Remember too that they've been tested before & can often see you coming. Also a within normal limits person can be driven away if they suspect they're being tested.
@@lindacasey5016 no its not actually testing thats why i put "". If a person doesnt like it he or she wasnt for me anyway. A person who gets me will also respect my boundaries and my "tests".
Exactly. I see his face as you describe this. The sulking, the sighs, the silent treatment, the fake tears, the slamming of things - Academy Award performances.
You just described every second of my 12 years of marriage. A marriage I escaped from 6 months ago to a shelter. I live in hiding. I am in therapy. NEVER AGAIN is my mantra.
How to Kill a Narc? Simple. Love yourself... Once you completely love yourself... you'll never attract them again... they can't be around people who love self.
In terms of the therapy. I don't think you're so far gone that you'd need psychopharmaceuticals (that have never ever healed anyone btw as per director of the national institute for mental health) to calm you down enough so that you can engage in talk therapy. And so may these be of benefit 🙏 Look up Alan Wallace Four aspects of mental balance Alan Wallace the inner causes of distress and well-being Alan Wallace four kinds of Intelligence for Optimal Mental Health Alan Wallace the way of shamatha retreat The last 3 will be on. Meridian Trust's webpage 🙏
Another great way to tell is to ask them about their goals for personal or emotional development.They usually do not think they need to improve anything - no self awareness.
They may not be interested or prepared to discuss those things with you in particular. The question is personal and somewhat impertinent. Not your job. It crosses boundaries.
@@Greenwings701If the relationship can’t handle a simple question about their goals on becoming a better person, and you think you are crossing boundaries by asking about future goals…well then… you’re probably not close enough to even care f they are a narcissist or not. It’s actually a very valid direct question & you will definitely get the information you need to identify narcissism
So true, mine thinks he walks on water, even when he’s failing in so many areas of life, eg. not being to hold a job, failing tests for promotion, his illiterate communication and writing to Snr management on reports. He truly thinks he’s a freaking god
No no no toddlers are cute they are naive they don’t know any better. Their right is to demand and depend on others. They need to be taken care of. However an adult or older narcissist been around too long to realize that their narrative is just bullshit and yet in their head same victimized tape plays 24/7.
Narcissists? Yeah Borderline and aspd? A big mistake. You'll treat one of them like a toddler and it will backfire at you too hard. Best way is to put boundaries and or leave.
With a toddler you have a sense of control over the situation, with a narcissist especially if they are bad, you can't control them, there is no time out corner.
I see with all the narcissists in my life the worst thing i can do to them when they try to illicit some sort of response is simply IGNORE them COMPLETELY. They hate it!
I am an actual Narcissist, and I agree with this. Narcissists hate being ignored because we are scared of abandonment. That's why we usually act sorry and suddenly become nice again for a short period of time.
Narcissist don't care how you feel about anything, they only think about their feelings and using performances and attitude to get a reaction to get you to do what they want you to do. They also never listen to you when it comes to your feelings about anything.
100% plus plus... I want to add that it doesn't matter because people won't even believe you, that's how insidious narcissists are. Some people are brain dead naive and need to go through the destructive mental torment to realize how they were mind controlled.
Yes the fake crying and pouting to get what he wanted from me, and the blank stare when I expressed genuine despondence over the massive lies I caught him in. #thegaypsychopath.
They do listen to you...your weaknesses they take special care in noting to use for later. I dont understand this generation all about expressing your feelings to others...I dont get it. Regulate yourself and you won't need to express Nothing. Observe dont absorb Warriors
@@gargoyliangaming6556 your assessment is wrong, because when you say "this generation" I'm assuming you're speaking of 18-34 year olds. I'm 50 and there's nothing overly sensitive about me or my generation. Everyone feels a certain way about things in our lives it has nothing to do with being overly sensitive about anything. Wrong generation, try again! What kind of foolish person doesn't express how they feel about something? That's terrible advice to try to give anyone.
Again my ex- It took me a long while to come to the realization that what he was doing wasn't because he missed me or loved me. It was an act to get what he wanted. I finally over heard him talking to a friend of his. He was telling this guy "just be real sweet to her and she'll do what you want". That day my life was changed, for the better.
Their Stab you in the back at the same time as gifting you then if you get triggered by that will then play the victim and say you're ungrateful taking the emphasis off what they've just subjected you too
Yes I was married to one for 14 years, slow learner I guess. But the day I was moving out he said "Better be careful with that divorce settlement money, some guy will come along and sweet talk you out of everything." 💡 💡 💡 As it turned out I did fine. He did not
@@mariatomko4278 You were totally brainwashed girlfriend. Nothing to do with you or your learning abilities!!!! I'm sure you are a very intelligent woman who truly loved her husband and bent over backwards to please him to no avail? I would still be being lied to, cheated on, being put down and used and beaten this very day if he hadn't have died of covid-19 last August. I was with him ten years less than you but I don't think I would have survived, lived another month or 1/2 a year. They are professional soul suckers using good people as stepping stones to fulfill their desires which they think they are entitled to whatever it is they want from anybody. We will be okay! We were before the bastards came along eh? I am terribly sorry and sad for anyone who may be experiencing this abuse . I hope he is resting in peace.... while I try picking up the pieces of my shattered heart mind and soul. I start counseling on the 7th. Love to you ❤
That's my mother, even if there's no one around she sighs, complaints and keeps saying her back hurts so people do things for her, the thing is many doctor's have seen her and she doesn't have anything debilitating, they recommended her physiotherapy and she refuse to do it so she can complaint and play the victim.
Agreed 100 percent. I'm a borderline . I am self aware, completely independent and aware of the triggers that cause us to respond in a frail manner. I was shaped by trauma but I never play a victim. I'm also an empath. I hate the thought of abandonment, real or perceived...that's the difference. Not all of us play a game
We have too much empathy. Feel too damn much. We are like the opposite of narcs but we do manifest our trauma is similar ways at times. Manipulation for example. I mean- when you have no self esteem, you HAVE to manipulate others in order to get through one more day. It’s a survival mechanism. I’m grateful I am well into recovery today and do not do this anymore ❤
That’s also false. Narcissists have impairments in empathy. Trust me, I would know. It’s also in the revised DSM-5. So much hate towards people who are mentally ill. This is like some weird cult or something.
Initially they are the perfect partner, yet they move too quickly, but you feel so flattered. They get to know your weak spots immediately. And then comes the silent treatments and manipulation… when they don’t get their way. You start doubting yourself. It’s so heartbreaking as you are already hooked by then. If you eventually don’t give in any more, they move on as if they never cared in the first place. 💔
They never did care in the first place. They might be angry and upset, only because they have to find a new victim, and they probably have a couple of Standen’s already lined up should the need arises. And then they focus on that and you are history, baby… Until the new Mark starts getting tired of their nonsense, then they might come back acting as if nothing ever happened, for once, listening, responding, sympathizing, entertaining and charming, offering, and giving, just being what they should always have been in general. Until they crack the ice and start the bullshit all over again, and turn you into Charlie Brown to there, Lucy with the football yet again
Broke up with my guy and that's exactly how he acted at times. I felt like we moved soo quickly. He Said if we do this and that then I'm his girl and we confirmed it, just to find him texting another "friend" because he wasn't sure about me. Of course that arugument was my fault. Made me feel like I was the root of all things angry and all arguments. Felt a way when I changed my feminine tone to match his when he raised his voice. Me raising my voice meant I was acting masculine. I'd tell him things and he's bite me in the butt with those comments. "Oh you're just ton your period huh? All those emotions". He lived to make that comment. Expressed how I felt emotionally and then I was called being emotional and entitled with expectations and he felt like he had to "keep tabs on me" and my emotions. Never asked how I felt and how he could help. Me going out of my way to help him and make him happy and comfortable. Asked him to only do the dishes or put left over away when I was tired and he acted like the job was beneath him. Jeeze Louise. Sometimes I do ask myself if I was the crazy one though. Was I actually acting emotionally and like I played 'victim'? He changed me. I comically miss him since the break up 7 days ago but I know deep inside that he made me feel things and said things about me that I truly felt like I wasn't. I've been stuck in bed all day reminded of him and I'm just wasting my precious time on a man who love bombed me but called me an entitled princess if I brought something up that didn't feel right/or agree with. Or if I didn't talk to him because I wasn't ready, that was the highlight of the issue and now what he did or what We could've done differently as self reflection (because truthfully ignoring him wasn't affectively communicating). He could barely say he was sorry for things.. huh. Waste of time and now a pitiful sob of heartbreak over a man who couldn't own up to his own behavior.
@@blholt10 you described self betrayal and self abandonment to a T. Moving fast is a hallmark sign of CPTSD, attachment wounding. It is a sign that the core wound of fear of abandonment, is driving choices....vs a sober, intentional, aware, approach when picking a partner. You get to say "no", you get to have boundaries (which means "yes" to you, your safety, and showing up for yourself). I wish you deep healing. You can move forward. You can fine tune the red flag meter. You get to decide who you are and be self defining. The moment you let others define you, you've given away any empowerment. You get to have emotions. You can take up space. Attune you yourself, heal your subconscious programming...and you will no longer tolerate anyone in that realm. Your requirements for relationships will go up, as you learn to honor and love yourself.
@@blholt10 as you grieve the loss of this relationship, and come to a place of trying again, there’s one aspect that’s not discussed these days: old fashioned courtship. That lots of time becoming friends and especially introducing him to your family and friends. Older people/friends are often pretty good at observing things about a potential partner that you might miss. The thing is to involve him in family gatherings, BBQ,s, parties where people can chat with him, get to know him. You can especially use these times to see if he drinks or vapes/tokes too much or gets edgy if he cannot use something to relax. Big huge factor these days. Let the friendship bloom, see if his treatment of you is consistently courteous, respectful has an aspect of being pursued, that he sees you as special before any kind of sexual encounters. Old fashioned I know, but these are time proven strategies from a bygone era. An era that many Christians still use to find their mates. Good luck and God bless. 👍💕✝️
Sadly our probation service are subjecting offenders to that in the UK because the organisations run by these archon entity hosted narcissistic parasites another thing I'd like to add is they invert the truth like mainstream media because of this of course it's the same force operating through them
they call it narcissistic personality disorder how ever what it really is a bad case of archon entity attachment their energetically feeding off people its one reality been mistaken for another
You just described my former friend. I once told her that she played the victim so well she should carry around her own crime scene equipment. Of course, it was too deep for her and it went over her head. Then I told her to go complain to her husband but not to forget to tell him about her affairs. That ended the phone call.
@@Firuzeh Rhonda is that you? I thought this might be my stepmom being passive-aggressive again. It would be quite the accomplishment considering she's been dead for 16 years. To your question, no. Not self-righteous at all. In fact, I used to be very passive to the point that I let people walk all over me. My former friend was the one that finally broke the camel's back, so to speak. She was a narcissist. A horrible person who would sell her own children up the river if it could get her what she wanted. She pretended to be some great big holy roller Bible thumper. In reality, she was a racist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, a thief, a liar and stole anything that wasn't nailed down. She stepped out on her husband all the time when he was traveling for work and then tried to play doting wife whenever he came home. The number of atrocities she committed against me include but are not limited to: spreading an entirely untrue rumor that I caught an STI from a one night stand, outing me to my estranged extremely conservative homophobic Italian Roman Catholic father thus widening the rift that was already present (he ended up disowning me and she showed no remorse), dishonoring his memory the day he died declaring the two of us “never got along anyway” and then, weeks later, pretended she didn't violate my grieving process by asking me to hit my widow mother up for money out of my father's life insurance policy because my friend was horribly in debt and needed to get out of the hole she was in. This is just the tip of the iceberg in a series of events that led me to finally cut her off completely and say good riddance.
