I tested as gifted as child. I was indeed the class clown. Rather than being in a gifted program, I was in a behavioral classroom, for problem kids basically. I barely graduated high school, but now I’m in a neuropsychology doctorate program. Finally, I enjoy school.
lol that is how i felt about high school. I always hated school until i got to college when i got to learn what i was interested in. i love computer science and all technology now i have a great career that i love going to everyday. its good to feed your kids what interests them. but they need the boring stuff as well.
I'm so proud and happy for you Ben! I'm 34, gifted, raising a gifted child alone and about to finish my nursing diploma. Finding our way can be a very bumpy road. Go us for getting there in the end!
I can definitely relate to you. I went from this realy smart kid, with no friends, to the 'class clown' underperforming, but with 'friends'. I'd quit school, when I was 17, took 3 years to 'set my mind at ease' and since last year I went back! This time to really do it over, the right way! I'm in this program where I can get my certificates. And with these certificates I can get into the university! So it's a bit of a longer road than usual, but at least now I'm doing everything I can, and I'm learing new things everyday.Also making mistakes every day, or not getting straight A's right away. But I love it so much more than trying to deny giftedness, trying to live a life that's just not me, by choosing the easy way out. So, chears to the growth mindset, instead of the fixed one!
„I am gifted but I would rather apologize for it than brag about it. Why is that?“ Instant like. Why does our society give us the feeling that we should be average and conventional?
Isolation party Are you gifted? It's hard to be proud of it. I get bad grades in school, and I'm nearly failing all my school classes; people still call me "really smart" "gifted" I don't even know what to do, do they expect me to say "Oh yeah I'm gifted, yeah!" I usually just smile, or just laugh. I don't want to seem like a narcissist.
Average IQ is 100. If a kid has an IQ of 70, they get special education. So if a kid has an IQ of 130, don’t they deserve a special education, too? It’s cruel to force highly intelligent kids in with the general population. It’s a soul crushing experience that has life long effects :( (I’m aware that IQ isn’t a perfect measure, but it illustrates my point here.)
Rachael Schultz I think I was a bit gifted but I was more carefree and lazy as a kid, maybe more creatively inclined so I shied away from programs like Quest because I figured it was just gonna be a lot of extra homework doing things I didnt want to spend time doing. I guess I channeled my gifts for art, situational awareness and architecture in other ways like building stick forts and avoiding the recess teachers/recess police.
Rachael Schultz yes and No. If they are separated, they will not learn to Socialize correctly. Usually eggheads have a hard time inherently, let alone to isolate them from the other kids. Just make sure your child gets that extra mind stimulation. Genius is on many different levels. Also some are late bloomers. My father was a C student in high school back in the 50s. He went into the service and took the IQ test.. Off the friggen charts. So much that he was removed and put in a special unit. So there ya go.
Sorry to disagree, but You go to School to learn actual stuff. You don't go to School to socialize, because School isn't a society. It Is a jungle. Between a person who's been harassed at school for years for being an "egghead", and one who had happy years surrounded with other kids like themself, the first one Will be the least adapted to society, because they Will fear others and close themself. Socialisation at School is a big myth. The more you try to fit in, the more you are an outcast.
I’m autistic and gifted. I’m crying so much by watching this, you’re such an amazing mother! I wish I had a mother like you. My dream is to create my own method of education and have my own school, because I see how our current school system deeply fail us
We must also attract GIFTED TEACHERS and allow them to mentor gifted students. When I was teaching, students would self-select to be (or not to be) in my classes which promoted excactly what you describe. As goes our political climate, so goes our educational one...thanks for having the courage to share your journey and your story.
Elaine Willis I agree. I think Finland does it best. They give public school teachers the same esteem and pay as doctors, lawyers and other professionals. This attracts “the best and the brightest” I’m sure there are a lot of gifted teachers there that help such students.
@@benfrank8649 I am an ESL teacher. I haven't been to Finland, but I went to South Korea. These 2 countries have the highest school exam results in the world. People go on about how great the Korean education system is. However, Finland achieves the same results but with only a fraction of the hard, grinding labour Korean kids endure. So the Finnish system must be very efficient! The South Korean government doesn't spend that much on public education,. Korean parents spend huge sums sending their own kids to expensive cram schools to practice, practice, practice. and children are sometimes put in classes they aren't ready for. So they just have to learn by rote. To ameliorate this. Korea hired lots of western teachers to help teach authentic English in in state schools. Years ago, this meant professional middle class people were coming to teach in Korean high schools. I met some of these people, and they did extremely well and worked hard, and were popular. However, the salary for that job was allowed to deteriorate significantly. Now the people being hired to help Koreans in state schools, are mostly clueless young American graduates with no experience, and yet paradoxically, the paperwork needed to get these jobs is crazily complicated.
I’m so lucky to have had a gifted person, who also had adhd (like me) and had formerly worked in a gifted school, as a teacher. They were incredibly enabling, helpful, and very gentle. Sadly, near the end of the school year is when they finally found out I was gifted after looking over my test scores and putting the pieces together of my behavior during the year, and I had been failing all of my classes terribly, but they still tried their best to make the lessons and assignments interesting for me, to at least make it so that I didn’t fail the year. I still failed 8th grade though lol 😭 (luckily my school didn’t hold me back.) Anyways, to conclude, having former gifted/neurodivergent teachers working with students would be life changing. Not only are they intelligent, but they always try their hardest to makes sure their students are not only happy, but doing well in school. Not to mention their creative ideas for lessons and assignments that make it fun and easy for the students to learn.
It's very easy to spot a gifted child because there's absolutely nothing ordinary about them. In a crowd of millions, they'd always stand out like a sore thumb. The way they create, the way they take in information, the way they interact with their environment and family members, and their ability to do things at a level that are far far beyond their years. They are highly sensitive, deeply curious, extremely intense, emotionally intelligence individuals that notice things that most others are oblivious to, and they are ALWAYS misunderstood by the vast majority, and are mostly deemed to be an anaomoly for the most part. (however they also tend to be the game changers and artistic geniuses that propel the world forward). They're extraordinary prolific at their chosen pursuit and are often multi talented (hence the over activity and hyper creativity that they have to manage on a daily basis) they are OBSESSIVE and insanely driven at perfecting whatever task is at hand, and they're easily overwhelmed by people, external stimuli, and need an awful lot of time and space alone to ponder, reflect, re-gather their energies and make sense of the world around them, and manage the mammoth and EXTREMELY overly active world inside of them. Being a gifted child has been an endless struggle for me (especially regarding relationships with other people which are especially tough because most people are always operating at a levels of consciousness and understanding that is so narrow and colourless that it feels like I'm drawing blood from myself just to be able to communicate with them) but it comes with advantages that I would never ever trade, regardless of the difficulties and pain that is endured. I could go on and on with this topic but the gifted child is a particularly special kind of individual that is just far too complex (in terms of their needs and the ways they draw meaning from life) to sum up in a paragraph, let alone several books!
@@AnaGonzalez-gk3wk According to what I know. The best thing you can do is, communicate with him. Ask him what HE wants to do, encourage him and allow him to pursue those things. If you think there is a problem with how he's trying to achieve things, tell him how he can make it better. Just support him and be there for him when he needs you. And you have more experience at parenting than I do, so you can figure it out as you go. Best of luck!
Wow thank you so much for this… you just spoke straight to my soul. I was never labeled as gifted but I was that one student that was constantly questioning the teachers, day dreaming about being out in the world doing what my creative mind was yearning to bring to life, and feeling my soul sucked out of me every morning as I absolutely HATED waking up and going to school. I stuck out like a sore thumb constantly and was always misunderstood. I was the type who, if I had better parents, should have been homeschooled or unschooled and left to my own curiosity because it was & still is boundless. Now I’m raising a son who is the same exact way, with the added bonuses of his father’s genius as well. We have another on the way and I know she will have a similar level of genius as well. I wish someone would have seen me for my genius versus always labeling me a problem and constantly being sent to the principals office for speaking my mind. My parents and teachers never saw me as highly sensitive or creatively advanced or gifted, despite all the things I excelled at. But I’m so grateful I have the chance to give my kids the unique childhood & home based education they deserve. 🥹🙏🥰
I don't know that I'm gifted, but I know that I'm intelligent. School was never enough for me. I disliked the dynamic and the monotony. The huge groups of people making it impossible to focus. Even now it's difficult in college. But there is no other dynamic. And it is truly unfortunate.
Genius know we are superior. If you do not think you are "gifted" you are not. Smart is smart. Not gifted. To say the Blue Ridge Mountains are tall but are not the Highest in the world. When you stand on Everest.... you have no question. 🔝
Got homeschooled by our gifted mom. She then found structure for neuroatypical kids where we were understood and supported by gifted and Asperger teachers. Thank you mom ♥️
I had the opposite issue, and I've been having to work with myself on it for a long time. I remember many times from as far back as pre-kindergarten of having arguments with my teachers where I felt they were too stupid to understand what I was trying to say. Of course, I also recognized that I was very bad at articulating my thoughts being that I was about 4 years old, but I hated that my teachers could not figure out what I was trying to say, not to mention recognize the logic flaws in their own arguments. Instead of being embarrassed, I learned to hate others who judged me. It wasn't until about middle school that I started to recognize that my teachers just didn't know how to deal with me. I also realized that I was judging others the same way that I felt they judged me. I am glad that I was confident enough in my own ability to know that in certain ways gifted, but having that confidence at such a young age meant I was very much becoming an elitist, which did not jive with my personality. The best thing my mom did for me was take me out of school for several years. One spends nearly all of their memorable life in school for the first two decades, and I was associating my success in school with my value as a person. By taking me out of school, it allowed me to discover who I was and re-learn how much I love to learn. I have a natural thirst to learn and being told day after day that I was bad at learning was whittling away at my identity as a person. I am now in a similar position again in the work world where others don't know how to deal with me. On one hand they see that I am gifted at what I am good at, but on the other hand I have extreme difficulty with things that I am not good at. I have never been good at dealing with people, but I have strong confidence in my abilities and a good level mind-set and am trying my best to work as part of the team and not be some elitist.
Imho, SO well said! I've had a very similar experience, tho was in 'gifted schools' wishing my mom would pull me out. I did well, always but hated every second! For me, learning more about HSP recently... things started to make sense & it shined a lot of light in some areas. ;) Live long(ER) & vape on! #ABILLIONLIVESFILM
I am in fifth now, and I started reading when I was three, and read a whole newspaper by that time. I really didn't expect another kid to be here!! :OO
Jillian Frost yep. you’ve got good spelling for his old you are. i’ve only been a slightly above average student in the 12th grade. but i have an I.Q of 149. but i’m pretty lazy and have a good sense of humour
Having been a senstitive child myself, and often termed "too intense", deeply emotional, i could relate so much to the "sense of self" concept that she talked about. More people need to watch this. Thanks.
"he had to swallow so much of himself and do what he was told..." ugh...my heart breaks. Glad to hear things ended up going well. Thank you for this video.
This was me growing up. It's me now. The expectations for me were so high because of the "gifted" label, but no one wanted to recognize the other parts of me. The highly sensitive, emotional, anxiety-riddled part of me that was either derided or ignored. Now that I have a daughter who exhibits the same behaviors I recognize in myself, I truly hope that I am able to nurture her highly sensitive nature so that she sees it as a strength and not a weakness.
My son is gifted, very creative (plays multiple musical instruments, has a couple of albums recorded, draws, writes Java code for his video game scenes), socially somewhat of a loner but academically very strong. My main concern is how he is not interested so much in having friends that he in person interacts with (also is the only child) and how he apparently seems to have no romantic interest as far as I can tell. All this is so different to me and not sure his therapists have helped much for him to develop social circles or skills in that area. He is about to start university next year now.
I would love insights on how you nurture your child to see her sensitivity as a strength. Both of my girls are highly sensitive and quite smart intellectually. I would love to help them see strength in their sensitivity too.
I am highly gifted but I was never recognized as one when I was a child. Now I have a daughter who is also highly gifted. Only by helping my daughter struggle with her giftedness have I been able accept how different I am. I am so glad she is growing up now rather than in the 60s but it could be so much better for her. I hope I can help and support her in the ways she needs rather than in the ways the "experts" advise. Thank you for giving this talk.
If she has hypersensitivity symptoms, in particular touch, I would say it is very likely. I am also noting that she is not so much telling us she is gifted because she wants us to know. She is speaking about her daughter and is primarily focused on the existence of the talk. I would say there is indirect evidence to support her claim, but I would also note that Brennen's skepticism is also an important emotion that we need all humans to have. Overall, pretty good from the team here today.
I wish someone had noticed that I was "gifted" when i was at school. Watching this ted talk made feel complete in the sense that I'm not alone with my way of thinking and that there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm a child of the 80's, I was a poor kid with a single parent. Overlooked by the system, I wasn't identified as highly gifted until I was 28. It wasn't great being that misunderstood kid. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It was pretty lonely. I'm just glad at least these days things are changing.
Being exceptionally gifted fucking sucks. It has close to zero pros. I got diagnosed with autism and depression by some "psychiatrist", while no one I'm close to thinks I have it. Besides I'm not driven to learn for school, because I love learning things but when people force me to do so, my whole motivation fades away.
CR33SIVE wait think this through first step into your career and see if it is an opportunity that is most likely wise to fully chase. just do part time first and if it's worth it then leave high school
Try to find a college or university where you can be in small classes and can study the things that interest you. Look for research opportunities early on.
