That struck me too, because my sister has said that about her and me. - Let's just say that my/our parents had issues, and tough times to work through before they died. My very religious sister thinks our family had some type of hex placed on us all decades ago. But, she says, It Ends Here. Satan or whoever got his hooks in the rest of the family, but he never got his hooks in my sister or me. So says my sister...
@@r5t6y7u8 Your sister is not alone as I have carried the same belief about my family my whole life, however I am not religious but I experienced terrible things as a kid. I also chose to end whatever dark energy exists in our family so it can no longer continue through the generations that will undoubtedly follow me.
You cried?? Don't you think this crap is personal, SHOULDN'T not been made public, you're knowing something you don't need know. That's the problem with the internet generation. They think they've got the right to know everything.
My grandpa was abused by his father. My grandpa abused my dad which resulted in my dad losing hearing from both ears and paralyzing half of his face. My dad, only raised his hands towards us to hug us. Not only us, he stays kind and loving to everyone else around him too. He broke the cycle ❤️ I am proud of every parents making an effort to break the cycle Edit : holy moly!! thank you so much guys for blessing my hero dad with so much love. We all take care of him a lot (me, my mom and my sis). We make sure to give him extra love and support he deserved to get in his childhood years You guys are awesome ❤️
Thankyou for your comment, how sad for your your Dad, you and anyone who goes through this, and thankyou for showing that people can break the cycle. Well done !
Tears rolled down my eyes at this and when his wife asked her ashes to be mixed with his, she just wants to be with him. Loving such people inspite of the way the affect you is idk really moving🥺
Even when it isn’t trauma, my grandma (mom’s mom) isn’t very loving, she isn’t a hugger or for affection, she shows it in other ways, my mom is the exact same, my grandpa (dad’s dad) was loving, he hugged a lot and showed a lot of physical affection, my dad’s the exact same. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but it’s super interesting seeing those traits being passed on
@@ink3539 without a doubt! Its part of the - those who do not study and appreciate history are destined to repeat it - and the only true history we can assemble is our own families journey through this world. When I began understanding my parents were trying to do the best they could, I began to humanize the situation and learn from it. Simply put, humans hurt one another until the cycle is broken. Congrats on taking steps to break the cycle!
@@mikeb4256 One of the most difficult lessons to learn growing up is that parents are just as imperfect as everyone else. They can never be exactly what their children feel they should be. When my Dad and I got older, I finally understood that the things I had worked so hard to let go of, were the same things he internally crucified himself about until the day he died. We got to talk about it obliquely at the end, but it seemed to only cause him more pain so I just resolved to let go.
@@MrTweetyhack Nope, gonna end mine and give my ideas to those who wish to continue. Don't take me seriously, starting new ones is lifetime curse imo. Still in an ongoing cold war with my parents, already know what it feels like to take care of myself and 2 younger brothers.
Thanks for reminding me of this while I still have time with my father. He grew up in an abusive home too. He tries his best not to let it escape his past and all I can do is honor his intentions. It means the world to me and I know he just wants to see me succeed. Thanks for the tears.
Wow. It just hit me like a bolt of lightning, “I ended the cycle!” So maybe instead of wondering why my mother couldn’t love me, I will pat myself on the back a little. My kids tell me all the time how they appreciate the unconditional love I have for them and everything around me. They wonder where I got it. I broke the cycle because I never wanted my kids to feel how I felt growing up. 🥰
Parents in the making, pls don’t just have kids for the sake of it. Cptsd is real from our dysfunctional parents who refuse to face their own issues. HEAL FIRST FFS!
@Shadow Gaming Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it's a disorder caused by prolonged traumatic situations, like chronic abuse etc, so there isn't one event (like an accident, or idk being attacked once) that results in it, but it's a result of many different events that build up. Having abusive parents, partners, being in prison, living in a war zone, (i think for many people) going through the constant stress and isolation of pandemic, etc... it's impossible to pinpoint one particular event that leads to CPTSD and that's why it's complex. I hope I explained it well :)
It is complex PTSD. I am diagnosed with it because my trauma happened many times, with and without my knowledge, while I was asleep or in a daze. Unfortunately symptoms can be triggered by “nothing” which is truly the unknown. My body recognizes some series of events or maybe a certain energy and slips into the usual PTSD symptoms before I realize it. It is frequently used to diagnose children with trauma of all sorts because more often than not, we cannot remember all the details and sometimes the trauma is not an event, but rather, a way of living or surviving.
Look up ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional families. Even if you only go to one meeting it's good to know there are other people who bear the burden of a screwed up childhood.
I attended these meetings for over a decade and they changed my life for the better. Overtime I finally grasped who I was and why I had the issues I had. And more importantly I understood that none of the pain was my fault, but that the future could be filled with joy and peace. And today it is... And I am surrounded by good people and good experiences. NO ONE gets to bring me pain...NO ONE!!!
Agreed. Shame it has to work this way. But, yeah, really well done. Takes a subject that should be brutal (How my parent(s) messed me up) and made it compelling.
Uh..yes..the young..far from clickbait..its a metafor..that is art...one day you'll understand that a name could be just that...a name...and behind it ...that's the story...thank u
This made me cry. I'm 47 with a 4 year old daughter. My father is 76 and I'm scared that I could lose him at any time. I also worry that I won't be there for my daughter.
Age only kills you if nothing else does. My 32yo cousin died last year with no kids. To contrast this I have LOTS of great and great great aunts/uncles still around spending time with their kids, grandkids, great grandkids. I still have living grandparents. One of my great uncles died when I was six (he was in his early 30’s) but I still have memories of him and my second son is named for him. There’s more than one way to be there for your kids. You can spend all day worrying but it won’t make a difference. What does make a difference is the time you spend with your family.
This was absolutely beautiful. It reminds me a bit of “Dear Zachary,” they’re both heart touching and they both provide such an intimate view on their subjects.
Omigod! Dear Zachary is the saddest film ever! I try to focus on the beautiful grandparents, and their efforts to help avoid any more tragedies like they suffered...
