James May explains the time he nearly killed Jeremy Clarkson

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  • Опубліковано 20 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 3,4 тис.

  • @elijahbutterfield4869
    @elijahbutterfield4869 5 років тому +17153

    "I almost murdered him"
    * smooth jazz *

  • @thomasbarrett9286
    @thomasbarrett9286 4 роки тому +6130

    I love how both May and Hammond have considered killing Clarkson with a shovel on separate occasions

    • @vehk9377
      @vehk9377 4 роки тому +298

      Hammond also considered killing may with a shovel as well

    • @bjorn-falkoandreas9472
      @bjorn-falkoandreas9472 4 роки тому +216

      Well, we all have been there. Considering killing Clarkson with a shovel is what makes us civilized. You know, in between sips of wine and only after the music has stopped. Mustn't be rude about our Clarkson-killing, must we?

    • @tranz2deep
      @tranz2deep 4 роки тому +25

      Well, it's not like CLARKSON ever will. He's obsessed with hammers.

    • @mtwight9436
      @mtwight9436 3 роки тому +7

      Well, Hammond did bashed Clarkson with a shovel once.

    • @ericgu9036
      @ericgu9036 3 роки тому +5

      Didn’t Clarkson die to a shovel in episode two of season one of the grand tour?

  • @raza.durrani
    @raza.durrani 4 роки тому +2348

    I love how James and Jeremy's impression of each other is literally the same voice

    • @caboose.20
      @caboose.20 3 роки тому +23

      "Yes, we'll need a winch."
      "Why did you do me?"

  • @chrissss696
    @chrissss696 5 років тому +8734

    "The closest i've ever come to killing Jeremy Clarkson..."
    *gently sips red wine*

    • @thepuffin4050
      @thepuffin4050 4 роки тому +82

      That's the English for you

    • @yusufalraqi4903
      @yusufalraqi4903 4 роки тому +3

      Ribena

    • @akuaku3496
      @akuaku3496 4 роки тому

      Bro i love your profile pic
      Blablabla

    • @dylanpyle6500
      @dylanpyle6500 4 роки тому +3

      I'm British and I dispise alcohol

    • @akuaku3496
      @akuaku3496 4 роки тому +9

      @@dylanpyle6500 whats that got to do with anything?

  • @chickentonight22
    @chickentonight22 5 років тому +5405

    Only this man can talk about murder and still be very likeable anyway.

    • @marcelliusika
      @marcelliusika 5 років тому +98

      Probably he got Jaaaagggg.

    • @shurdi3
      @shurdi3 5 років тому +115

      To be fair, not wanting to kill Jeremy Clarkson makes you more unlikeable than wanting to

    • @markdoldon8852
      @markdoldon8852 5 років тому +9

      To be fair consider his potential victim.

    • @jamiewalker8131
      @jamiewalker8131 4 роки тому +6

      Navy seal who killed bin laden

    • @grzegorzzawadzki3693
      @grzegorzzawadzki3693 4 роки тому +3

      Columbo episode material.

  • @tgrizzly69
    @tgrizzly69 4 роки тому +10823

    “ the closest I have ever came to killing Jeremy Clarckson”
    *sips wine*
    “Well there have been many occasions.”

    • @joshuaevans4301
      @joshuaevans4301 4 роки тому +356

      "obviously"

    • @ChandraKanth7
      @ChandraKanth7 4 роки тому +97

      Godfather vibes

    • @MrYabber
      @MrYabber 4 роки тому +7

      @@joshuaevans4301 😂😂

    • @alonsocabezon1
      @alonsocabezon1 4 роки тому +4

      jajajajaj

    • @amarug
      @amarug 4 роки тому +9

      you left out the one critical word that made the whole thing so brilliant

  • @ElevatedJamTracks
    @ElevatedJamTracks 5 років тому +10262

    It's pretty clear now who should be the next Bond villain...

    • @rainningstorm
      @rainningstorm 5 років тому +573

      Imagine a climax. When bond finally confronts the main villian.....and get treated to a 10 minutes monologue about what he could have done better.

    • @gumunduringigumundsson9344
      @gumunduringigumundsson9344 5 років тому +119

      @@rainningstorm Diabolical.

    • @brmstn69
      @brmstn69 5 років тому +86

      Over a glass of Burgundy...@@rainningstorm

    • @stephanl1983
      @stephanl1983 5 років тому +41

      James May in one of his famous shirts😂😂😂!

    • @Mephiston
      @Mephiston 5 років тому +38

      Trying to steal the worlds supply of curry, brown beer and pies?

  • @daaave_
    @daaave_ 5 років тому +9825

    “He let civilization go out”
    Damn that’s deep,

  • @caboose.20
    @caboose.20 4 роки тому +3175

    It's scary, because unlike Richard, I _believe_ James.

    • @darshanpars4051
      @darshanpars4051 3 роки тому +12

      😂😂😂😂😂

    • @Dampfaeus
      @Dampfaeus 3 роки тому +125

      "He let civilization .. go out". That does sound very ominous :-)

    • @ElroyMcDuff
      @ElroyMcDuff 3 роки тому +35

      Especially after one of the others had bashed into the back of his car for the umpteenth time and he'd had enough.

