INTJ Female Emotions | How to deal
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- In this video I discuss my emotional experience as an INTJ female. I also share how I've learned to better deal with emotions instead of being consumed by them.
1:00 When everyone believes ya, what's that like
1:56 Getting shoved under the rug
2:50 Outsider Effect
4:00 Vacillating with others and self
5:50 Double senses and EEG machines
7:06 Relationship with time tenses
8:01 Cognitive Function Cycle
BOOK on Vacillating:
howwelove.com
Let me know how you've learned to deal with your emotions ❤
I haven't learned. I have them and I don't process them. Sometimes I explode. I need to learn to process emotions better.
I pretend that I'm two (years old).
As the feeling of being useless arises (usually outcome based ie. I haven’t completed this task in the allotted time) instead of continuing the task (typically involves sales and marketing plans, number crunching, analytics, emails etc. seeing as I work for myself) I like to bring myself into the present with Se, go for a walk, eat, shower, do some gardening, clean etc. Then when I come back to the task my mind is fresh again... Still working on this though 😩 because it’s kinda addictive to give into Ni even when Fi is telling me I’m useless for not actualising my Ni ideals, but I have definitely realised just how important Se is for us INTJ’s.
I try to put a lot of focus on things like sleep (trying to follow the sun's schedule), eating enough (low carb, whole foods seem to work best for me), and some kind of exercise, preferably outside in nature. Maybe some people might think "mind over matter" which can be true to a point, but from my own experience these physiological things that we (or at least I) have taken for granted can make a huge difference in our mood and emotions.
People will listen when they see your capabilities on the ground, and I mean when they see your success as a human being, they often will not fully understand what you say, but when you are successful, they will be interested in your opinions and will try to apply them even if they do not understand them. The problem is that we have been accustomed since childhood to achieve an acceptable or even superior level without making an effort. We are accustomed to laziness and that is why our will is not equal to our capabilities, the solution lies in getting rid of laziness. To make the best version of ourselves.ex Elon musk
I think the reason why most INTJs turn to cynicism and nihilism is because other humans don't appreciate their advanced Ni abilities.
I really resonated with the part where you stated that we don't have problems bringing up difficult conversations(truth slaps) owing to our Te and becoming obsessive over other people's feelings because of Fi child. I used to do that a lot when I was younger. It felt like I was responsible for other people's well being because they're just so darn stupid.
Anyway, great video man, keep up the good work.
That's so true. I think Ni is very under-appreciated (because it's not known about or understood) in our society. Love the comment!
INTJ here - That loop cycle is really well explained , I am often stuck in the loop. Also the 'never living in the present' is so true and relevant - I am always fixing/analyzing the past and analyzing/planning for the future that I rarely live in the present.
as an intj myself and after having dealt with depression over a good amount of my adult life (NOT currently, fortunately), i now KNOW that the manner in which you take care of yourself PHYSICALLY ALSO AFFECTS how you feel MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY.
IF you have an irregular sleep pattern, you arent eating well, and you arent getting out for some good exercise fairly regularly; THEN it is also HIGHLY LIKELY that you wont feel so great about yourself either.
IT IS ALLLLLLL ABOUT THAT MIND BODY THING. and, that ABSOLUTELY IS something to be mindful of.
ABSOLUTELY.
FOR SURE.
For sure!! In my latest video I mentioned how I used a "happy points" system to get through depression - most of all the things that made me happy (and tend to forget to do) are physical. Totally agree
@@AlexisKingsley the url for that video???
@@ryanquick1824 ua-cam.com/video/1em6p6dFCOU/v-deo.html
As you get older you’ll be able to control the emotions that harness you. Also about intuition; people will begin to believe as you share your vision of why it’s going to happen like that and if you don’t know why or can’t explain it, they’ll believe as you continue to be right about what happens. I’m impressed you know yourself very well, I didn’t at your age and no one else was like me so I had no one to discuss it with.
Sounds like this applies to INTJ male too since everything you said resonates. Same pattern
The Goal-Ashamed-Self Care loop is a huge insight. Same for me as a Male INTJ. I can enter that loop at any of those three functions -- it has huge gravity. I now see the genius little dots with the four functions in my head like a little status board. The gift Alexis gave me is the insight that I can fight my way out of that loop using more than my primary weapon -- my intuition. You Rock, Alexis!!!!!
