This is literally the advice my best friends gave me. He said you do all the work to make it work. Once you have slept with them then they do all the work to justify why it needs to work.
The more they know about you and are more comfortable with you, the less attractive you are to them as a mate, which isn't fair because it's the reverse once you are in relationship with them. Being their friend is a good thing, but only after you make it to that point. The real kick in the balls is that those guys in the friendzone (the ones with pure intentions) are basically 9/10ths a boyfriend, but they all lost their chance because they didn't bet the farm in the first 10min of meeting her. It sucks that we have to be the ones to compensate for or change who we are because "that's just how women are". The truth hurts...
+Shift4g You are right. But nature is not fair. Its much easier to get along with, and be comfortable with someone you don't have strong feelings for in the first place.I feel no jealousy when my male friends flirt with other people. I won't care if they get a motorcycle and ride it without a helmet. I won't yell at them if they do any risky thing, because my life isn't going to be impacted that much….my husband on the other hand will get an earful, because i can't imagine life without him. And again…plenty of women are in the friend zone too..people just seem to ignore that fact.
But it's fun to have a real female friend. Specially when my 8 years of relation just break up. I personally did not want to start a new relation with someone but I was looking to explorer other women and before my 8 years with my ex-girl that I knew it was challenge from I the beginning. Before her I never really had time to commit with relationship with another women. I spend all time on myself in time of peace...
@@rexsalezar4603 Looks like you are the one who didn't watch the video. If you look hard enough there's a woman talking. She's obviously talking from a biased perspective. Besides you can't put yourself in the friendzone. At 2:24 *she* "builds" a connection and comfort with the guy, not vice versa. Not developing a level of attraction does not equal he wants her as a friend. Otherwise, he would have made that clear from the beginning. Her uncertainty is the cause of all this.
This women is correct. Never letting a women put you in the friend zone is the only way to avoid it. I've gone through this myself and her advice is spot on. Men have to make the attraction happen. This however necessitates men doing far more than 50 percent of the risk taking and effort. I've come along way with my problems with women and I'm now at a point where I finally get it, but how am I honestly supposed to respect women as my equal when they clearly don't treat men as such? I can't be the only one that feels this way. It really angers me that women get to believe that things "just happen" because men make it happen. After I've taken all the risk, made all the effort only then will women begin to show interest. By the time I get to that point I'm only interested in fucking a women so I can tell her she means nothing to me so it will sting more out of bitterness. Still waiting on that equality thing the feminist believe in.
nak807 Yeah that's exactly how I feel about this. It makes me sad that this is how it is in modern western society. I actually blame a lot of women's passive attitude when it comes to dating and relationships on the mainstream media, magazines, TV shows, movies, and feminists. Their all spewing the same bad advice to women, not to take the first step, not to be too forward or aggressive, that it's always the man's fault if anything goes wrong in a relationship, men are always some how more privileged then women, and men can never be faithful or committed to a woman. When in reality it's the exact opposite of the truth.
fast0025ify That's a gross generalization. It's not all women. German & Belgium women have certainly met me half way. I've been stopped on the streets in Berlin by women to tell me they're attracted to me. Maybe it's just native English speaking women. Making broad generalizations about 51% of the human population will get you into a nasty circular reasoning feed back loop that will waste years of your life.
nak807 I never said all woman. And i was just agreeing with what you said in your earlier comment. And adding that I think that the media, magazines, TV, feminists have a lot to do with why it's like this today.
+fast0025ify No. Nothing has changed. There has really never been a time when beautiful women were glad when just some guy said he wanted to be with them. In Ancient Greece Goddesses fought each other for beautiful men….now possibly Artemis, Aphrodite, and Athena did not exist…but the idea is very clear. And you can't not let someone put you in the friend zone. its not a place. You can't control how other people feel. Being friends with someone is NOT a sign of disrespect. MY GOD< you people are silly. Most men are smarter then you guys.
Wanna avoid the Friend-Zone? Find a hobby, do it, repeat as necessary. It also promotes sleep, well-being, lowers stress and anxiety, balances income, excellent for time management, reduces possibolity for legal trouble, and is proven to work 100% of the time.
The best way to stay out of the friend zone is simple: 1) Go in for a relationship by asking her out quickly. 2) If she rejects you, do not hover around her as a friend. Keep the "I'm interested in you" vibe going without dropping into the friend zone vibe. 3) Spend time away and don't give her too much attention. 4) The times you do come in contact with her, ask about her some, share about you some. Keep doing this occasionally. 5) Keep your eyes open for the look of interest from her. If she gives it, ask her out to a quick, but nice, not too expensive date.
It's really easy to avoid the friend zone, just don't be a nice guy and be clear about your intentions with the chick from the beginning. It's preferable that she considers you a douchebag rather than a lovely friend she can tell her secrets.
absolutely true. if you are interested in the girl. its better to know right away that it isnt going to work. it gets a little tricky if she has a bf. Thats where I have made the choice to friendzone myself because I thought id have a chance- HUGE MISTAKE STILL. Be aggressive, and look out for number 1. it isnt your responsibility to keep every relationship on the planet together. why should a guy miss out on a girl hes attracted too because of something he had no controll over in the past.
i don't totally agree... actually being friend first is better strategy can likely bring more success then being bold in initial meetings. you might think its the woman who puts you in friend category but you control the dynamic by seeing it differently. you delibertly become her friend, find some ways to get into her circle indirectly. seem harmless, nothing sexual at all, she will lower her guards. once you become her friend, it gives you room for future maneuvers, its so freaking easy to make her fall for you. you learn so much about her, her weaknesses, insecurities, what makes her tick, what she wants to hear, what she needs validation, her desires, how she thinks about herself, how she wants to think about herself, etc. you can use all the information to your advantage. once you know her individual psychology, tailor your actions and words accordingly.
more you know about someone, more you will be able to lead them to whatever direction you want them to go. observe and listen to them deeply, figure out all their weaknesses. pay attention to tone of voice, gestures, don't simply relay on her conscious words. you'll be able to manipulate her into doing whatever you want her to do.
Friend zone ender: Always show her or go after her if you like her despite what some of her body language is, unless the words no come into play. 7:53 This is the formula. Listen all the way until the end of the video. Men have to be certain about what they want. If you aren't you lose the girl. If your always certain about what you want you trigger in her attraction because you aren't afraid to mess up. When she isn't sure about what she wants you have to show her you are the right choice. Don't cave man her or force her but if she isn't backing away then go for it.
so basically it is like playing russian roulette.... 1) you go and start grabbing and kissing her ,if she feels attraction towards you....gz,you will get some 2)If she does not feel attraction towards you and you start grabbing and kissing her several times in a row you will probably get sued in most cases and get like 7 years in jail for committing a RAPE assault and may get a jail companion names Otis or some shit...... Like my friend says: GG! X-D
i was thinking the same thing. men are at a harsh legal disadvantage when expressing their sexuality. most are often crush to the point where they become a shell of their former selves.
@Boj Z I am 54, so I come from a generation where we had strong father figures. Not all famlies are alike, of course, but, a father should be passing down his values to his son. Mind you, my dad got married at 24. Here I am 54 and never got married, but I was in a 15 year relationship, until she passed away in 2010. I am starting to court women again, and it's a diffrent ballgame now, almost everything is online, but, in my day, one had to go out of the house. There used to be singles dances in ballrooms, I went to one on a boat crusing the harbour. Laziness, I think is what drives the younger generation.
