Men Fall In Love (DIFFERENT From Women)! John Gray (Full Interview)
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- **Michelle has a GIFT for you! 10 Secrets Every Woman Needs To Know (About Men)! eBook and audio HERE: whatrealmenwant.com/
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John Gray of MarsVenus fame and author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus shares what men want and need in a relationship and how they fall in love. When women understand this they can get more of their needs met, find love and experience greater intimacy with their boyfriends, partners or husbands.
Dr. John Gray shares how men connect with women and how a woman can invite attraction, get her needs met, share her feelings with a man in a way that will make him feel successful, make her feel heard and draw a man closer to her! When a woman is on the masculine side she often gives too much, and her feminine energy can be depleted.
Want to know what makes a man fall in love? John Gray says a key for a woman's happiness is to be in a receptive energy and be open to what a man can give to you. If you, as a woman, are giving too much to a man, you are unlikely to attract a high-quality masculine man. This is why learning more about how to invite his attention with your feminine energy is important as is balancing giving and receiving. If you are a single woman or woman in a relationship or marriage and want to enjoy a great relationship with a man, then polarity between a man and woman are essential! If a woman is showing up with masculine energy and like she is the better man it can be very hard for a man to feel attraction. Dr. John Gray from Mars Venus fame and author of Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus answers this question about men and women and what his advice is so that you can enjoy a loving, passionate, committed partnership relationship or marriage with the right man for you.
John Gray Shares How A Woman Can Bring Out The Best In A Man! Secrets About Men Every Woman Needs To Know (For Women Dating Over 40, Dating Over 50, Dating Over 60) John Gray of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Fame helps single women understand men, bring out the best in a man and have intimacy with a man. Visit John's website here: marsvenus.com/
#JohnGray #UnderstandMen #MarsVenus #LoveAfter40 #DatingAfter40 #LoveAfter50 #UnderstandMen #UnderstandingMen #LoveAfter40 #DatingAfter50 #DatingAfter60 #MenAreFromMars
Michelle Marchant Johnson helps single women meet and attract their Mr. Right for a loving, committed partnership or marriage! With her proprietary 5-part exclusive system she helps women around the world have breakthroughs in their love-life, remove their inner love blocks, to find partnership with the right man.
Want to overcome your love blocks and start meeting more high-quality men so you can meet and attract your Mr. Right?
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Yesss...I wish someone I know listen to this
Thank you for posting this
Ive heard that , as you get older , 50s on up ,that men testosterone goes down and estrogen goes down in women. Can you explain this please , thank you
Yes . . Brittney I also wish someone I know can listen to this too .. ...🤔
I kept a diary for 9 months of one wonderful thing my husband did for me each day. I wrote in it daily and managed to hide it until his birthday when I presented it to him as a gift. He was so moved, I thought he'd cry. That was 5 months ago. I just came back from a solo trip abroad and noticed that he had it sitting open on his desk while I was away. One of the best things I've ever done for someone!
It's such a beautiful thing to do being in a marriage!
How beautiful is that 🤗🌻♥️💕
That’s great for you …. Congratulations…. What about if you’re husband doesn’t do any thing wonderful for you ever ? 🤷🏻♀️
@@bucklr11 if you're living together, there must be SOMETHING you can find to be grateful about. Even if it's taking out the garbage or making just his side of the bed. The more you express thanks and gratitude to him for the little things (no matter how small), the more he'll want to do for you!
Adding here: it wasn't always something he DID for me, sometimes it was just something I like or love about his personality. Or even something he did for someone else, that I admired. You can always find something to appreciate if you're looking for it!
1) make him do stuff for you,ask for help
2) give space
3) do counter his point but say that's a very nice point and appreciate his point
4)make him feel successful in the relationship
5) don't be a people pleaser
6) when they are upset and stressed they pull away, maintain their distance
7) be a bit different than him
8)independence- testosterone
Dependance- estrogen
9) think of men as desert but you have to make your own meal
10) men like to hear- " you are happy but you are happier with him "
when you are unhappy but don't put the blame of it on him
11) when he commits a mistake-" I know you didn't mean to do it/ its not a big deal but I would prefer it to be this way"
12) if you go for dinner and he has planned it and the food is bad say the above statement becoz he'll feel like on top of the world if it all went well
13) whenever he asks what do you wanna do then you want to step out of his comfort zone and say the real stuff about what you wanna do and he'll be happy to provide and better that you sat 3 things and then let him choose and deliver
14) give him credit if he does something for you
15)" you know i just wanted to talk it out and maintain my space and then I started remembering all the amazing things you do for me ( mention those lil things)" when you are upset with him
16) to make him look at something-" can you please look at this and tell me if its true"
17)if man spends too much time with you then his estrogen levels will go up and then he will get bored and he will start thinking he doesn't like you so when that happens the worst thing that you can do Is trying to connect with him what you have yo do is disconnect even more he should be just a 10th of your life you should have the 90th of your life to yourself
18) women feel more confident when they have the support of others and the reassurance of others and men desire individuality
19)when men ejaculate they detach dramatically what he needs is a binding in the heart and mind to keep him attached
20)" this feels good but I have to go slow we should say good night for now/ I am an old fashioned girl/ because when we do it it'll be fantasticbut if we have it sooner then I won't feel well/ sometimes I get needy after having sex and I know it'll be good but I dont wanna place that burden on your shoulders so soon "
21) as a woman its better to date who are more interested in you than someone you are more interested in you
22) never pursue him more than he's pursuing him because then it frees you from your people pleasing part and then you can practice your tactics and even if he looses interests then you can still feel ok
23) force him to slow down more than he himself is trying to slow down
24) don't expect him to be all lovey dovey all the time when u live with each other
25) don't give him what he wants straight away
26)women want more ppl to be with while men want just one, you
too much work s*icide is less of a hustle
@@sarafernandez4920 dunno what to say really but ig I have finally accepted that men come in such biology only and its only better if I accpet it sooner and try to navigate around it in the best possible manner but come to think of it boy oh boy you are not wrong 😔
Too much work to just please a man and in the end he'll just lose interest... I'd rather stay single 🙂
Thank youu
@@jissoo777 Also, is full of male bullshit. I was like 🙄🙄🙄🙄 at most of it.
I lost my dad when i was 6 years old and i remember him dancing with my mom in the kitchen, laying in the sofa together watching movies and travelling with us all enting at restaurants and always very gentle and nice to mom. I always dreamed of a husband like him 🤗
I never saw any of that…But it sure sounds nice! My parents divorced when I was 5. I know I’m not special, but it was traumatic. Worst of all, my kids ended up the same way; despite my best efforts, I divorced when they were little, too. It’s not what I planned. But life doesn’t go according to plan.
@@smartmarketing173 you were and are special .. sorry that you went through a divorce at a sweet age of 5 and that your kids did as well..
@@winniejohnson5559 Oh, come on. It si cheap and worn out and does not help at all.
@@smartmarketing173 Learn fr ur mistakes in past relationships.
Your childhood environment will determine how your own adult relationships evolve. This is so lovely. Men like this will automatically bring out the feminine. Unfortunately, there aren't many of these around. So then, should we be questioning parenting skills and the environment they set as a family? I wish all children to be brought up in a loving environment, not only to them (which is usually where parents think the focus is important to be) but adults to each other.
A couple of examples, parents that divorce think that they are doing right, so long as they take responsibility for the children. Maybe in this situation, this is the best that can be done, but this effects children greatly, and into adulthood. Another example, my neice sometimes tells the dad to go away, but never to them mum, and I sometimes can't help but think she learnt this from her mum and her home environment. At 2 years old, they adopt all adult behaviours.
