Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
Loving your children involves so much more then feelings and affection. Love is giving them your time, your attention, helping them to emotional regulate, teaching them, guiding them, allowing them to develop relationships outside of the home, letting them pursue their interests. Love involves many things
I seem to be a master at these skills with everyone apart from the people I am with day in and day out, or have been (i.e. parents). With them, i am trying to get through all the things we have to do as fast as we can. I am only realizing now that I am rushing through what life really is, those things in the middle...
The most important thing you can do for children is LOVE them. I saw poorest children in Cambodia, Indonesia and being SO happy. They don’t know they are missing an IPhone but they do know when parents don’t love them.
@@jamesbilly7141 Correct question which everyone should ask themselves, after realising that "love" answer is indeed correct - on so many human levels that it's not easy to analyze, unless you narrow it down.
I think we should be careful how we word things. This could easily be taken as a soft form of eugenics (let incels and toxic men die off) it’s the proliferation of said ideology that leads said broken men to such despair that they become homocidal.
@@Gregariariosfeebs The statement never says to kill off broken adults, it is just saying it is easier to raise kids to be strong than it is to fix adults who are weak and broken from insufficient nurturing. Invest in kids so you dont have to put adults back together.
In a nutshell, I think what he was trying to say is that the most important thing in child development is to develop the ability in a child to collaborate and be a useful member of a team/community/society regardless of environment/location.....and in order to do that the child must possess confidence in his/her abilities and be able to communicate effectively in that particular society...my two cents worth.
Holy cow, that's a really good analysis. I didn't even get that. I thought he was just saying everyone comes from someplace different and what they're taught needs to be based off what's most important in their society.
Telling your child the truth is very important. Never hide anything that they should know, this will help them understand more about life and will help them avoid many mistakes in their life. This in return will help them to respect their thoughts and feelings and learn to express them respondsibly and become better human beings. We as parents should always be our children best friend.
I read this comment where the teen said.. i just want my parents to leave me alone. I love them but i just want them to stop trying to be my best friend. So i think there is a different way of dealing with every child
L take Lies are sometimes necessary Also if you have a child you’re their parent. You’re there to look after them and raise them the best you can to prepare them for adulthood You’re not there to be their best friend
I grew up outside the US and most of these children outside America are happier than kids here. Despite their hardship, their poor parents and the community foster more love for them than you can imagine. Many of them do not know that they are suffering. Although rural children's lives can be better, even with abject poverty, the majority of children in developing countries are more respectful, knowledgeable, loving, resilient, and appreciative of their parents' efforts than the kids here.
Totally agree with you. A typical example - when tourists visit my country of birth, they talk so much appreciation of the people. I believe in developed countries, people talk about the wonderful materialistic things they had seen. 😊. So, what’s important is to role model good values whilst being supportive and loving.
Total BS. I'm an American (lived there 20 years) who has lived overseas for 30 years, and if this is so, we would see these other countries thrive moreso than the US. So many Americans are full of joy, creaticity, and freedom.
I love small children from the core of my heart. We are joyful when we look at them smiling, playing and learning. It is our first and foremost duty to develop and train them very spontaneously and holistically. They're as delicate as the buds and flowers. Parents ignoring their children can not be pardoned. Tom very seriously deals with the child development.
My neighbors always outside tanning blasting music. My baby was out there dancing to it, blowing kisses to her. The lady was lying down so she didn't see her. But my baby trying to socialize was like: 🤷🏻♀️. Like she legitimately did the gesture like eh. I tried.. 🥰 But also 🤨 no! U only save those kissies for yo momma bc how dare her
I’ve never heard the term “weird societies” but I think there’s a lot to that. It’s a great way to distinguish us from the whole world. It’s an idea that pulls us out of our stubborn beliefs of “this is the only way society works”
Helping them to grow up with enough empathy not to become sociopathic. Those children who give sticks to a grieving family helps them put themselves in this family’s shoes. Puts them in a position to be able to understand what it means to care. If we take a look at the bigger picture, imagine if everyone was more empathetic and understanding of others. If we raise a generation to become more empathetic society as a whole would be more accepting and loving. So would everyones individual lives. Empathy is genetic and learned. Some children will need to learn it more than others. Children who needed to learn it but weren’t taught or weren’t granted any growing up will have a much higher chance of developing a personality disorder. Give your child love, but also teach them what it’s like to feel what others feel; teach children to put themselves in the shoes of others.
I agree with your comment because all the parents should learn about this and practice more how to teach their kids with all those values. In my psychology class, we talk about something important that is the parenting styles that can be really important in human development. In this case, we talk about the parents, I think that all of them should practice an authoritative style because they can be involved through the decision in their lives and what they learn every day.
Empathy is largely secured in the 'agression' developmental stage around 4-5 years. Proper socialization is essential. Proper socialization will become most evident in one's most 'creative' stage around the 18 year mark.. Jordan Peterson has a web cast on this.. very interesting and informative.
I b-fed my kids my kids for 2.5 yrs each. They are exactly 24 months and 1 day apart. They are faboulous, were never dumped anywhere and all was much work and strain on my part. Now I can relax with glee!
The most important influence on a child's development is attachment. Especially parental attachment. Social attachment as well. Just love them no matter what, and provide for them. Stay connected with their humanity.