    • @fuzzymp
      @fuzzymp 3 роки тому +5

      I read “believe” as Hammond lol

    • @TheRealPOTUSDavidByrd
      @TheRealPOTUSDavidByrd 3 роки тому +23

      @@ElroyMcDuff I feared for Jeremy's life when James went up with that machete LOL

  • @mr.anderson70
    @mr.anderson70 5 років тому +2859

    "He let civilization go out." One day I'll use that line.

  • @AskForDoodles
    @AskForDoodles 5 років тому +9621

    Title: The time May almost killed Clarkson
    Me: *machete flashback*

    • @commentcritic400
      @commentcritic400 5 років тому +238

      Exactly what i was thinking

    • @janpokos4086
      @janpokos4086 5 років тому +639

      "Did your colleage just attack you with a machette"
      "Yes he did"
      "You see you dont get that in gardening shows"

    • @johnobrien1477
      @johnobrien1477 5 років тому +30

      First thing I thought of when I read the title

    • @HT-lr1rs
      @HT-lr1rs 5 років тому +3

      XD

    • @inertiadegreed3879
      @inertiadegreed3879 5 років тому +76

      Now your going to get macheted to death

  • @dannycpayne5
    @dannycpayne5 5 років тому +3783

    News: the fires in Australia finally stopped
    James May with a flamethrower: civilization will rise

    • @danielblom391
      @danielblom391 4 роки тому +92

      I can imagine him in perfect detail, in his normal shirt, faint smile on his face, proclaiming dryly yet jolly that civilization will rise

    • @Henriburger1
      @Henriburger1 4 роки тому +17

      I can picture it perfectly.

    • @Stefan-Reiter
      @Stefan-Reiter 4 роки тому +12

      Just send Jeremy to Australia & California to solve the fire issues 😂😂😂

    • @sarakudrna2199
      @sarakudrna2199 4 роки тому +3

      This is my favorite comment on the internet

    • @matthew_natividad
      @matthew_natividad 4 роки тому +4

      Jeremy clarkson: civilization will fall

  • @Allan_aka_RocKITEman
    @Allan_aka_RocKITEman 5 років тому +3737

    _"There have been many occasions, obviously..."_
    *LMAO....*

    • @potato1341
      @potato1341 5 років тому +45

      This man has the patience of a million patron saints

    • @robinm1299
      @robinm1299 5 років тому +33

      During the south South American trip when they went to Bolivia on death road and he did not like heights and threaten to kill them with a machete

    • @jonslife3533
      @jonslife3533 5 років тому +6

      @@robinm1299 he stuck it In the car with him , so I'm pretty sure he was close to trying to kill him

    • @AzguardMike
      @AzguardMike 5 років тому +3

      he considered shooting him on their trip to the north pole with the shotgun

    • @charlescabbage2933
      @charlescabbage2933 5 років тому +5

      What about Alabama part... " Vote Hillary for president" and Nascar Sucks painted on his car

  • @TomNunan1
    @TomNunan1 4 роки тому +1741

    Jeremy: turns AC off
    James: You've let civilisation go out

    • @79135clauds
      @79135clauds 4 роки тому +8

      This really took me out

    • @freddierhodes8201
      @freddierhodes8201 4 роки тому +26

      Jeremy: unplugs the fan
      James: You uncultured, bookburning, worthless swine

    • @schwuzi
      @schwuzi 4 роки тому +6

      Jeremy would never turn off the AC, he hates the heat.

    • @scottwhitley3392
      @scottwhitley3392 3 роки тому

      🤣

    • @amyy2403
      @amyy2403 3 роки тому +1

      yo i’m your 1000th like my g!!

  • @AdventuresThings
    @AdventuresThings 4 роки тому +479

    The way he says “he let civilization go out” just about shovelled me.

    • @defectivepikachu4582
      @defectivepikachu4582 4 роки тому +10

      well youre obviously not dead yet so we can assume clarkson would have survived it too

    • @AZBEEMR
      @AZBEEMR 3 роки тому +4

      I see what you did there!

  • @karabenomar
    @karabenomar 5 років тому +1346

    "It's promethian" - A very James May thing to say

    • @mulhamtaibani2256
      @mulhamtaibani2256 5 років тому +1

      karabenomar 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @tortolini47
      @tortolini47 5 років тому +25

      kind sir, you surely mean 'promethean'

    • @shanebarker3131
      @shanebarker3131 5 років тому +7

      All he needed was a " Philistine " at the end

  • @BThings
    @BThings 5 років тому +895

    Letting civilization go out sounds exactly like something Jeremy Clarkson would do.

    • @Tangledtitty
      @Tangledtitty 5 років тому +5

      Lol

    • @Marco-iy7lt
      @Marco-iy7lt 4 роки тому +3

      Remember, he's always been referred to as the big ape.

    • @trexmidnite
      @trexmidnite 4 роки тому

      Civilization left james long ago

  • @immortalsofar5314
    @immortalsofar5314 4 роки тому +345

    "He let civilisation go out."
    If there's one phrase that sums up Clarkson's entire personality, that's it.

  • @EmeraldComposer
    @EmeraldComposer 5 років тому +3694

    James needs to make a youtube channel. Seriously.

    • @EshovdTM
      @EshovdTM 5 років тому +195

      He actually has one

    • @jimgamble2429
      @jimgamble2429 5 років тому +5

      Emerald Composer agreed..