AT ALL TIMES, remember what you are always dealing with- It’s a performance to illicit a response from you- to get you to serve them. Perfect description of dealing with a narcissist. I fell into the trap of defending myself so many times. So much emotion and verbal abuse from him. Master manipulator with my feelings and with his presentation of himself to others. It’s terribly hard to get through. I wish I had known more about how to manage my words and feelings with him. Mean people seem to get the upper hand.
N.B.! When you are talking like this, remember that you are talking about only most vicious forms of disorders in a most pure manifestation. Im a borderline and I even was forced to explain a person that he can refuse me any time and as many times as he want. Anything that I feel(btw I dont care much about refusals, maybe even less than a regular person - feelin surprised, aint ya?) has nothing in common with his intentions. Even if it does, I won't be getting it as an insult, esp in this hilariously exxagerrated form youve described. I still has my Achilles toe and if uou are a woman and you miss our date, sometimes even without a mere response, so I may show-off in the most annoying, enraged and absolutely exhausting version of a human being you could imagine. In some cases(and theres always a specific reason for this exception! though its none of a self-excuse) I can behave like that, though 4 times less furious, with male-friends. As for now, after quite a long treatment, I do better and better, and now Im close even to cut off this option even facing the most powerful triggers I have(last time I realized the principle and managed to mitigate it). There are a lot of more sympthoms and ways of expression of BPD, but this is the most contraversial and most differentiated disorder ever.
Another vital thing: we do have a pathological emotional response and impulsivity,nevertheless that has nothing in common with obligations of doing what you said. A male person aroused has a boner and high level of testosteron with less self-control than any other person, does it make him a rapist?
Very true, was angry driving to hospital for my father, controlling me when so sick, I softened when I saw he knew who I was, He was killed in front of me in hospital over 18hrs, I tried escaping his control most of my Adult life. I'm still trying to cope with him being gone, I don't know who I am, I was always controlled by him, and every waking minute feel guilty I allowed him. To be killed without speaking up
That’s why you will question your intuition. It’s a game. It’s a stage, a lie. When I look back at it. I see it in clarity. Thank you for helping me integrate my healing ❤️🙏🏼
The most satisfying feeling is watching them lose their minds for your reaction, while you just ignore them. I’m narcissists worst nightmare, they will NEVER be more important to me, than me!
I absolutely love ignoring its like watching a two year old having a tantrum and looking at you when you don’t respond to it like hey where is my response they act like little children
Borderlines and Histrionics are actually indeed quite fragile. I know they also manipulate but it's not just appearance they are indeed fragile. While narcissists and antisocials are not fragile at all.
Narcissists are VERY fragile. They work HARD to not expose their true selves. Shame is their kryptonite. You wanna see a shameful narcissist? (A covert narcissist)… go watch Chris watts during the sentencing hearing. He’s swimming in deep shame and fragile as hell because he has been exposed. He won’t look anyone on the eye and his leg is shaking a million miles a minute. Narcs just usually express their fragility via anger is all. For CW he was very passive aggressive (because he was a covert). Example; he took his mistress out to dinner right before the murders and he finally used his bank card which shannan received alerts every time it was swiped. He wanted her to see that while she was out of town, he was at an adult style restaurant (not a place to take little kids) and spending a lot of money (to show he wasn’t alone). Now that his mask came off and he’s been exposed, he’s working overtime to create a new mask. Now he’s a hardcore Christian and wants to be a preacher lol. And he has pics of the girls in his cell and tells anyone who will listen that he reads to them every night. Fragile. Psychopaths- not so much.
@@kateashby3066 i think what was meant is that borderlines and hystrionics have empathy. They are also truly fragile, can be vulnerable, while for narcs it's an act and it's only their ego that's fragile.
Richard saved my life 4 yrs ago. I've been silent in the comments until now. Much 🙏 gratitude and respect for you! Thankful all week for the little things & the big commitment you've made to healing humanity.
So on point! My extremely abusive ex would constantly remind me of what a shitty mother he had. It took me 3 years to finally stop feeling like it was my job to make up for what his mother did to him. Thank God I got out before I was killed. I pray anyone going through abuse gets out and realizes their worth before it's too late
my now husband constantly remind me what a shitty life he has had and still has… shitty work, shitty work colleagues, shitty circumstances, everything is shit and he is always the victim. I have spent and sacrificed so much for him - financially, community, family, friends, spiritually, emotionally but I can’t leave. I don’t know what to do…
@@palagatel I'm almost 18 years with someone like this I've come to realize Mentally I need to leave I let 5 times physically But now mentally I've left That's the only way it's going to end They will NEVER change they are liars with crocodile tears and fake apologies 18 years is wayyy too long to be in this
I already know my mom is a narcissist. Your videos are helping me to understand it more and get me motivated to work on myself so I can be happy and independent. Thank you for your content❤❤❤❤
I’ve learned to hear, really listen wait and watch, my life is my kingdom and I rule my heart, I’m compassionate but if I feel I’m being manipulated I’m OUT!
Ugh. I’ve heard. You’re broken goods, wear this, take a pic and send it to your family saying ‘this’, says complimentary things, listens to pushbacks but still pushes to maintain their own agenda, will not shut up about their selling points, big noting themselves… this is just the beginning… I reckon I ought to run now.
@@Sarahh185 Yes, get out as they say, while the getting is good! I was in a long term marriage to someone who I thought was a decent person. When I finally left as the control intensified he harassed me for years. Get away from controlling ppl. Just Do It, ASAP. It’s not safe to be controlled, when my now X lost control he made me pay for choosing to leave finally, forever. Be careful with these kind of ppl, they can be dangerous. Even if only to your mental health. It’s a slow breakdown of dismantling who you are. You don’t realize it until you’ve given up way too much, it weakens you…. Be wise (you don’t owe them the true reason, just say it’s just not working) but get out.
@@Sarahh185 get out… you need to care for yourself more if you let all that happen already. I’m an empathic person and it took me a long time to learn I need to be a stone cold serious mother fucker when it comes to my bounderies. Give a fuck what anyone thinks take back your power 💪
All the times. I'm so glad it's over. Ever time he didn't get his way. It was a issue. Just played me like a fiddle. Used me emotionally 😪 just to hurt me. Pure evil. Pure evil
After I went grey rock, month's later, we ran into one another. He could not wait to tell me his brother's son died of that flu. He does not speak to his brother and visa versa. I looked at him and said "I'm so sorry your family will not accept you and let your back in." My response angered him. Yep, he was seeking something entirely different from me.
I've been a borderline since the sixties. I remember the feeling I had when someone treated me normally but it resulted in me being alone. I would do anything to avoid that. It is so unbelievably painful. I sought help every chance I had and couldn't get the help that I needed, because BPD was unheard of in the seventies and eighties.The day I read about Marsha Linehan and DBT I knew I found a reason I felt and did what I did. I was on my way. I had an answer and a plan. I am almost 70 and although I still have BPD I have the skills and strategies to resolve or reduce my angst. It works and support abounds where it didn't then. However, you lumped them all together as if they were the same. They are not. Please rethink your approach.
I just got a new job, and the fifth day in, the lady I work with tried to pretend to be a victim. Of me. She suddenly cried out, "Help me! " As if I wasn't helping her. This was way out of left field, so to speak. I was helping her carry boards. And she literally tried to make it look like I wasn't doing my job, when I literally was. It was really eerie. She did this in earshot of my boss. He couldn't see us but could hear us. Sure enough, he comes over to her a bit later, and he says, "Hey, is everything alright? " As if she was in need or something. What a con artist. It literally stressed me out a lot. She is really passive aggressive.
You could go to your boss and let him know how it went down and ask if she has a history of this stuff because it is a pattern you won't be a part of. Set a boundary. She maybe has a thing for boss and wants attention at your expense and it might be why others have left that job. Document it
@@coreyanderson7424 I hope it works out that it was a one off. Also if the company is large they should have a HR person to talk to if it becomes a problem. Best wishes and keep grey rocking the toxic people as much as you can to keep yourself healthy while maintaining good boundaries. 🙏💪😊 Stay strong
The sad part is,I can see myself in this discription. Have I always been like this.No.But 2 years ago I left abusive relationship with my 3 kids and the recovery is really a roller coaster. Specially part when you have to take all responsibility,put your act together,create discipline and fight your self betrayal habbits.
I was recently diagnosed with Borderline, specifically a "Quiet Borderline" not to mention C-PTSD and Neurodivergent. I'm just now getting myself into therapy and learning DBT. I'm hopeful ❤
Think of yourself as a Jigsaw puzzle without a boxstop, and you are discovering where the pieces are and how they fit together. Think of it as an interesting intellectual challenge of self discovery. Neural diverse people just interact differently with the world. It is not something to feel shame about because every brain has its own gifts for the individual and even society. For example, some autistic people are exceedingly good at rocket-science level math. Your willingness to travel on this journey of self-discovery is going to educate you about yourself and others with similar traits - where you will find your tribe, or have empathy.
@@francesdonald8743 it’s now been several grueling months, changed meds & entering into the EMDR territory for my Borderline, which has me splitting at least once a week, I’m not gonna lie….it’s hard & Ive been dx’d Bipolar 1 with major depressive disorder & three anxiety dx’s as well. Your positive comment will be ticked away in my scrambled mind but I do appreciate your atta girl! Thank you, internet stranger!
At least with a diagnosis, you have awareness of what path you are on which is reinforcement of the message, "you can't fix what you don't know." I am not familiar with bipolar but I understand that Borderline responds well to treatment.
I would also suggest that you consider watching a few videos by Gabor Mate, MD on UA-cam because he has a very interesting take on trauma and its psychological effects. He's written a book called The Myth of Normal and another one called Scattered Minds. (Which I have picked up for my personal journey and admittedly have not yet read). He is considered to be a people whisperer
@@kateashby3066 well Kate there are things you don’t understand either, while you might think its absurd because you don’t understand things that you cant see doesn’t mean they’re not there or haven’t been around through out history
With all due respect, and I’m being sincere there… you don’t HAVE to live like this forever. Healing is possible and that means trusting again. But we have to learn to ID red flags and stay away from THOSE ppl.
I have borderline personality disorder and I NEVER behave or behaved in this way at all in fact I am a bit tired of people with BPD being accused of this behavior. To be honest we usually take things out on ourselves rather than on others. I have had relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder as well as histrionic disorder and they DO behave this way 100% but no I disagree with borderlines behaving this way we do NOT manipulate or “play this game”
@@richa9428 Bpd is centered on fear of Connections going bad Npd is centered on fear of Self-Esteem going bad People with NPD are not willing to Connect, therefore, in this way I would say people with BOTH NPD and BPD are impossible
I have been diagnosed with NPD and I also DO NOT act this way either *on purpose.* Key word there. There is this misconception that people with NPD just have malicious intent to go harm and hurt people. This is bullshit, I have no intent to harm I simply act as I do as a self defense mechanism because I am scared of abandonment and feeling humiliated.
