Why do we get crushes? | Isabelle O'Carroll | TEDxBrixton
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- Опубліковано 4 гру 2015
- Self-confessed ‘crush addict’ Isabelle discusses her theory on crushes and why we have them. In this fun and witty talk, Isabelle looks at the spectrum of crushes, some of the mad things we do in the name of a crush and gets to the heart of how and why they can turn into infatuation.
Isabelle O’Carroll is a London-born fashion and lifestyle writer; she writes for BuzzFeed, The Pool, The Debrief, her work has also appeared on guardian.com and in Grazia.
As well as writing, Isabelle consults for fashion brands; the Telegraph called her “one of Britain’s best fashion bloggers” and Vogue have featured her on the Online Fashion 100. She has also spoken at Southbank’s Women of the World festival this year.
Follow her on Twitter: @IsabelleOC
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
How loyal are you?:
Me: Sorry I can't flirt with you, I can't cheat on my crush. XD
MaDola Backy so true, me rn blubbering over someone
That's basically me too XD
YEs tHaTS sO Me
SAME
Yes! 🙌🏻 that’s so meee!
One thing she didn't really touch on is how intoxicating possibility can be. It's fun to imagine how the future might play out. It is a bad habit of mine to acquire a crush and jump way ahead mentally to things like how his last name would fit with my first, or where we might live. Sometimes I do that to try and find the cons of a relationship with this person in order to talk myself down, but it's still not a very healthy thing to do prior to said person even acknowledging my existence.
You’re not alone I have experienced that too and I think you explained it amazingly well...it really drives you crazy and desperate
I know right? It’s so fun thinking about the future, in a good way of course.
Yes, I totally understand that feeling in a crush. I'm a hetero guy and have had this problem a lot in the past. I call them "relationship fantasies".
relatable af
I think I take it a step further and imagine what our kids would look like and what their names would be (whenever the crush has seemed like they'd be good with kids).
Whenever I've told my therapist about this, she'll remind me that it's healthy to have crushes and fantasies because it lets us know what we like in a future partner, but not to attach too much weight to it. Keep it as a playful fantasy, but don't let it stop you from living out daily life and actually meeting someone in real life if it's a celeb crush.
For me, the bonus of having a celebrity crush is that it inspires me to pursue acting and modeling, which are things I've always wanted to get into, so knowing that I could potentially meet and work with them (even if they're nothing like I've imagined them to be) as a result of doing so, is kinda awesome, but not a major dependency.
If I never get to meet them (or they don't live up to the image I've created of them), I've still done something I wanted to do in the first place, so that's an achievement in itself.
Am I the only one that gets this with people I've never talked to?
No I actually have a crush right now and I have never said a word to him.
Nope
Lol glad I'm not alone
Nop....
Glad others are like this. Not sure what to think about the fact that I can remember most of the names of my crushes going back to elementary school.
I just don't like the audio
Well, my parents can't hear it :)
I was gonna say that
@@sur3089 🤣🤣🤣
"Nobody gets a mild crush?"
I get mild crushes on every other person I meet
Oh mee too
Yeah , on the bus or the train , like 3 crushes and same the next day lol
honestly i didn’t think about crushes until my friends brought it up.
I've almost never related more
I like to call them eye candy.
Crushes are very painful experiences. At times you feel that euphoric high but most of the tine pain.
Yes, so true. Definitely an emotional roller coaster.
that high feels so good until it crushes you...
Intelligent design
I agree with u ! Rn iam feeling the same highs and lows 😮😢😅
I think the fact that it is more women that have crushes could also imply that women can be less confident than men at times, often thinking that their crush. Is "too good" for them or wouldn't be interested in them if they really tried. It's a fear of rejection really. This is what I've experienced before.
arim2011 obituories limrrick
I think social anxiety also has something to do with it
I think both men and women posses a fear of rejection. The only difference is that men feel a societal pressure to get over it and ask women out while women feel a societal pressure to not ask men out. Women have the fear of will he like me? But also will he think I came on too strong and be turned off?
arim2011 it could also be that men aren't as comfortable admitting that they have a crush
Very true. The unattainable crush is a result of lack of self esteem.
