What is the most important influence on child development | Tom Weisner | TEDxUCLA
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- Опубліковано 14 сер 2016
- If you could do one thing - the most important thing - to influence the life of a young child, what would that be (it’s likely not what you first bring to mind)? We want to improve the wellbeing of children - our own, in our community, and in the world, so thinking globally about this question is vital.
Tom Weisner is an emeritus professor of anthropology and psychiatry at UCLA. He studies and teaches about culture and human development; families and children at risk; and evidence-informed policies to improve the lives of children and families. He has done research in Kenya on the effects on children and parents of rural-urban migration; in Delhi, India on families and children with autism; supports for working poor families in Wisconsin; families with children with disabilities in Los Angeles; hippie and countercultural families and children in California; sibling caretaking and education in Hawaii; non-parental and sibling caretaking around the world; and gratitude and school achievement among Latino adolescents and families in Los Angeles. He has served on the Board of the NGO ChildFund International. He went to Reed College (BA) and Harvard (PhD). He is married to Susan Meade Weisner, and has two sons and four beautiful grandchildren.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Loving your children involves so much more then feelings and affection. Love is giving them your time, your attention, helping them to emotional regulate, teaching them, guiding them, allowing them to develop relationships outside of the home, letting them pursue their interests. Love involves many things
Well said I totally agree love involves creating boundaries and setting limits
Yup don't forget tough love. The most important
I seem to be a master at these skills with everyone apart from the people I am with day in and day out, or have been (i.e. parents). With them, i am trying to get through all the things we have to do as fast as we can. I am only realizing now that I am rushing through what life really is, those things in the middle...
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
I think we should be careful how we word things. This could easily be taken as a soft form of eugenics (let incels and toxic men die off) it’s the proliferation of said ideology that leads said broken men to such despair that they become homocidal.
@@Gregariariosfeebs The statement never says to kill off broken adults, it is just saying it is easier to raise kids to be strong than it is to fix adults who are weak and broken from insufficient nurturing. Invest in kids so you dont have to put adults back together.
Don't forget that broken man was once a child
@@emily43210 The Bottles, nice 👍
You cannot build someone when you yourself don’t know what that looks like.
The most important thing you can do for children is LOVE them. I saw poorest children in Cambodia, Indonesia and being SO happy. They don’t know they are missing an IPhone but they do know when parents don’t love them.
What's love?
@@jamesbilly7141 Correct question which everyone should ask themselves, after realising that "love" answer is indeed correct - on so many human levels that it's not easy to analyze, unless you narrow it down.
I am cambodian ;-;
That’s what I thought he was going to say. I feel like I wasted nearly ten minutes of my life...
Exactly, just love them no matter what.
In a nutshell, I think what he was trying to say is that the most important thing in child development is to develop the ability in a child to collaborate and be a useful member of a team/community/society regardless of environment/location.....and in order to do that the child must possess confidence in his/her abilities and be able to communicate effectively in that particular society...my two cents worth.
yes but he wasn't clear though...and too nervous
🧐
Partly. He was literally saying the neighborhood matters. If you're born in the ghetto you're likely to never leave. Move to a better place ASAP
Holy cow, that's a really good analysis. I didn't even get that. I thought he was just saying everyone comes from someplace different and what they're taught needs to be based off what's most important in their society.
Thanks for the Cliff note, because I had to come to the comment section to figure out what he's trying to say. It is a good point though.
I’ve never heard the term “weird societies” but I think there’s a lot to that. It’s a great way to distinguish us from the whole world. It’s an idea that pulls us out of our stubborn beliefs of “this is the only way society works”
loving a child is simple yet still necessary, more important is to RESPECT a child, listening, talking, sacrificing your time, your energy
SACRIFICING? cherishing your time with your child should be a given.
That's what I try to accomplish everyday as a pre-k teacher. It really does make a difference❤
"think of a child"
*thinks of myself...*
LetterD Lmao truuuuuue
🤣🤣🤣
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
@@robertwarner1160 you good homey???
Me🤣
I love small children from the core of my heart. We are joyful when we look at them smiling, playing and learning. It is our first and foremost duty to develop and train them very spontaneously and holistically. They're as delicate as the buds and flowers. Parents ignoring their children can not be pardoned. Tom very seriously deals with the child development.
