Is It Normal To Feel Disconnected With My Partner? (ROCD & Relationship Anxiety)
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2020
- In this video Kiyomi answers questions such as...
* Is it normal to feel disconnected with my partner?
* What is connection & disconnection in relationship?
* Why is it so hard for people with ROCD to feel disconnected?
* How to work with being okay with disconnection?
* Do I need to chase after the feelings to be connected?
And so much more...
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I go into compulsive scheduling when I feel disconnected. Instead of naturally letting it eb and flow and trusting that it will come back, I panic and feel like I have to get the connection back ASAP
I have so many obsessions and anxiety lately that I can’t feel connected with my partner anymore. Does anyone else experience that? I am so obsessive and depressed that I am always anxious to see him. Scared that I feel obsessive again
I feel you so much😭
can you speak with me? I feel the same. Sorry for my english
@@ReshiramMage1992 the same... it's horrible every day
I feel more connected when she’s not with me, and then when we meet the emptiness sets in and I feel confused and anxious :(
@@chamomilemaree7445 the same, I'm scared for the physical contact, I feel empty and that makes me me think again that l don't love him, It is very very confused.And so hard
I am so glad I came across your channel. I care for my partner deeply, but it can be extremely exhausting to be questioning my feelings and then feeling guilt for having the feelings I have or not always being 100% in love/ all in. It really helped me put things into perspective in one of your other videos when you said feelings can't help determine love because they're always changing.
I feel you sis. We are together in this, and we are stronger than ROCD. You and your relationship will be fine I promise.
My most troubling anxieties are focused around commitment. I don’t have any urgency to break up at the moment, but when I think of the idea of “forever” or even anything long term I panic. I feel like I constantly have one foot in and one foot out because I’m scared of the future. I’m equally scared to lose him and watch him move on. Feel like I can’t win
I’m in the same position. Can’t imagine life without my partner, can’t imagine my life WITH my partner lol
I'm the same. Atleast it can give us comfort that others are thinking the same so it must be something like ROCD
Same, commitment phobia😂
same it’s so hard, please help
Always right on time! Hello to the Awakening and healing tribe! Wherever you are, you are worthy of love just for who you are.
You explain so clearly and eloquently! Thank you for your work and care 🦋
wow!! Thank you so much - all these years (and I've been dealing with this since I started dating it seems) I never knew why I felt like this at times. It's debilitating. Finally a name for this. I am truly grateful for finding this video xo
Amazing..Really needed this, thank you.
I have literally never felt so understood in one video. This is me and always felt like something was wrong although the relationship was everything more than I can ask for. Thank you so much!
This was absolutely fantastic. ❤
I need this so much this means a lot to know I’m not alone
thank you so much Kiyomi!
i needed this. i needed this so bad. thank you for you
I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 2 years now we used to meet almost daily before the lockdown and now we meet once in 2 months or so.. Before the lockdown I used to feel so connected and attached to him all the time and now I really don't feel that way "all the time" and I just feel sometimes like I don't even have feelings for him anymore.. my boyfriend is really a very caring and loving person literally no red flags at all.. he always listens to my problems and helps me but this is something I want to work on and don't want to feel anxious when I think about my future with him 🥺🥺
Omg , i am on the same boat as you! During the pandemic we hung out almost everyday and it was amazing. Now we both work full time jobs
Even tho we live 40 min away , we are so busy that we barely see each other now like 2-3 times a month and it’s scary. sometimes i feel good and sometimes i feel weird. How have you been dealing with it ?
@@user-ze6pi6tn6jhow's it going rn?
This is the reason i move in with people quite quickly, so i can see them more.
Not necessarily the answer but i understand the pain of being away from a loved one.
I have been trying to figure out what exactly has been happening to me in the past three months and watching this video just made everything clear and easy :))
So glad I came across your channel thank you for the help ❤️
I really appreciate stating you can be connected in the difficult feelings and building the relationship you want. It’s such an underrated concept. It reframes a lot for me. It’s not the movies, ha!
Your sweater is beautiful!
Youve introduced me to some revolutionary concepts in this video kiyomi 😮
Thank you, Kiyomi.
Good day! You may ask, most likely I had Relationship OCD, but I constantly doubt it. But now my thoughts have practically disappeared and my anxiety has subsided, but doubts and feelings that I have stopped loving, that I have cooled down to the girl and that feelings have not gone away. Is this normal with relationship OCD? I'm thinking it over, trying to prove that there are feelings, but it's like I'm lying. I'm trying to find info
Wow...i love that you said "to help you lean into the grey" which is exactly how I describe what healing feels.
I usually have retroactive jealousy and now as that is healing my other rocd is coming up. I'm extremely triggered lately because my schedule has changed so I can't see him all the time and my brain is freaking out!