    • @h0rk3d
      @h0rk3d 5 років тому +51

      you are watching it now, actually he got several but use alt name, im guessing because some of the material is ©BBC

    • @MrWolfSnack
      @MrWolfSnack 5 років тому +97

      He has one, made it after the BBC sacked Clarkson and him and Hammond quit. He just posted videos of him polishing things and making Shepherds pies and that was about it.

    • @xEmoxHobbitx
      @xEmoxHobbitx 5 років тому +72

      Jester Minute what ?!

  • @tortolini47
    @tortolini47 5 років тому +1497

    Well James, that's your mistake right there. You should have let Richard make the fire by himself, then it wouldn't have gone out for five days

    • @doktormoney
      @doktormoney 5 років тому +103

      He would Americanize that fire.

    • @ljt47exploring64
      @ljt47exploring64 5 років тому +71

      With the help from a rimac

    • @ihateeverything3972
      @ihateeverything3972 5 років тому +45

      @@ljt47exploring64
      This is fucked and absolutely hilarious

    • @thatfunnykekguy6377
      @thatfunnykekguy6377 5 років тому +7

      @@ljt47exploring64 can we throw a furai?

    • @ihateeverything3972
      @ihateeverything3972 5 років тому +24

      @@doktormoney
      So the fire would burn down the whole cabin and blame it on some minorities?

  • @colinmorgan7771
    @colinmorgan7771 4 роки тому +378

    i thought would be the Bolivia episode where James is afraid of heights and clarkson rear ends him on the suicide road

    • @rodin3872
      @rodin3872 4 роки тому +6

      was looking for this comment

    • @MrWhateverfits
      @MrWhateverfits 4 роки тому +2

      I thought this as well.

    • @thiccalbert
      @thiccalbert 4 роки тому +30

      Yeah.
      Where Jeremy almost got machete'd to death by James

    • @younghex9577
      @younghex9577 4 роки тому +1

      My thoughts exactly

    • @thenerdofthenorth8205
      @thenerdofthenorth8205 4 роки тому +30

      "I told you not to not to do that and now you're going to get machete'd to death."

  • @dave131
    @dave131 5 років тому +1867

    Not sure what it is about James May. He could talk about the engineering of a pencil for 20 minutes and for some damn reason, I'd listen to every word for the entire 20 minutes. And at the end, wonder why I did.

    • @jesuschrist4088
      @jesuschrist4088 5 років тому +9

      Dave lmfao same

    • @cc0767
      @cc0767 5 років тому +55

      I watched a video with him about "why trains cant go uphill" I waa not interested in it and I knew why. Still watched the entire thing and enjoyed it.

    • @bekaemery2918
      @bekaemery2918 5 років тому +11

      That is very well put and completely correct

    • @N1RKW
      @N1RKW 5 років тому +13

      This sort of thing is why I would, if given the opportunity, choose to meet James May before Richard Hammond despite having much more in common with Richard.

    • @mooneyes2k478
      @mooneyes2k478 5 років тому +5

      Even better:
      A 20 minute discussion between James May and James Burke. Because they're the same, just not.

  • @TheoCachia
    @TheoCachia 5 років тому +945

    who thought it was a good idea to let Clarkson maintain...anything?

    • @Morpheus-pt3wq
      @Morpheus-pt3wq 4 роки тому +11

      They should kick him out, with words: "you had one job..."
      I never liked Clarkson. It´s one arrogant, narcistic person, which doesn´t have real sense of humour. No, i don´t count irony and sarcasm as humour, neither of them is.

    • @yegorgribenuke6853
      @yegorgribenuke6853 4 роки тому +74

      @@Morpheus-pt3wq hes an arrogant and narcissistic person, but that makes him funny. He almost always expresses himself in irony.

    • @Eisenwulf666
      @Eisenwulf666 4 роки тому +8

      Probably Jeremy, he is that narcisistic. I kinda like Clarkson but i admit he is a piece of work. It's a guilty pleasure of mine watching GT, but if it was only Clarkson i would stop.

    • @Morpheus-pt3wq
      @Morpheus-pt3wq 4 роки тому +3

      @@yegorgribenuke6853 Narcistic people aren´t funny at all. They´re sick and most of them doesn´t even realize that.

    • @WookieWarriorz
      @WookieWarriorz 4 роки тому +21

      Morpheus cringe

  • @Sam_Dabboi
    @Sam_Dabboi 4 роки тому +270

    Next episode: james may explains his war crimes and tax evasion

  • @gingerjester2870
    @gingerjester2870 5 років тому +655

    I could watch a whole Netflix series of James may doing this. It would consume me for a couple of weeks easily

    • @Mephiston
      @Mephiston 5 років тому +1

      Well, Amazon are planning on doing just this, now that Grand Tour is over.

    • @baeddy1422
      @baeddy1422 5 років тому

      Matt Douglas he Can intertaine everybody to the epokelips,,, ☠️💀👻

    • @yammmit
      @yammmit 4 роки тому +1

      Mephiston Grand Tour is not over.

    • @derbauersmax
      @derbauersmax 4 роки тому +1

      Amazon Prime did it already with just him exploring Japan. Its called „our man in Japan“

    • @F_the_G
      @F_the_G 4 роки тому

      All of them honestly

  • @SilverScarletSpider
    @SilverScarletSpider 5 років тому +708

    “He let civilization go out.” :0

  • @balf1111117373
    @balf1111117373 4 роки тому +615

    Imagine waking up one day checking twitter and seeing James May has killed Jeremy Clarkson

    • @celticlofts
      @celticlofts 4 роки тому +14

      Finally..

