How to Emotionally Declutter | Back Shed Clean Out | Motivation
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- I am a recovering hoarder who was a level 4 quickly evolving into level 1!! Logical decluttering NEVER worked for me…it was only when I started EMOTIONALLY decluttering was when I could finally start to let go. Hoarding Disorder goes alongside anxiety, depression, PTSD and a lot of emotionally driven disorders. Once I recognized that every hoarding behavior I had was driven by a feeling, I had to recognize that every feeling had a need underneath it. Once I started identifying and processing that need…my behaviors started to change. I was finally dealing with the cause of the hoarding and not the symptoms of saving everything in my home.
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I’m so sorry your little girl isn’t here to play with those toys. I hope time and the knowledge that you’re raising two wonderful kids will help you to heal.
I think it is important to rememeber that for hoarders, clearing stuff out is only the beginning, the ongoing work is to stop bringing stuff in.
Your little girl will always be in your heart. I’m sorry that she is not here in the physical world. How great that the boys are learning the decision making process so well without judgement. Good job!
At 2:43, the most helpful thing you’ve said: Underneath the behavior is a feeling, and underneath the feeling is a need. Wow. Maybe you’ve been saying this all along and I wasn’t ready to hear it before.
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This was helpful to me too. I didn't realize this. I would love to continue hearing the "needs" for you along the way because I don't even know how I'd figure that out for myself. I know one is I don't want to rebuy stuff. Sooo many times I've gotten rid of all kinds of stuff only to wish I didn't because I wanted or needed to use it or wish I had it to give to my daughters and it cant be purchased again because the items can't be found. I did set aside some money to give myself permission to rebuy something I had over decluttered so that helps. Though doesnt help with the one-of-a-kind things I purged. But "STORE UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES IN HEAVEN ...", right?! 😍We have a small apartment so part of my downsizing is because of lack of space. Now I'm to my crafting stuff and it's hard to figure out what to keep because of lack of space. I also don't want the mental clutter anymore. Also going through sentimental stuff. I take pictures of some of it before tossing, but I have too much photo clutter too 🤦🏼♀️ I found going through the same stuff over and over, over time helps because Im ready to part with more each time. The categories keep getting smaller the more I visit them. Sometimes the temptation for me is to over purge in an effort to just be done, but I like how you said we need to honor our emotions ...not easy! I don't feel my emotions are very honorable and it takes too long 😂Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your journey honestly😍❤️
Last week there was a jumble sale where I live and I bought a little trike for my two-year-old. I could tell that the lady selling it was emotional about letting it go. She told me her three boys had grown out of it but she also said it helped that it would be used again by another little boy. I wish I could tell her how much my son LOVES the trike. He almost had a meltdown when I told him he had to get off it to have lunch :D
All those toys made some kid happy and was just collecting dust in you shed. Yay.
Oh my gosh! It looks GREAT!! I’m so looking forward to seeing it organized and more functional for your family. GREAT JOB!!!
I love the concept that gardening is crafting with nature 🌱🌻🥀
Look to what confident woman you've been growing through your declutter journey. You aren't any more the unsure woman from the beginning. Be so proud about what you've been reached ❣️😇
You talked about behind every feeling there’s a need, did I hear you correctly? I need to really, really process this. I don’t understand it but I do recognise that it could be the key to freedom from hoarding.
So when I hold an item and I start to get anxious and paralysed about decluttering, do I need to look at the need of why the item has a hold on me?
Is it because it’s part of a fantasy life that I’ve always dreamed of but don’t have. A life that’s safe. My belongings make me feel safe.
How do you feel safe without the stuff? If I can figure that out, it will be a huge leap forward. How do you find safety without your stuff?
For me, it meant the freedom to escape abusive situations. I took comfort in my favorite pictures and mementos, favorite shirts and jewelry. Whatever I could carry with me on a Greyhound, I kept. This was 10 years ago. I figured out what could be useful AND important. All regular shirts can be for pajamas. All pants can be used for work. I don't really follow trends, so my clothing isn't sloppy. I've got a nice cardigan, jacket, vest, and hoodie that are all black. Same with shoes, aside from my gray bunny slippers. There are polos for work, some pajamas, and random shorts. I don't need more.
“Dealing with the emotions, not the behavior.”❤
It was really helpful to hear how you process layer by layer all the way down to the need behind the feeling that is behind the behavior.
May God heal your heart. ❤ I wish my mom had taught me how to declutter. Your boys are blessed.