We all are not proud of being gifted is because we feel left out. At least I do. 12 years of school and I have one friend. Literally one. I can feel it that I think different than others my age. I know it's a gift but sometimes I'd rather have some friends instead of it
Literally started crying during this. I threw away so much of myself trying to adapt to a slow work environment just so I could not starve or be homeless after highschool. I got into top tier colleges but couldn't afford it and now going back at 23 I'm having a crisis because I feel like I just can't do things the way I used too because so much of my old self is covered up through coping mechanisms and a survival level fear of not being obedient.
I cried with gratitude while watching this. I have just taken my daughter out of school and know I am doing the right thing for her but knowing others are the same as her and that people are speaking up for the needs of these people is such a relief. Thank you so much.
It's pretty wild seeing her come up on my YT recommended. She's my very good friends mom and I never knew she did a Ted talk years ago. If you see this, thank you Heidi, love ya. Thanks for the talk, and thank you for raising amazing kids which I am glad to call my good friends. I felt safer than anywhere else when I came over a few weeks ago. She's a truly tough woman.
I wish you were my mom. I felt like you were talking about me for most of that speech... I was never told I was gifted but I fit every description you gave.
Thank you so much Heidi! You are spot on with my child. My daughter is also gifted and I have experienced almost exactly as you have. She is 15 now and not progressing. I have tried everything to educate her despite her having a high IQ. The school district is useless! They treat her as a "behavioral" problem. I have been homeschooling for a year now (no progress). She loves technology and is extremely bright and creative. She has had severe mental issues due to the "trauma" she has endured by her community. Was also diagnosed with Aspergers (which she denies). Anyway so nice to know I'm not alone. You're talk was refreshing and encouraging!
This is exactly what I went through. I have been diagnosed with PTSD later in life because of the traumatic effects the system had in me. Best to your daughter. With you behind her, I'm sure she'll find her way
It's so hard to watch, as a parent! Have you seen a book called "AsperGirls"? It might help you relate? Also, I found my kiddos needed a solid year, maybe even two, of NO expectations, to just "de-school" and get over things they went through in schools, before they were ready to start learning again. I highly recommend taking off all pressure. I found my kids tended towards a PDA-profile of autism, due to the trauma. Something else you could look up, to see if that fits with your daughter? Good luck! And big hugs!
I'm tearing up because I've been cutting classes where I feel suffocated and after some time I just didn't want to do anything. It's a vicious spiral, convincing ourselves that WE are the problem, looking at the golf between us and the "neurotypicals". I didn't know I was gifted until recently and now i keep searching up about cases such as mine to know that I'm not alone. I'm understood. My FEELINGS are valid.
From 5:37 you described my experience with my gifted daughter. I was in tears. I've sent this to her, and I'm hoping we can come together and talk. I need help with this, Ms. Hass Gable. If you see this all these years later, I'd love to be pointed in the right direction for supporting a now 20 year old who dropped through the cracks of "traditional" education and my own ignorance. She tested as highly gifted, very young, at the Illinois Institute of Technology. Chicago Public Schools had nothing to offer her. Just promises to me and her father to "keep her challenged". They wanted her test scores. By high school? She was failing and ditching. She had anxiety and depression. It impacted our relationship due to my ignorance - as I am a teacher in a traditional setting. Yet - I was a gifted child. In the early 70s, the answer was to "double promote" because my parents didn't like the idea of their child going to a non-Catholic school. Fortunately for me, this was a fantastic progressive school that grouped by ability and interest - so I was 7 and in with 5th graders for some projects. I had college credits at 15/16 - and signed up for university at 16. I selfishly assumed my daughter would just excel and take advanced classes. I didn't understand that it was manifesting so differently for her - and her schools were letting her down unlike my own. Ugh. I've said too much. I'm working on rebuilding my relationship with my daughter - and assisting her in finding HER path, which is clearly experimental music and art. If anyone made it this far - and if any of this made sense - I need to be pointed in the right direction for some guidance. I feel such guilt for screwing up and "making her go to school". She resented me and still does. I'm working to make amends. I've apologized. It's not enough.
Sending you big hugs! Parenting is a difficult journey, even at the best of times! I also have kids that are VERY different than I was. With one, I honestly had to give up trying to "understand" and just learned to ask her. And believe her. Even when something made no sense to me! I found my own therapy was SO important for my relationships with my children. Do not underestimate the degree of trauma that just living in this world as a neurodiverse individual creates! It's more like complex trauma, as opposed to a specific traumatic event. Talk therapy can be helpful, but I found somatic therapies helped me the most - at least to begin with. I'll think about how I would approach your situation and try to come back with some suggestions. Take care!
You are a breath of fresh air! I'm gifted and raised 2 gifted children. I hated gifted class. I was bored to tears and separated from my peers, and teased for being "special." My mom took me out of the program. There weren't a lot of choices in our little town. Wish I could have a do-over, and raise my amazingly bright, creative, gifted children. I made so many mistakes and poor choices! My daughter has since passed away, and my son has a son who is 18 months old and is already showing "the signs." He and his wife just had their 2nd baby, so they may be raising 2 gifted children. Once, in a parent-teacher conference I was told that children who fall just below the genius level are actually the most successful people. Sad, but probably true.
I am so grateful to have found your TedTalk. I firmly believe, exactly as you presented, that our kids know what is BEST for them. I have had all of my 5 kids learning from home at different times, during their school years.I currently have 2 in public school, 2 that are grown, and our HSP baby girl who is home to learn and she is thriving. In school, she found herself miserable and unable to learn. I completely agree with your talk, that we can learn so much from our kids, when giving the chance!! Thank you again for sharing a beautiful, wonderful talk! I loved it! I, too, am an HSP that was forced to go to school and it was devastating. I will NEVER do that to my babies, ever!!!.
I agree! I started homeschooling my ADHD son when he came home crying everyday from school. I thought, this is crazy, he's six years old! His teacher demanded we put him on Ritalin, and the school constantly gave him food he was allergic to. We homeschooled from first to tenth grade, and he finished his last two years at a private school as a top honor student. He went on to join the military and go to college. He has made good, long-term friends and girlfriends. The only thing that I wish I could tell myself back then was to relax and not worry ! (Homeschooling was a newer idea back then)
Thank you. Your experiences described my son exactly, and our experiences with what we did for him through high school. We took the untraditional route with his schooling, and it was the best thing. Life is still hard for him, and we don't know what the future will look like, but thank you for sharing your experiences.
"Even if no one ever says that to you, you have a sense of it in yourself that people are talking about different things than you're talking about." Hit the nail on the head. Precisely what being gifted feels like.
You are such a great person and parent Heidi.. I wish I had parents like you. Your kids are very lucky to a have mother like you. I wish I had parents that could identify that I am gifted and support me.
This is beautiful! thank you so much for sharing this! I don't know if people understand how deep this goes. It has nothing to do with being allowed to play minecraft for a whole year, but literally everything to do with having someone, ONE person who gives you the feeling that you can trust that whatever you've got going on isn't bad, isn't wrong, but quite on the contrary pretty neat if focussed in the right directions. I've been told that everybody needs good teachers, but in case of gifted it's a bit more than that. One needs excellent teachers, some with whom one can relate, and feel! then trust and let one be guided. I cannot begin to explain the horrors of trusting others.. when you live in a world, where you see people speaking a different language, focussing on things that seem so futile, the whole world seems like living an utterly different experience, and at the end of the day, 98 times of a 100, you're proved right, and you hate being right, because it doesn't seem to help anybody, because no body really listens. So even to make the smallest step, a gifted person NEEDS someone to trust, someone one would know to speak the same language and see the things for what they are. I don't think this trust can be stressed enough! because when I say need, I don't mean it would be nice, I mean the survival of a healthy state of being and mind utterly depends on it, which makes things even trickier. Say one doesn't have such teachers, or mentors, then one is ment to fail and if one fails, there is practically not a single chance of being recognized as gifted, but more like a lazy troubled student of sorts. Being gifted is being a foreigner in our own country, even home.The very romanticised version of the 'genius' that most people have has sadly nothing to do with the reality of the matter.
Five years later, my daughter finished homeschool and is studying art now. My son is still homeschooling. The best thing for a gifted child is to be homeschooled and have a Tutor that helps them emotionally and creatively and academically. My kids are blessed, they have these Tutors.
This is fantastic. I'm an Educational Assistant and I totally believe in putting the curriculum second, behind the kids. The system doesn't allow for it, but don't you worry, my kids needs come first always before curriculum.
I am a gifted student in my mid-20's and I was left behind. Finally managed to to cope a few years ago after school and university ended; just needed the better part of a year without anyone telling me what they expected of me. Not cured, just coping. As soon as I started hearing about her kids in adolescence it all flooded back and I started to cry.
omg. she described me I am always anxious and nervous to go to school and I don't fit in with anyone at all I don't like school at all and it is not bc I'm lazy they test us way too much and make it hard to learn with all of their boring assingnments. worksheet,worksheet,worksheet, worksheet,worksheet,worksheet,worksheet. test,test,test,test,test,test,test. They need to give us a break and give us a chance to learn how we want to and to be ourselves.
MuttinKing I think it's horrible to label kids like that. Even if the kid is exceptionally intelligent, adults should just listen to the child and what he or she wants to do in life.
It is some times difficult to find the right balance. I taught English in Korea. In that country, parents will pay a lot of money to send their kids to night classes. I taught at one of these children's night schools. The problem I found was pushy parents shoving them into classes that were way too advanced, and the kids just couldn't understand the material. Then the Korean teachers blamed the kids and made them do more homework. I know it sucks but be thankful you don't live in South Korea
TO ANY STUDENT THAT HAS LISTENED TO THIS AND THOUGHT, "THAT'S ME.": Well, that was me in high school, as well, but back in the 70's we were just "the troubled kids." Listen and absorb Ms. Gable's message. You are not troubled or a disruption, you just do not fit into the "round hole" in which they would like everyone to fit. I ended up quitting school twice because it was so uncomfortable/stressful. I did finish in an unconventional way. Later, I went on to college, grad school, and now working on a doctorate. Don't give up on yourself. Many will not understand you but you have so much to offer the world and your family. TO MS. HEIDI HASS GABLE: Thank you very much for sharing this.
This reminds me of my youngest daughter. The school suggested we have her tested for giftness, but I decided against it. She has an anxious personality, she's very empathetic and sensitive. Luckily she never called begging to be picked up. That would break my heart and I can understand why she let her kids stay at home
This is so important. Thank you so much for talking about this! My daughter refuses to go to school lately... this has given me some hope and has eased the dreadful feeling of worry in my stomach. I will be looking into how i can help my daughter from this perspective. so hope i can find her a place where she can thrive in her own way that isn't prescriptive and stifling! Thank you!!
Wow, totally recognizable, every word of it! My daughter is now at home for about 7 weeks. She is 7. People don't understand what I see; how she adapts and how different she is at home. I hope, pray, that she will get a programm where she learns instead of learning to be the classclown and fear and being very insecure. I unschool now sort of, first 2 weeks she didnt want to go outside, now she is more thriving, she wants to build robots, inventing a time machine, living fantasy and being creative. She wants to go out when she is a teen, shopping with friends; but she is still 7. I'm gifted myself; but I didnt think that when I was 7.
I'm 12 years old and I just recently started 7th grade. Every single day feels like torture because I'm ahead of all my classmates and my family does not have enough money to enroll me into a more advanced school. The only thing that I was placed in correctly is math, which I'm 2 years ahead in and it still feels pretty easy. I hate school. I can feel myself slowly getting less intelligent every single day haha
Same. I'm pretty smart for my age .Like you I'm 12. I tired of being thought of as "smart". It's almost demeaning. Even though I'm not bullied, I just feel like some of my friends cannot truly understand what I'm say or how I feel. It seems like society does not truly appreciate the 13% us who are geniuses.
olubunmi olorundami That is exactly how I feel. This sounds super broody, but I feel like nobody gets me because I understand more things than 99% of people my age. I have no friends because I'm the alien of the planet that is my school.
I would recommend that you consider Kahn Academy online. It is free and will challenge you in wonderful and rewarding ways. MIT also offers may free online math classes.
I feel like most people don't recognize that being intelligent is AT LEAST as much a curse as it is a gift. The moment I sat down at school, I was reading or drawing as an escapism because I was unchallenged and didn't have a supportive social environment I remember my mother always telling me: "Why can't you just be normal?? I wish you would just meet up and go to other kids birthday parties instead of sitting in your room all day" And I really understand where she was coming from but I tried. I was severely bullied and the moment I tried to talk to someone, I immediately got a feeling of "we have nothing to talk about". I liked to talk about maths, computers, science, art and books and never understood talking about celebrities or just trashtalking other people. Getting into a program did a lot for me. When I was 11 I used to drive the bus to another town 1.5 hours away after a 6-8hours school day just to go to these programs. On these days I was in bed at 11pm but those were the only gathering that gave me something. Those were the only few kids I could talk to without having to pretend to care about some celebrity dating another. I recently got a scholarship and I'm so thankful for that! No primarely because of the money I get (even though that's pretty nice as well, gotta admit :b) but especially because it finally feels like I found my people again. The gifted-kid-program ended for me with my highschool graduation and AFTER 2 YEARS of studying I finally feel like I found an enriching equivalent to that.
I'm so glad you found your people! That makes such a difference! I don't know how, but I grew up in a small town and went to a very small school. And yet, I had some pretty fantastic friends. Just a few, but we understood each other and could "geek out" with each other. I have often reminded my own children that they're not going to be able to connect with everyone. There will be acquaintances and casual friendships, often borne out of convenience or proximity (like school or work friends). But the more rare friends will be the one where you understand and value each other. I recall some research saying we tend to self select friends that are within something like 10 or 20 IQ points - because it's important to be able to understand each other. I hope your program goes well! Take care!
