The Ultimate Menopause Survival Guide for Husbands and Partners | MMM Podcast
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
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WHILE WOMEN ARE THE ONES EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE, ITS EFFECTS ALSO IMPACTS THOSE AROUND US, PARTICULARLY OUR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.
Meet Robert Grimes. Robert was fortunate/unfortunate enough to start chatting to me one day about the coping mechanisms he’d developed to help him and his partner through the often bumpy ride that is menopause. Before poor Robert fully realised what was happening I suspect, he’d agreed to come on the podcast and talk about his experiences.
This is something I’d been curious about for a while: what is it (their partners going through menopause) like for the men in our lives? What are their thoughts? How do they deal with it? Early on in the podcast, I had an email from one gorgeous husband asking if I knew of any support groups for partners of menopausal women, so I know it’s a thing (he found a support group outside of Facebook but I’m not sure where).
So here it is: one man’s view on how he deals with his partner’s menopause, and he does it with complete love and respect, by the way. Come and listen to Robert and find out more about the work he does for people and their relationships.
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Men are expected to manage their normal masculine drives driven by their own hormones-manage their own moods arising from the stresses of life-manage their own response to the woman's monthly moods-to be understanding gentle loving caring sympathetic throughout the relationship with the woman. And then. After all that work and effort to keep the relationship going, we men need to accept the 'reward' of vitriol from the menopausal partner. Do women get this? It's like they don't appreciate the continuous effort that dedicated male partners have already put into the relationship before they get to menopause. They should show kindness to their man by doing everything they can to manage their menopausal symptoms, including prescription medications if necessary.
All I see on youtube for men is to put up with the woman's behaviour. I'd like to see more guidance/advice to woman to help them manage their moods. So much is discussed about hot flushes and other physical symptoms, but emotional control seems to be neglected.
Couldn't agree with this anymore. Everything is focused toward the Man making allowances and changing to suit and accommodate. So little toward woman taking ownership of themselves and actions. It shouldn't be a case of husbands enduring and coping, more proactive work emotionally and physically needs to be done by the wife to help themselves. SO much is up to the man, that it is no wonder there are such high numbers of male suicide.
It's really a disservice for both partners because as women we aren't told it's perimenopause (here's another antidepressant....aka sex killer) so we avoid our men and since we don't know how can our men know? My partner and I recently had to make an analogy to when he had a severely busted leg....he had my care and support PLUS great medical care so we knew how to treat him....perimenopause is the same for me...I need care and support. That clicked for him because he wanted to support me but neither of us knew how. HRT is what's needed along w/knowledge for both yall. It's not about blame for either sex.
I swear - if one more person tells me to do more housework I will lose it. You want to know why grey divorce and walk-away wife syndrome is exploding - the medical community is ignoring the proper care and treatment of Peri and menopause - because they are getting rich off treating the effects rather than managing the process. Too busy treating with SSRI's (creating even a larger problem of libido loss), treating thyroid, cysts, insulin resistance, headaches, joint pain, itchy skin, hair thinning - all of which individually get appointments, costs, prescriptions and don't do anything except mask the real issue of hormone and health balance. OBGYN's simply dismiss the symptoms and aren't asking about painful sex, or other issues. It's frustrating.
@@chefshannon4897 women just force the divorce during perimenopause. Nothing helps.
@@marguskiis7711 maybe that was your experience but not every woman obviously
To the women who see this going through menopause why is it all of your anger goes toward the husband. My wife seems fine around everyone except me I could be just sitting watching TV and she will get upset at me what gives please help.
Hi Richard, It breaks my heart to hear this and it's one of the reasons that I do the podcast: both men and women understand so little about what happens in menopause and it causes all sorts of problems.
There's a great book called "Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice" by John Gray, PhD. He wrote the original "Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" years ago, but this one explains how the hormones affect men and women differently and it may offer you some ideas as to how you can support your wife and take care of yourself. Here's a link to it on Amazon: www.amazon.com/Venus-Fire-Mars-Ice-Hormonal/dp/0978279735/ref=sr_1_1?crid=GW4SA35GLWMT&keywords=venus+on+fire%2C+mars+on+ice&qid=1654398058&sprefix=venus+on+fire%2C%2Caps%2C341&sr=8-1
Sorry that's such a long link!
Keep me updated ❤️
We all feel emotions to the fullest (and don't hold back in showing them) with the ones we're closest to. Every time the menopause (I say that because it's really not her, it's all the symptoms) yells at you just smile and think "It's because I'm her bestie!" 🥰
@@sappysiouxtoowow thank you! This comment really made me change my way of looking of things
@@sappysiouxtoo finally menopausing women just file divorce and thats it. After divorce woman hits Tinder to have fun. Simple.
This video just makes me more depressed. So basically in a nutshell
This is the epitome of misery but dont worry its perfectly normal.
Its not that she doesnt love you any more.........its that she has no interest in you and as a man you should learn to deal with it.
Feeling loved comes in different forms. Sex life is complete over but if you take out the garbage without being asked you will know you are loved because she wont yell at you.
Awesome sauce.