Way to go, Charlie. It is not an easy thing to look back through the veil of a lack and still see a full person. This a beautiful tribute to a man not fully known but full nonetheless.
This resonated with me as well. Growing up, I have an overbearing mother (to the point where she would make a mountain out of a molehill and emasculate my submissive father whenever they fight) who you would call a drama queen. Then when I learned of all the trauma and suffering she had to endure from my paternal grandparents and sister-in-law, I understood where she was coming from. I understood why she was a nagger, because she endured constant berating and trampling upon by my grandmother who didn't approve of her for my father because she was their nanny. She had to endure sexual harrassment from my grandfather. I came to understood why she always blame my father for just about anything when they fight. For a time when I didn't knew everything about her struggles, I blamed her for why I grew up like this, why I have morbid thoughts, why I act this way and that, why I was constantly depressed. I partly blamed her (in my mind) why I was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2015. When I learned of her struggles I came to see her in a new light. And now I love her more. I want to give her the best in life to the best of my abilities. I want to give her a forever home so they won't have to worry about old age, which she and my father dreamt of from the beginning because my paternal grandparents sold the last parcel of land they own to sustain their gambling addiction which they could have given to my parents as an inheritance but they were selfish so we had to constantly move from place to place, instead they left us with debts and bad memories. I want my mother to be proud of me and make happy memories with her moving forward so she could finally forget about the past and all the trauma she had to endure with my grandparents.
Charlie you would a made him proud. What he did by saying "It ends here" is so very difficult to do, I'm glad you'll never fully have to go thru what he did for you'all.
I relate to this deeply. My dad died when I was 6 and I never really knew him because my parents divorced when I was 2. I just try and stitch together what I can. Pictures, other people's memories, his awards and clothes, some items from his hobbies, etc. It's weird to not know anything about someone who knew everything about you.
I'm actually crying because I relate to this so much it hurts. The only thing that makes it hurt more is that I have no older siblings to share their memories with me. I was the only child. My relationship with my dad is just always going to be this void of things I'll never remember because I was only a baby.
I feel you so much. I lost my dad when I was 17, and I never really had a good relationship with him when he was around. As a kid, I always thought negatively about him... He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and that was what ultimately took him. I couldn’t understand how I felt when he died, but all these memories of him came flooding back to me and I had the same realization as you. He tried his best to try and have a relationship with me, but he just was not very effective at it. I remember him trying to teach me how to drive, do basketball and all that but I was interested in doing other stuff as a teenage, and may have pushed him away. I remember having a somewhat decent relationship with him before I went to the big city for college and I recall him wishing me good luck and all that. We hugged, but I did not know then that that would be one of the last times I’d see him. Now that I’m older, I keep thinking that I could have a better relationship with him at this age than when I was younger because I think I kind of understand him more now. He tried and I did not see him as trying back then.
dude. if there’s one thing I can say is that your dad knew. Your dad probably went through what you been with his dad too, maybe not exactly the same or in the same level. But it is very common for men to go through this journey of growing up to figure out what our parents really meant with their actions, and how better we could have dealt with them if we once knew. but trust me, there isn’t anything you could do that would make your dad love you any less, and I can 100% affirm that your dad had faith in you that you would eventually figure it out, and even if you didn’t, he would love you for what you are and he’d know you loved him also in your own particular way. And I can tell you from experience either from being in your shoes as a son struggling to connect with his dad, as me and my dad also had a very different opinions and interests when I was growing up, but now I have become a father, and I can’t exactly predict my kids future, and I wish he have a good relationship, but if he eventually distances himself from me, it wouldn’t change a thing about how much I love him and how proud I am to be his dad.
A very intimate and poignant story. this a deep glimpse into a very personal thing. It was so honest and i am surprised your family was also so forth coming. Thank you for sharing.
This is why I can't get close to my mom or sister. I've been abused and made fun of my whole life. All me and my dad wanted was for the cycle to end. Beautiful.
"This ends here", my dad's mantra. His struggle to overcome took the joy out of parenting. I chose to not have children mostly because I saw little reward . . . Great piece of art; clickbait title or not.
There's joy in parenting? I would have been utterly miserable being a parent. I think part of the reason my parents were abusive is I added a lot of stress and unhappiness to their lives by... existing.
Growing up with 2 narcissist parents one of the first things I noticed about them is that they caused a lot of the problems they had with me . The penny dropped for me when I saw the way my parents interacted with my children. I felt I had to protect my children from my parents.
I should have clarified. Chances are I would have had some physical issues anyway (lifelong asthma) and mental issues (tendency to depression in family) Abuse/ trauma tends to alter people's brains *and immune systems* in negative ways? There was the Adverse Childhood Events study, which found that really bad events in childhood correlate with worse physical health outcomes later on? Suggest you look up articles on that study if curious.
In my experience, those who perpetuate never recognize they're part of the pattern--they just see themselves as victims, as though the story ends with them... and their victimhood is their excuse. If you recognize the pattern, I think you'd be unlikely to perpetuate it. You're under no obligation to have kids, but don't make the decision out of fear you'd repeat dysfunction.
+rockstopsthetraffic Your comment seems as flippant as it is misguided. The answer to your question is likely, "Because the risk accrues primarily to someone about whom he cares deeply (a potential child)."
My dad was abused as a child. as I was growing up he took me to airports to spend time with me. Now thanks to him giving his all to raise me and my sister I am an airline pilot. Thank you for making this video, it reminds me of my dad so much.
My father was a pilot in the air force and was on his third asian wife when he died. Hustler magazine was mailed monthly to him when we lived overseas. Sometimes your parents sexuality just creeps you out.
This made me cry. This incredibly well-made, beautifully shot, its editing intricate and clever, the narration bittersweet, and I am glad this video exists. I hope you are proud of what you have made.
