How Your Brain Falls In Love | Dawn Maslar | TEDxBocaRaton

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  • Опубліковано 4 лип 2016
  • For centuries poets and philosophers have speculated what causes two people to fall in love. Now, Biologist Dawn Maslar M.S. puts an innovative twist on this age-old question. Science can now take the mystery out of love. Thanks to latest neuroscience we can finally explain how your brain falls in love.
    In this innovative twist on this age-old question, Maslar explores the latest neuroscience and explains how your brain falls in love.
    For centuries poets and philosophers have speculated what causes two people to fall in love. Now, Biologist Dawn Maslar M.S. puts an innovative twist on this age-old question. Science can now take the mystery out of love. Thanks to latest neuroscience we can finally explain how your brain falls in love.
    In this innovative twist on this age-old question, Maslar explores the latest neuroscience and explains how your brain falls in love.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

КОМЕНТАРІ • 3,1 тис.

  • @katheryn.nicole
    @katheryn.nicole 4 роки тому +9810

    me: “i’m over him.”
    recommended:

  • @weavesnatched6620
    @weavesnatched6620 5 років тому +22855

    the real question is.... why is this in my recommended

  • @NiteshKumar-bq7gh
    @NiteshKumar-bq7gh 3 роки тому +1975

    Old peoples might not know the science behind things, but they have experience. Which is priceless.

    • @madelynnstibbard3564
      @madelynnstibbard3564 29 днів тому +3

      It's like indigenous wisdom. They might not share their knowledge through quantitative data, but the things they have passed down for generations are just as rich in truths and insight about the world

  • @razzyd
    @razzyd 4 роки тому +6061

    watching this because I'm single and sad and lonely.

    • @Koso07LoL
      @Koso07LoL 4 роки тому +13

      same

    • @shu8798
      @shu8798 4 роки тому +6

      same

    • @ezraarriaga8974
      @ezraarriaga8974 4 роки тому +4

      ^ yep 😪

    • @rosemachi5695
      @rosemachi5695 4 роки тому +1

      Me too😢

    • @modifidious7171
      @modifidious7171 4 роки тому +44

      Same here. I thought this would aid my lack of understanding of relationships and how they work. Now I only see them as a mess of chemicals and timing, further alienating myself from a relationship and understanding of human coupling. I guess Rick from Rick and Morty was right. Love is jus chemicals, devote yourself to science.

  • @indexplus
    @indexplus 6 років тому +13862

    Men don't fall in love when they commit. Men commint when they fall in love.

    • @jigsaw10181
      @jigsaw10181 5 років тому +286

      Billy Bones Brilliant, my friend.

    • @LibraNYC4ever
      @LibraNYC4ever 5 років тому +87

      Billy Bones very true.

    • @semekiuzuio
      @semekiuzuio 5 років тому +721

      The problem is Men can fake to commit.

    • @dubravkobogovic2174
      @dubravkobogovic2174 5 років тому +580

      She wasn't specific enough I think.
      Men fall in love when the the women commits to them, when they feel safe and taken care of and they let themselfs give in.
      Just as a woman has to let herself give in to her feelings

    • @brrrrr_1
      @brrrrr_1 5 років тому +156

      True and agreed. Commitment is a sure sign of a man's already in love.

  • @laurabaura
    @laurabaura 6 років тому +16255

    Set speed at 1.25. You'll thank me.

  • @alexmcclellan7584
    @alexmcclellan7584 4 роки тому +2192

    Me watching this in quarantine because I’m sad and lonely.

    • @izzymartino6319
      @izzymartino6319 4 роки тому +5

      same sis

    • @hannahtamzar3921
      @hannahtamzar3921 4 роки тому +2

      Hahaha!!

    • @morganmurray3399
      @morganmurray3399 4 роки тому +2

      we all out here livin the same life ay

    • @skunktheshrink
      @skunktheshrink 4 роки тому +4

      @@riripenguin917 Suffering is subjective. What you are saying is like saying that one has no right to feel pain when they stub their toe while some women have to endure the pain of childbirth.

    • @coffeecatichino5332
      @coffeecatichino5332 4 роки тому +6

      Riri Penguin Just because you can’t understand it doesn’t mean that it’s invalid. Get over yourself. Somebody always has it worse, so only one person has the right to feel sad, lonely, or negative? Is that supposed to be comforting? I don’t think you’re aware of how harmful that mentality actually is. You have no idea what other people might be going through.

  • @papismiley2232
    @papismiley2232 4 роки тому +1487

    youtube knows that i cried today over the person i fell in love with...

  • @sharoncohen3803
    @sharoncohen3803 5 років тому +3001

    i love how she took such a complicated subject and made it so easy to understand

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому +3

      I'm trying to be a romance song writer. Hope you can enjoy a song.

    • @ahlamnasr9317
      @ahlamnasr9317 7 місяців тому

      ​@@gboard17ؤ.. ش. كك.
      عغ @.

    • @MohammadKakora-fr1es
      @MohammadKakora-fr1es 6 місяців тому

      eltern zeit

  • @anxhelakoka40
    @anxhelakoka40 5 років тому +6592

    So should I inject some of that to my crush

  • @VeryAwesomeStuff
    @VeryAwesomeStuff Рік тому +2820

    I’m only 21 but what she’s saying resonates with my experience so far. Out of the girls I’ve dated, I’ve only fallen in love with one, despite some of the others getting really attached after we got physical. We guys don’t fall in love because you sleep with us or even because you make us wait to sleep with you. We fall in love because we enjoy being around you. Because you’re beautiful, interesting, smart, confident, (or whatever traits the particular guy values) and are someone we want to be a part of our lives. When we feel this way about a girl, we commit. At least, this is what I believe based on my experience so far.

