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Bruce Lee said once time "hoping the world is going to be nice with you for being a nice guy, is like hoping that a tiger won't eat you for being vegetarian" this phrase aplies to what he's talking
One thing to realize from people pleasing is that it's not your fault you're a people pleaser but it is your fault for not changing it. Don't feel guilty about pleasing others or shame but work overcoming. Most people do this out of a survivor mechanism when growing up in emotionally abusive homes. That was the way to survive the abuse as a child then we carry over the people pleasing in adult hoods because we believe everyone to be the abusers. It's ok to be nice genuinely but not overly nice. There is a time and place for that. Some people aren't even aware they do it. I did it as a survivor/child of an alcoholic family but not anymore. Most things human beings do are mainly out of trying to survive that's what we are built for.
[0:00] topic Mindset Habit Emotions Standard for yourself : please others. Others First. Don't meet standard because it's perfectionic, beaten yourself down, repeat. Standard for others: If im nice they will be nice [7:25] How to get out of this? New assumption It's okay to not be nice all the time Nobody likes over giver Being like mirror is boring [15:30] Approval disapproval [18:00] We learn to be a people pleaser Positive negative reinforcment False belife "When i do something bad im bad" [22:15] Relationship False belife " Someone love me because they need me" [25:30] Passive aggresive, passive victim, taking blame. [26:45] Speparaction [27:45] Feelings Fear of anything negative Key is not to avoid anger but learn how to express anger [32:35] Conflict can be good [33:40] Constructive and not way to conflict Win-win, information, not going to pain body, trust etc. [38:25] reasume
Julien I want to thank you for reviewing this great book for women. I'm reading it now, and it's one of several books on speaking and standing up for yourself written by women for women that I find very difficult to read, because it brings up bad memories of being taken advantage of when I was just doing as I was taught. When authors highlight that women are socially conditioned to behave this way, the absence of male examples makes it look like men don't have the same problems, which can make you supicious and resentful of men, like they made women act that way. Seeing you relate and dissect the book on a channel for men shows me that we are not alone. It really means alot.
when he started listing people pleasing traits and consequences that shit just hit me. especially trying to avoid conflict and doing everything for everyone else. the part when you over give and when you dont get back in return you internalize or get upset.
This synopsis was so insightful! I realized that I am (working toward was) a people pleaser because in my childhood and first marriage, anger equaled violence. I did not see anger that didn’t end in violence. This perfectly explains my people-pleasing: it was a tactic to avoid harm. Even after being out of those situations, the people pleasing continued on as my normal. Looking forward to leaving it behind. Thank you for your concise explanation.
This video really kicked me in the balls! I've know that I'm a people pleaser and done work to curb that but i saw the pleaser side of myself in a new light and how it's harming my life. I've been working to rewrite the limiting programs in my subconscious and once I get some traction with that, I'm diving deep into Transformation Mastery. Thanks for what you do Julien!
This has been a huge issue all my life...got it from my mom I think. Teal Swan did a video recently about how her friend would throw her under the bus in conversations with other people because he was afraid of conflict, and I can relate to doing that. Thanks for introducing her in that interview btw...I like her videos
Thanks for putting these concepts and thoughts into words for us! (Some time ago) I had personally been through a very rough period of time due to having too high standards for myself, which actually led to some sort of a mini depression, because of the following: 1. I went out of my own way in order to help others 2. As a result of me wanting to help everyone else, my brain overloaded and 'shut down' 3. I got sad for not meeting my (way too high) standards 4. I got sadder yet, because I had no reason to be sad 5. I got really depressed because it wasn't like me being sad like this (mini identity crisis ensues) Seriously, people... Some of the things Julien comments on in this video are SPOT-ON what happened to me for trying to be helpful to everyone. I was never trying to be 'nice or to 'please' anyone - I was really just sharing my surplus energy, because I could. The danger here was that it actually pretty quickly became too big a part of my identity, and you can't really build an identity on giving away your energy. Anywho, just really listen to what he has to say. It's awesome advice! :)
Nice is a very violent and self destructive and harming word...being nice to others for approval and acceptances sake is harming ourselves at times because we don't always have to be "nice." Being a good person is much more important as it frees us to see to our own needs get met. Being a good person is easier to increase the chances of that by self interest rather than depending on others stepping up to do that for us..
