As a kid I never made eye contact and people always said it was weird and made me untrustworthy. So naturally I started to stare down everybody and nowadays people find me creepy. But at least I'm trustworthy, so...
I try to never be the first to break eye contact, but I don’t keep staring after they look away. This way you are no weirder than them because they maintained eye contact for the same amount of time.
It bothered me because he stretches the iiiiiiiiii when there was only one. He should have stretched the ddddd, which is really not a sound you can make. Annoying.
OMG. I never thought of that, even though I know I'm near-sighted and can't see faces properly once my glasses are off. Great advice! I'm going to do that now, tell your dad thanks!
I tried peering over my glasses like my dad - the 'librarian look.' I thought it was a novelty gesture, cos we can't see that way, but then I realized he's probably wearing reading glasses + contacts when he does it, and so I'm just uselessly blinding myself when I do it 😅
Has any normal sighted or even myopic person ever had the ability to blur their vision? I am 99% sure that everyone does but have never got the chance to bring it up, just confirming for the remaining 1. Btw, i use this technique without taking off my glasses. I blur my vision and unsee the gaze.
I just realized something. Joe Navarro said that we are more comfortable when angled during conversation. Big brain moment: "The Classic Therapist Setting". Two chairs that are angled.
The fact that so many people are SO easy to intimidate with eye contact, makes it incredibly easy to be taken seriously when you say "no" to something. It works literally everywhere! When someone is trying to pressure you into changing your answer, stare directly into one of their pupils, and after about ten seconds, you lean forward, widen your eyes slightly, and repeat the word "no." Then immediately disengage and ignore them.
@@piercemchugh4509 You can only focus on one small area at a time, so yes one eye. Go ahead, look at someone and look into both of their eyes at the same time, not possible. Your eyes move together.
He's right about realising how much we lipread after masking becomes widespread. I'm also thinking I have audio processing issues because I straight up cannot tell what people are saying a lot of the time
Hm. I don't really wind it an issue because i never really talk to people much and usually through discord anyway so I have no problems listening to people speak.
Lewis Massie clean you ears, like rinse them out in the shower. The ¢r@p that lives in your ducts messes w your sinuses & can cause fluid to build up into your ears, dry out & block your hearing. Most people don't notice because they aren't constantly in it so it never gets that bad. Go on extended lockdown for a year, though and it's like you have an actual dust allergy. What you described has become very common of late.
i noticed that too! i’ve found that a lot of people can’t “hear” me with my mask on. i never thought i was quiet but i can see it’s not the volume that most people can comprehend what i’m saying at. i’ve never had as many people ask me to repeat myself before the pandemic, it’s crazy.
I am exactly the same way. Not even with masks, sometimes I can't understand what people are saying to me. I can hear they're saying words but I don't know what words. It's also why I want subtitles even when the movie is in English.
Here's a trick I teach my students. Make eye contact and consciously hold for 5 seconds. It'll be intensely uncomfortable, but after that you'll be fine. It's those first 5 seconds that are always the hardest.
"Shaking the leg is a soothing behavior, and it's just to calm [you] down." *Me, shaking my leg while perfectly relaxed:* ...What does my leg know that I don't? 😳
@@agent_sus3273 It's definitely that. I'm always moving; even when I'm totally calm, I'll be pacing back and forth, and people won't stop asking me what's wrong. Or when I have a lady friend over, and I'm acutely aware of how much I'm trying not to toss and turn while going to sleep. That's when it's maddening. lol
I was a very shy kid. Never looked at anybody directly in the eyes. I always looked down. As I got older, I found that this behavior made me a target for people to take advantage of me, especially as a woman. So I had to teach myself about body language and facial expressions. It’s amazing what happens to you when you look up. Now I’m confident and can walk into any situation, “read the room”, and be seen, heard and respected. No one’s taking advantage of me now!
Looking down will also make your whole body contract, it's like an invitation for people who seek to put down others. Glad you improved your body language ^^
Wow! I was exactly the same. Moving to a new country as child played a big part. Now I'm one of the most confident in the room. I'm still a bit "shy" at first when meeting new people, but I walk with my head held high...big difference 🙂
I do security and I do hold a very strong gaze but if people don’t want to look at me I know there are anxiety issues and other things so I’ve never forced it. It is usually a way to imply dominance without verbally demeaning someone. But any authority that then requires it verbally telling you to look at them just gets rid of that and they are likely a toxic authority with no respect for others.
I used to have an issue with eye contact and now if I feel like contact has gone on for too long, I give a quick causal smile and look away. Looks better than just removing your gaze hastily, and tricks your body into felling comfortable despite the discomfort
Irish and Scottish folk have a tried and tested phrase for ending conversations: “I’ll let you go now” At no point did the other person say they had to go, however by instigating the exit with this phrase implies you are concerned with taking up too much of the other person’s time.
I'm 95% deaf in one ear and 40% deaf in the other... I can't even begin to explain how difficult it's been since masks. I mostly rely on reading lips 😶 it's been SO hard
@@anniemonroe9285 please consider learning ASL at your local community college 🙏 there is no doubt you will encounter deaf people in your life and it is deeply appreciated when people can speak asl!
@@greeensouls9 clear masks are just plastic. They fog up easily so its still difficult to lipread. Both are bad, and a better alternative is just to socially distance and pull your mask down while talking
I love the nato alphabet for what is obviously "hello kitty" and the fact that nobody on the crew was like "read the numbers as vowels" and just let the guy read the whole thing out twice.
couldn't stop laughing about this. Especially a former FBI agent don't know leetspeak - which was initially used to decipher text. Even through hello kitty here just used it on basic level.
What's weird for me is that I have NO problem making eye contact, even excessive eye contact, when talking with a stranger about random things. But when I'm with my friends or family, I totally avoid eye contact and feel like I'm burning a hole through them if I do.
Funny. I have an easier time making eye contact with family than friends and strangers, but I also tell them all the things I don’t share with my family… I’m weird.
The thing that makes me uncomfortable is when I’m in public and I lock eyes with a complete stranger across the room that I wasn’t even talking to and don’t know.
As an autistic person, I greatly appreciate that you took our particular differences into consideration, and this video is helpful as well for learning about the body language of other people. Thank you
I feel like it was nice for Joe to include that he shakes his leg frequently as a comfort measure. It reminded me that he is also human just like the rest of us!
That was my question (@sinisterwaltz) I tweeted that a few months back. This was a really wonderful surprise. Didn’t know it was coming. I agree, it’s nice to hear that he does it too. Especially since I’d expect he’d by hyper aware of his own body movements.
@@marabou22 Yes, especially since I was expecting him to only break down and profile other people's insecurities/faults that they display through body language. It's nice to know he recognizes it with his own habits as well.
Same for me. I mean he could be an alien trying to destroy society by teaching us false body language. So you can never be 100% sure, but luckily he assured us that he is indeed human
Having professionals read usernames gives me life. As a side note, I'm studying ASL Interpreting right now, and facial expressions/body positions are extremely important when trying to get across meanings! They're basically a part of ASL's grammar rules. For example, raised eyebrows can indicate that what was just signed was a question, and a neutral face can indicate that something was a statement. So if someone signs YOU LIKE HER, eyebrows up = Do you like her? ; eyebrows neutral = You like her. That's just a basic example and it can get so much more complex but I thought it was interesting 😊
you wine be able to identify it only life that, you need to observe how they act with you and others to notice any differences & if those differences are positive or negative
Oh, I love the eye-contact trick. I've found that it works surprisingly well when teachers ask questions you don't want to answer and nobody has their hands up. You have to get to know the teacher a bit, as there will always be the ones who think you're looking at you because you know the answer, but nearly every time, if I look a teacher directly in the eye after they ask, they'll often call on someone else. It's fascinating.
@@jessjms1181 same however a technique I used is that when the teacher looks at you, break the eye contact and look at someone else (because the teacher’s attention will shift over to that person) or drop a pencil lmao just drop anything and then pick it up or pretend to write it down just to make yourself look busy. Edit: for the part I said to make yourself look busy, what I meant is by PRODUCTIVE…like pretending to take notes, erasing something or etc…don’t play with your pencil or ties (once I tried it and got called lmao)
@@jessjms1181 Then that teacher is looking for someone who knows the answer. Those scanning around for eyes that are avoiding theirs are looking for someone who isn't so sure/has no idea. Or maybe they just want an excuse to look at your fantastic face for a few moments! People like a great face, and teachers are people, sorta. (Me: 😈 always with the mischievous jokes)
Well, probabilistically speaking, there is only a small chance of getting selected. Perhaps the teacher asks the others because you seem like you know the answer and when 2,3 people have answered incorrectly, the teacher may ask you to tell the answer.
It's one of those easy things to do: if you're about to ask someone a serious question that needs honesty, but they crack under the "pressure" of looking at the person they're talking to, I've found that person in question will usually just tell you what you "want" to hear, not what you actually wanted.
