I hope you found some of your own healing from this video. I’m so grateful for you watching today’s episode and would love it if you can show your support by liking and subscribing!
That was poor gold, loved the menu advice on healing trauma, absolutely grateful. I need to listen in again and take notes, especially around the vagus nerves treatment, journaling, cold baths n list the continues on - thank you so much, Mel for your time that you are giving so regularly -you are amazing
I came across one of your videos yesterday from which I decided to follow up on your clips. What I love most is that all this content relates with real life situations an going through, Today have just realized am going through trauma and it's baaad😢
I never remember feeling loved growing up. I remember sitting in class at school a little girl, looking out the window like I wasn't even in class. I made terrible grades. I couldn't even absorb anything in class. Going home after school which we lived across the street from school. I don't remember meals or Christmas or going to bed I don't remember anything about being a family in that house. I do remember one thing, my mom was caught doing something that angered my father, and every thing got violent and me and my sisters ran next door to be safe. I remember the ladies poodles. Nothing else in that house across the street from school. I barely rember the school. My sisters remember almost everything about our lives as little girls. My childhood is a blank in so many areas. I am the person who just goes paralyzed over hard things. I have to make myself come out of the dark hole of limbo. I cry when I see photos of myself as a child. When I look at this child in the photo I cry. I let her down. I want to turn it around for her and love her and let her know that she is special to me. No matter how dysfunctional her life was, she is still alive and I want to make her life special. I have always tried to make others lives better. I have had toxic relationships and some have harmful. I remember thinking when I was a young woman, that if I ever had children they will know that they are marinated in love. Now they are grown. My only son my youngest died at the age of 27 years. I have had to face this head on alone. I have been applying you advice to my life. I want to feel better and just start living. I've been alive but never lived. Thank you Mel Robbins for being real.
Oh, sweetie!!! I understand, I so understand. I shared a small portion of my life in a comment on here. But I can relate to this, only I don't remember any happy. I was a "bad girl" and I was always "naughty". I am sending so much POSITIVE HEALING ENERGY your way, as well!! You will have A FULL LIFE AND FIND THE ABUNDANCE WITHIN YOU, I PROMISE!!! I KNOW I CAN MAKE THAT PROMISE, TOO!!! The less you know of your past, the BRIGHTER AND MORE JOYOUS AND BEAUTIFUL AND FULL OF LOVE YOUR NOW AND FUTURE HOLDS!! 💕❤️💕 Please have faith. Have faith in the YOU that Mel is helping you find!! BEYOND WORTHY!! PRICELESS!! 🤗
My mom abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally. My dad was an alcoholic. Both parents committed suicide. Dad when I was 15, mom when I was 19. Im an only child. Both sides of my family treated me like a black sheep. I had never been validated so unconsciously chose dysfunctional relationships. Today, im searching to heal
Please don’t ever forget that you have a purpose and you are not defined by what happened to you. Find what makes you happy and make yourself happy every day. You are loved❤️
Jehovah God our creator of the universe love you sooo much! He knows what you've been through and every time you get thru a challenging life trauma or experience, just know he was how you managed to overcome 💪 ✨️ ❤❤
I am 49 years old trying to deal with my trauma. I have tried for years to heal. I have made great progress but I know I’m still missing something. I’m enjoying your podcasts. Thank you for this! ❤
My childhood and trauma started my perfectionism journey into adulthood. The people pleasing tendencies have hurt not only me, but now my children. Trying to change step by step
Omg same! And then you feel so guilty like screwing up your kids! I am 100 percent there. I did talk to a therapist though and she said “just being aware that we do not want to do to our kids what our parents did makes us 100 percent better.” Just you watching this and being aware and wanting to change is more than 90 percent of the population. So you go! You just do the best you can ❤❤
Like turning an aircraft carrier.. Getting myself to accept the concept of good enough is a daily practice. I’m 3 yrs into my quest to value myself even when I’m not meeting my own (often unreasonable) standards. EMDR has been transforming Diet habits …being intentional, eating as whole, organic and unprocessed as I’m able And this was free and amazing…working the word ‘should’ out of my lexicon. I was constantly berating myself with an avalanche of shoulds. I swapped out should for could or asking my brain (‘should I really do that?” Is that task job whatever.. only my responsibility ? That small bit of checking opened the door to a new way of speaking to myself…still have crap downhill slides…though few and fewer. It’s a climb … though a worthy one. Sending you strength 💪💪
My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was very angry all the time & took it out on us 4 kids. Now as adults we all suffer from anxiety and depression! Thank you for this!!
I've been fighting with myself about the validity of my trauma for years! I was doing it today. Every time I feel a trauma response, I blame and shame myself and try to fight the feeling. No wonder I'm so exhausted. This episode is so good! Thank you!!!
I suffer with migraine headaches and I know there is a connection with my learning disability that I’ve had my whole entire life. I’m 55 years old and I can’t tell you exactly how many times I was teased and called retarded during my childhood because it happened so much. I believed one hundred percent that I was the dumbest person on the face of the earth!!!! This is what I was taught by my community by my village. I was cast as a poor bird that couldn’t fly. Like I said I’m 55 now and I’m tired of feeling crappy. I’m tired of thinking about 1976. I’m ready to make a transformation and finally deal with my childhood trauma.
Thank you, Mel. I am 77 years old and have misplaced my desire to live. This video is an enlightening tool box. Thank you for your transparency and generosity! I come from long lived people and probably have about 20 years ahead of me. What an adventure!❤
Sending you many, many blessings, Elizabeth! I love your positivity ☺️!!! 🙏👍❤️👋🕊️🌼. Many blessings to you, B Clo!!! Smile and keep up on your healing journey 🙂😌🙏❤️.
Dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry to read that. I send you love with all the birds coming your way ❤❤❤ And you just encouraged me to keep going healing and healing. I thank you for ever to have shared your heart, now well send it healing ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💎
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I’ve gone through so much trauma, since I was an infant, that I’m numb. I’m numb to the world today at 64. I’ve gone through the drugs, the alcohol, the recovery, the counseling, spirituality, and I just feel like it’s so much work, that I’m over, even trying to recover. I’ve spent so much money on trying to get well from the traumatic childhood, that I’ve given up. I just take certain vitamins each day that help me get through, barely. No drugs, no alcohol. I get triggered watching this video, that I can’t watch the whole thing. It upsets me very much.
Sending you support, that’s not easy dear soul. You might go to 49 mins on the video - there’s nothing triggering from this point, just free tools to try ✨ May you feel some comfort and peace within 💕
Have you tried psychadelics? Not as a way to numb, but as a way to cope? The world is not a just place. I am so glad you're still here. I'm glad I'm still here. ❤️
@@Lee-255 thank you. I will do that. I appreciate the very specific info. 💕 i’m glad you’re still here, too. It isn’t something that is easily discussed with friends and/or family.
@@DiLifeandStyle ironically, when I used them years ago in my late teens and 20’s, it was the best thing. I recall thinking that if I didn’t have drugs and alcohol during high school, I’m not sure I would’ve made it. Fortunately, I stopped all drugging at 30. I wish I could get access to the clinicals that are being done on psilocybin. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support. 💕
I had the best results using body-based approaches to trauma and now I'm a trauma recovery coach. It's astounding how much you can feel joy when you didn't even know you didn't have any! I would highly recommend working on your nervous system before talk therapy - sometimes you can't even get the words out.
@@Welovehorrormovies I used david Bercelli TRE exercises, it's here on you tube, this helped me to go into my body and feel my emotions, I find I can feel into my body now without the exercises.
Thank You! prayers for my son. Schizophrenia? He beat my husband 58 to a pulp one night. We are living elsewhere until we can get our place back. Retraining order. Jail/rehab./therapy? He doesn't believe anything is wrong with him. Even after beating his Dad. (He is 28) only child. A brilliant mind. It's gone his businesses etc. He blames his Dad for stealing it all from him.(childhood asthma) intravert. Cops did nothing. We are jumping through hoops to get our place back. Cops said they didn't want to have to shoot and kill him, if he came after them. ? Defund the police? .....not enough Cops. I can't wait to get out of CA.
Childhood traumas. I am 58 and never tried to talk about my childhood traumas. Lots of my traumas been self healed. It's overwhelming and still suffering from it until today, and I am already 58 years old. I love listening to all episodes of your podcast and utube and will be buying your books. I have been stuck for 51 years with out healing it. I would need help. MARY
You got this👏 and are so worthy of healing and enjoying life to the fullest! Life has a way of showing you where you need to heal and so far, you are doing amazing!!! Sending you love and positivity on your journey!!!
Thank you for that mindset change: thinking of things like depression and anxiety originating in the nervous system rather than the mind. It really helps remove the shame.
I’m a bit late but…Mel, no one has ever explained trauma to me like you have in this video. Like many others, I don’t remember most of my childhood. I do remember my older sister singing to me & rubbing my head every night at bedtime. Her & our brother grew closer as we grew up, I was the workaholic they were alcoholics. We lost our brother in 2017. My sister & I grew closer & it started bringing up a lot of things that we never knew about each other. Besides the bedtime routine she said it was because she didn’t want me to hear our parents arguing. We also realized that our mother turned us against each other. She had them thinking I was treated like a golden child & they were going nowhere in their lives. It hurt us so much, knowing we lost all those years because we didn’t communicate. I lost my sister in February 2022, I’m grateful we got to really know each other before she passed. We lived in different states but talked for hours on the phone & learned a lot. Even then, our mother tried turning us against each other, she lived with our mother. I miss our conversations but I know she’s at peace & out of pain. Thank you, so much!
OMG!! Is that why I prefer being alone a Friday night, drinking a glass of wine, listening to music and tlk to a friend over the phone... I don't understand why I have such a hard time meeting with friends like normal ppl. I want to, I'm an outgoing person, I like ppl, have my own business. I teach ppl for a living. I'm a fascia therapist and I work with people and their horses. Either I train them for a competition or if they have a horse that needs rehabilition for mental problems, anxiuous or nervous horse, anger issues or whatever. I work with the owners and their horses helping them overcome their obstacles to be the best versions of them self and to create the best bond you can have with any living creature❤ Yet I'm 35, alone at home, drinking wine.... I enjoy being alone, I feel safe, I'm happy. But I also want to come out of my shell and want to experience the company of another human being while drinking wine. Omg, I was sexually abused by a "friend" from the age of 7-14. I thought I was over that, I forgave him and blah blah. But that always happend at a friend's house, where I was suppose to feel safe... Now I'm sitting home alone every weekend wishing I could go to a friend's house but everytime I have something planned I always cancel the last min. It's safer being home alone... WOW! What a wake up call!!!
I was diagnosed with PTSD, in 2012. I never realized that I have never dealt with my childhood trauma, now understanding that my childhood added onto my adult trauma has shut me down, and I’ve literally became weak. I was a very strong women in my 30’s and early 40’s. Now I am gifted with Peace (thanks be to God). Your gifted with something very special Mel, and in these days and times, you are given the strength and knowledge to guide us. Your a Heaven Sent.
My dad was in the big MGM Grand Hotel fire in the 80’s. He survived and was unharmed, but seeing him on the news immediately after the fire was very traumatic for me, as I was only 5 years old. After that, I struggled horribly with general anxiety, especially separation anxiety. Two years later, our house burned down. I developed “schoolphobia”. My parents had to literally carry me into school and my teacher would chase me around the classroom until I sat in my seat. This anxiety toward being away from my family continued all the way through high school. I still struggle with anxiety a great deal but after I became a mom I started getting treatment. I’m much better than I was but smelling fire or hearing sirens are huge triggers. My son lives an hour away and when I hear sirens I am immediately thinking the worst and I’m calling him or texting him to make sure he is okay. He is leaving for Army basic training in February and my anxiety about something happening to him is absolutely seriously intense. (I don’t let him know it though) Thank you for these insightful and informative videos. I’ve learned a lot.