Holy shit! Thank you. I just realized I am a people-pleaser. This video has helped me make a decision. I currently work at a golf course as a dishwasher but I am planning on getting a different job at a local grocery store that is really close to home and I will get better hours but I keep doubting myself because I don't want to upset my co-workers and my boss because they always tell me how good of a job I do and that they don't want to lose me. Now I realize though that I need to do what I want to do not what will please my boss. FYI- I am in high school so don't judge my jobs.
I love how you point out the bad things that this behaviour results in; which contradicts the very aim of pleasers: to become someone nobody can get upset by
I can definitely relate to this video People plasing is not your authentic self it's a fear of disapproval or embarrassment I'm working on being more authentic Great Video
Actually, my people-pleasing comes from having a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder, and a lot of people-pleaser end up with narcissistic personality disorders or avoidant dismissive partners.
WOW!!! Thanks for this review Julien!!! I am in a relationship with a guy who uses this to manipulate me!! I've sent him this video to watch because I really want him to help himself as I obviously cannot help him through this. If I want to spend any time on my own I am made to feel guilty!!! So unhealthy when you spend 24/7 with a person who guilts you into not doing anything else! This video helps me realise that he truly needs help and if he doesnt do it himself he has NO RIGHT to make me feel guilty about that!! I need my life back!!
This was awesome. The girl I'm with right now is exactly like this. I don't read super fast so it's awesome to have someone interpret these books in a way I can digest quickly and easily.
Julian, this is the first time i watched your channel and i have to say that you did a great job reviewing this book. There is so much knowledge in this video! Thanks!
This concept is being acquired from movies. I mean, naturally no one would do what they don't like for the sake of pleasing people. Thank you for addressing this.
+JulienHimself hey julien, can you say some words about people pleasing and diplomatic pleasing... I mean for example in university.. How to act there.. I mean.. I cant just say fuck you to someone who pisses me off .. or can I ? and what about rumors in university.. how to handle that..
What an eye opener this is!! Here I thought I was a nice person for altruistic reasons!! But yes, I think I am nice to get it back. But is that so bad? If everyone was nice wouldn’t we live in a better world?
I like what you presented as your interpretation from this book. sounded like you distilled the key relevant components and interpreted them in a direct practical accessible way. I would offer one critique....... Eliminate the use of F bombs they reduce the scope of your audience they make your presentation rated R so you can't be listened to with children around and that maybe a bigger loss then you might think because this is good information. thank you for reading this book for all of us I will listen to more.
for me it was definitely: dont dissapoint or let anyone down. I wanted to seem useful and be respected for my efforts, but now that I "built" my life, I am setting boundries finally
At first I wasn’t too convinced by your intro, sorry , but decided to give it a try on 1.25 speed) However, I listened to the very end and found some great insights laid out in a very clear and persuasive way. Nice job! Thanks for saving my time on reading.
I don’t feel that deep urge to be liked but I do want to be liked rather than disliked ! I do like to be nice and help others which could be part of it but then I’m also helping people in the streets that need help with a broken car or something, I feel bad about their situation and it’s not people that I will ever see again! So don’t know about that !
10:53 I realized this about myself recently. I met someone, and they liked me because I did a favor for them when they were just a stranger to me. They were like, "Wow, you're really nice. Thanks!" After a while, I realized that I give to others so much but did not allow them to give to me in return. If I gave them something or did something for them, I did not expect anything in return. When they tried to do the same for me, I wanted to refuse their kindness - partially because I would then feel like I owed them something. So, yeah, if you look deeper, you might realize that your giving isn't actually selfless but is, instead, selfish. You give so that they will see you as a nice person. Nicer than they are. It makes you feel morally superior. If they give right back, then you are even and you are no longer nicer than they are.
