I'm scared to come out. I feel stuck in life, my age is changing but I feel as if I'm not growing up I'm just stuck, recently I've been really angry all the time and upset because of my body my mind is me my body is not, I hate my voice, chest, hair, etc... I'm reaching a breaking point to where I never leave my house, do anything or make contact with anyone since I easily get jealous of people ( men and dudes ) I'm really scared to come out and don't want to I'm just scared so much of the results but I want something to happen in my life not just to be stuck I've tried home solutions to increase testosterone get rid of " man boobs " and a lot of other things non has worked I want to be taller deeper voice and get facial hair I don't think I can wait any longer my grandma is the only one I've discussed the topic with she just knows I'm not sure I want to be female and I want her support but my parents no nothing nor anyone else closest to me, what should I do any advice?
Well first thing first if you are a minor 18 and under and your parents are transphobic don't come out until you have a stable income and a place to stay this will make so if your parents do try to kick you at 18 for being trans you have a roof on your head now if your parents are very accepting of lgbt+ then you will be fine just take deep breaths its hard i was struggling for 2 years on how to come out but all in all you will be fine if you grandmom is supportive of you that's all you need cause 1 person can make the biggest difference dude and if need be tell your friends first ask them hey do you know anything about being transgender and if they don't tell them what it is or play a video of someone coming out and see there reaction that's what I did and my mom was shocked at first but was fine with it just build up courage and you will be fine
I get that therapy can be helpful for lots of people but it shouldn't be mandatory for a medical transition. I don't think it is where I'm from (Germany), but it kinda feels weird to force people through that. It also reinforces the idea that being trans is a mental illness, which it isn't, so that kinda bothers me.
+Ryan Cassata Exactly. It feels like such a witch trial, and we shouldn't have to face all that in addition to the dysphoria most of us have to deal with one way or another, at least initially.
You are literally the greatest. I've been seeing my gender therapist for just over a year now, and would hate having to see someone else. (Which it might come to if I go to grad school in a year) She has helped me so much through my transition. We are currently working towards getting to a place where I can mentally handle top surgery. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you! I really appreciate when people talk positively about therapy! I'm 24 and I've been on therapy (on and off) since I was 11 and it really saved my life and made me a better person. I'm italian and I live in one of the most 'open-minded' places in our country but still there is an enourmous stigma about therapy! My own father doesn't even know I'm on therapy right now! Thanks again for this video! Also, I love your dog!
I feel like I am lucky, I told my parents (kinda lied) that I hate the way I look (that's true tho). And now I am going to therapy for anxiety when its really gender dysphoria! And that kids is how you lie to your parents to come out...
Thank you. I'm trans and not out yet, because I'm scared, but watching your videos is helping. I can't thank you enough. My whole life my parents have told me being transgender isn't a real thing. They made it seem like a mental disorder. Like I problem you could fix. I was terrified because I thought I had a problem but you (and a few other things) are making me realize its just who I am. I can't thank you enough.
Hey Ryan. I'm late to say this, and a bit off topic here, but just wanted to say I was happy to see that you and Liam are together! You seem like such a sweet couple, and I wish you lots of love and happiness together. I LOVE your music AND your activism and education efforts. Although I'm not trans, I have dealt with a number of difficult things in my life, and therapy has been an important component of my growth. Thanks for speaking on this topic, and for all you do! Peace....CDMatthew
it took till I was finally out of my parents before getting to see anyone. I wanted to when I was 21 but now im closer to 30 but now 6+ months on hrt. my folks were against it untill I was doing it while not living with them...now they are supportive...
i think you are so handsome! you remind me of the actor who plays bruce wayne on Gotham right now, same facial features! i hope your life continues to be nothing but good!