No sir, both your conclusions are deadly wrong. For: 1) You should take some timeband build some attraction. You just don't grab her and kiss out of the blue. Anyway, you will notice the hints stronger and stronger that she is attractec to you 2)Is enough to try once... and if she does not like it, it won't be a problem for hoth if you. It just happened. She will be more cool than you about that kiss. And yes, for 7 times in a row it is abusive, I'm sure you should get sued for that
"...Not making that confident assertive sexy move..." Sadly, these days, actually making that same "move" could end up with the man having an allegation of sexual assault against him, resulting in a Twitch hunt, job loss, career-destroying misunderstanding. And for a lot of men, it really just isn't worth it. So men won't make that move, won't take that risk, go off all MGTOW, and leaving women getting older and more lonely to wonder, "where have all the men gone?" The latest 'me too' hashtag is just the latest crack in the foundations that keep the sexes playing with one another and eventually will end up destroying all romantic relationships. Which is tragic.
It’s kind of funny that females say men are complicated but if you tell them all you want is your stomach full and your balls empty they’re like “is that all you care about? That’s shallow”
I think it's debatable of who keeps who in the friend zone. I'm the girl that often gets friend zoned. The guys I'm attracted to, who I have common interests with usually keep me as their friend but date other girls instead and the guys I'm not interested in, who I've nothing in common with ask me out, which, I find really annoying. So, actually, both genders struggle with the friend zone issue.
happened to me (im a guy) a day ago, the girl im attracted have common interest (quite a lot), and she got friendzoned by a guy for years, but in the end, instead of taking a chance to get out from friendzone (her), i got friendzoned by her...
If she tells me she only saw me as a friend, I feel like that's a slap in the face. She thinks it's polite. Lol. After that I would disappear because any respect for her, she threw out the window with that rude remark. If she cares for me and wants me in her life.. After that most guys think she just wants to eat her cake and use you at the same time.
Wow. I've never heard this explained so brilliantly. I must say she is spot on in her analysis and advice. Your wording and idea structure is very easy to understand and apply, Hayley. Thank you!
+Donovan Kirkpatrick Yeah, too bad its complete bunk. Honestly. I have had several male friends that i am sure wanted to date me. And I did realize it. The only thing i did wrong was not have the guts to tell them it could never happen. But it could never ever have happened, no matter how they approached me. And yes, I knew from moment one.
i straight up escaped the friend zone and dated her but it took 2 years, i had to just stop talking to her for 2 fucking years then j started talking to her again, so basically i reset our relationship
Like and attraction aren't mutually exclusive, but they're very different. It's frustrating when I see videos or read blogs where someone gets it wrong. I'll use Hailey as an example. Plenty on men who watch her videos find her attractive, but don't like her enough to want to date. Why? They don't know her.
Thank you for making it clear for me auntie Hayley. My frustration has been lifted. I will fix myself and be bold and honest and I am not holding back shit.
I don't know what has motivated this woman to make this video. The only thing that makes sense is that she truly cares about the well being of good men. The thought of this level of compassion brings tears to my eyes.
this is really really rare and doesnt describe most situations. generally if shes talking to u and ur gut feels no sexual tension get it over with. either be her friend or just zone her out of ur life. there u go now be happy. value ur self most untill some loves/cares for u enuf to be worthy to be valued equally. now be self dependent.
I don't agree with this advice and the reason is because I've tried this many women. It did not work. Some women say "I don't know you enough" but don't try to get to know me. Others say " I have a boyfriend" Which is fine if it is true. I usually find out it is not when I see them enough times. There are other things women say. The truth is women look for looks and money. If you are not what she envisioned since she was a little girl( most women are like this) then it will be very hard to date her.
Just when I’m ready to rip Hayley for more bad advice.... this is actually really good. It’s about the most honest and insightful take I’ve seen on the friend zone in a while. It’s the strong signs vs windows of opportunity that I find interesting. As a guy, I’m looking for green lights to move forward, but they are so rare. Inaction is definite one way ticket to the friend zone. Instead of looking for signs, I should be looking for windows of opportunity. She’s not going to telegraph her interest until she sees who you are. She’s going to give you chances, or maybe just one chance, to see if you are worth her time. If the window opens and you don’t see it or you do nothing about it, it closes just as quick as it opened. You might not even realize it, but that was your chance and you just blew it. The green lights are easy but they are rare, it’s the yellow lights you should be looking for. If you see a yellow light you can hit the brakes and be safe, or you can hit the gas and see what happens. You’d better say something or do something, because this might be your only chance.
Great Video Hayley, this helped cleared all of confusion! Why did society tell us men to be “nice boys” and “treat her well” but forgot to include the dating rules and her expectations during a courtship window? Nobody, not even my parents, school teachers, not the media said anything about these dating rules & expectations at a primal level, that i must perform to start a relationship. yet I think this void is a big key factor why we’ve reached the MGTOW era... :( Ex MGTOW here, I’m finally getting great success with women I’m attracted too, all because I’ve got the rules of this game down, the women are feeling attracted back at me now!
Ah well. Started talking to an attractive co worker about a month ago. She's a single mom, and made it clear her kids come first, but haven't even been on a date yet. It's complicated, but our schedules never synch up to when we're both off. Long story short, I don't even need to ask if she's interested still. I'm already in the friend zone. Lemmy said it best though in Ace of Spades. "You win some, you lose some, It's all the same to me."
In my experience this sounds like good advice. You definitely need to express yourself with confidence and let them know what's up. They're either into it or not. If not, what I hear is "next!"
Thank you. Seriously, thank you for telling me what is going on from her perspective. I'm here to try to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and this helps me so much more than a guy telling me what not to do. I think I'm still in exploratory mode.
Thanks for your efforts to communicate on a subject that hasn't been spoken of very directly during my upbringing. Having successfully been in many relationships doesn't mean the dynamics you expose have been understood. Avoiding the friend zone is usually a man's intention, although as one of your commenters mentioned it's not necessarily a bad place to be.
Very good video, Hayley. Some guys do not know that it takes time for some women for them to have interested in guys. Guys who are in the proverbial friend zone usually spill their guts to women the first time they meet a girl they like. This comes off as desperation in women's eyes. Guys who are in the friend zone interests are readily available to any girl who is half way decent. Another reason why guys who are in the friend zone get mad at the girls who put them there, those guys think that would it should take for girls to like them back. Those guys are probably not good communicators and do not know to how to correctly express themselves. They do not know how to have a casual conversation with girls they meet the first time and to keep those conversations light. These types of guys are usually introverts and do not how to articulate themselves in a way to create attraction into women. Introverts do not interact with a lot of people and are usually socially awkward. Once they interact with people for a while, they will become comfortable with speaking and will naturally flow in conversations with the women they desire. Guys who are in the friend zone will usually give up at the first sight of adversity or test women give men. This is an indicator in women's eyes that those guys didn't have genuine interest in them in the first place. Some guys do not know they have to fight in order to get the girl. This shows those type of guys care for her and makes her feel special. Guys who give up on women the first time of rejection, will think women suck and that they are all the same and that no women want them. Like you said, Hayley, it takes time for women interests to develop in men. Women do not want to come off as easy to win over. A guy has to have the initiative to go for the girl he wants and to fight for her.
Aunty Hayley, thanks a bunch for this video, you're so right with this and the examples you gave are real! they just happened to me, this year and literally yesterday evening...that's how I got to your video, while I was looking for a way to understand how I was to the one that put me in the friend zone...and how indeed she created the opportunities to meet and get to know each other...and I didn't took it...well ..lessons learned! thanks for the video!