Men fall in love with you when you are walking away...
Too long and boring
Not exactly
Sometimes.
Same as woman. When he is leaving woman fell in love.
So well said....
If your their in front of him
...their not interested
or lost intrest....or were never interested in the first place
(we just dont know)
BUT THE MINUTE THEY
THINK YOUR...
NOT HAVING ANY OF THIS / HIS BS
AND... THEY CAN
""SEE THE BACK
OF YR HEAD""
(as your walking away)
then everything
changes (in his mind)
Its all mind games
with them
they can never "just say" what they mean or
show what they feel
it's really not that hard
guys...
Just because he says I love you, that doesn't mean he wants to marry. That shocked me. So true 😂
Game! Who needs the flattery.
My husband shows love by ordering an item I commented on wanting months ago. I think out loud and he ignores me but 3 months later a package shows up. He wasn't ignoring me and he didn't dismiss it. Usually he takes time to research the item to find the right type for me. It's the validation that I'm worthy of getting what I really want instead of settling for what's cheaper and quicker or just even give up on the desire to have it.
My soul mate, shows me love by giving up his time to help me 💖✌ time is priceless
That's because his love language is gifts. You need to look up the five love languages. Sometimes spouses don't speak the same language
so if you want gold jewelry if will show up 3 months later?
That is very thoughtful
Sounds like you have a great husband, you're lucky.
Life improved when I stopped dating. I enjoy my solitude.
AMEN AND AMEN, LOL!!! :)
So much more peaceful
Love that same here can i borrow that
I kind of feel the same way
Spot on
I swear to god, it‘s like he is describing my relationship. My husband tells me all these things and we experienced most of what John says. For the first time I am thinking: wow he loves me, he just needs space…what my husbands kept telling me. Every time he disconnects (only a couple of hours) he comes back more loving. And my therapists says many of these things too (have your own life…don‘t be dependent on him). Men are really different than us women in some aspects; wish I‘ d had seen this earlier, many of my therapy sessions would have been superfluous and many fears of abandonment would have been gone.
This makes me want to stay single my whole life. I wasted the best years of my life trying to find affectionate men and was only used and abused by them. If I have to teach/train them I am already turned off.
Why did those men use and abuse you?
Good for you girl single is good as well ~ Roarr!
I mean this in the kindest way. If all the men you dated were abusive, there is one common factor here. You need to find out why you are (initially) attracted to that type of person, practical ways to screen them out, and how to be able to see good men of quality.
People should be introduced to this in school/at a young age, so that the sexes start to understand each other at a young age. There might be a lot less divorce & broken homes. Wish I'd heard this in my 20's at least.
A lot less feeling inferior and rejected due to our physicality
The problem is many come from abusive, dysfunctional and hopelessly broken homes, and some women just give up altogether, because it feels like no matter what you do, it always ends up bad for the women and children. Better alone than abused.
@Heidi Misfeldt Wow Heidi, so right on. I'm 70, and just hearing for the first time!! Nurse here, just met a pilot ...instant connection. Both thought each other way younger, excellent health, active. But see that I'm trying too hard to please him...need to expect that he wants to nurture and please me. Ask more, give less, but in wise incremental steps. Never too old to learn for sure. Been on my own 20 years, better to continue myself, than to coddle and serve without reciprocity. A new paradigm in my thinking!! Wow!!!
it should be taught at home. Let's start now...
Great idea!!
The 3 phrases...
1.What a good idea
2. That makes sense
3. You're right about that!
❤
I neved learned how a good relationship was as a child. I never saw my father hug, kiss or give any physical loving expressions. There was never a thank you or kind word given to my mother for all her hard work as a mother of 3 small children. She also did all the yard work, cooking and child care. Never did my father go to any school functions. He is 95 now. My mother died at 82 about 5 yrs. Ago. There was also dreadful nightly fighting. He had a drinking problem as well. I learned early to be hypervigulant at all times. I wonder what a normal family life would be like. I feel like crying now. Its good to educate people about this subjuct.💝
Sorry you went through that. Hold onto the great love your Mum showed you and the Joy that must have brought her ro have you kids .
In 1992, when I had read the first chapters of “Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus,” my husband since 1986, and I were in the car on the interstate. He was driving. I had a huge compliment I had paid him since I met him. He had always gotten mad. Insulted. That day, I had the EXACT SAME INTENTIONS, but I translated my old words into the new words that John had explained are the language of men. My husband instantly choked up. He had to pull the car over to the side of the interstate! His eyes were filled with tears. He dropped his head and whispered, “That’s the nicest thing anybody has EVER said to me.” Whoa! Thank you, John! Yes, I know. Why do women have to be the ones to learn these things? After 36 years of marriage with better communications, my beloved husband suddenly passed away 9 months ago. I’m immensely thankful for all Dr. Gray has taught us.
What was your new phrasing may I ask?
What was your old and new phrasing may I ask? Your comment reads like "I found the secret to a happy relationship! Good luck figuring it out on your own, suckuhs!✌️"
This is why I love the internet. These kind of philosophical conversations are my literal passion & Hobbie. I wouldn't have access to this kind of joy & satisfaction without the internet. This is such a good conversation. Devil's Advocate though... people in real life have forgotten how to communicate with each other because of the social media internet. look-at-me look-at-me there is no more dialogue anymore only monologue.
I can see your POV. It’s a shame because social media should facilitate dialogue
@@mompreneurmentor I agree. It should... but it unfortbunately doesn't. I believe its an unintended Consequence stemming from competition.
Then I am definitely not interested in you! I need a smart articulate man who knows how to communicate! And yes there are men who can communicate and are articulate! And I am willing to wait for that man. Prosecuting attorneys know how to convey their points. Professional communicators know how to ask questions and answer questions! I’ve dated both for a good chunk of time so these men are out there if that’s what kind of man you are looking for 😉
Men will understand women a lot better if they stop trying to group them into a stereotypes and just get to know them as individuals. We are humans with different background, history , education and traumas.
This is true, but men don't HAVE to undestand women because many women have low standards and will take what they can get. There is a great push to get women to lower their standards even lower than they already are so men won't have to step up and do better.
Ye and the fact that they SERIOSLY think that we are some robots with the same programmed behaviors always surprise me. I can't belive how many times I had to say "You do realise we are human beings just like you are right?"
Same thing with women. Men are different not all are the same.
@@rainbow9987sorry buy men are basically the same, sex sex sex 😂
I am blessed to have an excellent friendship with a homosexual man. In our most recent conversation, he openly warned me to distance myself from a man whose best friend is, to put it bluntly, a control freak. He's taking advice about women in general and about me in particular from someone whose ideal woman is one who follows two steps behind, with her head down, and who keeps silent in church. After blowing two marriages of his own, interfering in the significant relationship of the man I left alone for several years out of respect for a union in which I played no part and had no right, and am anticipating the time when his daughter takes up with this reprehensible creep, I am through with men. Catch me if you can, guys, but remember. I am definitely worth having. The question is, are you?
