Is shopping a control issue?
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- VIDEOS MENTIONED
→ • The makeup that everyo...
→ • Shopping less: struggl...
→ • Why is it so hard to f...
the sweater I'm wearing is this amazing mid-length cocoon by OZMA: bit.ly/3w7TaBn it is ultra chunky and warm and could even function as a coat in some climates imho (you can use my code HLP15 for a discount on your first purchase at OZMA)
EVERYTHING MENTIONED & USED
→ Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention by Johann Hari - shop-links.co/clAlyPZhhMJ
→ Auric Glow Lust Radiant Luminizer In Morganite - bit.ly/3ftjiOK (auric discount code: HANNAH)
→ EXA Beauty Green Color Corrector - shop-links.co/chwqf3qvp3X
→ rms beauty ReEvolve Natural Finish Liquid Foundation - shop-links.co/ch4qPWKqwyM
→ my winter parka: go.shopmy.us/p-3583395 (WILDLY expensive but perfect in every way, I paled in horror when I bought it but have no regrets)
→ NARS Soft Matte Advanced Perfecting Powder in Cliff - shop-links.co/cjUKkrsVT2a
→ REFY Brow Sculpt Shape and Hold Gel - shop-links.co/cjRKO4ZcBL6
→ Kimiko Superfine Super Fine Eyebrow Pencil Automatique - go.shopmy.us/p-1630643 (15% OFF with HLP15)
→ Urban Decay Heavy Metal Glitter Eyeliner in Distortion - shop-links.co/ciYXBc1oUhq
→ Lancôme Lash Idôle Lash-Lifting & Volumizing Mascara - shop-links.co/ckqwsgeyASt
→ REFY Cream Blush in Rose - shop-links.co/cknAevavD36
→ Hourglass Phantom Volumizing Glossy Lip Balm in Rise - shop-links.co/clAlChzhKUd
CHAPTERS
00:00 → intro
01:23 → the makeup plan
02:19 → shopping & control
15:18 → reading & health
23:43 → more makeup talk
26:27 → outro
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If you shop through my links and use my codes, my channel makes a commission. It's a great way to support me if there's something that you are happily planning to buy! But please remember to shop responsibly 🤍
OZMA of California discount code: HLP15 (ozmaofcalifornia.com/)
RÈPHR BRUSHES: www.rephr.com/?vr=ogatim
Printfresh Pajamas discount code: HANNAHLOUISEPOSTON (bit.ly/3DtcWY8)
Salt New York discount code: HANNAHLOUISE (bit.ly/3ATcb94)
Surratt Beauty discount code: HLP15 (www.surrattbeauty.com/)
Auric Cosmetics discount code: HANNAH (auriccosmetics.com/)
Natasha Denona affiliate code: HLP15 (natashadenona.com/)
By Ourielle custom gel nails discount code: HLP (byourielle.com/)
chillhouse nails discount code: hannahlouiseposton (chillhouse.com)
$3 off of ISOTHRIVE Prebiotic Nectar (I swear by this stuff): isot.us/HPoston
Zeesea cosmetics: bit.ly/3o8cOUw (use code HANNAHLOUISE for 10% off)
Sephora: shop-links.co/cfDBO0W8qPe
Ulta: shop-links.co/cfDBPjcdCCf
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MY CHANNEL ARTWORK IS BY THE AMAZING HALLIE BREENE: halliebreene.myportfolio.com/
FTC disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission for purchases made through some of the links. This video is not sponsored.
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THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AND BEING WONDERFUL!!!
I would love this type of video to be a regular series! Your comment section is so rich and nuanced, hearing a deeper discussion on some of the topics would be great
Yes yes yes! A dialogue! It’s even kind of exciting to guess who’s comment might be next 🤩
Definitely my fave content from HLP
When you talked about your quest to find the perfect tinted lip balm... I'm sitting there - with my freshly-enlightened mind - going, "So, you created a problem (finding the perfect tinted lip balm) that you will now try to solve by buying things (all the tinted balms on the market)?" No shade whatsoever. I just find it very fascinating that there was a real-life example right there, happening in real-time, and it just passed by undetected so naturally and surreptitiously. It's made me realize that it must be so entangled in our lives that it's unnoticeable until we really sit down to mull over it; so frequently present in our lives that we don't pay attention to it.
Good point and interesting!
well, Hannah did say a drugstore quest could be in the cards...
It's complicated because HLP is a content creator, so, in fairness, she's obliged to keep ideating for the algorithm. And her chosen niche is makeup/fashion trends. There's the added complication of having a specific "UA-cam work" budget, which obv us regular people don't have. So it's not like she's spending out of pocket, rather, her work life necessitates (somewhat frivolous) shopping by design.
From a regular person POV, I think these side quests are fun diversions from the stressful horror you can find from a lot of other media. For instance, the news. As important as world events are, it's also important that we feel like we can have fun and do silly creative things like trying out lip gloss. Because I don't have the capacity to address address war and genocide.
