My parents always compare me to others, my mother always says how much better my cousins and family members are than me and my father always compares me to his friends children. They're all so much better than me and they keep doing it mercilessly and making me feel like absolute garbage Update: I have stopped giving a shit and am better off than before
I understand bro They make u feel shit about yourself No matter how hard u try or how good u do they'll still make u feel shit. I'm always frustrated and upset because of them
@@_itsholly And my parents sent me to music courses, but now they always talk about those kids studying in medical departments. It doesn't make sense and I never get it.
Yes and its sad and i hate it, i have a bunch of disorders because of my narcissistic parents now. Just because it is common in a culture does not mean its okay.
my parents keep comparing me every single sec it really hurts, I hope parents could stop doing that since it doesn't actually help and it only hurts both sides.
My mom has been comparing me since I was 5 years old, there all in bad ways never good saying “This girl is better than you, she’s more girlish, and knows how to cook.” No “All you do is stay in your room”. I don’t need to know how to cook and I stay in my room to avoid my toxic family
@@jaspoayzzz8111 yes, my mom is like : see ur sister goes to tuitions, and u refusing to go it They basically force me to do things I don't like just becuz I get marks after I solve the exams and it gets counted when entering a nice college, I always do wt they want but I think I am not doing my best, idk if it's just me, but I feel so bad and angry at God for giving me as their child like y make them suffer :(
I see these comments of other children's parents comparing them I'm glad to have parents who don't compare me at all with other children They motivate me (:
I’m in my 40s and my parents at their 70s still do that to me. Gosh I should have taken or sent them to trips to Europe like what their friends’ children have. It feels so bad that all I have done for my parents such as visiting them on weekends and raising their grandchildren well are taken as nothing while these are all I can do in my life.
im going to vent a little bit here. when I was younger up to 5th grade I never got anything other than straight As and did very well and looking back I was nerdy but very confident. my parents supported me and I remember just being so happy. When I got older and my grades started to dip I started to become extremely insecure, no one valued me because I didn't even value myself. That's when my parents started comparing me to the 'smart' kids and making me feel worse. This was with everything and I just turned 23, its still going on. My 2 other siblings are also insecure and I notice that they are seeking approval from my parents to an unhealthy level. I do the same thing... when I become a father I will do my best to never say that "person A is doing this, so why cant you?" to my kids. Its funny how when I was making 80k a year as a 22 year old they were so quick to brag about my accomplishments to their friends but when I lose my job and have to start over they are quick to compare me to my relatives and other people they see online. Its so toxic i swear ill never do that to my kids
same thing happened to me i was doing good on school but at sixth grade my grades got lower and my parents started comparing me to someone else thats smarter then me
Everyone knows we are all different, our skills and what we perceived things as. What's perfect to them may not be perfect to ours If they already experienced what's wrong and right Why can't they apply it to themselves? -From a child's perspective
My mom pressurizes me and compares me to other sooo much, that I went from a girl who loves studying, food and music, to someone who's tired of school, has an eating disorder and has quit music. I don't see a point in life anymore.. worst thing is that my mom compares me to people without even knowing anything about them she acts like a know at all. I mean, how tf do u know that 'all my classmates wake up at 6 and study till 11 becuz they are responsible' ??? and this something she tells me every time before my exams it's so annoying and angers me cause she has unachievable expectations of me
Ahana Hatwal, express these things to your mom. Tell her how she could be a help to you. Have concrete ideas and tell her you know she loves you and thinks she is helping, but it isn't helping.
Why is it that parents think it's ok to act like such a gatekeeper to their kids, calling them out on things that they gave to them, but when you call them out they get all but hurt about it? Entitlement is the worst about gen x. Parents always think it's ok to crush their kids desires because they think its "Not Normal or Productive" They make living in American society alot harder.😔😔
Im literally so tired everyday im with my mom i always say i wish i had another family its like i can never make them proud sometimes i feel like giving up
Maybe you can find one of the videos on the channel and watch it with your parents and then talk to one another. Sounds like you need more communication.
Could you cover the topic of covert narcissistic personality disorder in a parent and how to deal with it in a custody case? Things like role reversal, projective identification and other types of emotional incest - how do you bring it to the attention of the court? Great channel and content 👍
My father always compares me with my elder cousin saying that" He, a topper studying day and night didn't get into a top 1 college. how will you get?" And when i reply that I will get more than him he says " don't be overconfident" Now I don''t even have self confidence. And here I thought he was supportive
When they compare me I compare them back with a person with good parenting skills and they beat the shit outta me.I tell them it’s 50/50 but they just say you can’t compare me your different
Mom always compares to everyone else, even those who are doing much worse than me. My self esteem is way too below. I can't wait to move away from this hell...
my mom keeps comparing me to my friends and others and her excuse is "this is just my opinion my way of motivating you" It's too late for me I am trying my hardest but due to that it keeps bringing me down. I have a feeling of a knot in my stomach and her comparing is making it tighten
My father has always been comparing me to other kids when I was a child, i kinda hated him for this though I'm 25 now. I hope i don't repeat the same mistake with my future children
My mother compares with my siblings almost everyday when shes in call with my sibling’s mother, whenever my mother starts comparing, i cant just imagine anything only my power is not to listen because am always angry when my mother compares😐
Today I had the courage to face my mum after she said "why aren't you like ___" and said "why aren't you like ___'s mum?" she seemed really sad about it So if she's sad about it, why is it she can say to me "it's because I need to" I know that it's not good to copy her, and say that to her, but I really find it sad she can't realise her own reaction is how I feel. She always seems to think "I'm her property" and says stuff like "I can cut your hair if I want, it's my hair" like what? I'm a human being... My own human being.
BooshBush, she should not feel that she has the right to cut your hair. You are not property and she does not own you. Glad you understand this. This says more about your mother than it does about you.
