Raising a Gender-Neutral Child | Raising Baby Grey | The New Yorker Documentary
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- Опубліковано 23 чер 2020
- After two parents decide to raise their baby as gender neutral, they discover that gender-creative parenting comes with its own set of worries and challenges.
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Raising a Gender-Neutral Child | Raising Baby Grey | The New Yorker Documentary
I think we should recognize gender but reduce the predetermined norms associated with them, rather than erase the entire concept of gender.
clear661 this. Yes.
Well said.
Thank you! There is nothing wrong with gender. Its the unhealthy stereotypes and the boxes that individuals are placed in that is the problem.
This is exactly what the parents are doing lol
disposableverything no they literally getting rid of the child’s gender
but like, she doesn’t want to force her child to be stuck in this girl boy stereotype but she’s somewhat forcing her child to be non binary.
Exactly. WTH
Rephrase that as she is forcing her child into freedom. Bet you feel pretty stupid now, huh?
@@TheFimoLady is non-binary the same as freedom though? For some, yes it is. Some people are non-binary, and that is their freedom. But for others, they genuinely are one gender or the other; whether they are cis or trans, some people are a man or a woman. Non-binary would feel wrong for those people... It would be the opposite of freedom.
@Larissa totally agree!
genderless till they choose!
Using gender neutral clothing is completely fine. But not acknowledging their babies pronouns is a bit much. You dont have to only buy your baby boy blue clothes and trucks, or your girl princesses or pink dresses. But let them gravitate towards what they want, while acknowledging the babies gender.
I could never imagine calling a baby it or they, why not raise their son or daughter to understand that their gender doesn't define their interests or their choices? Raise the child to be proud and confident in their gender but not defined by it
Piratesfan123 people aren’t “it’s” and you can totally raise your child using they/them pronouns. You use those when you don’t know the gender of a person and people are non-binary.
@@maweenabby Raising them to know that they have a gender but it doesn't define them is way healthier, these children are essentially imo being raised to have identity issues and to worry about what they identify as before they can even talk or understand what any of those words mean, it in essence sticking a label on them and expectations as much as say forcing a child to only play with "girls" or "boys" toys and to only be interested in pursuits seen as traditionally for boys or girls
How does a baby know their pronouns?
Agree. My parents let me choose what I want to wear (and I mostly prefer the girly clothes like skirts and dresses, also pink stuff) and what toys I want (they bought me puzzles, Barbies, dolls, soldier toys, cars, etc. Some are gender neutral and some are gender specific). They share what they like with me (which are mostly gender specific) and I grow to like them. They let me gravitate towards the things that I like without confusing me by erasing my gender pronoun. For me, I'm very grateful to be brought up that way.
I see people in the comments saying “erase gender norms not gender” and I agree with that, but like they said at the beginning, people have biases and unconscious behaviors as soon as they know the gender. And everyone is not going to change over night. So to change that, they let their child be gender neutral. I wouldn’t do it that way, but I think I understand.
I think once the child can speak and give there own opinions and choose what stereotypical things they want that’s when the child will decide who they want to go by and the parents will accept that
Ppl have biases and unconscious behaviors when they hear "they" nonbinary too.
It's because that gender neutral is a scientific concept so most people won't understand it so well. It first requires people to acknowledge the human consciousness lives within the brain, and the human brain isn't gender-specific. If people don't understand this, it's unlikely that they will understand the concept of gender-neutrality.
Yes I was thinking the same way. I understand where the parents are with this and how they see and it makes sense. I think there are some flaws but there is with everything.
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I can’t wait to see all these types of videos in 20 years to see how the kids turn out, no matter what happens it will definitely be interesting
mzapcupcake - like the hippie indigo kids. V interesting how that panned out.
@Bob Well wouldn't that depend on their upbringing? As long as they're living in a loving healthy environment that won't be an issue. It's external influence/social pressure that could cause something like that.
yeah I read that moms in the bay area who did raised their kids without gender found that the kids become more obsessed with gender norms such as guns for boys ect. even if there were no images of guns in the house
like whatever is a taboo becomes a big deal
I totally agree, the world is changing so much around us evedyday, i find this very interesting and it makes me excited to see what the future might bring.
Erase gender norms.
Don't erase gender lol.
Well why not?
Since it’s difficult to change other people’s views, the parents are making the baby’s gender anonymous so the people that come in contact with them can’t stereotype. I don’t think they want to erase the gender, they said they don’t want to assign one until their baby is knows, and it could change.
Gender roles and gender are the same thing
@@o0mew0o Choosing a gender is a decision that rarely occurs to adults let alone children. Choosing your gender is not a common choice. Most children are fine with their birth gender (unless they have gender dysphoria) they just removed his gender without his 'permission'???
Irrelevance They didn’t remove the baby’s gender. It’s just not assigned. The child will identify with something or nothing eventually. They didn’t want them growing up with a gender role. The baby is not going to choose a gender when they’re older, they’ll know it easier than people that were assigned to a gender by birth. You’re right that they’ll know either way if they have gender dysphoria. I think what the parents are trying to do is to make sure their child doesn’t have gender dysphoria. So even if they identify as a male, female or non binary, they don’t have to go through the uncomfortable transition. It wasn’t common for women to choose whether they wanted to have children, to study or marry back in the day and we (I’m a cis gendered woman) have that option now. Just because a “choice” wasn’t common up until today, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be in the future. I still believe your gender isn’t a choice but what you identify with. It’s also quite different in different cultures so it also depends where these children grow up.
I personally think this is so unnecessary, just support them and love them when they’re grown enough to chose what they really want in life.
I don't think it's damaging what they're doing, but I didn't like how they confronted every single stranger and lectured them. The kid is going to hear that and internalize that there's something wrong and different about themselves. I'm not sure what the best thing to do would be, maybe let the lady in the park call the baby "he" and let the lady at the parade call the baby "she" and not make a big deal out of it either way. But when you call attention to it every single time you meet a stranger, the kid is going to know that there is something going on that's different than with all the other kids.