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents. "A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
In think his main point is that we need to raise our kids to be more”collectivist” (thinking about others/participating in the community), rather than the W.E.I.R.D cultures’ focus on the “individual”
I agree. I was raised by a Japanese Mom. I couldn't help but grow up to be considerate of those around me. It doesn't fit in this society. Today's culture views kindness by a stranger as either suspicious or a weakness that is ok to exploit.
Loving, supporting/providing family. Interactions with other kids to learn/explore. Stable and safe household/environment. Access to quality healthcare and education.
Not beating them down for having different opinions than yours. And remembering that you cannot make your child to be just like you, they are not your clone they are a completely different human being that you just so happened to create.
I don’t want my daughters to be like me but they keeps doing everything like me 😭 even their personality and habits and the way they talk. They see me and copy me unconsciously.
It depends on what they are expressing. Feel good platitudes dont make good people. You cannot allow your child to behave like an uncivilized sociopath. There is nothing wrong with having reasonable goals for them while allowing them to exercise choice.
14598175 too bad there are too many abusive men who abandon their women and children. It’s extremely common that men cheat and get multiple women pregnant and think they are manly. Let’s blame the root cause: abusive, narcissistic males.
MY MOTHER WAS THE TEACHER IN OUR FAMILY,SHE HAD ME AND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS LEARNING TO READ ONE KID AT A TIME.WE WERE READING FIRST GRADE LEVEL BOOKS OUR FIRST DAY AT PRESCHOOL.WE WERE BLESSED.
@@robertwarner1160why? also doesn’t god love everyone? so what about children who’s father dies and the mom has to raise them alone? she’s a plague because of a situation she couldn’t control?
Presence, and not presents. Be present with them as they are. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you’re doing. They don’t need to go to Disney world every summer, or own the popular new toy. They need you. Just that you are together spending time. The rest will come together. A comfortable, loved child learns easily. They’re confident in their skin. They use their imagination, and don’t need constant outside stimulation.
my son is dealing with the culture shock of being born in Hong Kong, growing up in Indonesia and now going through early school in Canada raised by a single parent father. the key thing for him is to define adaptation as a good thing and not a source of fear
The most important thing is A STABLE ENVIRONMENT relative to where the child will be raised and how. This will vary by Country, Society, Culture, Political, Religious, Physical, Historical and Economical environments. Guiding to make the right connections in the brain according to the particular construct is the objective. The child will need to be nurtured, feel safe, feel properly sheltered and fed.
can't give them time when you're dead:( I think that is the point he is making. It's a little wishy washy, I don't see how his conclusion inspires a different approach to psychology at all:(
Divya - OMG, you have just said what I have always felt. If you give a child time you give them love because you are validating them. A counselor asked me once to describe my childhood, and immediately I answered there was never enough time.
Knowing what Child abuse is & not doing that. Knowing what Love is & doing that. Looking them in the eyes at eye level when your listening to them or talking to them. Spending quality time, with them & Knowing what that is.
Well I think what affects it is the reality of where and how one becomes socialized throughout adolescence. I didn't go to school until I was 16, graduated by divine intervention. I was mostly socialized by the neighborhood. I'm not bitter about that, I just think people should give me a break because I'm not socialized like a typical American.
7:54 onwards: "What kind of child, or person, is desirable and considered morally important in that community". Dr Weisner's statement/question lends itself to another very important question, possibly more important than the first...what kind of community is the child being reared in? As the community and its expectations will directly influence the child's self-esteem and value structure.
Thinking of my grand child who is going through their parents divorce . Parents seem to think about themselves and moving . But the child's feelings are ignored . He is scared to say what he feels. He is the biggest victim in all this . I think children should come first always and they shouldn't be affected by their parents mistakes.
True. But you can't make people stay married just for a child. There's all sorts of trauma resulting from miserable parents, fighting all the time. It's about the quality of the divorce, whether parents can still be friends and co parent.
they say everything is based on your childhood history they say forget it and get over it when again they say is the basis of all the pain someone feels, need to to make clarity on that
Positive reinforcement... Love... "Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary." ~ Abdul-Baha, Baha'i Faith
The most important thing in raising children is being present, truly present, in their lives. Listening to, providing for, and protecting them occurs best when you are actually present in the same world as them. Otherwise we are just keeping primate pets; toilet training, feeding, keeping safe are what we do with our pets. Nurturing, teaching, and loving is what we do with children.
He was way to anxious and the talk was very vague. He didn't get to the core of the answer or anywhere near it. Have another go.......Being loved unconditionally by a caregiver or caregivers is the most important thing you can do for a child. This will set them up for life with confidence, self belief and contentment from there they can achieve anything and they will be more resilient to whatever challenges life throws at them.
It can’t just be any caregiver, it needs to be their mother and father, they need make and female role Models, the most well adjusted kids are children from stable - traditional marriages, all these people experimenting with these new families are doing it at the risk of their child’s development, it’s unbelievably selfish and the undermining of the nuclear/traditional family not only contributes to the crumbling of our society, but is damaging children in many unknown and immeasurable ways, so as much as you want it to be “any” kind of loving caregiver, the evidence is overwhelmingly against you.
Proper socialization.. especially through the 'agression' developmental stage.. I think around 4-5.. I loosly quote Jordan Peterson.. the greatest thing you can do for your child is to make them likable by other people. Thumbs up bro. 👍
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents. "A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
My autistic son, 19, has had a horrific life. Here in Canada that should never have happened. I became disabled during pregnancy and couldn't have imagined the system would abuse and neglect us so unimaginably bad. It's beyond 3rd world. We still can't break the cycle. I will kill to change it if I have to.