@@boperez2841you need to educate yourself on what BPD is. They struggle to regulate emotions due to having a hyper active amygdala but are highly empathetic human beings. And those with BPD can get better and most often do. It’s people like you who post misinformation which feeds the stigma leading many people with BPD to end their lives. Educate yourself and do better.
My mom is histrionic and she has done a fantastic job at always appearing to be the martyred victim and conveniently drawing attention to her victory at being sober and away from the permanent damage her abuse has done to the kids. I never treat her like she is a victim. I go grey rock whenever she starts with that act and refrain from bringing up the past as I know it won't accomplish anything
God these types are the worst!! You just described Jussie Smollete, the gay black dude who faked an absurd hate crime on himself to play the victim, but then said he fought them off to also play the hero/martyr 🤮 I mean- he’s an extreme example of how manipulative cluster B’s can be but damn it’s a vile one!
You forgot to say that they are extremely charming at the beginning of friendship or a relationship. In other words they’re pure evil and no matter how much you do for them is never enough. FREE YOURSELF FROM THEM NOW!!!!!!
Please explain . As I have chronic health which led to disability .narc not me .but sister .I'm also not a hypochondriac...she Denys I have these orobs and takes piss
I am 56 and my sister wished me happy birthday via email the first time in my whole life in 2023, I Stopped reacting, I stopped all conversations, I removed someone who has gone out of her way to destroy me and after cutting all contact for about 9yrs last yr I got a happy birthday, best thing I ever did closing Pandora's Box.
Oh yes I got that from my sister. She offers to help people sort out their garage sale items and then makes up a sad story about not having certain things that they have planned to sell so she is basically cherry-picking. Did it to me and did it to a woman who was paying her. She came home with a trunk full of free stuff.
I've got bpd and I definitely used to do this. It wasnt until I was diagnosed, did research, therapy, and healing that I realized the manipulation I was so used to doing to avoid things or get someone to do something I wanted. (I wasnt even very good at it lol but it was a reflex rather than to just communicate) I am so glad I see these things now and can try and be a healthier, less toxic person.
Fellow BPD in recovery here! And it’s refreshing to see another BPD be honest about it. There are some in the comments being defensive. To be fair- it’s REALLY hard to move past the initial shame of it at first.
It stinks. I spent so many years holding in all my feelings and once I started talking about things got a lot of crap and lost friends because some were used to me doing what they wanted me to do. They would play on my empathy to get money, rides, love, whatever it was it was my own energy being sucked dry and the second I needed some help nobody was there. Not true, there were some people there but they were STRANGERS. So I had more compassion given to me by strangers thany own family or friends and it was a real wake up. Now stuck in another bad relationship....real bad. Am getting out but it is taking a minute and it is suffocating. Loom forward to the day where I don't think about him and shake because he is about to be over or feeling the fight coming. This made me cry. When I was a victim of certain things I was treated like crap. He treats me like crap if I get upset over family/friends dying but wants me to feel bad for him over nothing.
Oh God I hope you can get out of there!! Even if it means living with a bunch of roommates or a van for a while- honestly please do whatever you can do to get out of there! Leave in the night or when he's not there. Never go back. Please be safe 🙏
One relationship I had we were living together. That last 6 months we appeared to get on better than we ever did. Truth was emotionally I had already left. When physical moving out came I divided joint belongings fairly, though I made sure to sell or take what I chose. I was studying and couldn't afford to move out. Others might be working but need to save enough to buy a van/get a deposit on their own place/ fund a move to another town. Unless you might be killed, immediate action isn't always the best policy. Finding the money and support network to take any children with you are more hurdles to an early exit.
Everyone does this though… it’s to the extent that it is used is the true problem. We all use body language and speech to get a response. We all have needs and things that we want. There is a very bad, manipulative way of doing it and there is the way that every single person on this planet does it. This is just describing everyone to a certain extent. Very universal statement and every single person can easily say “this has been done to me” because everyone does it. I personally feel it needs to be broken down quite a bit more. I myself have this behavior to a certain extent, as does everyone I know. It reminds me of zodiac readings, everyone can relate in some shape or form because they make it that way to keep you coming back.
No. Everyone doesn't do what he is describing. There are people who are genuinely responding with their actual feelings or thoughts in these situations. He is describing someone who is performing as in acting in a way they believe will cause you to do what they want vs someone who is genuinely behaving from their heart or head in the moment. So in the observer if the actor is really good the two may look the same, granted. But there are differences. Someone who is acting may be a horrible actor in which case this simplifies it. But if they're good it may come down to looking at your own responses or even how often the person is getting their way. Or how often you're doing their bidding. You may also need to almost study them. The truth can sometimes be seen in their other relationships or nuances in their behaviors. But if what you are saying is - well they look like everyone else. You're right. They do. And they've worked hard to have that appearance. They don't try to be known for who they really are much. I hope this helps. I hope you're okay & not struggling with a person like this. If you are know that there's hope & life after them.
Oh God, the clingy neighbor!! I had a few of those over the years. Hope you can set better boundaries with them (or move...or maybe they move...or something). I'm at a point in my life where I simply don't answer the phone or door unless I'm expecting someone. To everyone else? Not home. Leave a message. We can always be "not home" or just busy, right? 🤷♀️
If you’re ever unsure, politely say no to one of their requests and see how they respond. Normal people will accept it. A cluster B will NOT. They will let you know they disapprove in some fashion, whether it be passive or aggressive.
My mother has done this to me so many times. This was just a daily routine for her. I brought up about how I was pretty much forced into doing things that I didn’t want (as a grown adult) and she replied “no one put a gun to your head “. She didn’t but I put up with things and went along with her for years to keep things quiet and also because she had my father to reinforce her and scare me into doing what she wanted me to do. I’m so glad that he has passed. I’m no longer giving her control of my life and I ignore her threats. She is powerless without my father.
Incredibly useful information. Another addition to this -- challenge their victim narrative/request, and observe how they respond. If they get malicious, especially accusing of something or another, it's another major red flag.
Have your running shoes on if you ever try that as they'll see any challenge or constructive criticism ~ even if they've asked you for it ~ as insult or criticism they'll negatively deny, blow out of all proportion and project back onto you x💯, hold a lifetime grudge against you that they'll hold you accountable for, smear and try to silence, alienate, drain and destroy you, all while undermining and devaluing you to anyone who listens forever after so it's just not worth it. They do similar when stealing and copying others good qualities and ideas. Invest then test to meet and match levels of reciprocity in all interactions. ⚖🗝 It's a better, smarter move to act as detached observer over time, note patterns of dysfunction such as when you try a small "no" or two, note their OVER-reaction, apologise, smile and fluff their feathers by telling them they're 'right' and that you're very busy atm, keep a low profile, become very boring, then asap walk quietly away, block all gaps and never look back. 💝
This is so accurate. So true and so needed to be communicated by so many who really do fall victim (without them knowing it) to the narcissist. It’s a crime the mind games these people play.
For instance my former friend was always putting a performance always crying telling everyone about her crappy life and we all fell for it, I fell for it I felt sorry for her I started hanging out with her so she controlled me until one day I refused to be manipulated by her she wanted me to hate my gym buddy and not hang out with her and I refused and that's when she started behaving like a b!+@# towards me. Real friends don't do that to others but narcissist like to do this to control others and get attention. Such horrible people.
Absolute truth. The malignant narcissist in my life for eight years was a master at this...the first thing anyone learned about him was that by 28 years old, he had lost both parents, three brothers, and been left by his wife after a failed suicide attempt left him permanently unable to speak. He went on to convince me that he suffered from dissociative identity disorder (what used to be called multiple personality disorder), and he fully fleshed out a total of six personalities. Two were my friends, one was female, one a child, one a brutal and malevolent force who beat me up and destroyed my mind, and the last one my soulmate. Each persona had different memories, ages, traumas, hobbies, habits, food preferences, senses of humor, and feelings for me. The others pleaded with me to help them get rid of the dark persona and the mess he had made of their lives. That one triangulated me into oblivion and psychologically manipulated me on levels I didn't even know I had. When I finally figured out that none of it was real, I literally felt like five people I loved had died, and the last man standing was the demonic entity who had shattered my mind into a thousand shards of seperate realities. Two years out, and I have reassembled my mind, but the pieces don't fit together quite the same, and I move through my life like a stranger. The experience certainly made me thankful for what I have, but I feel like a shell-shocked veteran with a thousand-yard stare who can't tell their story in a way anyone understands, and I mourn the loss of five people who never existed, but who will always be real to me.
This is very tough, this is probably what the narc would accuse me of. Called me a victim because i told my family about the mental and physical abuse. Said i was entitled because after offering to help me with something baited me into a fight around it accusing me of being an ugly entitled victim because i questioned why they were so hostile about helping now suddenly even though they offered. Did i sigh and be sad and hurt yes. This manipulation is so complex and crazy making you end up reaching out to people to validate you aren't crazy. If you get to that stage where you are calling your ex's to ask if you were an awful partner, narc's old friends that no longer talk to them to see what really happened....it's not you, it's them. Don't send them this info, don't send them brochures on what abuse looks like cause you will be accused. Listen for yourself then leave
indeed a gift from God that we got away it's our sweet reward, God will always provide a way of escape (last outburst) so glad i didn't just listen to God but responded by getting out & staying away.
Tell em to LOOSE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. Erase theirs and move on. Took me 40 years to cut the cord. My therapist laughed at me and said im not taking your money. I said in tears why not? He said my name and said don't you realize YOU ARE THE NORMAL ONE in the family? You are surrounded by mom dad 2 bro uncle they have the problem. I walked out of his office on cloud nine. It all made sense. Starting saying no and they all went off. Dad tried after pushing me I shouted touch me again and you're going to fly out this window. The look on his face was priceless. Total respect after that. 6 months ago told my daughter after one of her rants no u have the problem get help she went off and doesn't want nothing to do with me. Drug addict bro calls for stuff which I gave him over $300 of things over the years, destroyed or stolen and wants more. Loose my number. Put a fork in me. I'm done. Peace at last. I don't even overeat anymore. I feel so good
There’s def more to the story. Narcs WILL gaslight their victims and project. It’s OUR job to be honest with ourselves about our own motives. Keep your side of the street clean and sweep sweep 🧹 their a$$ out of your life while you’re at it 😂
Yea , and when one figures it out after a time and no longer responds the narcissist goes ballistic crazy , that’s a clear indication for me as to the true nature of that beast , so to speak . Thank you ♥️🕊
I swear this is so true! The best feeling ever is when they try and you don't respond. They are stuck like a deer because they were banking on you reacting so they get their high off you. Then they start to call by accident to irritate you. When all else fails, they try to be a "friend" as a door stop.
One example I've experienced is when you're driving and the passenger starts giving you step by step instructions for driving or acts as if you're stressing them when the car in front of you slows down even though it's like 10 car lengths away they exaggerate their response as if the have no confidence whatsoever in your driving (even though you have a perfect driving record for like ten or more years so you know it isn't you) it's their need to control everything but you find yourself adjusting for their comfort. Over time you do become a worse driver with them in the car because you start to just no longer resist and get annoyed by it and actually rely on them to suggest the next turn or whatever. It's the best most obvious example I can recall of how this hijacking works.
Great interpretation of what I went through with a narcissist! Thank you…..and hope those who are facing this situation leave these troubled and manipulative relationships as soon as possible! If not, they will destroy your inner core/soul without hesitation!
Amen, my ex was a PROFESSIONAL victim! blaming EVERYONE else for her crappy life. At the end, she put out a nasty smear campaign against me and it was that moment, I realized she was NOT a victim at all but rather a FRAUD!!