The whole of this is about what "they want", they being the parents... How they were raised. on and on and on it's all about them. Sadly that is going to carry their trauma forward onto their own child.
Be this kid and see how much fun it is being a "freak", kids are mean, did you all forget????????
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It doesn’t matter if the kid fits in with others, as long as they fit in with their own identity, if that makes sense. There is one thing worse than others not understanding you, and that is you not understanding yourself.
@@mercuria2563 it does matter because humans are social animals.
i think raising a kid without gender stereotypes is okay, you just have to recognize that gender is a thing that exists, and not make your kid non-binary
So if I identify as non-binary that makes me so? Where do we get these strange, nonsensical ideas?
Menghi C- It isn’t too much to change a pronoun in order to respect someone. It’s not so strange, and if you identified as such you’d want people to respect your wishes of what you wanted to be called. I think a person’s identity should be respected even if you don’t understand why they feel that way. It just puts more hate into the world to call them by their dead name or the pronoun they don’t identify with. Just respect people, because someone’s chosen identity isn’t nonsensical and it’s not too much to ask.
Menghi C just don’t make a little kid go by they/them, call them by their birth pronouns until they’re old enough to fully understand.
Menghi C
The reason they are doing this, (or rather, the way they _should_ be doing this), is to try and understand gender on a scientific level, which we have been unsuccessful in doing thus far. The experiment is to see whether or not/to what extent is gender a social construct/neurologically ingrained, and whether or not that gender is binary.
1. I believe you shape your child whatever you do
2. Nonbinary is not 'less than' or 'only okay if it HAS to be'
3. Even if your parents made you nb, as long as they didnt do it forcefully that is totally fine. In a way, my dad made my favourite colour orange because he wore an orange tshirt a lot. Its exactly the same thing. Orange still was my faviurite colour.
I’m not gonna raise my child as completely gender neutral and I and going to raise them as there biological gender but I am also going to raise them in a household that is open and when they are old enough to decide for themselves who they want to be. I just feel like it makes it harder to raise a child without any gender while they are still super young.
You have a good point
Same here
My dad is Jewish and he didn't raised us in the religion (his mom forced him and he didn't wanted to because it's simply not what he wants) and i'm glad that he let me have my own beliefs because at the end i don't wanna commit to a religion when i don't wanna
I feel the same
If you don't raise them by their biological gender, you are in denial about who your child is. There is the infamous "lizard man" who had his tongue cleft and scales cut into his skin. He honestly identified with lizards. Is he a lizard? Really?!!!
As a trans person, this is so damaging. Raising a child without gender stereotypes is amazing ! I encourage it, but giving a super young kid no gender will make them grow up so incredibly confused. They might even make the wrong choice and develop dysphoria.
this will definitely happen. We all NEED some identity to fall back on
Raising them with no gender is going to end up with the child facing issues similar to that of a trans child, regardless if the child actually turns out to be trans or not in the end.
Raising the child with their birth gender, but raising them in a neutral and accepting way seems like it will minialize these issues. If the child is cis? Well it changes nothing except you hopefully have a very open and accepting child who doesn't contribute to harmful stereotypes. Child is trans? Well hopefully because of how open and accepting you are and the views you tried to instill in your child the experience of transitioning is the best it can be.
I agree. Babies have a very underdeveloped complex thinking so understanding gender is hard..So why give a baby your own pronouns?
Hopefully, once the child is old enough to start noticing gender differences, they will start to form their correct gender identity. Statistically speaking, this child is probably not trans (but certainly could be). I hope the parents allow Grey to form their preferred gender while continuing to fight gender stereotypes.
Don't speak for all trans people. Im nonbinary trans person and my life would have been significatly better being raised this way.
Can we talk about how the lady was like. "I'm on board with this but don't agree in the way you're doing it" and the mom just talked over her???? Likes wtf?
Because it’s the moms choice
@@fenvictoria1437 yeah. but still rrude
i think criticising the mothers choice like that was rude and she was right to talk over her.
I mean...its not her kid to talk about in the first place
junklex They could’ve just made their own video about their baby. But they “had” to get an interviewer.
The parents clearly had good intentions with this but what I see to be the problem with this is they say their raising their child “without gender” yet continue to define a gender for their child, that being non-binary, like when the mother said “they actually use they/them pronouns” that’s not an absence of gender, that is non-binary, and the child didn’t choose those pronouns that they use, they parents chose for them. So due to this I think this form of parenting is flawed and it doesn’t matter what the child’s gender is as long as you raise them to know they are loved, they will trust you and be open with you.
I totally get what you mean. However, I do think this is an experiment that should have been done a long time ago, to understand gender as a whole and whether or not it is a social construct.
Also, as far as I’m aware, absence of gender _is_ non-binary. But I might have that wrong.
Kiera Haggarty yeah it’s definitely an interesting experiment that will have a valuable conclusion but I hope that this experiment isn’t at the expense of the child’s well being. Also about the non binary thing, I think it depends on who you ask since it is an Umbrella term, because for some it is then absence of gender (like agender people) and for others it’s their gender identity and they would like it to be addressed as a gender. So it definitely depends
mzapcupcake
Very true.
I dont think they them automatically means nb?
Im cis female but im super comfortable to be called they them
Violetta Schmieder but are they your preferred pronouns or you just don’t mind it?
Personally if my baby is born a girl, im going to raise her as a girl, if a boy etc. If they want to be the other gender when they are older, I'll accept them.
I would suggest though that you start conversations about gender very early. Point out things like "have you ntoiced that girls seem to be wearing pink more than boys? Why do you think that is?"