So I agree in theory - with one major (MAJOR) caution: What constitutes 'moving things forward' or 'taking initiative' is different from person to person! If I was out with a guy on a first or maybe even second date, and he started putting his hands on me or going for a kiss in a very forwards way, without signals from me, it would be a BIG turnoff! For me, what constitutes 'moving things foward' is a guy showing that he wants to make time for me, being attentive when we are together, showing some openness and vulnerability, showing some seriousness. But a guy pushing on my physical boundaries? Ummm - NOPE. That comes later - after we have established some kind of connection. And I get that for other women, they may like an early, slightly assertive (not aggressive, of course) physical approach. But not me - not at all. So a man has to be sensitive enough to pick up on what is going to be recieved well by that woman, and what is not. If you aren't sure - play it safe - move things forward, be direct with your feelings and intentions, but don't be physically pushy. If she's still seeing you and its the third date - then yes, wait for a good moment and take her hand, stroke her cheek, or go in for a (tentative at first, and then see what happens) kiss. For a lot of women, it's not 'Sex on the third date', it's 'cross the physical boundary (or at least see if it's welcomed) on - or at the conclusion of - the third date'. If she doesn't accept any physical contact by the third date, a guy can straightforward ask if she sees a romance potential, and if she doesn't give a clear answer, he's free to move on.
"Oh no, my friend is attracted to me and has been a nice guy the entire time just because he wants to be in a relationship with me? I feel cheated!" I'm just kidding but this sucks for me, I'm only attracted to friends, already in the friend zone before I even liked them.
These videos are great. I've never really thought of myself as not having game, but after being married for four years, and now single for two; there is a little strangeness. In the almost seven years since I've had to 'court' a lady, technology, fashion, media, culture has shifted. Oh, and I find it helps to get dating advice and pro tips from exactly the kind of lady I'm attracted to. Hayley is a knockout, I wish I lived in the U.K.
.. damn.. thats deep.. story of my life.. why i no longer try after being rejected 100% of the time.. thank you Haley.. i love you!.. still not attempting to meet women at this time in my life as i age since i have goals in life i want to achieve..
Best explanation I've heard, it all made sense with the "constant state of maybe" so true. Some comments are just bashing because the friendzoned will show of a lack of confidence to make one's intentions clear from the get go, if I was a girl, I would be expecting something that will show me this is going to the next level. Better to be dumped than friendzoned and move on... BTW; from my experience a good advice for guys is to never take back that girl that friendzoned you for another guy when she realized you were better...
Thank you Hayley, you are sweet. That will help me avoid the friendzone in the future. I called the girl I loved at 2 in the morning with a dumb question, the day after FrIenDzOnEd
Meh, this isn't the most legit advice. I agree with her advice of guys needing to make a move, but everything else is avoiding crucial issues. Chicks are attracted to the total package when it comes to guys, especially attractive chicks. And they make up their mind deceptively fast, I would wager within seconds of the interaction. Chicks usually dump guys in the friend zone for one of two reasons: 1) She wants to use him because what the hell, why not? I would do the same if I had the opportunity. Any healthy human being would. 2) She is protecting herself, because she knows if she shoots him down decisively after some time has been invested, the boy has a propensity of violence. The moment a guy acts try-hard (by bragging about money or status, trying to make the chick laugh but not being able to carry a conversation), the chick has made up her mind. Hang out with her just ONCE without making a move, and you are in the friend zone. Also there is the question of expectations. The Friend Zone isn't horrible if you have low expectations anyways. In fact it can be a good thing especially if you are just looking for buddies yourself. Cuz then you can date HER buddies. But too many boys have these high expectations because Hollywood has determined that if you haven't had sex before High School you must be on another planet or something.
***** That's not just women, that's human beings in general. All the "horrible" things they do, if I had the same opportunity I would do the same things. Probably worse. You would too. Its human nature. We are wired to defend ourselves from the unknown and to take advantage of things.
+Joelsuf I would be compelled to do the same things, yet I would exert my conscious willpower in order to decide not to. because it's wrong to manipulate and abuse others. I mostly agree with you overall though, besides the one hangout rule. I've had dates where I didn't kiss the girl but still had a second date. depends on the girl.
***** Keep in mind I'm only talking about a select few chicks/girls/women who actually do this kind of stuff. And women declass men way more. All you need to do is read one women's magazine and you are bound to find at least one article about the "evil womanizer" or the "creepy weirdo."
My advice is just to just search your surroundings and be open to women you are attracted to with the qualities you value. No need to over complicate things, always keep it simple. Don't be overly friendly with women you like, keep some distance and build attraction through body language in particular. The only time a woman that likes me will leave me be is if I just brush them off and won't be bothered. Because I focus on building a romantic connection first. Being "alpha" is simply being in control of yourself, emotions, and the situation at hand at all times. If you meditate, train, and master your mind....you got it. ;)
Great Advice Hayley! I have often fallen into the friend zone where the girl will end up hooking up with my friends instead. No regrets though, seemed to work out in my favor anyways
The funny part begins when you refuse to be only a friend and state it loud and clear. Then the result usually vary from - meeting her at the street and you say "Hello" to her, but she pretends that she doesn't know you to - meeting her at the street and you say "Hello" to her, but she pretends that she doesn't know you + she tells all her friends what a jerk you are. That usually happens because most women seem to forget one thing: just like they have the right to refuse to be more than a friend, the men has the right to refuse to be only friend. And something else, very often misunderstood by the women: he refuses NOT because she does the same, BUT because that doesn't suit him. There is a big difference between those two things.
To sum up, the guy who gets the girl is more aggressive and persistent. Of course, if you're a professional or have anything to lose, you'd best not overstep or you could lose everything. Honestly, as frustrating as it is going without, it's not worth the risk. Hayley, your videos are wonderfully concrete and practical, but taken as a whole they've confirmed my decision to give up. Life is better with a partner, but I'm too old to learn how to be aggressive and persistent in the first place and to do it in a politically correct fashion in the second.
before I go to a friend zone with a girl she asked me to describe the qualities in a girl that I like and I basically described her so I don't know what to do to let her know love her and I wanna tell her after being sure she loves me I did all signs I can :(
Friendship is the better way, we are not meant to be with everyone. I won't play the complex dating culture. Just enjoy spending time with that person, if it's meant to be, then it will work out. Otherwise don't worry about it.
That scenario fits perfectly to my recent date situation...except I am gay... He signaled interest in me and then he turned to the other guy and sees me as a friend. How should I behave now?
I am fed up being in the friends zone it has happened to me 3 times I thought I was assertive it is very fine line to be sound to aggressive. I am not very good at mind reading
This happened to me in my junior year of high school. A girl comes up to me tells me I’m cute then we talk then she puts me on the friendzone and then she shows her boyfriend to me
thanx aunty Hayley! Ahh, lets say if you did it already...then you are designated to the `friendzone`, I contacted her after about a month, then she starts to designate back into the `more than friendszone` then less than 3 days later I am back in friendszone, I am confused.
Its a game of speed, if you haven't kissed by date 2 MAX (usually date 1) you loose. Women aren't meant to give clear signals MEN MUST ACT LIKE MEN AND BE DIRECT
Maybe its because your British but lately here in the States, so many women are accusing men of being overly aggressive. You mentioned that often women will turn away from the initial first kiss and then slowly warm up to the man's advances. Is that really the case? I find that women usually know if they want to kiss a man or not. If a man is too persistent then its borderline harassment.