Give a child time and you give them love. A child who is given time is a child who values themselves and learns to value and appreciate others. Nutrition and clothing are of course important, but that much will be done in a children's home. Normally, anything other than that the staff will not have time for.
A principal thing to teach them is about love, family, and values. It doesn't matter where you live or which kind of culture do you have, those things should be always around you when you are growing up. Some actions can be genetics, others can be learned from your environment, but if you want that your kid has good behavior you should teach them since they are born. You should practice an authoritative parenting style, which involves the kids and the adults in all the decisions, and you explain why sometimes they are doing something good or wrong. Some studies show you how they learn stuff through the years of their lives, based on that and some readings you will be able to teach all the important things, creating good behavior in the future.
Building social intelligence has become more important in a modern world that acedemic success. I agree what the speaker is saying is that contextualised learning is important.
Divorce and daycare are the two worst situations for children. It is as if a tornado ripped through their homes, because the very core foundation and support (mother and father), all they know and need, is destroyed (divorce) or taken away from them every day for 8 hours (daycare). Daycare is maternal deprivation. It is cruel to deprive infants under age three of a maternal figure, which is so essential for optimal development.
Tiffany Excellent comment!!! Our industrial world ignores the importance of the nuclear family to a child’s development. Children are ripped away from mom and dad too too early in exchange of more money and material things.
Divorce and daycare have only become detrimental to children because a family lacks a strong support system due to our society’s to each their own mentality is hurting families.
Oh wow. Nope. Completely wrong. do you literally think that divorce and daycare or worse than abuse and neglect in a litany of other horrible circumstances a child could grow up in? Your comment is ridiculous and absurd at the worst and at the best completely naive and not thought out whatsoever.
@@amandaparrish9128 no no no. this comment also is ridiculous. Do you not understand the fact that most parents who put their kids in daycare and go to work or doing so for the very welfare of their family? Obviously not. Do you have kids yourself? Probably not. SMH
Thanks for the comment. I do have two young children and before my husband and I had them, we were blessed to set ourselves up financially where I could stay home and care for them. I also was a product of a stay at home mommy and a Masters degree and wonder life later, I am doing well. I understand that some families have different circumstances and that two parents working is what they have, but if they are both working with a focus on materialism vs the well being of their child, then that is not good. Thanks again.
No not everyone is relgious, Muslim, Christian, etc. Let a child choose their own faith, beliefs, and who they want to be i have nothing against religious beliefs btw.
@@loreisgreat913 as parents we have the responsibility to teach our children the truth that we have found and tasted. When they grow up they will decide what they want. If you take 3 religious books and 3 ateist book( John Lennox, Ravi zacharias and William Craig vs Richard dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and Bart Ehrman ) you will found that God exist and from there the Bible will teach you rest.
*Why Adults Should Play* Playing is a very important means for development. When we play, we develop new relationships and connections. While it is common knowledge that children need to play in order to develop, which is why we buy them games and put a lot of effort into working out the most suitable games for each stage of their development, it is not so clear with us adults. We do not really like to play. Our relations end up quickly deteriorating into each one of us degrading the other, which ends our playing. As a result, we miss out on a lot of what we can get out of life. We fail to examine all of our options for development as adults, and we thus put a halt to our further development. We have turned our daily lives into a prison of sorts. That is, we need to look, behave and talk in certain kinds of ways-and only in those certain kinds of ways-otherwise, we will not fit in with others and gain their respect. Without their respect, we get treated in ways that harm us. We suffer from living in such a prison, but it has become so ingrained into our lives that we cannot escape from it. The essence of our playing as adults should be that we treat each other positively even if we do not feel like it, and to teach others to do the same. Playing in such a way would emulate the higher state of positive connection that nature is developing us toward, and we would thus draw positive forces of connection that dwell in nature into our relations, and start feeling happier, more confident, and that our lives are purpose-driven.
I feel this is not completely true, it's more of values than where exactly you bring up your child.Kenya is amazing so are our culture,there are great & admirable people from such humbling background
Brenda Wamae He says environment is the biggest influence - the people, situations, and beliefs that make up that child’s world. That includes the values they learn in that environment.
@@isaacrivera.colorado wow. Dude You did it. Duuuude... You actually did it.... You gave no counter argument... You gave me no reasoning... ...no logic... ...you just gave me a shallow assertion... ... less than half a dozen words... ...and it worked!!! It actually worked!!! It actually, totally worked!!! Duuuude!!! You convinced me my man!!! YOU TOTALLY CONVINCED ME!!! BOOM!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! THANKS MAN!!!!!!! WOW! THAT IS SO AWESOME MAN!!!!!!!!! TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY THANKS TO YOU, AND YOUR INSIGHT, AND YOUR GENEROUS WILLINGNESS TO SHARE YOUR INSIGHT!!!! I will now just discard all the research and empirical evidence....
Stable people get married, love each other and care about their children. The stability and mental health of the parents comes first, everything else follows. Don't make the mistake of putting the cart before the horse.
@@theneedle6785 I sorta thought, "..who have remained in a loving marriage..." denotes the stability of the parents. If a child is raised under an abusive "marriage" of two unstable people, or in the presence of untreated mental illness, then yeah...that would be detrimental to their health and development. Absolutely.
Somatic Experiencing and Grieving your early childhood losses fully and completely and also your current losses, true grieving process reduces the pain and being aware of your bodily sensations dissolves it.