This is the best video I have seen on UA-cam yet. Kudos to NYT, Charlie and especially Greg. May you rest in peace and have the best childhood possible in your next life.
my grandfather was my favorite person ever. He always trusted me, and he was the only one to do it. My father didn't believed in me, neither my mother or my friends. It's always "eh, Lua's stuff huh" when i failed at something. My grandpa got me into music. I'm a musician. I play guitar, piano, violin, accordion, bass, cello, clarinet, flute, clavichord, and lute. I'm a luthier, and made some stuff. My parents told me it wouldn't give me any money, so i stopped going to music classes. My grandpa teached me to write. He made poems, and teached me to do it too. I made hundreds of poems, but none got even close to be as good as his. He always told me that he wanted to write like me. My grandpa once got a strange scar on his neck, and told me he removed a mole in there. One day, he called me, to go to the hospital with him, because he couldn't go alone. He had skin cancer. It was at its final stage, and he... didn't told me, nor my dad, nor his brothers and sisters. The last day i saw him.... he apologized for not saying anything. And i said that i always believed and trusted in him, and made him a poem right there. I have a son. I also have skin cancer. And i cant speak to my father, nor my mother, nor my son. And i... want to leave him something special. But I'm a no one.
Beautifully done. I lost my dad to Covid recently, and this really resonated with me. He didn’t manage to leave behind the scars and traditions of a violent upbringing as well, but I know that he tried. Thanks for sharing this.
I lost my father last year. Thankfully we had the chance to reconcile. I was able to care for him and clean him. My father was verbally abusive and very heavy handed. For me to humble myself and be so gentle handed with him during his vulnerable time allowed me to grow past the anger and confusion. May we both find piece. Conversations and time spent gives new perspective but does not close wounds per se. The skin has closed but scares remain. Scars I pray to avoid handing down to my own son. Let's do it for them. be blessed
Thank you for your kindness to your parents. It is one of the means to attain the pleasure of God. “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.“ (Quran, 17:23)
ninethreefivesix Just adpote a kid if for nothing else then to help another person. Do you know most orphans become homeless? Be that person and help another. okay?
Wow, this film hooks me like a fish. Yanks me to the surface and flops me into the fisherman boat as I realize how honest and similar this story is to mine!! Please throw me back in the water.
Wow. I see so much of my own relationship with my father in this: the airless, seemingly unbridgeable distance between us that persists into my 30s and his 70s, my attempts to understand and account for the numerous small ways we drifted apart, and in my case, the slowly fading hope that we will ever find middle ground, a common cause, that we can slowly work towards before our time on this earth is both spent. This is what the Internet should be for. Well done. I'm proud to be a (newish! I've watched about 10 of these already just this morning!) subscriber.
I cried basically all the way through the video because it reminds me a lot of my family. It's treated with so much affection and care. Tastefully and beautifully done. Thank you for making this.
I absolutely love how this was made. I thought it was just some wacky story about the children gettng grossed out by their father and nothing more, but this, just made me be in the shoes of one of them, searching for that answer, who was their father? Why? And ultimately it just left me so profoundly shocked by how well written it was. From the absurd title to something more than that. I love this.
Whenever I need to make a short video for my class projects, I always come and re-watch this because the design is stunning. It's a good reference for a simple style, and if needs to go a little extra you can definitely just add another style on top of it. Lovely docu.
Lovely story. Unfortunate title that may keep some away. Not that it bothered me but I could see other types overlooking it because of the poem reference. Keep it up Charlie!
Very beautiful story. Makes me appreciate the fact that I still have my parents with me. Both of my parents grew up in dysfunctional families and for the most part they broke the cycle of abuse. Our family is dysfunctional in it's own right, but growing up we knew we were loved and well taken care of.
Invicite インビサイト Yeah, it was pretty sad. But alot of people's lives are like this and worse! :/ Better to not get married and bring kids into the situation!
This is the kind of thing that runs through my head every time I have to repeat that I'm sure I never want children--if the way I was raised doesn't ruin them, then my fear of ruining them will. It ends here, for good.
This really helped me understand my father. The way he treated us kids, the way he functions and only does things his own way. He too grew up in a dysfunctional family, but he tries. I now understand him. Thanks Charlie.
This reminds me of my dad who died in 2012, I wish I knew at that time what he had gone through and was a bit more sensitive/appreciative to him instead of thinking that he was just a strict meanie.
This is my dad too. He is very short tempered and would sometimes hit himself if he didn't have anyone to blame for his problems. I hated him in all of my high school until a month ago when he was almost hospitalised. I slowly started to understand him better and its mostly because of his abusive childhood. I will be moving out for college and just thinking about moving out makes me extremely sad. I just wish that I could have understood all of that sooner instead of resenting him all my life.
@@israa.fathima3943 it's okay atleast u are trying to understand him when you have time with him :) most of us resent our parents even after they die then regret later and think about how we could have spend our times with them differently. I'm glad u realized it quicker than most of us do❤️
My mom died when I was 18 so I know missing that chance to know your parent as an adult. Missing that chance to know them on another level. My mother was raised in foster care care and her early life is a mystery to me. But much like his father my mom ended the cycle of abuse.
This hit me really hard. I couldn't helped but be emotional. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic, drunk about 5x a week and mentally & physical abusive. I don't know if his father was physically abusive. He never talked about his parents but my mom said they were emotionally distant and detached from their children. They didn't show any affection to each other. But my mother on the other hand, was very kind, nurturing, loving & affectionate. They were the complete opposite of each other
Excellent work. It seems we all have similar awkwardness with our parents, that is until we mature and watch and hear their stories over and over and over again. I lost my Dad one year ago to Alzheimer's disease. As mean and nasty and irritable as he was, I still love him and miss him. My Dad left this world unable to take care of himself, in an adult diaper and crying like a newly born infant. Love your parents while you have them and let the rest go.
This video passed me numerous times before I finally watched it, because i didn’t know it would be this meaningful. Achingly beautiful content, titles aside this was beautiful. Thank you.
Although the title threw me for months, I finally became curious enough to watch, and I'm so glad I did because this short turned out to be the ABSOLUTE finest I've viewed to date on this platform. Believe me: I've seen a couple hundred over the past few years. Poignant, provocative and deeply insightful...you won't be disappointed.