Wow, the world just made a little more sense. Lol. There’s a girl in my life right now, and I’m so friend zoned. I did exactly what you talked about. Waited around wanting a ‘better sign’, and I’ve lost that curious factor. Now she’s talking more and more to one of my buddies, and it really sucks haha. Very good video, though. I’ll definitely be different with the next girl. Thanks
Yes, excellent advice. The next part and the most difficult part is the balance of how to push her into a relationship comfortably without messing up. Try that auntie!
The friend zone isn't a really horrible place to be. Actually, I'm neither in the friend zone nor am I in a relationship with anyone, all the women I know are just acquaintances.
This is a good tutorial I watched today,thanks Hayley.When is the perfect time to call her out?I am asking this because some dating gurus are talking about how you need to cut the corners everywhere you can and other are talking about how you need to meet with her several times before you call her out.Girl is a strange cutie by the way and we don't know each other at all but I want to make a move.
How can I get into the friendzone? Ther eis this coworker. she is nice and all and we can have great conversations etc. But in a matter of weeks she seems to have fallen in love with me. Whenever I ask here straightforward what it is. she is avoiding the answer....But she tells me she feels whenever we walk it is like a date to her. That she feels energy when she walked with me. that she fears of getting an affair with me (litterly) etcetc. Well...it has gone too far now. Tomorrow I will get her back in the coworker zone. But friendzone would be nice, we have a good time together....Sad that is not possible with her.
Master of friend zone here. Well what I do is I ask if they wanted to go out on a date. Or tell her she smells nice and ask if you could give her a kiss. Any one of those worked for me. Or just ask if she has a boyfriend and tell her you want to be her boyfriend. Haven't tried that one but I bet it would give me the same result.
I like how some women believe they have absolute power upon men. They believe they are the "choosers" and therefore, men should do all the work. They end up finding a clown that can entertain them, the clown having "alpha" personality traits doesn't change the fact that he is a clown. The clown in this scenario believes he has absolutely no value in the relationship, that she is the authority he must please. He believes that if he looses these "alpha" traits anytime in his life-time, this entitled princess will simply find another clown. Therefore, he becomes violent near his fellow "alpha" clowns, because he simply has to make sure this spoiled princess knows who the king of the social circle is. So, he starts to express himself more aggresively, and gets labled as a "douche". The girl in question then decides to leave him, because he has become a "douche". She leaves to find another clown with the same "alpha" traits, like the previous one. As she keeps doing this, she is making sure that the men she really wants to meet are staying well away from her. Any self-respecting man will immediately see the flaws of your mentality, and leave without playing the clown. This creates a paradox. Women want to have a relationship with a man of character, but their broken mentality wards these men off of her.
This is so confusing. On one hand you say it's good to be assertive and direct, but on the other hand..doesn't that freak women out and scare them off? I'm trying to avoid this situation. I'm going out with a girl I work with on Saturday under the guise of "hanging out." We're getting lunch and some drinks at a nearby place but I haven't used the "date" word with her so I'm not sure if she sees it as "date" or "hanging out." So are you saying I should act very assertive with her?
To avoid the friend zone be friendly but don't try to be her friend. Just notice the changes that she makes to herself physically, compliment her on those changes. Be humorous, dress and smell nice, do some subtle flirting. The idea is to make her feel sexy and comfortable then she'll express herself more to you.
Sounds familiar. Luckily it doesn't happen to me often. Usually it's my way, or the highway. Anyway, my question is related to what you said near the beginning. "Man is sure he fancies woman, woman is curious about man." Why is it this way? I believe that men are more in control of their emotions than women are. If it is often this way, how can we turn the tables? Women love arguments! A lot more than we do!
They can be straight forward instead of being polite. That would save everyone's time. Here on won't treat any women as my friend and I will not leave any chance of letting her know that we aren't friend. Dare she could even say that, I will correct her immediately without wasting time. After all this I have learnt that it's good to be very straight forward to women instead of wasting time and waiting for the right moment. If she wants to continue she will at her own will otherwise it's easy to move on for both of us. Also to guys out there, Don't be a person who would provide only emotional support and expect nothing in return. You are investing too much on this. always ask question to yourself what's in it for me? If you get answer as nothing, just move on and walk away from the energy sucking creature.
Lion Heart as far as you are not that type of guy, she would recomend to her sexy girlfriends as another "friend". Only if you are an outgoing guy (gaming), then its beneficial as Lion Heart said.
Romeo Desperados - That's is not true. She may be trying to get you away from her by hooking up with her friend. I mean, If you hook up with her friend(especially if you are attracted to her) you will not be pursuit her. At least that is how some women think.
The lesson learnt here is to sleep with the woman before she realises that she doesn't like you.
god damn, if this aint buddha level wisdom
@@CellGames2006 lol
This is literally the advice my best friends gave me. He said you do all the work to make it work. Once you have slept with them then they do all the work to justify why it needs to work.
@@CellGames2006 No sir, you talk bullshit here. She won't do it prior if she does jot like you
The more they know about you and are more comfortable with you, the less attractive you are to them as a mate, which isn't fair because it's the reverse once you are in relationship with them. Being their friend is a good thing, but only after you make it to that point. The real kick in the balls is that those guys in the friendzone (the ones with pure intentions) are basically 9/10ths a boyfriend, but they all lost their chance because they didn't bet the farm in the first 10min of meeting her.
It sucks that we have to be the ones to compensate for or change who we are because "that's just how women are". The truth hurts...
Shift4g Spot on.
+Shift4g At least we can become more attractive by changing our behaviour, women are a lot more constricted by what they're born with looks-wise
+Shift4g You are right. But nature is not fair. Its much easier to get along with, and be comfortable with someone you don't have strong feelings for in the first place.I feel no jealousy when my male friends flirt with other people. I won't care if they get a motorcycle and ride it without a helmet. I won't yell at them if they do any risky thing, because my life isn't going to be impacted that much….my husband on the other hand will get an earful, because i can't imagine life without him. And again…plenty of women are in the friend zone too..people just seem to ignore that fact.
+Shift4g Guys in the friends zone were not necessarily gifted with better intentions. They were however, much more creative in ways to "woo".
Never met a woman who had anything better going for her than sex. Not one.
If she puts you in the "friend zone"..put her ass in the "good-bye zone".
Did you even watch the video? She didn't put u in the friendzone... *you* did
I agree.
But it's fun to have a real female friend. Specially when my 8 years of relation just break up. I personally did not want to start a new relation with someone but I was looking to explorer other women and before my 8 years with my ex-girl that I knew it was challenge from I the beginning. Before her I never really had time to commit with relationship with another women. I spend all time on myself in time of peace...
You don't have to get hostile about it.
@@rexsalezar4603 Looks like you are the one who didn't watch the video. If you look hard enough there's a woman talking. She's obviously talking from a biased perspective. Besides you can't put yourself in the friendzone. At 2:24 *she* "builds" a connection and comfort with the guy, not vice versa. Not developing a level of attraction does not equal he wants her as a friend. Otherwise, he would have made that clear from the beginning. Her uncertainty is the cause of all this.
This women is correct. Never letting a women put you in the friend zone is the only way to avoid it. I've gone through this myself and her advice is spot on. Men have to make the attraction happen. This however necessitates men doing far more than 50 percent of the risk taking and effort. I've come along way with my problems with women and I'm now at a point where I finally get it, but how am I honestly supposed to respect women as my equal when they clearly don't treat men as such? I can't be the only one that feels this way.