Oh wow another trait I forgot about, I’m trying to recall them all. There are just so many I’m amazed. We truly are stronger because of them and STILL stronger than them.
the Jezebel demon is a high ranking demon. it only leaves by applying the word of God into your life, not religion. stay away from religion as Jezebel runs the religious people!! again stay away from their fake deliverances, sermons and religion!! apply the word of God to your life and simply follow the spirit of God within you!! god is love 😎 not religion!!
Please do not forget, that this can also be a quite normal reaction, too. 🙈 When I feel hurt and tears start running uncontrolled, I'm sometimes capable of stopping them quickly. I needed to learn this: stay able to act, no matter what ... Means it could be an expression of discipline, too.
yes, and God even warned about the religious sect in 2 Timothy 3:1-6 for the prophetic times we are in. I am a follower (born again - John 1-3) of the Son Of God and I was always perplexed and disillusioned in those church buildings...I'm out now and free to follow him without false teaching, and the many, many false believers that are in those buildings!...rescued twice: first from the penalty of sin (romans 3:23, 6:23), then from the false church system (Jude for one example) Matthew 4:17 Hebrews 4:13
I knew a malignant narcissist and this video is absolutely right. They always played the victim . Always going on about how depressed they were ,how they wanted to end it all. Eventually we started having disagreements and they pushed me away. It hurt. Now I realize they were never really my friend,they just wanted a yes man to tell them what they wanted to hear.
Some people have those reactions but don’t expect people to respond in a certain way. It’s about emoting without intent to control. Not everyone who acts that way is a narcissist.
Brilliant!!! This has perfectly encapsulated my experiences into 1 minute! Thank you Richard…could you please post the long form video that this was clipped from? I’m sure there are many who’d appreciate seeing it…one being myself. Thank you again! Cheers! 👏
Been there done that- had 2 borderline exes, because one wasn’t enough clearly 😅 I used to be peoples doormat, now I’m a bit of a c**t, never do anything to please anyone else if it doesn’t suit me in some way. Might have over corrected a bit but man having some self respect feels a million times better than the people pleasing BS I used to do constantly.
The narc I dealt with in property settlement was an academy award performance.She said no one helps her ,whilst she stole half my stuff I found out later she was a millionaire
50 odd years friendship I ended due to her being this. Didn't understand. I do now. A friendship I ended with just five words "I won't be visiting again".
I am so sorry you had to go through that ,but I understand. I am unfortunately related to people just like this and for my own sanity and safety I had to cut them all out of my life too. I will keep you in my prayers,and bless you.🙏🤟💛
So true 💯!! And I fell for it many times, but thanks be unto God 🙏🏼 he revealed the truth so I'm now free from the deceptive spirit of the Narc. Thank you for sharing this absolute truth.
Met one and was ghosted ( had no knowledge of what this word meant at the time) after two months. We worked at the same job. I was so upset because I hadn’t experienced that type of behavior before from someone who said he was attracted to me. He left the job and returned about 3 separate times. I confronted him. He didn’t like that at all. Currently, I see him every day at work. He’s in constant competition with me. 🤦🏾♀️ I try to avoid him but he goes out of his way to try to engage me. I dodged a bullet, grenade, missile, etc. I feel so empowered because it’s been almost 4 years. Never made it to the friends zone. God protected me from him. No physical activity except a hug and a couple of kisses. No emotion! 😐 Total deal breaker for me. I’m very professional where work is concerned and I go about my day. My co-worker asked me if I would date him if he apologized. My answer: Absolutely not! Never, as long as I’m in my right state of mind. It taught me to spot one quickly. Say hi and keep it moving! That’s all.
Battling narcissism in my life i wonder about the nearly essential need for cosmetic surgery in today's celebrity's world. So let me say this, I LOVE your REAL face with all of it's GLORIOUS expressions and COOLEST means of AUTHENTICATION BY IT'S well earned & very handsome wrinkles, only visible when called on, they are there for your TRUEST testimonies and heart felt truths. Loving gratitude to you dear richard Richard Grannon !💜
I think it's a bit rude to mention someone's wrinkles though, is it just me? Even if you're trying to complement him.. That's like saying "I'm glad you don't shave your head or wear a toupee, a lot of guys cover it up.." Why comment on someone's appearance at all? It's not much different in person or not, you never know if they'll see it. Would you like someone to comment on your wrinkles? I know I wouldn't.
@@nicoleowens2318 People today can lack social grace by being inconsiderate and rude to others. They just blurt things out of their mouth without care. We will all wrinkle and die. Every last one.
And that can even be having two year old tantrums so you do everything you can to calm them down and you constantly have to walk on eggshells and you make sure they have EVERYTHING they want so they don’t make everyone in the house have a bad day.
U know the person is toxic if you have to walk on eggshells. Thats manipulation. If u don't get out, serious body problems will come your way diabetes, heart trouble, rashes, IBS, ETC. The emotions are gentle and keep us happy. Toxic people interrupt our emotional well being where u get sick! Get your peace. Tell em no. Don't go running the minute they call. Don't answer. Tell em lose your number when u get stronger. Bet u will stop over eating, or take drugs or drink to calm u down. Bless your heart. Start today. When u start saying no u will get sick. You've been so messed over and manipulated all these years normal has gone out the window. No more. Say no. Keep yoyr peace. U have 2 months before 2023 to start a new life. Work out exercise. Run around the block. Do what U WANT. u know what to do .. take care ... jeanie
For real! Actual self-centered emotional bullies who push those around them to the breaking point and then when those people (heaven forbid) sigh or tap their foot in frustration, the abuser will see it as proof that the victim is trying to narcissistically manipulate them. Nonsense.
@@ricdimarco1499 it's sooo easy to tell a victim how to deal with a bully, when you don't have to deal with the bully everyday!!!! Society always gives the victim this corny advice like "don't give them attention", but ignoring them empowers the bully! They are punks/opportunists.....they only do what they can get away with!
Yes. That’s how the Narcissist’s mind works. It’s a terrible existence. Imagine everyone you’ve ever loved, now imagine that they treat you like your “Narc” did to you. This is what happens to the Narcissist over and over and over again. At least, that’s how he perceives it. It’s a mental illness. Not a character flaw. I hate people like this. Spreading so much hate and disinformation. It’s disgusting
Thats why you need to "test" them with setting boundaries and saying no. It doesnt fit with their plan so they go ballistic.
Omg yes
The narcissist's rage is so dangerous. It's out of this world! Very demonic!
@@kathyjenkins4067 yes it is.
Remember too that they've been tested before & can often see you coming. Also a within normal limits person can be driven away if they suspect they're being tested.
@@lindacasey5016 no its not actually testing thats why i put "". If a person doesnt like it he or she wasnt for me anyway. A person who gets me will also respect my boundaries and my "tests".
Exactly. I see his face as you describe this. The sulking, the sighs, the silent treatment, the fake tears, the slamming of things - Academy Award performances.
It took me over 5 years to get rid of him
Females do this too, mothers are detrimental to upbringing
@@knightstar1312they ARE born like this... Behsviotal school... be sure, you will be sure.
@@_evangelina__ it's difficult. Don't let anyone to judge you. Plus, 5 years is nothing compare to 20, 30... and that's common. 🌹
I did the 'slamming things' , he was shocked... huh...
You just described every second of my 12 years of marriage. A marriage I escaped from 6 months ago to a shelter. I live in hiding. I am in therapy. NEVER AGAIN is my mantra.
How to Kill a Narc? Simple. Love yourself... Once you completely love yourself... you'll never attract them again... they can't be around people who love self.
Well done! You can be truly proud of yourself for escaping.
Bless you. Glad you are out. Be safe.
They copycat emotions and empaty.
In terms of the therapy. I don't think you're so far gone that you'd need psychopharmaceuticals (that have never ever healed anyone btw as per director of the national institute for mental health) to calm you down enough so that you can engage in talk therapy.
And so may these be of benefit 🙏
Look up Alan Wallace Four aspects of mental balance
Alan Wallace the inner causes of distress and well-being
Alan Wallace four kinds of Intelligence for Optimal Mental Health
Alan Wallace the way of shamatha retreat
The last 3 will be on. Meridian Trust's webpage 🙏
Another great way to tell is to ask them about their goals for personal or emotional development.They usually do not think they need to improve anything - no self awareness.
Great insight!we need to mature and grow as we age.narcissists dont see this!
They may not be interested or prepared to discuss those things with you in particular. The question is personal and somewhat impertinent. Not your job. It crosses boundaries.
@@Greenwings701If the relationship can’t handle a simple question about their goals on becoming a better person, and you think you are crossing boundaries by asking about future goals…well then… you’re probably not close enough to even care f they are a narcissist or not.
It’s actually a very valid direct question & you will definitely get the information you need to identify narcissism
So true, mine thinks he walks on water, even when he’s failing in so many areas of life, eg. not being to hold a job, failing tests for promotion, his illiterate communication and writing to Snr management on reports. He truly thinks he’s a freaking god
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 i totally agree
Deal with them like a toddler. That is how narcissists behave.
They throw tantrums like no other
No no no toddlers are cute they are naive they don’t know any better. Their right is to demand and depend on others. They need to be taken care of. However an adult or older narcissist been around too long to realize that their narrative is just bullshit and yet in their head same victimized tape plays 24/7.
Narcissists?
Yeah
Borderline and aspd?
A big mistake.
You'll treat one of them like a toddler and it will backfire at you too hard.
Best way is to put boundaries and or leave.
With a toddler you have a sense of control over the situation, with a narcissist especially if they are bad, you can't control them, there is no time out corner.
No!.. dont compare them to toddlers... Narcissists are evil people... they are no where like toddlers
I see with all the narcissists in my life the worst thing i can do to them when they try to illicit some sort of response is simply IGNORE them COMPLETELY. They hate it!
I am an actual Narcissist, and I agree with this. Narcissists hate being ignored because we are scared of abandonment. That's why we usually act sorry and suddenly become nice again for a short period of time.
And when you say “NO”
@@Bruh-ui9lo All HELL breaks loose when you tell a narcissist NO. It's terrible.
@@HouseOfInterestShorts eaxactly, narcisist may show a fake mask that he is sory but only for very and i mean really very short period of time
@@HouseOfInterestShorts
And the cycle continues
Don’t ignore
ABANDON
Jada rolls her eyes.
Will: got it
underrated comment haha
Its a performance. Its generational and im breaking it.
It is generational
It runs in my family at least 3 generations, and it is disgusting
That is why I'm hating myself some of the times
Me tooooo😊
Narcissist don't care how you feel about anything, they only think about their feelings and using performances and attitude to get a reaction to get you to do what they want you to do. They also never listen to you when it comes to your feelings about anything.
100% plus plus...
I want to add that it doesn't matter because people won't even believe you, that's how insidious narcissists are. Some people are brain dead naive and need to go through the destructive mental torment to realize how they were mind controlled.
... and then its years too late and the victim sings a song of 'boo hoo' blues.
Yes the fake crying and pouting to get what he wanted from me, and the blank stare when I expressed genuine despondence over the massive lies I caught him in. #thegaypsychopath.