I'm quite surprised, since I've never had a problem with eye contact. When someone is talking to me, I watch them, especially if it's someone in a position of authority (like a teacher), so they know I'm paying attention. Funny thing is (and I've noticed this before, just never made the connection), if the teacher is reprimanding me for something I did wrong, often after the first few sentences, they back off, cool down, and are more reasonable. I never knew what it was, and now I realize I may have been accidentally intimidating them. lol
Sometimes I have the courage to look at the person I'm talking to in the eyes... But then I suddenly realise (as if i didn't know) they have 2 eyes, so I get nervous because I don't know which one I should focus on. But then I wonder if looking at only one is weirder.... 🥴 Social anxiety 😩
@@justahillbilly7777 That's a great idea actually. At school (especially when I was younger), I had a reputation of being the teacher's pet, because whenever I or a group of friends got in trouble, the teacher would be more reasonable. And if we needed to ask a favor of the teacher, I would be sent to ask. One other trick (that I didn't realize at the time) was to never look down, never look guilty, never try to shrink away and disappear, and always speak up for yourself. Maybe I'm some sort of sociopath lol, idk, but I was never afraid to look the angry teacher in the eye, and in return, they saw me as a human that makes mistakes, instead of a naughty child that won't learn. Basically, just don't appear guilty or scared and you'll be fine.
I'm sure he realises it says Hello Kitty, I would imagine an FBI agent would have that power of deduction. It looks like he smirks after he finishes saying it the second time
@@scottneulist9495 I think the smirk is just complementing what he's saying in that moment. Plus he just finished repeating the name he clearly thinks is silly, and it took him forever but he decided to do it again anyway, so there's a hint of humour in that moment as well. Figuring out leetspeech or other "code" language might not be part of his expertise.
@@beijingbrandon6220 Are they? You know this? I mean, I would HOPE they can put two and two together, but that's a rather confident statement of fact there.
Body language really tells so much. I get it’s a soft science but I feel like it’s intuitive and you can gather a lot more information than just off what was said.
I find this guy so interesting. He talks effortlessly about this language that I know intimately but have terribly difficulty describing. Every time he makes a point in one of his books, or in one of these videos, I'm over here going "YEAH!" I just think it's so cool.
This guy is the real deal. I've read his books and they were helping me identify when the employees I was supervising at my job had problems before I'd even finished reading them.
Yep. He had a great point. A different professional said he was speaking w someone who was twitchy throughout, but it ended up being bc they were nervous about their meter running out. After they were totally fine
I wear glasses all the time and one of the reasons I take them off while in a conversation is actually because it blurs the persons face and makes it easier for me to maintain more eye contact in conversation than my natural comfort level usually allows for. I often feel the need to look down, away, or anywhere but someone’s face so it helps a lot 😆
That is so relatable. I also take my glasses off and I came to realise that I am more confident. I can look in their eyes without backing away because I can not see their face.
They is a good idea if should try that. Even if I make eye contact, I won't be able to see it, so it won't seem the same. My problem is I feel like I am invading a person's privacy by staring at their eyes.
I always take mine off and rub the back of my ears because it actually hurts 😂 (I always wear headphones so they push my ears against the arms of my glasses)
My mother was very manipulative and one of the techniques she used to use was intense eye contact. She would silently stare until we would look down, and then keep staring until we left the room, even when we were little kids. Was bloody intimidating
ewwww reminds me of my older sister, she does this when she's angry with me or parents or siblings. Will need to tell her to stop, I cannot even fathom the thought of letting her do that to her kids. I'm sorry you had a manipulative mother. You don't deserve that!
This brings to mind something I'd pondered back when Trump was president. He did a lot of talking with his hands, particularly doing a certain gesture where he brought both hands together in front of him. He did this a lot. Now, there are also plenty of clips of Pelosi doing her weird hand gesturing where she seems to have to emphasize every point with a waving hand. If we could get some legit analysis on the behaviors of political leaders, I think more people would realize we're all being thoroughly boondoggled by all of those fools.
@@kevinnava3902 yes it can sasuke put all the tailed beasts in a genjutsu with his 6 tomoe rinnegan and I doubt madara lost his genjutsu aptitude when he got his rinnegan but he might've since he didn't have any other mangekyou abilities
I'm glad I found these. It's nice to get confirmation on a lot of the habits and behaviors I've adopted through years of customer-facing and supervisory jobs.
That lip reading thing at 10:15, it's very common for people with hearing problems/hearing loss to lip read & focus on body language so they don't have to say "huh?" so often.
I don't have any issues with hearing but I have ADHD which makes me slower at processing what somebody is saying sometimes. For some reason, watching their lips as well as hearing them helps me focus and understand.
Lol reminds me of how my hubby, a real estate inspector and my license plate is inspct. when I got an oil change, they read it as 1n5pct... I was leaving and saw this and was like-😅 imma jus let it go haha
the lip reading is a real thing for me. Being ever so slightly hard of hearing I never realized how much I depended on reading lips to help compensate for what I couldn't hear. It's been annoying, to say the least, having to ask everyone to repeat themselves constantly.
Same! ( not Deaf/HoH ) I didn’t realize how much I relied on lip reading to keep me focused on someone when speaking. Idk why but I just start to zone out sometimes when I don’t have the option to read their lips, sometimes even when reading their lips •_•
Yes!! I have suuuper bad vision so when I remove my glasses, people's faces are blurry and I can't see their expressions and their lips. I always feel like I can't hear them properly and my parents would laugh at me when I would tell them that. Now with the masks, it makes so much sense! Even with great hearing, we still lip-read and use body language to understand!
Same here. I grew up in a house with a few HoH people so maybe that has impacted me a little, but I'm constantly having to ask people at registers to repeat themselves these days
Same im only a small bit deaf (i found out after covid) so not being able to read lips and also being a little deaf on top of that makes talking so hard-
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed people have different ways of absorbing information in a conversation. For example, I need to look at the table or the person’s mouth to truly listen to what they’re saying. Other people I’ve known will stare into the eyes or close their eyes to absorb what’s being said. Body language is so fascinating!
The eye contact thing is interesting. There are some people (even compete strangers) I can easily maintain eye contact with and feel totally comfortable, but eye contact with other people makes me feel super uncomfortable and intimidated. I wonder what that's about.
i find there‘s people that you just subconsciously view as competition or as challenging and that makes it more uncomfortable than people I don‘t find to be challenging me with their eye contact
@@alexsalzwedeljimenez4984exactly, i have a friend who is the only one out of all that i feel uncomfy when we've eye contact. It feels like he is forcing himself to look me in the eye instead of it just being natural
@@littldollie Correct, but the operative word is "try". There are tactics and workarounds that can be learned with practice, and generally (in my experience) the help of a therapist. As an example, I've had some success with grounding exercises and such but I'm still learning and have to actively focus on practicing them. I've had a few friends who did really well with CBT/DBT but I've personally never tried it. Anyway, - it's not easy but trying is better than nothing. Because you, OP, and I deserve to live and feel more like "normal" people, too.
Big part of my job is counseling. Being a counselor in the pandemic, with me and my client having to wear masks, made it almost impossible for me to do my job properly - at least how I'd think it's done properly. For a lot of my clients having to wear a mask was a blessing because they were able to hide and dissapear - as Joe said - right in front of me. People that generally try to hide their feelings or motivation, likely because it makes them feel save, are hard to "read" anyway but that time really sucked. It always felt like just being able to do just half of what we could've accomplished otherwise. And some of my clients I've never even seen in full display in that time or afterwards. I know a ton of stuff about those peoples lives but never really got to know them.
For all the people who think looking in the eyes is awkward. Pro tip and hack: look at between the eyebrows ;-) try it out. Edit: it will look like you are staring people in the eyes, but not really. And reduces your own psychological discomfort. Cheers.
I don't think looking at the eyebrows is a good idea, because looking at a location above the eyes has quite an intimidating effect. For normal conversation, people mostly look at an imaginary triangle, between the eyes and down to the mouth, so you could try looking at the top of their nose instead. :0
I'm an autist and this strategy helped me a lot to improve my non-verbal communication and don't appear so wierd and awkward. But actually I'm looking at the spot right between the eyes where the nose "grows out". After a year of doing this I became so good at avoiding eye contact and reading the other person's expressions simultaneously that no one would ever believe that eye contact stresses the crap out of me.
The one about lip reading is really interesting. My dad actually was able to find out that he'd been slowly losing his hearing as a result of the masking because he hadn't realized before how much he'd been relying on lip reading.
I notice people taking their glasses off when they get deeper into a subject or move on to another "chapter" of whatever they're saying! It's like a scene change, ha-ha!
I take my glasses off when my eyes start to hurt or I want to dissociate with what's happening. I did it non-stop on lectures in uni when they were late in the afternoon. It's like: yes, please continue on speaking, I don't care anymore, I want a rest, but I don't want to look disrespectfull.
Hahaha, I take my glasses off whenever I use my phone, read, or do anything else where something is near my face. I’m nearsighted so my glasses are like magnifying glasses - they make everything look bigger. So when something is close to my face the magnifying effect is way too strong.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker goes over a lot of this and I can't recommend it enough. It really teaches you to trust your intuition and gut feelings, and reading people's body languages is something we subconsciously do all the time whether we're aware of it or not.