Our children are the future!
My neighbors always outside tanning blasting music. My baby was out there dancing to it, blowing kisses to her. The lady was lying down so she didn't see her. But my baby trying to socialize was like: 🤷🏻♀️. Like she legitimately did the gesture like eh. I tried.. 🥰 But also 🤨 no! U only save those kissies for yo momma bc how dare her
Our soul is made of LOVE. We have to Love each other in order to feel loved. What ever you do without LOVE is nothing. God is love. God loves you.
I feel like I just took five child development classes and two psychology classes. Not after the video, but after reading the comments.
how so?
This video is off base.
🤣
I felt the same, at times i learn from the comments more than from the video itself!!
lol
I must have listened to this no less than 30 times. At times, I suffer from unrelenting insomnia, and this talk has proven to be an invaluable tool for said condition. I look forward to hearing this and it’s entirety.
i have week long anxiety attacks where i sleep two hours a day and can relate, my friend
Telling your child the truth is very important. Never hide anything that they should know, this will help them understand more about life and will help them avoid many mistakes in their life. This in return will help them to respect their thoughts and feelings and learn to express them respondsibly and become better human beings. We as parents should always be our children best friend.
I read this comment where the teen said.. i just want my parents to leave me alone. I love them but i just want them to stop trying to be my best friend. So i think there is a different way of dealing with every child
L take
Lies are sometimes necessary
Also if you have a child you’re their parent. You’re there to look after them and raise them the best you can to prepare them for adulthood
You’re not there to be their best friend
Are you crazy, you can't be 100% honest with a child. They'll have clinical depression by 4
@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 * age appropriate honesty 😂
Helping them to grow up with enough empathy not to become sociopathic. Those children who give sticks to a grieving family helps them put themselves in this family’s shoes. Puts them in a position to be able to understand what it means to care. If we take a look at the bigger picture, imagine if everyone was more empathetic and understanding of others. If we raise a generation to become more empathetic society as a whole would be more accepting and loving. So would everyones individual lives.
Empathy is genetic and learned. Some children will need to learn it more than others. Children who needed to learn it but weren’t taught or weren’t granted any growing up will have a much higher chance of developing a personality disorder. Give your child love, but also teach them what it’s like to feel what others feel; teach children to put themselves in the shoes of others.
So true and unfortunately so underrated.
Basically teach them montessori approach from a very young age.
I agree with your comment because all the parents should learn about this and practice more how to teach their kids with all those values. In my psychology class, we talk about something important that is the parenting styles that can be really important in human development. In this case, we talk about the parents, I think that all of them should practice an authoritative style because they can be involved through the decision in their lives and what they learn every day.
great comment!
Empathy is largely secured in the 'agression' developmental stage around 4-5 years. Proper socialization is essential. Proper socialization will become most evident in one's most 'creative' stage around the 18 year mark.. Jordan Peterson has a web cast on this.. very interesting and informative.
The most important thing you can do for your child is to show him the right path and help him moving.
Tell them you love them. Listen to them.
There are values that should be taught to all humans regardless of their culture and location.
and age
Be a good example !! in loving them 🥰and those around us.🥰
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents.
"A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
In think his main point is that we need to raise our kids to be more”collectivist” (thinking about others/participating in the community), rather than the W.E.I.R.D cultures’ focus on the “individual”
So context, of which most people have no control over, most significantly affects a child. Wow! Revelatory!
Unconditional love and believe in her/him.
Just say them
Secured attachment and unconditional love. Also yes please sleep 😂
I b-fed my kids my kids for 2.5 yrs each. They are exactly 24 months and 1 day apart. They are faboulous, were never dumped anywhere and all was much work and strain on my part. Now I can relax with glee!
Letting them express themselves without judging
musicmaster101 no.
We want to dictate their goals. They already have them. We need to support the helpful ones. Anything else is just being an @$$#0\€.
Support single moms!
It depends on what they are expressing. Feel good platitudes dont make good people. You cannot allow your child to behave like an uncivilized sociopath. There is nothing wrong with having reasonable goals for them while allowing them to exercise choice.
I think renowned psychologist Carl Rogers would agree.
Love your child!
Loving, supporting/providing family. Interactions with other kids to learn/explore. Stable and safe household/environment. Access to quality healthcare and education.
