“I find the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt to get emotionally dysfunctional people to be good to us” hit me like A WRECKING BALL. Please stop talking to me so directly, sir. ✋🏾 🛑
Yes! That part was so helpful. As much as I have learned, that explanation was new info. There’s so much to learn about this and his videos are so helpful. That fake tone would get me so confused but at the same time, she seemed so insincere. Now I know why! I hope you have people in your life to give you the emotional support now. Much love to you. 💕
Wow, I can't believe I was so thoroughly fooled by the fake mothering tone. I thought it was actually her being motherly. I guess it worked so well because a mothering tone is what a child WANTS to hear. A narcissist is so good at pretending to give people exactly what they want.
Me too... The analysis comments are useful because they help to generalize to other situations, and oh my it's so relevant. A big thought to anyone there suffering with a difficult relationship ❤️ especially during this festive season.
@Cali Girl Lost In Space Me too, I recently put the word 'narcissistic' on my mother, it makes so much sense. If I may give an advice to protect yourself, maybe limit your videos' daily intake not to submerge yourself. Take good care ☺️
Idk how many times I’ve attempted to seek comfort in my mother about any every relationship and somehow it’s turned into a dramatic performance and I’m the antagonist??
About a year and a half ago, I finally began to confront my own experience with parental abuse & neglect, and the dynamics of my dysfunctional & toxic family. But every now and then, I begin to doubt myself. "Was it really *that* bad? Did it really happen the way I remember? Am I just being a "drama queen? Maybe I *am* so selfish and combative that I don't understand as much as I think I do- like mom says." But each time I watch one of your dysfunctional parent/adult child roleplays, I reclaim my self-confidence. I can see and hear the dynamics right away, and identify how soo many (maybe most of them) relate to my own experience-and any doubts I may have had quickly vanish. I just want to thank you, from the bottom of my healing heart, for doing what you do. For helping those of us who were taught we didn't have the right to a separate voice or self learn how to develop those very things. 💕
It was me. Now I know what was wrong. Took practically a lifetime. Please keep these videos going. It is such a great tool for people like us. I wish this was something that I could have seen in my 20's or even 30's. I suffered wondering why things were so disfunctional with my own parents. I picked out a life with low self esteem, wanting validation and love that did not quite happen.
It's our journey to undo the chain/cycle of ancestral neglect and abuse. Bless all of us who have suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to love and care for us but lacked the ability to do so.
Well done. Selective forgetting and magical thinking, I had a major realization reading that. When I don't receive validation, I usually like to return looking for validation and sympathy......and then rejected yet again.
When I came to my mother for support during my divorce she essentially disowned me and sided with my ex husband. She went so far as to give him money and recommend a specific divorce lawyer for him to use against me to take my children away. She took our divorce as some sort of personal affront to her instead of supporting me emotionally. I ended up having a serious suicide attempt I was so triggered by the situation.
One of " the problems" with ages and ages of misogyny is two fold: #1 Germaine Greer famously pointed out " we do not know what girls or women like because culture aka we tell them" #2 What little attention has been given to the safety, Rights, and validity of space occupied by the mind body spirit around a uterus. And, sad it say also the uterus,too.
This is very validating. My therapist keeps trying to get me to see how narcissistic my mother is. I always just thought she was emotionally immature but that really highlighted how her gaslighting is more narcissistic.
I understand why the son is going to the mom for emotional support. He's hungry for the mothering that he never received. He's going to leave the conversation confused and probably set up for more pain as he tries to be understanding with the abusive girlfriend. But, what does the mom get by being mean to her son? Does she get an emotional high from the manipulation? Why put the well being of another woman's daughter over her own son's well being? How does that strengthen her? I would love to know the "why" behind the behavior of the abusers.
@MM I think she continues to have control over him, that is one of the things she gets out of it. As well as her identity is wrapped up in him needing her advice and seeking her help. It continues the lie that he cannot live his life without her.
That's a really interesting point; I think it simply feels the same for the mother to antagonize the son herself as it does to identify with the girlfriend and antagonize the son. "Son is the problem" feels the same as "son is the problem." If she had to switch and identify with the son where he's the good guy, it would feel difficult and foreign. Like when a politician you usually are against will occasionally support something you agree with, it's an uncomfortable feeling to do a temporary 180 and support that politician
Brilliant video. I got more insight and clarity watching this then with 20 years of therapy. I definitely relate to the son's codependency. My mom would often take the other person's side when I came to her for emotional support. It was so confusing because as a codependent, I was always putting other's needs above my own so in my warped view, my mom was being generous and caring with her concern for others like the mom in this video telling the son that the girlfriend is passionate and going through a phase. In the beginning of the video, mother is telling the son that he is not attentive or aware (as a male) and at the end of the video, she's telling him he is "too sensitive". Talk about whiplash. Which is it? My mom would often do this. No wonder I had so much depression and anxiety growing up!
Ironically, letting conversations be focused on them, spares us from further trauma, since sharing something personal is so often used against us, dismissed, etc.
I always thought my grandma was the Codependent of the family she plays this role to a T. I thought she was the 'nice' one, she just plays a rescuer role. Shes damaged all the children severely and the Grandchildren. Shes a pathological liar and gaslight expert. I'm 99% she sexually abused me up to 2- 4 yrs old. She created violence perpetrated against my mother by her sons, police, my grandfather.. anyone. One time (on top of many countless attempts to get emotional support) I told her my bf sexually assaulted me and she said, "why did he think you would like that?" I and breathless in confusion. Also, "next time I guess you'll have to meet in public". I wanted support to dump him and she kept side stepping my remarks about it. She wanted me to stay with him. I kept staying with him because of the shame and confusion from childhood and he capitalized on my confusion, shame and self blame. I'm 42 and I've been on recovery & therapy for 7 years but I'm still trying to find my way in maintaining employment, coping with PTSD psychosis, and figuring out how to have boundaries. No relationships with any healthy or good people. One of my aunts who is the favorite but also morbidly obese, lost all her weight about a decade ago in her mid 40s. My aunt ended up sick in the hospital for something unrelated and my grandma used the fake mother voice and told her, "you are too thin, you better eat to get healthy" (she wasnt too thin at all) My aunt put on all the weight back.. 300#+ just like that, never went back to healthy eating. Sometimes I wonder if she has supernatural power to be this skillful at destroying her children.
I was tag-teamed by my mother and late maternal grandmother, both of them playing hero/rescuer roles. But Grandma made me a golden child as a do-over son (hers died to Rh disease before immunization was fully developed). Mom took it as a narc injury and then doubled down on making me the scapegoat..the persecutor role. I'm an eldest child.. younger sister #1 seemed to fight me for that role as an alpha black sheep, if you will. I hope you get what I'm saying: two narcs in a family of origin resulted in some awful dysfunction, and I haven't even mentioned my aunts yet.. also covert narcissistic.