    • @Traumatised311
      @Traumatised311 Рік тому +70

      So here's s story
      I am 26 and kinda embarassed to tell that i like a guy who's 19
      I don't like any guy who's 26 or even 25 n have many around me of that age
      But nobody's even half as masculine as he is
      Feminism is a lie
      Woman will pick a guy who would die for her over a guy who's just existing
      Some man said to me
      Women love men for what they can do for them not what they r
      And i agree

    • @bae5872
      @bae5872 Рік тому +19

      i didnt know u spoke for all guys, thanks alex 🙏

    • @VeryAwesomeStuff
      @VeryAwesomeStuff Рік тому +63

      @@bae5872 how did you get “spoke for all guys” from “resonates with MY experience”

    • @VeryAwesomeStuff
      @VeryAwesomeStuff Рік тому +14

      @@bae5872 the use of the “we” pronoun is purely stylistic

    • @bae5872
      @bae5872 Рік тому +10

      @@VeryAwesomeStuff YOURE THE ONE WHO SAID "WE GUYS" BRUH 😭

  • @SamanthaRodriguez-fk7fi
    @SamanthaRodriguez-fk7fi 3 роки тому +2602

    Grandma is so right. Never let a guy touch you until he says he loves you and means it. Let the guy develop a genuine interest and an strong emotional attachment and commitment to you before getting physical.

    • @julyol119
      @julyol119 2 роки тому +68

      Tell that to my borderline ex. He was very much convinced he loved me and expressed that very convincingly. But really dude just needed someone to reassure him constantly and have someone to be insecure about.

    • @myparceltape1169
      @myparceltape1169 2 роки тому +7

      @@julyol119 I'm with you.

    • @morganamarianana3088
      @morganamarianana3088 2 роки тому +12

      if it's only for personal gain and not some ridiculous morality nonsense then you're right

    • @frankiegunnz8066
      @frankiegunnz8066 2 роки тому

      F**k that 💩. Bad enough woman got all the laws on their side now ya want us to be "In love" 1st.... Naaaa!

    • @homeprincess142
      @homeprincess142 Рік тому +19

      I am 18 ... n now I get it why ur grandma said this.,... I shud ve never let him touch me.... coz it's me at the end that fell in love with him n still can't get over him..... though he's not in love with me I guess......

  • @jjh1373
    @jjh1373 7 років тому +9297

    She did a lot of work researching and she's good in a scientific sense. In addition I LOVE her presentation style. But as she says herself, all we really needed was her grandmother;)

    • @YUANXIAOXIAOA0090594
      @YUANXIAOXIAOA0090594 7 років тому +82

      J JH BAHAHAHA grandmother should actually give a speech here

    • @SadeLife-uj5lw
      @SadeLife-uj5lw 6 років тому +21

      There are too many wonders about the human brain. Personally I've been in a situation where I had to choose between 2 blokes who were getting close to me. Shortly after a stressed period to decide which one I' ll let into my life, I had a dream about a series of consequences on my life if I marry the one I truly love, which means my subconscious has probably done some analysis to let me decide, yet that feeling of (love) for him still lingers with no hope of going soon.

    • @GM-ct1su
      @GM-ct1su 6 років тому +6

      Sade life that's cuz you're fickle and don't know what you want.

    • @naftalimwaura3673
      @naftalimwaura3673 6 років тому +1

      Nice Video! Forgive me for chiming in, I would love your thoughts. Have you researched - Saankramer Love Trick System (should be on google have a look)? It is a great one of a kind product for falling in love with an amazing partner minus the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my old buddy Taylor after many years got cool results with it.

    • @FoodNPlacesSF
      @FoodNPlacesSF 6 років тому +2

      Sade Life1015 Which one you pick?

  • @elmerthekeeblerelf2013
    @elmerthekeeblerelf2013 7 років тому +5045

    Don't know how I got here but, it's Saturday night, I'm a dude, single as F, and I need to shower bad... But the joke is on you society, the joke is on you... One of these days I'm gonna get my act together. Watch out ladies.

  • @View-sc8wf
    @View-sc8wf 5 років тому +931

    Me: has a crush
    My science addicted brain: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, I NEED YO KNOWWW

  • @brigettenicole2943
    @brigettenicole2943 4 роки тому +1204

    You end up learning, you can sleep with them the first day, or wait 3 months- regardless, if he wants to be with you, he will be with you. I waited 2 months to sleep with someone, I wanted to be committed- we broke up a week later lol

    • @user-jc8lz9fu1u
      @user-jc8lz9fu1u 4 роки тому +116

      Brigette Nicole I definitely agree. From experience first hand. It doesn’t matter when you sleep with any one.

    • @VaivaPaula95
      @VaivaPaula95 4 роки тому +114

      And I slept with my bf on our third date and we’re together 1.5 years later. Lol

    • @faveyess4471
      @faveyess4471 4 роки тому

      Brigette Nicole can relate...

    • @leenoorhazellepcha3241
      @leenoorhazellepcha3241 4 роки тому +65

      Thankyou girls ❤️ just saying these comments giving another side of the reality also makes me feel good 😅
      Esp the fact that,” if Anyone wants to be with you, they eventually will somehow”

    • @Alice45894
      @Alice45894 4 роки тому +60

      I agree, if you're right for each other and the connection is there it won't matter how long you wait. Pfff all these people saying you should wait till marriage like they know best...

  • @pivanv23
    @pivanv23 6 років тому +4655

    I wonder how this work with cheaters.

    • @mrs.847
      @mrs.847 5 років тому +813

      Nothing works with cheaters.

    • @muniraal-assaf6730
      @muniraal-assaf6730 5 років тому +100

      they are properly goin in too fast or just lying to their self and others that they are on something

    • @aman1245singh
      @aman1245singh 4 роки тому +75

      Hormonal imbalances, haywire 😁

    • @mimmy131100
      @mimmy131100 4 роки тому +208

      If someone cheats on you he doesn't love you completely or at all because he didn't really commit

    • @ReasonAboveEverything
      @ReasonAboveEverything 4 роки тому +105

      Despina Georgiadou Despina Georgiadou Someone who cheats cheats because the feeling of being in love has ended. No more dopamine for them. problem is that that feeling will always end. They try to relive something that is not permanent.