N I want to cry now just saying this. It's telling me we are losing our relationship and we are disconnected and that he will cheat and I can't stop thinking these thoughts and now that I'm Alone with my thoughts it's even worce. At least the retroactive jealousy isn't here.
Thank you so much for this video. I know for sure that I love my partner. I just couldn’t understand why I haven’t been able to feel a thing for the past couple of things. I’ve been doing everything on pilot. But I know now that my financial anxiety is playing a role. I also know that I shouldn’t feel like disconnection is unsafe. I’m definitely doing the inner work of finding more joy in myself and being more present.
This was absolutely amazing. Very helpful. It feels amazing..❤️thank you
Good day! You may ask, most likely I had Relationship OCD, but I constantly doubt it. But now my thoughts have practically disappeared and my anxiety has subsided, but doubts and feelings that I have stopped loving, that I have cooled down to the girl and that feelings have not gone away. Is this normal with relationship OCD? I'm thinking it over, trying to prove that there are feelings, but it's like I'm lying. I'm trying to find info
It is normal that every relapse feels even more real? And that it isn't rocd anymore. And i feel so much anger and sadness and feel like rocd ruined the love and now it is all real.
I feel this. That’s my question too. I think it’s still out brains, but I really don’t know
I really really understand this feeling. For months I felt like I was in the darkest place but it had gotten better for about 3 months and I thought it was all over. But then the relapse hit, and now I just keep questioning is it rocd or am I making excuses for something that I really want to do? I love my boyfriend so much and it’s so scary. My Rocd started and ruined my mind back in April and I’m scared it’s never going to go away.
I have this exact same feeling. I am just now learning about rOCD and I really can't tell if I have rOCD (even though I check practically every box) or if I am just truly no longer in love with my boyfriend. I have the same question too.
Yes it is normal. This is ROCD toooo. This is what the mind do.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and I found out about my ROCD last year. Relapses can happen and it’s completely normal! When I feel my ROCD coming on, I try to dig deep to understand where it’s truly coming from. Am I actually afraid I’m loosing feelings for my boyfriend or am I more afraid of the fear of it itself? I look at it as “I’m so in love with him that I’m afraid of loosing feelings for him” I look at my actions towards him and that alone determines just how in love with him I truly am. I also try and joke around with my ROCD instead of taking it seriously. Our minds are extremely powerful but that doesn’t mean you’re out of control even though it feels like it..❤️
Thank you for this
Thank you so much!
This video came recommended at a great time.
tell me relationship OCD and relationship anxiety are the same thing?
Please help me 😭 I feel so disconnected to my partner! To the point I can’t even make love to him... 😭 I’ve been cry all day about this.... 😭😭😭
If uh crying that u have feeling u dont love her that simply means u love her thats enough
This is good
Ok I know I struggle with ROCD, but I'm also scared that I dont really know what a healthy relationship looks like and I second guess everything. How do I know if my feelings that I should leave are right versus just it being ROCD feelings?
Feeling the same 😫😫
🌍Greetinsgs from Italy and thanks for sharing your experiences. I am going through very hard times... I love my girlfriend as my life without her would be empty... 🤯but since I have the OCD (diagnosed by my Therapist) I am not living as before... I look at everything my girlfriend does, I check if I feel cold or I see her as a stranger... and guess what, it feels real so that makes me feel really sad and frustrated... I am trying to accept difficulties or disconnection but its not easy... as every single instant I am with her there is always something that my mind tells me "mmm there is something wrong..." ..... it's a hell really..I hope that the more we do therapies the more we realise that everything is "normal"...
You are the first person I’ve seen that said “every single second” instead of it being fleeting.
This!
I have been with my partner for going on 3 years and I feel like it is a day in and day out thing. Like I’m just a shell going through the motions.
I would love a mind fullness lesson from you so much. Your voice is so soothing. Does someone knows a youtube channel with guided meditations? I listen to one specific for ocd and anxiety but I am trying to find the most soothing one
Just in case you didn’t see it, her last video is a guided meditation :)
My boyfriend told me he feel numb to me after I was anxious, was too infatuated, and confront him. He even told me that his connection at the beginning of the relationship was because he has not been in relationship for a while. not because of whom am I. I really think I screwed this relationship, and do not know what to do. Thanks for your video, I have to bring myself the wholeness before doing anything to the relationship, and this is probably the only thing I can control.
Idk if someone tells you theyre not really into who you are as a person sounds kinda like they are screwing it, or have i missed something
What to do if our partner doesn't understand our problem and we are continuing to have panick attacks?
What if I'm so struggling with rocd and depression that I feel like I'm too emotionally tired and that i don't have the right strength to bring this forward anymore..... I feel so angry all the time and I switch frequently into apathy. It's really frustrating because now I feel like he's starting to understand my needs better .. but I'm so tired now... I wish I wasn't too scared to talk about my feelings before.. I don't know if leaving is the solution or if there is some way to get out of this infinite pain.