@@jaklumen I have it with three sisters. I am 57 and did not realize it until this year due to these videos. To me, this abuse is so subtle because there is no physical violence or yelling and name calling. It's all done in a sweet voice and "seems" so superficially caring even though in the pit of my stomach I can feel how mean the mom is to the son. Patrick should be doing national public service messages with these videos just like the "war on drugs" and anti-smoking ads!
Thank you so much! These role plays are really interesting and helpful to understand in detail what's happening in such relationships. To be invalidated on a regular basis is painful.....
I stopped asking my mother for dating advice when I was 14 and she told me about the man she actually loved more than my father. After that she wanted me to be her bestie so she could complain about my Dad whenever she wanted. Ugh!
My mum told me she cheated on my dad twice when I was a teen. She justified it both times saying she was lonely and my dad had always made her feel bored etc didn’t give her enough attention. In my opinion they never should have married. The cheating wasn’t a secret and she told him both times but I had to pretend I didn’t know. They divorced last year after many years together and she expected me to fully take her side even though she cheated and left him without many clues beforehand. He handled it very badly but it was very very hard being both of them’s only emotional support and I was made to feel guilty and that she was the victim in it all and my dad was always the bad guy. Honestly 2020 was nothing compared to 2019 for me 🤣
This is enormously helpful. Ugh, my mom only enjoyed our conversations when I told sad stories about my misfortune. Good news was treated with silence. It got much worse after I pushed back at her BS.
Wow Thank you for the break down of this conversation. I watched it before & I can understand it now. Thank you for editing this video so I can deeply understand what is really happening here. It is so familiar but I could never put my finger on it. Thank you very much. This will help many people.
Run the hell away.My response to any child of mine that comes to me about any relationship that make them feel less than.Girlfriend,or friend or teacher or anyone.
My mom frequently does the "why didn't I know sooner" line. When i got accepted into a graduate program and told her the good news, her first thought was "why didn't you ask me about doing a graduate program?" She took my happiness and turned it into how no one appreciates her and we should ask her advice because she has life experience yadayada. In reality, she was mad that I would be spending time studying rather than doing things with her. She wanted me to spend 10+ hours a week with her (insane!). More recently we shared that we would be building a house, and we told her we wanted absolutely no negative feedback. Which irked her, because that's all she can provide. 😹 We then asked her not to share this news with anyone as we didn't want my psychopathic brother (holocaust denier with violent tendencies and no boundaries) to know that we would be moving or where to. That's when she got really pissed. It was so unfair that she couldn't brag to all of her friends and family. Because her looking good was more important than our boundaries with my unstable brother. I had to reiterate 4x that I did not feel safe around him and did not want him to know where I'd be living. She eventually agreed. But not before guilting us by saying "you can't just disown people because they're a little weird." Denying the holocaust is waaaay more than "a little weird" and she could not grasp that. At this point we have no intention of disclosing our home location to her. The next thing she makes all about her is my lack of children. All her friends have no time for her because they are spending time with their grandkids. "When are you going to have kids? You don't have forever! I'll get the vaccine once you get pregnant." I think I'm finally ready to stop going to her for love and support. It's clear I wont get it, but I guess I fall into a "magical thinking" rut where I really want to share something and have her be happy for me. But I have to remember that she won't be.
Omg yes! This is my blood "mother" to a T! Can you please make a video on how to handle and interact with these types of people?? So far your channel is the best one that I've came across and helps shows me that I'm not the one in the wrong!! Thank you so much I wanna cry.
This is so much like what I have gone through! Seeking advice or confirmation from my mother. Describing abuse and anger that my partner did. She either would say, poor" John" he had a pretty rough childhood , or is he working? Hes probably worried about something, also well that's not good for the kids!(giving a very hostile crazy look) The abuse was psychological and financial, verbal, sometimes I struggled to understand if it was abuse as I was told I'm too sensitive, that most " grown ups" dont cry just from being yelled and cursed at! So not only was I abused but also berated for my response to the abuse. These role play videos have helped me so much. I thank you! It is very hard to express and even understand oneself what living like this does to your mind.
“Seeking normalcy from them perpetuates our abuse and keeps us stuck.” This is exactly what I have been starting to unravel in therapy lately and this perfectly sums up what I was describing recently- thank you!!! 💕
Wow I was so shocked by this !!! My mother is a covert narcissist , and my childhood was all emotional absence. And more. I ended up getting with a man for 10 yrs and couldn't take it anymore because he was sooo toxic and abusive. My mom ended up secretly messaging him when we brokeup and they were both saying things they shouldn't have. She's been caught with it and only told me to use it against him when he was slandering her first
Patrick, you are a gem when it comes to making us actually see the situation playing out. Thank you so much for your work 🎁♥️🎈🌺 What made me hurt more here is that we (the son/daughter) later choose narcissistic partners and our children are hurt. So, where so I stand today ? That is the scary truth.
These videos are genius! Cognitive Dissonance and the Trauma Bond can keep us so far removed from awareness of the Truth that we need this line by line breakdown of what a Narcissist is doing and how it affects the victim. I'm sharing with my support groups right now. Thank You!
Absolutely- it’s so good to actually read what’s going on in this video because when you’re in it, you’re a dysregulsted mess and feel like you’re going crazy
Wow. I've watched the roleplay from this video, and it hit me, but the analysis hit me harder. I can transfer this breakup situation with a lot of daily conversation with my own mother. So accurate, and painful... really need to work on my boundaries. The roleplay is an excellent tool because sometimes the theorical makes space for us to excuse the narcissistic person or doubt about it ('maybe they're not that bad... maybe I'm just making this out, they're not narcissistic'), but the roleplay gives good examples in a potential context. I'm already in therapy for BPD and GAD, so impairing I could not even maintain a job. Be strong everyone here 💪 it's hard but I'm sure we can make it eventually! 👋 from France 🇫🇷 Excellent channel, subscribed! It will certainly help me and a lot of people. Thank you for this quality work!
Thank you for honoring my request, Patrick. I have taken a few of the recommended steps you described some time ago (like ceasing to seek emotional validation from her), yet this analysis has helped me see what more I have to do, to practice and reinforce. Both my mother and late maternal grandmother are covert hero type narcissists, and they have used the V/R/P roles a lot. Another problem now is that I have internalized the Persecutor role so thoroughly that I trash talk myself to my wife of nearly 22 years, and she is quite frustrated.