Thank you for this video. I had a very loving childhood. I was married to a very emotionally abusive man. I finally left after 34 years of marriage. I have had so much drama over the years that it will still take years to recover. Thank you for giving me the tools to heal this drama.
I’m 50. If you don’t do it, it will take a toll on you physically. Right now in the past year I have been diagnosed with 3 autoimmune diseases. Not only that but your digestive system will freeze and your renal system chronic pain. I’m like you I’ve always used anger as a defensive mechanism or shut down that now it can cause permanent damage. I go Saturday because my renal system are fully damaged at this point. It can also be linked to cancer. So I’m going through a series of texts to make sure we get this taken care of. I gave all my entire heart to God March 2024. I now instead of feeling the anger cry a lot. I went years without crying period because when I was loving people I could never love them with my entire heart. I thought I was but God has shown me anger is not an emotion it’s a response to a past hurt, disappointment or fear. So now that I’m not angry I’m crying all the time. I guess my question is, is it better to cry and let it out if that’s all you can do? I’m easily triggered and instead of flying off the bat, my little girl heart, the authentic pure loving heart is present. Do I feel that emotion now or what do I do with it? Do I let myself cry to get it out now that I can or do I refocus on something else? Idk what to do with feelings other than be mad. I have to figure it out before my organs start shutting down?
So while your speaking I finally got up and started cleaning and organising my room. We moved two years ago to escape trauma. Turns out you take your 'Baggage' with you....found real help and comfort in many of your points. Thank you 💖
As a fellow 'bag lady' I can vouch for taking baggage with you you aren't alone, be kind and patient with yourself get help if you can and keep watching Mel
This really made me realize where my trauma began. Self blame and fear of being in trouble as a 5 year old scared little kid was and is real. I too almost told but stayed quiet. This really helped. I know now I need to go further back than I thought.
This made me see that my nervous system is in a sense, f*cked to believe and see the good in everyone because I was forced to see the good in those who hurt me because "they loved me".
Wow Mel, that was another amazing informative show! You Rock, you explain everything in a way everyone can understand. I'm 46 and have lived my whole adult life in FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE mode, and it sucks in every aspect of my life. This will definitely help with becoming the woman I'm truly meant to be. I love you so much, and thank you for being you. You are an inspiration for many. I would absolutely love to meet you in person some day! ❤️🙂🙏 May God continue to bless you and your family. ❤️ Ox
Thank you for your vulnerability Mel! I Definitely need to to repair my nervous system. My childhood is a big blur. At 51, I am understanding how most of my life has been shaped by the person I became as a result of that trauma. I am now ready to release the version of myself I created to survive!
I don't fight or flee I FREEZE. Anything that resembles a bully makes me freeze and as a nurse during covid and the dysfunctional reactions to the passings of the residents in the memory care center brought out the worse in the staff under my watch who took it all out on me. Compound that with bully syblings and your looking at a mess.
I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple of years ago. I always have known I was anxious, but thought it was because my life was/is complicated. Alcoholic parents, poverty, to many siblings, complicated relationship with life partner, difficult child, lack of self-care, being self employed, employees, finances etc…………… This list keeps going. For the last 54 years I believed if I can make my life right, I would feel peace. That’s another problem I have is feeling like I can fix anything, WRONG! I actually make things worse!!! Mel, I have also always felt there is something wrong with me. Realizing that my anxiety is my emotional reaction to things I can’t control has helped me to take a good long look at my real situation , and realize there are things I just can’t fix. And that’s ok. I just have to stop myself making things worse.
Hi Mel, I love your videos. They are major part of my self healing journey. I have many childhood trauma because of my parents. But I know my parents also had very difficult childhood. They both were neglected as a child and were living in a dysfunctional family. My father has people pleasing behavior, he also shows trait of dependency. He was emotionally neglected as a child My mother avoids emotional conflicts and she has a trait of rejection. She denies whatever she doesn't like or want to hear even when she herself did that thing to me and others. She can't connect with others at emotional level. My childhood was a mess. Now I understood myself and how helpless, lost,sad I was as a kid. Now I am adult. I am dealing with my trauma and working on them. But I am not able to blame my parents for the trauma they gave to me because I know they had difficult childhood too. This causes me to feel frustrated, confused and angry. I don't want to dissociate because of this anymore. How can I tackle this? How can I deal with this? Please help. Thank you.❤❤❤❤
Hi Mel, I love you . Thank you . I'm just getting started repairing my nervous system. I'm 52 yo. And been this way my entire life. My CPTSD ,my Truama, is debilitating. I'm an immigrant child from Poland. My entire childhood was driven by Stress, abuse, neglect, violence and more Truama then a child can handle. Never knew what's wrong with me until now because of you Mel and a couple others. Thank you for probably saving me from undeniable despair. I'm so fresh to all this. I'll be watching and learning and healing. Slowly. It took a long time to get here.
I don’t think many people will admit that their success comes from healing or fixing their nervous system. I personally haven’t heard it from anyone. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
I would love to write a book someday about the trauma I endured as a child. All of it was created by my mother who also suffered severe trauma as a child. It can be a very bad cycle if not treated.
Thank you. I suffer from multiple traumas. I am 76 years old and don’t have much time for life. I thought I was ok until last year when the love of my life left me triggering the past traumas all over again.
As a trauma specialist for high profile, high achieving women entrepreneurs, this is so incredibly powerful! (And healing for that little one inside of us)
I have whiplash reading all of y'all msgs!!! YESSS MEEE TOOOO!!! I seem to have stored all of the terrible traumas i've been through in my lifetime perfectly minute by minute, BUT having a difficult time recalling the good.😮. One thing I did realize is that when I look at my happy memory pictures, they make me sad😢. No No No Went for a walk first thing this morning at sunrise 🌞 found a handful of heart rocks!! Now I just gotta keep the happy day rolling. Thanks Mel ❤
I live in Muskegon Michigan, now. Talk about the perfect place for trauma. Born in GH and I went to Fruitport, for almost my entire school career... I was bullied terribly in HS. I told my parents. They sent me to Webster House to solve the problem, ME. I ended up changing schools to Grand Haven, when I was able to drive. I NEVER USED MY LOCKER. Not only was the school HUGE, so I ended up tardy, but the trauma of being kicked everytime those girls would walk past me. Also, as a child, I would end up ALWAYS staying the night, it several nights, at my sitter's house. So now, EVERY. TIME. I LEAVE MY HOUSE, I HAVE TO BRING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY NEED WITH ME. I PACK FOR A MONTH. IT IS A TERRIBLE HABIT... I just haven't felt like I have had a safe place. As a matter of fact, I keep telling this story, so... I keep reliving this trauma. It is horrible. I crave stability. And I KNOW IT COMES FROM WITHIN ME. I APPRECIATE YOU AND ALL YOU ARE TRYING TO DO FOR THOSE OF US LOST IN OUR HEADS AND NERVOUS SYSTEMS. THANK YOU. I AM DIGGING DEEP INTO YOUR GUIDANCE. I WANT BETTER. KNOWING BETTER DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN DOING BETTER. THAT TAKES SO MUCH WORK.
i am still currently growing up but as a young child my parents never physically loved me. my parents got divorced when i was very young. my dad remarried when i was 7 and his new wife was a narcissist who abused me as well as my father. my father didn't stand up for me cause he was clouded by his wife, i am not excusing his behavior at all, but i now understand. everyday since then i have felt so confused and scared to do anything wrong. i recently got out of my first relationship who happened to be a narcissist. i did everything for him and he would put me down sometimes and make me try to conform to his thinking. im only 19 so i know there is much more to come for me. these videos are going to make a huge impact on my thinking and future relationships, platonic or romantically. thank you
I’m 47 and if I may give you a piece of advice… please please love yourself. Find you and find what makes you smile everyday. Do you before you do anyone else. If you heal your life will be amazing. I wish you all the joy in the world❤️
Had to add one more thing after my second listen. Don't forget that parasympathetic is necessary for digestion, deep sleep, and mental wellness. The challenge is staying in it when we've been in fight or flight has been activated since childhood. It's the baseline at that point. So it takes time to re-regulate and grow new nerves. It's amazing that it can be done. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom. Just pointing out that it doesn't change over night for those of us with severe CPTSD. Hang in there. Do the work. And we'll heal 🙂 After doing the polyvagal type exercises like pressing chest and repeating mantras like the one you say here, I can instantly feel my body relax and endorphins flow through the body. Stress melts away. Feels so good ♥️
Darn it Mel! I always start the day so angry, it makes my partners morning just as hard as mine and my birth mother who beat me severely for years is dying of multiple kinds of cancer. I couldn't cry for days, i just get more and more angry and I found this, cant stop crying, thank you for everything you do! 😭🥺🖤
Thank you Mel, I'm not someone who posts comments, but I need to write this to say how grateful I am of you and everything you share with the world. I pray for you to have even more success and reach with the work you're doing x
This is remarkable.. For years I have left a door open on my bedroom closet snd recently I took the doors off my closet bedroom doors, I just realized that when I was little, I would get physically abused by my mother and she would then put me in my bedroom closet and close the door, I had to stay in there until she let me out.. I was so scared.. thank you Mel for your insight as now I understand why I don’t like closet doors😢
When I was in 6th grade, and my older sister was in 7th grade, I was a straight A÷ student and popular, and one of two of the teacher's pets because I could also draw really well. My sister, though, was more interested in boys than schoolwork and when she failed 7th grade, they flunked me too, simply because they didn't want us in the same room. When I had to walk BACK INTO THAT 6TH GRADE ROOM the following fall, I lost my desire for learning, felt like I was just laughed at by these kids younger than me. In 2016, after moving to Georgia, I enrolled in a university to finish my Masters degree in nursing, and IMMEDIATELY felt that same shame as I saw how young the students were and felt I'd wasted so much of my life. I DID manage to get my degree, but I switched my major to Forensic Psychology and went in another direction.
The best technique for permanently turning off the triggers that throw us into fight and flight is PDTR. I was literally a walking trauma with a bunch of traumas. I went to treatment every week for a few months and thank God we turned off a bunch of triggers. I am functioning much better and have gotten rid of various health problems. Now I'm still going to integral body therapy to resolve some traumas emotionally and I'm also seeing great results and progress. Singing was and remains my first therapy. 😊 I practice it daily.🥰
Wow, thank you Mel. I am asthmatic. I thought I was over it when I discovered a dominant colleague trickered an attack. Now I think it is smother love by my mother when I was a little girl and my big sister 8 years older. I am 70 now and the wheezing has to be healed.
What you said about your SA in your childhood.. gosh i haven't related to anything this much before.. when I was around 9 a family friend of ours who was like an uncle to me who used to watch me when my parents were out and leave me with him and his wife. One day When his wife was not home he touched me in my private parts and asked how it felt and told me I should enjoy it and did some other things. At the time I absolutely blocked it and I didn't even understand it and completely forgot about tht for years. But when I was around 19, there was a news going viral about a teenager committing suicide because of sexual harrasment frm her own teacher and my mom was so mad listening to it, saying how she should havs told her parents' and not did this. And it was like a switch had been flipped inside me. I remembered what happened so many yrs ago and I couldn't believe I had blocked it for so long or why I didn't tell my mom about it all those yrs ago and when I did tell my mom then she was so shocked and asked me why I didn't tell her till this time and for the life of me I couldn't answer her. Because when it happened I didn't even know tht it was wrong or tht I should tell someone. I just felt so confused and scared and when I think about it now after all these yrs I'm still so suprised how I blocked it for this long.. and when u were explaining your incident the way my mind triggered this is just too scary.. Trauma is so freaking scary and real.. it can hit you so many yrs after it rlly happened leaving you so confused and angry and broken...