Basically just be out come independent. Amazing summary Julien you saved hours of my reading time. I think though it will be more immersive if there is an animation involved in your summaries. You are pleasant to look at but it gets old after a while. :)
Ive always been the type of person that wouldnt want to get in conflict or I would just stay quiet if something bothered me because I dont want to fight which only leads to piling things up. When I finally speak up (once in never lol) people get surprised and then blame me again even tho I dont say it in an angry or rude way or whatever you wanna call it,I just want to be respected. People walk all over me and I let them,which is my fault and I dont want to allow that anymore. Also Im not nice to someone because I expect something in return,thats just how I am,but as of lately Ive been feeling very nervous and I get upset about little things and I dont want to be surrounded by people anymore cause I feel like no one actually has any good intentions. They say one thing to your face,another when they turn their back. So I dont know what to do....Im confused and I want to work on myself and help myself I just dont know where to start...
My problem is that I’m actually not a people pleaser, i have boundaries and I’m well aware of them. The problem is that because I have GAD and social anxiety, when I get stressed out and I can’t think, my mind automatically goes to trying to make the other person feel good so that them relaxing can get me to relax. So in a way I become a people pleaser to deal with stress when I’m really not one at all. It’s frustrating. Because when I want to set a boundary in the heat of the moment I never think of it because of my anxiety.
I'm also like this. It's very frustrating bc I feel like I abandon myself to become this programmed version of myself I just can't catch myself suiting up for the *performance before it goes down. I feel like on the backend I'll "come to" and remember what's just happened to be left feeling a ton of shame . I wasn't present to navigate the dynamics differently so I've finally come to the realization at 50, I have to accept what is. It helps to remind myself most of these encounters are with npc's, or like little agent smith's running amuck just testing my reactions/responses to the matrix/universe/God/whatever you believe.
Awesome fucking book and review! For me the big takeaways were the people pleasing mentality in relationships and game when I go out and base my success whether or not girls like man and when it comes to my studies- always trying to live up to my parent's expections. The last part about expressing anger was gold - something I really suck at. Anyways, thank you very much and keep it uo :))
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julien, thank you so much for putting up a video on people pleasing. This is a problem I have that I'm trying to stop doing. I did (and sometimes still do) people-pleasing because being nice and non-confrontational sometimes seems to be valued in our society. but it made me very stressed and unhappy. I never heard of this book but I'm now planning to buy this book because of this video. thanks again.
+JulienHimself Hey julien, love the vids. I just wanted to say I think a great addition to these book reviews would be if you added motion typography to your audio. I really think it would boost people's ability to not only retain the information you are giving but keep people's attention throughout the whole video as well. Becuase even though I'm interested in the content and I don't find you boring at all but I find myself nodding off and losing focus on what you're saying before I reach the end of the video. I just think motion typography would be an excellent addition to this series of book reviews you do.
Wow good job. You put a lot of work into this, it shows. Really appreciate it. Book club is a great idea, lots of new material and actual new ideas. Keep it up! Props
I think he hit it on the dot there. Fear of Rejection. Its like okay I'm going to be nice so. If everyone likes me and views me as a nice person. I'll never get rejected. Fear of Isolation. Fear of Abandonment. I should always do what others want or expect, or need from me. I should never say no to anyone who need or requests something of me. I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in anyway. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone's feelings. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings to others. I SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE. And make them happy. He has made more since about this stuff then anyone I have listened to about this.
I admire you laser focus energy direction skills 🙃 I think people pleasing at its core is related to codependency and unhealthy attachment (to results) .
Just started watching you couple of days back and I live in Tallinn and I'm Estonian. When this video started playing, i was like "WTF?! It's a sign from God" :D You rock! Loved the "Happiness manifezto."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT-BALLS I am buying this book! Just realised why I get so tired. So much effort being put into needing to be liked and pleasing people. Thanks Julien😂😢❤
Buddha said always put yourself before others, not in a selfish way, but in a self full way, on an aeroplane always put the oxygen on first before the child.
