So many people act like being left alone with their thoughts and imagination is a bad thing, but that's where I thrive, grow, and recharge. My inner world is safe and limitless. It's in the external world where I find harsh limitations, confusion, disconnect.
Same here, to an extent. Sometimes I tend to overthink, and really the only way that helps is music. It’s like it music puts a cap on my negative thoughts. Those negative thoughts are there when I want them, but are harder to reach.
@@just_a_jester420 Even that only goes so far. It's legal to drop out of college and even high school. In the case of college, you aren't legally obligated to attend in the first place. Granted, some jobs require a degree, but not all.
It is sometimes difficult for a introvert cause you dont know who you can trust and extroverts dont really wait so long just for a introvert too finally open up cause their mind set is defrent then we think
True. As an introvert, I love hanging out with people, talking about common interests or how we view the world and ourselves, but I can start to feel drained if I'm forced into small talk, if there's too much background noise that drowns out my thoughts, or if multiple people are demanding my attention at once. I'm very sensitive to smells along with sounds and I have many allergies. For example, if I hear someone singing out of tune or playing a wrong note, I automatically have a strong reaction to it and it can ruin my mood. I'm thinking this oversensitivity may also be where my problems with multitasking are rooted. Overall, I enjoy the company of people I care about, but I get drained easily since due to the attention the situations demand of me. My own personal fears of missing out also affecting me as I end up overloading myself....
I live in a seaside town and love solitary walks along the beach. I was meeting friends at a city centre train station recently. When I got off the train my friends were excitedly talking but I was so aware of the hundreds of people around me, the unnatural lighting, the noise of construction workers. It felt like too much, part of me wanted to get back on the train. Next time they can chill with me on the beach.
"I don't use the word 'friend' lightly" amen to that!! I always thought that it was just me being heartless or anti-social, but it always makes me feel better to know that there are more people who feel the same!
Neg'Mawon Facts! I remember when I was suffering from depression, was overweight and suicidal because I didn’t understand what introversion was and why I couldn’t fit in. There wasn’t a single person who would look out for me - not even fake friends or family. Now I picked myself up, been working out for a year, reclaiming my time and spending more time alone. I look and feel better and suddenly it’s all “bro” this etc. and it’s so fake it makes me sick to my stomach.
"any environment that leaves you feeling bad about who you are, is the wrong environment" "be picky about how you use your energy; you are not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about" "How can you be with other people if you never learn how to be with yourself" "you do not owe anyone an apology for who or who you are" Beautifully put
Introverts are commonly mislabelled as afraid to speak, when really we are avoiding mindless small talk and pointless interactions with strangers. We seek substance and engaging conversations with the people we choose to converse with.
I was an introvert in my youth years during school and college. Only after 25 i understood how cool is it to be surrounded by people who behave and talk in the similar way like me do. It gives me the feeling of belonging to something bigger than me are myself.
@@brianwalkup5214 I'm just having trouble because I don't like clubs, parties,(even birthday parties) big crowds. Or talking a lot for that matter. Like when a question is asked in class I would never raise my hand, most of the talking others do is just not necessary in my opinion. I like quiet and the world makes me feel like that is weird and bad, and that I should like parties, talking to people and idk. Some tips?;)
"I don't use words like lightly". That is so true to me. If I don't feel any conection with the other person, I don't consider him my friend. Is not that I hate him, it's just that your not my friend. That's all. Edit: Grammar.
Exactly. It seems to me that, if I say that Fred is my friend, I’m not just talking about my attitude towards Fred; I’m also making a claim about Fred’s attitude towards me. And that claim, unless I know him very well, may be wrong and arrogant.
I don’t use the word friend lightly either. I have very few people I consider true friends. And as you said, I don’t hate people I don’t consider my friend, I just am not as comfortable around them in things like conversation.
Hi stephanie , i know that my comment is out of context but i would ask if we could be friends on Facebook or any other social media , i want to practice my english with a native to apply for a scholarship in the future and while watching this video i realised that people in this comment section are very similar to my personality and it would be perfect to practice english with one of them , i can teach you Arabic in exchange!
I think the biggest difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts think that ‘being alone’ equals ‘being lonely’, while introverts love being alone and don’t feel lonely when they are
Fun fact: extroverts also looove being alone and dont feel lonely when they are, some of them. Its a SPECTRUM. There are a lot of extroverts that are tired of spending time with people, are quiet and at least as good as average intorovert in silent reflection and complexity and deep thought. Everyone is different and I would risk a statement that most people classify themselves wrongly.
@LaMaxwell Ball Nothing personal but I would rather belive ton of test Ive made, especially MBTI which for years show me the same result - ENFP (in my case, 80% extraversion and 20% intro) than you :) And for the record: I spent years thinking im strongly introverted (more! I was convinced im the most introverted person Ive ever met) when not even one pearson in my life would agree with this statement because usually i have extremely bubbly personality. Perks of being ENFP
I'm more of an extrovert and everytime I don't talk with anyone (when I'm not sleeping) for longer than an hour I feel so fucking lonely. And I check my WhatsApp every few minutes, like people actually talk to me.
@@msoiia Extremely agree. I think both introversion and extroversion are misunderstood. People think introverts never talk and extroverts never shut up, but it's not true at all. I am an extrovert and I enjoy alone time just as much as an introverted person would. It's just that, I personally do not "need" alone time to recharge and feel like myself again, like an introvert would. And you're right, it is a spectrum. Maybe some extroverts cannot tolerate alone time at all, but it's definitely not something that applies to everyone.
As an introvert it always astounds me how offended some people get over things that I haven’t expressed as opposed to the common offenses others openly express. I find it fascinating 🧐
It’s so simple. Extroverts gain energy by being around people and introverts gain energy being alone. I like hanging out with people but I find myself needing some time alone before I can get back. However my brother, and extrovert, gets antsy in the house and needs to get out and see people and couldn’t sit down watching tv or scrolling on his laptop all day.
People don't seem to understand that I don't use the word "friend" lightly. To an outsider I may seem to have dozens of friends, simply because of the different social groups that I spend time in. But I only really see three of the people there as *Friends.* This is because while I may feel inclined to talk to people, I *don't* want to share anything really personal with them, or go out of my way to be with them. This also makes finding a partner hard because while I love the idea of being with someone, I don't know if I'd be willing to let my personal tile and space go for it.
Your energy is where you place your attention. It’s more challenging to be selective in these higher stimulus scenarios. The word fragmented comes to mind - I feel better when I can use my intention more freely above the noise and distraction. Thanks Nathaniel.
Before, I always felt dumb when I'm surrounded by a group of extroverts who can talk confidently while I just stare and listen. But then I noticed i do have a lot to say, it's just that I get anxious that I might humiliate myself. Relate?
Me too. I observe to what other people are saying. If I don't have anything to say, then that's fine even though I am not shy sometimes. If someone talks about something that caught my attention or that I am interested in, then I would express my opinion. Next, like you, I do have a lot of things to say but I tend to get anxious that I might humiliate myself in front of others.
i'm an introvert, I need to be alone to think, to read, to listen to music... and I mostly socialize in small groups or one to one, and I prefer to invite people to my home so I can cook them dinner and we can play games or talk all night. When that happens I can be really fun and loud, as I like humor and laughing and all that stuff. But I won't do this often, since I need plenty of time to '' recover ''. Also, I am very perfectionist with my work, and that's why I prefer to do things on my own so I can control every single aspect of it, so when it's necessary to do group projects at university I adopt a more dominant role so everything runs out smoothly, as I want things organized and well planned. But doing this is exhausting for me, even though other people wouldn't suspect it. I can adopt more typical extroverted atitudes when I want to or need to. So that's why I would always be confused if I was an introverted until I learned what introverted really means.
Sounds like 100% me. But in fact i'm 90% extrovert based on MBTI. Fun fact: extroverts also looove being alone and dont feel lonely when they are, some of them. Its SPECTRUM. There are a lot of extroverts that are tired of spending time with people, are quiet and at least as good as average introvert in silent reflection and complexity and deep thought. Everyone is different and I would risk a statement that most people classify themselves wrongly. Almost my entire life I was sure that I am the most introverted person I know, but I was wrong :D Introversion and extraversion has a lot of different types and what differ them is usually way of seeing the world, not how we act. I suggest you to check MTBI test, results can me really intresting. Also, my apologize for my english, it's quite new to me.
The part about having to take time to recover took me out 🤣. I couldn't have said it better, especially the taking the dominant role part. Wow. This is me!
When you said you felt like you “couldn’t hear your own thoughts” after being around a lot of people that really resonated with me. I’ve always not really felt like “myself” after I hang out with a lot of people for a long period of time
Exactly and if I'm not doing that then I could be zoning out. They still want to hang out after hours of hanging out and I'm like okay well maybe we could just sit in silence and watch netflix and I still have to take brain energy to process their useless thoughts because they've literally ran out of quality things to talk about and their still going. It's like shut up and stop talking. Relax.
