Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law

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  • Опубліковано 28 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 5 тис.

  • @abdullahehsan8548
    @abdullahehsan8548 6 років тому +36120

    Have they tried turning it off and on again?

    • @tedarcher9120
      @tedarcher9120 6 років тому +780

      They shut down the government every so often

    • @TheWeis
      @TheWeis 5 років тому +317

      They just tried that, to no avail

    • @fridericusrex7042
      @fridericusrex7042 5 років тому +253

      Ask one of their kids to do it, they probably know how to do it

    • @rishichava355
      @rishichava355 5 років тому +59

      Thats what they're doing now

    • @fridericusrex7042
      @fridericusrex7042 5 років тому +34

      Rishi Chava did it work?

  • @a1burman01
    @a1burman01 5 років тому +46946

    Somehow the least believable part of this clip isn’t the fact that Congress forgot to pass a bill, but that the parties both agree on something.

    • @roguishpaladin
      @roguishpaladin 5 років тому +428

      After the 9-11 responders kerfuffle...yeah.

    • @roguishpaladin
      @roguishpaladin 5 років тому +295

      Oh, wait, did I say "after"? I naively thought it had been resolved, but no, here's Rand Paul to screw it all up. Kentucky, you're single-handedly screwing up the Senate at the moment.

    • @electr_icity4613
      @electr_icity4613 5 років тому +172

      Well it's a nonpartisan issue, so it isn't really that unbelievable when you think about it.

    • @baileyharrison1030
      @baileyharrison1030 5 років тому +80

      roguishpaladin Generally speaking, the government’s inability to pass any laws is a good thing.

    • @bobsteve4812
      @bobsteve4812 4 роки тому +40

      Bailey Harrison Lol, how? So he US remains outdated?

  • @Eli_Ross
    @Eli_Ross Рік тому +1739

    As an Iowan myself I personally love the amount of coverage we get from the onion. It’s nice to see that at least one major news network cares about us.

    • @jaimlawson
      @jaimlawson Рік тому +28

      Same, unfortunately it’s all pretty accurate too 😅

    • @zambonibob2026
      @zambonibob2026 Рік тому +27

      Same, the Iowa weather cam part had me cracking up 🤣

    • @BecomingAMan
      @BecomingAMan 7 місяців тому +5

      Pretty light this year but yeah haha, hi neighbors!

    • @jeremytheoneofdestiny8691
      @jeremytheoneofdestiny8691 6 місяців тому

      They were cancelled like 12 years ago

    • @tommydaone8124
      @tommydaone8124 Місяць тому

      Was in Iowa city while watching this haha

  • @milessimpson328
    @milessimpson328 4 роки тому +10290

    One of the greatest parts of this video is that the Library of Congress is literally across the street from the capitol building.

    • @B0ssguy
      @B0ssguy 3 роки тому +743

      Where’s the entrance to the capitol building? We’ve been stuck in here for 7 months because every time we try to get out another republican senator stands up and reads green eggs and ham

    • @muhdsyakiib8798
      @muhdsyakiib8798 3 роки тому +15

      @@B0ssguy xD

    • @reillymcwriting
      @reillymcwriting 3 роки тому +9

      @@B0ssguy TED CRUUUUUUZ!

    • @ChaseMcCain81
      @ChaseMcCain81 3 роки тому +23

      @@B0ssguy, I thought it was green fish blue fish? I must be so crazy at this point that I can’t even...

    • @thewanderingmistnull2451
      @thewanderingmistnull2451 3 роки тому +40

      @@ChaseMcCain81 Yeah, especially considering that book is "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish". You might be colorblind.

  • @AdamYJ
    @AdamYJ 10 років тому +7464

    Now I'm imagining a bunch of Congressmen looking up the "I'm Just a Bill" Schoolhouse Rock video here on UA-cam for hints.

    • @user-np2ui1yu9r
      @user-np2ui1yu9r 6 років тому +133

      @Bosingr and I'm sitting here on capitol hill🎵🎶🎵

    • @alicelu5691
      @alicelu5691 5 років тому +5

      it’s funny they just think he has money and completely rip him off, no one would do charity with people like that

    • @adoptdontshop3911
      @adoptdontshop3911 5 років тому +3

      _My childhood_

    • @theperfectmix2
      @theperfectmix2 5 років тому

      Adam Hoffman I am your 2,400th like

    • @ocularzombie6679
      @ocularzombie6679 5 років тому +2

      I love that song

  • @What.99
    @What.99 3 роки тому +18824

    “And remember Jane, eyeliner can work wonders...”
    The look on Jane’s face after that is hilarious lol.

    • @quinndirks5653
      @quinndirks5653 3 роки тому +663

      That line was savage 🤣

    • @voteindependentforindepend7181
      @voteindependentforindepend7181 3 роки тому +37

      😂😂😂

    • @gregorgerzson1767
      @gregorgerzson1767 3 роки тому +14

      Normal people also tags the time where it says. Wtf is wrong with u?

    • @Weird_Jellyfish
      @Weird_Jellyfish 3 роки тому +162

      @@gregorgerzson1767 2:39 here you go 🙄

    • @What.99
      @What.99 3 роки тому +231

      @@gregorgerzson1767 Normal people don’t cry about no time stamp when they’re gonna watch the entire video anyway.