I'm the one of the biggest people pleasure... and I really regret that. When you are a people pleasure like me you go extra step to be NICE and most of the time you are faking it. I believe this should work If I'll a nice to people they will nice to me but most of the time it's never worked that way. I think that's also the reason I've very few genuine friends because this faking "to be nice" recognized by the people. Anyways thanks for the video I'll surely read that book.
You are so right, my boyfriend could never say no to people. Cause he wants them to like him, every thing they ask of him he dies it kissing ass. To be friends
I am having trouble relating to 2 of the points. 1) How is hustling hard a form of people pleasing? The harder I hustle, the less my friends are pleased from my experience. Really don't see it. 2) How are your actions not indicative of your self worth? If your actions don't define you, then what else could?
Julien, thank you so much for the video! I find it very insightful. How about printing the notes and having them on the table in front of you, speaking right in the camera, instead of having laptop there, which I feel distracts the experience of you sharing the insights with us. Please, consider using paper notes. Great vid, thanks again, Julien, lots of love.
… it helps getting regular weekly rejections in finding a partner and work, it’s a very humble lesson to push yourself to believe in you, despite horrible feelings. i am well aware you get rejected regardless of what you do ..say ..look like.. or how good your resume is ..you really might as well be you and fk off those people that don’t treat you good and fk off our 1970s social conditioning ..
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Thank you for putting your perspective on this book. It's very refreshing to see someone like yourself be honest and open
The lady in the beginning is like "Oh shit it's Julien"
+Juan Redcorn The DRAK WIZARD has come. HIDE your wifes, hide your daughters HIDE YOUR FUCK*** DOGS! :P
+Juan Redcorn Mr. and Mrs. Blanc.
+Juan Redcorn Lmao
Looool
She just witnessed an entity from another universe. Even better she recognized his pure energy. Probably made her day lol
Did anyone replay that intro multiple times to watch that woman's reaction?
thought it was just me
I knew I wasn't alone. That reaction was just priceless
NO, bcs i am different!
Haahhaha me 2 man
Yes ikr
Bruce Lee said once time "hoping the world is going to be nice with you for being a nice guy, is like hoping that a tiger won't eat you for being vegetarian" this phrase aplies to what he's talking
Rxnses • Bruce Lee once said
Thumb's up for the right citation dude
I love Bruce Lee broo😩
One thing to realize from people pleasing is that it's not your fault you're a people pleaser but it is your fault for not changing it. Don't feel guilty about pleasing others or shame but work overcoming. Most people do this out of a survivor mechanism when growing up in emotionally abusive homes. That was the way to survive the abuse as a child then we carry over the people pleasing in adult hoods because we believe everyone to be the abusers. It's ok to be nice genuinely but not overly nice. There is a time and place for that. Some people aren't even aware they do it. I did it as a survivor/child of an alcoholic family but not anymore. Most things human beings do are mainly out of trying to survive that's what we are built for.
I feel you my man...I'm working on it too and its because of how I was raised I got like that.but not any more!
Johnny Allen hi Johnny , can you tell me how or what a person can do to overcome them ?
Very well said
[0:00] topic
Mindset Habit Emotions
Standard for yourself : please others. Others First. Don't meet standard because it's perfectionic, beaten yourself down, repeat.
Standard for others: If im nice they will be nice
[7:25] How to get out of this? New assumption
It's okay to not be nice all the time
Nobody likes over giver
Being like mirror is boring
[15:30] Approval disapproval
[18:00] We learn to be a people pleaser
Positive negative reinforcment
False belife "When i do something bad im bad"
[22:15] Relationship
False belife " Someone love me because they need me"
[25:30] Passive aggresive, passive victim, taking blame.
[26:45] Speparaction
[27:45] Feelings
Fear of anything negative
Key is not to avoid anger but learn how to express anger
[32:35] Conflict can be good
[33:40] Constructive and not way to conflict
Win-win, information, not going to pain body, trust etc.
[38:25] reasume
Thank u
Did you write this to please us?
