I Learned What Makes An Ex Love You
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
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Today we’re going to talk about what makes an ex realize they love you.
Here are four of the core factors at play that cause exes to realize they are still in love with you.
You’ve actually moved on from them
The commitment categories
They need to think you are above them on the pedestal
Let the avoidant breathe - Навчання та стиль
This all just sounds like manipulation. There's times where I knew exactly what I could do or not do, to entice my ex back but I chose not to, because I'd rather have something real, not coerced or manipulated or witchcrafted. I'd rather be alone than play games.
really good, means you aren't falling for your desires of keeping connection where a person you like cant meet your emotional intelligence . and that super fine
Amen
If it did not work before and you are discarded. It means they cannot find anyone better than you. I'm not a revolving doorstep and say no to that. End of story.
you are right !if they truly love you as they say they will not leave you for too long there is no reason to justify selfishness and indifference
It could mean they got played & will b use you to nurse the wound. Then play you when someone better comes along.
That’s a narcissist
Not necessarily.
Awesome point 👉
That part about what you're grieving is the desire for a longterm relationship and maybe it's not even with your ex, really hit home! Thanks for that!
They did all they could to hurt you, leave you alone when you want them the most and made you go through a series of emotional dilemmas . After taking soo long to recover from the memories and feelings of guilt for loving someone who doesn't even treat you with the minimum respect you deserve, after soo much struggle, you find yourself eventually and move on. Then all of a sudden, this exact person comes into your life.. and they expect you to accept them like nothing happened.. ? The hell no!!.. Ex is a dead person to you...and that's it!!
Aaamen! 😂❤
agree👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼⚰️
It took me a Year and $thousands in Escorts to get over her. But now I realize that she abused me from the start.
They would have to drink bleach in order to come back😂 bye no bc now I'm sitting here remembering all the things I didn't like and honestly he was never good enough to begin with. Oops I fell for the wrong person...plus there was an event that happened in his life that made him flip a switch. First year great, next 9 mos absolute bullshit. And the depression seemed convenient to me. Good luck finding anyone half as good as me. Don't forget karmas a bitch and the way you treated me will come back to you
I was with an avoidant female for 9 years. She left. I moved out and on. Im going on dates and getting in better shape and i always made money. My advice is if they reach out just tell them youre rooting for them.
After a month she said "i hope youre doing well"
I sent back "hey butthead, im good. Im rooting for you to find a way to better yourself. Youre strong and i know you can do it."
Just show them support from afar, but do NOT go back to them. I loved her and she has trauma and needs help that i cant provide. Believe me you want a healthy relationship.
Brilliant!
lol!!! Love this!! I’m gonna do it!! 😅
That sounds more like resentment than good wishes.
@@northofyou33 the fork in the road is resentment or well wishes. I chose the later
Love this!
This may be cry when you call her a butthead that was really cute. Instead of being bitter you were the bigger person. I applaud you for what you did She's missing a great person keep doing you keep moving on get there great bod and don't stop.
Never place someone on a pedestal! No one is better than you!
You are either going to be an admirer or admired. Otherwise, you are both with somebody you wouldn't care to have walk away.
There is always someone better than both of you. That's the reality of life. Each of you has a choice to stay together and work on the relationship or look around.
I find the questions on the boyfriend test very limiting. I wouldn't be surprised if more are below average than above average on the test which could encouraging counselling.
I do not therefore trust the results which you can manipulate possibility in your favor making the entire test useless.
That's for damn sure
@@Scheherazad100 "better" according to whose/what standards?
BASICALLY, JUST LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!! Why wait for someone to come back if there’s someone out there who is emotionally available and willing to commit forever!
When I emotionally detached after my ex broke us off (avoidant type we’d had incredible year but said couldn’t give me a relationship) I went on a date with a lovely guy, stable, keen (but not manic about it), no PDA (my ex had touched my rear on date 2 whilst playing pool which was nice but felt invasive) and this guy seems quite shy, stable job, free time at weekends, no baggage, dresses normally (ie not the same outfit)
We’re 2 dates in.
Before my ex, I would have thought this guy was a bit ordinary, and not accepted a second date, but now comparing him with my ex, my ex seems like a loser and I’m feeling more attracted to this ‘nice guy’.
Maybe it takes being played to realise what went on.