  • @astillia6073
    @astillia6073 Рік тому +1654

    Someone needs to give the onion this much funding again

    • @Georg3e
      @Georg3e Рік тому +11

      Maybe Mr beast🤣

    • @bassterix7151
      @bassterix7151 Рік тому +126

      It's too late. Reality has surpassed satire

    • @ninakore
      @ninakore Рік тому +55

      The writers for this era of the onion moved on. They started a new thing called Clickhole

    • @HunterShows
      @HunterShows 5 місяців тому +42

      They would, but they forgot how to pass such funding.

    • @samuelmelton8353
      @samuelmelton8353 3 місяці тому +27

      @@HunterShows It has been 13 years in fairness. But I'm pretty sure it involves a gavel.

  • @evanwatling3897
    @evanwatling3897 6 років тому +5389

    “Study: Marijuana use down among those using crystal meth”

    • @chado3000
      @chado3000 5 років тому +44

      This is also true.

    • @samuelward3837
      @samuelward3837 5 років тому +101

      The story behind that one is that crystal meth is a lower schedule drug than weed, lmao

    • @jkjkhardcore666
      @jkjkhardcore666 4 роки тому +1

      Lmao

    • @saynomore8795
      @saynomore8795 4 роки тому +46

      "New drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable."

    • @Giantcrabz
      @Giantcrabz 6 місяців тому +6

      "Biden expected to be President by now" lolll

  • @justinebeaver1419
    @justinebeaver1419 9 років тому +22998

    I don't care what _anyone_ says, America has the best Congress that money can buy.

  • @Btomaek
    @Btomaek 4 роки тому +9719

    this is the best channel for political jokes that are funny like 9 years later

    • @db5823
      @db5823 4 роки тому +193

      And sometimes (depressingly) even funnier.

    • @Karen_Mkrtchyan_Horquri_Gandz
      @Karen_Mkrtchyan_Horquri_Gandz 4 роки тому +31

      Bruh took me a minute to get it was a joke

    • @hugo57k91
      @hugo57k91 3 роки тому +87

      Yup, one of the short news passing on the bottom of the screen says something along the lines "Biden confeses that he expected to be president already"

    • @CoolPandaTheMovieNerd
      @CoolPandaTheMovieNerd 3 роки тому +8

      Better than SNL for sure

    • @nicolasnod7359
      @nicolasnod7359 3 роки тому +17

      No, you just started paying attention to politics 9 years later, but the jokes have been funny all along.

  • @Francisco-fw5fe
    @Francisco-fw5fe 2 роки тому +3873

    "the bill has unanimous support of both republicans and democrats" that is the most absurd part of this video

    • @jacquelineking5783
      @jacquelineking5783 Рік тому +147

      Nah that is the second most absurd. The first is that the statue would only cost $50000.

    • @ed_cmntonly
      @ed_cmntonly Рік тому +47

      to be literally fair i think its insanely unanimous for both parties that the Challenger disaster was a disaster and lives were sadly lost during the incident (RIP to all Astronauts), so I can get why Democrats and Republicans wanted a memorial

    • @jacquelineking5783
      @jacquelineking5783 Рік тому +17

      @Edward Lim maybe at the time of the video. Now if one side proposes the other will call them facists and refuse to agree or at best use it as a way to pass Patriot Act 2.0, looking at you the Restrict Act.

    • @DevanK-rg3td
      @DevanK-rg3td Рік тому +38

      Both parties do often agree on passing laws that benefit their corporate masters and furthering the surveillance state.

    • @REAL2222ful
      @REAL2222ful Рік тому +21

      It happens from time to time. Mostly when it's about war: the US House and Senate voted unanimously to launch the Afghanistan/Irak war "on terrorism" and also to send military support to Ukraine.
      Don't ask them to agree on anything else.

  • @jamesdessent5984
    @jamesdessent5984 4 роки тому +24970

    “Biden admits he expected to be president by now”
    Despite its age even the scrolling news remains topical to this day

    • @Demiglitch
      @Demiglitch 4 роки тому +911

      Onion News influencing voters to ensure their news is always fresh.

    • @matthew8153
      @matthew8153 4 роки тому +217

      You mean despite Biden’s age? Lol

    • @dicklong1822
      @dicklong1822 4 роки тому +29

      Yo mountain giant

    • @havcola6983
      @havcola6983 4 роки тому +761

      @@matthew8153 It's funny, if Biden wins we'll have the oldest president beginning their first term since... Well, since Trump, the current record holder.
      If Trump wins he'll set another record, being the oldest president to begin his second term.
      No matter who wins the president will be record-breakingly old.

    • @matthewlebo1841
      @matthewlebo1841 4 роки тому +198

      Don’t forget “Breaking: US Postal Service shut down six weeks ago”

  • @ichijofestival2576
    @ichijofestival2576 4 роки тому +19231

    Honestly, this depiction of Congress is actually kind of cute and endearing. They don't know what they're doing, but bless 'em, they're trying... As opposed to, "Okay, fine, we can put the fire out, but what's in it for me?"

    • @jetsamperes5762
      @jetsamperes5762 4 роки тому +1785

      "Okay, fine, we can put the fire out but first I need to blame the other party and second what's in it for me?'

    • @chickencurry420
      @chickencurry420 4 роки тому +929

      I liked the one congressman saying "I have a question"
      Reminded me of being in school with my hand in the air going "Teacher! Teacher!"

