She’s Gained Weight. Should You Tell Her?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 7 жов 2024
- You guys. This talk right here was straight fire. I invited my friends Marvin and LaKiesha Richardson and Jacent Wamala (y’all will probably recognize her) to The Table to dive into singleness, relationships and the idea of oneness in marriage. And man, they did not disappoint. We talked about the controversial word “submission,” how to be a team, and things both men and women can be doing in their season of singleness to really prepare them for that next step. Don’t miss it!
*PAYOFF YOUR STUDENT LOANS FAST: amzn.to/3D881eb
*GET YOUR KIDS INTO COLLEGE WITH NO DEBT: amzn.to/3y5GHtk
And if you send me a text at 615.930.3431, you’ll get connected to me and my team so we can help you get out of debt and build true wealth. This is our year!
Get a money plan for real life! Start your free trial of Ramsey+: bit.ly/2W0Erq0
Connect with Me!
Website: bit.ly/3z8NOlR
Instagram: bit.ly/3kbnj9k
Facebook: bit.ly/3sBAxQf
Hey, fam! I’m Anthony. I’m fired up about meeting you where you are in a real, relevant, and relatable way. Here on this UA-cam channel, we’ll be having honest conversations about finding our authentic selves by living life based on spiritual, financial, and mental freedom. At the age of 19-homeless and deep in debt-I turned my life around by becoming debt-free, and I decided to spend the rest of my life helping people avoid the same money mistakes I made. Today, by the grace of God, that’s what I’m doing every day with AO Enterprise. You can rock with me on Instagram @AnthonyONeal or online at anthonyoneal.com.
I have been married for 25 years. And I’ve been every size from an 8 - to a 16 - back and forth. Up and down. I am always struggling to love myself and the body that I have. Never - EVER - in 25 years has my husband ever commented on my size. He thinks I’m the best thing thats ever happened to him. I can’t even imagine the hurt that could be caused by a spouse commenting on someone’s size. Love is more than my pant size.
First off Congratulations on 25 years of marriage. It's an amazing blessing.
Two points. 1. I believe what the woman said in the beginning was a great example of how. You lead by example. I can't ask you to get down in the mud with me if i'm not willing to do it myself. 2. I think we have to remember what works for you and your husband doesn't necessarily work for other people. What you might consider hurtful isn't to every other couple. I tend to go with whatever works for that specific couple.
One of the most important things is to love yourself. We know your husband loves you but you also have to love yourself regardless of your size.
youre hurting him plenty.
❤❤❤❤
Great advice. Also sometimes a husband can also offer to help more with household and childcare duties that will free up time for wife to get in a 30 minute walk. She may be more motivated to workout if she feels she has less pressure to complete other stressful tasks.
There is only one way to get her to lose weight. You have to tell her you're going on a diet and working out more, in order to lose weight. Most likely she will join you, to her benefit. DO NOT EVER tell her she needs to lose weight if you want to make it to your next anniversary.
lol. Why is it that women are allergic to being accountable?
That doesn't always work. It may come to a head, where you literally have to let her know it's affecting your attraction. It can get to that point.
@@naijainnitalso why is it the man’s responsibility if she won’t do it herself
What if you tell her that and she doesn't really find it as something necessary, completely ignores and continue to lead the unhealthy lifestyle and continue to pile on more weight, what do you do as her husband?
Yeah that didn’t work. She actually just started to be the devils advocate for my cravings which started to deter me from my goal
"Should I tell her?"...um, she knows?? 🙄
Exactly
@@beefymario88exactly, they know but never want to actually do something about it. There’s always an excuse for why they are extremely overweight. Women say they want us to be straight up with them , but in reality they want us to sugar coat it in a way that doesn’t hurt their feelings.
Calling it an "excuse" is dismissing what she is trying to communicate to you. Maybe its a valid reason that you can work through together. I dont think ive ever heard a woman say be straight up with me about anything lol @JCAmerson
@@Shift12349 I’m not dismissing anything I’m just telling you how it is and if you don’t like it then too bad. There’s no reason why you should be obsessively weight. I can’t think of any valid reason other than a physical medical condition. Anything else is simply just laziness , unhealthy diet/ overeating , and excuse making.
There’s no valid reason why a woman weighs almost 200lbs or more and she’s 5’5 or under .
And I don’t know what women you’ve been around , but most women say how they want an honest man , so your anecdotal experience doesn’t matter.
If she’s aware that she has a problem and isn’t making excuses to validate why she’s overweight , then yes I will definitely help my spouse who realizes she’s overweight and wants to make a change.
@@Johnamerson you come off as rude. What if you gained weight and you were treated like this? Oh I know you wouldn’t dare gain weight.