I feel so freaking honored and vulnerable in the best way 😂. And yeah, still today the excessive shopping behaviors pick up during times of stress, particularly where outcomes are mostly dictated by others rather than myself.
Your channel has helped me and so many others. Keep up the inspiring work, Hannah, it matters tremendously. Thank YOU for continuing the conversation, your kind, thoughtful reflection, validation, and positive community building ❤❤❤
❤
I found your comment to be quite insightful. All these years of shopping excessively and wondering why I shopped. I thought it was the idea of recreating myself, but I actually think your comment gets closer to the truth. It's about control. And showing that I am not being controlled by anyone else.
It's genuinely so uncommon that a UA-camr says something that I know I'm gonna be thinking about for months, not because it was a super thought provoking or intense topic but because of what they said. I still think about the elegance video every day, and I'm gonna end up thinking about the 2 color clothing system a ton for sure
I never really thought about shopping from the control aspect. It makes perfect sense because I tend to want to buy myself something when things are chaotic and out of my control. It's like if I can't control what is going on around me, at least I can buy myself something for having to put up with all this nonsense that is out of my control.
Ultimately shopping can become a coping mechanism and an addictive behaviour…I know because I am still trying to get out of that hole in the sidewalk!! AND it is my fault for continuing to fall in. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” -unknown
There is a poem "Autobiography in Five Chapters" by Portia Nelson which I teach my meditation students as a way to talk about turning our automatic habits (in this case, turning shopping as means of control, or coping mechanism) into mindful responses (appropriate levels of reading). I think will resonate very much with the lovely people here and will copy it below.
When I teach this, the key is that inserting our awareness before, during, and after the process will itself meaningfully change the choices we make. Thank you Hannah for bringing awareness to our collective shopping habits!
I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still don't see it. I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
It isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am.
I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V.
I walk down a different street.
Wow. WOW 😮
Oh I have read this before but could never remember the authors name and how to find it! Thank you!
Wow, incredible. Thanks for sharing! I have taken a screenshot because I just know this will be worth reading regularly.
@@stephanie_elleI’m screen shotting is as well. I know my daughter who is 23, and can be very introspective will love it! I’ll be sharing it with her! (I don’t think my other 2 children would quite understand the concept just now.. maybe in the future tho!
Thank you so much for this !!! I wrote it down. It is so simple and true.
Thinking about this shopping/control relationship reminded me of the book Beauty Sick, and there’s this line in there about how as women we are sold the idea that beauty will help us achieve our goals, and then that leads us to pursue beauty above all else (often in the form of buying things)
"Reading too much" sounds like an absolutely wild non-problem to anyone who hasn't experienced it. Reading is great, and I have been trying to read more books lately. However. I definitely used reading novels as an unhealthy way to disconnect with reality as a teenager and young adult. Books, TV, any kind of fiction, can be both wonderful for the mind and a way to avoid reality .
Now I go for even easier methods of entertainment for distraction, like UA-cam videos. So moving back to books would be a step in the right direction, but wouldn't solve all my issues (those issues including playing Sudoku on my phone instead of doing chores).
I'm here specifically because reading became my coping mechanism when I was like 11 and continued to consume me until I was like 18. I stopped reading for the same reason I read so much -- it pulled me into another world from where I was. As a high schooler, I started to get more and more frustrated with how hard it was to talk and connect to people in general, and when I was obsessed over a book it was just impossible. I felt more disconnected and isolated from my passion, when feeling disconnected and isolated was the reason I started throwing myself into books in the first place. I feel that way about anything I get extremely invested in (usually shows). I feel so intense, and more alive than ever, but it comes with the low of knowing that until that passion subsides a bit, I'm gonna find it very difficult to exist in the real world and I'm gonna feel much more isolated than usual.
I feel like that ties into the comment about about how shopping excessively seems like being out of control while delivering the feeling of control, this polarized experience, but I can't get any further in drawing a parallel
I avoid most comment sections on the internet, but yours truly is a wonderful place. So much kindness and thoughtfulness. A place where it's safe to be vulnerable and to learn and to grow. Thank you for creating this wonderful little corner of the internet, Hannah! 🥰
I also think the control-regained or thought it was regained with shopping is an issue, not because its "bad", but because its not likely the real root-cause confrontation and, thus, delays the more deep and long-term healing. It is often very temporary for that reason. It's also why many report the research, purchase and anticipation of delivery of the thing is the more satisfying part (vs the use and ownership of the thing bought).
There is nothing that stops me in my tracks like a notification for a new HLP video 🎉
Same
Same, then the music starts and I hear the “hey ya’ll, hi”. It’s so warm and cozy.
@@VBoo459 yes! so comforting!!
Totally!
The section about "creating a problem to solve" really resonates with me, I feel like I'm constantly on the look for a certain piece to buy to fix a problem of not having it, when really it's just another dopamine-fueled act of consumerism that I need not have taken. Definitely will be trying to keep this in mind in future!