    • @AF-tv6uf
      @AF-tv6uf 4 роки тому +111

      Minneapolis is apparently on fire, so they can't do that either.

    • @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
      @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 4 роки тому +415

      Like a group of elderly people with dementia or Alzheimers.
      Absolutely silly fact, somewhere in Europe, I forget where, some nursing homes put false bus stops right outside the nursing home for the Alzheimers patients. When they're having an episode and try to leave, many will sit at the bus stop like they would take in their youth, making it easier for the workers to gently bring them back inside. Thought that was an awesome way to handle things and would be cool if we had that here in America.

    • @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
      @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley 4 роки тому +78

      @@thotslayer9914 Yeah, but a girl can dream, can't she? :)

  • @ctmcreature
    @ctmcreature 3 роки тому +8305

    "Does anyone know where the library is?" This is funnier when your realized that the Library of Congress is visible from the capital building lol

    • @handlesarecringe957
      @handlesarecringe957 3 роки тому +370

      It's literally across the street too

    • @insertchannelnamehere8685
      @insertchannelnamehere8685 3 роки тому +381

      They're even connected by a tunnel lmao

    • @sundhaug92
      @sundhaug92 2 роки тому +43

      capitol*

    • @HowToChangeName
      @HowToChangeName Рік тому +68

      The equivalent of congressional investigating big tech but dont know how internet works

    • @georgehill3087
      @georgehill3087 7 місяців тому +13

      @@insertchannelnamehere8685 Can confirm, went there last month. Literally on the same hallway as the Chambers of the House of Representatives. You just come out of those big double doors and turn right and there that tunnel is.

  • @rustyshadeofred
    @rustyshadeofred Рік тому +288

    This was a prophecy

  • @shivaneepatell
    @shivaneepatell 4 роки тому +10421

    It’s amazing how they get this footage!

    • @walnut9472
      @walnut9472 4 роки тому +66

      You are everywhere

    • @AJRacing
      @AJRacing 4 роки тому +28

      @@walnut9472 EXACTLY lol...

    • @walnut9472
      @walnut9472 4 роки тому +18

      @@AJRacing yeah ,I saw him in every video recommended to me.😂

    • @isntitobvious9894
      @isntitobvious9894 3 роки тому +11

      Just watch C-Span

    • @skaldro
      @skaldro 3 роки тому +2

      @@walnut9472 I am seeing you comment on every onion video ,I watch 😆

  • @vexivero
    @vexivero 10 років тому +6686

    "and remember jane, eyeliner can work wonders"...-_- XDXD

  • @Oniontrololol
    @Oniontrololol 5 років тому +1122

    “New drugs to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable” LOL I love the little scrolling texts

    • @airplanes_aren.t_real
      @airplanes_aren.t_real 3 роки тому +28

      I mean if you are going to have a heart attack you might as well enjoy it while it lasts
      Wait does that mean that heart attacks are already enjoyable to a certain degree?

    • @amitasrivastava493
      @amitasrivastava493 3 роки тому +12

      @@airplanes_aren.t_real Yeah... You enjoy watching death-chan come for your soul!

    • @aperture0
      @aperture0 3 роки тому +1

      @@amitasrivastava493 "death chan" had me dead. Lmfaoooo

    • @thetheory6159
      @thetheory6159 Рік тому +2

      ​@@airplanes_aren.t_real They are, yes. The fear of actually dying dampens the experience a lot, but the actual feeling itself is... not THAT bad.

  • @a-train69420
    @a-train69420 2 роки тому +711

    2:08 "Peruvian Scientists: Endangered bird acting like a big shot."
    I spit out my water

    • @legendgames128
      @legendgames128 2 роки тому +41

      Endangered bird is a [[BIG SHOT?!]]

    • @Skywarslord
      @Skywarslord Рік тому +29

      GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY [BEAUTIFUL HEAD]

    • @dancarlso4439
      @dancarlso4439 10 місяців тому +9

      @@legendgames128kromer

    • @GalvyTheTom
      @GalvyTheTom 9 місяців тому +15

      [HYPERLINK BLOCKED]

    • @lavenderinthedark
      @lavenderinthedark 8 місяців тому +2

      i caught that too lmao, love to see it

  • @rawtrout007
    @rawtrout007 5 років тому +3877

    "...and remember Jane, eyeliner can work wonders."
    *bruh* 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

    • @anythingbutmyrealname
      @anythingbutmyrealname 4 роки тому +164

      She did her dirty on that one 💀💀

    • @Tricia_K
      @Tricia_K 4 роки тому +53

      On the subtitles, it's "...and remember Jane, Islander can work wonders."! ;)

    • @twelvecatsinatrenchcoat
      @twelvecatsinatrenchcoat 3 роки тому +52

      To be fair she's right, the ONN newswoman is an absolute smokeshow, with great eyeliner.

    • @armadillolover99
      @armadillolover99 3 роки тому +11

      @@Tricia_K I gotta agree with those subtitles, the Islanders fisherman improves any look

    • @jamersbazuka8055
      @jamersbazuka8055 3 роки тому +21

      Gotta admit, that jab even caught me off guard.