They do listen to you...your weaknesses they take special care in noting to use for later. I dont understand this generation all about expressing your feelings to others...I dont get it. Regulate yourself and you won't need to express Nothing. Observe dont absorb Warriors
@@gargoyliangaming6556 your assessment is wrong, because when you say "this generation" I'm assuming you're speaking of 18-34 year olds. I'm 50 and there's nothing overly sensitive about me or my generation. Everyone feels a certain way about things in our lives it has nothing to do with being overly sensitive about anything. Wrong generation, try again! What kind of foolish person doesn't express how they feel about something? That's terrible advice to try to give anyone.
Again my ex-
It took me a long while to come to the realization that what he was doing wasn't because he missed me or loved me. It was an act to get what he wanted.
I finally over heard him talking to a friend of his. He was telling this guy "just be real sweet to her and she'll do what you want". That day my life was changed, for the better.
Their Stab you in the back at the same time as gifting you then if you get triggered by that will then play the victim and say you're ungrateful taking the emphasis off what they've just subjected you too
Yes I was married to one for 14 years, slow learner I guess. But the day I was moving out he said "Better be careful with that divorce settlement money, some guy will come along and sweet talk you out of everything." 💡 💡 💡
As it turned out I did fine. He did not
That’s amazingly unbelievable. They teach their executioners to do their dirty work for them. 🤮
Thank you for pointing this out.
@@mariatomko4278 their shit talker's to the highest degree
@@mariatomko4278 You were totally brainwashed girlfriend. Nothing to do with you or your learning abilities!!!! I'm sure you are a very intelligent woman who truly loved her husband and bent over backwards to please him to no avail? I would still be being lied to, cheated on, being put down and used and beaten this very day if he hadn't have died of covid-19 last August. I was with him ten years less than you but I don't think I would have survived, lived another month or 1/2 a year. They are professional soul suckers using good people as stepping stones to fulfill their desires which they think they are entitled to whatever it is they want from anybody. We will be okay! We were before the bastards came along eh? I am terribly sorry and sad for anyone who may be experiencing this abuse . I hope he is resting in peace.... while I try picking up the pieces of my shattered heart mind and soul. I start counseling on the 7th. Love to you ❤
That's my mother, even if there's no one around she sighs, complaints and keeps saying her back hurts so people do things for her, the thing is many doctor's have seen her and she doesn't have anything debilitating, they recommended her physiotherapy and she refuse to do it so she can complaint and play the victim.
We need to remember though that Borderlines and Narcs are actually different, Borderlines can actually have empathy, Narcs don't.
Agreed 100 percent. I'm a borderline . I am self aware, completely independent and aware of the triggers that cause us to respond in a frail manner. I was shaped by trauma but I never play a victim. I'm also an empath. I hate the thought of abandonment, real or perceived...that's the difference. Not all of us play a game
We have too much empathy. Feel too damn much. We are like the opposite of narcs but we do manifest our trauma is similar ways at times. Manipulation for example. I mean- when you have no self esteem, you HAVE to manipulate others in order to get through one more day. It’s a survival mechanism. I’m grateful I am well into recovery today and do not do this anymore ❤
That’s also false. Narcissists have impairments in empathy. Trust me, I would know. It’s also in the revised DSM-5. So much hate towards people who are mentally ill. This is like some weird cult or something.
Thank you.
Initially they are the perfect partner, yet they move too quickly, but you feel so flattered. They get to know your weak spots immediately. And then comes the silent treatments and manipulation… when they don’t get their way. You start doubting yourself. It’s so heartbreaking as you are already hooked by then. If you eventually don’t give in any more, they move on as if they never cared in the first place. 💔
Manipulation is smoothnes. Don't fall for it as it's not genuine love.
True love never manipulates to get u do stuff. Never.
They never did care in the first place. They might be angry and upset, only because they have to find a new victim, and they probably have a couple of Standen’s already lined up should the need arises. And then they focus on that and you are history, baby… Until the new Mark starts getting tired of their nonsense, then they might come back acting as if nothing ever happened, for once, listening, responding, sympathizing, entertaining and charming, offering, and giving, just being what they should always have been in general. Until they crack the ice and start the bullshit all over again, and turn you into Charlie Brown to there, Lucy with the football yet again
Broke up with my guy and that's exactly how he acted at times. I felt like we moved soo quickly. He Said if we do this and that then I'm his girl and we confirmed it, just to find him texting another "friend" because he wasn't sure about me. Of course that arugument was my fault. Made me feel like I was the root of all things angry and all arguments. Felt a way when I changed my feminine tone to match his when he raised his voice. Me raising my voice meant I was acting masculine. I'd tell him things and he's bite me in the butt with those comments. "Oh you're just ton your period huh? All those emotions". He lived to make that comment. Expressed how I felt emotionally and then I was called being emotional and entitled with expectations and he felt like he had to "keep tabs on me" and my emotions. Never asked how I felt and how he could help. Me going out of my way to help him and make him happy and comfortable. Asked him to only do the dishes or put left over away when I was tired and he acted like the job was beneath him. Jeeze Louise. Sometimes I do ask myself if I was the crazy one though. Was I actually acting emotionally and like I played 'victim'? He changed me. I comically miss him since the break up 7 days ago but I know deep inside that he made me feel things and said things about me that I truly felt like I wasn't. I've been stuck in bed all day reminded of him and I'm just wasting my precious time on a man who love bombed me but called me an entitled princess if I brought something up that didn't feel right/or agree with. Or if I didn't talk to him because I wasn't ready, that was the highlight of the issue and now what he did or what We could've done differently as self reflection (because truthfully ignoring him wasn't affectively communicating). He could barely say he was sorry for things.. huh. Waste of time and now a pitiful sob of heartbreak over a man who couldn't own up to his own behavior.
@@blholt10 you described self betrayal and self abandonment to a T.
Moving fast is a hallmark sign of CPTSD, attachment wounding.
It is a sign that the core wound of fear of abandonment, is driving choices....vs a sober, intentional, aware, approach when picking a partner.
You get to say "no", you get to have boundaries (which means "yes" to you, your safety, and showing up for yourself).
I wish you deep healing. You can move forward. You can fine tune the red flag meter.
You get to decide who you are and be self defining. The moment you let others define you, you've given away any empowerment.
You get to have emotions. You can take up space.
Attune you yourself, heal your subconscious programming...and you will no longer tolerate anyone in that realm. Your requirements for relationships will go up, as you learn to honor and love yourself.
@@blholt10 as you grieve the loss of this relationship, and come to a place of trying again, there’s one aspect that’s not discussed these days: old fashioned courtship. That lots of time becoming friends and especially introducing him to your family and friends. Older people/friends are often pretty good at observing things about a potential partner that you might miss. The thing is to involve him in family gatherings, BBQ,s, parties where people can chat with him, get to know him. You can especially use these times to see if he drinks or vapes/tokes too much or gets edgy if he cannot use something to relax. Big huge factor these days. Let the friendship bloom, see if his treatment of you is consistently courteous, respectful has an aspect of being pursued, that he sees you as special before any kind of sexual encounters. Old fashioned I know, but these are time proven strategies from a bygone era. An era that many Christians still use to find their mates. Good luck and God bless. 👍💕✝️
A performance to elicit a response from you. 🎯
i.e. Narcissistic supply...
Sadly our probation service are subjecting offenders to that in the UK because the organisations run by these archon entity hosted narcissistic parasites another thing I'd like to add is they invert the truth like mainstream media because of this of course it's the same force operating through them
they call it narcissistic personality disorder how ever what it really is a bad case of archon entity attachment their energetically feeding off people its one reality been mistaken for another
Elicit*
Yes, elicit ***
You just described my former friend. I once told her that she played the victim so well she should carry around her own crime scene equipment. Of course, it was too deep for her and it went over her head. Then I told her to go complain to her husband but not to forget to tell him about her affairs. That ended the phone call.
You sound horribly self-righteous; I hope you’re not but you probably are;)
@@Firuzeh Rhonda is that you? I thought this might be my stepmom being passive-aggressive again. It would be quite the accomplishment considering she's been dead for 16 years.
To your question, no. Not self-righteous at all. In fact, I used to be very passive to the point that I let people walk all over me. My former friend was the one that finally broke the camel's back, so to speak. She was a narcissist. A horrible person who would sell her own children up the river if it could get her what she wanted. She pretended to be some great big holy roller Bible thumper. In reality, she was a racist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, a thief, a liar and stole anything that wasn't nailed down. She stepped out on her husband all the time when he was traveling for work and then tried to play doting wife whenever he came home. The number of atrocities she committed against me include but are not limited to: spreading an entirely untrue rumor that I caught an STI from a one night stand, outing me to my estranged extremely conservative homophobic Italian Roman Catholic father thus widening the rift that was already present (he ended up disowning me and she showed no remorse), dishonoring his memory the day he died declaring the two of us “never got along anyway” and then, weeks later, pretended she didn't violate my grieving process by asking me to hit my widow mother up for money out of my father's life insurance policy because my friend was horribly in debt and needed to get out of the hole she was in. This is just the tip of the iceberg in a series of events that led me to finally cut her off completely and say good riddance.
Hilarious!!!
SAVAGE
Actually class this
AT ALL TIMES, remember what you are always dealing with-
It’s a performance to illicit a response from you-
to get you to serve them.
Perfect description of dealing with a narcissist. I fell into the trap of defending myself so many times. So much emotion and verbal abuse from him.
Master manipulator with my feelings and with his presentation of himself to others. It’s terribly hard to get through. I wish I had known more about how to manage my words and feelings with him.
Mean people seem to get the upper hand.
Damn…. I need to save this and replay it often. This is vital information.
I agree. I've been reading about this subject for 5 or so years and this is the best advice I've found to pinpoint their behavior.
And it's true 🤗
Rewatching
Me too
Absolutely the best summary!
Been there, done that … left that 😉
Me too
Still doing it😞
Me too, took 20 yrs but thank God away and don't even recognize old me or life and can't believe someone could do that.
Congrats ... me too
Facts facts and. More evidence everything else is a lie.
They leave when they don't get what they want and try to destroy your character, very manipulating and great deceivers!
N.B.! When you are talking like this, remember that you are talking about only most vicious forms of disorders in a most pure manifestation. Im a borderline and I even was forced to explain a person that he can refuse me any time and as many times as he want. Anything that I feel(btw I dont care much about refusals, maybe even less than a regular person - feelin surprised, aint ya?)
has nothing in common with his intentions. Even if it does, I won't be getting it as an insult, esp in this hilariously exxagerrated form youve described. I still has my Achilles toe and if uou are a woman and you miss our date, sometimes even without a mere response, so I may show-off in the most annoying, enraged and absolutely exhausting version of a human being you could imagine. In some cases(and theres always a specific reason for this exception! though its none of a self-excuse) I can behave like that, though 4 times less furious, with male-friends.
As for now, after quite a long treatment, I do better and better, and now Im close even to cut off this option even facing the most powerful triggers I have(last time I realized the principle and managed to mitigate it).
There are a lot of more sympthoms and ways of expression of BPD, but this is the most contraversial and most differentiated disorder ever.
Another vital thing: we do have a pathological emotional response and impulsivity,nevertheless that has nothing in common with obligations of doing what you said. A male person aroused has a boner and high level of testosteron with less self-control than any other person, does it make him a rapist?
Will still avoid anyone showing these signs. Always
This is so so so so true. Playing the victim, and I always fall for it. I have a very high degree of empathy, and I fall for it every time. 😢😮😮
That's why he left, I stopped reacting to his performance. 🙄💯🤗🥰
They always want an audience. Someone to play along with them. Supreme actors. 👍
Interesting...