And then build gradually on that
That way it never becomed a taboo topic and the child will actually know upfront that its okay to identify as whatever
My son(5) is a boy who loves "stereotypical" boy things, but also refuses to cut his long hair and likes to play with my makeup. He picks his own clothes and toys with no pressure by us. 🥰 I think it's cute that he prefers his hand me down girls shorts and Minecraft T's with his hair in a frinchbraid down his back. He's his own interesting little person and he can be anything or anyone.
Same
I’m sorry, but what do you mean by saying “I’m gonna raise her as a girl”? What would you do different?
Same!
I don't know why I cringe when people were asking "how old is she" Mother "it's actually pronouns they"
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Lmao some people should no have kids
The parents literally let the kid choose what they wear, its not forcing, the baby just wants to eat, sleep and laugh (which the parents seem to be doing a great job of)
news flash, a baby doesn't know how to choose what to wear.
That's why they dress them in gender fluid clothes
@@rayraygaleva9493 do u think they care? The babys safe and covered
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the whole point of being a parent is to guide children.
if all our parents just let us do what we want we would be worse than entitled celebrities
grey seems like a happy baby. thats what matters.
You are an idiot. Are they going to show the baby throwing a fit? These parents are child abusers.
Yeah like the baby knows. Face it, this is child grooming.
What if she want pink when she older are they gonna tell her no
Emily SilverStar how is it child grooming?
ATTRIA joy no, what they want to do is let them choose what they want to be. So if they want to wear pink, they will wear pink, if they want to play with dolls or cars their parents will let them.
This seems dusty to me, honestly.
I'm not a caricature of femininity so a lot of times people ask me if I'm gender neutral, nonbinary, genderfluid, etc. I answer them, "No, I'm a woman." because I don't believe women HAVE to be caricatures of feminity.
I believe all people have masculine and feminine energy and folks are lying if they disagree. I believe I can be a woman without being a stereotype of feminine characteristics.
A lot of people don't realize that in an effort to be open minded, they usually end up conforming to gender stereotypes. Like, "Oh, you're not super feminine? You CAN'T be a woman!" why not?
Your child can be a boy or a girl without being a stereotype of whatever people say boys or girls should be.
This 🙏🏽
Why are you using that against trans people lol. Trans people don't exist to comfort to social expectations of gender. Nor are they saying gender stereotypes are good. What they are saying is "let me exist", and that kid should be just kids, not hold to any society expectation of what they should or shouldn't be.
I think you can agree on the last one.
Florencia Argañaraz i don’t think you read my comment.
This often happens when people don’t actually want to read or understand and instead want to be offended.
Cuz what was used against trans people? Who said they couldn’t exist?
My comment says a child can be a boy or girl and be raised without conforming to gender stereotypes. The point is let your child tell you they’re trans - you don’t decide for them.
Im sure you can agree with that if you’re done pretending you were attacked.
@@FlowerTower You don't decided if they are trans or not (when in the video did the parents say their child was trans lol) The situation you are describing just doesn't happen in the real world. what are you referring to?.
But the parent gets to decided if their children are a girl or a boy?
Florencia Argañaraz fact: 99% of people identify with their AGAB (assigned gender at birth). That’s why people raise their child as their assigned gender and it usually works since 99% of people identify with it.
Raising your child as nonbinary makes no sense cuz only 1% of people are.
I just want to see what this child would become in a few years
Yeah! Gray’s opinion when they're older would honestly be great and so interesting! I would love their thoughts on everything!❤️
a victim of bullying
Comfused is what she will be
Bullied. That's what he will become.
Poor child. I pray Grey is strong enough to over come your issues. Cause these are your issues. Poor poor child. Heart breaking and very disturbing.
?
People like Putin, Xi, the mullahs in Iran and other people around the world see the collapse of civilization and the weakness of the United States and other Western countries that entertain this sort of think. Take one look at Biden's top nuclear waste disposal official and you'll see how this sort of thing is encouraging bad actors the world over to do as they please, rightfully believing that the West will do nothing to stop them. The West is the last and only bastion of liberty in the world but we won't be for long if we keep broadcasting the Western freak of the week to the rest of the world. Weakness is a provocation.
I’ve already decided that I will stick with my child’s predetermined gender at the start before they are old enough to have a concept of their gender identity (and because cis people are the majority) but I will let them wear what they want, play with what they want, and when they get older I will respect them as they grow to understand their own identity.
My parents did this and I am a perfectly average cis woman. My parents let me wear boy clothes, let me play with dinosaurs and hot wheels, and I am still a cis woman. Letting your child experience the other side of gender norms will not ruin them or make them trans. That is all up to them and a boy wearing dresses isn’t going to do any harm. It’s people being judgmental that will cause harm
thank you for this thoughtful comment
I have a daughter and she 3 but I let her play with anything and dress her how she like I had a few comment she loves Dinosaurs and this guy she was 2 at the time she had a dinosaur pj with blue sock I just went to get mail and the guy looked and was like boy or girl and I said she is a girl and he like you should show her as a girl and I’m like mind your business she likes dinosaurs and same thing I went to a restaurant with my husband she wearing dress but she has her Dino toy and again our waiter comes and like you guys wanted a boy and it’s frustrating and I was so offended and it’s annoying the gender roles like a girl shouldnt wear blue or play with boy toy when it’s nothing don’t get me wrong she know she a girl but toys clothes everything she can wear but I don’t say oh that’s for boys or that’s for girls because I don’t feel clothing or toys should be gendered it’s hard to explain but hope someone can understand.
My parents raised me like this too and looking back I appreciate the freedom they gave me to decide what I wore and what I played with. I think it was also because I was the only girl out of all my cousins on my mum's side so that helped with maintaining gender inclusive norms and forming my own gender expression
@@brandytuggle5374 My parents told me similar things when I was little. I loved dinosaurs, climbing trees, wearing a suit and tie just like my dad, and hated dresses(like I would throw fits if my mom tried to put me in one so eventually she just gave up), and most stereotypical girl things except my favourite colours are pink and green. My parents said they got similar comments when I would wear a suit or play with dinos, but they just let me be whatever I wanted. Now I'm just a cis girl that wears dresses on VERY special occasions and still loves dinos. Liking stereotypical "boy" or "girl" things doesn't make it ur gender, it's what u feel inside. I wish more people would understand that and let kids be and do whatever they want.