  • @koleenLYN
    @koleenLYN 6 років тому +1012

    Oxytocin got me f'd up.

  • @HereIam-sv7eu
    @HereIam-sv7eu 5 місяців тому +18

    To fall in love you MAKE CHOICES!! You can feel attraction (physical attraction) but then you can decide to nurture it or ignore it. If you nurture the attraction by starting to FLIRT, WRITE MESSAGES, CONFIDE IN THIS PERSON, START TO ATTEND THE OTHER PERSON'S MESSAGES, START TO DREAM ABOUT SPENDING MORE TIME WITH THIS PERSON, WELL ALL THESE CHOICES will make you fall in love. Was it evitable? Yes, it was!! So it is never destiny that made you fall in love. You chased each other because of the CHOICES YOU MADE.

  • @killuamybb6411
    @killuamybb6411 4 роки тому +456

    No one:
    UA-cam: Here watch this after 4 years it was released

  • @ICONIQPsychology
    @ICONIQPsychology 6 років тому +1241

    Great proof of how today's hook-up culture is influencing relationships. People often forget that falling in love is also a biological process. We go from romance to romance without truly ever committing ourselves to anyone. And then we wonder why so many people are single and lonely...

    • @DuyThangPro
      @DuyThangPro 2 роки тому +5

      Briliant ...

    • @AussieGirl235
      @AussieGirl235 Рік тому +1

      What makes you think “everyone” wants to fall in love or that everyone who’s single is “lonely” 🤦🏻‍♀️. Ugh people like you are unbearable

  • @MarylindaAda
    @MarylindaAda 7 років тому +4056

    Your grandmother's really brilliant

    • @satyajeetshira8189
      @satyajeetshira8189 7 років тому +18

      marylinda onyeasi not really. ppl go the extent of committing to have sex these days. thus we have at times single mothers.

    • @es7691
      @es7691 7 років тому +31

      Satyajeet Shira that's when a man says whatever the woman wants to hear to get her into bed.

    • @satyajeetshira8189
      @satyajeetshira8189 7 років тому

      Yea you're beautiful. 😂

    • @semekiuzuio
      @semekiuzuio 5 років тому +2

      Lol yes. It is hard to decipher a man with a poker face.

    • @gabraliehannah3986
      @gabraliehannah3986 5 років тому +2

      Yeah brilliant Granny

  • @samkao1194
    @samkao1194 4 роки тому +237

    UA-cam and I need to have a chat abt these recommendations lately...

  • @akankshyabarua2477
    @akankshyabarua2477 3 роки тому +43

    the quote "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." has been derived by watching this

  • @Marina-Ms
    @Marina-Ms 7 років тому +5242

    Finally I found a Ted talk really interesting and clear !

    • @sophie4877
      @sophie4877 7 років тому +97

      Pasi there are so many that come under that description though!

    • @alfreddadler8257
      @alfreddadler8257 7 років тому +5

      khazar made zionism cult system in colony europe with cia hypnosis media.

    • @mikesimmons852
      @mikesimmons852 6 років тому +21

      I cringed watching her fumble for words

    • @T0mateMozarella
      @T0mateMozarella 5 років тому +2

      Watch esther perrel

    • @alexa4117
      @alexa4117 4 роки тому

      Hypnose you should watch the one I did it’s just as interesting ;)

  • @aysel8252
    @aysel8252 7 років тому +1201

    It seems like there is no one in the room

  • @love-update3690
    @love-update3690 2 роки тому +152

    Falling in love to the right person is the best feeling ever. That's why it is important to find one!

    • @angeljohn9680
      @angeljohn9680 Рік тому +12

      It;s easy to say that but never easy to find one lol

    • @ChiefJeyEf
      @ChiefJeyEf Рік тому +2

      @@angeljohn9680 So true. Sadly.

    • @tiararoxeanne1318
      @tiararoxeanne1318 Рік тому +5

      You mean if your love is reciprocated? But I guess it is one of the sign of the "right person"? That person love you back.

    • @angeljohn9680
      @angeljohn9680 Рік тому +2

      @@tiararoxeanne1318 it's kinda a 50% on that
      even if that person likes you back, that doesn't mean they are the exact right person for you yk

    • @mxrislyna
      @mxrislyna 7 місяців тому

      right. love is complicated@@angeljohn9680

  • @birdbird749
    @birdbird749 4 роки тому +1182

    Who needs love when you can eat an entire bag of shredded cheese. Amirite fellas?

  • @Emily-if1xf
    @Emily-if1xf 6 років тому +500

    Take a shot every time she says ‘but there’s a catch’

  • @ShezInAustralia
    @ShezInAustralia 7 років тому +1084

    Date and see if you are right for each other. If you sleep with a man too soon, you might end up with the wrong man or stay with the wrong man just because of oxytocin.

  • @ayjkpsy
    @ayjkpsy Рік тому +299

    I love this her talk because she doesn't only explain what happens, she also explained how they got to find the data.... it's important for understanding

  • @ashley98764
    @ashley98764 4 роки тому +102

    So you mean...I could stop myself from falling in love by blocking these chemicals??????????? Sign me upp

    • @o_0264
      @o_0264 3 роки тому +6

      I am about to block my oxytocin

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому +2

      I'm a song writer. Hopefully you can find some happiness in a song.

  • @johnpurchase2545
    @johnpurchase2545 5 років тому +880

    According to Shakespeare? Love is a form of temporary madness!

  • @amandamei7531
    @amandamei7531 5 років тому +115

    cortisol levels increasing makes a lot of sense because falling in love made me reach levels of insecurity, jealously, and rumination i had never reached before

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому

      I'm a song writer. Hopefully people can find some fulfillment in one of my songs.

    • @asmitaghorai7332
      @asmitaghorai7332 Місяць тому

      lmao, THIS!

