Phil In The Blanks Podcast | Ep 177 | Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) pt 6
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2023
- Dr. Phil continues his discussion on borderline personality disorder (BPD). He emphasizes that BPD exists on a behavioral continuum and can be present to varying degrees.
Dr. Phil cautions against assuming that all individuals with BPD have experienced childhood abuse, as there are various factors that contribute to the disorder. He dispels the myths and misconceptions of this disorder including that BPD only affects women, noting that it is equally prevalent among men. Educate yourself and seek support if you are dealing with BPD in your own life or the lives of others. - Розваги
It’s so sad because what they really want is love.. but it’s their own actions that prevents them from getting it.
Bpd here and I do agree. It can become unhealthy but recognizing is when it starts stopping.
@jesselavon7830 we self sabotage. Like self fulfilled prophecy. We tend to turn people into our past trauma. It is hell.
You nailed it
it's a cycle. It is serving a purpose otherwise it wouldn't be done.
Precisely. My son has BPD and I have observed that in him He so desperately wants love and relationships, but he turns everyone off by his bizarre behavior. It saddens me.
Polite, mentally stable, compassionate society wants you all to heal and live a quality of life that you're most likely quite capable of. We are not bottomless wells of patience & every other resource you need to tap into. We have limits, too. We do what we can and those of you who struggle with this also need to do everything in your power to heal. All the compassion, empathy, patience, money, forgiveness, selflessness we have will never be enough for you so you need to find it and do the work independently. Burning through relationships like a bag of chips can't be fun for you. Godspeed
Very well expressed, thank you!
@@kimberlysuewhite thank you. The people I have kindly expressed this to in person, people who nearly put me in the grave- have responded by cutting me out of their lives completely and enjoyed destroying some of my other relationships with horrendous lies while calling me a narcissist. Telling some people "gee I would really like to "fill in the blanks" but I just CAN'T- saying NO or setting a normal, healthy boundary with some people results in a torturous retaliation. Probably why so many of us end up being broke, broken doormats. We instinctively know that there are severe consequences for withholding any resources from these people. Yet we're to be sensitive to them because they have a "diagnosis" 🤦 The minute we choose to be a boat like the rest of them instead of the dock sitting there waiting to provide some type of mooring- we somehow become evil. I feel like a welcome mat with most of the letters worn off 🤕
Well said
Hey. Well said. Thank you. Keep saying this. ❤
I’m a man and have BPD. Former police officer (appeared on the COPS tv show twice). Depression and suicidal ideation began in childhood. Both parents were abusive. I was raped by a man at 16…..and I didn’t report it. I just buried it and never talked about it. I just feel things more intensely than others. Happy, sad, angry. etc are all amplified for me. The psychological pain alone would cripple or kill most. It heightened my empathy and compassion. Gave me a certain level of fearlessness that served me well in law enforcement. Genetics seems to load the gun and trauma pulls the trigger. My mother most likely had it as well (she was a registered nurse). I suspect her mother, my grandmother (also a nurse) may have had BPD as well. She committed suicide with a gun. I was blessed genetically in a lot of ways……it’s the depression and suicidal ideation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I am in trauma therapy now and take DBT classes. I was also diagnosed with PTSD. As a man, I am not allowed to admit or talk about frailty, pain, imperfection, sensitivity, loneliness, sadness, etc. There is a ton of stigma associated with BPD. I do have to be careful about revealing my diagnosis. It’s just a reality…..even a man that presents as traditionally masculine, we aren’t allowed the grace or dignity to talk about struggling. Again, this disorder is what made me run towards problems. I wanted to protect others from the darkness I knew all too well and serve something greater than myself. Splitting is agonizing, we split on the people we love and we absolutely shred ourselves. The hate is turned inward and it’s pure. I truly feel like something has been trying to kill me since I was a child. BPD just leaves you feeling “raw”……you feel everything even when you do not want to….the pain is so excruciating, I turned to alcohol AND THEN drugs to stop or numb the pain. Even a police officer who was recommended to receive an award for valor got taken down by BPD. It’s a terrifying and magical disorder. I am either shining like a radiant star or wallowing in the darkest and cruelest psychological hell a person could imagine. I got diagnosed late in the game and recovery is a long and arduous road.
I couldn't have been a cop so congrats and I'm proud you. However I have the exact same traits running in the fire... I've ran into shit that's nearly gotten me killed. All on impulse and don't feel fear bc there's no forethought what so ever. It just happens lol.
😶 I am always amazed at people's strength to have gone on whereas I couldn't have. My soul aches hearing stories like these. If I could save the world, protect the innocent, I would 💔 Often I feel that this world is hell on earth, I don't know. I'm so sorry for the pain that you've endured in this lifetime. I send you a very, very strong embrace. Thank you for your service. Lord have mercy. Much love, peace, and healing🤍💛
@@rmzang Thank you. Truly. Blessed be.
Omg. You really really explained a lot about my life and feelings. It’s chilling. And I also feel like some thing has been trying to kill me my whole life since I was a child pretty much every day.
PTSD is the Key -word here! Even experts get it mixed up. It can exist combined to a hightened sensitivity!!! You are not ill, You are a surviver. I wish You to experience kindness, and enjoy small blessings as a gift and enrichment. All the Best to You!!!
I'm a Borderline Personality Disorder Woman. I was diagnosed in 2010 I got medication and a Pychiatrist and I've improved. Xxxx
HAH, EVIL IS EVIL--- TOXIC SUBSTANCES 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I've improved as well..no meds aside marijuana and I did my own research. I may always have issues, but I have much more control. Therapy is a scam. All you need is self research and understanding of our issues.
@@williambrownlee8739laughing at her probably isn't helping
What meds work for this? It seems everything for stuff you feel constantly vs changing out of the blue.
@@williambrownlee8739Just as You Show right here...😮😅!
3 of my top 5 people have borderline behaviors. My wife, my dad and my brother. I always feel emotionally drained.
I struggle with BPD an this brought me to tears. All we need is empathy an patience an compassion.