Really great book that explains why men should not be allowed in women's and girl's bathrooms, changing areas, etc. Women know on a subconscious level that male bodies are a danger to us. Doesn't matter how that man identifies or what he's wearing. He's still male and you cannot undo thousands of years of evolution.
@@whitetigerclips Not really. I am not the one intimidated by eye contact, I just know that others are and (over)regulate my own behaviour accordingly. I do not mind other people making eye contact with me, I do mind intimidating or otherwise creeping people out by making more eye contact than they find comfortable.
I was always taught that not making eye contact was rude, so I've never had any problems being assertive and making eye contact. It shows that i care about what you're saying.
It is, which is why it's important to isolate bias when reading gestures and to always remember that it indicates HOW a person is feeling, not WHY they are feeling that way. the WHY is found through questioning
6:00 In Asia, when kids or anyone with less authority get scolded or something along those lines, it’s expected for us to look down rather than looking straight at the person as to in the west we get asked to look at the person who is scolding us directly. It’s like that in east, south and Southeast Asia.
Yea, when i was a kid my mom always scold me with sentences like; "what are you doing?! What's your intention looking me right in the eyes, huh?! You want me to stab your eyes?! Rude kid!" :'D and then i will just stay quiet till the next morning, made up with her, and become the mother-daughter just like usual lol
As someone who is ND something to note about the looking at lips is that since eye contact can be difficult for us looking at the mouth or other places like between the eyebrows is something many of us are either are taught or learn by ourselves to do signal we are listening/paying attention. I use when I am tired or having a harder especially with situations like meetings where I can also combo it with something like taking notes.
The mention "for fun" kind of insinuates you do it to mock people or at the very least use it as a mean of entertainment, at the expense of your interlocutor.
As a man with Asperger's I didn't know body language was a thing till I was 20 this video fascinates me because I still to this day have to gauge people's mood based off of their voice because I can't read their body language
Chauvin put his hands in his pocket while putting his full weight on Floyd is a great example on how it can prove he was cruel and he meant to hurt Floyd.
@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol stop acting like you don’t know. You all play so dumb yet also want to be lawyers. People hanging and chillin have hands in their pockets. Look at teen movies with the cool dude with his hands in his pocket and leaving against the wall. It’s also seen as unprofessional in the field I’m in where we wear uniforms. Bc it gives off the idea that we are just hanging out and just standing around.
A friends 16 yo child was tackled by a cop and sentenced to juvie for "cracking his knuckles", the cop took it as a "preparation to fight with the officer". The problem the Terry v Ohio precedent is that the cops have since trained themselves to exploit meaningless gestures or habitual behaviors as "threatening". That precedent must be challenged, because that child has had arthritis since infancy and pops his knuckles constantly for pressure relief.
That's a really unfortunate situation :( There were probably other aspects of his body language that the officer also found confronting, such as facial expression. We need to teach our children not to react with pride in the face of correction or confrontation. And if I had a boy with arthritis, I would teach him to crack individual knuckles so it didn't present as that full-fist gesture we all construe as threatening.
Based on Mr. Navarro’s advice, I’ve started to angle myself and not use sustained eye contact when I’m interviewing my already-anxious patients pre-op.
thank you!! that lowkey means so much to people who arent good at social interactions/ are very anxious. I have always had a huge fear of all the doctors in my life, because it always feels like they are looking straight through me and that they are dissapointed, lol
As he read the question pertaining to the leg shaking. I indeed was shaking both my legs in a comfortable motion at that exact moment he read it. It just brings comfort, as he said.
Dio: "oh? you're approaching me at an angle? Instead of coming at me straight on, you're angling yourself to me?" Jotaro: "I can't make you feel comfortable without angling my body towards you" Dio: "hoho, well then, come as close as you'd like"
@@gabbym333 I have more than enough dreams. I've just never met a single person, online or irl, that has given up on a dream they believed in just cause it took a while to get there. This is far less of a thing than all those "motivation" gurus would have you believe. Hence, pointless comment.
This is my kind of content. Joe is so informative and with his youngster attitude a joy to watch = a rarity 💟 THANKS to the cutting team and everyone who makes these clips happen! LOVE ITTT! 😊😁😁
As former security, I learned fairly early on a technique that I used to difuse countless issues. I call it counter mirroring. Do the opposite of what they do. If they tense up, you relax. If they get bigger, you take a step back. Don't make it obvious, but do make it visible. For instance, on the step back. Maybe you step back to kick your car tire to knock some dirt off, or to check the air. This can also offer an alternative topic to be discussed which can difuse it much quicker. I've only had it fail 2-3 times, and those failed due to external interference.
@@AlexRuckusFTW certainly better than a whole lot of other bull*%!& That is on the air, but well, apparently consumers drive ratings and they prefer some other cr@p lol.. then again american gods was also dropped despite people loving it
As my grandma started losing her hearing she would say, "look at me while you're talking, please" just because she lip reads sooo much. I find myself doing the same as I get older, too.
Omg Jennifer, I thought I was losing my hearing at 60 yrs old. I got my ears professionally cleaned out and it was HEAVEN. I hear better now than anyone my age. I could not believe how much wax he got out. He used a vacuum and it didn't hurt at all. So Satisfying 😍
The angled gaze/body direction for comfort was something I fortunately stumbled into really early as a kid. It definitely goes a long way- more than you'd expect.
I worked with people who had autism for over 2 decades. Many.of them could not talk. Their non-verbal communication was extremely important to read and understand. They had all of the same cues everyone else does.
Haha nice. Can’t wait to see all the ridiculous comments criticizing this humor. “But how can he read the body language of online players???” It was a solid joke about an FBI agent playing a game. Calm down people.
@@xatiter That's not exactly how it works though; When someone is lying, they're nervous / stressed. What a behaviorist does to detect the lie is detect their stress level. So if a person wasn't nervous at all when they were lying it would be almost impossible to catch them; On the other hand, if a person were telling the truth but was scared of being wrongly convicted, they'd be nervous and would be thought of lying. It's like he himself said: The best way to detect a lie is to present it with truth :P. Also, there is no single sign or body language that automatically confirms a person is lying
I'm so happy the question of autism popped up! I always had a lot of struggle being understood before, and rarely knowing why! Until I was diagnosed in my 30s' with Asperger & ADHD. I learned then that I was often transmitting "the wrong" body language (meaning not the one most people are used to) and that explained a LOT of things to me, because I obviously didn't noticed that before. Like people thought I was always angry because I make an angry face when I am thinking, which I'm doing all the time. I hate to look people in the eyes so I never did, but learned I was sending a big message that I have no confidence. I don't really react emotionally to sad things (I have a lot/too much cognitive empathy, but barely/none emotional empathy). I think it's the best, but most people think I'm cold, selfish or I don't care. I've been learning the "neurotypical language" for 2 years now and it totally changed my life! But, I was always wondering how police can deal with people on the spectrum, most of what they read as suspicious are things autistic persons might very well do normally on a daily basis without even knowing. 🤔
It’s an unfortunate truth that lots of autistic people have it much harder with police because of exactly that; our natural body language is “suspicious” or indicative of guilt.
Finally someone who agrees that emotional empathy is unproductive and only cognitive empathy should ever be needed. I used to be rather emotionally empathetic until I realised it actually doesn't benefit anyone. Those who demand others to feel everything with them and throw a tamptrum when they're not given the kind of attention they want are most often self-absorbed and immature brats, so you're not missing out on much if it breaks your relationship with them.
Surely you could have learned about social norms and body language without being diagnosed with anything. There are multiple videos online about it. I don't have any issues, but in general love to learn how to have better body language and social cues.
It's surprising to hear his specific example of handshakes being quick in the Midwest. I've grown up in the Midwest (MI) as a woman, and a strong handshake was ingrained into me as a part of gaining respect. Maybe that's because a strong handshake stands out?
eye contact is very hard for me being an anxious person, but when you’re in an interview or something like that, stare at their eyes like you’re not even looking at their eyes, watch it like a tv, 8/10 times the interviewer backs off the eye contact because you’ve proved you can have dominance when needed
@@inoriyorita3972 that’s smart! like looking at the empty seat in class when presenting😂 i can like take my eyes out of focus but still look at things if that makes any sense. i lock my eyes with theirs then fuzz out the picture and focus on what’s being said. i tend to black out in remembering conversations so limiting my senses really helps me too
I think that one question about the different culture's body language was asking more about if there are difference in subtle body language, i.e. eye contact, shying away, rather than the bigger cultural expressions like thumbs up. The answer still might be the same, but I was also curious how much culture affects the base human reactions and body expression.
Reading body language is like reading text messages to me. Body language can be done the same by different people, but means different things. Texts are read depending on that person's mood at that moment. It can be read as happy, funny, angry, upset, rude and disrespectful. This is why I read every text message I receive in many ways, not just how I feel at that moment.
@@StunBuns aaah I didn’t know that was the same as being intimidated although it isn’t the person that intimidates me it’s just the situation, but now I know so yh….