I'm gifted, always have been, as a kid i never liked all the stuff all the other kids liked. i hated running around playing and would rather have stayed in to read about the universe. I loved to watch NatGeo and learn about animals when the others ran around outside. My parents pushed me to go outside, to play with other kids. I couldn't and i didn't want to. Worst of all i hated being pushed towards it and have to put my book down or stop watching my show to go out and play. The worst part was having to go to school with all the other kids. I was quick with math, sciences, english etc and failed PE, though i didn't care because what was the point of PE anyway? I got bored with my teachers, i would always ask questions which the teachers took as challenging their authority and i would get sent to the principal's office. I got bored of the teachers and bored of school, worse i got bored of the rigidity of school, i learned faster on my own and learned faster by myself, i would find tons of books and kept reading on my own. Worst is i always got picked on when my classmates did pay attention to me, when they weren't busy shunning me and ignoring me. I always went ahead and read chapters ahead of my school books and did the exercises beforehand. I ended up bored waiting for the other kids to catch up. Story of my life was i was always waiting for everyone else to catch up to me. I never had equals in class, no one to talk to. I devoured information and processed it so quick and from my experience with my classmates i learned to be quick with a witty retort. I became more cynical from middle school all the way to high school where it got worse. Quick witty retorts became quick witty put-downs and the isolation became mush worse. i ended up severely depressed bordering on suicidal. Eventually my parents made me see a therapist, didn't get better after that. When high school was over and college started i feared the worst, but in college it got better. The things that made me unique, made me stand out. i found friends, actual peers i could talk to and be on the same wavelength with and with whom i can share my ideas, as well as my interests. The problem is what after college? What afterwards? Work? I know i don't and can't work for someone else working a job i hate, stifling myself. I know i'd rather work doing something i love doing and find fun rather than pays a ton of cash and forces me to go through what i did all those years ago, pushing myself to conform and stifle what's inside me. Luckily for now it's still a long ways away, but i still worry about it. I sometimes still have a breakdown and i still do suffer from depression. Even the occasional existential case of depression. I keep thinking why me sometimes? Why am i like this? Why couldn't i have been born like everyone else? So my life could have been easier, that if i was like everyone else i could just fit in and be happy.
Thank you for your reply, i sobbed for a while after reading what you wrote. I wish i could say i'm better, but unfortunately i'm not, i still have bouts of existential depression, moments where i feel the self loathing, the crushing feeling of despair and inner emptiness and insignificance again reducing me to becoming almost complete numbness, moments where i shut myself in and i fear it's just getting worse slowly, i sometimes just go back into myself for periods of time, i get too scared to talk at times where i keep doubting what i'm going to say and that it's gonna make people hate me so i just keep quiet and other times where i lock myself in my room and cry, slipping back into the old pattern of behavior i had. I have made a small number of friends and it helps having someone to talk to, i have made friends with who'm i can talk and be myself but like i already said i still haven't completely moved forward. It still helps a lot though just having them as my friends. I keep my time reading and following things that interest me. Those are moments where i feel free, where everything else disappears and i don't feel pressure from society or my own inner doubts. I really enjoyed your reply and it made me feel a lot better and gave me some hope. It really helped me, i know i'm not at the end of this yet, but i am trying to hold on and i haven't completely given up on that hope. I've been looking at jobs that i could do after college that are more in line with what i enjoy doing, so i'm planning to keep pursuing that. Thank you so much for your message of hope and optimism, it really has helped more than you can imagine.
Alex Brown My story might inspire you, I hope. I apologize how long it will get. I have (don't suffer from) attention deficit disorder and school was horrible, I was terrible at everything and not once got help with it and it of course made me think I was stupid and I had no self confidence whatsoever. I also have bipolar disorder so depression gets quite serious. But just like you I had a huge thirst for knowledge of things that interests me which almost entirely was animals. I went to animal care school and learned pretty much everything I need to know to be a zookeeper, or dogtrainer, or what ever it may be that didn't require further study such as veterinarian or marine biology or something. I did fantastic but still felt stupid because I kept being told that there were no jobs for that and I kept wasting my time on all this animal obsessions, and that I needed to learn other things too. A plan B that was "more realistic for the real world". Anyway, here I am in a completely different country all across the globe as.... a farmer. :p I was told I threw away everything for a very low achievement job and that I basically chose the crappiest job/lifestyle ever. But my confidence is higher than ever. Not just because I am living my dream to work with animals and be my own boss - but my attention deficit makes me extraordinary at it! I notice sounds, changes, potential dangers such as a nail sticking out in a fence post that could hurt them, or one limping, etc. But one step further, this is way harder mentally than physically. During intense situations I work great during adrenaline rushes because of all the panic attacks and manias I have endured, and because of the depression I know how to cope emotionally with loss of a cow or calf. The insomnia helps me be able to work on little sleep, and my former eating disorder has trained my body to go long periods without food if necessary without losing preformance. I thought my mental illness would make me a useless leech of society and instead it made me a skilled specialist. Even all those hours as a gamer has turned into a greater assett than academics ever has.
Alex Brown, I'm gifted and was first put into my school system's gifted and talented program in elementary school, which lasted through 9th grade. I felt exactly like you're describing. I, on the other hand ended up self medicating with alcohol and then drugs. From 10th grade one. Oh, I still made great grades, because I knew my parents wouldn't care about my partying as long as I had those A's in all the AP classes I was taking. After high school, I attended a great private liberal arts college. Alcohol and drugs were my primary concern. Classes where what I did in between getting high and wasted. Oh, I had a great time. Never really thought those 4 years would ever end. Still got great grades because of knew that is what was excerpted and I could party as hard as I wanted as long as I got A's. I graduated manga cum laude. My frat brothers couldn't believe it. My freshman year, a professor gave me the best advice ever, she told me to study and major in an area that you, and the money will follow. See I went into college planning to be a doctor and major in biology. The only thing was I hated fucking biology and math. Sure I was good at those subjects, but I hated them and the only reason I wanted to be a doctor was I knew doctors can make a lot of money. I love English and writing and that's what my heart told me I needed to focus on. So I majored in English and ended up also majoring in Sociology. That is why I did so well despite partying almost every night!Unfortunately, my alcohol and drug use continued into law school (graduated top 10%) , early married life, and shortly after my kids were born I had an awakening. I wad killing it at work loved what I was doing but I knew I would die within a year if I kept using at that pace. Luckily I checked myself into treatment, was there for 3 months, and have been clean for over 7 years. The moral of my tale is don't medicate yourself over those feelings, don't engage in self destructive acts like I did, and there is absolutely nothing wrong in asking for help and seek professional therapy even if you think it won't help. There will always be someone in the future to worry you, but worrying doesn't help a damn thing. In treatment I learned a phrase, "Let go and let God." Now ""God" is a higher power of your understanding. Doesn't have to be the Christian God, Jewish God, or whatever. I was never that religious although church was rammed down my throat as a kid. Never went in college or law school. But looking back on everything in my life, I can assure you there is a higher power or my ass would not be here typing this right now. Things just worried out in such a way that I am exactly where I need to be. And I assure that was not my doing. I hope this helps you or someone else reading this.
The social isolation is a real problem. I'm not a super genius (hovering around the 120 IQ level) but even so I feel isolated sometimes. I can only image what it feels like for a person with a super high IQ. When I need to explain it to "normies" I tell them to think of the frustration they feel when dealing with the stupidest person they know, and then imagine what it would be like if EVERYONE was like that. The internet is a good place to link up with other people like yourself. You could also try to join up with local hobby groups that are into things that are more cerebral.
The modern world has been waiting for someone like you! Keep spreading this message because you are so right. I failed my eldest child but in the process of making sure I do what's right for my youngest. Considering Steiner but she's not keen. She can cope with mainstream she says. I say just coping is not good enough!
I think this is what free range parents are adopting. I judged them in the beginning but I’m understanding them more and this video helps me understand even more.
I always feel embarrassed about admitting my grades to others. I don't want other people to thinking I'm bragging because I've got a better grade. Because i hold myself to a higher standard, getting what people would call 'average' grades makes me feel like a failure because I'm meant to be 'smart'. I also feel like I don't get to be excited over high grades because thats whats expected of me
i almost started crying while watching this because whenever i talked about school and why i didnt like it i was always asked what id do instead. i could never say, just let me do me, adults dont trust us enough. someone put it into words though. thank you
This entire thing hits me so completely spot on that it actually brought me to tears because it helped so many things click in to place for me and realize a lot of things overall. Very powerful video.
This was a beautiful to listen to. As a parent of a 3.5 old child who shows above normal signs of intellectual capability, I am completely able to relate with the other areas of what they go through. If there is well researched literature for further reading please point me to it.
Both of my sons were so intelligent and so active that it was hard for me to keep up with them. My older son was able to add double digit numbers in his head by age 3. My younger son taught himself to read by October of his kindergarten year. Sadly, despite them both being id’d as gifted by the public schools, they constantly got in trouble and I was accused of teaching them “parlor tricks” in order to get myself attention. My older son was bullied and said to be bragging and causing his own social difficulties by first grade. He was diagnosed with ASD and has now dropped out of high school. I wish I had had the courage to do what you did and not be cowed by threats of being jailed for causing truancy.
I was a gifted kid. Gifted classes, high standardized test scores, honor roll, etc. But I was always awkward (despite being a well liked kid). By 9th grade I was asking my parents if I could homeschool online. I ended up dropping out halfway through 10th grade due to social anxiety. But I spent the next year spending most of my spare time at Barnes & Noble or the library reading. I ended up going to college after getting my GED at 17, earlier than what I would have if I had finished high school. I flunked out of my senior year because I hardly turned anything in and those 4 year assignments required a lot of focus. Would later find out I had ADHD (inattentive) and that I’m autistic at 30.
Thank you for this talk. I have to absolutely agree with you on this: adults aren't necessarily the best people to teach children. Some children (gifted ones) are far better and happier learning by themselves. It's something that applied to me, something I see in my daughter now, and something the educational system here, in the UK, and probably everywhere else, simply won't come to terms with. In fact, it's something parents don't want to acknowledge because they don't have gifted kids of their own. So, they're trying to label my 3-y.o. any number of things just so that she doesn't fall behind on some aspects. This is a 3y.o. who can read, count, and learn by herself. She wouldn't let me read to her until only recently. She won't let me do anything remotely educational with her. If she's curious, she'll learn it herself. She wouldn't let me show her anything. I can't think of anything I've taught her, and I know for a fact she hasn't learnt much in nursery, because she's so advanced it's crazy to think they assess her based on normal children's abilities (and there aren't many of those at this stage, except speech skills, which is something she is hereditarily bad at). I wish nursery/school would be able to appreciate her talents, not compulsively put her down for not being in line with their developmental milestones. She's very happy as she is, always bouncing around and giggling and singing and dancing, and that's the way children should be, not pinned down to a chair so they can all have lunch in group, or made to do the same things other kids are doing if they clearly have no interest in it. I was an exceptional student, but I absolutely hated school, and I don't want her to go through some of the challenges I had growing up. I was advanced in some areas and teachers didn't know what to do with me, and behind on others where I could have been great (like physics and math), but the teaching methods were barbaric. I study undergraduate astronomy now, so there! If I'm not good at math or physics, then who is? As for my daughter, I was told she fits with a model called 'Einstein Syndrome', which child psychologists, speech therapists and other professionals disagree with on the basis of the fact that they believe their input helps these children become more normal, not the childrens' own brains developing in different stages and eventually catching up with what the rest are capable of. It all seems very unfair to me. I wish people would begin to realize that school, as it is today, simply doesn't work for everyone, and if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean you're an underachiever or an underdeveloped child, but quite to the contrary, it could mean you need something better. I have that 'something' now, but it took me 30 years to understand I was gifted and to change my life to suit my own needs. Must my child go through the same just because teachers don't know what to do with her?
i desperately wish my parents were like her im literally so tired of it all oh god everything she said just hit me hard im being sent back to in person school because my grades are flopping because i dont want to study the material
Thank you for showing us parents how to advocate well for a child who learns differently then the school wants to direct and create and shape him/her. I know better now how to approach my child's learning as well as his days when school is just too much. With more heart like you!
YES!!! We need to trust that kids (gifted, but ALL kids really), instinctively know how to learn from LIFE. Life can teach our kids! And us gifted kids especially are very skilled in learning from life. I wish I had a mom like you when I was young!
I missed most of my junior year for this reason and nobody had the resources to help me understand what I was experiencing. Everyone encouraged me to keep showing up even though I had panic attacks in every class. I wish someone would have been aware of my needs, but I worked through it to the best of my ability. If my child goes through this I’ll be able to help and that makes it all worth it.
I see so much of myself in this. I have been told that I am bright and gifted by so many professionals, but honestly there's a huge part of me that feels like I am pretending and somebody will find out and report me. I had all of these issues (I asked too many questions, I was interested in different things) and few places to channel them (even in college I got in trouble for this, and finally just had to write a novel in class to keep out of trouble). Now I am a teacher and bring so much of this to my classroom. I know how to make the curriculum more palatable to kids, because I have been there. I just hated the journey.
My mom is gifted and has worked for years and years with special needs people. She can diagnose quite accurately after 2 times of seeing someone. She tells me I'm gifted and she shows me the "evidence" but sometimes I wish I could get diagnosed for real to learn about myself. I need real proof but I'm scared. What if i am? What if I'm not? What if it's too expensive? What if it's not accurate? What if I panick and mess up? Thank you for this talk, made me feel a little better.