Maya Cajchun exactly I would climb trees play with the boys ruff house have fun but I was called a Tomboy I hated earrings but my favorite color was green and purple people always have somthing to say but I was glad my parent let me have what ever I liked to play with baby doll to army men toys and I’m fine
the child should at least be called by their birth pronouns. while growing up theyre going to feel out of place and have an identity crisis. raise a child the way they are born until they are ABLE to decide for themselves
In the video the dad explains exactly why we should not force pronouns on kids
Emmanuelle Brin-Delisle its not forcing. Their job as parents is to accept and support their child through everything. Theres no problem with gender itself as long as the stereotypes aren’t being put upon the kid.
@@choubidouwah No matter what they're forcing pronouns on their kid. The mom literally said "They use they/them pronouns" and I doubt that was Grey's choice
Puck but their approach to the kid is really neutral, which wouldn’t be the case if they used she or he (as explained in the video, people change their manners whether the kid is a girl or a boy, which is not the case if the kid doesn’t have a gender based pronoun). English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry if my explanation isn’t that good
@@choubidouwah There's also a bias towards those who are non-binary. Every single person they told had some sort of reaction. When they start putting Grey through schooling Grey will be treated differently than both the boys and girls because of them being non-binary
as a person studying to become a kindergarden teacher, can I just say that the way they designed and placed things in Grey's Bedroom is amazing! very montessori inspired and great for encouraging independent playing and learning! great!
Yay! I wasn't the only one that noticed that!
It’s not that complicated yall! I’ve been raising my kids gender neutral and they have so far been doing great.
That women was right by saying “I didn’t do it, I let it become.” I agree, I will raise my child as the gender they are born as, but i will support there future desisions.
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Agreed. I thought she was the only sensible person and I was glad to see her speak her mind
No, she wouldn't be in this video if she just let it become.
America is the only place I see put soo much emphasis on gender, so strangle interesting. But Grey is a beautiful baby and with love will grow into a beautiful man or woman I guess
what about in the middle east
What???? The west is the least gendered part of the world by far
That's because too many people in America have lost their minds and are not wise. Why should a parent deny the child what is rightfully theirs? I would be very angry at my parents had they done to me what these "parents" are doing to that child. You don't place your ideology or agenda before the good of your child.
patatedouce bb they mean the west focuses the most on gender/lack of it.
@@roshna8971 I understand what they mean and I completely disagree
"is this a boy or is this a girl?"
Literally the first thing you're told about your baby.
I love when toddlers and babies put on sunglasses on their own. Something about it is so cute and cool at the same time
OR you can raise the kid as the gender they were assigned at birth, until/unless they tell you otherwise? Raising a child gender neutral is telling the kid what gender they are, which is what you're trying to avoid. Raising a kid without strict gender roles is one thing, but this is crazy.
@babyfaced bella. You're telling a kid "You're nonbinary" which is exactly the same thing as telling a kid "You're a girl" or "Youre a boy". It's just a long way around and doesn't solve the problem they're trying to solve. You can let a boy wear dresses and still call him a boy.
Blue Turtle is it wrong to raise a child without religion? Is not having a religion actually a type of religion?
These parents are no telling they’re kid “you are non-binary” they’re saying genders are constructed and we refuse to Impose the trappings of gender on you. When you want to explore gender we support you. And when your gender becomes clear to you, we support you then too.
Is there potential for something to “go wrong” with that? Sure. That potentiality is built into almost every parenting decision though; I don’t see how you could call this crazy in good faith.
Gender is 'observed' at birth, not 'assigned. Don't buy into the jargon.
@@PSNragglefraggle1 how do you observe a baby's gender when they are born?
@@babypuppykitty
... W... With your eyes..?!
I don't think the parents are "forcing" their kid to be gender neutral because they allow them to make their own decisions (like choosing what to wear). Plus when they are old enough to talk they can tell their parents if they feel uncomfortable being gender neutral.
What does what you wear have to do with your gender? He can be a boy and do, wear or play with what he wants? They're still just making him be non binary. He'll only be confused when he's older.
Irrelevance hence asking questions
Yes thank you for saying this, the parents' intentions flew over everyone head
@@youngcuba12How is that meant to help? These are questions hardly any child has to make. You have to understand gender dysphoria occurs to a minority. The majority of children or adults will not want to change gender or be non binary ever. It doesn't occur to them at all for their gender to be a 'decision'. Most people are fine with their AABG, and those who are not have gender dysphoria. By holding this decision over his head is just going to add pressure, especially as he interacts with other children. They're just handing gender dysphoria to him by removing his own gender for him.
Irrelevance Well how you dress does have more to do with gender then most people think being boys don’t normally wear dresses at all that young it does have something to do with it. They are kinda just bringing the child up without the gender stereotypes. A lot of parents say boys can’t wear dress and can’t play with dolls and girls can’t play with toys normally associated with boys. Most parents won’t buy certain gender children certain toys since it isn’t “normal” unless they have an older sibling of the opposite gender.
The 🦆? It’s like they’re trying to correct their childhood traumas
Kinda like treating them like they would’ve wish to be treated but that’s kinda sick bc they’re assuming those children are going to be like them
I was raised very similar to this, my parents never told strangers my gender and when I started to develop myself I choose what i wanted.
The desire of independence as a child is bigger than our bodies and everyone should try the method
While I agree with their methods of not enforcing gender stereotypes, I don't know if I would force them into a nonbinary identity at such a young age, simply because the world is so gendered. If a boy can still get bullied for liking dolls and dresses, I don't know how this child will be able to deal with gender neutrality, and the confusion/rage that brings people at the tender age of four.