  • @annavy7945
    @annavy7945 5 років тому +31

    We are so preoccupied with falling in love, being in love, having a soul mate that we do not question whether that person is really good for us and are we good for them. That is why we have a high divorce rate.

  • @rivernoellesegreto656
    @rivernoellesegreto656 4 роки тому +330

    I loved him before we met. I felt his energy, I saw him in dreams. The feeling was mutual upon “meeting” in person. Don’t hold back on being physical to gain commitment. Love comes from a much deeper place, with a deeper purpose. Start with Self Love and be true to your calling if you want long lasting relationships (they are just reflections of you). ♥️

    • @ayahaidar7613
      @ayahaidar7613 3 роки тому +6

      True, how long have you guys been together

    • @chloea2975
      @chloea2975 2 роки тому +18

      Couldn’t agree more. Getting physical while also being self-aware is probably the best way to not only protect yourself from any future disappointment, but to also enjoy the moment with your partner to the fullest!

  • @akamali9749
    @akamali9749 5 років тому +253

    It’s 1am wtf am I doing here and why am I still up? I need to get my life together.

    • @alexmitzy
      @alexmitzy 5 років тому +4

      1 am is not late

    • @jumung2012
      @jumung2012 4 роки тому +6

      But here’s the catch

  • @marelleclejon6694
    @marelleclejon6694 7 років тому +2509

    This scientific study proves that the rule in the Bible of only having sex after marriage, which is commitment, makes a lot of sense with our biological tendencies.

    • @susan6081
      @susan6081 7 років тому +255

      Yea those child brides are great experts on the intricacies of love.

    • @janeydoe3465
      @janeydoe3465 7 років тому +209

      give an example of a BIBLICAL child marriage. Please if you don't believe in a religion, its your choice. But spewing lies and making baseless allegations against someone else's faith and belief is just preposterous. Especially when you can't even be bothered to study the said belief.

    • @susan6081
      @susan6081 7 років тому +4

      Google it.

    • @marelleclejon6694
      @marelleclejon6694 7 років тому +136

      I wasn't saying the children in the Bible were good at making marriage laws, or any laws whatsoever, I meant that God is just and made science to fit with his laws.

    • @jesusislord9755
      @jesusislord9755 7 років тому +119

      Marellec Lejon Yes I would also like to point out that marriages that have Jesus Christ as the center of their marriage are a lot less likely to result in a divorce than marriages that do not have Jesus at the center of their lives. When someone receives salvation, God will supernaturally make two people fall in love with each other, two people who were truly meant to be with each other. I've heard of Christian married couples still feeling in love with each other even after being with each other for tons and tons of years. That's because their marriage is blessed by God because it's a God ordained marriage.

  • @iramsaba
    @iramsaba 2 роки тому +33

    Falling in love is easy and natural. We need a way to come out of this chemical state when love doesn't work. If there were a pill or hundred for that, a lot of pain could be saved.

  • @uh2652
    @uh2652 4 роки тому +1041

    it takes two people to sleep with someone so if women are too quick to get to bed with someone that also means men are quick also.

    • @synchropandagirl
      @synchropandagirl 4 роки тому +151

      yeah but men dont get attached that way and women usually do. I mean do what you want but dont complain or be upset when the guy doesnt feel the same as you.

    • @uh2652
      @uh2652 4 роки тому +80

      Mariah M i’m not upset lmao but just cuz they don’t get attached doesn’t mean they aren’t quick to get into bed

    • @harmonyfaith2342
      @harmonyfaith2342 4 роки тому +73

      I agree men can be quick to get into bed but from what she said, the hormones show that guys arent actually that interested in a girl when they do that because their testosterone is high and that blocks the oxytocin. And if they don't sleep with the girl then and become committed because he fell in love then his testosterone is low and the oxytocin is more in affect

    • @everyday9861
      @everyday9861 4 роки тому +19

      Stop comparing yourselves to men we women will end up crying in the end and not the men just learn and obey thats all

    • @everyday9861
      @everyday9861 4 роки тому

      @Ramiz Ali please meaning of MGTOW

  • @nawal10
    @nawal10 6 років тому +3341

    How about those suffering from anxiety/depression?? Can they ever love 100%...can they commit? How is love like for those suffering from either

    • @Ali-yy5bc
      @Ali-yy5bc 6 років тому +580

      I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression when I was 14, yet I found my soulmate the same year (friends at the time) 6 years later, we're still together and planned to get married once Im out of college

    • @MrNight-dg1ug
      @MrNight-dg1ug 6 років тому +69

      Alicia S. Damn

    • @anastazjamachl5902
      @anastazjamachl5902 6 років тому +218

      Those are usually caused by dopamine imbalance, so it might make it a little harder but doesn't technically affect the other neurotransmitters that allow love to happen. You lose that excited butterflies feeling, but you can still love and commit in most cases.

    • @haleyriker9726
      @haleyriker9726 6 років тому +340

      I have anxiety and depression. It was surprisingly easy once I found the right person. Your brain might be wired differently but you're not defective. You're perfectly capable of leading the kind of life you want. The trick is to know yourself and recognize that what works for you might not be what works for everyone else.

    • @zf5214
      @zf5214 6 років тому +28

      Haley Riker thank you for writing that :')

  • @JL6293
    @JL6293 7 років тому +1445

    Did the study account for age? Testosterone levels drop with age too, and I can't imagine the average age of single men to be the same as the average age of married.

    • @flawsandfreaks2902
      @flawsandfreaks2902 7 років тому +94

      James Li I'm sure it did because not all single men are in their twenties and not all married or committed men are in their 30-40 and up

    • @syburd
      @syburd 7 років тому +72

      The United States Air Force has an age-cap for participants. Somewhere from 17 years old to early/mid 30s, respectfully. The test was based only on this age group, I believe.

