Naw that don’t make sense..... that sounds like the “ I’m your friend instead of your parent “ analogy, the job of a parent is being a parent that’s it. I’m not my child’s friend. When he or she fucks up i discipline them for it. When they do good I reward them. But end of the day I’m not their friend
And I’ve seen a lot of parents who try that tactic out and most of the kids turn out to be disrespectful pricks who need to beat with a switch to learn some respect for others.
K dot AfroClan my mom is trying to be my friends and it’s annoying I few up depending on myself to build my personality I went house hunting just to feel good that I could leave
You can (and should) be friends with their kids, but always be their parents first. Friends have common interests and confide in one another, and that's a healthy relationship for a parent to have with their kid. But parents should never avoid disciplining their kids in order to curry favour.
I actually started saying: “thats not a reason.” My mom got so upset, but she started understanding why I said that. I didnt understand why ai couldnt do something, so she started explaining and I started understanding.
@@achlysheerschap3122 I wish I'd told my mom that early on. But by the time I got to the age of thinking that, my mom became well adapted at arguing with me that even if I was telling a fact, she'd insist her "fact" was right and that I need to listen cause she's older and knows more.
"Because I said so" is the worst. If YOU're the only reason to not to stick the fork in the light socket, guess what the child will do when YOU leave the room
My parents always use the excuse “Well, I just know if I explain it, you’ll end up arguing!!” As if I’m not gonna argue against a stupid reason like “because I said so” more than an actual reason
The answer "Because I said so" is not reasonable, if you are not being reasonable, the child will not learn to understand why or why not, and if the child doesn't learn to understand why or why not, it causes a higher chance for the child to become more rebellious and disobedient.
The biological purpose of childhood is to learn about the world, and that’s what the parents should help kids with. Establish a sense of cause and effect, so the child can be informed, and truly understand the parents’ actions as more than just orders.
just an extra tip for parents out there: never tell your kid to stop crying. it doesn't work, the more they try to stop the harder the tears will pour and you're only teaching them to bottle up their emotions. just let them cry it out, it doesn't matter how stupid their reason for crying might seem to you. clearly it's not stupid to them and they need to be allowed to process their emotions at their own pace
Agreed. I think many parents say "Don't cry" because it's just a thing people say, since they don't know what else to say. Some people just panic when another human is crying. (And yes, some say it because they have no empathy.) A better thing to say is something like, "Oh no! What happened?" Or "What made you sad?" Or simply "I'm sorry you're feeling ___." Some people have a naturally heightened sense of empathy. But for many people, they need to be taught to be empathetic. That very much starts in childhood, and especially in the home.
You also made a fantastic point in that whatever they're crying about doesn't feel stupid to them, no matter how insignificant it feels to you as an adult. We can look at things from a broader perspective, with our fully-developed adult brains, but kids don't have that luxury. That broken toy or dropped hotdog may feel extremely important to a little brain in that very moment. To put it into perspective, I am not a sports fan. I hate all sports. I have seen grown men and women cry when their team lost the whatever finals. I thought it was stupid, because sports carry no importance in my life. However, I don't judge them for letting out their disappointment via tears, because I know their team is important to them. We should extend the same courtesy to children.
Yes. I remember i would cry because my parents were yelling at me to do something and I was scared, and they thought I was just throwing a fit and being bratty by crying, and trying to be manipulative. Then they would yell more and of course, I would cry more.
Actually it does work for some children. Some kids pretend to cry to get out of trouble. I'm a teacher, I see it all the time. I tell those kids to stop crying, it doesn't work on me and they immediately stop and smirk.
Unsurprisingly, when you treat kids like human beings that can learn and reason they end up being better human beings. You can’t expect someone to respect you if you disrespect them, kids aren’t that stupid.
Boop I couldn't agree more! I never ridiculed my son for being who he was and I never hit him. What does hitting your child do other than learn to fear you? It doesn't teach interpersonal skills. If he asked about something he was interested in and I could afford it we'd do it. Going to museums, painting classes, whatever. I was dreadfully bored sometimes but you know what? He turned out to be a guy who is confident and a loving dad. His daughter has been cooking and gardening with him since she was 3. Oh, I know I wasn't always perfect but he knows I sure as hell tried. I did not want him to go through what I went through.
It is logically impossible to respect someone who doesn't respect you. If you don't respect me, you don't respect my opinions. If I respect you, I respect your opinions. That includes your disregard of my opinions, including my opinion of you. Therefore, my respect for your opinion invalidates itself.
“You’re old enough, you should already know all this by now” (i would but someone kept telling me im too young to learn it or whatever). or even “when i was your age I had you, blah blah and blah”. Or my favourite “what kind of stress do you have to deal with”.
@@FloatingBlossom Them btches aren't able to prove their point when I start talking. I always talk back. I use my brain. They're always screwed. I love debates.
@@shantaloupe4243 same I love debates and whenever I start one with my parents they just keep saying that "if I say the milk is black then it IS, If I say I'm a cat then I'm right" I just get really annoyed and because I'm an unreasonably emotional person who cries all the time they're mad more than when sad I just bawl my eyes out into the pillow for 30 seconds and then go back to minding my own business lmao
Kids deserve respect too. If you constantly belittle them or their ideas or ignore them, they will let anyone not respect them too, and they won’t know their worth!
I’m 26, and like you, I sometimes have a hard time comprehending things around me when it comes to dealing with people older than I am (not necessarily parents. Mine are wonderful people!), but with younger people it’s not that different; because younger kids want someone to look up for wisdom, guidance, mentor ship, and even friendship in that matter
Ok hear me out: I agree kids do deserve respect but not all. A group of my peers at school, are also always going out of their way to disrespect our teachers. Then when the teachers cut them off (ex: sending them to the office or ignoring them), they complain about lack of respect from the teacher to the student. Like wtf. There is at least one person or a group in every school like this. Do they deserve respect too? For me, I don't think so.
After having my first child, I noticed that he was a person from the very beginning. His personality, preferences. I can't understand why a lot of parents treat children like they don't matter until 18.
Most parents,( even my own ) believe that respect is commanded not earned and demand it, every house is different on functions but I can at lest say from experience that even just demanding respect can have consequences on kids
Yeah, that's the thing. When you treat your child like they're a person that's trying to achieve specific goals in life and has certain desires, it's like you're able to communicate with them better because you get a better sense of what they want as well from an early age. For instance, I noticed my daughter was happy when she was being well behaved, and it made mommy and daddy happy. So when she did something that we didn't like because it went against the rules of the house or something like that, I kept that fact about her in mind, and explained it like "I know we're doing this, but if we want to be well behaved we should do this instead. I know we want to throw our ball inside the house, but mommy and daddy prefer if we do that outside so we don't damage anything in the house."
The myth about "you end up parenting like your parents" is one I hope I never fall into. Yes, there's good and bad but I definitely don't want to copy the bad
There are two types of people who are watching this video: The people who come here to improve their own parenting skins vs teenagers and adults who will watch this video to find out what their parents did wrong.
@@Wheeziebeen I mean, us 14 year olds have been alive long enough to gage our parents’ way of parenting. Although I suppose it’s what they’re doing wrong and not what they did wrong
Then there's me, an adult who's just interested in the science and in seeing if the things I thought I knew are supported by that science even when X number of people yell at me that I'm wrong and shouldn't tell them how to parent.
Strict parents raise children who know how to listen for the foot steps of someone coming towards you 4 rooms away and quietly but quickly hide their phone and pretend to be asleep Edit: time fr just flies away, this comment is exactly 1 year old and has 12,000+ likes, thx lol
I know exactly whose door it is and what time certain people are more likely to be coming at what time and I have a mental schedule/ database and I haven't been caught in ever.
I have been criticized for allowing my 8 year old nephew be at the bedside when his mother died. He and I both held her hand and said we love you, find peace, we love you. We never really talked about it until he was grown, but as an adult he did tell me that it was easier to let her go because he literally saw the life go out of her.
You did the right thing. When my grandpa died us kids were all brought to the house to say goodbye. It helped a lot with the grieving process to see him in his natural state. Embalmed bodies aren't the same.
My grandpa died when my dad was 5 or 6. My father and grandma didn't go to his funeral because my grandma didn't think my dad was old enough to see this. I wonder if it would've been any better that way.
I'm so glad you did what you did. Death is a natural part of life even though our culture acts like it isn't, and for this poor boy to be losing his mother - well, at least he was able to properly say goodbye
@@JaneAustenAteMyCat, thanks. I also corrected her hair and makeup at the service because it was horrible. We had gotten a nice outfit for her but her hair and makeup was not her. I fortunately had brought a brush, and basic makeup supplies. I fixed her hair and softened the makeup. My nephew appreciated that as well.
Strict parents raise kids who do the exact same thing they’ve been doing in their own room when the parents leave the house, except they do it in the living room instead
Exactly. Am 17 and moving out soon, parents think it is bc of the distance from hone to school (40km, nearly no buses). Actually is mostly bc I can't live in a house where I can only be in my room and get yelled if I say "yes" in the wrong tone lol
My mom was fear, and my dad was love.. quite honestly grew up respecting my dad more. He treated me like a human being, while my mom treated me like a responsibility. Yeah... children can tell the DIFFERENCE.
If you use violence and hostility when your child makes a mistake, they will not go to you in times of need and will try to resolve situations themselves, which may obviously make things worse.
@@Yourlocalbacteriumsometimes I cry about my problems alone even when I have held back my emotions due to childhood emotional neglect, I wanna cry to my mother but I cannot trust her and sometimes she is the reason I cry. This is proof of what you said, other kids rebel and become monstrous due to their emotional neglect or trauma. It’s sad
Disrespect is dealt with by spanking. All other discipline is done by taking things away or timeout. No discipline is done in a rash way and is explained before. Kids 4 and 6 now got a spanking maybe once last year and are very well behaved. Parenting style is consistent with high expectations.
As a toddler I was spanked by an uncle while in my grandmother's care. As a kid I would freak out when I was in trouble with my dad and refuse stand up from the floor so that he couldn't spank me. This went on until I was eleven or so. The last time that I did this he said to me that he didn't understand why I was so afraid of being spanked because he had never once spanked me. I realised that it was true that he had never spanked me. It wasn't until I was around twenty that I remembered that my uncle was the one that spanked me as a toddler.
@@ktbrunner1862 don't be weepy for me, I snapped out of my trauma and became mentally clear of my past abuse. I just wanted to tell people that spanking even just once can have negative consequences on the child.
Hi, i'm sorry if this bring back bad memories of yours and I don't inteend to dismiss your experiencie but, Is spank abuse? My mother spanked me when i was a child and now I have a Lot of mental health issues (i'm in theraphy because of that) But i have never told anyone about what my mother used to do because i though it was normal
@@maitebenegas4704 I think it depends on the amount. Once or twice in your life? Probably not. (Much) more than that? Yes. I would recommend talking to your therapist about how your mother would treat you when you did something wrong (at least in her eyes). Your therapist wants to help you to the best of their ability, and to do that it important to be open and trust them so they can. Hope this helps!
I never learned from “I said so” as a kid so when babysitting now I make it a point to explain why they’re not allowed to do something. Not allowed to run/play in the kitchen: there’s sharp things and hot things and it’s safer to play in another area. Not allowed to ride the bike without the helmet: potential for falling and protecting yourself. If you’re raising a child and just saying “no” for authority reasons instead of a teaching moment, it puts me off. Those kids (me) learn to sneak around instead of having an older person they could trust and talk to. I can’t immediately think of something that can’t be explained or at least touched on instead of “I said so” but the situation is much different when you have the final say in raising the kid.
Yup! And it's even more frustrating when you have parents who take a child's "why? / why not?" as insubordination. When they're like, "how dare you question me? I said no, so the answer's no, stop being disrespectful!" And it's like... no, you dick, they're not being disrespectful, they're trying to learn from you and you're instead shutting them down and making them resent you.
IceMetalPunk At some point, growing up, kids will ask 'why?' in response to ANYTHING. Like they're studying philosophy in hs haha. Imagine that kind of parental reaction happening Repeatedly -____-
@@pheurangtchi9754 Well, sure, and I see how that can be frustrating. But you should always have an answer to that, and they deserve the answer. If you don't have an answer, that's a perfect opportunity to tell your kid, "I don't know; let's find out together" and start researching with them. Teach them to find answers to their questions rather than to just obey authority without question.
My baby brother has a developmental delay, can’t talk (more like a one year old, he babbles and is 7) and has autism. It usually takes a hard no to make him stop, but only temporarily and sitting him down to explain it to him is hard because there isn’t a way to tell if he understood what I said or not. So I usually just say “NO”, explain it as I walk away and it just ends up with him doing it again
Yeah, my parents always answered my questions, and when they didn't, they would explain why, like they were taking a nap or something. This caused me to constantly clash with my stricter teachers because they would see my whys as rude.
It's weird that anyone gets to be a parent. Driving or owning weapons requires proof of training and ability. The same should apply to raising children. Millions of children are injured due to inappropriate parents.
That's so sad because there are so many people that would be the best and most loving parents and deserve to have kids, but so many parents are the worst people on the planet and do not deserve to have kids AT ALL.
@@niklasmolen4753 unfortunately, it's not something you can tell someone. I do agree that there are some people shouldn't be parents but you can't decide for someone else if they want children or not.
@@Americangal18 For important and potentially dangerous things, one must be able to show some form of competence in order to manage it, if one wants a functioning, well-developed society. All decisions are not easy but they must be taken even if all alternatives are bad.
honestly its amazing how many problems with kids get solved once you calm down and explain to them why the behavior they have is wrong as opposed to just immediately going for punishment
My parents, when I do something wrong, will explain why what I did was wrong, how it could be dangerous, and give me a light punishment. If I did it again, that's when they'd go straight to punishment, because I already knew that what I was doing was wrong and I did it anyway. I don't have trust issues with my parents, and I think my experiences prove your point entirely. If any soon-to-be parent is reading, please take my advice. Be calm and collected when explaining why what your child did was wrong, and they'll know better, and trust you more.
Punishment can be effective I guess, if you are considering operant conditioning, but it messes kids up because they will still do it when you aren’t there, lol. I agree, the best thing is just to talk to them. Explain why they can’t do it, ask maybe when they felt they need to do the behavior, if there was more too it (something wrong, anytime I did the worse stuff it was when things were bad at school) but also hold the value of taking credibility for your actions, learning how they impact other people, and how to grow based on what you’ve done. Children sometimes don’t even understand what they are doing is all that bad, especially if they’ve seen examples of it. Children who grow up seeing violent behavior (even in tv) are more likely to act it out, without fully understanding it. Make sure your kids know when something is wrong, if they see something that’s wrong, explain to them why it is and why they should not model the behavior. I don’t know if this will help, but it’s psychology so maybe.
I've noticed that the parents who resort to, because I said so, often have no reasonable explanation for why the kid needs to modify the behaviour. They simply want control, they are afraid of judgement from strangers, they often themselves don't understand the true reasons for not doing things that negatively effect others, as they're more than willing to misbehave themselves.
I know this might not be perfect reply, but... it was just personal mind blowing moment in my life; when I got into alcoholism before pandemic, my boss from the job was the very first person in my life to calmly explain why I shouldn't sneakily drink at the job even if it took a while for them to notice as I am well behaved and kind, calm person, just trying to cope with undiagnosed neurodivergence in shitty way (I got tired and stressed at job sooner and sooner to the point I barely did anything outside the job except sleep through); He was the reason I dropped cold turkey drinking and through pandemic started to accept my differences and try at least 2 courses to broad my work possibilities. This man just accepted I can do a mistake, explain why it will hurt NOT JUST ME and lemme learn from it. While my mother to this day looks like a medusa at me when I drink at family meeting. My father barely could talk to me as my mother is very impulsive and autoritive. I still have problems when conflict is in the air or I do something wrong(I might have ADHD, so like, EVERYTHING can go wrong on daily basis and it does), as well as I haven't learned basic life skills, 'cause I always felt scared to try to fail in front of her... now I only hear "you had plenty of time to learn this! you saw me doing this!" I also feel stressed around female co-workers during first days at new job.
Older guides told them to only feed their newborn every 4 hours and that if they cry and scream to ignore them because they are just a greedy baby. Another one told parents to give their baby coffee at 3 months.
Mine did. I told white lies here and there to avoid small issues, but I obeyed 95% of rules set for me. But they also ended up raising someone with no confidence, no backbone, and no real excitement in my life. People think I'm boring. I'm shy and don't have much to say about anything except shows and animals. So it's hard to make friends. Haven't made a friend I hung out with after class in college at all. I just have 1 of my high school friends I still talk to, but we only see each other a couple times a year.
