really write like that, combing through the whole checking-in process? Jump in at taking the room key and get the story back into gear. 🙄
This entire scene is fat and warrants cutting. We learned nothing, no stakes, no mystery, no CONFLICT. Knowing reporters came from NY for what I'm guessing was a big crime event is not necessary. I think the original purpose of the scene was exposition to say Kara's business in this location will be 1 or 2 days or she's from New York. The latter can be revealed in passive dialog later.
This can all be erased and replaced with
Ext Hotel - Day
Kara's car is parked outside.
Int Hotel Room - Day
Yadda yadda yadda whatever this scene is about moving the story right along.
Bam! Done. Having a desk scene at all just makes the pacing sluggish as most amateur writing does.
C Ch I was thinking the same thing. The rewritten scene while better doesn't propel us into the next scene. It's not presenting me with a dramatic question I'm hoping to see answered in a subsequent scene.
The commenter's changes make it no better. Yes, he moves the story quicker but it is very choppy. For one thing, the lack of formalities at the beginning such as a "hi" or "hello" et cetera, which takes only seconds, makes the scene look unnatural. A woman rolling a suitcase approaches the front desk . . .
Cont'd racist.
I disagree with him.
Great video, thank you!