4 VITAL rules to follow when interacting with a narcissist
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- Опубліковано 9 жов 2024
- NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Don’t share your secrets with them. Don’t confide in them or trust them. Don’t depend on them for anything. Use grey rock. Don’t give them your emotions.
Easier said than done when they’re supposed to be your “life partner”. They’re not even capable of being simple roommates. 😢
I understand, I'm having to ask God to help me...
that's the only way I will make it.
🙏🫂
I've dealt with this for 39 yrs and I completely approve of your message.
@@dk5755be kind to yourself in all of this. You did not know what you did not know. Research all you can and learn to protect yourself. Your quiet is for you to heal. The Little Shaman on UA-cam had a video that said a narcissist is a blank canvas waiting for someone to give them something to be put on that canvas, give them nothing. Like Dr. Ramani has said “ they are not listening to you.” Also Dr. Ramani has said “This world needs you.” I hope you find peace in your life journey and I am sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. Stay strong. 💕💪
1/ Never Over Sharing Anything with A Narcissit.
2/ Being Careful in Your Choice Of Words.
3/ Detecting Manipulations.
4/ Setting Firm Boundaries
My Most Important Rule I've Learned Is Stopping All Communication Avoiding Them..
The last rule is the most effective and the most necessary thing to remember
@@1stBorn538 Absolutely
wisdom
Me too. I’ve had a lifetime of abuse,neglect, sarcasm, and manipulation. Being by myself is my answer I’m 76 years old. At this point, I’m getting to know my inner child and being happy for the calm and peace that is in my life for the first time.
In their immature minds while you continue to interact with them you continue in their game, in their supply matrix. You have to use their language: When they discard a supply you literally do not exist. When they feel discarded as not useful, ignored, minimized, that is when they understand that you are no longer in the game.
They are not normal people, you have to be radical with them. They know that if you could see them you wouldn't even talk to them, do it and they know that you still don't see their scam.
Don't you see me? Don't you see that I use you and scam you? Do you speak to me? Do you share information about your life, your emotions, your thoughts, what are you going to do? Then you don't see me because no one would talk to a scammer without any emotional connection, so you continue in my game... you still don't know who I am and what I am capable of... let's continue.
Dr. ramani- you are saving my life. Such powerful and usable information every single time!
Staying calm . Staying silent ... it's so very hard but worth it 🫤
This video is amazing Insight it saves a lot of people a lot of heartbreak, just thinking logically.And mentally about the narcissist relationship
This is my favorite video so far because what you’re advising is extremely practical . I really want to thank you for helping people.
Don't make anything personal, keep it strictly business.
You are SO RIGHT about hesitating to give up because you want them to get better! 🥴
Thanks for shifting over to managing a narc relationship Doc, as you say some of us can not just "get out" or "leave the relationship" like I have been advised by so many in the comments... wish I could !
Same
A lot of well-meaning but ignorant people advise "leaving" and "getting out." A lot of abusive people advise that, too, just to be hurtful. Then they pretend that you don't leave because you're somehow "hooked" to being abused, and they decide that since you're Fair Game for Narky; then they may as well take a few pokes at you, too.
7:27 just saying this for those new to the system. They WILL go the extra mile if they still need you for their ego or for something else in their life. But once they feel they have you, abuse resurfaces again. Watch more of Dr Ramani's for a well rounded understanding.
It's so whacked. If they'd just been normal we never would have left / kicked them out but they won't hear it or own up to their difference from the norm.
yes, when they need something, or when you have something that they want, or when they think they're losing you. THEN they'll treat you better and promise you anything...until you commit to them, again.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🙏♥♥♥🌹🌹🌹😎
Absolutely valuable info. You're right, not taking it personally does help but I AM still exhausted. Using skills is exhausting and I am using skills constantly to Grey or yellow rock. To anchor my reality, to "CBT " the unreality projected upon me and remind myself who I actually am. It's an ugly dance.
