He doesn't cheat on his girl friends 1/3 his age, they are just lucky he let's them sleep with him. So don't make fun of him or he'll come around and beat you up using his Bullshitsu
So egotistical he can’t even have a believable leading lady. Liam Neeson had Famke Janssen opposite him. There’s beautiful women over 25. He truly sees himself as a 30 year old man.
And he is so hot and irresistible to women every hot babe wants to get into his pants. And everyone talks about what a bad ass special forces he is. He is actually a member of Spaetzel Forces, Gravy Meals, Semper Pie, Delta Forks.
"Worst movie ever" Well, as Seagal is still in the business of acting in movies written by Seagal and produced by Seagal, it's "Worst movie ever, so far"
I distinctly remember watching another one of these reviews on horrid sensai seagal movies where he had a stuntman do his difficult work like walking up the stairs and getting out of bed in one scene. I also like when he fatly sits in chairs during his movies.
This only further validates that Seagal lives inside his own head. He's a master at convincing his audience that he's not only a narcissist, but equally insecure while being completely boring, unconvincing and lazy, its absolutely astounding
The way you judge someone like you're a writer for the Daily Mail is also "absolutely astounding!" - (don't forget your punctuation folks, or you too can be a hack writer.)
I'm terribly sorry I'm so very descriptive and accurate with my vernacular. It's that damn college education! Here, let me retract my previous statement and rewrite it on your level. " Ooga Booga! Big words BAD!; Fire HOT!! Seagal stinky! "..🤣
Steven Seagal once said “Chael Sonnen acts in ways that are an embarrassment to the human race and an embarrassment to the martial arts” and Chael said “Seagal should know a lot about behavior that is an embarrassment to the human race, his hairline is about authentic as his fighting ability.” 😂😂
@@darbybarker36 Damn right well said, I mean c'mon Chael is not only one of the most DEADLY muhfuckas on Earth with no weapon needed, but he's also virtually a fuckin Ivy League School Graduate wit a level of intelligence that's equally as lethal as his hands. If I'm not mistaken he's even got a gottdamn PHD as well. Meanwhile Seagal has as many shit movies as he does chins...
This movie big success in russki territories. Seagal is friend with Caesar V. Putin. He has russki citizenship. He trained spetznasz, russki elite unit.
@@Vervexx you laugh, but it's very sad. One of my ex gf, Vika, was a russki, and I couldn't talk sh1t or laugh about seagal in her presence or other russki gals. They are spellbound by this old mf, they say he has animal magnetism, and russki w0---m3n like this kind of dominant creep. Even her male cousins were crazy and believed all the crap of seagal. Fk seagal, ☠️ to his legend, 💀 to his legacy, 💀 to his memory.
Seagal is like this random dude who worked as a line cook but got hypnotized once into believing he's a talented martial arts actor and now he can't snap out of it.
@@limbeboy7 And that machine gun hanging on it with absolutely no mechanism to pull the trigger? Like they couldn't just outfit it with a gun meant to be used on aircraft?
Dont you just love the amount of sophisticated movement and flexibility Segal shows with every time he encounters an enemy. Talk about defeating the bad guys while standing or sitting without so much as moving a muscle. How does Segal do it. Not to mention his voice skills are one of a kind. Can you mumble in deep soft voice without changing the tone to get every point across (they call it acting) for a reason. Can seduce women half your age without ever taking off your sunglasses. Love your narration of the entire movie. Great channel. Ive said my 2 cents. Segal you complete me.
He’s a true arteest. A thespian, you know. Clearly went to Juilliard. And as for his extremely limber, fluid and graceful martial arts moves (that he does all the while standing up no less), this is of course due to his incredible physique. Just look at how his clothes hug his impeccable shape. Dude is an Adonis. Don’t even get me started on that hair bro..
Although 100% true! I watched Attack Force, Belly of the Beast, Against the Dark, Kill Switch and Black Dawn and most of them are so confusing that I can't understand them at all!
There's plenty more movies. He has starred in at least 56 movies if you check his IMDB page. He averaged almost 3 a year for 20 years. All straight to dvd b list films.
When he blew up his own room for no reason I felt bad for his neighbors in that apartment building. More innocent people to add to the murder list of his.
I've seen some parts of this movie playing in a random local tv station. I've seen the part where the girl got kidnap and he blow up his room. I was like: "why the f*ck would he do that?"
Feel sorry for all the women who was forced to get close to him in his movies. Almost like it was his only way to harass a women without getting creepy, but still creepy.
Jenny McCarthy said he asked her to get naked for an audition for a role that involved no nudity and she walked out on him. Considering she’s a moderately famous actress I can only imagine what new actresses who needed the work had to go through…
Say what you will about seagals work ethic, body odor, crater-like pores, big bulbous nose and patchy facial hair, drawn in hairline and that living thing on his head, say what you will about his infidelity, about his choice in women, and his stolen valor...but he was truly a wizard when it came to phase 3 of his plan. Not a single flat surface was spared. It's the one time seagal really went above and beyond.