It really angers me that women get to believe that things "just happen" because men make it happen. After I've taken all the risk, made all the effort only then will women begin to show interest. By the time I get to that point I'm only interested in fucking a women so I can tell her she means nothing to me so it will sting more out of bitterness. Still waiting on that equality thing the feminist believe in.
nak807 Yeah that's exactly how I feel about this. It makes me sad that this is how it is in modern western society. I actually blame a lot of women's passive attitude when it comes to dating and relationships on the mainstream media, magazines, TV shows, movies, and feminists. Their all spewing the same bad advice to women, not to take the first step, not to be too forward or aggressive, that it's always the man's fault if anything goes wrong in a relationship, men are always some how more privileged then women, and men can never be faithful or committed to a woman. When in reality it's the exact opposite of the truth.
fast0025ify That's a gross generalization. It's not all women. German & Belgium women have certainly met me half way. I've been stopped on the streets in Berlin by women to tell me they're attracted to me. Maybe it's just native English speaking women. Making broad generalizations about 51% of the human population will get you into a nasty circular reasoning feed back loop that will waste years of your life.
nak807 I never said all woman. And i was just agreeing with what you said in your earlier comment. And adding that I think that the media, magazines, TV, feminists have a lot to do with why it's like this today.
+fast0025ify sorry, I meant to reply to the blood dragon goof ball.
+fast0025ify No. Nothing has changed. There has really never been a time when beautiful women were glad when just some guy said he wanted to be with them. In Ancient Greece Goddesses fought each other for beautiful men….now possibly Artemis, Aphrodite, and Athena did not exist…but the idea is very clear. And you can't not let someone put you in the friend zone. its not a place. You can't control how other people feel. Being friends with someone is NOT a sign of disrespect. MY GOD< you people are silly. Most men are smarter then you guys.
Wanna avoid the Friend-Zone?
Find a hobby,
do it,
repeat as necessary.
It also promotes sleep, well-being, lowers stress and anxiety, balances income, excellent for time management, reduces possibolity for legal trouble, and is proven to work 100% of the time.
The best way to stay out of the friend zone is simple: 1) Go in for a relationship by asking her out quickly. 2) If she rejects you, do not hover around her as a friend. Keep the "I'm interested in you" vibe going without dropping into the friend zone vibe. 3) Spend time away and don't give her too much attention. 4) The times you do come in contact with her, ask about her some, share about you some. Keep doing this occasionally. 5) Keep your eyes open for the look of interest from her. If she gives it, ask her out to a quick, but nice, not too expensive date.
It's really easy to avoid the friend zone, just don't be a nice guy and be clear about your intentions with the chick from the beginning. It's preferable that she considers you a douchebag rather than a lovely friend she can tell her secrets.
absolutely true. if you are interested in the girl. its better to know right away that it isnt going to work. it gets a little tricky if she has a bf. Thats where I have made the choice to friendzone myself because I thought id have a chance- HUGE MISTAKE STILL. Be aggressive, and look out for number 1. it isnt your responsibility to keep every relationship on the planet together. why should a guy miss out on a girl hes attracted too because of something he had no controll over in the past.
i don't totally agree... actually being friend first is better strategy can likely bring more success then being bold in initial meetings. you might think its the woman who puts you in friend category but you control the dynamic by seeing it differently. you delibertly become her friend, find some ways to get into her circle indirectly. seem harmless, nothing sexual at all, she will lower her guards. once you become her friend, it gives you room for future maneuvers, its so freaking easy to make her fall for you. you learn so much about her, her weaknesses, insecurities, what makes her tick, what she wants to hear, what she needs validation, her desires, how she thinks about herself, how she wants to think about herself, etc. you can use all the information to your advantage. once you know her individual psychology, tailor your actions and words accordingly.
more you know about someone, more you will be able to lead them to whatever direction you want them to go. observe and listen to them deeply, figure out all their weaknesses. pay attention to tone of voice, gestures, don't simply relay on her conscious words. you'll be able to manipulate her into doing whatever you want her to do.
Be nice, just don't be a 'nice guy', then?
@@tvtitlechampion3238 Exactly.
Friend zone ender: Always show her or go after her if you like her despite what some of her body language is, unless the words no come into play. 7:53 This is the formula. Listen all the way until the end of the video. Men have to be certain about what they want. If you aren't you lose the girl. If your always certain about what you want you trigger in her attraction because you aren't afraid to mess up. When she isn't sure about what she wants you have to show her you are the right choice. Don't cave man her or force her but if she isn't backing away then go for it.
so basically it is like playing russian roulette....
1) you go and start grabbing and kissing her ,if she feels attraction towards you....gz,you will get some
2)If she does not feel attraction towards you and you start grabbing and kissing her several times in a row you will probably get sued in most cases and get like 7 years in jail for committing a RAPE assault and may get a jail companion names Otis or some shit......
Like my friend says: GG! X-D
+Joel H Well, no you don't just grab her, you have to ask her out on a proper date and court her ; most men don't do that anymore.
i was thinking the same thing. men are at a harsh legal disadvantage when expressing their sexuality. most are often crush to the point where they become a shell of their former selves.
Or you learn how to read body language and social cues lol it’s not that difficult
@Boj Z I am 54, so I come from a generation where we had strong father figures. Not all famlies are alike, of course, but, a father should be passing down his values to his son.
Mind you, my dad got married at 24. Here I am 54 and never got married, but I was in a 15 year relationship, until she passed away in 2010. I am starting to court women again, and it's a diffrent ballgame now, almost everything is online, but, in my day, one had to go out of the house. There used to be singles dances in ballrooms, I went to one on a boat crusing the harbour. Laziness, I think is what drives the younger generation.
No sir, both your conclusions are deadly wrong.
For:
1) You should take some timeband build some attraction. You just don't grab her and kiss out of the blue. Anyway, you will notice the hints stronger and stronger that she is attractec to you
2)Is enough to try once... and if she does not like it, it won't be a problem for hoth if you. It just happened. She will be more cool than you about that kiss. And yes, for 7 times in a row it is abusive, I'm sure you should get sued for that
"...Not making that confident assertive sexy move..." Sadly, these days, actually making that same "move" could end up with the man having an allegation of sexual assault against him, resulting in a Twitch hunt, job loss, career-destroying misunderstanding. And for a lot of men, it really just isn't worth it. So men won't make that move, won't take that risk, go off all MGTOW, and leaving women getting older and more lonely to wonder, "where have all the men gone?" The latest 'me too' hashtag is just the latest crack in the foundations that keep the sexes playing with one another and eventually will end up destroying all romantic relationships. Which is tragic.
Exactley! She left that piece of advice out.
And women say men are complicated right we are simple you guys make it complicated
It’s kind of funny that females say men are complicated but if you tell them all you want is your stomach full and your balls empty they’re like “is that all you care about? That’s shallow”
I think it's debatable of who keeps who in the friend zone. I'm the girl that often gets friend zoned. The guys I'm attracted to, who I have common interests with usually keep me as their friend but date other girls instead and the guys I'm not interested in, who I've nothing in common with ask me out, which, I find really annoying. So, actually, both genders struggle with the friend zone issue.
happened to me (im a guy) a day ago, the girl im attracted have common interest (quite a lot), and she got friendzoned by a guy for years, but in the end, instead of taking a chance to get out from friendzone (her), i got friendzoned by her...