I've struggled with accepting my introversion, primarily due to social pressures for people within my age range (early-twenties). At times, I feel like I'm missing out on something, even if I don't know what that something is. There's a sense of social pressure for young adults to be out, drinking, and partying almost every weekend. While I believe there is nothing wrong with partying and drinking (as it's a personal choice), I've learned that it's not something I enjoy doing. I like to do things like read, write, spend time in nature etc. There have been times I've been told I don't seem "fun". Being labeled as not "fun" hurts my feelings at times. I'm learning to accept and learn more about things I like to do and to understand that the way others see me is not a definition of who I am. 😊
You sound like my daughter who's 19 and feels that people think shes weird and boring because she wont go to clubs and doesnt enjoy drinking and likes to be by herself most of the time it hurts her too.. but shes a lovely person someone I'd like as a friend if I was the same age but because shes not loud and pushy shes overlooked by people. I teach her not to feel bad about herself shes very sensitive to peoples feelings and for a young girl has some really good advice at times...
@@tracy3364 thank you for sharing your comment 💓 it was really touching when you said she would be someone you would want as a friend if you were the same age. May she know she is worthy and so special 😊
Hey i connect with this comment so much, though i love being by myself and doing my own thing sometimes i see people going out and feel like I’m missing out. Since going to university I realised that there are many people who 1) are just like you and understand that sometimes you prefer to be home 2) who will make you feel like you are just as great as the people who seem to go out a lot. I found that from being myself more, I attracted people who respected that I may not constantly talk on the phone, but also feel comfortable hanging out 1 on 1 and like to do the same things as me! When you reach that level of acceptance in yourself, it’s almost as if you don’t even think of yourself as ‘different’ x
Tracy Your daughter sounds like me. She shouldn't feel bad about herself and not lose hope that there won't be people that match her personality. There will be people that see her and appreciate her
"pointless painful small talk" this is something some people can handle, others, like Nathaniel and many of us can't, or don't want to deal with. I love the way he speaks his thoughts and all about introversion, just want to point out, there's another thing called "ambivert", which makes sense to those who love to be both loud & quiet equally. I hope he can create a future video about that, and dive deeper into it!
*I'm an Introvert* but I love Martial Arts and train in Boxing Many Introverts can communicate and Socialize pretty well, its just that most of us prefer to do things on our own and only prefer help when we ask of it.
As an extrovert I want to say that introverts are amazing. I think there’s this stigma that all introverts are socially awkward or no fun, but that is so dumb. Introverts just gets energy from being alone than from socializing and that’s fine. Introverts can be as cool to hang out with and kick it with the best of them. I am SO social and have met every range of person, and I can say that some of the closest people around me are introverts. They can listen, they can love, and they can be such a blast, you just got to give them their time and space when they need it 😊
This is definitely interesting. I noticed for myself that I don't deal well with larger groups of people I don't know. I have trouble striking up a conversation or becoming part of the group, especially if these are more, as you said, "casual" interactions. And this doesn't depend on whether I had enough time for myself that day, it's always the case. However, if you'd observe me inside my existing group of friends, I would probably seem like more of an extrovert. I can talk A LOT and I can even be loud when the mood is right. I can also spend a lot of time with my friends without getting exhausted. It feels like I'm a different person depending on the people around me. I also noticed that, at least with strangers, I very much prefer 1-on-1 conversations or VERY small groups. I can have long, meaningful conversations with someone I just met if the circumstances are right. What I'm struggling with is whether I should expose myself to more uncomfortable social situations, or whether I should accept that this is how I am. I love Yes Theory's motto "Seek Discomfort", but even in the occasions when I tried to attend meetups of bigger groups where I don't know anyone, I never really "felt it" and I'm always happy when it's over.
I think seeking discomfort is different to what you explain here. It seems like you feel more yourself by being more introverted. That's the most important, in my opinion - to feel yourself and let your personality shine. When it comes to discomfort, I see that more in the sense of achieving something, for example developing a business, UA-cam channel, meeting a girl/guy or whatever. I always follow this motto - if it doesn't feel right, I skip it. If it feels hard and I can justify the reward - I push forward.
@@FearlessDreams exactly I've had this same dilemma and this is how I approached it. I am introverted bc that's how I recharge my energy even though I can be social, friendly and therefore look extroverted but definitely is not natural to force yourself to be in way you are not. However, if you are working towards certain skill like giving presentations etc. I've done it and I became really good. So working on your talents and shining your own self is my balance:)
The idea of "seeking discomfort," for me is a bit like jumping off a swing when you're a kid. Feeling the nerves, but doing it in spite of them. It can also feel like (as you face the "discomfort,") swallowing stones with some fried nerves for flavor. For me, learning to play guitar was a jumping off the swing feeling. But signing up for summer courses at my local college brought the stones into play. Some discomfort is key to living a life you can be proud of, I think. But not every situation, event or person is going to be like jumping off a swing. Learning the difference between these for you, and sticking to the boundaries you discover is the way I've found that I'm happiest in my introvert skin :)
"A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment." Loved this! Please know that the people who really care about being with you, will respect who you are.
The one thing that I never understood about myself is, that I feel best, when I'm around people, who I feel a deep connection with and who accept me for who I am. I don't actually like being alone, I just don't like being with people, who drain my energy or consume me. Since I only have one or two friends, who make me feel accepted wholeheartedly, I feel either drained or lonely most of the time. There's hardly any balance there ..
Everyone throws "ALONE" in your face. It's just a projection of their own fears Ex broads - You're going to end up alone!!! Married friends - You want to die alone bro??? I'm more worried about losing my "ALONE" Time
The fact that you’re calling your ex partners “broads” says more about your character than your pithy attempt to be deep. You’re alone because you’re a jerk, dude.
When females surreptitiously ask if you are "afraid of being alone?" They are actually projecting their own fears. As for married people? Misery loves company.
Well said! My 13 yo. son is an introvert and we respect his need to be alone (and not talk) after school. He enjoys hanging with friends, sports, etc. but needs down time before and after
Thats wonderful that you treat him with respect like that to know what his specific needs are to be happy (sane lol)! It's really hard to be around somebody that dont understand that being an introvert means you need to recharge alone, and they don't give you that so you feel overwhelmed all the time
As a fellow introvert and someone who's been feeling a little depressed about their life choices of late, I really needed this. Thank you Nathaniel Drew.
wolfie558 I am so glad you found something that would lift you up. We introverts can’t feel pulled down by being ourselves. I have found that the more I learn about my introversion, the less pulled down I get.
I can safely say 100% of what you said is true in my eyes. I look at it as a social drive. The more I get out and interact with people, the lower my drive becomes and the more I feel the need to escape. If i'm going out to town or something similar i'll rest all day even sometimes the day before, just to give myself the best chance of not being boring and anti-social as possible. I don't see anything wrong with it as it gives me a lot of alone time to figure out the things I truly care about in life. It's really nice hearing this from your perspective!
I totally agree. On the other hand it is super hard if I find myself in a very tough week with a lot of social events and no alone-time. Still need to find out how to deal with it
Ahlam H. Yep I’m the same. I’m starting a new business in the next couple of months which is going to get me completely outside of my comfort zone. Honestly I can’t wait, I’m sick of acting how I do around people
The worst thing for me is when someone pushes me to go out when I know I'm drained. I get there and I'm no fun to be around and that gets blamed on me not trying. I have to be really stubborn to protect my boundaries. Unfortunately extroverts often don't understand and expect that if you don't have an excuse then you must not like them.
theapplechapel I get in exactly the same position! Crazy how so people feel like this yet it’s almost frowned upon in everyday life.. We just need space
This explains why all i want to do when I get home from school is sit down and relax. All day I have been in an environment where everyone else wants *their* voice to be heard. This explains better why I stopped doing sports. I didn't want to be in an environment where it is my physical ability against the physical ability of someone who I have likely never met. This is why I can't do small talk with random people for very long. With friends, I could talk for hours. I already knew I was introverted, I just didn't really know why. Thank you for making this video.
I felt that on a spiritual level! School always drained my energy and the only thing I wanted to do after school was sleep, chill and be alone with my thoughts. Sports were also super tiring because everyone would be so loud and I also hated competition.
