Because you're doing too much. Men don't like women who do too much. Women need to read that book "Why Men Love Bitches" ... also did you listen to the video?
@@darylcampbell5952 umm no! this applies to males!!! stop trying to play victim! men are the pursuers nd women get more emotionally attached after sex...so a woman has more ot lose than a man can ever!!!
He may not be sleeping like a baby. It's possible that "Karma" maybe keeping him up at night. You can't do evil time after time and have peace. You never know what truly is going on.
My only regret is that I have wasted so many years of my life with the wrong men and gave away all of my best years. I wished that I would have had someone like Derrick to give me this advise when I was in my 20's but I just have to be thankful for the advise now because although I am 45 I am very blessed to appear 25 and have great health. So I will take this advise and continue to be that great women that I am and not let non loyal men change me. Here's to new beginnings! Thank you Derrick!
Jacqueline Alexander reading your post, you sound like you’re all done. I’m 47 and let me tell you, girl you are NOT done. Just keep an open mind. The man for you could be any age or race. Sometimes we find love when we least expected.
These are the best years of our life, Jackie! I felt the same way, but now I know different. You're still here, so that means that your experience(s) were just lessons in preparation your blessing(s).
Once youve been through alot in relationships you automatically become the woman that a man has to come prepared for. After failed relationships and heartbreak over and over again you become wiser i am now that woman who doesnt mind being single if it means not settling. I dont mind waiting but in the meantime im enjoying the hell out of this #singlelife 💃💃😝😂😂😂
He was the wrong guy one. It's doesn't matter. What one won't accept there are many who would. It's not a loss. This is why you don't give anyone YEARS without a commitment.
Once I learned to stay emotionally unattached, is when I grew into my power. The right man will give you a reason to open your heart to him. Usually that reason will come with a ring.
I agree but what I meant to say is staying unattached in the beginning helps to keep the man and how he treats you in perspective. Women have a tendency to put up with a lot because they're too involved emotionally.
Sometimes, shit doesn't reveal itself until after you open your heart. What do you do when you've done everything right? and It doesn't work. I'm really tired of this shit. Its so hard to navigate.
@@chloereneenneoma Young lady, it's possible that you are upset with the information you've disclosed. Men aren't complicated. Most are well versed in manipulation, be careful.
Never take a person’s kindness as a weakness. Likely the woman he chose will dump him the minute she sees something even better and he’ll come crawling back...likely by then it will be too late...remember, the Lord loves a cheerful giver. Acts of kindness are not in vain. The right man for you will see your heart. If he couldn’t during the season you both were together, then obviously it was not meant to be and consider yourself saved from potentially a lifetime of putting up with him growing up on your watch and possibly never truly measuring up. The right man will come with no assembly required...
They will leave, but most of them will try and come back. They will tell you all the crazy things their new girl/wife does to them. I used to listen just to be like "that who you wanted though." Now, I don't even bother. I wish them well and move on with life.
These men are draining. Seems like they either looking for someone to take care of them or want you to bend over backwards and please them while they do little to nothing in return. I cant deal with a man who cheats over and over again or someone who expects me to shut up and not voice who I feel. Its exhausting man! I dont even want a relationship truth be told. I dont put in any effort and let the man do all the work to win me over and show that he wants it. Until then, I do nothing.
Yes. That's the problem. Be a doormat. Don't have a voice. Be a pushover. Put up with being let down for dates. That's how you keep a man nowadays. Because as soon as you speak up they are out the door. Don't ever confront a man about standing you up for a date. You're suppose to just be quiet and act like nothing ever happened. I get it NOW.
What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! Learn the lesson that was meant to be learned and move on! Cause you are Queen and do not settle to treated less then that!
No your deal breakers ladies and don’t be afraid to say no. Being single is not a curse, it’s a self empowering growth period to learn about ourselves. The stronger we are, the more aware we are of our needs, and the bullshit we can kick to the curb.
I congratulated my ex when he left me for another woman! Felt really empowering because I left with my dignity, and self-esteem on high. He later came back and asked me for a relationship - I said no. Stay strong ladies - there are plenty of good men out there, but we only have one life! Love yourself first, and everything else falls into place. Blessings.
He wasn't a loss by far. If it was that easy for him to just give up on that woman that was there for him, that really shows what type of moral character he has. Also, not every man thats married is faithful. And yes, there are a lot of smoky mirrors and blird lines nowadays in these so called "relationships". If a person shows you who they really are.....you know the rest. Character just doesn't change over nite. Thanks for the great advice(; #TeamJaxn
No one owes me anything including love. I owe it to myself to love me, and make up for all shortages. So if I'm not given/shown love...I have enough to supply myself, and kick a bastard out my life.
Simone Christie girl yes no one owes us. Some women are blessed to come across a man whom she’s attracted to, good in bed and good to her. Some of us are not. But no one owe us anything, if we decide to be wife material and it fails it’s no ones fault but ours, it was our gamble but if it’s not in vain and succeeded then that’s a gamble we’ve won. LOVE YOU ANYWAY
LaQuonda Boyd Thanks for your response. I so love this platform and its deep conversations it produces. Woman to woman, we can share plus learn from each other. Currently I am in a marriage. No relationship is perfect, only perfect for both parties who have signed on the dotted line. In any relationship we must be cautiously optimistic, simultaneously enter into a union with so much love for ourselves, no one can shake. Also that our partner will catch on, and treat us how we treat ourselves. Nothing is written in stone. I would advice everyone to be self sufficient. Even in love. The best of relationships have crumbled. Keep in mind that people fall in and out of love. On the other hand, some enter in relationships out of love for others, simply because they are in search of self. As a result, pretending to be something they are not. In the process hurting or neglecting duties of a relationship. I'll say it again, "no one owes me anything, including love". The only love that stands the test of time is "self love." In the meantime when love enters in my life, given/shown to me I welcome it. In fact, who turns down a good thing. I cannot speak for anyone but myself. Personally I don't turn down love. However, love myself so much, that I am cognizant of the absence/presence of love. Enough to send a partner packing, or hold as a keeper. Beautiful conversation. Life must be lived to its fullest, in happiness and abundance. When that's lacking we should not short change opportunity to bliss of life.
This is so true. Too many women lower their standards or get rid of them all together for a man who has given up nothing in return. Tell him what you want and if he can't or won't give it, keep it moving ladies!
Twice I thought I was the woman who "prepared" men. Both times those ex's (one an ex husband) tried to come back to me. One after dating multiple women and the other right after his fiancée just had their child. Of course I didn't take either back. While a part of me felt bad for the women that had dealt with what I had already went through, the other part of me was satisfied knowing that it wasn't my fault; I just chose the wrong men.
I know I’m late here but I know exactly what you mean about the “it not being your fault” my ex left me for another girl they got engaged right away then she was pregnant. I was like I’ve been sitting over here for 2 years w you and you never asked me. I was heart broken and he was over there getting married and having kids?! I was dumb founded. Anyway they never got married he told me and so did a mutual friend that she is his nightmare for life now because they have a child together but he hates her. I’m forever the one that got away, I’ve heard it from him and his friends and he compares his new girls to me and the relationships always fail and I know why. There’s just something satisfying about that “all that glitters isn’t really gold” amen to that 🙏
Personally I think it may be easier said than done but dont focus on what he is doing with the new chick whether it is great or not. Save yourself the headache.
Jeanne Marie Thompson GOD!!!,BLESS THE...NEW WOMAN....BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY OFF! TO A...BAD!!!! START!...BECAUSE HE JUST SHOWED! BAD!!!! BASIC!... "CHARACTER"!!!! FLAW!/FLAWS!.... I DON'T!!! ENVY!!!...NONE! OF THAT! B.S. !!!! 😀
So true! As far as I'm concerned, All men are the same, u just catch them at different stages in their lives. You either get one that is still playing games or the one that had played games but is reformed and tired.
HazelEyes sorry you’ve been through so much that you’ve become jaded, but not “all men are the same”. That’s the point DJ makes all the time....there are good dudes out there. Don’t give up on love girl!
It's just so sad that we invest our time to "prepare" them for someone else. I just about want to say that it's not fair. Like a kid throwing a tantrum "it's not faaaaaaair". 😔
They're not all the same, but the vast majority is either playing games or reformed and tired. That's just the plain truth. You need to find one that is not interested in playing games, but is young, full of life and wants to share it with you. Easier said than done...