Never ask a man how he feels, ask him what he thinks because men always think they’re right 😂
These kinds of stereotypes are what causes a breakdown between genders. It's much better to seek to understand each other than deal with universal assumptions. Men would also say "women always think they're right". So where do we move on from there? Best to stop with the universal assumptions and blame games and rather treat people as individuals (on both sides of course). Some women are good, some are bad, some men are good, some are bad. Depends on the individual
Yup we can just get to know each other and take it from there. It’s easy to see if you are growing bc respected and if not get out asap. Love can’t replace respect. You can’t fake respect it’s there or it isn’t. If I was dating a guy like the examples of men preaching videos in the video I would not last one minute. Anyone saying women don’t heed respect and Jen don’t need love is gaslighting and you should walk away.
@aqua3418 both perspectives are true. 😊
I’ve just realized everything I’ve been doing wrong and right. This is 1000% accurate! It’s a crime they don’t teach this in schools.
Thank God they don't teach this in school! Women need to learn to take care of themselves the way they take care of men.
The bigger crime is not learning at home....but thank God for the free exchange of information here!
@@BitsyBee Exactly! You learn these things at home not school. More than likely from school is disinformation.
They don’t teach anything important in schools. The goal is to destroy the family unit and therefore society so that they can be in charge of the masses.
They teach gender is a social construct in schools now. Thats certainly gonna help
This is about men with Avoidant attachment style. Secure men do not want to pull away and not selfish, interested in your feelings, etc. This is just about pampering Avoidant men...
Agree
Thank you hard to see how much Hate women have for men on these comments like Men are incapable of commitment.
Im having all the described issues for men. With women! They dont want to commit they want to be floosey. Its bizarre
Thank you. This video was giving me a nervous breakdown.
Avoidant men, emotionally unavailable men, commitment phobic men are NOT relationship material for any self respecting woman who seeks a mutually satisfying relationship. They literally cannot attach in any healthy or meaningful way.
@@Mitchnels There are women also who have avoidant attachment style, equally dislike commitment, contiuous closeness and interdependence. It is not good or bad, but they value independence above all and have a critical, dismissive nature, which makes them hard to live with...
Gray: "Never ask a man how he feels but what he thinks" LOL
Wonderful talk, thank you! I am in my late 60s and love dating. I've met some of the sweetest, kindest men over the last ten years. In my early 30s I fell in love with a man who I adored for some 15 years. We met on a winter's night, in early March of 1982. Watching the snowflakes fall on his eye lashes sent me to the moon. We saw each other two or three nights a week for the following six months. And, on one special night, which I will never forget, he stayed over-night at my house. Those three little words "I love you" were also exchanged for the first time. He was so worth the wait. And, so was I. I highly recommend taking it slow........he recently died and it broke my heart reading his obituary. I wasn't the woman he married, but I was a woman that he loved. That simple gift has lasted me for a lifetime. He moved to Europe from Canada in 1998 and married another woman. This is what brought our romance to an end. He had a child with his wife and within a year their marriage ended. He died alone in hospital in 2022 and had I known that he was so ill, I would have been at his side. He was the love of my life and knew it.
@ Lana Muir , so he was married to another woman? WOW!! so where was the Blessing in this relationship? Please know I'm Definitely not judging at all,
So… you were having an affair?
Thank you so much for this comment and beautiful perspective. It lifted my spirits so much!!! You are so blessed ❤️💕
Let's not assume she was having an affair. There are plenty of reasons why people that love each other are not together.
@@walkingbyfaith5504 oh yes you are.
My first husband I was with for 18 years and I put up with a lot more than I ever should have because I interpreted his intentions as good. Intentions can be very important but actions speak volumes, far more than intentions ever will.
There's an old, old saying: The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Exactly!! agree with you 100%
Time wounds all heels. Especially in a marriage.
motivations can be important also sorry i side with Freud on this one
Brains think and hearts love and actions speak louder than words....Make sure not to get the three of them them mixed up. Red flags are very important so don't ignore the sign along the road that clearly reads: DEAD END !!! ONE YOU'VE DECIDED TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF, THERES NO COMING BACK...YOU OBVIOUSLY DIE AND THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPILY EVER AFTER....
Right now I'm exhausted from work. Instead of feeling like a relationship would be a beautiful, calm addition to my life, it seems like way too much work. 😂
me too! But I'm 53 and I have low tolerance for neediness, care giving , stroking of egos etc. If a man isn't strong, confident, secure, I don't think I could be in a relationship. I know I will never marry again but it would be fun to date someone fun and easy. May not happen!
@@lisahileman6727 Two words; younger men.
My question would be: “Why do we as women have to adjust and be careful of nuances” and men don’t?
Just sounds like too much work....always have to be alert to detect the nuances. Just tiring!
Good question...
Listening to this is exhausting
Because men are babies
My thought exactly 👍
This doesn't excuse verbal abuse like a man going on a binge of criticizing his partner in a nit-picking way just brcause he doesn't feel well. Abuse is abuse and shouldn't be tolerated.
Sounds like your getting with they wrong TYPE
A Virgo no doubt
John Gray is an abuser himself so I doubt he will talk about this.
@@doratiscareno5856 sounds like you are blaming the victim. These men hide who they really are. Besides, how is she supposed to avoid them when guys like John Gray are literally promoting this behavior as normal?
@@blackswan4486
I am
Bad Choice
The more you do for men , the more they expect.
And before long you are not a wife nor a partner.
Your a Mom to an older age child!!!!
Sooo true!!
Yep! That is my experience, too. It can sometimes be difficult to find sexual passion for your ‘’son’’
This is true.
Works both ways
@@deborahedelman2659 NOT
Not all men are the same, not all women are the same, not all people are the same. You need to be compatable, have things in common, find each other attractive. It will happen naturally. You can't make someone love you.
Ditto
Amen.
It's all about adaptability towards each other and having to adjust each other's differences. .
Exactly
16 years ago when I read the Mars/Venus book, I was fascinated by these concepts. Now, in my early 50s with a lot more experience, I kind of laugh a little.
It isn’t a woman’s responsibility to manage the man in her life. That is called adulting. Women, learn to recognize and avoid man-boys!
Simple respect and communication and love is what binds is together.
It isn’t our “responsibility “ to make our man feel better. It’s an expression of love. It isn’t our “right” to constantly oppose his ideas for the sake of having our way or making our strong opinions felt. That’s pure ego and negativism. Discuss and make choices together. That’s a relationship. Nobody is there to “win or lose”. You’re together to create solutions together. With love.
Exactly my thoughts as I'm watching this video. There are a few common sense points like thanking and giving praise when someone does something for you. It's mutual respect and appreciation for your partners, children, family, friends and everyone that serves you in some way. Another good point is that everyone should be responsible for their own happiness rather than relying solely on their partners.
Agree- it's not the woman's responsibility to mother the man in her life. If he's going from his mom's house to your house and still behaving like a boy- it's way too much work to keep the relationship or marriage going in the long run especially once you have children.
Yeah true boys that I ve met mostly fall in love with me because I'm adulting them. Not that I'm trying hard but its like i dunno how to say like babysit them. Now, I met a young boy and after few days he started to show signs of dominance.
All men are boys
At a certain age you get to where you dont care what men think. I'm still relatively young and could care less about dating. I like my freedom, money and paying my own way . IF I meet a man that's sparks my interest it wont be easy for him and it shouldn't be. Men are the pursuers or their not worth a chase. Let Christ be enough! Noone needs another humans love if it has to be that difficult.
Wonderful confidence. Bravo.
The proof that this is not true is that you are watching a video about relationships. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be here. This is not something to be ashamed about, you know. We were made for relationships.
@@hx1487 Sometimes people watch videos out of curiosity and to find out what is being said.