And of course someone to rail at and blame everything on
@@johnnycarson67 hey i am with you on that. they hurt people and blame us yes. but they dont mean to. its an issue with a solution and hate is not that. i was hurt very badly by my bpd ex but i dont hate her. she is a beautiful person who can almost get possesed with evil. she feels like crap about it and thats why shes struggling. and im sure most bpds can relate. but dont hate man, they hate themselves for what they acedently do.
@@johnnycarson67you are 100% correct. They can't unload their anger on you or you will be a mess.
No, your victims need empathy, patience and compassion. YOU need to isolate yourself from people until you can interact with them without hurting or abusing them. Think about it. If you had an infectious disease, the responsible thing to do would be to isolate/quarantine yourself, right? That's what people did during COVID. Responsible people, anyway. Stop expecting others to put up with your manifestations. Nobody should have to do that.
@@tyhub7455 People with BPD need to do the responsible thing and isolate themselves from others so as not to hurt them until they are well enough to interact responsibly.
We can try to empathize and understand what Borderlines experience, but we don't have to put up with their abuse or show compassion for any abuser. Distancing yourself is key to keeping your sanity and having a happy, healthy life.
What do you suggest if one is your daughter? And she lives eith you?
@mel6617 Then both you go to family counseling and work it out together, because relationship and family dynamics are never one sided. Bottom line, boundaries are important
Agree completely. My mom is this to a tee. Living her and being a child POWERLESS to leave was an absolute NIGHTMARE. I was always worried and scared of her, her mood swings, anger, paranoia. Looking back on it now as a much older adult, I cant believe what I was subjected to. My compassion also wanes, as she has had insurance and access to care providers for YEARS and has always had a "loose association with the truth" and never really committed to treatment or getting better.
Yeah , like we are the abusers .... We are the abusers to begin with. Don't you ever forget that.
@43CYN you speak on your own behalf, which does not reflect how other people treat others. Projecting and deflecting get you nowhere. Eventually, people figure out the charade and move on. Anyone with enough social maturity, take responsibility for themselves, who don't blame their behavior on others.
If you are on the receiving end, empathy has it’s limits, a defence mechanism before it ruins you.
What’s crazy is scrolling through all these comments about how people with BPD are dangerous mentally and physically. Physicality IS NOT a trait of BPD. I grew up in an unsafe environment moving around a lot. An alcoholic father he beat on my mother for years. Found out 2 years ago that I match 7 of the characteristics for BPD and was diagnosed at that point. No money for therapy and because I was not self aware I pushed away the people that meant the most to me so I was left to learn and deal and cope with these emotions or tendencies by myself. My abandonment fear is so bad that I lost my mom to cancer 10 years and it brought back traumas and added new ones. I allowed a woman to use me to take advantage of me for 10 years. The ones that don’t want help are the issues that tear people down but to categorize us all together being dangerous is fucked because so many of us have made significant progress and many are in remission that I have seen post on any social platform. Please be courteous and not lump us all together as if we are evil
I don’t agree there are a lot of BPD I know who throw huge fits and break things and hit others
One of the most frightening videos I've watched on YT is a woman who admitted she was diagnosed with BPD, and what she did to her elementary school janitor when she was a child.
She wanted sympathy from her teachers, so she intentionally sat on the swings in a sullen manner, and began to act in a manner that she usually didn't act. When her teachers noticed and came over to ask her what was wrong, she pretended like she couldn't talk about it, and then eventually...with enough coddling and coaxing...she told the teacher that she has been mollested by the elementary school janitor: a man who had never touched her or even done anything mean to her.
That video stopped me dead in my tracks...
This woman admitted this on video, right here on YT, and although she admits she feels bad about it now, that is absolutely 100% unforgiveable. Can you imagine what this did to that poor man's life???
She falsely accused him of child molestation...
...the man lost his job
...certainly lost his freedom
...and couldn't even get another job working in a school as a janitor
...and it probably ruined his own marriage (and who knows if this man had children of his own)
I don't care that she was a child when she did this, this is absolutely 100% unforgivable to do this to a human being.
This adult admits that, as a child, she knew this was going to destroy this man's life, but she didn't care because she wanted sympathy from her teachers.
Just wow...talk about an incomprehensibly evil child...
When I was in elementary school, I didn't even know what molestation was, much less that being accused of it would destroy someone's life, and I have a rather high IQ and still didn't have any ability to concoct some kind of scheme like this.
Imagine...that a CHILD...in elementary school...could be knowingly and intentionally evil, knowing they are going to destroy someone's life, or job, and not care because they want sympathy??? Absolutely chilling...
I have studied Cluster B disorders for the last 9 years, and although I can stomach the most horrific details of what even the most sexually deviant, worst of the worst, adults can do to others (including what they do to children), this video of this woman describing what she thought as a child was one of the most troubling I've come across...IF she is telling the truth.
Since they lie pathologically, although not quite as much as narcissists and sociopaths, you never know if you can believe them.
I will forever remember this woman and the story she told...
well she obviously knew. how do you not know that she wasnt molested and blocked it out because she probably disassociated but obviously still acted out.
@@tcordery6104 That does NOT entitle a child to then destroy an innocent person's entire life, employability, marriage, and family.
If most children were to experience something traumatizing like that AND they were going to talk about it, they would tell on the person who actually did it to them, not on an adult at their school who had never done anything wrong to them.
That is what I mean by an "intentionally evil" child.
Sociopaths intentionally destroy other people's lives, but they do it for FUN...not to garner sympathy from others...and that is why Borderline Personality Disorder is classified with the other Cluster B disorders because...at times...their behavior (and words) can be indistinguishable from those of a sociopath.
My borderline told me a story about how she made a guy think she's was in love with him (love bombing but more with an intention) he moved down to Florida uprooted his life for her and she ghosted him when he got here talked to him up until the plane landing. I don't know if it was true but it was one of the most frightening things to listen to a human describe as some type of accomplishment.