I'm not trans, but I've had to go to therapy for other things, and it can be very helpful, but depending on the therapist, it can be a terrible experience.
hi ryan, I love your videos and your music. you are a huge inspiration to me. I'm currently struggling with myself and I was wondering if you could possibly make a video about being bigender? it would mean a lot to me. thank you
I think therapy before surgery makes perfect sense. Everyone's going on about how it's framing being trans as a mental illness, and I don't think it is. If you're going to take such a big step in your life, you want to make sure you're happy with every part of it. A therapist can make sure you're realizing how you feel about the changes.
I'm about to start therapy, and I want to eventually go on testosterone, but I am in honors chorus and that is something that I really like doing, and I might not be able to continue doing if my voice changes. I want a deeper voice, but I also want to keep singing and I don't think I know enough about base clef to keep going in chorus in high school if I have to switch.
I don't think in 2016 therapy has stigma attached to it. But I will say that in 1992 at age 11 when I started going, I was scared that my peers would find out. It was just not talked about. Today? Kids casually discuss about what meds they're on!
Therapy depends on the person I don't like how I was forced to go to therapy to get on hormones just because I'm under 18 also for me personally therapy didn't really help with anything it was just a have to do because I have to I didn't want to go there and it was not a releasing of stuff it was ok whatever don't care but having it required for us is rediculas and then for hormones I got to go threw a faster therapy session to give them all the information the doctor wanted to say you have gender dysphoria and allow me to go on t and get my gender marker changed so it depends on your mood towards it and if you want it or are you forced
i got to my tharapist the 9th and im really thinking off telling him then. My parents dont know i dont know how they'll take it but i know ican't take it anymore.
7 років тому
I live in Indianapolis and I need a therapist where do I start I just came out today
I know you're singing voice is the reason to not go on T (which is a really respectful decision why not to go on T), but is there any chance at all that you'd consider going on T way later down on the road?
Personally, therapy hasn't helped me in the past, I was dealing with anxiety and depression. After making the decision to stop therapy, my mental wellbeing improved. I really don't think that therapy should be a mandatory part of medical transition, especially because it made my mental state worse.
I wish I had supportive parents. My mom just screams at me and makes me wear dresses and doesn't even care about how I feel about that at all and I can't stand it.
I got referred to go to a gender centre in the city, my mother said if it was close enough she would of taken me. But no, she doesn't care and she really doesn't take it seriously. She doesn't want to drive all the way to the city... So, what should I do?
my mom wants to take me to one and im happy for that but my normal therapist told my mom that buying me a binder would mentally damage me and she also forced me to tell my dad and she just keeps putting me on more meds and everytime i talk about gender dysphoria she tells me that i mean dysmorphia and she doesnt understand :/
+AdriSo let her know you're sure about it. and try to convince her to give gender therapy a chance maybe if a professional tells her you're being serious about it she'll finally take you seriously
My parents won't let me go to a gender therapist because they basically think that my gender identity is just a phase so they don't wanna pay for something or make insurance pay for something that isn't "real". As much as they say I can be whatever gender I want to, they also say and do things like that which make me feel otherwise.
My parents are Christian and they don't accept what I want to do. I really want to get a nice undercut but I can't because "that's only for boys". I like plaid shirts but I can't wear them because "I'll look like a boy". I can't wear cologne because "only boys smell like that". I cannot wait until I can move out of my house and just be me. Not someone that my parents want/expect me to be.
I don't really get the singing voice thing... I mean that you have a nice voice, but... not that I want to be rude or offend you, but you don't have the best voice in the world, therefore you would scare of loosing it... And actually just because your voice is going to change that doesn't mean it's going to sound worse, it's just means it's going to sound different... It's the same with all cis boys, when they reach puperty their voices change... Any of them did something to prevent themselves from reaching puperty for that reason... And actually I've heard boys with a great voice at 10 and heard them again at 14 while reaching puperty or even at 18 when their voice was fully changed and their voice is still great... It's not the same voice obviously, but it is still a great voice... So in my personl opinion not going on testosterone for that reason isn't really a thing... It's ok to not want to go on testosterone if you feel you don't need it or don't want it... Allthough wanting it, but not going on it for that reason doesn't really makes sense to me... But you do you, I am just saying that your statement that you are gonna loose your singing voice if you go on T isn't valid... And maybe you shouldn't say it because you may scare some guys who are singers and want to go on T... Luckily there are many trans guys or non binary trans masculine people who are singers and went on T so they can prove us that this doesn't actually exists, because they still can sing as well as they used to or even better... They just sing on a different peach than they used to, but that doesn't mean that their voices sound bad or worse, you just need some practice to adapt on your voice changing and getting deeper...