I would only add this, they should spend more time with nature.
MY MOTHER WAS THE TEACHER IN OUR FAMILY,SHE HAD ME AND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS LEARNING TO READ ONE KID AT A TIME.WE WERE READING FIRST GRADE LEVEL BOOKS OUR FIRST DAY AT PRESCHOOL.WE WERE BLESSED.
DOUGLAS WOOSLEY y
DOUGLAS WOOSLEY sounds like she was a wonderful mother. I hope to be remembered as a wonderful mother too.
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
Love them for who they are
I grew up outside the US and most of these children outside America are happier than kids here. Despite their hardship, their poor parents and the community foster more love for them than you can imagine. Many of them do not know that they are suffering. Although rural children's lives can be better, even with abject poverty, the majority of children in developing countries are more respectful, knowledgeable, loving, resilient, and appreciative of their parents' efforts than the kids here.
Totally agree with you. A typical example - when tourists visit my country of birth, they talk so much appreciation of the people. I believe in developed countries, people talk about the wonderful materialistic things they had seen. 😊.
So, what’s important is to role model good values whilst being supportive and loving.
my son is dealing with the culture shock of being born in Hong Kong, growing up in Indonesia and now going through early school in Canada raised by a single parent father. the key thing for him is to define adaptation as a good thing and not a source of fear
That lesson should serve him well. :) Fun channel. Keep up the good work!
Damn bro. Way to screw up a kid. Put down some roots before you squirt kids into this world
That’s tough. Being the new kid all the time. The outsider.
God bless him and you.
Challenging. How are you doing btw?
Even more than love your child needs ⌚Time. Who does not love their child... But fail to give quality time.
can't give them time when you're dead:( I think that is the point he is making. It's a little wishy washy, I don't see how his conclusion inspires a different approach to psychology at all:(
Divya - OMG, you have just said what I have always felt. If you give a child time you give them love because you are validating them. A counselor asked me once to describe my childhood, and immediately I answered there was never enough time.
Yaaha agree to your point divya ,💯 correct
Well put. Time is the most beneficial to a child
He got to the point of the video in the last 20 seconds
Amazing Ted Talk Thank you for Opening My Eyes. I’m in Early Education College Courses and I’m about Early Education and truly Love it ❤
I suggest this as a small tool: Pay attention to them.
Healthy environment..clean Air..clean water..clean food. Lots of love.
Not beating them down for having different opinions than yours. And remembering that you cannot make your child to be just like you, they are not your clone they are a completely different human being that you just so happened to create.
Well said. Do you have any children?
I don’t want my daughters to be like me but they keeps doing everything like me 😭 even their personality and habits and the way they talk. They see me and copy me unconsciously.
Yes 🧡
You are wrong
There is a point where they should be like you, but you shouldn't stunt their interests (unless they're bad).
Summary: environment
He is right. Because I think children, by nature, will not listen to your lecture but will adapt what they see everyday at home
The most important influence on a child's development is attachment.
Especially parental attachment. Social attachment as well.
Just love them no matter what, and provide for them. Stay connected with their humanity.
Secured attachment in the most important.
I make sure my emails always have this.
spindext 😹
Will.J I think we’re talking beyond keeping them alive.
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents.
"A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
@@account4345 nutrition does play such a vital role in brain and character development, tho. So its a yes and a no type of situation
Presence, and not presents. Be present with them as they are. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you’re doing. They don’t need to go to Disney world every summer, or own the popular new toy. They need you. Just that you are together spending time. The rest will come together. A comfortable, loved child learns easily. They’re confident in their skin. They use their imagination, and don’t need constant outside stimulation.
I see the world in the eyes of my children 😊
Environment certainly is a huge factor. In addition to the geographical position, I'd interject having an active father involved is just as crucial.
Love is all that matters.
What is love.
Paul Baker Baby don’t hurt me
"active" is the crucial word here
@@sfletch3042 do you think love can be a viable substitute for the nuclear family?
they say everything is based on your childhood history they say forget it and get over it when again they say is the basis of all the pain someone feels, need to to make clarity on that
What a video, should be essential viewing for many areas...Should have a lot more views.
i like the definition of well-being
That’s a brilliant idea explained very well. That would also help the community around the child as well. Instead of just the child.
