Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2024
- A troubling national report finds an increasing number of parents have found strange pipes, herbs, and other implements of shamanic activity in their teenagers' bedrooms.
I don't have to worry about my son getting into shamanism, he's got a future as a chemist. He got a set of beakers and chemicals he uses to make fancy crystals people put in the water when they take a bath. The crystals are popular too and he makes a lot of money from them. Quite the entrepreneur! Very proud of him!
Is your son by any chance named Jesse Pinkman?
@@hienable6933 no, he was named Walter white
@@awesomeii8346 Jr.
@@hienable6933 I think that they're actually talking about bath salts. (The drug.)
I am the One Who cucks
No man in the entire world lives life as hard as Clifford Baines.
Correction, one man : John McAfee.
Chuck Norris could be in the running
*as high
"Couldn't you conjure up some passing grades instead?" Gold
What makes it even better is that you can see Duncan's actor smiling to himself after saying that line lol
"he was playing an mf doom record over wheel of fortune he was saying they were syncing up perfectly" lmaooo
If this aint me at 3 am
Me every day
I used to do 50 Cent over Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Love your profile pick!! My fave Beach boys record :-)
Nice profile picture, great album
Coyote is very swift!
Jay SR
That coyote is bad news
@@troglodyte4207 No, trust me - swift Coyote spirit is good news! 😍
Can confirm that coyote is a blessing 😩👌
@@harmonicpsyche8313 Username checks out
@@alexanderx33 I've never been happier to be called gay by some rando on the Internet
One time when I was younger my mom came barging into my room and caught a whiff of something burning. Immediately she accused me of doing drugs. In reality I just liked setting shit on fire. True story.
So. 9 years later, was that just a phase, or have you moved on to bigger and better fires?
“Are you doing drugs?”
“No don’t worry mom, I’m just committing arson”
@@pryingeyes1551 he might be in prison for arson right NOW, there's a reason he never responded
@@santanacorr3880 good point
Have a similar story
I am afraid I am slipping into Shamanism, please help me.
um is this real
oh... hi there panda, ive been following your dbd stuff for a long time, and i found you on a random old onion post.... cool
Why am I unsurprised to find you surrounded by a thick fog, paranoid that some big boogie-man is out to get you?
I just realized I've been a shaman for years.
It's too late! You must follow the path now. Your transformation has begun.
I was devastated when I thought I caught my sister practicing shamanism
Thankfully she was just doing drugs
Hope it wasn’t a bad drug like weed and was a good drug like Fentanyl Meth Cocaine and Heroin.
I am happy to hear everything worked out. As a former shaman, I know how dangerous and addictive it can be. The trickster god coyote is especially dangerous
I laughed so hard I dropped my glass wand & spilled spirit water all over my Bob Marley T-shirt.
Pete Begnell Im pretty sure he said "glass wine" and not "wand". Im thinking that they wanted the reporters to seem "out of touch" or whatever.
Cody Khaos shaman's don't even have wands so they would be out of touch anyway. and glass wine doesn't even make sense. he pretty clearly says glass wand imo.
Cody Khaos why would you not take the 5 seconds to actually check before posting that comment and making yourself look stupid?
Pete Begnell 2:30
That stinks
Once my friend offered me a bag of strange mushrooms, he said they where magic, but I didn’t want anything that grew off the spiritual energy that courses through the Forrest and I turned him right into the dream eaters
"So I sent him to military school, but there he became possesed by the Trickster God Coyote, who makes boys wanna kiss other boys!" "Oh, Coyote is very swift!" LMFFAOLOLOL
😂😂
I understand Lauralee's feelings. I myself have been violently possessed by the Trickster God Coyote
me too, coyote is very swift
That trickster God coyote got me good, I still haven't recovered, even with my regular spirit purge rituals and visits to the dream eaters
what if we kissed at military school 👉👈 🪖
We should worship the Trickster God Coyote under the fool moon while smoking that wild shaman weed
Id of a foolish gibbon here.
That MF Doom reference tho. Onion knows whats up
All caps pls
Raid
Henrique C he’s referring to how “MF DOOM” displays his name
@@roddydykes7053 i know; it annonyed me nonetheless.