this shit annoys me...why do people care so much that I'm not on T? And yeah my voice would be completely different, so I would lose the singing voice I have now and never be able to go back to it. There's no way to tell if I'll be able to sing well after T or if I'll like my voice or if other people will still like it. I had a friend tell me last week that he can't sing since he started T, and yes, before T he could sing. It's different for everyone. Some people can sing better after their voice drops, maybe because they are more confident, but some people can't sing well after T. I'm not saying it to be rude, but it's just true. I'm not going to go on T to make you happy. I like my voice how it is now and I can't imagine it being something else. Everything was all good and then as soon as I turned 18 everyone in the community started pressuring me about going on hormones. There isn't one way to transition. I'm not anti-hormones. They have saved lives of many close friends. I just am not interested right now. It's not right for me right now. Stop pressuring me. Let me live my life the way I want to live it. I'm not hurting anyone by not going on T.
Ryan Cassata What?? Why would I give a shit about you not going on T? Why would I care? I don't even know you... In which part did you see me pressuring you or anyone else to go on T??? I only care about you missinformating people... If you don't want to go on T just say you don't want to go because you don't need it and you like your body and voice as they are now! Why would you have to give us excuses for doing what you feel like doing with your body? It wont make haters hate you less! But again you shouldn't consider as a hater someone who just tells you something that's true, especially someone who is not even on T like me! Most guys can't really sing while their voice is cracking, but while practicing they can and I never saw someone can't after going on T... And most trans singers start on a low dose of T for that reason... It's the same with cis teenage boys... So stop consider as hate some real facts someone pointed out! I didn't pressure you to do something you don't want to, I only made a valid comment mostly to inform trans singers who want to go an T and are scared because of the voice thing you are saying... Voice change means voice sounding different, not worse.
I tried asking and my parents said no. they think I am crazy and delusional
Keep educating them and asking them. I hope they come around.
+Ryan Cassata thanks Ryan. ill try
Search a therapist dear, search help
Fuck ur parents, ( not sexually) if u can't afford it on ur own, find groups online who can help you. Take care and be safe
I'm scared to come out. I feel stuck in life, my age is changing but I feel as if I'm not growing up I'm just stuck, recently I've been really angry all the time and upset because of my body my mind is me my body is not, I hate my voice, chest, hair, etc... I'm reaching a breaking point to where I never leave my house, do anything or make contact with anyone since I easily get jealous of people ( men and dudes )
I'm really scared to come out and don't want to I'm just scared so much of the results but I want something to happen in my life not just to be stuck I've tried home solutions to increase testosterone get rid of " man boobs " and a lot of other things non has worked I want to be taller deeper voice and get facial hair I don't think I can wait any longer my grandma is the only one I've discussed the topic with she just knows I'm not sure I want to be female and I want her support but my parents no nothing nor anyone else closest to me, what should I do any advice?