Your tip to share your needs more really stuck with me. I've been feeling really overwhelmed as an INTJ female and I've been holding back my directness so much it made me bitter. This year I finally confronted people that I should've talked to much earlier but people convinced me not to. (I never should've ignored my intuition, it just had negative effects in the long run) It's going to take me a while to finally communicate my needs to family but I'm hopeful subscribing to your channel will get me all the more closer to doing so. Thanks for putting in the effort of creating a UA-cam channel. I know the productiveness and overthinking is tough but your work is really appreciated. Be well!
Great video. I’m also an INTJ and I’ve learned to take my time to explain my insights (although i can’t explain everything) to people i care about. I don’t bother explaining myself to people i don’t care about and whom i’ll never see again. I also tend to tell people that I’ll explain or argue about something later because i can’t deal with their irrationality (or i don’t have the energy to) and have to put my thoughts back in order. Basically i’ll think about it in the quiet and tell them later how i feel about it and what my opinion is.. Nobody gets hurt 👍
Those are great insights!! If I'm not careful I can get SOOO impatient lol
I really relate to everything you said.
MBTI has really helped me to understand how others function and therefore help me to function better, as I can figure out how to come to their level.
Before I would typically get upset and think people were being insensitive, etc., when in reality they are just functioning different than me.
For me, the word for this is, "grace".
It is incredible how much I relate to virtually every detail in this video. Descriptions of INTJ always make it seem like such an emotionless and insensitive type, so I had thought I was mistyped for a while. It is excellent to see someone go through INTJ emotions and motivations in nuance like this.
Most accurate video so far. I get obsessive about my visions too and go through that shame cycle when I feel unheard it's really not pretty lol
And you're right it's just the society will live in and it's kind of hard for me to accept that sometimes when it seems like I'm the only one who sees how it can be improved
That would be so much easier if my mum could watch it when i was a kid. I know that wouldn't solve my problems but maby she will know that motivation is not the same for everyone. Not only my mum, just anybody who tried to give me life advice. Never actually relate to any of them. It never heleped me only made feel worse. Cuz i felt like a broken part of this univerce. And my favourite, "dont overthing everything"... I know that for someone is easy to say but you can't help that cuz your brain gonna do this anyway. However I like your content, like that you are not fake like almost everybody on yt. You are very natural with that what you say and I see that everything that you said especialy on this video was highly analyzed by you after all, that's kinda funny but in a good way. Good luck.
I agree with writing down your emotions really helped me conceptualized and see the Fe of things, seeing ourselves as 3rd person, if one is about to express it as one would. And later see what perception, have to be improved to build a better reading in the room and your own mind, and not come off as crazy. Lmao. Its really seeing through our own shadow funtions.
That's so true!! Love the thoughtful insightful comment!!
I know that "shame cycle" very well. And often my Te tells me that I should improve my Se, cause it helps with everything, but I'm kinda lacking the motivation and THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO!
You are SO good at explaining all the ups and downs of my INTJ life! I also think the past is all bad. But now that I Know that's something we tend to do, I feel that I can stop that from happening as much. My past is full of good things. Time to let myself feel good about it! :)
Thank you!!!
The vascillating between extremes is so true! Just in everything, even motivation
The past is your educator, where you can go to understand your patterns.
That's a good insight. I rarely look to the past - always looking to the future - but the past holds immense value.
Older intj woman. I learned eventually that the past is important in life.
I kept journals. Looking at one particular journal from my previous marriage to a narcissistic man changed how I saw myself in that time. I thought I was weak, but the journal showed me how strong I had been. I learned I was not a victim, but a survivor.
The past is so valuable! It weaves patterns though our present and our future!
Awesome video, I have known for a long time that I'm an INTJ and yet I still thought those problems are mine alone. Silly, apparently. I go through the same cicle so often it's ridiculous, and the reason doesn't even matter - I always find an "excuse" to be hard on myself. It's a relief to know it's not just me.
One thing that helps me out of those moments is to write fiction. It could be a diary, blog, whatever, but as you say, write my feelings down. Then I can share them in a more concise way and analyze them better without the interference of strong emotions. Also, if something bad happened I get to the bottom of "am I really to blame" or "would it be better or worse if I wasn't inolved" and often realise it's nothing personal. Finally, it's always good practice to get inspiration from the real world and use it for characters/ scenes in a story you're writing. This makes the whole experience seem more worth your time and it combines what happens to you presently to what you want to achieve in the future or share with your peers to make yourself better understood.