@@judymanuel4314 you sound sad and cold to me. And no, the speaker is not gay. Oh my gosh!
Heather D. Morris, you sound like my sister. Her job and other roles in her life force her to use her masculine side more and as a consequence she has low estrogen in ratio to testosterone. Keep in mind this is very "functional" but it is not the way God designed you to be. Your best performance and Christian service will always be higher when you are operating in sync with your design in the long term.... Maybe you do need a masculine male; a masculine male and all this "difficult work" is the way God designed it to keep the genders distinct and to model Elohim. Marriage is a divine institution. Christian marriage, ideally, is to model the essence of Elohim: genuine love, righteousness, and justice.
If you want a real relationship with a real man ,, date with no sex , to get to another for a long time, In many situations. See how they respond under tension. If you are chaste and a woman or man doesn't want to keep it going bc no sex then let them leave and date the next in line. Dont compromise.
None would make it threw the test lol
Wow. So clear!
It really helps "make the cut." If couples waited at LEAST three months, they'd have closer relationships and VALUE each other more.
Such a Good word,
@@valafisher8971 only weak ones will fail.
My man is from Iran and he always tells me how he feels - it's just a different culture- feelings are considered to be a very important part of masculinity - if you are feeling nothing, you're not a real man . But still, his testosteron is up because there is this feeling of wanting to protect me, fight for me, etc
Awww thats so nice. I wished my bf would be more open and vulnerable with me
@Marie Jones The Persian culture is not the same as Arabic Islamic culture - I don't know a single Iranian who suppressed his wife- that's only politics and Islam which had been brought to Iran when the Sha left . There used to be freedom for women
@@nellymiller7669 My husband also says what he's thinking and feeling. No filters. I tend to be assertive as he is. [I have probably been more hurtful, saying 'F-u' for something he said earlier this week...but it was over something ridiculous (grounded in humor) and not a serious subject.] I would have to say it's not cultural as much as it is we are all individuals and we just need to toe the line, knowing ourselves so we know what we want from others and maintain good boundaries to maintain our self-esteem.
@@nellymiller7669 💯. Persian is not Arabic. Does not equal Islam. Unfortunately, many people do not realize how Iran was before that 1970s or 1980s.
@@leighannjohnson1194 exactly
After watching this and just coming out of a 5 year on and off relationship. I’m planning on staying single. Time to love me and no one else.
I realize I have such masculine energy because I always had to have and it’s how I connected to my dad. I hated the feeling of being vulnerable and unequal, inferior and objectified as a woman after going through puberty. I was an extremely good athlete and always liked to be self-sufficient. Now I realize why I like “alpha men” who are hyper-masculine. They’re the only ones I can feel protected by and soften myself with.
I either attract those men or the men who are more sensitive and I end up being the protector and dominant person. I can play either role depending on the situation which is very odd to me.
Are you an Aquarius?
@@bhumikavimal 🤣🤣🤣lmao
@@bhumikavimal why is that so?
This blew my mind! I had no idea that men and women were so different when it comes to handling stress! All this time, I would get extremely insecure when men would pull away while they were stressed. To think that because of a lack of understanding, I probably sabotaged most of my relationships unknowingly! What an eye opener, and now I also understand my own needs as a woman. Thank you so much for this!
I think it s also due to mature level and life experience!! Only selfish immature ppl never grow up. At the end of the day, two ppl should learn about each other and try to be there for each other. It’s the whole point to have a partner, isn’t it?!
I read men are from Mars amd women venus. Eye opening too
I have had guys bond for 3-6 months and ghost after sex
Umm, no. Simply expressing that ‘I’m stressed, going through something and need time’, would have cleared any assumptions. I hate how we patty cake men in today’s society, but tell women to toughen up when it comes to how we deal with emotions in relationships. Or make it’s just something that BW go through.
Eye opener indeed.
Be good to yourself. Love yourself. That's attractive. Being needy is a turn off.
For me, it's not about people pleasing, but if a guy/husband says, "what do you want to do?" My thought is, "Can't you take some initiative, and make some plans?"
I've read that is an opportunity for failure in a man's eyes. They are risking the choice not being great or best and also disappointing you. That's a 2 failures for the price of one.
Yes!! I'm like, "haven't you been attention?! Don't you have the internet?"
As a man i can tell you this: I will do almost anything for the woman i love except for one thing I CANT READ YOUR MIND.
So what you think doesn't really mean much unless you actually say it. Preferably in more well mannered way.
@@uegvdczuVF valid. But overtime you could make suggestions. Kind of like "how you feel about...?" "I was thinking"
@@andreabeasley3287 they need to stop being wimpy. Just say it. Spit it out.
The more you do for him; the Less he likes you! The more he does for you; the more he likes you. Yep!! Hero complex is real. Lol
Women universally do majority of grunt work so this really doesn’t track.
Laundry cooking cleaning dishes choir rearing nurturing consoling analyzing organizing - in most cultures men expect women to do virtually everything for them or they aren’t being “cared” for & he will find someone else.
I've been with my husband 15 yrs and listening to this guy describe how they tick makes so much since. My husband is always happiest when he feels like he's protecting and doing for his family and gets really upset if I don't acknowledge it on my own and give him praise. Women want to be appreciated too but the man ego needs regular feeding.
Man's ego? Or need for testosterone?
I’m sorry. But men don’t need their ego boosted. Nobody should have their ego boosted. People need to be less egoistic, not more
@@blackswan4486 I highly doubt Jeana was going for that angle. She likely wasn't saying that men need to hear "Ooh yes, you're such a manly man. So strong and handsome. The best lover. You're so special and every women wants you." She was more likely saying that it's good to acknowledge his attempts at kindness and romance, like if he performs a kind gesture or goes out of his way for you, to thank him and acknowledge him, to respect and appreciate that he took time out of his day to think of you and do something for the sole purpose of making you smile. Something as simple and basic as taking out the trash -- a simple "Thank you" can go a long way and make him feel like you do notice and appreciate him.
Not sure I agree with you. I personally like to have occasional validation or approval maybe ever couple of weeks.
Is your husband a Leo?
I’m almost 60 . And I’m the opposite I don’t want sex with anyone unless they are very special and I’ve known them a long time.,I went through my masculine side in my 20’s
I went through my masculine side in my teens amd sabotaged my soul mate /love of my life😂. Demn i know how staying stuck in yohr masculime side feels..
In some circles we still believe that sex is for marriage!
Well if you are referring to the alternative that sex is for everyone… that’s just called gross. I’d prefer to share the emotions that come with sex with one person vs the community. Seriously… the latter is gross…
I don't think that was the point at all...for me that wouldn't even come to mind...it Is gross!
yes exactly. sex without marriage is saying God is wrong and it is ok to be a loser. some say their truth but if it is against Jesus the truth absolute, it is simply living a lie. the need is forgiveness and His amazing grace.
people pleaser? When pleasing another displeases the lord. when it goes against Him. is the road to disaster.
In some circles we believe it’s best to try before you buy!
only different from women? i mean it's soooo absolutely different from us . and actually everything is different from us, isn't it? all the opininons, relationship things and they do think only of sex, don't they? but i have to admit that i heard of some new spanish drops which are supposed to deal with all the stuff and boost you in the bed
Watching this made me want to talk to my boyfriend. He really loved me. 😭❤️ he did alot for me.
As an depressed alcohlic in love now i know why... this was illuminating. And completely changed how i should approach this lovely lady..
My husband and I are so opposite. But we've managed to stay married over 40 years. Til death do us part.
