People pleasing is usually a trauma response; in my opinion it results from early experiences of rejection and abuse. Human beings have an innate need to feel acceptance and have a sense of belonging; this is a human need, not a flaw. If these needs aren’t met at home or within our social circles (like peers/classmates) and we instead experience rejection, it’s painful and robs us of self esteem. For young people especially, it can lead them to equate their rejection with their sense of self. Because kids and youth don’t have the mental faculties of an adult to critically think, they often internalize the rejection and conclude they are fundamentally flawed and defective. They also correlate any disagreement they might voice with the fear of being rejected, so they hide themselves, their opinions, and sacrifice boundaries in an effort to not go through the trauma of feeling rejected or hated. They trade in their personhood in order to find acceptance, love, and belonging. No one should be shamed for struggling with people pleasing and setting boundaries, because a majority of the time people pleasing is a hint that a person was harmed socially and emotionally and carries trauma as a consequence. It’s a sign a person was abused. Everyone deserves love, acceptance, and safety.
The day i overcame being a people pleaser, way the day my shoulders felt lighter. I was surrounded by people that didnt share the same values as me, and i was trying to fit in, ended up spending a shit ton of time and money. Realized i f*cked up my life, the start of next semester, i came clean with those people and told them i didnt wanna be in the friend group and wanted time alone and to focus on my life. Best decision everrrr, i surrounded myself with new people that shared the same values as me, even if i dont have best friends, i only needed to listen to myself. I became more aware that my actions affected my life, and changed bit by bit, now i have a clear goal and am going ahead. Even after that i was not satisfied with my mindset, i turned to spirituality and god, i was never lonely to begin with.
I honestly feel the same, one of the reasons I started making videos was because I was feeling really lonely and it’s been really lovely to see and feel how not alone I am! So thank you🥹
What you said about people pleasing and doing it to protect ourselves, and giving ourselves grace was very healing. I have tried to work on this aspect of myself and everything I’ve heard about people pleasing is that it’s “trying to control others” and then I feel shame and there is no healing. Thank you for your perspective.
Thank you for this video! It's such a good resource! I've recently been working at setting boundaries and caring about myself, putting myself first instead of being a people pleaser. I really appreciate your advice and ideas for what to say to people! And I'm definitely going to try the breathing meditation and tapping!
ah I’m so glad it could be of help to you! I love to hear you choosing your happiness. and sweet, I hope you find it to be medicine for your soulll heh🥰 thank you for doing the inner work
i'm glad i found this. ive had a situation with a co-worker and this video is giving me confidence to voice out my uncomfortableness with what they said to me. idk y I felt that my feelings weren't valid
I’m so so glad that this helped ignite the confidence within you to speak your truth. You’re fully deserving of being heard and respected. I hope that whatever the outcome may be, know that you’re doing the best thing for yourself by speaking up and staying true to what you know you deserve❤️ Also if we’ve been judged, invalided, or made to feel shameful whenever we expressed or voice ourselves growing up, we can definitely feel prone to not validating our own feelings when we are older! So understandable when we doubt/gaslight ourselves. But you choosing to validate yourself now and do something about it is where we can rewrite those narratives heh. Haha ik this was kinda long and rambly, with all that said, good luck love, you got this !
enormously useful video, i'm preparing to make an exit from most social interactions for the next month or so after finishing a book that involved like 15 people and a horrible situation; i still have major problems with boundaries but having these pre-planned phrases is mad helpful, thank you for the video
Yayyy I’m so glad you found the planned phrases was as helpful as I did hahah. I always wish I had a guide on how to word things so I thought it could be nice to just make one. So proud of you for choosing your peace and I’m celebrating with you as you set your boundaries ☯️ thank you for being :)
we’re healing together :’)❤️ but yeah the patriarchy really hurts young boys and men too. I have hope tho, we’re slowly dismantling the system and creating safe and loving containers within ourselves and in our communities. Still got lots to go, luckily we don’t have to do it alone 🫂
Ahahahah I was wondering if anyone caught that 😅 I’m so glad you were able to start your day with a good laugh! Seeing your comment made me chuckle and reminded me not to take things so seriously :)
really grateful you made this video 🙏🏻 I've been trying to heal from unpleasant experiences the last four months with regards to what you've mentioned & also a few I will never be able to talk about. so just listening to you share your practices, the guided phrases & meditation is truly encouraging 💗 as I followed along with the breathing exercises & tapping, I felt the painful blockage in my throat clear up some & it's just the most amazing experience 🥹 because it's almost 2 years that I've had this pain in my throat since my endoscopy, nothing could cure it. makes me really sad that I can't sing anymore without my throat hurting & feeling insecure about the hoarseness in my voice. I'll definitely continue doing this exercise & mediation everyday ✨ thank you so much Lydia 🫶🏻
I think my childhood was in some ways similar to yours and now as I’m entering adulthood I have no idea how to speak for myself, how to set boundaries and it’s even hard for me to speak out about things I feel good about ! So thank you for these tools, this is something I’m really struggling with every day. I am so thankful for your beautiful soul and these important lessons we were never taught in school … ❤️🙏🏼🪷
I so relate to that! I can still feel shame and guilt creep up on me when I feel like I took up “too much” space. definitely with consistent patience and practice, it does get easier. You deserve to feel good, whatever and however that looks like 😌 thank you for sharing, sending you love ronja heh🕊️
People pleasing is usually a trauma response; in my opinion it results from early experiences of rejection and abuse. Human beings have an innate need to feel acceptance and have a sense of belonging; this is a human need, not a flaw. If these needs aren’t met at home or within our social circles (like peers/classmates) and we instead experience rejection, it’s painful and robs us of self esteem.