Maybe I’m missing something but the title just seems to me to be click bait. There’s nothing substantial about the tapes in the story, and even if you try to read them as symbolic of the things that he hid away about his life, it still isn’t a very effective metaphor given that they say at the start that he didn’t hide them very well. What makes you feel it’s a masterpiece?
@@stuartcameron320 If this film was a short played at a movie theater we’d say the title was evocative. I certainly expected something seedy about the man so, perhaps a stretch as a metaphor but… don’t judge the film/book by it’s title nor his dad by what’s on the surface.
When his mother said that she and Greg decided together that "it ends here"... so wonderful. I cried.
That struck me too, because my sister has said that about her and me. - Let's just say that my/our parents had issues, and tough times to work through before they died. My very religious sister thinks our family had some type of hex placed on us all decades ago. But, she says, It Ends Here. Satan or whoever got his hooks in the rest of the family, but he never got his hooks in my sister or me. So says my sister...
When her only wish was to be reunited in death with him..
@@r5t6y7u8 Your sister is not alone as I have carried the same belief about my family my whole life, however I am not religious but I experienced terrible things as a kid. I also chose to end whatever dark energy exists in our family so it can no longer continue through the generations that will undoubtedly follow me.
You cried?? Don't you think this crap is personal, SHOULDN'T not been made public, you're knowing something you don't need know. That's the problem with the internet generation. They think they've got the right to know everything.
Dude what is your problem
My grandpa was abused by his father. My grandpa abused my dad which resulted in my dad losing hearing from both ears and paralyzing half of his face.
My dad, only raised his hands towards us to hug us. Not only us, he stays kind and loving to everyone else around him too.
He broke the cycle ❤️
I am proud of every parents making an effort to break the cycle
Edit : holy moly!! thank you so much guys for blessing my hero dad with so much love. We all take care of him a lot (me, my mom and my sis). We make sure to give him extra love and support he deserved to get in his childhood years
You guys are awesome ❤️
Aww so sweet congrats to you for having an awesome dad 😊
Your poor father a brave person
Thankyou for your comment, how sad for your your Dad, you and anyone who goes through this, and thankyou for showing that people can break the cycle.
Well done !
The only reason people hurt children,,,,,
Is because they can!!!
But is there any gaurrenty that you will not hurt your children ??
When you said "This was Greg trying...its just he kinda sucked at it." I smiled at the honesty
Tears rolled down my eyes at this and when his wife asked her ashes to be mixed with his, she just wants to be with him. Loving such people inspite of the way the affect you is idk really moving🥺
@@alwinmathew5827 there is true love. Its just not common. I was truly moved too.
This made me cry. 😭😭
Sometimes compassion is all we can hope for and all that we can give.
I remember Achilles' request to mix his ashes with Patrolocus once he died.
“you inherit your parents’ trauma but you will never fully understand it”
Amazing that we never understand it, however, we quite often replicate it with our own sordid formula of psychological sludge.
@@mikeb4256 Definitely - I feel like acknowledging the trauma's existence helps trying not to replicate it. At least I hope so.
Even when it isn’t trauma, my grandma (mom’s mom) isn’t very loving, she isn’t a hugger or for affection, she shows it in other ways, my mom is the exact same, my grandpa (dad’s dad) was loving, he hugged a lot and showed a lot of physical affection, my dad’s the exact same.
Maybe it’s a coincidence, but it’s super interesting seeing those traits being passed on
@@ink3539 without a doubt! Its part of the - those who do not study and appreciate history are destined to repeat it - and the only true history we can assemble is our own families journey through this world.
When I began understanding my parents were trying to do the best they could, I began to humanize the situation and learn from it.
Simply put, humans hurt one another until the cycle is broken. Congrats on taking steps to break the cycle!
@@mikeb4256 One of the most difficult lessons to learn growing up is that parents are just as imperfect as everyone else. They can never be exactly what their children feel they should be. When my Dad and I got older, I finally understood that the things I had worked so hard to let go of, were the same things he internally crucified himself about until the day he died. We got to talk about it obliquely at the end, but it seemed to only cause him more pain so I just resolved to let go.
Shoutout to all the people out there breaking generational curses. ❤
and starting new ones
Yup. It's a life long struggle but, it is worth it and possible 😉
@@MrTweetyhack Nope, gonna end mine and give my ideas to those who wish to continue. Don't take me seriously, starting new ones is lifetime curse imo. Still in an ongoing cold war with my parents, already know what it feels like to take care of myself and 2 younger brothers.
E
Yup
Thanks for reminding me of this while I still have time with my father. He grew up in an abusive home too. He tries his best not to let it escape his past and all I can do is honor his intentions. It means the world to me and I know he just wants to see me succeed. Thanks for the tears.
Same 3
Tony Stark
“Honor his intentions.”
WOW those few words just hit me.
This video is clickbait but im gladni clicked this time
I wish my daughter had your insight.
@@moonbeam1425 all due respect, have you also taken responsibility for your part? Good luck and love to you ❤️
PTSD from childhood ruins families.
Dunning Kruger up .m, b. X
It ruins generations, and hard to break a pattern
I herby declare that we boycott childhood
Nicole Werner Is that your attempt at trying to ridicule/belittle Dunning Kruger?
Google User no i’m being serious let’s get rid of childhood
Wow. It just hit me like a bolt of lightning, “I ended the cycle!” So maybe instead of wondering why my mother couldn’t love me, I will pat myself on the back a little. My kids tell me all the time how they appreciate the unconditional love I have for them and everything around me. They wonder where I got it. I broke the cycle because I never wanted my kids to feel how I felt growing up. 🥰
Me either, youngest just told me how much he loved me at his wedding, I hated my abusive narcissistic parents .
Good for you sweety,You desrve every hug and kiss you give.
@@fuzzybutkus3951 thanks, love!
This video is the definition of ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. This is such a beautiful video
This is "The Way of All Flesh" of short documentaries.
Totally, right? Blows me away!
Agreed. You can tell it was a labor of love for Charlie here and a great tribute to his dad
Parents in the making, pls don’t just have kids for the sake of it. Cptsd is real from our dysfunctional parents who refuse to face their own issues. HEAL FIRST FFS!