She says after shes cheated on every guy who showed any sort of emotion.
Sadly, if I go the route of detaching myself entirely again -- THEN she'll want me. Then, when I want her again, she won't want me. So, in short, we never get what we want and we're all F'ed. Sad.
True story. I placed my other on a pedestal and lost my sense of purpose. I gave up all my hobbies and made her my life. This placed a lot of pressure on her. This also didn’t allow her to live her own life. What I’m saying - I smothered the shit out of her and it didn’t work. I found my hobbies again and realized that I no longer had my other on a pedestal. Nothing is more attractive than person that has their own hobbies/life. Find your purpose - find your happiness. Live your life - let her/him live his life - secure relationships rock!
1. You've moved on from them
2. Commitment categories
3. You're above them on pedestal
4. Let the avoidant breathe
Don’t get them back - just move on - they only hurt you the second time. Speaking from experience. It’s not worth the hurt and heartache.
Just retook the get your ex back quizz again and changed some of the answers on purpose. Results came out the same. The test is useless and likely rigged so most people will score low on purpose to likely encourage one on one counseling. Plus I don't trust the 30 day no contact rule. Most may take more than 30 days, especially if they are on a rebound relationship.
you are right if they truly love you as they say they will not leave you for too long there is no reason to justify selfishness and indifference
The simple secret: you have to be free to let them go. Then they might come back.
Paradox but true.
If you still want them back at that point is another question...
(Own experience twice.)
Avoidants are insufferable, and funny enough they think that about everyone else as well
Not really true at all, their behaviours can seem insufferable if you trigger them. My avoident is full of love, and I make sure she gets her needs and in turn she knows that means i get mine.
@@norswil8763then that’s not a true DA
@@walkertranger5746 you think people are just aggresively a particular attachment type or that they can't be secure then shift into someone with avoident behaviors? She left me a week ago, after 4 months of hard avoidance, she could express her love to me, but not her emotions if she felt that it might lead to conflict, she felt her autonomy was being threatened because I tried to pull closer, she slowly required more solo time. She actually warned me that she had avoident behaviours and pushed away in the last relationship. I obviously became very anxious at all this and that was that.
She left saying she has never loved or been loved as much as with me and had never had a happier relationship. But when she thought about our love it'd make her feel ill. She said she can't be in a relationship.
I never said she was DA, she was more FA, but showed general avoidant behaviours and less anxious at the end.
Attachment theory isn't rigid, it works on a spectrum.
@@walkertranger5746True! A true DA doesn’t even know what their needs are, let alone be capable of communicating them to you.
@sshuteandrew What is a DA? I keep seeing that and I'm genuinely curious what that stands for.
This video actually helped me feel better about not being with my ex. Thanks!
Who wants to be with someone who dont want you...
They do usually. Avoidants have core wounds too. I don’t think most are intentionally hurting people. And it’s not that they never wanted you.
Becoming a better version of you has nothing to do with plating your mind or trying to keep yourself occupied with something else. it is about realizing that who you are matters more than trying to continually impress someone with who you were yesterday. And more importantly, impressing yourself. Because when you aren't growing constantly feeling like you were only as good as your last high school basketball game, but someone supposed to continually be impressed by that achievement.
Of course, you are more than that one achievement
It's not the achievements it's the character seeing challenges through that is important
My fear is as an avoidant is that, once I go no contact to help me outgrow my ex, I’ll really be done and I don’t wanna hear from them. I am working on becoming a secure attachment type though.
They're an ex for a reason. Move on in life bro it's not worth going through that heartbreak again. Start fresh with someone new
I have 4 words: Sudden need for validation.
Letting my Avoidant Ex breathe was the hardest thing for me. It I did it for a month. Then we met up to swap stuff and we had an interaction that we haven’t had in a very long time. It was just us two, chatting like normal. We laughed, hugged, high fives, she overshared everything. Asked her to coffee, now I’m waiting for her to contact me. She said “I’ll let you know”
Any update? Just suffered a breakup with my avoidant partner, 1 week in. Had a good conversion today, lots of love still between us. But yeah, she wants space and new experiences. And we wait, I'm hopeful.