One thing I found helps with confidence is trying to imagine a perfect friend. Someone I would admire, want to learn from and know I can always count on. I put all the qualities in a jumble and then compare the result to the majority of my colleagues. That makes me realise that I would get along/feel good/like to be with someone a lot more similar to me, than to the people I feel alienated from. Simply put, I realise that I have qualities that I like about myself, qualities that I would admire seeing in another person. Then I tell myself "so there musy be someone out there who would enjoy my company" and it makes me braver to express opinions and put myself out there. This is not to say that someone has to be like me to be my friend (I think then we woudn't get along at all) but it does help get me out of my own skin and look at myself more objectively as just another human being.
Most people are quite dull and can't see the future. Jung said that intuition helps to 'see around corners'. I admire the powers of Ni as it is like having a long range scope where you can see things from far away, you can also adjust your behaviour well in advance, and people won't even know because they don't realise that more information is given off than they were aware of! - ENFP
Wow, your explanation about Fi and how it affects INTJs as far as dating/relationships is crazy--I have never heard or read anything like that before anywhere in regards to us, but that is so true for me. Great explanation of our cognitive functions, but I really like the Fi one.
I'm an INFP but the person I love is an INTJ so it's always good to learn about this type. I love your videos I learn a lot and you're so beautiful 💜
Very true, especially with the rut where if you fail at something it can just spiral into a tornado of shame and lack of productivity. For example, if I say I’m going to study for a test then I end up not studying for the test, I’ll think “well I didn’t even do that right so why should I even try?”
This also goes for smaller things, like showering. I’ll tell myself I have to shower at a specific time and until that time is reached, I’ll feel dirty and I won’t do anything until I shower. But by the time I shower, I’ve already wasted the day (because I usually shower at night). Very insightful video, it’s good to hear that these problems are not just my own.
wow! you articulated how it feels really well and i definitely resonated with this so thank you :)
I'm watching a lot of women INTJ videos, and I've realized that not only do we have the same personality.. the majority (based off of UA-cam videos) of us are brunettes with glasses.
I'm constantly dubting if I'm really an INTJ but this video is really spot on.
"""I'm constantly doubting if I'm really an INTJ""" - that's typical INTJ issue.
Cool, thanks for that take on things. The loop and the Fi talk was helpful.💙
I've just found your channel and have already benefited from it. It's helpful to learn these things to know that there's a reason for them! And as for not showering or eating and the cycle effect, it's so hard to get out of!
Your Channel is a place I can come to feel great. At times I can feel so Drained or differentiated during the day when dealing with people. I am taking your advice and learning more about what it means to be an INTJ. You break it down and helps me to understand how the CFS applies to personalities and helps me to read others better since I feel that at times I am from a planet outside of our solar system.
Thank you!! 🙏 I appreciate that so much
This was insanely accurate!!! Oh my gosh!
Great explanation! I definitely can relate to a lot of these emotional patterns! Write it down to process things always worked for me, its really helpful!
Gurl i relate on almost all point! The shame cycle is so real. Iv been trying to wake up early and not reaching that goal so now my whole day i feel like a failure
Excellent video, I fall in and out of the same moods and failure states where I get nothing done and just feel like a loser. For me the cure came when I just stopped sitting down and allowing myself to be more in the Se and Te state. I started being more active and just didn’t allow myself to become stagnant.
Time you enjoy is the elixir of life
I feel so called out.
Great content!
The cycle you described is VERY familiar. Now I see this is likely normal for my type. I can formulate plans accordingly.
I know it all too well lol
I'm a guy. Yet, I found that you pretty much described my emotional journey exactly. I also sit right on the e/intj line. I see the Ni, Te, Fi, and Se functions in my life just sometimes in a slightly different order than a typical intj. I most definitely get caught in the Fi-Ni loop. Especially, with the passing of my Dad in November and the dysfunctional behavior of my family, I have a lot of Fi-Ni loops. It appears that my family has all had Se as one of their primary or secondary functions. I'm weak on it but I ended up learning from that growing up. Dad teaching me guitar developed hearing, touching, and seeing senses together. I actually do just about everything with my left hand that I can do with my right hand, even writing. And my Mom being a counselor has helped me with Fi. However, I still struggle a lot with the Fi-Ni loop. Journalling helps and meditation helps. I found with anxiety, I can sit and try to do relax breathing and just take note of how it affects my body. It's sort of like giving Fi time to do its freak out and then it burns out. I learned this from the book, "90s to a Life You Love". I'm also reading a book currently, to process toxic thoughts, called "Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess". I haven't finished the book and takes a couple months to do, but it's using journalling to feel, process, and rewire the brain to handling situations differently. I think most of my family are FJs, so that makes me feel alone, and misunderstood. I think learning to use SE and TE together to relate to other people is an amazing idea.