Very accurate video. I always wanted my mother to love me. I don't see myself as co-dependent, just wanting a normal loving parent. I'm no contact now, had wayyy too many conversations like the one you depicted.
Thank you so much for this video. I remember being assaulted in the street as a young teenager, head butted in the face. I caught the bus home with my friend. My mums response “well what do you want me to do about it?”. Speaks to the 0 level of emotional support I’ve received my entire life and only now am I realising maybe she’s a little on the covert narc side. I do wonder if these manipulative people are aware of what they are doing?
You must have felt like your mom kicked you in the gut with that reply. I got my purse stolen after working a double waitressing shift on a holiday. I was exhausted and on the verge of tears and all my mom could say was "How could you be so stupid". And thinking back now, I actually remember a smirk on her face like she was secretly glad that happened to me. Both our mom's were really mean to say those things. Why not just say, "I'm so sorry. That's awful." I don't get it.
I’m extremely thankful to my therapist for linking me to another one of your videos, as I find that they’re really helping me understand my past and validate my trauma. It’s terrifying going No Contact, but liberating and motivating when I finally realized that I CAN survive without her. My boyfriend’s family treats me like the Healthy scenarios in these videos, and sometimes I just wish I could open up to them and actually get to know them without my trauma getting in the way.
Excellent video. Thank you. A year of no contact and surfing UA-cam this is by far the best description I have seen of how it is to be the son of a narcissistic mother. My head got sore from nodding. 😆
Great video as usual 💯 I loved your quote of "I find the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt..." I feel another definitive symptom of child hood trauma is not trusting in oneself and one's abilities.
Superb video. One of the most effective explanations I have seen so far (and I have viewed many). Simple and extremely powerful. Thank you so much for putting this out there!! xx
Thank you for the video, I’ve been seeing it in my feed but my anxiety shoots every time I read the title. It took a few weeks but I finally realized how useful it might be, and I could’ve have been more right about that! This was super relatable, informational, and insightful. Looking forward to checking out the rest of your channel! :)
I watched this 3 years ago… and I’m telling you… thanks to CBT, your channel, Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter, I see these behaviors more quickly than I used to… maybe not automatically… but I now know to STOP and think about how I feel and what was said, and its effects on me… definitely loving myself more, discovering boundaries…(inner and outer) and then knowing my worth is more than I ever knew or acknowledged…
These role plays are SOOOO useful. It's one thing to be asked what my parents modelled growing up, but, well, I simply don't have the vocabulary or outside perspective on it to give a good answer. But when I see a role play, I can point at it and say 'that's what happens with them'. This one made me think of when I try to be more vulnerable and share that I'm feeling hurt as a way to get someone to apologise and not hurt me again: Last week my boss was domineering and mean to me, "the only reason you're here is because of me! You will do what I say! No negotiating!". I called him about it a few days later because it really upset me and sent me into a depressed funk - my way of broaching the subject is to say 'when you said that to me... I felt really, really sad, and hurt, and angry. I don't want you to talk to me like that again.' And he replied, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. But you're wrong." and proceeded to explain why it was my fault and how I caused him to say that. I try to be more open to people who I know are emotionally messed up, when they hurt me. It's Note #10 of the video - the son tries to get validation by explaining more. This long conversation ended up with me shouting at him to not treat me that way again and hanging up on him, though... eheheh.
Thank you Patrick. Your videos are so empowering. Even though this is about a mother, it helps to unpack more than 50 years of wondering what parts of me I needed to change to make Dad like me. I have stayed with a covert narcissist for 26 years because this is the model that feels normal.
I can't express how helpful these videos are to me. I've been no-contact w my narc mom for a while, and trying to get therapy for the c-ptsd. Due to having to move several times and insurance problems, it's been difficult getting in depth help. Hopefully my next move will be the last, but until then these videos are incredibly validating, clear, and useful. Thank you.
My mom wouldn't try to prevent me from leaving a boyfriend, she would try to prevent me from keeping a relationship working. The key sentences are there though.......
"...the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt to get emotionally dysfunctional people to be good to us." The decades I've wasted being unaware of throwing my time and energy into this pattern.
Omg this is like almost every phone call I have ever had with my mum. I knew it was messed up but this video was so incredibly helpful identifying each step that we go through… god, so validating thank you 🙏🏻 You’re amazing at what you do
"Are you sure you are not doing something annoying?" I laughed soooo hard. Because dv , all abuse just gets worse the sequel, say the call from ICU Mom " Now what did YOU do?" I know, I know this is serious. But tragedy is what gives comedy it's edge. And this is classic. I
Thankyou for your content; it is one thing to understand the theory and terms for the narcissist and interactions that so many other channels describe, but quite another thing to have it all laid out in real terms the way you do it. It helps immeasurably!!!
My mother down to a tee. I was stalked years ago and she said it was my own fault (for wearing ripped jeans!) and I'd want to get over it ASAP so that it didn't "ruin" me... I've been in therapy three times.
Wow! Sounds like my mother. When I was sexually harassed at work, she asked what kind of underwear I was wearing!?! WTF!?! They are the worst! Much love to you. 💕
This was incredibly accurate! Your description of codependency was very clear... as was the entire video. I love how you broke everything down so we could understand each piece. Thank you for that. Probably the clearest description and depiction of what codependency is and looks like in real life. This is great for therapists in training needing to learn what these issue may look like!
Another excellent role-play video. These really illustrate the cowardly techniques of the abuser so well, far more effectively than just listing behaviours. 👍
Wow. Nicely done role play.All parents think they are saviors. All children think they really are!! That is the point the toxic relationship begins. It takes dozens of years to realize they are demons.
Figuring out at 23 years old that my mom definitely has some narcissistic traits (or could be diagnosed as a narcissist) is certainly enlightening. I'm finally discovering why I have certain sets of behavior and where the roots are in that. I always looked inward to try and figure these things out, but now I'm glad that I have the knowledge and resources to start looking outward. This was definitely helpful. Thank you!
This video is so helpful! Thank you, Patrick, for dissecting it for us, so well done and accurate. It really allows me to see how and where it resonates in my own experience with my toxic mother. You're helping all of us who are watching your videos to see clearly and take the right steps/action. So grateful!
Thank you for making this. I'm the daughter of a narcissistic mother and through your channel I realize that I have a C-PTSD because of it. I don't have access to therapy in my country and the knowledge you impart in the videos help a lot!! also if you are like me I really recommend reading a book Karyl McBridge called "Will I be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mother" This book help me grieves and give me information with real case example that strike me so hard. knowledge is power so thank you for giving me power for my journey.