I've been married 20 years as of this year. This subject isn't just about health, but also attraction. Moment of truth: in addition to loving them, you should absolutely be physically and sexually attracted to your spouse. If their weight gain is prohibiting that, and you have continually, lovingly expressed this to them. Then that's a problem. Yes, it should also be about their health, but it can also be about your attraction. Was it not attraction for them in the beginning that drew you to them? Then each spouse should have an obligation, within reason, to maintain that level of "appeal" to look (outer beauty) and be (inner beauty) the best for your spouse. If after years your spouse has not changed, then y'all need to have a serious sitdown.
Leading by example never works, until you look for someone else
Yep
This is why u dont take advice from single people...SHE ALREADY KNOWS SHE GAINED WEIGHT!SHE SAW IT BEFORE YOU DID!
You can tell her but don't ridicule her.
What exactly would you say or like to be said to you if this was you? Word for word
Honestly she lazy and doesn’t care she knows she’s heavy
So how should we say it
Listen. When a man is ready to hear, “GET YO MONEY UP,” then it’s okay to tell a woman she’s overweight.
❤❤😂❤😂😂😂
Majority of Rich men don’t go for big women. So now you Big and Single
Yes cause him loving me means he loves my health. Diabetes and obesity runs deep in my family so him acknowledging my weight gain is beneficial for me, him, and our kids. Acknowledging someone’s weight gain (in a respectful manner and out of love) is not a dig or disrespect, sometimes it’s just love.
💯
I don’t love my wife unless I look out for her health as well as she looks out for mine.
If I can't be honest wit my woman and communicate with her that we should get fit together, I don't want her. That's just be. I can be tactful yes, but sometimes women take it personally anyway.
Um, if my hubby tells me- I’ll tell him to watch his own expanding pant size and not worry about mine- and ps. I already knew when I tried to button MY OWN pants! Lol
In that case dont ask "how do i look in this dress?" You know it already!
@@navytanutrof1823 I don’t.
So why don’t you lose some weight if you know?
Men and women have different needs. Men need beauty, women need security (money). Woman gains weight is like your husband losing income. You holding 50lbs is like him getting comfortable making minimum wage
Both things are stupid and shallow ... life happens. When people go through life together they will witness all the ups and downs and changes in their partner. If a change in appearance or finances causes someone to not be attracted to the other person anymore, then perhaps long term relationships isn't meant for them
@@Shift12349Asking your spouse to be a healthy weight is nowhere close to shallow.
If my wife was 120 lbs when we met , and then she gains a bunch of weight and is now 200 lbs I have every right to be upset. Telling a man that he should be attracted to big women just bc is shallow.
Chocolate sista is stunning and clearly brilliant. I think the whole panel was in awe of her.
He doesn't have to tell her. She already knows! Most often, he is the cause of the swelling/shrinking with childbirth, stress, household duties. Far better for him to worry about his own swelling so she will want to chase him around the house!
EXCUSE ME!? Thats not accurate and it doesn't apply to every man in a relationship. No body is responsible for the health of your body but YOU.
So it’s the man’s fault? Are you serious? Doesn’t she decide what she eats and how to exercise? You can’t be serious? SMH!
My husband has stayed as fit as the day I met him and I have gained over 40 lbs after 3 kids ( years later it's still there). Thank God my husband loves me regardless. He enjoys working out and I enjoy eating!
😂👀
Don't do that 😂
Yuck
I first want to say that there are an overwhelming number of overweight black men who think they look amazing---I find it comical. Also, if your wife has gained weight to the point where you are no longer attracted to her, thats a SIGNIFICANT problem and you are totally justified in being completely honest with her. If and ONLY if you yourself have maintained your shape, I think its totally fair and necessary to request that she lose the extra weight. Period. No sugar-coating. Honey, stop eating all this GD food.
When you workout with her it's less of a dig.
It’s still a dig. No bueno.
Ladies! its time to stop taking things personal and just appreciate that at times, some men are not trying to hurt but help you. In 2021, I only want to deal with the truth.
Yes Sis! Lead by Example 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Men sometimes think they are bomb at any weight but alot of them seem to want us as women to the same frame and fit always. If that's all he sees in or about you, he is not a whole man that can love you truly as life and age change us all in life as a whole person.
Nasty nasty nasty...from the second he began talking about a MANS need. He was doomed from the opening. Trust a good jiggle in the hip vs. a jigalo in the mind!
The person should want to lose weight on their own. They're the ones that have to face the consequences of being too heavy ie diabetes, clothes selection, other health issues.
ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD TELL HER!!!! STOP BEING SO NICE! BE MEN!!!
You sound hurt
@@rasheemthebestfirstone3274 im doing amazing! i sound hurt?loll. no i sound smart! and i hope your a female..becayse thats exactly what a chick would say!!! lol
@@RAZASHARP I think they're just saying that because you're using ALL CAPS. it's like yelling in the comments.
@@mark.daniel thats their problem.
Lol if you want your wife to not be nice about saying certain things to you then go for it 🙂👍🏾
ALLLLL THESE GEMS 💎 in 5 minutes?!?🤯
The entirety of this episode must be PHENOMENAL!