Thanks Trevor!!
3:27 feels good when you know you're not alone
Wow, everything you said was spot on. I would say I struggle a lot with allowing mywelf to be vulnerable and put myself out there to get to know other people; I'd rather be more stoic and aloof because I don't like most females in general since a lot of them are so insecure and more interested in frivolous B.S., small talk irritates me (though you'd never know because I do it very well out of social ettiquette), and if I don't know you then you have to show me why I should be interested in you in order for me to spend valuable time on you. Also, if someone close to me wrongs me then I ghost them because I feel that it's a waste of time arguing with them about why what they did is not acceptable. I'm not a begger and I don't like having my time wasted so trying to persuade someone to see my point of view after they have wronged me is pointless and feels self degrading. The failure - shame - self neglect loop you described is embarrasingly accurate too. Also, Patyush Jha's comment is perfection when they mentioned feeling responsible for other's wellbeing. That statement is true for two reasons off the top of my head: 1) If someone I like is struggling with something or I forsee an issue that they are blind to then I feel duty bound to give insight 2) If a person is upset or frustrated during a conversation then sensitive me feels like that is all on me; maybe I miscommunicated or maybe I can help them understand things more.. I would say that I've learned from my ENFJ husband that I can work a lot on my communication skills. Also, to allow myself to be more vulnerable around people who are interested in getting to know me and to hold others accountable for their wrongdoings before just ghosting them. Lastly, I've learned I need to respect the fact that other people are on their own journey and that it's usually not my responsibilty to prevent them from going through tough things and just because they are upset or frustrated doesn't always mean it has anything to do with me at all. This ended up longer than I intended but I hope you find it relatable.
Juliette thank you for the well thought out response!! I relate so much to ghosting because "it's a waste of time", sometimes I feel that I could argue it out, but it's just more efficient to ghost lol.
@@AlexisKingsley Yes, exactly. Because it's like I can already see how the entire argument will play out so I do myself a favor and save my breath. But my husband likes to remnd me that sometimes that means people get off easy that way and they don't learn their lesson so it is sometimes good to communicate everything to them and essentially hash it out even if you know it will end in you both no longer talking.
Wow so nice to see another INTJ..
I am happy inside when I am intj I was tired of that I had been a people pleasure as infj or down to earth as isfj
The mood thing is the devil. Having tertiary Fi can suck a lot. My emotions are so all or nothing and the self pity is pretty bad because of this: I don’t feel good, so I ain’t doing nothing. Five minutes later... I’m worthless.
lol Fi is the worst for us
Wow! I'm also an INTJ and this just made so much sense to me I actually cried. I do some of the same shit and I'm tired of it.
im sorry u had to go through this 😞 let me know if u ever want to share 🙋
I went through a bad breakup where the guy I trusted with everything I had went and married someone else after playing a long game of making me believe he was doing it for his father, who was dying and wanted to get him married to that particular girl
The point is, it took me the longest time to realise that he was playing me, and then I just felt stupid for trusting his out-of-the-world reasons.
And I entered a loop, where my friends say I was always sleeping for almost a month..eating when they brought me food, not showering, etc. I felt that time period as a week, but my friends swear to me it was a month..what I was processing during that time was:
a type of crushing sorrow, disappointment and feeling of being worthless, and so disbelieving that I had allowed someone to trick me, and I still remember the ABSOLUTE NEED to feel all of those heavy feelings...the need to wallow in that mire of misery, and wade through slowly, taking my time to get the intensity of the pain to fade, so that I can reach the other bank a better, stronger person.
It took me a longer time from there, but after a few more negative experiences that I berated myself about in retrospect, to realise that I was allowing external aspects to dictate my feelings, and thereby essentially control me.
I have gotten better at keeping my emotions in check by using thinking, to figure out what the root cause is for what I feel, and mitigate that. And really, there isn't anything that can't be overcome with patience, and I feel stupid if I get emotional.
But since I have always been emotional before, I haven't been able to figure out whether I am an INTJ or not. Thoughts?
As soon as I hit send, I'm like, asking whether I am an INTJ based on one single example? Stupid! But I AM asking if the loop and how you deal with emotions is similar to mine..I am new to MBTI, and there are several types that I thought I was before learning more about cognitive functions, but now I resonate most with INTJ and ISTJ. BUT confused whether or not I am reading the functions in the right order..I can use all the help I can get, because I need to get my life in order to move forward and be productive..
Wow. So related.