I feel like this video and the comments were talking about my life. I was sexually abused by my father starting at around age 5 he was an alcoholic but this never happened while he was drinking. I didn't tell anyone about any of this until I was thirty-five years old. A friend of mine at work could tell something was wrong with me. she started trying to talk to me about things and I told her about my life growing up. She talked me into getting help and I did. It took years of therapy to get better from living this horrible childhood. I truly hated my father and after getting a lot of therapy I ended up loving him and was with him at the nursing home when he passed away at age 84. My entire life was screwed up. I got married the first time at age 18 just to get the heck away from that life. I married someone who only cared about his self and I had no idea how to stand up for myself and ended up and lots of messed up relationships after I divorced him. I never remember my father telling me he loved me not even once until he got old and sick I never got to confront him about what he did because he had a massive stroke at age 50 and live to be 84 he was a hundred percent disabled and we had to take care of him until we just couldn't do it anymore and we had to put him in a nursing home. I have had depression and anxiety all this started at age 5 I am 74 now and I can truly say I'm the happiest now than I have been in my whole life. I'm really proud of myself for working hard to try to heal some of this nightmare. I spent years crying and feeling hopeless and unloved. My mom told me she loved me all the time but I never believed it because I'm pretty sure she knew what my father was doing to me and never protect me so for years I had bad feelings about her I could never confront her either to find out if she knew because she ended up having five kinds of cancer for 28 years and suffered so much that I could not ever ask her about anything. Even if I have never been abused my whole life was horrible.
Thank you for sharing and know you aren’t alone. You are an amazing woman to be able to be so strong and write about your trauma. If I could, I would give you a great big hug❤️❤️❤️
Mel, Thank you so much for this podcast. Tried that cold shower. Was a revelation. You are right. Once that blast of cold water hit, the trauma became clear and when i caught my breath, the affirmation required.
Great podcast, as usual! Here's how to tone the vagus nerve or "flip the switch" from the video: 1) Hum or sing 2) High-fiving your heart 3) warm bath 4) Cold exposure therapy. I think meditation, deep slow breathing, Omega-3 Fatty Acids, socializing and laughing, massage, and increased evidence about probiotics, can all be included.
It's kinda funny -- in my early 20s, I knew that we HAD to heal what we experienced through our developmental years up until early adulthood to be healthy human beings. I'm so thankful you cover this. It's what humans needs to heal at a global level. We're all using technology, sex, food and other things to NOT deal with our trauma. It leads to trauma driven behavioural patterns which cause so much misery and self sabotaging in our socities. It took 15 years to finally figure out chronic health issues might be related to it, how trauma affects the body and mind, and what it takes to actually heal (inner child healing, somatic experiencing, EMDR, polyvagal theory etc). I need to add one thing. I grew up in rough environments. Alcohol and drugs at young age. Emotional abuse and neglect at home. Escapism into video games. Everything to not feel and relive the past. Anyone who has CPTSD has a longer road to healing than those with a one off event. The reason being the one off event has a specific point of origin and can be dealt with directly. The issue with ongoing trauma that happens day in and day out. It causes your nervous system baseline to move up. So you're constantly in fight or flight. Which means your body gets chronic inflammation. Less sleep. More anxiety. Deeper mental issues. Gut health deterioration. And it all falls one block at a time as time progresses. Auto immune and other dis-eases show up. So it takes time. The CNS has to regrow the synapses. The good news is it can be done. And once the cells begin feeling safe we end up as a whole new person, literally. With CPTSD inner child work is paramount. Probably the most important part to deal with. It's the root of alcoholism and other addictions. Of adults who act as children. Real narcissism and other disorders. And what's so cool is you can use a guided meditation and it will over time heal. John Bradshaw wrote a book called homecoming. I cannot recommend it highly enough. You can find his meditations made into audio tracks on UA-cam for each developmental stage. Reddit and other places does have communities which can be supportive and helpful. r/CPTSD. And lastly for those who want to dive deeper into vagus nerve -- polyvagal theory. Be safe. Be well.
Similar… I was crowned - melodramatic, intense, difficult and looked at like I was part of the problem. When recovery comes (and it can) the world is the same and yet …wildly foreign and new. Much like Mel, I spent 45+ yrs waking up in a state of anxiety (feeling: already late, wrong, like I’d F’d something up)….a few months ago I simply, woke up. Felt like an out of body experience, literally pinched myself. EMDR has been amazing and I’m feeling better by leaps and bounds…it’s like compound interest Also did a couple psychedelic guided experiences …while not for everyone, for me they were delightful and deeply calming. Food is a big contributor… moving sugar to the sidelines has been a gift to myself. Pain goes down, skin looking better than 10yrs ago and I just feel better. You can … rooting for you…healing and body calm can happen…I didn’t think it possible and I’m delighted to be wrong. 💪
I was in a second grade ran to my brother-in-law's car and saw a dead person in the car I wasn't shocked couldn't speak I was mute for many years so I know about trauma and I want to get that book you're talking about thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with millions of us Thank you
Mel thank you for this so much. I'm 57 and since the post pandemic era, im on a healing journey. The metaphor you used is perfect. 54321...time to find the switch.❤
This is so powerful to hear. My husband is a trauma therapist and I hear a lot from the therapist end. He practices a variety of trauma therapies and can help reconcile the trauma and reduce the PTS.
Mel this is amazing, I bite my nails until they bleed constant pain, I am looking into therapy to help me unwrap my traumas. You have helped me so much Thank you ❤
Against so many odds, I managed to heal over past several years too, but feel I cannot get past this specific point. You have been, " spot on ", regarding options to move forward again. Look forward to more encouragement and tools, in moving closer to future goals ! God Bless Your Beautiful, Precious Soul 🙏💗🙏💗
Love love love this! ❤️ Thank You for this! Very traumatic childhood who has been told for the majority of my life that healing and getting help is for losers and no one will ever love me, it's been so hard to get help even though I know I have too. It's a constant silent fight in my head. Listening to this gives me hope and makes me understand things better and hearing you say it's not a convo for losers really touched me and makes me feel I can do this and I know I will be better for it. I look forward to hearing more from you on this 💖🥰
It happened to me from the day I was born, and carried on until my father died. I thought that now that he was gone, the worthless feeling didn’t leave, it was still in me.
Huge lightbulb moment for me when you mentioned waking up every morning feeling like something is wrong! I have done this forever. Just this morning I was wondering why do I always wake up with this feeling of anxiety mixed with some kind of misplaced guilt or shame, like something terrible has happened and I can’t remember what. Thank you for this awareness ❤
Thank you, Mel, for explaining trauma is regular speaking. I've been dealing with trauma for a long time. Just recently, I've been learning where to start my healing process. Thank you!
I just found you and I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time and putting in the effort to make these videos !!! I have been struggling my whole life with trying to be a better person than where I came from. I grew up watching my father physically abuse my brothers and mentally abuse the whole family. I always felt so helpless as a kid and I shut down because I couldn’t do anything. I watched as my father belittled my mother and disrespected her leaving her broken and in tears. I was just a small child and instead of thinking of my own needs and mental health I always tried to be the support for my mother and make her smile. Fast forward I am an adult in my first relationship, we’ve been together 2 years but it’s becoming very difficult. I know we both love each other but I didn’t realize until now that I’ve played a huge part in our difficulties in that, when my boyfriend needs his own time or has to change plans, I get upset and in turn he always feels guilty and we end up in arguments because of my fear, “he must not love me because--“ which isn’t true and I’m opening my eyes to that. I KNOW HE LOVES ME. But my whole life I grew up seeing these things as negatives and my only example of a man was my father who really doesn’t love my mother. So in my adult life I’ve Translated that into my own relationship BUT it’s not the same. I never learned how to healthily handle these things and how to give my partner the healthy space they need. Another thing I know has affected me greatly are the words I was told by my mother before I even started dating my boyfriend “Why would he want you?” I’ve let all these past traumas affect me and it flows out into my relationship with my boyfriend. I didn’t realize until recently that I’ve been pushing him away with my very fear of “what if he leaves me? What if he’s doing this because he doesn’t love me?” And I act out on that. I used to think his actions that scared me were the issue, but the real issue was HOW I PRECEIVED his actions. I want to learn and grow. I never realized that the past I’ve been trying so hard to move away from is actually something I’ve been carrying with me and allowing to ruin my relationship with a very good and loving man. He is nothing like my father and he genuinely cares about me. I don’t want to lose him, I want to become better and show him a healthy love. So thank you for helping me to learn how to “reset” my own switches 🙏🏻
Thank you ! I'm a psychologist and iv been thru a personal and professional journey where iv dealt woth trauma in different ways. In 2014 I did a course on Bach flower therapy and it's done wonders. There are some great remedies in it for healing past trauma, anxiety, etc .
I remember everything now’s have a4 year old daughter she is my biggest trigger I had never empathy for m seeing-how helpless she is innocent she is and tiny and no I would set myself as a sacrifice to save her from ever being damming. I worry night and day for her the love and protection no one had for me. 😢
As someone that just tries to hide it all away hearing this simply hurts my head because its brijging up a lot...not one single thing to be specific i believe but just hearing this is causing me to try ro protect myself from remembering and getting over what has hurt me. One day at a time hopefully.
Thank you!! This information is Huge, I have been looking for, praying about a solution… To my bottled up pain, anxiety which has led to absolute state of frozenness. I’m looking forward to applying these methods to live again. Still learning at over 60❤ yeah singing praises and straight up hallelujahs
I'm 44 and carried secrets of sexual abuse until 3-4 yrs ago also, currently working on my nervous system and even in 2 days of somatic practices I noticed differences, even colors look brighter BLESS ✨️💖
I have two books on the vagus nerve and how to activate it that I read last year. But - I did notice something. I found it jarring when the video goes from you without headphones and the focus is clear to you to with the headphones and the focus unclear. That's because I'm an HSP (PLEASE do an episode about this, my life changed when I discovered it a age 54) and I find certain things jarring that others probably don't even notice. My point here is that most of my trauma was my trying to be like everyone else and failing, and being teased and bullied (my classmates would throw the dodgeball at my face on purpose to break my glasses, crack them against my nose and get to watch me cry) for being different the whole time I was in elementary school. Most of my trauma is from me being in the 20% of people who are HSP and nobody knowing of it's existence back in the 70's and 80's. I was just a "crybaby". The rest of the trauma is from parents that bickered day and night. (They still do.) The sympathetic nervous system no longer rules me, I've done a lot of work on this. It's hard fricking work! That being said, I'm looking forward to your next episodes regarding this topic, there may be more I can learn.
WOW!! The humming thing! As a child, I used to hum while eating. I didn't even notice it until my mom pointed it out to me as an adult! Dinner with my family was always tense because my brother was a picky eater. When he didn't eat his food, my dad would lose his temper and go into abuse mode. Now I know why I hummed at the dinner table! Thank you!!
Thank you. thank yo. Thank you. Although I actually teach the science and practices for healing trauma to educators, students and families, I know that your reach is getting this valuable information to the "masses." I can know this is creating a massive ripple effect, sending out waves of forgiveness, compassion and world-wide healing. You are a gift.
God made it clear to me that my walls went up not bc of men in my life. But from my Uncle who molested me for 8years 😢. I finally know now My walls get to come down ❤
Looking so forward to talking to you again tomorrow Ms Mel!! Here's the thing about"TRAUMA" : we ALL are exposed to stressful events in childhood it is absolutely unavoidable. BUT if we have parents or caregivers , or even a compassionate teacher in school that we are securely attached to and we KNOW we are seen, heard, protected (for the most part) and loved, the "traumatic" event or experience doesn't get "stuck" or "frozen" into our nervous system. Trauma as I define it, is anything that "fastens" itself to our nervous system that does not allow the system to return to a baseline state of peace and calm. It's kind of like the old railroad switches that redirect the train into a different path or track. Trauma, or painful events can flip that switch and get stuck or locked into the new path of protection, BUT if we have a loving and caring interaction at the time of the "trauma" the switch doesn't get thrown, or even if it does get thrown, the loving parent can flip the switch back so we dont get stuck in a chronic protective state. When we have a supportive adult we can tell and that helps us, we don't get stuck in the new path of PROTECTION and we can continue on the path of GROWTH we were originally on. I have often wondered what would have happened if you were able to tell your mother so she could soothe you right then and there and prevent the switch being thrown in the first place, instead of trying to handle it yourself as a 10 year old, which resulted in your nervous system getting stuck in a protective reaction that it could not recover from.