@@norswil8763 so most recent, two weeks ago she unblocked me on everything and started watching my stuff. Then blocked me again a few days later. We spoke yesterday and she was so angry at me just berating me telling me I’m not a man and all this other stuff. I just told her “hey I love you, and if you ever need a hand you call me, I will not abandon you, but I have boundaries as well. So I guess going back to no contact and hopefully she reaches out again. It’s so tough because I love this woman am but she is the main cause of alot of my stress. I understand we need extreme growth and I just wanna accomplish that together. But she was telling me all about her success which seemed like bragging or “I’m doing so much better without you” kinda thing. I just told her that I never doubted her and I knew she’s excel at those things and that I’m proud of her. She was angry and telling and I was just trying to let her know that I’m not angry. Even though I’m hurting so much. I kept my cook and just told her I got her back. I’m so lost now. I thought I had been doing well but clearly I’m at square one again
Chris, THIS video is the BEST One I have viewed of Yours thus far, however I have only recently found Your Channel Sir. I had been struggling lately, as the Break-up was only 8 days ago. For 6 years I put Her on the pedestal, when in Fact I AM the Prize! However it pans out going forward, NOW I KNOW I will Thrive & not only Survive! THANK YOU SO MUCH my Brother!
Ending the conversation at a high point is a genius idea I had not thought about. Thank you 😊.
Patience is for sure the key. Another great Video !
It’s all mind games no one decent left stay single better
I’m on day 4 of no contact. After a cordial breakup, he dumped me saying we were not compatible. I strongly think maybe there was more like he’s not ready or just didn’t want it …even at the end he was straight forward /cold and wanted me out of his life asap. He’s deleted me off Snapchat and didn’t reply back after some messages which made me feel anxious and sad and upset for the being the anxious attachment style …. 😢 right now I’m in the boat of missing the conversation with him but also knowing it might have just been a bad match. Of course I believe truly there was love on both sides. Either way I’m giving him space because he needs it.
I have been watching these videos in my free time they are helping
I LOLed “the inevitable decline” of the conversation 😂
As a triathlete myself , I also greatly admire Lionel Sanders because he dedicated his life into triathlon after quitting drugs, if you want to be happy dedicate yourself into your passion and work hard to improve yourself, the only thing that people can't take away is your passion
Lionel is the best! Excited for Kona!
@@chrisseitercoaching cheering for him to be the new world champion 💪💪
The last message I sent my ex was a long one, but I did tell her that she'll never leave my heart completely and that I love her. I've been in no contact since. She's with someone else now.
Absolutely better than other coaches. I like your style and approach.
Powerful video. Thank u chris
Hahaha! Chris, I see what you did there. You ended this video at the high point. Great take aways!
Very helpful!! Thanks
Yass this is EXCELLENT!
My ex would say he thinks about me all day, I wonder what’s she’s doing right now
or I wonder if she would like thi or what would she think of this.. etc
Thank you for new video😢
Appreciate the fresh perspective!
I tried ending the conversation at the high point. I think it's working!
I don't want to get my ex back. I want him to stop leaving and coming back.
Hi Chris I have been watching your videos for more than 100 times, now I realized all my attention is come out of your behavior when you speaching. And the way what how you presenting and sooooooo cute and lovely. 🥰🥰🥰
I invested more in my relationship compared to my X that left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I'm not looking for my X to come back to me. If she does, I will discard her the way she did to me.
"If you dedicate your life into something, you'll be admire by many people." Sounds OK to me because I teach ESL. ;) All poking aside, I love this channel.
Omg you’re talking about pedestaling which is WILDLY unhealthy for ANY relationship. I was following you just to understand how to battle back against my ex’s predictable attempts to get back together again. I don’t want to be with him and haven’t wanted that for years. He just persuades me. But pedestaling is deeply unhealthy regardless of attachment style. You need to look at this concept in the context of consent and healthy boundaries.
Mine is not my ex yet. I am trying to convince myself to walk away. Sick of his avoidant BS.
My ex avoidant once said to me, he doesn't reach out to no one. And he doesn't go backwards. It was heartbreaking.
let him be alone by that time you will meet somoene else who value you,i'm on the same situation and it have been 4 months i gave up and decide to focus on me and wait to fnd another guy who will value me and like me as me ,I loved him like hell but I have to.
Yeah why DA never initiates in contact?