Ink Vibe- How about ask him out instead of waiting for him to ask you out. If he is not interested. Move on.
don’t worry your not alone I’m going on year five of alone. And I get the brother or your more of my bestfriend.
Inkk Vibe
Guys don't friendzone women we find attractive enough.
If she tells me she only saw me as a friend, I feel like that's a slap in the face. She thinks it's polite. Lol. After that I would disappear because any respect for her, she threw out the window with that rude remark. If she cares for me and wants me in her life.. After that most guys think she just wants to eat her cake and use you at the same time.
That British accent is so hot.
+Alias Elysum Straight out of "To Sir, With Love."
Wow. I've never heard this explained so brilliantly. I must say she is spot on in her analysis and advice. Your wording and idea structure is very easy to understand and apply, Hayley. Thank you!
+Donovan Kirkpatrick Yeah, too bad its complete bunk. Honestly. I have had several male friends that i am sure wanted to date me. And I did realize it. The only thing i did wrong was not have the guts to tell them it could never happen. But it could never ever have happened, no matter how they approached me. And yes, I knew from moment one.
+Lollipopfop let me guess you wasted their time lmfao sorry but men and women just can't be friends most of the time.
i straight up escaped the friend zone and dated her but it took 2 years, i had to just stop talking to her for 2 fucking years then j started talking to her again, so basically i reset our relationship
Yep, she needs you now that she has mileage and growing insecurities. If she ever gets youthful and sexy again, you're finished....
She ran out of options
Like and attraction aren't mutually exclusive, but they're very different. It's frustrating when I see videos or read blogs where someone gets it wrong.
I'll use Hailey as an example. Plenty on men who watch her videos find her attractive, but don't like her enough to want to date. Why? They don't know her.
so yeah guys the more you wait the worse, be direct, be physical, be sexual
(but not over aggressive ofcourse)
I like that she at least admitted that at one point the girl did like you, but then changed her mind.
Thank you for making it clear for me auntie Hayley. My frustration has been lifted. I will fix myself and be bold and honest and I am not holding back shit.
I don't know what has motivated this woman to make this video. The only thing that makes sense is that she truly cares about the well being of good men. The thought of this level of compassion brings tears to my eyes.
"Woman like guys who are assertive" but they don't like the "creepy" ones who are too assertive then they call the cops!
this is really really rare and doesnt describe most situations. generally if shes talking to u and ur gut feels no sexual tension get it over with. either be her friend or just zone her out of ur life. there u go now be happy. value ur self most untill some loves/cares for u enuf to be worthy to be valued equally. now be self dependent.
I don't agree with this advice and the reason is because I've tried this many women. It did not work. Some women say "I don't know you enough" but don't try to get to know me. Others say " I have a boyfriend" Which is fine if it is true. I usually find out it is not when I see them enough times. There are other things women say. The truth is women look for looks and money. If you are not what she envisioned since she was a little girl( most women are like this) then it will be very hard to date her.
i was in the friend zone once and then it turned into a USED ZONE! >:(
Great insight, thank you Auntie Hayley!
Just when I’m ready to rip Hayley for more bad advice.... this is actually really good. It’s about the most honest and insightful take I’ve seen on the friend zone in a while. It’s the strong signs vs windows of opportunity that I find interesting. As a guy, I’m looking for green lights to move forward, but they are so rare. Inaction is definite one way ticket to the friend zone. Instead of looking for signs, I should be looking for windows of opportunity.
She’s not going to telegraph her interest until she sees who you are. She’s going to give you chances, or maybe just one chance, to see if you are worth her time. If the window opens and you don’t see it or you do nothing about it, it closes just as quick as it opened. You might not even realize it, but that was your chance and you just blew it.
The green lights are easy but they are rare, it’s the yellow lights you should be looking for. If you see a yellow light you can hit the brakes and be safe, or you can hit the gas and see what happens. You’d better say something or do something, because this might be your only chance.
How do I turn the red light back to green
lol. i'm glad i have psychedelic drugs and an IT career to focus on. dating is way too chaotic for me.
Just wait till some cute little techie hits on you! (PS: it's been 4 years since your comment - has it happened yet?)
Pussy. You are afraid to fight for yourself and your future family
Great Video Hayley, this helped cleared all of confusion! Why did society tell us men to be “nice boys” and “treat her well” but forgot to include the dating rules and her expectations during a courtship window? Nobody, not even my parents, school teachers, not the media said anything about these dating rules & expectations at a primal level, that i must perform to start a relationship. yet I think this void is a big key factor why we’ve reached the MGTOW era... :(
Ex MGTOW here, I’m finally getting great success with women I’m attracted too, all because I’ve got the rules of this game down, the women are feeling attracted back at me now!
Ah well. Started talking to an attractive co worker about a month ago. She's a single mom, and made it clear her kids come first, but haven't even been on a date yet. It's complicated, but our schedules never synch up to when we're both off. Long story short, I don't even need to ask if she's interested still. I'm already in the friend zone. Lemmy said it best though in Ace of Spades. "You win some, you lose some, It's all the same to me."
Very very very very nice. Glad to find this. I was like OMG the entire video. Thank you!
as a lady this is so on point. thank you for explaining everything i ever felt
In my experience this sounds like good advice. You definitely need to express yourself with confidence and let them know what's up. They're either into it or not. If not, what I hear is "next!"
Thank you. Seriously, thank you for telling me what is going on from her perspective. I'm here to try to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and this helps me so much more than a guy telling me what not to do.
I think I'm still in exploratory mode.
Thanks for your efforts to communicate on a subject that hasn't been spoken of very directly during my upbringing. Having successfully been in many relationships doesn't mean the dynamics you expose have been understood. Avoiding the friend zone is usually a man's intention, although as one of your commenters mentioned it's not necessarily a bad place to be.
Very good video, Hayley. Some guys do not know that it takes time for some women for them to have interested in guys. Guys who are in the proverbial friend zone usually spill their guts to women the first time they meet a girl they like. This comes off as desperation in women's eyes. Guys who are in the friend zone interests are readily available to any girl who is half way decent. Another reason why guys who are in the friend zone get mad at the girls who put them there, those guys think that would it should take for girls to like them back. Those guys are probably not good communicators and do not know to how to correctly express themselves. They do not know how to have a casual conversation with girls they meet the first time and to keep those conversations light. These types of guys are usually introverts and do not how to articulate themselves in a way to create attraction into women. Introverts do not interact with a lot of people and are usually socially awkward. Once they interact with people for a while, they will become comfortable with speaking and will naturally flow in conversations with the women they desire. Guys who are in the friend zone will usually give up at the first sight of adversity or test women give men. This is an indicator in women's eyes that those guys didn't have genuine interest in them in the first place. Some guys do not know they have to fight in order to get the girl. This shows those type of guys care for her and makes her feel special. Guys who give up on women the first time of rejection, will think women suck and that they are all the same and that no women want them. Like you said, Hayley, it takes time for women interests to develop in men. Women do not want to come off as easy to win over. A guy has to have the initiative to go for the girl he wants and to fight for her.
Aunty Hayley, thanks a bunch for this video, you're so right with this and the examples you gave are real! they just happened to me, this year and literally yesterday evening...that's how I got to your video, while I was looking for a way to understand how I was to the one that put me in the friend zone...and how indeed she created the opportunities to meet and get to know each other...and I didn't took it...well ..lessons learned! thanks for the video!
very well thought out and explained understandly recieved...explanations are very helpful...thx.