This comment makes me want to rewatch Kimberly Clark’s newest series, omg 🥹
Overdoing anything is a sign of stress. It's not necessarily a bad thing unless it starts affecting your life negatively, such as health issues, financial issues, mental health issues, etc, but it does mean that you should look introspectively at what is bothering you and try to address it without fooling yourself. Such things need to be recognized and managed to the best of your abilities, I find.
I think shopping is a way to chase the “fantasy self” sometimes. I often daydream as I browse about the experience I’ll have with/because of the things. I think its sometimes an expression of having trouble being content in your current embodiment or life circumstances and fantasizing about being more beautiful, happy or fulfilled.
Yes yes a thousand times yes
So true; or more popular, admired, connected "it girl"
This discussion made me immediately think of not only general shopping but FOOD shopping. I stopped in my tracks because it knocked the wind out of me. Having grown up in home that was not food secure, if I don’t have access to a certain amount of food I feel out of control. This lack of control has caused me to purchase more food than I need or eat in excess as a way to regain that control I didn’t have when I was younger.
For Q&A ideas I really liked an older video where you talked about wanting to be the kind of person who wore more artistic, chunky sweaters and so you did. I’d be curious to know what kind of personal goals or aesthetics like that you might be thinking about incorporating into your life now and how you are doing that. Definitely like this video and appreciate you taking us along for the ride.
I shop for a few reasons other than outright needing something. Sometimes, it's out of boredom, although I shudder at the thought of being bored. I truly believe that bored people are boring people. But I think sometimes I am just looking for a specific kind of entertainment that's not as laudable as watching something informative or doing something productive. Sometimes shopping is just what occupies me in that moment. Sometimes I feel I am comfort seeking. I have nothing major to need to seek comfort from; I have a pretty nice life. But everyone gets a little general life anxiety/ennui, and I'm not immune. The last reason, which I think is a big one for me, is that I feel like I'm 'getting something done.' Even receiving the package in the mail makes me feel like I handled a task. Whether I'm stocking up on something necessary, or trying a new thing that I think will help me self-improve - it's like a feeling that I crossed something off a to-do list in some way. (Example - I've been needing a bigger mixing bowl, and now that I bought one, I 'got that done.' I bought some backup black work clothes, so even though the ones I have are fine right now, I am prepared for when they fade and wear out, so I 'got something done.') I have been trying to get things done that are free - I should exercise, I should meal prep, play my guitar, etc., with the things I've already bought, rather than feeling like I've 'gotten something done' by buying something.
A contrary view; think of all the art, songs, stories, poems, games, and imaginings conceived when we allow ourselves time to be bored! Boredom can lead to wondrous expansion of the mind.
@@emilyhuffman7815 Well, I agree; that's partly what I mean...... anyone can get temporarily bored, but stewing in that feeling and not doing anything and remaining bored is something I find shameful.
It's interesting about feeling the need to get something done (and shopping) and feeling shame at doing nothing and being bored. Sometimes it's the stillness that we are trying to avoid
I feel like this 28 minute video has said more about my feelings towards shopping quicker and more efficiently than my hours of therapy has ever done. The comments and the video were so well articulated that I'll have to go back and watch it a few times to actually grasp everything. Well done! Also, a total 180 but might be worth looking in to the Make Up By Mario moisture glow lip serum. The packaging isn't as lux but it probably contains more of the product. Nice colors too!
Your comment about the increasing prevalence of black and white thinking resonated so much. I’m so glad to have a community of nuanced thinkers that you’ve created Hannah. Truly an island of thoughtful & insightful voices in a sea of the undiscerning. ❤
I love this comment discussion video format because it both continues the conversation and also draws attention to a lot of really good points I missed in the comment section.
I definitely relate to the reading too much thing, I love to read but throughout my life I've noticed that I sometimes use reading to disassociate from my reality and, as a highly empathetic person, I think sometimes to emotionally pick at scabs (if I'm feeling down I'll read something that I know will make me even sadder, not for catharsis, but to stay sad). I realize this is happening when I read so much I forget what I've even read, and sometimes I'll even stop breathing when I'm reading! Also sometimes I notice that I read for like, the easy dopamine hit even when there is something else I would rather be doing that requires more effort than I think I can give (even though I usually can)
I've stopped reading as much in the last decade because of this and felt kind of guilty about it, but I'm glad I'm not alone, and I'm also trying to slowly repair my relationship with books by reading with intent.
I too am trying to repair my relationships with reading (and food), since I always used to combine the two...I am imperfect yet trying....and I do believe that awareness is key and that intent is part of change. I also know that these are ingrained habits of decades -the neural paths are well worn. Appreciating the vids and discussions.
The nuance, self inquiry, and articulate insight here is, as always, both moving and satiating. My non-nuanced contribution is that we just don’t have hunter gatherer ways of life anymore, so we generate them in our modern day way to scratch that ancient instinctual itch.
Very interesting and compelling point!
This really spoke to me, especially that second commenter. I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and that also leads me to feeling out of control and overwhelmed. I've recently realized that I have to keep an eagle eye on my shopping during the week before my period, because I am so desperate to feel like I'm problem solving.