    • @xBaphomet666x
      @xBaphomet666x 4 роки тому +3

      I can think of crazier things

    • @MrSantihomer
      @MrSantihomer 4 роки тому +35

      Oh dear!
      Anyway...

    • @joeortiz1358
      @joeortiz1358 4 роки тому +37

      Does that mean he's not coming on then?

    • @Harey0407
      @Harey0407 4 роки тому +14

      @@joeortiz1358 Hammond: No, he just killed Clarkson he's going to be behind bars for a very very long time.

  • @FightingForceSoulless
    @FightingForceSoulless 5 років тому +804

    Ah yes. Did we expect anything else but James May casually sipping some wine while talking about murder temptation?
    Stay classy

    • @jcp1756
      @jcp1756 5 років тому

      Probably not. I'm curious though. If he did 10 of these videos does he exit the pub each time to tell the cameraman to come in?

  • @kolinjohnson6563
    @kolinjohnson6563 5 років тому +1542

    “Hey dad, can you tell us that story agin?”
    “Yeah dad, tell us that Jeremy story!”
    “Well kids...The closest I’ve ever come to killing Jeremy Clarkson”

    • @removed7331
      @removed7331 4 роки тому +37

      Slowly sips wine*

    • @Subpar1O1
      @Subpar1O1 4 роки тому +17

      "There have been many occasions, but this is the one that sticks in my mind"

    • @joelrobinson1157
      @joelrobinson1157 4 роки тому +1

      Which kids?

    • @emiledlund9559
      @emiledlund9559 3 роки тому

      Mat is at grandpa age now

  • @chris-um2sh
    @chris-um2sh 4 роки тому +105

    something I love about James is how he refers to Jezza and Hammond by their full names, its funny

  • @Brad772006
    @Brad772006 5 років тому +428

    Clarkson seems the type of guy to pay an electrician to change a light bulb.

    • @kennethhwang3425
      @kennethhwang3425 5 років тому +47

      Lord Motorsports Then rages over how the light is too bright and not hazy or flickering like his old bulb did, then proceeds to punch the electrician.

    • @badly_dubbed2401
      @badly_dubbed2401 5 років тому +4

      @Ant French Photography Ripped of Driftland too.

    • @cvn6555
      @cvn6555 5 років тому +5

      He'd break the bulb when he hit it with a hammer, so....

    • @badly_dubbed2401
      @badly_dubbed2401 5 років тому +2

      @Nick Maclachlan Missing the point, since the GT team had no clue about it before being shown them, and used the guys a DL to come up with the required dimensions to do it properly, and to ensure it would work on all the cars they had lined up for the show. They arranged to film at DL and had THEM arrange all the GT props only to not show up. I'd say that's getting ripped off. Before DL stepped in with the idea the plan was to drift on normal tyres in FWD cars which of course would have been utter ridiculous. The GT guys have no clue what they are doing and rely on stealing ideas from others.

    • @badly_dubbed2401
      @badly_dubbed2401 5 років тому +2

      @Nick Maclachlan But they didn't just take the ideas, they ripped them off. As in, done them out of money and time. This is how these pieces of shit operate in order to entertain morons.

  • @e.hutchence-composer8203
    @e.hutchence-composer8203 5 років тому +806

    *Breaking news!*
    Jeremy Clarkson has let civilisation go out...

    • @alZiiHardstylez
      @alZiiHardstylez 5 років тому +10

      Wait until the BBC hear about this

    • @JeanMarceaux
      @JeanMarceaux 5 років тому +4

      Jeremy Clarkson let civilisation go out, quoted "thinking about Toyota Camry made me do it".

    • @thegardenofeatin5965
      @thegardenofeatin5965 5 років тому +2

      I was wondering what happened to it, this is as good an explanation as any.

  • @wilmeroberg9794
    @wilmeroberg9794 4 роки тому +71

    I thought it was gonna be like "I almost ran him over" not "I wanted to but I didn't"

  • @rafih.t.t7141
    @rafih.t.t7141 5 років тому +357

    "Well its gone out but i couldn't light it its too complicated"
    With his smug face on 🤣

    • @matthew_natividad
      @matthew_natividad 4 роки тому +5

      CLARKSON!!!!!!

    • @bena3341
      @bena3341 4 роки тому +4

      Not being able to light a fire with a Ferro rod while lost in the woods is understandable. Not being able to do so in a log burner with kindling suplied is not.

    • @Mythrell
      @Mythrell 4 роки тому +1

      yeah, knowing full well how little effort he did put in the attempt (pretty much zero)... I can see how someone could get mad at that :)

    • @TheBrickGuy7939
      @TheBrickGuy7939 3 роки тому

      @@matthew_natividad WHERES THE FIRE!!!???

  • @niceguy391987
    @niceguy391987 5 років тому +328

    Well, you can't start a fire with a hammer. That's the Problem.

    • @adonismaris5761
      @adonismaris5761 5 років тому +2

      I'd like your comment, but it would ruin the number

    • @heirofaniu
      @heirofaniu 5 років тому +6

      Actually you can. Beat a thin piece of steel repeatedly while rotating it and eventually you'll get it glowing red hot.