Thank you.
Really interesting
This is a great watch, well done.
Thinking of my grand child who is going through their parents divorce . Parents seem to think about themselves and moving . But the child's feelings are ignored . He is scared to say what he feels. He is the biggest victim in all this . I think children should come first always and they shouldn't be affected by their parents mistakes.
But, didn't You raise one of the parents?
True. But you can't make people stay married just for a child. There's all sorts of trauma resulting from miserable parents, fighting all the time. It's about the quality of the divorce, whether parents can still be friends and co parent.
My autistic son, 19, has had a horrific life. Here in Canada that should never have happened. I became disabled during pregnancy and couldn't have imagined the system would abuse and neglect us so unimaginably bad. It's beyond 3rd world. We still can't break the cycle. I will kill to change it if I have to.
What happened?
Somatic Experiencing and Grieving your early childhood losses fully and completely and also your current losses, true grieving process reduces the pain and being aware of your bodily sensations dissolves it.
You have a good channel, thanks for trying on it!
Welcome to my circle time for toddlers&preschools - children learn and have fun at the same time
The most important thing is A STABLE ENVIRONMENT relative to where the child will be raised and how. This will vary by Country, Society, Culture, Political, Religious, Physical, Historical and Economical environments. Guiding to make the right connections in the brain according to the particular construct is the objective. The child will need to be nurtured, feel safe, feel properly sheltered and fed.
Remember, love is a verb, not a feeling
The fact is you can provide the best of everything, and we still can't predict who they will become as adults
Thankyou :)
Everybody has to take responsibility because Children inherit the world we have all created.
Love and truth
Great speaker keep up the good work and help human beings
Time to me is the important gift other than the obvious, Love. Love gives the gift of time. Listen to them. Teach them, Play with them. Value them.
I would believe that love, care and discipline is universal.
I'm thrilled by this piece. A book I read with related themes was a transformative experience. "Adapting with Aging" by James Crescent
Positive reinforcement... Love... "Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary." ~ Abdul-Baha, Baha'i Faith
Research is ABUNDANTLY clear. A child needs first and foremost, a mother _and_ father.
According to the custody laws in California, a child only needs a mother... I cry
14598175 too bad there are too many abusive men who abandon their women and children. It’s extremely common that men cheat and get multiple women pregnant and think they are manly. Let’s blame the root cause: abusive, narcissistic males.
Jambo sana. Habari ghani? Thank you for sharing this educational video.
This talk seems to have gone over many people's heads.
Knowing what Child abuse is & not doing that.
Knowing what Love is & doing that.
Looking them in the eyes at eye level when your listening to them or talking to them.
Spending quality time, with them & Knowing what that is.
Language interaction +++= Success in later life!
Imagination is most important.
I agree
Well I think what affects it is the reality of where and how one becomes socialized throughout adolescence.
I didn't go to school until I was 16, graduated by divine intervention. I was mostly socialized by the neighborhood.
I'm not bitter about that, I just think people should give me a break because I'm not socialized like a typical American.
we need better mental health in schools at young age, I'm sure many aren't getting it at home
What on Earth are you even talking about?
@Laurie Dunn : Exactly !!!! Totally agree !!
The importance of attachment for greater future resilience and ability to self-regulate in a healthy manner.
Give a child time and you give them love. A child who is given time is a child who values themselves and learns to value and appreciate others. Nutrition and clothing are of course important, but that much will be done in a children's home. Normally, anything other than that the staff will not have time for.
A principal thing to teach them is about love, family, and values. It doesn't matter where you live or which kind of culture do you have, those things should be always around you when you are growing up. Some actions can be genetics, others can be learned from your environment, but if you want that your kid has good behavior you should teach them since they are born. You should practice an authoritative parenting style, which involves the kids and the adults in all the decisions, and you explain why sometimes they are doing something good or wrong. Some studies show you how they learn stuff through the years of their lives, based on that and some readings you will be able to teach all the important things, creating good behavior in the future.
Like it or not, he is absolutely correct.
Building social intelligence has become more important in a modern world that acedemic success. I agree what the speaker is saying is that contextualised learning is important.
Safety..... Always safety first
He gave us an assignment in addition to the Assignment my tutor gave me OMG 😄😫
The SINGLE most important factor and influencial factor is good parents
Kenya is my country. However, there are different lives for children in urban and rural areas.