I was labeled "gifted" in second grade after an IQ test. The similarities between gifted kids and autistic kids are astounding. I have emotional and sensory issues, I struggle with motivation and psychological issues as a direct result of not only my "intelligence" but the way I've been treated thus. Our gifted program (central Florida, suburban Orlando to be exact) was not what it needed to be. Instead of a fundamentally different classroom where we learned at a pace we needed and in a way we needed and with the support we needed, it was... The regular class but with double or triple the homework and tests and, most of all, pressure. Everyone in those classes had the idea that we were smart, and special, and if we didn't perform, it meant we didn't belong there. The first time I got an F, in 4th grade, I threw a fit. I screamed. I cried. I wailed and sobbed. My life was OVER. I was 10. There was no call home. There was no discussion, no support. I went home, took my lumps, felt like a failure, lost the will to try. Today I struggle with depression and self loathing. I struggle to continue when things are difficult. I struggle with failure. I struggle with doing things, simple tasks, if it's being judged. I struggle. If I'd had the support I needed, I would not be half as broken and dysfunctional as I am. The way we think of children and their brains needs to change fundamentally. What makes me gifted and not adhd? What makes me gifted and not autistic? How do you label children? These are questions we need to ask.
This describes my child so well. I was told today not to encourage his interest in science and related subjects as it would set him apart from his peers. Thank you for this talk and video, it has given me the courage and encouragement to be the best advocate for my child.
That is a good parent. She trusted herself and her children. This one size, one way fits all world really doesn't fit many of us. I loved her description of the intensity and physical sensitivity. I am old, and she made sigh with relief that I have made it this far in a world that doesn't fit me and my decisions to make it better really have!
She truly is an amazing person. Her youngest is my partner and when I visited them for the first time a few weeks back, as soon as I met her, I knew I was safe.
Beautiful talk with a soft message to all educators out there... PATIENCE so so Important today, to Give kids a way to find there own Path to what works for them
Must be nice to have been surrounded by such an encouraging environment and a culture with an emphasis on how an individual feels. I had the same type of anxiety and it felt like it was verbatim straight out of my life story except for the fact that my mom didn’t know what to do except hit me. It put quite a strain on our relationship but it’s hard to forgive and forget, despite me knowing it was just an action that arose out of desperation. Thank you. This video made me feel less alone
Im in 4th grade of high school (15 years old), I recognize a lot of the things she said. Also the comment u guys grote are relatable. I really hate school, Im always bored and have nothing to do but playing games on my calculator and disturb al the lessons. I have a lot of discussions with teachers. Im also the class clown. My grades are better than the average student, i really cant study and when i try i end up lost somewhere on youtube or Instagram. This isn't a problem now but probebly wil become a big problem in a few years. Yes im still very young compared to you guys who also wrote comments. I have a lot of friends and go out a lot. Still i feel like nobody really understands me, i don't really care about that but still sometimes it's frustrating. The last weeks it's difficult to even follow the lessons and write down exercises in my book, but that problem i don't have with maths, not that i study for it after school but in class I van work good. I had previous problems with finding the right school, I tried twice tot change school but after a mount i had to ga back to the same school I go now for over a year. I don't really want to change again but the lessons really don't fit me. I still have a long path to go and hope it will work out. I do have other things that most kids don't have, om very fast distracted, sounds is also something strange, i Cant sleep even if hear a little sound, for that i use earbudds for every night for over 5years. I wrote this because i cant really talk about this cuz nobody understands. Are there People that relate to this or do you have an other story please react tot this. Also please leave a like if u scrolled this far so i know if there are People that even read this.
I understand you! I recommend you search for a friend like you. He or she will understand you. I have tried to find a friend like me many years (I am 17 almost now) and finally I knew a girl like me, someone with I can really talk and I swear you, it's amazing.
Ask your parents to register you for Study Skills at a learning center such as Sylvan or Kumon. It is SO IMPORTANT FOR GIFTED STUDENTS to learn how to study as studies get harder and harder and you won't be able to keep up just by knowing the game without the tutorial type of thing. It actually works more against the gifted than the average student because of the lack of building blocks and having quick results. Your brain is above average and that can handicap your ability to stop at every step when something is hard, take failures as stepping stones and take strides that challenge your interests. Also, find out how you can relate a core subject to your interest. You like math, study the periodic table IN DEBTH. That will lead you to a nice journey in chemistry if you get curious about all the details of rhe magic of a periodic table. Also, take up piano thorough notes as it is also a study skill. Memorize lines by taking acting classes, guess what? Study skills, especially if you perfect a long monologue. Study skills will be the turning point for a bright student like you.
It's pretty comforting and cathartic to see tons of other 'gifted adults' convalescing in an online forum. Thanks for talking about this. This has been a huge area where I've struggled with self-esteem for years.
I kind of did that in highschool. I just didn't want the social bs anymore. It was draining and suffocating. So I did homeschool for 3 years, but it was really more the unschooling model. I'd watch the history channel for hours learning about bit Ancient Egypt or Machu Pichu or learn about social infrastructure on Discovery, but I didn't want to do the essays or posters or whatever. I just wanted to absorb the knowledge. Thankfully, my mom didn't push me other than to hit the marks to prove to the state I was learning. About the only thing I did with a solid curriculum was math because I loved it. My fourth year I started college a year early and ended that first year salutatorian. I don't think that would've happened if I'd done public highschool.
I’m 27 and suspected to have ASD. However in school I masked my symptoms and true self. I was gifted but never offered any kind of support and I suffered for it. I didn’t fit in, wanted to disappear, and had a nervous breakdown by the time I got to college. We need to do better at identifying Students that are struggling and offer everyone the support they need.
I can totally relate as a gifted-autistic-adhd kid, labeled as behavioral. But in high school my parents chose to keep pushing instead of letting me stay home. That was over a decade ago, and I ended up being forced out of the house and have been homeless since then. I thought for years they didnt love me because i was telling them what i needed and they wouldnt believe me. I also have terrible anxiety. If any parents are reading this, please don't make that mistake whatever you do. Heidi knows what she's talking about. Take the chance and even if it does turn out badly you can still go back. And more importantly your kid will know they can depend on you.
Absolutely brilliant; I don't have much confidence that modern society, on average, would ever embrace an idea like this (despite likely agreeing, individually, that self direction in some amount might've been beneficial in their life) but who knows? Just a decade ago, hardly anyone worked from home. That's not the best example of ideas catching on, but it hits the point: anything's possible.
+Lisa Says You're right. It's not an example, as the work from home thing is largely due to the internet blooming. But you're also right in that modern society will very unlikely adopt this seeing that conformity is arguably the greatest virtue or regarded as such.
That totally describes me and my daughter. We are very, very sensitive. She is blessed to be in a home school centre with about 14 pupils and she loves school and loves to learn! There are about 5 teachers, dedicated to meet each child's specific need.
Lovely! I agree. Maria Montessori came to the same conclusions. Quality Montessori schools provide this optimal learning structure you describe for children. I was lucky as a gifted child to benefit intellectually, socially and psychologically from a Montessori education experience. My children are benefiting now. It is my hope more children will have the opportunity to optimize their own unique potentialities and thrive.
Sounds like you are speaking about my son. Thanks for bringing this out. Being gifted has not always worked out well for my son. He has been judged at every level by my family and friends. It is dangerous how this society sets expectations. One size doesn’t fit all.
I can relate to this ladies son I was tested and scored high with a iq test. That didn't say anything to me the school system dumbed me down. I remember thinking during school lecture I would be in a deep thought coming up with ideas and theories of life and how we came to be all kinds of questions that have a intense subject matter. I didn't think much of it at that time. Some how I managed a c to d avrage without trying really. I got what I needed out of school learning numbers and letters the two main tools we use every day. I don't remember really learning in school but I did. I can remember more of my past thoughts and ideas. My thoughts got my attention more than school I remember being really board during lectures so I would have to start thinking deep in thought I would get fascinated and drive to think hard school just couldn't make me feel that way. I came off as slow maybe because my grades weren't always great or day dreaming the day away. I tried to push myself to focus but it hardly worked.
I’m a gifted woman. Especially women tend to swallow a lot of themselves and try to fit in. They are often the shy, quiet, well-behaved little girls. Although it will never work out and this sensation of being different from deep within will always stick. The decades of swallowing and hiding haunt me now. I don’t know who I am anymore, I can’t form any meaningful relationships and I’m burning out in University. Being gifted in a world where no one ever truly saw me made me deeply depressed, anxious and suicidal. I just wish somebody would have noticed, that teachers are educated on how to detect giften children and how to help them. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma on giftedness so I don’t have to feel ashamed of myself any longer. Thank you for this beautiful Ted Talk.
my daughter did the same thing with the cheese wax! She is in college now and she crochets during her classes to keep her hands busy while listening and learning. i didn't understand the depths of her anxieties when she was in high school.
I still struggle to this day. My mom decided that Spanish immersion was more important that GATE. I never fit in, I tried to dumb down to fit it. I started reading at 3, and learned quickly and was in MESA. But never felt smart. Because I didn't want to be different. My kids struggle the same way. But I am aware of their genius. We need to be accepting loving and aware of their necesites.
I wish my mom would have known what to do with me when I was young & my mom was told i was gifted. My school told her to take me from stuff like early english courses, so thats what she did, which i now think was devastating. I wish i was send to a school for individual learning too. I am now 16, I will finish school this year, skipping 2 grades but I am truly unhappy with the way i had to study in the past and will have to contibue studying in the future.
I have a nearly 4yo who is showing signs of being gifted and in reading about it for his sake I'm finding out a lot about myself too. I guess most people will not really understand what Heidi is talking about here, and maybe will outright dismiss it, but I'd like her to know it resonates deeply within me. I hope I can give my son what I (and his father) didn't have.
I'm so glad that my talk resonated for you! It sounds like you're going in the right direction for your child! Keep learning and be curious, support him to feel his feelings and ask him questions about what interests him. Help him self reflect. I also found my own therapy was critical for me to be the parent my kids needed me to be! Take care!
*heartbeats* I am one of these types of children! I never feel like I have fitted in and people always talk about different things to what I do! Thank you! ( I have ASD and dyspraxia) it just makes life more challenging than it needs to be! Love diversity!!!!
I tested as gifted as child. I was indeed the class clown. Rather than being in a gifted program, I was in a behavioral classroom, for problem kids basically. I barely graduated high school, but now I’m in a neuropsychology doctorate program. Finally, I enjoy school.
❤️
lol that is how i felt about high school. I always hated school until i got to college when i got to learn what i was interested in. i love computer science and all technology now i have a great career that i love going to everyday. its good to feed your kids what interests them. but they need the boring stuff as well.
I'm so proud and happy for you Ben! I'm 34, gifted, raising a gifted child alone and about to finish my nursing diploma. Finding our way can be a very bumpy road. Go us for getting there in the end!
I can definitely relate to you.
I went from this realy smart kid, with no friends, to the 'class clown' underperforming, but with 'friends'. I'd quit school, when I was 17, took 3 years to 'set my mind at ease' and since last year I went back! This time to really do it over, the right way! I'm in this program where I can get my certificates. And with these certificates I can get into the university! So it's a bit of a longer road than usual, but at least now I'm doing everything I can, and I'm learing new things everyday.Also making mistakes every day, or not getting straight A's right away. But I love it so much more than trying to deny giftedness, trying to live a life that's just not me, by choosing the easy way out. So, chears to the growth mindset, instead of the fixed one!
good for you, but not the same for everybody
„I am gifted but I would rather apologize for it than brag about it. Why is that?“
Instant like. Why does our society give us the feeling that we should be average and conventional?
Ludmila Marešová herd mentality
Ludmila Marešová Status quo bias.
I hate saying that I'm gifted, and it makes me cringe when people call me that.
CR33SIVE Well it is something to be proud of.
Isolation party Are you gifted? It's hard to be proud of it. I get bad grades in school, and I'm nearly failing all my school classes; people still call me "really smart" "gifted" I don't even know what to do, do they expect me to say "Oh yeah I'm gifted, yeah!" I usually just smile, or just laugh. I don't want to seem like a narcissist.
God when she said "that childs sense of self has been compromised. There's anxiety and there's existential crises" the floodgates opened
Me.
Same.
I cried. That was my daughter's experience. The guilt I feel. Please read my post up top, and I wonder if you have suggestions.
😢😢 I wish I found this 9 years ago
😢😢 I wish I found this 9 years ago
I'm crying watching that because that's all I've ever wanted when I was a kid. And yes I "swallowed" a lot of myself to fit in.
Someone like you I never fit in because I never swallowed myself, I faced a lot of bullying but I continued to be myself
I get it. It feels like you’re a pen in a world without paper.
I wanna learn how to “unswallow” my own old self
And I guess that's why I love to study and educate myself...freedom to learn.
🥰♥️🤗
Hugs to all the fellow gifted ex-children here, hope you are doing great.
Isolation party Always getting there! Always journeying. 🤗
I would like to reciprocate your encouragement in a platonic way so that you feel comfortable while I exhibit inverse gender.
Those who are still alive...
adamgm84 “inverse gender”
Its a curse
Average IQ is 100. If a kid has an IQ of 70, they get special education. So if a kid has an IQ of 130, don’t they deserve a special education, too?
It’s cruel to force highly intelligent kids in with the general population. It’s a soul crushing experience that has life long effects :(
(I’m aware that IQ isn’t a perfect measure, but it illustrates my point here.)