I'm deeply inspired by this material. The book I explored on these topics was extremely thought-provoking. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
As a man who has raised a stepson and am now raising 2 biological children of my own. I must say that both "nature" AND "nurture" have major roles on influencing a child's life. From a "nature" standpoint it will be biologically inclined to be and act a certain way...HOWEVER from a "nurture" standpoint it will learn morals and the differences between what is right and what is wrong. BOTH are important to keep in mind when raising children. REMEMBER my fellow adults, WE ALL were once upon a time a child (for approximately the first 20yrs of our life, depending on the culture). The difference is mainly in how we were "nurtured" more so than how we were created.
The most important issue to consider is the context into which the child is born and raised...ok? So what? We should relocate to more favorable contexts ( according to who, I don't know) or what's the recommendation?
Came to Kenya to study the influence of migratory patterns on children among the Abaluhya Community? The Abaluhya are farmers- they don't migrate and have lived in the same area for hundreds of years and there is no insecurity to cause any form of migration.
It seems you comment contradicted itself. You went to study effects of migration yet there was no migration. I don’t understand. Are you referring to farmers with children giving up farming and moving to urban environments ?
Jack Burnsbaby obviously spoken by someone who doesn’t have a kid. Nooot that simple, they aren’t house plants genius. Job isn’t simply done after you water them for a few months.
Jack, I am quite inexperienced and wish to know more. I have a doubt, don't u think that giving undivided attention would only make it worse in his adulthood when he receives rejection, failure ?
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wee have the tendency to minimize the power of the child wee love to think that the child represents watt wee will grow out of in the process of personal progression the inner child is the disguise for the higher self this is why awakened beings have many childlike qualities in fact the moor awakened someone become the moor they become once again like a child albeit a very wise one
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
Loving your children involves so much more then feelings and affection. Love is giving them your time, your attention, helping them to emotional regulate, teaching them, guiding them, allowing them to develop relationships outside of the home, letting them pursue their interests. Love involves many things
Well said I totally agree love involves creating boundaries and setting limits
Yup don't forget tough love. The most important
I seem to be a master at these skills with everyone apart from the people I am with day in and day out, or have been (i.e. parents). With them, i am trying to get through all the things we have to do as fast as we can. I am only realizing now that I am rushing through what life really is, those things in the middle...
And expecting nothing in return. Also an important part.
Allowing them to build relationships outside the home is one of the hardest and most crucial choice a parent has make
The most important thing you can do for children is LOVE them. I saw poorest children in Cambodia, Indonesia and being SO happy. They don’t know they are missing an IPhone but they do know when parents don’t love them.
What's love?
@@jamesbilly7141 Correct question which everyone should ask themselves, after realising that "love" answer is indeed correct - on so many human levels that it's not easy to analyze, unless you narrow it down.
I am cambodian ;-;
That’s what I thought he was going to say. I feel like I wasted nearly ten minutes of my life...
Exactly, just love them no matter what.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
I think we should be careful how we word things. This could easily be taken as a soft form of eugenics (let incels and toxic men die off) it’s the proliferation of said ideology that leads said broken men to such despair that they become homocidal.
@@Gregariariosfeebs The statement never says to kill off broken adults, it is just saying it is easier to raise kids to be strong than it is to fix adults who are weak and broken from insufficient nurturing. Invest in kids so you dont have to put adults back together.
Don't forget that broken man was once a child
@@emily43210 The Bottles, nice 👍
You cannot build someone when you yourself don’t know what that looks like.
He is right. Because I think children, by nature, will not listen to your lecture but will adapt what they see everyday at home
We are the first teachers in their lives, then they take what the learned at home, into the world.
In a nutshell, I think what he was trying to say is that the most important thing in child development is to develop the ability in a child to collaborate and be a useful member of a team/community/society regardless of environment/location.....and in order to do that the child must possess confidence in his/her abilities and be able to communicate effectively in that particular society...my two cents worth.
yes but he wasn't clear though...and too nervous
🧐
Partly. He was literally saying the neighborhood matters. If you're born in the ghetto you're likely to never leave. Move to a better place ASAP
Holy cow, that's a really good analysis. I didn't even get that. I thought he was just saying everyone comes from someplace different and what they're taught needs to be based off what's most important in their society.
Thanks for the Cliff note, because I had to come to the comment section to figure out what he's trying to say. It is a good point though.
Our soul is made of LOVE. We have to Love each other in order to feel loved. What ever you do without LOVE is nothing. God is love. God loves you.
Telling your child the truth is very important. Never hide anything that they should know, this will help them understand more about life and will help them avoid many mistakes in their life. This in return will help them to respect their thoughts and feelings and learn to express them respondsibly and become better human beings. We as parents should always be our children best friend.
I read this comment where the teen said.. i just want my parents to leave me alone. I love them but i just want them to stop trying to be my best friend. So i think there is a different way of dealing with every child
L take
Lies are sometimes necessary
Also if you have a child you’re their parent. You’re there to look after them and raise them the best you can to prepare them for adulthood
You’re not there to be their best friend
Are you crazy, you can't be 100% honest with a child. They'll have clinical depression by 4
@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 * age appropriate honesty 😂
I grew up outside the US and most of these children outside America are happier than kids here. Despite their hardship, their poor parents and the community foster more love for them than you can imagine. Many of them do not know that they are suffering. Although rural children's lives can be better, even with abject poverty, the majority of children in developing countries are more respectful, knowledgeable, loving, resilient, and appreciative of their parents' efforts than the kids here.