I’m so glad i found this because I thought I was crazy because I don’t like talking to people because I constantly think I’m doing it wrong but I don’t like being alone all the time and like everywhere I see stereotypes of introverts don’t describe me thank you - a growing teen
I never knew that I'm introvert when I was young, I just thought because I'm so quiet that something is wrong with me (introvert stigma) and when when i'm older I will be more social. After knowing about introversion I love myself now, I made peace with myself, now i know how important me time is and when I'm around the right group I don't shut up. now I know that I seek conversations that are informative rather than just causal talking, knowing and understanding yourself is the best win in life
I think extroverts fear lonliness far more that introverts. That makes them project that fear into introverts. Is not a bad thing is the nature of things
Leo Sabat I think there is a beauty in accepting all points along the spectrum. Extroverts can’t help being who they are any more than we introverts can. Knowledge is power as the saying goes, and knowing how to interact with all sides is power in itself.
Leo Sabat I’ve heard some extroverts actually say they fear loneliness. My natural reaction was 🤢. I battle between finding their predicament pathetic or feeling quite sad for them. It’s more so not normal to hear someone say they are scared of what they might if they were alone.
I don't know what language your mom speaks but there are captions in all kinds of languages! (If you're on mobile, hit the three dots and tap on captions)
So relatable, if you know you have a party that night, you spend the whole day alone. Also, so glad you brought up Susan Cain’s book Quiet - that is a MUST read!
I was introduced to someone just the other day, and he said to me, "what, are you just gonna sit there with a cloud over your head the whole time?" because I wasn't speaking. I really never have much to say (I think a lot, but those thoughts usually won't make it into words) unless I know I can add to the conversation - which isn't that often. Unless someone is asking me questions or talking to me directly, I just don't talk. Usually, I'm quite comfortable this way and it doesn't really feel that awkward to me, especially if I'm with a good person I consider my friend. I have a lot of "comfortable" silences but some may not think of them as that. I just prefer to listen.
I get that all the time and it makes me feel bad. They don't even let me explain why I'm not talking they just continue talking. Like well at least I'm a good listener.... lol I went to a Greek restaurant and the owner was talking a lot to who I was with. He's a big talker so they went on and on and I was mute. I wasn't interested in the conversation and I dknt know him haha. But he made a point to ask why I don't talk and i need to talk more that you have to talk in life or something. Lol well, I like to think and listen. I mean i want to talk when I'm interested in the conversation and person...plus i like to speak when I have something meaningful to say...not just talk to have noise
Nathaniel, Susan Cain's book "Quiet" saved my life 6 years ago, when I was 14 years old. I never understood why I couldn't interact with groups and I was occasionally hating myself. i was sad and lonely. Susan Cain's book taught me that I am normal. That nothing is wrong with me. This label helped me understand myself.
I saw this quote one day on Reddit which said the following: I tend to believe all people have two gas tanks. One that can only filled up by the company of those you can truly connect with, and one that can be only be filled up by time alone. And they are different sizes for different people. I find this quote really true, but when I find myself alone in a more permanent level, I have seen it wrecking my mood and leading me to an state close to depression, so yeah, each one of us needs to find their own balance.
It’s cool to see this. I kinda “made up” the saying: “my extrovert batteries” to tell my friends when i feel like i can socialize or not. For example i would be at a busy crowded place where we spent alot of time and i would tell them something like “my extrovert batteries are low, so im gonna go” 😅
I can relate to this so much. I always thought I was dumb or something but through videos like these I understand myself a whole lot better. And thank you for your closing statements, I dont owe anyone an explanation about who I am or how I am.
"Pointless and painfull small talk." I love that! Even with a small group of close friends, or family, I'm good for about two hours, then I'm dying to be alone doing my own thing.
Be the person you are. When you throw away any aspirations for being as funny as X or as charming as Y or as outgoing as Z, you will be able to fulfill your full potential. If you try to be someone that you're not, you'll never get close to who you want to be. No one can be you but you. Play to your strengths. God bless.
I LOVE the fact that you defined introversion for yourself, but did not necessarily force your own experience as a truth. It really is a spectrum. Thank you for an amazing video
marcos antonio when I was 17 my therapist recommended that book to me and it made me feel so much better. I actually began to see my introversion as a gift and not a curse
Quite frankly, I cannot begin to explain you how much your videos help me. The part about superficial interactions is very relatable; it's draining beyond imagination. I think we should really bring back the word "aquaintance" into our vocabulary.
I've had phone aversion for 50 years but could never articulate WHY a phone call--or even having a phone--was so anxiety-ridden. I have put your brilliant answers into my journal. I can memorize the list since all 7 are 100% my reflexive response. I relate to your videos, but this one connects deeply. I am grateful. You say it all so playfully, too, so we introverts don't look pathetic so much as interrupted in our interior reverie.
Every video of yours like this that I watch I feel more in tune with myself and more acceptable. Thank you for continuing to provide us with your wisdom and clarity.
I love this! I'm very similar to this. I'm quite chatty when I get to know people so they think that I'm extroverted, but I actually need a lot of time alone just to re-charge. I really struggle with small talk with people I don't know very well. It used to make me dislike myself but as an adult, I love this ability, it makes me feel less social pressure and I feel so much freedom without the pressure to conform to other people's standards all the time. I also find that the friends I do have are really good friends that I care deeply about - which I consider a massive benefit.
I loved "Quiet", I felt like it spoke to me directly. I was so excited to realize im not a ill person because i dislike groups. I unfortunately suffered from shyness and social anxiety as a younger person. However as I've entered my 50's i find im not shy but very introverted. In America this is frowned upon. I have always felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Thankyou for doing this follow up video. Everybody should read her book, even extroverts, so they can understand introverts! We are not frieks!
I've noticed that sometimes I'll want to be *among people* but not necessarily *with people.* So, instead of working from home with me, myself, and I (and my dog), I'll go to my co-working office -- not necessarily because I want to talk to anyone, or because I want people to talk to me but just to be in the energy of others. I'll also go to a restaurant by myself if I want to try it and no one will come with, again, it's enough for me to be amongst the energy of people and not interact with others. I read her book a few years ago, and it was SO clarifying. I've learned that I'm introverted AND hyper-sensitive.
Finding out that I am introverted was one of the biggest revelations I've had - probably ever. I suggest people who haven't had a closer look at that topic to do so. It can make day to day interactions easier and you'll foster an understanding for the opposite side. If we respect each other for who or what we are, we'll all be better off.
I've also been labeled as too serious. I'm an introvert an for most part of my short life I felt like I wasn't normal, I still feel that way sometimes, but I've been accepting that fact, that I'm an introvert and there's nothing wrong with it. This is an amazing video and the way you explain what is to be an introvert it's very accurate, at least for me. Well done! 7:11 IMPORTANT REMINDER
People always thought being an introvert is bad. When I was growing up, I struggled because of this mindset. Now that I have grown up, I am happy that I am embracing my introversion and myself. Introverts should not be looked down upon because extroverts are not better than introverts. No one is better than another. I hope this video reaches more people especially teenagers who are trying to embrace and learn about themselves. If my younger self could see this video, it would be so helpful.
In my early 20’s I was considered a social butterfly, beyond an extrovert. With age I have discovered that I have become a better version of myself when I became an introvert. It was not intentional I started to feel overwhelmed in large social events. I embraced journaling and meditation and it has been a life changing experience. Thanks for the video!
For me it’s like, I have to have some alone time doing what I like, reading, drawing, writing etc. to “recharge” But if I “recharge” for too long, if I spend too much time without seeing anyone it makes me desperate to be social and around people. When I get that “desperate” I don’t really care if those people I’m around are my friends or just classmates, as long as it doesn’t make me feel bad. Then again after being “recharged” by hanging out with people I get back to needing some time alone. I suck at explaining I just felt like I had to write that to myself
I think you’re an introvert or an ambivert. No matter what people say on the internet, it’s perfectly normal for an introvert to crave social interaction from time to time. You’re a human after all. Humans are made to be around other people, even though some of them can thrive better off their own.
This is so helpful! My husband is an introvert and I feel like this super helps me understand more about the topic. I’m an extrovert so we’re very different.
The more I tried to fit in as a teen the more I felt not myself. I do prefer calm environnement because I have so many projects in my mind. My boyfriend is the opposite. He feels dead when he is not in a social event while I feel not at ease at all because I just don't find anything to say. I struggle in clubs while I love to dance at home. On the other hand, I really enjoyed living in Spain for 5 years and getting into the culture. It was an experience but Madrid is a mzd city that is never quiet, I ended up feeling wrecked. But I like being with an extrovert , he helps me getting out of my bubble. He just need to understand I need isolate myself a lot of time. I relate so much with your video! J'espère que ton séjour à Paris se passe bien.
very clearly and well put...all of it, and how the small talk is extremely draining, while an interesting one on one conversation nurtures the soul and I can go on forever...
Whenever I have a conversation with someone especially an extrovert I feel like I would be much more productive being introspective or having a discussion with myself/deep thinking. I am even at the point where I get excited alone and very euphoric and I feel other humans are just there to drain me and waste my time.