  • @marionkeenan2980
    @marionkeenan2980 7 років тому +8310

    This is not even satire now lol

    • @fish9468
      @fish9468 5 років тому +226

      13 European Union MPs voted wrong accidentally recently...

    • @iangoldfeld6473
      @iangoldfeld6473 5 років тому +86

      Fishman 02 they didn't they're using it as an excuse because they voted for Article 13

    • @Haseo92
      @Haseo92 5 років тому +8

      Thats a good thing

    • @fish9468
      @fish9468 5 років тому +2

      @@Haseo92 what

    • @filipelimartins
      @filipelimartins 5 років тому +4

      no more laws people

  • @lonnylegeam
    @lonnylegeam 7 років тому +930

    She didn't have to do Jane like that.

  • @gayealisir5661
    @gayealisir5661 2 роки тому +118

    This is what happens when the key person at work leaves.

  • @10o.-.-_-.-o010
    @10o.-.-_-.-o010 6 років тому +962

    "We probably have to glue it into a book, where all the other laws are."

  • @dsandoval9396
    @dsandoval9396 5 років тому +2057

    "I don't work there anymore and I'm not about to do charity work."
    LMAO!!!!

    • @arandomzoomer4837
      @arandomzoomer4837 4 роки тому +35

      You just repeated a line from the video and wrote “lmao” in all caps.

    • @JonatasAdoM
      @JonatasAdoM 4 роки тому +25

      @@arandomzoomer4837 rofl

    • @arandomzoomer4837
      @arandomzoomer4837 4 роки тому +4

      JonatasAdoM
      I’ve never heard anyone use that phrase in years.

    • @JonatasAdoM
      @JonatasAdoM 4 роки тому +7

      @@arandomzoomer4837 I see it quite often.

    • @arandomzoomer4837
      @arandomzoomer4837 4 роки тому +2

      JonatasAdoM
      Okay, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that there is no humor to your comment.

  • @Realitisaurus
    @Realitisaurus 11 років тому +227

    'Bhutan eager to begin dialogue with any country at all'

  • @gigler198
    @gigler198 Рік тому +36

    The fact that I couldn't tell this video was 12 years old without looking is telling.

  • @toddbiesel4288
    @toddbiesel4288 5 років тому +2968

    Plot twist: Congress can't agree on where to buy the gavel, what kind of gavel to buy, or even if they should also purchase a backup gavel. They decide to vote on it, but, as before, they don't remember how, so Congress is stuck in an infinite loop.

    • @continuousself-improvement1879
      @continuousself-improvement1879 5 років тому +129

      After they somehow decided all of that, they are in a deadlock from trying to decide how the gavel will be purchased and where they will.allocate the funding for it, which requires a bill which requires a gavel.

    • @fuffluff
      @fuffluff 5 років тому +32

      Congress can't remember how to hold a meeting, and who's in it

    • @SangheiliSpecOp
      @SangheiliSpecOp 5 років тому +9

      Thats deep

    • @dontme6996
      @dontme6996 5 років тому +19

      Congress forgets who other members are

    • @tjanderson1972
      @tjanderson1972 5 років тому +4

      Major sticking point; Republicans want to purchase the gavel, while Democrats expect that someone should just give it to them!

  • @Lambda_Ovine
    @Lambda_Ovine 4 роки тому +3734

    The Onion has become the only news source that I can trust will never give accurate information. With the other you never know if it's true or false.

    • @weekbacan682
      @weekbacan682 4 роки тому +34

      Roach DoggJR there’s only one true answer to the ONN

    • @gewuerzwanze5627
      @gewuerzwanze5627 3 роки тому +58

      @@weekbacan682 that hardly seems fair. their coverage of non political-non war related news or opinion peices is actually quite fair and true.
      i mean they are my go-to guys for the weather. and thats about it

    • @ouractionandreaction
      @ouractionandreaction 3 роки тому +6

      I almost watch onion daily

    • @lil0of
      @lil0of 3 роки тому +80

      ONN is considered satire until several years later, when it somehow becomes true.

    • @gewuerzwanze5627
      @gewuerzwanze5627 3 роки тому +48

      @@lil0of they should put an expiration date of the satirical value of their videos
      "Funny until 2016" or something like that

  • @acceptedsugar
    @acceptedsugar 4 роки тому +3935

    2:30 "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"
    These videos consistently predict the future

    • @azophi
      @azophi 4 роки тому +30

      HMM

    • @anythingbutmyrealname
      @anythingbutmyrealname 4 роки тому +15

      Craaaaazy

    • @OrbitOnceAround
      @OrbitOnceAround 3 роки тому +87

      This all happened, including the part Biden officially becoming the president, while the senate house was terrorized by protesters

    • @RERM001
      @RERM001 3 роки тому +46

      @@OrbitOnceAround ok now this is epic. I mean, do you remember when they made a skit saying they had a time warp satellite to get info from the future? Satire has now become reality.

    • @jeremytheoneofdestiny8691
      @jeremytheoneofdestiny8691 3 роки тому +1

      and now he is :)

  • @SubSilence
    @SubSilence Рік тому +229

    Every school group project in a nutshell

  • @TheMilitantHorse
    @TheMilitantHorse 6 років тому +5390

    Fox News? Nah. CNN? Nope.
    I watch the Onion.

    • @CrazyAlaskanCoDShot
      @CrazyAlaskanCoDShot 6 років тому +6

      TheMilitantHorse lol

    • @millertime1202
      @millertime1202 5 років тому +82

      Why not? It's probably more reliable anyway 😂😂

    • @deidara_8598
      @deidara_8598 5 років тому +35

      It's sad the fact they reality isn't so far from sarcasm and parody.

