Breaking Codependent Patterns With Adult Kids | The Dr. Cloud Show - Episode 262
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- Опубліковано 4 січ 2022
- In this highlight from The Dr. Cloud Show, Cynthia keeps on bailing out her 35 year old son. He lashes out verbally and blames everyone else for his problems. How can she break the pattern of bad support and improve their relationship? She has to put the oxygen mask on first and stabilize herself before she can help him.
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When we raise entitlement mindset for our children they grow up feeling the world owes them
Oh yea.. my 26-year-old son also gives me the entitlement shit it’s just so sick. The world is a sick place right now. I’m sorry I’m not gonna go on and on into this conversation but I get you lady. Thank you. 14:05
That mindset has robbed my savings account as a single woman of 57 years old with lupus my sons watch me work so hard and they have robbed my one son and I’m talking about has robbed me and doesn’t feel bad. He promises to pay back he doesn’t even feel bad one bit. He’s nothing but a liar. He’s like his father is so sad, but I just pray it’s hard when mom loves her kids so much but I have to do it
This is what I foresee for me and my son as he gets older. The whole fear of suicide threat can really keep you in a major stronghold of co-dependency and enmeshment. While there might be some manipulation taking place the possibility and threat is really there especially if they have a history of mental illness and require psychiatric intervention. I myself have experienced active SI and it’s by far the scariest and most traumatic experience one can go through. I have severe C-PTSD because of my two brushes with death and naturally when my son is depressed and feeling powerless and hopeless it takes me right back to what I felt and I know what my son is feeling. It’s terrifying and paralyzing.
Thank you Dr. Cloud for such wisdom. Don't forget to pray for your son mom. I pray for my adult kiddos and grandkiddos too. God is restoring what the locusts have eaten. It is painful to have our kiddos hurting, but don't forget God loves them more.
so well said.
I agree with getting a good internal family therapist for mom. Mom needs to separate her sons pain and decisions from her own. Alot of times "help" is not really helping for the good of child and parent.
This was an Excellent call.
She can not help her son like you said b/c she had tried for 35 years and it's not worked.
Predominant strategy is to blame.
I know some ppl like this. It's always the other person's fault. They take no personal responsibility or own their own wrong. Narcissistic . Family or not.
These ppl will destroy your life. Seriously...Detach....As Dr. Phil would say ..."Unless.and until there's a change".
Detach with AlAnon
Did she just say how do I help? How do I help him? Stop letting him use you! Stop letting him manipulate you stop giving him money stop worrying about him stop putting your life on hold for him. Get him some external help and take yourself out of the equation lady and let it go and pray for him, we cannot control or fix our adult children’s problems that’s the first thing you can do is get that right out of your mind if you continue this way, your life is gonna go downhill you get worn out, wrinkled and tired and you’re not gonna enjoy your life because you’re gonna constantly feel responsible for your sons problemstop it. Stop it give it to God pray pray pray
Would you consider doing an episode regarding Episode 303 - grandparent/grandchild/adult children relationship dynamics and how to keep harmony and respect each other along the way without taking advantage and trying to be open about desires for doing things a certain way with your children. In-law dynamics can be hard for both sides and I find it sad when families become distant because of that.
That brought me to tears. Praying for you, mom, and your son. Such right on counsel from Dr. Cloud.
Beautifully ministered!
Unfortunately since I’m on the east coast I’ve been missing the live shows but so glad to have it here. Thanks!
Mom's life must not be the "caboose" of her ADULT son's life train...