A good woman never gives up on the man they love, but when they have done everything but recieves nothing again and again she is done, there is no getting her back.
Another point also. Similar to a situation I'm dealing with now. A woman of virtue will not give herself freely to a man. That man moved on to something that he was getting that he wasn't from you. NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS FOR NO ONE. That is why we must be happy and at peace in our own skin and with who we are. When sex is the only foundation...guess what? He will not be fulfilled ...he will Never be satisfied.
Marcie Jennings WHO SAID IT WAS ONLY SEX, SHIT YOU COULD BE BENDING OVER BACKWARDS AND DOING EVERYTHING AND MAKING SURE HE'S WELL IN OTHER WAYS, AND STILL HE WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO, AND WOMEN WILL TOO, NOW A DAYS PEOPLE'S HEART'S ARE JUST WHAT THEY SHOW ❤❤❤❤
OK. First of all I never said it was just a sex thing. I used sex as an example of why the man will give his attention somewhere else. Which is the majority of the reason why men move on somewhere else. I was saying if that is why he moved on he will not be satisfied with the other woman because sex is not a fulfillment. I know about looking out for a man's heart is his well being. I wasn't giving it up and he decided to be a hoe chaser. So now I pulled the plug we are merely work friends, that's it and he can seek those hoes for what I was doing. Trust me a hoe can never fill the shoes of a real woman. There are just certain things they will NOT do. Hopefully this clears up what I was trying to express.
Thank you. I was that woman that let a man do whatever he wanted, not anymore. Now im upfront. And if he dont like it, then leave. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. Keep your videos coming. I appreciate you and what you have to say.
So true, I tried with my ex now he's got a 36 year drunk, so he's not doing better , I have a home and a car , not a drunk but they don't have anything, they are sleeping on a friends couch. Grass ain't always greener.
I told him up front what i wanted & he still strung me along, told me i helped him evolve & felt complete but he with someone else. Nobody wants to make someone better for someone else. Just dont kno ppl intentions. But shes willing to turn a blind i & i wasnt
Amen Derrick this was my last relationship. Since we departed he have been with numerous other women after me but I learned my lesson. He was definitely taking my kindness as a weakness.
You’re absolutely right. A big problem is women (like myself), may not have the words to articulate exactly what they want even if they know. Or they don’t want to come across as inaccessible or not willing to work with a man to build the relationship. Society dictates that ambitious women are to be scorned but ambitious men are celebrated, whether it’s career or relationships.
Paper Mario I used to be the same way. Only it wasted 14 years of my life with the wrong man. Worst of all is after the 14 years, I still need time to heal so add a ++ to that. I highly recommend you watch Chloe_... & start at the beginning of her videos❤️perhaps 2yrs later? 😂😂😂(just checked the date of your reply) she might be helpful to you too.
Hmm I agree and I dont. Most of the time men get bored and when hes forced to realize a serious relationship requires work, he leaves for another. Yes, a woman should have higher standards, but even with high standards he can cheat and leave for another side piece. The problem is many men and woman just hook up, get bored then move on. And if shes hotter, or better in any way, then he puts a ring on it. Its been done time and time again. The funnier part is ever since I started youtube and my work, my exs have been crawling back.. and I tell them to drop dead 😇🤣 I knew theyd come crawling back because i treated them better than most women usually do. Now, im single and treat myself the way I treated them. 🥳 Success is the BEST revenge. 💘
He was a waste of your time. And ladies please leave these married men, future-faking like they're going to get a divorce, alone. There's no future with him. DUH! He's disrespecting his wife by being with you. Even if he does leave her to be with you, he will do the same to you, in due time. Don't be no fool; you are worthy!
This was me and I NEVER in a million years thought I would fall for this. I was always the person that would give friends advice when they happened to be in the situation but I came across a guy that seeemed genuine that played upon my emotions. The amount of lies and the picture he painted of his marriage was so believable. I am truly ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to not be duped and now I am paying the price of heartache. I am having to learn to forgive myself for what I did and take the lesson that I learned and move on.
jcallwood25 please forgive yourself because one thing about those types they are extremely charming.All womanizers are. So you have to look at it as a lesson learned. I know it's hard so if you're going to beat yourself, please only use a feather.😉 I as well as many of us have been in those shoes.
BONA FIDE a caring thoughtful response..not surprisingly acquired by hard won experience.. Part of living is often being given the opportunity to ' see more deeply ' into perspectives you once, perhaps with some arrogance said " Never I.." We all would be wiser and share from a deeper, more authentic and valuable place if we could keep this in mind..
Exactly just went through this. I gave him 9 years, and it only took seconds for him to defile the marriage, with lies and cheating. #divorceisfinal # singleagain
Men are funny like that. They'll let you help them, build them up etc., but I think all the time thinking that the woman that's doing it they cannot handle because of her position in her life. All the while I think they are secretly feeling emasculated and when they finally get themselves together, due to the woman's help, they move on to someone who may be a little more dependent on them. Just don't be afraid to be alone. Who is for you is for you and you don't have to put up with mess. I know this from experience.
I think ur right. Men don’t like independent capable strong women. They want to be “Captain Save-a-hoe” even if it means saving a real hoe from the street. In fact, that’s the ultimate prize.
So true. I waited ten years for a ring that never came. 1 year after the relationship finally ended, he was married with 2 boys on the way. A decade wasted I will never get back. Next.
If he can move onto someone else when i treated him right he didn't love me nor did he have any respect for my input or my feelings when he decided to leave. Good riddance.
🙌 I been married 3 yrs and currently in this situation. He up and left w a whole different girl. He don't treat her well regardless of them tryna make it seem like they so happy. But whateva. Im focused on me & my daughter. He will realize what he lost and its too late. ❌⛔🚫
YEP so tru..cus I was that WOMAN that did the "fixer upper" for the NEXT woman...i mean gave this MAN a whole new LIFE...helped in the look's department..he saw my work ethnics and wanted to b like me so I impowered him on finding a good paying job (which he never had) ok.. a whole new LIFE...introduce him to sm quality ppl...but guess what he DID went bac to past women that DIDN'T want him wen he was shitty..but NOW since he got new career and me on his arms making him look good THEM women frm his past envied ME so "NOW I want him"...and he fell for IT..im LIKE oh k I WILL NEVER fix up a ninja EVER for the NEXT bih! yeah freaking RIGHT
Now a days like my man here said once before some men are out for help and not a serious realtionship so be careful of what you choose to get involved with some will waste your time just for the fun of it and some will come with more baggage then you can handle
The true blessing in many cases is that now somebody new will be graced with his demonic bull**** and it's only a matter of time before his fangs will show!
markeetawins and what if the man comes correct for the new woman? What if he isn’t demonic? What if he treats her like a queen and is loyal to her? Does that mean that you were actually the problem? I see a lot of women on here essentially wishing destruction on the new relationship that they got left for but that doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes the couple moves on to a lifelong relationship that they’re happy with. This happened to me with a guy I was with for 7 years. I was angry for a long time but it was over 20 years ago and they’re still together so it musta worked out for them. Ijs wishing ill on the next woman is pointless; put that resentment behind you and move forward.
Both points are great. We shouldn’t assume our ex-for-a-reason is doing better by someone else. Don’t be afraid to be single until you meet the man who’s prepared to give you the love you deserve.
And this is your it doesn't bother me when he moves on to the next because I already know what the next chick is getting I mean hell he if didn't do rght by me what makes her think he will do rght by her? Some of these dudes are real actors and opptunist and you have to be able to recognizes game when it's being played on you cause if you don't you will be hurt and disappointed..
Shadonna Kinney.. you strongly feel that if a man does you wrong then he will absolutely sooner or later do it to the next? I don't believe in Karma but is the saying "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" so true?
Audiee Girl I think there’s a fair chance he will, if that’s who he is ie: simply a jerk (and they’re out there). But even if he doesn’t treat the new girl badly, he still didn’t step up for Shadonna and other women when it was time to, and she doesn’t have control over that. So it’s best to find a man who, if not a jerk, is at least ready to recognise a decent woman when he finds one.