*Why Adults Should Play*
Playing is a very important means for development. When we play, we develop new relationships and connections.
While it is common knowledge that children need to play in order to develop, which is why we buy them games and put a lot of effort into working out the most suitable games for each stage of their development, it is not so clear with us adults. We do not really like to play. Our relations end up quickly deteriorating into each one of us degrading the other, which ends our playing.
As a result, we miss out on a lot of what we can get out of life. We fail to examine all of our options for development as adults, and we thus put a halt to our further development.
We have turned our daily lives into a prison of sorts. That is, we need to look, behave and talk in certain kinds of ways-and only in those certain kinds of ways-otherwise, we will not fit in with others and gain their respect. Without their respect, we get treated in ways that harm us. We suffer from living in such a prison, but it has become so ingrained into our lives that we cannot escape from it.
The essence of our playing as adults should be that we treat each other positively even if we do not feel like it, and to teach others to do the same. Playing in such a way would emulate the higher state of positive connection that nature is developing us toward, and we would thus draw positive forces of connection that dwell in nature into our relations, and start feeling happier, more confident, and that our lives are purpose-driven.
good father. statistically.
and personal experience
*good parents
7:54 onwards: "What kind of child, or person, is desirable and considered morally important in that community". Dr Weisner's statement/question lends itself to another very important question, possibly more important than the first...what kind of community is the child being reared in? As the community and its expectations will directly influence the child's self-esteem and value structure.
I'm deeply inspired by this material. The book I explored on these topics was extremely thought-provoking. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Proper socialization.. especially through the 'agression' developmental stage.. I think around 4-5.. I loosly quote Jordan Peterson.. the greatest thing you can do for your child is to make them likable by other people. Thumbs up bro. 👍
The most important issue to consider is the context into which the child is born and raised...ok? So what? We should relocate to more favorable contexts ( according to who, I don't know) or what's the recommendation?
Love
Love, food and happy. Give this to children. They can Learn more! Efficient.
The most important thing in raising children is being present, truly present, in their lives. Listening to, providing for, and protecting them occurs best when you are actually present in the same world as them. Otherwise we are just keeping primate pets; toilet training, feeding, keeping safe are what we do with our pets.
Nurturing, teaching, and loving is what we do with children.
Trust funds??????? My family's been middle class for generations but I have yet to meet ANYONE with a trust fund.
A father and that’s it!
He was way to anxious and the talk was very vague. He didn't get to the core of the answer or anywhere near it. Have another go.......Being loved unconditionally by a caregiver or caregivers is the most important thing you can do for a child. This will set them up for life with confidence, self belief and contentment from there they can achieve anything and they will be more resilient to whatever challenges life throws at them.
I was half expecting this guy would burst into tears towards the end of the video. What a lame and disappointing speech.
@@lordjim3109 True. It was quite a vague speech. It didn't reflect the title of this video. It was more like a lecture.. very lukewarm with no passion
Exactly! I thought he was going to say Seld Esteem. As parents our goal is to raise healthy, happy and self confident children.
It can’t just be any caregiver, it needs to be their mother and father, they need make and female role Models, the most well adjusted kids are children from stable - traditional marriages, all these people experimenting with these new families are doing it at the risk of their child’s development, it’s unbelievably selfish and the undermining of the nuclear/traditional family not only contributes to the crumbling of our society, but is damaging children in many unknown and immeasurable ways, so as much as you want it to be “any” kind of loving caregiver, the evidence is overwhelmingly against you.
the first thing I though was love them and then give them a hug
Love. A home. Good parents.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wee have the tendency to minimize the power of the child wee love to think that the child represents watt wee will grow out of in the process of personal progression the inner child is the disguise for the higher self this is why awakened beings have many childlike qualities in fact the moor awakened someone become the moor they become once again like a child albeit a very wise one
So if i were to pick the best country to bring my child up in, what is the most mportant influence i should look for???.... educational, religious, social...?
Question wasn't answered
Spiritual Education in word & deed and the realities that Religion is one, Man is one family and the world needs to be one country. Also "accustom them to hardship." - Baha'i Thought
I love this ❤️ thank you 🙏
My fellow!