    • @Hannodb1961
      @Hannodb1961 5 років тому +12

      When real news are becomming a joke, parody news have to become akkurate in order to be funny

    • @luvfreedom1470
      @luvfreedom1470 5 років тому +16

      The Onion > CNN

  • @mitchellcrazyeye
    @mitchellcrazyeye 6 років тому +3374

    "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"

    • @Alex-wt7sv
      @Alex-wt7sv 6 років тому +30

      I had something for this.

    • @embs5803
      @embs5803 5 років тому +184

      This hasn't aged well

    • @samuelward3837
      @samuelward3837 5 років тому +382

      @@embs5803 I think you mean it's aged *perfectly*

    • @theyoshi202
      @theyoshi202 5 років тому +128

      Biden is so dull, just Obama 2.0...
      I mean, still better than Trump I guess but cmon, can we get an actual, passionate, motivated leader for once?

    • @samuelward3837
      @samuelward3837 5 років тому +17

      @@theyoshi202 luckily, the two right below Biden in the polls are brewing with passion. Hopefully one of them passes him up!

  • @10poundsofcarp
    @10poundsofcarp 4 роки тому +2351

    "I move that we find this library of congress, does anybody know?"
    "No"
    "I have no idea"
    "DANG IT"
    Comedy Gold

    • @airplane312
      @airplane312 4 роки тому +19

      That was i about to say. They should ask the secret service where it is or president or supreme court. Wow everyone there completely blackout how to run the government.

    • @kmmediafactory
      @kmmediafactory 3 роки тому +17

      @@airplane312 wait.....what’s the presidents address email though.....shoot....

    • @cassie1790
      @cassie1790 2 роки тому +14

      The best part is how it’s literally across the street from them

    • @maazkalim
      @maazkalim 2 роки тому +1

      "DAMN IT"* There! FTFY 😑

    • @balogna2418
      @balogna2418 9 місяців тому

      @@maazkalim The subtitles are incorrect

  • @zonaldzuck1859
    @zonaldzuck1859 Місяць тому +32

    The blonde woman is so good at the reporter delivery 😭

    • @aforest3889
      @aforest3889 Місяць тому +7

      That's Suzanne Sena. She's an actual news anchor.

    • @zonaldzuck1859
      @zonaldzuck1859 Місяць тому +1

      @@aforest3889 important context lol

  • @1994Powerslave
    @1994Powerslave 6 років тому +326

    "Wait, isn't there are library of congress?
    -Yeah, yeah..?"

  • @RickyIcecubes
    @RickyIcecubes 10 років тому +1107

    FINALLY, a news network has shown us exactly what is going on in Congress. Thank you so much ONN! You are the most credible news network in the entire world :D

    • @gregorymoore2877
      @gregorymoore2877 Рік тому +9

      If they actually would forget how to pass a law, that would be an improvement.

  • @carsonlerner548
    @carsonlerner548 4 роки тому +960

    That “Biden expected to be president by now” hits hard in 2020

    • @helgil6545
      @helgil6545 4 роки тому +11

      Hits harder in November

    • @LaKillingFrenzyy
      @LaKillingFrenzyy 4 роки тому +14

      @@helgil6545 Hits harder in December

    • @Thrownblock
      @Thrownblock 3 роки тому +11

      doesn’t hit so hard in August 2021 😢

    • @eatonkuntz
      @eatonkuntz 3 роки тому

      @Ig-nat-ius please tell them I didn't mean anything I was just trolling and it might've gotten out of hand

    • @awddfg
      @awddfg 3 роки тому +4

      *_it fuckin hits harder now lmao_*

  • @mattlittlej
    @mattlittlej 2 місяці тому +55

    "Biden admits he expected to be president by now" Damn y'all were good.

  • @HandlelessTML
    @HandlelessTML 4 роки тому +603

    "Uhh mister chairman, I have a question"
    "..."
    "Uhh... I think... don't you have to tell me when to talk?"
    "Oh, right, you can uhh.. have the floor"

  • @janetcraft
    @janetcraft 10 років тому +995

    Last line: "Eye liners works wonders."
    So cool.

    • @MegaBallPowerBall
      @MegaBallPowerBall 6 років тому +43

      Janet Craft No. The last line is "Looks like there's a lot of snow there. We'll be right back".

    • @AudioGardenSlave123
      @AudioGardenSlave123 6 років тому +2

      I didn't even catch that the first watch.

    • @TS111WASD
      @TS111WASD 6 років тому

      Yeah

    • @davidmurphy1207
      @davidmurphy1207 5 років тому +4

      @@MegaBallPowerBall No. That's *2* lines.
      You started it.

    • @SirFaceFone
      @SirFaceFone 5 років тому +1

      Wasn't expecting that line lmao

  • @melofelo4484
    @melofelo4484 4 роки тому +247

    The Iowa weather cam joke at the very end is heavily underrated

    • @4thgradedropout980
      @4thgradedropout980 3 роки тому +8

      The Snowlocaust.

    • @markberry7610
      @markberry7610 2 роки тому

      Snowlocaust

    • @wigwagstudios2474
      @wigwagstudios2474 2 роки тому

      Would’ve been better if it was Minnesota

    • @Wailwulf
      @Wailwulf Рік тому +2

      The coordinates they listed for the weather cam are for the Iowa City Municipal Airport in Iowa.