I have always tried to be a woman that tries to help her man if I can even more so in a marriage. But to no avail my kindness and goodness was taken for granted. And I will do it again when the right man comes into my life. I am a ride or die woman but I know I have to wait on that ride or die man. And I don't go to clubs looking for men or anywhere else for that matter. I just know that I can't do it anymore, be that woman that nurtures unless he's is the right one and that he will love me and WANT TO BE WITH ME. And I will be willing to wait on the man that can commit. "I don't want an anybody's man!" type of guy. Thanks Derrick.
This video was so true to my life that it hit my soul! I’ve got to stop being the launching pad and be the woman who requires the preparation. How do you know my life like this Mr. Jaxn?! 😱😂 #TeamJaxn
I hardly comment, but this was spot on. Ladies, always stay true to yourself and don't be afraid to state upfront what you need from a man. If he can't meet those requirements he is not the one for you. And its perfectly ok. Thank you Derrick.
because like a parent child relationship, the boy grows and goes into the world, if he's not nurturing you mutually you're his mother and he will go away and meet a mate, if you're giving and giving and he mostly takes
Omg...my ex did this to me..i was so angry..i couldn't sleep..i cried hard but i finally got over his no good butt..i did tell him that karma is real...guess what he said...karma cant touch him...that dog think he's untouchable...i told his butt..every living thing can be touched
Naturegirl121 me too idk heart tells me to just be patient, my mind tells me to let it go! Hard part is he’s made me happier than any other man in my life. But I️ think my kindness is taken for weakness...
TheStar798 I totally agree with you. I went through an almost similar thing. Some dudes are just really patient hey. I think that every women should just do what they want to do. Just look at John Legend and Chrissy Teagan. She says they hooked up the first day they met, after shooting John's music video for the song Stereo and they have been together and married for long and have a baby girl. So how do you explain that?
I’m done with the male species 😂😭 too many hoops to jump through, puzzle pieces to put together and riddles to figure out just to POSSIBLY find a decent man ✌🏾
Deep seated values that determine personality and behavior do not change without some major personal catastrophe. Personality traits tend to be very rigid and stable over time so a man that treated one woman poorly will usually treat another poorly as well. Perhaps not in the exact same way, since different circumstances can influence that, but he will still be driven by the same values that shaped his persistent negative character traits and that will still result in negative consequences for another woman, one way or another. A good person does not use their intimate partner merely to get ahead or to facilitate him finding another woman. That is a bad character and the world is chock full of people with bad characters. Also sometimes two people with equally bad characters are naturally drawn to each other. Birds of a bad feather can have a stable relationship based on their mutually ugly character traits but people unlike them would be miserable in the same circumstance, in which case you can be thankful it's not you.
I was the woman who has standards and he was always trying to get me to lower my (reasonable) expectations. His expectations where always high and I found myself running ragged trying to keep him happy while supporting the household on my own as he was chasing his showbiz dreams. I even helped him book and promote shows but in the end it didn’t matter. He found someone else that probably would let him get away with anything. I’m all set with a man now. I’m working on me, my own business and I’ve found the woman that I lost in that relationship. I’m never going back to anything less than what I deserve. If that means I’ll be alone forever, then I’m really okay with that.
He just summed up my whole last year in one video🙌 From the woman that prepared, to the woman that wont settle for less. He was doing all kinds of pushing and pulling that hurt me deeply until I hit the point where I was like, Look get your ish together, then give me a call. I love you and want to help you grow but Im tired of being taken advantage of. I see my worth now after looking back on all I did for him and what Im willing to do for my man, and I believe I deserve equal effort.
I was there for my ex helped him encouraged him and loved him deeply and he left me for another woman who had a little more than me left me heart broken and he called me yesterday talking about he love me and he was thinking of me but I told him I love him but it’s not in my best interest to keep this situation going so he is her problem completely
i’m going through the same situation now. He left me for another woman just out of the blue cause shes older than i am and prob has more than i do. An left a 6 years bond for a greener grass. But wait till he sees that the other side isn’t as green as it intend to be.
Hard to hear, but Truth is a hard pill to swallow! With that being said, it took me a long time to be the woman Men come prepared for...Because I was too busy sulking in a place in my psyche where I felt like a victim. Maturity for me has come with a series of heartaches and life lessons as is the case in most of us. I just want women to know that nothing or nobody has the power to suppress you!! Sometimes when we as women become involved and get married really young or when we as women are simply innocent and pure and aren't tainted. We can become lost in giving to him, pouring onto him, essentially losing yourself and end up so lost that we aren't even the strong woman that we should be. We lose us and we lose him and end up being the woman that prepared that man for someone else. But, I digress. My point is: Women Let's Empower ourselves, let's not focus on a man that is willing to walk away. We hold ourselves high, bid them good riddance and Focus and put in the energy to give to US, to pour into US!!! We Pray much and we Learn much. Once you have mastered giving to YOU, empowering YOU, Growing YOU, you won't settle for anyone that gives you less than!!! Love and Blessings Queens!!
I approve this message, this is where I'm at in my life. Your videos are always a mouthful. Prayerfully people are taking your advice & not just watching for fun. #TeamJaxn
bashful0502.. I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. My ex treated me bad and marry someone eles. I was devastated at first but I had to realize it was God plan. Yes.. He came back to apologize afterwards. I was strong enough to accept his apology at that time. I couldn't be more happier and free from all the pain. He still try to call me time to time. I'm stronger and happy now and don't accept no phone calls from him. I'm like sorry.. His lost.. 😊
Well I definitely gave my ex the best years of my life. However, I’m grateful for the years spent, I learned so much about myself through the process. you stated it can appear to be all good but in reality could be totally different, now that’s facts. I feel if that person don’t find God they will never completely change only God can change the heart. However, I wish my ex an his new love the best. I know God has someone amazing for me so I’ll wait on my king.
Jenny Le Accept it for what it is, It wasn't meant to be...The transition is going to be hard but it will pass, use your time Wisely an prepare yourself for what u want❤
Move on as quick as possible. It is not worth hanging out wanting him back. Trust me the moment you’ll move on, he will come Back and not with the best intentions tho. Move on.... It took me 7 years to learn the lesson. What he did to you, he will do to the next girl, and the next one and the next one. You are just one other person in his life. Don't let your own ego play you.... :) learn to love yourself by taking all the time you need to get to know yourself better and do the things you enjoy doing....
Dumoneak White hey no shame if you acknowledge it! Now that your consious of it you can decide how you want to spend your time and at least choose a path that you can live with 😘 love u sis ( I was a guys launch pad too but I don't let them waste any more of my precious life)
Dumoneak White that's ok your human you made a mistake. But u know the best part about mistakes ......you can correct them and change the course of your life just hang in there things will get better
I've been the set up woman before but I can proudly and honestly say I've grown to become the prepared woman now. Im more so the woman who says if you ain't got it together you won't waste my time getting it together
Didn't you listen to the video?? Because some women are just supposed to be in that man's life for a season, and help him better himself for the next woman. As wrong as that sounds, it's the sad truth in many situations. Also, some men like women who won't take no shit from them and are very straight forward from the jump. A best selling book "why men love bitches" explains that
right.. come prepared.. I can't miss something he never gave.. thx u for these videos. it teaches me what to look for. my eyes and ears are open and legs closed. REAL TALK..
I think it is good advice to be clear about what you want and state it. Being indecisive or murky doesn't help you nor help to build the brother into a man. So many brothers were raised by mothers who can't do the effective job of growing her son into a man.
Absolutely love love this message!!! So spot on! I've been thru this and it sucks! A whole marriage with 5 children...and i was only preparing him. Wow. Thank u Derrick! I think there's also one more reason this happens tho...he wasn't the right one for you...period.
My last relationship taught me alot. And now I'm not afraid to be single or alone because I know that iam a good woman and I deserve the best rather if it's a intimate or regular relationship.
I said some of these stuff to my ex.I told him you move got married What you thought you was gonna have bed of roses.If you were meant for my future you would never leave.My grandmother use to say whatever is for you will not pass you.I have so much growth since watching your videos.I am happy now free spirited.Love me more.Thank I got rid of toxic people and the liars and cheaters.I told the guys I meet I have played the games you play .lol.