Wait...people can see if you've checked their linkdin? Oh my God, no....
You can change the setting to keep it private
OMG😱
My god, that’s good to know 😂😩 But maybe I’ll do it on purpose now?? 😂
Yeah but you have to be a premium member I think
Literally anything else rip
i always feel like im not attractive enough for my crushes so i just dont approach them cuz im scared of getting rejected LOLL
Mis Kay same, there would literally be a girl who is not only smarter, but also prettier. :I
Hazelnut ice cream Or a better kisser, skinnier, fitter, nicer, more in control, less mental issues, who doesn’t overthink... yeah
Me my entire high school
Mis Kay LOLL same.
Well, that’s fine.
I appreciate that my crush awakened a dormant soul. I never knew a crush could feel so good or could be so much fun. When my crush ended I was left in an awakened state, remembering all the lovely things that made me feel smart and beautiful and proud to be a woman. Thank you crush.
Fr tho idk why so now i kept try to have a crush someone it made me go through gloomy days
"You will only ever be as proactive as you think you are allowed to be". ... wow. Even not related to crushed and romance, this is soooo truuue!!!
Can you explain to me in simple words what she meant? Everything that she said after ' I'd like to leave you with a couple of thoughts'. please?
That bit about self-agency was very powerful. Made the whole talk worth it. Insightful.
@@amitbkalra2261 umm like u are as strong as u are subjected or conditioned to believe but don't ever let that take over ?
Reality of crush is emotions become suffocatingly stronger and stronger as you couldn't express it to your crush and they almost attain God like status in your eyes however if your crush reciprocated feeling and you end up in a relationship then only the obsession passes and you are able to judge that person on his / her merits and relationship has same chances of success or failure as any other...however when we are crushing we only think of how difinatively great fairytale relationship you could have with that person .
Could not have said it better.
Sometimes your imagination is true I’m not saying always tho
okay... but she did not answer "why do we get crushes?"!
yeah
Yes
It's a click bait designed to maximize Google ads revenue.
She did for women, she's saying that crushes are suppressed desire to pursue a relationship with someone. Instead of fancying someone and asking them out etc... Crushes are bottled up desire.
a62243 Think it ended up being a rhetorical question..
Dead to me zone. Infinitely better than the red zone. I remember my crushes with a tinge of sadness.
I remember mine with the strong bitter taste of regret (well mainly one of them)
I remember my crushes...they prolly dont remember me
what's worse than having a crush is asking them out and them answering no.
Or is that better? At least you can work on closure. Imagine fantasizing that they can possibly like you back....
My best friend asked her crush out and he said he couldn't "because of his life style" she accepted that it was not happening but she was curious and asked what his life style was and he said "I need more time to explain my life style, I'll explain later" and never explained anything 😂
I recently caught up with my childhood crush and I had this whole image in my mind about what he might be like now, when I saw him again I was so disappointed. He was incredibly different. Not just physically but also his personality. I always thought he was the perfect person as a child.
Man, I feel that. As a child I always thought I’d marry my best friend, I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He’s changed a lot since then, to the point where I can’t believe I felt that way about him.
Same here, people change so much, it is hard to believe that we were so close, that I felt this way about her.
However I still have this little crush, but I know that it will never work out
Everyone changes , do u not change?😂i confess i changed
@@goktas42 yas that s how i feel about my bestie and my old friends now (this is totally out of context tho) i mean they change u change ur values and metrics change without even realizing it next thing u know u no longer see them as interesting
person: "Me and me boyfriend are going out because we both had crushes on each other"
me: that sounds fake but k
OneLonelyHaribo mee that actually happened to me...