She's a very good mom and I'm very impressed with everything she has accomplished!❤❤❤❤❤
Hey my lovely, just wanted to gently point out that it's best not to use the word "bipolar" as a casual descriptor. Using it like this can be harmful as it trivialises complex mental health diagnoses. It's like when people say "I'm so OCD" when they really just mean they like their house tidy! Instead maybe you could refer to the weather as erratic or inconsistent :) Hope this doesn't upset you at all, I've been a long-time subscriber and get so excited to see a new vid every week! ♡
There are many true Hoarders in my family. A cousin died in his hoard, my mom hoarded trash, clothes, and papers. Keep doing the self-talk if it helps. Journal
if it helps. Tina, Al's wife
Hi, as you were talking, the thought came to mind. When it comes to sentimental items that belong to the boys, maybe this might help you. Label trash bags donate and trash. After you are done removing everything from a place, ask your husband if he can help you with this one. He could supervise the boys to make sure broken things don't go to donation. Everything they have outgrown goes into the donate bag. While you are inside the house or out of sight so you don't see what they are throwing out or donating. While all of this is happening, you can psychologically prepare yourself to accept whatever their decision had been made. When all done, ask your husband to take it to donation and trash whatever is not usable. That way, you have not gone through the painful process of watching. It might help in the future if I'm too late for this deccluter.
It's time for me to clean out my garage (which I do every year) Over the winter, it becomes a bit of a dumping ground lol! I don't 'garden' per se, but I do need to clean my flower beds up (oh the weeds lol!)
I hope you have great weather for your garage sale this weekend!
I love that you are really trying to ensure that you help your boys with something that has been really hard for you. Fantastic parenting!
Oh my, what a treat to see the shed all cleared out! You’re so good at this now, Mel! Love your journey and healing. 🥰
Ms. Heart, the purple of your t-shirt looks so good on you! Definitely your color!
You're decluterring more efficiently then people that don't have any hoarding disorder, that often don't even declutter at all lol Hooray for you !
My dad had the grasshopper. Every day he was out gardening. When he sold the house, I asked him if I could have it. I work at the school across the street from the family home. I would stop to say hi and he would be outside on the grasshopper pulling dandelions out of the yard. I love those memories of him.
I'm so proud of you and your boys! Have a wonderful weekend! ❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Kind of you to let your kids or husband choose what they want to keep or let go
I'd love to see some garage declutters next!
So good what you said about having a poker face to allow your kids to make decisions.
Wow the space is amazing. You went through so much so quickly. I love how you always explain the emotions and how strong you are at the start. Talking so openly about your miscarriages is so brave of you and of course it hurts. You continue to teach me all the time, thank you so much for that. You are great to let the boys decide on the items. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇♀️👏💪👍🙏💐🐈🦄
If I may say, throw the helmets, don’t give them away. Helmets should be bought new, not second hand as they wear down much faster than one thinks, especially if say the child throw it on the floor as they get inside and take it off etc.
If your kid has a habit of doing so, it might even be a good idea to buy a fresh helmet more often than when they outgrow them. ❤
A lot of these feelings are because we don't like accepting our kids wont be kids for much longer and we want to keep them close to us.
Great job Mrs Heart. I can't wait to see the final picture
Wow now the shed is all cleaned out and now there’s work for hubby to build shelves to organize.
Great job boys! And mommy!😊
Oh wow. You are doing a fantastic declutter. I really enjoy watching your videos.
Will we get to see how you organized what went back in that shed? Hope you get to do your yardsale soon! Great job on the decluttering! ❤❤❤
It’s really brave and such a sign of love to your boys and to yourself to change your hoarding behavior. Being a hoarder - you can’t change that. But acting like one - not anymore. You have come very very far and the consistency you are showing to your family and us is amazing. You are admirable!
Lots of love and well wishes from Germany ❤
I would organize it like this: left side is your items, right side is the boys/family items, and the middle is hubbies.
I hope you show what the organized space ends up looking like! Even if it's not perfect. Progress is better than perfection. 🦄
Great job 😊
Thank you for sharing your stories. I never fit in growing up (still don't) and both of my parents have great attachments to "stuff". It's quite the journey trying to unlearn and change things for my own family and household.