1 person. So you judge us all. Who really are the people who see things in black and white? Don't judge everyone by a disorder
BPD is not present until adolescence.... Smh... Elementary huh? Being an asshole is not a BPD criteria
As much compassion as I do have, I don't think enough people diagnosed with bpd get the help they need just for the fact they never see when they're the problem. It's the delusional thinking which is a huge part of the disorder.. awareness needs to be spread so they will get the help they need.
I grew up with alchoholic mom, she tried twice to commit suicide when I was a child, dad drank a lot too, but was not as crazy as mom. I got married at 18, to leave my crazy house. I see now she may have had this personality disorder. I can remember my sister and I hiding from her when we were young, and even now, she can be terribly mean to people who are all trying to help her. She has disowned me and my sisters all at one time or another. She loves friends then very soon they have done something and she can't be friends with them anymore.
God bless you Dr. Phil.
May all those who suffer find genuine love to heal from the hurt and rejection.
As a borderline. Please be more compassionate to us. We never asked for this crippling pain constantly. I wouldnt wish this kind of pain upon anyone.
Nobody wished for the abuse and stress you dish out either. I feel compassion for violent/dangerous people who are stuck in tiny prison cells, but that doesn't mean I want them around me. Hell no.
Do something about it! I dont feel bad for you! You hurt alot of prople and know it! So don't ask for my sympathy. You're awful!
@@EBR1Right on. Go no contact. Best for all involved.
I was compassionate & patient with my friend of 7 years until I ended up so drained and exhausted I had to stage an intervention. She refused to listen to my pleas for her to get professional help. She wants to blame everyone else and continue to create chaos and drama. Several friends chose to withdraw from her life and we no longer include her in things. It's VERY sad, but eventually people need boundaries for their own sanity and well-being.
Take responsibility for your behavior and we will possibly start discussing, but you never will. The ashes you spread around you destroy people's inner emotional life for the rest of their lives. But when you read what I'm writing now, it's just words to you that are incomprehensible and mean nothing to you. You have the privilege of moving on and destroying yet another life while the lives you have already emotionally destroyed will never be able to move on again.
Most of these comments are so hurtful to a BPD. The ones who genuinely want to be good, healthy people & are doing the work to be treated. It really sucks to be looked at and labeled as evil, crazy or narcissistic. I really really hate labels. For anyone.
BPD is inherently narcissistic. Children are manipulative to get what they want. BPD is a stunting of the self from early childhood. BPD always makes oneself a victim and lashes out at others. Here, you have a comment section of people hurt by BPD sufferers, and you make yourself a victim instead. It's a victim olympics to you. That is narcissistic.
Sorry, but there is overlap. Not in every person, but in many
It's not a label, it's a reputation that has been earned.
But you are! You are.
Thank you!!! Please, keep doing these videos. We need people like you to educate the public in a clear and concise manner.
A lot of borderlines have narcissistic parents then continue the dynamic in jobs, friends and relationships. BPD is on a spectrum. I have traits but was diagnosed with CPTSD. Narcisissts play games and it messes with peoples minds so bad. So even if we find safe people, if they show any signs of what the narcissist does we are triggered. Thats we can have shifting moods, we are ruminating constantly. I grew up trained to serve and think about others needs and that mine were selfish. We grow up codependent so we dont know what we really like or who we are because we depend on the validation we get for serving others. We get resentful and confused that the world doesnt reciprocate how we feel on such a core level of violating our own needs to help others. When others have healthy boundaries we see it as betrayal or they don't like us and if they are healthy people, that is normal. If you have BPD the good news is that with education you can learn and move past this and it is such a relief!
this was worded perfectly
I agree....You are so right. Don t be a victim, be better ...God bless!!!
You nailed. I'm a BPD and I firmly believe both of my parents were definitely Narcissists. Definitely my mom. My dad was antisocial not asocial but Anti Social personality. I was the Borderline kid with suicidal ideation and substance use issues and anger issues. Yeah I think you're on to something with the Narcissistic parenting. I think some end up with their parents Narcissistic bent and some end up with Borderline personality but both of these disorders are highly dangerous!
Wow… some of the comments are just plain nasty. As you should all know, not to tar all of us with the same brush!!! Not all of us borderlines are just horrible people that deserve the stigma! Some of us (quite a lot of us actually) just want to be loved but feel like we aren’t worthy of it. We have been through so much and have childhood trauma, that comes in all sorts of different forms. Physical and sexual abuse, neglect, ill treatment. Some of us are the most loving people you’d ever meet. Like myself! Where my emotions are so intense you wouldnt be able to get that much love from someone else! BPD doesn’t make us all bad! When I love, I love so hard. Yes I have some issues, but Iv learnt my triggers and I will stay away from them at all cost or try my hardest to. Yes i’ll admit…. I CAN be an extremely scary person, and I have the potential to really hurt someone BUT… that side of me has to be pushed for it to show. Like if someone hurt one of my children, I would literally take that into my own hands, and then I’d hurt myself, as I couldn’t live without them, the pain would be to unbearable for me everyday, it would physically pain me! and that once again is driven by our intense emotions. I’m an extremely empathetic person, very kind and caring especially to animals, I’m definitely not someone to cross but like I say if you get that treatment form me you’ve 100% deserved it. I can be hard to deal with, I need a lot of reassurance, I have psychotic episodes of I get to stressed. I didn’t ask to be like this. I was made like this by people who were meant to love and take care of me. Not all of us are bad people!!!
People deserve to informed and be protected! You can tell how much all of your thoughts focus on you FIRST I- I - I. Your characterization is just a script you have written for yourself to believe.
❤️Sorry, but if your behavior takes away from a person or their character, rather than building them up emotionally, mentally, verbally, etc... then you are not as good as you think you are. The bible says God has not given us the Spirit of Fear... because fear is not made perfect in love. So, if you do acknowledge that you have emotional issues, unresolved trauma, unbalanced behaviors, can be destructive at times, or do have a mental/ "personality disorder" then you should not date or marry anyone until you seek God to properly heal your wounds. It's just not fair for the other person. Remain single until you heal.