The sad thing is that no matter how old you get or what you do it will never stop. The worst is when you confront them and they take no responsibility. My mother doesn’t say why can’t you be like so and so? She just casually brags about the person trying to make me feel bad about myself and the way she does it is nauseating. I have learned to just sarcastically say too bad so and so isn’t your daughter or I will say maybe you should call so and so the next time you need something. And what really pisses her off is when I tell her okay well please don’t call me talking about so and so the next time they do something to you. I swear it feels like I was born into the wrong family. When I got older I realized that she is trying to live through me. I also realized that was not my responsibility and it had nothing to do with me but everything to do with how miserable she is. I always tell her that I am so glad that I was smart enough not to rely on her for self worth or self esteem because if I did I wouldn’t have any. I think what really bothers her is the fact that as an adult no matter how much she tries to lie on my family about me or try to convince me that something is wrong with me because I’m not like this or that one I no longer let her see that it bothers me. I mean it does hurt because it is coming from my mother, the person who is supposed to protect me. I have no grandmother or Aunts to talk to and everyone in my family thinks she can do no wrong. I will suffer in silence before I ever let her know she hurt me.
I’m Always arguing with my Parents because pretty much Every 2-3 days my MUM in particular is comparing me to either my friends or cousins. She ends up pushing it to such an annoying extent until I say Shut up or something similar, then my Dad Doesn’t give a crap about what my mums being saying for the past 5 minutes, only what I said for 2 seconds. Then my dad proceeds to hit me multiple times. When I try to voice my reasons They don’t let me finish😑 Sometimes by friends just say something about me as a joke on a call then that’s when my parents start to say something. Or when I find something funny that they don’t, they call me immature and then start Comparing me. They don’t know it hurts.
my parents compare me with one of my cousins all the time.me and him are entirely different and I had my own plans for my future but my parents were interested in his plans than mine so they wanted me to be like him. they don't say it directly but indirectly only. I am frustrated with this behavior of my parents. They always have got points to explain they are right but i don't really understand this. I still remember I got 93% and he got 95% in class 10 , it's sad that my parents didn't even bothered to congratulate me they were busy comparing me with him.
My parents dislike my decision for joining the Army, now I am in the Army Reserve working to finish my degree in Criminal Justice and joining the Police Force. My annual income is nowhere near 100k and they compare me to others that are making close or over 100k, these hammer blows breaks me down in ways that I cannot rebuild myself. The Army taught me how to be strong and reinforce myself, but they never taught me how to rebuild myself from these certain blows from my parents. So I distanced myself from them, so much that I can't even bring myself to send them a text asking them how they are doing. I don't live with my parents anymore, and it feels nice to have that weight lifted from my chest. But it still feels wrong without my parents.
I'm 14 years and my parents literally compare me with another kid who is the topper in my class a moment ago. I'm so sick of it. But my parents never understands this.
My mom keeps saying “i dont care if you do bad in school I’ll love you regardless” then proceeds to tell me she’s disappointed cause Person A and B did this but I couldn’t. Im literally doing SO MUCH from sports to instruments to studying but i feel like im never enough for her.
My mom keeps comparing me with my cousin, my friends, and her friends' kids. It really hurts and it really makes me feel worse about myself. When i was in 7th grade i tried to kill myself but when i rethink my choices i decided to not do that. I swear i will never treat my kids like that
Don’t have kids..the thing is that humans pass on their trauma both consciously and unconsciously..that’s the reason why this world is so dysfunctional and wicked.
My parents are like this, they say i'm becoming stubborn everyday. Today, my dad saw my friend's drawing and compared it to mine, little does he know that I hate comparisons and now I am feeling like i'm going to stop drawing.
My mom always compare me to other like my cousin who are better than me, im only 14 and my cousins are 17/18 yrs old ofc they're more mature than me bc they always have a good grades and im not Its so sad that they need to compare me 😟 even i always doing my best...
My mom complained a lot about how her mother would compare her to her dad (dad was out of the picture to no choice of his, but because of my great grandma who insisted that my grandma split from him coz they were too young)....then my mom would always praise herself to others how she has never compared me to my dad... which is true.... but puberty was hard for me, i gained a lot of weight, the hormones were doing their thing and then i got to hear this a lot of her mouth, "you are fat, ugly and disgusting just like your grandma.... i can't relate to you like this." The she would proceed to snatch what ever food I wanted to eat out of my hand and sent me to my room. She believed that i should fast till i reach her desirable weight... she was far worse than my grandma. She not only compared me to a person she loved to hate, but she was also abusive. She also failed to understand how genetics work. I look like my grandma not trough the fault of my own. I can't help if i am genetically related. If she didn't want her child to have any trait from her mom, then she should have adopted instead. My memories of my mother are sometimes so horrific, that i have very little good to say about her. And my relationship with her got even worse after she died..... after the initial relief when i though the nightmare is over and she can hurt me no more...... oh boy was wrong there..... as i started to dig trough some of her stuff, letters, lies, alienation from my father, my grandma..... those people were trying to fight for me.... but she took me to another country, i didn't receive any letters that were addressed to me from them coz mom hid them... she made me believe that they have forgotten, not interested and didn't care...... my grandma never got to see me again, she died before we returned. I am now desperately looking for my father but i can't find him coz on my birth certificate is another mans name. I can't get any information on him trough official sources. My grandma turns out was intouch with my dad regularly till her death.she died 2 weeks before we returned. I shouldnt be looking for my dad now. Only trough rumours i know the approximate area of where he lives. I have walked on those streets several times just hoping that i might meet him somewhere on the street and that i will recognize him... i have been doing this for years. But i shouldnt be... i should be just picking up the phone, calling and arranging to meet. Also the fact that i have a grandfather, still alive.... she had found him when she was 19... she knew him before i was born.... but how come i never met him growing up? I didn't know he was alive, i didn't know he existed. And he was told that i am not interested in meeting him which is a total lie. I literally grew up without a family because of her. I am desperately trying to connect to my grandad, but it isn't going as smooth as i wished... we are still kind of strangers. I am trying to find excuses to why to call him, and talk to him. I started researching my family tree and i am using that as an excuse to call him, to meet him, to show him what i have found so far coz he too knows very little. Oh no, i spiralled out... got a bit emotional........
You have a compelling story, SpiritDragoness. You solidify the importance of NOT comparing children to others. I am sorry that you went through this. Please understand that everything your mother did was because of who sh was, not because of who you are. And if you haven't already, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her someday; it will serve you, release you from the pain. If you would like to learn more about forgiveness, this video will help: "How To Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry" - ua-cam.com/video/fvUAGR-czwk/v-deo.htmlm As for finding information on your father and grandfather, I feel impressed to tell you about 2 websites that may (or may not) be able to help you with this: www.ancestry.com and www.familysearch.org. They have huge databases and may be able to assist you. I say it's worth a try. Best wishes.