Yesss me too. I am much more likely to overspend during hell week/s.
absolutely same here. thanks for bringing this up.
I wanted to add an additional comment that this is so nice, Hannah! This shows how much you truly value your viewers. I find most content creators abandon their comments section. If you as a viewer don’t comment within the first few hours, your comment will never be seen, and you will never be heard. I know it must be a huge task for a content creator to keep up with the comments, but there’s got to be some way, and I think this is a great solution. What a wonderful way to engage your viewers. and it will help your channel, too. We appreciate it!❤
Provocative and interesting stuff!
Asserting control through consumption habits made me think tangentially about all the things we buy in order to "become" something or someone else, from wanting to be a specific hobbyist to becoming a totally organized person who's going to own their next new year. We resist the idea that ourselves alone can be cross-stitchers by picking up one (1) kit at the store and giving it a try, and we love the idea that a huge planner and stickers and washi and pens and to-purpose gorgeous notebooks will make us super productive manifesting achieving people. We've really tied consumerism to identity and motivation and being That Girl. Sometimes I think they're inextricably linked at this point. But it can be decoupled! HLP and compatriots are living proof, lol.
The way that productivity culture has been totally engulfed by hyperconsumerism!!!!
What I love about this video is the deeper content around (in this case) shopping. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the messages we receive as women about beauty and behavior as it relates to the bazillion dollar beauty industry. Your journey of seeking a more quality-over-quantity wardrobe, and your parallel journey toward a less-is-happier makeup look, fascinates me. How do those choices influence the way you see beauty-centered marketing, if at all? Honestly, anything philosophical thing you want to talk about will be interesting. It’s why I watch. 🥰
What a great video, I really look forward to the "Ask Hannah" series ☺️. I don't have a question, but rather a suggestion for a future video. The "bare" cheeks and lids look reminded me how different your makeup was at the beginning of your channel. I would love to see a video where you recreate one of your old makeup looks ( glittery oil spill eyes and editorial blush draping), maybe by reacting to an old GRWM. 😊
I’ll add to that! I would love to know if you would actually do those early looks the same these days…and why, why not?
Ohhhh yes please! I'd love the updated wet look eyes and glitter!
Omg I’m in a Hannah video lol. I really, really love this discussion. And the video idea of just talking through comments when there’s such obvious themes in the comments section in reaction to the original video.
Please, make it as a series!
Would love you to go back to videos showcasing what you buy each month. As a shopper I always got great satisfaction watching your fewer but nicer choices. It helps keep my own shopping in check somehow.
"Reality is that which even if you don't believe it, doesn't go away". Lisa Marchiano (This Jungian Life) said this, I think quoting someone else, on a recent podcast episode all about truth. I loved the intro themes in this video and pinged so many thoughts back on to that podcast that I had to share. She went on to say that therapy (or in our case introspection in general) is the process of letting yourself know what you know. It is easy to "let" yourself not know something because it's hard, inconvenient, confronting etc. So thanks Hannah for the nuanced reflection your thoughts on careful decernment on shopping motivations. Love your channel!
I love that quote, have to remember that one
Such an interesting video. I have always felt like I did not relate to your videos that are talking about over shopping. This video changed that for me, I have a problem with over decluttering, actually disgnosed by a doctor has an addiction. I can't hold on to things or own too much at one time. It is all about a sense of control, just done in a different way than complusive shopping. Thank you for this video, lots of things to reflect on. ❤❤❤
Basically since I’ve had my own income and money to spend I’ve always felt an inherent guilt about how I spent my money. Maybe part of me felt like it was frivolous to spend money on beautiful things, or maybe it has more to do with the fact that I’ve often fallen into the habit of spending every last dollar in my bank account (putting myself into precarious financial situations constantly). Ever since finding HLP’s channel I’ve felt so seen and understood, and I feel like it’s really helped me deconstruct and understand that guilt. I’ve been mulling deeply over whether a no buy year would be helpful for me, or maybe something more like Hannah’s new limit on shopping behaviors, but either way I am so grateful to have a place to learn and grow and better myself in regards to spending habits.
Adoring this content, and yes to more! The comments on your videos are truly some of the best on the internet ❤️
Agreed
My other favorite youtube channel is garden themed and they do a "aswering and reading coments" video every week, I love it dearly, specially because it highlights how the comunity is lovely and also many of my unasked questions get resolved. But I think I would apreciate even more one coming from you since I value your views in life and find them truly precious
Is it Garden Answer? 😁
@@aprillee83 yes! 🥰
Before I cont. 1, I have to thank you. Last month I spent the least I’ve ever spent in a month (below my budget actually!!) thanks to your advice. I feel like you’re my therapist lol. Now, I am working to reduce the time spent shopping. But these days I’m more productive in my actual life thanks to you. This video is also a gem, it’s a great breakdown.
Congratulations!!!
Which advice specifically?