All the love , another BPD person here
The Professor in Psychology Sam Vaknin, who's diagnosed Malignant Narcissist, told in a video that Borderline's has a huge heart and empathy, but when they gets angry, they turns into an secondary Psychopath.He has many video's about it and are married to a Borderline,he has an interwieu with his wife Lydia, too. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
I hate my diagnosis of BPD because it is so stigmatized. Like I'm just a nuisance or a trouble maker and nothing more. So now I don't go out much anymore because I'm afraid I'll feel fear or anger and react. So to stop me from feeling anything, I stay at home.
Have you tried therapy? Unlike other personality disorders, people with BPD can do well in therapy because they truly want to change.
I’m the exact same as you, this video isn’t helping the stigma around the illness. We’re all different just like those on the autism spectrum
Thank you Dr Phil. I have 2 children with this disorder. They learned from my ex. I have really been going through it with them this last week.
I have had a daughter who died and they went and took my daughters ashes from her boyfriend. After they have had the ashes for a year I asked that she come and stay with me for a couple months. They said I need to earn their trust. We know this will never happen. I really felt bad and have been depressed.
This episode helped remind me to help me first. Their behavior is not my fault.
I have been to counseling after my daughter died and she really helped me to understand what is really wrong with these 2 children and how to protect myself.
I have one last child who is my best friend and I am grateful for her and her children, my grandchildren. She is as well attacked by these two other children.
Again thank you Dr Phil!
Thank you very much Dr. Phil for putting this information in simple layman's terms.
I’m in a 12th step program so I’m used to sharing in a vulnerable way. I might make a crack about me behaving in an immature way about something. The people in my life I avoid except for infrequent calls hear something like that and see it as an opportunity. I can’t show them what they view as weakness. I’m a cream puff on the other end taking their words to heart. I thought I grieved these relationships but apparently I’m still looking for signs that they actually love like they say.
Your words aren’t just meaningful but I need to watch this again and take notes and put them on my phone. Thank you. I knew there were problems forever but my answers were not answers but kept me in it.
I have observed these traits - not in a relationship. But it does take trained eye not to misdiagnose as anger issues, PTSD, anti social, narcism...
Such a good reminder, thank you Dr. Phil ❤
Preach Dr Phil. You are amazing. Im Learning so much.
Incredible information. I have several of these people in my family. It’s exhausting.
Add bipolar and narcissism to BPD and you have my mom. But because of her narcissism, she will never seek treatment because it is always someone else's fault (usually mine). I have been dxd with PTSD due to her. Thankfully, I have found a trauma informed therapist and am doing CBT and EMDR.
My husband was classic and was misdiagnosed as bipolar. He fit all 9 characteristics. And his mother was the same. It's hard to come to terms with this after both were dead. But I am grateful to know why they destroyed relationships with people's lives: their mates, children, family and friends. It's very hard to not take it personally. It was not okay!
We have given this borderline chance after chance, exercised empathy yet continue to be abused. My health has failed. I am exhausted after nine years of this.
I need to learn how to set boundries and protect myself from this passive aggressive abusive....
GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY, THIS PERSON NEEDS MORE HELP THEN YOU CAN GIVE, SAVE YOURSELF
We live in so much pain, it’s an absolute misery.
It’s also quite lonely. 😔
If I’m not at work, I am isolated like nothing else.
No relationships= loneliness but
Life is less chaotic
It’s like I forget I have bpd
Isolation = peace
The issue is with relationships. Any kind of relationship.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣 15:08 just got there
Yes!!!
We are not all the same. I have been with my husband for 32 years, since we were 16. Please have compassion and an open mind-telling us not to disclose our diagnoses only furthers the stigma we are trying to break down. We carry enough guilt and shame already. Marsha Linehan also said that BPD is the emotional equivalent of third degree burns over 90% of your body.. she’s not exaggerating. ❤
I think you may not understand,, that there is compassion. But people that you AFFECT, and impact, have the responsibility of self- care. Even , if that means cutting you out. It is purely self- preservation. So,, if you are whining,, stop. Focus your attention on getting help. ❤
@@stephaniepiazzese2602 I think you may not understand how passive aggression is not compassion. Listening to understand is so much better than listening to answer in the long run. We all have our baggage but we don’t all use it to throw at another person. That was my point. Destigmatization vs perpetuating it.
I am learning so much, I am hooked...
Bless you dr Phil, thank you for your empathy
Professional empathy and empathy from an individual abused by a BD sufferer are two different issues.
2 things.. 1.. dealing with what the behaviors have done to me with growing up with it..
2.. learning how to deal with those behaviors..
it seams like i have a history of accepting unacceptable behavior.. growing up with 2 alcoholic parents somehow people that neglect me are acceptable to me..
That s allso Not Borderline- disorder......how do You folks don t get it?
Alcoholic or neglectful parents are a BPD marker.
More alcoholics don’t have BPD than have it.
I must admit that I found your channel through a comedian who plays you named Adam that I found funny as heck. I have been listening to your videos and I am finding you are helping me understand so many things about me and my family that I needed explanations on for 48 years on now. Thank you so very much. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Exactly splitting Exactly Dr. If it wasn't for Jesus I would be a mess! Thank God for Truth! Tired of the shaming! Disregarded!
Thank you this has been so informative and eye opening as I have been with a borderline for many years and didn't know or understand why. Often I didn't know if I was going crazy or if it was all my fault.
Sadly I was diagnosed with BPD disorder 4 years ago I Just Turn 36 I was 32 but I fell like I had it a long time I hate feeling abandoned 😢,feeling alone😭 & I like changing my hair color💇🏼♀️ a lot & my nails💅🏽 also shopping a lot🛍️ & sometimes have suicide thoughts😔I get angry fast and I have bad road rage and I like to drive fast so yeah that’s a Few😏and is hard sometimes ppl that’s don’t have it won’t get it😪😓😏
I have intimate knowledge of borderline personality disorder. I have found that the missing link is the one thing that is very difficult for them to obtain. Virtually unconditional love. Love patience and gentle confrontation, with emphasis on gentleness. It can work.