I always feel like an outsider with my friends. I feel like they always think I'm bragging or being mean. But really I just point out what I see whether it's in the future or in the moment. And none of my friends are NTs either not that I'm blaming that but I just wanted to point that out. So now whenever I'm with my friends I try to apply filters through what I say sometimes. It makes me feel really alien but I'm scared that they don't like me. but at least I'm coming to accept myself more as an INTJ so that's good. Also whenever I feel down I just let my te take over most of the time and just ignore my feelings and once Ive gotten something done it energizes me
Omg I am thinking about why I ilke someone the first days I really find them perfect. But after 1 or 2 weeks I start seeing negativ ways of them and this is getting bigger and bigger.And boom I no longer have a crush on them. so at 4:40 you explain it too !!
Hey. Alexis. Thanks for sharing this. From your own personal experiences, what types would say are most compatible with INTJs? I could use some dating advice. Thanks
oooh love this question! I have a GREAT time with ENTPs - can't seem to find them very easily tho. And also they're so friendly to everyone so my trust issues have gotten in the way sometimes lol. same with ENFPs if their Fi is developed. I'm drawn to INFPs and ISFPs a lot too - something about strong Fi is very trustworthy. I'd go for an ENTP best friend & an ISFP spouse
Alexis Kingsley sane. I adore ENTPs. But I guess Ne nemesis is hard on us. I heard ENTPs tend to wear masks in front of most ppl. ISFPs are wonderful ppl. You are amazing. Looking forward to more content from you!
Thanks girl I needed this today
I'm very skeptical of MBTI ... however, I do relate somewhat but how do you deal with others perceiving you as intimidating/ bossy when you're are communicating your needs directly? Thanks, your video was helpful. I saw the same patterns in me too when I was younger.
If I get into an unproductive loop where I bypass my intended goals or tasks for the day I will force myself to “do” something even if it’s 8 o clock at night and it’s my first real meal of the day. I’ll even get semi-ready to go get food and maybe I’ll resort to a home task like purging reading material or organizing a space. I won’t have the energy to say exercise like I wanted to but I will force myself to “just do” a thing before the day is over.
That's a good idea!
Hey Alexis, I would like to point out a technical detail for your channel. Your audio output is too low. I have the volume on max to be able to hear you and then when the adds kick in at their output level.... WOW!, get blasted. Please make an adjustment to improve listening pleasure. Thanks.
My current situation =)))))
I've been doing a lot of research and I am still so confused. Either there are evidence I am an INTJ or I am not. I don't know. I am struggling okay. I feel as if I am too emotional for the stereotypical INTJ. I feel I show too much emotion and people can easily read me. I also feel I open a bit easier than the stereotypical INTJ. I need help.
I feel like youre one of the only 2/3 real INTJ females on YT, most of them are fake.
Why is there a desk in front of a door?
INTJ attempted wielding Se to set a nice background :’)
My ENFJ girlfriend sees me as robotic. She claims she can feel emotions radiating off of everyone except from me and she described it as a 7/10 on a deal breaker scale. Im happy, smiling, and laughing 90% of the time so how am I not conveying emotion constantly?
She sounds like a bit of an emotional vampire.
@@brigantiablackbird You cannot know that, based on assumptions of a few words online.
7:25 thats bs, I feel nostalgic for the past all the time and wish I went back to them. or I did them differently.
We Don’t crave acceptance, nor do we feel Shame.. you should retest
gime your examples of forseeing into the future.
A lot of the examples I was thinking of when doing this video were relationships/jobs/habits that people I loved were about to start and I knew they weren't going to work out before they started. I would start trying to convince them it wouldn't work out, but then they'd do it anyway. *and surprise it didn't work out* lol
Because of the low extroverted sensing, INTJs tend to drink too much! They will do this in private for the sensing (or with others for the extroversion it enduces!) Not a good habit to get into...
Can relate 100%!
Shame is mostly seen with mental disorders or child hood trauma.
Are u sure your Intj
there should not be a female INTJ .
That's not up to you.
You seem pretty smart, and I see how the MB stuff is valuable to some extent, but I think you have the potential to discuss life from a far more complicated framework, namely objectivism. All this MB stuff is referring to stolen concepts that don’t exist, and evades the objective nature of character and morality entirely. Literally every proposition derived from MB is fiction. Well, I don’t expect you’ll take my advice, as people don’t usually take advice from strangers. But perhaps you’ll keep in the back of your head that objectivism is vastly superior to MB, and maybe some day you’ll check it out.