Space Ice: "And secondly; that's actually very reasonable, I was expecting something stupid-" Seagal: "And i'll need a jet" Space Ice: "-like THAT" I keep smashing replay there XD
It is the same as with the British response to COVID test track and trace, now in my opinion to test someone you would first have to trace them and second tracing and tracking is th the same thing so WTF man ? Personally I think they should have unleashed Sensei Steven seagull on COVID surely he could have wiped it out with his superior CIA knowledge of shit.
"...The FBI won't touch this case." - Well, tell them its their f*cking job. - Love that line. I was taking a sip of my drink and ended up snorting it out my nose because I laughed so hard. Thanks for making these videos. They are funny as h*ll.
Space Ice probably should've renamed this video to: _"Steven Seagal Movie Contract To Kill Is So Bad I Edited In A Whoopie Cushion To Try Making It Better - Worst Movie Ever"_
No kidding... and then they started hitting doubles, like, back to back. I was laughing so hard I started making my own sound effects; self perpetuating whoopie machine, that fat bastard Seagal...
Segal even funnier on shrooms and weed coupled with 1-2 beer but my warning to you if you do that be careful not to choke to death accidently laughing while drinking the beer.
I can’t even explain how hard I laughed watching that drone fly by with a huge gun just zip tied to it 😂 *Edit - Just saw the scene where the drone is now flying with an enormous camera tied to it and laughed even harder. Easily the 2 best drone scenes in cinema history.
3:35 - 3:45 A woman in her 20s who wants to get in Segal's pants does not have 30 grand. A woman who's spending 30 grand to get in Segal's pants is not in her 20s. A woman in her 20s dropping 30 grand is not trying to get in Segal's pants. You can only have 2.
This critic review from Ignatly Vishnevetsky sums this movie up perfectly: “Overall, he [Seagal] gives the kind of performance traditionally associated with stars who died during filming. And yet, Seagal is in almost every scene.”
@@josephbassey1501 same I did lastnight his stuff is spot on and just shows how bad Steven became like wow. I looked up one under siege part and I found this platinum channel.
Two things. One: I wish someone would finally record "making of" any of his movies. That would be funny in its own way. Two: I would gladly go to shoot it myself just to have the experience of terrible these movies turn out to be.
I bet it would be more entertaining/funny than the disaster artist, about the filming of the Tommy wiseau movie "the room" (which was absolutely hilarious)
I applaud you sir for reviewing every bad Seagal movies so that we don't have to sit through it. It must have taken a toll on your mental health. And for that I thank you and salute you.
I sleep with my tablet on my bed. I rolled over and clicked on this video with my elbow by mistake. Too sleepy to turn it off, i just let it play. The dialogue ended up I'm my dream and it was the dumbest, trippiest dream ever. I thought it was so ridiculous that I watched it while awake for some context. The movie is even dumber than my dream. GREAT JOB ON THIS VIDEO. I'm subscribed now.
Notice how this genius Stewbun Seagull never requires the use of any slightest body double when he has to perform in a sultry scene (kiss 2:35 or sex 10:05) with a hot girl ! 🙌🙌 Looks like this unparalleled genius knows something we don't know about life, since he manages to be paid for generating sh#t without even caring to show up nor saying his lines like a proper human being, but conveniently is highly invested into anything that involves pretty girls -who he most likely hires by himself in the first place- who obviously always are in complete awe before his physical+intellectual greatness !! 🤓💡 #Genius
14:31 The way he said "Ameri...caaaaa" is the same way a kid forgot the learned-by-heart lesson when called up by the teacher to recite it in front of the class.
I like how in all his movies he looks flabbergasted that someone is bothering him with a mission and then always is like “ok, fine. I’ll do it” It’s like damn Steven….you can say no
I applaude the opening actor for being able to talk about how bad ass segal is with a straight face, i hope you get an emmy one day that's some fine acting 😆
Don't bother lining Super Ego Man's pockets with money. All movies that he made after "Exit Wounds" (which came out in 2001!) are steaming piles of yellow and green poo.
Just imagine Steven Seagal in a sequel for Battlefield earth. Between his slap fighting , his mumble talk , seat fighting and hand picked wardrobe, he could definitely take that film to the next level.
Seagal is a bitch, through and through. Van Damme straight up made him look like a bitch. I wish someone had footage of that. Not only that, this dude is a straight up sex offender. He needs to be in prison.
Some important trivia - Jemma Dallender had a body double for her love scene with Steven Seagal. This was accomplished with tricky editing, careful camera work, and having the double shown only from behind.
I still screamed in frustration and disgust from being subjected to it! To think any Van Damme movies are better than almost anything Seagal's ever done is mindblowing... And yes, that French movie he did recently where he wears a woman wig to trick the bad guys is sooooo much better!