How can I overcome with my parents always comparing me to someone but I am too scared to say to them of what I feel? What should I do? Should I not listen to them and continue until I can show them that I can be capable of doing something? Or should I just listen to them and do nothing because, after all they are still my parents...
Ask them not to compare you to others. If they argue, ask them if they would like it if you compared them to other parents and that you would not do it because it would be disrespectful.
I wish my paeents arent so abusive and saying hurtful words crying turned into my habit and i try to hold my teard so no one will see that i'm crying i hide away my feelings and i cant tell anyone if i tell my mom then she would tell my grandma and i don't want that
My mom always compares me to my classmate who apparently studied till 5 am, I’m 90% sure he just stayed up playing games and my mom actually believes him :/
I feel like I'm not good enough,and my parents never stop comparing me to my other superbly talented cousins, nobody seems to understand me,I am good at a lot of things but they want me to be BETTER and more BETTER It makes me feel like I'm not valued at all,I'm so tired of trying to please everyone....
My mom keep comparing me with my friends and it hurts me when i tell her im hurt and that shes comparing me she keeps being more mad at me and even hits me just because i told her those
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you, my mom compares me to other cause of my bad grades, but i honestly get bad grades from getting stressed out i tried to reach out to my dad about this but he told me that i should study harder and maybe then my mom wont compare me
@Paul Bell yes, my mom did this since i was 11 now im 16, if she ever stop comparing me i wouldve been more focus but the way she compares me all the time sticks on my head and i dont know why i cant get it out
When I tell you them yes them both grandma and mom they talk about Well that's how it goes she or he can do this but you can't or sumn like that or they say I say that bc I love you I personally think if u love me u should love and understand what I can and can't do not compare me
Any advice on attention? My child wants attention all the time but I also have things to do. I don't want to feel guilty when she grows up and she doesn't need me anymore.
My Opinion, try to set an alarm and play with your child for so long, then tell her she needs to entertain herself until the timer goes off. It is o.k. and even a good skill for children to learn how to entertain themselves.
As an asian, this is very normal to them. For them it's a motivation not knowing how hurts those words are. Talking to strangers helps alot they just listen. Im very scared to open to them because im also introvert i think its also because of them i don't know i always hesitate to talk because it will always end up my fault some words just come up to my mind and some sequences. i just stay quiet cry all night then got scolded for waking up late then it happes everyday nothing change i just become used to it. Its bad maybe to get used to it but i have no power to fight they will use the adult parent card. Im scared
I'm sure your parent want what is best for you and it may help the relationship if you open up to them. Just give it a try. Is there another adult in your family who you could talk to and that might be there for the talk with your parents?
Unfortunately this seems to be the very idea this society we built is based around. "Be like everybody else. "Do what so and so did." "This guy makes much more than you and look what she did. Why can't your be like them?" "If your not doing this or that, or making this much or that much then your worthless."
@@LiveOnPurposeTV it's not meant to be helpful exactly. Rather to just point out the harsh reality of life. And social media is definatly not helping either.
My parent compare me w my bestfriend, and make me feel very dissapoint. They're always judging me whatever i do and it causing me to never go out from my room, because, when I don't go out of my room, they cannot see what Im doing, so i can do anything correctly because there is no one there to judge me. Also, because of them, I have social anxiety and some phobia. I am a top student in my school, when I show them my result, they just ignoring me. They like my lil sis more because I already teach her some stuff to be an adult, and thay kinda comparing me w her.
Ha I'm insane I searched this...my mom ALWAYS compares me to me cousins who are 'better' I mean sure they're smarter and stuff but I just wish she could say she's proud of me for once I can't I even do this without tearing up, I never even realized how much this affected me until now, she always has something bad to say even if I do something good! For example my GPA is 85 and I was so freaking happy and this woman told me "You could do better than that your cousin was first place with a 97" -_-
My dad has this problem and I never seem to understand him coz one time he's quiet , encouraging and then flips starts comparing me to my siblings which is super weird coz he just starts out of nowhere like 2 days ago we were having breakfast with my dad and step brother and the first thing he asked my stepbro was how long have you had that phone and before he even answered I quickly put on my earphones because I knew where the conversation was headed and it was headed straight right at me because I have lost quite a number of phones and he started how my stepbro , stepsister and my sister are all responsible and careful but for me I'm very irresponsible and careless... It really hurt me bad that I had to go to the bathroom and cry it out and I'm 24years old like being stabbed multiple times because these comes from the person who you thought will always have your back keeping in mind that my stepmom doesn't make my life any easier and so the only person I can rely and lean on his shoulder is the one coming against me .... He has these kind of tendencies from time to time and he always pulls out the guilt trip card on you randomly which makes it even more scary , I still have to sit back and deal with unfair treatment, blamed for everything bad ,passive judgement and being shouted at by my stepmom, I tend to believe she disrespects me coz I prolly dint get a degree tbh I am smart but books are not my cup of tea but I'm highly skilled in other areas ... At this point I've withdrawn from everyone except for my sister and my mom , when I need cash or anything like that I never consider asking my dad for any instead I ask my siz and she's also my best friend, she's the one who's actually been keeping me sane when we talk through the phone and she'll encourage and motivate me to be strong , I have serious anxiety issues and stress levels always high at times I feel depressed and filled with so much hatred but I thank God for my sister and mom
I got compared with others once while only got a 7 or so out of 10 in literature. Then i got out the uno reverse card and comparing them with other parents, it was a chad move but the next thing i knew was i got banished to the shadow realm
My mom yelled at me/us “F.in sht, other children are this and that and you” I forgave her we were poor, she was stressed and overwhelmed. Me and my sister never recovered from this and grown to be very insecure adults, no normal life.
My parents kept conparing my brother to his smarter classmate in his school all the time he is on phone, and i keep telling my mom not to compare him to his classmates but i dont know what really to respond, and also i think that my brother is also on phone all for enjoyment because of my mother,
My parents is always trying to make arguments out of anything like literally i only asked my mom if i should go to school tomorrow or not because i just got vaccinated and my mom literally got mad at me that tomorrow ill not be going to the school and whenever i tried to talk back she'll just pull the get out of my house card
Parents should understand everyone isn’t the same, even if its like Adam and Eve that started the world, doesn’t mean we brothers and sisters are all the same.