This message is so true. I have been that woman up until recently that gives so much to her man then he goes and gives that elsewhere. But no more! If you want me then you better be prepared
The "Warmup" woman sounds like me. lol. I should be receiving a plethora of "Thank You", letters from all the women I helped prepare their men for. All I can do is laugh now. GOD is in control. ❤❤❤
You took the Words right out of my Mouth....Time wasted is a very Hard Pill to Swallow.... Especially if you was hanging on their EVERY word and Promises and before you knew it years has lapsed you Wifey doing your Best and All-n- All but on their end Nothing. But the Next he Goes All Out For. Everything happens for a Reason. We also need to know when we are dealing with a Narcissist. Our best will always be our Worst, then we get so Overwhelmed we turn into the Worst Versions of Ourselves because we realize Everything was just a LIE.
That happened to me when I was very young. I was very trusting. I assumed he had good intentions. We were together 3-4 years off and on. I was the oldest in my family. I was like the 3rd parent. I was told I had to let my brothers get away with things because I was older, that I knew better. That my siblings didn't understand. Unfortunately, I took that attitude with me in all of my peer relationships. I assumed when someone hurt me, that they just didn't know better, that if they understood, they wouldn't have done it. It took a long time, I finally realized that belief didn't serve me. I had bad boundaries and disappointing relationships. Healthy relationships are a two way street. It must be mutually enriching. One person can't carry a relationship. I used to feel like a failure if a relationship didn't work out. "If only I was a better communicator". If someone isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated, they are responsible for their behavior. Everyone should have requirements. Derrick, that IS so important. You are right. When I was younger I didn't know that was something one should do, could do. When it comes to men-- educate yourself. Learn from other people. Don't assume anything. Be clear about your expectations, Ask about their intentions, does the word and the deed go hand in hand, don't put up with excuses. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. Get out. Sorry so long. I wanted to give some insight why some people may go through that alot. Also, maybe if someone else sees them self in my story, they can learn from it and stop sooner than I did. God bless.🙏❤
I totally agree being the woman he had to be prepared for. And at the same time he WAS saying " You think you're better then" not I just knew better dealt with it for 3 yrs to long until I finally had enough. Thanks this message was right on time.
Another GREAT video, Derrick! As a girl of about 11 or 12, I knew a man who dated a woman for 10 years. The night b4 his wedding to another woman, he slept with this woman then told her he was getting married in the morning. He was bragging about it as if that was a good thing. Even tho I was a young shorty, I knew that was awful fuckboy behavior. :-( #TeamJaxn
I was the one he came "prepared for". They leave us too. They're narcissistic. It's only good when he has that "new" feeling and when he feels like being good. I'm still healing. We've been divorced for 3 years
SO MUCH TRUTH!!!!! Jaxn I'm learning SO MUCH from you!! You are confirming everything my Dad has been teaching me for years. Now that I'm a Grown Woman its so nice to here the truth from another guy!!! #keepgoing #keeptellingthetruth
Let him be someone else's headache.
Exactly !!!
True dat!
*ABSOLUTELY* 😔
TRUE!!!😂
lol girl you're right!
1. You can't raise a man
2. The grass ain't always greener on the other side
3. They don't change one day to the next.
NeverPerfectByKidult Old sayings for sure ...
Because you're doing too much. Men don't like women who do too much. Women need to read that book "Why Men Love Bitches" ... also did you listen to the video?
A Matt It really doesn't matter depending on the guy men tend to live lies for years.... Women most of the time are more up front
NeverPerfectByKidult And sometimes there is...NOOOO "Grass"!...it's...CEMENT!!!🤤😀😀🤤
Soooo we gonna just act like it’s always the men ?lol ok
Ladies NEVER stay caught up move on, and DON'T loose any sleep over him, because I guarantee he's sleeping like a baby in the new relationship
Woman too
@@darylcampbell5952 umm no! this applies to males!!! stop trying to play victim! men are the pursuers nd women get more emotionally attached after sex...so a woman has more ot lose than a man can ever!!!
He may not be sleeping like a baby. It's possible that "Karma" maybe keeping him up at night. You can't do evil time after time and have peace. You never know what truly is going on.
I'm Different exactly
@@illmeeillmee9373 that’s not true for every man
never built a man up,he will end up leaving you for someone else
Woman too with I need space.
Been there and done that.
@@jaxcoss5790 💎👑👑👑❤💞💓💓💔💖💖💋💋💋💖💖💔💔💔💔👑 THANK YOU SO MUCH SWEETHEART 👑💋💖💖💔💔💔❤💞💘💔💖
For real
Exactly what happen to me
My only regret is that I have wasted so many years of my life with the wrong men and gave away all of my best years. I wished that I would have had someone like Derrick to give me this advise when I was in my 20's but I just have to be thankful for the advise now because although I am 45 I am very blessed to appear 25 and have great health. So I will take this advise and continue to be that great women that I am and not let non loyal men change me. Here's to new beginnings! Thank you Derrick!
Jacqueline Alexander reading your post, you sound like you’re all done. I’m 47 and let me tell you, girl you are NOT done. Just keep an open mind. The man for you could be any age or race. Sometimes we find love when we least expected.
You best years are the ones ahead of you......with knowledge and wisdom to choose better.
These are the best years of our life, Jackie! I felt the same way, but now I know different. You're still here, so that means that your experience(s) were just lessons in preparation your blessing(s).
Thank you! I really appreciate the encouragement and I am looking forward to a brighter more enlightened future! Peace and blessings to you msbri2u!
Jacqueline Alexander chiiiiiiile OMG...😓
Once youve been through alot in relationships you automatically become the woman that a man has to come prepared for. After failed relationships and heartbreak over and over again you become wiser i am now that woman who doesnt mind being single if it means not settling. I dont mind waiting but in the meantime im enjoying the hell out of this #singlelife 💃💃😝😂😂😂
Latosha Lester yeah heartbreal has a way to making you become wiser because its a pain that you dont want to experience anymore.
Latosha Lester
ENJOY 💯💯💯💯
Redd Queen
Best piece of advice
You are such a pretty lady hopefully u will have a wonderful husband someday
He was the wrong guy one. It's doesn't matter. What one won't accept there are many who would. It's not a loss. This is why you don't give anyone YEARS without a commitment.
Shhhhhhh bae is talking..... Yummmm!
Selena Thomas AMEN!!!!!
Selena Thomas "YEARS"!!!!!!!
Well said Selena!!
Selena Thomas and don't forget...even in marriage/commitment the same thing happens as well.
Once I learned to stay emotionally unattached, is when I grew into my power. The right man will give you a reason to open your heart to him. Usually that reason will come with a ring.
the sad truth is that men fuck over their wives too. a ring doesn't necessarily guarantee safety from a broken heart.
I agree but what I meant to say is staying unattached in the beginning helps to keep the man and how he treats you in perspective. Women have a tendency to put up with a lot because they're too involved emotionally.
Newmoonbloom yes totally agree
Sometimes, shit doesn't reveal itself until after you open your heart. What do you do when you've done everything right? and It doesn't work. I'm really tired of this shit. Its so hard to navigate.
@@chloereneenneoma Young lady, it's possible that you are upset with the information you've disclosed. Men aren't complicated. Most are well versed in manipulation, be careful.
Never take a person’s kindness as a weakness. Likely the woman he chose will dump him the minute she sees something even better and he’ll come crawling back...likely by then it will be too late...remember, the Lord loves a cheerful giver. Acts of kindness are not in vain. The right man for you will see your heart. If he couldn’t during the season you both were together, then obviously it was not meant to be and consider yourself saved from potentially a lifetime of putting up with him growing up on your watch and possibly never truly measuring up. The right man will come with no assembly required...
Casandra Horner Amen claiming it!
Damn Casandra! You right on point! Bless you
Absolutely!
Casandra Horner ❤❤
Absolutely loved this! Definitely the message I needed! Thanks ☺️🙏❤️
They will leave, but most of them will try and come back. They will tell you all the crazy things their new girl/wife does to them. I used to listen just to be like "that who you wanted though." Now, I don't even bother. I wish them well and move on with life.
meika79 EXACTLY MOVE ON KNOWING YOU ARE WORTHY AND ROYALTY
meika79
THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO, AND BREATHE 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Riiiight! 🙌
👏👏👏💯
These men are draining. Seems like they either looking for someone to take care of them or want you to bend over backwards and please them while they do little to nothing in return. I cant deal with a man who cheats over and over again or someone who expects me to shut up and not voice who I feel. Its exhausting man! I dont even want a relationship truth be told. I dont put in any effort and let the man do all the work to win me over and show that he wants it. Until then, I do nothing.