I’m watching here today, about a month after turning 40. I’ve been working on getting out of depression after losing my dad in 2020. I finally reached out for help at the beginning of 2022. Finally found some meds to help bring me out. I’ve also always been somewhat self aware, mentally. Like I can tell you a bunch of what relates to what and where it came from. But I have never known how to start healing from my trauma. The last year, I’ve been really recognizing and seeing all these things I’ve just held down inside for so long. Father’s Day has always been within usually a week or two of my dad’s birthday. Just how it happens…🤷🏻♀️so when he was alive, the few weeks from mid-end of June, were celebrations of my dad. Just a side note: I moved in with my dad when I was 17. He was always the person that was there for me. For a lot, that’s their mom, and my mom and I also have that with some things…but my dad, anything, I knew he’d be there. This past June (2024) the rollercoaster of grief hit me HARD. Probably the hardest since my dad had passed. My oldest brother (the only sibling of my 4 older brothers, that has the same dad as me) got married also at the end of June, and a year prior I was basically told that because I hadn’t called him enough, I needed to reach out more before they discuss any details of the wedding, so I could look up the cost of going. AKA: because of my depression and grief those years prior, (that discussion about the wedding was in 2023) I was in my house, trying to survive, while still trying to seem like I was holding it together because I have 2 kids…so I didn’t contact him, he also didn’t contact me. (The time frame was basically from the last time I’d seen him, I think his bday a year prior. I hadn’t called or anything, and he hasn’t either. But I was the one that couldn’t go to the wedding.) so I was going thru it at the end of June. Something happened, and I realized I had been hiding behind a mask for years. Just accepting that type of thing, without ever standing up for myself saying, I deserve to be heard. When I realized I had this mask for the last, at that point, almost 40 years, it somehow fell off. I realized so many things I was just accepting, even though my body felt like it was always in fight/flight mode. Not seeing that I was putting myself around people or places that I shouldn’t be around. Including blood relatives….seeing that the reason I was having so much anxiety and panic around the thought of going to certain places, was because for years I accepted how I was treated. But I was starting to feel like those things were strangling me. Now I’m trying to figure out how to heal these traumas. Work thru all this stuff I’ve uncovered, I want to be truly happy. I don’t want to hide, or feel like I have to hide, so I don’t disrupt the flow. This video feels like I’m about to learn exactly how to do that. Thank you so much Mel. (Also sorry to everyone for the book)
❤ WOW! I think my current issues are trauma, based on battling breast cancer all of 2022. Of course my nervous system is jacked up. This is huge! Thank you Mel!
Recently, I made a connection that has been niggling at me for quite a while. Years even. Silence. Being ignored, silent treatment all link back to the beginning of sh*t hitting the fan throughout my life. Silence meant bad things were going to happen. Unanswered phone calls to my mom meant impending chaos. She has bi-polar disorder 1,and as a result, I spent many years in the foster care system. To say there have been many effects of this would be a gross understatement. I'm only understand just how much this has impacted all aspects of my life. Knowledge is power, but it's up to you how you use this knowledge! ❤ Thank you, Mel. 😊
Thank you for this video! I am experiencing anxiety that I thought I had overcome years ago. This helps me to understand why I'm experiencing it again and more important, to have tools to work through it!
A car constantly revving, being constantly moving, as if I'm going to get into trouble any second. 50 years in and I'm only working on it in the last 5 years. Its taken cutting some family out of my life but its been my best decision. Hard but beneficial.
Thank you, Mel. I’m so thankful I found your podcasts. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as you described your traumas. I had similar experiences and it gives me hope that I can heal as well. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.❤
This podcast is making a lot of sense. Unfortunately, I was missed diagnosed for all my life. I was told I had depression and anxiety. Also, I agree everyone has diffrent degrees of traumatic events. In my situation it appears I am at a higher end of it all. Thankfully. For the first time in my life I get to work on it all.
OMG Mel, thank you for this episode! I have been aware of major traumas in my life, and recently, through regression hypnotherapy, I have realized moments in my infancy and childhood that have been driving my behavior and experiences; I am 58 years old and am finally realizing some of the things that are at the root of my life experiences. This episode really brings home the realization that a lifetime of "little t" traumas along with the "big T" traumas have shaped my life, relationships, experiences, etc. I am grateful that you have shared this with the world, simplifying a complex subject; you, Mel, have made it possible for me to begin to heal my nervous system --> all of the tools you explain here are accessible, and I trust that they are effective. I have already begun to intentionally implement them and can hardly wait to see the results. I can think of many people who I will share this podcast with; what a lovely gift you have given with this episode. All of your episodes, actually! Thank you, again, Mel. Your love and generosity along with your vulnerability clearly speak to the type of person you are! You are making the world a much better place by helping people live their best lives. With gratitude, Kathy
I'm honestly not a fan. It's deeply activating for many, myself included. With heavy CPTSD it seems to reactivate the NS more severely. I rather recommend Homecoming by John Bradshaw. I feel that book is a lot better since it focuses solely on how to heal and not the why.
@@jennyferguson5583 actually, this one's by Bessel Van der Kolk, excellent book. One of the first to work in this field 50+ years ago and still going. Mate 's book is When the Body Says No, I think, according to another commenter. I haven't read yet, but have read other books of his and I love his writing style. Seen some of the talks he's given on it.
@@JamieRThe thing is if you want to truly heal you must bring the trauma to the surface and allow yourself to feel those unresolved emotions once that's out you can focus on other aspects of healing. It's tough it will be overwhelming i am going through this but it's worth it in the end. I'm a fan of Russell Kennedy and his practice for healing anxiety has been truly rewarding. I am going through periods of intense anger but I'm healing everyday little by little.
Thank you so much for your important work, Mel. You may be interested in this; Had Endometriosis from about 25 years with conventional medical treatment (including operations) being ultimately unsuccessful. Also had Acupuncture and Chinese medicine - was much more helpful but endo pain persisted. One Acu Practitioner asked me if I had been sexually abused as a child - I was too freaked out to admit that I had (pre 6 years old). Did Landmark Forum Life Coaching course at about 40 years where many techniques are presented to try. Used one a few years later; 'challenge yourself to so something you thought was impossible'. Mine was to do studio move when my period had just started - I would usually spend 2 days in bed in pain. So on the day, I took a mild pain killer then went to the event - and was able to do the task with no pain at all over 3 days, which was a major miracle. I learnt from this that if I got stressed out and expected pain before a period, I would get it, but if I relaxed, I would not. More importantly, I made the connection between the Endo pain and feeling sorry (stressed) for myself ; when young I gained my mother's attention thru faking illness. Having Endo as an adult was my body's way of continuing to enact this attention seeking behaviour and to signal that an important , scary and traumatic event had happened - the sexual abuse - when I was too young to understand what it was and to call attention to it to my mother. I had a number of counselling sessions over the years but none had allowed me to make this connection between the SA and the Endo, After this, the Endo pain stopped completely. I feel that some sensitive TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) practioners and also Homeopathy therapists may be able to add a lot to this area of enquiry, Mel. If only I had not been so chicken and sceptical when that Practioner first said this, perhaps the Endo situation would have ended a lot earlier....! But I also believe that 'dealing' with such issues is as much to do with having trust/belief/faith that it is possible to heal - something that , for me, time and experience trying different many things, led me to eventually. Much Regards, Deb
I have always felt helpless and unable to change my emotional state as a result of my chaotic childhood. I have already started feeling different as I keep watching this video. Thanks Mel ❤
So happy I found this Mel Robbins! You make the connection & it’s simplified. Thank you I needed to understand so I can heal, transform & let go & move forward with my life.
Oh my. When you said, in a hushed voice, "You have to be quiet because your dad's coming," I instantly shrank into myself a little, my eyes opened wider, and my breathing got faster. Seems this might be a trigger for me! 😮
OMG just what I needed!!!! I just wish It had subtiles in spanish, so I can share it with my brother and sisters 😅. Thank you so much. This is pure gold. ❤
I have mostly healed but this project has helped me to to put things into prospect without blaming myself or looking 👀 for validation. I’m now working on forgiveness ❤
As I listened to you from the beginning i slowly got more and more tight chested, numbing tingling, tense from head to toe until I did the breathing with high five heart with breath, i felt exactly like you described, coming back into my body xo You've been helping me since the intent word on your talk show, xo thank you
I'm so glad you talk bout couples counseling , it so important for people to understand a healthy secure relationship also has conflicts and rocky roads, it's not just rainbows and unicorns, it both partner willing to put in the work and contribute to the relationship and while working on themselves! Beautiful share and thank you for sharing about trauma , it good educational for many that think trauma has to be a "big" thing. It big to the person experiencing it not matter how other view it!👍🏻 Keep up this AWESOME content Mel🙌
Dearest Mel, you can't imagine how grateful I am for all you have taught us here, or how much it means to me. I was really asking God for help, and this has been His exact answer. May God bless you.❤❤❤❤
Thank you Mel you are a beautiful soul. I really needed to hear this. At 53yrs I have been feeling anxious most of my life you have helped me articulate my childhood trauma. God bless you send you lots of love ❤️
Thank you! This is so helpful, somehow resonates with me on a deeper level. ...brings out lots of emotions but also a sense of understanding and a relief. And I'm really high-fiving my heart💕
Hello, first of all, thank you so much for this episode and making difficult situations, triggering situations understandable. I'm 62 and still struggling with different trauma episodes in my life. Today I got aware of some situations, during my entire childhood that still trigger me until today and I'm so thankful to you, putting these podcast out and talking about so many personal things out loud. I will work to find my switch and be the happiest person on earth to be able to turn it off. Thank you again.
I hope you found some of your own healing from this video. I’m so grateful for you watching today’s episode and would love it if you can show your support by liking and subscribing!
Am hooked on Mel’s podcast. Almost all subject matters feels like you are talking with me
That was poor gold, loved the menu advice on healing trauma, absolutely grateful. I need to listen in again and take notes, especially around the vagus nerves treatment, journaling, cold baths n list the continues on - thank you so much, Mel for your time that you are giving so regularly -you are amazing
😮😮😮@@juwaybhalla76
Thank you a lot Mel for all your very helpful videos. Currently, I'm on the healing of my oldest trauma. What do you think about EMDR therapy ?
I came across one of your videos yesterday from which I decided to follow up on your clips.
What I love most is that all this content relates with real life situations an going through,
Today have just realized am going through trauma and it's baaad😢
I never remember feeling loved growing up. I remember sitting in class at school a little girl, looking out the window like I wasn't even in class. I made terrible grades. I couldn't even absorb anything in class. Going home after school which we lived across the street from school. I don't remember meals or Christmas or going to bed I don't remember anything about being a family in that house. I do remember one thing, my mom was caught doing something that angered my father, and every thing got violent and me and my sisters ran next door to be safe. I remember the ladies poodles. Nothing else in that house across the street from school. I barely rember the school. My sisters remember almost everything about our lives as little girls. My childhood is a blank in so many areas. I am the person who just goes paralyzed over hard things. I have to make myself come out of the dark hole of limbo. I cry when I see photos of myself as a child. When I look at this child in the photo I cry. I let her down. I want to turn it around for her and love her and let her know that she is special to me. No matter how dysfunctional her life was, she is still alive and I want to make her life special. I have always tried to make others lives better. I have had toxic relationships and some have harmful. I remember thinking when I was a young woman, that if I ever had children they will know that they are marinated in love. Now they are grown. My only son my youngest died at the age of 27 years. I have had to face this head on alone. I have been applying you advice to my life. I want to feel better and just start living. I've been alive but never lived. Thank you Mel Robbins for being real.
🫂 this is so relatable. Thank you for sharing.
