Is It Depression or Something Else? Navigating the Gray Areas | ep.204
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton explains the difference between depression and general disappointment. She also gives us options for ways to reward ourselves that don’t involve food or spending a lot of money, and discusses the reasons we may feel too broken for therapy. Then she offers some ways people pleasers can do the necessary things that will end up hurting someone’s feelings, and the difference between rumination and healthy processing. Finally, she explains what fear of rejection is and how it differs from fear of abandonment.
Questions & timestamps:
1. My question is about distinguishing between depression (or another mental disorder) and general disappointment or dissatisfaction with life. What would you say to someone who was not feeling happy about being alive but also not necessarily depressed or mentally ill? What if you just feel you don't like life and you don't particularly enjoy it? What if your dissatisfaction with life is just a combination of your personality, your resilience and... 01:16
2. How can I reward myself? I had an eating disorder and I feel like I am shopping too much. How can I reward myself without subconsciously supporting old behavior? 10:06
3. I feel like I’m too broken for therapy. I have a fear of abandonment and I think it makes therapy really hard for me. I find it so hard to actually get help because I’m so afraid of losing my therapist. I don’t want to open up and get attached because I know it’s not forever. And the more I share the more afraid I am that she is going to leave me. I can’t stop thinking about... 13:04
4. Do you have any tips for people pleasers who are struggling to do things that are necessary but will upset other people? Like breaking up with someone you’re dating when you can tell it isn’t working out or setting boundaries with a friend you care about but who is taking advantage of your willingness to help? 25:55
5. Could you talk about the difference between healthy emotional processing vs rumination? 30:05
6. Hey Kati, can you explain the fear of rejection vs fear of abandonment. I feel like a lot of people think it’s the same. I have CPTSD. I don’t fear abandonment. I actually expect it... 34:37
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Hello people in the comments as always I'm back and spreading support and understanding and love to all no matter who you are and what mental health conditions you struggle with it's so important we must all not only be kinder too ourselves but too others who need it 🙏🙂❤️❤️
Wow, thanks to the author of the first question. I never before heard words so open and honest about this feeling. You hit my point asking if it should be the default state of the mind to like life. I feel different about this, too, e. g. if someone says " I can't think of any reason this person committed suicide." I, in contrast, think: There are a billion reasons. The question is, what reason makes most persons stay alive despite of them all? If life was a game and they told me the rules before and if I had had a choice, I would never have joint.
With me, it's not anhedonia, in fact, I can enjoy many things. But there are so many kinds of pain and suffering in the world and noone and nothing can promise me they won't get me one day. If someone had asked me, I would never have taken the risk. Not for the most beautiful life. Why I' m still here? Responsibility. Won't hurt my loved ones.
Regarding the reward question. I'm also a shopaholic and part time binge eater of sugary foods (6 months of bingeing, 6 months of restrictive dieting), and those suggestions for other ways to reward yourself are good, BUT...I also have anhedonia (and emptiness from BPD) and nothing interests me or brings me enjoyment, engagement, comfort, relief, fulfilment, contentment or enthusiasm. I would LIKE to want to do things, but everything makes me feel either bored, mentally exhausted and/or filled with dread and impending doom. So I tend to take what I can get in terms of any enjoyment...which unfortunately are only activities I'm addicted to.
I used to suffer from this abandonment wound and it's an awful feeling. I wasn't aware of it for years, and it really drove my life. But once I started working on it, I was able to sit with the feelings and remind myself that just because a relationship ends or changes, it's okay. That's a normal part of life and nothing lasts forever. I try to think about the new relationships I'll have and the new things I'll learn once I leave behind the old relationship. It can be difficult, but I don't really struggle with this issue anymore. So, to anyone else who struggles with this, there's hope!
Your videos always make me feel a bit more normal... but hearing you like greys anatomy seals the deal!! :)
I wonder why this episode has so few views (and didn’t get recommended to me despite being subscribed). I only found it by going to the podcasts tab.
idk it was recommended to me
She has been black listed on UA-cam. Due to her talking negatively about people with illness behind their back.
It just came out 4 hours before you posted.
@@LouiesLogsource?