"in America we greet waving our hands high, in other parts of the world they might do it more subtly" ... Meanwhile in Italy: hugging, distant hugging, kissing, doing effin marshalling signals to be seen
I love the question about autism. I have the tism and my mimicking behavior is so powerful that at this point, I don't think I even have my own "normal body language," as I just do whatever the other person seems to like. And as for leaving a conversation you aren't enjoying, just know that most conversations go longer than either party would like, so say, "Bye now."
I have autism, but I’m the opposite way. I can’t read body language almost at all, yet I’m acutely aware of my own body language. I begin specifically and carefully posing myself in the body language that I want or that I think will convey what I’m feeling/thinking. But I can’t read other people’s body language or signals. Maybe that’s also the background in theater talking. Or maybe that’s why I was so good at theater.
As for leaving a conversation, usually I’ll just wait until another person comes along and starts talking, then I’ll quietly slip away. I’ve rarely ever been caught in a conversation that went on too long.
As a kid I never made eye contact and people always said it was weird and made me untrustworthy. So naturally I started to stare down everybody and nowadays people find me creepy. But at least I'm trustworthy, so...
I trust him because he hasn't murdered me ☺️🙂
I try to never be the first to break eye contact, but I don’t keep staring after they look away. This way you are no weirder than them because they maintained eye contact for the same amount of time.
@@jeremy-m6b-m8n It's a simple advice but quite unbreakable one. Thank you.
I just noticed how most other males would try to have a starring contest with me and they'll eventually lose because I've always been good at those.
@@santanat.7206 Finally, a worthy opponent
I really feel like he nailed it when he said "shiddd"
Remind me of clay davis
I quite enjoyed the pronouncement 😊
I had to pause and appreciate that moment lmaooo
It bothered me because he stretches the iiiiiiiiii when there was only one. He should have stretched the ddddd, which is really not a sound you can make. Annoying.
The Wire, for the win!!
My dad said that he takes off his glasses during meetings in order to avoid eye contact, since he can't see anyone specifically once they're off.
OMG. I never thought of that, even though I know I'm near-sighted and can't see faces properly once my glasses are off. Great advice! I'm going to do that now, tell your dad thanks!
HE'S A MASTER
I tried peering over my glasses like my dad - the 'librarian look.' I thought it was a novelty gesture, cos we can't see that way, but then I realized he's probably wearing reading glasses + contacts when he does it, and so I'm just uselessly blinding myself when I do it 😅
ME TOO! 😂😂😂
Has any normal sighted or even myopic person ever had the ability to blur their vision? I am 99% sure that everyone does but have never got the chance to bring it up, just confirming for the remaining 1.
Btw, i use this technique without taking off my glasses. I blur my vision and unsee the gaze.
I just realized something. Joe Navarro said that we are more comfortable when angled during conversation. Big brain moment: "The Classic Therapist Setting". Two chairs that are angled.
Want know something even more big brained? Body language is pseudoscience and literally has no more bearing on reality than a polygraph does.
Less muscles being used = less stress
His career: catch high profile criminals
Our questions: courtship cues and etiquettes
Understanding the true priorities
Hahaha finally someone said that
the correlation is uncanny
😅😂😅😂😂😂
Hahaha
the fact that this old white man just said "shiddddd" exactly the way you're supposed to
THAT is the true sign of an expert FBI agent
And yet, the Hello Kitty slipped right past him 🤔
@@a_bookish_gemini Well the FBI has no need to infiltrate groups of weebs so they don't give the agents training on weeb lingo.
@@cleigh3796 Hello Kitty is a global thing, though??? Not just in Japan, dumbass.
He heard someone say that 😂
@@callmeqt1269 so did I what’s your point?
He hit that "sheeeeeid" like a pro
and thats what scares me. they know all the lingo. even pronoucned arabic text flawlessly.
@@fluffypinkpandas why is it scary?
@@fluffypinkpandas well, I read the name Esra Mahmoud written just below the Arabic.
@@fluffypinkpandas lmfaoooooo
i was shocked
The fact that so many people are SO easy to intimidate with eye contact, makes it incredibly easy to be taken seriously when you say "no" to something. It works literally everywhere! When someone is trying to pressure you into changing your answer, stare directly into one of their pupils, and after about ten seconds, you lean forward, widen your eyes slightly, and repeat the word "no." Then immediately disengage and ignore them.
Are you trying to say "No" or are you trying to freaking murder them 😂
@@thegrandpowerchannel314 it depends on how they react to no
Just one pupil?
@@piercemchugh4509 You can only focus on one small area at a time, so yes one eye. Go ahead, look at someone and look into both of their eyes at the same time, not possible. Your eyes move together.
TEN seconds lol I have never had someone look at me for 10 seconds in silence IN MY LIFE.
He's right about realising how much we lipread after masking becomes widespread. I'm also thinking I have audio processing issues because I straight up cannot tell what people are saying a lot of the time
Hm. I don't really wind it an issue because i never really talk to people much and usually through discord anyway so I have no problems listening to people speak.
@Jacque Yeah, it's almost like the thin apartment wall type of sound. Muffled but you kind of understand.
Lewis Massie clean you ears, like rinse them out in the shower. The ¢r@p that lives in your ducts messes w your sinuses & can cause fluid to build up into your ears, dry out & block your hearing. Most people don't notice because they aren't constantly in it so it never gets that bad. Go on extended lockdown for a year, though and it's like you have an actual dust allergy.
What you described has become very common of late.
i noticed that too! i’ve found that a lot of people can’t “hear” me with my mask on. i never thought i was quiet but i can see it’s not the volume that most people can comprehend what i’m saying at. i’ve never had as many people ask me to repeat myself before the pandemic, it’s crazy.
I am exactly the same way. Not even with masks, sometimes I can't understand what people are saying to me. I can hear they're saying words but I don't know what words. It's also why I want subtitles even when the movie is in English.
I feel awkward making eye contact. Doesn't matter if I did something wrong or not. It just kinda makes me uncomfortable.
Practice it, you get better over time by exposing yourself to it.
Here's a trick I teach my students. Make eye contact and consciously hold for 5 seconds. It'll be intensely uncomfortable, but after that you'll be fine. It's those first 5 seconds that are always the hardest.
I freaking love eye contact because it kind of freaks some people out and gives you more power -> confidence
@@Natalia-ht6hp weird
@@Natalia-ht6hp Very dominant person😂
"Shaking the leg is a soothing behavior, and it's just to calm [you] down."
*Me, shaking my leg while perfectly relaxed:* ...What does my leg know that I don't? 😳
It’s called fidgeting. I also fidget even when I’m relaxed. When I’m nervous the fidgeting just becomes more obvious.
Or are you perfectly relaxed because you are shaking your leg?
@@agent_sus3273 same
@@agent_sus3273 It's definitely that. I'm always moving; even when I'm totally calm, I'll be pacing back and forth, and people won't stop asking me what's wrong. Or when I have a lady friend over, and I'm acutely aware of how much I'm trying not to toss and turn while going to sleep. That's when it's maddening. lol
Do you shake your leg when you are in a conference, classroom or a meeting? You might be using it to increase your focus
LOL 17:26 struggling to sound out each letter & number when it’s just “Hello Kitty” 😂😂😂
how does an FBI agent not know l33tspeak lmao
@@Riff.Wraith He watches people not screens ❤
@@jerrysizzler44 exactly. "Hello Kitty" is also likely not at the front of his mind
I was a very shy kid. Never looked at anybody directly in the eyes. I always looked down. As I got older, I found that this behavior made me a target for people to take advantage of me, especially as a woman. So I had to teach myself about body language and facial expressions. It’s amazing what happens to you when you look up. Now I’m confident and can walk into any situation, “read the room”, and be seen, heard and respected. No one’s taking advantage of me now!
Looking down will also make your whole body contract, it's like an invitation for people who seek to put down others. Glad you improved your body language ^^
@@vinlebo88 Thank you! 🙂
Wow! I was exactly the same. Moving to a new country as child played a big part. Now I'm one of the most confident in the room. I'm still a bit "shy" at first when meeting new people, but I walk with my head held high...big difference 🙂
I have autism and ADHD I can’t look at their eyes it creeps me out
@Christina smart
Eye contact is intimidating
Literally every authority: LoOk aT mE wHeN I'm TaLkiNG tO yOu.👁👄👁
It’s because it makes you think the person isn’t paying attention
Yep. It's... scary. People don't like that. And authority figures are trying to scare you into compliance.
I look at the space between the eyes or at the mouth
500th like
I do security and I do hold a very strong gaze but if people don’t want to look at me I know there are anxiety issues and other things so I’ve never forced it. It is usually a way to imply dominance without verbally demeaning someone. But any authority that then requires it verbally telling you to look at them just gets rid of that and they are likely a toxic authority with no respect for others.
This is going to be the video that launched a thousand internet armchair psychologists
Yep lol
Yeah. Get ready.
This is too accurate
So how does that make you feel?