Jessica Bullock exactly. All this controversy and hate can be avoided if they just didnt enforce gender stereotypes. It doesnt make any sense to me to forcefully put a child in a position where they lose a huge part of their identity.
Honestly, we have more things to complain about. I have my own opinions about this topic, but those who are criticizing the parents, go on other videos and criticize the people who are racist and those who blatantly cough on others to try to intimidate them
Edit: At the moment, I was seeing how people were already racist and was under the impression their parents played a part in it. I understand this video focuses on this topic, but there are people out there who you can see on UA-cam that actually harm society
That should be criticized and condem too
No this is child abuse
Marielis Roberti yeah, condemn too
Wait which video documentary is out there teaching kids to spit on other races?
We're here for this topic don't mix appels and oranges
i think this is actually pretty smart because when they grow up they can decide who they wanna be
“And everyone is doing what’s right in their own eyes......there is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”
I feel like you should raise the child to the gender they are, and if you can tell that they don’t feel like that gender, raise them according to the gender they feel most comfortable with. Raising a kid as gender neutral would make them confused right? They wouldn’t know what they are and as a parent how are u supposed to explain? I feel like when raising your child, you should be GUIDING them, and if they don’t like how you guide them, change the way you guide them. Don’t constrict them to one gender only, be open
Nah, raising your child with gender a that they do not identify as confuses them
the problem with raising the child as what gender they are assigned at birth is that that will be the one they are most comfortable with. So if you give the child the option to choose of course the will pick the one they were taught and raised as, therefore conforming to the ides of gender. The child in this documentary is given many choices. They are provided with both stereotypical male and females clothes and having the option to pick whichever they want. When the child becomes older and understands gender and how it works in society, both will be comfortably to them. Or maybe they will choose to be non-binary because that is also what’s comfortable. By raising the child the way these parents are is giving the kid freedom and choice to choose who they want to be instead of having labels forced onto them.
@@raeganlarson 👏👏👏
That and the child now has no concept of gender so when the daunting question is raised 'which gender does he chose?' he just will not know the answer. He doesn't know what gender is he was raised absent of it. He just won't know or make the decision a lot older than 'when he can talk' like what people are saying.
How about you raise them neutral until they choose what they feel like being and how to express it? When you do the opposite, there is more of a chance of struggles, having been considered under certain gender biases and having to switch is not as easy as it might sound.
I'm wondering how they're gonna explain puberty to the child as they get older
Exactly what I was thinking
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Like everyone else does
That's a biological development, not a social one therefore there's no controversy
@@MelvinGundlach except everyone else raises their children as their birth assigned gender.
these parents should then refer themselves as GENDER-NEUTRAL PARENTS.... not mom or dad.... honestly this is just SAD and confusing for this innocent child.
yep
why didnt they let the child choose its name?
I like how Mom fights for they- them pronounce and kid is just having fun 😂
I hope the use of they won't lead to an identity crisis because it could really confuse the baby on who they really are.
I honestly don’t think this will be as damaging as some of these comments are making it out to be. The parents emphasize a desire to have the child choose for themselves what they want to be, and to me raising them as “neutral” makes the most sense. It keeps things as a blank slate, and so there’s no biases.
I agree, I like the way you put it
I guess, but the child might just not have a full understanding of either gender since they've never really experienced them other than physically. Therefore this child might just grow up confused. This is just conditioning and confusing for the child.
Everyone is saving how this is confusing for grey, but I think people really need to realize how resilient children are. Grey will be just fine!
@@elenagibbons4719 I'm not talking about now. As a teenager and adult.
@@misakiyui942 But by that time Grey will know what they are
this is so damaging, let the child decide when its older instead of forcing a toxic, inevitable identity issue on this poor child that had no choice, it completely contradicts their whole idea. CHOICE please please please raise them as their born gender! and as they grow older let them decide and be completely supportive.
100% . . . there's always time for conversation when they get a little older
No wrong if there a boy they get car toys and if there a girl they play with barbies period this is nonsense BS.
100%
@Dianna Gummy_Star you go girl!
I agree with this!
i actually don't have a problem with this concept, it's actually pretty good. gray can be any either non-binary, female, male or whatever she wants which is cool. but like I'm sure that they're gonna get alot if hate for it too. But I hope gray stays strong!
If I ever get pregnant later in life I'm raising them like this
I hope this doesn’t confuse her/him when they get older
inevitably it will
Gabriella Cariddo why do you think it’s cruel?
*them, they literally said in the video that their pronouns are they/them...
They/them... This pronouns are ridiculous. Its one person, unless he or she has a twin they should talk like there's only one child and not two. At least create more adequate pronouns to define it.
I feel like giving a baby both extremes isn't gender neutral. The baby hasn't developed an idea of what's considered gender neutral to them.
i say “baby girl” and “baby boy in the same tone, and i understand that gender stereotypes do exist and have an impact on how others treat you, but gender is such a huge part of identity that i think that while being open to whatever gender Grey identities as is good, to grow up with a gender identity, just using her/him pronouns isn’t inherently bad.
Listening to ‘mum’ talk, I get the feeling she knows that what she is doing is wrong (6:04). Her body language says it all.
This is a dystopian daydream of the "woke".
Yes. This is sad. This kid will get bullied hard.
Honestly, I would have hated having to make a decision like what gender I want to be as a child.. it's a lot of pressure to put on a child, even though that's exactly what it's aiming to reduce. I feel like it's going to be a tough world out there for these kids, but I hope it goes well for them. Change is always difficult at first.