Wow these comments and your further discussion was so insightful! Loved this video. I think I connect this theme of finding control in shopping to how I felt about food for a long time - seeking control by constricting my food intake and being very particular about what I eat and when. I find the line between soothing and destructive behaviour very hard to draw sometimes, especially because food is necessary to live (and to an extent, so is shopping) and healthy eating is a productive and good goal. My mother, for example, lost a lot of weight recently, going from obese to average weight, and though it was good for her to do this (as she was beginning to develop negative health outcomes because of her weight) she still has a very toxic relationship with food, labelling foods as inherently bad or good, and punishing herself for eating too much or eating the 'wrong' foods. But from the outside, she looks like the epitome of control, as she has been able to keep the weight off. But eating cake isn't bad! Finding joy in food isn't bad! In fact, it's a beautiful part of many cultures around the world, and my mother is a chef, so she knows this to be true for herself personally and for others.
I think the control-seeking element of these behaviours is also interesting because in a capitalist, patriarchal structure we place so much value on one's ability to control themselves, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Behaving in a seemingly 'out of control' way has very negative connotations for your worth as a person. Especially as women, we are told to keep our emotions on such a tight leash, so as not to be perceived as crazy or overly-sensitive, which historically has given men the perfect excuse to limit our freedoms. And because shopping, historically and contemporarily, is seen as 'women's work' or a female hobby, there are a lot of complicated and often contradictory emotions surrounding it, which are rarely attached to mens shopping habits. I just find this whole topic fascinating, and I'd love to see more videos about it!
Very rare to hear someone contextualize activities and choices of what to do with one's time and life with such differentiation, that's why we're all here. Shopping bad, reading good is what would be the easy, mainstream thought. Thank you for discussing the complexity and value and potential pitfalls of these two vastly different activities which are deemed to have such different values.
I love this conversation. I always felt like I was out of control while overspending. This helps me realize why. That I'm trying to gain control over something. I just got to figure out what that's something is. It's so abstract in my mind right now, But there's something about my life that feels out of my control. The weird thing is I think it's my "career" and not making enough money. It's almost like self-sabotage when I spend. But it ticks some boxes for me. Would like to figure out how to remedy this or change this behavior into something more constructive
What a thoughtful video. It seems to highlight what we may all be searching for inside all these constructs is balance. Not too much shopping or reading or whatever the hobby is but also not too little. We need to nourish these parts of ourselves but not at the expense of other parts. An ongoing quest for balance. Internal balance and more external practical balance. As I approach my 40s and am still on the path, I wonder if this quest has an endpoint or is the quest the point?
As someone in their mid-50s, I can tell you from my experience entering my 40s was the beginning of "really getting to know me." Life started to really come into focus, and those ideas and feelings that seemed ambiguous or somehow out on the edge of me, carved into pretty clear pathways. The 50s have only more so continued on those paths with lovely worn out grooves. In fewer words I adored my 40s. 😀
Maybe this is the control that we’re seeking. Seeking the balance. Thank you for this comment, it’s really beautiful.
And from my point of view/experience at 58 it is an ongoing quest - no endpoint.
Love your content! Its like a self reflecting podcast with awesome visuals. Thank you - and Joe.
This!
It is very similar to a podcast! But the visual helps me focus better than I do with podcasts, idk why 😅
YES to both of these commenters! I conceptualize any kind of compulsive or repetitive behavior as us trying to resolve something. Whether it’s looking for a dopamine hit from getting something in the mail or ruminating attempting to answer unanswerable questions or find an illusion of certainty. I also think we can give ourselves empathy that we have natural biological urges that resist discomfort and our bodies respond accordingly. Often the way we think we can evade discomfort ends up unintentionally minimizing our resiliency and capability of coexisting with discomfort.
omg, the ruminating on unanswerable questions part 😳😳 Are we the same person?? 😂
@@kagitsune I want to normalize for you that that is a part of the human experience- a discomfort with uncertainty. You are so not alone!
Yes! Amen to that!
This is beautifully written! I agree whole heartedly!
@@embee993 Thank you friend. 🥹💓
I’m not in the mood to be as insightful as all of the other commenters, but I still had to say that this was such a helpful and interesting conversation 😊
There is a book called the Mindful Path to Self-Compassion that I picked up a few months ago. One of the things the author said went something like: you cannot mentally trick yourself, because YOU know when you're using tricks. Essentially, the book talks through different mindfulness methods to engage in the real work of self-compassion.
That said, I do think there are helpful ways to reframe that aren't necessarily "tricks." It's so eye-opening to understand how relentless and meandering your mind can be if left unchecked/untended once you genuinely try to explore mindfulness practice.
I absolutely love getting this kind of thoughtful content :)
I work as a freelance book indexer and editor, so I read all the time for work, and I can affirm that sitting for long hours reading is terrible for your health. (Otherwise, it's a dream job.) I'm doing other things besides just reading while working (ie, typing), but reading is at the core. I don't spend much time reading for pleasure as a result---I try to do more active things in what little spare time I have. (I also agree that shopping is a control issue.)