@@To-mos I see what you did there😉😂
I used to have an issue with eye contact and now if I feel like contact has gone on for too long, I give a quick causal smile and look away. Looks better than just removing your gaze hastily, and tricks your body into felling comfortable despite the discomfort
ive had similar issues and solutions, jsyk, some ppl take this as flirting, ive gotten called flirty quite a few times immediately after doing this ❤
Irish and Scottish folk have a tried and tested phrase for ending conversations: “I’ll let you go now”
At no point did the other person say they had to go, however by instigating the exit with this phrase implies you are concerned with taking up too much of the other person’s time.
This phrase isn't just exclusive to Ireland and Scotland. I've heard it a good few times in England too
@@bicrowave32 it’s said a good bit in the U.S as well
And Aus!
Said a lot in US also but we do have a fair amount of people with Scottish and Irish heritage.
I'm in the US and it can be that or "I won't keep you."
This guy definitely has AT LEAST one gen-zer that he's close to in his life.
Fax
@@inde6466 I dont have any paper tho
Black person*
@@незнаю-х2н no...?
@@j4mb4ju1c3 “Gen Z” slang is just AAVE. So yes, black people.
I'm 95% deaf in one ear and 40% deaf in the other... I can't even begin to explain how difficult it's been since masks. I mostly rely on reading lips 😶 it's been SO hard
That sounds awful! I honestly never thought about how much the deaf community/ hearing impaired would be affected by those pesky face-masks.
@@anniemonroe9285 please consider learning ASL at your local community college 🙏 there is no doubt you will encounter deaf people in your life and it is deeply appreciated when people can speak asl!
@@greeensouls9 no
@@diablotry5154 what
@@greeensouls9 clear masks are just plastic. They fog up easily so its still difficult to lipread. Both are bad, and a better alternative is just to socially distance and pull your mask down while talking
i like how much he compliments these questions right off the bat
Cops break down my door: FREEZEEEE THIS IS THE POLICE!
*Puts my hands over my mouth and looks down*
Cops: WHERED HE GO?!
Who are you? How are you so wise in the way of science
😂
This made my day!
Amazing!!! 😂😂😂
😂😂😂
LOL
I love the nato alphabet for what is obviously "hello kitty" and the fact that nobody on the crew was like "read the numbers as vowels" and just let the guy read the whole thing out twice.
couldn't stop laughing about this. Especially a former FBI agent don't know leetspeak - which was initially used to decipher text. Even through hello kitty here just used it on basic level.
@@DoomWarriorX he knew, my guy, he was just bein' goofy
@@DoomWarriorX encipher. you don't decipher with leetspeak.
f0r f3ll0w l33t5 wh0 c4n't r34d pl3b 3ngl15h
@@Virtrial pl3453 s70p
What's weird for me is that I have NO problem making eye contact, even excessive eye contact, when talking with a stranger about random things. But when I'm with my friends or family, I totally avoid eye contact and feel like I'm burning a hole through them if I do.
i'm guilty of that except i'm the one who intimidate em
Same!! I don't know why, it just feels very... intimate? It's a bit much.
Funny. I have an easier time making eye contact with family than friends and strangers, but I also tell them all the things I don’t share with my family… I’m weird.
OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS ME
The thing that makes me uncomfortable is when I’m in public and I lock eyes with a complete stranger across the room that I wasn’t even talking to and don’t know.
As an autistic person, I greatly appreciate that you took our particular differences into consideration, and this video is helpful as well for learning about the body language of other people. Thank you
I feel like it was nice for Joe to include that he shakes his leg frequently as a comfort measure. It reminded me that he is also human just like the rest of us!
That was my question (@sinisterwaltz) I tweeted that a few months back. This was a really wonderful surprise. Didn’t know it was coming. I agree, it’s nice to hear that he does it too. Especially since I’d expect he’d by hyper aware of his own body movements.
@@marabou22 Yes, especially since I was expecting him to only break down and profile other people's insecurities/faults that they display through body language. It's nice to know he recognizes it with his own habits as well.
Yeah I liked that too.
Same for me. I mean he could be an alien trying to destroy society by teaching us false body language. So you can never be 100% sure, but luckily he assured us that he is indeed human
@@grg3609 Who knows?.... Maybe it was all part of his plan to lull us into a false sense of security...
Having professionals read usernames gives me life.
As a side note, I'm studying ASL Interpreting right now, and facial expressions/body positions are extremely important when trying to get across meanings! They're basically a part of ASL's grammar rules. For example, raised eyebrows can indicate that what was just signed was a question, and a neutral face can indicate that something was a statement. So if someone signs YOU LIKE HER, eyebrows up = Do you like her? ; eyebrows neutral = You like her. That's just a basic example and it can get so much more complex but I thought it was interesting 😊
Well,Hello, Kitty.
That’s awesome
Yeah, makes the dumb usernames look more dumb.
That’s so cool
I prefer to be anonymous and calling out names make me nervous
I want a whole version of this about flirting - specifically reading if someone is signaling interest or is simply a physical/affectionate person.
Yeah, but that would only really apply to girls
Just ask
It’s called getting to know each other haha.
you wine be able to identify it only life that, you need to observe how they act with you and others to notice any differences & if those differences are positive or negative
@@Hhhh22222-w not really but ok
I just gotta say, if Joe taught a class, I would be totally enraptured. Very passionate speaker, really engaging, 10/10 would love to be in his class.
Did anyone at Wired tell Joe that 'h3ll0k1tty' says "Hello Kitty"??
Lol
We can't make this up 17:22
Idk if he would pass the are a robot question... Sry I can't take him seriously when he reads that name like google translate 😂
I need the answer
He knew.
*Wife moves her wrist diagonally*
Him: I knew it, planning for a divorce eh?
Oh, I love the eye-contact trick. I've found that it works surprisingly well when teachers ask questions you don't want to answer and nobody has their hands up. You have to get to know the teacher a bit, as there will always be the ones who think you're looking at you because you know the answer, but nearly every time, if I look a teacher directly in the eye after they ask, they'll often call on someone else. It's fascinating.
I do the exact same thing. The teacher never calls on me because they get the feeling that I already know the answer but in reality I don’t 😂😂
Weird when I do that I get called
@@jessjms1181 same however a technique I used is that when the teacher looks at you, break the eye contact and look at someone else (because the teacher’s attention will shift over to that person) or drop a pencil lmao just drop anything and then pick it up or pretend to write it down just to make yourself look busy.
Edit: for the part I said to make yourself look busy, what I meant is by PRODUCTIVE…like pretending to take notes, erasing something or etc…don’t play with your pencil or ties (once I tried it and got called lmao)
@@jessjms1181 Then that teacher is looking for someone who knows the answer. Those scanning around for eyes that are avoiding theirs are looking for someone who isn't so sure/has no idea.
Or maybe they just want an excuse to look at your fantastic face for a few moments! People like a great face, and teachers are people, sorta. (Me: 😈 always with the mischievous jokes)
Well, probabilistically speaking, there is only a small chance of getting selected. Perhaps the teacher asks the others because you seem like you know the answer and when 2,3 people have answered incorrectly, the teacher may ask you to tell the answer.
It's one of those easy things to do: if you're about to ask someone a serious question that needs honesty, but they crack under the "pressure" of looking at the person they're talking to, I've found that person in question will usually just tell you what you "want" to hear, not what you actually wanted.
I'm quite surprised, since I've never had a problem with eye contact. When someone is talking to me, I watch them, especially if it's someone in a position of authority (like a teacher), so they know I'm paying attention. Funny thing is (and I've noticed this before, just never made the connection), if the teacher is reprimanding me for something I did wrong, often after the first few sentences, they back off, cool down, and are more reasonable. I never knew what it was, and now I realize I may have been accidentally intimidating them. lol
Sometimes I have the courage to look at the person I'm talking to in the eyes... But then I suddenly realise (as if i didn't know) they have 2 eyes, so I get nervous because I don't know which one I should focus on. But then I wonder if looking at only one is weirder.... 🥴 Social anxiety 😩
@@flaura_99 lmaoo yeah that's a problem sometimes, I normally just pick one, but then if they're really talkative, I feel weird and switch lol
@@flaura_99 when I overthink looking at people’s eyes, I look between them
Ignoring the replies above mine, I'm gonna try to teach kids this one.
@@justahillbilly7777 That's a great idea actually. At school (especially when I was younger), I had a reputation of being the teacher's pet, because whenever I or a group of friends got in trouble, the teacher would be more reasonable. And if we needed to ask a favor of the teacher, I would be sent to ask. One other trick (that I didn't realize at the time) was to never look down, never look guilty, never try to shrink away and disappear, and always speak up for yourself. Maybe I'm some sort of sociopath lol, idk, but I was never afraid to look the angry teacher in the eye, and in return, they saw me as a human that makes mistakes, instead of a naughty child that won't learn. Basically, just don't appear guilty or scared and you'll be fine.
17:24 - Master at reading body language. Novice at reading leetspeak.
Same thinking, but the way he said it is way cooler than "hello kitty".