Candy Flosser ur so lucky
Candy Flosser happened to me too. Right now, both us are just lusting for each other. Don’t know if it’s love. Too early for that
Blue Beetle yep. That me and my crush rn. I don’t think it’s entirely love, I think it’s a bit of lust too, I think he’s gonna ask me out and I honestly don’t know what to say
Id like a cup of TAE with SUGA and a KOOKIE hey, if he does ask you out then just go. Just have fun don’t think about building a relationship or whatever yet.
Even I’m not sure about this girl and we are taking things slow cause both of us are not really ready for that. Get to know them as much as you can and have fun
I feel like the dead to me phase only really ends once I'm back to red and orange with another person
I’ve had crushes on people who were attainable but I put them on a pedestal at thought they were unattainable
It's much easier to just tell them than letting it eat you alive inside. Kinda embarrassing at first but you get over it and your chest feels lighter.
The most craziest thing i ever did for my ex-crush (he got a gf now haha) was going on a hike. I heard he was going to join that hike so i also volunteered. It nearly killed me tbh. I had never gone on a hike, and that day it was raining so bad, got stuck in rain from 10am to 3 pm, soo windy, thundering when we climbed to the peak of one of the 3 mountains that were on the route, and i was attacked by several leeches. Haah never doing that again 🤣
I did a similar thing for a crush in 6th grade. It didn't go quite as badly for me as for you. Haha but he didn't notice me and the hike wasn't at all good for my asthma.
Amazing
Attacked by leeches?? Where do you live?
Valeria Martin asia
Oh my gosh you poor soul X'D
A pro would ALWAYS have a fake LinkedIn profile
Nicole Kwan one time I google searched my crush and I found his LinkedIn and I made an account to look at his whole profile and then I realized that you get a notification when someone looks at your profile and I panicked and to this day I’m not sure if he knows that it was me who looked at his profile or not because he’s too nice to say anything about it if he knows anything at all 😬
The unattainable crush habit is a result of lack of self esteem.
Why?
yikes i probably needed to hear this
How do we fix this? Lol
I finished the video still awaiting "because..." We get crushes because we are social animals hardwired to reproduce with the best specimens we can get. Crushes drive us to try to get with the crushee, but our knowledge of how bad rebuffs feel keeps us from acting. Simple. The best strategy is get rid of a crush by becoming a ruthless critic of the crushee; when you see their multiple faults, you see they are nothing special.
That is easier said than done.
Part of the reason why I get the crush in the first place is because I can find no flaws. If I did, I could seize on them and try to distance myself. But sometimes if I can find a very serious personality flaw but they are still gorgeous and charming and irresistible, my subconscious will still crave them unrelentingly and I still have to pursue them with the knowledge that they may well still ruin my life even if they do love me back one day.
It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one who loses my appetite over crushes. I work with this girl who is incredibly beautiful and sweet to everyone. I don’t know how I’m going to ever get over this but I hope I do soon because it’s killing me 😓
Unless that person is out of your life or you make the first move, it's not likely to go away😣.
Ruiying Lian or you find another crush
5years later. How you feeling about it now?
Yeah 5 yrs later wht do you feel ?
Obviously people, she died of this gaint crush
I had a friend that I later had a crush on...I didn't know that it's a crush but whenever I didn't talked to him or felt like he's ignoring at me or he's angry with me, I would literally feel so broke.
One day, he was talking so differently and it was looking obvious that he might just stop talking to me forever. I was begging him to forgive me (what wasn't even my fault!) and I was crying while sniffing like a little child who has lost his mother.
Now, obviously it was ridiculous.
I had hid the fact for a while and continued on just like a friend and it always hurt when he used to talk about his ex that had broke up with him. And later, when he told me that he loves this other girl and admitted that his ex was just someone he was infatuated to, I some how, became more jealoused. He used to talk about his love (who didn't acknowledge his affection as a lover but only as a good friend), I decided to just confess! It's really strange for a person like me (as I always opposed the idea of love, crush or infatuation etc.).
I wrote to him and confessed. I told him that we need to stop talking or my feeling will keep growing and he agreed to take a break from talking for a week at least. I remember I had disturbed sleeps and changed sleeping i.e. not being able to sleep at night and feeling tired and sleepy in the morning. Crying at night and feeling numb during daytimes. Thankfully, this lasted for even less than a week.