Exactly. That's a big a daunting choice to make and not a choice that most people make unless they have gender dysphoria. I think this is adding additional pressure.
looking back a couple years to when i was a kid, if my parents had asked me this question, i would have answered without a second thought, randomly. I would have just chosen whatever and not thought so intensely about the decision, because as a kid i would not have known this decision was any more important than what cereal i had for breakfast. We have to remember that if you ask a child what they want to be when they grow up they will respond with something like...cupcake, princess, or astronaut, which obviously as an older person now i realize are not very realistic job options for the average person. My point is, kids don't have the mental capacity to make such a decision, simply they are not mature enough.
It's not" what you want* to be is how you feel
People have an inherent understanding of their gender identity. Raising your children so they have the opportunity to choose is important to child development.
It is a lot of pressure to have to chose your gender, so why have one at all? Why not just do things people do and if one thing you do is something "men" do and one thing "women" do so be it. The point is to not put them in a box in terms of how they are meant to act, dress etc.
there was a boy who his family and doctors reassigned him as a female and raised him as one to prove gender is learned and he ended up committing suicide. David Reimer
Did they do this without his permission, meaning did he want to transition?
EXO -L they did it since he was a baby
History repeats itself. Humans never learn^^
@@exo-l6926 A pedo sexologist, the dude who brought us the whole concept of gender identity and gender roles, recommended to his parents a surgery for their infant son who suffered a botched circumcision. And then raising him as a girl.
@@magnusagatha The first comment made it sound as if the parents made a conscious decision to make an experiment with their child,not a mistake they thought would compensate a previous mistake...besides I thought experiments of any kind were forbidden on humans by the IACHR?
No matter how u feel about this…you have to admit that Grey is an amazing name choice.
This might very well be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.
So mom gets to be a woman...dad gets to be a man...baby gets to be a question mark.... children aren't experiments....
I respectfully disagree, they’re raising their kid in a safe and loving household.
@@nikamobed969 yes,as a man and a woman...and a questionmark. The baby might never be brave enough to express what it feels like,worrying how mom and dad will react IF it chooses to be exactly the gender that it is born into. Mom and dad apparently wishes it to become a non-gender type.
Oh - but they are. Every planned child is an experiment. Nobody is raised just the same, and there really are no _set_ rules for raising a child, except for the very obvious ones.
@Gracie P sure!
Lmao if there is no experiments done, we would still be living in stone age
they're obviously concerned that their child might grow up with gender identity issues... "well now they can be rest assured their child will definitely have gender identity issues."
press the link for a better understanding of what we are doing to our children.
ua-cam.com/video/U-kxdyJs6y8/v-deo.html
Well, the parents did kinda choose their kids gender in a way. They’re non binary..
No, they are gender neutral, and non-binary isn’t a gender that’s why it’s called non binary because it isn’t part of a gender binary
@@makaveli5229 non binary is considered a gender identity tho ..
I really like what they're doing! I hate how much most people care about babies genitals 🙄
Same
place holder No wonder the world has become crazy with people like you in it ! I'm glad I'm in the latter half of my life and won't see the results, God forgive you !!!
Ok😒 i get it now. They’re putting this unnecessary eventually confusing lifestyle onto their kid because of his own personal experiences even though his child is not him😑 that’s not selfish & damaging at all...
Exactly!!! I’m a trans women and being raised as a boy is what made me realize I was a girl. I know if I was raised completely gender neutral I would have been confused even more and it would have taken me so much longer to realize who I am. Push the kid the right direction, if they want to go the other direction let them.
I grew up with brothers and wanted to dress up as a boy. I hated wearing dresses, I wanted to wear pants instead. I would cry and my dad would tell my. Mom let her wear what she wants. However I grew up being straight. I never questioned my sexuality either. I just wanted to dress up more boy ish than girl. I knew in kindergarten I liked boys because I had a crush on a lil boy but that's all. So yeah and I don't feel my parents forced my natural genetic gender at all.
I don't believe that to solve a problem,you do the exact opposite. I think rasing your child free of gender norms is a lot better than raising them to not see gender.Because gender is real and it affects out world in a lot of ways.
Let the child decide what gender they are when the grow up.
Amidst all the negativity, I just want to say I think this is so interesting and frankly amazing. Best of luck to this beautiful family and little baby Grey
I totally agree. I'm a straight woman married to a straight man, but we are raising our daughter without any of the typical girly things. She was commonly mistaken for a boy early on because her hair didn't grow for a while. I dressed her in just normal cute kid clothes, but I never put any bows on her or outfits that screamed GIRL. I always hated when people tried to guess her gender, strangers on the street. I thought it was irrelevant and if they wanted to refer to her as something, just say "child." As in, "how old is your child?" or "how old is your little one?"
I like their style of parenting... but, seriously, calling their kid Grey? Seems a little too on the nose.
Idk if it’s jus me but Grey sounds like some jocky wattpad original character who has daddy issues an bullies the main protagonists 😂😂
lmao it's just a name Unique names are more popular for kids their age so it shouldn't be a problem
i agree with you on the second part. LOL grey was intentional
Give them credit, at least it's a better name than most "unique" names that celebrities give their kids
the parents a very stupid
I LOVE THAT THEY GIVE GREY OUTFIT CHOICES!! ☺️
And not too many choices to not overwhelm grey
It's a Montessori thing.
I remember when I was 5, my mom was busy so my dad had to take me to get a haircut. I realized it was my moment (my dad would never have the guts to call me out in public when i was that little) and when the gal asked me what my name was, I proudly responded, finally saying aloud the name that I knew I was truly was, and promised myself I would legally change when I was old enough... My Little Pony.
I outgrew that though, and today as a 35 year old I go by Jessica. Even though it
was the name my parents decided for me.
I really want to raise my kid this way, but im worried about the constant shaming not only I would experience, but also my kid may experience. I appreciate SO MUCH what you are doing.