It says it came out 14hr from my writing here. And I don't know of any evidence of her doing something that unethical
I'm glad that you said that it was normal for attachment to become a bit stronger during a crisis. I know when I was in the hospital, one of the few things stopping me from wanting to off myself was the memory of my therapist saying that she was proud of me for voluntarily committing myself. Once I got out of the hospital everything was much less intense, but those thoughts kept me going for a while. Support can be really important in stressful times!
I love this channel so much, Kati does her job so well! & I appreciate the circle of such thoughtful viewers
Kati...so on point! On point with her work and content. Thanks for the video!
I loved this podcast, might be my new favorite one💛 and besides all the knowledge I've acquired, what I'm keeping as a mantra today is: "Be curious, not judgamental especially with ourselves", only with curiosity we might be aware of why we have certain thinking patterns or act in a specific way, and our therapist is there to help us see clearer and provide us with extra tools so we can fully heal. Thank you Kati for being an amazing Psychologist, I'm just 2 years ahead to finishing my career and I want to be like you when I'm finally practicing with my license. 🌈
Thank you for everything you post for us 🖤
This is so timely, I am glad this came on my YT feed. I am learning a lot. Thank you to those who submitted their questions and to Kati for these kinds of content! As someone from a developing country, mental health here comes as a luxury. You uploading videos like this can really help us process our feelings...for free. Thank you. This channel means a lot. Bless you.
Don’t go to therapy
Very interesting topics. Thank you very much for sharing your knowledge and insight with people through the internet.
As much as it drives me crazy, ive never understood the concept of why ive ever existed in the first place .... and there are times i feel awfully ashamed of myself like i don't even belong on this planet 🌏😢 and i feel like my existence doesn't mean anything anymore. If i could put it into words how dumb of a person i am; i feel practically uncapable of describing what that is really like .... and im really ashamed of myself for thinking and feeling this way 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
AKA podcast. hello Kati so good to see you and hear your calming voice again I haven't been keeping up with these podcasts but I've been struggling with my mental health and I needed to come here as watching and listening to you answer people s questions is helpful and interesting too me feel as though this is my safe space in the comments ❤️❤️❤️
Just started this video and yes I feel all that you introduced this video with
I’m here for this
Hi Kati, I ❤being a member. I find all of your videos so helpful. To me you are always my go to for my personal journey with therapy.
I just purchased your “ INNER CHILD WORKSHOP “!!!
So excited to start!!!!
I find it interesting about the attachment to therapist. I felt the same with my care coordinator. In the past I've had issues with mixed feelings towards them, expecting too much from them. Because they cared, listened. Feeling frustrated they couldn't help me.
Wow, this is a great topic
im been struggling lately i needed this video thank u
I’m a 20 year NICU nurse. I also have several autoimmune disorders and had a horrific accident in 2018. It left me completely blind in my right eye. I was not allowed to continue working, even though I had many appointments regarding my eyes. I was not allowed to continue working. I did much more than a general RN. I went as high as I could without going back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner. I’m so sad and so lost. I don’t know what my purpose is. I just feel like a burden and I would be ok if I just didn’t wake up tomorrow. I feel like such a burden to my family. I don’t want to feel this way anymore!😭
What about going back to school to study. Or even studying online from home. I think you still have alot to offer.
When i was young i lived an abusive home and i used my window as my front door.
I wouldn't clean my room to the point where is be stepping through clothes and junk up to my knees.
I'm much better as an adult but still have issues with making myself do chores. Like i seriously look at things and can't make my self do the simplest things.
At some point i do clean but sometimes it takes a really long time for me to go through the tasks
I can't tell where I'm at emotionally
I have 7 of the 9 DSM depression criteria plus a lack of interest in everything. I've had almost constant anhedonia for over 7+ years (I laugh when I hear the diagnosis is based on just 2 weeks. I wish! lol)
My psychologist though, is not so sure that I really am depressed, as he sees my chronic emptiness, boredom, unhappiness, avoidance, zero appetite, sleeping 12+ hours a day and lack of self care as a part of my BPD and CPTSD. But can't I be depressed as well??
Sorry to hear this. I believe it can be depression along with the others. They can go hand in hand, one makes the other worse. Can you ask for a second opinion? Validation is as important as treatment imo.