You are very blessed ❤️🌹
Hi 👋 Sharon, how are you doing?
God tells us in the Bible that it is the man's responsibility to understand and learn his woman. Glad to see us finally understanding God's word!
What scripture is this?? I neeeeddd this scripture
@@MarandaX. 1 Peter 3:7
@@MarandaX. I keep trying to post something here to answer you, but this channel won't let me!😪
@@suetucker9264 thank you dear..
never understood how "women are hard to understand" falls on her. not that difficult to figure gives too much credit.
The last few decades, we've been unintentionally "minimizing our gender differences." Did THAT ever hit the nail on the head. I am learning everything I can from these UA-cam videos, now that I'm widowed and starting over. I read Dr. Gray's first book long ago, and the hormone part of it all is huge and a great relief to understand.
Not at all. The minimalizing of our gender differences is absolutely deliberate and intentional. Perhaps not every person who is engaging in this socially destructive activity is fully aware of the harm that it is causing, but the puppeteers behind this agenda most certainly are. This is totally ruinous to relationships and the cohesion of the typical nuclear family. It has created women that are mentally unstable and men that are weak and feminine. Over 60% of single women who identify as Democrat have used some sort of prescription drug in the past 6 months, and 25% of women overall have used an anti-depressant in that time. Adult men possess 20% less testosterone than they did 30 years ago and 30% less than 50 years ago. Men, in particular, seem to be "dropping out" of society. They appear to be giving up on attending college, dating and even working. We are heading towards a demographic crisis because people are no longer having kids in the western world. People have become less independent and more willing to turn over control to the government to run their lives in the West.
My husband will agree to do something I want to do, but the entire time he will make it clear how much he hates it. Ruins the whole experience for me.
This is great, your husband doesn't lie to you, this is a good sign!
@@valkyrjadatterafmanen1062 no. This is a bad sign because it means he is emotionally abusive. Please read Lundy Bancroft instead of John Gray
then tell him next time, he can stay home. Cultivate your own interests and passions.
Hey. He's being emotional vulnerable.
@@genericname7020 not really. He’s being controlling and domineering.
Love this man! He saved me from a bad relationship many years ago! I watched him save many relationships that were on the rocks!
I always love to hear a man's perspective on men and the way they think. As women, we are different in our perspectives and perceptions on things many times, yet at other times we meet and think very similar
Me too. Ive hurt myself with my soulmate and lost him. Then i read John Greys book (because my dad has it). And i realize why i screwed up MY relationship with my soul mate lover. And also opened my eyes to my parents relationship. Now i am with a good healty man, just recently showed him his book and read together, now looking forward marriage!
@@inspirespider66 how did you screw up?
I think she didn’t screwed up, it’s more like that she has found the right man because she lost the wrong one.
What's his name
My experience.... We spent two days together (I clearly heard my guardian angel say chameleon, unfortunately I ignored that warning) he would not leave my side (that should have been a huge red flag) he moved in within a week.
A year later we married.
8 months into the marriage I knew I shouldn't have married.
I literally had to crawl out of the house with what life I had Within Me 3 yrs later. Now I am divorced as of April 7th 2022... He fought me every step of the way btw with his lawyer making it more difficult on my debilitating physical, and mental state. I have two counselors at this point helping me...I am indeed very grateful.
I'm also going to be receiving my second back surgery here in May.
Not quite a year post-op from my first.
Extremely proud of myself for it just being 14 months since I crawled away from him.... feeling Leaps and Bounds over here. Yes I had to learn a lifelong lesson of, listening to my intuition, it never lies, just sayin 😌 finding my way ✌🏼💜🌈
This sounds like complete opposite in my marriage. My husband must have high estrogen. He just got therapy for his addiction. He is very demanding of my affection and he is very needy and create problems rather than solve them.
Give him easy chores.appreciate when he does that.increase of testosterone will slowly bring transformation
It’s about control, I’m sure his demands don’t end there....jealousy, insecurity and the need to be in control
I think the fundamental question is not whether he is macho or submissive. It’s whether he is selfish or entitled.
Life is simply really. If a man like you, you will know it. It's not something that needs all this thoughts and details.
This isn’t about the first simple matter of knowing if a guy likes us or not. This is about how to keep a very different (male) creature invested in a long successful relationship over many years. Given most relationships fail and devastate legions of adults and children every day it bears a little effort to understand the complexities of male/female dynamics, and no one puts it more simply and comprehensively than this guy. Here he covered a whole lot from several books so I suggest trying the first book which an easy read, and if intrigued go into the more biological stuff. I think u honestly will never understand men unless u do. Plus it’s a great advantage to know their inner workings when don’t know yours ;-)
@@leslie16450 sorry, but you shouldn’t have to keep someone interested. Just don’t hurt or abuse them, and engage with them often. Very simple.
I don’t know if I agree. There are depressed or autistic men who don’t always show how they feel. But generally speaking, I agree, that you shouldn’t have to make someone like you
@@leslie16450 Then they should also learn how women work. 😉 It's not just our responsibility to make relationship work!
@@leslie16450 human nature is too complex and fickle for all these prescriptions. I will always believe that when two people love each other they will make the effort to make it work. And yes, it is really that simple.
This is what I did with my husband. When we were dating I don’t just give in to sex until after 1 year because I want to really get to know him and see if he is really into me for the long run.
Hi 👋 Leslie, how are you doing?
@@patrickmckinley6679 Hello.. Im good.
@@charlenepym5250 Am fine Leslie, where are you texting from?
Me too.
SC here. Very interesting
This is so true! Men need to feel useful and appreciated. Go into a hardware store, ladies and ask for help. Within moments you will be surrounded by men who are genuinely trying to help you! Of course we want men to listen when we need to vent and not try to solve our problems, but I definitely want them to fix the sink and all the other MANual labors. Asking what they think instead of what they feel is outstanding advice!
So true, my car wouldn't start at a gas station. Within 2 minutes, I had four men all over my car trying to get it started, one even using a hammer on something under the hood. And I am in my 70's. It was hilarious.
ua-cam.com/video/V0qsQBsdrTE/v-deo.html
He can feel useful by cleaning the house. Gladly.
It’s maddening how different the thinking is but more frustrating is trying to work with someone who won’t try to at least work on understanding and compromising.
These “differences“ in thinking have nothing to do with male and female. They have to do with entitlement. Please read Don Hennessey, Lundy Bancroft, Shannon Thomas, Barbara Roberts (a cry for justice) if you are Christian, etc.
This is all really excellent. So many of us grow up observing dysfunction in our parents so that we have no positive role models when it comes down to heterosexual romantic relationships. If John Gray's observations could be taught in high school health classes throughout the country, I am sure the divorce rate would go way down.
For sure.
@@RachelleGrahamwriter If you are into music, Honey, here's my latest single for you: ua-cam.com/video/76OxSEgWN9c/v-deo.html. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks! Take care.
Yes but the way they are pushing gender bending theories on masses they're not gonna like it.
I wouldn't trust the system to teach kids these things. We need to find another way.
This guy is both man and woman.....
because he understands both. :)))))
As the men who go to Asia to Thailand and experience so much happiness of Buddhism and they are at peace with everybody.
I don't need a man, but I want a man. I am a happy woman. I am debt free. I enjoy being by myself. I need to read that book!
The part of the interview where a woman says "No", I was in splits of laughter. I just loved it. A "No" does tickle a man. I've done it before, and it's really very effective!