Now, we're still very good friends and communicate almost everyday except when he's busy or I'm busy. He still talks about his love, but I don't feel my feelings to be strong now but I still feel a bit jealoused and sad when he mentions her name, though I don't show it anymore to him. I still love him, but as a friend now and I've accepted the fact that he's not mine and I'll be completely fine without him too. As now, I can go days without talking to him.
Thanks for sharing your story. It is comforting to know that some feelings are natural and that they can be overcome through time.
Anyone else have an obsessive crush on someone who’s taken? Can’t help it... I feel like he’s always in the back of my mind literally 24/7. Two years and counting... make it stop ;(
That honestly sounds awful dude, like that just sounds painful.
Same :((( i swear it's the worst. Cause you cant ever get a closure.
I hear you, it's annoying as heck and you wish your life could go back to normal. Your emotions are everywhere, you want it to go away, but then you kind of don't.
A few years ago I had the wildest crush maybe in the history of the Universe. It felt like a soul mate that I had planned to meet here on earth. She flirted a little on & off with me, told me I was sweet, and considered me a friend. Then I told other people I liked her, and it all started to crumble. I had no choice but to tell her I loved her. She basically blocked me out of her life completely. I was devastated. I am now extremely spiritual and don't even care about "relationships" anymore.
She sent you to the spirit realm
How are you Mann ?
Oh I'm so sorry 💔
Not all women like that. Best to approach them when you can. Trust me women love compliments. Work on that first.
I skipped yellow and orange and went straight to red
Lol
Lol same bby same
The audience were so unresponsive - there were plenty of humorous moments where Isabelle deserved more laughter!
that's maybe because british aren't smiling just because like Americans do.
having your crush like you back................hmm wonder what the feels like???
good... i sound like such a pick me but i asked him out (DONT DO THAT) and he was like omgg i didn’t want to ask because i didn’t want it to be awkward and ye we dated for a while but it wasn’t omg amazing you know. My advice is to get to know them up to like really close friend level because u can be so much more comfortable with them but it’s so tricky to do :))
@@jenny234 you are absolutely right about the get really close friend level but it's hard to do part🤣I'm doing that now, actually. But you know what? I actually enjoy it, because this is the first time I've given myself time to do that. What I've realized I was doing before is rushing right in instead of getting to know them for real: in short, I was idolizing them. I found myself recently telling myself I've never wanted to take my time so much before and it feels good. My feelings are still intense, trust me🤣🤣 but I'm self-aware now and able to pace myself. It feels good.☺️
the weirdest type of crushes is when you wouldn't even say you have a crush on him and it's easier to imagine yourself having a family with him than just casually dating
Omg so true
I'm a 27 year old asexual guy and I still get really intense crushes all the time. Having a crush is fun and intoxicating and life-consuming but then it's just painful.
Have you ever tried to pursue a crush or ask them out?
My crush has a crush on me too, but neither of us are brave enough to say it 😂
Excellent talk!
Yours,
A crushaholic
#Crushaholic
I had this crush when i was 13, fast forward 20 years later. I seen him again and he was better than i remembered. It was that love at first sight feeling. Down fall is his married :(
it´s me or she never answered the initial question? it feels like she never hit the point
Not really, but it was still interesting.
Today was the worst day of my life my crush brought his gf to the store where we both work...i wish if some how i was dead like met and accident on my way to work or some thing before I have seen them together ....worst part is we have a great chemistry and connection when we talk and built a great friendship he never mentioned gf and i was too shy to ask..hope no one has to see a day like this.
myworld426 I've been there kind of. I left my girlfriend for a girl who I'd crushed on for years. She had told me I could do better and you never know who might be into you. Thinking now my chance I break up with my gf. Also there were actual reason why we broke up not just the other girl. So I go to tell her I left my gf and what happens is her new bf is with her that she just started that very day. I was CRUSHED.