Empathy and respect taught from 0 to 5
this makes more sense now... regarding my mom and my boundaries ... thank you ;)
33:36 I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, OCD, BIPOLAR and ANXIETY when I was a freshman in highschool. D.B.D. and Thresholds training, along with meds have literally saved my life..
Same here besides bipolar but depression and everything else you was diagnosed I was too love we not alone
I just love listening to you Doc. Brilliant. I do have BPD although seem quite balanced when not in a relationship 💛
I do find you quite funny and chuckle away.
Thank you please carry on 💛
This is very informative information . Thank you so much.
I know a lot of us aren't willing to work on ourselves but i hope you or someone else is willing to make a video like this for those of us with antisocial traits.
What an amazing Doctor you are . Thanh you so much now my life will change !!!
I was diagnosed Borderline but I was suffering from ptsd complexe. My toxic family took davantage of that situation in order to continue the abuse. I attempted several time to my life and it was awfull how i was treated in hospital. Borderline most of the time doesn t exists but comes from ptsd complexe. It is such a shame to kill and waste people life like that. I m almost 40 and my narcissists parents and family have slolen half of my life.
I’m so sorry. God Bless 🙏🙏
I'm 39 and feel the exact same way and don't know what to do ... positive energy you're way
I'm 41 only been diagnosed 7yrs it was missed all those times I have a covert narcissist mother so I feel your pain my abuse I'd ongoing as cutting her out going nc is not an option for me I split on her all the time I've also developed medical ptsd from so called help and support I shlda been getting
People cut off the contact with Narcissistic parents,when they becomes an adult.
Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child.
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
Excellent, you are exactly right. They do not hear anything but what they want to hear to suit their agenda...
:/
This was so interesting, thank you!
“I wonder why a shark keeps. Attacking people”. That shark must be in a lot of pain. GMAB
Yep. That's about the gist of it because the therapists make money off of talking to them and prescribing medicine, but they don't have to live with them. If they did. They'd have a whole new view of this mental illness. That is the closest thing that devil possession I have ever seen. There is no cure for this. And you've got to get away from it. And never believe that the reason they're mistreating you is because you don't understand them. Or their anger and rage. It's like being told we need to understand hitler's side of the holocaust
Of course we are enjoying,you are a joy! JazzyT.
I have a young 25 year old patient with BPD/NPD (malignant) .. my first case. High I.Q. OMG. What a wild ride. Long story short, cognitive tx didn't work out like I had hoped -- pt was "recalcitrant" to therapy sessions (either didn't show up or rejected any coping skills). Seems the BPD sooner-or-later becomes the victim's "friend" and in this case, she held onto her pathology like one. Finally, pt responded to buspar and lithium, with sedation for episodes of severe panic/anxiety (very tightly controlled Rx). Today, the extremes "highs" manifested by either wreckless behavior or violence have all disappeared and the only residual pathology are short periods of mild depression, expressed by sleep (benign) usually of short duration (> 24 hrs) . Man, this is a tough job. Next time I will refer future BPD pt to military recruiter. Boot camp should work best of all tx's. Break these pts down to the core level then build them up in a controlled environment.
Highly intelligent not good 😢
Why??
Exactly Words very important!!!! Listening very important!!! Ppl reveal themselves by their body language and words that reflect that! Eye contact very important also!
Thank you so much❤
Crazy , I just decided to stop looking in my rear view mirror when driving. What I was seeing in my rear view mirror, was driving me nuts!
They are damaged, usually childhood abuse, ive a friend with this & the turmoil & pain i see her suffer sometimes daily is heart breaking
I have the 9 characteristics of BPD that was mentioned. It’s really difficult
Dr Fox, Dr Sage,Prof.Sam Vaknin and Dr Ramani has alots about it.
Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child.
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
Thanks Dr Phil
53:13 thank you Dr.Phil. I had so many years of abuse and disrespect,this has validated the way I’m feeling now in my healing process.
Seven months away makes so much clear. Alanon speaks the 3 C’s. I’ve heard all that you have said and after 24 yrs married,divorced him twice.
I will be a survivor this time ! He was impulsive,addicted, constant need of dopamine in some way or another. Divorce is signed . My healing includes
trauma based therapy.
There's a study that they believe a lack of dopamine causes BPD traits .... I'm not sure if its 100% but believe it's a main factor in play.. So sorry you had to endure all of that pain. I'm praying for you. I'm going through it myself. Healing= Peace!! I'm team healing 100% AMen!!! Stay strong beautiful
I agree with the dopamine response.
Yes studies are being researched.
In his case it was gay porn,steroids social media. All the addictive behavior.
When I surrendered to all that was in front of me & found compassionate inquiries for myself life began anew.
72 yo & blessed & grateful
Ty for your response
This community is great
@@Stevens0816hope your doing well. I was just reliving Dr P video. Thank you for your positive comment. I realize everyday I have been released
from a life I had no business staying in. I stay on track by listening to information through these videos. I am a continuing eduction learner.
Best to you😊
Dr Phil
I too have a personal and wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ. I watched your testimony about living with childhood trauma such as an alcoholic parent etc. I too grew up with alcoholism and a broken home… I have also always been a magnet for narcissistic people who prey on empaths for I am just that. Taught after much brokenness that I have “no sense of self” from my childhood trauma I have been fodder for narcissists. I just want to thank you for as I see it a sudden and very refreshing side of you and your newest programs;)Keep walking in the truth! Marcia
I cant imagine convincing her she has this let alone anything to change it especially when shes decided im all bad years ago. This was great learning experience though i wish i knew what it was years ago
Before i became so attached to her. It has to be one of the most hurtful disorder for the people around them. Thanks for the advice.