Rachael Schultz I think I was a bit gifted but I was more carefree and lazy as a kid, maybe more creatively inclined so I shied away from programs like Quest because I figured it was just gonna be a lot of extra homework doing things I didnt want to spend time doing. I guess I channeled my gifts for art, situational awareness and architecture in other ways like building stick forts and avoiding the recess teachers/recess police.
CHEESE WAX! I LOVED SCULPTING THE CHEESE WAX.
It is, indeed, a soul crushing experience.
Rachael Schultz yes and No. If they are separated, they will not learn to Socialize correctly. Usually eggheads have a hard time inherently, let alone to isolate them from the other kids. Just make sure your child gets that extra mind stimulation. Genius is on many different levels. Also some are late bloomers. My father was a C student in high school back in the 50s. He went into the service and took the IQ test.. Off the friggen charts. So much that he was removed and put in a special unit. So there ya go.
Sorry to disagree, but You go to School to learn actual stuff. You don't go to School to socialize, because School isn't a society. It Is a jungle. Between a person who's been harassed at school for years for being an "egghead", and one who had happy years surrounded with other kids like themself, the first one Will be the least adapted to society, because they Will fear others and close themself. Socialisation at School is a big myth. The more you try to fit in, the more you are an outcast.
I’m autistic and gifted. I’m crying so much by watching this, you’re such an amazing mother! I wish I had a mother like you. My dream is to create my own method of education and have my own school, because I see how our current school system deeply fail us
sadly. by design...
"Watching The Bees" I have no idea that you will!
I have that same dream!!
You're right. There are no real provisions for gifted children. All the resources are for low achievers.
I would love to create a school like that as well! I homeschool my kids gifted kids. This is 100% my kid!
We must also attract GIFTED TEACHERS and allow them to mentor gifted students. When I was teaching, students would self-select to be (or not to be) in my classes which promoted excactly what you describe. As goes our political climate, so goes our educational one...thanks for having the courage to share your journey and your story.
Elaine Willis I agree. I think Finland does it best. They give public school teachers the same esteem and pay as doctors, lawyers and other professionals. This attracts “the best and the brightest” I’m sure there are a lot of gifted teachers there that help such students.
@@benfrank8649 I am an ESL teacher. I haven't been to Finland, but I went to South Korea. These 2 countries have the highest school exam results in the world. People go on about how great the Korean education system is. However, Finland achieves the same results but with only a fraction of the hard, grinding labour Korean kids endure. So the Finnish system must be very efficient! The South Korean government doesn't spend that much on public education,. Korean parents spend huge sums sending their own kids to expensive cram schools to practice, practice, practice. and children are sometimes put in classes they aren't ready for. So they just have to learn by rote. To ameliorate this. Korea hired lots of western teachers to help teach authentic English in in state schools. Years ago, this meant professional middle class people were coming to teach in Korean high schools. I met some of these people, and they did extremely well and worked hard, and were popular. However, the salary for that job was allowed to deteriorate significantly. Now the people being hired to help Koreans in state schools, are mostly clueless young American graduates with no experience, and yet paradoxically, the paperwork needed to get these jobs is crazily complicated.
MY “GIFTED” TEACHER IN PUBLIC SCHOOL WAS THE WORST. But now I go to a school for gifted children🤗
I’m so lucky to have had a gifted person, who also had adhd (like me) and had formerly worked in a gifted school, as a teacher. They were incredibly enabling, helpful, and very gentle.
Sadly, near the end of the school year is when they finally found out I was gifted after looking over my test scores and putting the pieces together of my behavior during the year, and I had been failing all of my classes terribly, but they still tried their best to make the lessons and assignments interesting for me, to at least make it so that I didn’t fail the year.
I still failed 8th grade though lol 😭
(luckily my school didn’t hold me back.)
Anyways, to conclude, having former gifted/neurodivergent teachers working with students would be life changing. Not only are they intelligent, but they always try their hardest to makes sure their students are not only happy, but doing well in school. Not to mention their creative ideas for lessons and assignments that make it fun and easy for the students to learn.
@@CeilingFiend That’s great! My gifted teachers never seem to really teach, they just constantly yell at the children who act out.
It's very easy to spot a gifted child because there's absolutely nothing ordinary about them. In a crowd of millions, they'd always stand out like a sore thumb. The way they create, the way they take in information, the way they interact with their environment and family members, and their ability to do things at a level that are far far beyond their years. They are highly sensitive, deeply curious, extremely intense, emotionally intelligence individuals that notice things that most others are oblivious to, and they are ALWAYS misunderstood by the vast majority, and are mostly deemed to be an anaomoly for the most part. (however they also tend to be the game changers and artistic geniuses that propel the world forward). They're extraordinary prolific at their chosen pursuit and are often multi talented (hence the over activity and hyper creativity that they have to manage on a daily basis) they are OBSESSIVE and insanely driven at perfecting whatever task is at hand, and they're easily overwhelmed by people, external stimuli, and need an awful lot of time and space alone to ponder, reflect, re-gather their energies and make sense of the world around them, and manage the mammoth and EXTREMELY overly active world inside of them. Being a gifted child has been an endless struggle for me (especially regarding relationships with other people which are especially tough because most people are always operating at a levels of consciousness and understanding that is so narrow and colourless that it feels like I'm drawing blood from myself just to be able to communicate with them) but it comes with advantages that I would never ever trade, regardless of the difficulties and pain that is endured. I could go on and on with this topic but the gifted child is a particularly special kind of individual that is just far too complex (in terms of their needs and the ways they draw meaning from life) to sum up in a paragraph, let alone several books!
Wow. I feel like you just described by 17 year old son. Please share more. How can I be a better mom?
@@AnaGonzalez-gk3wk According to what I know. The best thing you can do is, communicate with him. Ask him what HE wants to do, encourage him and allow him to pursue those things. If you think there is a problem with how he's trying to achieve things, tell him how he can make it better. Just support him and be there for him when he needs you. And you have more experience at parenting than I do, so you can figure it out as you go. Best of luck!
Amazing explanation
Wow thank you so much for this… you just spoke straight to my soul. I was never labeled as gifted but I was that one student that was constantly questioning the teachers, day dreaming about being out in the world doing what my creative mind was yearning to bring to life, and feeling my soul sucked out of me every morning as I absolutely HATED waking up and going to school. I stuck out like a sore thumb constantly and was always misunderstood. I was the type who, if I had better parents, should have been homeschooled or unschooled and left to my own curiosity because it was & still is boundless. Now I’m raising a son who is the same exact way, with the added bonuses of his father’s genius as well. We have another on the way and I know she will have a similar level of genius as well. I wish someone would have seen me for my genius versus always labeling me a problem and constantly being sent to the principals office for speaking my mind. My parents and teachers never saw me as highly sensitive or creatively advanced or gifted, despite all the things I excelled at. But I’m so grateful I have the chance to give my kids the unique childhood & home based education they deserve. 🥹🙏🥰
I don't know that I'm gifted, but I know that I'm intelligent. School was never enough for me. I disliked the dynamic and the monotony. The huge groups of people making it impossible to focus. Even now it's difficult in college. But there is no other dynamic. And it is truly unfortunate.
Genius know we are superior. If you do not think you are "gifted" you are not. Smart is smart.
Not gifted.
To say the Blue Ridge Mountains are tall but are not the Highest in the world.
When you stand on Everest.... you have no question.
🔝
+Michael K Perhaps we are not all so overly confident. Considered that?
I know I find school and college hard. I find it confusing that other students dont even show up classes! Yep. *Hope life gets better beyond!
@HarryMonmouth Donald Trump has said that he is a stable genius!
Tyler B Look up the blog and book by the name of Rainforest Mind by Paula Prober. Changed my world when I realised my truth!
Got homeschooled by our gifted mom. She then found structure for neuroatypical kids where we were understood and supported by gifted and Asperger teachers. Thank you mom ♥️
I am a gifted student in 5th grade and it makes me happier to know that I am not the only who is embarrassed by it
I had the opposite issue, and I've been having to work with myself on it for a long time. I remember many times from as far back as pre-kindergarten of having arguments with my teachers where I felt they were too stupid to understand what I was trying to say. Of course, I also recognized that I was very bad at articulating my thoughts being that I was about 4 years old, but I hated that my teachers could not figure out what I was trying to say, not to mention recognize the logic flaws in their own arguments.
Instead of being embarrassed, I learned to hate others who judged me. It wasn't until about middle school that I started to recognize that my teachers just didn't know how to deal with me. I also realized that I was judging others the same way that I felt they judged me. I am glad that I was confident enough in my own ability to know that in certain ways gifted, but having that confidence at such a young age meant I was very much becoming an elitist, which did not jive with my personality.
The best thing my mom did for me was take me out of school for several years. One spends nearly all of their memorable life in school for the first two decades, and I was associating my success in school with my value as a person. By taking me out of school, it allowed me to discover who I was and re-learn how much I love to learn. I have a natural thirst to learn and being told day after day that I was bad at learning was whittling away at my identity as a person.
I am now in a similar position again in the work world where others don't know how to deal with me. On one hand they see that I am gifted at what I am good at, but on the other hand I have extreme difficulty with things that I am not good at. I have never been good at dealing with people, but I have strong confidence in my abilities and a good level mind-set and am trying my best to work as part of the team and not be some elitist.
Imho, SO well said! I've had a very similar experience, tho was in 'gifted schools' wishing my mom would pull me out. I did well, always but hated every second! For me, learning more about HSP recently... things started to make sense & it shined a lot of light in some areas. ;) Live long(ER) & vape on! #ABILLIONLIVESFILM
I am in fifth now, and I started reading when I was three, and read a whole newspaper by that time. I really didn't expect another kid to be here!! :OO
Jillian Frost yep. you’ve got good spelling for his old you are. i’ve only been a slightly above average student in the 12th grade. but i have an I.Q of 149. but i’m pretty lazy and have a good sense of humour
'Nother gifted student here. Gotta agree with 110% of what you're saying.
Having been a senstitive child myself, and often termed "too intense", deeply emotional, i could relate so much to the "sense of self" concept that she talked about. More people need to watch this. Thanks.
"he had to swallow so much of himself and do what he was told..." ugh...my heart breaks. Glad to hear things ended up going well. Thank you for this video.
This was me growing up. It's me now. The expectations for me were so high because of the "gifted" label, but no one wanted to recognize the other parts of me. The highly sensitive, emotional, anxiety-riddled part of me that was either derided or ignored. Now that I have a daughter who exhibits the same behaviors I recognize in myself, I truly hope that I am able to nurture her highly sensitive nature so that she sees it as a strength and not a weakness.
Kamee Collins Its me too. Im not sure if im gifted meaning im super smart, but the rest is pretty accurate. I wish you good luck.
Check out Elaine Aron's work on HSPs if you haven't already!
My son is gifted, very creative (plays multiple musical instruments, has a couple of albums recorded, draws, writes Java code for his video game scenes), socially somewhat of a loner but academically very strong. My main concern is how he is not interested so much in having friends that he in person interacts with (also is the only child) and how he apparently seems to have no romantic interest as far as I can tell. All this is so different to me and not sure his therapists have helped much for him to develop social circles or skills in that area. He is about to start university next year now.
I would love insights on how you nurture your child to see her sensitivity as a strength.
Both of my girls are highly sensitive and quite smart intellectually.
I would love to help them see strength in their sensitivity too.
damn. when she said "its not just anxiety, its existential crisis" that has so been my experience and still continues to be my experience at 26.
I am highly gifted but I was never recognized as one when I was a child. Now I have a daughter who is also highly gifted. Only by helping my daughter struggle with her giftedness have I been able accept how different I am. I am so glad she is growing up now rather than in the 60s but it could be so much better for her. I hope I can help and support her in the ways she needs rather than in the ways the "experts" advise. Thank you for giving this talk.
Admiral. I would like to work with a team of gifted people
Eleanor Nelson .m7
How do you know you are gifted? This is something that needs to be tested. You do not get to decide if you are gifted!
If she has hypersensitivity symptoms, in particular touch, I would say it is very likely. I am also noting that she is not so much telling us she is gifted because she wants us to know. She is speaking about her daughter and is primarily focused on the existence of the talk. I would say there is indirect evidence to support her claim, but I would also note that Brennen's skepticism is also an important emotion that we need all humans to have. Overall, pretty good from the team here today.
There are signs that will point you to giftedness. Testing isn't really that necessary to know that.
I wish someone had noticed that I was "gifted" when i was at school. Watching this ted talk made feel complete in the sense that I'm not alone with my way of thinking and that there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm a child of the 80's, I was a poor kid with a single parent.
Overlooked by the system, I wasn't identified as highly gifted until I was 28. It wasn't great being that misunderstood kid. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It was pretty lonely. I'm just glad at least these days things are changing.
Being exceptionally gifted fucking sucks. It has close to zero pros. I got diagnosed with autism and depression by some "psychiatrist", while no one I'm close to thinks I have it. Besides I'm not driven to learn for school, because I love learning things but when people force me to do so, my whole motivation fades away.
Can't agree more, I am going to drop out of high school so I can start my career early. I can finally leave this place, it is literally a HELL.
CR33SIVE wait think this through first step into your career and see if it is an opportunity that is most likely wise to fully chase. just do part time first and if it's worth it then leave high school
Try to find a college or university where you can be in small classes and can study the things that interest you. Look for research opportunities early on.
We all are not proud of being gifted is because we feel left out. At least I do. 12 years of school and I have one friend. Literally one. I can feel it that I think different than others my age. I know it's a gift but sometimes I'd rather have some friends instead of it
Yes same here! (Not the autism part though)
Literally started crying during this. I threw away so much of myself trying to adapt to a slow work environment just so I could not starve or be homeless after highschool. I got into top tier colleges but couldn't afford it and now going back at 23 I'm having a crisis because I feel like I just can't do things the way I used too because so much of my old self is covered up through coping mechanisms and a survival level fear of not being obedient.