Seagal is the kid that never grew up. He dreams up fantasies about his life and then acts them out in his films and life. We could all learn something from this absolute chad of a man
The only way to improve that "drone using a camera to record stuff" scene was if the drone held the camera and pointed it to another camera's viewfinder to record what it was recording and then the feed was delivered by way of fax, one frame at a time so Seagal needed one more person for their team: an animator who could put it back together.
Steven Seagal has said the best movie lines in the history of mankind. Like “that wasn’t the time..now’s the time!” from Hard to Kill and “Anybody seen Richie? I’m going to keep coming back till somebody remembers seeing Richie” from Out for Justice and “Get my pies out of the oven!” from Under Siege.
"We need one more person to complete our 3-man team" (one minute after recruiting the second person) "We need one more person to complete our 3-man team" Seagal is a math genius.
I always love how these kind of start out as positive-if-tongue-in-cheek as they start but slowly the wheels come off and the narrator just loses his mind.
14:38 “The paradigm has changed, not shifted”: Paradigm Shift (noun); _a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions._ So… “The paradigm has _changed,_ not _changed”._ - Steven Seagal
Check out my Patreon for ad-free and censorship free videos: patreon.com/Space_Ice
Dude! I have been watching your videos for 3 straight days now, and with your commentary, I'm gonna need a lung transplant!🤣🤣🤣
I’m dying over here lmao
He doesn't cheat on his girl friends 1/3 his age, they are just lucky he let's them sleep with him. So don't make fun of him or he'll come around and beat you up using his Bullshitsu
So true, never thought about that
I would believe in an instant that these fart sounds were part of the movie.
“If by baby, you think he’s talking about his daughter or granddaughter, then you are a normal person.”😂
Yeah ....
I've seen many of these on brazzers
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅
@@fajaradi1223 daddy n daughter
So egotistical he can’t even have a believable leading lady. Liam Neeson had Famke Janssen opposite him. There’s beautiful women over 25. He truly sees himself as a 30 year old man.
He's a Hollywood creep, he knows what he's doing getting these young girls to kiss him.
This channel is the one thing that can make me wish that Steven Seagal keeps making movies.
Seriously lol im willing to help if seagal needs funding
@@frozethehippy349 lol. Bulgaria here we come!
Facts
100%
My sentiments exactly. I love this guy’s commentary.
'SHE CAN AFFORD A ROLEX FOR HER BOY TOY .. YET THIS IS THE CAR SHE DRIVES .. SHE COULDN'T EVEN AFFORD TO REGISTER IT' ..
😂😂
I love how Seagal's ego is so big, he never takes a single scratch worth of damage in all these movies.
And all the other characters spend most of their time telling him how awesome he is. Lmao!
cause he has a cheat mode like in GTA where him not die
And he is so hot and irresistible to women every hot babe wants to get into his pants. And everyone talks about what a bad ass special forces he is. He is actually a member of Spaetzel Forces, Gravy Meals, Semper Pie, Delta Forks.
there is ONE. the one with mike tyson lol
I thought you were going to say his ego is so big that he ate it.
He literally has a scene where someone nervously explains how incredibly badass he is to him in every single movie.
It's just so cringe. That, and the fact that he still makes love scenes. Mate, you look like Barry White, have some self decency 🤣🤣🤣
@@jacquesmesrine8031 Don't insult Barry White like that! 🤬🤬
@@phillipwattsjr.4714 soz, you're right. Was trying to make a point
@@jacquesmesrine8031 I know. 😉
gigantic ego
Seagal does what every GTA character's do
- Go to a strip club
- Killing innocent people
- Blowing things up without reason
and never wear seat belts in cars
@@SimoFY
The seatbelts cannot hold his immense mass
Truly ahead of his time. Living his dream ngl 😂
Im starting to think GTA gameplay mechanics are based on Seagal movies.
and has those annoying missions from Zero
"Worst movie ever" Well, as Seagal is still in the business of acting in movies written by Seagal and produced by Seagal, it's "Worst movie ever, so far"
So true
I thought he just worked for 'Russia Today'.
Don't doubt Segal's power to bring the SUCK!
Idk how many reviews I've seen of his other crap where its claimed that THATS "the worst movie ever"😁😁
@@SpaceIce reminder to cover Urban Justice.
"We're supposed to believe a woman in her 20s is dropping 30 grand just to get into Seagall's pants." hahahaha ... priceless.
It’s totally believable! Seagull is the man! He’s a cop you know? Lol
I would be happy with $10K, keep the damn Rolex...
and then you see the car she drives, "she couldn't even afford to register it" 😂🤣😂
I swear these movies are just an elaborate plot by Seagal to sleep with young actresses trying to get a break.
@@dmtaboo_truth7052😏😏....hmmmm
The FBI not wanting to investigate criminals on US soil is the only believable part of the movie.