Sending lots of love and healing energy ❤
Oh, sweetie!!! I understand, I so understand. I shared a small portion of my life in a comment on here. But I can relate to this, only I don't remember any happy. I was a "bad girl" and I was always "naughty". I am sending so much POSITIVE HEALING ENERGY your way, as well!! You will have A FULL LIFE AND FIND THE ABUNDANCE WITHIN YOU, I PROMISE!!! I KNOW I CAN MAKE THAT PROMISE, TOO!!! The less you know of your past, the BRIGHTER AND MORE JOYOUS AND BEAUTIFUL AND FULL OF LOVE YOUR NOW AND FUTURE HOLDS!! 💕❤️💕 Please have faith. Have faith in the YOU that Mel is helping you find!! BEYOND WORTHY!! PRICELESS!! 🤗
This is exactly how I feel about my childhood and never understood it either.I feel for you❤️❤️❤️
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My mom abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally. My dad was an alcoholic. Both parents committed suicide. Dad when I was 15, mom when I was 19. Im an only child. Both sides of my family treated me like a black sheep. I had never been validated so unconsciously chose dysfunctional relationships. Today, im searching to heal
Please don’t ever forget that you have a purpose and you are not defined by what happened to you. Find what makes you happy and make yourself happy every day. You are loved❤️
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Jehovah God our creator of the universe love you sooo much! He knows what you've been through and every time you get thru a challenging life trauma or experience, just know he was how you managed to overcome 💪 ✨️ ❤❤
Thank you guys. Much appreciated.
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I am 49 years old trying to deal with my trauma. I have tried for years to heal. I have made great progress but I know I’m still missing something. I’m enjoying your podcasts. Thank you for this! ❤
My childhood and trauma started my perfectionism journey into adulthood. The people pleasing tendencies have hurt not only me, but now my children. Trying to change step by step
Omg same! And then you feel so guilty like screwing up your kids! I am 100 percent there. I did talk to a therapist though and she said “just being aware that we do not want to do to our kids what our parents did makes us 100 percent better.” Just you watching this and being aware and wanting to change is more than 90 percent of the population. So you go! You just do the best you can ❤❤
Like turning an aircraft carrier..
Getting myself to accept the concept of good enough is a daily practice.
I’m 3 yrs into my quest to value myself even when I’m not meeting my own (often unreasonable) standards.
EMDR has been transforming
Diet habits …being intentional, eating as whole, organic and unprocessed as I’m able
And this was free and amazing…working the word ‘should’ out of my lexicon. I was constantly berating myself with an avalanche of shoulds. I swapped out should for could or asking my brain (‘should I really do that?” Is that task job whatever.. only my responsibility ? That small bit of checking opened the door to a new way of speaking to myself…still have crap downhill slides…though few and fewer.
It’s a climb … though a worthy one. Sending you strength 💪💪
My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was very angry all the time & took it out on us 4 kids. Now as adults we all suffer from anxiety and depression! Thank you for this!!
I can relate to you.. I feel you..I feel like I am depress most of the times..
Here here ❤️
Are we related? It can be a rough haul, but it can be done.
@@kuhnemund6523 we could be related! Yes I am working on it everyday
Many Blessings and Healing love
When I tell you I cried… I mean I UGLY CRIED. I didn’t realize how much I suppressed.
😂 i loved that expression ugly cried. Will use it too...oh I feel you! ❤
Many Blessings and Healing love
I've been fighting with myself about the validity of my trauma for years! I was doing it today. Every time I feel a trauma response, I blame and shame myself and try to fight the feeling. No wonder I'm so exhausted. This episode is so good! Thank you!!!
Me too. Thanks for putting words to that feeling.
Me too thank you for sharing! We will be better
you're so right, it's exhausting
I suffer with migraine headaches and I know there is a connection with my learning disability that I’ve had my whole entire life. I’m 55 years old and I can’t tell you exactly how many times I was teased and called retarded during my childhood because it happened so much. I believed one hundred percent that I was the dumbest person on the face of the earth!!!! This is what I was taught by my community by my village. I was cast as a poor bird that couldn’t fly. Like I said I’m 55 now and I’m tired of feeling crappy. I’m tired of thinking about 1976. I’m ready to make a transformation and finally deal with my childhood trauma.
I can relate❤
Many Blessings and Healing love. Children can be so mean in school. You're a beautiful person with a beautiful heart
Thank you, Mel. I am 77 years old and have misplaced my desire to live. This video is an enlightening tool box. Thank you for your transparency and generosity! I come from long lived people and probably have about 20 years ahead of me. What an adventure!❤
Oooh you've helped me Mel.thank you soooo much. I was feeling deeply sad b 4 I listened to this
Sending you many, many blessings, Elizabeth! I love your positivity ☺️!!! 🙏👍❤️👋🕊️🌼. Many blessings to you, B Clo!!! Smile and keep up on your healing journey 🙂😌🙏❤️.
♥️♥️♥️ Please read Eckhart Tolle ❤️❤️❤️
Love how mel really speaks to all of us ;) take control and never give up 🔝 to the vagus nerve 🎉
Dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry to read that. I send you love with all the birds coming your way ❤❤❤
And you just encouraged me to keep going healing and healing. I thank you for ever to have shared your heart, now well send it healing ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💎
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
I’ve gone through so much trauma, since I was an infant, that I’m numb. I’m numb to the world today at 64. I’ve gone through the drugs, the alcohol, the recovery, the counseling, spirituality, and I just feel like it’s so much work, that I’m over, even trying to recover. I’ve spent so much money on trying to get well from the traumatic childhood, that I’ve given up. I just take certain vitamins each day that help me get through, barely. No drugs, no alcohol.
I get triggered watching this video, that I can’t watch the whole thing. It upsets me very much.
Sending you support, that’s not easy dear soul. You might go to 49 mins on the video - there’s nothing triggering from this point, just free tools to try ✨
May you feel some comfort and peace within 💕
Have you tried psychadelics? Not as a way to numb, but as a way to cope? The world is not a just place. I am so glad you're still here. I'm glad I'm still here. ❤️
@@Lee-255 thank you. I will do that. I appreciate the very specific info. 💕 i’m glad you’re still here, too. It isn’t something that is easily discussed with friends and/or family.
@@DiLifeandStyle ironically, when I used them years ago in my late teens and 20’s, it was the best thing. I recall thinking that if I didn’t have drugs and alcohol during high school, I’m not sure I would’ve made it. Fortunately, I stopped all drugging at 30. I wish I could get access to the clinicals that are being done on psilocybin.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support. 💕
I wish I could rewrite the past for you. I have similar feelings and feel your pain. You are not alone ❤
I had the best results using body-based approaches to trauma and now I'm a trauma recovery coach. It's astounding how much you can feel joy when you didn't even know you didn't have any! I would highly recommend working on your nervous system before talk therapy - sometimes you can't even get the words out.
In what kind of ways can I work on my nervous system? I'm just trying to help my anxiety
@@Welovehorrormovies I used david Bercelli TRE exercises, it's here on you tube, this helped me to go into my body and feel my emotions, I find I can feel into my body now without the exercises.
@@jacrowe3477 Thank You
I had a dog named Freckles when I was very young. Thank you Mel for everything you do to help us all. God bless you.
Thank You! prayers for my son. Schizophrenia? He beat my husband 58 to a pulp one night. We are living elsewhere until we can get our place back. Retraining order. Jail/rehab./therapy?
He doesn't believe anything is wrong with him. Even after beating his Dad. (He is 28) only child. A brilliant mind. It's gone his businesses etc. He blames his Dad for stealing it all from him.(childhood asthma) intravert. Cops did nothing. We are jumping through hoops to get our place back. Cops said they didn't want to have to shoot and kill him, if he came after them. ?
Defund the police? .....not enough Cops. I can't wait to get out of CA.
Childhood traumas. I am 58 and never tried to talk about my childhood traumas. Lots of my traumas been self healed. It's overwhelming and still suffering from it until today, and I am already 58 years old. I love listening to all episodes of your podcast and utube and will be buying your books. I have been stuck for 51 years with out healing it. I would need help. MARY
Exactly me too and I’m 60 years old now!
You got this👏 and are so worthy of healing and enjoying life to the fullest! Life has a way of showing you where you need to heal and so far, you are doing amazing!!! Sending you love and positivity on your journey!!!
💗💜❤️💚
Thank you for that mindset change: thinking of things like depression and anxiety originating in the nervous system rather than the mind. It really helps remove the shame.
I’m a bit late but…Mel, no one has ever explained trauma to me like you have in this video. Like many others, I don’t remember most of my childhood. I do remember my older sister singing to me & rubbing my head every night at bedtime. Her & our brother grew closer as we grew up, I was the workaholic they were alcoholics. We lost our brother in 2017. My sister & I grew closer & it started bringing up a lot of things that we never knew about each other. Besides the bedtime routine she said it was because she didn’t want me to hear our parents arguing. We also realized that our mother turned us against each other. She had them thinking I was treated like a golden child & they were going nowhere in their lives. It hurt us so much, knowing we lost all those years because we didn’t communicate. I lost my sister in February 2022, I’m grateful we got to really know each other before she passed. We lived in different states but talked for hours on the phone & learned a lot. Even then, our mother tried turning us against each other, she lived with our mother. I miss our conversations but I know she’s at peace & out of pain. Thank you, so much!
OMG!! Is that why I prefer being alone a Friday night, drinking a glass of wine, listening to music and tlk to a friend over the phone... I don't understand why I have such a hard time meeting with friends like normal ppl. I want to, I'm an outgoing person, I like ppl, have my own business.
I teach ppl for a living. I'm a fascia therapist and I work with people and their horses. Either I train them for a competition or if they have a horse that needs rehabilition for mental problems, anxiuous or nervous horse, anger issues or whatever. I work with the owners and their horses helping them overcome their obstacles to be the best versions of them self and to create the best bond you can have with any living creature❤
Yet I'm 35, alone at home, drinking wine.... I enjoy being alone, I feel safe, I'm happy. But I also want to come out of my shell and want to experience the company of another human being while drinking wine.
Omg, I was sexually abused by a "friend" from the age of 7-14. I thought I was over that, I forgave him and blah blah. But that always happend at a friend's house, where I was suppose to feel safe...
Now I'm sitting home alone every weekend wishing I could go to a friend's house but everytime I have something planned I always cancel the last min. It's safer being home alone...
WOW! What a wake up call!!!
You just figured it out. Amazing! I wish you the best❤️
I was diagnosed with PTSD, in 2012.
I never realized that I have never dealt with my childhood trauma, now understanding that my childhood added onto my adult trauma has shut me down, and I’ve literally became weak. I was a very strong women in my 30’s and early 40’s. Now I am gifted with Peace (thanks be to God). Your gifted with something very special Mel, and in these days and times, you are given the strength and knowledge to guide us.
Your a Heaven Sent.
A few years back, I asked my therapist if one can have PTSD that isn't due to one event, but cumulative events. That opened alot for me.
My dad was in the big MGM Grand Hotel fire in the 80’s. He survived and was unharmed, but seeing him on the news immediately after the fire was very traumatic for me, as I was only 5 years old. After that, I struggled horribly with general anxiety, especially separation anxiety. Two years later, our house burned down. I developed “schoolphobia”. My parents had to literally carry me into school and my teacher would chase me around the classroom until I sat in my seat. This anxiety toward being away from my family continued all the way through high school. I still struggle with anxiety a great deal but after I became a mom I started getting treatment. I’m much better than I was but smelling fire or hearing sirens are huge triggers. My son lives an hour away and when I hear sirens I am immediately thinking the worst and I’m calling him or texting him to make sure he is okay. He is leaving for Army basic training in February and my anxiety about something happening to him is absolutely seriously intense. (I don’t let him know it though)
Thank you for these insightful and informative videos. I’ve learned a lot.
Thank you for this video. I had a very loving childhood. I was married to a very emotionally abusive man. I finally left after 34 years of marriage. I have had so much drama over the years that it will still take years to recover. Thank you for giving me the tools to heal this drama.
