THIS Is How Exes Come Back To You
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
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Today I’d like to take a look at what the typical journey looks like for an ex when they come back to you from their perspective.
Now, it goes without saying that we are going to be looking at two of the most important “strategies” in the ex recovery,
The Anxious/Avoidant Wheel
The Value Ladder
And the real challenges comes into play when you start having to plot where the value ladder falls within the anxious/avoidant wheel.
But that’s what I’m here for.
By the end of this article I’ll have done my job if you understand exactly why our approach is the ideal one during a breakup.
Let’s begin! - Навчання та стиль
The cost of dumping me is never feeling me in your life again.
Unless my ex comes crying begging for me back, and they've done the needed work I do not want them back. Foolish person left because of the avoidant idiotic self. Am i hurt yes, but all this treding around their ego is tiring, love me or leave me. he may find someone else but never anyone like me. Gods got me, the main thing is knowing your worth and knowing when you deserve better.
Hello Mina did he just leave, leaving no word or no breakup just ghost you ? Mine did and I am not sure if this is actually happening to others as well
@@Moonlove55 depends what happened. If you can explain it better Mina we can understand where this started
@@Moonlove55 My ex just left. She didn't give any reason. Blocked me everywhere. She was different 1 week prior to break up. 65 days nc now
@@Moonlove55 my guy was acting cold and aloof and i become anxious, then i told him in a nice way where is this going and he just left me on read and i greeted him on his birthday he replied but very short and i can feel his very avoidant so i didn't try to message again...i just told him i don't like what your doing...
@@oye_hoye_mickey I’m sorry 😞 but congrat on the 65 day mark!!!
As a secure person , when I realize that I am involved with an avoidant and somewhere they start to disappear without notice or breakup " on the fly" I don't chase. My pride and self worth to protect myself kicks in... I am comfortable going on my own so I stay away and take space of my own... I go on with my life even though I maybe upset feeling like I made myself vulnerable to an flighty man- child. I have no desire to reconnect . Trust is blown up at this point.. Too much work for some wishy-washy, "mind-f---kery " B S especially when there are lots of emotionally healthy people available.. I don't think about the good times we had., I see them for who they are a major ( liability) and I am no longer attracted to.....❤
Amen! I love your style!
You are a model relationship candidate. I’ve been working hard to develop healthy boundaries, good communication, skills, emotional regulation, and intelligence. It’s my responsibility to go with it in when I feel triggered. And I would never beg for somebody back. I don’t abandon myself. I hope to find somebody else aware and working on issues or secure for healthy intimacy I desire. At least one day, if not, I have with myself.
I am exactly the same!!😃
Fuck it. Unless my ex comes crawling back to me and fixes his mistakes, I want nothing to do with him. I’m not gonna put all this effort into someone who has dumped me twice. He doesn’t deserve it. Thanks but no thanks. Why should a person who was broken up with go through this elaborate process while the other party gets a free ride? Shouldn’t they have to change to get u back? Doing all this bs for an ex just gives them more power bc you’ve invested so much into this program and have a lot more at stake. As far as I’m concerned, if someone doesn’t want me it’s a goodbye. If someone wants you back, they’ll come back without the need for tricks, gimmicks and manipulation.
I feel the same although he treated me like he didn't care at all about me at the end and I've had to accept that maybe that was true. Initially I wanted the relationship back because I was so invested in it and loved him a lot. Almost 4 months on, I have been in no contact for 3.5 months and feel soooo much better. He contacted me a few times just after I started no contact but he didn't wanna meet up or anything. I played it cool. Then he stopped completely. So now I'm feeling like I'm happy being single and not really interested in anyone right now. I want to be happy with my life before having any more romantic relationships 😂 I agree with you, that's a lot of work to do to get someone back who ended things with you and essentially doesn't want to be with you! If mine came back now, I might not take him back after having time to reflect on our relationship and how we both behaved in it.