For young people especially, it can lead them to equate their rejection with their sense of self. Because kids and youth don’t have the mental faculties of an adult to critically think, they often internalize the rejection and conclude they are fundamentally flawed and defective. They also correlate any disagreement they might voice with the fear of being rejected, so they hide themselves, their opinions, and sacrifice boundaries in an effort to not go through the trauma of feeling rejected or hated. They trade in their personhood in order to find acceptance, love, and belonging.
No one should be shamed for struggling with people pleasing and setting boundaries, because a majority of the time people pleasing is a hint that a person was harmed socially and emotionally and carries trauma as a consequence. It’s a sign a person was abused. Everyone deserves love, acceptance, and safety.
The day i overcame being a people pleaser, way the day my shoulders felt lighter. I was surrounded by people that didnt share the same values as me, and i was trying to fit in, ended up spending a shit ton of time and money. Realized i f*cked up my life, the start of next semester, i came clean with those people and told them i didnt wanna be in the friend group and wanted time alone and to focus on my life. Best decision everrrr, i surrounded myself with new people that shared the same values as me, even if i dont have best friends, i only needed to listen to myself. I became more aware that my actions affected my life, and changed bit by bit, now i have a clear goal and am going ahead. Even after that i was not satisfied with my mindset, i turned to spirituality and god, i was never lonely to begin with.
your existence is like a gift to me, i feel like you started making videos right when i really needed it 🍃✨
I honestly feel the same, one of the reasons I started making videos was because I was feeling really lonely and it’s been really lovely to see and feel how not alone I am! So thank you🥹
What you said about people pleasing and doing it to protect ourselves, and giving ourselves grace was very healing. I have tried to work on this aspect of myself and everything I’ve heard about people pleasing is that it’s “trying to control others” and then I feel shame and there is no healing. Thank you for your perspective.
Thank you for this video! It's such a good resource! I've recently been working at setting boundaries and caring about myself, putting myself first instead of being a people pleaser. I really appreciate your advice and ideas for what to say to people! And I'm definitely going to try the breathing meditation and tapping!
ah I’m so glad it could be of help to you! I love to hear you choosing your happiness. and sweet, I hope you find it to be medicine for your soulll heh🥰 thank you for doing the inner work
This video was just what I needed right now, thank you so much. Keep going being your unique self ✨️
I'm so grateful for your existence and the content you put out here
i'm glad i found this. ive had a situation with a co-worker and this video is giving me confidence to voice out my uncomfortableness with what they said to me. idk y I felt that my feelings weren't valid
I’m so so glad that this helped ignite the confidence within you to speak your truth. You’re fully deserving of being heard and respected. I hope that whatever the outcome may be, know that you’re doing the best thing for yourself by speaking up and staying true to what you know you deserve❤️
Also if we’ve been judged, invalided, or made to feel shameful whenever we expressed or voice ourselves growing up, we can definitely feel prone to not validating our own feelings when we are older! So understandable when we doubt/gaslight ourselves. But you choosing to validate yourself now and do something about it is where we can rewrite those narratives heh.
Haha ik this was kinda long and rambly, with all that said, good luck love, you got this !
@eternalrebirth333 no not at all, thank u for this I really appreciate it 🥺💞
enormously useful video, i'm preparing to make an exit from most social interactions for the next month or so after finishing a book that involved like 15 people and a horrible situation; i still have major problems with boundaries but having these pre-planned phrases is mad helpful, thank you for the video
Yayyy I’m so glad you found the planned phrases was as helpful as I did hahah. I always wish I had a guide on how to word things so I thought it could be nice to just make one. So proud of you for choosing your peace and I’m celebrating with you as you set your boundaries ☯️ thank you for being :)
so all of us really have trauma regarding men lol
we’re healing together :’)❤️
but yeah the patriarchy really hurts young boys and men too. I have hope tho, we’re slowly dismantling the system and creating safe and loving containers within ourselves and in our communities. Still got lots to go, luckily we don’t have to do it alone 🫂
The moment with woman and dogs on the background was so funny I laughed for the first time today
thank you! с:
Ahahahah I was wondering if anyone caught that 😅 I’m so glad you were able to start your day with a good laugh! Seeing your comment made me chuckle and reminded me not to take things so seriously :)
Beautiful video!! This is exactly what I needed right now😊 hope you’re having a lovely day🌷
you're back!!
These are very good reminders for me!!
Omg thank you so much
really grateful you made this video 🙏🏻 I've been trying to heal from unpleasant experiences the last four months with regards to what you've mentioned & also a few I will never be able to talk about. so just listening to you share your practices, the guided phrases & meditation is truly encouraging 💗 as I followed along with the breathing exercises & tapping, I felt the painful blockage in my throat clear up some & it's just the most amazing experience 🥹 because it's almost 2 years that I've had this pain in my throat since my endoscopy, nothing could cure it. makes me really sad that I can't sing anymore without my throat hurting & feeling insecure about the hoarseness in my voice. I'll definitely continue doing this exercise & mediation everyday ✨ thank you so much Lydia 🫶🏻
Happening good with me😊
I am a man and I HAD TRAUMAS WITH MEN, imagine for women...
❤
I think my childhood was in some ways similar to yours and now as I’m entering adulthood I have no idea how to speak for myself, how to set boundaries and it’s even hard for me to speak out about things I feel good about ! So thank you for these tools, this is something I’m really struggling with every day. I am so thankful for your beautiful soul and these important lessons we were never taught in school … ❤️🙏🏼🪷
I so relate to that! I can still feel shame and guilt creep up on me when I feel like I took up “too much” space. definitely with consistent patience and practice, it does get easier. You deserve to feel good, whatever and however that looks like 😌 thank you for sharing, sending you love ronja heh🕊️