I’m 50. If you don’t do it, it will take a toll on you physically. Right now in the past year I have been diagnosed with 3 autoimmune diseases. Not only that but your digestive system will freeze and your renal system chronic pain. I’m like you I’ve always used anger as a defensive mechanism or shut down that now it can cause permanent damage. I go Saturday because my renal system are fully damaged at this point. It can also be linked to cancer. So I’m going through a series of texts to make sure we get this taken care of. I gave all my entire heart to God March 2024. I now instead of feeling the anger cry a lot. I went years without crying period because when I was loving people I could never love them with my entire heart. I thought I was but God has shown me anger is not an emotion it’s a response to a past hurt, disappointment or fear. So now that I’m not angry I’m crying all the time. I guess my question is, is it better to cry and let it out if that’s all you can do? I’m easily triggered and instead of flying off the bat, my little girl heart, the authentic pure loving heart is present. Do I feel that emotion now or what do I do with it? Do I let myself cry to get it out now that I can or do I refocus on something else? Idk what to do with feelings other than be mad. I have to figure it out before my organs start shutting down?
So while your speaking I finally got up and started cleaning and organising my room. We moved two years ago to escape trauma.
Turns out you take your 'Baggage' with you....found real help and comfort in many of your points.
Thank you 💖
As a fellow 'bag lady' I can vouch for taking baggage with you you aren't alone, be kind and patient with yourself get help if you can and keep watching Mel
This really made me realize where my trauma began. Self blame and fear of being in trouble as a 5 year old scared little kid was and is real. I too almost told but stayed quiet. This really helped. I know now I need to go further back than I thought.
This made me see that my nervous system is in a sense, f*cked to believe and see the good in everyone because I was forced to see the good in those who hurt me because "they loved me".
🙏🙏🙏
This woman is a blessing. What a precious gift we have got in this video. Thank you Mrs. Mel 🙋♂️
She seems to talk about herself alot, does she get more into the technical part of it later in the video?
Wow Mel, that was another amazing informative show! You Rock, you explain everything in a way everyone can understand.
I'm 46 and have lived my whole adult life in FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE mode, and it sucks in every aspect of my life. This will definitely help with becoming the woman I'm truly meant to be.
I love you so much, and thank you for being you. You are an inspiration for many. I would absolutely love to meet you in person some day! ❤️🙂🙏 May God continue to bless you and your family. ❤️ Ox
Thank you for your vulnerability Mel! I Definitely need to to repair my nervous system. My childhood is a big blur. At 51, I am understanding how most of my life has been shaped by the person I became as a result of that trauma. I am now ready to release the version of myself I created to survive!
I don't fight or flee I FREEZE. Anything that resembles a bully makes me freeze and as a nurse during covid and the dysfunctional reactions to the passings of the residents in the memory care center brought out the worse in the staff under my watch who took it all out on me.
Compound that with bully syblings and your looking at a mess.
I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple of years ago. I always have known I was anxious, but thought it was because my life was/is complicated. Alcoholic parents, poverty, to many siblings, complicated relationship with life partner, difficult child, lack of self-care, being self employed, employees, finances etc…………… This list keeps going. For the last 54 years I believed if I can make my life right, I would feel peace. That’s another problem I have is feeling like I can fix anything, WRONG! I actually make things worse!!! Mel, I have also always felt there is something wrong with me. Realizing that my anxiety is my emotional reaction to things I can’t control has helped me to take a good long look at my real situation , and realize there are things I just can’t fix. And that’s ok. I just have to stop myself making things worse.
Hi Mel, I love your videos. They are major part of my self healing journey.
I have many childhood trauma because of my parents. But I know my parents also had very difficult childhood.
They both were neglected as a child and were living in a dysfunctional family.
My father has people pleasing behavior, he also shows trait of dependency. He was emotionally neglected as a child
My mother avoids emotional conflicts and she has a trait of rejection. She denies whatever she doesn't like or want to hear even when she herself did that thing to me and others. She can't connect with others at emotional level.
My childhood was a mess. Now I understood myself and how helpless, lost,sad I was as a kid.
Now I am adult. I am dealing with my trauma and working on them. But I am not able to blame my parents for the trauma they gave to me because I know they had difficult childhood too.
This causes me to feel frustrated, confused and angry. I don't want to dissociate because of this anymore.
How can I tackle this? How can I deal with this? Please help.
Thank you.❤❤❤❤
Hi Mel, I love you . Thank you . I'm just getting started repairing my nervous system. I'm 52 yo. And been this way my entire life. My CPTSD ,my Truama, is debilitating. I'm an immigrant child from Poland. My entire childhood was driven by Stress, abuse, neglect, violence and more Truama then a child can handle. Never knew what's wrong with me until now because of you Mel and a couple others. Thank you for probably saving me from undeniable despair. I'm so fresh to all this. I'll be watching and learning and healing. Slowly. It took a long time to get here.
I don’t think many people will admit that their success comes from healing or fixing their nervous system. I personally haven’t heard it from anyone. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
I would love to write a book someday about the trauma I endured as a child. All of it was created by my mother who also suffered severe trauma as a child. It can be a very bad cycle if not treated.
EMDR IS AN INCREDIBLE PROCESS TO USE AND THE DRAMA DISAPPEARS FROM THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
Thank you. I suffer from multiple traumas. I am 76 years old and don’t have much time for life. I thought I was ok until last year when the love of my life left me triggering the past traumas all over again.
I offer the book title and concept "Fierce Self-compassion"
As a trauma specialist for high profile, high achieving women entrepreneurs, this is so incredibly powerful! (And healing for that little one inside of us)
I have whiplash reading all of y'all msgs!!! YESSS MEEE TOOOO!!! I seem to have stored all of the terrible traumas i've been through in my lifetime perfectly minute by minute, BUT having a difficult time recalling the good.😮. One thing I did realize is that when I look at my happy memory pictures, they make me sad😢. No No No Went for a walk first thing this morning at sunrise 🌞 found a handful of heart rocks!! Now I just gotta keep the happy day rolling. Thanks Mel ❤
I live in Muskegon Michigan, now. Talk about the perfect place for trauma. Born in GH and I went to Fruitport, for almost my entire school career... I was bullied terribly in HS. I told my parents. They sent me to Webster House to solve the problem, ME. I ended up changing schools to Grand Haven, when I was able to drive. I NEVER USED MY LOCKER. Not only was the school HUGE, so I ended up tardy, but the trauma of being kicked everytime those girls would walk past me. Also, as a child, I would end up ALWAYS staying the night, it several nights, at my sitter's house. So now, EVERY. TIME. I LEAVE MY HOUSE, I HAVE TO BRING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY NEED WITH ME. I PACK FOR A MONTH. IT IS A TERRIBLE HABIT... I just haven't felt like I have had a safe place. As a matter of fact, I keep telling this story, so... I keep reliving this trauma. It is horrible. I crave stability. And I KNOW IT COMES FROM WITHIN ME. I APPRECIATE YOU AND ALL YOU ARE TRYING TO DO FOR THOSE OF US LOST IN OUR HEADS AND NERVOUS SYSTEMS. THANK YOU. I AM DIGGING DEEP INTO YOUR GUIDANCE. I WANT BETTER. KNOWING BETTER DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN DOING BETTER. THAT TAKES SO MUCH WORK.
i am still currently growing up but as a young child my parents never physically loved me. my parents got divorced when i was very young. my dad remarried when i was 7 and his new wife was a narcissist who abused me as well as my father. my father didn't stand up for me cause he was clouded by his wife, i am not excusing his behavior at all, but i now understand. everyday since then i have felt so confused and scared to do anything wrong. i recently got out of my first relationship who happened to be a narcissist. i did everything for him and he would put me down sometimes and make me try to conform to his thinking. im only 19 so i know there is much more to come for me. these videos are going to make a huge impact on my thinking and future relationships, platonic or romantically. thank you
I’m 47 and if I may give you a piece of advice… please please love yourself. Find you and find what makes you smile everyday. Do you before you do anyone else. If you heal your life will be amazing. I wish you all the joy in the world❤️
Had to add one more thing after my second listen.
Don't forget that parasympathetic is necessary for digestion, deep sleep, and mental wellness. The challenge is staying in it when we've been in fight or flight has been activated since childhood. It's the baseline at that point. So it takes time to re-regulate and grow new nerves. It's amazing that it can be done. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom. Just pointing out that it doesn't change over night for those of us with severe CPTSD. Hang in there. Do the work. And we'll heal 🙂
After doing the polyvagal type exercises like pressing chest and repeating mantras like the one you say here, I can instantly feel my body relax and endorphins flow through the body. Stress melts away. Feels so good ♥️
I will look into it. I don't want to live like this...
Thank you! I needed this today...
@@carolinecullen7441I hope you find a way through!
Personally, somatic and parts work has been incredibly helpful for me with all this.
Darn it Mel! I always start the day so angry, it makes my partners morning just as hard as mine and my birth mother who beat me severely for years is dying of multiple kinds of cancer. I couldn't cry for days, i just get more and more angry and I found this, cant stop crying, thank you for everything you do! 😭🥺🖤
Thank you Mel, I'm not someone who posts comments, but I need to write this to say how grateful I am of you and everything you share with the world. I pray for you to have even more success and reach with the work you're doing x
This is remarkable.. For years I have left a door open on my bedroom closet snd recently I took the doors off my closet bedroom doors, I just realized that when I was little, I would get physically abused by my mother and she would then put me in my bedroom closet and close the door, I had to stay in there until she let me out.. I was so scared.. thank you Mel for your insight as now I understand why I don’t like closet doors😢
just use beads or curtains like in dressing rooms
You are brave.Loved.The Lord was crying when she did this to you.
When I was in 6th grade, and my older sister was in 7th grade, I was a straight A÷ student and popular, and one of two of the teacher's pets because I could also draw really well. My sister, though, was more interested in boys than schoolwork and when she failed 7th grade, they flunked me too, simply because they didn't want us in the same room. When I had to walk BACK INTO THAT 6TH GRADE ROOM the following fall, I lost my desire for learning, felt like I was just laughed at by these kids younger than me.
In 2016, after moving to Georgia, I enrolled in a university to finish my Masters degree in nursing, and IMMEDIATELY felt that same shame as I saw how young the students were and felt I'd wasted so much of my life. I DID manage to get my degree, but I switched my major to Forensic Psychology and went in another direction.
Holy sh. That's terrible. 💔 Sounds like you still made it despite the bad start.
That is SO HORRIBLE!!! I am so, so sorry that happened to you. As a mother I would have never allowed such a thing. You deserved to be defended.
The best technique for permanently turning off the triggers that throw us into fight and flight is PDTR. I was literally a walking trauma with a bunch of traumas. I went to treatment every week for a few months and thank God we turned off a bunch of triggers. I am functioning much better and have gotten rid of various health problems. Now I'm still going to integral body therapy to resolve some traumas emotionally and I'm also seeing great results and progress. Singing was and remains my first therapy. 😊 I practice it daily.🥰
I am very grateful that your life is so improved. I will look into PDRT. God bless you always.
Wow, thank you Mel. I am asthmatic. I thought I was over it when I discovered a dominant colleague trickered an attack.
Now I think it is smother love by my mother when I was a little girl and my big sister 8 years older. I am 70 now and the wheezing has to be healed.
What you said about your SA in your childhood.. gosh i haven't related to anything this much before.. when I was around 9 a family friend of ours who was like an uncle to me who used to watch me when my parents were out and leave me with him and his wife. One day When his wife was not home he touched me in my private parts and asked how it felt and told me I should enjoy it and did some other things. At the time I absolutely blocked it and I didn't even understand it and completely forgot about tht for years. But when I was around 19, there was a news going viral about a teenager committing suicide because of sexual harrasment frm her own teacher and my mom was so mad listening to it, saying how she should havs told her parents' and not did this. And it was like a switch had been flipped inside me. I remembered what happened so many yrs ago and I couldn't believe I had blocked it for so long or why I didn't tell my mom about it all those yrs ago and when I did tell my mom then she was so shocked and asked me why I didn't tell her till this time and for the life of me I couldn't answer her. Because when it happened I didn't even know tht it was wrong or tht I should tell someone. I just felt so confused and scared and when I think about it now after all these yrs I'm still so suprised how I blocked it for this long.. and when u were explaining your incident the way my mind triggered this is just too scary.. Trauma is so freaking scary and real.. it can hit you so many yrs after it rlly happened leaving you so confused and angry and broken...