@@lemagloria it's the worst pain I have ever experienced in a relationship
@@jeanjessmommysharlyn2771 I don't know it's heartbreaking
I wonder why they think like that....that they don't go back to people from the past
3 years in relationship .he decided to break up with me because i want to settle down. so i accepted the break up. for 6 months he goes dark on me never heard anything. all of sudden he texted me and asking me how i am and he misses me and regret everything and he asked me if i still want to marry him.. i answered him i don't know.
Did you ever get married? Hope you’re happy either way!
God, I hope you stayed away from him.
I see what you did at the end there ;)
I was on the pedestal because of my service to the city and wouldnt you know how he tried to get me to quit the boards, criticized their decisions and spoke to me as if I solely called the shots.
The ending at the high point strategy is really smart, but how would you go about ending the conversation effectively? Is there any examples you can think of
there's a reason why they're an ex. I don't look back and try to right the wrongs. If they didn't realize who was there for them before, then let them live with their decision. My father once told me "you can count on one hand the people who will be around for your life" If my ex didn't think I was one of those, so be it. I've told them this too. We meet many people in a lifetime. Can you be there in reciprocity for those who want to be there for you? Can you even recognize the difference? It's about stepping up with mutual trust and respect.... which are both earned gradually and maintained. The honeymoon phase serves its purpose and. makes for great memories if both don't just count on this only to keep them together. 😉
Well put!! Totally agree!! My Dad said the same thing to my two brothers and I when we were younger, and I’ll never forget it!! 🙏💪😅
He is so good
The athlete that you admire, though, just traded one addiction for another… Treated drugs for the runner high… Traded the drive and seeking of drugs for the seeking of the better time or the longer distance
I am anxious
I wanted a long happy relationship but that was not possible with my X. My X wasn't accountabile for her insecure actions nor she would apologize
Coach is this applicable if my ex was in a relationship with someone before our brake up?
I think my ex is a avoidant based on ur description. He said he needed space to think wether if he rlly wants a relationship n if so why is he doubting it. I’m giving him space, 32 days of no contact. I’m planning mid or end oct to write something based on what happened to him like his race even tho it was a month ago and write “hey, I know u had ur marathon a while ago, did u reach ur goal of 2hrs? Heard u carried a 7kg vest! Impressive ! But I bet you could have done 10! How r u and ur studies? - it shows I remember a important event, remind him that I care, and slip a little cheeky note. Or take a pic of a book and write a note “hey craziest thing just happened, saw ur favorite book on the shelf! Did u know …. And they have a movie! We should watch it someday! Hope ur doing good! -I catch myself everyday thinking about him.. I’m sure he does too it was almost 5yrs there’s no way u can forget. He came back once I’m sure he’ll come back again. - I’m working on myself, getting a diploma, planning outgoing s, I hope he sees that and misses me. I was a good a gf, not perfect but I know I gave more than my best. I hope he realizes w time the little things I did that now is no longer done, picking him up w food, making his meal preps, gifts for no reasons … we will see .. :(
Thats sounds toxic and manipulative af. People forget that most humans can sense B.S
@@jaexen where’s the bs? - You can’t say anything if you donno the ppl. Im respecting his request for space if anything im not manipulating. It’s okay for me to reach out one day and rekindle.. im not being toxic by that, if I were I wouldn’t respect them, call them, beg, n that’s not the way to go. If someone wants to they have the freedom to reply to my friendly text in the future or not…
I had reached out to my avoidant ex after 4 months snd things were good for about 2 months and then he ended it in the worst way ever. It seemed as though he had met someone during the 4 months of no contact n didn't tell me to have ended things soo
@@michellevdg4708 Lol here we go. " Or take a pic of a book and write a note “hey craziest thing just happened, saw ur favorite book on the shelf! Did u know …. And they have a movie! We should watch it someday! Hope ur doing good! " this part right here shows. your already planning on using this message meaning its not genuine aka B.S.
Furthermore this part here " so he doesn't have a chance to move on" this was there before you edited it.
I've gotten all my exes back. What I've learned is that 1. They can sense if your trying to be strategic and manipulate things to get a result. 2. They can smell when you aren't being genuine. It is what it is.
Thats why all these videos say MOVE ON...with your life and then they come back...you know why? because its not out of a desperation of getting them back but by being 100% genuinely yourself which a lot of people miss.
@@ms.harripersad8227 I’m sorry love.