Yes I stayed in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for years longer than I should have because both his parents and mine gaslighted, shamed, and blamed me for his behavior. My mother went so far as to say if I divorced him, then she would take his side. After that convo, I stayed for a couple more years. I eventually left him when my therapist told me that he believed I was in danger and there was a high probability I was “going to die” if I stayed.
Thank you for these insightful videos. I signed a lease today to finally move out and I’m second guessing my own decision because of a scenario like this. It’s time to take action and leave!
I remember listening to a podcast, they were talking about a statistic suggesting that women may cheat as much as, or more than, men do. I distinctly remember that when it was about cheating men, they said "Men have no more of an excuse." And when it came to cheating women, it was "Women have a need to be loved." Thanks for these great videos. I had been looking for ones that cover male abuse victims but most often I kept finding ones meant primarily (or solely) for women/girls (sometimes there are ones more specifically about male victims but it seems they're only willing to talk about that if they also get to show the abuser as also a male (eg. father) rather than a female).
As hard as they are to listen to your videos are so insightful and clarifying and truly help me to trust my discernment in the boundaries I set. Helping me see they are reasonable limits to request and that I'm not "losing it", or the "delusional one" she paints me out to be in the convos where I leave or have to hang up and feel worse than I did to start and I'm baffled how the convo"got there"🤦♀️😔😔🤷♀️
Wow... these analysis videos are very helpful. I discovered a few years ago that I probably suffer from narcissistic abuse and I do suffer from codependency. At the same time, I saw some of the behaviours that Marc showed in the other video in me, and it makes me really scared. Not knowing whats "real" is so painful. I am very much looking forward for more of these videos.
ALL the video was EXACTLY me and my mother... before I start to work on me and now cuting her off. All the video, I remember SO many conversations with her. GRRRR! I'm happy I finally cut her off, at 50. I wish I would be able to do it sooner. All this time wasting in WishingLand and HopeLand... Thank you so much Patrick for all your contain and work!!!! It helps me so much!!
Thank you again Patrick. Helpful and iluminating as always. I have a long way un therapy still, since It is my first yean and I know I have loads of emotional trauma. Yo heal. But It still good to be a le to recognize what the other person is trying to do, even thou I'm not really empowered yet.
I saw your original video and now this one. I like the contrast, how you're really spelling our for us exactly what your example is which is great so there's no room for confusion. It's really interesting to me how many different categories of disordered thinking patterns there are.
Omg! Omg! Incredible watching this iall resonates with interactions with my narc mum over and over.. so enlighting watching from observer perspective. Alot of it is word for word exchanges! Wow!
Oh my... I'll never forget being 16 and gushing to my mom about a boy I liked that didn't know I existed and she said, "Well maybe if you go on a diet this summer and lose some weight Jason will notice you..." That quote rang in my head for years! The final straw for me-when I realized she literally couldn't be the mother I needed-was when my husband backhanded me and I took the kids and left....I showed up at her door, BROKEN, and when I tried talking to her about it she said, "Well, I don't know what you expected, he's always been abusive." 🙄 In that moment, I chose to never expect anything more from her again, and though we still talk, I will NEVER share any real personal struggles with her. It sounds sad but it was probably the best thing for me to come to terms with it. ❤️
I love the analysis... the way you break down every bit of the exchange. It gives me flashbacks to some of my mom’s behavior when she was alive. She wouldn’t do it all the time it was inconsistent....usually if she was angry or felt like she was losing her emotional grip over us. But boy when she turned it on, it was mind boggling and so maddening.🙄 Thanks Patrick, you’ve helped me realize what I kind of new all along, but was so hard to admit!
The inconsistency is why I kept going back because every once in a while I'd get that crumb of emotional support I was so hungry for. I truly hope Patrick makes many more of these videos. They are an amazing learning tool.
Wow why is this this accurate...I just went through that selective forgetting & magical thinking yesterday...I felt so stupid after that ...like how can I forget...and hope again that she'll understand and validate...and possibly have a more better relationship😀
So deep. I'm glad I finally "broke up" with both my parents recently. Mother overt Narcissist and Father was covert Narcissist. Double trouble and double trauma. But I'm healing daily 😌
This is amazingly helpful. To be honest, I struggled to pinpoint the abuse in the original role play video. It all seemed pretty normal to me. (Sad, I know.) If only I could play back some of the torturous circular arguments with my narcissistic ex and analyse them like that! Thanks to dissociation, I would literally forget within 24 hours what the entire conflict was about. 😳
OMG that is my life and I just realized that I am codependent. At least I have some explanations now. Also, the girlfriend actions in the role play are the exact description of my boss.
“I find the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt to get emotionally dysfunctional people to be good to us” hit me like A WRECKING BALL. Please stop talking to me so directly, sir. ✋🏾 🛑
My mom 100% did the confusing fake "mothering tone" when she rejected my need for emotional support.
Yes! That part was so helpful. As much as I have learned, that explanation was new info. There’s so much to learn about this and his videos are so helpful. That fake tone would get me so confused but at the same time, she seemed so insincere. Now I know why!
I hope you have people in your life to give you the emotional support now. Much love to you. 💕
Wow, I can't believe I was so thoroughly fooled by the fake mothering tone. I thought it was actually her being motherly. I guess it worked so well because a mothering tone is what a child WANTS to hear. A narcissist is so good at pretending to give people exactly what they want.
As someone who is constantly gaslit through childhood these role plays help us realize that what we experienced was true. Thank you.
This was so accurate that it made me feel ill.
It made me hate my mother even more. It comes in waves. The grieving process is long.
I wish you well and hope you find peace. 💕
Same 😔
Me too... The analysis comments are useful because they help to generalize to other situations, and oh my it's so relevant. A big thought to anyone there suffering with a difficult relationship ❤️ especially during this festive season.
@Cali Girl Lost In Space Me too, I recently put the word 'narcissistic' on my mother, it makes so much sense. If I may give an advice to protect yourself, maybe limit your videos' daily intake not to submerge yourself. Take good care ☺️
Idk how many times I’ve attempted to seek comfort in my mother about any every relationship and somehow it’s turned into a dramatic performance and I’m the antagonist??
About a year and a half ago, I finally began to confront my own experience with parental abuse & neglect, and the dynamics of my dysfunctional & toxic family. But every now and then, I begin to doubt myself. "Was it really *that* bad? Did it really happen the way I remember? Am I just being a "drama queen? Maybe I *am* so selfish and combative that I don't understand as much as I think I do- like mom says." But each time I watch one of your dysfunctional parent/adult child roleplays, I reclaim my self-confidence. I can see and hear the dynamics right away, and identify how soo many (maybe most of them) relate to my own experience-and any doubts I may have had quickly vanish. I just want to thank you, from the bottom of my healing heart, for doing what you do. For helping those of us who were taught we didn't have the right to a separate voice or self learn how to develop those very things. 💕
Can you do a mother and daughter scenario?