Let me carve out time and watch it NEOW! 🏃🏾♀️💨✍🏾📝
So I’m definitely just gonna start at leading by example
I used to ask my husband soon to be ex to work our with me he never did this with me. I am an active person. Dance class salsa, spinning, yoga,afrobeats
I told my bf his weight disturbs me. And we can talk about a solution together. He only says be kind with me and love me as who I am. He’s offended. I feel like my bf dont care about me at all. I want to be pretty for him, I care what he sees as pretty in me. Why he doesnt care about how I find him attractive? We are in a commited relationship. I feel we are responsible for each others.
He weak asl I ain gon lie to u shorty mentally he weak
There are other issues , diseases c-section, depression, injuries.
❤❤❤
He shouldn't.
It's dishonest not to tell her. There are potential health risks if one carries too much weight.
Just tell her but do it respectfully.
This is a good segment.
Erik, let’s be honest. Men’s concern is not her health but what she looks like. She can eat a hotdog daily, but if she’s fine, trust me. He will not be thinking about having a conversation about her health.🤡
Bruh I tell my husband to tell me how it is 😂
And That’s why you a wife lol
What a based wife
Great advice, but the people who are watching this video have already tried these things. They have already had arguments about her weight and its not just a few pounds of weight like the woman said. Its 4 or 5 stone
Have you tried consistently helping around the house and with the kids so she has more free time to take care of herself?
We can be direct about money but not about fitness and weight?
Lead by example is a great answer. Don't tell her. She knows.
The first guy is the black AI voice you hear all the time.
Sure... but be thoughtful and supportive. Has she had one or more children, and thus has LESS TIME and energy for exercise she did before that? Is she stressed because of what is going on in her life? Might there be age-related hormonal changes causing the weight gain? Above all: what are you prepared and COMMITTED to do to support the changes she needs to make to take that weight off? Work all that out before you say anything and you have a better chance of being heard in a positive way.
My boyfriend said you’re gaining weight in your waist check your workout regiment.
As he should
@@Don-hc4gk right! I check him too. We look out for each other.
Women have tremendous pressure on them to hyper focus on their body. The world is cruel to women and they are suffering under the unreasonable expectation of the culture around us. Go back and watch movies 20-40 years ago and look at women. The image of perfection of physical appearance is crushing/. Women get operations and invest billions in enhancing their bodies trying to achieve “perfection”. It is terrible what we are doing. Know this that this pressure is almost suffocating women and making them ill. We need to love women and support them and not try to cause mental illness in them with respect to their bodies.
Comon black ppl! I only tuned in because I assumed you were going to give it to us straight. Not this around the bush bs
Facts
You can put on weight not knowing it from a lot of things.. She knows she put on weight it hurts sometimes hearing from someone else telling you
If you still don't have the confidence to speak up, you can always play this video loud enough for her/him to hear... 😅😅
👀😂
She knows
To me this is a basic: both parties should be honest with each other about weight gain. For me, it's not a taboo subject at all, regardless of how myself or she reacts. I have openly told females that they've gained weight, because they know I won't dodge it. My sister asked me about a female friend I know just the other day regarding her weight gain, and I was brutally honest and would be honest to this friend in her face if she asked. This friend let herself go, and she's quite good looking if you ever saw her, and it looks bad and people notice. She's a big girl naturally, but she's crossed over into an unhealthy, obese version of big.
We should tell each other so we can improve our health together. If it's just her, I'd politely tell her and we'd work out together and I'd encourage her. I love to cook as well so we'd go to the store and pick out some stuff to facilitate better eating between the both of us.
With men it's tricky because different men go about this in different ways for various reasons, while liking their women in various stages of weight gain. Personally I don't mind a bit of weight gain, and I'm a skinny guy myself, so long as the female is healthy and what is desired is realistic. Women gain weight in life organically anyway as they get older; as do men. I only know one gf I had that somehow went the other way as she got older, including after giving birth.
Health is the focus, and if losing weight comes with that or is needed then ok. I personally find women who are healthy and pregnant supremely sexy. Will she gain weight? Yes. Is that ok? Yes. Women gaining weight during and after birth is completely natural. Now should she still strive to be healthy and work out through that time period? Yes, and fellas you better be supportive. Don't bail out because she got a little husky during and after birthing your children. You better find her attractive just the same, if not more, and show it to her.
I don’t understand some of these comments and why women can’t understand when a man says it to a women, the women knows she put on weight so when a man says it we get “you don’t love me for me” like come on if the man going gym 5 days a week and staying a fit and in shape then why can’t the women?
Because they are two different people... maybe she has obstacles getting in her way. Maybe more husbands need to be more involved and do their part in the 24/7 job of childcare or pick up after themselves... so their wives can have time to take care of themselves and not have to spend their entire day cleaning after their husbands and watching the kids
Find excuses to go to functions where she has to wear her old, tight dresses. Let her find out for herself.
Spike her food with diet pills
yes, for health concerns, but that jiggle tho.
She know she gained weight bro don’t say anything..trust me..