Totally agree with you. A typical example - when tourists visit my country of birth, they talk so much appreciation of the people. I believe in developed countries, people talk about the wonderful materialistic things they had seen. 😊.
So, what’s important is to role model good values whilst being supportive and loving.
Total BS. I'm an American (lived there 20 years) who has lived overseas for 30 years, and if this is so, we would see these other countries thrive moreso than the US. So many Americans are full of joy, creaticity, and freedom.
I AGREE
I love small children from the core of my heart. We are joyful when we look at them smiling, playing and learning. It is our first and foremost duty to develop and train them very spontaneously and holistically. They're as delicate as the buds and flowers. Parents ignoring their children can not be pardoned. Tom very seriously deals with the child development.
Our children are the future!
My neighbors always outside tanning blasting music. My baby was out there dancing to it, blowing kisses to her. The lady was lying down so she didn't see her. But my baby trying to socialize was like: 🤷🏻♀️. Like she legitimately did the gesture like eh. I tried.. 🥰 But also 🤨 no! U only save those kissies for yo momma bc how dare her
loving a child is simple yet still necessary, more important is to RESPECT a child, listening, talking, sacrificing your time, your energy
SACRIFICING? cherishing your time with your child should be a given.
That's what I try to accomplish everyday as a pre-k teacher. It really does make a difference❤
I’ve never heard the term “weird societies” but I think there’s a lot to that. It’s a great way to distinguish us from the whole world. It’s an idea that pulls us out of our stubborn beliefs of “this is the only way society works”
I feel like I just took five child development classes and two psychology classes. Not after the video, but after reading the comments.
how so?
This video is off base.
🤣
I felt the same, at times i learn from the comments more than from the video itself!!
lol
Tell them you love them. Listen to them.
The most important thing you can do for your child is to show him the right path and help him moving.
Helping them to grow up with enough empathy not to become sociopathic. Those children who give sticks to a grieving family helps them put themselves in this family’s shoes. Puts them in a position to be able to understand what it means to care. If we take a look at the bigger picture, imagine if everyone was more empathetic and understanding of others. If we raise a generation to become more empathetic society as a whole would be more accepting and loving. So would everyones individual lives.
Empathy is genetic and learned. Some children will need to learn it more than others. Children who needed to learn it but weren’t taught or weren’t granted any growing up will have a much higher chance of developing a personality disorder. Give your child love, but also teach them what it’s like to feel what others feel; teach children to put themselves in the shoes of others.
So true and unfortunately so underrated.
Basically teach them montessori approach from a very young age.
I agree with your comment because all the parents should learn about this and practice more how to teach their kids with all those values. In my psychology class, we talk about something important that is the parenting styles that can be really important in human development. In this case, we talk about the parents, I think that all of them should practice an authoritative style because they can be involved through the decision in their lives and what they learn every day.
great comment!
Empathy is largely secured in the 'agression' developmental stage around 4-5 years. Proper socialization is essential. Proper socialization will become most evident in one's most 'creative' stage around the 18 year mark.. Jordan Peterson has a web cast on this.. very interesting and informative.
So context, of which most people have no control over, most significantly affects a child. Wow! Revelatory!
I b-fed my kids my kids for 2.5 yrs each. They are exactly 24 months and 1 day apart. They are faboulous, were never dumped anywhere and all was much work and strain on my part. Now I can relax with glee!
The most important influence on a child's development is attachment.
Especially parental attachment. Social attachment as well.
Just love them no matter what, and provide for them. Stay connected with their humanity.
There are values that should be taught to all humans regardless of their culture and location.
and age
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents.
"A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
In think his main point is that we need to raise our kids to be more”collectivist” (thinking about others/participating in the community), rather than the W.E.I.R.D cultures’ focus on the “individual”
I agree. I was raised by a Japanese Mom. I couldn't help but grow up to be considerate of those around me. It doesn't fit in this society. Today's culture views kindness by a stranger as either suspicious or a weakness that is ok to exploit.
Unconditional love and believe in her/him.
Just say them
Loving, supporting/providing family. Interactions with other kids to learn/explore. Stable and safe household/environment. Access to quality healthcare and education.
I would only add this, they should spend more time with nature.
Not beating them down for having different opinions than yours. And remembering that you cannot make your child to be just like you, they are not your clone they are a completely different human being that you just so happened to create.
Well said. Do you have any children?
I don’t want my daughters to be like me but they keeps doing everything like me 😭 even their personality and habits and the way they talk. They see me and copy me unconsciously.
Yes 🧡
You are wrong
There is a point where they should be like you, but you shouldn't stunt their interests (unless they're bad).
Letting them express themselves without judging
musicmaster101 no.
We want to dictate their goals. They already have them. We need to support the helpful ones. Anything else is just being an @$$#0\€.
Support single moms!
It depends on what they are expressing. Feel good platitudes dont make good people. You cannot allow your child to behave like an uncivilized sociopath. There is nothing wrong with having reasonable goals for them while allowing them to exercise choice.
I think renowned psychologist Carl Rogers would agree.
Research is ABUNDANTLY clear. A child needs first and foremost, a mother _and_ father.
According to the custody laws in California, a child only needs a mother... I cry
14598175 too bad there are too many abusive men who abandon their women and children. It’s extremely common that men cheat and get multiple women pregnant and think they are manly. Let’s blame the root cause: abusive, narcissistic males.