Thank you for your time and these videos. I honestly don’t know where I would be at this point in my mind if I didn’t have these and Dr. Carter’s videos. You have helped me understand so much. ❤
Seeing what was really happening in my relationship with my daughters gave me the strength to walk away from them. I stopped wondering what I was doing wrong, what I needed to do differently, begging for a little bit of their time, being their dog walker, housecleaner, cook,laundress, And punching bag. Thank God, those days are over. I live by myself. the rest of the family blames me for walking away from my daughters so they have nothing to do with me either. It’s difficult reframing your entire life at 75 years old. But the idea of walking back into that dysfunction makes me sick.
Live YOUR life
OMG! Doctor Ramani, this is the most hepful video for me!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My ex wife frequently lied and gaslighted the kids and me. It took me a long time to give up on the relationship. In the end it was worth it though.
The difficul thing, is one you recieve the disdain, attacks and contempts of many narcissists in a family. That happened to me: Mother, uncle, cousins, brother, really, a hell of a situation, without any sense. A narcissistic family system it is possible the worst thing you can even experience.
Yes it is. Family is the worst.
I grasp your hand.
Thank you for helping me so.
Radical acceptance…
of the persons limitations
Love, Love!!
When you realize that you where all your life surrounded by untrusted narcissists, and that they will always betray you and your trust (mother, father, brothers, relatives), is really hard.
It is really, REALLY hard 😢 And you are not alone ❤
I used to get upset when my narc mother came by (unannounced, boundary violation). My husband would speak to her and then immediately get busy in the garage or making a call in another room.
He actually was protecting his peace. I finally stopped allowing her to cross boundaries and went no contact.
Well done!
Just want to add that's it's best to take should out of our vocabulary! Stop shoulding all over everyone 🤣 especially stop shoulding all over yourself, rather, say "I could" ; that's empowering!
Great app analogy !
Thanks for the clarification on the depersonalizing ! Hugs to you Doctor Ramani.
Bless you! 🌟💜🔥🙏🏼😇🕊💫
Sometimes, you've over shared, unaware of them being narcs... So in those cases, once you see red flags, handle them accordingly.
YES
Also as a historian it is also important to understand that even napoleon was not Napoleon
...and Idi Amin was NEVER the King of Scotland.
The best results I’ve experienced with gray rocking an individual like this is.
It gives you the patience and time to see what’s behind the mask.
This is something I’ve discovered, is almost impossible while you are being lead by there chaotic nature.
I had a huge trigger (for me) this week. Ohhhhhhh it was all about the public persona and the words he uses that seem so loving/gentle/kind/humble. And that public persona is who I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe the words he says. I think that’s who HE wants to be as well. But when the tyrant comes out in a rage/in entitlement/ in contempt/in psychological abuse? I KNOW that that is who he actually is. Identical to the way he described his father (the salesperson). He used to say that hundreds of people turned up to his father’s funeral talking about what a GREAT GUY he was and yet the family drove around in a limousine for hours after the funeral processing who could the man have been that people described? SAME THING happening with his 3rd wife and his public personal (online/as an author/etc). And my trigger on Monday was the public personal of his humility and then seeing photos and hearing about his rage and rampage that had actually occurred. I WAS TRIGGERED by by that discrepancy because I DONT TRUST MY OWN EXPERIENCES/PERCEPTIONS, given my experiences growing up and then being married to a Narcissist for 17 years. I was immobilized for nearly a day. FROZEN. And I haven’t even been married to him for 3 years now!!!
Excellent segment on grey rocking - and its toll on the grey rocker! Having to employ this method across time with certain others, I think it’s important one doesn’t grey rock one’s self into insignificance . . .
13:42 when I realize that I was living with a narcisist I got into a panic mode as if I were in a horror movie. The call is coming from inside the house
Absolutely correct. I look at my daughters now and see their behavior as monstrous. They’re so cold so calculating so hurtful.