    • @CanadaBud23
      @CanadaBud23 5 років тому +10

      @@heirofaniu But then James would have to listen to Jeremy beat a piece of metal for hours and still have no fire.

    • @heirofaniu
      @heirofaniu 5 років тому

      @@CanadaBud23 this is also true.

    • @danielhayes4720
      @danielhayes4720 5 років тому +1

      But you can with Richard Hammond

  • @Roadkill-Films
    @Roadkill-Films 4 роки тому +44

    *"I warned you about this and now you're gonna get machete'd to death."*
    -James May to Jeremy Clarkson

  • @ryants1
    @ryants1 5 років тому +102

    This is the most *James May* thing anyone could possibly do while talking about an almost attempt murder

  • @drasp87
    @drasp87 5 років тому +666

    May - I have some good news!
    Hammond - Is it the Dacia Sandero?
    May - Erm. No. I've killed Jeremy Clarkson.
    Hammond - (pause) That is good news! (Beaming) Anyway, on to the next film...

    • @bicyclist2
      @bicyclist2 5 років тому +21

      That's what Jeremy would have wanted anyway. That's what he said in a 60 minutes interview. That if one of them dies, to just move it along to the next subject. Check it out if you don't believe me.

    • @bri___moore
      @bri___moore 5 років тому +40

      Anupam Potdar “no I’ve killed Jeremy clarkson”
      “.... so he isn’t coming on then?”

    • @MuhammadKharismawan
      @MuhammadKharismawan 5 років тому +4

      Yeah, an agreement the three of them has, pretty famous that

    • @Pyrolysis2142
      @Pyrolysis2142 5 років тому +4

      On that bombshell...

    • @mosby985
      @mosby985 5 років тому

      lmao

  • @rohantreacy1132
    @rohantreacy1132 4 роки тому +35

    "He let civilization go out"
    -James May

  • @ameyab900
    @ameyab900 5 років тому +770

    I thought he would say Bolivia

    • @iyzyz
      @iyzyz 5 років тому +33

      Almost beheaded him.

    • @Mfh4907
      @Mfh4907 5 років тому +45

      Lmao the machete

    • @KandiKlover
      @KandiKlover 5 років тому +4

      Only counting Accidentally kill only here

    • @potterpotty01
      @potterpotty01 5 років тому

      Wasn't Bolivia and the machete against hamster?

    • @ameyab900
      @ameyab900 5 років тому

      @@potterpotty01 unfortunately you are incorrect.

  • @lockyantonius9895
    @lockyantonius9895 5 років тому +282

    James's favourite weapon of choice : Machete ( a failed attempt, because of BBC health and safety regulations )
    and a Rock ( a failed attempt, it hit only the windshield )

  • @HighonHon
    @HighonHon 4 роки тому +7

    James describing how he almost murdered Jeremy while there’s calm jazz going on in the background is amazing

  • @TheAlchemistEmpire
    @TheAlchemistEmpire 5 років тому +308

    There also that one time when he put a machete to his neck and said "you hit me so now you're getting macheted to death"

    • @TheAlchemistEmpire
      @TheAlchemistEmpire 5 років тому +10

      @@inazuma1 nah it was Clarkson (lmao ur a pussy for deleting your comment)

    • @TheAlchemistEmpire
      @TheAlchemistEmpire 4 роки тому +2

      @VeteranCape who

    • @TheAlchemistEmpire
      @TheAlchemistEmpire 4 роки тому +3

      @VeteranCape he said 'nah it was James' or some bs and started shittalking me

    • @SkippertheBart
      @SkippertheBart 4 роки тому +3

      @@TheAlchemistEmpire
      Sure showed him.

    • @lewis5796
      @lewis5796 4 роки тому +1

      what episode was this?

  • @SkipToMahLoo
    @SkipToMahLoo 5 років тому +179

    The best scene in Top Gear is when the trio went caravaning, and Jermey brought an AK47 since he has to spend a weekend holiday with May.

  • @Stinkycheeseman93
    @Stinkycheeseman93 4 роки тому +11

    It’s honestly so weird. When I first watched the trio on TG, I identified mostly with Clarkson. But the older I get, the more James May makes sense.

  • @llIlllllIll
    @llIlllllIll 5 років тому +91

    Clarksons last words: "By that terrible disappointment, it's time to end..."

  • @edward2030
    @edward2030 5 років тому +308

    What about James may on top of death road Bolivia and his machete, he was going to kill Jeremy, because he bummed into the back of james's car

    • @dandman9373
      @dandman9373 5 років тому +2

      that's probably because it was Top Gear

    • @sablatnic8030
      @sablatnic8030 5 років тому +4

      Not because he bumped into James' car, but because he did it again, once more, all over, again! ^_^

    • @ewangibson1204
      @ewangibson1204 5 років тому +1

      DanDLion can’t be because the Argentinian trip was also Top Gear

    • @David-ud9ju
      @David-ud9ju 5 років тому +2

      That probably doesn't count because it was staged. You think they keep the cameras rolling 24/7 and wait for the 3 of them to do something interesting? That would explain why the show costs so much, but it would be an extremely inefficient way of making a television show.

    • @shadowgaming6660
      @shadowgaming6660 5 років тому

      Also the machetes were hardly sharp as was demonstrated earlier when they were cutting the tree.