"It's important to engage in the grey areas" I'm currently preparing a Communication Ethics exam for my MA and YES. THIS. I'm gonna borrow it and work on it and make it mine for the dissertation if it's ok 😂😊 thanks Hannah! Also yeah, reading can be a drug. That's why I went back to uni after 10 years, so I HAVE to and it's not so appealing and I get something out of it XD I went through behavioural therapy for Binge Eating Disorder and I recognize the "drug of choice" can be anything. Reading was becoming that for me too.
This video is the absolute quintessence of the HLP experience! I adore discussions like this one. The feeling of a need for control really resonated with me and aligned with something I’ve noticed about my own shopping behaviours - the feeling that making purchases will reconnect me with my sense of self and define my identity. Particularly when I am in a creative slump (which can be a very ‘brain floating in space’ type of struggle), I feel an urge to solidify something about who I am in the world, and I start to feel this clamouring desire to buy things that provide tangible evidence of my self. The project of shopping research feels faux-creative, like a kind of frenzied, unspecified curation. An attempt at curating who I want to be… except only through stuff, rather than interior work. Sometimes fun! More often miserable and unfulfilling lol.
What a lovely and intellectual discussion.
Gotta say regarding the hourglass lip balm, I'm not sure the shine you want exists in a stick format. My sense of the chemistry is that the things making lips extra shiny tend to be liquid at room temperature.
On reading being healthy or not, I loved how you explored the grey areas. It's not as simple as the dualistic understanding of good and bad - wouldn't life be enviably simple if that were only true! I found myself equating reading with food. Food is necessary for life but can also be used to create an unhealthy life. Reading is necessary to understand deeply but can also be used like junk food, to avoid understanding anything. Unfortunately, the only way to understand our own behaviours is to do some research into ourselves, which includes reading. It's not only holding two opposite opinions to be true at the same time, but also the cure is often in the thing itself. If that's not confusion, I don't know what is. No wonder we go shopping! 🙃🙂🙃🙂 P.S. Stolen Focus was a brilliant book!😊
When I feel stress, depression, anxiety, lack of control - I shop. It’s a direct connect. A coping mechanism for sure. ❤
Wooooo it's my birthday week and I needed this lil sit down with Hannah right now to get talked down from the ledge 🤣 Hope you're feeling well!
oh no theprousteffect calling me right tf out
Happy Birthday🎉
Happy Birthday
This is the first time on youtube that I actually feel like there is a dialogue between the creator and audience. Once again I am learning so much. I resonate strongly with the idea of the need for control and problem solving informing shopping behavior.
The comment on "solving a problem" is so relevant to me. But I also get joy from solving these smaller problems, and so my tactic for this is to open up my problem-solving creativity to think of other ways I could solve it, "real problem" or not.
Sometimes it does wind up meaning I make a purchase, but it's usually not what I set out to buy, and it's very thought out. For example: I was so cold in my office and considered buying a space heater. But my list of alternatives - wear warmer clothing, drink more tea, get up and do a few squats, etc - are all super useful. I did wind up buying a neck gaiter, but I feel so much more creative and strategic brainstorming first.
What a lovely community we have here🩷 Thank you Hannah. This is a really excellent discussion. It reminds of the boudoir receptions and the philosophical debates you would have had centuries ago.
Unrelated to the content of this video, but I just started listening to the Banging of the Shrew, and compliments to the smut chef, Joe!
I really like your framing of reading as "life-giving" or "life-taking".
I'm one of those people who reads very little and wishes they read more. (My goal for this year is to read a mere six books.) The other night I read before bed for the first time in a while and really celebrated the occasion in my mind then and again the next morning. In hearing this dialogue with the comments, I find myself reflecting on the reaction I had, and I realise that reading brings me closer to myself. When I read, I feel more aligned, more present. I think this is because, like another commenter said, reading ignites my creativity, but also reading is a favourable alternative to what else I might be doing with that time, such as mindlessly scrolling Instagram, watching a (much less insightful) UA-cam video, etc. In this way, reading feels like the "healthy" choice to me; it feels more intentional than the alternatives, and it is more aligned with how I want to live my life. However, I can absolutely see how the pendulum might swing the other way.
Always happy to be here with y’all
Hannah, can I compliment how elegant your comeback has been. I love how honest yet respectful you are about the maternal experience... many of us won't be able to experience motherhood in a typical way and I can tell you are so sweet about that. Keep the varied, elegant combined with your honesty and descriptive terms we all know and love! I really appreciate your input. Always have.
This video gave me so much clarity regarding shopping and control; your insights are profound. Plus I loved watching you do/talk through your makeup process. Thank you for this. Please do another video like this.
I was literally thinking about this exact topic last night while staring at my collection, while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed at the amount of beauty products I had vs. knowing that I can’t declutter anymore, not even half of it bc of how happy and fulfilled it makes me feel. And while I know I have an amount in excess, when I go out I’m still tempted; and indulge in the zoomed in researching- then leading to the purchase of, more products.
For context Im a daughter of immigrants and the act of shopping x scarcity mindset fulfills that childhood “lack” I experienced as a product of immigration 😂 maybe not a great thing but if you’re interested in exploring this topic. I’ve started creating videos on my own channel regarding this
I know I couldn't control myself ordering your book!!