So they will leave??!!!??
Lucky you!
Well done 😃 🎉 I also stopped feeding her performance. My mom stopped talking to me. 😂 That’s how I started to learn about narcissism.
WHEN YOU GROW UP WITH THEM YOU CAN EASELY RECOGNIZE THEM
Very true, was angry driving to hospital for my father, controlling me when so sick, I softened when I saw he knew who I was, He was killed in front of me in hospital over 18hrs, I tried escaping his control most of my Adult life. I'm still trying to cope with him being gone, I don't know who I am, I was always controlled by him, and every waking minute feel guilty I allowed him. To be killed without speaking up
true 💯
Agreed
So true
Agreed, between my mother and a man I chased around for 8 years, I’m now like a superhero in this way. Immune to this now.
Oh gosh the body language and the sighing😭😩 thank God I’m free!!
Yes! .... and the projection onto you. According to them: damn if you don't internalize it!
I'm so happy for you! I'm still stuck here but I'll crawl out eventually!
That’s why you will question your intuition. It’s a game. It’s a stage, a lie. When I look back at it. I see it in clarity. Thank you for helping me integrate my healing ❤️🙏🏼
The most satisfying feeling is watching them lose their minds for your reaction, while you just ignore them. I’m narcissists worst nightmare, they will NEVER be more important to me, than me!
I absolutely love ignoring its like watching a two year old having a tantrum and looking at you when you don’t respond to it like hey where is my response they act like little children
@@micheledoddkelton6598 🎯🎯
This response proves otherwise 😅
that doesnt sound healthy either
@@nimimerkillinenYeah, this behavior sounds kind of🤪 to me. Why poke the bear?
I’ve never heard it explained so eloquently…100%
Borderlines and Histrionics are actually indeed quite fragile. I know they also manipulate but it's not just appearance they are indeed fragile. While narcissists and antisocials are not fragile at all.
Exactly my dad covert narcissist snaky my mom borderline but I love her more as she have emotions know what is compassion my dad zero
This.
This 100%!
Narcissists are VERY fragile. They work HARD to not expose their true selves. Shame is their kryptonite. You wanna see a shameful narcissist? (A covert narcissist)… go watch Chris watts during the sentencing hearing. He’s swimming in deep shame and fragile as hell because he has been exposed. He won’t look anyone on the eye and his leg is shaking a million miles a minute. Narcs just usually express their fragility via anger is all. For CW he was very passive aggressive (because he was a covert). Example; he took his mistress out to dinner right before the murders and he finally used his bank card which shannan received alerts every time it was swiped. He wanted her to see that while she was out of town, he was at an adult style restaurant (not a place to take little kids) and spending a lot of money (to show he wasn’t alone). Now that his mask came off and he’s been exposed, he’s working overtime to create a new mask. Now he’s a hardcore Christian and wants to be a preacher lol. And he has pics of the girls in his cell and tells anyone who will listen that he reads to them every night. Fragile. Psychopaths- not so much.
@@kateashby3066 i think what was meant is that borderlines and hystrionics have empathy. They are also truly fragile, can be vulnerable, while for narcs it's an act and it's only their ego that's fragile.
Richard saved my life 4 yrs ago. I've been silent in the comments until now. Much 🙏 gratitude and respect for you! Thankful all week for the little things & the big commitment you've made to healing humanity.
Mine too ✌️🥹
In other words, You become their SLAVE 🥺
Until you show them the mirror and make them take a peak at their own reflection, which they abhor so that's when they unleash their RAGE on you
@@RitsychServareI remember watching one of his tantrums and thinking to myself..."My God...what a small, ugly little man" 🤔
It truly made me cringe.
So on point! My extremely abusive ex would constantly remind me of what a shitty mother he had. It took me 3 years to finally stop feeling like it was my job to make up for what his mother did to him. Thank God I got out before I was killed. I pray anyone going through abuse gets out and realizes their worth before it's too late
Amen, me too!
my now husband constantly remind me what a shitty life he has had and still has… shitty work, shitty work colleagues, shitty circumstances, everything is shit and he is always the victim. I have spent and sacrificed so much for him - financially, community, family, friends, spiritually, emotionally but I can’t leave. I don’t know what to do…
ROCK ON
Yep..
@@palagatel I'm almost 18 years with someone like this
I've come to realize
Mentally I need to leave
I let 5 times physically
But now mentally I've left
That's the only way it's going to end
They will NEVER change they are liars with crocodile tears and fake apologies
18 years is wayyy too long to be in this
I think the realization when a narcissist will see the love that you have for them as a weakness is a scary thing
I already know my mom is a narcissist. Your videos are helping me to understand it more and get me motivated to work on myself so I can be happy and independent. Thank you for your content❤❤❤❤
Omg!!!! This guy is RIGHT ON TARGET!!!! I lived this for over ten years and didn't know, he was stealing my soul
I’ve learned to hear, really listen wait and watch, my life is my kingdom and I rule my heart, I’m compassionate but if I feel I’m being manipulated I’m OUT!
Ugh. I’ve heard. You’re broken goods, wear this, take a pic and send it to your family saying ‘this’, says complimentary things, listens to pushbacks but still pushes to maintain their own agenda, will not shut up about their selling points, big noting themselves… this is just the beginning… I reckon I ought to run now.
@@Sarahh185 Yes, get out as they say, while the getting is good! I was in a long term marriage to someone who I thought was a decent person. When I finally left as the control intensified he harassed me for years. Get away from controlling ppl. Just Do It, ASAP. It’s not safe to be controlled, when my now X lost control he made me pay for choosing to leave finally, forever. Be careful with these kind of ppl, they can be dangerous. Even if only to your mental health. It’s a slow breakdown of dismantling who you are. You don’t realize it until you’ve given up way too much, it weakens you…. Be wise (you don’t owe them the true reason, just say it’s just not working) but get out.
@@Sarahh185 get out… you need to care for yourself more if you let all that happen already. I’m an empathic person and it took me a long time to learn I need to be a stone cold serious mother fucker when it comes to my bounderies. Give a fuck what anyone thinks take back your power 💪
All the times. I'm so glad it's over. Ever time he didn't get his way. It was a issue. Just played me like a fiddle. Used me emotionally 😪 just to hurt me. Pure evil. Pure evil
After I went grey rock, month's later, we ran into one another. He could not wait to tell me his brother's son died of that flu. He does not speak to his brother and visa versa. I looked at him and said "I'm so sorry your family will not accept you and let your back in." My response angered him. Yep, he was seeking something entirely different from me.
I've been a borderline since the sixties. I remember the feeling I had when someone treated me normally but it resulted in me being alone. I would do anything to avoid that. It is so unbelievably painful. I sought help every chance I had and couldn't get the help that I needed, because BPD was unheard of in the seventies and eighties.The day I read about Marsha Linehan and DBT I knew I found a reason I felt and did what I did. I was on my way. I had an answer and a plan.
I am almost 70 and although I still have BPD I have the skills and strategies to resolve or reduce my angst. It works and support abounds where it didn't then.
However, you lumped them all together as if they were the same. They are not. Please rethink your approach.
They aren’t the same, but they each use this same technique to manipulate.
I think he was just saying they all have a common trait.
God bless you for getting help!
Please don’t ever stop trying to improve yourself. Thank you for doing what you’re doing!
Yes,definitely lumped all togther,the motives of those 4 can be very similiar.
DBT is fantastic for BP. I’m glad you got help. Try mindfulness meditation too! 💙
I just got a new job, and the fifth day in, the lady I work with tried to pretend to be a victim. Of me. She suddenly cried out, "Help me! " As if I wasn't helping her. This was way out of left field, so to speak. I was helping her carry boards. And she literally tried to make it look like I wasn't doing my job, when I literally was. It was really eerie. She did this in earshot of my boss. He couldn't see us but could hear us. Sure enough, he comes over to her a bit later, and he says, "Hey, is everything alright? " As if she was in need or something. What a con artist. It literally stressed me out a lot. She is really passive aggressive.
You could go to your boss and let him know how it went down and ask if she has a history of this stuff because it is a pattern you won't be a part of. Set a boundary. She maybe has a thing for boss and wants attention at your expense and it might be why others have left that job. Document it
@@amandachilds5290 I will keep that in mind. Thanks for the reply : )
@@coreyanderson7424 I hope it works out that it was a one off. Also if the company is large they should have a HR person to talk to if it becomes a problem. Best wishes and keep grey rocking the toxic people as much as you can to keep yourself healthy while maintaining good boundaries. 🙏💪😊 Stay strong
@@coreyanderson7424 just remember that HR is there to protect the company. Not the employees.
@@colorsforhealingthis.
The sad part is,I can see myself in this discription.
Have I always been like this.No.But 2 years ago I left abusive relationship with my 3 kids and the recovery is really a roller coaster.
Specially part when you have to take all responsibility,put your act together,create discipline and fight your self betrayal habbits.
I was recently diagnosed with Borderline, specifically a "Quiet Borderline" not to mention C-PTSD and Neurodivergent. I'm just now getting myself into therapy and learning DBT. I'm hopeful ❤
Think of yourself as a Jigsaw puzzle without a boxstop, and you are discovering where the pieces are and how they fit together. Think of it as an interesting intellectual challenge of self discovery.
Neural diverse people just interact differently with the world. It is not something to feel shame about because every brain has its own gifts for the individual and even society. For example, some autistic people are exceedingly good at rocket-science level math.
Your willingness to travel on this journey of self-discovery is going to educate you about yourself and others with similar traits - where you will find your tribe, or have empathy.
@@francesdonald8743 it’s now been several grueling months, changed meds & entering into the EMDR territory for my Borderline, which has me splitting at least once a week, I’m not gonna lie….it’s hard & Ive been dx’d Bipolar 1 with major depressive disorder & three anxiety dx’s as well. Your positive comment will be ticked away in my scrambled mind but I do appreciate your atta girl! Thank you, internet stranger!
At least with a diagnosis, you have awareness of what path you are on which is reinforcement of the message, "you can't fix what you don't know."
I am not familiar with bipolar but I understand that Borderline responds well to treatment.
I would also suggest that you consider watching a few videos by Gabor Mate, MD on UA-cam because he has a very interesting take on trauma and its psychological effects.
He's written a book called The Myth of Normal and another one called Scattered Minds. (Which I have picked up for my personal journey and admittedly have not yet read). He is considered to be a people whisperer
I have a couple in my family and though I love them I can't stand to be around them for long.
I feel you
Ditto! 😣
They take a dump in the soup and ruin everything
Never to resolve an issue….interactions occur just to see which neg response they can get out of someone 🤦♀️
Nothing ever gets discussed or resolved. Once they think you're on to them, they bolt.
I’m sick reading this because it’s cutting me right to the bone , my gut is roiling
I need to live w this guy for like a 6 week boot camp and get straightened out
This is my Mum It’s a form of demonic possession
Lol no- it’s a trauma response and almost always the result of childhood trauma. What an absurd comment. 🙄
@@kateashby3066 well Kate there are things you don’t understand either, while you might think its absurd because you don’t understand things that you cant see doesn’t mean they’re not there or haven’t been around through out history
I was in a narc relationship for 25 years. I am out of it now but the trauma bonding is a killer. I will never trust ever again
With all due respect, and I’m being sincere there… you don’t HAVE to live like this forever. Healing is possible and that means trusting again. But we have to learn to ID red flags and stay away from THOSE ppl.