WeezerTv GameTalk sorry but I don't have any advice. I'm struggling right now and I'm not out
Well first thing first if you are a minor 18 and under and your parents are transphobic don't come out until you have a stable income and a place to stay this will make so if your parents do try to kick you at 18 for being trans you have a roof on your head now if your parents are very accepting of lgbt+ then you will be fine just take deep breaths its hard i was struggling for 2 years on how to come out but all in all you will be fine if you grandmom is supportive of you that's all you need cause 1 person can make the biggest difference dude and if need be tell your friends first ask them hey do you know anything about being transgender and if they don't tell them what it is or play a video of someone coming out and see there reaction that's what I did and my mom was shocked at first but was fine with it just build up courage and you will be fine
I get that therapy can be helpful for lots of people but it shouldn't be mandatory for a medical transition. I don't think it is where I'm from (Germany), but it kinda feels weird to force people through that. It also reinforces the idea that being trans is a mental illness, which it isn't, so that kinda bothers me.
Yeah, I totally agree. If you know you are trans you know you are trans and you don't need therapy or a letter from a therapist to prove it.
+Ryan Cassata Exactly. It feels like such a witch trial, and we shouldn't have to face all that in addition to the dysphoria most of us have to deal with one way or another, at least initially.
+Ryan Cassata your my idol and it is 114 am and im watching your vids i am glad your parents are so supportive
Tristan D. Germany?! Uh... Hallo! Ich sprechen Deutsch. Ist es gut?
Jayden Green Haha, very good!
I'm so happy you were able to get into effective and helpful therapy man, that's awesome
I had my first appointment today
***** You're welcome, how are you man?
+ExcuseAll TheBlood I'm doing pretty good. I have naturally high testosterone levels so it's been a smooth transition.
***** wow, it's great. Best of luck!
You are literally the greatest. I've been seeing my gender therapist for just over a year now, and would hate having to see someone else. (Which it might come to if I go to grad school in a year) She has helped me so much through my transition. We are currently working towards getting to a place where I can mentally handle top surgery. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you! I really appreciate when people talk positively about therapy! I'm 24 and I've been on therapy (on and off) since I was 11 and it really saved my life and made me a better person. I'm italian and I live in one of the most 'open-minded' places in our country but still there is an enourmous stigma about therapy! My own father doesn't even know I'm on therapy right now! Thanks again for this video! Also, I love your dog!
I feel like I am lucky, I told my parents (kinda lied) that I hate the way I look (that's true tho). And now I am going to therapy for anxiety when its really gender dysphoria!
And that kids is how you lie to your parents to come out...
I called a therapist today and got misgendered, even though I said WHY I needed Therapy (Trans Therapy)
My first appointment is on Monday.... I am so nervous
like for Jeffry
lol
"Jeffrey! Jeffrey!!"
Thank you. I'm trans and not out yet, because I'm scared, but watching your videos is helping. I can't thank you enough. My whole life my parents have told me being transgender isn't a real thing. They made it seem like a mental disorder. Like I problem you could fix. I was terrified because I thought I had a problem but you (and a few other things) are making me realize its just who I am. I can't thank you enough.
Thanks Ryan. I am a little less anxious than I was before. I have my first couselling session on Thursday.
Hey Ryan. I'm late to say this, and a bit off topic here, but just wanted to say I was happy to see that you and Liam are together! You seem like such a sweet couple, and I wish you lots of love and happiness together. I LOVE your music AND your activism and education efforts. Although I'm not trans, I have dealt with a number of difficult things in my life, and therapy has been an important component of my growth. Thanks for speaking on this topic, and for all you do! Peace....CDMatthew
My therapist is awesome. A huge amount of my cities trans kids go to him, and he's trans too. So far it has been really helpful.
If anyone needs resources for the NYC area, I got you!
it took till I was finally out of my parents before getting to see anyone. I wanted to when I was 21 but now im closer to 30 but now 6+ months on hrt.
my folks were against it untill I was doing it while not living with them...now they are supportive...
Thank you for making this video
i think you are so handsome! you remind me of the actor who plays bruce wayne on Gotham right now, same facial features! i hope your life continues to be nothing but good!
I'm going to one pretty soon! And I can't wait, I'm starting next month :)
my mom is making me go to a christian counselor and i am trans
Faith Smith God made you and loves you. Hope it works out.