MY MOTHER WAS THE TEACHER IN OUR FAMILY,SHE HAD ME AND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS LEARNING TO READ ONE KID AT A TIME.WE WERE READING FIRST GRADE LEVEL BOOKS OUR FIRST DAY AT PRESCHOOL.WE WERE BLESSED.
DOUGLAS WOOSLEY y
DOUGLAS WOOSLEY sounds like she was a wonderful mother. I hope to be remembered as a wonderful mother too.
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
@@robertwarner1160why? also doesn’t god love everyone? so what about children who’s father dies and the mom has to raise them alone? she’s a plague because of a situation she couldn’t control?
Presence, and not presents. Be present with them as they are. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you’re doing. They don’t need to go to Disney world every summer, or own the popular new toy. They need you. Just that you are together spending time. The rest will come together. A comfortable, loved child learns easily. They’re confident in their skin. They use their imagination, and don’t need constant outside stimulation.
my son is dealing with the culture shock of being born in Hong Kong, growing up in Indonesia and now going through early school in Canada raised by a single parent father. the key thing for him is to define adaptation as a good thing and not a source of fear
That lesson should serve him well. :) Fun channel. Keep up the good work!
Damn bro. Way to screw up a kid. Put down some roots before you squirt kids into this world
That’s tough. Being the new kid all the time. The outsider.
God bless him and you.
Challenging. How are you doing btw?
Healthy environment..clean Air..clean water..clean food. Lots of love.
The most important thing is A STABLE ENVIRONMENT relative to where the child will be raised and how. This will vary by Country, Society, Culture, Political, Religious, Physical, Historical and Economical environments. Guiding to make the right connections in the brain according to the particular construct is the objective. The child will need to be nurtured, feel safe, feel properly sheltered and fed.
Something I always believed “The way to love a child right is to first start understanding their context” ❤
"think of a child"
*thinks of myself...*
LetterD Lmao truuuuuue
🤣🤣🤣
single mothers are a biblical plague - Jesus
@@robertwarner1160 you good homey???
Me🤣
Even more than love your child needs ⌚Time. Who does not love their child... But fail to give quality time.
can't give them time when you're dead:( I think that is the point he is making. It's a little wishy washy, I don't see how his conclusion inspires a different approach to psychology at all:(
Divya - OMG, you have just said what I have always felt. If you give a child time you give them love because you are validating them. A counselor asked me once to describe my childhood, and immediately I answered there was never enough time.
Yaaha agree to your point divya ,💯 correct
Well put. Time is the most beneficial to a child
Knowing what Child abuse is & not doing that.
Knowing what Love is & doing that.
Looking them in the eyes at eye level when your listening to them or talking to them.
Spending quality time, with them & Knowing what that is.
Amazing Ted Talk Thank you for Opening My Eyes. I’m in Early Education College Courses and I’m about Early Education and truly Love it ❤
Well I think what affects it is the reality of where and how one becomes socialized throughout adolescence.
I didn't go to school until I was 16, graduated by divine intervention. I was mostly socialized by the neighborhood.
I'm not bitter about that, I just think people should give me a break because I'm not socialized like a typical American.
Be a good example !! in loving them 🥰and those around us.🥰
7:54 onwards: "What kind of child, or person, is desirable and considered morally important in that community". Dr Weisner's statement/question lends itself to another very important question, possibly more important than the first...what kind of community is the child being reared in? As the community and its expectations will directly influence the child's self-esteem and value structure.
Secured attachment and unconditional love. Also yes please sleep 😂
Great explanation with details and examples but still short enough to not get lost. Thank you Mr. Weisner ❤
I suggest this as a small tool: Pay attention to them.
Thinking of my grand child who is going through their parents divorce . Parents seem to think about themselves and moving . But the child's feelings are ignored . He is scared to say what he feels. He is the biggest victim in all this . I think children should come first always and they shouldn't be affected by their parents mistakes.
But, didn't You raise one of the parents?
True. But you can't make people stay married just for a child. There's all sorts of trauma resulting from miserable parents, fighting all the time. It's about the quality of the divorce, whether parents can still be friends and co parent.
He got to the point of the video in the last 20 seconds
they say everything is based on your childhood history they say forget it and get over it when again they say is the basis of all the pain someone feels, need to to make clarity on that
Positive reinforcement... Love... "Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary." ~ Abdul-Baha, Baha'i Faith
Environment certainly is a huge factor. In addition to the geographical position, I'd interject having an active father involved is just as crucial.
Love is all that matters.
What is love.
Paul Baker Baby don’t hurt me
"active" is the crucial word here
@@sfletch3042 do you think love can be a viable substitute for the nuclear family?
The most important thing in raising children is being present, truly present, in their lives. Listening to, providing for, and protecting them occurs best when you are actually present in the same world as them. Otherwise we are just keeping primate pets; toilet training, feeding, keeping safe are what we do with our pets.
Nurturing, teaching, and loving is what we do with children.
I love this. Thanks for talking.
He was way to anxious and the talk was very vague. He didn't get to the core of the answer or anywhere near it. Have another go.......Being loved unconditionally by a caregiver or caregivers is the most important thing you can do for a child. This will set them up for life with confidence, self belief and contentment from there they can achieve anything and they will be more resilient to whatever challenges life throws at them.
I was half expecting this guy would burst into tears towards the end of the video. What a lame and disappointing speech.