I cried with gratitude while watching this. I have just taken my daughter out of school and know I am doing the right thing for her but knowing others are the same as her and that people are speaking up for the needs of these people is such a relief. Thank you so much.
It's pretty wild seeing her come up on my YT recommended. She's my very good friends mom and I never knew she did a Ted talk years ago. If you see this, thank you Heidi, love ya. Thanks for the talk, and thank you for raising amazing kids which I am glad to call my good friends. I felt safer than anywhere else when I came over a few weeks ago.
She's a truly tough woman.
Hey! Kind of cool to still see my talk making the rounds! I'm happy to hear you enjoy coming to visit us! 🙂
I wish you were my mom. I felt like you were talking about me for most of that speech... I was never told I was gifted but I fit every description you gave.
Thank you so much Heidi! You are spot on with my child. My daughter is also gifted and I have experienced almost exactly as you have. She is 15 now and not progressing. I have tried everything to educate her despite her having a high IQ. The school district is useless! They treat her as a "behavioral" problem. I have been homeschooling for a year now (no progress). She loves technology and is extremely bright and creative. She has had severe mental issues due to the "trauma" she has endured by her community. Was also diagnosed with Aspergers (which she denies). Anyway so nice to know I'm not alone. You're talk was refreshing and encouraging!
This is exactly what I went through. I have been diagnosed with PTSD later in life because of the traumatic effects the system had in me. Best to your daughter. With you behind her, I'm sure she'll find her way
It's so hard to watch, as a parent! Have you seen a book called "AsperGirls"? It might help you relate? Also, I found my kiddos needed a solid year, maybe even two, of NO expectations, to just "de-school" and get over things they went through in schools, before they were ready to start learning again. I highly recommend taking off all pressure. I found my kids tended towards a PDA-profile of autism, due to the trauma. Something else you could look up, to see if that fits with your daughter? Good luck! And big hugs!
We are a gift to Humanity. I am not embarrased of being creative. We all are unique. I will never apologize about who I am.
I'm tearing up because I've been cutting classes where I feel suffocated and after some time I just didn't want to do anything. It's a vicious spiral, convincing ourselves that WE are the problem, looking at the golf between us and the "neurotypicals". I didn't know I was gifted until recently and now i keep searching up about cases such as mine to know that I'm not alone. I'm understood. My FEELINGS are valid.
From 5:37 you described my experience with my gifted daughter. I was in tears. I've sent this to her, and I'm hoping we can come together and talk. I need help with this, Ms. Hass Gable. If you see this all these years later, I'd love to be pointed in the right direction for supporting a now 20 year old who dropped through the cracks of "traditional" education and my own ignorance. She tested as highly gifted, very young, at the Illinois Institute of Technology. Chicago Public Schools had nothing to offer her. Just promises to me and her father to "keep her challenged". They wanted her test scores. By high school? She was failing and ditching. She had anxiety and depression. It impacted our relationship due to my ignorance - as I am a teacher in a traditional setting. Yet - I was a gifted child. In the early 70s, the answer was to "double promote" because my parents didn't like the idea of their child going to a non-Catholic school. Fortunately for me, this was a fantastic progressive school that grouped by ability and interest - so I was 7 and in with 5th graders for some projects. I had college credits at 15/16 - and signed up for university at 16. I selfishly assumed my daughter would just excel and take advanced classes. I didn't understand that it was manifesting so differently for her - and her schools were letting her down unlike my own. Ugh. I've said too much. I'm working on rebuilding my relationship with my daughter - and assisting her in finding HER path, which is clearly experimental music and art. If anyone made it this far - and if any of this made sense - I need to be pointed in the right direction for some guidance. I feel such guilt for screwing up and "making her go to school". She resented me and still does. I'm working to make amends. I've apologized. It's not enough.
Sending you big hugs! Parenting is a difficult journey, even at the best of times! I also have kids that are VERY different than I was. With one, I honestly had to give up trying to "understand" and just learned to ask her. And believe her. Even when something made no sense to me!
I found my own therapy was SO important for my relationships with my children. Do not underestimate the degree of trauma that just living in this world as a neurodiverse individual creates! It's more like complex trauma, as opposed to a specific traumatic event. Talk therapy can be helpful, but I found somatic therapies helped me the most - at least to begin with. I'll think about how I would approach your situation and try to come back with some suggestions. Take care!
thank you, this made me feel less lonely
You are a breath of fresh air! I'm gifted and raised 2 gifted children. I hated gifted class. I was bored to tears and separated from my peers, and teased for being "special." My mom took me out of the program. There weren't a lot of choices in our little town. Wish I could have a do-over, and raise my amazingly bright, creative, gifted children. I made so many mistakes and poor choices! My daughter has since passed away, and my son has a son who is 18 months old and is already showing "the signs." He and his wife just had their 2nd baby, so they may be raising 2 gifted children. Once, in a parent-teacher conference I was told that children who fall just below the genius level are actually the most successful people. Sad, but probably true.
Thanks for your share. I’m trying to understand what the definition of a gifted child is. Thanks
I am so grateful to have found your TedTalk. I firmly believe, exactly as you presented, that our kids know what is BEST for them. I have had all of my 5 kids learning from home at different times, during their school years.I currently have 2 in public school, 2 that are grown, and our HSP baby girl who is home to learn and she is thriving. In school, she found herself miserable and unable to learn. I completely agree with your talk, that we can learn so much from our kids, when giving the chance!! Thank you again for sharing a beautiful, wonderful talk! I loved it! I, too, am an HSP that was forced to go to school and it was devastating. I will NEVER do that to my babies, ever!!!.
Kelly Ferg I wish with all my heart that my parents were like you
Same. Was about to type something similar then saw you already said it
I agree! I started homeschooling my ADHD son when he came home crying everyday from school. I thought, this is crazy, he's six years old! His teacher demanded we put him on Ritalin, and the school constantly gave him food he was allergic to. We homeschooled from first to tenth grade, and he finished his last two years at a private school as a top honor student. He went on to join the military and go to college. He has made good, long-term friends and girlfriends. The only thing that I wish I could tell myself back then was to relax and not worry ! (Homeschooling was a newer idea back then)
Thank you. Your experiences described my son exactly, and our experiences with what we did for him through high school. We took the untraditional route with his schooling, and it was the best thing. Life is still hard for him, and we don't know what the future will look like, but thank you for sharing your experiences.
"Even if no one ever says that to you, you have a sense of it in yourself that people are talking about different things than you're talking about." Hit the nail on the head. Precisely what being gifted feels like.
Yes
You are such a great person and parent Heidi.. I wish I had parents like you. Your kids are very lucky to a have mother like you. I wish I had parents that could identify that I am gifted and support me.
This is beautiful! thank you so much for sharing this! I don't know if people understand how deep this goes. It has nothing to do with being allowed to play minecraft for a whole year, but literally everything to do with having someone, ONE person who gives you the feeling that you can trust that whatever you've got going on isn't bad, isn't wrong, but quite on the contrary pretty neat if focussed in the right directions.
I've been told that everybody needs good teachers, but in case of gifted it's a bit more than that. One needs excellent teachers, some with whom one can relate, and feel! then trust and let one be guided.
I cannot begin to explain the horrors of trusting others.. when you live in a world, where you see people speaking a different language, focussing on things that seem so futile, the whole world seems like living an utterly different experience, and at the end of the day, 98 times of a 100, you're proved right, and you hate being right, because it doesn't seem to help anybody, because no body really listens.
So even to make the smallest step, a gifted person NEEDS someone to trust, someone one would know to speak the same language and see the things for what they are.
I don't think this trust can be stressed enough! because when I say need, I don't mean it would be nice, I mean the survival of a healthy state of being and mind utterly depends on it, which makes things even trickier. Say one doesn't have such teachers, or mentors, then one is ment to fail and if one fails, there is practically not a single chance of being recognized as gifted, but more like a lazy troubled student of sorts.
Being gifted is being a foreigner in our own country, even home.The very romanticised version of the 'genius' that most people have has sadly nothing to do with the reality of the matter.
whizkid thank you for this
Five years later, my daughter finished homeschool and is studying art now. My son is still homeschooling. The best thing for a gifted child is to be homeschooled and have a Tutor that helps them emotionally and creatively and academically. My kids are blessed, they have these Tutors.
I agree, that's often what's best! I found a school community that was amazing and supportive for my kids. But that's a rarity...
This is fantastic. I'm an Educational Assistant and I totally believe in putting the curriculum second, behind the kids. The system doesn't allow for it, but don't you worry, my kids needs come first always before curriculum.
I am a gifted student in my mid-20's and I was left behind. Finally managed to to cope a few years ago after school and university ended; just needed the better part of a year without anyone telling me what they expected of me. Not cured, just coping. As soon as I started hearing about her kids in adolescence it all flooded back and I started to cry.
omg. she described me I am always anxious and nervous to go to school and I don't fit in with anyone at all I don't like school at all and it is not bc I'm lazy they test us way too much and make it hard to learn with all of their boring assingnments. worksheet,worksheet,worksheet, worksheet,worksheet,worksheet,worksheet. test,test,test,test,test,test,test. They need to give us a break and give us a chance to learn how we want to and to be ourselves.
Good speech, the audience was so rude, loads of them on their phones and tablets, two women chatting away and laughing for ages.
true
Theres a science behind everything
I thought the same thing! I also saw she was quite nervous, so that made it even more rude
I focus better when drawing and listening though... they may feel the same by being on there phone.._
I'm listening to her but reading and writing comments
I'm a gifted seventh grader, and someone speaking out about this makes me feel so happy!
A positive self-concept is a measure of success.
When i passed my schools "gifted" test everyone expected more from me and it sucks
MuttinKing I think it's horrible to label kids like that. Even if the kid is exceptionally intelligent, adults should just listen to the child and what he or she wants to do in life.
Too often gifted classes are the regular classes with ten times the homework and pressure. I relate.
Yilvoxe agreed. In my high school it was “advanced” but the work wasn’t challenging it was on the same level as anyone else we just had 10x more of it
It is some times difficult to find the right balance. I taught English in Korea. In that country, parents will pay a lot of money to send their kids to night classes. I taught at one of these children's night schools. The problem I found was pushy parents shoving them into classes that were way too advanced, and the kids just couldn't understand the material. Then the Korean teachers blamed the kids and made them do more homework. I know it sucks but be thankful you don't live in South Korea
Yeah, I try to ask for more challenging work, so that I can actually learn from it. They just give me more work.
TO ANY STUDENT THAT HAS LISTENED TO THIS AND THOUGHT, "THAT'S ME.": Well, that was me in high school, as well, but back in the 70's we were just "the troubled kids." Listen and absorb Ms. Gable's message. You are not troubled or a disruption, you just do not fit into the "round hole" in which they would like everyone to fit. I ended up quitting school twice because it was so uncomfortable/stressful. I did finish in an unconventional way. Later, I went on to college, grad school, and now working on a doctorate. Don't give up on yourself. Many will not understand you but you have so much to offer the world and your family.
TO MS. HEIDI HASS GABLE: Thank you very much for sharing this.
Well done Heidi. Wonderful to hear parents not only having voice, but giving voice to the challenges of educating "individuals." Sing it Heidi! :)
i just learnt that I'm not the only one.... it feels so great to know that there's nothing wrong with me
This reminds me of my youngest daughter. The school suggested we have her tested for giftness, but I decided against it. She has an anxious personality, she's very empathetic and sensitive. Luckily she never called begging to be picked up. That would break my heart and I can understand why she let her kids stay at home
This is so important. Thank you so much for talking about this! My daughter refuses to go to school lately... this has given me some hope and has eased the dreadful feeling of worry in my stomach. I will be looking into how i can help my daughter from this perspective. so hope i can find her a place where she can thrive in her own way that isn't prescriptive and stifling! Thank you!!
I'm so glad my talk helped you - that means so much to me to hear!
Good luck in finding your way with your daughter!
Wow, totally recognizable, every word of it! My daughter is now at home for about 7 weeks. She is 7. People don't understand what I see; how she adapts and how different she is at home. I hope, pray, that she will get a programm where she learns instead of learning to be the classclown and fear and being very insecure. I unschool now sort of, first 2 weeks she didnt want to go outside, now she is more thriving, she wants to build robots, inventing a time machine, living fantasy and being creative. She wants to go out when she is a teen, shopping with friends; but she is still 7. I'm gifted myself; but I didnt think that when I was 7.
I’ve always thought that! Ask the children what they want. Stop thinking as adults we know everything.
I'm 12 years old and I just recently started 7th grade. Every single day feels like torture because I'm ahead of all my classmates and my family does not have enough money to enroll me into a more advanced school. The only thing that I was placed in correctly is math, which I'm 2 years ahead in and it still feels pretty easy. I hate school. I can feel myself slowly getting less intelligent every single day haha
Same. I'm pretty smart for my age .Like you I'm 12. I tired of being thought of as "smart". It's almost demeaning. Even though I'm not bullied, I just feel like some of my friends cannot truly understand what I'm say or how I feel. It seems like society does not truly appreciate the 13% us who are geniuses.
olubunmi olorundami That is exactly how I feel. This sounds super broody, but I feel like nobody gets me because I understand more things than 99% of people my age. I have no friends because I'm the alien of the planet that is my school.
what the heck that freakin sucks
I would recommend that you consider Kahn Academy online. It is free and will challenge you in wonderful and rewarding ways. MIT also offers may free online math classes.