You did so great my friend and your boys did great too 😊❤️
Love this video so much! It's so helpful hearing your thoughts as you go through things. Did you ever imagine, years ago, before you had your cat and when you were new in decluttering, when you started this channel, that you would be regularly saying "'Pepper says are you ready to declutter? I know I am". ❤️
Please don't use mental health terms like "bipolar" to describe things like the weather. It's not helping stigma against mental health. It's like the "I'm so ocd" girlies who just mean they like to clean, or people who use autism as an insult. I know you didn't mean it that way but remember 20+ years ago when "gay" was used as an insult? We don't do that now because it marginalised a group of people. I know it sounds weird to focus on but there's so many other words we can use that are inclusive not divisive. Thank you 🙏 love the video & channel, not meant as mean or critical, just know you're lovely and wouldn't want to accidentally hurt anyone 💜
Great job you did fantastic congratulations 💜
I am really impressed how far you've come. Now you actually want to push through the emotional pain and let it go. I am honestly so astonished and incredebly proud how hard you're working on yourself.
💜💜 I would like to see you declutter your sentimental/pulled heart strings type of items with one or both of your sons around to see how you do. I think it will make a huge difference, and I think it will let you release a lot of pent up emotions. Whenever something is hard, whether it's a baby item of theirs or a baby girl item, I think talking about it directly TO them and being able to immediately hug them will enable you to move on.
Only saying this for the best. This is how I was able to move past some items or even starting a hoard.
i am SO glad that he decided to get rid of the soccer net because it was too small, its important to recognize when something no longer suits you or suits your needs. We outgrow things, things get too small, and things get too worn to be useful. I'm so glad you are instilling these important life lessons in your kids :)
Cleaning and decluttering are NOT intuitive, so its important and so wonderful youre helping your boys learn these integral life skills and lessons!
Thank you for being so real and vulnerable with your feelings❤️
If u aren't using it donate it u probably haven't seen that stuff in years.
I need to tackle my smaller shed where the old outdoor toys are. I hate to toss the trampoline but I know the time has come
You ❤️ ARE AMAZING 👏
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Yea!!!!
Wow!!! Good luck with the yard sale!
You’re doing so good I remember when I would it took like six videos you got it done in three with the need to have to cut your decluttering short to care for yourself so you probably would’ve gotten it done in only two if you would’ve been in perfect health such a difference miss heart
You’re such a good Mommy!❤️♥️
The bubble lawn mower 😭😭😭😭
Oh goodness... Thank you! What you said about underneath is a feeling and under the feeling is a need... It just unlocked the problem I'm having letting go of craft supplies! You're helping people! Keep going! I'm so proud of you and of us!
I pray it helps you and I cannot WAIT to hear about your next decluttering session!!!
Never commented before, despite watching for years. But I really wanted to mention that this video and the last seem very real, personal and have touched my heart more than ever before! Thanks for being you and being so honest and raw. It helps so many of us.
Awe!! Thank you so much for creating a save space for me to express those emotions and feelings ❤️🙏🏼❤️
You said in another video that your husband lets you decide what to do with YOUR stuff. You are lucky. My father was a malignant narcissist, and one of the ways he loved to upset me was to take my things, without me knowing it, and throw them away, or sell them and keep the money, or send them to people he knew around the world.
Before I went to South Korea to work for a year, he told me I could store all my stuff in his house. I told him "No", that I don't trust him and I don't want him getting into my boxes, to which he said, "Ah hell, I don't care what's in your boxes". Eventually, I ran out of time looking for a storage facility, and stupidly agreed to let him take my stuff to his house. When I came back from South Korea, 95% of my things and boxes were GONE and he denied having done anything.
Just last year, I was in the UK and my British cousins pulled out a lot of photos that my father had sent to them. Precious photos that my father had taken out of MY photo albums. But they were only about 1% of all the photos of mine that he had sent to various people around the world. I have NO photos of me as a child anymore, or of my beloved mother, or of trips I took. But he left me ALL of the photos of HIM. I don't want them.
Like I said, you are lucky to have a husband like the one you have.
Good video.
Have a great day.
Oh, this is so sad to hear. So sorry your father treated you the way he did. I hope relatives will give copies of your photos back to you. Take care. 🌻
Churn churn churn
Looks Great
Sell it all
Hello from Germany,hi Miss Heart and miouw pepper. 🤗big huge hug, i'm proud of you. You Rock it 🥳. Love to see your Yardsale-video🎉, in the future. have a nice time.... Be safe
Wow, I am really impressed and so proud of you. Your shed will be so well organised now that it is decluttered. Monica
This was a huge win!! Hope you bring us the organizing video next week in one single part🎉🎉 I'll declutter my home this weekend... hope I get lots of things done
The shed can now breathe and all of the things in it will now be used. That's a win-win. You look like you've lost weight. You look very nice.
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So much videos ! It feels like christmas :D
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Amazing declutter but the boys!
Your insight is wonderful
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