'Seagal is impressed with his ability to shoot parked cars.' It's a crime if that line doesn't win the nobel prize.
Lol, this channel is the sunlight in my otherwise dire evenings.
He has been shooting parked cars for 87 years.
@@lrts1lrts181 Seagal was shooting cars before Henry Ford was born
The hard-on for himself and the ego Seagal has despite the lack of talent and work ethic is just mind-boggling to me 😂
He PLAYS an actual played-by Stevie Ray Vaughan strat in his shitty blues cover band. It shouldn't be legal.
@@drewsmith3673 I didn’t think it was possible for me to despise Steven Seagal anymore than I already do... Then I came across your comment.
@@agentorange3774 Yeah, right? His movies are a joke, but his guitar collection and how he uses it... just insulting.
😂
I distinctly remember watching another one of these reviews on horrid sensai seagal movies where he had a stuntman do his difficult work like walking up the stairs and getting out of bed in one scene. I also like when he fatly sits in chairs during his movies.
4:40 the drone with a FAMAS tied to it is the dumbest shit ever 🤣
This only further validates that Seagal lives inside his own head. He's a master at convincing his audience that he's not only a narcissist, but equally insecure while being completely boring, unconvincing and lazy, its absolutely astounding
“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol” -sensai Steven seagal
The only person he convinces is himself.
AHAHHAAHH
The way you judge someone like you're a writer for the Daily Mail is also "absolutely astounding!" - (don't forget your punctuation folks, or you too can be a hack writer.)
I'm terribly sorry I'm so very descriptive and accurate with my vernacular. It's that damn college education! Here, let me retract my previous statement and rewrite it on your level.
" Ooga Booga! Big words BAD!; Fire HOT!! Seagal stinky! "..🤣
No one looks more like their South Park version than Steven Seagal
😂😂😂
bro 😅
“Legion of doom” had me on the floor seizing with laughter.
They all know not to f**k with the bear. XD
Whaaaaaaat a ruuuuuuushhhh!
Yeah, caught me off guard with the LOD reference. 😄
@KathrynElizabeth-ts2gk Yeah can’t believe they’re both gone. Glad Ellering is back to work.
I'm with ya
I lost it at:
"while Seagal manages to school these VERY Mexican guys...." *Eastern European accent* "Heyyyy Ese"
YELLAUGH
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂📿🙏🔥
that was too funny 🤣
Does he think the glasses make him look thinner or something? The way he's even wearing the same ones years ago in flashbacks is hilarious 😂
The yellow ones he always wears? He’s such a tool
Lol😂
The glasses make him sees orange perspective
They make him a better actor 🤣
When he wouldn't take them off even getting steamy, I just lost my shit. Who actually watches these films?
The rifle ziptied to a drone is really a metaphor for the whole Seagal cinematic universe.
He was super pissed when it dropped his donuts into the lake.
SEAGALematic Universe
Handheld Camera zip tied to the drones camera
. That killed me! I bet that's how segal thinks a drone with a camera works
Steven Seagal once said “Chael Sonnen acts in ways that are an embarrassment to the human race and an embarrassment to the martial arts” and Chael said “Seagal should know a lot about behavior that is an embarrassment to the human race, his hairline is about authentic as his fighting ability.” 😂😂
Ffs, Seagal should of known better than to against a man that has never lost a round in his entire life.
@@darbybarker36 Damn right well said, I mean c'mon Chael is not only one of the most DEADLY muhfuckas on Earth with no weapon needed, but he's also virtually a fuckin Ivy League School Graduate wit a level of intelligence that's equally as lethal as his hands. If I'm not mistaken he's even got a gottdamn PHD as well. Meanwhile Seagal has as many shit movies as he does chins...
Undefeated. Undisputed.
@@darbybarker36 uh, what? LOL
@@rhysc9706 defeated tho 🤣
I don't know why but that drone carrying a DSLR is one of the funniest thing I've ever seen
Probably because it's so stupid and absurd since drones have built in cameras.
This movie big success in russki territories.
Seagal is friend with Caesar V. Putin.
He has russki citizenship.
He trained spetznasz, russki elite unit.
@@swissmilitischristilxxii3691 Indeed. Also, I've heard he's within the age range of the mobilisation.
@@Vervexx you laugh, but it's very sad.
One of my ex gf, Vika, was a russki, and I couldn't talk sh1t or laugh about seagal in her presence or other russki gals.
They are spellbound by this old mf, they say he has animal magnetism, and russki w0---m3n like this kind of dominant creep.
Even her male cousins were crazy and believed all the crap of seagal.
Fk seagal, ☠️ to his legend, 💀 to his legacy, 💀 to his memory.
@@Vervexx 😂😂😂
The love scene where he doesn't even take his sunglasses off had me laughing so hard I hurt myself.