    • @ladybubble82
      @ladybubble82 6 років тому +2

      James Li I don't want to sound creepy but... you are so handsome!! 🤣🤣

    • @smoggy_surmises
      @smoggy_surmises 5 років тому +3

      I'm sure yes! Harvard knows what they're doing when it comes to these studies right, and controlling other variables in an experiment is basic procedure that even 5 year olds know.

    • @muhammadumair-si9qp
      @muhammadumair-si9qp 5 років тому

      James Li well the level of hormones is relative.i mean there is a ratio like testosterone estrogen ratio in men and all that.hope it clears things

  • @shewolfsings556
    @shewolfsings556 4 роки тому +13

    My boyfriend always says “ I just knew when I saw you smiling and when my heart skipped a beat“ ...

  • @ghope5448
    @ghope5448 4 роки тому +109

    Wait I'm so sad they ruined the relationship between those little rodents 🥺

    • @adithistar2189
      @adithistar2189 2 роки тому +4

      OMG yeah😆🤣

    • @3sixgod36
      @3sixgod36 2 роки тому +1

      😂😂😂😂😂😂💀

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround 24 дні тому

      Ha, whenever people ask what spirit animal they are, or what animal they’d be if they were reincarnated.
      I didn’t want to be an eagle, 🦅 tiger 🐅 or bear 🐻
      My only answer is a Canada goose - simply because they mate for life!!!
      Adding adorable prairie rodents to my list from here on.

  • @EmUhLea
    @EmUhLea 7 років тому +476

    THE T IS CROOKED, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

    • @elianagrant8456
      @elianagrant8456 6 років тому +9

      Lmao i thought i was the only one that noticed

    • @sarac9273
      @sarac9273 6 років тому +2

      LOL

    • @DaKing-io9be
      @DaKing-io9be 5 років тому +27

      NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!
      NOW I CANNOT UNSEE IT

    • @evearcana2392
      @evearcana2392 5 років тому

      😂😂😂😂😂

    • @Relaxinghypnoasmr
      @Relaxinghypnoasmr 4 роки тому

      I'm dead 😂😂😂 type a's watching Ted talks

  • @anewloveofficial9137
    @anewloveofficial9137 6 років тому +291

    I am afraid of falling in love because I can't think properly. I always do the effort for the relationship to work even if I didn't get the love I deserved. Why do we always neglect all the bad signs but rather only see the good in him ? I'm still glad it happened to me because it gaves me the greatest lesson in life.

    • @davidkoormann5262
      @davidkoormann5262 Рік тому +44

      When you fall in love you get kind of addicted to a person. Dopamine levels rise as Dawn Mascara said in her talk. At the same time a part of your brain responsible for critical thinking lowers in activity, similarly to when you are drunk, which is also probably the reason why we have the phrase “drunk on love”. On top of that the threshold at which Dopamine gets released is much lower when in love causing you to build a romanticized image people you love and your surroundings when in love. In short our brain loves to love and like any addiction, we neglect or ignore the bad side of the addiction when having what we’re addicted to, like a loved one. I hope this helped.

    • @EchelonPandora
      @EchelonPandora Рік тому +6

      It might be limerence

    • @chiarajackson97
      @chiarajackson97 Рік тому +1

      Same here!

    • @stregalilith
      @stregalilith Рік тому +2

      @@davidkoormann5262 omg you’ve just described the entire decade of my 20s! 😂

    • @caitlinhiscock5317
      @caitlinhiscock5317 4 місяці тому +1

      The best way I’ve found to avoid being treated in a way that is not the best is setting boundaries (even ahead of the relationship) and sticking to them even when you begin the relationship. After commitment or some predetermined amount of time, you can re-establish what your boundaries need to look like but in the beginning it really helps to see if someone can respect you right off the bat

  • @isi6845
    @isi6845 Рік тому +17

    This seems true. I dated a guy a few months ago and in the beginning he was completely in love with me and he was very enthusiastic. He really seemed to be in love. But then because I was so in love I couldn´t resist to sleep with him after a very short time. And after like a month he told me he is very sorry but he just didn´t fall in love even though he was so enthusiastic in the beginning and he really thought he was in love. He seemed very confused with himself. He was super honest with me. While I wasn´t so sure about my feelings until we slept together it seemed that he started not being sure after we slept together. It seems like I just slept too early with him we should have built a deeper emotional connection. I will never do that again when I´m really interested in a guy. I will always wait from now on. But it´s so hard to wait at least for me when I´m strongly attracted to a guy I can´t contain myself.

    • @Iookeyman
      @Iookeyman 7 місяців тому +1

      Maybe we should wait until a guy show his commitment or want to make a commitment with us.

  • @justdonewhobelievesinequality
    @justdonewhobelievesinequality 3 місяці тому +17

    9 days to valentine’s and you see this in your recommended, interesting right? 😂

  • @yiliali4947
    @yiliali4947 7 років тому +1750

    Yes,when a man give you promise it means he falls in love with u.but nowadays man always lies about what they say

    • @spearmint4093
      @spearmint4093 7 років тому +44

      yeah so how do i know its for real

    • @renehenriksen1735
      @renehenriksen1735 7 років тому +137

      Yilia Li >>> Both genders do.

    • @jazminbaltierrra4327
      @jazminbaltierrra4327 7 років тому +34

      >>>> there are more than two genders. >>>> actually, gender is a cultural/ social construct. Biological sex is another thing, but there's also more than 2.

    • @yogita7545
      @yogita7545 7 років тому +61

      that was all i was thinking too....because people nowadays just lie for sex...dont they?!

    • @milygonzalezmora8861
      @milygonzalezmora8861 7 років тому +50

      i guess you have to wait for him to really commit instead of falling for promises

  • @jdci75
    @jdci75 6 років тому +735

    It's amazing how we undermine the wisdom of our foreparents. Education today is all about getting a job where traditionally education meant the understanding of life and the acquisitional life-skills

  • @abhishekgarg7
    @abhishekgarg7 Рік тому +15

    Science can't defeat 95 yrs of experience, maybe grandmother didn't know about all those terminologies but she knew the facts behind it

  • @unstoppableneedle
    @unstoppableneedle Рік тому +188

    this video was great for my adhd. she got to the point every single time and was clear and concise. Thank you, Dawn.