I think separation elation only happens if there are no kids involved or when it's the woman and they've got favored custody/support statistics. I've been severely struggling with detachment and subsequently despite efforts I know I end up having neediness and not giving her any sense that she has or could lose me or that I wouldn't take her back. My kids adore me, I've got my physical health in check, stable and good employment and a schedule that works great especially if we were to stay together and they want to continue to work and I've been getting my mental health in check. Been taking care of myself and my kids and better with priorities but I still haven't really seen a change or clear sign that she'd consider getting back together. I know things can never go back to how they were even when they were good/better and any relationship would be a new one but doesn't mean it couldn't be better than it was.
Well, maybe you should approach her.
I’m so tired of playing all these games…ghosted 👻 for the 4th time - 3 times because of an ex girlfriend he kept going back to- - now it’s exploring someone new - 3 days after proposing to me! So for sure I must have become too needy and demanding while my gut noticing he’s pulling away lining up the next by calling me less and less.
Avoidant has other names = Unfaithful
Player
That sounds like something is wrong and immature about him, not you being needy or whatever. Anyone deserves better treatment than that. He should go work on himself before playing with peoples emotions like that. Not cool
He's the problem and red flag. Marry well.
What if he moved on ?!
If you're not in contact how do you make them invest time, money, emotions in you?
Mine said he doesn't want anything to do with my jealousy. He doesn't even want me as a friend. So how does this work in my favor or what should I expect?
how ik i am in love with her
we were in a long distance R.S must of our talk was through phone
How do i go no contact when my ex is seeking divorce, and the paperwork requires contact?
Confusingly - when he broke up with me he told me how much he loves me. That it wasn’t for a lack of love but for his own mental health. We both have anxiety problems that need to be dealt with - I pray when we heal from our own traumas , we can come back together stronger .
It doesn't say much in this video!!!!
Hey Chris, is there any possible way that you can go over an Ex-Girlfriend being in a rebound with a Jealous boyfriend, who had practically made her delete social media. Long story short she has me blocked only by phone, because she didn't want there to be any issues between me and the boyfriend, but the social media was the only source of communication besides working together.
We we're having a great Emotional connection with each other until that had happened, I just don't know what I should do next. Besides being jealous of any man having communication with her, she has only talked to me about the arguments that they've had, practically nothing positive to say on the relationship, but she still says at times that she wants it to work, but at other times doesn't know if she want's to stay in the relationship.
Just run. She’s using you as an emotional tampon. Sorry-girls that are really into you won’t talk so much about “the other”.
i am above him .. is that why he keeps jumping intoshort term lower standard girls to replace me? lol
What if you dated for only two/ three months and they are not talking to you right now? I find often it takes people over a year to contact you again if at all?
It’s a 50/50
Give in a couple months they could message
Yeah, after being with a bunch of other ladies that didn’t match up because they were not me, they all always come back after a few months or a year. But the problem usually is, while I have done a lot of healing and growing they are usually still the same guy… If a guy ghosts me and it’s more then a few days of freak out, that can be talked about and corrected, it’s done for me. I have a very strict don’t date anyone twice rule to avoid experiencing the same bs with the same person twice. Unless they can prove that they have really grown and there is reasons why their mindset and emotional maturity has changed, fundamentally, it’s over. But I appreciate your kind thoughts. It’s been a little more than two weeks now, so I am starting to feel like ok I guess I’m good without him…
If they don't reach out to you in the first 4 months, they most likely never will.
If they do, make sure it's not because they are even more wounded and looking to take from you.
Do you mean revenge?@@hmanfilms
No contact is for me. I was monkey branched. NC forever for me.
I noticed that you practice cutting off the conversation at a higher point in your videos because you don't close out the video you just cut it at your last sentence that you felt pertinent
Making you want more and keeping you hooked on his videos and advice?
Contradicting himself. States 30 days a good no contact.
skip towards the end of the video for the answer, there's a bunch of bullshit filller before that, the brake down is leave them wanting more when having conversation
There's far more than just that. Besides, everyone can get different things from watching the same video. It's all about how we perceive things.
How rude
There is important background theory and context in the first part of the video. The end is just a technique. In almost any discipline, if you just mirror techniques but don't understand context, you are far more likely to screw something up. Plus when you understand theory and context, you can begin to answer your own questions
Men come back because they miss the beautiful thing they thought they had.
Women come back because they couldn’t find a replacement.