  • @patrikhala1910
    @patrikhala1910 4 роки тому +21

    Anyone else remembered that moment on the Death Road?
    JC: "Moments later, James slowed down to get a mad local passed... and I didn't."
    JM: "I was f*****g straightforward with you, now you're going to get machetted to death"

    • @aditimooley
      @aditimooley Рік тому

      RH: "James is killing Jeremy. Things are going well."

  • @Theemptythroneistaken
    @Theemptythroneistaken 5 років тому +313

    "I lit à fire with richard hammond" so you basically tried to kill both your co hosts?

    • @Alpostpone
      @Alpostpone 5 років тому +36

      To be fair, by this point Richard is pretty much proven to be fireproof and immortal.

    • @Kebbab.213
      @Kebbab.213 4 роки тому

      Toi t'es français. On reconnaît le correcteur automatique du "à" lol

  • @dankrafted
    @dankrafted 5 років тому +274

    I had my wedding reception in that pub lol. Lovely place run by lovely people (The Cross Keys in Hammersmith/Chiswick)

  • @foshifonuki
    @foshifonuki 4 роки тому +40

    You know is gonna be a good video when the title say "I almost killed Jeremy Clarkson"

  • @StalloneSRB
    @StalloneSRB 5 років тому +81

    This guy is pure gold. Made me laugh hard so many times in life.. Wish there were more people like him..

  • @bibasik7
    @bibasik7 5 років тому +66

    Jeremy Clarkson: *lets fire go out*
    James May: I'm about to end this man's whole -career- life

  • @optombomber2980
    @optombomber2980 5 років тому +13

    I’m proud of you James for opening up to your feelings and learning to act heart to heart with Jeremy

  • @dr.leftfield9566
    @dr.leftfield9566 5 років тому +175

    Why is it whenever I clock James May which is not often he appears more and
    more like an ex 70's progressive rock star.

    • @Pippy1
      @Pippy1 4 роки тому +9

      Its because hes british

    • @possibly8180
      @possibly8180 4 роки тому

      Almost like the late chris squire

    • @barryjames3747
      @barryjames3747 4 роки тому +1

      Some people just have that look. They dont even try.

    • @MongooseTacticool
      @MongooseTacticool 4 роки тому +4

      Like a budget Brian May.

  •  5 років тому +190

    “I woke up with my man parts inside an ice cube”

    • @rowgli
      @rowgli 5 років тому +4

      I did think 'as pranks go, that's pushing it'

  • @enright13
    @enright13 4 роки тому +12

    I like how he describes lighting the fire "with Richard Hammond", almost as if he was some kind of small Brummie piece of kindling!

  • @Ninja1live
    @Ninja1live 5 років тому +292

    Jeremy Clarkson said..."I'll look after the fire." (Birds chirping...Time passes.) Who leaves, Jeremy Clarkson...In charge of A FIRE!!! IN-SIDE A BUILDING???!!!

    • @Rschaltegger
      @Rschaltegger 5 років тому +20

      a wooden building...that could go really wrong.

    • @Camberwell86
      @Camberwell86 5 років тому

      I also have a loud, stupid, entitled mate and 9 times out of 10 it's easier to say "fine, have it your way" than stand and have the argument with him lmao

    • @gumunduringigumundsson9344
      @gumunduringigumundsson9344 5 років тому

      Good point.

    • @falconpowerful2362
      @falconpowerful2362 5 років тому

      So true, I was expecting something much worse.

    • @falconpowerful2362
      @falconpowerful2362 5 років тому

      So true, I was expecting something much worse.

  • @NealB123
    @NealB123 5 років тому +198

    Who hasn't wanted to kill Jezza at one time or another? Or another. Or another.

    • @Trillock-hy1cf
      @Trillock-hy1cf 5 років тому +1

      Nope, as the show would definitely not be the same without him.......:)

    • @Atari-Dude
      @Atari-Dude 5 років тому +1

      It's weird seeing someone I know randomly appear in UA-cam comments. Granted, I only recognize your name from The Warning groups and videos, so we're not actually friends per-se, but still 😅

    • @musefan12345
      @musefan12345 4 роки тому +1

      Exactly. He’s an absolute pillock.

  • @Tygearianus
    @Tygearianus 4 роки тому +48

    “He let civilization go out.” as he grabs the wine glass like heathen 😂😂

    • @kevinwestermann1001
      @kevinwestermann1001 4 роки тому +3

      That's just fancy way of spelling "like a Brit". :P

    • @Javaritto
      @Javaritto 3 роки тому

      Civilization died that night in Argentina. There's no point trying to be civilized anymore.

  • @kapten-awesome
    @kapten-awesome 5 років тому +159

    Jeremy "I don't do manual labor" Clarksson

    • @David-eh9le
      @David-eh9le 5 років тому +2

      Burma Special
      Officer dont work

  • @forr3st.
    @forr3st. 5 років тому +684

    “The closest time I’ve ever come to killing Jeremy clarkson......”
    * slowly sips wine*

    • @spicyboy8484
      @spicyboy8484 4 роки тому +6

      @nickys34 not even close not funny

  • @Lord_Baphomet_
    @Lord_Baphomet_ 3 роки тому

    I am so glad for the existence of this channel

  • @BS23Designs
    @BS23Designs 5 років тому +289

    More like, James May explains the time Jeremy Clarkson *killed civilization* .