It s my devout hope for u that eveything's have unfolded for u by now
is it just me or is the sound terrible?
No, it is😅
I've confessed to one crush of mine that I liked him and he rejected me... I think that I've internalized that and am very scared to make a move, I guess I fear rejection. This was in 2nd grade, I should get over it...
Yees me too lol but mine call his brother and friends to tell them and make fun of me lol
i used to have A LOT of obsessive crushes on guys. but i have a crush on this guy n i decided to be not be obsessive. i found it a lot better than being obsessive bc whenever got over a crush i would feel an emotional attachment or regret not making a move.
so i made the first move n talked to him first, it went well! we talked about some painting in our art class n i noticed that with him conversations flow rlly easily. after we talked i felt rlly happy n proud of myself for making the first move. now i’ve talked to him a few times for a long while n it’s gone well, i rlly enjoy talking to him n i think he’s cool not douchey or anything.
i think he like me too in a we’re friends kinda way for now. i hope we can become good friends before the school year ends or maybe something more. my advice to anyone is to make the first move even if it’s small talk : )
What's really sad is that I've had so many crushes that just the law of averages says if I'd approached them all at least several would have liked me back. Being scared carries a big price.
When I was dating and I was crushing so hard I couldn't finish my dinner at the date or I was compulsively checking my phone to see if they contacted me... BIG RED FLAG. Those things always turned out to be the ugliest experiences.
If men is committing to you by his actions he's got a crush in you... plus making some one fall in love its not really that easy... some times we end up lusting and don't really get to know each other personally ...we don't build up that trust...
Exactly
True
Crush is a metaphore of deja-vu. Life is meant when life is given, love is felt when love is real
Sorry wt?
The craziest thing I did for a crush is stick a Valentine's Day note in their locker and signing my name, then regretting it big-time and avoiding them but also wanting to talk to them. Yeah it was weird.
I once did something similar 😶
Mary Lucy Haha, what'd you do?
Two years ago I stuck a note in my crush's locker asking to go ice skating. He never responded and I didn't even know if he had noticed that the letter was there, so I wrote him a new one and handed it to him in person. So embarrassing! I don’t have a crush on him any more, but I wonder if he remembers this!
Mary Lucy Oh wow, haha. I eventually told my crush to his face that I liked him and it turned out he liked me back. The problem was that neither of us were allowed to date, so we kind of agreed to an awkward friendship 😂
At least your crush liked you back! My crush was an introvert; he didn’t talk to me, so I have no idea if he had any feelings for me or not. He was even in a different class than I was at the time, which I think just made things even more impossible! 😂 That's why I had to write him a letter; it was just the easiest way to communicate my message to him. Haha I can't believe I did that...
I’m so scared to get rejected
Trust me, it's a lot worse if you spend forever thinking about the possibilities, what could be but won't. If you get rejected, try, try again; don't just let a crush fester and gnaw at you, when you start feeling like you like someone, just ask them out to a movie, see if they want to go to dinner, or to the park, or for a walk around town. If they reject you, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as if you waited for months to do it with a giant obsessive crush on them. The longer you wait to act on a crush, the more it'll hurt, and if they don't reject you, it was all worth it :) listen to the song "photograph" by Weezer, it convinced me to ask out my crush, and we've now been together 6 years. Don't be afraid, just go for it! :)
Thanks Monique
Anna-M Behr rejection is totally normal everyone is gonna experience it at least one time in their life
Mine started 60 years ago --- and is still as strong as ever (we are just friends right now)
i hate it when women have a crush on me because they always end up mistreating me in the end, in an attempt of fighting the crush.
They can get mean as a way of trying to end the crush they have on you. Instead she could have just asked me out.
Thanks Isabelle for this amazing talk.I am a man ,now in his early 60's and have had crushes on and off over
the years- probably since primary school,definately high school and I can attest we also go through the same emotions ie thinking what your life would be like etc etc. It takes over all your thoughts..All of them were safe as I was too shy to talk to them !! ,although I do wonder at times how my life would have changed if I had've had more courage.