You are AWESOME!!!!!❤❤❤
This narcissist has evoked hatred and anger in me that was never previously existing in my makeup. I am transformed and I can't tolerate being in my head. It is an impossible strain to be around people because it is exhausting to pretend to be who I was and cannot find anymore. I listen to these programs constantly to keep my mind off what is in my head.
Please don't keep trying to sell me your book, Dr. Ramani. I don't have enough peace to read. I just know I can't stand existing in this nightmare but hatred and anger.
You may not be ready yet for her book but many of us are, when we’ve been healing for a few years.
Try kicking an empty plastic container until your anger crumbles and the buried pain comes up. We don’t have a choice but feel it and let the wounded inner self cry. Carrying around anger hurts us most. Best wishes on the path of healing ❤️🩹
Find a time to read, find time, Dr Ramani's book is so helpful.
Currently reading one of her books I’ve wanted to for the longest.“ It’s Not You “ I highly recommend to you & anyone. It’s been helping me & I can relate to it in so many ways. I FINALLY chose to walk away after almost 11 years. I made the worst mistake ever giving that 🤡 another chance after years of him being in prison for the sake of our daughter. I willingly walked back into HELL & Broke my own heart 💔 this time . This time was way worse than last time & it was about 2 years or so . I walked away to NEVER look back & burning that chapter & book 📖. I am WORTHY , VALUABLE,ENOUGH & I DESERVE to be loved by a healthy person one day . He started seeing a new supply while I was still under the same roof , using my car & so many hurtful things. He’s a textbook Covert Narcissist. He weaponized sex when he felt like giving me any. Withheld intimacy, any kind of affection. I’ve been deprived from the normal things in a healthy relationship. Been told I look like trash, ugly & disgusting when I truly am not . He has eroded all my self esteem, my mental health & made me question so much about myself. A real man takes care & don’t risk losing things they value @ all. He’s never been a man just a broken little boy . No1 wants a broken toy who’s unhealthy & toxic .
The book is always there for when you are ready. Good incentive for the future. 💔❤️
5 stages of grief:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Expect so many symptoms of detoxifying, you will get thru it! 💔❤️
Dr Ramani. Youre my super hero. I love you. 😅
Vulnerable narcissist plus dementia = torture to me. I'm just holding on by fingertips to my sanity. God help me. I just want to go to heaven.
Hold on and try Dr. Ramani’s online community. It helps, even if you’re only able to be on the periphery. ❤️❤️❤️
I live in what Canada calls a remote community. Believe me narcissists are every where.
You know gray rock is working when the narc begins to escalate and meltdown while you sit there with your boundaries intact and a deadpan look on your face.
Agreed. The ringside seat provides an interesting view.
...and when you say, in a clinical tone:" It's interesting you say that."
Cut off the supply.
Good advice.
You kill me! In a good way, Dr. Ramani 😊 and I haven't even watched the video yet; the title did it, as I am in the thick of it.😣💪🏼✌🏼💜
This video is really triggering me. I remember all the times my daughter would scream at me and scream at me about absolutely nothing. If I didn’t react, she just screamed and screamed till I did if I did react, she screamed and screamed anyway. I’m so happy to be out of that relationship, it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve seen her.
I do get it, the difference between personal and personalizing. And it is much tougher in familial or ‘romantic’ relationships. But if you can do it, it makes you feel strong enough, in the moment, and gradually generally. Depersonalizing really does work in the short run and gives you a bedrock in the long run that allows you to use the workarounds you need.
36:18 - on. You always look to connect, it's the stuff of which relationships are built. They always look to disconnect and on to the next. Yes VERY exhausting, frustrating, overwhelming and humiliating to deal with. A black hole is the perfect term Dr. Ramani. Thank you.
I don’t approve of the term “survivor”. It tends to suggest others were permitted a right to abuse others when they factually violated a sacred trust while marginalizing those they’ve violated to a label rather than an equal despite their injustice. Shouldn’t we instead call these abusers…criminals?