Why does a parent favor a drug addicted kid and will go out of there way for them, but will treat the others different and tell them "grow up" or tell them say one more thing and " your out of our life if you say another thing"
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I don’t prefer to be close to him anymore but I don’t blame it on him to be honest because I know logically that my parents are the ones who caused this by comparing us I just stay away from him
My parents always compare me to others, my mother always says how much better my cousins and family members are than me and my father always compares me to his friends children. They're all so much better than me and they keep doing it mercilessly and making me feel like absolute garbage
Update: I have stopped giving a shit and am better off than before
zu, I hope you understand this says more about them than you. You are good enough the way you are.
Omg same.
I understand bro
They make u feel shit about yourself
No matter how hard u try or how good u do they'll still make u feel shit. I'm always frustrated and upset because of them
Same oof 😅
@@LiveOnPurposeTV this comment makes me cry thank you. the fact that others understands you than ur own parents
I think this is the reason we develop insecurities, shyness or social anxieties.
It can.
Fun fact: 90% percent of viewers who are watching this are kids who are terrified with parents comparing them with others. 😕😔☹️
Gaming Dost, that is sad.
And I'm one of them. I wish my parents found this video instead and thinked the way they judge me for just a few seconds.
@@shayanyadegari811 yes indeed
I am
In the future I will never compare my kid to anyone. Even to my life. We made them for our own happiness so they don't owe us.
how do i send this to my parents without them saying wE dO tHat bEcAuSe wE "Love" yOu
C a m m y, you can let them know how it makes you feel. They may not realize that they think it is from love, but isn't being received in that way.
Exactly
But I have a full family that says "If you dont want to be compared then do a right thing" and I'm an failure,a terrible person who do nothing
Mine say
“We do it because we have to”
@@_itsholly And my parents sent me to music courses, but now they always talk about those kids studying in medical departments. It doesn't make sense and I never get it.
Very common in Asian society.
arthur lee. thanks.
Coughs in asian, yes
Ya
Yes and its sad and i hate it, i have a bunch of disorders because of my narcissistic parents now.
Just because it is common in a culture does not mean its okay.
my parents keep comparing me every single sec it really hurts, I hope parents could stop doing that since it doesn't actually help and it only hurts both sides.
Salwa Salwa, I wish the same thing for you.
@No offense, but same as a child I lost many friends because of that.
@@SalwaSalwa-bc4pp Yh 😕
Yeah especially those kids who break a record in math and they find out and tell me about and say why don’t u do the same
My mom has been comparing me since I was 5 years old, there all in bad ways never good saying “This girl is better than you, she’s more girlish, and knows how to cook.” No “All you do is stay in your room”. I don’t need to know how to cook and I stay in my room to avoid my toxic family
Yusuke _Anime, sounds like you have some boundaries set up to protect you.
She kept comparing me(my mom)
Well i wanted to tell her that we have our own difference's and similarities
Toni Rose Garcia Gimenez, yes you do. If everyone were the same, well, life would be boring.
My mom is always comparing me to my siblings or someone else
@@jaspoayzzz8111 yes, my mom is like : see ur sister goes to tuitions, and u refusing to go it
They basically force me to do things I don't like just becuz I get marks after I solve the exams and it gets counted when entering a nice college, I always do wt they want but I think I am not doing my best, idk if it's just me, but I feel so bad and angry at God for giving me as their child like y make them suffer :(
When i said to my Mother to stop she slapped me
I see these comments of other children's parents comparing them
I'm glad to have parents who don't compare me at all with other children
They motivate me (:
That is fortunate. Thanks for watching.
I wish I had been so blessed, too.
Genuinely happy for you. Having parents who support and love you unconditionally has gotta be the best feeling.
My parents compare me to my friends and cousins which really annoys me, stresses me, and depresses me. I’m just doing my best here. :c
I am sorry they are comparing you, it is not helpful, DarkEmperial.
I feel u so much :((
@@LiveOnPurposeTV im so sick of 9/10 (my age),i have been compared to others MORE THAN 10 TIMES
I've come to this video for my English practice, now I'm leaving as a person who knows much better things more than a few words. Thanks! :)
Well done! Glad you are here.
I’m in my 40s and my parents at their 70s still do that to me. Gosh I should have taken or sent them to trips to Europe like what their friends’ children have. It feels so bad that all I have done for my parents such as visiting them on weekends and raising their grandchildren well are taken as nothing while these are all I can do in my life.
im going to vent a little bit here.
when I was younger up to 5th grade I never got anything other than straight As and did very well and looking back I was nerdy but very confident. my parents supported me and I remember just being so happy. When I got older and my grades started to dip I started to become extremely insecure, no one valued me because I didn't even value myself. That's when my parents started comparing me to the 'smart' kids and making me feel worse. This was with everything and I just turned 23, its still going on. My 2 other siblings are also insecure and I notice that they are seeking approval from my parents to an unhealthy level. I do the same thing... when I become a father I will do my best to never say that "person A is doing this, so why cant you?" to my kids. Its funny how when I was making 80k a year as a 22 year old they were so quick to brag about my accomplishments to their friends but when I lose my job and have to start over they are quick to compare me to my relatives and other people they see online. Its so toxic i swear ill never do that to my kids
I am glad you will parent differently.
same thing happened to me i was doing good on school but at sixth grade my grades got lower and my parents started comparing me to someone else thats smarter then me
This hits so close to home🤧
My mom did that crap when Iwas a kid. In the end, it messed up my self esteem and I ended up resenting the kids my mom claimed were better than me.
Sorry, some parents think they are going to motivate their child. Just doesn't work.
Everyone knows we are all different, our skills and what we perceived things as.
What's perfect to them may not be perfect to ours
If they already experienced what's wrong and right
Why can't they apply it to themselves?
-From a child's perspective
ariannee, well said! I hope many read this.
You’re very well-spoken!-
My mom pressurizes me and compares me to other sooo much, that I went from a girl who loves studying, food and music, to someone who's tired of school, has an eating disorder and has quit music. I don't see a point in life anymore.. worst thing is that my mom compares me to people without even knowing anything about them she acts like a know at all. I mean, how tf do u know that 'all my classmates wake up at 6 and study till 11 becuz they are responsible' ??? and this something she tells me every time before my exams it's so annoying and angers me cause she has unachievable expectations of me
Ahana Hatwal, express these things to your mom. Tell her how she could be a help to you. Have concrete ideas and tell her you know she loves you and thinks she is helping, but it isn't helping.