Same, I’ve been getting better at lying and spend lots of my time planning exactly what to say and how to react to any circumstance. Whenever I do breakdown I do eventually come out with a blank resting face trying to hide anything wrong with me because my parents never bothered to hear what’s wrong with me. They aren’t making me a well behaved kid. They’re just making me more closed off, on edge, and a better liar. I wished this video touched on how parents should treat kids with mental health since my parents act as if that isn’t a problem and my breakdowns and yelling is just a child thing, not something psychological
Balance is key Like a good meal If it too much of one flavor you will learn to despise it but if there is not enough flavor you will learn to despise the meal But if there is just the right amount, you will never stop wanting to eat it
Me a 19 year old with no plans of having children any time soon: “Perfect just the video I need” Edit: uh holy crap I didn’t think this would get so many peoples attention lmao! I just turned 21 on Monday and in a few weeks I’m getting hysterectomy (tmi but for uterine tumors) by my own choice and I’m really excited. I still have no desire for children (obviously) so that’s where I’m at if anyone cares haha.
There’s a study from Harvard saying how regular spanking has similar psychological outcomes to SA. Suddenly things made a lot more sense to me! I’ve always feared men and I’ve been fishing my self esteem out of the toilet for years
Yeah my parents were extremely strict and now I’m very good at lying. It’s had its uses but it’s done more harm then good and it’s something I’m trying to work on
I was raised being told that I was a really good student and that I was so smart because I was praised for the outcome. Now I'm an adult and have no work ethic because I never learned the value of putting in effort.
And yet you probably binge on informative things because your mind can't sit still and that's what made you appear talented. I don't have an answer but it probably isn't a lack of knowing how to work, it's a lack of discipline to direct the focus of your work. Edit: I'm glad to hit it so accurately for many of you. Keep trying to find a way, even if you study/hobby with a friend to practice keeping focus.
You might also look into ADHD. I really built up a good worth "ethic" but I still really struggled. Medication showed me that, in fact, normal people are not necessarily in immense pain from doing the most basic of daily tasks.
I personally don't have strict parents but my good friend/roommate does. I distinctly remember coming home to her crying because her mother found out she had a boyfriend and is now forcing her to install this tracking app on her phone. Mind you we were not in our teens, she was 20, WE WERE IN COLLEGE. Like goddamn mama bird, your chick needs to learn to fly or some shit.
Jimin's Cat in the Summer Package 2017 tell your friend to like save up money, change her phone number, and move somewhere close but away so her mom can’t track her down.
Jeez. My mom made me promise not to go to parties at frats at all, or go to bars or private parties alone, she also had panic attacks any time she called me and I didn't answer the phone (until I told her she needed to cool down, I have classes, places to go where phones are shut off, and have to take showers - and I promised to call her every night before 7pm or let her know if I'd be out late and when I'd be at my dorm) but I don't think even she'd have put a tracker on me.
About the strictness myth: my parents were never strict with my brother and I about the little things- bedtimes, clearing our plates at dinner; and when we got older, the clothes we could wear, whether we could dye our hair or wear makeup or get a nose ring or have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and we could have a beer or glass of wine with our family. The result is two kids with college degrees that we got by working multiple jobs, who have healthy relationships with food and alcohol, who were honest with our parents about sex, who didn’t pierce our belly buttons with a sewing needle at a sleepover or lie to our parents we were at sleepovers but instead at parties binge drinking, like a lot of our peers. Our parents went away for the weekend a couple times in high school and we never had one party. They’d come home on Sunday to the place clean and we’d maybe have a couple classmates over for a group project or watch movies with friends. My mom let me get a nose ring after a lot of research and having me think about it for over a month to ensure it wasn’t a rash decision, and we went to a reputable piercer. In contrast, I knew a lot of girls who were piercing their friend’s and their own noses, lips, and belly buttons at sleepovers and getting crazy infections. I never hid that I was having sex as a 17 year old with my 17 year old boyfriend because I didn’t need to. My mom taught me honestly and frankly about safe sex and healthy relationships. Meanwhile, I knew 15-16 year old girls who secretly dated 20 year olds for years in really controlling, unsafe relationships without telling their parents because they were forbidden from dating or having sex. If their parents fostered an environment of honesty, their daughters would tell them that they had boyfriends that age and the parents could talk about healthy relationships & explain why that kind of age gap with a kid is harmful, even if it doesn’t feel that way to the 15 year old. My brother and I never felt the need to rebel in dangerous ways because we were given trust and freedom. But a lot of our friends went wild when they got to college because things like parties, all-nighters, piercings, unhealthy food, beer, and boys were the forbidden fruit.
@@anhnhvn the point is you should treat your kids like they’re your friends not like you own them. That way they will be open and talk to you about anything and ask for your advice when making any major decision in their life. Otherwise they will lie and hide things from you. Things that could even be dangerous like abuse or something because they are afraid of your reaction finding out that they did something you didn’t like, like get a boyfriend or starting their sexual life 🤔 also how many young girls get pregnant because they didn’t have ‘the talk’ from their parents 🤷🏻♀️
@@therapycleaning But you’re not their friends. You’re their parents. A la the people tasked by both the natural world and human society with keeping them alive and preparing them to function as mature adults, which is impossible if you eschew the authority necessary to execute on that.
I would wager that the results of your parents strategies are more than a little dependent on you and your sibling’s own proclivity toward order, respect, hard work, and obedience. Not every kid has this tendency. This is true in my own family. My parents were strict. One of my sisters rebelled a lot. One rebelled occasionally. I rarely ever rebelled. Same parents, same home, same circumstances, and so on. The only different was our own internal proclivities.
a lot of people's egos will get hurt when they're told their parenting style is wrong, especially in the face of evidence and the excuse "but X did X and I came out fine"
@@parkman29 I’m very sorry that your family is making fun of you and bullying you. Discipline and rules do not equate to torture and bullying and being made fun of. For example, if I saw from my daughters screen time that she was on her devices for longer than she was allowed I would discipline her by taking her devices away. Or if I found out she was smoking, I would discipline her by doing something else. Discipline is not abuse. Once again, I’m very sorry that you are being mistreated and I hope you are able to find some safe resolution.
@McMari First of all, I did not say I consider ‘any form of abuse’ not to be abuse. There is abuse that happens yes, and that is always wrong. For instance, my husband was abused by his mother and taken away from her by the courts when he was 12. She used to, amongst other things but just for example, punch him in the back of his head and his back where the bruises and cuts from her rings would be hidden by his hair and clothes. And I would absolutely categorize regular habitual yelling and screaming at a child, or anyone, to be a component of an abusive environment and abusive behaviour, absolutely. Do I consider any and all yelling to be abuse? No, I don’t. I was shouted at occasionally by my parents, grandparents etc and it did not traumatize me. Suggesting someone would be so fragile that hearing their name loudly and angrily billowed across the house or yard when they’re being a shit is ridiculous. However, if someone breaks down in the presence of loud voices, or when someone raises a voice at them for whatever reason, I would probably suspect they’ve been conditioned by abuse to respond in fear. This is cause for concern, and would raise most people’s eyebrow. For example, my parents would argue with the vacuum cleaner on. Now, as an adult, the sound of the vacuum cleaner makes me anxious. Obviously the vacuum isn’t abuse, I’m just using this as an example of negative conditioning. As for hitting kids, well this is where I’m going to share an opinion that is probably different from yours. Yes, I do believe in spanking as one means of discipline. There’s a difference between the spanks I got on my little diapered butt when I was mean to my brothers or sassy to my mum and the punches and kicks my husband’s mother’s inflicted on him. Some people equate any physical contact to abuse, and that’s fine they don’t have to raise their children that way. Just like Parkman29, if someone is abusing you I’m very sorry you’re going through that. I wasn’t abused and I can’t imagine how awful that must be.
I'm a parent and there's a line between abuse and discipline, i was taught that difference but I was spanked when I did things I didn't suppose to do and i was told in s civil fashion. I'm not saying this video is wrong or I'm an expert but there are things that are not explained in this video. I'm sorry for all the people who were physically abused and that shouldn't happen.
My parents actually taught me from a young age that "because I said so"/"because I (don't) want to" are not acceptable answers to any situation and that explaining why is necessary
I don't know because I don't want to seems like a pretty legit answer and is an actual reason unlike because I said so. Of course it depends on context but because I don't want to is a perfectly valid reason for allot of things.
@@austinblackburn8095 I should have explained that a bit more. What they said is that "I don't want to on its own is not enough. Why is it not enough? Because if you don't explain why you are saying no to something, the other person won't know what it was that made you feel negatively about whatever and they might bring you to that same uncomfortable position again. However, if you say, "I don't want to because (reason)" you are making yourself clear and give an insight to the other person about what you are/are not okay with
there's a psychologist near where I live and she said that when her son misbehaves or things like that, she throws anything at him that is near her, like books, tv remotes and even vases... I have absolutely no idea how she got her license or how she can treat her kid like this
"Children come first" has nothing to do with putting their needs and wants above your physical, mental and emotional health..the saying is meant to mean that children come before your partners, friends, pets, other family members. That their saftey and health comes before anyone elses. Some parents unfortunatly do choose partners or friends over their kids...and the kids suffer because of it.
I love my partner a lot, and I would do absolutely anything for him. We don't have any children yet, but before we do I'm going to make it abundantly clear to him that if at any point he makes me choose between him and our children (I know he won't but I'll say it anyway), he will automatically lose. It won't matter to me that our children will be adopted (I can't have kids biologically). My children will be my children and my children will come first; before work, before school, before friends or pets or other family members, before my partner, before anything or anyone else. I've seen the consequences of choosing your partner, or drugs or alcohol, or partying or friends, or anything else before your children, both firsthand (my mom's ex from when I was a preteen my sister and I both hated from the get-go even though little impressionable me was manipulated into liking him and it turned out he was really emotionally abusive, plus my biological father is a drug addict and so are my partner's bio parents [he's adopted]) and in others, and I never ever want to repeat that. Children deserve to be made a priority in one's life, for many reasons, but if for no other reason than that they are still children. They don't know how to do "normal adult" things yet. They need assistance, guidance, love, attention, care, so many other things that have to come from a guardian or parent. Sorry, this turned into a rant, but I so very much agree with you!
@@godsgirl487 I think you're swinging too far the other direction. This seems like something that can be balanced. I sorry you went through some terrible times, but don't take it to the other extreme. That's not healthy either.
Well, I think they touched on that in the video with the airplane oxygen example. When you say "Children's safety and health come before anyone else", some people read that as before even their own health. Its an example of a simple phrase that people can adopt as a life strategy without really understanding the context. If you aren't sleeping, if you don't have dreams for your life or goals or hobbies, friends, etc. you may end up not being as effective a parent as you intended.
children learn much more in their childhood than adults usually do in the same length period of time. kids don’t know stuff, your partner should know enough. but a lot of parents give up their mental health for their kids, and that is a huge mistake. if you aren’t feeling happy and able to take care of your children, take a break, unwind. many adults forget to do that and kids are great with empathy so they can sometimes tell if you are sad.
Both my parents put each other and after the divorce their other parners/their other kids before me and my sister. I always knew that i wasn't important to them and they've even said it to my face. Needless to say that i have a problem with relationships as an adult.
I think it depends on your definition of strict. I work a lot with grade school kids, and trust me that sweet little zed/zoe whose parents are without boundaries can be even more sneaky than a kid with parents who are strict Not a fan of the overly controlling rigid parent but sincerely believe a child does better with reasonable boundaries. I think thats the real truth parents need to be reasonable and have an honest relationship with their child.
Peggers I know, I feel horrible because I know how sneaky and how much of a liar I am, and they treat me horrible, they tell me I’m a liar and that I will never have friends because of that, and I feel pathetic because they made me that way and hate me for it, I’m trying to change but is not easy to change stuff that you’ve doing all your life, and I know it by experience, but I’ll try and I’ll become the best version of me that I can.
As a woman in her mid 20s with anxiety, I really appreciate these videos. The thought of raising humans is scary even though it's something I want to do. The baby myth video and this one really just confirmed things I already suspected about childcare, and I appreciate the reassurance that I might have an inkling of an idea of what direction I should go in with my future children (and that it's okay that I haven't figure out the rest). Thank you.
Lol my parents surprisingly don't get mad when they tell me they won't be. They didn't want to be like their parents back in the days, because they know how it feels.
I remember I was bullied one day in third grade and my mom screamed at me when I told her I was too scared to tell her... nowadays she yells at me for just about anything and favors my younger brother. I make sure to go out of my way to hide things from her now. I find it sad that I have to admit this online where I know I’ll be safe saying it. This video just makes me realize how bad mothers can be.. and I should know. I’m honestly scared to have kids when I’m older because I don’t want to end up like my mother
I'm so sorry your mother treats you so horribly, my heart goes out to you. I hope you know you deserve better than her, you've always deserved better. I know how it feels to go out of one's way to hide things from an abusive parent, it's not how it should be (as in, she should be treating you better) but unfortunately hiding things from her is what you've had to do to survive. I wish I could have grown up in a family that made me feel safe to be honest with them, but I had to lie, hide, and sneak as well. Now that I'm away from them and around healthier people, I want to live as honestly as I can, now that I'm in a safe place to do so. One day you will get that life, too. I hope you find other people, or you already do have other people, in your life who respect you and love you enough to make you feel safe to be honest with them. Also, the fact that your mother is favoring your brother over you, that's just heartless of her. No child deserves to be a scapegoat or a golden child. You and your brother are equally valuable. Your mother sounds like a narcissistic parent to me, if she doesn't realize that. You deserve to be loved and safe.
This is just unacceptable. I know for a fact that this is wrong. I wish the best of luck for you in the future! However, I would not say that you can’t have children. Truly, it’s your choice. Do it if you can support it, and you want to. Remember that parenting should be driven by passion, not bragging, not social status, not discounts, not empathy. It allows you to get back at your mother and prove to yourself and the world how great you and your ideals are. However, this is absolutely your decision and not something that you should completely deprive yourself of sleep over.
You realizing the problems and mistakes of your parents' parenting, will make you a better parent. :) Because you realize them and you can think about how you can change that and make yourself a better parent or generally a better person!
Damn that sucks. I hope your situation gets better soon, I’m sure you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. If you ask me, the fact that you can recognise your mothers mistakes is one big step towards being a good parent, if you want kids in the future of course.
Damn this sucks, we only want them to know what is happening yet they do this things to us. I remember when my mom read a text message from my bully on my phone threathening me, instead of talking to me about it she just stand outside the bathroom and asking me what is it by shouting. And she keeps telling me that i'm too gullible that's why people treat me like that. I wish parents can understands their children and be more emphatic to them.
Guchi Receiver According to my extremely strict Jehovah’s Witnesses parents, the point of life is to spread the word of Jehovah God to the whole world. We were told that was supposed to be our version of fun. Everything else fell within the territory of Satan, so we better not do anything that has to do with that.
My parents were the right kind of strict. We had some hard rules about our health (eg. No cheetos), some flexible rules for important thing (we had to study, but there was no penalty for bad grades) and nothing was enforced with violence.
The no Cheetos thing is pretty dumb since occasionally having them wouldn't be very unhealthy, but nice to see your parents didn't use violence at least.
I'm so glad about the grades thing, most parents (not my mom, thank the Gods) get on to their kids for having bad grades but NEVER ask them why they got the bad grade or try to HELP them understand the subject which they got the bad grade in.
@@thewitchstarot6975 I never understood that either, I had the dad that would beat ts out of me if I didn’t even know the answer to a math question. Or I wasn’t grasping it like he thought I should. And suprise suprise, I started hiding homework. I remember hiding and trying to do it struggling myself after everyone went to bed..because whenever I needed help, a whooping was associated. Then my grades went down, and I was made to feel bad by them getting my sister McDonald’s and not me. They punished me for struggling…which was just wrong looking back. And I never acted out in school or anything, so it wasn’t like I was preforming poorly on purpose. They just didn’t put in effort to care WHY I was struggling, and scolded me like a dog. No motivation or reason, just do what you’re told or else. But now I know what to do for MY kids if I ever have them. The “P” In parenting should be patience. Children aren’t puppets for your expectations. They are allowed to be human and not perfect. They definitely need the presence of guidance.
Literally me watching this video! 😂 have told almost everyone in my life I’m never having kids Also me watching: this is some fantastic advice! I should keep this in mind
*_Reasons why I won't send this to my parents:_* 1) They'd say "You think I don't know how to be a parent?!?!". 2) They'd not believe. 3) They don't care. 4) I'm too scared to send this. 5) They'd say "So I'm the bad guy now, huh?!?!" 6) They'd say "Why are you sending me this?!?! You're teaching me to be a parent?!?!... I lived longer than you, so shut up." 7) They'd make me regret sending this. 8) They'd obviously confiscate my phone. 9) credits to the person in comments: "That phone's brainwashing you!!" 10) also, credits to another person in comments: "We're raising you and now your being ungrateful."