  • @ryanconlon7985
    @ryanconlon7985 7 років тому +446

    "Explenation point"

    • @nv8949
      @nv8949 6 років тому +1

      What’s wrong with that

    • @renee6559
      @renee6559 6 років тому +36

      its called an exclamation point

    • @RobJD
      @RobJD 6 років тому +8

      "Anadotal"

    • @senantiasa
      @senantiasa 5 років тому +30

      I know she talks weird.... but here's the catch... it makes a lot of sense

  • @Juice-chan
    @Juice-chan 7 років тому +467

    Thats really interesting. But it also reflects my experience. If you go have sex with a girl to early it can lead to a drop of interest, while her increases fast. Sometimes in a speed where you feel that you can´t follow and get afraid by the plans she is already doing.
    But I learned from this mistakes. As said in the video take your time. Just keep dating for a while until you know that you love her. It´s an inherent advice not only for girls but man too if they want to stay happy with the girl. It gives you time to find out more about her and let the freshness of the first impressions sink in and really evaluate her character.

    • @OneOfUs0000
      @OneOfUs0000 6 років тому

      +Luke Jameson
      He's lying, Jinx is not a Jedi.

    • @jw2223
      @jw2223 5 років тому +43

      You're losing interest in women after you sleep together immediately because you don't see her as a nuanced true human being with different interests, values, emotions, ect... but rather an object or a prize, something to "win"... and similarly the women you chose are equally vapid to commit to you immediately, which likely means they are objectifying you in a different sort of way - maybe a paycheck, emotional validation, something to fill their loneliness....

  • @mo_7199
    @mo_7199 3 роки тому +62

    There's a reason why teenagers seem so madly in love.

  • @yageruoy8109
    @yageruoy8109 4 роки тому +71

    Love is scary isn't it? You never know when it happens and when you fall in love, that person better catch you or else you'll break.

    • @karinaiwanova5655
      @karinaiwanova5655 Рік тому +3

      The most accurate definition of this thAng called love...

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround 24 дні тому

      And shattered heart is worse than broken bones. The falling part is scary indeed. But it’s like those butterflies inside that give you a boost too! 🦋

  • @spearmint4093
    @spearmint4093 7 років тому +94

    I knew it! therefore i will never be friends with benefits or having sex again before the guy commits - the problem is - HOW DO I KNOW HE COMITTED? without him saying it out loud???

    • @asookhoo4907
      @asookhoo4907 7 років тому +31

      JE ENN you'll know, don't worry. Also, you'd be able to tell by the way he looks at you and how much time he wants to spend with you. Don't rush love, it's a beautiful thing :)

    • @spearmint4093
      @spearmint4093 7 років тому

      evil eddy no i havnet

    • @spearmint4093
      @spearmint4093 7 років тому

      evil eddy stupid comment by
      you

    • @jaygee514
      @jaygee514 7 років тому +2

      I think you have to have a talk with him about it beforehand. A UA-cam comment can only fit so much, so I will just point you in the direction of Captain Awkward eho has some excellent advice on many things. Search the archives. Good luck with things. As Captain Awkward says, "Use your words."

    • @spearmint4093
      @spearmint4093 7 років тому

      Faith Ryan Thank you for this comment. i thought and felt exactly the same way. its sad how people waste their life hating strangers on internet... they should rather try to improve their own lifes or the people they know instead of trying to bully. i almost laughed with sarcasm cause it was so silly he even commented in that way.

  • @Laughster-0-0
    @Laughster-0-0 5 років тому +41

    Long live her grandmother, her facts contributed to unravel the science of love!!

  • @stregalilith
    @stregalilith Рік тому +13

    This is a wonderful survey of so many people from different cultures, all ages over a long period of time which has made it fascinating and stimulating. What makes it even better is when people return weeks months or even years later updating their experiences and getting support for their growth or disappointment.

  • @snowjae9380
    @snowjae9380 7 місяців тому +14

    To all the lovely ladies, do not stay with a man who does not commit. Was with someone for 9 years who not once said I love you or wanted any commitment but lied about it. To the men who are deciding, do not drag a woman you care about into that either. She will possibly resent you.

  • @HugDealer
    @HugDealer 7 років тому +870

    Such an interesting video. So the testosterone drop when men commit explains why you typically see that the population of commited men look less fit and older, less attractive in general. Yes it may be they have less time, less incentive to attract. But it is also a hormonal fight essentially

    • @BeaveHolio
      @BeaveHolio 6 років тому +84

      It probably also happens so they can bond with their children.

    • @tijojose7966
      @tijojose7966 6 років тому +29

      Well that sucks for men. It means that when we’re finally ready to commit, we won’t be attractive enough to get married. 😱

    • @whatisinaname4313
      @whatisinaname4313 6 років тому +49

      so if a married man is still fit and doing the stuff that single people do then is he trying to attract some chicks with out the knowledge of his wife?

    • @chickensandwich8808
      @chickensandwich8808 6 років тому +20

      Well, thats not quite right. The drop in testosterone is only momentary where men who look less fit in the context you are describing is usually attributed to many factors both mental and physical. Though there is truth in the hormonal fight, especially with respect to imbalance, which seems to be more prevalent in our modern times. Perhaps its a mix of it becoming more understood as well as modern society generating these imbalances at a greater rate. Also our life expectancies are longer and thus this could be something that effects the averages that we base our statistics by.

    • @coltonlehnen6803
      @coltonlehnen6803 5 років тому +21

      Im sure the drop isn’t so significant to affect performance because otherwise you wouldn’t see so many boxers and other athletes married

  • @lowkeyme11
    @lowkeyme11 Рік тому +47

    From my experience and what I heard from a lot of people throughout my life, the grandmas advice is 100% spot on.