Michelle, I thank you for this upload. The more I listen to John the more I realize some of the misconceptions I had about men, love and relationships. Very insightful and informative.
Thank you so much for watching and for your kind words too!
Well, what this guy is saying what our mothers and grandmothers always said "Men only want one thing." It will never change.
That’s not true whatsoever. There are tons of men who are nothing like that, and cultures where men or nothing like that at all
Over an hour and a half discussion and that was your takeaway? ...lol....okay.
This makes me really wonder if men and women are really suppose to be together besides recreating lol
Bingo you got it
😂😂😂
🤷Sometimes I don't think they should. I just think that men are a trip, and I can do fine without them.
It sure seems like a lot of WORK. Thought it should come about naturally.😕
So true!!
I'm in my first relationship, we've been saying that we can't wait to cuddle and watch movies and he keeps saying he wants me to be comfy at his house, that he'll walk me there, that I can have both pillows, etc. I'm kind of worried I'll scare him off but watching this has helped me feel and understand him and how he opperates better as a man. Thank you so much 😊
Thanks for watching and for your comments to Gigi!
In the book “Lies Men Tell” (or something like that), it says the number 1 lie is “I Love You” because it gets them sex. The book said women lie by action such as wearing vertical stripes to look taller and slimmer. They didn’t seem comparable to me.
Apples to window treatments
Mh... Why would I love you have to be a lie😅
I have seen couples which are happily married , the guy said I love you and he meant it for years.
I also know couples who didnt have sex till they were married. I dnt know why you assume I love you its a lie its a weird assumption.
Woman we have intuition. We know when its just a phrase or when its true.
I'm short and rotund. I still wear horizontal stripes because I am not trying to be something that I'm not.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 same don’t see the comparison at all
Listening to this makes me love men even more. There are some really great men out there, and when you have his love, there's nothing like it in the world.
Lol where? Where are the genuinely nice guys? Where is this mythical population of great men? They are in high demand but apparently they are invisible or in hiding.😆
@@sheddinglightspreadingligh8864 I've met hundreds (literally) through learning how to social/partner dance and attending dances over the last 15 years. I'm 58 now and still meeting some wonderful men.
I believe I walk in feminine energy but a lot of these things I don’t relate to as a woman- at all. For instance, I prefer to discuss what I think versus what I feel (although I am EXTREMELY intuitive and discerning), I don’t inflate the importance of things, if someone asks me what I want to do (especially a man I’m dating) I tell them and sometimes I ask what they would like to do so we can come to a consensus (nothing annoys me more than indecisiveness- its so inefficient to just go in circles waiting for the other person to make a decision).
I am extremely logical and people always tell me that they are surprised at my emotional stability and my ability to accept a person’s experience/feelings for what it is and not get mad even if it is hurtful. Basically, I operate through logic and reason, not emotions.
I really don’t relate to a lot of this… I feel like I have trained my brain to look for the positive in any situation (tough times bring growth and there is always a positive to every situation even if it is just that it builds resilience). I see the negative in a situation but I don’t inflate it.
It comes down to TRUST which = RESPECT.
It's DIFFICULT if you don't
have those 2 things as a foundation. 💙
Most marriages suffer because we make it a human thing it becomes a big party that has a beginning and an end instead of involving the creator of marriage the reason you have a wife is because you will never be able to give God a hug and a kiss on the cheek the way you do any father that loves you he invented marriage so that you could show that kind of love to her and vice versa and that is what marriage is about teaching each other the kind of love and giving one another the kind of love you wish you could give our heavenly father in Jesus name I say Amen to that
trust is surrender..not respect
This was a great video. I love how he talked about women who didn't connect with their fathers ( men likewise). He's quite right about women needing to stop being people pleasers. I wiah I had known this a lot earlier in life.
Correct. The less a woman does for a man the better off she is - especially in the beginning. Never do to much for a man - they don’t want it and don’t appreciate it - let him do for you especially in the first few months or year of the relationship. I know of several real life examples of this. Took me awhile to figure it out.
Hi 👋 Helen, how are you doing?
There is a key in all of this for many adults: "the importance of the relationship between children and both parents". Men and women can have mommy and daddy issues. Healthy relationships often come with healthy relationships with mothers and fathers. I think this deserves a closer look.
But so many men and women come from broken homes. So they might have to heal themselves.
I could not agree more! I came out of a dysfunctional family, and it is tough to wing it on your own. ct
I agree that abuse is abuse... NO man has a "right" to mistreat his wife (or girlfriend) and criticize her because he feels bad or is frustrated with himself. That is how he will loose her eventually. Everyman with a good partner should appreciate and be grateful for her. It's a very sad shame many do not. It will surely be HIS LOSS.
Hi 👋 Retts, how are you doing?
Yes..this is because they are not conscious aware and have not done any healing work on themselves..my inner child therapist For warned us that if we meet someone it's a good idea to have them do this type of work so both partners have healed this part as thier perceptions can be thrown onto partner well healed.
What a talented interviewer. Seriously. She said exactly what she needed to bring his testosterone up and make him feel good about what he did to help us.
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Sheeeish
Love this guy
Miss Michelle, I've been binge watching all your videos and I'm so thankful to you. I'm under 30 years old, and exposure to all these incredible, intelligent guest speakers, including yourself, have been life changing for my dating life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing these wonderful people on to your channel and guiding us to have healthy, successful relationships. You have a new subscriber
Thank you so much for your kind words and for watching too!
Finally someone with reasonable advices that actually do make sense
Well, he actually started the trend of quick dating advice (as opposed to going to counseling).
Indeed
Jaja! This is so funny but so true. "A woman must make her man feel SUCCESSFUL, even in small things." Nov. 12, 2021
You have been trained since you were a little girl to believe this is what you supposed to do . Read books on coercive control and you will see the truth .
Sorry, but he needs to feel successful on his own. I’m not going to lie to a man and gaslight myself to feed his ego, which people should have much less of anyway, especially these days.
Sorry, but he needs to feel successful on his own. I’m not going to lie to a man and gaslight myself to feed his ego, which people should have much less of anyway, especially these days. Yeah
Sorry, but he needs to feel successful on his own. I’m not going to lie to a man and gaslight myself to feed his ego, which people should have much less of anyway, especially these days.
Sorry, but he needs to feel successful on his own. I’m not going to lie to a man and gaslight myself to feed his ego, which people should have much less of anyway, especially these days.
Sad but true for too many ruled by evolutionary biology. I don’t like how he describes how men have been socialized and how women have to behave to be treated well by them. Can’t men and women just treat each other well? Can’t we all just treat each other well? Please, let’s all just do it!
Men have to learn to understand. The problem men dont want to understand and are to lazy to learn. They have shown what they are about.
He said it. You can't expect a man to give you what you want but you can train them.
Why as women out of everything we already do, why do we have to train men to? Everything is still being placed on women.
Just because a man shows interest and asks you out doesn't say he is interested. How often more than others are they just looking for a woman to fulfill his needs.
Men need to empower and train themselves on how to be better men and understand women and leave women out their conversations
Women need to focus on self and learn self, love self Build communities and empower each other.