Another view.I noticed the number of men in the audience who held up their hands. I think crushes happen in both sexes. It is our genes secreting hormones to attract both sexes to remain loyal to one partner so that the genes can reproduce. After the crush, perhaps the two involved remain loyal to each other. If not the genes have done their work, if not interrupted by social mores and a child is born. To me crushes are a painful experience because usually the object of the crush is unobtainable. But understanding the process gives some comfort..
Who would have thought that BOTH genders can have crushes? 😳😳
Unrequited love a love that lasts forever
Omg! She is actually telling the truth! Whenever I think about Jamie, I literally just put my fork down and have trouble eating. 😂 It's not about starving yourself for attention. Its literally, you just stop midway. This happened during when i was chewing something and I ended up spitting it out because I couldn't swallow it! 😂 😂 😂
oh god...
You always have a crush on some one but someone never has a crush on you.
That was beautiful, thank you
I've had a crush on the same guy for almost 3 years in 2019 it will be 3 years
the love of my life had the same one a guy, before being rejected in 2016 or so
be careful
be careful
you can be crushed so easily
You still have it?
I had a crush in high school lasted 4 Years!
@@louisk.9619 I just came back to this comment and I can say I don’t let the feelings control me as much as I used to I still feel them just not as strong he’ll always be a thought in the back of my head but we’re 2 very different people than we were then oddly enough I think he might even feel something for me cause I hear he talks about me a lot (in a good way) but I told him what I had to tell him and he never said anything back so his loss
Wt about now?
I had a crush and i spent $1.20 a day for 5 days a week for 4 months insted of walking to get home because i could see my chrush then... xD
lol
Me
Ye et you spent over 96 dollars on your crush lol
Well honestly ,I had strong crushes
That one person really drained me emotionally for whole year , it affected my studies my sleep
Crying myself to sleep , it was very hard to get over
After 2 years here I am again crushing on the person who already rejected me 😔
I have a celebrity crush on Stefanie Scott
Update?
Now I need a video of how to stop crushing on every man I make eye contact with 😩
Can't believe I'm here... I haven't had obsessive crushes since I was 15. Friends who knew me back then still tease but it seemed like a distant memory. But this year at 31 I had some very serious health problems and got a bizarrely intense celebrity crush despite having a real life boyfriend. I guess this means I can get these obessions anytime something is going on in my life I can't cope with. Been doing my best to break the cycle of the crush because it's a very weird feeling and honestly unpleasant. Even knowing stuff about the celeb's personal life shared with the general public and realizing they're not a very good person hasn't been enough to get them out of my head. It really is problematic when you feel guilt like "this person wouldn't even LIKE me.... I wouldn't even LIKE them.... I'm still attracted." Ugh
My celebrity crush is on a unique loyalty level, sis. Yep! 😐
my crush doesn't even know my name but he know I exist. he's in my class. he ignores me. my exams are gonna end soon. and I'll be never able to see him again. I wish if he just could talk to me.
So are things going now? I'm just curious
Nandita Pastariya Should’ve just done something instead of admire him from a distance.
tell him, he's not going to get a dream about you having a crush on him.
Any updates?
ok but they need to honestly do one on mixed signals... because sometimes being rejected hurts when the person you think that likes you kept sending all the "right" signals
Agree this is happening to me right now its horrible and I know they aren't good for me. It feels like I am ok with them disrespecting me this is not ok I know it and want it to stop!!
She doesn't give an answer to the question 'why do we get crushes?'
lilwilj i can answer it it's because the emotions we have kind of see someone and go oh i like them
then u are scared your being obvious and embarrassing yourself then u get crushing paranoia
then it's awkward but also fun
Hormones***
I think this being insecure stuff is wrong in my case...I got a crush because she was an Amazing person, beauty that could make you cry, intelligent, funny and so easy to spend time with......It can be that simple .
Totally agree with the distraction part of it...