What’s cptsd?
Means Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
@Shadow Gaming Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it's a disorder caused by prolonged traumatic situations, like chronic abuse etc, so there isn't one event (like an accident, or idk being attacked once) that results in it, but it's a result of many different events that build up. Having abusive parents, partners, being in prison, living in a war zone, (i think for many people) going through the constant stress and isolation of pandemic, etc... it's impossible to pinpoint one particular event that leads to CPTSD and that's why it's complex. I hope I explained it well :)
It is complex PTSD. I am diagnosed with it because my trauma happened many times, with and without my knowledge, while I was asleep or in a daze. Unfortunately symptoms can be triggered by “nothing” which is truly the unknown. My body recognizes some series of events or maybe a certain energy and slips into the usual PTSD symptoms before I realize it. It is frequently used to diagnose children with trauma of all sorts because more often than not, we cannot remember all the details and sometimes the trauma is not an event, but rather, a way of living or surviving.
@@lvmln7843 excellent explanation
This resonates for me on many levels. Very moving and well presented, thank you.
"Well presented" haha
Look up ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional families. Even if you only go to one meeting it's good to know there are other people who bear the burden of a screwed up childhood.
I attended these meetings for over a decade and they changed my life for the better.
Overtime I finally grasped who I was and why I had the issues I had.
And more importantly I understood that none of the pain was my fault, but that the future could be filled with joy and peace.
And today it is...
And I am surrounded by good people and good experiences.
NO ONE gets to bring me pain...NO ONE!!!
This is the last place I expected to see you, Julien lol
A Cappella Trudbol I couldn’t say it any better!
Families can be such achingly bittersweet and beautifully tangled messes, of good yet flawed people trying to care and love for one another.
Nicely said.
beautifully put
It's so nicely put!
Families can be a terrible toxic anchor
this !! wow, makes me wanna tear up a little
Totally clickbait... but totally worth it
Good job.
DH I agree. For a person we have no clue who he is before this the way he told the story and edited it made it interesting
Agreed. Shame it has to work this way.
But, yeah, really well done. Takes a subject that should be brutal (How my parent(s) messed me up) and made it compelling.
Uh..yes..the young..far from clickbait..its a metafor..that is art...one day you'll understand that a name could be just that...a name...and behind it ...that's the story...thank u
@@jennymosca2178 You sound like Peggy Hill lamenting her ProBots. Pathos
@@jennymosca2178 finally someone says it
This made me cry. I'm 47 with a 4 year old daughter. My father is 76 and I'm scared that I could lose him at any time. I also worry that I won't be there for my daughter.
Me too. Me too
Both those things are likely to happen. Maybe just focus on what you have and enjoy these moments matey
Age only kills you if nothing else does. My 32yo cousin died last year with no kids. To contrast this I have LOTS of great and great great aunts/uncles still around spending time with their kids, grandkids, great grandkids. I still have living grandparents. One of my great uncles died when I was six (he was in his early 30’s) but I still have memories of him and my second son is named for him. There’s more than one way to be there for your kids. You can spend all day worrying but it won’t make a difference. What does make a difference is the time you spend with your family.
@@knmplans ☝😎
Have a little faith
This was absolutely beautiful. It reminds me a bit of “Dear Zachary,” they’re both heart touching and they both provide such an intimate view on their subjects.
That film is gut wrenching and I revisit it every 5 or so years 😢
Omigod! Dear Zachary is the saddest film ever! I try to focus on the beautiful grandparents, and their efforts to help avoid any more tragedies like they suffered...
Way to go, Charlie. It is not an easy thing to look back through the veil of a lack and still see a full person. This a beautiful tribute to a man not fully known but full nonetheless.
"it is not an easy thing to look back through a veil of lack and still see a full person."
WOW incredibly well said. 2nd round of tear eyes here
Perfect example of great, not cringy modern art. Thank you.
I would not classify this as modern art
@@carrotcake6572 What would it be then?
itsThatTime modern art refers to an artistic period in visual art. This is a film
@@carrotcake6572 Film is a visual creative medium. It's an art.
itsThatTime it is not. Visual art is a specific medium in which film does not fall under
“You bring what you know to parenting”. With a heavy heart I applause to the end credits.
This resonated with me as well. Growing up, I have an overbearing mother (to the point where she would make a mountain out of a molehill and emasculate my submissive father whenever they fight) who you would call a drama queen. Then when I learned of all the trauma and suffering she had to endure from my paternal grandparents and sister-in-law, I understood where she was coming from. I understood why she was a nagger, because she endured constant berating and trampling upon by my grandmother who didn't approve of her for my father because she was their nanny. She had to endure sexual harrassment from my grandfather. I came to understood why she always blame my father for just about anything when they fight. For a time when I didn't knew everything about her struggles, I blamed her for why I grew up like this, why I have morbid thoughts, why I act this way and that, why I was constantly depressed. I partly blamed her (in my mind) why I was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2015. When I learned of her struggles I came to see her in a new light. And now I love her more. I want to give her the best in life to the best of my abilities. I want to give her a forever home so they won't have to worry about old age, which she and my father dreamt of from the beginning because my paternal grandparents sold the last parcel of land they own to sustain their gambling addiction which they could have given to my parents as an inheritance but they were selfish so we had to constantly move from place to place, instead they left us with debts and bad memories. I want my mother to be proud of me and make happy memories with her moving forward so she could finally forget about the past and all the trauma she had to endure with my grandparents.
Make your own life, a life for yourself, FIRST. Wishing you well.
You are a good son with a kind heart and valuable insight. God bless you.
Crazy how similar our situations are. good for both of us for going forward
Are we just ignoring, that you see his sister eating a booger in the moment she says "you're not putting me in the movie"? xD classic sibling love
Yeah. I noticed.
Lol. Time stamp?
@@neptunes297 Really??? You *REALLY* want to *SEE* THAT????? EW!!!! Check the TIME STAMP yourself. *YUCK* !!!
@@rvpstudioscanada3991 Calm down
I think it was his (young) daughter.