Thank you for making this video. I watched Susan Cain's Ted Talk and she's awesome! I like her idea of "Stopping the madness of constant group working" in schools and in the workplace. I am an introvert learning French. Bonne vidéo !
Your comment "I don't use the term friend lightly" struck a chord with me, I think that leads to people like us moving farther from the crowd because others throw the term "friend" so much that it hurts is when we find out that we don't mean as much to them as they do to us. If that makes any sense.
Another definition of introversion vs extroversion: how you feel most energized, when alone or with people? The ultimate goal in my mind is to feel fully secure, comfortable, and owning my introversion fully. It helps to visualize the emotional experience a social event I may be feeling nervous about will bring. First, uneasy, then, I imagine myself eventually fully relaxed and engaged in a deeper more meaningful exchange with one or two people. It helps to quiet down the worries of not feeling loud enough, easy going enough, etc
Thank you for yet another gratifying talk, I really enjoyed it. It somehow opened a window to my world and left me with a feeling of peace! I am happy I came across this video talk, it was outmost eye opening talk I've ever listened to in my life. You see I have been an introvert all my life and for a long time I secretly felt there's something odd/different about me that separated me from the rest of the world a feeling of not belonging through out my life not so fun feelings. If you must know these odd feeling contributed to a lot of sadness and frustration in my life; Thought-out the years these feeling were amplified by influences beyond my control that were surrounding me to point that I am now more satisfied spending time alone than socialize with others if I can avoid them. In reality I detest small fruitless talks at an individual level and never in a group setting unless the conversation is leaning towards things that I am passionate about (I know that's probably selfish). The point to take away from this video for me is that it is okay to be introvert and I/you don't have to explaining it to anyone why we are the way we are :+/ Thanks for the well prepared talk Nathaniel!
This is me everyday when I go to school, it’s hard for me to interact. I’m such a shy, quiet, and reserved person. I only speak, when I feel I need to, or if there’s something I’m interested in. Also, it’s weird how people think your up to something when your quiet! :(
Zaccaï Don’t be too hard on extroverts who don’t understand you. They take social clues in a very different way than we do. They feel just as awkward in dealing with us because they don’t naturally understand how we put out our social clues. There is always room to understand and accept each other when we understand more. I love people who are careful with their words. When they speak, they really have something to say. You are awesome just they way you are and so are extroverts.
@@brianwalkup5214 I agree. It's not right for extroverts to judge introverts, but I've also heard a few introverts basically say "I pity you poor fools." And that's not okay, either. Just because a group commonly looks down on you doesn't give you the right to look down on that group as well, especially since there's bound to be plenty of people in that group who have never done you wrong. We should all at least try to understand one another. They don't get to be jerks, and neither do we. Period.
Thank you for making this video. I've been struggling with a lack of self-identity for a while now. Watching this video made me understand myself better.
I think I'm an introvert aswell. School was always exhausting for me cause all of these forced conversations and noise. Now I'm thinking about becomming a teacher to create a nice learning atmosphere for every student, understandig the introverts or shy ones and showing them that they're okay this way and they have their own strengths. Just not the same as the extroverts. The only problem with that is, that you should probably be quite extrovertet to be a teacher and I'm afraid that it would be to much for myself. Is any introvertet teacher outthere who can relate? I do also think that it is possible for any personality to change. I mean, we are allways changing, aren't we? So maybe I can just try to become extrovertet and gain my energy by being around my students...
Wow, I relate to this so heavily. Especially the part about being too serious, im constantly afraid to talk about things that I care about. Im constantly told im too serious, overly mature, slightly distant, a whole collection of things. I also resonated heavily with the "I don't use the word friend lightly" i have always kept small and close company of those I find supportive and mentally stimulating, it was just comfortable to hear that im not the only person that's often labelled in a negative light, thank you,.
This is a beautiful perspective on introversion! As an introspective person with what feels to be a low tolerance for excessive stimulation, this video really resonates with me. Thank you Nathaniel for continuing to share your thoughts and wisdom.
Great video. I’m so sick of people always responding with “oh, so your shy” when I tell them I’m introverted. I just need alone time and some quiet to recharge.
Thank you for clarifying the subject! It has gotten to a point where so many people use the excuse of introversion for being socially awkward or purposefully shy or too lazy to interact and then go down the path of anxiety, fear and depression. That is not introversion! 🙌🏼
I’m coming to the realization that most youtubers are introverts.. myself included. It’s much easier speaking to a camera rather than a live audience
Nate O'Brien Of course you like Nathaniel’s videos, you have to to excel in life like you do.
PewDi pie is an extrovert.
Rashedul Kabir wrong
@@xD3fiNiTiOnx He can talk with all kinds of people. He is very loud.
I find it easier talking on camera than to a group of people too lol
So many people act like being left alone with their thoughts and imagination is a bad thing, but that's where I thrive, grow, and recharge. My inner world is safe and limitless. It's in the external world where I find harsh limitations, confusion, disconnect.
offtoneverlxnd same.
Same here, to an extent. Sometimes I tend to overthink, and really the only way that helps is music. It’s like it music puts a cap on my negative thoughts. Those negative thoughts are there when I want them, but are harder to reach.
Gibbster Dedogg I'm the same way
yes
spot on, I resonate with that 100%
"You're not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about."
Damn straight
YES!
Except SCHOOL
That was so thought provoking. I love it!
@@just_a_jester420 Even that only goes so far. It's legal to drop out of college and even high school. In the case of college, you aren't legally obligated to attend in the first place. Granted, some jobs require a degree, but not all.
"you do not owe anybody an apology for who, and how you are" this hit different and made me tear up this is a great video
yes same
But introverts should still try to meet new people and get out of their shell
It is sometimes difficult for a introvert cause you dont know who you can trust and extroverts dont really wait so long just for a introvert too finally open up cause their mind set is defrent then we think
@@ghazardgaming1874 yes i agree but some of us have anxiety anf it makes it hard to
*as long as you don't hurt other people :) which I'm sure we don't do♥️
"Introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating." I love that definition and it sounds like me.
True. As an introvert, I love hanging out with people, talking about common interests or how we view the world and ourselves, but I can start to feel drained if I'm forced into small talk, if there's too much background noise that drowns out my thoughts, or if multiple people are demanding my attention at once. I'm very sensitive to smells along with sounds and I have many allergies. For example, if I hear someone singing out of tune or playing a wrong note, I automatically have a strong reaction to it and it can ruin my mood. I'm thinking this oversensitivity may also be where my problems with multitasking are rooted. Overall, I enjoy the company of people I care about, but I get drained easily since due to the attention the situations demand of me. My own personal fears of missing out also affecting me as I end up overloading myself....
I live in a seaside town and love solitary walks along the beach. I was meeting friends at a city centre train station recently. When I got off the train my friends were excitedly talking but I was so aware of the hundreds of people around me, the unnatural lighting, the noise of construction workers. It felt like too much, part of me wanted to get back on the train.
Next time they can chill with me on the beach.
Yup. I prefer chilling at a friend's house to going to party anyday
AMEN!!!
@@vrinkee You have hypersensivity too?
I don't like small talk, I prefer something deep, intellectually stimulating.
I don't like small talk either because it's frustrating and boring
@@amoxzi I like your perspective
@@amoxzi well that's understandable
Completely agree with you. I also like deep conversations, that make you think and question life.
I hate small talk. It’s a pointless waste of time to me.
*Extrovert* - regain energy through socialising
*Introvert* - regain energy through introspection
exactly
I would totally watch a video on that with people exchanging ideas and not one person that says a monologue
It's not necessarily just socializing, but more so needing to engage with external environment. Not every extrovert values social connections.
ambivert - an introvert that can be extroverted and need social to gain energy at times while mostly needing introspection to regain energy.
Perfect description. I gain energy having time alone to process and consider things. I can socialize, but I find I need periods of solitude.
"I don't use the word 'friend' lightly" amen to that!! I always thought that it was just me being heartless or anti-social, but it always makes me feel better to know that there are more people who feel the same!
aryadeschain same... yet I find it so strange that (we) all that in common
aryadeschain batter**
We know the difference between acquaintanceship and friendship really well ...I guess that's why.
I'm an introvert because:
I love my company more
People physically exhaust me
Being fake all the time drains me
That's it.
@LaMaxwell Ball what are you talking about?! I am an introvert and gave some personal example why.
Have you thought about not being fake?
@@KalleHullu tell me how to do that in this world full of different personalities and behaviors and I'll give you my life
@Bobby Tawil no, but extroverts are more likely to accept superficial things
Neg'Mawon Facts! I remember when I was suffering from depression, was overweight and suicidal because I didn’t understand what introversion was and why I couldn’t fit in. There wasn’t a single person who would look out for me - not even fake friends or family. Now I picked myself up, been working out for a year, reclaiming my time and spending more time alone. I look and feel better and suddenly it’s all “bro” this etc. and it’s so fake it makes me sick to my stomach.