I NEED HELP PLEASE.
I am in a healty relationship but in one munute i feel so disconected and then in other so connected. Disconection comes out of nowhere (sometimes without a reason, and sometimes because i didnt like some little thing he said our did). I start having thoughts that nothing in my relationship is good and the only way to solve it to break up. But then sudenlly i feel so connected to him again and i start having thoughts like "im so stupid, he is such a good boyfriend, I love him so so much, i am a bad girlfriend to even question our relationship!!" Disconection and conection comes and goes really fast and iz drives me crazy. I dont know what to do.
I feel the exact same way
How are you guys now?
I have the same exact thoughts. Try to give yourself some time, your partner will understand. Just don't worry about anything, even if it seems "wrong". Let time do its job
Does anyone have this with ex thoughts?
Thank you so much. I have one question, if I think one moment that my partner handsome but in other moment I think that he isn't, and I feel so bad because that moment I think that he is so disgusting man.. I want to cry that moment, because I feel that I can't to accept him as whole person with all the body details and character traits. I think if i feel good in this relashionship. And when I somethere else without him, I think about my partner very negative..This make me sad a lot ...
How are you doing now?
My boyfriend is amazing, and he has had his moments but we are long distance which makes it so much worse :/ he’s a really great guy and I know he loves me, he doesn’t really show his feelings much but I know deep down he loves me and I know I love him :) it’s just so hard..
i can relate with literally every single word
Me and my boyfriend havent been together long. (2-3 months) He is such a great person and hasnt done a single thing to hurt me or make me upset. I miss him and want to be around him a lot but then some days I question whether I have romantic feelings for him. I dont know why I do this either. I dont know what to blame it on. My horomones, depression, anxiety, OCD, or the fact I was in such a toxic relationship before I met him. I want to grow old with him but some times I do not. I dont know what to do. But it is nice to know people in the comments are dealing with the same thing I am, I hate feeling like im alone in this aspect.
I'm in the same boat and this shit is crazy
how's it going now?
Sometimes I feel like I overthink what to say to my partner and that eventually affects our discussion. I am worried cos I don’t know if it’s about our connection or if it’s the ROCD
Wow i am early af
I got one question… I dont ask myself „does this feel right ?“… It dont feel right … Is there a difference ?
So I think I have rocd but I’m not sure, I honestly hope I do because I can’t take this anymore anymore, I’m with my boyfriend a month today, we say we live eachother and I’m 100% sure I do and I’ve told him that I do, I really feel I do, and I was fine until two days ago when I suddenly asked myself “do I really love him?” And my sister asked me “do u really love him or do u love the attention he gives u?” And honestly both, cause u need attention in a relationship, I’ve had past relationships that have been bad and I don’t feel loved except from him, anyway, I know I love him, but recently it’s been harder to say it back to him even tho I have the urge to say it, I feel like if I do I’m not saying it with 100% meaning, and I feel horrible for it, I have horrible thoughts labour other guys, I think “what would happen if this guy kissed me right now” or “that guy is cute he might be better in bed than mine” and I also feel butterflies/ small crushes around random guys, Even guys I don’t know, some I work with, I know I really love my boyfriend and wanna live my life forever with him, But my mind says “do I really?” “Is he the one for me?” “Am I really attracted to him?” But I am.. I hate this so much 😭 Keeps getting worse, I have been thinking about this and only this all day, I just thought, I want him to be here right now( he lives an hour away) but I’m a little afraid and nervous, how will I react with him now, because I didn’t have these “do I love him” thoughts before, and now I do, I feel like I need to avoid him, but I don’t want to? Why does it feel like I don’t love him or want to be with him anymore, but I do?, I was just with him yesterday, smilling, kissing, happy, Thinking about calling him love gets me anxious and I feel like, weird, Or also I just got a thought of, what if I just live him as a friend? It feels like he’s just a friend, while yesterday I was fine thinking him as a bf, I used to get very jealous when he talked about girls.. but not now.. PLEASE HELP B4 I do something bad
Hey, great work, but the
Last week I asked him to marry me, this week I don’t feel like kissing him and him calling me beautiful gives me the “eye roll” What’s wrong with me????
Hey , these days I feel nothing like I really don't care. Idk what's happening with me? I think I don't mind cheating on him. I find every guy attractive. How did I look at other guys 😭I was so in love with my boyfriend and then suddenly it started now I feel like I don't want him . Idk what I want. Can you please tell me is it rocd or I am becoming a wrong person cuz I think I really don't care. I don't feel anxious and I feel even the thoughts aren't there. It's so hard to differentiate what is real and what's not.