Why am I watching this instead of studying
Lindsay Dale MAGA
😭
Lol me too
as humans we are all doomed to repeat the mistakes of others
i'm doing my part!
same
This was such an artfully made film, my goodness.
This is so heart breaking, what an incredible piece of work.
Charlie you would a made him proud. What he did by saying "It ends here" is so very difficult to do, I'm glad you'll never fully have to go thru what he did for you'all.
This made me cry. Really beautiful monument to all parents with some thought-provoking ideas about generational trauma. Well done.
I relate to this deeply. My dad died when I was 6 and I never really knew him because my parents divorced when I was 2. I just try and stitch together what I can. Pictures, other people's memories, his awards and clothes, some items from his hobbies, etc. It's weird to not know anything about someone who knew everything about you.
I'm actually crying because I relate to this so much it hurts. The only thing that makes it hurt more is that I have no older siblings to share their memories with me. I was the only child. My relationship with my dad is just always going to be this void of things I'll never remember because I was only a baby.
He didn’t know everything about you. How could he? He abandoned you.
i resonate with this, my brother died when i was 4 (he was 9) and i do not remember anything but his funeral. he knew me but i didn't know him.
@@kathysavage9342 what's wrong with you?
@@kathysavage9342 you seem like you have your own demons that you need to face. Don't go projecting that upon other people.
I feel you so much. I lost my dad when I was 17, and I never really had a good relationship with him when he was around. As a kid, I always thought negatively about him... He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and that was what ultimately took him. I couldn’t understand how I felt when he died, but all these memories of him came flooding back to me and I had the same realization as you. He tried his best to try and have a relationship with me, but he just was not very effective at it. I remember him trying to teach me how to drive, do basketball and all that but I was interested in doing other stuff as a teenage, and may have pushed him away. I remember having a somewhat decent relationship with him before I went to the big city for college and I recall him wishing me good luck and all that. We hugged, but I did not know then that that would be one of the last times I’d see him. Now that I’m older, I keep thinking that I could have a better relationship with him at this age than when I was younger because I think I kind of understand him more now. He tried and I did not see him as trying back then.
dude. if there’s one thing I can say is that your dad knew. Your dad probably went through what you been with his dad too, maybe not exactly the same or in the same level. But it is very common for men to go through this journey of growing up to figure out what our parents really meant with their actions, and how better we could have dealt with them if we once knew. but trust me, there isn’t anything you could do that would make your dad love you any less, and I can 100% affirm that your dad had faith in you that you would eventually figure it out, and even if you didn’t, he would love you for what you are and he’d know you loved him also in your own particular way. And I can tell you from experience either from being in your shoes as a son struggling to connect with his dad, as me and my dad also had a very different opinions and interests when I was growing up, but now I have become a father, and I can’t exactly predict my kids future, and I wish he have a good relationship, but if he eventually distances himself from me, it wouldn’t change a thing about how much I love him and how proud I am to be his dad.
A very intimate and poignant story. this a deep glimpse into a very personal thing. It was so honest and i am surprised your family was also so forth coming. Thank you for sharing.
This is why I can't get close to my mom or sister. I've been abused and made fun of my whole life. All me and my dad wanted was for the cycle to end. Beautiful.
"This ends here", my dad's mantra. His struggle to overcome took the joy out of parenting. I chose to not have children mostly because I saw little reward . . . Great piece of art; clickbait title or not.
There's joy in parenting?
I would have been utterly miserable being a parent. I think part of the reason my parents were abusive is I added a lot of stress and unhappiness to their lives by... existing.
@@g_g6729
No, not really. I have some moderate physical, and more substantial mental, problems.
Growing up with 2 narcissist parents one of the first things I noticed about them is that they caused a lot of the problems they had with me . The penny dropped for me when I saw the way my parents interacted with my children. I felt I had to protect my children from my parents.
Yeah
I should have clarified.
Chances are I would have had some physical issues anyway (lifelong asthma) and mental issues (tendency to depression in family)
Abuse/ trauma tends to alter people's brains *and immune systems* in negative ways?
There was the Adverse Childhood Events study, which found that really bad events in childhood correlate with worse physical health outcomes later on?
Suggest you look up articles on that study if curious.
This is something that my family struggled with through generations. That's why I have no kids. Hopefully the cycle stops with me.
Yup, but the cycle stops with you when you have children and don't repeat the cycle. Just not having children at all is though is effortless isn't it?
Sergio Rodriguez a Hispanic without children? found a unicorn
In my experience, those who perpetuate never recognize they're part of the pattern--they just see themselves as victims, as though the story ends with them... and their victimhood is their excuse. If you recognize the pattern, I think you'd be unlikely to perpetuate it.
You're under no obligation to have kids, but don't make the decision out of fear you'd repeat dysfunction.
Yeah, why risk having something beautiful when you can have nothing?
I'm with this guy.
+rockstopsthetraffic Your comment seems as flippant as it is misguided. The answer to your question is likely, "Because the risk accrues primarily to someone about whom he cares deeply (a potential child)."
My dad was abused as a child. as I was growing up he took me to airports to spend time with me. Now thanks to him giving his all to raise me and my sister I am an airline pilot. Thank you for making this video, it reminds me of my dad so much.
such an amazing, gorgeous, heartfelt film
This has that 'Me, Earl and The Dying Girl' feel to it, like a documentary but with some bat crap mixed in
Editing in photos for a split second was madness.
Man was thinking the same thing... Tip my hat to him...
My father was a pilot in the air force and was on his third asian wife when he died. Hustler magazine was mailed monthly to him when we lived overseas. Sometimes your parents sexuality just creeps you out.
Yah, that IS creepy. Sorry. Wishing you well.
For real.
I do not think so. We are no less weird at all. Sexuality is not weird unless you are a puritan.
This comment reminded me of no neck Ed
@@Teporame ☝😎
This made me cry.
This incredibly well-made, beautifully shot, its editing intricate and clever, the narration bittersweet, and I am glad this video exists. I hope you are proud of what you have made.