    • @SteveOnlin
      @SteveOnlin 5 років тому +4

      he can't
      Ghandi will nuke him

    • @redocity844
      @redocity844 5 років тому

      Nothing like an overreaction. OK we get it, you don't like him. Get over yourself.

  • @mr.grumpygrumpy2035
    @mr.grumpygrumpy2035 5 років тому +57

    They have the Three Stooges routine down pat. That's what made Top Gear into the international sensation that it was. The show could have been about anything.

    • @timjohnson1199
      @timjohnson1199 4 роки тому

      Yes. They turned nothing into something. Or is it the other way around?

  • @ebolarnator1794
    @ebolarnator1794 3 роки тому +1

    Such a polite an formal way of putting it. Classic James.

  • @Optidorf
    @Optidorf 5 років тому +29

    The thing about Clarkson is you need to speak his language before he understands it.
    You just had to shout: "MORE POWER!!" and everything was all right.

  • @The_Foulmouthed_Cypriot
    @The_Foulmouthed_Cypriot 5 років тому +46

    I always thought the "Death road" debacle was the closest James got to killing Jeremy.

    • @LMDProductionsOfficial
      @LMDProductionsOfficial 5 років тому +9

      Vragamuffin
      “James is killing Jeremy... things are going well.”

  • @rooneye
    @rooneye 4 роки тому +3

    That sound the glass makes when he picks it up at 2:25 is oddly satisfying.

  • @jondouglas843
    @jondouglas843 5 років тому +31

    When i think of May coming close to killing Clarkson, i always think of the Bolivia trip, where may threatened to “cut your [Clarkson’s] f***ing head off” after Clarkson had rear-ended him on that Death Road.

    • @jake2355
      @jake2355 5 років тому +7

      Jon Douglas
      “I warned you and now you’re going to get macheted to death”
      “James is.. killing Jeremy”

    • @captainhellhound7451
      @captainhellhound7451 5 років тому +3

      Ahhh Unagi “but, everything is going fine”
      *minute later*
      “Did you cohost just try to kill you?”

    • @MercedesE63S-AMG
      @MercedesE63S-AMG 4 роки тому +1

      And Richard Hammond just sat in his car & wanted no part of that. Lol

  • @Paul-pj5qu
    @Paul-pj5qu 5 років тому +10

    "He let civilization go out"... Got to love that line.

  • @thephoenix3155
    @thephoenix3155 4 роки тому

    James can tell a story/anecdote better than most people can!

  • @JSBIRD69
    @JSBIRD69 5 років тому +30

    God bless you James!
    We'll forgive you... this time!
    Please don't let an opportunity like that pass again!!

  • @TheBrickGuy7939
    @TheBrickGuy7939 3 роки тому +12

    In Jeremy's defence it is actually difficult to wake up in the middle of the night, get up to do something and can be hard to fall back asleep.

    • @ExternalInputs
      @ExternalInputs 3 роки тому +5

      If he undertook to look after the fire and slept in the warmest room with the fire in it, the responsibility is his to either set an alarm and do his job, or risk taking a shovel to the face.

    • @TheBrickGuy7939
      @TheBrickGuy7939 3 роки тому

      @@ExternalInputs Hadn't he already been macheted to death?

  • @poweRaack
    @poweRaack 3 роки тому +1

    I could listen to May speaking for hours and not get tired

  • @dpcummerbund
    @dpcummerbund 5 років тому +6

    'Tis a lesson you should heed:
    Try, try, try again.
    If at first you don't succeed,
    Try, try, try again.
    - Thomas H. Palmer

  • @ppavery
    @ppavery 4 роки тому +10

    Never mind James you'll get him next time.

  • @MilkManagesMonkeys
    @MilkManagesMonkeys 4 роки тому

    What a brilliant piece of videography

  • @gustavmeyrink_2.0
    @gustavmeyrink_2.0 5 років тому +8

    Bottom line: He's had the chance and blew it.
    Unforgivable.

  • @aldsamanda6114
    @aldsamanda6114 5 років тому +16

    James please make your own UA-cam channel.

  • @impranaysg
    @impranaysg 4 роки тому +8

    "He let civilization go out." well when you put it like that..

  • @conradandrew825
    @conradandrew825 5 років тому +13

    Must be so great to have friends like these 😂 I love how he's still pissed off about this

  • @georgejacob3162
    @georgejacob3162 5 років тому +83

    James nearly killed him in Bolivia with a machete after Jeremy drove into the back of James' car on the worlds most dangerous road!

    • @MrRavellon
      @MrRavellon 5 років тому +13

      George Jacob nah, that was just a good natured friendly frustration venting. You can recognise it by very exaggerated threats that were not followed through.
      What he just described is a serious contemplation of inflicting grievous bodily harm to his fellow man and deciding against it. You can recognise it by emotionally restrained examination of the object suitable for the task.
      When someone you angered picks up something that can be used as a weapon and just looks at it, not threatens you, not expressively weights it in his hand, but just looks at it in silent contemplation - be afraid. Be very afraid.

    •  5 років тому +2

      @@MrRavellon All very poetic, pseudo-psychological and pretendy intellectual, but if someone picks up a machete and runs at you you should probably still be scared even if they don't carefully study it, looking at it in "silent contemplation"
      Just saying...