"Any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment." -Laurie Helgoe. YESSS
I totally agree
Thank you for that quote. It helps me.
"any environment that leaves you feeling bad about who you are, is the wrong environment"
"be picky about how you use your energy; you are not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about"
"How can you be with other people if you never learn how to be with yourself"
"you do not owe anyone an apology for who or who you are"
Beautifully put
"any environment that leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment." Thoughts instantly shift to family environment.
That's a great philosophy. Then you don't really need to change who you are for any reason
@@toccabrigitte2684 you're own thought's can be a bad enviroment
Introverts are commonly mislabelled as afraid to speak, when really we are avoiding mindless small talk and pointless interactions with strangers. We seek substance and engaging conversations with the people we choose to converse with.
Well said
Yes
Very very well said
this omg, finally someone else who sees it this way.
yessss
I’m an introvert and I love being one. Even though the world doesn’t.
Same here! There's peace in it.
Louie Alva Being yourself is crucial 💕
Louie Alva we are one
I was an introvert in my youth years during school and college. Only after 25 i understood how cool is it to be surrounded by people who behave and talk in the similar way like me do.
It gives me the feeling of belonging to something bigger than me are myself.
Louie Alva SAME...bc it’s like the world doesn’t. But, I really don’t care. 😌👍
Me as a social introvert: i am the life of the party....if there are only 3 people at the party.
LMAO same here.
Wow, this is me.
Exactly😂
lmfaoooo
Me: i am the life of the party!
*...if there's just me with my cats....*
When you're an introvert watching this to learn more about yourself
Noah Mulder Bravo for you. There is a deep beauty in introversion, and I could not imagine being any other way.
Brian Walkup same.
Jess W. I love hearing you say that!
@@brianwalkup5214 I'm just having trouble because I don't like clubs, parties,(even birthday parties) big crowds. Or talking a lot for that matter. Like when a question is asked in class I would never raise my hand, most of the talking others do is just not necessary in my opinion. I like quiet and the world makes me feel like that is weird and bad, and that I should like parties, talking to people and idk. Some tips?;)
@@noah-firefunnels im same
“You do not owe an apology for who you are and how you are.” I felt good after you said this line.
"I don't use words like lightly".
That is so true to me. If I don't feel any conection with the other person, I don't consider him my friend. Is not that I hate him, it's just that your not my friend. That's all.
Edit: Grammar.
Exactly. It seems to me that, if I say that Fred is my friend, I’m not just talking about my attitude towards Fred; I’m also making a claim about Fred’s attitude towards me. And that claim, unless I know him very well, may be wrong and arrogant.
Omg same
I don’t use the word friend lightly either. I have very few people I consider true friends. And as you said, I don’t hate people I don’t consider my friend, I just am not as comfortable around them in things like conversation.
Yeah I agree. I have best friends and then acquaintances, really. There’s not really an in between for me.
Elah i know how you feel :/ it really kind of sucks.
"How can you be with other people, if you never learn how to be with yourself" ,very well said
Introversion: welcome to the world of silent reflection and complexity and deep thought.
I like that
Hi stephanie , i know that my comment is out of context but i would ask if we could be friends on Facebook or any other social media , i want to practice my english with a native to apply for a scholarship in the future and while watching this video i realised that people in this comment section are very similar to my personality and it would be perfect to practice english with one of them , i can teach you Arabic in exchange!
Manel Rejeb you can download an app called “Tandem” to practice
Absolutely, to break an introverts deep thought is odious.
"I can't hear my own thoughts." That hit the bull's eye!
I think the biggest difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts think that ‘being alone’ equals ‘being lonely’, while introverts love being alone and don’t feel lonely when they are
Fun fact: extroverts also looove being alone and dont feel lonely when they are, some of them. Its a SPECTRUM. There are a lot of extroverts that are tired of spending time with people, are quiet and at least as good as average intorovert in silent reflection and complexity and deep thought. Everyone is different and I would risk a statement that most people classify themselves wrongly.
@LaMaxwell Ball Nothing personal but I would rather belive ton of test Ive made, especially MBTI which for years show me the same result - ENFP (in my case, 80% extraversion and 20% intro) than you :)
And for the record: I spent years thinking im strongly introverted (more! I was convinced im the most introverted person Ive ever met) when not even one pearson in my life would agree with this statement because usually i have extremely bubbly personality. Perks of being ENFP
Because in reality the extroverts are the weak of the duo
I'm more of an extrovert and everytime I don't talk with anyone (when I'm not sleeping) for longer than an hour I feel so fucking lonely. And I check my WhatsApp every few minutes, like people actually talk to me.
@@msoiia Extremely agree. I think both introversion and extroversion are misunderstood. People think introverts never talk and extroverts never shut up, but it's not true at all. I am an extrovert and I enjoy alone time just as much as an introverted person would. It's just that, I personally do not "need" alone time to recharge and feel like myself again, like an introvert would. And you're right, it is a spectrum. Maybe some extroverts cannot tolerate alone time at all, but it's definitely not something that applies to everyone.
As an introvert it always astounds me how offended some people get over things that I haven’t expressed as opposed to the common offenses others openly express. I find it fascinating 🧐
Exactly!! Me too
It’s so simple. Extroverts gain energy by being around people and introverts gain energy being alone. I like hanging out with people but I find myself needing some time alone before I can get back. However my brother, and extrovert, gets antsy in the house and needs to get out and see people and couldn’t sit down watching tv or scrolling on his laptop all day.
what is antsy?
@@gabrieltomaz6034 antsy is almost like being restless or not being able to sit still I think
A very good definition I would say. Of extro- and introverts.
gabriel sgarbi like they got energy in them and gotta move. Like when a little kid gotta use the bathroom idk how to explain it
@@gabrieltomaz6034 like having ants in your pants 😊
People don't seem to understand that I don't use the word "friend" lightly. To an outsider I may seem to have dozens of friends, simply because of the different social groups that I spend time in. But I only really see three of the people there as *Friends.* This is because while I may feel inclined to talk to people, I *don't* want to share anything really personal with them, or go out of my way to be with them. This also makes finding a partner hard because while I love the idea of being with someone, I don't know if I'd be willing to let my personal tile and space go for it.
Your energy is where you place your attention. It’s more challenging to be selective in these higher stimulus scenarios.
The word fragmented comes to mind - I feel better when I can use my intention more freely above the noise and distraction.
Thanks Nathaniel.
That is such a great way to put it, I completely agree.
Before, I always felt dumb when I'm surrounded by a group of extroverts who can talk confidently while I just stare and listen. But then I noticed i do have a lot to say, it's just that I get anxious that I might humiliate myself. Relate?
Yes
Me too. I observe to what other people are saying. If I don't have anything to say, then that's fine even though I am not shy sometimes. If someone talks about something that caught my attention or that I am interested in, then I would express my opinion. Next, like you, I do have a lot of things to say but I tend to get anxious that I might humiliate myself in front of others.
Yess
Yes but then when Im in a smaller group of people I know, I dont mind leading a conversation and giving feedback.
Yes 100% ... I always thought I was the only one, I just discovered myself not so long ago
i'm an introvert, I need to be alone to think, to read, to listen to music... and I mostly socialize in small groups or one to one, and I prefer to invite people to my home so I can cook them dinner and we can play games or talk all night. When that happens I can be really fun and loud, as I like humor and laughing and all that stuff. But I won't do this often, since I need plenty of time to '' recover ''.
Also, I am very perfectionist with my work, and that's why I prefer to do things on my own so I can control every single aspect of it, so when it's necessary to do group projects at university I adopt a more dominant role so everything runs out smoothly, as I want things organized and well planned. But doing this is exhausting for me, even though other people wouldn't suspect it.
I can adopt more typical extroverted atitudes when I want to or need to. So that's why I would always be confused if I was an introverted until I learned what introverted really means.
Sara Salgado I 100% Agree! We are the same! It’s crazy!
Sounds like 100% me. But in fact i'm 90% extrovert based on MBTI.
Fun fact: extroverts also looove being alone and dont feel lonely when they are, some of them. Its SPECTRUM. There are a lot of extroverts that are tired of spending time with people, are quiet and at least as good as average introvert in silent reflection and complexity and deep thought. Everyone is different and I would risk a statement that most people classify themselves wrongly. Almost my entire life I was sure that I am the most introverted person I know, but I was wrong :D Introversion and extraversion has a lot of different types and what differ them is usually way of seeing the world, not how we act.
I suggest you to check MTBI test, results can me really intresting.
Also, my apologize for my english, it's quite new to me.
The part about having to take time to recover took me out 🤣. I couldn't have said it better, especially the taking the dominant role part. Wow. This is me!