Why is it that parents think it's ok to act like such a gatekeeper to their kids, calling them out on things that they gave to them, but when you call them out they get all but hurt about it? Entitlement is the worst about gen x. Parents always think it's ok to crush their kids desires because they think its "Not Normal or Productive" They make living in American society alot harder.😔😔
Jaydon Williams, thanks for commenting.
Im literally so tired everyday im with my mom i always say i wish i had another family its like i can never make them proud sometimes i feel like giving up
Maybe you can find one of the videos on the channel and watch it with your parents and then talk to one another. Sounds like you need more communication.
When i said my mom to stop comparing me and she said im not comparing you
That Guy, so you know what to expect when you talk to her, you might want to not engage.
SAMEE WITH MY DAD
@@afreenreeha6251 whats the most hurtful thing he said to you
Could you cover the topic of covert narcissistic personality disorder in a parent and how to deal with it in a custody case? Things like role reversal, projective identification and other types of emotional incest - how do you bring it to the attention of the court?
Great channel and content 👍
I will add it to the list. Thank you Bob Hope.
When i get bad grades my parents is always like "look at your friend jeff he got 10 on hist test and look at you", it's so annoying
That is annoying.
Can we appreciate this guy for answering almost every comment because he cares about you.
even though this video is 1 year old
I truly do.
It was phrased exactly that way too! "Why can't you be more like your cousin ?" I said, "because I'm me". It was always the wrong answer lol
bluebutterfly244, it is the only answer. Be you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ❤🙏
I am a victim of being compared. Its very annoying.
Flizzei, your use of the word victim is interesting. See yourself as an agent and capable of choosing differently.
I'm a person born with having music as my talent! I'm not meant to be a doctor! I have my own good sides and bad sides! No one is perfect!
Shayan Yadegari, I hope you can use your musical talent no matter what the day job is.
Shayan Yadegari
I feel you..
I also am into music,but my parents are like,"you HAVE to become a DOCTOR"😒
Thanks Dr Paul. Another great video. God bless you
Honored to be on your team, Daria Mustafa!
My father always compares me with my elder cousin saying that" He, a topper studying day and night didn't get into a top 1 college. how will you get?" And when i reply that I will get more than him he says " don't be overconfident" Now I don''t even have self confidence. And here I thought he was supportive
Shivani, I wouldn't buy into the comparison. If he says something, tell him you are glad for your cousin and will figure out your path.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Yeah Thanks
THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR FOR THIS INFORMATION
You are very welcome.
"Tell my family this..." I didn't compare myself to people when I was born.
Sounds like you have some experience with this topic. Hang in there and be the example.
When they compare me I compare them back with a person with good parenting skills and they beat the shit outta me.I tell them it’s 50/50 but they just say you can’t compare me your different
Aaron Shrestha, I hope they figure out that isn't the case. No one should be beat.
Mom always compares to everyone else, even those who are doing much worse than me. My self esteem is way too below. I can't wait to move away from this hell...
Yukiru K, I hear you. Sad, but work to become independent.
my mom keeps comparing me to my friends and others and her excuse is "this is just my opinion my way of motivating you" It's too late for me I am trying my hardest but due to that it keeps bringing me down. I have a feeling of a knot in my stomach and her comparing is making it tighten
I wish she could see it really does not help. Play the video about not comparing while she is in the room.
My father has always been comparing me to other kids when I was a child, i kinda hated him for this though I'm 25 now. I hope i don't repeat the same mistake with my future children
You CAN do things differently. We all can.
Don’t have kids bra. They will suffer regardless
2:19 Dr Paul really made me think!
I love it when people think, Dena F! Thanks for watching.
My mother compares with my siblings almost everyday when shes in call with my sibling’s mother, whenever my mother starts comparing, i cant just imagine anything only my power is not to listen because am always angry when my mother compares😐
Yes, choose to be amused by what she says. There is a choice to engage with someone or step back.
Today I had the courage to face my mum after she said "why aren't you like ___" and said "why aren't you like ___'s mum?" she seemed really sad about it
So if she's sad about it, why is it she can say to me "it's because I need to" I know that it's not good to copy her, and say that to her, but I really find it sad she can't realise her own reaction is how I feel. She always seems to think "I'm her property" and says stuff like "I can cut your hair if I want, it's my hair" like what? I'm a human being... My own human being.
BooshBush, she should not feel that she has the right to cut your hair. You are not property and she does not own you. Glad you understand this. This says more about your mother than it does about you.
Look up the poem “ Your Children are not your children
The sad thing is that no matter how old you get or what you do it will never stop. The worst is when you confront them and they take no responsibility.
My mother doesn’t say why can’t you be like so and so? She just casually brags about the person trying to make me feel bad about myself and the way she does it is nauseating.
I have learned to just sarcastically say too bad so and so isn’t your daughter or I will say maybe you should call so and so the next time you need something. And what really pisses her off is when I tell her okay well please don’t call me talking about so and so the next time they do something to you.
I swear it feels like I was born into the wrong family.
When I got older I realized that she is trying to live through me. I also realized that was not my responsibility and it had nothing to do with me but everything to do with how miserable she is.
I always tell her that I am so glad that I was smart enough not to rely on her for self worth or self esteem because if I did I wouldn’t have any.
I think what really bothers her is the fact that as an adult no matter how much she tries to lie on my family about me or try to convince me that something is wrong with me because I’m not like this or that one I no longer let her see that it bothers me. I mean it does hurt because it is coming from my mother, the person who is supposed to protect me. I have no grandmother or Aunts to talk to and everyone in my family thinks she can do no wrong. I will suffer in silence before I ever let her know she hurt me.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad you speak out and have some boundaries.
I’m Always arguing with my Parents because pretty much Every 2-3 days my MUM in particular is comparing me to either my friends or cousins. She ends up pushing it to such an annoying extent until I say Shut up or something similar, then my Dad Doesn’t give a crap about what my mums being saying for the past 5 minutes, only what I said for 2 seconds. Then my dad proceeds to hit me multiple times. When I try to voice my reasons They don’t let me finish😑 Sometimes by friends just say something about me as a joke on a call then that’s when my parents start to say something. Or when I find something funny that they don’t, they call me immature and then start Comparing me. They don’t know it hurts.