@@ChloeBxoxo i also do. I've been putting up a smile when actually it hurts but... do i recover? does it make me better? No. It just makes me worse and I even just don't know anymore. I feel empty and tired being fake and strong. Well, but now that I exposed it to the internet as a stranger, that won't do anything.
@@ineedhoez Oh yes because until I pay my own bills I guess I'll just allow myself to get beat everyday, my parents stab me?, doesn't matter I don't pay bills yet, oh I get kidnapped?, and what does it matter?, they don't pay bills so let them get sold into child trafficking. What a wonderful world that would be I'm sure.
I don’t understand how someone could defend beating a kid especially with a belt or spoon. If they’re really that bad teach what they’re doing wrong, figure out where they learned it from, and work with them on it. Beating your kids only teaches them it’s okay to beat others and to fear you. I hate when kids tell their parents the truth and the parent says “don’t talk back to me” or “you’re the kid I’m the adult” like me telling you that you’re being abusive to me isn’t talking back it’s spilling facts Also don’t tell your kids to not cry Idc if you think it’s not important it’s better to let your kids process their emotions then bottle them up because that creates unstable adults.
Yeah, that doesn't always work. Some kids need to be taught a painful lesson since words won't reach them. That's why there's so many pieces of shit kids, teens, and young adults now.
@@Pomni3477I hope you never have children, THE CAUSE of the “little shites” is because of people like you abusing them, if pedos are not allowed to abuse kids neither should anyone else. This raises more bad adults creating MORE bad parents to more bad kids. Use your damn brain!
Some kids NEED to be spanked or else you get the time out generation that turn into little whiney babies and think they can do whatever they damn well please
@quiznak1003videos like this do a nice job of telling you what a problem is or that the myth is wrong but don't give a solution to a child that is difficult will not by choice engage in camling or the "positive" parenting methods. As a parent with a child with ODD I can't let her destroy her room or hurt her younger sister or hit me because she knows her calming techniques but chooses not to do them. Physical abuse is wrong. That said something needs to snap someone out of an uncontrolled emotional response. So what do you suggest
I hate it when they say "dont talk back to me". It unables me to defend myself or reason why I did that mistake. It made me to not care about what they yell at me and just walk away
I grew up with an abusive father and a narcissistic mother. I make a conscious effort to treat my son with respect and give him all the love, attention and time I can. I also acknowledge that my childhood traumas has affected me and that affects my parenting. I'm not perfect but I do the best I can. [Edit] Thank you all for your kind words and support!
What strict parents teach us: 1. Who's foot steps are who's 2. How to manipulate an angry parent into calming down 3. where to hide 4. How to make something seem a lot more educational than it is (think telling parents that a friend hang-out is for studying) 5. (From -Mary-) how to come up with a full cover story in 3 seconds flat
i realized just now being a child that endured mental torture from my parents: I'm not totally ready to physically, mentally, and emotionally commit myself to raise kids in case i get married. but it's great to know all these info and I'd love to know more.
Four phrases I hate from my parents “I didn’t take your electronic privileges, you lost them” “I don’t owe you an answer” “If you don’t put in work for school you will apply that laziness to other jobs and end up homeless” “The keyword there is feelings. Your feelings lie to you” That last one mostly hurts cuz I know my feelings are irrational sometimes, I don’t need you to tell me that, I need you to help me understand and get through it.
:( I feel you. When I was like 7 or 8, I was crying because my father had said something that hurt my feelings. After trying to scare me out of crying with some... stuff I don't need to mention, he told me "no one can hurt your feelings unless you let them". Even then, I knew that was BS, and it was the opposite of comforting. Instead, it put the blame on me for having emotions instead of him even considering that he shouldn't have said what he did. It was awful, and to this day I remember it negatively.
IceMetalPunk yeah he should of apoloized and comforted you. Feelings can be hurt by rude comments people has some rude stuff to me and hurt my feelings. Like an example an old lady said to me wow it doesn’t look like you ever missed a meal. It made me uncomfortable.
here's something i notice with my friends. most of my friends (including me) that have strict parents pull all-nighters and overall don't value their life. some of my friends who have nice parents actually value their lives and have their life all together
when you say 'nice' parents, how would you describe them? do nice parents give access to total freedom to their child or are they a little strict? because I've come across parents who've given their children everything and yet their children are suct brats, always complaining about how their parents suck
I feel called out. I stay up late a lot doing nothing. I don't think I am good at anything and basically given up on the idea that my boring ass would interest anyone besides my long time high school friend and my family who has to love me. I'd love to make a new friend to go to stuff with on the weekend, but I'm too boring. Play too safe. It's good to have rules and teach kids that they need to be smart, that the world's dangerous to a degree, but not to the point they are timid.
I have fairly democratic parents that are really nice. I can talk to my mum about literally everything and its a relationship built on respect and support. But I still have 5 mental illnesses and am failing high school.
My parents used to get into these huge fights when I was a kid and my mother would get so angry she’d hop in her car and drive around the block for an hour. As an adult I understand she’d do this to get space from my dad, but as I kid I always worried she wouldn’t come back. Their fights were a real source of anxiety for me, even if my mom always did return home after she had cooled down. In my thirties I opened up to my parents about their method of fighting. First, they were surprised my siblings and I could hear them fight; they had no idea we’d sit together at the top of the stairs listening to them yell it out in their bedroom. Second, I told them that it would have been nice for them to sit down with us and explain why they get so angry at each other. As an adult I initially modeled myself after my mother and would leave the room in the middle of the argument. When I met my husband, however, I quickly learned this wasn’t an effective form of arguing and it was best to work out the problem right then and there. Whenever we got too heated and needed a little cool-off time, we came up with a “safe word” to help ourselves take a breath and hug it out for a minute before continuing the discussion. The safe word we chose was “child” to remind us that one day little ears will be listening to us.
I often went through the same thing growing up. My mom gave me such anxiety over "will she even come back?" And my dad wasn't exactly parent of the yr material so on top of that I would freak out like how will we survive with dad (she did all the bill paying, shopping, school related stuff etc.). It was awful. They never did get divorced, and my dad passed from cancer over 10 yrs ago now. Now I'm a mom. My daughter is three and I make sure to explain everything to her and re-assure her her father and I are there for her no matter what is happening between us, and that there are times we will fight bc we are human, but we will work it out. We rarely fight, so that does helps.
I used to go to bed hearing constant fighting. Probably part of the reason for my insomnia. Definitely the reason I start to have a meltdown when someone's yelling at one another.
I think it's important to remember that your child is not your subordinate who is carelessly misbehaving. A child is a real baby human with a raw an immature nervous system that needs to be supported and loved while they grow and encounter life's challenges
@@justanotherweirdo11 oof yeah, that's why im contemplating sending this to my sister for my niece. on one hand shes a really good person, a nice ally and generally all about self improvement! on the other hand she can be really overly sensitive and sometimes chooses to ignore actually important things in favor of "oH bUt WhAt If ThEyRe LyInG oR tRyInG tO tRiCk YoU" like she was when she took up an anti-vax mindset.
Claim: "My father used to hit me all the time and I turned out just fine" Counter-argument: You're an adult hurting a child because you can't use dialogue. How is that fine?
This was actually the case when my mother hit me (a lot) whenever I broke a mug (ceramic) and I am the reputed mug breaker in the house. One of my tutors talked to my mother about this when I was trembling after I broke a cup again. The tutor explained that, the problem was, in fact, that I was holding the cup the wrong way, and my mother was not addressing the problem.
People dont want to take responsibility for being horrible. They subconsciously know hitting their kid is wrong. That’s why every excuse to justify it is weak. They want to continue doing it because they are lazy and arent going to change.
My Moms Fiancé somehow never realized his parents fought behind closed doors when he was a kid. My mother had to get them to tell him they did for him to believe her. It was a huge problem for them because he thought fighting meant the relationship was failing because he hadn’t seen it before
If it's safe for you to do so, next time they ask tell them that you feel like they're overly critical of your likes and interests. "Why don't you talk to us? Do you hate us?" "Can I speak freely? -whatever you think-" Asking permission to say something uncomfortable can lessen the reaction from the other side. Remember to use your "i feel" statements. Good luck my friend
The spanking thing makes me so angry at my parents. Everything set them off and it didn't help that I have ADHD. So not only was I getting picked on at school and people were taking advantage of the fact that my mom worked there and telling her false things so I'd get in trouble, I'd also get pushed around too. I got "punished" every day because of those kids and because of that my mom always thought I was lying, which eventually became something I actually did because I gave up on her believing me. I remember my dad blamed me for moving something personal to her and kept insisting that I moved them and I literally had to lie so I wouldn't get punished. My mom told him she was the one who moved it. I got punished anyway because I lied No apologies or anything
@Cold It actually reminds me of my teens. I would get spankings as a child for doing bad things, and occasionally as a young teen. When I was in my early teens I did something really bad. My mother was so upset for a long time. One day, however, she just looked sad and guilty. She said she would never spank me again because she had nightmare that she went too far and ended up banging my head on the ground and killing me. It's easy for adults to say that they can control themselves, but sometimes as humans, we can lose control very easily. I wouldn't want to do that to my child.
Alot of these can really be applied to teenagers as well. Sometimes when people thing Pediatrician or child development, they tend to think pre-teens and toddlers and completely forgetting and not try to understand teenagers too. Its the awkward middle ground from adult to child
Coming from a family who degraded my self-esteem since I was little, I learned that I shouldn't respect people because "they are older" or "they're family". I don't care. I respect people who are worthy of my respect. And they, my bullying family, call ME disrespectful. Pffft.
That's interesting. I tend to respect everyone but trust no one. Until people disrespect me, I am fine being cordial and polite just not close. My family are bullies too. Are you the baby?
@@bleek2530 It's ok to give respect to everyone you meet, but it's not smart to keep holding onto your respect for somebody after they did something worthy to lose your respect.
The "I turned out fine" argument is always amusing, cause if you think violence is gonna solve your problem- you clearly have some issues you gotta deal with
Fact: You don't have plan of having children anytime soon but still educating yourself about the subject because you don't want to be like your parents.
I’ll be starting my pregnancy/children journey next year! I’m spending this entire year getting healthier reaching my final little goals I have and learning as much as I can to break habits I learned from my parents🥰
My two-year-old is absolutely bonkers, but she’s the sweetest kid I could’ve ever asked for. She’s almost always smiling and cheerful. Every time she smiles at me and my husband, I hope that I can be the parent she needs.
Whenever I hear this phrase, I always wonder what's the problem with explaining why/why not? Kids are humans with brains just like anybody else. If a boss at work only says, "Because I said so!" that'd be frustrating and annoying. Explain why. It helps your kids' brains develop better, too. Don't raise mindless zombies without critical thinking skills.
@@roseywinter I feel like most of the time the phrase is used, it's for some stupid or irrational decision that they have no proper explanation for. So they just avoid explaining altogether.
I don't like the phrase, "because I said so," but I do think it's important for kids to be able to trust and follow instructions without needing a rationale or argument every time; their own level of rationality is not ALWAYS sufficient. However, I think taking an educational approach about explaining why we do things can be a helpful tactic.
My mom has literally raised me with every one of these myths in mind. The outcome? A messed up kid that now resents their mom so much they just want their mom out of their life.
when my mother hit me as a child, she was just taking her anger out on me. So sometimes she would hit me once or beat me till I bled and screamed. I got so scared of her in elementary school, every time she would enter the room I was in, I would leave because I never knew what she would say or do. I became an amazing lying because I would say anything she wanted to hear, true are not so she wouldn't hit me. I worked really hard in high school, now that I've graduated I'm going to college states away with a full ride. I can't hate my mother but I can't love her either.
My dad used to hit us when we were kids, my brother more than I. My family would have terrible fights and still do once in a while where I physically have to separate my dad and brother. My brother hates me because I learned how to become friends with my dad and didn't get hit as much. I wish I could have left for college but I was too afraid. When I a career and buy a house my parents want to move with me... I feel stuck.
DUDE! MYTH 2 MESSED WITH ME SO BADLY! I was spanked when I was a child, and when she said that it builds fear and can cause the child to lie, I did that a lot, and sadly it’s something I still struggle with as an adult (not just with my parents, but with others). It’s been a contributing factor in how badly my relationships have failed, how many jobs I’ve lost, and more. And Myth 3 is just the cherry on top of that.
@@sammyjames3466 no, it makes perfect sense. Your relationship with your parents is the basis for all relationships you'll have in your life. If you couldn't trust your parents as a child, you will most likely struggle to trust others.
@@sammyjames3466 It's absolutely not. There's a ton of scientific evidence linking the two. Try doing research, it's fun. Definitely don't shame someone who was abused for having social issues.
Taught me how to lie effectively and be aware of my surroundings. My parents still think I'm a bad liar when the only lies they ever caught were about really mundane stuff that wouldn't get much of a punishment. Intentionally lied very badly about some small things so when I lied about huge stuff they wouldn't see the same signs and therefore wouldn't realize I was lying.
@@fierdrages6523 My mum always ask me why I trust them more. Like, they spent probably more than a billion on their resesrch compared to your thirty minutr google search?
Mom: "I can tell something's wrong. Just say it, you can tell me anything." Me: "So yesterday I didn't like it when you-" Mom: "That wasn't a big deal, get over yourself."
Same! My mom does that even now. I see for mine, that it's always triggering her. It sucks because she's trying, but then makes it worse by asking me to talk to her when it clearly should be someone else because she can't handle it.
@@aellalee4767 oof why is this my mom 😅 she used to cry and get upset saying she failed cus we don’t trust her enough to go to her. But then when we’d go to her about mistakes or feelings it would be all about her and she’d cry saying “where did I got wrong. I’ve really failed as a parent if you feel this way or did that.” Anytime I’d try to be honest about my feelings or a mistake, she’d turn it around and make it about how she felt. Which ALWAYS made me feel like a failure because she made me feel ashamed for those feelings/mistakes instead of helping me. Anyways. Solidarity here.
This is the most intelligent dialogue about raising children I've ever heard. Thank you so much for sharing this. Your wisdom and insight are priceless.
Its funny because when i think about the times i was spanked as a kid i actually dont remember what i did wrong to recieve that punishment, rather i just remember the shame i felt
Hittem With The Slappa Whammy You are definitely missing the point here, the person was saying that spanking didn’t cause positive reinforcement to them since they don’t even remember why they were spanked, they just remember being embarrassed that they were caught/their parent was disappointed or angry at them.
My mum was and still is an amazing mother. She did all of these things and so much more for me. She’s my best friend, and a piece of me. I’m watching this hoping that one day I’ll be a mum too, and hopefully make her proud of the skills I got from her.
Strict parents raise sneaky kids who resent them. I know because I was that kid. Parents who scream and curse when they get angry teach their children to devalue their feelings, words, and reactions. I know because that was me. The minute they screamed, I wasn't there mentally and I no longer cared.
Same here. My mother always made me look her in the eye when she yelled at me and eventually i had issues with making eye contact with people way into adulthood.
Oh man my daughter does this to me... I adopted her when she was 7 and she was already not very confident. Now she's 12 and it's a struggle. How could your parents have changed to help you? What can I learn from your experience to help me be a better father?
Parents who scream and curse at their kids aren't strict parents, they're abusive. There's is a difference and it's sad many people don't understand this.
@@celinerodriguez-servita8537 i refuse to accept this, even if it's a fact. my parents are just sexually frustrated and having mental issues and don't get enough sleep etc. and honestly i deserve more than shouting because of what im doing to them. parents are more effected than kids, i know this because my parents were happy until i came.
@@metra8604 That has nothing to do with being strict and everything to do with being abusive. From the sounds of it, it's an entirely different issue with your parents on top of it. Not to mention none of that is due to you, it's due to their own issues that they need to resolve.
I remember when I tried to tell my mom about my mental illness and she started to rant to me about how she never had any mad people in her family and she doesn't plan on having mad children and honestly it broke what ever semblance of my heart I had left. If I ever have any kids I'm going to teach them that their mental health is just as important as the physical.
I'm so sorry about your mom, clearly she does not respect all of your needs just so she can maintain a false image of you and your family. And it's not that you're "mad," you're struggling with something she doesn't understand, and from the sounds of things, doesn't want to understand. I'm so sorry. I hope you're getting the help and support you need from others in your life, you deserve it.
Nkese Fuentes I think it is awful that the current generation of parents dismiss mental health, I hope that in the future, “You’re wrong” can become “What’s wrong?”
lol if i told my mom abt something like that she'd just tell me i shouldn't be stressed abt anything bc im not a parent and i dont have to deal with anything she has to deal with
I can relate. My mom's a nurse and she does not believe that mental issues like depression, anxiety, or others are a thing. Really bugs me. Hence why I just finished a teaching degree so that I can help out students who may have people in their lives who don't seem to understand those issues.
Was told I'm not allowed to question my parent's motives or reasons for anything. Whenever I've had performance issues at work I get told by managers "if you're not sure just ask" or "ask lots of questions so you can learn". I'm 40 and still working on this one.