So I agree in theory - with one major (MAJOR) caution: What constitutes 'moving things forward' or 'taking initiative' is different from person to person! If I was out with a guy on a first or maybe even second date, and he started putting his hands on me or going for a kiss in a very forwards way, without signals from me, it would be a BIG turnoff! For me, what constitutes 'moving things foward' is a guy showing that he wants to make time for me, being attentive when we are together, showing some openness and vulnerability, showing some seriousness. But a guy pushing on my physical boundaries? Ummm - NOPE. That comes later - after we have established some kind of connection. And I get that for other women, they may like an early, slightly assertive (not aggressive, of course) physical approach. But not me - not at all. So a man has to be sensitive enough to pick up on what is going to be recieved well by that woman, and what is not. If you aren't sure - play it safe - move things forward, be direct with your feelings and intentions, but don't be physically pushy. If she's still seeing you and its the third date - then yes, wait for a good moment and take her hand, stroke her cheek, or go in for a (tentative at first, and then see what happens) kiss. For a lot of women, it's not 'Sex on the third date', it's 'cross the physical boundary (or at least see if it's welcomed) on - or at the conclusion of - the third date'. If she doesn't accept any physical contact by the third date, a guy can straightforward ask if she sees a romance potential, and if she doesn't give a clear answer, he's free to move on.
This is a really good explanation of "friendzone". I had to learn the hard way.
Best explanation of the Friend Zone I've heard. Thanks!
its cruel to friend someone who fancies you, leave them be,
"Oh no, my friend is attracted to me and has been a nice guy the entire time just because he wants to be in a relationship with me? I feel cheated!" I'm just kidding but this sucks for me, I'm only attracted to friends, already in the friend zone before I even liked them.
These videos are great. I've never really thought of myself as not having game, but after being married for four years, and now single for two; there is a little strangeness. In the almost seven years since I've had to 'court' a lady, technology, fashion, media, culture has shifted. Oh, and I find it helps to get dating advice and pro tips from exactly the kind of lady I'm attracted to. Hayley is a knockout, I wish I lived in the U.K.
Very useful advice. And it all just makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Hayley!
How to avoid the friend zone: Don't even try to date women anymore.
loredelamore Yup
Or just be direct and tell her you want to get know her and be more than friends
To avoid friendzone, build attraction with her and when the window of opportunity arises (there will be multiple), strike: kiss etc.
what if she has a boyfriend??? how long does it take to get in the friend zone
I was in the same exact situation, thank you for helping me. I was going to tell her i like you ,but u helped me and now I know what to do.
Thanks Hayley! Really excellent advice from you...
.. damn.. thats deep.. story of my life.. why i no longer try after being rejected 100% of the time.. thank you Haley.. i love you!.. still not attempting to meet women at this time in my life as i age since i have goals in life i want to achieve..
Best explanation I've heard, it all made sense with the "constant state of maybe" so true. Some comments are just bashing because the friendzoned will show of a lack of confidence to make one's intentions clear from the get go, if I was a girl, I would be expecting something that will show me this is going to the next level. Better to be dumped than friendzoned and move on... BTW; from my experience a good advice for guys is to never take back that girl that friendzoned you for another guy when she realized you were better...
Thank u for explainng this guy/ girl stuff...this made a lot of sense..
Thank you Hayley, you are sweet. That will help me avoid the friendzone in the future. I called the girl I loved at 2 in the morning with a dumb question, the day after FrIenDzOnEd
+White Lion Good job!
Meh, this isn't the most legit advice. I agree with her advice of guys needing to make a move, but everything else is avoiding crucial issues. Chicks are attracted to the total package when it comes to guys, especially attractive chicks. And they make up their mind deceptively fast, I would wager within seconds of the interaction. Chicks usually dump guys in the friend zone for one of two reasons: 1) She wants to use him because what the hell, why not? I would do the same if I had the opportunity. Any healthy human being would. 2) She is protecting herself, because she knows if she shoots him down decisively after some time has been invested, the boy has a propensity of violence.
The moment a guy acts try-hard (by bragging about money or status, trying to make the chick laugh but not being able to carry a conversation), the chick has made up her mind. Hang out with her just ONCE without making a move, and you are in the friend zone.
Also there is the question of expectations. The Friend Zone isn't horrible if you have low expectations anyways. In fact it can be a good thing especially if you are just looking for buddies yourself. Cuz then you can date HER buddies. But too many boys have these high expectations because Hollywood has determined that if you haven't had sex before High School you must be on another planet or something.
*****
That's not just women, that's human beings in general. All the "horrible" things they do, if I had the same opportunity I would do the same things. Probably worse. You would too. Its human nature. We are wired to defend ourselves from the unknown and to take advantage of things.
+Joelsuf I would be compelled to do the same things, yet I would exert my conscious willpower in order to decide not to. because it's wrong to manipulate and abuse others. I mostly agree with you overall though, besides the one hangout rule. I've had dates where I didn't kiss the girl but still had a second date. depends on the girl.
*****
Keep in mind I'm only talking about a select few chicks/girls/women who actually do this kind of stuff.
And women declass men way more. All you need to do is read one women's magazine and you are bound to find at least one article about the "evil womanizer" or the "creepy weirdo."
***** We all have a code. I choose not to hurt / manipulate others. I treat other sentient beings as I would treat myself. It's not complicated.
***** Everyone has a code, even if that doesn't extend very far for some.
My advice is just to just search your surroundings and be open to women you are attracted to with the qualities you value. No need to over complicate things, always keep it simple.
Don't be overly friendly with women you like, keep some distance and build attraction through body language in particular. The only time a woman that likes me will leave me be is if I just brush them off and won't be bothered. Because I focus on building a romantic connection first.
Being "alpha" is simply being in control of yourself, emotions, and the situation at hand at all times. If you meditate, train, and master your mind....you got it. ;)
Great Advice Hayley! I have often fallen into the friend zone where the girl will end up hooking up with my friends instead. No regrets though, seemed to work out in my favor anyways
this brings back memories
your videos are really helpful, thank you :)
Brilliant! You just described 30 years of my life!
friendzoned in marriage?
The funny part begins when you refuse to be only a friend and state it loud and clear. Then the result usually vary from
- meeting her at the street and you say "Hello" to her, but she pretends that she doesn't know you
to
- meeting her at the street and you say "Hello" to her, but she pretends that she doesn't know you + she tells all her friends what a jerk you are.
That usually happens because most women seem to forget one thing: just like they have the right to refuse to be more than a friend, the men has the right to refuse to be only friend. And something else, very often misunderstood by the women: he refuses NOT because she does the same, BUT because that doesn't suit him. There is a big difference between those two things.
To sum up, the guy who gets the girl is more aggressive and persistent. Of course, if you're a professional or have anything to lose, you'd best not overstep or you could lose everything. Honestly, as frustrating as it is going without, it's not worth the risk. Hayley, your videos are wonderfully concrete and practical, but taken as a whole they've confirmed my decision to give up. Life is better with a partner, but I'm too old to learn how to be aggressive and persistent in the first place and to do it in a politically correct fashion in the second.
before I go to a friend zone with a girl she asked me to describe the qualities in a girl that I like and I basically described her so I don't know what to do to let her know love her and I wanna tell her after being sure she loves me I did all signs I can :(
So be more confident and more assertive?