Smh we get it you like doom
How do people think this is serious? the first thing said in this video is "I'm Gregory Dawson filling in for Clifford Banes, who is being hanged for high treason" lol
Clifford Banes needs to get in the studio and do his damn job.
People don’t pay attention.
intent is more powerful than you'd first think my dude
What are you talking about this is CNN.
But they showed the wand on the show, it must be real.
“I’m sorry, but your son is gone.”
“He’s dead?!”
“No, he transcended.”
He's gone to the shadow realms, where he will eternally hope to outrun the wolf-spirit, or lose his very soul to Baron Samedi
SR Brant I literally laughed out loud and keeled over holding my side
In happen in the movie “Habitat” the guy became a fairy and spread happy plants throughout the world. :)
My kids are into Zen. They keep talking about "getting some good buddha"
nycholaus look out for the “kush”, its coming next
@@personalemail1632 They DID mention Kush. Oh no, they must be turning into Hindus now.
We're getting overrun by these pagans!
@Drew Peacock If they find any, tell em to HMU
My little darlings are just into food! 😝I think they're becoming food critics!😍😍😍
"We're gonna score some hash Mom"😄😄😄
And I say "I hope it's 10 out of 10!"😇😇😇
So precious! ✝♥🇺🇸
Me: I wonder what Clifford Barnes is up to this time.
Me 5 seconds later: 😯
Get you shit together Cliff!!
@@mandreadfg HE CANT HES DEAD MATT ITS BEEN 10 YEARS YOU HAVE TO LET GO
@@samhurst4084 thats why people turn to shamanism to cope with his passing.
@@samhurst4084 no they said he was being hanged for high treason not he had ben hanged he could have escaped
This should be the least of our worries. About two weeks ago, I went a barbecue, and they invited a foreign exchange student. I offered him some steak, but he refused, claiming that he was a "Hin-doo". I don't know about you, but that answer sounds fabricated to me. Is it that the texture of steak reminds him of when he killed and ate Casey, a student whom the police claim "Hung herself." I looked further into this, and discovered that the police refuse to show me and pictures of her corpse, claiming "It was against the will of her family". I knew the truth though. They were paid off by the foreign exchange student. I will prove this to the world!
RokosBasilisk How is your investigation going?
RokosBasilisk I too would like to inquire about your findings so far
There is a quest in oblivion that remindes me of this ;D
We must pay our respects to someone looking for the truth... F
3 years after the first comment, I think the foreign exchange student ate him.
did they just mention MF DOOM? I...I love them...
EricVsEverything MF Doom reference in 2010. I don't even know how amazed to be at that.
Lol......
uhh
F
"I'm Gregory Dawson filling in for Clifford Banes, who is being hanged for high treason"
😂
The coyote is very swift!
I never realized my son was so spiritual....
Thank you for this information
If it SMELLS LIKE A SHAMAN, it IS a shaman!
I fucking LOST it here
i love the look of bewildered rage in her eyes when she says that.
Considering shamans did/do use psychedelic drugs in their rituals, this is doubly funny.
"Toilet paper tube and a piece of tinfoil." Wow that just brought back memories of being a young teen lol
Not uncommon for a shaman's first wand.
Not uncommon for a shaman's first wand. I liked to use the christmas wrapping paper tubes so it took 2 people to work. Pretty fun in larger shamantic circle gatherings.
If it smells like a shaman, it is a shaman!
... if your child doesn't come to school for 3 days, you have to face it: he's been spirit walking.
That's seriously awesome, as many Onion's news (I loved the Supreme Court and death penalty with "i am the law"). And I learn a lot of English while having fun thanks to you!
How's that English going?
I am taking away your moon phase ornaments, and turning you over to the dream eaters!
I blame the videogames, so many of them allow players to cast spells and it's really a gateway to fullblown shamanism
-Donald Trump
I blame D&D. Kids always summoning demons to devour all the innocents. 1 steer clear of magic dice too nothing but bad luck.