I know right?! There's so much absurd, lazy shit in these movies that you become overwhelmed and your brain has to auto-delete some of it
I think the sunglasses are glued on like his hair these days. Y'know, so he looks "cool"
Neither would I if I was him because who would want to show of your fat pale body and blood shot red eyes infront of a camera ?! 😂😂
The callback to the "Whoopie Cushion Phase" got me. I am apparently a teenager.
Sex scene
the camera attached to the drone killed me. Seagal is a legend.
A legendary moron.
I lost it at the zip tied famas
@@deadsouI CSGO player? :D
@@Despond some years ago
Come on man they needed high resolution pictures so had to go for better equipment
Seagal is like this random dude who worked as a line cook but got hypnotized once into believing he's a talented martial arts actor and now he can't snap out of it.
He's like a men in black alien pretending to be human
He reminds me of a dunning-kruegar affected, fedora wearing, katana wielding guy on 4chan who somehow lucked/conned their way into a Hollywood career.
That is actually very apt. You might have broken the code.
@@planescaped Someone hypnotiZe me!!
He was a line cook...on the Battleship Missouri I believe....saw it in a documentary once.....
"He's not paranoid, it's literally right outside the window and it's holding a f*****g camera."😂😂😂😂
Literally kilt me
That drone camera one was what took me out. Like seriously most drones come primarily with a camera.
What's next a phone with an external camera?
@@limbeboy7 seeing that in my head is funny asf
@@limbeboy7 And that machine gun hanging on it with absolutely no mechanism to pull the trigger? Like they couldn't just outfit it with a gun meant to be used on aircraft?
@@kommisar. that would make too much sense
Dont you just love the amount of sophisticated movement and flexibility Segal shows with every time he encounters an enemy. Talk about defeating the bad guys while standing or sitting without so much as moving a muscle. How does Segal do it. Not to mention his voice skills are one of a kind. Can you mumble in deep soft voice without changing the tone to get every point across (they call it acting) for a reason. Can seduce women half your age without ever taking off your sunglasses. Love your narration of the entire movie. Great channel. Ive said my 2 cents. Segal you complete me.
He’s a true arteest. A thespian, you know. Clearly went to Juilliard. And as for his extremely limber, fluid and graceful martial arts moves (that he does all the while standing up no less), this is of course due to his incredible physique. Just look at how his clothes hug his impeccable shape. Dude is an Adonis. Don’t even get me started on that hair bro..
@@blaxpoitation8528 oh how right you are, it takes a real man to attract someone who is a quarter of your age.
@@karen.mcglone.3481 takes a real man to make love to a woman half your age without even removing your sunglasses in the middle of the night
@@karen.mcglone.3481 seagal is definitely one of the actors ever
Really funny - as usual. These reviews are unparalleled when it comes to making me laugh. And, at age 66, and pretty jaded, that's saying something...
tick tock... like the time is running out.
@@chrisakaschulbus4903 Heart go boom.
👍
I'm 1/3 your age😅
@@theelder4797 why comment this "👍" for no reason 😂😂
Counting the narrator's use of "and this never came up again" across his Seagal videos is like it's own version of CinemaSins
Cinemasins are nothing compared to this
Every time when Space Ice says "None of this make any sense." I lose it 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Although 100% true! I watched Attack Force, Belly of the Beast, Against the Dark, Kill Switch and Black Dawn and most of them are so confusing that I can't understand them at all!
And it's never mentioned again
It’s funny that more people has seen more your reviews from seagal movies than the movies itself 😂😂😂
ikr ive never seen but a few of Segalls filmd. hh
@@KittyQueen43 i ve never seen any seagull movie
"His entire plan consists of teenage pranks" 🤣😭💀
We need more Seagal movies so this guy can have more material for his videos, pure gold.
There's plenty more movies. He has starred in at least 56 movies if you check his IMDB page. He averaged almost 3 a year for 20 years. All straight to dvd b list films.
It's the best content on UA-cam
well you're in luck. There are *always* more steven seagal movies. He shits them out likr three times a year.
When he blew up his own room for no reason I felt bad for his neighbors in that apartment building. More innocent people to add to the murder list of his.
I've seen some parts of this movie playing in a random local tv station. I've seen the part where the girl got kidnap and he blow up his room. I was like: "why the f*ck would he do that?"
Look again carefully.
It was a very controlled explosion. The neighbors are safe.
@@stealthattack2209just what we train to do if was in special forces
@@LibrarianValkyrie proof that he also creates homelessness.
"The FBI doesn't want it" that's... that's not how this works 😂
Feel sorry for all the women who was forced to get close to him in his movies. Almost like it was his only way to harass a women without getting creepy, but still creepy.
It's called the weinstein-shuffle
Why, they agreed to do it for money. They're no different than prostitutes.
Jenny McCarthy said he asked her to get naked for an audition for a role that involved no nudity and she walked out on him. Considering she’s a moderately famous actress I can only imagine what new actresses who needed the work had to go through…
In this case, a body double
They're getting a check, so..