My family doesnt even exist anymore; Im the last. Everyone and Everything is gone.
Nice video.
@@jennesc Some legacies should die off.
@@jennesc Is there a convincent reason why?
Same here! I 'm alone!
"It ends here"
That makes you think a lot about your parents and about future kids. Thank you.
I made that vow as soon as my son was delivered...
This is the best video I have seen on UA-cam yet. Kudos to NYT, Charlie and especially Greg. May you rest in peace and have the best childhood possible in your next life.
my grandfather was my favorite person ever. He always trusted me, and he was the only one to do it. My father didn't believed in me, neither my mother or my friends. It's always "eh, Lua's stuff huh" when i failed at something.
My grandpa got me into music. I'm a musician. I play guitar, piano, violin, accordion, bass, cello, clarinet, flute, clavichord, and lute. I'm a luthier, and made some stuff.
My parents told me it wouldn't give me any money, so i stopped going to music classes.
My grandpa teached me to write. He made poems, and teached me to do it too. I made hundreds of poems, but none got even close to be as good as his. He always told me that he wanted to write like me.
My grandpa once got a strange scar on his neck, and told me he removed a mole in there.
One day, he called me, to go to the hospital with him, because he couldn't go alone. He had skin cancer. It was at its final stage, and he... didn't told me, nor my dad, nor his brothers and sisters.
The last day i saw him.... he apologized for not saying anything. And i said that i always believed and trusted in him, and made him a poem right there.
I have a son. I also have skin cancer. And i cant speak to my father, nor my mother, nor my son. And i... want to leave him something special. But I'm a no one.
I'm really really really tired of being alive.
I have probably 30 accounts, and I'm also a programmer. I'm scared all the time.
I cried watching this. Incredibly moving, and very well made.
Tried to use this to rekindle the relationship between my parents and I. It failed but was worth the attempt. Great video
This must have been such a cathartic project. This is actual, beautiful, art
Beautifully done. I lost my dad to Covid recently, and this really resonated with me. He didn’t manage to leave behind the scars and traditions of a violent upbringing as well, but I know that he tried. Thanks for sharing this.
I lost my father last year. Thankfully we had the chance to reconcile. I was able to care for him and clean him. My father was verbally abusive and very heavy handed. For me to humble myself and be so gentle handed with him during his vulnerable time allowed me to grow past the anger and confusion. May we both find piece. Conversations and time spent gives new perspective but does not close wounds per se. The skin has closed but scares remain. Scars I pray to avoid handing down to my own son. Let's do it for them. be blessed
Thank you for your kindness to your parents. It is one of the means to attain the pleasure of God. “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.“ (Quran, 17:23)
Sad, but also very hopeful. Abuse doesn't have to continue from generation to generation. Beautiful story.
Aww this was very moving. My parents attribute their bad parenting to their parents and I resent them for that. I will never have children.
ninethreefivesix Just adpote a kid if for nothing else then to help another person. Do you know most orphans become homeless? Be that person and help another. okay?
Dang the beginning of that comment was a very different vibe from the end. 😕
Same. I know I won't be the parent a child deserves therefore I won't put myself in that position.
You know johnny depp thought not getting married would prevent his turning into his father?? Were all a "work in progress"....
That’s selfish
6:22 "This was their house, a monument to a respectable brand of normalcy." - nicely expressed
I like that finally Charlie Tyrell was given credit. Seeing "Directed by. Charlie Tyrell"at the end of this video.
My dad found another lump in his neck yesterday (he's already in treatment)... just trying to hold it together 💔
This was oddly comforting.
I hope he's much better now 🙏
I’m not crying, you’re crying...
KittySchmrl no im not crying you are crying
The IT Crowd?
'Sniff' 😢 'sniff' hey who left this bowl of onions here.
This is one the most amazing things I've seen in years, thank you Charlie Tyrell
Wow, this film hooks me like a fish. Yanks me to the surface and flops me into the fisherman boat as I realize how honest and similar this story is to mine!! Please throw me back in the water.
this never fails to make me cry. thank you so so much for making this charlie
I needed to watch this today. We humans are so complex, fascinating and vulnerable. Thank you so much Charlie!
Wow. I see so much of my own relationship with my father in this: the airless, seemingly unbridgeable distance between us that persists into my 30s and his 70s, my attempts to understand and account for the numerous small ways we drifted apart, and in my case, the slowly fading hope that we will ever find middle ground, a common cause, that we can slowly work towards before our time on this earth is both spent.
This is what the Internet should be for. Well done. I'm proud to be a (newish! I've watched about 10 of these already just this morning!) subscriber.
I haven’t met my biological family in years because of abuse, and this is reminding me why that was a good decision.
@Generic rapper why wouldnt i be
@Generic rapper bruh let her enjoy what she likes
@Generic rapper yeah but buzzfeed owns many different channels and I'm sure it's not that bad haha
From the men that brought you "you should smile more" and "don't wear so much makeup!" we bring you "why are you subscribed to that channel?"
This is one of the most heartfelt, poignant documentaries I've seen around here. So well done and creative.
I remember watching this when my father was still alive. Now I've come back after my father's death and I'm crying like a baby
In the future, the equivalent would be "finding my father's search history".
Kudos to the animator/videomaker! Love the flat lay concept!
I cried basically all the way through the video because it reminds me a lot of my family. It's treated with so much affection and care. Tastefully and beautifully done. Thank you for making this.
I absolutely love how this was made. I thought it was just some wacky story about the children gettng grossed out by their father and nothing more, but this, just made me be in the shoes of one of them, searching for that answer, who was their father? Why? And ultimately it just left me so profoundly shocked by how well written it was. From the absurd title to something more than that. I love this.
Her asking her ashes to be mixed with his dad’s is so sweet, it’s the thing that made me cry lol
Sometimes I wonder how that's possible
@@HoloScope what do you mean?