Ugh, I was raised this way as well. It was incredibly frustrating to be punished constantly without ever knowing why. They would make decisions that didn't make sense and then not explain themselves. "Because I said so" or "I'm up here, you're down here" (while motioning with their hands to demonstrate that I was beneath them). I'm 32 now and have not talked to my parents in over 5 years. They are terrible people and terrible parents who have refused to change. They have never met my 4 year old daughter and probably never will (unless she wants to meet them as an adult). Parents: don't raise your kids that way. They will hate you for it and you may never see them (or any grandchildren) ever again.
@@ErBearyserves them right! My mother hates her late mom and I hate my own mother, these things shouldn’t happen but it would’ve been prevented if I was shown love, not hate and aggression as a child (and same for her if she’s telling the truth) I’m afraid I’ll become her. Maybe not exactly but I do get mad too 😢
"What goes on in this house, stays in this house," Was the mentality I grew up with and I'm just starting to realize how dangerous it was. It made me defensive about my home life but had a bigger impact on my siblings who wouldn't talk about it at all. It also made me see things very strictly, like, if I was having a problem that's just on me and no one else's business no matter what was happening. So whenever things happened around my neighborhood that could have impacted me negatively, I wouldn't say a word. Or if a friend was struggling then it's their problem and they wouldn't want me to ask about it anyway. Really dangerous know that I look back on it.
My parents used to tell me that, “Don’t get running around and tell other people about us fighting.” Even though they didn’t say that in a mean way, I still had this really heavy feeling in my chest and their relationship together like fighting and such. They started arguing with eachother when I was 6, of course, I was a kid and didn’t pick up on it. But i would always shield my sister from all the yelling and screaming and all the things shattering in the house like bowls and cups. But yeah, it made me extremely defensive about where I live and my family. I just had to act like everything’s okay and normal in my household when really it wasn’t. It really affected me mentally as I grew up, I’m still battling some mental illnesses but I’m getting better at coping with it. But this quarantine has kinda fucked me up a tad.
The other thing about parenting coming naturally is a lot of times children don't experience taking care of younger siblings. In large families, older siblings are frequently encouraged and taught how to take care of their siblings. Parts of parenting may (not always) come naturally to them because they grew up doing it. But every situation is different, and obviously there's so much more to patenting than changing a diaper
I see where you're coming from but that may not always happen- I'm oldest out of 4 and the only thing I've learned about parenting is that it's better if I don't have any kids.
As the youngest, I can confirm. I’m no good with kids because I always feel like I’m doing something wrong but my sisters who are about ten years older than me are great at taking care of kids. Idk how like what am I supposed to do when a child starts screaming their eyes out. I usually start crying along with them because I feel so bad 🥺😭😂😂😂💀
I know a kid who is very likely going to be the one to raise his younger siblings... His father and uncle are unlikely to do much, and his mother is dead, the oldest sister has a terrible genetic disorder, things are going to be cluttered for them. I'm an only child, I'm okay with children but I don't want to have children.
"Sitting close to the TV does not damage vision" Ophtalmologist here: Yes it kind of does, there's a reason why Pseudo-Myopia cases are rising, convergence issues are also likely, not only that, but constant exposure to light, specially blue light that screens give off may disrupt the child's circadian rhythm. It may not be permanent damage (yet), but it is damage. Don't let your kid (or anyone really) sit closer than 60cm (2 feet) from the screen. And as the lady said, if you notice your kid constantly getting close to the TV schedule an appointment with the OD or opthalmology as they might need glasses
This channel did another video and covered this, apparently it’s a myth? They talked about eye strain and there’s some research that says it’s caused by lack of sun light particularly in the first few years of development. They did mention the last part though.
Yeah I feel like most kids that sit close to the tv have bad eyesight (not because of that though). It’s just in my experience. My parents thought it was strange I was sitting so close, tired out I had -5… oops
The TV i was on fence about as I grew up with the tube TVs and then the flat screens came in and most adults in my life didn't want us too near the tv for long periods of time as those tubes could overheat and sometimes explode so they didn't want us to get hurt from that. They were happier when the flat screens came so it was one less worry.
The blue light thing is bullshit. Any effect blue light has on your eyes is trivial compared to what the sun does to your eyes. Your eyesight will get worse either way, deal with it.
I never liked my parents yelling at me because I broke something, my aunt and uncle delt with me breaking a bowl much better, they were like "oops, uncle breaks plates all the time, c'mon lets go get the dustpan." there was no yelling, no tears, just calm cleaning and everyone was happy in the end. With yelling all that would happen would be I would run to my room, and in the end my mom would have to clean it up. My dad used the yelling and making me cry tactic, and I am very messed up from it, loud voices make me flinch and even the thought of getting yelled at makes me cry.
This. This was my entire life growing up and literally my dad is surprised I get spooked by sudden loud noises or something breaking. My mom always yelled when I accidentally broke something.
@@teamtakeover7317 did you know that (fine) motoric skills actually takes time to develop? Plus some people do have genetic defects that make them more prone to accidentally doing stuff. For example I take cutting corners quite literally; I've bumped into the side of our house countless of times even though the house never moved and I know where the wall ends, it just happens, it's not like I enjoy being bruised. Good thing brick walls aren't going to break from that ;")
Other way around for me. I am my mom's financial support. She'll get money for raising me up until I'm 18. Sometimes she forgets and says " I'm the one paying for your things" though lol
@@Kristynne. same my mom always says that she's right and she always gives the same example which is "if I say the milk is black then it is !" And then I just get mad at her and she's offended for absolutely no good reason
The kids need protection 24/7 myth is really hard for parents to understand because they have the instinct to protect their children. When I was little I had a hard time stopping before I crossed the road so my mom and I made up a song that was longer than "stop look and listen before you cross the street " and I would sing the crossing the street song every time I was going to cross the street and I stopped stepping into traffic. Most things can be fixed without suffocating your kids if you are creative enough
Many people seem to think that eschewing hitting a child is the same as having no discipline. I do think though that parents should always be able to explain their reasoning behind a rule. Because I say so doesn’t cut it. If I can’t articulate my reasons to myself then I start questioning whether I’ve created an arbitrary rule.
The sad thing is that even if I show this to my parents, they wouldn't listen I am 20 years old EDIT: Okay so I'm revisiting this comment and I see a lot of people in the replies are going through similar things, tough things with their parents and their life. Idk who needs to hear this but I'm so sorry about your situation, I, and other people know exactly how it is to have stubborn parents or family members invalidate you and put you down. I want y'all to know that you're far from alone, and that things will get better. I've been in therapy for like 10, maybe 11 years and still going, but things are eventually turning around for me and I hope the same happens with you. And if any of you need support or anyone to talk to, you got one friend right here. You can always talk to me.
@@comicrandomness3289 This is like.... super important lmao because my parents and their siblings were taught by being beaten by their parents and in turn think it's the correct way to raise all children because they turned out 'just fine' Like I have so many horror stories about that smh
My parents love to tell my how intelligent I am because I get perfect grades and am normally good with figuring out patterns and being logical, but when it comes to opening up about what I really think about them, I’m a total idiot who overreacts, being made to doubt my entire life and all my memories. I’m going to a psychiatrist soon to see all the diagnoses I end up getting, because I’m telling them everything. I have no sympathy for whatever will happen to them as a result of that.
Than you need to let go. At least for awhile. Build a better, noncriminal, support group. They have unresolved issues and have been using you as their battering ram. Remember those bad times if you get tempted to ask them to babysit. Check.out Terry Crews story about his childhood for hints on how to be a better human being.
My phone and internet access were a literal lifesaver though I cannot imagine what I'd have been like if I didn't have those escapes from my abusive "home"
Fighting in front of children really depends. It's going to happen, but how you handle arguments makes the difference. It's either going to model healthy conflict management or unhealthy patterns. It's worth learning more about how to communicate effectively with your partner so you can demonstrate that to your child even in moments of anger.
lesson: always learn to be decent adult first before being a parent.
Naw that don’t make sense..... that sounds like the “ I’m your friend instead of your parent “ analogy, the job of a parent is being a parent that’s it. I’m not my child’s friend. When he or she fucks up i discipline them for it. When they do good I reward them. But end of the day I’m not their friend
And I’ve seen a lot of parents who try that tactic out and most of the kids turn out to be disrespectful pricks who need to beat with a switch to learn some respect for others.
K dot AfroClan my mom is trying to be my friends and it’s annoying I few up depending on myself to build my personality I went house hunting just to feel good that I could leave
You can (and should) be friends with their kids, but always be their parents first. Friends have common interests and confide in one another, and that's a healthy relationship for a parent to have with their kid. But parents should never avoid disciplining their kids in order to curry favour.
why are the answers to your comment not at all related to what you said ?
“because i said so” is one of the easiest ways to lose respect from your child
More like ' I'm older so I can do what I want and I say so
It’s just like that thing in Matilda “I’m big, your small, I’m right, your wrong”
Not always....
I actually started saying: “thats not a reason.” My mom got so upset, but she started understanding why I said that. I didnt understand why ai couldnt do something, so she started explaining and I started understanding.
@@achlysheerschap3122 I wish I'd told my mom that early on. But by the time I got to the age of thinking that, my mom became well adapted at arguing with me that even if I was telling a fact, she'd insist her "fact" was right and that I need to listen cause she's older and knows more.
"Because I said so" is the worst. If YOU're the only reason to not to stick the fork in the light socket, guess what the child will do when YOU leave the room
Exactly
So true,my mom once stopped me from drawing on a notebook and as soon as she leaves i took a pen and scribbled on it-
My parents always use the excuse “Well, I just know if I explain it, you’ll end up arguing!!” As if I’m not gonna argue against a stupid reason like “because I said so” more than an actual reason
The answer "Because I said so" is not reasonable, if you are not being reasonable, the child will not learn to understand why or why not, and if the child doesn't learn to understand why or why not, it causes a higher chance for the child to become more rebellious and disobedient.
The biological purpose of childhood is to learn about the world, and that’s what the parents should help kids with. Establish a sense of cause and effect, so the child can be informed, and truly understand the parents’ actions as more than just orders.
just an extra tip for parents out there: never tell your kid to stop crying. it doesn't work, the more they try to stop the harder the tears will pour and you're only teaching them to bottle up their emotions.
just let them cry it out, it doesn't matter how stupid their reason for crying might seem to you. clearly it's not stupid to them and they need to be allowed to process their emotions at their own pace
Agreed.
I think many parents say "Don't cry" because it's just a thing people say, since they don't know what else to say. Some people just panic when another human is crying. (And yes, some say it because they have no empathy.)
A better thing to say is something like, "Oh no! What happened?" Or "What made you sad?" Or simply "I'm sorry you're feeling ___." Some people have a naturally heightened sense of empathy. But for many people, they need to be taught to be empathetic. That very much starts in childhood, and especially in the home.
You also made a fantastic point in that whatever they're crying about doesn't feel stupid to them, no matter how insignificant it feels to you as an adult. We can look at things from a broader perspective, with our fully-developed adult brains, but kids don't have that luxury. That broken toy or dropped hotdog may feel extremely important to a little brain in that very moment.
To put it into perspective, I am not a sports fan. I hate all sports. I have seen grown men and women cry when their team lost the whatever finals. I thought it was stupid, because sports carry no importance in my life. However, I don't judge them for letting out their disappointment via tears, because I know their team is important to them. We should extend the same courtesy to children.
Yes. I remember i would cry because my parents were yelling at me to do something and I was scared, and they thought I was just throwing a fit and being bratty by crying, and trying to be manipulative. Then they would yell more and of course, I would cry more.
Actually it does work for some children. Some kids pretend to cry to get out of trouble. I'm a teacher, I see it all the time. I tell those kids to stop crying, it doesn't work on me and they immediately stop and smirk.
@@Gjous679 that's a completely different situation. there's a difference between actual crying and forced crying
Unsurprisingly, when you treat kids like human beings that can learn and reason they end up being better human beings. You can’t expect someone to respect you if you disrespect them, kids aren’t that stupid.
"You HAVE to respect me, I birthed you!" As she tells me to go cut myself again
@@arianarain7749 You poor thing...I can relate 😔
StarPerson A Im sorry you can relate. I wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone
Boop I couldn't agree more! I never ridiculed my son for being who he was and I never hit him. What does hitting your child do other than learn to fear you? It doesn't teach interpersonal skills. If he asked about something he was interested in and I could afford it we'd do it. Going to museums, painting classes, whatever. I was dreadfully bored sometimes but you know what? He turned out to be a guy who is confident and a loving dad. His daughter has been cooking and gardening with him since she was 3.
Oh, I know I wasn't always perfect but he knows I sure as hell tried. I did not want him to go through what I went through.
It is logically impossible to respect someone who doesn't respect you.
If you don't respect me, you don't respect my opinions.
If I respect you, I respect your opinions. That includes your disregard of my opinions, including my opinion of you. Therefore, my respect for your opinion invalidates itself.
the worst one is "you're too young to understand"
and then they have the audacity to say "why don't you get it?"
“You’re old enough, you should already know all this by now” (i would but someone kept telling me im too young to learn it or whatever). or even “when i was your age I had you, blah blah and blah”. Or my favourite “what kind of stress do you have to deal with”.
@@FloatingBlossom Them btches aren't able to prove their point when I start talking. I always talk back. I use my brain. They're always screwed. I love debates.
@@shantaloupe4243 same I love debates and whenever I start one with my parents they just keep saying that "if I say the milk is black then it IS, If I say I'm a cat then I'm right" I just get really annoyed and because I'm an unreasonably emotional person who cries all the time they're mad more than when sad I just bawl my eyes out into the pillow for 30 seconds and then go back to minding my own business lmao
Because you are if you are
my parents still tell me this and I’m almost an adult like what?
Kids deserve respect too. If you constantly belittle them or their ideas or ignore them, they will let anyone not respect them too, and they won’t know their worth!
20 years old, and although im doing better than I was at 17, I'm still dealing with major self esteem and self worth issues.
I’m 26, and like you, I sometimes have a hard time comprehending things around me when it comes to dealing with people older than I am (not necessarily parents. Mine are wonderful people!), but with younger people it’s not that different; because younger kids want someone to look up for wisdom, guidance, mentor ship, and even friendship in that matter
Ok hear me out: I agree kids do deserve respect but not all. A group of my peers at school, are also always going out of their way to disrespect our teachers. Then when the teachers cut them off (ex: sending them to the office or ignoring them), they complain about lack of respect from the teacher to the student. Like wtf. There is at least one person or a group in every school like this. Do they deserve respect too? For me, I don't think so.
Haha thats why I turned out like this 15 and mentally unstable
Exactly. Respect is a two way street.
After having my first child, I noticed that he was a person from the very beginning. His personality, preferences. I can't understand why a lot of parents treat children like they don't matter until 18.
Its because the parents think they automatically deserve respect just because theyre the parent
Most parents,( even my own ) believe that respect is commanded not earned and demand it, every house is different on functions but I can at lest say from experience that even just demanding respect can have consequences on kids
@@ogfuzzy8631 Respect is earned, not given.
Yeah, that's the thing. When you treat your child like they're a person that's trying to achieve specific goals in life and has certain desires, it's like you're able to communicate with them better because you get a better sense of what they want as well from an early age.
For instance, I noticed my daughter was happy when she was being well behaved, and it made mommy and daddy happy. So when she did something that we didn't like because it went against the rules of the house or something like that, I kept that fact about her in mind, and explained it like "I know we're doing this, but if we want to be well behaved we should do this instead. I know we want to throw our ball inside the house, but mommy and daddy prefer if we do that outside so we don't damage anything in the house."
The myth about "you end up parenting like your parents" is one I hope I never fall into. Yes, there's good and bad but I definitely don't want to copy the bad
The fact that you realize this shows that you're on the right way!
I TOTALLY AGREE
Everyone who watched this video is saved! 😆
My mom parented me the complete opposite of how her mom parented
@@emmaeubank1741 good parenting or bad parenting?
There are two types of people who are watching this video:
The people who come here to improve their own parenting skins vs teenagers and adults who will watch this video to find out what their parents did wrong.
Or the 14 year old watching this for the heck of it
@@Wheeziebeen I mean, us 14 year olds have been alive long enough to gage our parents’ way of parenting. Although I suppose it’s what they’re doing wrong and not what they did wrong
As a teen who just learned a bunch of stuff my parents did wrong I'm vary proud of the parents watching to improve their parenting skills.
Then there's me, an adult who's just interested in the science and in seeing if the things I thought I knew are supported by that science even when X number of people yell at me that I'm wrong and shouldn't tell them how to parent.
Wow bts watched this
Strict parents raise children who know how to listen for the foot steps of someone coming towards you 4 rooms away and quietly but quickly hide their phone and pretend to be asleep
Edit: time fr just flies away, this comment is exactly 1 year old and has 12,000+ likes, thx lol
i do this to the point where I know exactly where they are in the house
Dang you didn't need to expose me like this
Experience?