Mr eggman, it just shouldn't be this way. I am sorry.
Wow, that’s terrible. That’s practically child abuse. I hope you remove them in your life someday.
My dad's wondering why I'm crying.
I hope you will share with him, Marcomanls_mlg.
my parents compare me with one of my cousins all the time.me and him are entirely different and I had my own plans for my future but my parents were interested in his plans than mine so they wanted me to be like him. they don't say it directly but indirectly only. I am frustrated with this behavior of my parents. They always have got points to explain they are right but i don't really understand this. I still remember I got 93% and he got 95% in class 10 , it's sad that my parents didn't even bothered to congratulate me they were busy comparing me with him.
It really is sad.
My parents dislike my decision for joining the Army, now I am in the Army Reserve working to finish my degree in Criminal Justice and joining the Police Force. My annual income is nowhere near 100k and they compare me to others that are making close or over 100k, these hammer blows breaks me down in ways that I cannot rebuild myself. The Army taught me how to be strong and reinforce myself, but they never taught me how to rebuild myself from these certain blows from my parents. So I distanced myself from them, so much that I can't even bring myself to send them a text asking them how they are doing. I don't live with my parents anymore, and it feels nice to have that weight lifted from my chest. But it still feels wrong without my parents.
Atomic Floofy, I am glad you have made life easier by distancing yourself and following your dream.
I can def relate with the distancing part and the guilty part too geez
I wish my parents would see this.. it hurts when they compare you to others even you tried your best..
It is not helpful.
my dad was comparing me today to some random kids who lived on a farm on the tv
DrSalty, doesn't sound very helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV exactly
I'm 14 years and my parents literally compare me with another kid who is the topper in my class a moment ago. I'm so sick of it. But my parents never understands this.
L Pop lover, will they watch the video? It might be helpful to have a conversation.
My dad always compare me to my cousins. I just fee so depressed and stressed.
Kirk Gonzaga, I am sorry, I wish parents would not do this.
Lol I’m working on my debate skills so I can argue with them without always losing
@@Angie-oh6xf lol
Same but Mom
My dad compares me to my friends all the time it makes me run upstairs and cry
Not a fun thing to go through.
My mom keeps saying “i dont care if you do bad in school I’ll love you regardless” then proceeds to tell me she’s disappointed cause Person A and B did this but I couldn’t. Im literally doing SO MUCH from sports to instruments to studying but i feel like im never enough for her.
kimnayeon, let her know this. If you can't say the words, write them. Or you can watch the video with her.
God bless you!
Thank you!
We compare kids to see if they are up to par with others. We want to make sure they are keeping up.
Jim Flagg, each child is different and should be expected to do their best which may not be what another child is doing.
My mom keeps comparing me with my cousin, my friends, and her friends' kids. It really hurts and it really makes me feel worse about myself. When i was in 7th grade i tried to kill myself but when i rethink my choices i decided to not do that. I swear i will never treat my kids like that
Wonderful. I like how you are staying focused on what you might change not on what you cannot. So glad you are here in our positive community.
Don’t have kids..the thing is that humans pass on their trauma both consciously and unconsciously..that’s the reason why this world is so dysfunctional and wicked.
My parents are like this, they say i'm becoming stubborn everyday. Today, my dad saw my friend's drawing and compared it to mine, little does he know that I hate comparisons and now I am feeling like i'm going to stop drawing.
ZOmbiiii, don't give up something you enjoy because of someone else.
My mom always compare me to other like my cousin who are better than me, im only 14 and my cousins are 17/18 yrs old ofc they're more mature than me bc they always have a good grades and im not
Its so sad that they need to compare me 😟 even i always doing my best...
Continue doing your best. Your cousins aren't better than you, they just have more practice.
Thanks🥰
My parent compare me to other child’s so much that I pretty much gave up on trying anything
Hayman disciple, I hear you, it can be defeating. Hopefully you are able to fill your mind with more positive voices.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you for your motivation but it’s going to be hard as it happen for a few years now
I haven't watched yet and im so excited as usual. My 2 1/2 yr old loves finishing the saying "i love you always no matter what and even if" 😊
That is so great! Sounds like you are being an awesome parent. Honored to have yo part of our community!
My mom complained a lot about how her mother would compare her to her dad (dad was out of the picture to no choice of his, but because of my great grandma who insisted that my grandma split from him coz they were too young)....then my mom would always praise herself to others how she has never compared me to my dad... which is true.... but puberty was hard for me, i gained a lot of weight, the hormones were doing their thing and then i got to hear this a lot of her mouth, "you are fat, ugly and disgusting just like your grandma.... i can't relate to you like this." The she would proceed to snatch what ever food I wanted to eat out of my hand and sent me to my room. She believed that i should fast till i reach her desirable weight... she was far worse than my grandma. She not only compared me to a person she loved to hate, but she was also abusive. She also failed to understand how genetics work. I look like my grandma not trough the fault of my own. I can't help if i am genetically related. If she didn't want her child to have any trait from her mom, then she should have adopted instead. My memories of my mother are sometimes so horrific, that i have very little good to say about her. And my relationship with her got even worse after she died..... after the initial relief when i though the nightmare is over and she can hurt me no more...... oh boy was wrong there..... as i started to dig trough some of her stuff, letters, lies, alienation from my father, my grandma..... those people were trying to fight for me.... but she took me to another country, i didn't receive any letters that were addressed to me from them coz mom hid them... she made me believe that they have forgotten, not interested and didn't care...... my grandma never got to see me again, she died before we returned. I am now desperately looking for my father but i can't find him coz on my birth certificate is another mans name. I can't get any information on him trough official sources. My grandma turns out was intouch with my dad regularly till her death.she died 2 weeks before we returned. I shouldnt be looking for my dad now. Only trough rumours i know the approximate area of where he lives. I have walked on those streets several times just hoping that i might meet him somewhere on the street and that i will recognize him... i have been doing this for years. But i shouldnt be... i should be just picking up the phone, calling and arranging to meet. Also the fact that i have a grandfather, still alive.... she had found him when she was 19... she knew him before i was born.... but how come i never met him growing up? I didn't know he was alive, i didn't know he existed. And he was told that i am not interested in meeting him which is a total lie. I literally grew up without a family because of her. I am desperately trying to connect to my grandad, but it isn't going as smooth as i wished... we are still kind of strangers. I am trying to find excuses to why to call him, and talk to him. I started researching my family tree and i am using that as an excuse to call him, to meet him, to show him what i have found so far coz he too knows very little. Oh no, i spiralled out... got a bit emotional........