Exactly feel the same way.
Yes, exactly the same :3
When you said you felt like you “couldn’t hear your own thoughts” after being around a lot of people that really resonated with me. I’ve always not really felt like “myself” after I hang out with a lot of people for a long period of time
Well said! I think being an introvert shows my preference for having quality friendships and meaningful conversations. Great video
me too
May the forceful grants you what you are seeking in your journey
Exactly and if I'm not doing that then I could be zoning out. They still want to hang out after hours of hanging out and I'm like okay well maybe we could just sit in silence and watch netflix and I still have to take brain energy to process their useless thoughts because they've literally ran out of quality things to talk about and their still going. It's like shut up and stop talking. Relax.
I've struggled with accepting my introversion, primarily due to social pressures for people within my age range (early-twenties). At times, I feel like I'm missing out on something, even if I don't know what that something is. There's a sense of social pressure for young adults to be out, drinking, and partying almost every weekend. While I believe there is nothing wrong with partying and drinking (as it's a personal choice), I've learned that it's not something I enjoy doing. I like to do things like read, write, spend time in nature etc. There have been times I've been told I don't seem "fun". Being labeled as not "fun" hurts my feelings at times. I'm learning to accept and learn more about things I like to do and to understand that the way others see me is not a definition of who I am. 😊
You sound like my daughter who's 19 and feels that people think shes weird and boring because she wont go to clubs and doesnt enjoy drinking and likes to be by herself most of the time it hurts her too.. but shes a lovely person someone I'd like as a friend if I was the same age but because shes not loud and pushy shes overlooked by people. I teach her not to feel bad about herself shes very sensitive to peoples feelings and for a young girl has some really good advice at times...
@@tracy3364 thank you for sharing your comment 💓 it was really touching when you said she would be someone you would want as a friend if you were the same age. May she know she is worthy and so special 😊
Hey i connect with this comment so much, though i love being by myself and doing my own thing sometimes i see people going out and feel like I’m missing out. Since going to university I realised that there are many people who 1) are just like you and understand that sometimes you prefer to be home 2) who will make you feel like you are just as great as the people who seem to go out a lot. I found that from being myself more, I attracted people who respected that I may not constantly talk on the phone, but also feel comfortable hanging out 1 on 1 and like to do the same things as me! When you reach that level of acceptance in yourself, it’s almost as if you don’t even think of yourself as ‘different’ x
@@ElouizaJCustodio thank you for sharing your response! 💓
Tracy Your daughter sounds like me. She shouldn't feel bad about herself and not lose hope that there won't be people that match her personality. There will be people that see her and appreciate her
"pointless painful small talk" this is something some people can handle, others, like Nathaniel and many of us can't, or don't want to deal with. I love the way he speaks his thoughts and all about introversion, just want to point out, there's another thing called "ambivert", which makes sense to those who love to be both loud & quiet equally. I hope he can create a future video about that, and dive deeper into it!
mina hey Thank you for so far being the only person I’ve found that has even mentioned us ambiverts 🙏
@@neuron_star lol yeah idk why rarely anyone knows that an ambivert is also a thing
@@neuron_star just look for one vídeo about extroversion and one about introversion and bang.
*I'm an Introvert*
but I love Martial Arts and train in Boxing
Many Introverts can communicate and Socialize pretty well, its just that most of us prefer to do things on our own and only prefer help when we ask of it.
Saaame
Exactly!
Yes! I love to train track and field, It's just me on the track running and loving the moment.
MMA is life.
exactly!!
I’m more extroverted but I love to give introverts room to talk without making them feel overwhelmed or ashamed if they can’t find what to say
Thank you for clearing these misconceptions up and you make a great point about the many societal biases towards extroverted people.
As an extrovert I want to say that introverts are amazing. I think there’s this stigma that all introverts are socially awkward or no fun, but that is so dumb. Introverts just gets energy from being alone than from socializing and that’s fine. Introverts can be as cool to hang out with and kick it with the best of them. I am SO social and have met every range of person, and I can say that some of the closest people around me are introverts. They can listen, they can love, and they can be such a blast, you just got to give them their time and space when they need it 😊
Miloh Fitzarthur Oliveira This tbh!! (From a fellow extrovert)
Appreciated hearing these insights!
This is definitely interesting. I noticed for myself that I don't deal well with larger groups of people I don't know. I have trouble striking up a conversation or becoming part of the group, especially if these are more, as you said, "casual" interactions. And this doesn't depend on whether I had enough time for myself that day, it's always the case.
However, if you'd observe me inside my existing group of friends, I would probably seem like more of an extrovert. I can talk A LOT and I can even be loud when the mood is right. I can also spend a lot of time with my friends without getting exhausted. It feels like I'm a different person depending on the people around me.
I also noticed that, at least with strangers, I very much prefer 1-on-1 conversations or VERY small groups. I can have long, meaningful conversations with someone I just met if the circumstances are right.
What I'm struggling with is whether I should expose myself to more uncomfortable social situations, or whether I should accept that this is how I am. I love Yes Theory's motto "Seek Discomfort", but even in the occasions when I tried to attend meetups of bigger groups where I don't know anyone, I never really "felt it" and I'm always happy when it's over.
I think seeking discomfort is different to what you explain here. It seems like you feel more yourself by being more introverted. That's the most important, in my opinion - to feel yourself and let your personality shine. When it comes to discomfort, I see that more in the sense of achieving something, for example developing a business, UA-cam channel, meeting a girl/guy or whatever. I always follow this motto - if it doesn't feel right, I skip it. If it feels hard and I can justify the reward - I push forward.
@@FearlessDreams exactly I've had this same dilemma and this is how I approached it. I am introverted bc that's how I recharge my energy even though I can be social, friendly and therefore look extroverted but definitely is not natural to force yourself to be in way you are not. However, if you are working towards certain skill like giving presentations etc. I've done it and I became really good. So working on your talents and shining your own self is my balance:)
The idea of "seeking discomfort," for me is a bit like jumping off a swing when you're a kid. Feeling the nerves, but doing it in spite of them. It can also feel like (as you face the "discomfort,") swallowing stones with some fried nerves for flavor. For me, learning to play guitar was a jumping off the swing feeling. But signing up for summer courses at my local college brought the stones into play. Some discomfort is key to living a life you can be proud of, I think. But not every situation, event or person is going to be like jumping off a swing. Learning the difference between these for you, and sticking to the boundaries you discover is the way I've found that I'm happiest in my introvert skin :)
"A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment." Loved this! Please know that the people who really care about being with you, will respect who you are.
Your videos are so relaxing to watch, a breath of fresh air on a noisy platform
agree 100 %
The one thing that I never understood about myself is, that I feel best, when I'm around people, who I feel a deep connection with and who accept me for who I am. I don't actually like being alone, I just don't like being with people, who drain my energy or consume me. Since I only have one or two friends, who make me feel accepted wholeheartedly, I feel either drained or lonely most of the time. There's hardly any balance there ..
Everyone throws "ALONE" in your face.
It's just a projection of their own fears
Ex broads - You're going to end up alone!!!
Married friends - You want to die alone bro???
I'm more worried about losing my "ALONE" Time
exactly
if these is what your friends say to you... maybe step back a bit
The fact that you’re calling your ex partners “broads” says more about your character than your pithy attempt to be deep. You’re alone because you’re a jerk, dude.
When females surreptitiously ask if you are "afraid of being alone?" They are actually projecting their own fears.
As for married people? Misery loves company.
Sammmeee!!! I’m worried about losing my alone time also
Well said! My 13 yo. son is an introvert and we respect his need to be alone (and not talk) after school. He enjoys hanging with friends, sports, etc. but needs down time before and after
Thats wonderful that you treat him with respect like that to know what his specific needs are to be happy (sane lol)! It's really hard to be around somebody that dont understand that being an introvert means you need to recharge alone, and they don't give you that so you feel overwhelmed all the time
Thank you,I wish my family was like you guys,Ones who actually understands
if only my parents were like you :/
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I am a proud introvert,
And So are you!!
Spirituality is Understanding 😂🙏👍🏼
hehe.. LOL ;-)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m reading right now,
Please go away.
This channel is a magnet for introverts.
I would sell my soul to be an extrovert, you are truly blessed if you were born as one
As a fellow introvert and someone who's been feeling a little depressed about their life choices of late, I really needed this. Thank you Nathaniel Drew.
wolfie558 I am so glad you found something that would lift you up. We introverts can’t feel pulled down by being ourselves. I have found that the more I learn about my introversion, the less pulled down I get.