@@bobobsen Tronald Dump
Now look here, just because you summon the trickster god Coyote in a game doesn't mean you want to summon him in real life. This whole "video games cause shamanism" thing is completely overblown, studies have shown that the incidence of shamanism among those who call up the spirits of the Earth to do their bidding in videogames is no higher than in the general population.
"Coyote is swift"
Me, who figured out their sexuality at age 11: "Damn right that fucker is!"
He took his time with me
@@Flannel-Channel8837 he went real slow eh?
@@60sspider-man29 just like how Coyote likes it
"if it smells like a shaman, it is a shaman"
Best quote ever
Coyote is very swift.
He must have been summoning the head of a foolish gibbon
Being turned over to the dream eaters was the best thing that ever happened to me; I've been normal for 3 years now - no incense, incantations or blood rituals since!
So it was the Coyote all along? Fuck.
It only took a fucking decade for UA-cam to recommend this comedy fucking gold, and the content is still so relevant and good. This is just darn wholesome family fun, I tell you what, boy.
"He must have been channeling air of a foolish gibbon!"
thanks a lot onion. my parents thought i was just smoking weed. now they know i'm channeling the spirit of the wolf in the shed
"Your going to have to face it, hes been spirt walking"😂😂😂
Look out also for rhythmic drumming sounds coming from teenagers' bedrooms.
I thought I was just a dirtbag, had no idea that I was actually a Shaman lol
I love that the magic wand has a picture of a special shamanic leaf on it.
Everybody is talking about the jokes in the video, all I can think about is how I could make this into a D&D character
I wonder what DOOM record it was. Gotta try that.
Honestly, smoking weed very much was a gateway for me to eventually fly to the Amazon to partake in numerous Ayahuasca ceremonies over a several week period. And then because of that, I started doing my own psychedelic rituals where I visited the astral plane and spoke to spirits. There really is a lot more truth to this video than you might think.
Going back and watching these classic Onion vids make me sad about how far they've fallen.
Sort of like SNL.....used to be choke-on-your-beer hilarious but now just mildly amusing.
I get tired of people saying "Oh, SNL used to be funny!" Comic sensibilities go in cycles. The person who says "Oh SNL was good in the 70s!" is no different than someone who says "SNL was only good in the 90s!" or whatever time period you watched it in. Someone's always going to think the SNL they grew up with is the greatest.
merc: no, the first cast of SNL was the best. Anything else is blasphemy.
Iunno what you're on. They're still great, just more current topical rather than writing in general phenomenona
Shuttup dumb idiot.
As an ex-shaman I fully approve of this message.
I love how these people look and sound exactly like a group of newscasters, and they say all of this insane shit with the most deadpan expressions. Their acting is too good, I would have to do so many takes in order to keep from laughing 😂
these videos were so ahead of their time
If it smells like a shaman and quacks like a shaman...
then it's a shaman of the Duck totem.
my parents thought i was a shaman, then they found no weed, so they called me a dork and loser- "do something practical and non idiotic." and left me with my my weegy board, tarrot cards and zodiac charts.
You just gotta practice your chanting bud!
Hehe get it? Bud? *Laugh now or else.*
I simply can't get enough of these videos. The Onion never seems to run too low on material.
never expected an MF DOOM reference in this video lmao
I appreciate the all caps
My spirit walks generally occur at 3am and I usually end up at Taco Bell.
the "filing in " bit is the best one yet, as it caught me by surprise
I'm practicing shamanism right now. Uh huh huh.
I was going to say this is anti Horde propaganda, but I forgot that alliance have shaman too.
Please bring this back, you guys at the onion are one of the very few people that can make me laugh...
They were sold to a company that doesn't really give a crap about quality or the Onion's legacy.
For decades, they had quality articles and later videos in which clever narratives were told with satire which built upon itself, from sentence to paragraph, to story. They had great pacing and irony.
The Onion now consists almost soley of images with one-line premises, which, in the past, would have evolved into absurd, yet nuanced satire. It truly died with its sale.
@@pryingeyes1551 Idk, as an aging millennial who grew up reading The Onion _in print_ my impression is that what they're doing now with their TikTok / UA-cam Shorts is 💯 in line with the ethos of The Onion of my own youth.