I feel like this video and the comments were talking about my life. I was sexually abused by my father starting at around age 5 he was an alcoholic but this never happened while he was drinking. I didn't tell anyone about any of this until I was thirty-five years old. A friend of mine at work could tell something was wrong with me. she started trying to talk to me about things and I told her about my life growing up. She talked me into getting help and I did. It took years of therapy to get better from living this horrible childhood. I truly hated my father and after getting a lot of therapy I ended up loving him and was with him at the nursing home when he passed away at age 84. My entire life was screwed up. I got married the first time at age 18 just to get the heck away from that life. I married someone who only cared about his self and I had no idea how to stand up for myself and ended up and lots of messed up relationships after I divorced him. I never remember my father telling me he loved me not even once until he got old and sick I never got to confront him about what he did because he had a massive stroke at age 50 and live to be 84 he was a hundred percent disabled and we had to take care of him until we just couldn't do it anymore and we had to put him in a nursing home. I have had depression and anxiety all this started at age 5 I am 74 now and I can truly say I'm the happiest now than I have been in my whole life. I'm really proud of myself for working hard to try to heal some of this nightmare. I spent years crying and feeling hopeless and unloved. My mom told me she loved me all the time but I never believed it because I'm pretty sure she knew what my father was doing to me and never protect me so for years I had bad feelings about her I could never confront her either to find out if she knew because she ended up having five kinds of cancer for 28 years and suffered so much that I could not ever ask her about anything. Even if I have never been abused my whole life was horrible.
Your story gives me hope,ty for sharing
Thank you for sharing and know you aren’t alone. You are an amazing woman to be able to be so strong and write about your trauma. If I could, I would give you a great big hug❤️❤️❤️
I cried through this mel. Thank you. 😢
Mel, Thank you so much for this podcast. Tried that cold shower. Was a revelation. You are right. Once that blast of cold water hit, the trauma became clear and when i caught my breath, the affirmation required.
Great podcast, as usual! Here's how to tone the vagus nerve or "flip the switch" from the video: 1) Hum or sing 2) High-fiving your heart 3) warm bath 4) Cold exposure therapy. I think meditation, deep slow breathing, Omega-3 Fatty Acids, socializing and laughing, massage, and increased evidence about probiotics, can all be included.
Could you by chance recommend a good probiotic? Thank you🤗
@@MelandRandy I'm sorry, that's one of many, many things about which I am not qualified or informed! But I know there are a lot of studies out there!
So grateful, she is able to convey her experiences on how she got through her life experiences.
It's kinda funny -- in my early 20s, I knew that we HAD to heal what we experienced through our developmental years up until early adulthood to be healthy human beings.
I'm so thankful you cover this. It's what humans needs to heal at a global level. We're all using technology, sex, food and other things to NOT deal with our trauma.
It leads to trauma driven behavioural patterns which cause so much misery and self sabotaging in our socities.
It took 15 years to finally figure out chronic health issues might be related to it, how trauma affects the body and mind, and what it takes to actually heal (inner child healing, somatic experiencing, EMDR, polyvagal theory etc).
I need to add one thing. I grew up in rough environments. Alcohol and drugs at young age. Emotional abuse and neglect at home. Escapism into video games. Everything to not feel and relive the past. Anyone who has CPTSD has a longer road to healing than those with a one off event. The reason being the one off event has a specific point of origin and can be dealt with directly. The issue with ongoing trauma that happens day in and day out. It causes your nervous system baseline to move up. So you're constantly in fight or flight. Which means your body gets chronic inflammation. Less sleep. More anxiety. Deeper mental issues. Gut health deterioration. And it all falls one block at a time as time progresses. Auto immune and other dis-eases show up. So it takes time. The CNS has to regrow the synapses. The good news is it can be done. And once the cells begin feeling safe we end up as a whole new person, literally.
With CPTSD inner child work is paramount. Probably the most important part to deal with. It's the root of alcoholism and other addictions. Of adults who act as children. Real narcissism and other disorders. And what's so cool is you can use a guided meditation and it will over time heal. John Bradshaw wrote a book called homecoming. I cannot recommend it highly enough. You can find his meditations made into audio tracks on UA-cam for each developmental stage.
Reddit and other places does have communities which can be supportive and helpful. r/CPTSD. And lastly for those who want to dive deeper into vagus nerve -- polyvagal theory. Be safe. Be well.
very true Jamie
Thank you for this!
Thank you Jamie for your kindness in sharing
Thanks Jamie ❤
Thank you for sharing this, do you have any guided meditations you recommend for someone on the healing path?
Thank you, I have been told over and over to get over it. It feels good to know that it's normal and I am not a drama queen. You help me heal so much.
Similar… I was crowned - melodramatic, intense, difficult and looked at like I was part of the problem.
When recovery comes (and it can) the world is the same and yet …wildly foreign and new. Much like Mel, I spent 45+ yrs waking up in a state of anxiety (feeling: already late, wrong, like I’d F’d something up)….a few months ago I simply, woke up. Felt like an out of body experience, literally pinched myself.
EMDR has been amazing and I’m feeling better by leaps and bounds…it’s like compound interest
Also did a couple psychedelic guided experiences …while not for everyone, for me they were delightful and deeply calming.
Food is a big contributor… moving sugar to the sidelines has been a gift to myself. Pain goes down, skin looking better than 10yrs ago and I just feel better.
You can … rooting for you…healing and body calm can happen…I didn’t think it possible and I’m delighted to be wrong. 💪
I was in a second grade ran to my brother-in-law's car and saw a dead person in the car I wasn't shocked couldn't speak I was mute for many years so I know about trauma and I want to get that book you're talking about thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with millions of us Thank you
Mel thank you for this so much. I'm 57 and since the post pandemic era, im on a healing journey. The metaphor you used is perfect. 54321...time to find the switch.❤
This is so powerful to hear. My husband is a trauma therapist and I hear a lot from the therapist end. He practices a variety of trauma therapies and can help reconcile the trauma and reduce the PTS.
Mel this is amazing, I bite my nails until they bleed constant pain, I am looking into therapy to help me unwrap my traumas. You have helped me so much
Thank you ❤
❤❤❤ sending u love
Against so many odds, I managed to heal over past several years too, but feel I cannot get past this specific point. You have been, " spot on ", regarding options to move forward again. Look forward to more encouragement and tools, in moving closer to future goals ! God Bless Your Beautiful, Precious Soul 🙏💗🙏💗
Love love love this! ❤️ Thank You for this! Very traumatic childhood who has been told for the majority of my life that healing and getting help is for losers and no one will ever love me, it's been so hard to get help even though I know I have too. It's a constant silent fight in my head. Listening to this gives me hope and makes me understand things better and hearing you say it's not a convo for losers really touched me and makes me feel I can do this and I know I will be better for it. I look forward to hearing more from you on this 💖🥰
It happened to me from the day I was born, and carried on until my father died. I thought that now that he was gone, the worthless feeling didn’t leave, it was still in me.
Huge lightbulb moment for me when you mentioned waking up every morning feeling like something is wrong! I have done this forever. Just this morning I was wondering why do I always wake up with this feeling of anxiety mixed with some kind of misplaced guilt or shame, like something terrible has happened and I can’t remember what.
Thank you for this awareness ❤
It’s not a minute yet and I’m so in tears. Financial am asking God to send me an angel. You are so helpful
Thank you, Mel, for explaining trauma is regular speaking. I've been dealing with trauma for a long time. Just recently, I've been learning where to start my healing process. Thank you!
I just found you and I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time and putting in the effort to make these videos !!! I have been struggling my whole life with trying to be a better person than where I came from. I grew up watching my father physically abuse my brothers and mentally abuse the whole family. I always felt so helpless as a kid and I shut down because I couldn’t do anything. I watched as my father belittled my mother and disrespected her leaving her broken and in tears. I was just a small child and instead of thinking of my own needs and mental health I always tried to be the support for my mother and make her smile. Fast forward I am an adult in my first relationship, we’ve been together 2 years but it’s becoming very difficult. I know we both love each other but I didn’t realize until now that I’ve played a huge part in our difficulties in that, when my boyfriend needs his own time or has to change plans, I get upset and in turn he always feels guilty and we end up in arguments because of my fear, “he must not love me because--“ which isn’t true and I’m opening my eyes to that. I KNOW HE LOVES ME. But my whole life I grew up seeing these things as negatives and my only example of a man was my father who really doesn’t love my mother. So in my adult life I’ve Translated that into my own relationship BUT it’s not the same. I never learned how to healthily handle these things and how to give my partner the healthy space they need. Another thing I know has affected me greatly are the words I was told by my mother before I even started dating my boyfriend “Why would he want you?” I’ve let all these past traumas affect me and it flows out into my relationship with my boyfriend. I didn’t realize until recently that I’ve been pushing him away with my very fear of “what if he leaves me? What if he’s doing this because he doesn’t love me?” And I act out on that. I used to think his actions that scared me were the issue, but the real issue was HOW I PRECEIVED his actions. I want to learn and grow. I never realized that the past I’ve been trying so hard to move away from is actually something I’ve been carrying with me and allowing to ruin my relationship with a very good and loving man. He is nothing like my father and he genuinely cares about me. I don’t want to lose him, I want to become better and show him a healthy love. So thank you for helping me to learn how to “reset” my own switches 🙏🏻
Hey, need to talk. Can we connect?
Thank you ! I'm a psychologist and iv been thru a personal and professional journey where iv dealt woth trauma in different ways. In 2014 I did a course on Bach flower therapy and it's done wonders. There are some great remedies in it for healing past trauma, anxiety, etc .
Mel it felt the same you don’t understand at that age x
I remember everything now’s have a4 year old daughter she is my biggest trigger I had never empathy for m seeing-how helpless she is innocent she is and tiny and no I would set myself as a sacrifice to save her from ever being damming. I worry night and day for her the love and protection no one had for me. 😢
As someone that just tries to hide it all away hearing this simply hurts my head because its brijging up a lot...not one single thing to be specific i believe but just hearing this is causing me to try ro protect myself from remembering and getting over what has hurt me. One day at a time hopefully.
Thank you!! This information is Huge, I have been looking for, praying about a solution…
To my bottled up pain, anxiety which has led to absolute state of frozenness.
I’m looking forward to applying these methods to live again.
Still learning at over 60❤ yeah singing praises and straight up hallelujahs
I'm 44 and carried secrets of sexual abuse until 3-4 yrs ago also, currently working on my nervous system and even in 2 days of somatic practices I noticed differences, even colors look brighter BLESS ✨️💖
I have two books on the vagus nerve and how to activate it that I read last year. But - I did notice something. I found it jarring when the video goes from you without headphones and the focus is clear to you to with the headphones and the focus unclear. That's because I'm an HSP (PLEASE do an episode about this, my life changed when I discovered it a age 54) and I find certain things jarring that others probably don't even notice. My point here is that most of my trauma was my trying to be like everyone else and failing, and being teased and bullied (my classmates would throw the dodgeball at my face on purpose to break my glasses, crack them against my nose and get to watch me cry) for being different the whole time I was in elementary school. Most of my trauma is from me being in the 20% of people who are HSP and nobody knowing of it's existence back in the 70's and 80's. I was just a "crybaby". The rest of the trauma is from parents that bickered day and night. (They still do.) The sympathetic nervous system no longer rules me, I've done a lot of work on this. It's hard fricking work! That being said, I'm looking forward to your next episodes regarding this topic, there may be more I can learn.
WOW!! The humming thing!
As a child, I used to hum while eating.
I didn't even notice it until my mom pointed it out to me as an adult!