I can safely say 100% of what you said is true in my eyes. I look at it as a social drive. The more I get out and interact with people, the lower my drive becomes and the more I feel the need to escape. If i'm going out to town or something similar i'll rest all day even sometimes the day before, just to give myself the best chance of not being boring and anti-social as possible. I don't see anything wrong with it as it gives me a lot of alone time to figure out the things I truly care about in life. It's really nice hearing this from your perspective!
I totally agree. On the other hand it is super hard if I find myself in a very tough week with a lot of social events and no alone-time. Still need to find out how to deal with it
Ahlam H. Yep I’m the same. I’m starting a new business in the next couple of months which is going to get me completely outside of my comfort zone. Honestly I can’t wait, I’m sick of acting how I do around people
The worst thing for me is when someone pushes me to go out when I know I'm drained. I get there and I'm no fun to be around and that gets blamed on me not trying. I have to be really stubborn to protect my boundaries. Unfortunately extroverts often don't understand and expect that if you don't have an excuse then you must not like them.
theapplechapel I get in exactly the same position! Crazy how so people feel like this yet it’s almost frowned upon in everyday life.. We just need space
This explains why all i want to do when I get home from school is sit down and relax. All day I have been in an environment where everyone else wants *their* voice to be heard.
This explains better why I stopped doing sports. I didn't want to be in an environment where it is my physical ability against the physical ability of someone who I have likely never met.
This is why I can't do small talk with random people for very long. With friends, I could talk for hours.
I already knew I was introverted, I just didn't really know why. Thank you for making this video.
I felt that on a spiritual level! School always drained my energy and the only thing I wanted to do after school was sleep, chill and be alone with my thoughts. Sports were also super tiring because everyone would be so loud and I also hated competition.
Ngl I just don’t like being around people. I’m fine in social situations I just don’t want to be around people.
I’m so glad i found this because I thought I was crazy because I don’t like talking to people because I constantly think I’m doing it wrong but I don’t like being alone all the time and like everywhere I see stereotypes of introverts don’t describe me thank you - a growing teen
I m crying right now... because it s exactly what I ve been struggeling with. Thank you for making me feel I m not alone
You are certainly not alone
I never knew that I'm introvert when I was young, I just thought because I'm so quiet that something is wrong with me (introvert stigma) and when when i'm older I will be more social. After knowing about introversion I love myself now, I made peace with myself, now i know how important me time is and when I'm around the right group I don't shut up.
now I know that I seek conversations that are informative rather than just causal talking, knowing and understanding yourself is the best win in life
High five
We're mostly winning in deep conversations then a small talk lol.
I think extroverts fear lonliness far more that introverts. That makes them project that fear into introverts. Is not a bad thing is the nature of things
Leo Sabat well most of them see it as a negative thing so there’s some truth to that
Leo Sabat I think there is a beauty in accepting all points along the spectrum. Extroverts can’t help being who they are any more than we introverts can. Knowledge is power as the saying goes, and knowing how to interact with all sides is power in itself.
Leo Sabat very true
Leo Sabat I’ve heard some extroverts actually say they fear loneliness. My natural reaction was 🤢. I battle between finding their predicament pathetic or feeling quite sad for them. It’s more so not normal to hear someone say they are scared of what they might if they were alone.
Leo Sabat Btw, I like your profile picture! 😄
I wish my mother knew English so I could show this to her !
Being the only introvert in the family sucks
I don't know what language your mom speaks but there are captions in all kinds of languages! (If you're on mobile, hit the three dots and tap on captions)
Same
So relatable, if you know you have a party that night, you spend the whole day alone. Also, so glad you brought up Susan Cain’s book Quiet - that is a MUST read!
I was introduced to someone just the other day, and he said to me, "what, are you just gonna sit there with a cloud over your head the whole time?" because I wasn't speaking.
I really never have much to say (I think a lot, but those thoughts usually won't make it into words) unless I know I can add to the conversation - which isn't that often. Unless someone is asking me questions or talking to me directly, I just don't talk. Usually, I'm quite comfortable this way and it doesn't really feel that awkward to me, especially if I'm with a good person I consider my friend. I have a lot of "comfortable" silences but some may not think of them as that. I just prefer to listen.
"what, are you just gonna sit there with a cloud over your head the whole time?" Sheesh. :/ That's just plain rude.
I get that all the time and it makes me feel bad. They don't even let me explain why I'm not talking they just continue talking. Like well at least I'm a good listener.... lol
I went to a Greek restaurant and the owner was talking a lot to who I was with. He's a big talker so they went on and on and I was mute. I wasn't interested in the conversation and I dknt know him haha. But he made a point to ask why I don't talk and i need to talk more that you have to talk in life or something. Lol well, I like to think and listen. I mean i want to talk when I'm interested in the conversation and person...plus i like to speak when I have something meaningful to say...not just talk to have noise
@@catbatrat1760 that really is
Nathaniel, Susan Cain's book "Quiet" saved my life 6 years ago, when I was 14 years old. I never understood why I couldn't interact with groups and I was occasionally hating myself. i was sad and lonely. Susan Cain's book taught me that I am normal. That nothing is wrong with me. This label helped me understand myself.
I saw this quote one day on Reddit which said the following:
I tend to believe all people have two gas tanks. One that can only filled up by the company of those you can truly connect with, and one that can be only be filled up by time alone.
And they are different sizes for different people.
I find this quote really true, but when I find myself alone in a more permanent level, I have seen it wrecking my mood and leading me to an state close to depression, so yeah, each one of us needs to find their own balance.
Love this example!
It’s cool to see this. I kinda “made up” the saying: “my extrovert batteries” to tell my friends when i feel like i can socialize or not. For example i would be at a busy crowded place where we spent alot of time and i would tell them something like “my extrovert batteries are low, so im gonna go” 😅
I can relate to this so much. I always thought I was dumb or something but through videos like these I understand myself a whole lot better. And thank you for your closing statements, I dont owe anyone an explanation about who I am or how I am.
YOU DO NOT OWE ANYBODY AN APOLOGY FOR WHO OR HOW YOU ARE!
Words to live by 💯
More people need to see it.
Osei Kwame thanks :)
As a very probably social anxious guy I can say it's hard to follow this sentence, but very useful.
Nice...but easier in writing☹
"Pointless and painfull small talk." I love that! Even with a small group of close friends, or family, I'm good for about two hours, then I'm dying to be alone doing my own thing.
Be the person you are. When you throw away any aspirations for being as funny as X or as charming as Y or as outgoing as Z, you will be able to fulfill your full potential. If you try to be someone that you're not, you'll never get close to who you want to be. No one can be you but you. Play to your strengths. God bless.
I LOVE the fact that you defined introversion for yourself, but did not necessarily force your own experience as a truth. It really is a spectrum. Thank you for an amazing video
Susan Cain's book helped me a lot when it comes to understanding myself! Is a GREAT book
marcos antonio when I was 17 my therapist recommended that book to me and it made me feel so much better. I actually began to see my introversion as a gift and not a curse
This was needed!
Quite frankly, I cannot begin to explain you how much your videos help me. The part about superficial interactions is very relatable; it's draining beyond imagination. I think we should really bring back the word "aquaintance" into our vocabulary.
I've had phone aversion for 50 years but could never articulate WHY a phone call--or even having a phone--was so anxiety-ridden. I have put your brilliant answers into my journal. I can memorize the list since all 7 are 100% my reflexive response. I relate to your videos, but this one connects deeply. I am grateful. You say it all so playfully, too, so we introverts don't look pathetic so much as interrupted in our interior reverie.
Every video of yours like this that I watch I feel more in tune with myself and more acceptable. Thank you for continuing to provide us with your wisdom and clarity.
I love this! I'm very similar to this. I'm quite chatty when I get to know people so they think that I'm extroverted, but I actually need a lot of time alone just to re-charge. I really struggle with small talk with people I don't know very well. It used to make me dislike myself but as an adult, I love this ability, it makes me feel less social pressure and I feel so much freedom without the pressure to conform to other people's standards all the time. I also find that the friends I do have are really good friends that I care deeply about - which I consider a massive benefit.
I loved "Quiet", I felt like it spoke to me directly. I was so excited to realize im not a ill person because i dislike groups. I unfortunately suffered from shyness and social anxiety as a younger person. However as I've entered my 50's i find im not shy but very introverted. In America this is frowned upon. I have always felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Thankyou for doing this follow up video. Everybody should read her book, even extroverts, so they can understand introverts! We are not frieks!
Elsa Johnson Quiet is a life changing book. It gave me a depth of understanding about myself that never achieved in a lifetime of struggle.
I've noticed that sometimes I'll want to be *among people* but not necessarily *with people.* So, instead of working from home with me, myself, and I (and my dog), I'll go to my co-working office -- not necessarily because I want to talk to anyone, or because I want people to talk to me but just to be in the energy of others. I'll also go to a restaurant by myself if I want to try it and no one will come with, again, it's enough for me to be amongst the energy of people and not interact with others.