@@lordjim3109 True. It was quite a vague speech. It didn't reflect the title of this video. It was more like a lecture.. very lukewarm with no passion
Exactly! I thought he was going to say Seld Esteem. As parents our goal is to raise healthy, happy and self confident children.
It can’t just be any caregiver, it needs to be their mother and father, they need make and female role Models, the most well adjusted kids are children from stable - traditional marriages, all these people experimenting with these new families are doing it at the risk of their child’s development, it’s unbelievably selfish and the undermining of the nuclear/traditional family not only contributes to the crumbling of our society, but is damaging children in many unknown and immeasurable ways, so as much as you want it to be “any” kind of loving caregiver, the evidence is overwhelmingly against you.
Love them for who they are
I would believe that love, care and discipline is universal.
Proper socialization.. especially through the 'agression' developmental stage.. I think around 4-5.. I loosly quote Jordan Peterson.. the greatest thing you can do for your child is to make them likable by other people. Thumbs up bro. 👍
I became inspired, thanks!
Everybody has to take responsibility because Children inherit the world we have all created.
Secured attachment in the most important.
I make sure my emails always have this.
spindext 😹
Will.J I think we’re talking beyond keeping them alive.
What is the most important influence on child development? The emotional health of the parents.
"A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course."
@@account4345 nutrition does play such a vital role in brain and character development, tho. So its a yes and a no type of situation
Welcome to my circle time for toddlers&preschools - children learn and have fun at the same time
My autistic son, 19, has had a horrific life. Here in Canada that should never have happened. I became disabled during pregnancy and couldn't have imagined the system would abuse and neglect us so unimaginably bad. It's beyond 3rd world. We still can't break the cycle. I will kill to change it if I have to.
What happened?
As a preschool teacher the most important part of building up our children is social emotional literacy/strength. But we're weird.
Give a child time and you give them love. A child who is given time is a child who values themselves and learns to value and appreciate others. Nutrition and clothing are of course important, but that much will be done in a children's home. Normally, anything other than that the staff will not have time for.
A principal thing to teach them is about love, family, and values. It doesn't matter where you live or which kind of culture do you have, those things should be always around you when you are growing up. Some actions can be genetics, others can be learned from your environment, but if you want that your kid has good behavior you should teach them since they are born. You should practice an authoritative parenting style, which involves the kids and the adults in all the decisions, and you explain why sometimes they are doing something good or wrong. Some studies show you how they learn stuff through the years of their lives, based on that and some readings you will be able to teach all the important things, creating good behavior in the future.
Love your child!
the first thing I though was love them and then give them a hug
Building social intelligence has become more important in a modern world that acedemic success. I agree what the speaker is saying is that contextualised learning is important.
Summary: environment
Time to me is the important gift other than the obvious, Love. Love gives the gift of time. Listen to them. Teach them, Play with them. Value them.
Divorce and daycare are the two worst situations for children. It is as if a tornado ripped through their homes, because the very core foundation and support (mother and father), all they know and need, is destroyed (divorce) or taken away from them every day for 8 hours (daycare). Daycare is maternal deprivation. It is cruel to deprive infants under age three of a maternal figure, which is so essential for optimal development.
Tiffany Excellent comment!!! Our industrial world ignores the importance of the nuclear family to a child’s development. Children are ripped away from mom and dad too too early in exchange of more money and material things.
Divorce and daycare have only become detrimental to children because a family lacks a strong support system due to our society’s to each their own mentality is hurting families.
Oh wow. Nope. Completely wrong. do you literally think that divorce and daycare or worse than abuse and neglect in a litany of other horrible circumstances a child could grow up in? Your comment is ridiculous and absurd at the worst and at the best completely naive and not thought out whatsoever.
@@amandaparrish9128 no no no. this comment also is ridiculous. Do you not understand the fact that most parents who put their kids in daycare and go to work or doing so for the very welfare of their family? Obviously not. Do you have kids yourself? Probably not. SMH
Thanks for the comment. I do have two young children and before my husband and I had them, we were blessed to set ourselves up financially where I could stay home and care for them. I also was a product of a stay at home mommy and a Masters degree and wonder life later, I am doing well. I understand that some families have different circumstances and that two parents working is what they have, but if they are both working with a focus on materialism vs the well being of their child, then that is not good. Thanks again.
I'm thrilled by this piece. A book I read with related themes was a transformative experience. "Adapting with Aging" by James Crescent
The most important thing to teach a child is the word of God. The Truth.
No not everyone is relgious, Muslim, Christian, etc. Let a child choose their own faith, beliefs, and who they want to be i have nothing against religious beliefs btw.
@@loreisgreat913 as parents we have the responsibility to teach our children the truth that we have found and tasted. When they grow up they will decide what they want. If you take 3 religious books and 3 ateist book( John Lennox, Ravi zacharias and William Craig vs Richard dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and Bart Ehrman ) you will found that God exist and from there the Bible will teach you rest.
*Why Adults Should Play*
Playing is a very important means for development. When we play, we develop new relationships and connections.
While it is common knowledge that children need to play in order to develop, which is why we buy them games and put a lot of effort into working out the most suitable games for each stage of their development, it is not so clear with us adults. We do not really like to play. Our relations end up quickly deteriorating into each one of us degrading the other, which ends our playing.
As a result, we miss out on a lot of what we can get out of life. We fail to examine all of our options for development as adults, and we thus put a halt to our further development.