Leyah McMillan
I FEEL YOU, UNDERSTANDABLE 💯💯💯💯
U never lied!! 💯
You are a gift from God Derrick!!! You ARE a REAL MAN!!!😙😙😙😚
Yes. That's the problem. Be a doormat. Don't have a voice. Be a pushover. Put up with being let down for dates. That's how you keep a man nowadays. Because as soon as you speak up they are out the door. Don't ever confront a man about standing you up for a date. You're suppose to just be quiet and act like nothing ever happened. I get it NOW.
💯
On point! I refuse to be a man’s placeholder. I’ve learned from my mistakes.
Ditto!
What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! Learn the lesson that was meant to be learned and move on! Cause you are Queen and do not settle to treated less then that!
Gilbria Mickel AMEN!!!
Gilbria Mickel I received that!
yessss 👏 say THAT 👏
❤
No your deal breakers ladies and don’t be afraid to say no. Being single is not a curse, it’s a self empowering growth period to learn about ourselves. The stronger we are, the more aware we are of our needs, and the bullshit we can kick to the curb.
I congratulated my ex when he left me for another woman! Felt really empowering because I left with my dignity, and self-esteem on high. He later came back and asked me for a relationship - I said no. Stay strong ladies - there are plenty of good men out there, but we only have one life! Love yourself first, and everything else falls into place. Blessings.
He wasn't a loss by far. If it was that easy for him to just give up on that woman that was there for him, that really shows what type of moral character he has. Also, not every man thats married is faithful. And yes, there are a lot of smoky mirrors and blird lines nowadays in these so called "relationships". If a person shows you who they really are.....you know the rest. Character just doesn't change over nite. Thanks for the great advice(; #TeamJaxn
No one owes me anything including love. I owe it to myself to love me, and make up for all shortages.
So if I'm not given/shown love...I have enough to supply myself, and kick a bastard out my life.
SAINTS AND SINNERS thanks
Simone Christie girl yes no one owes us. Some women are blessed to come across a man whom she’s attracted to, good in bed and good to her. Some of us are not. But no one owe us anything, if we decide to be wife material and it fails it’s no ones fault but ours, it was our gamble but if it’s not in vain and succeeded then that’s a gamble we’ve won. LOVE YOU ANYWAY
LaQuonda Boyd Thanks for your response. I so love this platform and its deep conversations it produces.
Woman to woman, we can share plus learn from each other. Currently I am in a marriage. No relationship is perfect, only perfect for both parties who have signed on the dotted line.
In any relationship we must be cautiously optimistic, simultaneously enter into a union with so much love for ourselves, no one can shake. Also that our partner will catch on, and treat us how we treat ourselves.
Nothing is written in stone. I would advice everyone to be self sufficient. Even in love. The best of relationships have crumbled. Keep in mind that people fall in and out of love. On the other hand, some enter in relationships out of love for others, simply because they are in search of self. As a result, pretending to be something they are not. In the process hurting or neglecting duties of a relationship.
I'll say it again, "no one owes me anything, including love". The only love that stands the test of time is "self love."
In the meantime when love enters in my life, given/shown to me I welcome it. In fact, who turns down a good thing. I cannot speak for anyone but myself. Personally I don't turn down love. However, love myself so much, that I am cognizant of the absence/presence of love. Enough to send a partner packing, or hold as a keeper.
Beautiful conversation.
Life must be lived to its fullest, in happiness and abundance.
When that's lacking we should not short change opportunity to bliss of life.
Well said! I feel the same way.
Melanie R thank you
Know your worth and your standards!!
dede fountain yesss!!!
Google User yaaaas....state your relationship goals UP Front....they GOT the boy you prepare for the MAN🤗
This is so true. Too many women lower their standards or get rid of them all together for a man who has given up nothing in return. Tell him what you want and if he can't or won't give it, keep it moving ladies!
Thats what i be saying, a man could have a good woman, and would rather risk everything they built together, for something temporary smdh😒😒😒
It's so painful :'(
Twice I thought I was the woman who "prepared" men. Both times those ex's (one an ex husband) tried to come back to me. One after dating multiple women and the other right after his fiancée just had their child. Of course I didn't take either back. While a part of me felt bad for the women that had dealt with what I had already went through, the other part of me was satisfied knowing that it wasn't my fault; I just chose the wrong men.
StylistNtraining did the guy still get married to his fiancé after trying to get back with you behind her back?
StylistNtraining Which one is the ex husband? The one who dated multiple women or the one who became engaged to another woman and got pregnant?
My ex called me and apologized for everything because what he has was the worst decision ever and said nope you left for it so enjoy it
I know I’m late here but I know exactly what you mean about the “it not being your fault” my ex left me for another girl they got engaged right away then she was pregnant. I was like I’ve been sitting over here for 2 years w you and you never asked me. I was heart broken and he was over there getting married and having kids?! I was dumb founded. Anyway they never got married he told me and so did a mutual friend that she is his nightmare for life now because they have a child together but he hates her. I’m forever the one that got away, I’ve heard it from him and his friends and he compares his new girls to me and the relationships always fail and I know why. There’s just something satisfying about that “all that glitters isn’t really gold” amen to that 🙏
Personally I think it may be easier said than done but dont focus on what he is doing with the new chick whether it is great or not. Save yourself the headache.
Jeanne Marie Thompson Amen to this. Best revenge is to become better and let them watch your glow up.
Amen
I've always said about my ex. I had the best of him because now he is raggedy lol. Keep him haha
Jeanne Marie Thompson yes sister yes i needed to hear that
Jeanne Marie Thompson GOD!!!,BLESS THE...NEW WOMAN....BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY OFF! TO A...BAD!!!! START!...BECAUSE HE JUST SHOWED! BAD!!!! BASIC!...
"CHARACTER"!!!! FLAW!/FLAWS!....
I DON'T!!! ENVY!!!...NONE! OF THAT! B.S. !!!! 😀
So true! As far as I'm concerned, All men are the same, u just catch them at different stages in their lives. You either get one that is still playing games or the one that had played games but is reformed and tired.
HazelEyes sorry you’ve been through so much that you’ve become jaded, but not “all men are the same”. That’s the point DJ makes all the time....there are good dudes out there. Don’t give up on love girl!
HazelEyes
RIGHT ON 💯💯💯💯
It's just so sad that we invest our time to "prepare" them for someone else. I just about want to say that it's not fair. Like a kid throwing a tantrum "it's not faaaaaaair". 😔
They're not all the same, but the vast majority is either playing games or reformed and tired. That's just the plain truth. You need to find one that is not interested in playing games, but is young, full of life and wants to share it with you. Easier said than done...
and or needs medical care.
He is the guy you don’t cry over because he did you a favor by getting with someone else. Less drama for you 😉#teamjaxn
A good woman never gives up on the man they love, but when they have done everything but recieves nothing again and again she is done, there is no getting her back.
Another point also. Similar to a situation I'm dealing with now. A woman of virtue will not give herself freely to a man. That man moved on to something that he was getting that he wasn't from you. NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS FOR NO ONE. That is why we must be happy and at peace in our own skin and with who we are. When sex is the only foundation...guess what? He will not be fulfilled ...he will Never be satisfied.
Marcie Jennings
WHO SAID IT WAS ONLY SEX, SHIT YOU COULD BE BENDING OVER BACKWARDS AND DOING EVERYTHING AND MAKING SURE HE'S WELL IN OTHER WAYS, AND STILL HE WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO, AND WOMEN WILL TOO, NOW A DAYS PEOPLE'S HEART'S ARE JUST WHAT THEY SHOW ❤❤❤❤
OK. First of all I never said it was just a sex thing. I used sex as an example of why the man will give his attention somewhere else. Which is the majority of the reason why men move on somewhere else. I was saying if that is why he moved on he will not be satisfied with the other woman because sex is not a fulfillment. I know about looking out for a man's heart is his well being. I wasn't giving it up and he decided to be a hoe chaser. So now I pulled the plug we are merely work friends, that's it and he can seek those hoes for what I was doing. Trust me a hoe can never fill the shoes of a real woman. There are just certain things they will NOT do. Hopefully this clears up what I was trying to express.