I read her book a few years ago, and it was SO clarifying. I've learned that I'm introverted AND hyper-sensitive.
Finding out that I am introverted was one of the biggest revelations I've had - probably ever.
I suggest people who haven't had a closer look at that topic to do so. It can make day to day interactions easier and you'll foster an understanding for the opposite side. If we respect each other for who or what we are, we'll all be better off.
I've also been labeled as too serious. I'm an introvert an for most part of my short life I felt like I wasn't normal, I still feel that way sometimes, but I've been accepting that fact, that I'm an introvert and there's nothing wrong with it. This is an amazing video and the way you explain what is to be an introvert it's very accurate, at least for me. Well done! 7:11 IMPORTANT REMINDER
People always thought being an introvert is bad. When I was growing up, I struggled because of this mindset. Now that I have grown up, I am happy that I am embracing my introversion and myself. Introverts should not be looked down upon because extroverts are not better than introverts. No one is better than another. I hope this video reaches more people especially teenagers who are trying to embrace and learn about themselves. If my younger self could see this video, it would be so helpful.
In my early 20’s I was considered a social butterfly, beyond an extrovert. With age I have discovered that I have become a better version of myself when I became an introvert. It was not intentional I started to feel overwhelmed in large social events. I embraced journaling and meditation and it has been a life changing experience. Thanks for the video!
For me it’s like, I have to have some alone time doing what I like, reading, drawing, writing etc. to “recharge”
But if I “recharge” for too long, if I spend too much time without seeing anyone it makes me desperate to be social and around people. When I get that “desperate” I don’t really care if those people I’m around are my friends or just classmates, as long as it doesn’t make me feel bad.
Then again after being “recharged” by hanging out with people I get back to needing some time alone.
I suck at explaining I just felt like I had to write that to myself
I think you’re an introvert or an ambivert. No matter what people say on the internet, it’s perfectly normal for an introvert to crave social interaction from time to time. You’re a human after all. Humans are made to be around other people, even though some of them can thrive better off their own.
This is so helpful! My husband is an introvert and I feel like this super helps me understand more about the topic. I’m an extrovert so we’re very different.
The more I tried to fit in as a teen the more I felt not myself. I do prefer calm environnement because I have so many projects in my mind. My boyfriend is the opposite. He feels dead when he is not in a social event while I feel not at ease at all because I just don't find anything to say. I struggle in clubs while I love to dance at home. On the other hand, I really enjoyed living in Spain for 5 years and getting into the culture. It was an experience but Madrid is a mzd city that is never quiet, I ended up feeling wrecked. But I like being with an extrovert , he helps me getting out of my bubble. He just need to understand I need isolate myself a lot of time. I relate so much with your video! J'espère que ton séjour à Paris se passe bien.
very clearly and well put...all of it, and how the small talk is extremely draining, while an interesting one on one conversation nurtures the soul and I can go on forever...
Whenever I have a conversation with someone especially an extrovert I feel like I would be much more productive being introspective or having a discussion with myself/deep thinking. I am even at the point where I get excited alone and very euphoric and I feel other humans are just there to drain me and waste my time.
You might be full of yourself
@@Mateo-et3wl Yeah, it screams big ego
Thank you for making this video. I watched Susan Cain's Ted Talk and she's awesome! I like her idea of "Stopping the madness of constant group working" in schools and in the workplace. I am an introvert learning French. Bonne vidéo !
i've just clicked immediately since i saw a notification. I'm immensely into your contents.
I'm honored!!
Thank you you summed it beautifully.. being in a crowd gets overwhelming at times but not all the time. Thank you again.
Your comment "I don't use the term friend lightly" struck a chord with me, I think that leads to people like us moving farther from the crowd because others throw the term "friend" so much that it hurts is when we find out that we don't mean as much to them as they do to us. If that makes any sense.
Well said. It’s amazing how empowering it is to define introversion as a preference. Not something to be ashamed about. Thanks for sharing!
Another definition of introversion vs extroversion: how you feel most energized, when alone or with people?
The ultimate goal in my mind is to feel fully secure, comfortable, and owning my introversion fully. It helps to visualize the emotional experience a social event I may be feeling nervous about will bring. First, uneasy, then, I imagine myself eventually fully relaxed and engaged in a deeper more meaningful exchange with one or two people. It helps to quiet down the worries of not feeling loud enough, easy going enough, etc
Thank you for yet another gratifying talk, I really enjoyed it. It somehow opened a window to my world and left me with a feeling of peace! I am happy I came across this video talk, it was outmost eye opening talk I've ever listened to in my life. You see I have been an introvert all my life and for a long time I secretly felt there's something odd/different about me that separated me from the rest of the world a feeling of not belonging through out my life not so fun feelings. If you must know these odd feeling contributed to a lot of sadness and frustration in my life; Thought-out the years these feeling were amplified by influences beyond my control that were surrounding me to point that I am now more satisfied spending time alone than socialize with others if I can avoid them. In reality I detest small fruitless talks at an individual level and never in a group setting unless the conversation is leaning towards things that I am passionate about (I know that's probably selfish). The point to take away from this video for me is that it is okay to be introvert and I/you don't have to explaining it to anyone why we are the way we are :+/ Thanks for the well prepared talk Nathaniel!
This is me everyday when I go to school, it’s hard for me to interact. I’m such a shy, quiet, and reserved person. I only speak, when I feel I need to, or if there’s something I’m interested in. Also, it’s weird how people think your up to something when your quiet! :(
Zaccaï Don’t be too hard on extroverts who don’t understand you. They take social clues in a very different way than we do. They feel just as awkward in dealing with us because they don’t naturally understand how we put out our social clues. There is always room to understand and accept each other when we understand more. I love people who are careful with their words. When they speak, they really have something to say. You are awesome just they way you are and so are extroverts.
Zaccaï OMG SAME
@@brianwalkup5214 I agree. It's not right for extroverts to judge introverts, but I've also heard a few introverts basically say "I pity you poor fools." And that's not okay, either. Just because a group commonly looks down on you doesn't give you the right to look down on that group as well, especially since there's bound to be plenty of people in that group who have never done you wrong.
We should all at least try to understand one another. They don't get to be jerks, and neither do we. Period.
People in school think I’m a b* just because I don’t ever talk
i dont know how this video ended up in my recommendations but it’s something i needed to see, but mostly needed to hear. thank you
I only followed Nathaniel about like 1 month ago & can already tell that this is my absolute favorite content on UA-cam! Keep going buddy
Samee
Thank you for making this video. I've been struggling with a lack of self-identity for a while now. Watching this video made me understand myself better.
I think I'm an introvert aswell. School was always exhausting for me cause all of these forced conversations and noise. Now I'm thinking about becomming a teacher to create a nice learning atmosphere for every student, understandig the introverts or shy ones and showing them that they're okay this way and they have their own strengths. Just not the same as the extroverts.
The only problem with that is, that you should probably be quite extrovertet to be a teacher and I'm afraid that it would be to much for myself. Is any introvertet teacher outthere who can relate?
I do also think that it is possible for any personality to change. I mean, we are allways changing, aren't we? So maybe I can just try to become extrovertet and gain my energy by being around my students...
Wow, I relate to this so heavily. Especially the part about being too serious, im constantly afraid to talk about things that I care about. Im constantly told im too serious, overly mature, slightly distant, a whole collection of things. I also resonated heavily with the "I don't use the word friend lightly" i have always kept small and close company of those I find supportive and mentally stimulating, it was just comfortable to hear that im not the only person that's often labelled in a negative light, thank you,.
Every word you say is exactly what I feel. Thank you so much
This is a beautiful perspective on introversion! As an introspective person with what feels to be a low tolerance for excessive stimulation, this video really resonates with me. Thank you Nathaniel for continuing to share your thoughts and wisdom.
*great video Nathaniel*
*enjoyed your thoughts about this topic.*
*Keep doing what you are doing!*
Man... I feel relieved after watching this. Thank you Nathaniel... Can relate to how he's feeling so well
5:39 same as me i hate pointless talk and can't handle it more than 10 min , but i can talk for hours about a specific subject
ZainTime l زين تايم same
Great video. I’m so sick of people always responding with “oh, so your shy” when I tell them I’m introverted. I just need alone time and some quiet to recharge.
I keep confusing myself wether I'm just a hardcore introvert or I just hate people lmao😂
I think you just hate people, that's rough buddy XD
Thank you for clarifying the subject! It has gotten to a point where so many people use the excuse of introversion for being socially awkward or purposefully shy or too lazy to interact and then go down the path of anxiety, fear and depression. That is not introversion! 🙌🏼
Great stuff bro!
This was spot on I loved that last quote you showed, too many times I allowed my energy to be given to things that I knew weren't for me.