  • @priyamandal3721
    @priyamandal3721 Рік тому +14

    Each person is not blessed to have a wise person in his/her life but as a workaround they have the oppurtunity to hear this wonderful and wise Ted talk.I wish I had known this much before.

  • @fakename7906
    @fakename7906 3 роки тому +25

    It’s a complementary spiritual energy vibration between two souls

  • @martinwest2538
    @martinwest2538 2 роки тому +20

    "Falling in LOVE" is a deceptive expression, which makes the understanding difficult of what "love" really is. This video is if fact all about ATTACHMENT or creating a BOND between individuals. True love, on the other hand, is the thoughts and deeds of benevolence in different forms. Love is healing, constructive and creative energy, coming from one source and directed to another.
    So you can add true love in varying amounts to a relationship, or not at all. It all depends on the both partners' will and capacity to give or show benevolence - and to receive it as well. If you've grown up being neglected of care, attention and acceptance, you'll probably have difficulties in showing love, or even to understand what love actually means. That's when you'll have to learn to love yourself to begin with, to appreciate the wonderful being you are born to be. To understand and to accept - to really feel - that you are as special and important as anyone else born to this planet. This is the way you learn to appreciate other people, too.
    I've written this on other videos on the tube, as well, but as it is so important I really want to bring forth and to emphasize this information.

    • @stregalilith
      @stregalilith Рік тому +1

      Martin you are so right! Keep posting your wisdom, people need to hear it!

    • @aspirantchoudhary9332
      @aspirantchoudhary9332 3 місяці тому +1

      You did more healing than my therapist
      Thank you @martinwest2538

    • @martinwest2538
      @martinwest2538 3 місяці тому

      ❤‍🩹❤@@aspirantchoudhary9332

  • @AT-eu4zu
    @AT-eu4zu Рік тому +6

    I was married for 6 years. I’m 29 now. I thought I was IN love. Maybe with the abuse it was clouded I don’t know. But with my now boyfriend, I feel like I’m making love, we stare in each other’s eyes, in each other’s souls, I don’t want to be far from him when he’s around me …. I feel so so so in love. I’m experiencing being in love for this first time.
    My ex was my first and I’m loyal and I thought ok this is the next step. Now that I know what it’s like to be in love I will never go back !

  • @sudhirpatel7620
    @sudhirpatel7620 2 роки тому +12

    "Love is the state in which man sees things most of all as they are 'not'. The illusion-creating force is there at its height, likewise the sweetening and 'transforming' force. One endures more when in love than one otherwise would, one tolerates everything..." - FWN

  • @mariahernandez7934
    @mariahernandez7934 4 роки тому +14

    Wow I am completely mind blown, this has solved all of my questions , great ted talk!

  • @MCisBAE
    @MCisBAE 5 років тому +3

    This is one of the most beautiful Ted Talks I’ve ever seen! Thank you so much!

  • @shakynevada
    @shakynevada 3 місяці тому +3

    Broke up yesterday and found this in recommendations today.

  • @pradeepmaku8377
    @pradeepmaku8377 4 роки тому +16

    Now I think love is even more complicated then I used to think 😌.

  • @gokulkrishna3493
    @gokulkrishna3493 3 місяці тому +3

    Wonder why I got recommended to this on Valentine’s Day

  • @swatstune
    @swatstune 7 років тому +6

    Ur grandmother is truly brilliant. I wish I had come across this talk of urs long back.

  • @salsaqueen4911
    @salsaqueen4911 6 років тому +19

    YOU GO GRANDMA, MY GRANDMOTHER SAID THE SAME THING TO ME IN MY 20'S . I ALWAYS TAKE MY TIME IN RELATIONSHIPS.

  • @miscellaneousme7233
    @miscellaneousme7233 4 роки тому +11

    She nailed it and bravo grandma . We needed this .

  • @ecuhus
    @ecuhus Рік тому +3

    I'm more ready to receive this information, than the first time I listened to this video. She's wise.

  • @davidowl767
    @davidowl767 5 років тому +60

    This is how, in my 16 years of live, I learnt a lot by listening my grandmother and her stories.

    • @coolhotNerd03
      @coolhotNerd03 Рік тому

      Lol same

    • @isla_vida11
      @isla_vida11 5 місяців тому +1

      Both of my grandparents died sadly .. It would be nice listening to them

  • @dishomevideos1433
    @dishomevideos1433 6 років тому +38

    Wonderful video. Such an intelligent & well spoken individual ❤️ Great message.. your grandmother is simply a genius!

  • @autumnelizabeth533
    @autumnelizabeth533 3 роки тому +47

    I am falling in love. I literally felt that oxytocin release just by talking to him on FaceTime. His face just reminded me of babies playing...like all the innocence, potential, authenticity.

    • @smaraki9738
      @smaraki9738 3 роки тому +5

      Update!

    • @mikhailanand276
      @mikhailanand276 2 роки тому

      @@smaraki9738 😹😹😹

    • @noemita494
      @noemita494 2 роки тому

      I second. Update please!

    • @HIT...
      @HIT... Рік тому +2

      @@noemita494 they lived happily ever after

    • @Yuv3892
      @Yuv3892 3 місяці тому

      Update?

  • @iamlali
    @iamlali Рік тому +6

    I don't even know why this recommend to me but it was the best explanation since I heard alot of stories and sciences here!
    And also her granny is genius without even studying science lol😁i loved the presentation thank you ❤

  • @luzreyny24
    @luzreyny24 4 роки тому +59

    I need the how to “unfailing” in love 🙃

    • @prathameshpawar1912
      @prathameshpawar1912 2 роки тому +1

      YOU FALL FOR EVERYBODY BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE INSECURE ABOUT SOMETHING AND FIX IT YOU THEN YOU WILL LOVE YOURSELF AND TRULY LOVE SIMEONE ELSE

    • @Jennifer-di4nl
      @Jennifer-di4nl 2 роки тому

      Time is the only cure

    • @us-zr1rh
      @us-zr1rh 2 роки тому

      Get an injection to block oxytocin as the same way they did to that male vole by injecting him an antagonist to lose the feeling of love ( that men get due to the formation of vasopressin).......:)

    • @Jennifer-di4nl
      @Jennifer-di4nl 2 роки тому

      @@us-zr1rh where do I find this injection. Local pharmacy? Lol bet more people die of a broken heart than COVID

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому

      I'm a romance song writer. Hopefully you can find some happiness in a song.