Thank you...I'm recovering from a narcissistic psychopath...I'm feeling free...I have ptsd from this monster.
Me too. Thanks 🙏
I have borderline personality disorder and I NEVER behave or behaved in this way at all in fact I am a bit tired of people with BPD being accused of this behavior. To be honest we usually take things out on ourselves rather than on others. I have had relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder as well as histrionic disorder and they DO behave this way 100% but no I disagree with borderlines behaving this way we do NOT manipulate or “play this game”
Yeah we do not play a game. We might unconsciously put ourself down so people will see we are actually in pain and want to help us with empathy.
it's just that narcissistic people are sometimes put into BPD category . these are just labels but u r not. don't take it to ur heart
@@richa9428
Bpd is centered on fear of Connections going bad
Npd is centered on fear of Self-Esteem going bad
People with NPD are not willing to Connect, therefore, in this way I would say people with BOTH NPD and BPD are impossible
I have been diagnosed with NPD and I also DO NOT act this way either *on purpose.* Key word there. There is this misconception that people with NPD just have malicious intent to go harm and hurt people. This is bullshit, I have no intent to harm I simply act as I do as a self defense mechanism because I am scared of abandonment and feeling humiliated.
@@boperez2841you need to educate yourself on what BPD is. They struggle to regulate emotions due to having a hyper active amygdala but are highly empathetic human beings. And those with BPD can get better and most often do. It’s people like you who post misinformation which feeds the stigma leading many people with BPD to end their lives. Educate yourself and do better.
My mom is histrionic and she has done a fantastic job at always appearing to be the martyred victim and conveniently drawing attention to her victory at being sober and away from the permanent damage her abuse has done to the kids. I never treat her like she is a victim. I go grey rock whenever she starts with that act and refrain from bringing up the past as I know it won't accomplish anything
God these types are the worst!! You just described Jussie Smollete, the gay black dude who faked an absurd hate crime on himself to play the victim, but then said he fought them off to also play the hero/martyr 🤮 I mean- he’s an extreme example of how manipulative cluster B’s can be but damn it’s a vile one!
You forgot to say that they are extremely charming at the beginning of friendship or a relationship. In other words they’re pure evil and no matter how much you do for them is never enough. FREE YOURSELF FROM THEM NOW!!!!!!
No one is all good or all bad, no one is pure evil. Even rabid narcissists have their good points.
We're human beings too,
I made excuses to one of my friends as they are always ill then I realized it wasn't hypochondria but narcissism. Thank you
Please explain . As I have chronic health which led to disability .narc not me .but sister .I'm also not a hypochondriac...she Denys I have these orobs and takes piss
I am 56 and my sister wished me happy birthday via email the first time in my whole life in 2023, I Stopped reacting, I stopped all conversations, I removed someone who has gone out of her way to destroy me and after cutting all contact for about 9yrs last yr I got a happy birthday, best thing I ever did closing Pandora's Box.
Oh yes I got that from my sister. She offers to help people sort out their garage sale items and then makes up a sad story about not having certain things that they have planned to sell so she is basically cherry-picking. Did it to me and did it to a woman who was paying her. She came home with a trunk full of free stuff.
I've got bpd and I definitely used to do this. It wasnt until I was diagnosed, did research, therapy, and healing that I realized the manipulation I was so used to doing to avoid things or get someone to do something I wanted. (I wasnt even very good at it lol but it was a reflex rather than to just communicate) I am so glad I see these things now and can try and be a healthier, less toxic person.
Magnesium glycinate every evening has made my brain feel better put together over time.
Good on you for becoming aware of your own survival tactics that weren’t working for you
Fellow BPD in recovery here! And it’s refreshing to see another BPD be honest about it. There are some in the comments being defensive. To be fair- it’s REALLY hard to move past the initial shame of it at first.
It stinks. I spent so many years holding in all my feelings and once I started talking about things got a lot of crap and lost friends because some were used to me doing what they wanted me to do. They would play on my empathy to get money, rides, love, whatever it was it was my own energy being sucked dry and the second I needed some help nobody was there.
Not true, there were some people there but they were STRANGERS. So I had more compassion given to me by strangers thany own family or friends and it was a real wake up.
Now stuck in another bad relationship....real bad. Am getting out but it is taking a minute and it is suffocating. Loom forward to the day where I don't think about him and shake because he is about to be over or feeling the fight coming.
This made me cry. When I was a victim of certain things I was treated like crap. He treats me like crap if I get upset over family/friends dying but wants me to feel bad for him over nothing.
You are not alone
Oh God I hope you can get out of there!! Even if it means living with a bunch of roommates or a van for a while- honestly please do whatever you can do to get out of there! Leave in the night or when he's not there. Never go back. Please be safe 🙏
One relationship I had we were living together. That last 6 months we appeared to get on better than we ever did. Truth was emotionally I had already left. When physical moving out came I divided joint belongings fairly, though I made sure to sell or take what I chose.
I was studying and couldn't afford to move out. Others might be working but need to save enough to buy a van/get a deposit on their own place/ fund a move to another town. Unless you might be killed, immediate action isn't always the best policy. Finding the money and support network to take any children with you are more hurdles to an early exit.
This is one of the most simplistic yet profound gems ever! I could immediately envision so many examples right after he said this. Thank you!
You’re so right! I wish I had seen it many years ago. Thanks for sharing 🙏
Everyone does this though… it’s to the extent that it is used is the true problem. We all use body language and speech to get a response. We all have needs and things that we want. There is a very bad, manipulative way of doing it and there is the way that every single person on this planet does it.
This is just describing everyone to a certain extent. Very universal statement and every single person can easily say “this has been done to me” because everyone does it. I personally feel it needs to be broken down quite a bit more. I myself have this behavior to a certain extent, as does everyone I know.
It reminds me of zodiac readings, everyone can relate in some shape or form because they make it that way to keep you coming back.
No. Everyone doesn't do what he is describing. There are people who are genuinely responding with their actual feelings or thoughts in these situations. He is describing someone who is performing as in acting in a way they believe will cause you to do what they want vs someone who is genuinely behaving from their heart or head in the moment. So in the observer if the actor is really good the two may look the same, granted. But there are differences. Someone who is acting may be a horrible actor in which case this simplifies it. But if they're good it may come down to looking at your own responses or even how often the person is getting their way. Or how often you're doing their bidding. You may also need to almost study them. The truth can sometimes be seen in their other relationships or nuances in their behaviors.
But if what you are saying is - well they look like everyone else. You're right. They do. And they've worked hard to have that appearance. They don't try to be known for who they really are much.
I hope this helps. I hope you're okay & not struggling with a person like this. If you are know that there's hope & life after them.
Truth. Thanks.👌👍
I agree with Alicia.
You probably were born into a narc family and have a resonance with ppl like yourself. Us genuine ppl avoid you all so you are living in a bubble.
Very well rounded comment 👏
Wow my neighbor is doing this to me and I thought she was so nice at first and now i feel very used!
Oh God, the clingy neighbor!! I had a few of those over the years. Hope you can set better boundaries with them (or move...or maybe they move...or something). I'm at a point in my life where I simply don't answer the phone or door unless I'm expecting someone. To everyone else? Not home. Leave a message. We can always be "not home" or just busy, right? 🤷♀️
If you’re ever unsure, politely say no to one of their requests and see how they respond. Normal people will accept it. A cluster B will NOT. They will let you know they disapprove in some fashion, whether it be passive or aggressive.
"They did weird stuff? "Yeah 🤣🤣🤣perfectly put.
My mother has done this to me so many times. This was just a daily routine for her. I brought up about how I was pretty much forced into doing things that I didn’t want (as a grown adult) and she replied “no one put a gun to your head “. She didn’t but I put up with things and went along with her for years to keep things quiet and also because she had my father to reinforce her and scare me into doing what she wanted me to do. I’m so glad that he has passed. I’m no longer giving her control of my life and I ignore her threats. She is powerless without my father.
Incredibly useful information. Another addition to this -- challenge their victim narrative/request, and observe how they respond. If they get malicious, especially accusing of something or another, it's another major red flag.
Have your running shoes on if you ever try that as they'll see any challenge or constructive criticism ~ even if they've asked you for it ~ as insult or criticism they'll negatively deny, blow out of all proportion and project back onto you x💯, hold a lifetime grudge against you that they'll hold you accountable for, smear and try to silence, alienate, drain and destroy you, all while undermining and devaluing you to anyone who listens forever after so it's just not worth it. They do similar when stealing and copying others good qualities and ideas.
Invest then test to meet and match levels of reciprocity in all interactions. ⚖🗝
It's a better, smarter move to act as detached observer over time, note patterns of dysfunction such as when you try a small "no" or two, note their OVER-reaction, apologise, smile and fluff their feathers by telling them they're 'right' and that you're very busy atm, keep a low profile, become very boring, then asap walk quietly away, block all gaps and never look back. 💝
This is so accurate. So true and so needed to be communicated by so many who really do fall victim (without them knowing it) to the narcissist. It’s a crime the mind games these people play.
For instance my former friend was always putting a performance always crying telling everyone about her crappy life and we all fell for it, I fell for it I felt sorry for her I started hanging out with her so she controlled me until one day I refused to be manipulated by her she wanted me to hate my gym buddy and not hang out with her and I refused and that's when she started behaving like a b!+@# towards me. Real friends don't do that to others but narcissist like to do this to control others and get attention. Such horrible people.
Absolute truth. The malignant narcissist in my life for eight years was a master at this...the first thing anyone learned about him was that by 28 years old, he had lost both parents, three brothers, and been left by his wife after a failed suicide attempt left him permanently unable to speak.
He went on to convince me that he suffered from dissociative identity disorder (what used to be called multiple personality disorder), and he fully fleshed out a total of six personalities.
Two were my friends, one was female, one a child, one a brutal and malevolent force who beat me up and destroyed my mind, and the last one my soulmate.
Each persona had different memories, ages, traumas, hobbies, habits, food preferences, senses of humor, and feelings for me.
The others pleaded with me to help them get rid of the dark persona and the mess he had made of their lives. That one triangulated me into oblivion and psychologically manipulated me on levels I didn't even know I had.
When I finally figured out that none of it was real, I literally felt like five people I loved had died, and the last man standing was the demonic entity who had shattered my mind into a thousand shards of seperate realities.
Two years out, and I have reassembled my mind, but the pieces don't fit together quite the same, and I move through my life like a stranger.
The experience certainly made me thankful for what I have, but I feel like a shell-shocked veteran with a thousand-yard stare who can't tell their story in a way anyone understands, and I mourn the loss of five people who never existed, but who will always be real to me.
They love when you dont respond either..they are twisted.
"that caused you to serve them in some way"
Yes, that part
This is very tough, this is probably what the narc would accuse me of. Called me a victim because i told my family about the mental and physical abuse. Said i was entitled because after offering to help me with something baited me into a fight around it accusing me of being an ugly entitled victim because i questioned why they were so hostile about helping now suddenly even though they offered. Did i sigh and be sad and hurt yes. This manipulation is so complex and crazy making you end up reaching out to people to validate you aren't crazy. If you get to that stage where you are calling your ex's to ask if you were an awful partner, narc's old friends that no longer talk to them to see what really happened....it's not you, it's them. Don't send them this info, don't send them brochures on what abuse looks like cause you will be accused. Listen for yourself then leave
indeed a gift from God that we got away it's our sweet reward, God will always provide a way of escape (last outburst) so glad i didn't just listen to God but responded by getting out & staying away.