I'm not trans, but I've had to go to therapy for other things, and it can be very helpful, but depending on the therapist, it can be a terrible experience.
hi ryan, I love your videos and your music. you are a huge inspiration to me. I'm currently struggling with myself and I was wondering if you could possibly make a video about being bigender? it would mean a lot to me. thank you
I think therapy before surgery makes perfect sense. Everyone's going on about how it's framing being trans as a mental illness, and I don't think it is. If you're going to take such a big step in your life, you want to make sure you're happy with every part of it. A therapist can make sure you're realizing how you feel about the changes.
Thank you for this :)
I'm about to start therapy, and I want to eventually go on testosterone, but I am in honors chorus and that is something that I really like doing, and I might not be able to continue doing if my voice changes. I want a deeper voice, but I also want to keep singing and I don't think I know enough about base clef to keep going in chorus in high school if I have to switch.
Your dog is so cute in the background
I don't think in 2016 therapy has stigma attached to it. But I will say that in 1992 at age 11 when I started going, I was scared that my peers would find out. It was just not talked about. Today? Kids casually discuss about what meds they're on!
Therapy depends on the person I don't like how I was forced to go to therapy to get on hormones just because I'm under 18 also for me personally therapy didn't really help with anything it was just a have to do because I have to I didn't want to go there and it was not a releasing of stuff it was ok whatever don't care but having it required for us is rediculas and then for hormones I got to go threw a faster therapy session to give them all the information the doctor wanted to say you have gender dysphoria and allow me to go on t and get my gender marker changed so it depends on your mood towards it and if you want it or are you forced
i got to my tharapist the 9th and im really thinking off telling him then. My parents dont know i dont know how they'll take it but i know ican't take it anymore.
I live in Indianapolis and I need a therapist where do I start I just came out today
period. full stop
Therapy: Thom Hartmann can refer you
I know you're singing voice is the reason to not go on T (which is a really respectful decision why not to go on T), but is there any chance at all that you'd consider going on T way later down on the road?
congrats on 2 years sober!
Personally, therapy hasn't helped me in the past, I was dealing with anxiety and depression. After making the decision to stop therapy, my mental wellbeing improved. I really don't think that therapy should be a mandatory part of medical transition, especially because it made my mental state worse.
I wish I had supportive parents.
My mom just screams at me and makes me wear dresses and doesn't even care about how I feel about that at all and I can't stand it.
if you go on twitter I'll show you where I worked before I retired from working to care for my disability
I got referred to go to a gender centre in the city, my mother said if it was close enough she would of taken me. But no, she doesn't care and she really doesn't take it seriously. She doesn't want to drive all the way to the city... So, what should I do?
my mom wants to take me to one and im happy for that but my normal therapist told my mom that buying me a binder would mentally damage me and she also forced me to tell my dad and she just keeps putting me on more meds and everytime i talk about gender dysphoria she tells me that i mean dysmorphia and she doesnt understand :/
+AdriSo let her know you're sure about it. and try to convince her to give gender therapy a chance maybe if a professional tells her you're being serious about it she'll finally take you seriously
+carlos in the first sentence i said my mom is letting me go to a gender therapist
AdriSo oops sry i didn't see
missy is listening
Do you ever plan on going on T?
Jeffery stop! Bad boy☝️
My parents won't let me go to a gender therapist because they basically think that my gender identity is just a phase so they don't wanna pay for something or make insurance pay for something that isn't "real". As much as they say I can be whatever gender I want to, they also say and do things like that which make me feel otherwise.
same situation here 😅
How many sessions did you do ?
You look so much like Andy Biersack it makes me want to cry
woah he does! like an adorable version
well said; therapy of your choosing --yay! "reparative" therapy -- just say no!
For you mean conversion therapy
My mom told me I'm not allowed to have gender therapy. She doesn't want me to go somewhere that "encourages" this.