  • @chaoticgood7128
    @chaoticgood7128 7 місяців тому +32

    2:28 "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"
    History has a weird way of coming back and slapping us.

  • @loneskankster2242
    @loneskankster2242 4 роки тому +6846

    "Breaking: U.S. Postal Service shut down six weeks ago"
    "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"
    This video aged incredibly well.

    • @taciprince7400
      @taciprince7400 4 роки тому +277

      Holy shit even more now

    • @leonku6210
      @leonku6210 4 роки тому +181

      @@taciprince7400 And even more now that Biden is the president.

    • @chance9512
      @chance9512 4 роки тому +59

      That's the trick, there's still legal crap to get through. Media says he is, government doesn't agree yet.

    • @joshellsworth355
      @joshellsworth355 4 роки тому +234

      @@chance9512 cope harder

    • @dinosaurusrex1482
      @dinosaurusrex1482 4 роки тому +69

      @@joshellsworth355 coping or not they're still technically correct. And if they are at least they don't have to fabricate a Russian disinformation campaign and put the fbi on a wild goose chase to cope.

  • @tess2082
    @tess2082 4 роки тому +411

    'the book of laws must be in the library of congress'
    It feels like a cartoon show quest.
    Dora: do you see the book of laws? That's right, the library!

    • @reduceparticles876
      @reduceparticles876 4 роки тому +14

      Dora: Do you see the library?... No?... Darn it!

    • @TheSleepingSeer
      @TheSleepingSeer 4 роки тому +9

      Basically the plot of National Treasure 2.

    • @depurasangre86
      @depurasangre86 4 роки тому +12

      congress: donde esta la biblioteca?
      dora: muy bueno!
      congress: ahhh yes finally got the gavel we needed!!! (swiper swipes the gavel from congresses hands)
      congress: awwwwww!

  • @s0nnyburnett
    @s0nnyburnett 11 років тому +334

    Maybe they should just reupload this one with the recent dates.

    • @pharb69
      @pharb69 6 років тому +5

      s0nnyburnett And again.

    • @MercerVerse
      @MercerVerse 4 роки тому +18

      Jesus this gets more relevant with each passing year.

  • @mrtheminecraftminer1
    @mrtheminecraftminer1 Місяць тому +10

    I’m so glad this is circulating again 13 years later and still spot on

  • @az5181
    @az5181 5 років тому +189

    1:51 "Breaking News: U.S. Postal Service shut down six weeks ago." I'm dead.

    • @robk7266
      @robk7266 4 роки тому +7

      Why does that suddenly seem relavent.

    • @vendermen6127
      @vendermen6127 4 роки тому +14

      this isn’t funny anymore :/

    • @anything8953
      @anything8953 4 роки тому +1

      @@robk7266 maybe look at the time it was posted?

  • @dominiccobb6470
    @dominiccobb6470 6 років тому +494

    "snowlocaust" lmao

    • @Lyle-xc9pg
      @Lyle-xc9pg 6 років тому +1

      I just noticed that!

    • @RemiBoyz
      @RemiBoyz 5 років тому +26

      Snowlomodor next?

    • @manu-zv6tz
      @manu-zv6tz 4 роки тому

      Best part of the video somehow

  • @HolyCrusader737
    @HolyCrusader737 5 років тому +101

    "Bhutan eager to begin dialogue with any country at all"
    read the subtexts, im in tears lololol

    • @TreebeardsHome
      @TreebeardsHome 5 років тому +15

      1:55 “Study: Marijuana use down among those using crystal meth.” Smdh.
      Onion’s lower thirds are the best part. The headline is as true today as it was then.

    • @HolyCrusader737
      @HolyCrusader737 5 років тому

      @Hungry Hungry Hippo india is a corrupt shirhole.

  • @ollanius_papyrus80
    @ollanius_papyrus80 Рік тому +20

    Watching this on January 5, 2023. Feels very relevant.

  • @dylandugan76
    @dylandugan76 3 роки тому +417

    They tried to tackle important issues but quickly got distracted by disparaging political rivals online and obsessing over their own follower counts.
    That's it, it is now impossible for a human being to distinguish between satire and reality in 2021.

    • @matthewjones39
      @matthewjones39 Рік тому

      What?

    • @ladyalicent705
      @ladyalicent705 Рік тому +11

      @@matthewjones39Back in 2009 (when this video was made), the idea of humans screaming at people who disagree with them and obsessing over being influencers instead of focusing on important issues such as climate change was satire. Now in 2023, it’s reality!

    • @puperman4208
      @puperman4208 Рік тому

      @@ladyalicent705we up

    • @Giantcrabz
      @Giantcrabz 6 місяців тому

      just letting you know from the Future that it has gotten better and we live in a utopia now

  • @Stellra52
    @Stellra52 10 років тому +17936

    "Don't we glue it into the book where all the other laws are?" Oh god... XD

    • @nemou4985
      @nemou4985 6 років тому +312

      Well it sort of works like that in roman law countries...

    • @apollo3055
      @apollo3055 6 років тому +82

      Nubia Anima yeah, here it works that way, how it works there? in your country you don't have multiple books with all the laws?

    • @mumblernumber7213
      @mumblernumber7213 6 років тому +5

      Stellra52 3

    • @bigboi4307
      @bigboi4307 5 років тому +15

      That makes sense

    • @Cruxair
      @Cruxair 5 років тому +27

      I swear I heard someone laughing at that point.

