Baby camel asks his mother. “Mummy, why do I have big hoofs?” Mummy replies, “that’s what stops us sinking in the sand in the desert.” Baby, “well why do I have humps on my back?” Mum replies, “to store fat as nourishment to survive in the desert.” Baby camel, “ ok but why do I have big eye lashes?” Mum,” that’s to stop the sand getting in our eyes in the desert.” Baby camel,” but mum, my hoofs are to stop me sinking in the sand in the desert, my humps help store fat for nourishment in the desert and my eyelashes stop sand getting in my eyes in the desert, what the f**k am I doing in edinburgh zoo?”
I'll be visiting Scotland in a week, I am actually looking forward to seeing this type of tour guide - and I would also be very disappointed to get a enthusiastic one at this point 😂
You won't be disappointed. If there is one thing that Scottish people hate, it is having to pretend to be nice to tourists. I speak from experience, as an actual scot, and as someone who used to work in the service industry.
They might call CPS on me.... Do they, even, like sardines? My Sister only ate baby oatmeal & bananas most the time. Anything else got poured on the floor.
Smuggled out an animal? Here in the USA we smuggle exotic animals INTO the exhibits! Just ask my grandpa. My dad wanted a snapping turtle as a kid, and it got too big, and now it lives in the Minnesota Zoo.... whether they know it or not.
Happens elsewhere in the world, too. Talked with a friend who works at a zoo about all the turtles in their artificial river there: "we never bought a single turtle, people are bringing them in all the time". Also new guinea pigs appear all the time at the "guinea pig castle", which is no problem, as surplus ones are slaughtered and give to the big cats anyway.
I love all these tour guide Craig videos. They are exactly like all those people working at tourist attractions that hate their job. The dead voice reminds me of this teenager I found selling ice creams at Niagara Falls. "What flavors have you got?", we asked. "Chocolate, vanilla and swirl", she said. "What's swirl?" we asked. "Chocolate and vanilla". We couldn't help burst out laughing, she was so dead-pan.
@@bigtex4058 True, and Rivercenter Mall, where Santa Anna's troops are reported to have watched IMAX movies and stocked up on souvenirs in their downtime.
@@guccideltaco OMG me too! We dragged every out-of-town visiting relative to the Alamo and one of my cousins asked that question! It was probably the same day you were there. 😂
"Please take a look at some of Britain's most boring birds... and some of the world's dullest fowl". I really love the dejected, almost spiteful delivery of that line
I didn't know you weren't supposed to take the lemurs. My older sister said they were souvenirs and free, and that I should take one for each of us, since I was carrying the backpack.
As a scotch Irish Norwegian American I can appreciate Craig, from the youthful exuberance, to the undeniable excitement, her childlike enthusiasm is contagious!
Edinburgh Zoo? Hills? Well thanks for the vaguely traumatic flashbacks to the days when I used to live in the city! We had member's passes, which was nice, meant we could sneak in the side entrance and get lunch at the fancier members-only spot...
Poor Craig. He's suffered a divorce, has mild depression that no psychiatrist takes seriously, is quitting smoking, and just found out that all three of his children, aren't biologically his today. Give the guy a day off.
Poor Craig. He just found out while drinking his St. John's Wort tea, which was helping him a lil, that John Wort is the biological father of his children. No relation. But it will be hard to keep up the tea-drinking part of his therapy now.
@@geekdivaherself poor Craig just realized, after trans-cranial-electrostimulation, that St. John died so long ago that he doesn't know how his wife had children with him. (you said 'no relation' LOL) He also tried a day in the sun to try to feel better and got sick, because of said Wort. Craig has had a tough life. Buy the guy a pint, yeah?
The line of "Here are the meercats, and if you say the catch phrase, I will cut you....!!" Holy moley that is brilliantly funny! I once worked at a holiday centre in my youth and saying the phrase Hidy Hi was liable to a docking of one's wages. Brilliant stuff. You must keep this going
Non native here. Would you care to explain it? I could twist the sentence to read 'mere cuts', but that doesn't sound too funny, so I must be missing a lot here...