Thank you. Janine in Boulder CO
Thanx Phil for your inciteful message..I'm bringing through praying for my husband into the now n suggesting this lovingly to my hubby who has these traits..I've asked Jesus to help me have the energy through His strength..mine is exausted n it seems when I get me out of the way then God can do His good workits gently changing his attitude n getting him in the now is such a subtleway to learn also for myself as well as i work on the things i need to see n change😊.😊.GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h.
As an aside, I was in a relationship with a man whose raised his wife’s granddaughter (raised her together) who had BPD. I noticed he runs away anytime there’s a small disagreement or I tell him what I don’t like and …. Wow, maybe he has some form of PTSD from experiencing the BPD child?
Either way, I’ve broken it off because it’s too much drama… etc… but maybe a bit of insight.
😮😮Anyone that behaves in such a manner (whether covert or overt) that emotionally, mentally, verbally, spiritually or financially takes away/harms another person is wicked. To say, they are "good people" minimizes their behavior. Decent people don't intentionally harm others for personal gain, or just to fulfill some unbalanced desire they have in them to control. Simply, love these people from a distance, and pray for their soul. Because pride ALWAYS comes before destruction ❤
You're wicked just for claiming we're wicked. Lmao.
This definition is a narcissist, not someone with BPD. They are very different. Now some traits do overlap. But the key is empathy. NPD lacks Empathy. BPD has plenty of Empathy.
@@melissahill8698 These descriptions are man made terms. These behaviors existed before being called Narcissism and BPD. Doesn't matter what you call it... If a person's patterned behavior negatively affects the emotions, well-being and self esteem of another person for the worst, then you are not a "good" person. You're a destructive person who uses titles to justify your behavior. Titles minimizes these behaviors.... call it what it is. Get help, and stop using past traumas to justify practicing ungodly behavior.
@@bellabambaa guess you make excuses for hurting people to then huh?
Very well done explanation. I have identified two people in my life as clearly having this disorder. I knew there was a problem but didn't have a name for it. Thank you.
I was married to a beautiful woman for 15 years, she was diognosed with BPD post divorce. I wish her no harm, and hope she is able to find peace. That said, she would yell, scream, threaten suicide, speak vulgar and denigrate the kids and myself, we no longer wanted to be around her. She had multiple affairs, lied, and made false allegations post seperation that If not for the intellect of a judge, id be in prison. She would take on the personality of other people, constantly shifted identity, I have empathy and compassion, but I am no longer ignorant. You can't survive it, don't do it.
I was an engineer, I'm now 3rd year psychology raising four children full time alone. You do not come out the same as you went in.
That sounds more like multiple personality disorder. Just because she got a diagnosis, doesn't mean she was diagnosed correctly or she could have told you she has borderline because multiple personality disorder is much worse.
I feel like I resignate with this disorder very much. I have been I think misdiagnosed as bipolar, but for sure major depressive, although I have not responded at all with the bipolar meds. I don’t know how I can get my doctor to realize that I feel exactly this way. I mentioned it to a doctor before and he looked at me very shocked. And was very taken aback, like I was he was alarmed in someway.And basically asked me who said I had that and had I been diagnosed and very much dismissed it. I don’t know what is wrong with me but I really could use some help. My life depends on it.
My son is 44 years old. He has been diagnosed with BPD. He was born with cerebral palsy and although he wasn't abused at home, he was picked on terribly at school. He was also diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety and he's bipolar. He has a 15 year old daughter who I'm raising and he has an older brother and sister. He just doesn't seem to care about anyone unless he needs something. He has been violent with me and has attempted suicide. He has been in a mental hospital several times.
That is amazing how it is truth!
I think the key is "WILLING to get the help." what if they aren't? And the relationship is your almost adult child? I am doing all I can here to be bulled, hated and blamed. We can't even have a START of a convo without her blowing up and shutting the whole thing down. IT's pretty smart of her really because she gets my husband to shut me down too and say why do you do this? why do you push people like this? I have had it I've watched 1000 of these and i just don't see a solution if they're not willing.I don't know how to protect myself other than ignore her which seems so sad to me. And if she is talking, which is rare unless she wants something or wants to complain, but if she is, I've found it's 99% of the time a complete lie. THE LYING..not mentioned here...lying about anything and everything to the point a common place convo im like....yeah that didn't happen. None of that is true. smh
Dr. Phil ..Im so tired of dealing with my sister who has chosen addiction. Im at a loss. This is so hatd on my elderly parents.
So you have a BPD with abandonment issues. Almost every one of the signs are there. Risky behaviors that put other people at risk too. When you have had compassion for years, and they have sucked you dry. They have had suicide attempts. They have strangled you.
You get stalked. You get death threats, that by your own admission you take these threats seriously.
You move. They find you. They break into your house and your car. You move again. They break into your house and car. You move again. These cycles repeat, just like they were repeating when you lived with them.
So now you are considered paranoid, because he never followed through with the death threats and what you are doing is being hyper-vigilant, and you should be.
Now you have no appitite, so it looks like you have an eating disorder or possibly involved in drug use, because you are shaking like a tree.
Your story sounds ridiculous, on top of your shaking skinny self trying to verbalize what is going on to someone who thinks they are talking to a crazy person.
These people have new onset of BPT symptoms. They are stressed to the max. They are gas lit. They don't know truth from fiction. They are searching for truth and help to get the stalking to stop, along with the lies, that they are mentally unhealthy. Along with invalidation from police. Minimizing from friends, and rumors that had been spread by the offender that the person was on drugs, highly emotional (due to frustration, which is completely understandable.) Nobody wants to give answers or be involved in the drama. (You don't want to be in the drama either. That's why you left. )
My classmate Tracy Harmon Rogers was killed this way in 2003 in front of 3 children. She was a paralegal. Her family was telling her to fight for her marriage, not knowing she was fighting for her life.
I too have been in the stalking situation with death threats, and rumors that hurt my career. Between the rumors and the sudden have to change of habits and personality, this hurt a lot of relationships. I no longer have any of the relationships I had then. Including children.