I know exactly whose door it is and what time certain people are more likely to be coming at what time and I have a mental schedule/ database and I haven't been caught in ever.
True!
I have been criticized for allowing my 8 year old nephew be at the bedside when his mother died. He and I both held her hand and said we love you, find peace, we love you. We never really talked about it until he was grown, but as an adult he did tell me that it was easier to let her go because he literally saw the life go out of her.
You did the right thing. When my grandpa died us kids were all brought to the house to say goodbye. It helped a lot with the grieving process to see him in his natural state. Embalmed bodies aren't the same.
My grandpa died when my dad was 5 or 6. My father and grandma didn't go to his funeral because my grandma didn't think my dad was old enough to see this. I wonder if it would've been any better that way.
I'm so glad you did what you did. Death is a natural part of life even though our culture acts like it isn't, and for this poor boy to be losing his mother - well, at least he was able to properly say goodbye
@@JaneAustenAteMyCat, thanks. I also corrected her hair and makeup at the service because it was horrible. We had gotten a nice outfit for her but her hair and makeup was not her. I fortunately had brought a brush, and basic makeup supplies. I fixed her hair and softened the makeup. My nephew appreciated that as well.
I'm SO sorry for your loss. Stay strong! 🙏✝️❤️
Strict parents raise kids who are much happier when they, the parents are not in the house.
Yup that was my experience. Growing up i hated the days my dad was off work.
Strict parents raise kids who do the exact same thing they’ve been doing in their own room when the parents leave the house, except they do it in the living room instead
Exactly. Am 17 and moving out soon, parents think it is bc of the distance from hone to school (40km, nearly no buses). Actually is mostly bc I can't live in a house where I can only be in my room and get yelled if I say "yes" in the wrong tone lol
Bro, your spitting straight facts. I hate the days when my stepfather is home.
@@paperclipdraws5607 ik bro but the days when everyone is gone almost angelic
The sad thing is more kids are probably watching this tryna see if they’re raised good when the parents should be watching it..
Or if teens want to do a better job than their own parents.
@@flanholiothegreat8323 I'm watching this for this exact reason.
@@ferxani1473 I wish I had the courage to show this to my parents.
Happy Wolf :3 Tell us how it went lol
Happy Wolf :3 Damn lol
It’s like how the old Chinese philosophy asks:
Does respect come better when you are feared or loved ?
I know what your referring to
Ohhh dang I get it
my chinese parents:
f e a r m e
My mom was fear, and my dad was love.. quite honestly grew up respecting my dad more. He treated me like a human being, while my mom treated me like a responsibility. Yeah... children can tell the DIFFERENCE.
@@k4444ren The government is your parents parents, they are doing what they learned :) (Poe's Law)
If you use violence and hostility when your child makes a mistake, they will not go to you in times of need and will try to resolve situations themselves, which may obviously make things worse.
Wish my mom understood this..
I wish all parents understand it
@@Yourlocalbacteriumsometimes I cry about my problems alone even when I have held back my emotions due to childhood emotional neglect, I wanna cry to my mother but I cannot trust her and sometimes she is the reason I cry. This is proof of what you said, other kids rebel and become monstrous due to their emotional neglect or trauma. It’s sad
@@EmperorDecay very sad. I’m sorry for what you had to go through
Disrespect is dealt with by spanking. All other discipline is done by taking things away or timeout. No discipline is done in a rash way and is explained before. Kids 4 and 6 now got a spanking maybe once last year and are very well behaved. Parenting style is consistent with high expectations.
As a toddler I was spanked by an uncle while in my grandmother's care. As a kid I would freak out when I was in trouble with my dad and refuse stand up from the floor so that he couldn't spank me. This went on until I was eleven or so. The last time that I did this he said to me that he didn't understand why I was so afraid of being spanked because he had never once spanked me. I realised that it was true that he had never spanked me. It wasn't until I was around twenty that I remembered that my uncle was the one that spanked me as a toddler.
Daniel Juarez wow, that’s really sad
@@ktbrunner1862 don't be weepy for me, I snapped out of my trauma and became mentally clear of my past abuse. I just wanted to tell people that spanking even just once can have negative consequences on the child.
Daniel Juarez I see your point, and I’m happy for you gaining clarity!
Hi, i'm sorry if this bring back bad memories of yours and I don't inteend to dismiss your experiencie but, Is spank abuse?
My mother spanked me when i was a child and now I have a Lot of mental health issues (i'm in theraphy because of that) But i have never told anyone about what my mother used to do because i though it was normal
@@maitebenegas4704 I think it depends on the amount. Once or twice in your life? Probably not. (Much) more than that? Yes. I would recommend talking to your therapist about how your mother would treat you when you did something wrong (at least in her eyes). Your therapist wants to help you to the best of their ability, and to do that it important to be open and trust them so they can. Hope this helps!
I never learned from “I said so” as a kid so when babysitting now I make it a point to explain why they’re not allowed to do something. Not allowed to run/play in the kitchen: there’s sharp things and hot things and it’s safer to play in another area. Not allowed to ride the bike without the helmet: potential for falling and protecting yourself. If you’re raising a child and just saying “no” for authority reasons instead of a teaching moment, it puts me off. Those kids (me) learn to sneak around instead of having an older person they could trust and talk to. I can’t immediately think of something that can’t be explained or at least touched on instead of “I said so” but the situation is much different when you have the final say in raising the kid.
Yup! And it's even more frustrating when you have parents who take a child's "why? / why not?" as insubordination. When they're like, "how dare you question me? I said no, so the answer's no, stop being disrespectful!" And it's like... no, you dick, they're not being disrespectful, they're trying to learn from you and you're instead shutting them down and making them resent you.
IceMetalPunk
At some point, growing up, kids will ask 'why?' in response to ANYTHING. Like they're studying philosophy in hs haha.
Imagine that kind of parental reaction happening Repeatedly -____-
@@pheurangtchi9754 Well, sure, and I see how that can be frustrating. But you should always have an answer to that, and they deserve the answer. If you don't have an answer, that's a perfect opportunity to tell your kid, "I don't know; let's find out together" and start researching with them. Teach them to find answers to their questions rather than to just obey authority without question.
My baby brother has a developmental delay, can’t talk (more like a one year old, he babbles and is 7) and has autism. It usually takes a hard no to make him stop, but only temporarily and sitting him down to explain it to him is hard because there isn’t a way to tell if he understood what I said or not. So I usually just say “NO”, explain it as I walk away and it just ends up with him doing it again
Yeah, my parents always answered my questions, and when they didn't, they would explain why, like they were taking a nap or something. This caused me to constantly clash with my stricter teachers because they would see my whys as rude.
All kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids.
It's weird that anyone gets to be a parent. Driving or owning weapons requires proof of training and ability. The same should apply to raising children. Millions of children are injured due to inappropriate parents.
That's so sad because there are so many people that would be the best and most loving parents and deserve to have kids, but so many parents are the worst people on the planet and do not deserve to have kids AT ALL.
@@niklasmolen4753 unfortunately, it's not something you can tell someone. I do agree that there are some people shouldn't be parents but you can't decide for someone else if they want children or not.
@@Americangal18
For important and potentially dangerous things, one must be able to show some form of competence in order to manage it, if one wants a functioning, well-developed society.
All decisions are not easy but they must be taken even if all alternatives are bad.
Hear hear!
honestly its amazing how many problems with kids get solved once you calm down and explain to them why the behavior they have is wrong as opposed to just immediately going for punishment
My parents, when I do something wrong, will explain why what I did was wrong, how it could be dangerous, and give me a light punishment. If I did it again, that's when they'd go straight to punishment, because I already knew that what I was doing was wrong and I did it anyway.
I don't have trust issues with my parents, and I think my experiences prove your point entirely.
If any soon-to-be parent is reading, please take my advice. Be calm and collected when explaining why what your child did was wrong, and they'll know better, and trust you more.
Punishment can be effective I guess, if you are considering operant conditioning, but it messes kids up because they will still do it when you aren’t there, lol. I agree, the best thing is just to talk to them. Explain why they can’t do it, ask maybe when they felt they need to do the behavior, if there was more too it (something wrong, anytime I did the worse stuff it was when things were bad at school) but also hold the value of taking credibility for your actions, learning how they impact other people, and how to grow based on what you’ve done. Children sometimes don’t even understand what they are doing is all that bad, especially if they’ve seen examples of it. Children who grow up seeing violent behavior (even in tv) are more likely to act it out, without fully understanding it. Make sure your kids know when something is wrong, if they see something that’s wrong, explain to them why it is and why they should not model the behavior. I don’t know if this will help, but it’s psychology so maybe.
I've noticed that the parents who resort to, because I said so, often have no reasonable explanation for why the kid needs to modify the behaviour. They simply want control, they are afraid of judgement from strangers, they often themselves don't understand the true reasons for not doing things that negatively effect others, as they're more than willing to misbehave themselves.
I know this might not be perfect reply, but... it was just personal mind blowing moment in my life;
when I got into alcoholism before pandemic, my boss from the job was the very first person in my life
to calmly explain why I shouldn't sneakily drink at the job even if it took a while
for them to notice as I am well behaved and kind, calm person, just trying to cope with undiagnosed
neurodivergence in shitty way (I got tired and stressed at job sooner and sooner
to the point I barely did anything outside the job except sleep through);
He was the reason I dropped cold turkey drinking and through pandemic started to accept
my differences and try at least 2 courses to broad my work possibilities.
This man just accepted I can do a mistake, explain why it will hurt NOT JUST ME and lemme learn from it.
While my mother to this day looks like a medusa at me when I drink at family meeting.
My father barely could talk to me as my mother is very impulsive and autoritive.
I still have problems when conflict is in the air or I do something wrong(I might have ADHD,
so like, EVERYTHING can go wrong on daily basis and it does),
as well as I haven't learned basic life skills, 'cause I always felt scared to try to fail in front of her...
now I only hear "you had plenty of time to learn this! you saw me doing this!"
I also feel stressed around female co-workers during first days at new job.
Parents: “They dont give you a manual to raising children”
Literal Parenting Genres: *Am I a joke to you?*
Every parenting book I've ever read says that. Horribly oxymoronic but go off I guess
True they arent perfect but they have some basic information that explains the basics
The Baby Owner’s Manual is my favourite shower gift ;)
Older guides told them to only feed their newborn every 4 hours and that if they cry and scream to ignore them because they are just a greedy baby.
Another one told parents to give their baby coffee at 3 months.
@@janinedear-barlow source?
*“Strict parents raise well-behaved kids.”*
If that isn’t the funniest joke I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is!
Mine did. I told white lies here and there to avoid small issues, but I obeyed 95% of rules set for me. But they also ended up raising someone with no confidence, no backbone, and no real excitement in my life. People think I'm boring. I'm shy and don't have much to say about anything except shows and animals. So it's hard to make friends. Haven't made a friend I hung out with after class in college at all. I just have 1 of my high school friends I still talk to, but we only see each other a couple times a year.
Same, I’ve been getting better at lying and spend lots of my time planning exactly what to say and how to react to any circumstance.
Whenever I do breakdown I do eventually come out with a blank resting face trying to hide anything wrong with me because my parents never bothered to hear what’s wrong with me. They aren’t making me a well behaved kid. They’re just making me more closed off, on edge, and a better liar.
I wished this video touched on how parents should treat kids with mental health since my parents act as if that isn’t a problem and my breakdowns and yelling is just a child thing, not something psychological
Balance is key
Like a good meal
If it too much of one flavor you will learn to despise it but if there is not enough flavor you will learn to despise the meal
But if there is just the right amount, you will never stop wanting to eat it
SPNOUAT sounds like what my life is gonna turn into in a few months
Raising kids like they're gonna stay your kids forever and never become adults who must manage on their own, duh. Sounds like a solid plan to me.
Me a 19 year old with no plans of having children any time soon: “Perfect just the video I need”
Edit: uh holy crap I didn’t think this would get so many peoples attention lmao! I just turned 21 on Monday and in a few weeks I’m getting hysterectomy (tmi but for uterine tumors) by my own choice and I’m really excited. I still have no desire for children (obviously) so that’s where I’m at if anyone cares haha.
I'm 14 and I'm still here
im with u on that and the same age as well
@@LikeMySoul864 make that 3 xD
@@sabitastisch9228 welp thats make the 3 amigos who are not haven kids soon enough
I’m 15
as someone who was spanked throughout my childhood and told stuff like "I'll give u a reason to cry" frequently, it did indeed make it worse lol
I'm sorry you had to go through that
There’s a study from Harvard saying how regular spanking has similar psychological outcomes to SA. Suddenly things made a lot more sense to me! I’ve always feared men and I’ve been fishing my self esteem out of the toilet for years
Fun Fact: Being unreasonably strict to your kid will often* only make them sneaky and good at telling lies :)
Facts!
Me:*laughs in manipulative child*
It makes them try not to get caught.
Yeah my parents were extremely strict and now I’m very good at lying. It’s had its uses but it’s done more harm then good and it’s something I’m trying to work on
I guess that's a good skill to have in the real world though :/
I was raised being told that I was a really good student and that I was so smart because I was praised for the outcome. Now I'm an adult and have no work ethic because I never learned the value of putting in effort.
And yet you probably binge on informative things because your mind can't sit still and that's what made you appear talented.
I don't have an answer but it probably isn't a lack of knowing how to work, it's a lack of discipline to direct the focus of your work.
Edit: I'm glad to hit it so accurately for many of you. Keep trying to find a way, even if you study/hobby with a friend to practice keeping focus.
@@j.kaimori3848 Hold up. Have you been spectating my life?
You might also look into ADHD.
I really built up a good worth "ethic" but I still really struggled.
Medication showed me that, in fact, normal people are not necessarily in immense pain from doing the most basic of daily tasks.
You remind of when someone said work smarter not harder or maybe something like that
The golden child effect
I personally don't have strict parents but my good friend/roommate does.
I distinctly remember coming home to her crying because her mother found out she had a boyfriend and is now forcing her to install this tracking app on her phone. Mind you we were not in our teens, she was 20, WE WERE IN COLLEGE. Like goddamn mama bird, your chick needs to learn to fly or some shit.
Jimin's Cat in the Summer Package 2017 tell your friend to like save up money, change her phone number, and move somewhere close but away so her mom can’t track her down.
Yeah, i think that count as abuse
That is highkey abusive. Holy shit!
Jeez. My mom made me promise not to go to parties at frats at all, or go to bars or private parties alone, she also had panic attacks any time she called me and I didn't answer the phone (until I told her she needed to cool down, I have classes, places to go where phones are shut off, and have to take showers - and I promised to call her every night before 7pm or let her know if I'd be out late and when I'd be at my dorm) but I don't think even she'd have put a tracker on me.
If mama is paying for room and board and college her rules . If your roommate wants a boyfriend she should move out and pay her own way 100%.
About the strictness myth: my parents were never strict with my brother and I about the little things- bedtimes, clearing our plates at dinner; and when we got older, the clothes we could wear, whether we could dye our hair or wear makeup or get a nose ring or have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and we could have a beer or glass of wine with our family. The result is two kids with college degrees that we got by working multiple jobs, who have healthy relationships with food and alcohol, who were honest with our parents about sex, who didn’t pierce our belly buttons with a sewing needle at a sleepover or lie to our parents we were at sleepovers but instead at parties binge drinking, like a lot of our peers. Our parents went away for the weekend a couple times in high school and we never had one party. They’d come home on Sunday to the place clean and we’d maybe have a couple classmates over for a group project or watch movies with friends. My mom let me get a nose ring after a lot of research and having me think about it for over a month to ensure it wasn’t a rash decision, and we went to a reputable piercer. In contrast, I knew a lot of girls who were piercing their friend’s and their own noses, lips, and belly buttons at sleepovers and getting crazy infections. I never hid that I was having sex as a 17 year old with my 17 year old boyfriend because I didn’t need to. My mom taught me honestly and frankly about safe sex and healthy relationships. Meanwhile, I knew 15-16 year old girls who secretly dated 20 year olds for years in really controlling, unsafe relationships without telling their parents because they were forbidden from dating or having sex. If their parents fostered an environment of honesty, their daughters would tell them that they had boyfriends that age and the parents could talk about healthy relationships & explain why that kind of age gap with a kid is harmful, even if it doesn’t feel that way to the 15 year old. My brother and I never felt the need to rebel in dangerous ways because we were given trust and freedom. But a lot of our friends went wild when they got to college because things like parties, all-nighters, piercings, unhealthy food, beer, and boys were the forbidden fruit.
Your point being?