Yes!!!!
Also, it sends an erroneous message that victims are no longer affected and have overcome narc abuse. It isn't true because of the lingering effects of narc abuse, no matter how long the abuse occurred, it's still traumatizing for victims.
@@dontbelongherefromanother agreed. We have never relinquished our personhood for victimhood label. We suffer an intangible scar no therapy can repair, heal or renew.
I don't wish revenge upon a narcissist but great point on the app!
Lying for sport! Holy crap! I can totally see my daughter lying just for fun.
i get it..narcs can't be kind and respectful but they expect that from us..and they pick and choose which of us they will treat like dirt..I resent that.
I've tried going grey rock..and they publicly mock me calling me Miss Sparkles..can't win
I'd rather be Miss Sparkles,
than be one of the Narkles.
I found out that my older daughter who has been going to AA for at least five years has been secretly drinking and not telling anyone. This is only one of her lies.
I don’t want a relationship with her for no other reason that I can’t believe anything she says anymore. She has all the other abusive trades of the narcissist as well.
On some level I think I gray rocked (or disassociated?) my mom as a teen, she would get in my face yelling and screaming and all I knew to do was show zero face expression and not talk. I just blankly starred at her and not reacting would make her even more angry. I didn’t know what else to do. Speaking back was seen as talking back, nothing was acceptable 🤷🏼♀️
How can I help my little half brother and stepmom? My dad is a monster..
A lot of well-meaning but ignorant people advise "leaving" and "getting out." A lot of abusive people advise that, too, just to be hurtful.
Then they pretend that you don't leave because you're somehow "hooked" to being abused, and they decide that since you're Fair Game for Narky; then they may as well take a few pokes at you, too.
Eff that sh*t. Not Today, Narky Nark Nark!
Thank you!
This sounds good, however, I can’t see myself excepting a partial relationship with both my daughters. It’s just too hard to be left out, to be the afterthought, to be fourth or fifth in line of priority. I walked away and I’m glad I did.
Dr Ramani, newly appointed Queen of Exploitation. This Thanksgiving, I hope to be thankful for no longer receiving direct advice from Dr Ramani
How can I grey rock in court? I've been fighting this crap for 8 years.
I really needed this right now, if I haven’t already screwed up too much to recover enough ground to get things done. Maybe I’ll be okay if the narc thinks I was just blowing off steam and it wasn’t really about them? Could work, they love thinking that.
Thanks for sharing
I was at a family wedding recently and I had to leave early. I forget to control my tongue and so this time after being no contact with most of my family I had the uncontrollable shakes. As well as a bad pain day. So I stayed for 3 hrs I think.
Yes you are asking the impossible. Lol.
Thank you thank you. Is the next step in healing.
Stay cool and groovy.
🔴⚪️🔴⚪️🔴⚪️AB🇨🇦
Christine Albright
"BRILLIANT VIDIO"🙏!...
"THANK YOU"🙏!...
"+"!..."🙏"!..."❤"!...
Ive never met a narc that was actually skilled at something else than exploiting people. All their supposed skills were just lies .
7sing childrens identities for a cover and a cash machine is discusting and illegal
Please, what to do with a mother and her relatives who treat baddley your own wife and yourself, because they are absolutely narcissists. And they had never leave you in peace until it was an imposible situation and finally they only express contempt and disdain for you and your wife. OMG, what a difficultd experience that it is to grow up surrounded by narcissists.
❤ u sister🎉
funny u said vampire. thats how i explained supply to my adult daughters:
blood to a vampire
brains to a zombie
souls to a dementor
I tried to not react but the man said he wanted to punch me out. I'm older no t going to tolerate it at all
What did you do?
Can you physically remove yourself for a while? If so, do that.
2nd, 10 October 2024
there's only one rule DON'T INTERACT WITH NARCISISTS
after a 33 yr marriage mine told me the divorce was nothing personal.
Any tips for when the narrsasist is your manager? So stressful as support goes out the window