I love the tour guide bits you do. I would love to have a tour guide like you! My first job was a tour guide at a Southern plantation in South Carolina. In my tour I would give the memorized stuff but also added a few of the stories the other tour guide told me about things that had happened when they had given tours ( like when s boy with a slingshot had busted most of the antique glass globes of the outside lights). I found that as a tour guide the people will believe anything you say as God's truth when you answer one of their questions about something that was not part of the tour. One person asked me what was the vines growing up the walls. I had no idea. So I said quite seriously "It appears to be a species of English ivy". Well, it might have been....
Being a tour guide must be a lot like being a kid showing animals at Fair. The kids in Showmanship are judged for poise as much as actual knowledge, so we always told them, “If you don’t know the answer, lie with confidence!” In their case, it wasn’t lying so much as bullish!tting, but we can’t say _that._ The judges knew the answers, so like I said, it was style points.
It;s just too early in the morning to be laughing as hard as I am over this skit. I totally lost it when Craig explained that I could get the same effect as a penguin parade by getting a toddler drunk and rolling him in anchovies. I was crying.
Alrite, kiddies! Any of you wake up today excited to see a Kangaroo? Well, we haven't got any in. Sorry. Perhaps I should stop phrasing it like that....
Thank you for the tour around Scotland's attractions. I feel it has broadened my mind & makes me wish I could visit these places to enjoy in person. 🤣🤩
Baby camel asks his mother.
“Mummy, why do I have big hoofs?”
Mummy replies, “that’s what stops us sinking in the sand in the desert.”
Baby, “well why do I have humps on my back?”
Mum replies, “to store fat as nourishment to survive in the desert.”
Baby camel, “ ok but why do I have big eye lashes?”
Mum,” that’s to stop the sand getting in our eyes in the desert.”
Baby camel,” but mum, my hoofs are to stop me sinking in the sand in the desert, my humps help store fat for nourishment in the desert and my eyelashes stop sand getting in my eyes in the desert, what the f**k am I doing in edinburgh zoo?”
We were kidnapped by some Arab guys who needed money and some Scots had money...
Well . Because the Humans needed exotic exhibits jailed in a prison eternally damned for panic , anxiety and stress .
@@victorviereck6476 yes so we can research and breed and ensure the survival of a species, dang we’re a horrible bunch aren’t we
@@jancovanderwesthuizen8070 I don't think camels are in any danger of not surviving, there were 1 million feral camels in Australia in the 2000s
Brilliant :-)
Craig, Employee of The Month, once again nails the tour withoot breaking a sweat
Who is Craig?
@XmanSully at the very beginning, she says, “my name is Craig”, who is the same personality she uses for all of her tour guide videos.
@@alphagt62
I gotta face the reality that I might be stupid. I missed that bit. She IS funny
@@alphagt62 I could’ve missed the part where Craig identifies as a she…are we certain that a female? It’s a bit more ambiguous to me
@@XmanSully if you’re like me, I watch a few dozen videos in a single sitting. It’s easy to miss something.
Honestly at this point if I go to Scotland and get a tour from someone who is enthusiastic, I'm going to be greatly disappointed.
But you wont be
I'll be visiting Scotland in a week, I am actually looking forward to seeing this type of tour guide - and I would also be very disappointed to get a enthusiastic one at this point 😂
😄😄
You won't be disappointed. If there is one thing that Scottish people hate, it is having to pretend to be nice to tourists. I speak from experience, as an actual scot, and as someone who used to work in the service industry.
@@amyhhughes5584 You took their money tho, din’tya? DINT’YA!!? o.Ô
I hope Craig gets the job of chief caretaker of the pygmy hippos.
I hope William, the zoo director’s son, gets the job. Craig isn’t going to give us content if he’s too happy.
"I hope you like hills"
Yep, that's Edinburgh: a city designed by Escher, every direction is up.
The Lombard St. of Europe.
The Bristol of the North 😀
As soon as she mentioned 'hills', I thought. Thats everywhere in Edinburgh, though. The only place worse is Athens.
@@Raunadraug Lisbon is also like that. Especially Alfama, where not only is every direction 'up', it is also a Moebius strip with no escape
@@Raunadraug I've never been to Edinburgh but you're dead right about Athens.