I'm so happy this was recommended to me, i'm experiencing an intense fatuation with someone currently and I feel crazy. 😅
Beautifully put
Omg!!! Thank Jesus I thought I was in love because my crush was effecting my eating ... guess I'm not doomed!
meagan horan huehuehue
Being interested in unattainable fills a void, but what a drag. Like a phantom in the mind. It can even be revisiting someone who's died. Totally unattainable! I try to get rid of these thoughts fast as possible now.
I don't know how right she is about female crushes. I'm a young woman, I'm assertive and I have always asked the guy out in every relationship I've had. If I really want something, I'll try get it. At the moment I appreciate my crush as eye candy, this high school experience that was robbed of me due to being forced to go to an all girls school. The people I usually have crushes on look gorgeous, but for some reason are really bad at conversation. Every time I see this person, I wave or say hello. And if theres the chance I try to open it into a conversation. But it gets too short and never goes anywhere. I'm good at talking to people, this guy is a tough cookie. So I just appreciate him as eye candy and thats okay
The word crush for the feeling, doesn't even exist in another languages
Interestingly it's not true, for example in Italian we say "avere una cotta" which literally means "to have a cooked one" but actually means to have a crush
In Dutch we say "een oogje op iemand hebben" witch literally means: having a eye on someone.
It just doesn't mean the same thing as it does in English. Because it actually means "having a crush on someone"
In Brazil you can say "paquera, quedinha, paixonite" which means the same thing
sally carrera That saying is so cute to me ^^
in the Philippines, we have KILIG which has no translation in English. or other languages perhaps. it's the feeling when you have a crush. It's like butterflies in your stomach. foreigners always get intrigued what KILIG means when they visit the Philippines because it doesn't have a direct translation. it can also be your feeling when you get promoted, when you get a high score on your exam, when you see your favorite celebrity, when you're told you did a good job, etc.
That was really nice. Tysm.
When I was 14 I had a crush on this girl, to catch his heart I become a different person entirely just to be rejected. Im not regret tho, since I become a new better person
My crush story went like this:
My friend (at least at that time) told me he had a crush on me. At first I was flattered but I didn't really return the feelings so I just told him to stay as friends.
After a few months I started developing feelings for him and that's when I realized I had a crush on him.
It's been almost 8-9 months since he told me but I've decided not to tell him my feelings.
I feel like we're too young to pursue a real relationship and I don't want to just make one that won't last.
I'll just have to wait and see I guess.
Update: I FORGOT I WROTE THIS 4 YEARS AGO SHDHF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING DHDHF
I was at a really low point in my life when this happened and I’ve honestly grown a lot since then but to update: what happened was two years after crushing on him, I had a close friend who became his girlfriend and I was really emotionally devastated for a few years :’) but after moving and over time, my crush on him lessened and I realized I never really knew him and was in love with the idea of him
I eventually did confess to him through text (abt 4 years after initially crushing on him) and he saw it but didn’t reply so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly I’m just glad him and my close friend are still together!! They are super cute!!! :D
Anyways, I’ve been doing better now! Im honestly glad to not have a crush anymore, it was a huge strain on me and was really unhealthy at the time and I have a much better mindset about my relationships now :)
What's the update?
Update
What’s the update
@@Nobodycaresmonty just updated through the original comment! I totally forgot I wrote this lmao
@@fzl271 updated!
I had a crush for years and finally asked her on a date. I realized we were very different. I would be willing to try to make it work, but I guess I convinced her we are very different…
my crush said he liked cavetown, so i started listening to cavetown... after three days i bought concert tickets whoops
cavetown is so good i stan
@@allielee agreed
It's 2:40am and I'm desperately in need to get a boy out of my head. I can eat or drink or concentrate on anything, it has become so serious that I'm putting face wash on my toothbrush.
We were excellent friends since 2017, in friendship what you call "made for one another". He proposed me on 1st January 2021 and I wasn't ready, and also I have relationship phobia and past trauma as I was massively cheated twice in love. And I know he pitied me, his intention was to give me the whole world that I deserve.