My son is 24 I've tried to give him time to be financially set he won't contribute to bills water electric phone cable won't even contribute to toiletries I realize car payment is high and car insurance but I'm tired
I agree with Dr BUT PRAYING IS THE KEY ( I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about Relationships with God our lord Jesus), I just to be like the mother who called for advice ( Super desperate and depressed 😔 oppression was taking on my heart) until I pray 🙏 for me how to help my Son...the lord spoke to my heart and give me wisdom how to talk to my son, He is still not taking the help he needs But I know that nothing is impossible for God, Remember we have a free will ( we can't force people to change) Not matter what we do as a mother..we need to pray for our kids surrendered to God, I have peace in my heart, hope, and I'm looking forward to see my Son to be delivered in Jesus Mighty Name 🙏.,And I encourage you Mothers and fathers to Pray for them, Go to meetings Alanonne 🙏 Go to church ⛪ ❤ 🙏. ,Let God to do what He can only Do..Save our Children's, Happy News Year 2022.
As a single mom that is what got me thru the teenage rebellious year boys go thru .
Very well explained.
I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control my X’s sex addiction and lying and financial betrayal or intimate betrayal
Dear Lord, please heal this son, and so many sons similar. Please help them all to respect their parents. Please help them to know their parents love them and have always done their best for them, but now they must accept responsibility for themselves and put the effort to get the help they need, and Lord please give them ease and peace and confidence and joy to go forth, and Lord bless and help and comfort the mums and dads, especially dear sweet Cynthia. Amen
Great visual of the surgeon can't jump around with the 'unstable' blood pressure... etc....
Sadly a man will never understand this issue because they didn’t carry grow the child are not physically connected to the child. It is so hard for a mother to 'let go' of any child even a destructive abusive child.
Its a situation ive never heard a good answer for, and truly a man couldn't shouldn't even address this topic, for he has no experience or knowledge of it himself.
Crazy shit! Most these people are who they are whether there are kids or parents are neighbors or our friends or our husbands. It doesn’t matter these people who are they are we cannot change them. There’s no changing them and I’m sorry if your hopes are high, but there’s nothing we can do to change them. We can only change our interactions with them. They have to change themselves, so although I appreciate the doctors support and his opinion, the bottom line is, you have to change yourself. You cannot change him. You have to change your action with him. Do you understand that this situation is bothering you the situation is not bothering him! You understand? Because I’m just learning to understand after five years of him robbing my savings account being a narcissist, not accepting help that he has sitting in front of him and constantly no matter what he says how he tries to act like he’s listening and doing better he’s not and I’m just right there with my hand open thousands of dollars later I didn’t have, many nights of worrying many fucking narcissist conversations of him wanting to die and commit suicide and all this bullshit when he’s got a whole team of Care people at five fucking years that are charging him that are doing shit. They don’t even know what the hell is really going on to be honest with you but my life still sits there suffering I’ve learned lady you want a friend call out to me because I tell you what I’ve learned I know what you need to do probably a little more than this doctor does.Yuo
You gotta just change yourself. You don’t change him you can try to direct them, but you can’t force them. That’s all my son has all the protection surrounding him. He’s got SSDI now had $25,000 in his fucking hands and has five people team of healthcare professionalshealth professionals helping him and he still a crazy narcissist user crazy. Don’t say he never changes. I’m changing the situation because I’m not gonna lose my life over this please lady please just back off from your 35-year-old son. It makes me sick that he sold. I’ll be goddamn if I’m in your position my kids that age my kids 26 and I’m had enough.
I feel bad for mom . As a mom of a male . Don’t know if tough love would help in her situation.
Nothing else will.
Thx again yes I'm in same situation but I have tried to tell him to go like debt relief counseling drs well I need to do taxes well do it and wants to borrow money I have said no then wanted to borrow money for girlfriend car insurance and then grocery it's tough in same boat thx again dr Henry and yes I'm taking the codependency course
Cool 🏆🏆🏆 👍🍉🤣
Yeah, --- completely ignore -- the family's role in creating the psychology.
That level of co-dependence happens because --- the family unilaterally imposed an inequitable social contract since birth --- and is now dissociating after having deeply disadvantaged that person.
My son said he hopes I die
So sorry about that.
Tell her to quit being such wimp and make him own his actions because reality will hit her son when she dies. She might as well be alive to see him grow up.