I'm sure he realises it says Hello Kitty, I would imagine an FBI agent would have that power of deduction. It looks like he smirks after he finishes saying it the second time
@@scottneulist9495 I think the smirk is just complementing what he's saying in that moment. Plus he just finished repeating the name he clearly thinks is silly, and it took him forever but he decided to do it again anyway, so there's a hint of humour in that moment as well. Figuring out leetspeech or other "code" language might not be part of his expertise.
@@JiihaaS Well they are trained to read those numbers as letters as well.
@@beijingbrandon6220 Are they? You know this? I mean, I would HOPE they can put two and two together, but that's a rather confident statement of fact there.
I could watch this guy for hours.
Right. I'd be happy with a weekly video of him talking about this stuff
He's got a book, "the Power of body language"
be honest you're watching his body language
its so pleasant and warm
Body language really tells so much. I get it’s a soft science but I feel like it’s intuitive and you can gather a lot more information than just off what was said.
He looks so cheerful in this video compared to his previous appearances.
i guess he's warming up to it :^D
Well, we have no idea what is going on behind the camera! ;)
I actually thought he looked more nervous in this video
@@sketchur Excellent point. :)
I find this guy so interesting. He talks effortlessly about this language that I know intimately but have terribly difficulty describing. Every time he makes a point in one of his books, or in one of these videos, I'm over here going "YEAH!" I just think it's so cool.
Is that trying to use one of the things he advised?
This guy is the greatest. He should be readily available to all. And compensated handsomely.
When he’s posts on social media and you ask a question, he’ll usually answers back. Cool dude.
I thought he ignored my question or maybe didn’t see it. Turned out he answered my question in this video! (Leg shaking). Great guy b
@@marabou22 which one was it?
@@InvalidPersistentName He just said. The one about leg shaking.
@@ryoswolf oh, I hadn't reached his question when I commented! I just thought his leg was shaking off excitement :']
This guy is the real deal. I've read his books and they were helping me identify when the employees I was supervising at my job had problems before I'd even finished reading them.
Lol did you employ serial killers? Lmao 😉
You should be able to pick that out if you ever learned empathy to begin with lol. Employees don't make an effort to hide their problems usually.
@@rockbandandghmaster imagine being a *human* and needing to read a book to understand...humans
@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol
Sucks being illiterate
Good for you! Well done for making the effort!
Jokes on you, if I take off my glasses I am as blind as a bat 😂
Can hardly see my hand in front of my face
Same. I'm jealous of people who can function with their glasses off lol
LOL
Yep😂 i only take mine off to clean them
@@Bunny-ei1wx 😂😂
I'm glad he addressed lip reading. I never realized how much I read lips until we had to mask up. I was suddenly aware that I was losing my hearing.
That Meghan question seemed like a way for that woman to take a dig instead of asking a useful question. His answer was hecka professional though.
Yep. He had a great point. A different professional said he was speaking w someone who was twitchy throughout, but it ended up being bc they were nervous about their meter running out. After they were totally fine
Of course the person was trying to be shady 😟. But he was nice answering. I appreciate.
💯
Just some Karen looking to cast shade. Better turn those lemons into lemonade.
@@EdwardLindon kill em with kindness
I wear glasses all the time and one of the reasons I take them off while in a conversation is actually because it blurs the persons face and makes it easier for me to maintain more eye contact in conversation than my natural comfort level usually allows for. I often feel the need to look down, away, or anywhere but someone’s face so it helps a lot 😆
That is so relatable. I also take my glasses off and I came to realise that I am more confident. I can look in their eyes without backing away because I can not see their face.
They is a good idea if should try that. Even if I make eye contact, I won't be able to see it, so it won't seem the same. My problem is I feel like I am invading a person's privacy by staring at their eyes.
I was just going to comment the same thing! I do that too!
I always take mine off and rub the back of my ears because it actually hurts 😂 (I always wear headphones so they push my ears against the arms of my glasses)
so 280p eye contack ok👍HD eye contact 👎
My mother was very manipulative and one of the techniques she used to use was intense eye contact. She would silently stare until we would look down, and then keep staring until we left the room, even when we were little kids. Was bloody intimidating
ewwww reminds me of my older sister, she does this when she's angry with me or parents or siblings. Will need to tell her to stop, I cannot even fathom the thought of letting her do that to her kids. I'm sorry you had a manipulative mother. You don't deserve that!
I’m sorry you experienced that as a kid.
you should have just stared back until she gave up
Your mother is an Alpha.
Ha! Mine was manipulative by ignoring us and never wanting to talk about ANYTHING. So supportive. 🙄
His book “what every body says” really shifted the trajectory of how I interacted with people (in a positive way) Good read!
I wish Joe had his own channel and would just upload every week.
He does have his own channel, posts every month, Search Joe Navarro or the Body Language Academy, I think the name was changed a while ago.
@@siddharthakumarrai3192 Thank you. sub'd
Whos joe? 👀
@@faded1146 JOE MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!
@@siddharthakumarrai3192 loool
I would love to see him analize the language of cult leaders or political leaders and how they can get people's attention
True
This brings to mind something I'd pondered back when Trump was president. He did a lot of talking with his hands, particularly doing a certain gesture where he brought both hands together in front of him. He did this a lot. Now, there are also plenty of clips of Pelosi doing her weird hand gesturing where she seems to have to emphasize every point with a waving hand. If we could get some legit analysis on the behaviors of political leaders, I think more people would realize we're all being thoroughly boondoggled by all of those fools.
Mirroring is big with cult leaders. Having people do what you do.
I would hope he doesn’t “analize” anyone, sounds quite illegal
Analyze, mate
People avoid making eye contact because they are scared that the person might activate Mangekyou Sharingan
🤣🤣🤣
@@Breezy8600 the rinnengan doesn’t put you in a Genjutsu
@@kevinnava3902 yes it can sasuke put all the tailed beasts in a genjutsu with his 6 tomoe rinnegan and I doubt madara lost his genjutsu aptitude when he got his rinnegan but he might've since he didn't have any other mangekyou abilities
Holymaw LMAO
I chokedddd
I'm glad I found these. It's nice to get confirmation on a lot of the habits and behaviors I've adopted through years of customer-facing and supervisory jobs.
That lip reading thing at 10:15, it's very common for people with hearing problems/hearing loss to lip read & focus on body language so they don't have to say "huh?" so often.
I just start nodding and hope they didn't say anything too out there...
I don't have any issues with hearing but I have ADHD which makes me slower at processing what somebody is saying sometimes. For some reason, watching their lips as well as hearing them helps me focus and understand.
At the hearing tests at school I failed so I went for further testing and later know I have adhd.
"The company has bought Hello Kitty laptop sleeves for everyone!"
"Oh my god, I love 1-H-3-El-El-Zero...K As In Kilo-1-Tango-Tango-Yankee!"
I was looking for a comment abt this
Lol reminds me of how my hubby, a real estate inspector and my license plate is inspct. when I got an oil change, they read it as 1n5pct... I was leaving and saw this and was like-😅 imma jus let it go haha
the lip reading is a real thing for me. Being ever so slightly hard of hearing I never realized how much I depended on reading lips to help compensate for what I couldn't hear. It's been annoying, to say the least, having to ask everyone to repeat themselves constantly.
Same! ( not Deaf/HoH )
I didn’t realize how much I relied on lip reading to keep me focused on someone when speaking. Idk why but I just start to zone out sometimes when I don’t have the option to read their lips, sometimes even when reading their lips •_•
Yes!! I have suuuper bad vision so when I remove my glasses, people's faces are blurry and I can't see their expressions and their lips. I always feel like I can't hear them properly and my parents would laugh at me when I would tell them that. Now with the masks, it makes so much sense! Even with great hearing, we still lip-read and use body language to understand!
Same here. I grew up in a house with a few HoH people so maybe that has impacted me a little, but I'm constantly having to ask people at registers to repeat themselves these days
Same im only a small bit deaf (i found out after covid) so not being able to read lips and also being a little deaf on top of that makes talking so hard-
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed people have different ways of absorbing information in a conversation. For example, I need to look at the table or the person’s mouth to truly listen to what they’re saying. Other people I’ve known will stare into the eyes or close their eyes to absorb what’s being said.
Body language is so fascinating!
The eye contact thing is interesting. There are some people (even compete strangers) I can easily maintain eye contact with and feel totally comfortable, but eye contact with other people makes me feel super uncomfortable and intimidated. I wonder what that's about.
i find there‘s people that you just subconsciously view as competition or as challenging and that makes it more uncomfortable than people I don‘t find to be challenging me with their eye contact
@@alexsalzwedeljimenez4984 yes its exactly that
Probably how kind the person is
@@alexsalzwedeljimenez4984exactly, i have a friend who is the only one out of all that i feel uncomfy when we've eye contact. It feels like he is forcing himself to look me in the eye instead of it just being natural
probably when you come across somebody sizing you up to see what you are made of. machismo.
*I'm Not Guilty....I Just Have:*
*🌈Social Anxiety🌈*
Well then face that weakness that you have and try to overcome it
@@chickentoucher55 its not that easy lmao
@@littldollie
Correct, but the operative word is "try". There are tactics and workarounds that can be learned with practice, and generally (in my experience) the help of a therapist.