As a stay at home homeschooling mom of 4, I really am constantly in need of solving problems through shopping/finding this or that worthy item to solve the many many needs for everything I’m in charge of in my home and for my kids. I am the purchasing agent of my home, among many other roles. And it’s so hard. I’m also a minimalist out of necessity because I will be overwhelmed by unuseful stuff/inventory of things that I have to keep track of and manage if I don’t regularly declutter and/or spend time researching to purchase the “perfect item” for each problem/need that I won’t just end up getting rid of.
I’m sure this has been said before, but I think you were a therapist in a past life! Thanks for helping me to understand myself and in turn better myself :)
I know this to be true:shopping tricks your control feelings. It can show its ugly head when you look back and realized you spent time and money on things you really didn’t need or really wanted and you stop to wonder why. Without the realization of the habit or what might be creating it, it can get really ugly really fast. Like shopping, reading can also fill that void in us that we can’t fill otherwise. Shopping in itself not bad, reading same, and like those habits many other habits that we use that give us the false sense that we are filling something inside of us, control in our lives when we feel deep inside that we are lacking of it. My love for books and reading replace my shopping of clothing and make up and now I find myself shopping for books: reading replace shopping but end up in shopping again. Full circle on a control issue at a moment that I’m feeling out and full of uncertainty. Thank you, Hannah!
re: reading & balance
i follow this podcast (books unbound) where two different bookish friends talk about reading and they released their reading goals for 2024 last month and it was really enlightening to this whole discussion! while one of them wants to read more than they had before, the other wants to read LESS - and both of their reasoning and conversations were so so rich in the 'what do we both want out of life at the moment' department. i really recommend it! ✨
Love this video, Hannah!
The conversation about shopping for control is so juicy. You and others are saying that shopping (researching and planning) feels like gaining control, but the opposite seems to be true for me. I have a bad habit of impulse shopping when I feel overwhelmed - even from the forbidden checkout shelves! This makes me feel totally out of control and I regret it later. If I am using shopping to cope with ~big feelings~ I usually don’t slow down enough to research and pretend to be in control.
As a person on the spectrum, shopping is anxiety producing, but reading is necessary to develop any kind of understanding of other brains. Reading is also "safe" where is interaction is usually hostile and anxiety producing. We nerds need "safe" activities that can help us detox and escape having to do masking all the time which is exhausting. You cannot know how relaxing it is not to have to perform, like I have to do any time I encounter a human. Shopping is so rife with anxiety. I usually shop in person with the same clerks so I can get to know them and be more comfortable. Shopping is pretty traumatic, actually. Reading is not joy producing for me, and can also be traumatic, so re-reading is the best. I can "go" to the safe place and not have to worry about my feelings getting jerked around. It's interesting for me to see someone put on a physical face. As a child, I think I just got so used to being yelled at or beat up that I gave up on any kind of physical mask. It's also strange to see beautiful people put on masks. I could never do a physical mask that would "mask." I love your channel; for me it's like looking into a foreign world.
I love this new format of teasing out the deeper themes of a video through people’s responses to it 😍
Ooof. I really liked this video (and video concept! Would love if you made this format a recurring series), but it also dragged me to filth 😅
Im got diagnosed with autism very recently and i havent quited figured out if im using my hobbies (reading, shopping, watching YT/shows) to enrich my life, self sooth, or numb out. I like that you say that the truth is in the nuance.
I NEEDED this video. This is something I didn't even realize I did until now. My husband noticed when we are having to spend more money/dip into savings etc. I buy much more than usual. Almost become frantic. A need to stockpile in a irrational way. Hopefully by just being aware I can manage this control mechanism and use it in a more productive way.
Love this community. Couldn't care less about makeup but enjoy your videos so much
For me what differentiates a healthy escape from straight “drug of choice” is being conscious and deliberated, and the dose. During a very heavy and dark period of my life reading and exercise were my break from my reality and from things that I could not control. Shopping was there too, but that was the behavior that I had less control over somehow. I knew what I was doing, why I was doing it, and in that moment made sense. When you feel uncomfortable or out of control, it’s time to reevaluate. As usual, this channel is the best and most nuanced content out there.
I am sooo much older than you and yet so much of the way you think feels familiar and almost familial for me… are you a long lost cousin? I joke, but I am truly glad to have found you… I love that you love beautiful things and also that you can talk almost endlessly in that probing “let’s figure this out” kind of way…. Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Thanks, Hannah!!!