You have a compelling story, SpiritDragoness. You solidify the importance of NOT comparing children to others. I am sorry that you went through this. Please understand that everything your mother did was because of who sh was, not because of who you are. And if you haven't already, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her someday; it will serve you, release you from the pain. If you would like to learn more about forgiveness, this video will help: "How To Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry" - ua-cam.com/video/fvUAGR-czwk/v-deo.htmlm
As for finding information on your father and grandfather, I feel impressed to tell you about 2 websites that may (or may not) be able to help you with this: www.ancestry.com and www.familysearch.org. They have huge databases and may be able to assist you. I say it's worth a try. Best wishes.
How can I overcome with my parents always comparing me to someone but I am too scared to say to them of what I feel? What should I do?
Should I not listen to them and continue until I can show them that I can be capable of doing something? Or should I just listen to them and do nothing because, after all they are still my parents...
Ask them not to compare you to others. If they argue, ask them if they would like it if you compared them to other parents and that you would not do it because it would be disrespectful.
I Can Imagine Sending This To My Mom And Grandma And They Probably Gonna Say: "OuHh StOp BeInG dRaMaTiC"
Cyber Lightning, I hope not. It would be great to watch it and have a mature discussion together.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I Mean They're From Another Country
I wish my paeents arent so abusive and saying hurtful words crying turned into my habit and i try to hold my teard so no one will see that i'm crying i hide away my feelings and i cant tell anyone if i tell my mom then she would tell my grandma and i don't want that
Rosie Xye, how sad, I hope you have a friend or teacher you can talk to.
My mom always compares me to my classmate who apparently studied till 5 am, I’m 90% sure he just stayed up playing games and my mom actually believes him :/
She always says “if I was raising (my classmates name) he would be so much smarter, I’m wasting my time on you”
That is not helpful to either one of you.
Do your best and be content with that. Only you know what your best actually is.
It happens to me with my father And It actually makes me more angry than sad
croma 136, angry is the secondary emotion. Sounds like it has been going on for a while.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV No I wouldn't say a lot but I get over it quickly I might be angry then but I chill out almost immediately
I feel like I'm not good enough,and my parents never stop comparing me to my other superbly talented cousins, nobody seems to understand me,I am good at a lot of things but they want me to be BETTER and more BETTER
It makes me feel like I'm not valued at all,I'm so tired of trying to please everyone....
Dianarossblink, do what makes sense for you, what makes you happy and don't worry about what the outside influences tell you.
My mom keep comparing me with my friends and it hurts me when i tell her im hurt and that shes comparing me she keeps being more mad at me and even hits me just because i told her those
savannah hailoo, no one should be hitting you. If you are being hurt you can reach out to authorities.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you, my mom compares me to other cause of my bad grades, but i honestly get bad grades from getting stressed out i tried to reach out to my dad about this but he told me that i should study harder and maybe then my mom wont compare me
@Paul Bell yes, my mom did this since i was 11 now im 16, if she ever stop comparing me i wouldve been more focus but the way she compares me all the time sticks on my head and i dont know why i cant get it out
When I tell you them yes them both grandma and mom they talk about Well that's how it goes she or he can do this but you can't or sumn like that or they say I say that bc I love you I personally think if u love me u should love and understand what I can and can't do not compare me
Amazing content!
Appreciate it!
Any advice on attention? My child wants attention all the time but I also have things to do. I don't want to feel guilty when she grows up and she doesn't need me anymore.
My Opinion, try to set an alarm and play with your child for so long, then tell her she needs to entertain herself until the timer goes off. It is o.k. and even a good skill for children to learn how to entertain themselves.
As an asian, this is very normal to them. For them it's a motivation not knowing how hurts those words are. Talking to strangers helps alot they just listen. Im very scared to open to them because im also introvert i think its also because of them i don't know i always hesitate to talk because it will always end up my fault some words just come up to my mind and some sequences. i just stay quiet cry all night then got scolded for waking up late then it happes everyday nothing change i just become used to it. Its bad maybe to get used to it but i have no power to fight they will use the adult parent card. Im scared
I'm sure your parent want what is best for you and it may help the relationship if you open up to them. Just give it a try. Is there another adult in your family who you could talk to and that might be there for the talk with your parents?
Very true
Thank you for watching, Mary Hamilton.
Yeah my parents even compare me to a baby ofc the baby wins
Sorry.
My parents did this to me alot and I felt so hurt like why you can't be like your cousin or other people
So not helpful.
My mom always compares me to my cousin i think my mom loves my cousin more than me this makes me feel like usless trash 😭
Winona Wu, she probably doesn't, just thinks she is "inspiring" you to achieve. It doesn't work that way.
Great video
How can I make an appointment with you?
Go to his website.
Diana, I would love to meet with you! Visit liveonpurpose.coach/ for information on how to make an appointment.
Unfortunately this seems to be the very idea this society we built is based around. "Be like everybody else. "Do what so and so did." "This guy makes much more than you and look what she did. Why can't your be like them?" "If your not doing this or that, or making this much or that much then your worthless."
That attitude is not helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV it's not meant to be helpful exactly. Rather to just point out the harsh reality of life. And social media is definatly not helping either.
My parent compare me w my bestfriend, and make me feel very dissapoint. They're always judging me whatever i do and it causing me to never go out from my room, because, when I don't go out of my room, they cannot see what Im doing, so i can do anything correctly because there is no one there to judge me. Also, because of them, I have social anxiety and some phobia. I am a top student in my school, when I show them my result, they just ignoring me. They like my lil sis more because I already teach her some stuff to be an adult, and thay kinda comparing me w her.
It is tough to be compared to someone when we are each unique.
my grandparents always comparing me to my cousin lmao
Ugh, just not helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yeah
What if they treat u with a different bad way and compared u with ur siblings 💔
Meli Ssa, I don't recommend comparing kids with anyone else.