This was sooo amazing, thank you so much! I didn’t think I’d watch the whole thing because it’s long, but when I started, I didn’t want it to end. ❤
Hi, John, I have followed you for years and used your ideas successfully. I am presently single and sometimes a man will make a play for me who is married. There is nothing that turns me off faster than this. One such experience recently is that a man acted very attracted to me; we talked and he asked me to come into his space; it was an open air market and he was a vendor. I liked him quite a bit, but it is all about being friends first with me. He suddenly revealed he was married. To my surprise it really hurt my feelings. I have not seen him since. I reflected on this scenario, and understood that I have no respect for men that do this, because they expect someone else to take the fall for their, at the very least, dishonest behaviour. They see nothing incorrect about it. What I find is that most men don't feel the need to get educated about the opposite sex. They still live in a workd where women are supposed to be their custodians. Men are uneducated because they value women so little that they see no need to make an effort. Value women? I like men, and, of course, we all deserve to be understood and treated accordingly. However, I don't see this happening if men keep imagining the women enjoy doing their work for them. We do not. This attitude is insulting.
"I feel like we have the opportunity to sit at the feet of the Master here." Indeed! Thank you to John Gray for his life's work! I value his expertise. It has had such a great impact on all forms of relationships in my life.
Read Don Hennessy instead.
Read Don Hennessy instead.
so eye-opening! i’m glad i watched this.
wow, is it just me, or are men so much more complicated than women. (let him recoil then spring back. don’t let him have sex too soon. don’t do everything he wants. ask for what u want but in the right way. detach when he detaches. don’t spend too much time with him too soon, or ever? he doesn’t understand himself, & don’t expect him to study up on how to understand women)
sigh…men
Yep, sigh ... It's like the women have to completely change themselves, jump through hoops, treat the man with kid gloves while walking on eggshells.
@@demetradecember205 no you don't HAVE to do anything. You can be alone or you can be in a miserable relationship. These tools are for people who want more out of life
@@ritasjourney I've been happily married for 32 years, to the same person. I'm just saying it really doesn't have to be that hard. Just be your authentic self. It's helpful if both people actual like, love, respect and care for the other person. If both people give their best to each other.
I find the differences between men and women fascinating, and I personally enjoy learning about men as a woman, and exploring how we can complement one another.
Men are fascinating creatures! When they love you it is marvelous! My husband is excellent and remarkable, I give him a lot of space to do his work and hobbies. He’s the head of the house and I’m his helper… like God created us to be one flesh. Blessings to all.
@@carmenkamberos1156 I have one of those. He's my boyfriend.
Fun fact: word "Ezer" in Bible (that was translated as a helper) refers to Eve only two times, then few times it refers to powerful people and in about 16 other cases it refers to God. So it seems that it doesn't suggest that a helper is supposed to be submissive or less powerful.
For me its the same, except I like to learn about women, since I am a man :)
What an amazing interview. It is amazing how UA-cam recommends a great interview after it knows your interests. This was amazing. I took so many notes. This should be talked about more. It was such a great conversation because he speaks so clearly and calmly about everything. I will share with so many people
I deal with men every day at the workplace. I work in a man's world, so I KNOW these are absolutely valuable insights for us women to practice. In the workplace, of course, I am not d along with wanting to get a man to fall in love with me. However, my job is to make my co-workers feel relaxed and connected to me and my ideas. I need to have the things I need to get my job done correctly and efficiently. I also am wanting my higher up coworkers (who are males) to see me as cooperstive and open to their ideas and leadership without being so agreeable that I am not getting the work environment that I need to succeed (as I mention as a sidenote to my bosses) so that we will ALL succeed and reach our goals. I also take credit for my ideas in meetings while verbally appreciating the role my bosses played in my bringing it forward. It WORKS, women. And you will begin to appreciate working alongside your male co-workers!
Love this!!
This is valuable because most ppl watching this think that females watching this want to settle down. That's just not so. It's more to survive the workplace politics lol.
i think the most important thing is good intentions i feel like there's no problem complementing the man and believing you are two halves that make a whole as long as they have pure intentions and are good people
John Gray is giving women valuable advice that we women need to hear. I think I was doing it wrong in my last relationship. Thank you for giving us invaluable information that will help both sexes win. Good advice!
WTF. No it doesnt. +15 y working in typical male environments. You dont know what I had to listen for example, about girlfriends and wives there, opinions, plans and cheatings. Usually wondered if the gfriends and wives got to know these things and got to know how manipulative many are. You have to sell your humanity to go to work everyday spite of that or start speaking up. And not to speak about the moment of realization that you're earning less than your male coworkers, they patronize you, your work is signed by male peers, you leave a job and they hire 2 males to cover your position, you hear about the woman from x department who has been sexually harassed. Good luck when you change jobs... I havent been in one where men treated women as equals.
This man brought me to tears. I am so thankful for hearing his words. Thank you for sharing.
It’s taken me nearly 40 years to stumble upon this, but I am so grateful I finally did! ❤
It took me 19
Yeah me too I'm 37
My friend married for 15 years says that she lives the "notebook" experience, also her husband says that. His parents were in love for over 40 yrs and he says his parents were madly in love. What I think is about value, life perception etc..compatibility. This Cloak and Dagger is what makes passion dwindle, having to explain your life's views to someone who doesnt get it, day in and day out, transforms you into a "nagger"( and noone likes to feel that way, therefore depleting the passion spark)
I believe its possible to be and Stay passionately in love, but with the person that is similar to you.
Wow you couldn't be more right! Totally agree. Its my experience too.
Pressing someone to meet their responsibilities isn’t nagging. He started it. Please read Lundy Bancroft instead of John Gray.
Women who have had bad experiences often spend their lives on guard always expecting the worst. That may then become a self fulfilling prophecy.I have been a clinical psychologist since 1979 with many many women as clients. I also was a founding board president of two womens abuse shelters. I know the research I tsught psychology to undr and grad students and was a researcher and I know women via my clinical practice. I am going to keep the technical jargon out of my comment.
It takes alot of work to recover from abuse. But here I am talking about the more usual circumstances when a woman may have just come out of relationhip without overt abuse. She may feel she put more into the relationship than the man did and feel taken advantage of.She may feel she must guard against giving too much again....she may adopt that as a strategy with men. That may serve her but more usually it doesnt in the longterm. It is a matter of balance. You do have to be your real self but if you come off cold and aloof obviously most men are going to look elsewhere...just as most women would with a man who was cold and aloof.
If you are too busy protecting yourself you will not be open to a loving relationship. Lots of people, male and female think of relationships as a zero sum game..if I give too much I will be taken for granted and get the short end of the deal..they think of it as a negotiation...ie I want more and I want to give less to feel I come out on top, they think in terms of power. There are of course some men like that...doesnt bode well for a deeply satisfying life long relationship if either person is power driven...this includes same sex relationships.
Sybil Francis PhD clincal psychologist
@@latinaalma1947 I think it’s more likely that abusers target already-abused people. And your viewpoints and explanations only give them the green light to do so, because they’ll know that the victim’s current complaints about their behavior will be chalked up to “she’s just aloof/hypervigilant because it happened to her before”.
The cross cultural rearch on relationships DOES show the more similar people are on values, goals, personailty characteristics, the more likely a relationship.is to last.
Regarding personality, the most validated theory of personality is the Five Factor Model: 1. Openness to ideas and experiences vs Traditional/Rules oriented...where you fall on that continuum. 2. Conscientiousness - how long you can stick to a goal, how motivated you stay to get things done that you want to do AND how much can you make yourself do things you know need to be done that dont appeal to you. 3.Extroversion vs Introversion where on that scale do you fall. 4. Agreeablness vs Disagreeableness. 5. Neuroticism
Openness: Men tend to be slightly more open to new experience than women. Men are more exploratory because they evolved to hunt game further from their encampment. Women often had small children with them thus they were gatherers of berries, fruits, and plant based foods closer by so they could take their smallchildren with them foraging. Today many women ARE exploratory in their needs and their behavior , but not as many as men.