  • @knight764
    @knight764 9 місяців тому +13

    Didn’t even realize this was 13 years ago, it’s timeless

  • @tanq1687
    @tanq1687 5 років тому +36

    1:00 “He told them, I don’t work there, and I’m not about to do charity work” 💯

  • @smokescreen100
    @smokescreen100 Рік тому +60

    How the hell is this still extremely relevant

    • @FTZPLTC
      @FTZPLTC Рік тому +4

      Same people in Congress mostly.

  • @joesixpack8166
    @joesixpack8166 9 років тому +219

    At 2:00 .....Phil Collins releases 'Worst of Phil Collins' double album.
    Hahahaha

  • @rgderen88
    @rgderen88 Рік тому +59

    2:30 "Biden expected to be President by now"
    Well that certainly aged hilariously

  • @_Twink
    @_Twink 7 місяців тому +14

    Wait, where's the joke. This is just an average day in congress 😂

  • @MichaelKurse
    @MichaelKurse 11 місяців тому +16

    This is true. Very few, Congressman know how to actually draft legislation. They leave it to staff who turn to lobbyists who really write the legislation.😒😒😒😡

  • @3vercent
    @3vercent 3 роки тому +38

    "You can have the floor."
    "Oh, for real? Thanks a bunch."
    *Picks up floor and leaves.*

  • @eklipze7520
    @eklipze7520 5 років тому +581

    2:30 "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"
    Biden: " *It's been a long 8 years...* "

    • @uriargaman7241
      @uriargaman7241 4 роки тому +9

      More like 32. That's what happens when you plagiarise.

    • @siyacer
      @siyacer 4 роки тому +9

      Biden always predicts the future. Guess Biden will be president soon.

    • @dude3278
      @dude3278 4 роки тому

      @@siyacer I doubt it, but we will see

    • @user-oh5gz4ue6r
      @user-oh5gz4ue6r 4 роки тому +32

      @@dude3278 we saw

    • @Lemonwires
      @Lemonwires 4 роки тому +14

      Well this aged really well

  • @molecularlionel69
    @molecularlionel69 Рік тому +142

    “We email it to the president, correct?”
    “ I don’t know”

    • @AaronMcDaid
      @AaronMcDaid 7 місяців тому +1

      The founding fathers (boys, actually) didn't have email. What did they do?

    • @AquaFan1998
      @AquaFan1998 6 місяців тому +1

      @@AaronMcDaidcarrier pigeons? Probably badass like the owls in harry potter, they smash through your window and boom, the email 😂

  • @MrReese
    @MrReese Рік тому +8

    This video is 12 years old and even back then they talked about distracting Twitter feeds 🙈.

  • @mojewjewjew4420
    @mojewjewjew4420 2 роки тому +127

    The part about "new drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable" made me burst out laughing,definetly the best part of this episode.

  • @GlamorousTitanic21
    @GlamorousTitanic21 7 місяців тому +8

    This video like every other Onion video has aged like fine wine.

  • @atlas2061
    @atlas2061 7 місяців тому +5

    Kinda sad this is still so relevant that I thought this was released like a week ago only to read the description saying "13 years ago"

  • @Zonker66
    @Zonker66 7 місяців тому +4

    This is 13 years old? Ugh... I thought this was new. How times don't change.

  • @daver5120
    @daver5120 10 років тому +66

    "Eyeliner can work wonders".. LOL...

  • @GKMaverick013
    @GKMaverick013 3 роки тому +93

    10 years later and somehow this sounds more believable than any of the news going on right now

  • @weirdnewworld1736
    @weirdnewworld1736 7 місяців тому +11

    I can't believe this was 13 years ago, it's literally the House right now

  • @ashtonbrumit5177
    @ashtonbrumit5177 6 років тому +86

    This channel should get its own network on tv

    • @davidmurphy1207
      @davidmurphy1207 5 років тому +22

      So true. Unfortunately with all of the mindless idiots blindly following possibly leathal challenges online, someone would probably die because they don't know what satire is and have problems seeing beyond face value.
      All it would take is one story about how eating batteries is a remarkable new source of iron or that scientists have found, if you angle your arms right, you can glide like a flying squirrel when falling from heights greater than 3 stories and it would be all over.

    • @caffeinefiend9304
      @caffeinefiend9304 5 років тому +6

      @@davidmurphy1207 Either that or some braindead morons would take offense to one of their news stories and try to shut them down for being something-ist. Y'know, cause we live in a time where satirical jokes can get someone imprisoned if its too offensive.

    • @octaviusroosevelt7355
      @octaviusroosevelt7355 5 років тому +1

      Ashton Brumit I think The Onion has its own movie, but that doesn't really count.

    • @wassabii2810
      @wassabii2810 5 років тому +1

      It would cost a lot to do a hole bunch of sketches everyday

    • @MichellePradhan
      @MichellePradhan 4 роки тому

      Darwinism. Let it be!

  • @Vitorruy1
    @Vitorruy1 5 років тому +42

    Their dedication to figuring out how to pass a law is truly impressive

  • @scottbeatty9046
    @scottbeatty9046 10 років тому +47

    I love how the reporters even parody the body language of reporters.

  • @RohanXVII
    @RohanXVII Рік тому +5

    Rep. Cummings from Virginia has my full support.