I like the role play format. It makes it easier to understand. Please make more.
It was me. Now I know what was wrong. Took practically a lifetime. Please keep these videos going. It is such a great tool for people like us. I wish this was something that I could have seen in my 20's or even 30's. I suffered wondering why things were so disfunctional with my own parents. I picked out a life with low self esteem, wanting validation and love that did not quite happen.
Yes, same here. So helpful for me and for many people out there. Thank you 🙏
‘Are you sure you didn’t do something to deserve the abuse?’ I was waiting for that one and you did not disappoint.
It's our journey to undo the chain/cycle of ancestral neglect and abuse. Bless all of us who have suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to love and care for us but lacked the ability to do so.
Well done. Selective forgetting and magical thinking, I had a major realization reading that. When I don't receive validation, I usually like to return looking for validation and sympathy......and then rejected yet again.
When I came to my mother for support during my divorce she essentially disowned me and sided with my ex husband. She went so far as to give him money and recommend a specific divorce lawyer for him to use against me to take my children away. She took our divorce as some sort of personal affront to her instead of supporting me emotionally. I ended up having a serious suicide attempt I was so triggered by the situation.
One of " the problems" with ages and ages of misogyny is two fold:
#1 Germaine Greer famously pointed out " we do not know what girls or women like because culture aka we tell them"
#2 What little attention has been given to the safety, Rights, and validity of space occupied by the mind body spirit around a uterus. And, sad it say also the uterus,too.
This is very validating. My therapist keeps trying to get me to see how narcissistic my mother is. I always just thought she was emotionally immature but that really highlighted how her gaslighting is more narcissistic.
I understand why the son is going to the mom for emotional support. He's hungry for the mothering that he never received. He's going to leave the conversation confused and probably set up for more pain as he tries to be understanding with the abusive girlfriend. But, what does the mom get by being mean to her son? Does she get an emotional high from the manipulation? Why put the well being of another woman's daughter over her own son's well being? How does that strengthen her? I would love to know the "why" behind the behavior of the abusers.
I think it's the feeling of both being powerful and depended on that's appealing in this case.
@@sitcomchristian6886 what do you mean?
@MM I think she continues to have control over him, that is one of the things she gets out of it. As well as her identity is wrapped up in him needing her advice and seeking her help. It continues the lie that he cannot live his life without her.
That's a really interesting point; I think it simply feels the same for the mother to antagonize the son herself as it does to identify with the girlfriend and antagonize the son. "Son is the problem" feels the same as "son is the problem." If she had to switch and identify with the son where he's the good guy, it would feel difficult and foreign. Like when a politician you usually are against will occasionally support something you agree with, it's an uncomfortable feeling to do a temporary 180 and support that politician
Right. But once you are an adult your health is your responsability. Not mommys.
Brilliant video. I got more insight and clarity watching this then with 20 years of therapy. I definitely relate to the son's codependency. My mom would often take the other person's side when I came to her for emotional support. It was so confusing because as a codependent, I was always putting other's needs above my own so in my warped view, my mom was being generous and caring with her concern for others like the mom in this video telling the son that the girlfriend is passionate and going through a phase. In the beginning of the video, mother is telling the son that he is not attentive or aware (as a male) and at the end of the video, she's telling him he is "too sensitive". Talk about whiplash. Which is it? My mom would often do this. No wonder I had so much depression and anxiety growing up!
Ironically, letting conversations be focused on them, spares us from further trauma, since sharing something personal is so often used against us, dismissed, etc.
This was amazing, very much my mum. It's so helpful since it's very difficult to get into a toxic persons mindset
Wow this was powerful. Thank you so much for your content Patrick! You are a light worker. So much love for you
I always thought my grandma was the Codependent of the family she plays this role to a T. I thought she was the 'nice' one, she just plays a rescuer role. Shes damaged all the children severely and the Grandchildren. Shes a pathological liar and gaslight expert. I'm 99% she sexually abused me up to 2- 4 yrs old. She created violence perpetrated against my mother by her sons, police, my grandfather.. anyone.
One time (on top of many countless attempts to get emotional support) I told her my bf sexually assaulted me and she said, "why did he think you would like that?" I and breathless in confusion. Also, "next time I guess you'll have to meet in public". I wanted support to dump him and she kept side stepping my remarks about it. She wanted me to stay with him.
I kept staying with him because of the shame and confusion from childhood and he capitalized on my confusion, shame and self blame.
I'm 42 and I've been on recovery & therapy for 7 years but I'm still trying to find my way in maintaining employment, coping with PTSD psychosis, and figuring out how to have boundaries. No relationships with any healthy or good people.
One of my aunts who is the favorite but also morbidly obese, lost all her weight about a decade ago in her mid 40s. My aunt ended up sick in the hospital for something unrelated and my grandma used the fake mother voice and told her, "you are too thin, you better eat to get healthy" (she wasnt too thin at all) My aunt put on all the weight back.. 300#+ just like that, never went back to healthy eating. Sometimes I wonder if she has supernatural power to be this skillful at destroying her children.
I was tag-teamed by my mother and late maternal grandmother, both of them playing hero/rescuer roles. But Grandma made me a golden child as a do-over son (hers died to Rh disease before immunization was fully developed). Mom took it as a narc injury and then doubled down on making me the scapegoat..the persecutor role. I'm an eldest child.. younger sister #1 seemed to fight me for that role as an alpha black sheep, if you will. I hope you get what I'm saying: two narcs in a family of origin resulted in some awful dysfunction, and I haven't even mentioned my aunts yet.. also covert narcissistic.
@@jaklumen I absolutely connect with you in your situation. Very similar scenario in my family dynamic.
@@jaklumen I have it with three sisters. I am 57 and did not realize it until this year due to these videos. To me, this abuse is so subtle because there is no physical violence or yelling and name calling. It's all done in a sweet voice and "seems" so superficially caring even though in the pit of my stomach I can feel how mean the mom is to the son. Patrick should be doing national public service messages with these videos just like the "war on drugs" and anti-smoking ads!
Thank you so much! These role plays are really interesting and helpful to understand in detail what's happening in such relationships. To be invalidated on a regular basis is painful.....
🙌 yes ! “Seeking normalcy from them perpetuates our abuse and keeps us stuck” soo true! This is great , I love these analyses!