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
I love this. Your openness to really digging into discussions like this (and the way you so beautifully, eloquently do it) is helping me and I’m sure many many others on our healing journeys. Thank you so much ❤
I appreciate the reading conversation. I’m a MSW student currently completing my practicum in a mental health treatment center, and my supervisor said the other day, “Although they are some of the most helpful tools, coping skills don’t make a life.” Healthy humans need something that gives them purpose, rather than just utilizing coping skills to make it from one minute to the next. That being said, I think we also can tend to be overly punitive. It’s tough work to keep in balance an allowance for joy and fluidity and spontaneity, with a recognition that life is not only about fun but also meaning. Be kind with yourself about your reading! You’re still navigating major life transition with a new, growing and changing addition to the family (which is stressful even when joyful!) and also trying to curb a habit that has been hacked by developers to be addictive (re: Stolen Focus). Give yourself grace ❤
The reading thing... I definitely read as escapism. It's great. I love it, but I know that I use it to avoid my life sometimes. I can tell that I read more when I'm depressed because it takes me out of myself. You can't think about other things while you're reading.
This is such a healing video becaise I notices that in tjis era of influencers, they want to sell us the idea that we need to buy thing that we don't need. And I have fall'n in this path but for a different reason. I have been doing fragrance reviews every week. But it so heard to keep up with the new releases that have been coming back to back, not to mention how costly they are. Needless to say, I do videos once a week. So, I been trying tl problems solve this dilemma of not over spending buy creating content that everyome can enjoy, also not falling in the path of other influencers who are constantly recommending things that we don't always need. I wsnt to recommend things that I find special and not because they are new releases. So, this video has been a blessing for me.
Omg I LOVE THIS. Great video idea. The very first comment was SO cathartic. My childhood was one of scarcity as well. Constant worry about money. Then, my first decade on my own was again a constant uphill battle with nothing to show for it. Shoes with holes, food from the trash can, never ending panic about rent. For the first time I can buy things, after almost a decade’s worth of a “no buy” and…I’ve been buying things. God it feels great. But I know that I need to rein it in, and I have to remind myself to pump the breaks and to be mindful.
These unexpectedly philosophical discussions about topics that may initially seem shallow is the essence of what I love so much about your content. I would love to see more of these types of videos in the future! 😊
I agree that subtlety is often where the truth is!
Content warning for Stolen Focus if you are a fat person and/or in eating disorder recovery: there's a ton of casual fatphobia, and an unquestioning acceptance of certain diet culture tenets. I found it triggering enough that I couldn't finish the book, which is a bummer because until that point I found it very interesting. I would very much have liked to finish it.
Hannah, watching your videos is a lesson in sociology and psychology. I greatly appreciate how you delve into human behavior while discussing the topics of makeup and shopping. Thank you for forcing me to consider my reasoning for buying specific items.
I love all of this so much! I just read three books within a week, which is a lot for me. I didn’t even think of it as a way that I was trying to replace my shopping addiction as well as my social media addiction, but that’s exactly what it is. I’ll take it for now, but it’s something to be aware of and to think about. Thank you for such insightful videos!
It is so interesting that several people have linked their shopping to control. I've always felt it is about power (in its may forms) which I guess is related - when I am feeling powerless, I regain it through shopping. It's funny because thanks to you and some other conscious consumption youtubers, I now exert that power by not shopping - by saying no.
Stolen Focus changed my life. Would love to hear you talk much more about it (or other books - serious or trashy!)
Eek - this was so timely. I've been trying really hard to save money this year, but I noticed this week I've been very spendy, on fairly frivolous things I wouldn't usually buy when I'm saving hard, like magazines and meals out by myself. I had a really awful day earlier in the week, and then some unexpected news (good news, but big news that will require me to make some huge lifestyle changes), and that third comment you highlighted made it so obvious to me why I'm suddenly frittering money when I normally wouldn't.
Yes please, more of this!
I love seeing your channel grow!
Hannah, I would LOVE to see you make a video talking about how one might surround themselves with beautiful things or create the aesthetic lifestyle they desire without spending money. I know your what cheering me up right now focuses on this a bit but I would love a list of your tips for those who also love beautiful things and value curating aesthetics in their life but don’t have any extra money to spend on aquiring things. I think this would be interesting and also I would be so curious what your take would be! Thanks, I love your content!!!
I love love LOVE videos where people just respond to comments, this was lovely, would be very happy for more content like this ❤
I really love all the content but I do miss more of the fashion/personal style videos! You have some of the best videos on finding your personal style. Will there be more of those videos in the future? Learning more about fabrics and how to recognize quality items even if they are a little more expensive has really helped me with my shopping habits. I've pretty much cut out rayon and try to find things with no or very low viscose and that has helped me so much because it has simply become a rule for me and it eliminates most of the clothing out there. Would love to hear you speak more about fabrics and more personal style videos!!!
I love this format! And I would totally watch more 🥰
Oh my god! Advice column video sounds amazing 😍😍
I love these thoughtful kinds of videos! Pls make more :)
As always I so appreciate your insightful thoughts !
Loved this type of video. Perfect for the background when working where I didn’t need to be paying super close attention to the footage itself and almost had a podcast vibe
I find your examples so illustrative. I so appreciate you using these comments from my fellow viewers too.
I would love to see more videos like this! Thank you for providing such thoughtful, introspective content.
I would definitely love more videos like this!
Love this style video. I so appreciate your discussion of nuance and the complexity of life through the lens of shopping.
Thank you for holding this space for such a reflective and valuable discussion.