I have no redeeming qualities
We are all redeemable. Including you;)
I feel like most people don't recognize that being intelligent is AT LEAST as much a curse as it is a gift.
The moment I sat down at school, I was reading or drawing as an escapism because I was unchallenged and didn't have a supportive social environment
I remember my mother always telling me: "Why can't you just be normal?? I wish you would just meet up and go to other kids birthday parties instead of sitting in your room all day"
And I really understand where she was coming from but I tried. I was severely bullied and the moment I tried to talk to someone, I immediately got a feeling of "we have nothing to talk about". I liked to talk about maths, computers, science, art and books and never understood talking about celebrities or just trashtalking other people.
Getting into a program did a lot for me. When I was 11 I used to drive the bus to another town 1.5 hours away after a 6-8hours school day just to go to these programs. On these days I was in bed at 11pm but those were the only gathering that gave me something. Those were the only few kids I could talk to without having to pretend to care about some celebrity dating another.
I recently got a scholarship and I'm so thankful for that! No primarely because of the money I get (even though that's pretty nice as well, gotta admit :b) but especially because it finally feels like I found my people again.
The gifted-kid-program ended for me with my highschool graduation and AFTER 2 YEARS of studying I finally feel like I found an enriching equivalent to that.
I'm so glad you found your people! That makes such a difference!
I don't know how, but I grew up in a small town and went to a very small school. And yet, I had some pretty fantastic friends. Just a few, but we understood each other and could "geek out" with each other. I have often reminded my own children that they're not going to be able to connect with everyone. There will be acquaintances and casual friendships, often borne out of convenience or proximity (like school or work friends). But the more rare friends will be the one where you understand and value each other. I recall some research saying we tend to self select friends that are within something like 10 or 20 IQ points - because it's important to be able to understand each other.
I hope your program goes well! Take care!
I'm gifted, always have been, as a kid i never liked all the stuff all the other kids liked. i hated running around playing and would rather have stayed in to read about the universe. I loved to watch NatGeo and learn about animals when the others ran around outside. My parents pushed me to go outside, to play with other kids. I couldn't and i didn't want to. Worst of all i hated being pushed towards it and have to put my book down or stop watching my show to go out and play. The worst part was having to go to school with all the other kids. I was quick with math, sciences, english etc and failed PE, though i didn't care because what was the point of PE anyway? I got bored with my teachers, i would always ask questions which the teachers took as challenging their authority and i would get sent to the principal's office. I got bored of the teachers and bored of school, worse i got bored of the rigidity of school, i learned faster on my own and learned faster by myself, i would find tons of books and kept reading on my own. Worst is i always got picked on when my classmates did pay attention to me, when they weren't busy shunning me and ignoring me. I always went ahead and read chapters ahead of my school books and did the exercises beforehand. I ended up bored waiting for the other kids to catch up. Story of my life was i was always waiting for everyone else to catch up to me. I never had equals in class, no one to talk to. I devoured information and processed it so quick and from my experience with my classmates i learned to be quick with a witty retort. I became more cynical from middle school all the way to high school where it got worse. Quick witty retorts became quick witty put-downs and the isolation became mush worse. i ended up severely depressed bordering on suicidal. Eventually my parents made me see a therapist, didn't get better after that. When high school was over and college started i feared the worst, but in college it got better. The things that made me unique, made me stand out. i found friends, actual peers i could talk to and be on the same wavelength with and with whom i can share my ideas, as well as my interests. The problem is what after college? What afterwards? Work? I know i don't and can't work for someone else working a job i hate, stifling myself. I know i'd rather work doing something i love doing and find fun rather than pays a ton of cash and forces me to go through what i did all those years ago, pushing myself to conform and stifle what's inside me. Luckily for now it's still a long ways away, but i still worry about it. I sometimes still have a breakdown and i still do suffer from depression. Even the occasional existential case of depression. I keep thinking why me sometimes? Why am i like this? Why couldn't i have been born like everyone else? So my life could have been easier, that if i was like everyone else i could just fit in and be happy.
Thank you for your reply, i sobbed for a while after reading what you wrote. I wish i could say i'm better, but unfortunately i'm not, i still have bouts of existential depression, moments where i feel the self loathing, the crushing feeling of despair and inner emptiness and insignificance again reducing me to becoming almost complete numbness, moments where i shut myself in and i fear it's just getting worse slowly, i sometimes just go back into myself for periods of time, i get too scared to talk at times where i keep doubting what i'm going to say and that it's gonna make people hate me so i just keep quiet and other times where i lock myself in my room and cry, slipping back into the old pattern of behavior i had.
I have made a small number of friends and it helps having someone to talk to, i have made friends with who'm i can talk and be myself but like i already said i still haven't completely moved forward. It still helps a lot though just having them as my friends. I keep my time reading and following things that interest me. Those are moments where i feel free, where everything else disappears and i don't feel pressure from society or my own inner doubts. I really enjoyed your reply and it made me feel a lot better and gave me some hope. It really helped me, i know i'm not at the end of this yet, but i am trying to hold on and i haven't completely given up on that hope. I've been looking at jobs that i could do after college that are more in line with what i enjoy doing, so i'm planning to keep pursuing that. Thank you so much for your message of hope and optimism, it really has helped more than you can imagine.
Alex Brown My story might inspire you, I hope. I apologize how long it will get.
I have (don't suffer from) attention deficit disorder and school was horrible, I was terrible at everything and not once got help with it and it of course made me think I was stupid and I had no self confidence whatsoever. I also have bipolar disorder so depression gets quite serious. But just like you I had a huge thirst for knowledge of things that interests me which almost entirely was animals.
I went to animal care school and learned pretty much everything I need to know to be a zookeeper, or dogtrainer, or what ever it may be that didn't require further study such as veterinarian or marine biology or something. I did fantastic but still felt stupid because I kept being told that there were no jobs for that and I kept wasting my time on all this animal obsessions, and that I needed to learn other things too. A plan B that was "more realistic for the real world".
Anyway, here I am in a completely different country all across the globe as.... a farmer. :p I was told I threw away everything for a very low achievement job and that I basically chose the crappiest job/lifestyle ever. But my confidence is higher than ever. Not just because I am living my dream to work with animals and be my own boss - but my attention deficit makes me extraordinary at it! I notice sounds, changes, potential dangers such as a nail sticking out in a fence post that could hurt them, or one limping, etc. But one step further, this is way harder mentally than physically. During intense situations I work great during adrenaline rushes because of all the panic attacks and manias I have endured, and because of the depression I know how to cope emotionally with loss of a cow or calf. The insomnia helps me be able to work on little sleep, and my former eating disorder has trained my body to go long periods without food if necessary without losing preformance.
I thought my mental illness would make me a useless leech of society and instead it made me a skilled specialist. Even all those hours as a gamer has turned into a greater assett than academics ever has.
Alex Brown, I'm gifted and was first put into my school system's gifted and talented program in elementary school, which lasted through 9th grade. I felt exactly like you're describing. I, on the other hand ended up self medicating with alcohol and then drugs. From 10th grade one. Oh, I still made great grades, because I knew my parents wouldn't care about my partying as long as I had those A's in all the AP classes I was taking. After high school, I attended a great private liberal arts college. Alcohol and drugs were my primary concern. Classes where what I did in between getting high and wasted. Oh, I had a great time. Never really thought those 4 years would ever end. Still got great grades because of knew that is what was excerpted and I could party as hard as I wanted as long as I got A's. I graduated manga cum laude. My frat brothers couldn't believe it. My freshman year, a professor gave me the best advice ever, she told me to study and major in an area that you, and the money will follow. See I went into college planning to be a doctor and major in biology. The only thing was I hated fucking biology and math. Sure I was good at those subjects, but I hated them and the only reason I wanted to be a doctor was I knew doctors can make a lot of money. I love English and writing and that's what my heart told me I needed to focus on. So I majored in English and ended up also majoring in Sociology. That is why I did so well despite partying almost every night!Unfortunately, my alcohol and drug use continued into law school (graduated top 10%) , early married life, and shortly after my kids were born I had an awakening. I wad killing it at work loved what I was doing but I knew I would die within a year if I kept using at that pace. Luckily I checked myself into treatment, was there for 3 months, and have been clean for over 7 years. The moral of my tale is don't medicate yourself over those feelings, don't engage in self destructive acts like I did, and there is absolutely nothing wrong in asking for help and seek professional therapy even if you think it won't help. There will always be someone in the future to worry you, but worrying doesn't help a damn thing. In treatment I learned a phrase, "Let go and let God." Now ""God" is a higher power of your understanding. Doesn't have to be the Christian God, Jewish God, or whatever. I was never that religious although church was rammed down my throat as a kid. Never went in college or law school. But looking back on everything in my life, I can assure you there is a higher power or my ass would not be here typing this right now. Things just worried out in such a way that I am exactly where I need to be. And I assure that was not my doing. I hope this helps you or someone else reading this.
The social isolation is a real problem. I'm not a super genius (hovering around the 120 IQ level) but even so I feel isolated sometimes. I can only image what it feels like for a person with a super high IQ.
When I need to explain it to "normies" I tell them to think of the frustration they feel when dealing with the stupidest person they know, and then imagine what it would be like if EVERYONE was like that.
The internet is a good place to link up with other people like yourself. You could also try to join up with local hobby groups that are into things that are more cerebral.
Alex Brown what advice do u have for a parent of a 10 year old gifted child who is alto like u said u where yourself?
The modern world has been waiting for someone like you! Keep spreading this message because you are so right. I failed my eldest child but in the process of making sure I do what's right for my youngest. Considering Steiner but she's not keen. She can cope with mainstream she says. I say just coping is not good enough!
I cried watching this, thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t
I think this is what free range parents are adopting. I judged them in the beginning but I’m understanding them more and this video helps me understand even more.
I always feel embarrassed about admitting my grades to others. I don't want other people to thinking I'm bragging because I've got a better grade. Because i hold myself to a higher standard, getting what people would call 'average' grades makes me feel like a failure because I'm meant to be 'smart'. I also feel like I don't get to be excited over high grades because thats whats expected of me
i almost started crying while watching this because whenever i talked about school and why i didnt like it i was always asked what id do instead. i could never say, just let me do me, adults dont trust us enough. someone put it into words though. thank you
This entire thing hits me so completely spot on that it actually brought me to tears because it helped so many things click in to place for me and realize a lot of things overall. Very powerful video.
This was a beautiful to listen to. As a parent of a 3.5 old child who shows above normal signs of intellectual capability, I am completely able to relate with the other areas of what they go through. If there is well researched literature for further reading please point me to it.
Both of my sons were so intelligent and so active that it was hard for me to keep up with them. My older son was able to add double digit numbers in his head by age 3. My younger son taught himself to read by October of his kindergarten year. Sadly, despite them both being id’d as gifted by the public schools, they constantly got in trouble and I was accused of teaching them “parlor tricks” in order to get myself attention. My older son was bullied and said to be bragging and causing his own social difficulties by first grade. He was diagnosed with ASD and has now dropped out of high school. I wish I had had the courage to do what you did and not be cowed by threats of being jailed for causing truancy.
I was a gifted kid. Gifted classes, high standardized test scores, honor roll, etc. But I was always awkward (despite being a well liked kid). By 9th grade I was asking my parents if I could homeschool online. I ended up dropping out halfway through 10th grade due to social anxiety. But I spent the next year spending most of my spare time at Barnes & Noble or the library reading. I ended up going to college after getting my GED at 17, earlier than what I would have if I had finished high school. I flunked out of my senior year because I hardly turned anything in and those 4 year assignments required a lot of focus. Would later find out I had ADHD (inattentive) and that I’m autistic at 30.
I hope learning those things about yourself helps you make sense and understand your experiences! Take care!
An eye opener for the existing education system.
Thank you for this talk. I have to absolutely agree with you on this: adults aren't necessarily the best people to teach children. Some children (gifted ones) are far better and happier learning by themselves. It's something that applied to me, something I see in my daughter now, and something the educational system here, in the UK, and probably everywhere else, simply won't come to terms with. In fact, it's something parents don't want to acknowledge because they don't have gifted kids of their own. So, they're trying to label my 3-y.o. any number of things just so that she doesn't fall behind on some aspects. This is a 3y.o. who can read, count, and learn by herself. She wouldn't let me read to her until only recently. She won't let me do anything remotely educational with her. If she's curious, she'll learn it herself. She wouldn't let me show her anything. I can't think of anything I've taught her, and I know for a fact she hasn't learnt much in nursery, because she's so advanced it's crazy to think they assess her based on normal children's abilities (and there aren't many of those at this stage, except speech skills, which is something she is hereditarily bad at). I wish nursery/school would be able to appreciate her talents, not compulsively put her down for not being in line with their developmental milestones. She's very happy as she is, always bouncing around and giggling and singing and dancing, and that's the way children should be, not pinned down to a chair so they can all have lunch in group, or made to do the same things other kids are doing if they clearly have no interest in it. I was an exceptional student, but I absolutely hated school, and I don't want her to go through some of the challenges I had growing up. I was advanced in some areas and teachers didn't know what to do with me, and behind on others where I could have been great (like physics and math), but the teaching methods were barbaric. I study undergraduate astronomy now, so there! If I'm not good at math or physics, then who is? As for my daughter, I was told she fits with a model called 'Einstein Syndrome', which child psychologists, speech therapists and other professionals disagree with on the basis of the fact that they believe their input helps these children become more normal, not the childrens' own brains developing in different stages and eventually catching up with what the rest are capable of. It all seems very unfair to me. I wish people would begin to realize that school, as it is today, simply doesn't work for everyone, and if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean you're an underachiever or an underdeveloped child, but quite to the contrary, it could mean you need something better. I have that 'something' now, but it took me 30 years to understand I was gifted and to change my life to suit my own needs. Must my child go through the same just because teachers don't know what to do with her?