They're meeting the current generation where they're at and offering them the same sort of biting satire and off-the-wall absurdism, just repackaged into a new format. It's glorious, really.
My god the line that’s spit at 0:16 should be set to a beat
This video is putting me in a trance.
As a shaman, I really don't like seeing teenagers doing rituals. The mind and spirit are still taking shape during adolescence, and transcendence can cause parts of it to disappear since it has not yet solidified fully.
If they're listening to the droning sound of Terence McKenna they sure are practicing shamanism!
I like to "spiritwalk" but I broke my "glass wand"
My mom showed me this a while after the first time she caught me smoking weed.
I'm taking away your moon-phase ornaments, and turning you over to the dream eagles!
Literally the same comment above you. From 4 years before you.
@@Hashbeast I'm not looking for "upvotes", nor do I always read the comment section. I don't see the other post, but if it's there, I'm glad we laughed at and enjoyed the same line :-) Now go back to reddit and continue with your "competitive commenting."
@@mercster I don't reddit Mr Johnny Assumer. It probably wasn't there when you posted it was just funny to see them next to eachother. BTW his didn't have a typo.
Coyote is very swift. In fact he's gotten to a few in my school. Once in the middle of class. It's a very scary to see some get possessed like that.
*Virginia hospital announces 'surgery in the park' series of open-air operations*
Thought I was watching the real news for a sec amidst the Covid response efforts 😂
“That stuff is bad news!”
Nothing wrong with being a shaman :)
Death to all shamans
Warlock is more bad ass, and priest is better for healing.
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever watched
If a parent finds strange "Herbs" and pipes in their kids rooms they need to buy him more weed lol.
The Onion has gone too far. They literally predicted the vape craze
The Onion doesn't report the news before it happens. Reality copies The Onion.
Not the dream eaters you cannot send me to dream eaters
As a shaman...This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time
Some people get this level of comedy. Others need flash cards.
Ok just found my new favorite onion video
Shamanism? How about a little more of Shamanisn’t for a change??
thank you onion for your amazing real news
I have only practiced shamanism three or four times in my life. Oh, and once with brownies.
"Why do you want this wand?" That made me laugh loudly.
"Shaman's trance" .... Damnit! I could've used that growing up.
As a teen interested in psychedelic shamanism, I found this quite funny.
I always trust The Onion to get me the best factual news, on time, every time!
The intro only made me think the Onion is a network of the Federation.
Would you like to know more?
MrTredBear yes.They know too much, they must be in with the Kabbalist Federation.
Clifford banes must be a interesting fellow considering the reasons why he dosent go to work
My God what is happening to our youth? First they are enriching Uranium and now this. WTF?
From now on instead of calling my enemies gay I’ll say they r possessed by the trickster god coyote
Huehuecoyotl (Aztec name for Old Coyote) works too.
@@theapexsurvivor9538 Coyotee stories are found from Mexico to Siberia.
"Channeling the Id of a foolish Gibbon!"
and I thought I was the only one who performs "shaman rituals" while simultaneously watching wheel of fortune and listening to MF :)
the fact people take the Onion seriously is funnier than the videos
People are saying they're referencing weed, but that poster screams dmt/ayahuasca to me
That and they talked about 'shamans in the sixities', so I'd say they expected those of us in the know to know already
Rip MF Doom
All the people taking a video that opened with "...filling in for Clifford Banes who's being hanged for high treason" seriously.
Hilarious.
I think it's important not to jump to conclusions.
I am a cultist myself, I follow one of the eldritch abominations which can not be named, and you have no idea how many people confuse me for a satanist.
I know that feel, man.
his name's steve
RIP Clifford Banes, you were the greatest In the Know host we never saw.
A moment of silence
My mom and I are devout shamans and we believe this news is sincere in nature.
Well shit I’ve been posessed by Coyote...
He is very swift
"Coyote is very swift"
i think coyote got me
Can't wait for everyone to go to sleep so I can practice the hell out of some shamanism. Fuck yeah..
"You gotta face it; he's spirit-walking."
X-D Why is that line so funny?? I
"Coyote is very swift!"
I love that woman.
1:20 MF DOOM!