@@anhnhvn the point is you should treat your kids like they’re your friends not like you own them. That way they will be open and talk to you about anything and ask for your advice when making any major decision in their life. Otherwise they will lie and hide things from you. Things that could even be dangerous like abuse or something because they are afraid of your reaction finding out that they did something you didn’t like, like get a boyfriend or starting their sexual life 🤔 also how many young girls get pregnant because they didn’t have ‘the talk’ from their parents 🤷🏻♀️
@@therapycleaning But you’re not their friends. You’re their parents. A la the people tasked by both the natural world and human society with keeping them alive and preparing them to function as mature adults, which is impossible if you eschew the authority necessary to execute on that.
I would wager that the results of your parents strategies are more than a little dependent on you and your sibling’s own proclivity toward order, respect, hard work, and obedience. Not every kid has this tendency. This is true in my own family. My parents were strict. One of my sisters rebelled a lot. One rebelled occasionally. I rarely ever rebelled. Same parents, same home, same circumstances, and so on. The only different was our own internal proclivities.
Honesty and openness are better in the long run than blind standards and absolute submission.
This video is a personal attack on my mom and dad's parenting skills
BearsHunnyPot absolutely true
a lot of people's egos will get hurt when they're told their parenting style is wrong, especially in the face of evidence and the excuse "but X did X and I came out fine"
same
BearsHunnyPot, good
BearsHunnyPot buy new parents
More traumatized children are watching this video than actual parents.
I’m seeing a lot of the people equating rules and discipline to abuse.
@@parkman29 No, I would categorize literal torture as an over reaction to having separate interests from your family.
@@parkman29 I’m very sorry that your family is making fun of you and bullying you. Discipline and rules do not equate to torture and bullying and being made fun of. For example, if I saw from my daughters screen time that she was on her devices for longer than she was allowed I would discipline her by taking her devices away. Or if I found out she was smoking, I would discipline her by doing something else. Discipline is not abuse. Once again, I’m very sorry that you are being mistreated and I hope you are able to find some safe resolution.
@McMari First of all, I did not say I consider ‘any form of abuse’ not to be abuse. There is abuse that happens yes, and that is always wrong. For instance, my husband was abused by his mother and taken away from her by the courts when he was 12. She used to, amongst other things but just for example, punch him in the back of his head and his back where the bruises and cuts from her rings would be hidden by his hair and clothes. And I would absolutely categorize regular habitual yelling and screaming at a child, or anyone, to be a component of an abusive environment and abusive behaviour, absolutely. Do I consider any and all yelling to be abuse? No, I don’t. I was shouted at occasionally by my parents, grandparents etc and it did not traumatize me. Suggesting someone would be so fragile that hearing their name loudly and angrily billowed across the house or yard when they’re being a shit is ridiculous. However, if someone breaks down in the presence of loud voices, or when someone raises a voice at them for whatever reason, I would probably suspect they’ve been conditioned by abuse to respond in fear. This is cause for concern, and would raise most people’s eyebrow. For example, my parents would argue with the vacuum cleaner on. Now, as an adult, the sound of the vacuum cleaner makes me anxious. Obviously the vacuum isn’t abuse, I’m just using this as an example of negative conditioning. As for hitting kids, well this is where I’m going to share an opinion that is probably different from yours. Yes, I do believe in spanking as one means of discipline. There’s a difference between the spanks I got on my little diapered butt when I was mean to my brothers or sassy to my mum and the punches and kicks my husband’s mother’s inflicted on him. Some people equate any physical contact to abuse, and that’s fine they don’t have to raise their children that way. Just like Parkman29, if someone is abusing you I’m very sorry you’re going through that. I wasn’t abused and I can’t imagine how awful that must be.
I'm a parent and there's a line between abuse and discipline, i was taught that difference but I was spanked when I did things I didn't suppose to do and i was told in s civil fashion. I'm not saying this video is wrong or I'm an expert but there are things that are not explained in this video. I'm sorry for all the people who were physically abused and that shouldn't happen.
My parents actually taught me from a young age that "because I said so"/"because I (don't) want to" are not acceptable answers to any situation and that explaining why is necessary
I don't know because I don't want to seems like a pretty legit answer and is an actual reason unlike because I said so. Of course it depends on context but because I don't want to is a perfectly valid reason for allot of things.
@@austinblackburn8095 I should have explained that a bit more. What they said is that "I don't want to on its own is not enough. Why is it not enough? Because if you don't explain why you are saying no to something, the other person won't know what it was that made you feel negatively about whatever and they might bring you to that same uncomfortable position again. However, if you say, "I don't want to because (reason)" you are making yourself clear and give an insight to the other person about what you are/are not okay with
Well done to your parents! Give them an applause from me!
I can think of 2 things that's an answer for.
1. What's a bad excuse?
2. What rhymes with recause my bread dough?
My parents taught me that the right to say that only applies to young children. I agree.
there's a psychologist near where I live and she said that when her son misbehaves or things like that, she throws anything at him that is near her, like books, tv remotes and even vases... I have absolutely no idea how she got her license or how she can treat her kid like this
Child Services. Call them.
@@georginatoland i would if i knew who it is
I would definitely get her address and call child services. That is straight up abuse and harm. I hope that poor boy is doing okay…
@@Nobody-ux8jb Depends on your country, I think there are sites on it though.
@@ameliasellers6396 also, the "caring" services aren't a good option in every case
"Children come first" has nothing to do with putting their needs and wants above your physical, mental and emotional health..the saying is meant to mean that children come before your partners, friends, pets, other family members. That their saftey and health comes before anyone elses. Some parents unfortunatly do choose partners or friends over their kids...and the kids suffer because of it.
I love my partner a lot, and I would do absolutely anything for him. We don't have any children yet, but before we do I'm going to make it abundantly clear to him that if at any point he makes me choose between him and our children (I know he won't but I'll say it anyway), he will automatically lose. It won't matter to me that our children will be adopted (I can't have kids biologically). My children will be my children and my children will come first; before work, before school, before friends or pets or other family members, before my partner, before anything or anyone else. I've seen the consequences of choosing your partner, or drugs or alcohol, or partying or friends, or anything else before your children, both firsthand (my mom's ex from when I was a preteen my sister and I both hated from the get-go even though little impressionable me was manipulated into liking him and it turned out he was really emotionally abusive, plus my biological father is a drug addict and so are my partner's bio parents [he's adopted]) and in others, and I never ever want to repeat that. Children deserve to be made a priority in one's life, for many reasons, but if for no other reason than that they are still children. They don't know how to do "normal adult" things yet. They need assistance, guidance, love, attention, care, so many other things that have to come from a guardian or parent.
Sorry, this turned into a rant, but I so very much agree with you!
@@godsgirl487 I think you're swinging too far the other direction. This seems like something that can be balanced. I sorry you went through some terrible times, but don't take it to the other extreme. That's not healthy either.
Well, I think they touched on that in the video with the airplane oxygen example. When you say "Children's safety and health come before anyone else", some people read that as before even their own health. Its an example of a simple phrase that people can adopt as a life strategy without really understanding the context. If you aren't sleeping, if you don't have dreams for your life or goals or hobbies, friends, etc. you may end up not being as effective a parent as you intended.
children learn much more in their childhood than adults usually do in the same length period of time. kids don’t know stuff, your partner should know enough. but a lot of parents give up their mental health for their kids, and that is a huge mistake. if you aren’t feeling happy and able to take care of your children, take a break, unwind. many adults forget to do that and kids are great with empathy so they can sometimes tell if you are sad.
Both my parents put each other and after the divorce their other parners/their other kids before me and my sister. I always knew that i wasn't important to them and they've even said it to my face. Needless to say that i have a problem with relationships as an adult.
How do I send this to my parents without sending it
Post it on Facebook lol
relatable
@@Fantabulouslala actually do this like seriously
@@zom_zooz what?
Me too!
Strict parents raise the sneakiest kids, some of y’all hate to hear it
I think it depends on your definition of strict. I work a lot with grade school kids, and trust me that sweet little zed/zoe whose parents are without boundaries can be even more sneaky than a kid with parents who are strict Not a fan of the overly controlling rigid parent but sincerely believe a child does better with reasonable boundaries. I think thats the real truth parents need to be reasonable and have an honest relationship with their child.
@@rustynails8756 yeah I think they should've rephrased that as "overly strict" or "unreasonably strict"
Peggers
I know, I feel horrible because I know how sneaky and how much of a liar I am, and they treat me horrible, they tell me I’m a liar and that I will never have friends because of that, and I feel pathetic because they made me that way and hate me for it, I’m trying to change but is not easy to change stuff that you’ve doing all your life, and I know it by experience, but I’ll try and I’ll become the best version of me that I can.
Rusty Nails there’s a difference between mutual agreed boundaries and ridiculous strictness
Tell that to Prussia. 150% Discipline Space Marines. RIP Friedrich Der Groß.
As a woman in her mid 20s with anxiety, I really appreciate these videos. The thought of raising humans is scary even though it's something I want to do. The baby myth video and this one really just confirmed things I already suspected about childcare, and I appreciate the reassurance that I might have an inkling of an idea of what direction I should go in with my future children (and that it's okay that I haven't figure out the rest). Thank you.
biggest myths in parenting:
- mother knows best
- “i wont get mad if you tell me the truth”
Specifically asian mom's🙃
hehe for me, it's my dad mostly 😕
The sentence used should be "I am already mad" lol
Lol my parents surprisingly don't get mad when they tell me they won't be. They didn't want to be like their parents back in the days, because they know how it feels.
I disagree, but guess every parent is different 🤷
I remember I was bullied one day in third grade and my mom screamed at me when I told her I was too scared to tell her... nowadays she yells at me for just about anything and favors my younger brother. I make sure to go out of my way to hide things from her now. I find it sad that I have to admit this online where I know I’ll be safe saying it. This video just makes me realize how bad mothers can be.. and I should know. I’m honestly scared to have kids when I’m older because I don’t want to end up like my mother
I'm so sorry your mother treats you so horribly, my heart goes out to you. I hope you know you deserve better than her, you've always deserved better. I know how it feels to go out of one's way to hide things from an abusive parent, it's not how it should be (as in, she should be treating you better) but unfortunately hiding things from her is what you've had to do to survive. I wish I could have grown up in a family that made me feel safe to be honest with them, but I had to lie, hide, and sneak as well. Now that I'm away from them and around healthier people, I want to live as honestly as I can, now that I'm in a safe place to do so. One day you will get that life, too. I hope you find other people, or you already do have other people, in your life who respect you and love you enough to make you feel safe to be honest with them. Also, the fact that your mother is favoring your brother over you, that's just heartless of her. No child deserves to be a scapegoat or a golden child. You and your brother are equally valuable. Your mother sounds like a narcissistic parent to me, if she doesn't realize that. You deserve to be loved and safe.
This is just unacceptable. I know for a fact that this is wrong. I wish the best of luck for you in the future! However, I would not say that you can’t have children. Truly, it’s your choice. Do it if you can support it, and you want to. Remember that parenting should be driven by passion, not bragging, not social status, not discounts, not empathy. It allows you to get back at your mother and prove to yourself and the world how great you and your ideals are. However, this is absolutely your decision and not something that you should completely deprive yourself of sleep over.
You realizing the problems and mistakes of your parents' parenting, will make you a better parent. :) Because you realize them and you can think about how you can change that and make yourself a better parent or generally a better person!
Damn that sucks. I hope your situation gets better soon, I’m sure you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. If you ask me, the fact that you can recognise your mothers mistakes is one big step towards being a good parent, if you want kids in the future of course.
Damn this sucks, we only want them to know what is happening yet they do this things to us. I remember when my mom read a text message from my bully on my phone threathening me, instead of talking to me about it she just stand outside the bathroom and asking me what is it by shouting. And she keeps telling me that i'm too gullible that's why people treat me like that.
I wish parents can understands their children and be more emphatic to them.
Strict parents make their children’s lives joyless and left feeling empty.
HindsightPOV exactly what is the point of living if you don’t have fun?
Guchi Receiver
According to my extremely strict Jehovah’s Witnesses parents, the point of life is to spread the word of Jehovah God to the whole world. We were told that was supposed to be our version of fun. Everything else fell within the territory of Satan, so we better not do anything that has to do with that.
I call BS on this.
Steven Bass
Calling BS on exactly what?
True
My parents were the right kind of strict. We had some hard rules about our health (eg. No cheetos), some flexible rules for important thing (we had to study, but there was no penalty for bad grades) and nothing was enforced with violence.
The no Cheetos thing is pretty dumb since occasionally having them wouldn't be very unhealthy, but nice to see your parents didn't use violence at least.
I'm so glad about the grades thing, most parents (not my mom, thank the Gods) get on to their kids for having bad grades but NEVER ask them why they got the bad grade or try to HELP them understand the subject which they got the bad grade in.
@@thewitchstarot6975 I never understood that either, I had the dad that would beat ts out of me if I didn’t even know the answer to a math question. Or I wasn’t grasping it like he thought I should. And suprise suprise, I started hiding homework. I remember hiding and trying to do it struggling myself after everyone went to bed..because whenever I needed help, a whooping was associated. Then my grades went down, and I was made to feel bad by them getting my sister McDonald’s and not me.
They punished me for struggling…which was just wrong looking back. And I never acted out in school or anything, so it wasn’t like I was preforming poorly on purpose. They just didn’t put in effort to care WHY I was struggling, and scolded me like a dog. No motivation or reason, just do what you’re told or else. But now I know what to do for MY kids if I ever have them. The “P” In parenting should be patience. Children aren’t puppets for your expectations. They are allowed to be human and not perfect. They definitely need the presence of guidance.
That means you had bad parents
@@myweirdsecondchannelwithap9070 they're parents were good
Me: Doesn't plan to have any kids
Also Me: Take note, take note
Same. I'm 17 watching this, and I don't plan on having kids, because I know I shouldn't (I'm not a bad person, I just shouldn't have kids of my own).
Can't hurt to know
Accidents happen I guess
Shows taht someone who isn't obsessed with kids is more aware of the responsibilities because they aren't blinded by the obsession
Literally me watching this video! 😂 have told almost everyone in my life I’m never having kids
Also me watching: this is some fantastic advice! I should keep this in mind
*_Reasons why I won't send this to my parents:_*
1) They'd say "You think I don't know how to be a parent?!?!".
2) They'd not believe.
3) They don't care.
4) I'm too scared to send this.
5) They'd say "So I'm the bad guy now, huh?!?!"
6) They'd say "Why are you sending me this?!?! You're teaching me to be a parent?!?!... I lived longer than you, so shut up."
7) They'd make me regret sending this.
8) They'd obviously confiscate my phone.
9) credits to the person in comments: "That phone's brainwashing you!!"
10) also, credits to another person in comments: "We're raising you and now your being ungrateful."
Yea That's so True....
@@ChloeBxoxo ...and? I'll give you a tip. You should open up more and shouldn't bottle up your feelings..
@@ChloeBxoxo Oof- I'm sorry to hear that... Hope everything works out for ya!😊😊😊
@@ChloeBxoxo i also do. I've been putting up a smile when actually it hurts but... do i recover? does it make me better? No. It just makes me worse and I even just don't know anymore. I feel empty and tired being fake and strong. Well, but now that I exposed it to the internet as a stranger, that won't do anything.
@@ChloeBxoxo awww thx! ^^
whoa it's almost like children are people or something.
people really forget this 💀 they (adults in this case) think anyone they don’t understand (children, especially small ones) is invalid
MICROSOFT HQ no it doesn’t
You are people when you pay bills
@@ineedhoez Oh yes because until I pay my own bills I guess I'll just allow myself to get beat everyday, my parents stab me?, doesn't matter I don't pay bills yet, oh I get kidnapped?, and what does it matter?, they don't pay bills so let them get sold into child trafficking. What a wonderful world that would be I'm sure.
ineedhoez you are people when we put you in an old folks home
I don’t understand how someone could defend beating a kid especially with a belt or spoon. If they’re really that bad teach what they’re doing wrong, figure out where they learned it from, and work with them on it. Beating your kids only teaches them it’s okay to beat others and to fear you. I hate when kids tell their parents the truth and the parent says “don’t talk back to me” or “you’re the kid I’m the adult” like me telling you that you’re being abusive to me isn’t talking back it’s spilling facts
Also don’t tell your kids to not cry Idc if you think it’s not important it’s better to let your kids process their emotions then bottle them up because that creates unstable adults.
Yeah, that doesn't always work. Some kids need to be taught a painful lesson since words won't reach them. That's why there's so many pieces of shit kids, teens, and young adults now.
@@Pomni3477I hope you never have children, THE CAUSE of the “little shites” is because of people like you abusing them, if pedos are not allowed to abuse kids neither should anyone else. This raises more bad adults creating MORE bad parents to more bad kids. Use your damn brain!