Friendship is the better way, we are not meant to be with everyone. I won't play the complex dating culture. Just enjoy spending time with that person, if it's meant to be, then it will work out. Otherwise don't worry about it.
Thanks for this video, I really had to listen to the truth
I wish I saw this a couple of years ago, it would save me alot of time, energy and pain. At least I know it now. Thank you! :)
I've found that if other women show interest in you the one you're trying to have a relationship with will view you differently
That scenario fits perfectly to my recent date situation...except I am gay...
He signaled interest in me and then he turned to the other guy and sees me as a friend. How should I behave now?
Advice worked wonders for me! Thanks!!!!! x
That scenario’s hilarious it’s so dead on! Haha
I've found apathy to be a great tool
when dating.
I am fed up being in the friends zone it has happened to me 3 times I thought I was assertive it is very fine line to be sound to aggressive. I am not very good at mind reading
This happened to me in my junior year of high school. A girl comes up to me tells me I’m cute then we talk then she puts me on the friendzone and then she shows her boyfriend to me
And we are told if men come on too strong we are clingy. There seems to be vague information coming from a few people.
This video is sooo underated
thanx aunty Hayley! Ahh, lets say if you did it already...then you are designated to the `friendzone`, I contacted her after about a month, then she starts to designate back into the `more than friendszone` then less than 3 days later I am back in friendszone, I am confused.
Its a game of speed, if you haven't kissed by date 2 MAX (usually date 1) you loose.
Women aren't meant to give clear signals MEN MUST ACT LIKE MEN AND BE DIRECT
Maybe its because your British but lately here in the States, so many women are accusing men of being overly aggressive. You mentioned that often women will turn away from the initial first kiss and then slowly warm up to the man's advances. Is that really the case? I find that women usually know if they want to kiss a man or not. If a man is too persistent then its borderline harassment.
+Herve Boisde Harassment and a law suite in court. Thats modern love.
+Herve B No kissing on the first date!
Wow, the world just made a little more sense. Lol. There’s a girl in my life right now, and I’m so friend zoned. I did exactly what you talked about. Waited around wanting a ‘better sign’, and I’ve lost that curious factor. Now she’s talking more and more to one of my buddies, and it really sucks haha. Very good video, though. I’ll definitely be different with the next girl. Thanks
Yes, excellent advice. The next part and the most difficult part is the balance of how to push her into a relationship comfortably without messing up. Try that auntie!
True ...he never made a move !
The friend zone isn't a really horrible place to be. Actually, I'm neither in the friend zone nor am I in a relationship with anyone, all the women I know are just acquaintances.
You are absolutely correct.
This is a good tutorial I watched today,thanks Hayley.When is the perfect time to call her out?I am asking this because some dating gurus are talking about how you need to cut the corners everywhere you can and other are talking about how you need to meet with her several times before you call her out.Girl is a strange cutie by the way and we don't know each other at all but I want to make a move.
Just go in for the kill end of a striker doesn't score unless he takes a chance.
This is similar to when investing money was explained to me. Only invest what your willing to lose.
This is so bloody true, lol.
+FleivaSleiva Me too, I'm not interested in a relationship. Those are for losers who just end up being a friend who is infinitely horny.
+FleivaSleiva And enter the desperate creep zone instead!! Good one!!
How can I get into the friendzone? Ther eis this coworker. she is nice and all and we can have great conversations etc. But in a matter of weeks she seems to have fallen in love with me. Whenever I ask here straightforward what it is. she is avoiding the answer....But she tells me she feels whenever we walk it is like a date to her. That she feels energy when she walked with me. that she fears of getting an affair with me (litterly) etcetc. Well...it has gone too far now. Tomorrow I will get her back in the coworker zone. But friendzone would be nice, we have a good time together....Sad that is not possible with her.
Master of friend zone here. Well what I do is I ask if they wanted to go out on a date. Or tell her she smells nice and ask if you could give her a kiss. Any one of those worked for me. Or just ask if she has a boyfriend and tell her you want to be her boyfriend. Haven't tried that one but I bet it would give me the same result.
It's well explained and accurate.
I did as you suggested in the video and now I'm on parole! You've ruined my life!
I like how some women believe they have absolute power upon men. They believe they are the "choosers" and therefore, men should do all the work. They end up finding a clown that can entertain them, the clown having "alpha" personality traits doesn't change the fact that he is a clown. The clown in this scenario believes he has absolutely no value in the relationship, that she is the authority he must please. He believes that if he looses these "alpha" traits anytime in his life-time, this entitled princess will simply find another clown. Therefore, he becomes violent near his fellow "alpha" clowns, because he simply has to make sure this spoiled princess knows who the king of the social circle is. So, he starts to express himself more aggresively, and gets labled as a "douche". The girl in question then decides to leave him, because he has become a "douche". She leaves to find another clown with the same "alpha" traits, like the previous one. As she keeps doing this, she is making sure that the men she really wants to meet are staying well away from her. Any self-respecting man will immediately see the flaws of your mentality, and leave without playing the clown. This creates a paradox. Women want to have a relationship with a man of character, but their broken mentality wards these men off of her.
This is so confusing. On one hand you say it's good to be assertive and direct, but on the other hand..doesn't that freak women out and scare them off? I'm trying to avoid this situation. I'm going out with a girl I work with on Saturday under the guise of "hanging out." We're getting lunch and some drinks at a nearby place but I haven't used the "date" word with her so I'm not sure if she sees it as "date" or "hanging out." So are you saying I should act very assertive with her?
Any woman with a friendzone habit needs a very big reminder of what's important in life.
To avoid the friend zone be friendly but don't try to be her friend. Just notice the changes that she makes to herself physically, compliment her on those changes. Be humorous, dress and smell nice, do some subtle flirting. The idea is to make her feel sexy and comfortable then she'll express herself more to you.
This is the best video I have seen on this subject. My life is actually changed, holy fuck I get it now.
Sad when u get friend zoned by some who got throw in it too rip
Sounds familiar. Luckily it doesn't happen to me often. Usually it's my way, or the highway. Anyway, my question is related to what you said near the beginning. "Man is sure he fancies woman, woman is curious about man." Why is it this way? I believe that men are more in control of their emotions than women are. If it is often this way, how can we turn the tables?
Women love arguments! A lot more than we do!
first 4 minutes of this is spot on.....happens all the time :)
They can be straight forward instead of being polite. That would save everyone's time. Here on won't treat any women as my friend and I will not leave any chance of letting her know that we aren't friend. Dare she could even say that, I will correct her immediately without wasting time. After all this I have learnt that it's good to be very straight forward to women instead of wasting time and waiting for the right moment. If she wants to continue she will at her own will otherwise it's easy to move on for both of us.
Also to guys out there, Don't be a person who would provide only emotional support and expect nothing in return. You are investing too much on this. always ask question to yourself what's in it for me? If you get answer as nothing, just move on and walk away from the energy sucking creature.
Dear Hayley, In what cases or circumstances for a man having a just friend who is women is OK?
I think that you have lots of just friends who are men.
Social networking, being put into the friendzone can actually be a good thing as she can vouch for you to all her sexy girlfriends.
Lion Heart as far as you are not that type of guy, she would recomend to her sexy girlfriends as another "friend".
Only if you are an outgoing guy (gaming), then its beneficial as Lion Heart said.
Romeo Desperados - That's is not true. She may be trying to get you away from her by hooking up with her friend. I mean, If you hook up with her friend(especially if you are attracted to her) you will not be pursuit her. At least that is how some women think.