Thank you! 🙏🏻
EL PSY KONGROO
Julien I want to thank you for reviewing this great book for women. I'm reading it now, and it's one of several books on speaking and standing up for yourself written by women for women that I find very difficult to read, because it brings up bad memories of being taken advantage of when I was just doing as I was taught. When authors highlight that women are socially conditioned to behave this way, the absence of male examples makes it look like men don't have the same problems, which can make you supicious and resentful of men, like they made women act that way. Seeing you relate and dissect the book on a channel for men shows me that we are not alone. It really means alot.
when he started listing people pleasing traits and consequences that shit just hit me. especially trying to avoid conflict and doing everything for everyone else. the part when you over give and when you dont get back in return you internalize or get upset.
samurai3071 This.
This synopsis was so insightful! I realized that I am (working toward was) a people pleaser because in my childhood and first marriage, anger equaled violence. I did not see anger that didn’t end in violence. This perfectly explains my people-pleasing: it was a tactic to avoid harm. Even after being out of those situations, the people pleasing continued on as my normal. Looking forward to leaving it behind.
Thank you for your concise explanation.
This video really kicked me in the balls! I've know that I'm a people pleaser and done work to curb that but i saw the pleaser side of myself in a new light and how it's harming my life. I've been working to rewrite the limiting programs in my subconscious and once I get some traction with that, I'm diving deep into Transformation Mastery.
Thanks for what you do Julien!
This has been a huge issue all my life...got it from my mom I think. Teal Swan did a video recently about how her friend would throw her under the bus in conversations with other people because he was afraid of conflict, and I can relate to doing that.
Thanks for introducing her in that interview btw...I like her videos
Same here
Thanks for putting these concepts and thoughts into words for us!
(Some time ago) I had personally been through a very rough period of time due to having too high standards for myself, which actually led to some sort of a mini depression, because of the following:
1. I went out of my own way in order to help others
2. As a result of me wanting to help everyone else, my brain overloaded and 'shut down'
3. I got sad for not meeting my (way too high) standards
4. I got sadder yet, because I had no reason to be sad
5. I got really depressed because it wasn't like me being sad like this (mini identity crisis ensues)
Seriously, people... Some of the things Julien comments on in this video are SPOT-ON what happened to me for trying to be helpful to everyone. I was never trying to be 'nice or to 'please' anyone - I was really just sharing my surplus energy, because I could. The danger here was that it actually pretty quickly became too big a part of my identity, and you can't really build an identity on giving away your energy.
Anywho, just really listen to what he has to say. It's awesome advice! :)
the first F bomb got that old lady to turn around haha!
why is that funny? I find it childish...
@@painfreesunrise had to stop listening!
Nice is a very violent and self destructive and harming word...being nice to others for approval and acceptances sake is harming ourselves at times because we don't always have to be "nice." Being a good person is much more important as it frees us to see to our own needs get met. Being a good person is easier to increase the chances of that by self interest rather than depending on others stepping up to do that for us..
Please dont stop making these videos. Really amazing!
Holy shit! Thank you. I just realized I am a people-pleaser. This video has helped me make a decision. I currently work at a golf course as a dishwasher but I am planning on getting a different job at a local grocery store that is really close to home and I will get better hours but I keep doubting myself because I don't want to upset my co-workers and my boss because they always tell me how good of a job I do and that they don't want to lose me. Now I realize though that I need to do what I want to do not what will please my boss.
FYI- I am in high school so don't judge my jobs.
I love how you point out the bad things that this behaviour results in; which contradicts the very aim of pleasers: to become someone nobody can get upset by
Man, I love how you're doing these book reviews. These have helped me a ton. Thank you!
I have bought this book a week ago and now I See this Video. How amazing.Thank you for this resume!
Duuude my self esteem has been real low lately. then your video comes out and defines the exact reason. thanks m8, I'm really grateful.
I can definitely relate to this video
People plasing is not your authentic self it's a fear of disapproval or embarrassment
I'm working on being more authentic
Great Video
Glad this video was helpful!
Actually, my people-pleasing comes from having a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder, and a lot of people-pleaser end up with narcissistic personality disorders or avoidant dismissive partners.