These BPD people spread pain and destruction. People with PTSD from the abuse that they cause, that get labeled with things like BPD wouldn't hurt a fly, but they are angry for a while, and it does take a while for them to get back on their feet after abuse.
I speak out about this, because I was a sexual assault nurse examiner for 8 years out of my 30 year career. I have seen the effects of what these women went through. I finally moved into an RV so that I could move my residence every time I got broke into. I put it in a gated area with a lot of nosy neighbors and got a couple of dogs, and the break ins stopped. The internet and messaging stalking continued for about 2 more years when they finally lost interest.
It's been 4 years since I have had a stalking incident. I bought a house. Made new relationships in another town. I'm not the person I used to be. I did like her more. She was happier and healthier, but at least I didn't get killed in the process, like my classmate.
If I were to go into therapy and someone minimized, or invalidated that experience, like what that therapy sounds like, I'm not sure how I would react. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be pretty, but I am sure, that isn't what I need to improve anything in my life.
Some of the therapy that you are talking about sounds minimizing and invalidating. Accepting ....I accept that what happened to me was wrong. I have no bitterness over it. My issue is the extent of the destruction that these people can cause. They will make you not want another relationship. They can be very dangerous.
That is the point I want to make.
You should tell these experiences to Dr. Ramani, HGTutor, SocietalNarcissism . I have CPSTD, Aniexty, ADHD, Depression, Rejection Sensitivity and attribute most of this to gaslighting and Narc/Bpd abuse. Your examples are so sad but accurate. I am on 2nd therapist and I am glad I do my own research and have join Narc support groups because most therapists really haven't experienced this kind abuse. Learning their manupulations and cognitive distortions have helped me greatly, despite therapist's telling me not to do my own research and only talk to her and my gaslighting spouse. Next therapist was a trauma therapist who said personality disorders are so very rare so has only come across 1 or so in 20 years.. I believe it is a whole lot more than that. 28:00
Rest assured Phil never had the joy of trying to escape a BPD. He'd be singing a far different tune. That denigration of the BPD's victim is a hallmark of their behavior mode. They'll tell everyone else how bad you are to them and STILL refuse to leave! I spent 5 years trying to escape a Borderline girl and it was a living hell. I had to change the locks on the house, she threatened and stalked me, threatened to come to my workplace and hand out copies denouncing me, accusing me of all kinds of crimes against her. She eventually lost interest after she could not get any pleasure out of tormenting me when she could no longer be there to see my agony. If you encounter a borderline, run! Never look back and never try to reconnect with them. Ever.
It is who they are. After 24 yrs I finally accept all the times of relapse/ recovery,therapy. I now feel he went to therapy bc it was all about him.
He had no intention of continuing a healthy life together. When I listen to the videos of Mathew Perry, now gone from us, I hear such a profound
example of struggle, & maturation. The maturation in our marriage was non existent. A narcissist child that stayed in that vain.
I was his Mommy. Wow big truth for me. I wish him recovery however that would mean a truth to be spoken.??
My ex seemed to be a hybrid of BPD and NPD. He definitely has malignant behavior, likes to provoke people after he's sucked them into a relationship. He bluntly told me he didn't need to treat me nicely because we're in a relationship now. I do think he destroys his relationships because he feels undeserving of love. He was beyond toxic and I believe he can be dangerous if he's dysregulated enough.
Now You left and can heal!!! But Don t throw IT all into one pot, just because it is easy to get confused..
There can be some overlap in Cluster B,where they gets traits from each other.I resently heard that it's possible to have Bpd and Bipolar at the same time. JazzyT.
Its hard to set boundaries when in my childhood serving I would say no I would get wrath! From 3 older step brothers and 1 younger step sister! Or a Mother with belt! I couldn't say no!
Went to 3 therapists, and each one eventually would tell me... go to church.
Exactly enabling them but because your heart wanted to help them!! Your heart motivates to give them their way!
Empathy and sympathy motivates the heart!
I ak a borderline, diagnosed 3 times. Just wanted to say to all the borderline here stop playing victim if you want to improve YES we are abusive YES we harm and drain people and just want to say to all other people here NO its not intentionnally . We just like someone who is burn 3rd degree but with the emotion, so we are sensible to everything
I am a survivor of a borderline personality relationship. Sometimes I feel like I haven't actually survived. I am not comfortable in the presence of angry people and avoid them once I have seen them in an agitated state.
Im fairly certain my wife has undiagnosed BDP, she struggles with seeing everything through the broken lens of rejection/abandonment. It manifests itself in constant anger flair ups when she perceives rejection, unfortunately this is seen in the slightest variances.
The most hurtful part of all of it is the "splitting" which you become all bad to them, quickly forgetting every good trait and every good thing youve done for them.
I have "features" of borderline but I live alone and never ask for help. My therapist has told me to set boundaries on others. My sister is constantly trying to do things for me and won't take NO for an answer. She is incredibly annoying and intensely controlling. She NEEDS someone to "FIX." I'm not that person. Finally, with her own therapist, she is learning to focus on her own life, instead of mine.
The number one defense is to look at yourself and see if you have codependency issues. If so, get help. I learned the hard way...twice lol. Codependency and BPD are like chocolate and peanut butter.
43:54
My grandpa talked about wanting to take his life for around 8 years and he followed through on June 3, 2004.
Can someone diagnosed as BPD have a healthy, long term relationship after going through therapy? I'm praying it is possible.
search richard grannon
Not until they repent of the behavior. Lovers of self rarley change; unless The Lord humbles them (Proverbs 16:18). And even then, He still doesn't force them to change. He simply leads them to the path to make the decision to.
No it's 2023. No one can. Diagnosis or not
It is definitely possible. It isn't just our responsibility , for borderlines to bring to the table. It takes 2 people. People forget that
It's not misery. It's actually suffering . Never able to sustain happiness. Sustain love. Sustain human contact
in closing comments 59:00 you said bipolar when you meant borderline (along with NPD being the 2 "most predatory")
dr phil was so right about the pandemic circa April 2020.