Si Kati esta enferma de la garganta que descanse una semana y si se siente mejor que regrese la proxima semana osea el 4 de March.
Ruminating is a trauma and shock response, I think.
We found someone else's behavior unacceptable or unwarranted.
Yes , you're correct. Trauma, as in lost my career job,... I ruminate over all the ways I could have kept my job. I'm unable to move on with life,.. depression is horrible.... there's like no way out.
@@klanderkal I'm so sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too. Everything you built in life is supported by your job. I could've sued my job, the statue of limitations was up by the time I came back to reality.
@laraparks7018 Thank you for sharing that. I don't hear of anyone else,.. bumming so hard after a longtime job. Thanks for caring. If only I could have, just let it go... I would still have life to live., but, it ment so much to me, and the connections I had, routes, passengers, coworker activities.... Im just extremely unhappy now,.. i don't want to be /feel like this. This all could have been avoided, I feel I ended my life... and I'm off my true path in life... and I cannot get back on. It's a scary feeling.
@@klanderkal I moved and went on social security..
@laraparks7018 I'm at that moment. It's hard living here, seeing all the busses I used to drive, and... If only I wasn't so upset about all this, and didn't have depression,...... It wouldn't be so bad i think. You don't miss things until there gone.? I been told over n over... still, it's my traumatic event, that hits me personally... and it's hard for others to understand. They say; Hey, it's just a job... 😩
Are there alternative ways to ground oneself from dissociation? I practiced the common easy ones for over 8 years and gave up because they never worked for me, they were way too simple and not working because of it. My dissociation started to be a problem after playing video games stopped working for me as a grounding method.
I do find myself of thinking and experiencing things very differently than most people, maybe that has something to do with it.
I would love information on how therapists, social workers, working professionals can keep personal boundaries and not “psychology” there friends and family. This is two fold. 1. People asking you to be their therapist unofficially
2. Not being able to turn your therapist brain off or being your kids mental health case manager.
Would love your thoughts
I lost my career job @ 62... it was everything to me. I lost interest in all things. Nolonger enjoy things I used to. Became very isolated., and don't want communication with friends. There's nothing I want to do..... wishing so much I didn't loose my job after 20yrs. My coworkers, my identity, purpose etc. All gone. ..... I don't want to live anymore,... Family keeps telling me , Life is good, I should this/that. ..... I sit , and unable to move... all day. every day,.... how to snap out of this? ( I just want my job/life back the way it was, but impossible).... it was my fault I lost my job,.. so I ruminate over that... constantly. It's been 6 months of this daily depression.... life is so horrible, every day. Pls 🙏
Klanderkal…I am so sorry you are experiencing such a lack of joy in life. A support group might help. There’s nothing like a good group experience to know you are not alone in what you are feeling. And, people in the group might have successful strategies that help in your life. Good luck. You deserve happiness. ❤
My therapist recently terminated services with me stating that I needed a "higher level of care" than what she could provide. I disagreed and, in fact, in that same appointment I was planning on telling her that it was going to be a boring session for me since I felt like I figured out a lot of my pressing issues. I'm wondering what the ethics are of the therapy agency deciding without my input to end services without any kind of handoff to said "higher level of care" service
I don't know if this is Exclusively ADHD but for me, it's Boredom.
I'm 50yrs on and I Remember when I was younger and Everything was New and Shiny, and I had a Very Strong Fear of Death and Dying, but over the past 15yrs(ish), I'd been just sort of " Letting " myself die. I'm Not Depressed really, beyond Looking @the Same World, on the Same Boring Trajectory. Seeing So Many Ppl w/ ADHD, Putting videos out online, made My ADD stuff More Real. That makes a Real Difference, cause it Wasn't just my Imagination, so it becomes Worth Working on. But from that, I feel like being Easily Bored, Isn't a Great fit for a Long and Boring Life.
I recently found out that A.I. had reach an Advanced enough stage of Development, and is going to Flip the World Around and THAT'S Really cool, so I've Stopped dying. I even Stopped Drinking, Started Exercising/Eating Better, and started Seeking out ways to use my ADHD to Advantage. I think that This Reality Brought us ADHDers out, en masse, for Specific Reasons, yet to be seen. I believe in Abilities Gained thru Suffering, so seeing SO Many of us Struggling w/ this, doesn't Surprise me much. Pretty sure that in this Day&Age, the Solutions that get Discovered, are going to be Spreading Like Wildfire....