As an example, I've had some success with grounding exercises and such but I'm still learning and have to actively focus on practicing them. I've had a few friends who did really well with CBT/DBT but I've personally never tried it.
Anyway, - it's not easy but trying is better than nothing. Because you, OP, and I deserve to live and feel more like "normal" people, too.
Me when I’m in a store and people think I’m shoplifting, but really I’m just trying to find my mom:
@@fevre_dream8542 lol you wrote an essay but you are speaking lots of facts
my cat looking at me in the eye: 🐱
me starring back: 👁 👄 👁
my cat: 😸
me: 😆
Big part of my job is counseling. Being a counselor in the pandemic, with me and my client having to wear masks, made it almost impossible for me to do my job properly - at least how I'd think it's done properly. For a lot of my clients having to wear a mask was a blessing because they were able to hide and dissapear - as Joe said - right in front of me. People that generally try to hide their feelings or motivation, likely because it makes them feel save, are hard to "read" anyway but that time really sucked. It always felt like just being able to do just half of what we could've accomplished otherwise. And some of my clients I've never even seen in full display in that time or afterwards. I know a ton of stuff about those peoples lives but never really got to know them.
For all the people who think looking in the eyes is awkward. Pro tip and hack: look at between the eyebrows ;-) try it out. Edit: it will look like you are staring people in the eyes, but not really. And reduces your own psychological discomfort. Cheers.
I don’t know if this helps too but i tend to look at just one of their eyes when making eye contact and it helps me feel less awkward
I don't think looking at the eyebrows is a good idea, because looking at a location above the eyes has quite an intimidating effect.
For normal conversation, people mostly look at an imaginary triangle, between the eyes and down to the mouth, so you could try looking at the top of their nose instead.
:0
Looking at the nose is also quite helpful, looks more like you're actually looking at their eyes!
I'm an autist and this strategy helped me a lot to improve my non-verbal communication and don't appear so wierd and awkward. But actually I'm looking at the spot right between the eyes where the nose "grows out". After a year of doing this I became so good at avoiding eye contact and reading the other person's expressions simultaneously that no one would ever believe that eye contact stresses the crap out of me.
@@ichig0mash1mar0 that's because it's impossible to look at both eyes 😂
The one about lip reading is really interesting. My dad actually was able to find out that he'd been slowly losing his hearing as a result of the masking because he hadn't realized before how much he'd been relying on lip reading.
I have an auditory processing disorder, so when there's a lot of background noise it takes a lot more dedicated attention to listen to someone.
I notice people taking their glasses off when they get deeper into a subject or move on to another "chapter" of whatever they're saying! It's like a scene change, ha-ha!
I take my glasses off when my eyes start to hurt or I want to dissociate with what's happening. I did it non-stop on lectures in uni when they were late in the afternoon. It's like: yes, please continue on speaking, I don't care anymore, I want a rest, but I don't want to look disrespectfull.
Hahaha, I take my glasses off whenever I use my phone, read, or do anything else where something is near my face. I’m nearsighted so my glasses are like magnifying glasses - they make everything look bigger. So when something is close to my face the magnifying effect is way too strong.
I take off my glasses when my eyes are tired or my ear too lol, if you wear glasses all day it can happen
I take my glasses off when I need to appear more assertive and get my point across or to not appear submissive during a confrontation with some idiot.
This is so true my mother does this when she is going to say a serious and important things.
I just realised I read this guy’s entire book some 15 years ago. Good stuff!
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker goes over a lot of this and I can't recommend it enough. It really teaches you to trust your intuition and gut feelings, and reading people's body languages is something we subconsciously do all the time whether we're aware of it or not.
Really great book that explains why men should not be allowed in women's and girl's bathrooms, changing areas, etc. Women know on a subconscious level that male bodies are a danger to us. Doesn't matter how that man identifies or what he's wearing. He's still male and you cannot undo thousands of years of evolution.
Great book.
Everyone should read that!
Eye contact doesn’t intimidate me, it just makes me think that the other person will think I’m weird. Otherwise I’d stare at people all day.
That’s the same thing as intimidation but in different words
same this blonde tall girl was staring at me in the eyes. it didnt intimidate me at all it kinda just creeped me out and she looked kinda weird lol.
Yeah, same. It just feels weird, I feel like I am being rude to the other person.
@@whitetigerclips Not really. I am not the one intimidated by eye contact, I just know that others are and (over)regulate my own behaviour accordingly. I do not mind other people making eye contact with me, I do mind intimidating or otherwise creeping people out by making more eye contact than they find comfortable.
Love that this dude can read someone without anything other than 10 seconds of silent observation but can't read "hello kitty" in numbers and letters.
I was always taught that not making eye contact was rude, so I've never had any problems being assertive and making eye contact. It shows that i care about what you're saying.
I was worried because this field is so prone to false confidence and bias, but this guy is good
Oh cool, what art do you practice? I focus on HEMA.
He's really big on addressing the various myths in body language, like looking up and left vs right... It's not actually a thing.
It is, which is why it's important to isolate bias when reading gestures and to always remember that it indicates HOW a person is feeling, not WHY they are feeling that way. the WHY is found through questioning
6:00
In Asia, when kids or anyone with less authority get scolded or something along those lines, it’s expected for us to look down rather than looking straight at the person as to in the west we get asked to look at the person who is scolding us directly. It’s like that in east, south and Southeast Asia.
Because Asia has a "bow your head you're inferior, I'm superior". And in the west they want to make sure the message is being understood.
And many Hispanic cultures.
Yea, when i was a kid my mom always scold me with sentences like; "what are you doing?! What's your intention looking me right in the eyes, huh?! You want me to stab your eyes?! Rude kid!" :'D and then i will just stay quiet till the next morning, made up with her, and become the mother-daughter just like usual lol
@@Sarablueunicorn or the authority figure in the west could be trying to intimidate you into compliance. But probably it's both
I’d get more scolding and hits if I made eye contact while getting disciplined… just Asian things 🤣🤣
Someone's user name: "1hellokitty" but spelt as if it were a password
FBI Agent: 1h, 3, ll, 0, k as in kilo, 1, tango tango, yankee
As someone who is ND something to note about the looking at lips is that since eye contact can be difficult for us looking at the mouth or other places like between the eyebrows is something many of us are either are taught or learn by ourselves to do signal we are listening/paying attention. I use when I am tired or having a harder especially with situations like meetings where I can also combo it with something like taking notes.
"is mirroring body language flirting?"
me who mirrors people's body/facial movements for fun all the time:
U a scorpio ?
@Despina Anatolia not this shiet again.
@@despinaanatolia2467 im an esophagus
The mention "for fun" kind of insinuates you do it to mock people or at the very least use it as a mean of entertainment, at the expense of your interlocutor.
@@moai4110 nice, I’m an esparagus
As a man with Asperger's I didn't know body language was a thing till I was 20 this video fascinates me because I still to this day have to gauge people's mood based off of their voice because I can't read their body language
It’s crazy how body language can be used against you when it’s just movement of your body in a non hostile way.
I would love to have a conversation with this man for hours.
If body language of suspects is admissible in court, then body language of police should be as well.
It... It is
Chauvin put his hands in his pocket while putting his full weight on Floyd is a great example on how it can prove he was cruel and he meant to hurt Floyd.
@@kpepperl319 Oh is that what "hands in pockets" means, mister expert?
@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol it could mean your chilling and/or relaxed. You should not be either of those while your knee is on someone’s neck.
@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol stop acting like you don’t know. You all play so dumb yet also want to be lawyers.
People hanging and chillin have hands in their pockets. Look at teen movies with the cool dude with his hands in his pocket and leaving against the wall. It’s also seen as unprofessional in the field I’m in where we wear uniforms. Bc it gives off the idea that we are just hanging out and just standing around.
A friends 16 yo child was tackled by a cop and sentenced to juvie for "cracking his knuckles", the cop took it as a "preparation to fight with the officer".
The problem the Terry v Ohio precedent is that the cops have since trained themselves to exploit meaningless gestures or habitual behaviors as "threatening".
That precedent must be challenged, because that child has had arthritis since infancy and pops his knuckles constantly for pressure relief.
That's a really unfortunate situation :( There were probably other aspects of his body language that the officer also found confronting, such as facial expression. We need to teach our children not to react with pride in the face of correction or confrontation. And if I had a boy with arthritis, I would teach him to crack individual knuckles so it didn't present as that full-fist gesture we all construe as threatening.
You should not have to teach your child to abandon harmless natural behaviors so they're not assaulted by police, this should scare everyone.
My first thought when he brought up Terry v Ohio was the Rodney King beating. F**k those cops.
@@Mr3kiwis Stfu. I honestly believe 99% of cops are racist bullies.