My ex broke up with me twice too. Now I’m getting into a new career, got a gym membership, gonna dye my hair. Things are lookin up for me. I still miss him but he hurt me twice so…he needs to fix it
@@anairaham Damnn you go girl! 💃
I'm so excited to see such comments in amount of many where people putting the ex on the pedestal and going out of the way to win someone who dumped them back. Self-worth. Self-love. If someone leaves me when I treated them with nothing but kindness, I prefer to think that the trash took it out itself. Good riddance!
@@iamauroraborealis ❤
Dumpers must be dumped on the 2nd time around 😁
Stay focused on the most important things and investments of your time. Like your health goals.
I blocked mine! Only gave him 3 options, text or phone call... or stay the F**k away! And told him only communicate things you are 100% of without a doubt; I'm good if he never does (I'm done with his guessing games, insecure BS, and I get blamed for it all).
Great content.
Aside: what monitor is that ?
There is no way I’m going to contact him and another two months to say… “Are you sure you wanted to throw me away like trash, I crawled out of the garbage can to check”
Chris,
can you please make a video about a secure attachtment style and an anxious attachment style? when does the ex with the secure att. style comes back?
This video is really worth watching ..we should always listen to our gut feeling..why wasting your precious time for those who never value your existence
I've tried with my boyfriend for over two years, he's inconsistent and cancels all the time. I've checked out completely. Yesterday was the very last straw. I blocked him on social media, blocked and deleted his number.
6 months NC apart from one emergency conversation at 3 months. He didn't want to talk. So I guess it's over! He won't reach out and I am certainly not going to! Good luck in your next FA cycle!
If she leaves you for someone else, go zero dark thirty on her and disappear off the radar. Never contact them, and get busy hitting the gym and killing the weights. Get busy being selfish, talking to other women, and getting more females in your orbit. If your ex tries to come back, I would make it clear that you want nothing to do with them given the circumstances of what happened. If you do meet up with them for drinks or whatever, she will be stunned by the new you and your new physique. At the end of the day she is replaceable.
Everybody leaves. Most relationships don’t work. Sad times we live in.
50/50
My gf of almost 8 years dumped me 2 weeks ago. I don't even know what to do with myself. We connected so deeply on so many levels and have done so much with each other. However, the last year or two was rough for the both of us. When she dropped the gauntlet I just froze and didn't say much. Then the next two days is when all of my feelings came out but it was all for nothing because she had moved out the very next day and wasn't really trying to hear any of it. I want to fight for her so badly with every fiber of my being but I also don't want to push her away further by being up her ass all kinds. Regardless, the pain is immense and hope feels insurmountable.
Must be in the air matey!!
My girlfriend ended it yesterday after 5 years… We work at the same place to
Sounds so identical to my situation
It’s over for now.
Just move on and start sliding into Dms.
The sooner you get a new gf and improve your life the sooner she will regret the decision
I'm sorry to read this, as I have gone through this and understand your pain. But she moved out. That is pretty permanent. You need to move on, understanding that she may not ever come back. Don't contact her. Ever. It will just push her away. Take a look at your self in the mirror and ask yourself what you feel you should do to improve yourself and then start on the next chapter of your life. Go forward and get yourself ready for a lady that really wants YOU!!!
You are not alone. It has been 2 months for me. I am still struggling but feel much better now. I have tons of words to say to her but I can’t, so I journaled everything down. It did help me a lot! You got this!
You got this bro those hard feelings are healthy once you are ready start to put all that love into yourself
I have watched dozens of get ex back videos and this is the best one I have seen! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I went into no contact. He contacted me today but I’m going to go slow
Thanks for the kind words! Keep strong during no contact.
I’ve actually ended no contact. It had been over a month. He contacted me and we had a long texting conversation. Yes, your videos kept me strong during no contact
@@BlessingsfromBridget any updates?