Perfect. Just what I needed. So much free valuable material on this and other Julien's channels.
when julien pulls out the old laptop you know he's gonna drop some knowledge
WOW!!! Thanks for this review Julien!!! I am in a relationship with a guy who uses this to manipulate me!! I've sent him this video to watch because I really want him to help himself as I obviously cannot help him through this. If I want to spend any time on my own I am made to feel guilty!!! So unhealthy when you spend 24/7 with a person who guilts you into not doing anything else! This video helps me realise that he truly needs help and if he doesnt do it himself he has NO RIGHT to make me feel guilty about that!! I need my life back!!
He is not a people pleaser. Try to look at BPD and narcissist ;) It's been two years I hope you're not with him now !
The people pleaser would have taken responsibility even if it was your fault
This was awesome. The girl I'm with right now is exactly like this. I don't read super fast so it's awesome to have someone interpret these books in a way I can digest quickly and easily.
Get audible
I'm reading this book. It's nice to hear someone talk about it. It's hard to take in all at once.
sounds a lot like "no more Mr. nice guy" good stuff
+Whiplash It also sounds a bit like Models by Mark Manson.
Julian, this is the first time i watched your channel and i have to say that you did a great job reviewing this book. There is so much knowledge in this video! Thanks!
Julien man really diggin the new stuff, you've really stepped up your game. keep it up.
This concept is being acquired from movies. I mean, naturally no one would do what they don't like for the sake of pleasing people. Thank you for addressing this.
+adam ali You're welcome! :)
+JulienHimself hey julien, can you say some words about people pleasing and diplomatic pleasing...
I mean for example in university.. How to act there.. I mean.. I cant just say fuck you to someone who pisses me off .. or can I ?
and what about rumors in university.. how to handle that..
Thanks for presenting this info - totally eye-opening and definitely something I need to remedy!
What an eye opener this is!! Here I thought I was a nice person for altruistic reasons!! But yes, I think I am nice to get it back. But is that so bad? If everyone was nice wouldn’t we live in a better world?
I like what you presented as your interpretation from this book. sounded like you distilled the key relevant components and interpreted them in a direct practical accessible way. I would offer one critique....... Eliminate the use of F bombs they reduce the scope of your audience they make your presentation rated R so you can't be listened to with children around and that maybe a bigger loss then you might think because this is good information. thank you for reading this book for all of us I will listen to more.
for me it was definitely: dont dissapoint or let anyone down. I wanted to seem useful and be respected for my efforts, but now that I "built" my life, I am setting boundries finally
Stumbled upon this and am very grateful i did
At first I wasn’t too convinced by your intro, sorry , but decided to give it a try on 1.25 speed) However, I listened to the very end and found some great insights laid out in a very clear and persuasive way. Nice job! Thanks for saving my time on reading.
I don’t feel that deep urge to be liked but I do want to be liked rather than disliked ! I do like to be nice and help others which could be part of it but then I’m also helping people in the streets that need help with a broken car or something, I feel bad about their situation and it’s not people that I will ever see again! So don’t know about that !
This video cured my life
Thanks Julien, I am freeing myself of this disease, your advice reinforces more yet...
love you julien your transformation has not gone unoticed
10:53
I realized this about myself recently. I met someone, and they liked me because I did a favor for them when they were just a stranger to me. They were like, "Wow, you're really nice. Thanks!" After a while, I realized that I give to others so much but did not allow them to give to me in return. If I gave them something or did something for them, I did not expect anything in return. When they tried to do the same for me, I wanted to refuse their kindness - partially because I would then feel like I owed them something.
So, yeah, if you look deeper, you might realize that your giving isn't actually selfless but is, instead, selfish. You give so that they will see you as a nice person. Nicer than they are. It makes you feel morally superior. If they give right back, then you are even and you are no longer nicer than they are.