I'M EXCITED AGAIN!
Course, I don't Mean to point out the Fear Porn, but the World's Not doing so Hot Atm, and things are going to be going from Bad to OMFG soon, but Hey, It's Definitely Not Boring....
Its some kind of captivity, maybe captivity trauma, Tim Fletcher have good video about it
I love watching your videos and have done so for a couple of months now.
This is meant as a constructive critic and not as complaint. The last few videos were all about 45 minutes…ish while many/most videos from earlier on were about 1hour or longer, which I liked better. The new and somewhat shortened video format is easier to get through and stay focused, but…
Quite regularly it feels to me that your answers are a bit rushed and the transition from one question to the next is abrupt or cut off. Not sure it is all that clear what I try to express.
Maybe sometimes it would be nice to spend that extra minute before going on to the next question.
Thank you for all your work and looking forward to future vied content.
the supervampires is a topic..
so many animal notions because muscle meat is to eat.. but in some way.. a lot brutal.. i mean.. wealthy and more and the dark range i have already gone somewhat far but not too far or whatever far i care about not in the supervampire ways.
because vampire high (there are not such large amount of hangups like this though)... is like high but when exploiting our punishment subjects then vampirish then just blood drinking.. so then bleck metaler dark artist top would do never the less the same and fry muscle with some blowtorch as well so good.. but then.. vampire high not very high can be.
only ways i have described.
Pls answer this question I have… but why do people who go through therapy feel the need to throw shade at me when I just try and be polite at work. BTW I’m a hibachi chef so I need to be polite at all time. Yes I need therapy but can afford it
❤❤❤
Can someone put shame onto someone for something the other person doesn’t feel shameful for or about? I know I took a risk back when I was 21 I’m turning 34 this year, when I was venturing out to try sexual activity but my mom has tried to shame me over the years by trying to say that the other person was taking advantage of me and that that was the day I nearly lost my life which was not true. That was an experience I enjoyed until I was picked up later by a parent because someone thought I was with a predator.
The fact that a parent picked you up at 21 from a situation that you were enjoying indicates how much of a prisoner you was.
I can't really comment on your situation back then, but just in general, people can TRY to shame you based on THEIR perceptions, opinions or judgements of your actions, but if you feel no shame about it, then that's their choice, not yours. Try not to own other people's opinions.
I HAVE HAD GRIEF WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY AND BEING IN SPECIAL EDUCATION.
Kathy…Just curious if you know where that grief about having a learning disability comes from. I am a special education teacher and some of my students have a lot of confidence even though they are in special education. I think it’s because their parents give them a lot of praise and acceptance and their siblings do not tease them. I don’t know for sure; it just seems that way. I have found that we all have difficulties in something. It could be math, music, science or art where we just find areas that are challenging. The hard part is if we have difficulties in language, such as reading and writing and speaking. My best to you with hopes for a better future for you.
Engagement! 😄
I was wondering do you have any paralyzed patients? And do you do online therapy?
It is depression, but also schizophrenia, Asperger's Syndrome, social anxieties, and feelings of worthlessness. It is my existence. Why should I need to be happy about it? It is not truthfully a point of pride. Thus, the antidepressants are not necessary. Why be happy about a life contaminated with severe mental issues?
Undeciceived . Insomia distisfaction. Not liking those things like.. hopelessness..
In other word it feels like they are weaponizing it at me
There are many causes of depression people incline towards spirtuality are less valnurable to suffer from depression.
Wait I I put a space between the e and r in therapist it become the rapist
I dunno, the direct experience of being dumped by my therapist is what makes me feel too broken for therapy...
I don't feel too broken for therapy - I feel too complex for the number of therapy sessions I can afford each year. 10 sessions a year is just nowhere NEAR enough!
Oh depressed - SNAP out of it - what other problem can you fix that will benefit you cuz life is horrible and short and maybe you didnt know that - this world is horrible so you have to make the best of it for yourself. It is that easy. Cope and lets go!
Is she talking shit behind our backs or something else?