I'm sorry that you have to go thought that. You should be able to be yourself. Do you boo boo❤️
My parents are Christian and they don't accept what I want to do. I really want to get a nice undercut but I can't because "that's only for boys". I like plaid shirts but I can't wear them because "I'll look like a boy". I can't wear cologne because "only boys smell like that". I cannot wait until I can move out of my house and just be me. Not someone that my parents want/expect me to be.
Wtf are these stereotypes lmao I have an undercut and I wear flannel and I'm Hetero
+NeoSiFy Damn, you have an undercut? Wish I could say the same lmao. They look so fucking cool
Same here
+Xxx Corrine xxX Same here
+Mikino Haninozuka Do you ever experience dysphoria?
I don't really get the singing voice thing... I mean that you have a nice voice, but... not that I want to be rude or offend you, but you don't have the best voice in the world, therefore you would scare of loosing it... And actually just because your voice is going to change that doesn't mean it's going to sound worse, it's just means it's going to sound different... It's the same with all cis boys, when they reach puperty their voices change... Any of them did something to prevent themselves from reaching puperty for that reason... And actually I've heard boys with a great voice at 10 and heard them again at 14 while reaching puperty or even at 18 when their voice was fully changed and their voice is still great... It's not the same voice obviously, but it is still a great voice... So in my personl opinion not going on testosterone for that reason isn't really a thing... It's ok to not want to go on testosterone if you feel you don't need it or don't want it... Allthough wanting it, but not going on it for that reason doesn't really makes sense to me... But you do you, I am just saying that your statement that you are gonna loose your singing voice if you go on T isn't valid... And maybe you shouldn't say it because you may scare some guys who are singers and want to go on T... Luckily there are many trans guys or non binary trans masculine people who are singers and went on T so they can prove us that this doesn't actually exists, because they still can sing as well as they used to or even better... They just sing on a different peach than they used to, but that doesn't mean that their voices sound bad or worse, you just need some practice to adapt on your voice changing and getting deeper...
this shit annoys me...why do people care so much that I'm not on T? And yeah my voice would be completely different, so I would lose the singing voice I have now and never be able to go back to it. There's no way to tell if I'll be able to sing well after T or if I'll like my voice or if other people will still like it. I had a friend tell me last week that he can't sing since he started T, and yes, before T he could sing. It's different for everyone. Some people can sing better after their voice drops, maybe because they are more confident, but some people can't sing well after T. I'm not saying it to be rude, but it's just true. I'm not going to go on T to make you happy. I like my voice how it is now and I can't imagine it being something else. Everything was all good and then as soon as I turned 18 everyone in the community started pressuring me about going on hormones. There isn't one way to transition. I'm not anti-hormones. They have saved lives of many close friends. I just am not interested right now. It's not right for me right now. Stop pressuring me. Let me live my life the way I want to live it. I'm not hurting anyone by not going on T.
Ryan Cassata What?? Why would I give a shit about you not going on T? Why would I care? I don't even know you... In which part did you see me pressuring you or anyone else to go on T??? I only care about you missinformating people... If you don't want to go on T just say you don't want to go because you don't need it and you like your body and voice as they are now! Why would you have to give us excuses for doing what you feel like doing with your body? It wont make haters hate you less! But again you shouldn't consider as a hater someone who just tells you something that's true, especially someone who is not even on T like me! Most guys can't really sing while their voice is cracking, but while practicing they can and I never saw someone can't after going on T... And most trans singers start on a low dose of T for that reason... It's the same with cis teenage boys... So stop consider as hate some real facts someone pointed out! I didn't pressure you to do something you don't want to, I only made a valid comment mostly to inform trans singers who want to go an T and are scared because of the voice thing you are saying... Voice change means voice sounding different, not worse.
sand
"drug addiction"
Is it truly therapy or grooming?
Hopefully this woman found peace.
first