My advice:
1. Ignore half the crap that she says in the moment - because she feels that way at that exact moment - some of it will emasculate you, attack you or ruin your relationship if you take it all at face value
2. Realize - she simply doesn't want you to touch her, she doesn't want to kiss you, she doesn't want sex with you or anyone else (you may go years or decades through Peri and Menopause without sex, touch or physical intimacy)
3. She wants her space and simply doesn't think about how her disconnection affects or impacts your relationship - she doesn't think about it that way
4. You will not win any argument with her or society in general that it's not fair that everything is about men needing to do more to accommodate, be supportive or anything else - your feelings no longer matter, don't try to fix it, that will just focus it all on you being the problem.
My advice if it’s broken don’t try to fix it because if the shoe was on the other foot the woman would move on and that is a guarantee so fuck them too
Yes, true. Tragic. No hope.
Men should be more aware of menopause, I don't know what or how to get the info to a man when his wife hits that moment> I didn't know what was going on with my wife she started acting weird and strange towards me. She would look at me weird avoiding me and distancing herself from. All the things we did together she would avoid. If valid information can get to men about menopause it could save a lot of marriages and help the women get through this time much easier.
How is everything going for you, Richard? I have another episode with information about menopause for men coming out tomorrow. Your comments inspired me to do some more work on that topic, so thank you 💕
That's just great when you're talking about the average supportive husband. I''ve just recently entered into peri-menopause and I am having extreme episodes of rage towards my husband. He's a narcissist and has ZERO empathy. I already have mental health issues from the trauma of being emotionally and sometimes physically abused by him. I already feel like he's gonna drive me to suicide cause he literally gaslights me anytime I have a mood swing or experience stress or anxiety. So what about help for "these" husbands? I'm struggling hard to stay sane.
@@lifeaftermenopause We are divorced and she won't speak text email or a letter to me this is so freaking crazy. It's got me thinking she had an affair and is afraid I will find out that's all can think of why she cut off all ties with me.
@@dirtygrits yeah, classic case when a good husband becomes a beast for menopausing woman. Woman just sees the man very different now.
Too much giggling
I Don’t Know Anything About Menopause And It’s Hard. I Don’t Want Us To Lose Each Other.
Going through this right now. Out of nowhere I am to blame for every issue in my wife’s life. If I keep my head down and keep on with life it may subside… but it comes back to get me later… her period is off and on 3-5 month gaps now, more roller coasters though in between.
The title of this video sounds mean. Menopause is a natural part of a womans life! Who cares what guys think!! Lots of guys just think about their feelings!!
We have had the hardest time finding help. This video.... ! As a female that went through menopause in my late twenties and 30s, my now Female partner is going through it in a more natural way. It's been very hard for the both of us. As a Reiki Practioner I completely connect to this! Just amazing! Thank you so much for this video💜
I'm so glad! It's a topic that we all need to understand more, men and women.
Tomorrow's episode is another fabulous one with Dr Ron Eaker, who is so funny and warm, he's talking about what men need to know about menopause.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment 💕
I am in and have been in a state of quiet desperation for so long now, I dont know what normal is anymore.
For years I have been more a stay at home therapist than a husband. I am at the end of my tether and we as husbands/partners of our wives/partners have so few avenues to turn to. I have explored so many techniques and methods by this point, I am simply exhausted. Robert story resonates with me a great deal.
I am in tears most days about losing my wife. The wife I married and had my children with no longer exists.
I'm so sad to hear this and, unfortunately, I can totally relate to it because you're so not alone. I've done a couple of episodes with Psychologists where they point out that once a woman goes through menopause, she can indeed be a different person. The decrease in oestrogen means that her need to take care of & nurture people is massively diminished and husbands often find themselves wondering what on earth happened to the wife they've been married to for the past few decades.
I think that the fastest growing divorce rate is in couples in their 50's and older (www.hillmac.com/blog/2021/06/this-is-the-only-age-group-with-a-rising-divorce-rate/).
It's not up to either the man or the woman individually to 'sort this out', but they as a couple need to take stock of their lives and figure out how to move forward together (if they want to).
Women should also understand that Men are DIFFERENT and get shit on all the time nowadays, and women going through menopause add to that shitty treatment of men! I love my wife and would give my life for her…. But years ago, she made a point to be very direct with me about NEEDING sex, and not wanting to end up like her mother and father when she was young……Now?……. I’m the bad guy for being a physical husband, who needs physical activity! This shits not fucking funny. And it’s starting to greatly anger me!!!
I'm getting angry too..my friend...I want my wife back...even when we have have sex...I feel she is not the same woman I loved for 23 years...she is doing it for me and that makes me feel lonely even when we are together....I share your feeling
7 years and not even a kiss - right there with you.
As a woman going through this, I want to say to the men in the comments. I say this with kindness!
It is confusing for us. One day everything is great then BAM it all changes. Usually in our late 30s or early 40s. We get pain, fatigue, our body is in overdrive. Our minds are full of anxiety and fear. Everything , including our mood, is caused by hormone depletion. We are not deliberately being horrible. We see ourselves snapping and we get guilt from that. As for not wanting sex, that is also a massive part of hormone depletion as well as pain and dryness. Would you be happy hurting your wife just for your needs?
Any man who dismisses her dryness is not a man and doesn't deserve consideration. That's why they make "personal lubricants."
@@shanepdooley with all due respect, its not just down to applying a lube. The bashing hurts our cervix and womb, because we are very sensitive due to low estrogen.