We have turned our daily lives into a prison of sorts. That is, we need to look, behave and talk in certain kinds of ways-and only in those certain kinds of ways-otherwise, we will not fit in with others and gain their respect. Without their respect, we get treated in ways that harm us. We suffer from living in such a prison, but it has become so ingrained into our lives that we cannot escape from it.
The essence of our playing as adults should be that we treat each other positively even if we do not feel like it, and to teach others to do the same. Playing in such a way would emulate the higher state of positive connection that nature is developing us toward, and we would thus draw positive forces of connection that dwell in nature into our relations, and start feeling happier, more confident, and that our lives are purpose-driven.
This video was so helpful and informative!
What a video, should be essential viewing for many areas...Should have a lot more views.
That’s a brilliant idea explained very well. That would also help the community around the child as well. Instead of just the child.
Remember, love is a verb, not a feeling
The fact is you can provide the best of everything, and we still can't predict who they will become as adults
You kind of can actually, if you Google 'childhood attachment and crime'
Like it or not, he is absolutely correct.
we need better mental health in schools at young age, I'm sure many aren't getting it at home
What on Earth are you even talking about?
@Laurie Dunn : Exactly !!!! Totally agree !!
The importance of attachment for greater future resilience and ability to self-regulate in a healthy manner.
food, love and stability.
You have a good channel, thanks for trying on it!
This talk seems to have gone over many people's heads.
I see the world in the eyes of my children 😊
This is a great watch, well done.
The laughter by vicarious mothers in the background says it all
The SINGLE most important factor and influencial factor is good parents
0:10 continuous improvement
I feel this is not completely true, it's more of values than where exactly you bring up your child.Kenya is amazing so are our culture,there are great & admirable people from such humbling background
Brenda Wamae He says environment is the biggest influence - the people, situations, and beliefs that make up that child’s world. That includes the values they learn in that environment.
Living with their two biological parents who have remained in a loving marriage is the best thing for the well being of a child.
Wrong answer buddy
@@isaacrivera.colorado wow.
Dude
You did it.
Duuuude...
You actually did it....
You gave no counter argument...
You gave me no reasoning...
...no logic...
...you just gave me a shallow assertion...
... less than half a dozen words...
...and it worked!!! It actually worked!!! It actually, totally worked!!!
Duuuude!!!
You convinced me my man!!!
YOU TOTALLY CONVINCED ME!!!
BOOM!!!
JUST LIKE THAT!!!
THANKS MAN!!!!!!!
WOW! THAT IS SO AWESOME MAN!!!!!!!!!
TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY THANKS TO YOU, AND YOUR INSIGHT, AND YOUR GENEROUS WILLINGNESS TO SHARE YOUR INSIGHT!!!!
I will now just discard all the research and empirical evidence....
Stable people get married, love each other and care about their children. The stability and mental health of the parents comes first, everything else follows. Don't make the mistake of putting the cart before the horse.
@@theneedle6785 I sorta thought, "..who have remained in a loving marriage..." denotes the stability of the parents. If a child is raised under an abusive "marriage" of two unstable people, or in the presence of untreated mental illness, then yeah...that would be detrimental to their health and development. Absolutely.
Them being biological parents has NOTHING to do with it.
good father. statistically.
and personal experience
*good parents
Somatic Experiencing and Grieving your early childhood losses fully and completely and also your current losses, true grieving process reduces the pain and being aware of your bodily sensations dissolves it.
I'm deeply inspired by this material. The book I explored on these topics was extremely thought-provoking. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Kenya is my country. However, there are different lives for children in urban and rural areas.
As a man who has raised a stepson and am now raising 2 biological children of my own. I must say that both "nature" AND "nurture" have major roles on influencing a child's life. From a "nature" standpoint it will be biologically inclined to be and act a certain way...HOWEVER from a "nurture" standpoint it will learn morals and the differences between what is right and what is wrong. BOTH are important to keep in mind when raising children. REMEMBER my fellow adults, WE ALL were once upon a time a child (for approximately the first 20yrs of our life, depending on the culture). The difference is mainly in how we were "nurtured" more so than how we were created.
The most important issue to consider is the context into which the child is born and raised...ok? So what? We should relocate to more favorable contexts ( according to who, I don't know) or what's the recommendation?
Routine is a must for kids.
Came to Kenya to study the influence of migratory patterns on children among the Abaluhya Community? The Abaluhya are farmers- they don't migrate and have lived in the same area for hundreds of years and there is no insecurity to cause any form of migration.
Dayum Bruh-- you know some Kenya
It seems you comment contradicted itself. You went to study effects of migration yet there was no migration. I don’t understand. Are you referring to farmers with children giving up farming and moving to urban environments ?
Just give them your undivided attention for the first few years.... it’s not rocket science
Jack Burnsbaby And much love
Jack and Winter I agree with you guys!! That's all children want and need
Jack Burnsbaby obviously spoken by someone who doesn’t have a kid. Nooot that simple, they aren’t house plants genius. Job isn’t simply done after you water them for a few months.
... and then they will destroy your life from puberty upwards. 🤣
Jack, I am quite inexperienced and wish to know more. I have a doubt, don't u think that giving undivided attention would only make it worse in his adulthood when he receives rejection, failure ?
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wee have the tendency to minimize the power of the child wee love to think that the child represents watt wee will grow out of in the process of personal progression the inner child is the disguise for the higher self this is why awakened beings have many childlike qualities in fact the moor awakened someone become the moor they become once again like a child albeit a very wise one
He gave us an assignment in addition to the Assignment my tutor gave me OMG 😄😫