Thank you for this role-plays, it is like reading "subtitles". Like really understanding the meta-language
I stopped asking my mother for dating advice when I was 14 and she told me about the man she actually loved more than my father. After that she wanted me to be her bestie so she could complain about my Dad whenever she wanted. Ugh!
My mum told me she cheated on my dad twice when I was a teen. She justified it both times saying she was lonely and my dad had always made her feel bored etc didn’t give her enough attention. In my opinion they never should have married. The cheating wasn’t a secret and she told him both times but I had to pretend I didn’t know. They divorced last year after many years together and she expected me to fully take her side even though she cheated and left him without many clues beforehand. He handled it very badly but it was very very hard being both of them’s only emotional support and I was made to feel guilty and that she was the victim in it all and my dad was always the bad guy. Honestly 2020 was nothing compared to 2019 for me 🤣
In 6 months only 1 dislike!! That person guaranteed was a narc. But also that is the stuff of good work.
This is enormously helpful. Ugh, my mom only enjoyed our conversations when I told sad stories about my misfortune. Good news was treated with silence. It got much worse after I pushed back at her BS.
Wow
Thank you for the break down of this conversation. I watched it before & I can understand it now. Thank you for editing this video so I can deeply understand what is really happening here. It is so familiar but I could never put my finger on it. Thank you very much. This will help many people.
Run the hell away.My response to any child of mine that comes to me about any relationship that make them feel less than.Girlfriend,or friend or teacher or anyone.
My mom frequently does the "why didn't I know sooner" line. When i got accepted into a graduate program and told her the good news, her first thought was "why didn't you ask me about doing a graduate program?" She took my happiness and turned it into how no one appreciates her and we should ask her advice because she has life experience yadayada. In reality, she was mad that I would be spending time studying rather than doing things with her. She wanted me to spend 10+ hours a week with her (insane!).
More recently we shared that we would be building a house, and we told her we wanted absolutely no negative feedback. Which irked her, because that's all she can provide. 😹 We then asked her not to share this news with anyone as we didn't want my psychopathic brother (holocaust denier with violent tendencies and no boundaries) to know that we would be moving or where to. That's when she got really pissed. It was so unfair that she couldn't brag to all of her friends and family. Because her looking good was more important than our boundaries with my unstable brother. I had to reiterate 4x that I did not feel safe around him and did not want him to know where I'd be living. She eventually agreed. But not before guilting us by saying "you can't just disown people because they're a little weird." Denying the holocaust is waaaay more than "a little weird" and she could not grasp that. At this point we have no intention of disclosing our home location to her.
The next thing she makes all about her is my lack of children. All her friends have no time for her because they are spending time with their grandkids. "When are you going to have kids? You don't have forever! I'll get the vaccine once you get pregnant."
I think I'm finally ready to stop going to her for love and support. It's clear I wont get it, but I guess I fall into a "magical thinking" rut where I really want to share something and have her be happy for me. But I have to remember that she won't be.
Omg yes! This is my blood "mother" to a T! Can you please make a video on how to handle and interact with these types of people?? So far your channel is the best one that I've came across and helps shows me that I'm not the one in the wrong!! Thank you so much I wanna cry.
This is so much like what I have gone through! Seeking advice or confirmation from my mother. Describing abuse and anger that my partner did. She either would say, poor" John" he had a pretty rough childhood , or is he working? Hes probably worried about something, also well that's not good for the kids!(giving a very hostile crazy look) The abuse was psychological and financial, verbal, sometimes I struggled to understand if it was abuse as I was told I'm too sensitive, that most " grown ups" dont cry just from being yelled and cursed at! So not only was I abused but also berated for my response to the abuse. These role play videos have helped me so much. I thank you! It is very hard to express and even understand oneself what living like this does to your mind.
“Seeking normalcy from them perpetuates our abuse and keeps us stuck.” This is exactly what I have been starting to unravel in therapy lately and this perfectly sums up what I was describing recently- thank you!!! 💕
Wow I was so shocked by this !!! My mother is a covert narcissist , and my childhood was all emotional absence. And more. I ended up getting with a man for 10 yrs and couldn't take it anymore because he was sooo toxic and abusive. My mom ended up secretly messaging him when we brokeup and they were both saying things they shouldn't have. She's been caught with it and only told me to use it against him when he was slandering her first
These are brilliant. Thank you for creating them.
Patrick, you are a gem when it comes to making us actually see the situation playing out. Thank you so much for your work 🎁♥️🎈🌺
What made me hurt more here is that we (the son/daughter) later choose narcissistic partners and our children are hurt. So, where so I stand today ? That is the scary truth.
These videos are genius! Cognitive Dissonance and the Trauma Bond can keep us so far removed from awareness of the Truth that we need this line by line breakdown of what a Narcissist is doing and how it affects the victim. I'm sharing with my support groups right now. Thank You!
Thank you for the analysis. Specifically for the "labels" (in brackets). It is very difficult to identify what is what correctly in those dynamics.
Absolutely- it’s so good to actually read what’s going on in this video because when you’re in it, you’re a dysregulsted mess and feel like you’re going crazy
Wow. I've watched the roleplay from this video, and it hit me, but the analysis hit me harder. I can transfer this breakup situation with a lot of daily conversation with my own mother. So accurate, and painful... really need to work on my boundaries. The roleplay is an excellent tool because sometimes the theorical makes space for us to excuse the narcissistic person or doubt about it ('maybe they're not that bad... maybe I'm just making this out, they're not narcissistic'), but the roleplay gives good examples in a potential context. I'm already in therapy for BPD and GAD, so impairing I could not even maintain a job. Be strong everyone here 💪 it's hard but I'm sure we can make it eventually! 👋 from France 🇫🇷 Excellent channel, subscribed! It will certainly help me and a lot of people. Thank you for this quality work!
This is making me sick. I'm so sorry for everyone going through something like this 💔 sending strength.
The more videos I see, the more convinced I am that moving out from my parents house is necessary
Thank you for honoring my request, Patrick. I have taken a few of the recommended steps you described some time ago (like ceasing to seek emotional validation from her), yet this analysis has helped me see what more I have to do, to practice and reinforce. Both my mother and late maternal grandmother are covert hero type narcissists, and they have used the V/R/P roles a lot. Another problem now is that I have internalized the Persecutor role so thoroughly that I trash talk myself to my wife of nearly 22 years, and she is quite frustrated.
Very accurate video. I always wanted my mother to love me. I don't see myself as co-dependent, just wanting a normal loving parent. I'm no contact now, had wayyy too many conversations like the one you depicted.
You were so smart to catch on so early that the conversations were toxic. That's probably why you are not codependent. Good for you!
Really, really accurate depiction of a narcissistic dyad
Wow....I can't thank you enough.