Conscientiousness: the genders are more equal on this dimension.
Extroversion/Introversion: similar levels
Agreeableness: Women are usually more agreeable than men...men evolved to compete for status and for food etc to attract women and procreate. Men did learn to form alliances hunting big game etc but women were dependent on the male for food while heavily pregnant and nursing so they evolved to be somewhst more agreeable than men did. Sometimes TOO agreeable in modern times.But the disagreeable end of the spectrum people have difficulty in all their relationships.
Neuroticism- the research on personality shows that women are more neurotic than men. Dont worry I will get to men who are the bulk of violent and/or mentally ill prisoners , schizophrenic homeless, alcohol.and drug addicted, etc.
Some common markers of neuroticism in women are obsession with appearance tending towards narcissism and eating disorders, stress related high anxiety in adolescent girls exhibited in catasphrophizing, self harm like cutting, higher rates of suicide attempts in teen girls etc....adolescence is the most neurotic and the most dangerous period when girls/women are at risk. Some of this resolves over time by the 30s, but higher overall rates of women suffer from anxiety and depression than men..thats remains true throughout life.
Dont think men escape unscathed clinically. The following psychological problems are more prevalent in men than women these are not part of the Five Factor The
ory of Personality. They are mental disorders as classified in the DSM IV our clinical diagnostic manual for psychiatrists and CLINICAL psychologists (only psychiatrist MDs and licensed PhD trained clinical psychologists can legally diagnose in the USA)... Men have higher rates of Schizophrenia, Sociopathy, Psychopathy for example. Women have higher incidents of Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Depression....
These maladies do.not affect most men or women. Most of us have the propensity to develop strong and happy bonds and relationships with people...with those we chose to spend our lives with or just some time with, whether these relationships include sexual activity or don't...deep abiding love is possible in many ways as expressed in poetry, literature, drama, and history all are replete with love stories for country, for family, for religious figures, for ones social group however we care to define that, for friends, for lovers, for children, fleetingly for strangers, or a lifetime ....
Sybil Francis PhD, clincal psychologist
I’m so glad this popped up and I listened to it. Now, I feel like I need to share it with my daughter. I think this will be helpful for her.
And helpful to you Nat.
Just like you said: "really this program is much needed in our society" and indeed, you have done justice to Michelle question about men in love. I have applied most of all this saying of yours in my almost ten years of marriage and now I gets amaze most of the time when my man does some amazing things for me which I didn't ask or push for voluntarily. I'm gonna be sharing this cos you've brought it all from a scientific point of view. We've got to build the men; women've got to learn to do less and appreciate more; women've got to learn to be more patient especially in their utterances. ...
Some women, not sure about men, have a biological crossover mentality, we can think on a testosterone level. What I mean is, as for me, I can absolutely separate emotions from sex and be intimate with a guy and not feel or expect anything for/from him afterward ("please stay on your side of the bed, it's hot"...lol), I often ask people (not just men) what they think instead of how they feel, I'm not needy/clingy and I don't have to be validated all the time through affection and constant fluff words (it feels stuffy to me) and I like it when a man offers suggestions or advice of comfort ("honey, you can always quit") it shows they are concerned about my well-being and wants to show me some type of support. It's nice to be feminine and want to feel protected and all that as a woman, but sometimes just stepping back and viewing things as a PERSON communicating with another PERSON is very beneficial, we don't have to operate from a place of Queen Estrogen all the time.
It also help a woman to be born with a Fire sign in astrology,and find the best match possible ;)
Most ppl are in the middle. Like what you are speaking of..
These extremes are uncommon. I think it is more performance than natural. Life is hard we wouldn’t get far if women were crushed by every little thing and men were constantly running away.
These examples in the interview are about ppl with mental illness or adults who are still childlike- not healthy well adjusted adults.
This discussion is absolutely brilliant. Mr John Gray gives so much clarity and sound advice. A treasure of a video. Thank you 😊
Summary: „how to make sure he gets anything he wants, feels great about himself and gets to take credit for it on top“. Ladies, do what you like and don’t give a damn. Works since day 1 of all time. Let him figure it out. Period.
That’s all.
Sometimes it's when your gone...they realize what they've lost...
Selflove is the key 🔑
Some great information but makes men sound so fragile!
Don't do this because you'll hurt his Ego, don't say this because his Ego.
Most important thing is to know yourself! Love yourself! 💞✨
And don't depend on ANYONE for your internal happiness because happiness comes from within YOU.
Timing. Men aren’t complicated. Men know immediately if you are “the one “.
In my experience, men equate loving you with wanting to have sex with you. That’s lust. I have not yet met one who even understands that “love” is putting the needs of another ahead of your own. They come first, wives and children are there for their edification and gratification. 🤦🏻♀️
Stop it. Men put their lives on the line more than women.
@@genericname7020 Agree! Number one, a moral drive man puts God first.
@@genericname7020 How? Don’t say because they fight in wars. They are fighting wars for their own selfish reasons (access to resources) not to protect women. How does the typical ‘modern day man’ put his life on the line for the women in their lives? They don’t. Stop lying.
@@dailyinspiration5540 The average soldier do not gain in war. The average soldier is a pawn in war. Using the very small percentage of Men who are in politics is disingenuous. Men are also 90% of workplace deaths. These jobs are essential jobs.
@@genericname7020
Women make up 90% of care taking jobs.
I bought Men Are From..... book many years ago. I had no clue that men did not think like women! It was an eye-opener in my twenties! I want to thank John for the beautiful statue in the background and for his books. It is so much easier to get along if you understand the way they think and what motivates them. It is freeing to not have to second guess (incorrectly) or misjudge the other person's intentions when you are aware that he/she does not think like you and the others of your 'kind' that you relate to easily. It changed my life!! Thank you Michelle for this talk!
What a sweet comment! As a guy, I'm also grateful that John's books have opened my eyes a long time ago, and have spawned an entire "gender-difference" book industry, all for the betterment of couples.
All human beings think differently. Not every man thinks the same. But, we all see the same reality. Many people like to claim they “think differently“ as an excuse to ignore facts.
All human beings think differently. Not every man thinks the same. But, we all see the same reality. Many people like to claim they “think differently“ as an excuse to ignore facts.
All human beings think differently. Not every man thinks the same. But, we all see the same reality. Many people like to claim they “think differently“ as an excuse to ignore facts.
Please read Don Hennessey or Lundy Bancroft before you read John Gray.
I so appreciate this honest, masculine point of view - very helpful in understanding men
The connection between estrogen, passivity, and addiction in men is FASCINATING. Very worthwhile digging deeper on that! I loved the interviewer, Ms. Marchant Johnson, and the interview overall...my prior comment notwithstanding.
I wish more women would read men are from Mars woman are from venue. I read that book over 10yrs ago. And oh boy it OPENED my eyes how men think so different color then us women. I learned SO much about men thought process. So many woman think when they are mad at him she say he knows why I'm mad the truth is he has no clue. Ladies read the book
Extremely informative... I'm 63 and trying to get back 'out there' . This I will have to listen to several times! Thank you
Yep! I'm right there with you at 66
So what do you do when it IS a big deal?
I like the insight the Dr provided about men. However, I disagree with the whole "my feelings were hurt but it's no big deal"... I think that sends the wrong message.