At this point, I just want Seagal to keep making clueless movies so I can hear Space Ice rip them apart.
Agree😂
The fart effects every time someone sits on a chair totally killed me... 😂
I know and it keeps catching me off guard lol
I was laughing so hard
Say what you will about seagals work ethic, body odor, crater-like pores, big bulbous nose and patchy facial hair, drawn in hairline and that living thing on his head, say what you will about his infidelity, about his choice in women, and his stolen valor...but he was truly a wizard when it came to phase 3 of his plan. Not a single flat surface was spared. It's the one time seagal really went above and beyond.
@@0ldManGaming Well said! 😂
Everyone should know by know Seagal's body is swelling up because even it is unable to contain his massive and ever inflating ego.
Don't forget that it also contains cheese and other animal fats 😆
I always said he was full of shit, and his bloated carcass proves it. 😀
Are you trying to say he is full of $hitt
@@philbertplummer1572 I am
It's swelling due to a steady intake of Ding Dongs dipped in lard
“Gear and equipment are the same thing” just killed me 😂🤣🤣🤣
Space Ice: "And secondly; that's actually very reasonable, I was expecting something stupid-"
Seagal: "And i'll need a jet"
Space Ice: "-like THAT"
I keep smashing replay there XD
It is the same as with the British response to COVID test track and trace, now in my opinion to test someone you would first have to trace them and second tracing and tracking is th the same thing so WTF man ? Personally I think they should have unleashed Sensei Steven seagull on COVID surely he could have wiped it out with his superior CIA knowledge of shit.
We are supposed to believe this hot girl is dropping 30k on a Rolex, just to get in seagal’s pants 😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
"...The FBI won't touch this case." - Well, tell them its their f*cking job. - Love that line. I was taking a sip of my drink and ended up snorting it out my nose because I laughed so hard. Thanks for making these videos. They are funny as h*ll.
Never watch Space Ice videos while eating, you risk chocking 🤣🤣🤣
The whoopee cushion sound effect did me in. Couldn't stop laughing. Fart jokes never get old and are so fitting when describing a Seagal movie
🤣🤣🤣
Space Ice probably should've renamed this video to: _"Steven Seagal Movie Contract To Kill Is So Bad I Edited In A Whoopie Cushion To Try Making It Better - Worst Movie Ever"_
No kidding... and then they started hitting doubles, like, back to back. I was laughing so hard I started making my own sound effects; self perpetuating whoopie machine, that fat bastard Seagal...
Seagal doesn’t even take his sunglasses off during a love scene? What a legend lmfao
Bro is a legend shit actor
That's syphilis 😅
You know Steven Segal movies are pure comedy gold if you get drunk with friends and watch them 🤣🤣🤣
Or you watch Slender 2018, god it’s so laughably bad it’s a treat to sit around drunk with friends to watch it
Segal even funnier on shrooms and weed coupled with 1-2 beer but my warning to you if you do that be careful not to choke to death accidently laughing while drinking the beer.
@@angrydiver_4220 😂😂i wanna try the shrooms but dont know wtf to get them
Just watched Black Dawn and this movie confuses me so much that I might rewatch it s***faced to see if I can understand anything!😅
@@cenciende9401 lmao
Never been a big fan of fart jokes, but every single one cracked me up
14:23 my favourite
@@Marcin_z_bloku_obok agreed. I legit lol’d on that one
Ever heard a fart in church?
Same.
I can’t even explain how hard I laughed watching that drone fly by with a huge gun just zip tied to it 😂
*Edit - Just saw the scene where the drone is now flying with an enormous camera tied to it and laughed even harder. Easily the 2 best drone scenes in cinema history.
It's amazingly bad lol. Seen this years ago. Funny af
Why was the drone guy shooting up random cars in a park tho? For the lols?
@@pvt.prinny759 Yes...also why a famas? lol did this movie take place in France?
Now we just need a drone scene where it carries Steven himself and we're golden.
@@HandleNameIsStupidis famas a desert 😮
LMFAO! This 15 minute review was more entertaining than the majority of Seagal's film career.
The commitment to the whoopee cushion gag got me every time
3:35 - 3:45 A woman in her 20s who wants to get in Segal's pants does not have 30 grand.
A woman who's spending 30 grand to get in Segal's pants is not in her 20s.
A woman in her 20s dropping 30 grand is not trying to get in Segal's pants.
You can only have 2.
Steven Seagal movies are their own genre.
you know what is missing from this movie? yes, you guessed it right. the mandatory strip club scene
11:49 I like how the guy's "spy drone" is lit up like a Christmas tree 😂
This critic review from Ignatly Vishnevetsky sums this movie up perfectly: “Overall, he [Seagal] gives the kind of performance traditionally associated with stars who died during filming. And yet, Seagal is in almost every scene.”
I'm surprised he's not playing every character in his movies.. The hero, the villan, the extras..