Even Indian parents have that mentality to compare their children to their friends kids
avaran abraham, thank you.
My parents compare me to others even with my younger brother.. It's hurting me.. I'm sometimes feel if I could cut them off to my life..
Arshman Tausif, I am sorry.
My dad always compares 🤧 me to my sister saying. She so much prettier it makes me feel like iam not enough 😭
Vimbal Mubaiwa, I'm sorry, this should not be happening. You are enough and more. I'm sad for him that he can't see that.
My mum compares me with my friends, but I don’t want to talk bad about her
Trashy Roblox, you can share your experience without valuing your observation. Try to talk to her about how it makes you feel.
When I tell mom that even I look like them my feelings aren't same
She scolds me alot
When I cry she calls is drama
No one cares about me
I am sorry you don't feel heard.
Ha I'm insane I searched this...my mom ALWAYS compares me to me cousins who are 'better' I mean sure they're smarter and stuff but I just wish she could say she's proud of me for once I can't I even do this without tearing up, I never even realized how much this affected me until now, she always has something bad to say even if I do something good! For example my GPA is 85 and I was so freaking happy and this woman told me
"You could do better than that your cousin was first place with a 97"
-_-
Wow! That doesn't help, does it? You did great and your mom is lucky to have you.
My dad has this problem and I never seem to understand him coz one time he's quiet , encouraging and then flips starts comparing me to my siblings which is super weird coz he just starts out of nowhere like 2 days ago we were having breakfast with my dad and step brother and the first thing he asked my stepbro was how long have you had that phone and before he even answered I quickly put on my earphones because I knew where the conversation was headed and it was headed straight right at me because I have lost quite a number of phones and he started how my stepbro , stepsister and my sister are all responsible and careful but for me I'm very irresponsible and careless... It really hurt me bad that I had to go to the bathroom and cry it out and I'm 24years old like being stabbed multiple times because these comes from the person who you thought will always have your back keeping in mind that my stepmom doesn't make my life any easier and so the only person I can rely and lean on his shoulder is the one coming against me .... He has these kind of tendencies from time to time and he always pulls out the guilt trip card on you randomly which makes it even more scary , I still have to sit back and deal with unfair treatment, blamed for everything bad ,passive judgement and being shouted at by my stepmom, I tend to believe she disrespects me coz I prolly dint get a degree tbh I am smart but books are not my cup of tea but I'm highly skilled in other areas ... At this point I've withdrawn from everyone except for my sister and my mom , when I need cash or anything like that I never consider asking my dad for any instead I ask my siz and she's also my best friend, she's the one who's actually been keeping me sane when we talk through the phone and she'll encourage and motivate me to be strong , I have serious anxiety issues and stress levels always high at times I feel depressed and filled with so much hatred but I thank God for my sister and mom
I am glad you have them also. What are you doing to become independent? Make a plan and work the plan for a less stressful future.
On the other hand, parents will get butt hurt at the slight hint of comparing them to other better parents.
We shouldn't compare either way but appreciate one another.
I got compared with others once while only got a 7 or so out of 10 in literature. Then i got out the uno reverse card and comparing them with other parents, it was a chad move but the next thing i knew was i got banished to the shadow realm
Nice references.
Everyday I'm haunted by thoughts of my adoptive parents everyday I feel like I'm dying I have zero confidence in my self.
unapologetic Ella, I am sorry you are going through this.
Parents: *say other kids are better than theirs*
Their kid: *grows up believing their worthless or never good enough*
Comparing kids to others isn't helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yup.
i feel trapped with my mom always comparing me with others and im afraid it might change me into someone im not, i don't know what to do
draco, be yourself and let your mom know that you will be yourself.
My mom yelled at me/us “F.in sht, other children are this and that and you” I forgave her we were poor, she was stressed and overwhelmed. Me and my sister never recovered from this and grown to be very insecure adults, no normal life.
GyK G, I get that, but you don't have to stay there forever. We can heal from old trauma and come out more sincere.
My parents kept conparing my brother to his smarter classmate in his school all the time he is on phone, and i keep telling my mom not to compare him to his classmates but i dont know what really to respond, and also i think that my brother is also on phone all for enjoyment because of my mother,
How do i respond to mom he always tell me that im too young and do not have experience on this world
Tell her that you need opportunities to gain experience. That is the only way you will learn, to try and make mistakes and learn from them.
You can tell your parents that it isn't effective, but they probably won't listen to you. Let your brother work it out with your parents.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank u very much this really helps, God bless you
i want to send this to my mom, but im afraid she'll say that im just overreacting
Give it a try, you will not know until you do.
My parents is always trying to make arguments out of anything like literally i only asked my mom if i should go to school tomorrow or not because i just got vaccinated and my mom literally got mad at me that tomorrow ill not be going to the school and whenever i tried to talk back she'll just pull the get out of my house card
Doesn't sound like an approachable person.
My mom is racist and always compares me to other kids which is annoying as hell and I'm 13.
That is frustrating.
Parents should understand everyone isn’t the same, even if its like Adam and Eve that started the world, doesn’t mean we brothers and sisters are all the same.
No two snowflakes are alike and no two kids are.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Dunno what you mean but atleast you probably understand mine.
Why does a parent favor a drug addicted kid and will go out of there way for them, but will treat the others different and tell them "grow up" or tell them say one more thing and " your out of our life if you say another thing"
I don't know, Robert R. The issue sounds very complicated. Get clear on what you control and stay in that lane.
If parents compare us to other kids it makes us increase anxiety more
Unknown, yes, I understand.
My mom used to campare some times but I don't think She meant It and She stopper like some years ago
That is awesome. More positive for both of you.
Yea
My parents keep comparing me to my cousin and to me it doesn't make any sense for why they do that
sa1734, they will probably look back on it and regret their words.
I got compared to my cousin since I was a boy and I’m still being compared to him even as an adult and my cousin is definitely my best friend 🌝
Glad you don't hold it against him.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
I don’t prefer to be close to him anymore but I don’t blame it on him to be honest because I know logically that my parents are the ones who caused this by comparing us I just stay away from him
Like this comment for those who searched this purposely.
Thank you for watching.
At one point I just gave up trying
I wish you well.
I hate my mom to keep comparing me to people
It is not a fun thing to have happen.