This. Like definitely don't ever be autistic or ADHD near a cop or otherwise mentally ill or neurodivergent cos they will use it as an Excuse
Based on Mr. Navarro’s advice, I’ve started to angle myself and not use sustained eye contact when I’m interviewing my already-anxious patients pre-op.
thank you!! that lowkey means so much to people who arent good at social interactions/ are very anxious. I have always had a huge fear of all the doctors in my life, because it always feels like they are looking straight through me and that they are dissapointed, lol
Great point
As he read the question pertaining to the leg shaking. I indeed was shaking both my legs in a comfortable motion at that exact moment he read it. It just brings comfort, as he said.
Dio: "oh? you're approaching me at an angle? Instead of coming at me straight on, you're angling yourself to me?"
Jotaro: "I can't make you feel comfortable without angling my body towards you"
Dio: "hoho, well then, come as close as you'd like"
Thank you, I needed this
OMG YES 🙌 I think they’re planning to do stone ocean since golden wind is over. Can’t wait 😝
Wtf this is kinda cursed
@@aarohansharma4551 🤣 I thought this was an actual scene but I guess not
I love this... so much...
I love how this guy articulates with his hands. Completely in sync with what he is saying.
“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”
Pointless comment.
A dream of reading body signs?
@@Catras_unfairly_gorgeous_smirk I guess you don't have any dreams then.
@@gabbym333 I have more than enough dreams. I've just never met a single person, online or irl, that has given up on a dream they believed in just cause it took a while to get there. This is far less of a thing than all those "motivation" gurus would have you believe. Hence, pointless comment.
This is my kind of content. Joe is so informative and with his youngster attitude a joy to watch = a rarity 💟
THANKS to the cutting team and everyone who makes these clips happen! LOVE ITTT! 😊😁😁
As former security, I learned fairly early on a technique that I used to difuse countless issues. I call it counter mirroring. Do the opposite of what they do. If they tense up, you relax. If they get bigger, you take a step back. Don't make it obvious, but do make it visible. For instance, on the step back. Maybe you step back to kick your car tire to knock some dirt off, or to check the air. This can also offer an alternative topic to be discussed which can difuse it much quicker. I've only had it fail 2-3 times, and those failed due to external interference.
This made me miss the series "Lie to me"
That was a fun show.
Good show
Not good enough to be kept on the air.. then again it's Fox
@@AlexRuckusFTW certainly better than a whole lot of other bull*%!& That is on the air, but well, apparently consumers drive ratings and they prefer some other cr@p lol.. then again american gods was also dropped despite people loving it
Yeah I enjoyed that series too :)
As my grandma started losing her hearing she would say, "look at me while you're talking, please" just because she lip reads sooo much. I find myself doing the same as I get older, too.
Omg Jennifer, I thought I was losing my hearing at 60 yrs old. I got my ears professionally cleaned out and it was HEAVEN. I hear better now than anyone my age. I could not believe how much wax he got out.
He used a vacuum and it didn't hurt at all. So Satisfying 😍
The angled gaze/body direction for comfort was something I fortunately stumbled into really early as a kid. It definitely goes a long way- more than you'd expect.
I worked with people who had autism for over 2 decades. Many.of them could not talk. Their non-verbal communication was extremely important to read and understand. They had all of the same cues everyone else does.
This guy would be unstoppable in Among Us
How do you read body language of someone who is controlling an avatar?
among us
@@jedison2441 He's still an FBI agent. Even without being able to see them, he could still catch someone in lie no problem
Haha nice. Can’t wait to see all the ridiculous comments criticizing this humor.
“But how can he read the body language of online players???” It was a solid joke about an FBI agent playing a game. Calm down people.
@@xatiter That's not exactly how it works though; When someone is lying, they're nervous / stressed. What a behaviorist does to detect the lie is detect their stress level. So if a person wasn't nervous at all when they were lying it would be almost impossible to catch them; On the other hand, if a person were telling the truth but was scared of being wrongly convicted, they'd be nervous and would be thought of lying. It's like he himself said: The best way to detect a lie is to present it with truth :P. Also, there is no single sign or body language that automatically confirms a person is lying
I'm so happy the question of autism popped up!
I always had a lot of struggle being understood before, and rarely knowing why! Until I was diagnosed in my 30s' with Asperger & ADHD. I learned then that I was often transmitting "the wrong" body language (meaning not the one most people are used to) and that explained a LOT of things to me, because I obviously didn't noticed that before.
Like people thought I was always angry because I make an angry face when I am thinking, which I'm doing all the time. I hate to look people in the eyes so I never did, but learned I was sending a big message that I have no confidence. I don't really react emotionally to sad things (I have a lot/too much cognitive empathy, but barely/none emotional empathy). I think it's the best, but most people think I'm cold, selfish or I don't care.
I've been learning the "neurotypical language" for 2 years now and it totally changed my life!
But, I was always wondering how police can deal with people on the spectrum, most of what they read as suspicious are things autistic persons might very well do normally on a daily basis without even knowing. 🤔
It’s an unfortunate truth that lots of autistic people have it much harder with police because of exactly that; our natural body language is “suspicious” or indicative of guilt.
Finally someone who agrees that emotional empathy is unproductive and only cognitive empathy should ever be needed. I used to be rather emotionally empathetic until I realised it actually doesn't benefit anyone.
Those who demand others to feel everything with them and throw a tamptrum when they're not given the kind of attention they want are most often self-absorbed and immature brats, so you're not missing out on much if it breaks your relationship with them.
Surely you could have learned about social norms and body language without being diagnosed with anything. There are multiple videos online about it. I don't have any issues, but in general love to learn how to have better body language and social cues.
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet Hi, if you would be so kind, could you share any youtube channels or videos you would share of social cues norms body language etc.?
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet Some people with Autism can, but others can't. It also depends on who they were around throughout their life.
It's surprising to hear his specific example of handshakes being quick in the Midwest. I've grown up in the Midwest (MI) as a woman, and a strong handshake was ingrained into me as a part of gaining respect. Maybe that's because a strong handshake stands out?
Same for my father in Texas (I'm 72 now). A very strong handshake.
My dad used to say, it’s not a genuine hand shake unless you break a few fingers 😂
If you have a weak and pathetic handshake, don't care who you are even if you are a small child, you just lost most of your glory.
eye contact is very hard for me being an anxious person, but when you’re in an interview or something like that, stare at their eyes like you’re not even looking at their eyes, watch it like a tv, 8/10 times the interviewer backs off the eye contact because you’ve proved you can have dominance when needed
i usually look at the point between the eyes, on the forehead. most people can't tell the difference XD
@@inoriyorita3972 that’s smart! like looking at the empty seat in class when presenting😂 i can like take my eyes out of focus but still look at things if that makes any sense. i lock my eyes with theirs then fuzz out the picture and focus on what’s being said. i tend to black out in remembering conversations so limiting my senses really helps me too
@@inoriyorita3972 Same. The only difference is my avoidance of eye contact is the result of a disorder.
Propranolol.. makes you calm as a tiger
This guy is great. Just found him but enjoying his wisdom, knowledge & sense of humor. Good stuff Joe!
i totally agree!
I think that one question about the different culture's body language was asking more about if there are difference in subtle body language, i.e. eye contact, shying away, rather than the bigger cultural expressions like thumbs up. The answer still might be the same, but I was also curious how much culture affects the base human reactions and body expression.
Reading body language is like reading text messages to me.
Body language can be done the same by different people, but means different things.
Texts are read depending on that person's mood at that moment. It can be read as happy, funny, angry, upset, rude and disrespectful. This is why I read every text message I receive in many ways, not just how I feel at that moment.
Eye contact doesn’t intimidate me it just makes everything awkward
I do too
That's intimidation, that's how you react to the eye contact, every reaction that's not calm or relaxed falls in the range of intimidation.
If it didn't intimidate you, it wouldn't make you feel awkward; think about it.
That means you're intimidated, basically uncomfortable
@@StunBuns aaah I didn’t know that was the same as being intimidated although it isn’t the person that intimidates me it’s just the situation, but now I know so yh….
"in America we greet waving our hands high, in other parts of the world they might do it more subtly"
... Meanwhile in Italy: hugging, distant hugging, kissing, doing effin marshalling signals to be seen
😂
I'm calling cap.
He is great!! I love his poise, wisdom and ability to simulate multiple situations given a single prompt!! We need more of him
Agreed!
My grandad used to teach us kids body language skills as kids. He was a police superintendent, I’m glad he did. It definitely helped me growing up
I love the question about autism. I have the tism and my mimicking behavior is so powerful that at this point, I don't think I even have my own "normal body language," as I just do whatever the other person seems to like.
And as for leaving a conversation you aren't enjoying, just know that most conversations go longer than either party would like, so say, "Bye now."
Bye
I have autism, but I’m the opposite way. I can’t read body language almost at all, yet I’m acutely aware of my own body language. I begin specifically and carefully posing myself in the body language that I want or that I think will convey what I’m feeling/thinking. But I can’t read other people’s body language or signals.
Maybe that’s also the background in theater talking. Or maybe that’s why I was so good at theater.
As for leaving a conversation, usually I’ll just wait until another person comes along and starts talking, then I’ll quietly slip away. I’ve rarely ever been caught in a conversation that went on too long.