Basically just be out come independent. Amazing summary Julien you saved hours of my reading time. I think though it will be more immersive if there is an animation involved in your summaries. You are pleasant to look at but it gets old after a while. :)
Good job Julien, I like where you're going
Ive always been the type of person that wouldnt want to get in conflict or I would just stay quiet if something bothered me because I dont want to fight which only leads to piling things up. When I finally speak up (once in never lol) people get surprised and then blame me again even tho I dont say it in an angry or rude way or whatever you wanna call it,I just want to be respected. People walk all over me and I let them,which is my fault and I dont want to allow that anymore. Also Im not nice to someone because I expect something in return,thats just how I am,but as of lately Ive been feeling very nervous and I get upset about little things and I dont want to be surrounded by people anymore cause I feel like no one actually has any good intentions. They say one thing to your face,another when they turn their back. So I dont know what to do....Im confused and I want to work on myself and help myself I just dont know where to start...
Let me know if you’d like my help with this: application.julienhimself.com 🙏
My problem is that I’m actually not a people pleaser, i have boundaries and I’m well aware of them. The problem is that because I have GAD and social anxiety, when I get stressed out and I can’t think, my mind automatically goes to trying to make the other person feel good so that them relaxing can get me to relax. So in a way I become a people pleaser to deal with stress when I’m really not one at all. It’s frustrating. Because when I want to set a boundary in the heat of the moment I never think of it because of my anxiety.
I'm also like this. It's very frustrating bc I feel like I abandon myself to become this programmed version of myself I just can't catch myself suiting up for the *performance before it goes down. I feel like on the backend I'll "come to" and remember what's just happened to be left feeling a ton of shame . I wasn't present to navigate the dynamics differently so I've finally come to the realization at 50, I have to accept what is. It helps to remind myself most of these encounters are with npc's, or like little agent smith's running amuck just testing my reactions/responses to the matrix/universe/God/whatever you believe.
This review is actually better than the book.
These book recommendations / summaries are really great. Thank you. :)
Really loved this video, it really explained my people pleasing issues. Thank so much for uploading!
the lady at the begining is like wtf :D
gotta sick!
HEY man your stuffs keeps changing my life so good thanks a lot godamn it
Awesome fucking book and review! For me the big takeaways were the people pleasing mentality in relationships and game when I go out and base my success whether or not girls like man and when it comes to my studies- always trying to live up to my parent's expections. The last part about expressing anger was gold - something I really suck at.
Anyways, thank you very much and keep it uo :))
Great summary! Thanks for condensing the concepts
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+JulienHimself Will do. Sidenote: You look calibrated as fuck you can see it in your eyes.
+JulienHimself which macbook do you travel with?
julien, thank you so much for putting up a video on people pleasing. This is a problem I have that I'm trying to stop doing. I did (and sometimes still do) people-pleasing because being nice and non-confrontational sometimes seems to be valued in our society. but it made me very stressed and unhappy. I never heard of this book but I'm now planning to buy this book because of this video.
thanks again.
+JulienHimself Hey julien, love the vids. I just wanted to say I think a great addition to these book reviews would be if you added motion typography to your audio. I really think it would boost people's ability to not only retain the information you are giving but keep people's attention throughout the whole video as well. Becuase even though I'm interested in the content and I don't find you boring at all but I find myself nodding off and losing focus on what you're saying before I reach the end of the video. I just think motion typography would be an excellent addition to this series of book reviews you do.
JulienHimself great video my man
Best video you've put out in a long time.
i was gonna leave during the first 5 min but im glad i sticked to the end good shit man.
I really needed this. Thank you a lot brother. Honestly. Thank you.
Thanks Julien, you have very good explaining skills. To this shit more, I really appreciate.
Love this kind of video layout. Keep crushing it Julian
Thanks!
Wow good job. You put a lot of work into this, it shows. Really appreciate it. Book club is a great idea, lots of new material and actual new ideas. Keep it up! Props
I think he hit it on the dot there. Fear of Rejection. Its like okay I'm going to be nice so. If everyone likes me and views me as a nice person. I'll never get rejected. Fear of Isolation. Fear of Abandonment. I should always do what others want or expect, or need from me. I should never say no to anyone who need or requests something of me. I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in anyway. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone's feelings. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings to others. I SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE. And make them happy. He has made more since about this stuff then anyone I have listened to about this.