@@Vale-nh6ey how they still loved each other
@@HoloScope oh! Yeah, the thought of being left alone on this world after so many years of sharing your life with your husband Is terrifying
@@Vale-nh6ey Oh I didn't mean that deep, but thanks for the trauma 😀
Whenever I need to make a short video for my class projects, I always come and re-watch this because the design is stunning. It's a good reference for a simple style, and if needs to go a little extra you can definitely just add another style on top of it. Lovely docu.
I agree that the style of this documentary is awesome!
Lovely story. Unfortunate title that may keep some away. Not that it bothered me but I could see other types overlooking it because of the poem reference. Keep it up Charlie!
I dindt get the title in the movie, please explane it, I dont speak English
The title is what made me click it
I’d say to opposite really...it’s clickbait, but I don’t mean that in a negative way.
Very beautiful story. Makes me appreciate the fact that I still have my parents with me. Both of my parents grew up in dysfunctional families and for the most part they broke the cycle of abuse. Our family is dysfunctional in it's own right, but growing up we knew we were loved and well taken care of.
So beautiful! And very well done! Just wish it didn't have the clickbaity title.
Viraj, I love the title! We all have a drawer of “stuff” and the title made me think this was going to be hilarious, but instead it was moving.
I'm actually happy I got baited to watched it
raaxaa me too but still.
I think it worked cus the end product is still amazing. Really heartfelt.
I don't think I would've watch this video otherwise so kudos to him.
Left me in tears . This is beautiful, every human being needs to watch this
Thank you so much for this film! "It ends here"...I know what that feels like. Your story helps me a lot.
I cried right in the beggining, until the end! Well done sir! A very emotional piece of art!
So sad :(
Invicite インビサイト
Yeah, it was pretty sad. But alot of people's lives are like this and worse! :/ Better to not get married and bring kids into the situation!
@@deshawn2326 LOL
@@MichelleSK6
Lol what?
What a beautiful beautiful video, and the editing is amazing. Shed a tear at the end. A very comfortable tear
This is the kind of thing that runs through my head every time I have to repeat that I'm sure I never want children--if the way I was raised doesn't ruin them, then my fear of ruining them will.
It ends here, for good.
I don’t understand why this doesn’t have more views it’s really well done. And is an eye opener! Love your parents whilst you can.
Amazing work!
This really helped me understand my father. The way he treated us kids, the way he functions and only does things his own way. He too grew up in a dysfunctional family, but he tries. I now understand him. Thanks Charlie.
This reminds me of my dad who died in 2012, I wish I knew at that time what he had gone through and was a bit more sensitive/appreciative to him instead of thinking that he was just a strict meanie.
This is my dad too. He is very short tempered and would sometimes hit himself if he didn't have anyone to blame for his problems. I hated him in all of my high school until a month ago when he was almost hospitalised. I slowly started to understand him better and its mostly because of his abusive childhood. I will be moving out for college and just thinking about moving out makes me extremely sad. I just wish that I could have understood all of that sooner instead of resenting him all my life.
@@israa.fathima3943 it's okay atleast u are trying to understand him when you have time with him :) most of us resent our parents even after they die then regret later and think about how we could have spend our times with them differently. I'm glad u realized it quicker than most of us do❤️
This was touching. I'm glad you took the time to delve into it...hopefully you got closure as well. Nice job Charlie!
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Just incredible, touching, so full of emotion, and the end is like a subtleau. Charlie Tyrell!
My mom died when I was 18 so I know missing that chance to know your parent as an adult. Missing that chance to know them on another level.
My mother was raised in foster care care and her early life is a mystery to me. But much like his father my mom ended the cycle of abuse.
Kudos to your mother. May she rest in peace. Wishing you well.
holy crap this is so well made
This was beautiful.
Incredible job, Charlie Tyrell.
Love how you ended this! This was very fascinating.
Expected light-hearted, awkward humour... ended with tears and appreciation. Very good content and production with deep rooted moral values 😍😥👏
This hit me really hard. I couldn't helped but be emotional. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic, drunk about 5x a week and mentally & physical abusive. I don't know if his father was physically abusive. He never talked about his parents but my mom said they were emotionally distant and detached from their children. They didn't show any affection to each other. But my mother on the other hand, was very kind, nurturing, loving & affectionate. They were the complete opposite of each other
Loved the video ! Thanks for sharing that about your family & father in particular. Break the cycle. That is a strong message.
Excellent work. It seems we all have similar awkwardness with our parents, that is until we mature and watch and hear their stories over and over and over again. I lost my Dad one year ago to Alzheimer's disease. As mean and nasty and irritable as he was, I still love him and miss him. My Dad left this world unable to take care of himself, in an adult diaper and crying like a newly born infant. Love your parents while you have them and let the rest go.
This video passed me numerous times before I finally watched it, because i didn’t know it would be this meaningful.
Achingly beautiful content, titles aside this was beautiful. Thank you.
Your editing and story telling is insane, excellent work.
this was amazing and by the end i had tears running down my face. thank you for sharing!
i appreciate how much care was put into this presentation,i'm sure he would have loved this
Very touching! It made me reflect on my own parents. My brother once said, about our mother: you can’t give what you never had…
My relationship with my father was very strained but in the end I knew he tried the best he could.
This is for everyone, but mostly for Charlie.
That's the thing about parents, you think they're bad until you learn what their parents did. The least you can do is appreciate how much they try.
Although the title threw me for months, I finally became curious enough to watch, and I'm so glad I did because this short turned out to be the ABSOLUTE finest I've viewed to date on this platform. Believe me: I've seen a couple hundred over the past few years. Poignant, provocative and deeply insightful...you won't be disappointed.
This is so beautiful. Thank you!
The title is a masterpiece in itself.
Maybe I’m missing something but the title just seems to me to be click bait. There’s nothing substantial about the tapes in the story, and even if you try to read them as symbolic of the things that he hid away about his life, it still isn’t a very effective metaphor given that they say at the start that he didn’t hide them very well. What makes you feel it’s a masterpiece?
@@stuartcameron320 If this film was a short played at a movie theater we’d say the title was evocative. I certainly expected something seedy about the man so, perhaps a stretch as a metaphor but… don’t judge the film/book by it’s title nor his dad by what’s on the surface.