I'm close to 50 so I can tell you sometimes 6 weeks to a half a year but sometimes years or decades. Crazy I know but I've been doing some reflecting and it's almost natural in a way. We're not meant to figure it out fully. If our emotions didn't move like a roller coaster we wouldn't know the difference. Have fun with it all. Life is beautiful. If you're bitter about when it will never happen. Again crazy I know but woman can sense bitter butthurt boy's versus men that are ok either way. If you're trying not to be needy but your conscience is they will pick that shit up through the phone even. Long story short, do the opposite of what our minds tell us. We have been programmed through the years w Disneyland shit. Never throw rocks at their window. Doesn't work in real life. Dish out what they lack. Be the one out of a 100 dude's in their inbox that isn't thirsty
My fearful avoidant ex is in all stages rn 😂 heard he was feeling unwell in public
I'm over my X and these time period phases. Since I have blocked 🚫 my X cellphone 📱. If my X want to repair what she destroyed. It will take an act of God for me to open up my heart. My X insecurities betrayed 💔 the trust.
What about when you live with the ex and moving out is not an immediate option?
Yesterday Me & My GF of 5 years have called it a day.Her Choice lost feelings!! I was mature about it and said she needs to be happy.
This also happened in Feb 2021 and wanted me back in July 2021…Which we did.Her hysterectomy Op in 2020 change her,Sent her in to early menopause. I really hope this turns around!! She’s already struggling….
Hi chris..my ex isn't curious this time to what i'm doing and isn't checking on my stories or me..will doing no contact still work on him??
Is it possible to have both styles I seen myself and my ex doing both so confusing
As a anxieus avoidant my ex return when I been just married😂. Other ex came for validation after 24 years😂, I have dismisive wife and 2 kids took me ror whike to discover this push pull dynamic, now I needs to divorce her because nothing working, she refused cuple therapy.
I am a coach and psychologis .
I think this no contact thing has its certain effectiveness wch wud rely on a couples kind of relationship level.. worst case is women tend to use this time apart to their advantage by exploiting the drama get more sympathy from the new guy.. and then they'll use it as an excuse that everything happened during ur time apart.. so for best result take it a day atba time dont expect them to come back and just move on...
I’m a guy and my ex who I dated for over 2 years left me at the end of May. She’s fearful avoidant because she always felt like I was going to leave her for someone better, but then when we had arguments she just avoided talking about them most of the time and broke up with me. She told me a few weeks ago she’s starting to see someone new
Possibly just a rebound. FA’s attach themselves to rebounds to keep the pain and guilt away. Eventually it will come back and bite them in the ass and thats when they reach out. But by then you as the dumpee has already moved on and processed the hurt whilst they only feel the hurt after hiding from it for months
Mine had the same tendency but then started seeing someone while with me then started being distant.
shes with a rebound....won't last very long. go no contact, give her some space...work on yourself, improve yourself. show her what she's missing
Same here. She dumped me on August the 6th.
@@Zeb86 I’m sorry to hear that :(
I have some questions here please help me with those..
1. Do dismissive avoidants forget all the negative patch of the relationship & start analyzing the good part n miss that?
2. As avoidants are superior in blaming other person for their actions (initiating breakup), do somewhere they stop blaming other person and think genuinely what went wrong?
I would like to know these too
Good questions!
Me too
Apparently only much later on ….they just feel relief when the person is gone.
At first, they think about the negatives, but deeper into no contact, they start thinking about the good memories and positive things between you two that’s what I heard. We all miss the good memories
'hurt bad… just had my break up from 1 month ago… sad and confused.
Stay with no contact. It may not work but it’s by far the best chance of getting your ex back. It’s been a month for me too.. be patient, be strong
Update? Has he come back?
I’m blocked have been since November
Im 2 weeks post breakup. Putting dates in my callendar for when i can expect him to enter the different stages. I am willing to wait
Just let them know you are not available. If you’re going on dates, you don’t wanna be emotionally unavailable to somebody who’s coming in with an open heart. Just be honest and make sure you’re not using somebody or else we are on the same level as they.