This is everything to me.
Marcie Jennings I get you you said it best for me!!! Thank You!!!👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽💖
Marcie Jennings especially narcs
Thank you. I was that woman that let a man do whatever he wanted, not anymore. Now im upfront. And if he dont like it, then leave. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. Keep your videos coming. I appreciate you and what you have to say.
Not all that glitter is Gold. It could very well be smoking mirrors.
Amen
V Wiggins Smoke and mirrors! Absolutely!
So true, I tried with my ex now he's got a 36 year drunk, so he's not doing better , I have a home and a car , not a drunk but they don't have anything, they are sleeping on a friends couch. Grass ain't always greener.
Or Fools Gold 😉
I told him up front what i wanted & he still strung me along, told me i helped him evolve & felt complete but he with someone else. Nobody wants to make someone better for someone else. Just dont kno ppl intentions. But shes willing to turn a blind i & i wasnt
Toyia Michelle 🤨hmmm that is an issue I think that's why I stopped dating 'potential'. Is that what your situation was, dating potential I mean?
Ashawndra Edwards He said he wanted to be better than what he has been in his past relationships & i did see the potential. So i gave him a chance.
Toyia Michelle same, and I even check the video that were saying this is how u can tell if he loves u etc
Toyia Michelle yep..we have to stop giving ANY dude that has ONLY potential...there is really no benefit to dealing with men who have only potential.
@@kawaiisenshi2401 0
Amen Derrick this was my last relationship. Since we departed he have been with numerous other women after me but I learned my lesson. He was definitely taking my kindness as a weakness.
You’re absolutely right. A big problem is women (like myself), may not have the words to articulate exactly what they want even if they know. Or they don’t want to come across as inaccessible or not willing to work with a man to build the relationship. Society dictates that ambitious women are to be scorned but ambitious men are celebrated, whether it’s career or relationships.
Paper Mario yess! You said it!!
Paper Mario I used to be the same way. Only it wasted 14 years of my life with the wrong man. Worst of all is after the 14 years, I still need time to heal so add a ++ to that.
I highly recommend you watch Chloe_... & start at the beginning of her videos❤️perhaps 2yrs later? 😂😂😂(just checked the date of your reply) she might be helpful to you too.
Hmm I agree and I dont. Most of the time men get bored and when hes forced to realize a serious relationship requires work, he leaves for another. Yes, a woman should have higher standards, but even with high standards he can cheat and leave for another side piece. The problem is many men and woman just hook up, get bored then move on. And if shes hotter, or better in any way, then he puts a ring on it. Its been done time and time again. The funnier part is ever since I started youtube and my work, my exs have been crawling back.. and I tell them to drop dead 😇🤣 I knew theyd come crawling back because i treated them better than most women usually do. Now, im single and treat myself the way I treated them. 🥳 Success is the BEST revenge. 💘
So true.
Exactly this what happened to me
He was a waste of your time. And ladies please leave these married men, future-faking like they're going to get a divorce, alone. There's no future with him. DUH! He's disrespecting his wife by being with you. Even if he does leave her to be with you, he will do the same to you, in due time. Don't be no fool; you are worthy!
BONA FIDE Sis Preach facts 💯
FACTS
This was me and I NEVER in a million years thought I would fall for this. I was always the person that would give friends advice when they happened to be in the situation but I came across a guy that seeemed genuine that played upon my emotions. The amount of lies and the picture he painted of his marriage was so believable. I am truly ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to not be duped and now I am paying the price of heartache. I am having to learn to forgive myself for what I did and take the lesson that I learned and move on.
jcallwood25 please forgive yourself because one thing about those types they are extremely charming.All womanizers are. So you have to look at it as a lesson learned. I know it's hard so if you're going to beat yourself, please only use a feather.😉 I as well as many of us have been in those shoes.
BONA FIDE a caring thoughtful response..not surprisingly acquired by hard won experience..
Part of living is often being given the opportunity to ' see more deeply ' into perspectives you once, perhaps with some arrogance said " Never I.."
We all would be wiser and share from a deeper, more authentic and valuable place if we could keep this in mind..
Exactly just went through this. I gave him 9 years, and it only took seconds for him to defile the marriage, with lies and cheating. #divorceisfinal # singleagain
YES! Trouble is, there are so many men who get "prepared" and then decide, "Naaah, I just got upgraded to play in a new league!"
Paula Kaye wow sister that was on point....
Isn't that the truth😧
Men are funny like that. They'll let you help them, build them up etc., but I think all the time thinking that the woman that's doing it they cannot handle because of her position in her life. All the while I think they are secretly feeling emasculated and when they finally get themselves together, due to the woman's help, they move on to someone who may be a little more dependent on them. Just don't be afraid to be alone. Who is for you is for you and you don't have to put up with mess. I know this from experience.
THIQUECHICK JONES exactly! This is exactly what I’m going through now EXACTLY!!! Smh
I think ur right. Men don’t like independent capable strong women. They want to be “Captain Save-a-hoe” even if it means saving a real hoe from the street. In fact, that’s the ultimate prize.
Me tooo
FACTS!
Totally agree 💯
So true. I waited ten years for a ring that never came. 1 year after the relationship finally ended, he was married with 2 boys on the way. A decade wasted I will never get back. Next.
If he can move onto someone else when i treated him right he didn't love me nor did he have any respect for my input or my feelings when he decided to leave. Good riddance.
Damn, I thought he said "Most Libra's never change their stripes..." I was like, yes, say that again!! 🤣
M Awks 😂😂😂😂 it did sound like it!
M Awks word....exactly what i thought....im like damn....he on point
😂😂😂😂
You got a lying libra too?...😩
It must be the men cause I’m a libra and I hateeeeeee liars with a passion
I needed this. Thank you. I was always the woman thats helping and understanding but left with nothing to show for.
Kelly Openeer that's all right, it will be reciprocated one day. Just do you.
🙌 I been married 3 yrs and currently in this situation. He up and left w a whole different girl. He don't treat her well regardless of them tryna make it seem like they so happy. But whateva. Im focused on me & my daughter. He will realize what he lost and its too late. ❌⛔🚫
How did things end up?
YEP so tru..cus I was that WOMAN that did the "fixer upper" for the NEXT woman...i mean gave this MAN a whole new LIFE...helped in the look's department..he saw my work ethnics and wanted to b like me so I impowered him on finding a good paying job (which he never had) ok.. a whole new LIFE...introduce him to sm quality ppl...but guess what he DID went bac to past women that DIDN'T want him wen he was shitty..but NOW since he got new career and me on his arms making him look good THEM women frm his past envied ME so "NOW I want him"...and he fell for IT..im LIKE oh k I WILL NEVER fix up a ninja EVER for the NEXT bih! yeah freaking RIGHT
Now a days like my man here said once before some men are out for help and not a serious realtionship so be careful of what you choose to get involved with some will waste your time just for the fun of it and some will come with more baggage then you can handle
shadonna kinney love this comment
Ain't this some truth
You have not failed me with these videos!!! Thank you so much! You be saving me from a lot these FOOLISH GUYS!!!!
Thanks for all the advice...I don't just listen I apply it Thanks again
The true blessing in many cases is that now somebody new will be graced with his demonic bull**** and it's only a matter of time before his fangs will show!
markeetawins and what if the man comes correct for the new woman? What if he isn’t demonic? What if he treats her like a queen and is loyal to her? Does that mean that you were actually the problem? I see a lot of women on here essentially wishing destruction on the new relationship that they got left for but that doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes the couple moves on to a lifelong relationship that they’re happy with. This happened to me with a guy I was with for 7 years. I was angry for a long time but it was over 20 years ago and they’re still together so it musta worked out for them. Ijs wishing ill on the next woman is pointless; put that resentment behind you and move forward.
Lisa Harris who cares as long as I don't have to deal with it when enough is enough, it's done!
Lisa Harris she missed it
Both points are great. We shouldn’t assume our ex-for-a-reason is doing better by someone else. Don’t be afraid to be single until you meet the man who’s prepared to give you the love you deserve.