Tell em to LOOSE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. Erase theirs and move on. Took me 40 years to cut the cord. My therapist laughed at me and said im not taking your money. I said in tears why not? He said my name and said don't you realize YOU ARE THE NORMAL ONE in the family? You are surrounded by mom dad 2 bro uncle they have the problem. I walked out of his office on cloud nine. It all made sense. Starting saying no and they all went off. Dad tried after pushing me I shouted touch me again and you're going to fly out this window. The look on his face was priceless. Total respect after that. 6 months ago told my daughter after one of her rants no u have the problem get help she went off and doesn't want nothing to do with me. Drug addict bro calls for stuff which I gave him over $300 of things over the years, destroyed or stolen and wants more. Loose my number. Put a fork in me. I'm done. Peace at last. I don't even overeat anymore. I feel so good
Damn. Sounds exactly like the sick manipulation they come up with. Evil fckers
@@videorocketzmillar007milla5 way to go. I can relate.
There’s def more to the story. Narcs WILL gaslight their victims and project. It’s OUR job to be honest with ourselves about our own motives. Keep your side of the street clean and sweep sweep 🧹 their a$$ out of your life while you’re at it 😂
This is so true. Thank you, Richard. Blessings to you 🙏🏻🎉
When the server is nice & wants you to tip
“I heard about this on UA-cam”
Yea , and when one figures it out after a time and no longer responds the narcissist goes ballistic crazy , that’s a clear indication for me as to the true nature of that beast , so to speak . Thank you ♥️🕊
I swear this is so true! The best feeling ever is when they try and you don't respond. They are stuck like a deer because they were banking on you reacting so they get their high off you. Then they start to call by accident to irritate you. When all else fails, they try to be a "friend" as a door stop.
One example I've experienced is when you're driving and the passenger starts giving you step by step instructions for driving or acts as if you're stressing them when the car in front of you slows down even though it's like 10 car lengths away they exaggerate their response as if the have no confidence whatsoever in your driving (even though you have a perfect driving record for like ten or more years so you know it isn't you) it's their need to control everything but you find yourself adjusting for their comfort. Over time you do become a worse driver with them in the car because you start to just no longer resist and get annoyed by it and actually rely on them to suggest the next turn or whatever. It's the best most obvious example I can recall of how this hijacking works.
Yes exactly
Faces and weird stuff
Body language
Time and attention, yes
They implied something that wasn't
I'm getting wiser
Thank you 👍👍
Great interpretation of what I went through with a narcissist! Thank you…..and hope those who are facing this situation leave these troubled and manipulative relationships as soon as possible! If not, they will destroy your inner core/soul without hesitation!
Exactly. Wish I'd knew it years earlier, but never is too late. Loads of greetings
This reminds me of Primal Fear with Roy and when you see that in someone you dedicated all your time in, it’s petrifying.
I remember that scene.
Amen, my ex was a PROFESSIONAL victim! blaming EVERYONE else for her crappy life. At the end, she put out a nasty smear campaign against me and it was that moment, I realized she was NOT a victim at all but rather a FRAUD!!
Thank you Richard, your content educated me, validated my experience, helped me leave the narcissist. Healing, no contact, freedom feels so good 😎
Or they burst into tears in a split second and can turn the tears off just as quickly! They are demons...literally!!
Oh wow another trait I forgot about, I’m trying to recall them all. There are just so many I’m amazed. We truly are stronger because of them and STILL stronger than them.
A definite possibility
the Jezebel demon is a high ranking demon. it only leaves by applying the word of God into your life, not religion. stay away from religion as Jezebel runs the religious people!! again stay away from their fake deliverances, sermons and religion!! apply the word of God to your life and simply follow the spirit of God within you!! god is love 😎 not religion!!
Please do not forget, that this can also be a quite normal reaction, too. 🙈
When I feel hurt and tears start running uncontrolled, I'm sometimes capable of stopping them quickly. I needed to learn this: stay able to act, no matter what ... Means it could be an expression of discipline, too.
@@Zana_Boni sounds like Jezebel spirit to me!?
Spot on again!
I am so glad your shorts popped up.
New to your channel. I'm on a healing journey & need better understanding.
Thanks, again. 🙏💜
Oh dear beginning to think my best friend is one, does exactly what you described. Thank you so very much xx
That's why no contact makes them crazy.
I think we live in a time where society is narcissistic society , unfortunately 😔
Yes. Its called Tictoc and all these stupid social media outlets.
@VideoRocketzMillar007 Millar Don’t forget the Kartrashians!
Roman theater we're watching.
yes, and God even warned about the religious sect in
2 Timothy 3:1-6 for the prophetic times we are in.
I am a follower (born again - John 1-3) of the Son Of God and I was always perplexed and disillusioned in those church buildings...I'm out now and free to follow him without false teaching, and the many, many false believers that are in those buildings!...rescued twice: first from the penalty of sin (romans 3:23, 6:23), then from the false church system (Jude for one example)
Matthew 4:17
Hebrews 4:13
@@barbaralemere572 absolutely sister MARANATHA
I knew a malignant narcissist and this video is absolutely right. They always played the victim . Always going on about how depressed they were ,how they wanted to end it all. Eventually we started having disagreements and they pushed me away. It hurt. Now I realize they were never really my friend,they just wanted a yes man to tell them what they wanted to hear.
That’s not malignant narcissism. That’s just narcissism.
These ppl should get a world's dramatic award....
Some people have those reactions but don’t expect people to respond in a certain way. It’s about emoting without intent to control. Not everyone who acts that way is a narcissist.
how you can say that this time is different? I just refuse to go his way and pass his problem back to himself.
The not everyone defense 🙄
Your right
Brilliant!!! This has perfectly encapsulated my experiences into 1 minute! Thank you Richard…could you please post the long form video that this was clipped from? I’m sure there are many who’d appreciate seeing it…one being myself. Thank you again! Cheers! 👏
I agree you 100% Roxanne!
Likewise me, so accurate!
Been there done that- had 2 borderline exes, because one wasn’t enough clearly 😅 I used to be peoples doormat, now I’m a bit of a c**t, never do anything to please anyone else if it doesn’t suit me in some way. Might have over corrected a bit but man having some self respect feels a million times better than the people pleasing BS I used to do constantly.
The narc I dealt with in property settlement was an academy award performance.She said no one helps her ,whilst she stole half my stuff I found out later she was a millionaire
This is so true they can really perform
50 odd years friendship I ended due to her being this. Didn't understand. I do now. A friendship I ended with just five words "I won't be visiting again".
Awesome
It's actually true that covert narcissism can be hidden for years, decades.
I am so sorry you had to go through that ,but I understand. I am unfortunately related to people just like this and for my own sanity and safety I had to cut them all out of my life too. I will keep you in my prayers,and bless you.🙏🤟💛
Good God, I hope she got it, and, is leaving you alone.
Recall using "elicitation" as a skill the person possessed.
Lumping in borderlines with narcissists when BPD is usually caused by prolonged and extreme narcissistic abuse is kinda cruel
So true 💯!! And I fell for it many times, but thanks be unto God 🙏🏼 he revealed the truth so I'm now free from the deceptive spirit of the Narc. Thank you for sharing this absolute truth.
Met one and was ghosted ( had no knowledge of what this word meant at the time) after two months. We worked at the same job. I was so upset because I hadn’t experienced that type of behavior before from someone who said he was attracted to me. He left the job and returned about 3 separate times. I confronted him. He didn’t like that at all.
Currently, I see him every day at work. He’s in constant competition with me. 🤦🏾♀️ I try to avoid him but he goes out of his way to try to engage me. I dodged a bullet, grenade, missile, etc. I feel so empowered because it’s been almost 4 years. Never made it to the friends zone. God protected me from him. No physical activity except a hug and a couple of kisses. No emotion! 😐 Total deal breaker for me. I’m very professional where work is concerned and I go about my day. My co-worker asked me if I would date him if he apologized. My answer: Absolutely not! Never, as long as I’m in my right state of mind. It taught me to spot one quickly. Say hi and keep it moving! That’s all.
@@charmariah4766 Amen 🙏🏼
Battling narcissism in my life i wonder about the nearly essential need for cosmetic surgery in today's celebrity's world. So let me say this,
I LOVE your REAL face with all of it's GLORIOUS expressions and COOLEST means of AUTHENTICATION BY IT'S well earned & very handsome wrinkles, only visible when called on, they are there for your TRUEST testimonies and heart felt truths.
Loving gratitude to you dear richard Richard Grannon !💜
OMG! Thank you for that. That nasty plastic surgery! We don’t need it and nobody needs it.!
I think it's a bit rude to mention someone's wrinkles though, is it just me? Even if you're trying to complement him.. That's like saying "I'm glad you don't shave your head or wear a toupee, a lot of guys cover it up.." Why comment on someone's appearance at all? It's not much different in person or not, you never know if they'll see it. Would you like someone to comment on your wrinkles? I know I wouldn't.
@@nicoleowens2318 People today can lack social grace by being inconsiderate and rude to others. They just blurt things out of their mouth without care. We will all wrinkle and die. Every last one.
Staring at you like you're going to break something and you don't know what you're
I just can't deal with narcissist...it's too draining.
And that can even be having two year old tantrums so you do everything you can to calm them down and you constantly have to walk on eggshells and you make sure they have EVERYTHING they want so they don’t make everyone in the house have a bad day.
It was draining..suffocating, even.
Yep that’s my mum
Oh Lord... got flashbacks reading this.... That's exactly how it was with my father growing up....
That's dumb.u will have more and more problems the older your child becomes.
U know the person is toxic if you have to walk on eggshells. Thats manipulation. If u don't get out, serious body problems will come your way diabetes, heart trouble, rashes, IBS, ETC. The emotions are gentle and keep us happy. Toxic people interrupt our emotional well being where u get sick! Get your peace. Tell em no. Don't go running the minute they call. Don't answer. Tell em lose your number when u get stronger. Bet u will stop over eating, or take drugs or drink to calm u down. Bless your heart. Start today.
When u start saying no u will get sick. You've been so messed over and manipulated all these years normal has gone out the window.
No more. Say no. Keep yoyr peace. U have 2 months before 2023 to start a new life. Work out exercise. Run around the block. Do what U WANT. u know what to do .. take care ... jeanie
Just poke their ego - you will fitness their uncontrollable hate … That’s your sign.
Right now, there are narcissists agreeing with this, believing they are the victims, when they're actually the culprits!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
For real! Actual self-centered emotional bullies who push those around them to the breaking point and then when those people (heaven forbid) sigh or tap their foot in frustration, the abuser will see it as proof that the victim is trying to narcissistically manipulate them. Nonsense.
@@ricdimarco1499 it's sooo easy to tell a victim how to deal with a bully, when you don't have to deal with the bully everyday!!!!
Society always gives the victim this corny advice like "don't give them attention", but ignoring them empowers the bully! They are punks/opportunists.....they only do what they can get away with!
Yes. That’s how the Narcissist’s mind works. It’s a terrible existence. Imagine everyone you’ve ever loved, now imagine that they treat you like your “Narc” did to you. This is what happens to the Narcissist over and over and over again. At least, that’s how he perceives it. It’s a mental illness. Not a character flaw. I hate people like this. Spreading so much hate and disinformation. It’s disgusting
Excellent stuff again 👍🏼