I am gifted and have Autism.
i desperately wish my parents were like her
im literally so tired of it all
oh god everything she said just hit me hard
im being sent back to in person school because my grades are flopping because i dont want to study the material
Thank you for showing us parents how to advocate well for a child who learns differently then the school wants to direct and create and shape him/her. I know better now how to approach my child's learning as well as his days when school is just too much. With more heart like you!
YES!!! We need to trust that kids (gifted, but ALL kids really), instinctively know how to learn from LIFE. Life can teach our kids! And us gifted kids especially are very skilled in learning from life. I wish I had a mom like you when I was young!
Spot on!!!!!
I missed most of my junior year for this reason and nobody had the resources to help me understand what I was experiencing. Everyone encouraged me to keep showing up even though I had panic attacks in every class. I wish someone would have been aware of my needs, but I worked through it to the best of my ability. If my child goes through this I’ll be able to help and that makes it all worth it.
I see so much of myself in this. I have been told that I am bright and gifted by so many professionals, but honestly there's a huge part of me that feels like I am pretending and somebody will find out and report me. I had all of these issues (I asked too many questions, I was interested in different things) and few places to channel them (even in college I got in trouble for this, and finally just had to write a novel in class to keep out of trouble). Now I am a teacher and bring so much of this to my classroom. I know how to make the curriculum more palatable to kids, because I have been there. I just hated the journey.
My mom is gifted and has worked for years and years with special needs people. She can diagnose quite accurately after 2 times of seeing someone. She tells me I'm gifted and she shows me the "evidence" but sometimes I wish I could get diagnosed for real to learn about myself. I need real proof but I'm scared. What if i am? What if I'm not? What if it's too expensive? What if it's not accurate? What if I panick and mess up?
Thank you for this talk, made me feel a little better.
You've described what's happening to me perfectly. Minus the understanding parent and time to find myself part, of course.
I was labeled "gifted" in second grade after an IQ test. The similarities between gifted kids and autistic kids are astounding. I have emotional and sensory issues, I struggle with motivation and psychological issues as a direct result of not only my "intelligence" but the way I've been treated thus.
Our gifted program (central Florida, suburban Orlando to be exact) was not what it needed to be. Instead of a fundamentally different classroom where we learned at a pace we needed and in a way we needed and with the support we needed, it was... The regular class but with double or triple the homework and tests and, most of all, pressure. Everyone in those classes had the idea that we were smart, and special, and if we didn't perform, it meant we didn't belong there. The first time I got an F, in 4th grade, I threw a fit. I screamed. I cried. I wailed and sobbed. My life was OVER. I was 10. There was no call home. There was no discussion, no support. I went home, took my lumps, felt like a failure, lost the will to try.
Today I struggle with depression and self loathing. I struggle to continue when things are difficult. I struggle with failure. I struggle with doing things, simple tasks, if it's being judged. I struggle. If I'd had the support I needed, I would not be half as broken and dysfunctional as I am. The way we think of children and their brains needs to change fundamentally. What makes me gifted and not adhd? What makes me gifted and not autistic? How do you label children?
These are questions we need to ask.
This describes my child so well. I was told today not to encourage his interest in science and related subjects as it would set him apart from his peers. Thank you for this talk and video, it has given me the courage and encouragement to be the best advocate for my child.
Simce when do peers mather more then the individual child/person? It's just crazy...
That is a good parent. She trusted herself and her children. This one size, one way fits all world really doesn't fit many of us. I loved her description of the intensity and physical sensitivity. I am old, and she made sigh with relief that I have made it this far in a world that doesn't fit me and my decisions to make it better really have!
She truly is an amazing person. Her youngest is my partner and when I visited them for the first time a few weeks back, as soon as I met her, I knew I was safe.
Beautiful talk with a soft message to all educators out there... PATIENCE
so so Important today, to Give kids a way to find there own Path to what works for them
Must be nice to have been surrounded by such an encouraging environment and a culture with an emphasis on how an individual feels. I had the same type of anxiety and it felt like it was verbatim straight out of my life story except for the fact that my mom didn’t know what to do except hit me. It put quite a strain on our relationship but it’s hard to forgive and forget, despite me knowing it was just an action that arose out of desperation. Thank you. This video made me feel less alone
This was an amazing topic. My daughter is sensitive and going through anxiety. Thos really hit home for me.
Thank you for validating what I felt I had to do for my own child. She is doing much better now.
Im in 4th grade of high school (15 years old), I recognize a lot of the things she said. Also the comment u guys grote are relatable. I really hate school, Im always bored and have nothing to do but playing games on my calculator and disturb al the lessons. I have a lot of discussions with teachers. Im also the class clown. My grades are better than the average student, i really cant study and when i try i end up lost somewhere on youtube or Instagram. This isn't a problem now but probebly wil become a big problem in a few years. Yes im still very young compared to you guys who also wrote comments. I have a lot of friends and go out a lot. Still i feel like nobody really understands me, i don't really care about that but still sometimes it's frustrating. The last weeks it's difficult to even follow the lessons and write down exercises in my book, but that problem i don't have with maths, not that i study for it after school but in class I van work good. I had previous problems with finding the right school, I tried twice tot change school but after a mount i had to ga back to the same school I go now for over a year. I don't really want to change again but the lessons really don't fit me. I still have a long path to go and hope it will work out. I do have other things that most kids don't have, om very fast distracted, sounds is also something strange, i Cant sleep even if hear a little sound, for that i use earbudds for every night for over 5years. I wrote this because i cant really talk about this cuz nobody understands. Are there People that relate to this or do you have an other story please react tot this.
Also please leave a like if u scrolled this far so i know if there are People that even read this.
I understand you! I recommend you search for a friend like you. He or she will understand you.
I have tried to find a friend like me many years (I am 17 almost now) and finally I knew a girl like me, someone with I can really talk and I swear you, it's amazing.
same here im about to high school myself
Ask your parents to register you for Study Skills at a learning center such as Sylvan or Kumon. It is SO IMPORTANT FOR GIFTED STUDENTS to learn how to study as studies get harder and harder and you won't be able to keep up just by knowing the game without the tutorial type of thing. It actually works more against the gifted than the average student because of the lack of building blocks and having quick results. Your brain is above average and that can handicap your ability to stop at every step when something is hard, take failures as stepping stones and take strides that challenge your interests. Also, find out how you can relate a core subject to your interest. You like math, study the periodic table IN DEBTH. That will lead you to a nice journey in chemistry if you get curious about all the details of rhe magic of a periodic table.
Also, take up piano thorough notes as it is also a study skill. Memorize lines by taking acting classes, guess what? Study skills, especially if you perfect a long monologue. Study skills will be the turning point for a bright student like you.
@@elliepena7181purpose of life is not succes, for every why i can find a how. But what if i don't find a why to live for?
@@valen7353Ive Found People that can see me, but still everywhere i go im all alone
It's pretty comforting and cathartic to see tons of other 'gifted adults' convalescing in an online forum. Thanks for talking about this. This has been a huge area where I've struggled with self-esteem for years.
I kind of did that in highschool. I just didn't want the social bs anymore. It was draining and suffocating. So I did homeschool for 3 years, but it was really more the unschooling model. I'd watch the history channel for hours learning about bit Ancient Egypt or Machu Pichu or learn about social infrastructure on Discovery, but I didn't want to do the essays or posters or whatever. I just wanted to absorb the knowledge. Thankfully, my mom didn't push me other than to hit the marks to prove to the state I was learning. About the only thing I did with a solid curriculum was math because I loved it.
My fourth year I started college a year early and ended that first year salutatorian. I don't think that would've happened if I'd done public highschool.
I’m 27 and suspected to have ASD. However in school I masked my symptoms and true self. I was gifted but never offered any kind of support and I suffered for it. I didn’t fit in, wanted to disappear, and had a nervous breakdown by the time I got to college. We need to do better at identifying Students that are struggling and offer everyone the support they need.
WOW She deserve an award ! someone who finally get it
I can totally relate as a gifted-autistic-adhd kid, labeled as behavioral. But in high school my parents chose to keep pushing instead of letting me stay home. That was over a decade ago, and I ended up being forced out of the house and have been homeless since then. I thought for years they didnt love me because i was telling them what i needed and they wouldnt believe me. I also have terrible anxiety. If any parents are reading this, please don't make that mistake whatever you do. Heidi knows what she's talking about. Take the chance and even if it does turn out badly you can still go back. And more importantly your kid will know they can depend on you.
Absolutely brilliant; I don't have much confidence that modern society, on average, would ever embrace an idea like this (despite likely agreeing, individually, that self direction in some amount might've been beneficial in their life) but who knows? Just a decade ago, hardly anyone worked from home. That's not the best example of ideas catching on, but it hits the point: anything's possible.
+Lisa Says You're right. It's not an example, as the work from home thing is largely due to the internet blooming. But you're also right in that modern society will very unlikely adopt this seeing that conformity is arguably the greatest virtue or regarded as such.
That totally describes me and my daughter. We are very, very sensitive. She is blessed to be in a home school centre with about 14 pupils and she loves school and loves to learn! There are about 5 teachers, dedicated to meet each child's specific need.
Lovely! I agree. Maria Montessori came to the same conclusions. Quality Montessori schools provide this optimal learning structure you describe for children. I was lucky as a gifted child to benefit intellectually, socially and psychologically from a Montessori education experience. My children are benefiting now. It is my hope more children will have the opportunity to optimize their own unique potentialities and thrive.
Sounds like you are speaking about my son. Thanks for bringing this out. Being gifted has not always worked out well for my son. He has been judged at every level by my family and friends. It is dangerous how this society sets expectations. One size doesn’t fit all.
I can relate to this ladies son I was tested and scored high with a iq test. That didn't say anything to me the school system dumbed me down. I remember thinking during school lecture I would be in a deep thought coming up with ideas and theories of life and how we came to be all kinds of questions that have a intense subject matter. I didn't think much of it at that time. Some how I managed a c to d avrage without trying really. I got what I needed out of school learning numbers and letters the two main tools we use every day. I don't remember really learning in school but I did. I can remember more of my past thoughts and ideas. My thoughts got my attention more than school I remember being really board during lectures so I would have to start thinking deep in thought I would get fascinated and drive to think hard school just couldn't make me feel that way. I came off as slow maybe because my grades weren't always great or day dreaming the day away. I tried to push myself to focus but it hardly worked.
I’m a gifted woman. Especially women tend to swallow a lot of themselves and try to fit in. They are often the shy, quiet, well-behaved little girls. Although it will never work out and this sensation of being different from deep within will always stick. The decades of swallowing and hiding haunt me now. I don’t know who I am anymore, I can’t form any meaningful relationships and I’m burning out in University. Being gifted in a world where no one ever truly saw me made me deeply depressed, anxious and suicidal. I just wish somebody would have noticed, that teachers are educated on how to detect giften children and how to help them. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma on giftedness so I don’t have to feel ashamed of myself any longer.
Thank you for this beautiful Ted Talk.
Thank you so much for speak out, it's exactly what happened to my child and that's exactly what I think the solution of the problem. Thank you!
+Jane W My child too. We're still struggling.
Don't forget there are other options to school. There is a great book called 'The Teenage Liberation Handbook' which could be worth a read. Good luck!
+Jane W our child too. And we found the right place for her
Jane W
We homeschooled and we have improve dramatically
Lovely to hear & glad you could do this… We too as a family are considering this now! All the Best to you & yours x
my daughter did the same thing with the cheese wax! She is in college now and she crochets during her classes to keep her hands busy while listening and learning. i didn't understand the depths of her anxieties when she was in high school.
I am so grateful for this talk. So glad she shared this.
PS I love MTG too 😁
I needed this video in 2008, when everything began falling apart for me.
I still struggle to this day. My mom decided that Spanish immersion was more important that GATE. I never fit in, I tried to dumb down to fit it. I started reading at 3, and learned quickly and was in MESA. But never felt smart. Because I didn't want to be different. My kids struggle the same way. But I am aware of their genius. We need to be accepting loving and aware of their necesites.
I wish my mom would have known what to do with me when I was young & my mom was told i was gifted. My school told her to take me from stuff like early english courses, so thats what she did, which i now think was devastating. I wish i was send to a school for individual learning too. I am now 16, I will finish school this year, skipping 2 grades but I am truly unhappy with the way i had to study in the past and will have to contibue studying in the future.
Are you sure you're gifted ?????
Yes.
Contibue
I have a nearly 4yo who is showing signs of being gifted and in reading about it for his sake I'm finding out a lot about myself too. I guess most people will not really understand what Heidi is talking about here, and maybe will outright dismiss it, but I'd like her to know it resonates deeply within me. I hope I can give my son what I (and his father) didn't have.
I'm so glad that my talk resonated for you! It sounds like you're going in the right direction for your child! Keep learning and be curious, support him to feel his feelings and ask him questions about what interests him. Help him self reflect. I also found my own therapy was critical for me to be the parent my kids needed me to be!
Take care!
I'm happy I finally found someone that feels the same way as I do !
*heartbeats* I am one of these types of children! I never feel like I have fitted in and people always talk about different things to what I do! Thank you! ( I have ASD and dyspraxia) it just makes life more challenging than it needs to be! Love diversity!!!!