Videos like this help me in inexplicable ways.
Thank you so much for this video.
I remember being assaulted in the street as a young teenager, head butted in the face. I caught the bus home with my friend. My mums response “well what do you want me to do about it?”. Speaks to the 0 level of emotional support I’ve received my entire life and only now am I realising maybe she’s a little on the covert narc side.
I do wonder if these manipulative people are aware of what they are doing?
You must have felt like your mom kicked you in the gut with that reply. I got my purse stolen after working a double waitressing shift on a holiday. I was exhausted and on the verge of tears and all my mom could say was "How could you be so stupid". And thinking back now, I actually remember a smirk on her face like she was secretly glad that happened to me. Both our mom's were really mean to say those things. Why not just say, "I'm so sorry. That's awful." I don't get it.
I’m extremely thankful to my therapist for linking me to another one of your videos, as I find that they’re really helping me understand my past and validate my trauma.
It’s terrifying going No Contact, but liberating and motivating when I finally realized that I CAN survive without her.
My boyfriend’s family treats me like the Healthy scenarios in these videos, and sometimes I just wish I could open up to them and actually get to know them without my trauma getting in the way.
Excellent video. Thank you. A year of no contact and surfing UA-cam this is by far the best description I have seen of how it is to be the son of a narcissistic mother. My head got sore from nodding. 😆
Great video as usual 💯 I loved your quote of "I find the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt..." I feel another definitive symptom of child hood trauma is not trusting in oneself and one's abilities.
Superb video. One of the most effective explanations I have seen so far (and I have viewed many). Simple and extremely powerful. Thank you so much for putting this out there!! xx
Thank you for the video, I’ve been seeing it in my feed but my anxiety shoots every time I read the title. It took a few weeks but I finally realized how useful it might be, and I could’ve have been more right about that! This was super relatable, informational, and insightful. Looking forward to checking out the rest of your channel! :)
Congratulations!!!! It is the perfect analysis. Kisses from Greece....
I watched this 3 years ago… and I’m telling you… thanks to CBT, your channel, Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter, I see these behaviors more quickly than I used to… maybe not automatically… but I now know to STOP and think about how I feel and what was said, and its effects on me… definitely loving myself more, discovering boundaries…(inner and outer) and then knowing my worth is more than I ever knew or acknowledged…
These role plays are SOOOO useful. It's one thing to be asked what my parents modelled growing up, but, well, I simply don't have the vocabulary or outside perspective on it to give a good answer. But when I see a role play, I can point at it and say 'that's what happens with them'.
This one made me think of when I try to be more vulnerable and share that I'm feeling hurt as a way to get someone to apologise and not hurt me again: Last week my boss was domineering and mean to me, "the only reason you're here is because of me! You will do what I say! No negotiating!". I called him about it a few days later because it really upset me and sent me into a depressed funk - my way of broaching the subject is to say 'when you said that to me... I felt really, really sad, and hurt, and angry. I don't want you to talk to me like that again.' And he replied, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. But you're wrong." and proceeded to explain why it was my fault and how I caused him to say that.
I try to be more open to people who I know are emotionally messed up, when they hurt me.
It's Note #10 of the video - the son tries to get validation by explaining more.
This long conversation ended up with me shouting at him to not treat me that way again and hanging up on him, though... eheheh.
Thank you Patrick. Your videos are so empowering. Even though this is about a mother, it helps to unpack more than 50 years of wondering what parts of me I needed to change to make Dad like me. I have stayed with a covert narcissist for 26 years because this is the model that feels normal.
Magical thinking and codependency. Thanks Patrick. I did not know about magical thinking until this video.
I can't express how helpful these videos are to me. I've been no-contact w my narc mom for a while, and trying to get therapy for the c-ptsd. Due to having to move several times and insurance problems, it's been difficult getting in depth help. Hopefully my next move will be the last, but until then these videos are incredibly validating, clear, and useful. Thank you.
My mom wouldn't try to prevent me from leaving a boyfriend, she would try to prevent me from keeping a relationship working.
The key sentences are there though.......
"...the most definitive symptom of childhood trauma is our attempt to get emotionally dysfunctional people to be good to us."
The decades I've wasted being unaware of throwing my time and energy into this pattern.
Do you have a video on how to deal with them and how to help yourself feel less angry and upset after interactions ?
There is a great book called Will I ever be Enough I think it’s about healing as a daughter of a narcissist mother
Omg this is like almost every phone call I have ever had with my mum. I knew it was messed up but this video was so incredibly helpful identifying each step that we go through… god, so validating thank you 🙏🏻
You’re amazing at what you do
Thank you so much for these role play videos! I just found your channel today but it made me realize why those gut feelings are right.
"Are you sure you are not doing something annoying?"
I laughed soooo hard. Because dv , all abuse just gets worse the sequel, say the call from ICU Mom " Now what did YOU do?"
I know, I know this is serious. But tragedy is what gives comedy it's edge.
And this is classic.
I
This should be taught in high school.
Thankyou for your content; it is one thing to understand the theory and terms for the narcissist and interactions that so many other channels describe, but quite another thing to have it all laid out in real terms the way you do it. It helps immeasurably!!!
My mother down to a tee. I was stalked years ago and she said it was my own fault (for wearing ripped jeans!) and I'd want to get over it ASAP so that it didn't "ruin" me... I've been in therapy three times.
Wow! Sounds like my mother. When I was sexually harassed at work, she asked what kind of underwear I was wearing!?! WTF!?!
They are the worst!
Much love to you. 💕
So helpful to see toxic behaviours in action! I love the analysis! Thanks for making these. I’ve subscribed and am excited to see more!
Patrick, excellent video! These role plays are a real education. Thank you.
This was incredibly accurate! Your description of codependency was very clear... as was the entire video. I love how you broke everything down so we could understand each piece. Thank you for that. Probably the clearest description and depiction of what codependency is and looks like in real life. This is great for therapists in training needing to learn what these issue may look like!
This brings up a painful memory--thank you for making it make sense
Another excellent role-play video. These really illustrate the cowardly techniques of the abuser so well, far more effectively than just listing behaviours. 👍
Wow. Nicely done role play.All parents think they are saviors. All children think they really are!! That is the point the toxic relationship begins. It takes dozens of years to realize they are demons.
this was too real! but an amazing format that helps me reflect and break down my own patterns with my mother!
Thank you all of this video, Mr. Patrick. This has saved both mine and my growing family’s life.
Incredible! This is helping me understand things so much more.