The best advice I heard in a long time. Wished I heard it 20 years ago. Do not let anyone waste the most valuable thing God has given you, time.
And this is your it doesn't bother me when he moves on to the next because I already know what the next chick is getting I mean hell he if didn't do rght by me what makes her think he will do rght by her? Some of these dudes are real actors and opptunist and you have to be able to recognizes game when it's being played on you cause if you don't you will be hurt and disappointed..
Shadonna Kinney.. you strongly feel that if a man does you wrong then he will absolutely sooner or later do it to the next? I don't believe in Karma but is the saying "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" so true?
Audiee Girl I think there’s a fair chance he will, if that’s who he is ie: simply a jerk (and they’re out there). But even if he doesn’t treat the new girl badly, he still didn’t step up for Shadonna and other women when it was time to, and she doesn’t have control over that. So it’s best to find a man who, if not a jerk, is at least ready to recognise a decent woman when he finds one.
If a man is truly in Love with You..he’s not going to leave you no matter what the come up is.
Chastity B. 💯
I have always tried to be a woman that tries to help her man if I can even more so in a marriage. But to no avail my kindness and goodness was taken for granted. And I will do it again when the right man comes into my life. I am a ride or die woman but I know I have to wait on that ride or die man. And I don't go to clubs looking for men or anywhere else for that matter. I just know that I can't do it anymore, be that woman that nurtures unless he's is the right one and that he will love me and WANT TO BE WITH ME. And I will be willing to wait on the man that can commit. "I don't want an anybody's man!" type of guy. Thanks Derrick.
U just gotta stay true to yourself direction comes from rejection in life
Tanisha Tucker praise the lord. I also read before. Man's rejection God's protection
This video was so true to my life that it hit my soul! I’ve got to stop being the launching pad and be the woman who requires the preparation. How do you know my life like this Mr. Jaxn?! 😱😂 #TeamJaxn
In my eyes,he just messed his blessings,I chase after no body!!!be that ghost,and stay gone😂😂😂
I hardly comment, but this was spot on. Ladies, always stay true to yourself and don't be afraid to state upfront what you need from a man. If he can't meet those requirements he is not the one for you. And its perfectly ok. Thank you Derrick.
because like a parent child relationship, the boy grows and goes into the world, if he's not nurturing you mutually you're his mother and he will go away and meet a mate, if you're giving and giving and he mostly takes
L A. I like your spin on this
I needed this!!!!!!!!! I’m dealing with this now!!!
Naturegirl121 dam me too girl😐
Naturegirl121 Fuck that nigga! She can have him
Naturegirl121 me too !
Omg...my ex did this to me..i was so angry..i couldn't sleep..i cried hard but i finally got over his no good butt..i did tell him that karma is real...guess what he said...karma cant touch him...that dog think he's untouchable...i told his butt..every living thing can be touched
Naturegirl121 me too idk heart tells me to just be patient, my mind tells me to let it go! Hard part is he’s made me happier than any other man in my life. But I️ think my kindness is taken for weakness...
I got 0 time to be either! I walk away and embrace my single life not waiting just taking care of me.
Most women wouldn't feel so used if the sex wasn't so readily available for men and at their fingertips.
I actually agree with this 😓 #teamjaxn your thoughts?
The people that make it so readily available, aren’t the ones who feel used lol
Sex is way too available these days !
TheStar798 I totally agree with you. I went through an almost similar thing. Some dudes are just really patient hey. I think that every women should just do what they want to do. Just look at John Legend and Chrissy Teagan. She says they hooked up the first day they met, after shooting John's music video for the song Stereo and they have been together and married for long and have a baby girl. So how do you explain that?
Sex is just as readily available for women; if not more so. What is hard to come by is real love.
TheStar798 you said best friends bottom line don’t give a dude nothing with no commitment
I’m done with the male species 😂😭 too many hoops to jump through, puzzle pieces to put together and riddles to figure out just to POSSIBLY find a decent man ✌🏾
tystays0fly I feel the same way. Too many scams and scandals with these men.
tystays0fly we think alike. 😅😅😅
tystays0fly RIGHT smh. They are too much. Sometimes it seems hopeless.
tystays0fly lmao😭Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey circus🤣
tystays0fly i agree
I see it as a blessing in disguise. Be thankful, it could have lasted longer and you would have still been unfulfilled. ❤
This was hard to hear but so necessary. Thank you.
Deep seated values that determine personality and behavior do not change without some major personal catastrophe. Personality traits tend to be very rigid and stable over time so a man that treated one woman poorly will usually treat another poorly as well. Perhaps not in the exact same way, since different circumstances can influence that, but he will still be driven by the same values that shaped his persistent negative character traits and that will still result in negative consequences for another woman, one way or another. A good person does not use their intimate partner merely to get ahead or to facilitate him finding another woman. That is a bad character and the world is chock full of people with bad characters. Also sometimes two people with equally bad characters are naturally drawn to each other. Birds of a bad feather can have a stable relationship based on their mutually ugly character traits but people unlike them would be miserable in the same circumstance, in which case you can be thankful it's not you.
Chopped Peppers literally the answer i was looking for. Spot on.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I was the woman who has standards and he was always trying to get me to lower my (reasonable) expectations. His expectations where always high and I found myself running ragged trying to keep him happy while supporting the household on my own as he was chasing his showbiz dreams. I even helped him book and promote shows but in the end it didn’t matter. He found someone else that probably would let him get away with anything. I’m all set with a man now. I’m working on me, my own business and I’ve found the woman that I lost in that relationship. I’m never going back to anything less than what I deserve. If that means I’ll be alone forever, then I’m really okay with that.
It is just so painful. That no matter how much I try to cope up with the reality I am not able to do that.
I love this so Deeply in my soul!!
Google User For real, it's too deep. So many of us including myself have fallen for it. I just wish I could go back in time. It stings
Vee Oby Just think with every situation comes knowledge, which fuels growth!!
He just summed up my whole last year in one video🙌 From the woman that prepared, to the woman that wont settle for less. He was doing all kinds of pushing and pulling that hurt me deeply until I hit the point where I was like, Look get your ish together, then give me a call. I love you and want to help you grow but Im tired of being taken advantage of. I see my worth now after looking back on all I did for him and what Im willing to do for my man, and I believe I deserve equal effort.
I was there for my ex helped him encouraged him and loved him deeply and he left me for another woman who had a little more than me left me heart broken and he called me yesterday talking about he love me and he was thinking of me but I told him I love him but it’s not in my best interest to keep this situation going so he is her problem completely
SoutherngirlMugabe I know I feel so defeated I’m mad at myself
No he was checking u see if its still there. Don't give in don't answer the phone next time ,hit him with the who's this
He's trying to find out if you're willing to be a side piece. Stay strong and cut him completely off.
i’m going through the same situation now. He left me for another woman just out of the blue cause shes older than i am and prob has more than i do. An left a 6 years bond for a greener grass. But wait till he sees that the other side isn’t as green as it intend to be.
Be sure u NEVER speak to ole boy again.....he LOST OUT....and needs 2 know that 10yrs from now.
Hard to hear, but Truth is a hard pill to swallow! With that being said, it took me a long time to be the woman Men come prepared for...Because I was too busy sulking in a place in my psyche where I felt like a victim. Maturity for me has come with a series of heartaches and life lessons as is the case in most of us.
I just want women to know that nothing or nobody has the power to suppress you!! Sometimes when we as women become involved and get married really young or when we as women are simply innocent and pure and aren't tainted. We can become lost in giving to him, pouring onto him, essentially losing yourself and end up so lost that we aren't even the strong woman that we should be. We lose us and we lose him and end up being the woman that prepared that man for someone else.
But, I digress. My point is: Women Let's Empower ourselves, let's not focus on a man that is willing to walk away. We hold ourselves high, bid them good riddance and Focus and put in the energy to give to US, to pour into US!!! We Pray much and we Learn much. Once you have mastered giving to YOU, empowering YOU, Growing YOU, you won't settle for anyone that gives you less than!!! Love and Blessings Queens!!
Amen!!!!!!!!!!!