  • @archyolonde4237
    @archyolonde4237 4 роки тому +6

    This is why I love science, give's me facts of every detail🤗🤗

  • @serenevlog
    @serenevlog Рік тому +19

    This is really a lesson. And I also always think of what my gynecologist said, “abstain” (because I’m still young and should be focusing on self and study).
    Please take care of your sacred heart. It’s hard when you fall on love with a man after sleeping with him because it feel like you are not allowed to feel heart broken because he’s not you boyfriend.

  • @DamnDemi
    @DamnDemi 5 років тому +36

    If someone could tell my brain stop doing that, that would be great, thanks!

    • @arifahezzati9032
      @arifahezzati9032 3 роки тому

      Ugh couldn’t agree more

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому

      I'm a one man band. Hopefully you can find some happiness in song.

  • @KittySnicker
    @KittySnicker 6 років тому +4

    I've apparently been abiding by your granny's advice without realizing it! Also, the prairie voles are ADORABLE!!!

  • @heliaalves9062
    @heliaalves9062 5 років тому +20

    This is entirely true! I have never seen anyone explain it so perfectly. Well done!

  • @Heavenly_hearted
    @Heavenly_hearted 5 років тому +1

    This really opened my mind to the science behind love

  • @gabrielawcislo5906
    @gabrielawcislo5906 5 років тому +20

    Judging from my experiences with men and love, I’d say this is pretty accurate in the real world

  • @erikatamayo1925
    @erikatamayo1925 6 років тому +90

    My major question is: what is the definition of commitment? Does commitment mean being exclusive aka a committed relationship, or does it mean being engaged? Marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper....a legal contract. A couple doesn't have to love each other or even like each other in order to get married or to commit. It is not physical or legal commitment, but emotional commitment that causes love to happen. The reason for commitment is the cause of love, not the act of committing.

    • @fatmaghorbel6579
      @fatmaghorbel6579 6 років тому +7

      exactly, I didn't undersatnd what commitment means?
      I want a simple meaning please....

    • @jot.5502
      @jot.5502 5 років тому +20

      she meant emotional commitment obviously. as in choosing to want to be with that person alone. Which is why it didnt matter if they were married or just in a committed non-marital relationship. The testosterone levels were the same.

    • @CatarinaMaia
      @CatarinaMaia 4 роки тому +2

      I think commitment doesn't necessarily mean exclusiveness.

    • @VeryAwesomeStuff
      @VeryAwesomeStuff Рік тому +1

      It’s committing to make another person a part of your life, whether that means marriage or just a committed relationship, monogamous or otherwise. At least that’s how I understand it

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround 24 дні тому

      I agree. *Emotional commitment is the most beautiful seal of love.*
      *I honestly would much rather wait until the timing is right.*
      *Falling in love is an incredible and amazing feeling! And it’s fun. Enjoy those moments and embrace them. I personally cherish that part.*
      *I truly and honestly do not want the one I’m falling in love with ~ to feel rushed in any way, nor feel pressured into marriage.*

  • @akshat4086
    @akshat4086 3 місяці тому +4

    Brain does not fall in love, heart does

  • @Nimerian
    @Nimerian 2 роки тому +80

    There are so many correlations happening in my mind throughout the talk between what she is saying and feelings I have in various life experiences. I'm happy I found this. Sad that I have to lose my test levels if I want to successfully raise kids tho...

    • @sakuranovaryan9261
      @sakuranovaryan9261 2 роки тому

      That is a l for men ig..

    • @VeryAwesomeStuff
      @VeryAwesomeStuff Рік тому +14

      Probably worth the sacrifice, rather have low T and a loving family than high T and forever alone

    • @stregalilith
      @stregalilith Рік тому +1

      Yes❤what Alex said. And by the time you’re old enough to afford a family you’re T levels will gently and naturally decline…and you’ll welcome the peace and comfort and joy❤

  • @brianlinville439
    @brianlinville439 3 роки тому +5

    Desire is the beginning of suffering.

  • @Xlinnnnnnnnnn187
    @Xlinnnnnnnnnn187 3 роки тому +12

    admit it ... we all watched this hoping it’d explain why we are so in love with that one person

    • @gboard17
      @gboard17 2 роки тому

      I'm a song writer. Hopefully one of my songs can bring somebody happiness.

    • @guitarsoundsaround
      @guitarsoundsaround 24 дні тому

      I don’t really need an explanation, but it sounds pretty legit for my behaviour 😂

  • @nikitaxxd
    @nikitaxxd 7 місяців тому +1

    Just when I started having feelings for somebody this pops up in my recommended. Nice.

  • @tFER998
    @tFER998 2 роки тому +3

    I love the way you explained this xx

  • @Vanolo999
    @Vanolo999 6 років тому +36

    Wow! People are taking this head-on. It say's how our "brain" falls in love, it isn't a recipe people, there are much more circumstances of the human world and it's complexities that have their role...

  • @name.7463
    @name.7463 7 років тому +127

    Woow mind blown, great talk everyone needs to watch this

  • @rogelioorroger797
    @rogelioorroger797 4 роки тому +1

    Bless your beautiful and wise grandmother! Happy thanksgiving!

  • @FF-fd4tm
    @FF-fd4tm 2 роки тому +5

    I slept with my bf after fairly quickly for me. I fell in love first. It took him about 8 months to fully commit to me. I can now say he’s genuinely in love with me.

  • @Sara.4444.
    @Sara.4444. Рік тому +3

    Love is not understood, but felt. Interesting video!