No matter what anyone thinks, the decisions of the parents aren't going to change. There's not one perfect way of parenting or thinking. All we can do is try our best to promote a safer space for the next generation identifying with different genders, race, ability, religion, etc. Because whether you like it or not, change is already happening
Soon, there will be so many safe spaces, that 'danger' and 'uncertainty' will be defunct. Then the human race will forget how to fight, win, lose gracefully, compromise, or not, give an opinion, argue a point......we will just be all so safe. Safe and sterile....and weaker.
This is child abuse and of course they get a free pass because of their skin color smh
Madness
@@ppwendypp all dressing the same, looking the same. Eating grey food and living like orwell imagined
I don’t think this is bad just stupid lol to each its own though. raise your kid how you want to and when they are older they decide for themselves not a big deal in the end tbh. Besides babies don’t know or care how they are dressed to be perfectly honest with you..like how many remember what they wore unless their parents tell them.
True, I only remembered what my parents told me how and what to dress
Correct, children don't care how they dress until they eventually run into other kids at school. Children forget to comb their hair and wash their face until they grow up and see how silly they look. Children also don't pay attention to traffic laws until they're old enough to realize that they can get killed if they don't follow them. I don't see your logic.
@Flosregina u right but the world ain't ready for that discussion.
I see what you mean but I think in this situation it’s less about what the baby wants to wear and more about how others treat them and therefore how they are socialized to think and behave.
@Valentina C but they put the kid in a pink dress🤷🏽♀️ that will make EVERYONE think it's a girl so either way ppl will talk to the kid the way they would a "girl".
I think Grey is male though.
People, please remember that baby's are somewhat forced to do everything, they are forced to get dressed even if they don't want to have clothes on, because they don't understand/aren't able to get dressed, so they really are not "forcing" them to be enby, they are just trying to not impose traditional gender roles, also Grey looks like a very happy baby and y'all clearly saw that they get to choose their clothes.
I was sceptical at first but this is creating a beautiful safe space for grey to decide who they want to be without feeling the pressure to fit any unnecessary boxes, I hope that however gray decides to express themselves in the future, they are happy and well.
I love how they corrected people. They said it very casually, but allowed for questions to inform others. They seem like great parents!
What if Grey grows up uncomfortable by this whole situation once Grey understands what's going on ? I'd feel bad if my parents raised me this way but its because I'm comfortable being a girl.
These parents are trying to do something they would have liked done for them while growing up so I understand that part.
Bruh. its not your baby stfu
No that is her opinion . This is why we keep splitting up beacuse we are not accepting one another’s opinions . Yea I get it XX heavenxx you didn’t like it but so what you didn’t like it I’m not saying you have to love it just be ok that’s your opinion and this is mine . People are going to do and say what they belive in . When I have children I’m just going to put them a girl and boy nothing wrong with it just like nothing wrong with neutral . It’s not until they grow do they understand how they really feel and if they didn’t like it well then if they had kids they won’t make that happen
@@michaelpetronzio6557 child....at the end of the day the baby isn't going to affect her lived in any way, shape or form. For her to give her negative opinions on the baby is doing nothing bur creating a negative atmosphere
xxheaveanxx but I don’t think she was trying to creating a negative way and you saying stfu will also be creating a negative way instead just say like oh I don’t belive in your opinion I think there is nothing wrong with girl or boy or being neutral nothing wrong . I was just saying that her opinion like your is it’s up to the parents but saying stfu is going to bring you negativity bc there is going to be other people who will the same to you , I just want people to realize these are people with opinions and I don’t think she was trying to hurt anyone just saying what she belives in.
At some point in your life you became comfortable with your identity as a girl, and that’s wonderful! Their parents are just waiting for that day to come for their baby, and Grey will be loved no matter what gender identity feels right to them. 💝
I genuinely wish my parents raised me in such an open and healthy environment.
When I saw the title, I rolled my eyes. But actually these parents made a lot of sense. Such a sweet story.
Alot of strangers on here really deeply upset about not knowing the g*nitalia of a literal baby. Disgusting.
I know. Not knowing that information will not hurt you
I think it’s important to explain to your child what’s in between their legs, but I don’t think it’s okay to then associate what’s in between their legs to what they should be like, play with, dress like, etc. Its a very fine, but important line in my opinion. The way children learn is very black and white, if you explain something to them in concrete but positive terms they will then positively think of that thing. That’s how racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc is stopped.
raise your kid with a broad range of toys and clothing until they’re old enough to choose what they want themselves. I’m non-binary, and gender-neutral options are great, but it’s also okay to be binary.
As long as a child is healthy and is not in a toxic environment that’s all that matters
identity crisis
At 7 months old
I'm very excited to see updates as Grey grows up and is able to express their own thoughts and feelings on all of this, I think that this could be a big step in understanding gender and stereotypes and all that
This is moronic. Females are girls , males are boys. It’s really not that complicated I promise
The old lady is right. I don't think the parents should make that choice for them. They should be free to decide for themselves.
Definitely this is not an example of "letting the kid be himself or herself." The baby is being groomed into confusion for life. Children need consistency in the matters of absolute truths. I pray for all of us parents to be like trusting children and ask God to guide us in our vocation.
the woman at the park was kinda making a good point
How?
The concept that... So longer as they're happy.... Is irrational, I'd rather my child be safe than happy, and I'd rather them be good than safe.
There's much more to life than just happiness
Would you rather be safe than happy
How are they not safe? Of course there is more to life than happiness, but if you are safe but not happy it is really not worth anything because if you’re not happy you most likely experience negative thought that will make you do something you will regret once you ARE happy
lmaooo what?? you don’t care about your child’s happiness??? in what way is this child unsafe?
Are you drunk or?
She's not forcing her child to be anything she's letting Grey pick their clothing choice, wither it's feminine or masculine. Then when Grey grows up they can choose how they identify, I think it's wonderful how she's raising her child :)
Truly all that matters is if Grey's happy, and that's also all that matters to the parents.
I don't have children yet but I'm thinking about having them gender neutral.
I don't totally like it but, as one parent said, people automatically change their ways when they find out the gender.