Dinner with my family was always tense because my brother was a picky eater. When he didn't eat his food, my dad would lose his temper and go into abuse mode.
Now I know why I hummed at the dinner table!
Thank you!!
Thank you. thank yo. Thank you. Although I actually teach the science and practices for healing trauma to educators, students and families, I know that your reach is getting this valuable information to the "masses." I can know this is creating a massive ripple effect, sending out waves of forgiveness, compassion and world-wide healing. You are a gift.
God made it clear to me that my walls went up not bc of men in my life. But from my Uncle who molested me for 8years 😢. I finally know now My walls get to come down ❤
Looking so forward to talking to you again tomorrow Ms Mel!! Here's the thing about"TRAUMA" : we ALL are exposed to stressful events in childhood it is absolutely unavoidable. BUT if we have parents or caregivers , or even a compassionate teacher in school that we are securely attached to and we KNOW we are seen, heard, protected (for the most part) and loved, the "traumatic" event or experience doesn't get "stuck" or "frozen" into our nervous system.
Trauma as I define it, is anything that "fastens" itself to our nervous system that does not allow the system to return to a baseline state of peace and calm. It's kind of like the old railroad switches that redirect the train into a different path or track. Trauma, or painful events can flip that switch and get stuck or locked into the new path of protection, BUT if we have a loving and caring interaction at the time of the "trauma" the switch doesn't get thrown, or even if it does get thrown, the loving parent can flip the switch back so we dont get stuck in a chronic protective state. When we have a supportive adult we can tell and that helps us, we don't get stuck in the new path of PROTECTION and we can continue on the path of GROWTH we were originally on. I have often wondered what would have happened if you were able to tell your mother so she could soothe you right then and there and prevent the switch being thrown in the first place, instead of trying to handle it yourself as a 10 year old, which resulted in your nervous system getting stuck in a protective reaction that it could not recover from.
I’m watching here today, about a month after turning 40. I’ve been working on getting out of depression after losing my dad in 2020. I finally reached out for help at the beginning of 2022. Finally found some meds to help bring me out. I’ve also always been somewhat self aware, mentally. Like I can tell you a bunch of what relates to what and where it came from. But I have never known how to start healing from my trauma. The last year, I’ve been really recognizing and seeing all these things I’ve just held down inside for so long.
Father’s Day has always been within usually a week or two of my dad’s birthday. Just how it happens…🤷🏻♀️so when he was alive, the few weeks from mid-end of June, were celebrations of my dad. Just a side note: I moved in with my dad when I was 17. He was always the person that was there for me. For a lot, that’s their mom, and my mom and I also have that with some things…but my dad, anything, I knew he’d be there.
This past June (2024) the rollercoaster of grief hit me HARD. Probably the hardest since my dad had passed. My oldest brother (the only sibling of my 4 older brothers, that has the same dad as me) got married also at the end of June, and a year prior I was basically told that because I hadn’t called him enough, I needed to reach out more before they discuss any details of the wedding, so I could look up the cost of going. AKA: because of my depression and grief those years prior, (that discussion about the wedding was in 2023) I was in my house, trying to survive, while still trying to seem like I was holding it together because I have 2 kids…so I didn’t contact him, he also didn’t contact me. (The time frame was basically from the last time I’d seen him, I think his bday a year prior. I hadn’t called or anything, and he hasn’t either. But I was the one that couldn’t go to the wedding.) so I was going thru it at the end of June. Something happened, and I realized I had been hiding behind a mask for years. Just accepting that type of thing, without ever standing up for myself saying, I deserve to be heard. When I realized I had this mask for the last, at that point, almost 40 years, it somehow fell off. I realized so many things I was just accepting, even though my body felt like it was always in fight/flight mode. Not seeing that I was putting myself around people or places that I shouldn’t be around. Including blood relatives….seeing that the reason I was having so much anxiety and panic around the thought of going to certain places, was because for years I accepted how I was treated. But I was starting to feel like those things were strangling me.
Now I’m trying to figure out how to heal these traumas. Work thru all this stuff I’ve uncovered, I want to be truly happy. I don’t want to hide, or feel like I have to hide, so I don’t disrupt the flow.
This video feels like I’m about to learn exactly how to do that. Thank you so much Mel. (Also sorry to everyone for the book)
❤ WOW! I think my current issues are trauma, based on battling breast cancer all of 2022. Of course my nervous system is jacked up. This is huge! Thank you Mel!
Recently, I made a connection that has been niggling at me for quite a while. Years even. Silence. Being ignored, silent treatment all link back to the beginning of sh*t hitting the fan throughout my life. Silence meant bad things were going to happen. Unanswered phone calls to my mom meant impending chaos. She has bi-polar disorder 1,and as a result, I spent many years in the foster care system. To say there have been many effects of this would be a gross understatement. I'm only understand just how much this has impacted all aspects of my life.
Knowledge is power, but it's up to you how you use this knowledge! ❤ Thank you, Mel. 😊
Thank you for this video! I am experiencing anxiety that I thought I had overcome years ago. This helps me to understand why I'm experiencing it again and more important, to have tools to work through it!
A car constantly revving, being constantly moving, as if I'm going to get into trouble any second. 50 years in and I'm only working on it in the last 5 years. Its taken cutting some family out of my life but its been my best decision. Hard but beneficial.
Thank you, Mel. I’m so thankful I found your podcasts. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as you described your traumas. I had similar experiences and it gives me hope that I can heal as well. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.❤
This podcast is making a lot of sense. Unfortunately, I was missed diagnosed for all my life. I was told I had depression and anxiety. Also, I agree everyone has diffrent degrees of traumatic events. In my situation it appears I am at a higher end of it all. Thankfully. For the first time in my life I get to work on it all.
OMG Mel, thank you for this episode! I have been aware of major traumas in my life, and recently, through regression hypnotherapy, I have realized moments in my infancy and childhood that have been driving my behavior and experiences; I am 58 years old and am finally realizing some of the things that are at the root of my life experiences. This episode really brings home the realization that a lifetime of "little t" traumas along with the "big T" traumas have shaped my life, relationships, experiences, etc. I am grateful that you have shared this with the world, simplifying a complex subject; you, Mel, have made it possible for me to begin to heal my nervous system --> all of the tools you explain here are accessible, and I trust that they are effective. I have already begun to intentionally implement them and can hardly wait to see the results. I can think of many people who I will share this podcast with; what a lovely gift you have given with this episode. All of your episodes, actually! Thank you, again, Mel. Your love and generosity along with your vulnerability clearly speak to the type of person you are! You are making the world a much better place by helping people live their best lives. With gratitude, Kathy
Thank you Mel and everyone for your encouraging words. Live a wonderful life
The body keeps the score, right?! Thank you Mel! ❤
Gabor Mat’e.
In the last 2- years I’ve Dug Deep ♥️
I'm honestly not a fan. It's deeply activating for many, myself included. With heavy CPTSD it seems to reactivate the NS more severely.
I rather recommend Homecoming by John Bradshaw. I feel that book is a lot better since it focuses solely on how to heal and not the why.
@@jennyferguson5583 actually, this one's by Bessel Van der Kolk, excellent book. One of the first to work in this field 50+ years ago and still going. Mate 's book is When the Body Says No, I think, according to another commenter. I haven't read yet, but have read other books of his and I love his writing style. Seen some of the talks he's given on it.
@@JamieRThe thing is if you want to truly heal you must bring the trauma to the surface and allow yourself to feel those unresolved emotions once that's out you can focus on other aspects of healing. It's tough it will be overwhelming i am going through this but it's worth it in the end. I'm a fan of Russell Kennedy and his practice for healing anxiety has been truly rewarding. I am going through periods of intense anger but I'm healing everyday little by little.
The battery alarm making that noise, is a really good way to explain how it is to live with trauma
Thank you so much for your important work, Mel. You may be interested in this;
Had Endometriosis from about 25 years with conventional medical treatment (including operations) being ultimately unsuccessful. Also had Acupuncture and Chinese medicine - was much more helpful but endo pain persisted.
One Acu Practitioner asked me if I had been sexually abused as a child - I was too freaked out to admit that I had (pre 6 years old).
Did Landmark Forum Life Coaching course at about 40 years where many techniques are presented to try. Used one a few years later; 'challenge yourself to so something you thought was impossible'. Mine was to do studio move when my period had just started - I would usually spend 2 days in bed in pain. So on the day, I took a mild pain killer then went to the event - and was able to do the task with no pain at all over 3 days, which was a major miracle. I learnt from this that if I got stressed out and expected pain before a period, I would get it, but if I relaxed, I would not. More importantly, I made the connection between the Endo pain and feeling sorry (stressed) for myself ; when young I gained my mother's attention thru faking illness.
Having Endo as an adult was my body's way of continuing to enact this attention seeking behaviour and to signal that an important , scary and traumatic event had happened - the sexual abuse - when I was too young to understand what it was and to call attention to it to my mother. I had a number of counselling sessions over the years but none had allowed me to make this connection between the SA and the Endo,
After this, the Endo pain stopped completely.
I feel that some sensitive TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) practioners and also Homeopathy therapists may be able to add a lot to this area of enquiry, Mel.
If only I had not been so chicken and sceptical when that Practioner first said this, perhaps the Endo situation would have ended a lot earlier....!
But I also believe that 'dealing' with such issues is as much to do with having trust/belief/faith that it is possible to heal - something that , for me, time and experience trying different many things, led me to eventually.
Much Regards, Deb
I have always felt helpless and unable to change my emotional state as a result of my chaotic childhood. I have already started feeling different as I keep watching this video. Thanks Mel ❤
So happy I found this Mel Robbins! You make the connection & it’s simplified. Thank you I needed to understand so I can heal, transform & let go & move forward with my life.
Oh my. When you said, in a hushed voice, "You have to be quiet because your dad's coming," I instantly shrank into myself a little, my eyes opened wider, and my breathing got faster. Seems this might be a trigger for me! 😮
OMG just what I needed!!!! I just wish It had subtiles in spanish, so I can share it with my brother and sisters 😅.
Thank you so much. This is pure gold. ❤
Perhaps in the settings is an option for Spanish?👍
I have mostly healed but this project has helped me to to put things into prospect without blaming myself or looking 👀 for validation. I’m now working on forgiveness ❤
Thank you, Mel !! We love you too !!
As I listened to you from the beginning i slowly got more and more tight chested, numbing tingling, tense from head to toe until I did the breathing with high five heart with breath, i felt exactly like you described, coming back into my body xo
You've been helping me since the intent word on your talk show, xo thank you
I'm so glad you talk bout couples counseling , it so important for people to understand a healthy secure relationship also has conflicts and rocky roads, it's not just rainbows and unicorns, it both partner willing to put in the work and contribute to the relationship and while working on themselves! Beautiful share and thank you for sharing about trauma , it good educational for many that think trauma has to be a "big" thing. It big to the person experiencing it not matter how other view it!👍🏻 Keep up this AWESOME content Mel🙌
Dearest Mel, you can't imagine how grateful I am for all you have taught us here, or how much it means to me. I was really asking God for help, and this has been His exact answer. May God bless you.❤❤❤❤
Wow. I was taking a walk and listening to this. Stopped dead in my tracks when you said that you get nervous was the sun goes down…… wow. Hit me
Same here now I realise why I feel so anxious in the evening it was like a light bulb moment
Thank you Mel you are a beautiful soul. I really needed to hear this. At 53yrs I have been feeling anxious most of my life you have helped me articulate my childhood trauma. God bless you send you lots of love ❤️
Thank you! This is so helpful, somehow resonates with me on a deeper level. ...brings out lots of emotions but also a sense of understanding and a relief. And I'm really high-fiving my heart💕
Hello, first of all, thank you so much for this episode and making difficult situations, triggering situations understandable. I'm 62 and still struggling with different trauma episodes in my life. Today I got aware of some situations, during my entire childhood that still trigger me until today and I'm so thankful to you, putting these podcast out and talking about so many personal things out loud. I will work to find my switch and be the happiest person on earth to be able to turn it off. Thank you again.