I had to get away from my mother at 13 years of age. I couldn't take anymore. 😔
My bpd ex never told me she had bpd she said autism and adhd so when I looked up reasons why she treated me so bad I couldn’t find similar reasons. It wasn’t until after she left me I saw her post about bpd. We were together a year I gave her everything and ran my body into the ground. She said I was amazing and wanted a child with me and it gave me the strength to continue. She said if I do this or that we’d get married and have a kid but she started to realize all her challenges were easy for me to overcome. So she wanted a iPhone 14 pro and a car and I did that for her too. Then she left me and said she was afraid to commit. Opened my eyes to future faking 😞 I miss her
Sounds like shes also a narcissist. Study that watch all the videos that u can. I know the pain of future faking but its a damn good thing u didnt get what u wanted. Thing is the goal post would move for the rest of your life. Find someone who gives to you and feeds your heart w joy that u can enjoy giving too also.
I’m starting to think that too tbh
I just hope she’s ok and that her life goes well
Damn sounds like me many things do and trichotillomania is something I have had to deal with in dilation since 2019 hair pulling I cry but my 22 year old daughter doesn’t seem to care which is a sign of narcissm haha love you doctor Phil you are great Real , special and right on love from Paris France I think at least for me that it comes from the fact I was never validate as a little girl that my mother was too beautiful makes me feel low and have body image problems I isolate iam depressed I feel unloved I feel disrespected by my daughter she is 22 when screams at me at times is controlling my life tells me harsh words
Our adopted adult son has not been formally diagnosed with Borderline but has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and panic and anxiety. He cannot take care of himself at all. I myself have been in therapy for over a year. Our son is getting worse. He exhibits all 9 traits. Sometimes I’m even afraid of him. His bio parents were both drug addicts and he had visits with them until he was 4 years of age. We feel we are on a roller coaster and get off and step on land mines.
Definitely sounds like BPD. He needs professional help!
Dr. Phil does a good job in each of these two videos in he explains how to gently approach someone who needs professional help. Remember, it's about telling them you love them, see they are struggling and suffering, and how much they DESERVE not to have that dominating their life anymore.
DBT is evidence-based and proven effective therapy for those suffering with BPD.
Once you have empathy for a person with BPD, especially a true Psychopath, you have already become their prey and they will drag you under that roller coaster ride and absolutely destroy your life, and won't give a shit that they hurt you, or kill you. Unfortunately, you won't see all of these situations Dr. Phil is describing, which are spot on, until you are stuck in a relationship that will become very dangerous to you in a very short period of time and very difficult to escape. Dr. Phil's warnings are real and will hopefully save your life, if you pay attention and listen to your gut! Be empathetic to yourself first and foremost! This BPD person will move along and find another prey if they can't get you, so no need to worry about them. Worry about yourself and protect yourself!!! But they are persistent so don't give in to their charm and love bombing. I wish I knew about this before I married my husband 2 years ago and almost died until I escaped 3 months ago. But it's only the first step to your freedom and it's a fucking hard and long road to getting myself back, if I can at all. Be strong! Be safe! Pay attention!
Wow that's what I wrote down earlier today I'm going through "favorite person"😮 thing SUXX I so need 2 disconnect somehow
Do you have an episode about introverts or people who isolate themselves , and only got out when absolutely nessesesay?
I don't really understand the difference between Bi Polar and Narcissistic Personality Disorder , Doctor Phil , if they are both so dangerous what is the thing that makes one more than the other in whatever is the difference 🤔 , Thank You 🙂 Doctor Phil so very much 🙂
The real problem lies in a lack of self-insight. These people never seek out help because they refuse to identify they even have a problem to begin with. Hypergamy, impulsivity, and substance abuse are a quick method to detect these people that lack insight... They're obvious tell tale signs and I honestly don't feel compassion for their selfish lack of insight they CHOOSE to have.
Disagree-- some Borderlines do have insight. It's a spectrum like anything else.
Actually that lack of insight occurs with many MH issues, incuding Bipolar. It's quite astounding how bipolars completely omit or deny their upbringing as if they're protecting their families. Maybe they're in a bind & don't want to lose their families, who knows. I've seen this with others too.
This is true from what I've experienced.
The people who disagree that there is a lack of accountability are probably bpd themselves.
I watch another channel and he always says bpd is the only disorder he has to make a disclaimer on because he gets so much denial and hate... from borderlines.
So from my own experience and clearly others. I think this is a very accurate comment.
This person send all my photos to 1998 the first time went Portugal with my kids this past
I've been researching BPD, focused on Petulant type, for around 3-4 weeks now. I've listened to 28 videos on it and I'm 95% sure my daughter has this!
She also took a couple of Attachment Tests and it says she's Fearful Avoidant/Anxious Avoidant. Idk the complex difference but she fits all of the signs.
I just realized that I tested into the Avoidant Attachment/Personality...
So what do I do?
I really desperately need help.
She's almost 20 and I'm 40.
If your daughter has this, help her find therapy. And be ready to hear about how BPD is caused and take in the reality.
I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and my daughter has all the signs and also Narcissistic disorder and very depressed I've tried to get her to get help and she won't do it and it's getting worse where she has threatened me. I need ur help to tell what I can do I take my meds everyday
I don't know who I am I just feel empty I'm just happy sad angry admiring disconnected to connected I was diagnosed o5 yes.. pure misery.. Us these people are erratic for sure a rollercoaster for sure
My boyfriend was seeing a borderline personality disorder women when we first started going out. He picked me up for church after taking her out the first time. She asked him to go with us church. As soon as I got into the car and he made the introductions . She begin immediately to say " omg OMG omg omg OMG !" Then she started spraying cologne towards me in the back seat . I shaking all over, Dr phil . Even though after that , my boyfriend told me, this will not last . He kept seeing her, for three more weeks . Only after taking her to Thanksgiving dinner and hearing from his psychologist sister that the woman had borderline, did he break it off. She stalked us for nine months. Since then she's been arrested three times for domestic reasons.