    • @badly_dubbed2401
      @badly_dubbed2401 5 років тому +2

      All that nonsense is staged for your mindless need to be entertained sadly.

    • @MrRavellon
      @MrRavellon 5 років тому +1

      Tristan Lane that is if that someone is not your friend or at least good acquaintance. That pause is when the internal conflict between long suffering tolerance and murderous rage takes place. If there is no pause then there was no conflict and so the rage wasn't murderous.
      But in all seriousness, if your good friend is ranting loudly on camera how he's gonna kill you while brandishing a weapon he's very unlikely to actually do so.
      If he is visibly angry at you in private while holding a weapon with clenched fingers, there's a real risk he may just hit you with it, maybe even seriously.

    •  5 років тому +1

      @@badly_dubbed2401 You must be fun...

  • @Fay-or3yo
    @Fay-or3yo 2 роки тому +2

    i love James' face and him aggressively grabbing the wine when he says that Jeremy let civilization go out. pretty sure he feels genuine anger remembering that moment

  • @alerenesis
    @alerenesis 5 років тому +127

    I feel like it's about time we create "James May the type of bloke to.." memes. I'll kick this off.
    James May the type of bloke to accidentally scratch your car in a car park and leave a "small note" that says "I'm awfully sorry about this small incident that happened. Although technically it can't be called an -incident- because, historically, the word incident has been usually associated with... + 1000 more words"

    • @immabecoinz
      @immabecoinz 5 років тому +2

      Niiiiiice one

    • @ItsNotAProblem
      @ItsNotAProblem 5 років тому

      You nailed it

    • @wmcleod93
      @wmcleod93 5 років тому +2

      James May the type of bloke to watch somebody withdraw money in a train station, drop a ten pound note and board a train before he looked up their potential destinations and post leaflets through each subsequent station listing the items of clothing worn by the individual that day including the rather horrible and slightly Ill-fitting yellow jumper that drew his attention in the first place away from the mechanical marvel that was the flying Scotsman on its annual voyage through the south western counties.

    • @zaynkhan136
      @zaynkhan136 5 років тому

      Doug DeMuro the type of guy to actually bore James May to death with all the “quirks and features” of the grand tour episodes and cars.

  • @Pfromm007
    @Pfromm007 5 років тому +24

    That's why you have to take everything Jeremy Clarkson says with a grain of salt the size of quark.

  • @feddomeijerwiersma6955
    @feddomeijerwiersma6955 3 роки тому +2

    “It’s Promethean” is such a great line…

  • @borknypd1971
    @borknypd1971 5 років тому +17

    May- I lit the fire with Richard Hammond.
    Me 😳 didn’t know he was a match in disguise

    • @joshmarshall2223
      @joshmarshall2223 5 років тому

      Fortniteproforlife ha isn't that so hilarious!!

  • @Jwnorton
    @Jwnorton 5 років тому +5

    Did that in the Army - bivwac'd on Graffenwoer, in a small tent. Came back from an area patrol, and had a small stove - the liquid fuel element didn't work, but was given wood by the local Forest Meister. The two other solders were sleeping, and the new guy with us, and watched me feed a few pieces of wood. Fell asleep, then it got terribly cold. Woke up in my sleeping bag, with the newbie sitting there, who commented "It went out - didn't know what to do...."
    Nearly made him eat an M-16.... but, got the fire started back up in a few moments, then, he told me it was my guard duty. Nearly killed him again...

  • @owellwellwell2418
    @owellwellwell2418 4 роки тому

    James may welcoming me in is really wholesome I can't get over it

  • @T1000AX
    @T1000AX 5 років тому +11

    james' fizz meter had reached zero and he was ready to kill.

  • @auzell1449
    @auzell1449 5 років тому +6

    I love how we pretty much all expected this to be some kind of near-death car accident or other kind of stunt.
    But no, it's just Jeremy not being able to do something so simple that James nearly lost his temper smashed him at the back of the head with a shovel. Bloody brilliant! XD

  • @dannis8552
    @dannis8552 3 роки тому +2

    1:16 "I lit the fire with Richard Hammond"🤣...English is such a wonderful language🥂

  • @hamzaazeem9
    @hamzaazeem9 5 років тому +10

    *Jeremy doesn't put log to contain fire*
    May: CLARKSOONNNNNN

  • @anomalyp8584
    @anomalyp8584 4 роки тому +6

    I feel like Cluedo should be updated now with "shovel"
    Both May and Hammond have considered going for it 😂

  • @ATFprdepartment
    @ATFprdepartment 4 роки тому

    This is the most calm explanation for blinding rage and murderous intent

  • @jdmaine51084
    @jdmaine51084 5 років тому +5

    I love how there are dozens of times where he's almost accidentally killed Jeremy, but chooses to pick a time where he almost MURDERED Jeremy...

  • @S500-
    @S500- 5 років тому +10

    I will listen jame may for an hour, He is intresting man also genius.💖

  • @NWIE76
    @NWIE76 4 роки тому +1

    Love the way u "Savoured" your opening statment with whatever thought u had at the moment u lifted your wine! Truly the Evil Genius!! ♥

  • @Mr.Korzack
    @Mr.Korzack 5 років тому +11

    Civilisation 'Too complicated' for Clarkson. Not even surprised, to be fair