Sounds like ALOT of work and that's not really his thing
Good point lol
The furniture...
@@SpaceIce Lol indeed!
@@Number69 & oh that'd be hilarious.
I don't know how people watched Seagal's movies without subtitles back in the day. Lol
I’m starting to think Seagal actually believes he is the guy he plays in his movies 😂
So sad he does, yet Alec Baldwin ended up killing his director by accident with no guile or obsession for murderfanatic movies,
I LOVE your channel, discovered it a week ago and binge watched the lot!
Thanks, I appreciate that
@@SpaceIce discovered it just now n I've almost choked on my dinner more than twice.
You have talent for reviewing bad movies. Never change
@@josephbassey1501 same I did lastnight his stuff is spot on and just shows how bad Steven became like wow. I looked up one under siege part and I found this platinum channel.
Same, everything else irrelevant i swear
I swear I can hear his voice in my sleep 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Somehow the most realistic part of this Seagal movie is the FBI not wanting to do their jobs
It's hard to believe that at one point this guy was in movies that I'd consider legitimately kind of decent.
I was about to say its crazy how far he’s fallen
Under Siege was pretty good
@@Josep_Hernandez_Lujan no it wasn't
@@Vkiller711 he was always garbage........he can't act
@@angelareele858 Yeah, people like Under Siege for deep acting and heartfelt emotion. Lmao. Maybe stick with Hugh Grant movies
Two things. One: I wish someone would finally record "making of" any of his movies. That would be funny in its own way. Two: I would gladly go to shoot it myself just to have the experience of terrible these movies turn out to be.
I bet it would be more entertaining/funny than the disaster artist, about the filming of the Tommy wiseau movie "the room" (which was absolutely hilarious)
The behind the scenes would just him being shot down by his female costars over and over and over and over and over and over
“He’s not paranoid, it’s literally right outside the window and is holding a *feckin’ camera.” Lol….😆
I applaud you sir for reviewing every bad Seagal movies so that we don't have to sit through it. It must have taken a toll on your mental health. And for that I thank you and salute you.
lol totally. thats what i think during these hilarious vids.
You mean every Seagal movie.
@@anthony8041 😆😆 fair enough
I sleep with my tablet on my bed. I rolled over and clicked on this video with my elbow by mistake. Too sleepy to turn it off, i just let it play.
The dialogue ended up I'm my dream and it was the dumbest, trippiest dream ever. I thought it was so ridiculous that I watched it while awake for some context. The movie is even dumber than my dream.
GREAT JOB ON THIS VIDEO.
I'm subscribed now.
Pretty epic subscription story imo 😂
This comment needs to be pinned
I have constant lucid dreams too and can't imagine how trippy that felt!
Seagal's biggest weakness in his films are walking, stairs and a coherent plot.
I can't look at Seagals hair piece without thinking of a Mickey Mouse hat missing the ears.
😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂
Lmao this comment 😂😂😂😂
I can't unsee this now. xD
He's going for that Count from Sesame Street look, right down to using the exact same fabric.
I lost it when she got slapped and fell on the whoopie cushion 😆
The lack of logic in these movies is truly amazing.
I literally can’t get enough videos making fun of Seagal’s movies… I’m so glad he made them honestly
Notice how this genius Stewbun Seagull never requires the use of any slightest body double when he has to perform in a sultry scene (kiss 2:35 or sex 10:05) with a hot girl ! 🙌🙌
Looks like this unparalleled genius knows something we don't know about life, since he manages to be paid for generating sh#t without even caring to show up nor saying his lines like a proper human being, but conveniently is highly invested into anything that involves pretty girls -who he most likely hires by himself in the first place- who obviously always are in complete awe before his physical+intellectual greatness !! 🤓💡 #Genius
Seagal made 5 movies in 2016 alone. His work rate is incredible!😅
The whoopee cushion effect makes this (and probably all) Seagal movies more watchable.
the drone with the gun literally zip-tied to it was absolute GOLD!!
How does it even shoot....
@@EugeneOneguinepixie dust and unicorn tears 🤣🤣🤣
14:31 The way he said "Ameri...caaaaa" is the same way a kid forgot the learned-by-heart lesson when called up by the teacher to recite it in front of the class.
How could they accept this take is beyond me 😀
I like how in all his movies he looks flabbergasted that someone is bothering him with a mission and then always is like “ok, fine. I’ll do it”
It’s like damn Steven….you can say no
The love scene: "... And we're just supposed to forget about his baby."
I admit my first thought was about the one he looks pregnant with.
Nice
underrated comment
The drone armed with a gun. Oh I'm rolling 😂
I applaude the opening actor for being able to talk about how bad ass segal is with a straight face, i hope you get an emmy one day that's some fine acting 😆
He's a russki actor, big name Igor
I also loved the "Mexican" cartel leader. "Fuck you, puta." He had me really convinced there!