Also, gender neutral works a lot more for girls using boys stuff than the other way around. So people, even grown adults, would bully the boy. I've seen boys raised in non conforming, wearing dresses and skirts and people still have something to say about it 🤷♀️
The thing is, you'll never please anyone, might as well do as I wish. My latin mom might not be so on board tho
p.s. But I'd never name my child Grey, such a sad same
If it's a boy, raise it as a boy if it's a girl raise it as a female. Then when they become adults and feel they should change their gender or something support then through that process and that's enough. Don't ignore gender competely because it exists and it's part of an identity.
It's crazy how offended people get about this when all they're trying to do is get rid of stigmas and stereotypes. How can that be a bad thing?
Those stigmas are apart of people’s opinion that culture makes certain objects and activities gendered and it is important to them to uphold that because of their religion. It’s an idea that’s been prevalent in human culture for millenniums. Not my personal opinion but it’s an opinion and it offends them for you to go against it’s
@@shitocodone8940 it's not just religion, but some people in the LGBT community don't agree with this either
Dongy Sakura yeah that’s true I just gave a more generalized answer
Bird Person identifies as Bird Person
lmao
But were you raised as a Bird Person or did you have to transition to be one?
I really like this idea and I wanna consider doing the same if I end up having a kid. I am curious how the child will develop and decide what they prefer since they grew up with such a neutral life. They even let the baby choose which clothes to wear which is likely based upon just which is more visually stimulating since the baby probably doesn't even know what it likes or not. Parenting is experimental to an extent and this method is completely valid so I hope others just keep their opinions to themselves.
Unfortunately when you make things public, people are going to have opinions. I don’t think it’s fair to present something to the world and then just tell everybody else to shut up about it. That’s not conducive to the conversation and just creates assumptions and more of a rift and a division. I don’t think that’s your intention, but that comment just seems divisive.
I love this!
Edit: ffs let parents do what they want it ain’t y’all business 🙄
Edit 2: this child is probably having they best childhood ever
I totally agree with you! The top comments just dont get it. They aren't even trying to listen to what the parents are saying
Honestly, let them play with whatever toys they want (to an extent in price of course), or read them all kinds of things, mystery, fairy, action, everything
They’re going to go to school and be like
? What’s a girl whats a boy? Good intentions but too much
lmao
There parents parenta are probally gping to expalin to them what "gender" is.
Good intentions is not denying reality, especially your child's wellbeing. You can't creat a reality out of your wishes, fantasies. Truth will out. It always does in the end.
@@menghic531 whatttttt???
@@bastard7821 explaining such concepts to a child without anything to relate it to doesn't sound like an easy task.
I think what they are doing is beautiful. They are giving their child the option to just be. No expectations beyond them growing to be healthy, happy, and secure in who they are as an individual. This made me cry at how respectful it is. Thank you for sharing this.
this family looks awesome! grey looks very happy with their family around them! this couple as well, so cute! I'm sure Grey will turn out to be an amazing person when they grow up with such parents.
This is interesting, if they know the gender of their own baby, won't they also treat it differently subconsciously based on that? So they aren't removing that gendered-biased environment entirely
It's impossible to remove the gender-biased environment entirely since this family still lives in this very gendered society. I think you may be misunderstanding, though: this family does not know their child's gender, only their child's genital shape. They are choosing not to conflate the two and to challenge their own and other's assumptions about what (if anything) our bodies really say about who we are.
It really is sad that they would use their own child as a social experiment.
So what you are saying is they are unable to be as mental as they would like.
@@rkipphorn all parenting is an experiment
When Inwas young my parents raised me in a fairly gender neutral way. They would sometimes interchangeably use girl and boy when referring to me( mostly jokingly) and for the most part i had both boyish and girly clothes and toys. Tbh this was all very confusing to me. And when i became a teenager i resented the fact that im not girly enough. I was born a girl and i am a girl. I didn't rlly wanna be raised like that. I was gravitated towards stereotypically feminine stuff but i didn't know how to. It felt more alienating as i was seen more as a tomboyish girl rather than girly girl like i wanted to be. As a young adult i have a much better understanding of myself ofc.
I don't think raising gender neutral babies is the way. But i do think there should be variety of toys for each gender. One good thing i can say that came out of my childhood was that "boy" toys were usually mych more complex and intellectually stimulating and i believe that sparked my interest in STEM classes. Stereotypically girl toys are ridiculously useless tbh.
Totally agree. An example: Lego friends, becaUse girls only like to bake cakes😂
This was already tried in the 1970s. There was a study done about it. Parents gave dolls to boys (I was one of those moms) and trucks to girls - and other switch-ups. No matter what the parents did, very early, the boys went for trucks and the girls wanted dolls. I don't remember how many kids (if any) carried through with the "opposite" clothes and toys they were given.
When I was little I played with both
When I was little I played with both
Why can’t be just not stereotype genders? I sometimes feel like these conversations actually end up reinforcing gender stereotypes.
They're "maybe" forcing it to the child
If they were raising the child traditionally as a girl or boy, wouldn't they be doing the same? Even more so, as these parents are literally doing this so that their child WON'T feel limited by gender norms.
@@thefrenchiestfry8147 limits are good. it's what helps us stay sane. When you have no foundation in life you don't experience a lack of anxiety.
We need IDENTITY to fall back on. We need concrete evidence of who we are.
When we grow up, other little decisions can be made by US because we are mature enough to make those decisions.
Children NEED boundaries and guildelines
It must/will not be easy.
I get what they’re trying to do..
But you can raise your child without gender stereotypes while still acknowledging your child’s gender.
Your gender is just a part of you. Like your hair color. Or the size of your hands. It just is. It doesn’t have to define you in any way other than “yeah I’m a girl” or “yeah I’m a boy”
You don’t have to fit a mold because of your gender
I have never felt more sorry for a child in my entire life.....