Good shit julien, Gotta tackle these things from the root. I like your introspective videos julien
I really appreciate this video. Thank you!
Thanks for watching! :)
I admire you laser focus energy direction skills 🙃
I think people pleasing at its core is related to codependency and unhealthy attachment (to results) .
Just started watching you couple of days back and I live in Tallinn and I'm Estonian. When this video started playing, i was like "WTF?! It's a sign from God" :D You rock! Loved the "Happiness manifezto."
Absolutely great video. Lots of helpful points.
Fantastic book and fantastic review. Thanks J.Le
Great choice of book as well as presentation of the main ideas with your personal twist
HOLY FUCKING SHIT-BALLS I am buying this book! Just realised why I get so tired. So much effort being put into needing to be liked and pleasing people. Thanks Julien😂😢❤
Nice! You're very welcome!
Approval addiction. That's me. lol. I'm going to do anything they want me to so they'd like me. That's what I do.
Buddha said always put yourself before others, not in a selfish way, but in a self full way, on an aeroplane always put the oxygen on first before the child.
I need to avoid conflict, and more recently I can't handle any criticism or dealing w a holes. I'm crippled by it
This was absolutely awesome review. Buying the book now. Thank you✨✨
This was awesome, I need this.I still have an issue with this, but I am learning to overcome!
This is really a great video. I have this tendency. Book ordered, great review Julian.
I'm the one of the biggest people pleasure... and I really regret that. When you are a people pleasure like me you go extra step to be NICE and most of the time you are faking it. I believe this should work If I'll a nice to people they will nice to me but most of the time it's never worked that way. I think that's also the reason I've very few genuine friends because this faking "to be nice" recognized by the people. Anyways thanks for the video I'll surely read that book.
The old lady at the start 😂😂😂
amazing. really resonated with this advice. peace.
+kareem mohammed Awesome! Thanks for watching!
31:55 I realized that I don't know how to express my anger in a healthy way. Gosh 😢
Unreal Shooting Man, Great choice of scenery and movement. Keep It Up!
You are so right, my boyfriend could never say no to people. Cause he wants them to like him, every thing they ask of him he dies it kissing ass. To be friends
I am having trouble relating to 2 of the points. 1) How is hustling hard a form of people pleasing? The harder I hustle, the less my friends are pleased from my experience. Really don't see it. 2) How are your actions not indicative of your self worth? If your actions don't define you, then what else could?
Very important information to buy-in and discover
I just realized that my mothers anger problems caused me to people please everyone to avoid her fits of rage
Ok, before i watch the rest of the video, high-5 for the opening clip !
Love this thanks from East Kentucky. I'm all in thank you .
boy I sure wished I knew all this year's ago
Awesome vid. I will even watch it again and read the book :) Thanks.
Thanks for sharing. This video is very helpful.
As always...GREAT! Thanks Julien!
People say I am a people pleaser but I don't think that's true, 'cause no one seems pleased with what I do!
That lady in the beginning is fucking priceless.
there's a reward pattern I think it's called variable interval which is the most addicting 17:17
Julien, thank you so much for the video! I find it very insightful.
How about printing the notes and having them on the table in front of you, speaking right in the camera, instead of having laptop there, which I feel distracts the experience of you sharing the insights with us. Please, consider using paper notes.
Great vid, thanks again, Julien, lots of love.
… it helps getting regular weekly rejections in finding a partner and work, it’s a very humble lesson to push yourself to believe in you, despite horrible feelings. i am well aware you get rejected regardless of what you do ..say ..look like.. or how good your resume is ..you really might as well be you and fk off those people that don’t treat you good and fk off our 1970s social conditioning ..
Excellent summaries. They should teach this in school.
What camera and lens are you using? The quality is excellent.
Thanks, it was an eye opener for me
robert glover (no more mr nice guy)also wrote a good book about it , thank u julien for your vids
thank you julien i am loving the book club series
love juliens book talks, book rivews,life coaching,pick up artist. he is a genius....or am i just being nice? :D