Some kids NEED to be spanked or else you get the time out generation that turn into little whiney babies and think they can do whatever they damn well please
@quiznak1003videos like this do a nice job of telling you what a problem is or that the myth is wrong but don't give a solution to a child that is difficult will not by choice engage in camling or the "positive" parenting methods. As a parent with a child with ODD I can't let her destroy her room or hurt her younger sister or hit me because she knows her calming techniques but chooses not to do them. Physical abuse is wrong. That said something needs to snap someone out of an uncontrolled emotional response. So what do you suggest
"don't smart talk me!!!
"don't talk back to me!!!"
the way they invalidate things you say against them
"Don't take that tone with me" is what mine use. Usually in the same tone they hate.
I hate it when they say "dont talk back to me". It unables me to defend myself or reason why I did that mistake. It made me to not care about what they yell at me and just walk away
I don't know why seeking validation for a rule or their opinion is disrespectful😶
@@mythoughtsexactly2145 If I walk away the chase after me and all it does is move locations.
Specially when you point out their flaws in their arguments.
I grew up with an abusive father and a narcissistic mother. I make a conscious effort to treat my son with respect and give him all the love, attention and time I can. I also acknowledge that my childhood traumas has affected me and that affects my parenting. I'm not perfect but I do the best I can.
[Edit] Thank you all for your kind words and support!
Good for you breaking the cycle and trying your best. I bet you’re doing awesome
It's like you took the words right out my mouth. I'm in the exact same situation
SAME, I have an abusive mother and a narcissistic father and I'm making sure I treat my daughter properly
You're a herp.
Hero** smjdks
What strict parents teach us:
1. Who's foot steps are who's
2. How to manipulate an angry parent into calming down
3. where to hide
4. How to make something seem a lot more educational than it is (think telling parents that a friend hang-out is for studying)
5. (From -Mary-) how to come up with a full cover story in 3 seconds flat
100% agree 😂
This is so relatable haha
Couldn't have said it better myself.
*can't even hang out*
5 how to make junk food sound healthy
6 how to hide junk food when they say no.
i realized just now being a child that endured mental torture from my parents: I'm not totally ready to physically, mentally, and emotionally commit myself to raise kids in case i get married. but it's great to know all these info and I'd love to know more.
Four phrases I hate from my parents
“I didn’t take your electronic privileges, you lost them”
“I don’t owe you an answer”
“If you don’t put in work for school you will apply that laziness to other jobs and end up homeless”
“The keyword there is feelings. Your feelings lie to you”
That last one mostly hurts cuz I know my feelings are irrational sometimes, I don’t need you to tell me that, I need you to help me understand and get through it.
:( I feel you. When I was like 7 or 8, I was crying because my father had said something that hurt my feelings. After trying to scare me out of crying with some... stuff I don't need to mention, he told me "no one can hurt your feelings unless you let them". Even then, I knew that was BS, and it was the opposite of comforting. Instead, it put the blame on me for having emotions instead of him even considering that he shouldn't have said what he did. It was awful, and to this day I remember it negatively.
You lost them because they took them away so that’s a crazy thing to say
IceMetalPunk yeah he should of apoloized and comforted you. Feelings can be hurt by rude comments people has some rude stuff to me and hurt my feelings. Like an example an old lady said to me wow it doesn’t look like you ever missed a meal. It made me uncomfortable.
Abuse
B
U
S
E
I relate to this on a spiritual level
here's something i notice with my friends.
most of my friends (including me) that have strict parents pull all-nighters and overall don't value their life.
some of my friends who have nice parents actually value their lives and have their life all together
when you say 'nice' parents, how would you describe them? do nice parents give access to total freedom to their child or are they a little strict? because I've come across parents who've given their children everything and yet their children are suct brats, always complaining about how their parents suck
I feel called out. I stay up late a lot doing nothing. I don't think I am good at anything and basically given up on the idea that my boring ass would interest anyone besides my long time high school friend and my family who has to love me. I'd love to make a new friend to go to stuff with on the weekend, but I'm too boring. Play too safe. It's good to have rules and teach kids that they need to be smart, that the world's dangerous to a degree, but not to the point they are timid.
@@BlueSkies30 I can relate to that, mostly about playing it too safe
My mom is awesome, and she is the ONLY reason I’m alive.
I have fairly democratic parents that are really nice. I can talk to my mum about literally everything and its a relationship built on respect and support.
But I still have 5 mental illnesses and am failing high school.
My parents used to get into these huge fights when I was a kid and my mother would get so angry she’d hop in her car and drive around the block for an hour. As an adult I understand she’d do this to get space from my dad, but as I kid I always worried she wouldn’t come back. Their fights were a real source of anxiety for me, even if my mom always did return home after she had cooled down. In my thirties I opened up to my parents about their method of fighting. First, they were surprised my siblings and I could hear them fight; they had no idea we’d sit together at the top of the stairs listening to them yell it out in their bedroom. Second, I told them that it would have been nice for them to sit down with us and explain why they get so angry at each other. As an adult I initially modeled myself after my mother and would leave the room in the middle of the argument. When I met my husband, however, I quickly learned this wasn’t an effective form of arguing and it was best to work out the problem right then and there. Whenever we got too heated and needed a little cool-off time, we came up with a “safe word” to help ourselves take a breath and hug it out for a minute before continuing the discussion. The safe word we chose was “child” to remind us that one day little ears will be listening to us.
Nice little story you got there. I have gone through something similar but instead of them leaving for personal space , they would take it out on me.
This is beautiful
I often went through the same thing growing up. My mom gave me such anxiety over "will she even come back?" And my dad wasn't exactly parent of the yr material so on top of that I would freak out like how will we survive with dad (she did all the bill paying, shopping, school related stuff etc.). It was awful. They never did get divorced, and my dad passed from cancer over 10 yrs ago now. Now I'm a mom. My daughter is three and I make sure to explain everything to her and re-assure her her father and I are there for her no matter what is happening between us, and that there are times we will fight bc we are human, but we will work it out. We rarely fight, so that does helps.
I used to go to bed hearing constant fighting. Probably part of the reason for my insomnia. Definitely the reason I start to have a meltdown when someone's yelling at one another.
That is so adorable
I think it's important to remember that your child is not your subordinate who is carelessly misbehaving. A child is a real baby human with a raw an immature nervous system that needs to be supported and loved while they grow and encounter life's challenges
“Don’t tell me how to raise my kids!!!”
-A bad parent
-Karen
@@_Yeeboi_ Yup definetely Karen as EK wrecks the entire grocery store
*them, who have a literal degree* *_boy if u dont-_*
I mean there are some contexts where this response would be appropriate and understandable.
@@justanotherweirdo11 oof yeah, that's why im contemplating sending this to my sister for my niece.
on one hand shes a really good person, a nice ally and generally all about self improvement! on the other hand she can be really overly sensitive and sometimes chooses to ignore actually important things in favor of "oH bUt WhAt If ThEyRe LyInG oR tRyInG tO tRiCk YoU" like she was when she took up an anti-vax mindset.
Claim: "My father used to hit me all the time and I turned out just fine"
Counter-argument: You're an adult hurting a child because you can't use dialogue. How is that fine?
Axel Dornelles that makes no sense. The counter argument is for the dad not the son
This was actually the case when my mother hit me (a lot) whenever I broke a mug (ceramic) and I am the reputed mug breaker in the house.
One of my tutors talked to my mother about this when I was trembling after I broke a cup again. The tutor explained that, the problem was, in fact, that I was holding the cup the wrong way, and my mother was not addressing the problem.
Mmmm its kinda more like a counter statement
That is not a counter. Kids don't reapond to dialogue mainly but to control and training (positive/negative reinforcement)
@@laurasmith1078 OLDER KIDS. NOT TODDLERS OMG🤦🤦🤦
About 99% of the worlds parents don’t believe a word y’all saying, which is so sad.
True
they think we’re illiterate or something like that. It just doesn’t make any sense.
Not everyone should have the right to bring children into this world
@@CCubes88 This times a 100
People dont want to take responsibility for being horrible. They subconsciously know hitting their kid is wrong. That’s why every excuse to justify it is weak. They want to continue doing it because they are lazy and arent going to change.
My Moms Fiancé somehow never realized his parents fought behind closed doors when he was a kid. My mother had to get them to tell him they did for him to believe her. It was a huge problem for them because he thought fighting meant the relationship was failing because he hadn’t seen it before
Me a 16 year old, childless at 2am:
Perfect
Same except 14 ;-;
Same here
18 here at 12
Hopefully you'll be better parents if you ever go down that path ❤
14 at 6 :)
Some Parents: why don't you speak up for yourself? Where's your confidence?
Also some parents: don't talk back to me you child! I know you did it!
THIS! ITS THE DOUBLE STANDARD FOR ME
Totally never went through this
Relatable
Relatable af
I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF GOOD GOD
Parents : why you don’t talk to us do you hate us?
Also them : *critique everything I do and everything I like*
If it's safe for you to do so, next time they ask tell them that you feel like they're overly critical of your likes and interests. "Why don't you talk to us? Do you hate us?" "Can I speak freely? -whatever you think-" Asking permission to say something uncomfortable can lessen the reaction from the other side. Remember to use your "i feel" statements. Good luck my friend
exactly someone who gets me
yeah.
@@MaxsFriends That got me nowhere. Just more arguments.
tell them you do hate them. let them hear it.
The spanking thing makes me so angry at my parents. Everything set them off and it didn't help that I have ADHD.
So not only was I getting picked on at school and people were taking advantage of the fact that my mom worked there and telling her false things so I'd get in trouble, I'd also get pushed around too.
I got "punished" every day because of those kids and because of that my mom always thought I was lying, which eventually became something I actually did because I gave up on her believing me.
I remember my dad blamed me for moving something personal to her and kept insisting that I moved them and I literally had to lie so I wouldn't get punished.
My mom told him she was the one who moved it.
I got punished anyway because I lied
No apologies or anything
Yikes. I hope you're doing better now.
Whew...
Did you get into a new school?
@@ညေြိ့ငမ့မကတြာုကသ်မစျြြငိုချ့်ဆ Not until 6th grade
@@fall9132 you went to a new school, nice
Sugar doesn't make kids high.
Elmers glue makes kids high.
ehhhhhhhh it more like makes me throw up
Aaaand sharpies
How do people even think of using school supplies as a drug?
Yep, sharpies, they banned sharpies at my school because everyone was drawing tattoos and getting high.
Kristy Anne you missed the joke if you don’t smell the glue
Honestly, this is the best explanation on why not to spank children I've ever heard. The way she explains it makes sense.
@Cold It actually reminds me of my teens. I would get spankings as a child for doing bad things, and occasionally as a young teen. When I was in my early teens I did something really bad. My mother was so upset for a long time. One day, however, she just looked sad and guilty. She said she would never spank me again because she had nightmare that she went too far and ended up banging my head on the ground and killing me.
It's easy for adults to say that they can control themselves, but sometimes as humans, we can lose control very easily. I wouldn't want to do that to my child.
@Cold I'm sorry about that. My spankings were never taken that far.
pediatricians explaining common sense for 13 minutes straight
They are not pediatricians. One is a developmental psychologist
@@artisticagi the redhead is
Sadly, common sense isnt common
*uncommon sense
@@verie7073 well said
Alot of these can really be applied to teenagers as well. Sometimes when people thing Pediatrician or child development, they tend to think pre-teens and toddlers and completely forgetting and not try to understand teenagers too. Its the awkward middle ground from adult to child
admit that you're wrong OR draw 25
my mom: *has a hand full of cards*
Fr! My dad thinks he perfect and that he's never wrong and that he's flawless
Mine too
snoopy yeh that’s why I avoid arguments becuase he’s that dense
@@matty_daddy I avoid as much as possible but he's always mad. It's like his only personality is being mad
She'll grab double the amount 😂
Strict parents raise good liars with anxiety
@Oritra Kar fr
True.I am that child.
Sounds like my boyfriend
Yep that's me. First time I got drunk at 16 while home alone, I managed to talk to my mom and act completely sober for a 20 minute phonecall
...or good liars with personality disorders.
Coming from a family who degraded my self-esteem since I was little, I learned that I shouldn't respect people because "they are older" or "they're family". I don't care. I respect people who are worthy of my respect. And they, my bullying family, call ME disrespectful. Pffft.
M A sad 2 say it, but same...
I wish my parents would listen to me when I told them that.
Yea my mom smacked the shit outta me when i used to say shit like this
That's interesting. I tend to respect everyone but trust no one. Until people disrespect me, I am fine being cordial and polite just not close. My family are bullies too. Are you the baby?
@@bleek2530 It's ok to give respect to everyone you meet, but it's not smart to keep holding onto your respect for somebody after they did something worthy to lose your respect.
The "I turned out fine" argument is always amusing, cause if you think violence is gonna solve your problem- you clearly have some issues you gotta deal with
A lot of those parents do have problems weather it’s visible or not, it’s not even visible to themselves though…
"I turned out fine" is so often an insecure mantra, and denial
If I hear someone say that my mind would go like “Did you? 🙂🫢”
@@cotevallejos7230 lol same.. I’m like are you sure…??😅
People who say things like that are rarely 'fine'
im not even a parent and i kinda wanna teach my parents how to parent
EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking. LOL!
Me too
Lol have a kid! Prove em wrong
I'm not even capable of having children and I want to teach my dad how to parent
Same
"Parenting comes naturally"
..yup, just like driving cars and open heart surgery.
Alexander Kratsch I actually laughed out loud at this! 🤣
What type of dumbass comment did I just find?
Some y’all are dense asf
Driving cars and open heart surgery are not pre-learned, wtf?
Alexander Kratsch
Lol. The sarcasm...
Fact: You don't have plan of having children anytime soon but still educating yourself about the subject because you don't want to be like your parents.
I don’t need anyone off of the internet to tell me how to not act in a certain way.
I'm a parent of a two month old boy but the rest of your statement works!
I'd just like to be half the amazing parent as my mother
I’ll be starting my pregnancy/children journey next year! I’m spending this entire year getting healthier reaching my final little goals I have and learning as much as I can to break habits I learned from my parents🥰
@@katiefair6959 Good bless you Queen♥️
My two-year-old is absolutely bonkers, but she’s the sweetest kid I could’ve ever asked for. She’s almost always smiling and cheerful. Every time she smiles at me and my husband, I hope that I can be the parent she needs.
I swore when I had kids I would never use the phrase "because I said so" almost 2 years in and still going strong!
@Amber "Why should I do this?"
"Because I said so!"
_later..._
"If someone told you to jump off of a bridge would you do it?"
"Only if they 'said so'"
@Amber but most of the time they don't care about any reason there just being lazy.
Whenever I hear this phrase, I always wonder what's the problem with explaining why/why not? Kids are humans with brains just like anybody else. If a boss at work only says, "Because I said so!" that'd be frustrating and annoying. Explain why. It helps your kids' brains develop better, too. Don't raise mindless zombies without critical thinking skills.
@@roseywinter I feel like most of the time the phrase is used, it's for some stupid or irrational decision that they have no proper explanation for. So they just avoid explaining altogether.
I don't like the phrase, "because I said so," but I do think it's important for kids to be able to trust and follow instructions without needing a rationale or argument every time; their own level of rationality is not ALWAYS sufficient. However, I think taking an educational approach about explaining why we do things can be a helpful tactic.
My mom has literally raised me with every one of these myths in mind. The outcome? A messed up kid that now resents their mom so much they just want their mom out of their life.
Same here
Ikr
Same..
Same.
mood :)
when my mother hit me as a child, she was just taking her anger out on me. So sometimes she would hit me once or beat me till I bled and screamed. I got so scared of her in elementary school, every time she would enter the room I was in, I would leave because I never knew what she would say or do. I became an amazing lying because I would say anything she wanted to hear, true are not so she wouldn't hit me. I worked really hard in high school, now that I've graduated I'm going to college states away with a full ride. I can't hate my mother but I can't love her either.
honestly I fully get that.its hard being a kid and growing up with no one really bonding in the house
My dad used to hit us when we were kids, my brother more than I. My family would have terrible fights and still do once in a while where I physically have to separate my dad and brother. My brother hates me because I learned how to become friends with my dad and didn't get hit as much. I wish I could have left for college but I was too afraid. When I a career and buy a house my parents want to move with me... I feel stuck.
You don't have to love her. She forfeited that love.
No no you can definitely hate her
@@leahv3299 You are absolutely not obliged to let them move in with you. Sometimes it's best to cut the cord.
DUDE! MYTH 2 MESSED WITH ME SO BADLY!
I was spanked when I was a child, and when she said that it builds fear and can cause the child to lie, I did that a lot, and sadly it’s something I still struggle with as an adult (not just with my parents, but with others). It’s been a contributing factor in how badly my relationships have failed, how many jobs I’ve lost, and more.
And Myth 3 is just the cherry on top of that.
ok thats a bit much saying that spanking has caused your relationships to fail, and how u lost ur jobes i think you have other problims
@@sammyjames3466 no, it makes perfect sense. Your relationship with your parents is the basis for all relationships you'll have in your life. If you couldn't trust your parents as a child, you will most likely struggle to trust others.