Question: went through no contact successfully, didn’t really know not to jump off into the deep end soon. I told the avoidant I loved him & he asked me why & I poured my heart out & now he’s silent, says he’s processing his feelings but I’m kinda wondering if I have to wait a few weeks and send a meme or what idk. Advice?
This is so toxic lol. They feel alone and they comback and repeat this again and again? So then what if they don't even change and again it'll happen?
What do you do if she calls or text and you play college football in another state , so you can’t do an immediate date or link up ?
Is that you batman? Well, the rules for LDR's are a bit different. You essentially build the value ladder all around a big meet up at the end. Principles remain the same though, build value, self work, etc.
Is this just for ex boyfriends???? Does any of this advice work on ex girlfriend that now hates me even though I did everything for them and put in all the effort
Stop with the bullshit! Leave them alone regardless of the attachments. It will take 6-12 months for them to come back. In the meantime live your life never ever wait in anyone. Most likely when they do show back up you don’t even care anymore
Can't read the "stages" descriptions... That makes the whole presentation lacking. Try to make them more legible.
I’ve been blocked for 3 months now miss them every day
Do not, start talking with other people
If your ex left you for someone else and has made it known the new supply is her ‘soul mate’. Does this approach apply?
Then you need to move on, man.
What if your ex stil tries to call here and there to check in because we agreed to stay friends? We also work together. Just ignore him?
Well if you are doing the no contact rule and want them back then yes. If you are happy being broken up then you can try to talk but I’ve found most ppl who do that just end up wanting their exes back anyways
@@chrisseitercoaching yes I do want him back! Lol thank you for replying 😊
I want to give no contact when my wife left me with my 3 year old daughter. I begged and pleaded . Now i want to do no contact but my heart feels for the child.. i couldnt give a good solid no contact cos i still need to contact my daughter. Should i just go no contact so my wife get the effect
That’s a tough one. You want to do no contact but not on your kid, it doesn’t seem possible.
I really like your game plan, but there is a problem for me. I go to church with this guy and he has scoop me up for a week and we’ve had a fabulous time and then he dumped me. He’s done that three times yet he shows me when we’re together that he really likes me, but he says I scare him because I’m the anxious one obviously how do I do no contact when I’m in church with him I see him watching me he smiles at me. He talks to me. This is driving me crazy. I know the man likes me, but he’s been burned really bad twice, and so I come along happy bouncy fun and flirtatious good looking and this man likes me. He likes the way I look he likes my personality. He is driving me crazy I don’t know what to do about the no contact. Any suggestions would be very welcome because I want him back.
Hi Chris. My ex kind of broke up with me two weeks ago asked me to give him space.. i still called and texted every few days but pushed him even further. I told him I can’t keep the status quo and if he is so unsure about me ill just disappear so I will block him. He is avoidant type and although part of me wants to heal , should I still hope he will want to come back? He said he still loves me but that we are not compatible 😢
Let him go you’ll find someone better.
Same thing happened with me 😂
Took 8 months for me .
Do they reach out or u were the one to reach out first?
It has been 9 month and doesn’t reach out I guess she is over me😂
I love my ex. God do I love her. I’ve rebuilt myself from her the last year. And while I love her, there’s no way in hell I’d allow her back into my life. I deserve better and it’s wild that I ever got to this place. Never in a million years would I think I wouldn’t want her. She’s a terrible person.
Wheres the Facebook private group page
We keep it private to protect identities but you get access to it after entering our program. I’m not saying this to sell you on the program at all so feel no obligation.
@@chrisseitercoaching ahh i understand man. Cant afford it at moment but appreciate it.
Most of your videos are not understanding, you keep repeating the "attachment styles" thing which makes them super boring. You don't speak from a general point of view. Your content is easily predictable because the center of interest has always been the "ATTACHMENT STYLE."..