Figuring out at 23 years old that my mom definitely has some narcissistic traits (or could be diagnosed as a narcissist) is certainly enlightening. I'm finally discovering why I have certain sets of behavior and where the roots are in that. I always looked inward to try and figure these things out, but now I'm glad that I have the knowledge and resources to start looking outward. This was definitely helpful. Thank you!
This video is so helpful! Thank you, Patrick, for dissecting it for us, so well done and accurate. It really allows me to see how and where it resonates in my own experience with my toxic mother. You're helping all of us who are watching your videos to see clearly and take the right steps/action. So grateful!
Thank you for making this.
I'm the daughter of a narcissistic mother and through your channel I realize that I have a C-PTSD because of it. I don't have access to therapy in my country and the knowledge you impart in the videos help a lot!!
also if you are like me I really recommend reading a book Karyl McBridge called "Will I be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mother" This book help me grieves and give me information with real case example that strike me so hard.
knowledge is power so thank you for giving me power for my journey.
Yes I know a mother exactly like this as in mine 😯I already feel bad for thinking this 🤐
Carmel...Don't doubt it for a minute. Know it is a truth!
@@rosemarrypolack5708 thank you 🙏
@@carmelhughesparolya899 You are welcome. I pray that you will heal, too, from this.
Please do not feel bad, you can feel proud you figured it out. 💕
@@blueshoes915 Yes! Nice thought. I pray for her💚
Yes I stayed in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for years longer than I should have because both his parents and mine gaslighted, shamed, and blamed me for his behavior. My mother went so far as to say if I divorced him, then she would take his side. After that convo, I stayed for a couple more years. I eventually left him when my therapist told me that he believed I was in danger and there was a high probability I was “going to die” if I stayed.
Thank you for these insightful videos. I signed a lease today to finally move out and I’m second guessing my own decision because of a scenario like this. It’s time to take action and leave!
I remember listening to a podcast, they were talking about a statistic suggesting that women may cheat as much as, or more than, men do. I distinctly remember that when it was about cheating men, they said "Men have no more of an excuse." And when it came to cheating women, it was "Women have a need to be loved."
Thanks for these great videos. I had been looking for ones that cover male abuse victims but most often I kept finding ones meant primarily (or solely) for women/girls (sometimes there are ones more specifically about male victims but it seems they're only willing to talk about that if they also get to show the abuser as also a male (eg. father) rather than a female).
As hard as they are to listen to your videos are so insightful and clarifying and truly help me to trust my discernment in the boundaries I set. Helping me see they are reasonable limits to request and that I'm not "losing it", or the "delusional one" she paints me out to be in the convos where I leave or have to hang up and feel worse than I did to start and I'm baffled how the convo"got there"🤦♀️😔😔🤷♀️
I would love to see this video countered with a healthy interaction example as a second half or part two.
@@patrickteahanofficial ha! Wow thank you, just watched that one and it was great!
Oh boy, waiting and waiting ....did that ...I know she will not change.
Such a powerful way to share such a hard to see subject. I cant thank you enough for all your amazing work, you have helped me so much
Wow... these analysis videos are very helpful. I discovered a few years ago that I probably suffer from narcissistic abuse and I do suffer from codependency. At the same time, I saw some of the behaviours that Marc showed in the other video in me, and it makes me really scared. Not knowing whats "real" is so painful.
I am very much looking forward for more of these videos.
ALL the video was EXACTLY me and my mother... before I start to work on me and now cuting her off. All the video, I remember SO many conversations with her. GRRRR! I'm happy I finally cut her off, at 50. I wish I would be able to do it sooner. All this time wasting in WishingLand and HopeLand... Thank you so much Patrick for all your contain and work!!!! It helps me so much!!
Thank you again Patrick. Helpful and iluminating as always. I have a long way un therapy still, since It is my first yean and I know I have loads of emotional trauma. Yo heal. But It still good to be a le to recognize what the other person is trying to do, even thou I'm not really empowered yet.
EXCELLENT 😄 Right on
I saw your original video and now this one. I like the contrast, how you're really spelling our for us exactly what your example is which is great so there's no room for confusion. It's really interesting to me how many different categories of disordered thinking patterns there are.
Thank you. That end title is something I needed to read.
Great analysis! And the mother's frown is exactly correct.
This video is sooo helpful! I love the format. The content resonates so much and it’s enjoyable to watch. Will rewatch this several times!
Omg! Omg! Incredible watching this iall resonates with interactions with my narc mum over and over.. so enlighting watching from observer perspective. Alot of it is word for word exchanges! Wow!
These examples are fantastic.
Oh my... I'll never forget being 16 and gushing to my mom about a boy I liked that didn't know I existed and she said, "Well maybe if you go on a diet this summer and lose some weight Jason will notice you..." That quote rang in my head for years! The final straw for me-when I realized she literally couldn't be the mother I needed-was when my husband backhanded me and I took the kids and left....I showed up at her door, BROKEN, and when I tried talking to her about it she said, "Well, I don't know what you expected, he's always been abusive." 🙄 In that moment, I chose to never expect anything more from her again, and though we still talk, I will NEVER share any real personal struggles with her. It sounds sad but it was probably the best thing for me to come to terms with it. ❤️
I love the analysis... the way you break down every bit of the exchange. It gives me flashbacks to some of my mom’s behavior when she was alive. She wouldn’t do it all the time it was inconsistent....usually if she was angry or felt like she was losing her emotional grip over us. But boy when she turned it on, it was mind boggling and so maddening.🙄
Thanks Patrick, you’ve helped me realize what I kind of new all along, but was so hard to admit!
The inconsistency is why I kept going back because every once in a while I'd get that crumb of emotional support I was so hungry for. I truly hope Patrick makes many more of these videos. They are an amazing learning tool.
@@mm669
Yes... so true... keeps you on the hook for sure. Me too...I love his videos....So helpful!🤗
Wow why is this this accurate...I just went through that selective forgetting & magical thinking yesterday...I felt so stupid after that ...like how can I forget...and hope again that she'll understand and validate...and possibly have a more better relationship😀
So deep. I'm glad I finally "broke up" with both my parents recently. Mother overt Narcissist and Father was covert Narcissist. Double trouble and double trauma. But I'm healing daily 😌
Your videos are saving my life
Very good!! These videos are so useful! I'm sharing. 😊👍👍👍👍
This is amazingly helpful. To be honest, I struggled to pinpoint the abuse in the original role play video. It all seemed pretty normal to me. (Sad, I know.)
If only I could play back some of the torturous circular arguments with my narcissistic ex and analyse them like that! Thanks to dissociation, I would literally forget within 24 hours what the entire conflict was about. 😳
OMG that is my life and I just realized that I am codependent. At least I have some explanations now. Also, the girlfriend actions in the role play are the exact description of my boss.