@@sammyjames3466 It's absolutely not. There's a ton of scientific evidence linking the two. Try doing research, it's fun. Definitely don't shame someone who was abused for having social issues.
@@littlekitsune1 source pls
@@sammyjames3466 Google "spanking affecting personal relationships" and you'll find a ton of sources. Pick the one you like.
Parents: Because I said so!
Also parents: If someone told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?
If YoU saY SO!🙃
Last time I got asked that I told them I'd be the first to jump because they raised a leader not a follower. Surprisingly enough they let the issue go
OH MY GOD
69 likes
Nice
Parents: If someone told you to-
Me: yes
💯 th liker
bruh getting hit as a child has never taught me anything it just made me fearful of my parents...
Taught me to tune out, works up til you tune out of life and it leaves you living in your parents basement.
Taught me how to lie effectively and be aware of my surroundings. My parents still think I'm a bad liar when the only lies they ever caught were about really mundane stuff that wouldn't get much of a punishment. Intentionally lied very badly about some small things so when I lied about huge stuff they wouldn't see the same signs and therefore wouldn't realize I was lying.
Exactly
Exactly. It also made me sneaky and it only taught me to be more inventive so I wouldn’t get caught.
i've never been hit as a child and i dont get how parents need to hit their kids to make them well behaved
Me showing this to my asian parents
Their reaction: They’re stupid and don’t know what they’re talking about
Lmao. There's so many videos and memes of parenting I want to show my parents but they're in English, and my parents can't understand it
omg same
Did you tell them they're pediatricians and they know more because they did research
@@fierdrages6523 My mum always ask me why I trust them more. Like, they spent probably more than a billion on their resesrch compared to your thirty minutr google search?
@@lisajiang4809 yeah parents often cant handle distrust from kids
Mom: "I can tell something's wrong. Just say it, you can tell me anything."
Me: "So yesterday I didn't like it when you-"
Mom: "That wasn't a big deal, get over yourself."
Same! My mom does that even now. I see for mine, that it's always triggering her. It sucks because she's trying, but then makes it worse by asking me to talk to her when it clearly should be someone else because she can't handle it.
@@aellalee4767 oof why is this my mom 😅 she used to cry and get upset saying she failed cus we don’t trust her enough to go to her. But then when we’d go to her about mistakes or feelings it would be all about her and she’d cry saying “where did I got wrong. I’ve really failed as a parent if you feel this way or did that.” Anytime I’d try to be honest about my feelings or a mistake, she’d turn it around and make it about how she felt. Which ALWAYS made me feel like a failure because she made me feel ashamed for those feelings/mistakes instead of helping me. Anyways. Solidarity here.
Strict parents raise well-behaved kids. False.
Strict parents raise sneaky kids.
Either that or afraid kids.
@@lpfan4491 both
@@lpfan4491 i am afraid of my mom.
Whenever i'm done or something, i go upstairs quietly everytime so i'm that type of sneaky kid,
@rod scarborough I feel the same way but mine hasn't died
This is the most intelligent dialogue about raising children I've ever heard. Thank you so much for sharing this. Your wisdom and insight are priceless.
Its funny because when i think about the times i was spanked as a kid i actually dont remember what i did wrong to recieve that punishment, rather i just remember the shame i felt
Same! My mom tries to act like it’s for good reason but never says the reason.
@Hittem With The Slappa Whammy YOU ARE A CHILD ABUSER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Hittem With The Slappa Whammy You are definitely missing the point here, the person was saying that spanking didn’t cause positive reinforcement to them since they don’t even remember why they were spanked, they just remember being embarrassed that they were caught/their parent was disappointed or angry at them.
Hittem With The Slappa Whammy CAN YOU NOT
@Mental Weird Ok
My mum was and still is an amazing mother. She did all of these things and so much more for me. She’s my best friend, and a piece of me. I’m watching this hoping that one day I’ll be a mum too, and hopefully make her proud of the skills I got from her.
Strict parents raise sneaky kids who resent them. I know because I was that kid.
Parents who scream and curse when they get angry teach their children to devalue their feelings, words, and reactions. I know because that was me. The minute they screamed, I wasn't there mentally and I no longer cared.
Same here. My mother always made me look her in the eye when she yelled at me and eventually i had issues with making eye contact with people way into adulthood.
Oh man my daughter does this to me... I adopted her when she was 7 and she was already not very confident. Now she's 12 and it's a struggle. How could your parents have changed to help you? What can I learn from your experience to help me be a better father?
Parents who scream and curse at their kids aren't strict parents, they're abusive. There's is a difference and it's sad many people don't understand this.
@@celinerodriguez-servita8537 i refuse to accept this, even if it's a fact. my parents are just sexually frustrated and having mental issues and don't get enough sleep etc. and honestly i deserve more than shouting because of what im doing to them. parents are more effected than kids, i know this because my parents were happy until i came.
@@metra8604 That has nothing to do with being strict and everything to do with being abusive. From the sounds of it, it's an entirely different issue with your parents on top of it. Not to mention none of that is due to you, it's due to their own issues that they need to resolve.
I remember when I tried to tell my mom about my mental illness and she started to rant to me about how she never had any mad people in her family and she doesn't plan on having mad children and honestly it broke what ever semblance of my heart I had left. If I ever have any kids I'm going to teach them that their mental health is just as important as the physical.
I'm so sorry about your mom, clearly she does not respect all of your needs just so she can maintain a false image of you and your family. And it's not that you're "mad," you're struggling with something she doesn't understand, and from the sounds of things, doesn't want to understand. I'm so sorry. I hope you're getting the help and support you need from others in your life, you deserve it.
Nkese Fuentes I think it is awful that the current generation of parents dismiss mental health, I hope that in the future, “You’re wrong” can become “What’s wrong?”
lol if i told my mom abt something like that she'd just tell me i shouldn't be stressed abt anything bc im not a parent and i dont have to deal with anything she has to deal with
I can relate. My mom's a nurse and she does not believe that mental issues like depression, anxiety, or others are a thing. Really bugs me.
Hence why I just finished a teaching degree so that I can help out students who may have people in their lives who don't seem to understand those issues.
Was told I'm not allowed to question my parent's motives or reasons for anything. Whenever I've had performance issues at work I get told by managers "if you're not sure just ask" or "ask lots of questions so you can learn". I'm 40 and still working on this one.
When your manager is a better parent than your parents:
Keep going, I think you’re doing good! I wish you the best of recovery.
Ugh, I was raised this way as well. It was incredibly frustrating to be punished constantly without ever knowing why. They would make decisions that didn't make sense and then not explain themselves. "Because I said so" or "I'm up here, you're down here" (while motioning with their hands to demonstrate that I was beneath them). I'm 32 now and have not talked to my parents in over 5 years. They are terrible people and terrible parents who have refused to change. They have never met my 4 year old daughter and probably never will (unless she wants to meet them as an adult). Parents: don't raise your kids that way. They will hate you for it and you may never see them (or any grandchildren) ever again.
@@ErBeary agreed
@@ErBearyserves them right! My mother hates her late mom and I hate my own mother, these things shouldn’t happen but it would’ve been prevented if I was shown love, not hate and aggression as a child (and same for her if she’s telling the truth) I’m afraid I’ll become her. Maybe not exactly but I do get mad too 😢
Psychologists: *gives a detailed and well narrated explanation on why spanking children is bad*
Parents: how about no
"Dont hit when you're angry!" Says the parent that hit when they were angry
Don't hit at all. Some kind of weird calculated hitting is, if anything, more traumatizing.
Be cold blooded about beating your kids instead :)
@@thishandleistaken1011 ever hit the electrical devices at home when you're mad that they don't do as you want?😒 We seem to be that.🙃
@@Panda-24 OMG Nooooo
@@Panda-24 I fr was 5 seconds away from wrecking my computer the other day, had to take a walk
"What goes on in this house, stays in this house," Was the mentality I grew up with and I'm just starting to realize how dangerous it was. It made me defensive about my home life but had a bigger impact on my siblings who wouldn't talk about it at all. It also made me see things very strictly, like, if I was having a problem that's just on me and no one else's business no matter what was happening. So whenever things happened around my neighborhood that could have impacted me negatively, I wouldn't say a word. Or if a friend was struggling then it's their problem and they wouldn't want me to ask about it anyway. Really dangerous know that I look back on it.
My parents used to tell me that, “Don’t get running around and tell other people about us fighting.” Even though they didn’t say that in a mean way, I still had this really heavy feeling in my chest and their relationship together like fighting and such. They started arguing with eachother when I was 6, of course, I was a kid and didn’t pick up on it. But i would always shield my sister from all the yelling and screaming and all the things shattering in the house like bowls and cups. But yeah, it made me extremely defensive about where I live and my family. I just had to act like everything’s okay and normal in my household when really it wasn’t. It really affected me mentally as I grew up, I’m still battling some mental illnesses but I’m getting better at coping with it. But this quarantine has kinda fucked me up a tad.
@@sarahyang2111 I'm the most rebellious btch. I told my whole school about my parents always fighting over stupid things.
The other thing about parenting coming naturally is a lot of times children don't experience taking care of younger siblings. In large families, older siblings are frequently encouraged and taught how to take care of their siblings. Parts of parenting may (not always) come naturally to them because they grew up doing it.
But every situation is different, and obviously there's so much more to patenting than changing a diaper
As the oldest I can confirm this
I see where you're coming from but that may not always happen- I'm oldest out of 4 and the only thing I've learned about parenting is that it's better if I don't have any kids.
As the younger sibling, I agree. I have two older brothers who grew up taking care of me, and are great dealing with children
As the youngest, I can confirm. I’m no good with kids because I always feel like I’m doing something wrong but my sisters who are about ten years older than me are great at taking care of kids. Idk how like what am I supposed to do when a child starts screaming their eyes out. I usually start crying along with them because I feel so bad 🥺😭😂😂😂💀
I know a kid who is very likely going to be the one to raise his younger siblings... His father and uncle are unlikely to do much, and his mother is dead, the oldest sister has a terrible genetic disorder, things are going to be cluttered for them. I'm an only child, I'm okay with children but I don't want to have children.
"Sitting close to the TV does not damage vision" Ophtalmologist here:
Yes it kind of does, there's a reason why Pseudo-Myopia cases are rising, convergence issues are also likely, not only that, but constant exposure to light, specially blue light that screens give off may disrupt the child's circadian rhythm. It may not be permanent damage (yet), but it is damage. Don't let your kid (or anyone really) sit closer than 60cm (2 feet) from the screen. And as the lady said, if you notice your kid constantly getting close to the TV schedule an appointment with the OD or opthalmology as they might need glasses
This channel did another video and covered this, apparently it’s a myth? They talked about eye strain and there’s some research that says it’s caused by lack of sun light particularly in the first few years of development. They did mention the last part though.
Yeah I feel like most kids that sit close to the tv have bad eyesight (not because of that though). It’s just in my experience. My parents thought it was strange I was sitting so close, tired out I had -5… oops
The TV i was on fence about as I grew up with the tube TVs and then the flat screens came in and most adults in my life didn't want us too near the tv for long periods of time as those tubes could overheat and sometimes explode so they didn't want us to get hurt from that. They were happier when the flat screens came so it was one less worry.
The blue light thing is bullshit. Any effect blue light has on your eyes is trivial compared to what the sun does to your eyes. Your eyesight will get worse either way, deal with it.
Me, who's still technically a child watching this: I have decided I will raise myself
Dude same, tho it's kinda late 4 me
yep
Hehe he!! Lol!!
Same
Yup same
I never liked my parents yelling at me because I broke something, my aunt and uncle delt with me breaking a bowl much better, they were like "oops, uncle breaks plates all the time, c'mon lets go get the dustpan." there was no yelling, no tears, just calm cleaning and everyone was happy in the end. With yelling all that would happen would be I would run to my room, and in the end my mom would have to clean it up. My dad used the yelling and making me cry tactic, and I am very messed up from it, loud voices make me flinch and even the thought of getting yelled at makes me cry.
This. This was my entire life growing up and literally my dad is surprised I get spooked by sudden loud noises or something breaking.
My mom always yelled when I accidentally broke something.
I cry when I'm yelled at and my parents yell at me all the time for little things
@@Gamelover254 how many times did you accidentally break something??? Maybe you should have been a more careful child
@@teamtakeover7317 ACCIDENTALLY. It just happened cause of some reasons and it's NOT intentional.
@@teamtakeover7317 did you know that (fine) motoric skills actually takes time to develop?
Plus some people do have genetic defects that make them more prone to accidentally doing stuff.
For example I take cutting corners quite literally; I've bumped into the side of our house countless of times even though the house never moved and I know where the wall ends, it just happens, it's not like I enjoy being bruised. Good thing brick walls aren't going to break from that ;")
Me: *provides valid points in an argument*
My dad: I am your financial support.
Don't forget the "I am ALWAYS right!" 🤦🏻♀️
Kristynne. Or the "Go to your room!"
Or *youve changed alot, now you talk back to adults, what happened to you*......smh
Other way around for me. I am my mom's financial support. She'll get money for raising me up until I'm 18. Sometimes she forgets and says " I'm the one paying for your things" though lol
@@Kristynne. same my mom always says that she's right and she always gives the same example which is "if I say the milk is black then it is !" And then I just get mad at her and she's offended for absolutely no good reason
The kids need protection 24/7 myth is really hard for parents to understand because they have the instinct to protect their children. When I was little I had a hard time stopping before I crossed the road so my mom and I made up a song that was longer than "stop look and listen before you cross the street " and I would sing the crossing the street song every time I was going to cross the street and I stopped stepping into traffic. Most things can be fixed without suffocating your kids if you are creative enough
There's a good mix between being strict and free. Having no boundaries set for your kids is as bad has having too many.
its like a field and a fence, giving no fence will allow the animal to run away while putting the fence (although easy) will have lasting consequences
Yeah I wish they’d touched on permissive parenting more directly.
Many people seem to think that eschewing hitting a child is the same as having no discipline.
I do think though that parents should always be able to explain their reasoning behind a rule. Because I say so doesn’t cut it. If I can’t articulate my reasons to myself then I start questioning whether I’ve created an arbitrary rule.
Facts.
My sister and my dad literally think I'm gonna be a permissive parent meanwhile I'm just gonna be an authoritative parent
@@vernoneatwell5449 both are bad. Hopefully you’ll aim for a happy medium.
The sad thing is that even if I show this to my parents, they wouldn't listen
I am 20 years old
EDIT: Okay so I'm revisiting this comment and I see a lot of people in the replies are going through similar things, tough things with their parents and their life.
Idk who needs to hear this but I'm so sorry about your situation, I, and other people know exactly how it is to have stubborn parents or family members invalidate you and put you down.
I want y'all to know that you're far from alone, and that things will get better. I've been in therapy for like 10, maybe 11 years and still going, but things are eventually turning around for me and I hope the same happens with you.
And if any of you need support or anyone to talk to, you got one friend right here. You can always talk to me.
That's because the way they raised kids worked but came with side effects. They just care about the working part.
@@comicrandomness3289 This is like.... super important lmao because my parents and their siblings were taught by being beaten by their parents and in turn think it's the correct way to raise all children because they turned out 'just fine'
Like I have so many horror stories about that smh
My parents love to tell my how intelligent I am because I get perfect grades and am normally good with figuring out patterns and being logical, but when it comes to opening up about what I really think about them, I’m a total idiot who overreacts, being made to doubt my entire life and all my memories. I’m going to a psychiatrist soon to see all the diagnoses I end up getting, because I’m telling them everything. I have no sympathy for whatever will happen to them as a result of that.
Than you need to let go. At least for awhile. Build a better, noncriminal, support group. They have unresolved issues and have been using you as their battering ram. Remember those bad times if you get tempted to ask them to babysit. Check.out Terry Crews story about his childhood for hints on how to be a better human being.
I'm 28 and my mom wouldn't either (my dad's spineless and supports her no matter what)
"Kids these days"
No no sweet toots, you're the one who taught us this crap. And with phones.. y'all gave it to us, let us have them
lmaoo omg preach
Magic Toad as far as I’m concerned parents who buy their kids phones are just disconnecting from their children. ” here shut up now go watch UA-cam”
My phone and internet access were a literal lifesaver though
I cannot imagine what I'd have been like if I didn't have those escapes from my abusive "home"
Ao Arashi My home isn’t abusive but it’s my escape. I feel for you.
@@aoarashi3025 Aside for the abusive home part, can relate 100%. Hope you do well
Fighting in front of children really depends. It's going to happen, but how you handle arguments makes the difference. It's either going to model healthy conflict management or unhealthy patterns. It's worth learning more about how to communicate effectively with your partner so you can demonstrate that to your child even in moments of anger.