Heartwarming to see Craig having emotions for hippos!
As someone who has been to Edinburgh Zoo. This is very accurate
"If you get a toddler drunk and roll him in sardines..." First genuine laugh of the day!
Just tried it. Works like a charm.
They might call CPS on me.... Do they, even, like sardines? My Sister only ate baby oatmeal & bananas most the time. Anything else got poured on the floor.
@@JulsLittleBeirutAnarchy What do you mean, do babies like sardines? Babies LOVE sardines
Get them drunk and they roll themselves in ANYTHING!
Smuggled out an animal? Here in the USA we smuggle exotic animals INTO the exhibits! Just ask my grandpa. My dad wanted a snapping turtle as a kid, and it got too big, and now it lives in the Minnesota Zoo.... whether they know it or not.
Happens elsewhere in the world, too. Talked with a friend who works at a zoo about all the turtles in their artificial river there: "we never bought a single turtle, people are bringing them in all the time". Also new guinea pigs appear all the time at the "guinea pig castle", which is no problem, as surplus ones are slaughtered and give to the big cats anyway.
Which part?
My mother smuggled Easter ducklings into the zoo pond. Our conservatory has a lot of lizards 🦎 that were smuggled in.
Isn't there à thing about passing infections to the other reptiles/fish or something if they're not from the same environnent ?
@@kii1377 Lol
Giraffes, if you've ever looked at a horse and thought, "I could do with more of that".
I feel cheated that I didn't find this channel sooner.
But now there's more to enjoy!
Just found the channel today! Funny!
@@renejean2523 her Tolkien ones are amazing and Craig the tour guide may just very well be my spirit guide.
@@CaptWesStarwind - I'm looking forward to catching up on all her content. I love Craig!
Every time I watch these my inner voice picks up Craig's speech pattern
Craig's a right Glaswegian. But without too much of an accent, I guess Craig is not from the Gorbals.
I love all these tour guide Craig videos. They are exactly like all those people working at tourist attractions that hate their job. The dead voice reminds me of this teenager I found selling ice creams at Niagara Falls. "What flavors have you got?", we asked. "Chocolate, vanilla and swirl", she said. "What's swirl?" we asked. "Chocolate and vanilla". We couldn't help burst out laughing, she was so dead-pan.
I've never seen a Scottish tour guide so happy! This zoo must be amazing!
Calm down...It's Craig's first day
I feel like Craig's soul leaves their body a little more with each new job.
The red panda description is the most accurate thing ever. Anytime I see them at any zoo, they're lying motionless in a tree.
not even Craig's serial unemployment punctuated by short jobs as a jaded tour guide all around Scotland can defeat the cuteness of pygmy hippos
Would love to see Craig do an Alamo tour. He radiates the appropriate sense of hopelessness and despair.
As a San Antonio resident, the best question I've ever gotten from a tourist was "why is it downtown?"
@@guccideltaco Convenient to the River Walk.
@@bigtex4058 True, and Rivercenter Mall, where Santa Anna's troops are reported to have watched IMAX movies and stocked up on souvenirs in their downtime.
@@guccideltaco priceless
@@guccideltaco OMG me too! We dragged every out-of-town visiting relative to the Alamo and one of my cousins asked that question! It was probably the same day you were there. 😂
I've never been more proud of my Scottish heritage. You can count on the Scots to keep it real.
The pandas have actually doubled vegetable consumption in Scotland !!
_Deep fried vegetables,_ I presume?
"Please take a look at some of Britain's most boring birds... and some of the world's dullest fowl".
I really love the dejected, almost spiteful delivery of that line
They're all brown.
Well, I was laughing like a braying mule by the time you got to "my name is Craig". So I think you have a good one here.
It’s midnight and I’m giggling away into a pillow so I don’t wake anyone up!
I didn't know you weren't supposed to take the lemurs. My older sister said they were souvenirs and free, and that I should take one for each of us, since I was carrying the backpack.
Guy at the exit "why is your backpack moving?"