I approve this message, this is where I'm at in my life. Your videos are always a mouthful. Prayerfully people are taking your advice & not just watching for fun. #TeamJaxn
bashful0502.. I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. My ex treated me bad and marry someone eles. I was devastated at first but I had to realize it was God plan. Yes.. He came back to apologize afterwards. I was strong enough to accept his apology at that time. I couldn't be more happier and free from all the pain. He still try to call me time to time. I'm stronger and happy now
and don't accept no phone calls from him. I'm like sorry.. His lost.. 😊
I don’t have time to upgrade no man! Come preloaded or nothing be people will use you to pass the time. I rather be alone taking care of my business.
talicia18 I agree
talicia18 so true! I like that phrase, "people will use you to pasa the time"
Well I definitely gave my ex the best years of my life. However, I’m grateful for the years spent, I learned so much about myself through the process. you stated it can appear to be all good but in reality could be totally different, now that’s facts. I feel if that person don’t find God they will never completely change only God can change the heart. However, I wish my ex an his new love the best. I know God has someone amazing for me so I’ll wait on my king.
Yes. Agree with this 100%. Just dealt with this. Learned my lesson. Never again #teamjaxn
In that position right now. Can’t get over him though, I still want him back and it breaks me to see him with someone else doing the most for her.
Jenny Le Accept it for what it is, It wasn't meant to be...The transition is going to be hard but it will pass, use your time Wisely an prepare yourself for what u want❤
How are you holding up? I'm in the same situation currently, looking for a little hope.
Same yo
Move on as quick as possible. It is not worth hanging out wanting him back. Trust me the moment you’ll move on, he will come Back and not with the best intentions tho. Move on.... It took me 7 years to learn the lesson. What he did to you, he will do to the next girl, and the next one and the next one. You are just one other person in his life. Don't let your own ego play you.... :) learn to love yourself by taking all the time you need to get to know yourself better and do the things you enjoy doing....
Just assume he is physically dead and buried. He is not coming back at all...
I guess I prepare guy's for other women... 😞😞😞
Dumoneak White hey no shame if you acknowledge it! Now that your consious of it you can decide how you want to spend your time and at least choose a path that you can live with 😘 love u sis ( I was a guys launch pad too but I don't let them waste any more of my precious life)
Thanks.... I realized it after 2 kids and so many broken promises... And females!! I am done!!! Thanks for the uplifting advice!
Dumoneak White that's ok your human you made a mistake. But u know the best part about mistakes ......you can correct them and change the course of your life just hang in there things will get better
Ashawndra Edwards yea what u said 😀
@@kawaiisenshi2401 thank you. Now i feel better
Derrick, you are a blessing! Thank you for your wisdom.
I've been the set up woman before but I can proudly and honestly say I've grown to become the prepared woman now. Im more so the woman who says if you ain't got it together you won't waste my time getting it together
I literally just got off the phone about this to him! I won't accept anything less, no sir not today not evah!!!!
#TeamJaxn
Why? Why does a woman have to tell a man, 'Grow TF up or don't bother'? Why didn't he grow TF up on his own when he was with the first woman??
Didn't you listen to the video?? Because some women are just supposed to be in that man's life for a season, and help him better himself for the next woman. As wrong as that sounds, it's the sad truth in many situations. Also, some men like women who won't take no shit from them and are very straight forward from the jump. A best selling book "why men love bitches" explains that
A Matt it's ridiculous though that a man can't grow up because he's an adult. An adult shouldn't require another person to make them mature.
NaDean Bowles
RIGHT ON 💯💯💯💯
NaDean Bowles no but life is about growth. So as much as we all want this perfect all knowing person. It takes learning, growth, commitment and God.
Thank you for this, I told him to go be with that other woman and stop weighing options, cause clearly he can't treat me right.
right.. come prepared..
I can't miss something he never gave.. thx u for these videos.
it teaches me what to look for.
my eyes and ears are open
and legs closed. REAL TALK..
I think it is good advice to be clear about what you want and state it. Being indecisive or murky doesn't help you nor help to build the brother into a man. So many brothers were raised by mothers who can't do the effective job of growing her son into a man.
I've gone through too much now I'm the woman that requires preparation! Thank you for this message! #Teamjaxn
Absolutely love love this message!!! So spot on! I've been thru this and it sucks! A whole marriage with 5 children...and i was only preparing him. Wow. Thank u Derrick! I think there's also one more reason this happens tho...he wasn't the right one for you...period.
My last relationship taught me alot. And now I'm not afraid to be single or alone because I know that iam a good woman and I deserve the best rather if it's a intimate or regular relationship.
I love being single. Gives me the opportunity to know what it means to be treated well.
I said some of these stuff to my ex.I told him you move got married What you thought you was gonna have bed of roses.If you were meant for my future you would never leave.My grandmother use to say whatever is for you will not pass you.I have so much growth since watching your videos.I am happy now free spirited.Love me more.Thank I got rid of toxic people and the liars and cheaters.I told the guys I meet I have played the games you play .lol.
Truth hurts but is real 💯 thanks for those real words
This message is so true. I have been that woman up until recently that gives so much to her man then he goes and gives that elsewhere. But no more! If you want me then you better be prepared
The "Warmup" woman sounds like me. lol. I should be receiving a plethora of "Thank You", letters from all the women I helped prepare their men for.
All I can do is laugh now. GOD is in control. ❤❤❤
I give up on dating. Hopefully the dating scene will be better by the year 2030. Off to hibernation til then. Peace ✌🏿
Today must be the day of signs, omens, and revelations for me. Thank you, I needed this.
You took the Words right out of my Mouth....Time wasted is a very Hard Pill to Swallow.... Especially if you was hanging on their EVERY word and Promises and before you knew it years has lapsed you Wifey doing your Best and All-n- All but on their end Nothing. But the Next he Goes All Out For. Everything happens for a Reason. We also need to know when we are dealing with a Narcissist. Our best will always be our Worst, then we get so Overwhelmed we turn into the Worst Versions of Ourselves because we realize Everything was just a LIE.
That happened to me when I was very young. I was very trusting. I assumed he had good intentions. We were together 3-4 years off and on.
I was the oldest in my family. I was like the 3rd parent. I was told I had to let my brothers get away with things because I was older, that I knew better. That my siblings didn't understand.
Unfortunately, I took that attitude with me in all of my peer relationships. I assumed when someone hurt me, that they just didn't know better, that if they understood, they wouldn't have done it.
It took a long time, I finally realized that belief didn't serve me. I had bad boundaries and disappointing relationships.
Healthy relationships are a two way street. It must be mutually enriching. One person can't carry a relationship. I used to feel like a failure if a relationship didn't work out. "If only I was a better communicator". If someone isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated, they are responsible for their behavior. Everyone should have requirements. Derrick, that IS so important. You are right. When I was younger I didn't know that was something one should do, could do.
When it comes to men-- educate yourself. Learn from other people. Don't assume anything. Be clear about your expectations, Ask about their intentions, does the word and the deed go hand in hand, don't put up with excuses. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. Get out.
Sorry so long. I wanted to give some insight why some people may go through that alot. Also, maybe if someone else sees them self in my story, they can learn from it and stop sooner than I did. God bless.🙏❤
This was a wake-up call to me.
I totally agree being the woman he had to be prepared for. And at the same time he WAS saying " You think you're better then" not I just knew better dealt with it for 3 yrs to long until I finally had enough. Thanks this message was right on time.
thank you for helping women getting up and dusting themselves off!! straightening our crowns after being used and disrespected!! luv your videos!!
Another GREAT video, Derrick! As a girl of about 11 or 12, I knew a man who dated a woman for 10 years. The night b4 his wedding to another woman, he slept with this woman then told her he was getting married in the morning. He was bragging about it as if that was a good thing. Even tho I was a young shorty, I knew that was awful fuckboy behavior. :-( #TeamJaxn
Thank you Derrick. I just went through this. Much needed!!
I was the one he came "prepared for". They leave us too. They're narcissistic. It's only good when he has that "new" feeling and when he feels like being good. I'm still healing. We've been divorced for 3 years
SO MUCH TRUTH!!!!! Jaxn I'm learning SO MUCH from you!! You are confirming everything my Dad has been teaching me for years. Now that I'm a Grown Woman its so nice to here the truth from another guy!!! #keepgoing #keeptellingthetruth