  • @andrewfinch76
    @andrewfinch76 6 років тому +73

    Why don't they just sing the bill song?
    "I'm just a bill
    Oh I'm only a bill
    And I'm sittin' here on Capitol Hill"
    Fuck, that's all I remember.

  • @whalermac1561
    @whalermac1561 4 роки тому +108

    lol "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"
    Well, wadya know, the onion got one thing right

    • @Ben-rz9cf
      @Ben-rz9cf 3 роки тому +14

      when have they ever not been eerily prophetic

    • @shankhadeepshome3982
      @shankhadeepshome3982 3 роки тому +1

      @Justin B ofcourse it's prophetic, how many vp become presidents? it never a given

    • @darthsomething
      @darthsomething 3 роки тому +4

      @@shankhadeepshome3982 I mean… A LOT of VP’s become presidents

  • @foresthaviland3612
    @foresthaviland3612 5 років тому +82

    "Isn't there a Library of Congress?"
    "Yeah."
    "The book with all the laws must be in the Library of Congress!!!"
    "I move that we find out where this library is!"

  • @saamjaza1742
    @saamjaza1742 Рік тому +12

    Ideal congress right here.
    They're a little confused but they've got the spirit.

  • @OB.x
    @OB.x 5 місяців тому +11

    have they tried using the magic horn to ask our founding fathers? or did we use that this 100 yrs yet?

  • @Gzimmy26
    @Gzimmy26 4 роки тому +179

    “Biden admits that he expected to be president by now.”

  • @dyowzhars9400
    @dyowzhars9400 5 років тому +17

    "Eye liners can work wonders" OMG, the look on her face

  • @la.vibracion
    @la.vibracion 8 місяців тому +9

    i need an extended version of them figuring out how to pass a law in the court room😂😂

  • @josephfavor7419
    @josephfavor7419 4 роки тому +11

    Are they running Congress on a 32 bit or 64 bit system? The might’ve installed the wrong driver...

  • @ahmad55
    @ahmad55 3 роки тому +90

    It would have been funnier if one of those guys was wearing headphones and watching the School House Rock episode on how a bill becomes a law.

    • @X-Cactus
      @X-Cactus 3 роки тому +3

      And if they said fuck the gavel, let's just use this random dictionary.

  • @TheeHeadTurnerTV
    @TheeHeadTurnerTV 3 роки тому +86

    Literally them ‘trying’ to pass the newest Covid Relief Bill.

  • @visualcontrast
    @visualcontrast 6 місяців тому +14

    2:34 - That Biden reference is wild all these years later.

  • @almostcertainlynotapotato6528
    @almostcertainlynotapotato6528 3 роки тому +18

    New drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable.
    Bhutan eager to begin talks with any country at all.
    I just love this!

  • @DJCReptiles
    @DJCReptiles 3 роки тому +31

    The production quality for these videos is insane.

    • @rbxless
      @rbxless 3 роки тому +1

      And it was 10 years ago.

  • @cookiewoke1899
    @cookiewoke1899 8 місяців тому +7

    I hate how anything that criticizes Congress can be applied to any year.

  • @apjtv2540
    @apjtv2540 Рік тому +6

    Given what the US house is currently doing, this is painfully prescient.

  • @Laffey16
    @Laffey16 5 років тому +36

    This has aged like a fine wine

    • @Laffey16
      @Laffey16 8 місяців тому

      This has once again aged like a fine wine.

    • @RitsuTainakaFin
      @RitsuTainakaFin Місяць тому

      ​@@Laffey16and it has

  • @hejouxah1269
    @hejouxah1269 3 роки тому +13

    This video is becoming more and more relevant each passing year.

  • @STICKOMEDIA
    @STICKOMEDIA 3 роки тому +7

    These are so high quality, wish they can bring these kind of videos back

  • @NeinStein
    @NeinStein 7 місяців тому +7

    Human progress is amazing. What was science fiction just 13 years ago, is now a reality. The Onion is my favorite scifi!

  • @Me-dp9jz
    @Me-dp9jz Рік тому +13

    Congress forgets how to elect a speaker

  • @halt1931
    @halt1931 4 роки тому +25

    This is the most cooperative I've seen the two parties in, well, ever

  • @gingerbread_GB
    @gingerbread_GB 8 місяців тому +30

    The Onion News went out of business because real politics became more absurd than their satires.

  • @grossitsjeremy
    @grossitsjeremy 8 місяців тому +9

    still relevant 13 years later

  • @WTMNNJR
    @WTMNNJR 4 роки тому +359

    Onion > CNN
    Onion > NBC
    Onion > CBC
    Onion > SNL
    Onion = Ogres

    • @MIKERJ999
      @MIKERJ999 4 роки тому +50

      Prison Mike Onion > Fox, let’s not be biased here

    • @jonasseorum5471
      @jonasseorum5471 4 роки тому +13

      @@MIKERJ999 I think he just forgot it, the point is still the same that MSM sucks.

    • @o__o.6212
      @o__o.6212 4 роки тому +8

      Onion > SNL
      You can't just...
      F*** it, you're right.

    • @eyalgreen8285
      @eyalgreen8285 3 роки тому +2

      @@jonasseorum5471 nah kinda just sounds like he specifically mentioned every liberal news channel

    • @RaptorJesus
      @RaptorJesus 3 роки тому +5

      @@eyalgreen8285 Nonsense, he just named all the *news* networks.