Bagpack " I'd like to breathing breathing"
The "Toddler drunk" line was sheer genius! Eleanor has some serious talent.
I can't get enough of this deadpan delivery; it makes me chuckle every time you cross my dashboard.
Craig's one busy guy, with all these tour guide jobs
Ok, the one about the penguins had me almost asphixiating from laughing.
I have rolled a drunk toddler in sardines, and Craig is spot on about the effect.
I got tears at the penguin parade line
This is becoming one of my favorite UA-cam channels. Especially the episodes with Craig
Craig, you are knocking it out of the park, mate!
This is such an underrated channel 😂
As a scotch Irish Norwegian American I can appreciate Craig, from the youthful exuberance, to the undeniable excitement, her childlike enthusiasm is contagious!
As a what?
Just as a heads up, Scottish people don't call themselves Scotch.
As an actual Scot… WHAT??!!? 🤦♂️😂🤦♂️😂
The sheer excitement over the pygmy hippos has got me balling
10/10 makes sense pandas can do anything and be adorable.
Ice cream/wasp line 😂🤣😂
My stomach hurts from that one.
I hope now you've learned tae leave waspy ice cream alone
I love this girl!!! Comedy genius. 👍👍👍
So many fantastic moments in here but the Red Panda sentence takes the biscuit. Sensational comedy.
These are absolutely hilarious! You are fantastic! UA-cam recommend your channel & I'm so happy it did. Please keep these coming.
I was born in Scotland and emigrated to the US. You're brilliant!!! You make me miss home! Spot on with your bits.
I love Craig's dry dead pan delivery and wry sense of humor! Go craig!!
Hello from Brooklyn, New York. I love your dry humour!! Come perform here!👍👍
Edinburgh Zoo? Hills? Well thanks for the vaguely traumatic flashbacks to the days when I used to live in the city! We had member's passes, which was nice, meant we could sneak in the side entrance and get lunch at the fancier members-only spot...
These are priceless!
Rolling toddlers in sardines...LOL!!!
my cat sleeps 99% of the time and I love her anyway
Lunch. Dinner. Litterbox. That's. About. It.
OK…..
I enjoyed that a great deal; Particularly the part regarding the penguin parade.
Great work - looking forward to your next.
1:52 Proof that Craig does give a wee shite about somthin'
Dripping in beautiful sarcasm 🤣👍💯
As soon as she say's her name is Craig, I bust up.😂
have to say, this series is brilliantly written and delivered.
This lady is fantastic, love the Scottish guide series, they are extra special 👍
Poor Craig. He's suffered a divorce, has mild depression that no psychiatrist takes seriously, is quitting smoking, and just found out that all three of his children, aren't biologically his today.
Give the guy a day off.
Please, don't tell strangers on the internet about my life.
@Martin Weiss - agreed. And a strong St. John's Wort tea.
Poor Craig. He just found out while drinking his St. John's Wort tea, which was helping him a lil, that John Wort is the biological father of his children.
No relation. But it will be hard to keep up the tea-drinking part of his therapy now.
What guy?
@@geekdivaherself poor Craig just realized, after trans-cranial-electrostimulation, that St. John died so long ago that he doesn't know how his wife had children with him. (you said 'no relation' LOL) He also tried a day in the sun to try to feel better and got sick, because of said Wort.
Craig has had a tough life. Buy the guy a pint, yeah?
Ah! Brown birds. The most exotic birds in the animal kingdom.
The line of "Here are the meercats, and if you say the catch phrase, I will cut you....!!" Holy moley that is brilliantly funny! I once worked at a holiday centre in my youth and saying the phrase Hidy Hi was liable to a docking of one's wages. Brilliant stuff. You must keep this going
Non native here. Would you care to explain it? I could twist the sentence to read 'mere cuts', but that doesn't sound too funny, so I must be missing a lot here...
@@ricardogarciademarinacordo1151 ua-cam.com/video/M0mXUC0cUPg/v-deo.html
Thanks for the explanation, I was wracking my brain trying to remember if Timon had a catchphrase.
Craig is my man!
This Craig sure has a very tight schedule. He must be the most magnetic and passionate guide in Scotland.