Dude probably needed an antidepressant to desensitize himself from the cringe
Never in my life have I seen a movie review that made me want to see the movie more than this review.
This movie has a big fat 0% on Rotten Tomatoes! XD Watch at your own risk!
Don't bother lining Super Ego Man's pockets with money. All movies that he made after "Exit Wounds" (which came out in 2001!) are steaming piles of yellow and green poo.
Just imagine Steven Seagal in a sequel for Battlefield earth. Between his slap fighting , his mumble talk , seat fighting and hand picked wardrobe, he could definitely take that film to the next level.
Did you know Steven Seagal refused to play in the expandables because his character was required to take more damage then Steven would’ve liked.
Seagal is a bitch, through and through. Van Damme straight up made him look like a bitch. I wish someone had footage of that. Not only that, this dude is a straight up sex offender. He needs to be in prison.
That very wrong they cant afford a chair that stand his ego - u know the rules - no chair no chairman aka seagull.
@JackSmith-mk1ru🤣🤣🤣🤣
@JackSmith-mk1ru or maybe the lack of below 25 year old girl trying to get into his pants.
"Expandables" is a movie he'd be a natural for; he's been doing that for decades!
The jet blowing up and somehow it's momentum stops completely in midair is hilarious 😂
And its the worst special effect ever, well for a few years at least. Probably done in iMovie.😄😄😄
until I found Space Ice i had zero idea that seagull has made SO many garbage movies. they are so so so bad.
The fact that the Legion of Doom know about Segal's bad assery, as noted by their inclusion here was absolutely hilarious.
"I'm not the worst, I'm the best at being the worst!"
Steven Seagal
It's always a good idea to carry a curriculum with you in a Seagal movie, just in case they ask: "Who are you?"
11:53 its so stupid that the drone has obvious colorful lights... like here I am spying on you bad guys, shoot me down.
Naaah ...
Itll be waste of ammo. Just throw it with some random things.
Some important trivia - Jemma Dallender had a body double for her love scene with Steven Seagal. This was accomplished with tricky editing, careful camera work, and having the double shown only from behind.
I still screamed in frustration and disgust from being subjected to it!
To think any Van Damme movies are better than almost anything Seagal's ever done is mindblowing... And yes, that French movie he did recently where he wears a woman wig to trick the bad guys is sooooo much better!
That poor body double 😩
I thank GOD on her behalf !
“What’s the plan?”
“I’m gonna get my partner back.”
That’s not a plan, that’s an objective lol
Seagal is the kid that never grew up. He dreams up fantasies about his life and then acts them out in his films and life. We could all learn something from this absolute chad of a man
When did he start with that weird accent and what accent does he think it is?
The only way to improve that "drone using a camera to record stuff" scene was if the drone held the camera and pointed it to another camera's viewfinder to record what it was recording and then the feed was delivered by way of fax, one frame at a time so Seagal needed one more person for their team: an animator who could put it back together.
I was hoping it would be a hand cranked camera with a robotic arm turning the handle....if only they had a bigger budget....sigh
Its hilarious how someone like Seagull and the team he pays money to have no clue how drones actyally work
These are my go to when I remember that I haven't laughed all day.👍 Much respect and appreciation... Please keep em coming
You make living in a nightmarish dystopian world littered with Steven Seagal movies not seem so bad...
"And just like that, bigotry was eliminated forever" 😂😂😂
It’s almost like he’s just making these movies so he can “handle alot of women”
Man, I feel sorry for the women who have to pretend they want that guy. It looks difficult.
Steven Seagal has said the best movie lines in the history of mankind. Like “that wasn’t the time..now’s the time!” from Hard to Kill and “Anybody seen Richie? I’m going to keep coming back till somebody remembers seeing Richie” from Out for Justice and “Get my pies out of the oven!” from Under Siege.
and the "whose hot dog is this" shouldn't be left off that list...
@@andrecharlebois705 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I forgot that classic line from Out for Justice.
No way. - I’m taking you to the bank, Senator….the blood bank.
well i'm sorry to hear that... bc now... im gonna snatch every mf birthday
@@j01sonofsleazy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"We need one more person to complete our 3-man team"
(one minute after recruiting the second person)
"We need one more person to complete our 3-man team"
Seagal is a math genius.
Titles for next movie
Hard to Walk
Out For Lunch
Against the Dark Chocolate
"Stevens meatball battle"
Under Soup...
Munch for death...
Above the loaves...
Belly of the chicken breast...
Hard to Watch
Buffet - Under Siege
Belt Buckle - Under Siege 2
Please I swear to god, don't stop making these Seagal videos! These are the funniest videos I have seen in a long time man.
I always love how these kind of start out as positive-if-tongue-in-cheek as they start but slowly the wheels come off and the narrator just loses his mind.
14:38 “The paradigm has changed, not shifted”:
Paradigm Shift (noun);
_a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions._
So…
“The paradigm has _changed,_ not _changed”._
- Steven Seagal