@@harleyq2693 what did you do?
Does this also cause physical anxiety? 😖😖
I havnt been experiencing much Intrusive thoughts or rocd moments...its like its taken a break, i recently got a new job maybe thats taken up my time and thoughts? please someone help! im scared all was a lie or i wrongly diagnosed, i did go therapy but finished 3 months ago! whats wrong!
Its a good sign thats what it means
These day im obsessing with libido
Me too
Juste because its been 3 weeks now that i did nothing i focus on hit and im scared that my libido dont come back :(
@@lorrainecorbin2180 my issue is I had a GREAT few months with no ROCD and no intimacy issues. I spent a week with my boyfriend and towards the end of the week, my libido vanished. I wasn’t in the mood. It has been bothering me ever sincw
Same for me.... It will come back its just because when were anxious and want to much something it doesnt come back. And with rocd it's normal to not have doesnt mean we dont want sex its juste because a lot of time we are tired, were stress.
Please anyone I really just want someone who can relate to me specifically or to tell me it’ll be okay even though I know everyone is different. My boyfriend is literally great and loves me more than anyone. There aren’t trust issues or anything and we have been dating 4 years and I loved him more every day but randomly one day I got so anxious that I was sick and I’ve had ROCD ever since (not officially diagnosed but I feel like it is bc of this account) but anyways, I feel like im losing feelings but I don’t want to. I don’t feel anything and I keep worrying that I should break up with him or that im losing feelings and then I get more anxious because I don’t want it to be true. I know it probably isn’t true but it doesn’t help. Please somebody, please.
I'm starting to feel like I want to leave him. I feel like I don't care about him anymore, and I'm questioning myself that. What happened to me? Am I suppose to give up when I feel like this?
I feel this more than ever
How are you doing now?
I need help. My partner is giving me love wanting to love me. But I’m pushing them away it started with me pushing her away and not wanting to talk on the phone as much then now when I look at her pictures I get anxious or I question everything about how I feel about her and I don’t want it to turn to emotional abuse I’ve already ended things then realized I missed her and didn’t want things to end. So we’re in the state of trying again and working towards a relationship again. But my anxiety and intrusive thoughts are back and each day is a battle to get back to being calm. Help 😞
U just need more education of rocd....learn how rocd works and impact you, then work on it. Always remember that these are thoughts and these thoughts trick your mind every time. I'm also suffering the same and pls don't avoid anything coz ur anxiety...just suffer the anxiety and don't do compulsion on it..time heals 💞
@@sanathsaleelan9247 thanks bro
@@sanathsaleelan9247 things have gotten better I’m working on it each day mentally
Hey man i need some help, how do i get connection with my partner again, ifeel like i have nothing to talk with her or avoiding her
I feel like I have an attachment issue. I was diagnosed with separation anxiety. I’ve had obsessive thought for 8 years now of my relationship. Throughout my relationship I always obsessed if I was truly in love with my partner. I would test myself. Like I’m in a healthy relationship which I am beyond happy thankful for but even saying that I feel like a lier... lately... I’ve been feeling like I really don’t wanna have sex with my partner anymore... I want to be intimate with him but I feel like I really don’t... 😞 I’ve been grumpy and depressed theses last 4 months. X( ........ I am scared...
same
I can relate to basically everything you said, and it's been really hard, I hope you are feeling better these days
@@kerollaynemoreira7536 no...no I am not... I think I truly convinced myself I’m not in love with my partner.... 😞😞
How are you now?
@@cosmicandice the same… but worse….
Anyone with ex rocd theme?..i need help not asking for reassurance
even in rOCD relationships, some relationships aren’t compatible, so how can you tell if you’re really not compatible anymore/attracted to each other anymore, or if this is just rOCD and you should stick with it?
I think u know it by ur actions. Like i when i feel numb i noticed that I make small things like buying his favourite candy for him without thinking aboout it. I did it so i cared. It's your choice to stay with him.. U choose if u want to stay with this person and make the realtionship work or if u want to leave it.
@@martinaciccarelli174 do you do small things for him so that you care more, or do you do it because you care?
@@lilybekker6603 Hi :) Oh well i do it because i care when i'm buying something for him i don't think about it i am seeing it and i think "He would love it" you know what I mean🥰
@@martinaciccarelli174 yes that makes sense. thank you
@@lilybekker6603 u know I also have these thought sometimes that it has to be ROCD.. I can't explain it because when you don't love someone u wouldn't care I think.. I also think that having ROCD means being scared of losing your partner because of our fault.. If you don't love him anymore you wouldn't be scared but these are just my thought I do my compulsion like that i think..☺️
It brought me tears ... though ssri helped to dull this so in anxiety feeling still there are those whisperings that can't let me sleep in peace...