The lemur smuggling was oddly specific 🤣
Craig gives me life!!
really got me with 'dullest fowl', very entertaining
“If you get a toddler drunk and roll them in sardines” 😂 gold.
LOL. This is SO funny! Thanks for the much-needed laugh.
Your doing your part to destroy Scottish tourism....🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love the tour guide bits you do. I would love to have a tour guide like you!
My first job was a tour guide at a Southern plantation in South Carolina. In my tour I would give the memorized stuff but also added a few of the stories the other tour guide told me about things that had happened when they had given tours ( like when s boy with a slingshot had busted most of the antique glass globes of the outside lights). I found that as a tour guide the people will believe anything you say as God's truth when you answer one of their questions about something that was not part of the tour. One person asked me what was the vines growing up the walls. I had no idea. So I said quite seriously "It appears to be a species of English ivy". Well, it might have been....
Being a tour guide must be a lot like being a kid showing animals at Fair. The kids in Showmanship are judged for poise as much as actual knowledge, so we always told them, “If you don’t know the answer, lie with confidence!” In their case, it wasn’t lying so much as bullish!tting, but we can’t say _that._ The judges knew the answers, so like I said, it was style points.
It;s just too early in the morning to be laughing as hard as I am over this skit. I totally lost it when Craig explained that I could get the same effect as a penguin parade by getting a toddler drunk and rolling him in anchovies. I was crying.
And it's so true!
You know when you have reached the zebras as people are having asma attacks. Laughed out loud so true!!!! That hill is a killer
Pretty sure after a lifetime of being curious about Scotland, that Eleanor might be the only actual attraction toward visiting.
Alrite, kiddies! Any of you wake up today excited to see a Kangaroo?
Well, we haven't got any in. Sorry.
Perhaps I should stop phrasing it like that....
I feel like your side-side gig would be scripts for tour guides. Seriously, much more exciting and entertaining!!
😂😂😂 I always enjoy Craig's tours 😂😂😂
Loving your work Craig!!
", I will cut you" sent me over the top... thanks for the laugh!
It really is very nice to see people who look like me represented in media.
Thank you for the tour around Scotland's attractions. I feel it has broadened my mind & makes me wish I could visit these places to enjoy in person. 🤣🤩
I love what this lady does!
funny to see the "adorable pygmy hippos" coming up a full two years before Moo Deng conquered the internet, proof that Craig can predict the future
Class funny 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The 'penguin parade' bit floored me. 😂
I picked up an ice cream cone just the other day. It hadn't been on the ground for very long. So, lucky day.
Great job, Craig! Makes me want to visit the sleeping pandas…lol
WTF!!! You are HILARIOUS! Subscribed!
Only one complaint. The guide makes Giant Pandas seem to be more exciting than they actually are.
Meerkats! "Simples!"
These are hilarious 🤣
The best review of Edinburgh zoo I’ve seen is this. “Edinburgh Zoo is pish”. Yes it is my friend yes it is.
Love your comedy.very unique ❤️
Great vid! Laughing out loud for real!
I can't wait to go there! It sounds awesome
I am sitting alone in my house laughing MYAZZOFF!!
I like her a lot, she makes me laugh. that's all i care about. please who ever you are do not stop.
A drunken toddler rolled in sardines. I'm not going to sleep tonight.
I was like: that's the best joke so far, no that's the be.. no tha... ah, just shut up brain, they are all good!
I'm becoming Eleanor/Craig's biggest fan I think.
I love the character building. My names Craig. What a back story. No costume or wig just deal with it- I'm Craig. Use ya imaginations.
I very much enjoy your material.
Made my morning. Wasps. 😁
Hi Craig, great job😂
A quick explanation: "cuz they do fuck all" means 'they do nothing.'
IM WHEEZING SHFHAUJDJEJ
YOU CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE GETTING TO THE ZEBRA EXHIBIT WHEN PEOPLE START HAVING ASTHMA ATTACKS RJSJSJJRUWDJ 😩🤚💦
Lol alright I'm in. I just went to the zoo with the family and it was exactly like this! Subbed.