But in that moment without thinking much I said I've always seen him like a friend and asked him to move on with his life. We promised not to give awkwardness a chance but it happened, mostly from my side as I was burning each day in the fire of guilt of hurting my only true friend in the world. We hardly spoke afterwards. And he moved on I presume, I'm happy for him but this is a different kind of heartbreak, it's not only breaking the heart to a million of pieces but tearing away some part of it. I feel incomplete without him. I've never hated myself like this ever. I destroyed us.
I don't wanna have any crushes so what should I do?
Awesome talk!
Even though I do have a crush on someone, I don't want to date or have a girlfriend because i had a long distance relationship (not going to explain why) with my first girlfriend and she lost interest over time and it was basically a fake crush that she didn't know she had. We have now broken up but now back to being friends which left a scar on me. Now I think dating and having a girlfriend is a waste of time and I should focus on my self and be better and not focus on my crushes and that creates a problem. The problem is is that I constantly debate on if I should go to my crush or not.
I also don't want to deal with another heart break.
Worst things about having crush: telling ur friends about it
Jungkookiefan R so true
For those saying she doesnt answer "why do we get crushes?" She doesnt directly give a brief answer, she answers it about 10 minutes in
I was expecting maybe some research on attachment disorder or infatuation, maybe the negative impacts on the type of obsessive and possessive tendencies of some males who have a crush but call it something else.
This was brilliant
Had crushes for years. Only took one day to ask them on a date and realize they weren’t for me.
Interesting and relevant topic and brave of you to ‘own up’ to such a thing so publicly and also great that you’ve articulated it so well. Personally I liken being infatuated/ having a strong crush to a kind of ‘mental illness’. I suspect that repeatedly ‘suffering’ from this condition is indicative of some serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But anything that disturbs inner peace has got to be pretty bad news.
7 years on mine. my life is over. no one can compare to her & i compare everyone to her. red zone forever
htownshawn i think you should try to move on
That s real cool :) any updates?
@@sophiziayi7599 thank you. 9 years now & trying to get over her, ignoring her social media. digging myself out of a lonely sad place of wishing she would love me. It's not easy. it's a process & I can't say I'm free just yet
@@etownshawn bruh☺i can't say a word . Literally ! I waited for a proper answer popps up so that i come up with sth appropriate ! I just can say that man !it is My devout hope for u and the folks like to get wt they want in a way or another ! I semd my prayers for u to be happy and thrivinng =)
@@sophiziayi7599 thank you so much :)
I've had a lot of obsessive crushes though lol ...omg good video
I want to read all the weird funny crush stories.
I really thought she was going to come to a certain conclusion and then went completely the other way with it😂
Thoughtful.
Now my crush list includes you!!
Married my crush! lol
Rhoda Shelton Tell me how.
lucky u
I will, if he'll just propose already XD We've been together almost six years now. Man, it was a difficult crush in the beginning, I liked him to the point of being overly obsessive XD I even woke up EARLY to visit with him before school started, and I don't get up early to do anything!!
TEDTalks make me feel intelligent
I watched this in hopes of figuring out what a friend sees in me and if he likes me or not. How in the world can you tell if a shy guy likes you!?
I haven't had a crush in years (if we don't count the ones that last from a few hours to a day or two).
I never recovered from the toxic (crush, one sided relationship) I had long time back. Don't take me as someone who's excessively sad about their life, but funny story, today I'm glad it didn't come through, but I can't have crushes or fall in love anymore.
good for you then
I have one and only crush and that's...
❤HARRY EDWARD STYLES❤
Is that okay?
I've always thought it would be interesting for a female to propose to a male. Im not sure why, but I think it would be kind of cool
That's happened several times though
It's actually getting popular lol
Kali.
I know it has happened but I don't personally know anyone who has
No.
Blazie it would be so beautiful it needs to get more spread around if men can do it why can’t women
im still trying to forget or get away from the first crush, its not active as a crush now, just a feeling of pain and inadequacy
omg... do people get notifications on linked-in account even when it's redirected from google??