I'm only 22 years but I've seen how destructive lust and porn has crippled me. As I continue to weep in silence i pray to overcome this heavy burden will be lifted off over my shoulders.
You've got this. The first step is being open and honest that you have this problem and humble enough to voice it out. Now take it to the foot of the cross. There is no sin, no weakness of soul and mind for which Jesus does not have an adequate remedy, purchased by his death. It is hard work that you must first desire to do, but oh how rewarding. The Father's mercy is always stopping down to our misery, never forget. Keep running to him. May he give you strength and courage to persevere. Be well. God bless you
It's not a problem to say no but more like how you say it. We man have an ego that woman need to acknowledge,being submissive and humble makes it easier to accept your "No".❤❤
@@vanessavazquez5167: Let’s switch the roles…. If your husband tuned you down with annoyance and flat out rejection, would you feel some type of way about that….. Versus, him giving a gentle, “no, babe,” make a difference?
@@GoldenGraham25yep it’s what I was about to comment, ignorance is usually what gets between us and the Lord and within marriage is no different. The thing that makes all the difference is communication straight up, we are people and have feelings and personality, that’s what a bondage and relationship is about too getting to know and stay related with the person; to understand the union of becoming one is in all things, love is selfless and everything is a process…
Honestly, I never struggled with sexual sin until I recently moved off into my own apartment a few months ago. The spiritual covering and accountability that I was under in my parents’ house was no longer over me when I moved, and to be honest, I wasn’t strong enough to fight it alone. The devil knew where to attack me. Depression and low self esteem caused me to do things I never would have done before because I wasn’t in the word/prayer like I should have been and felt helpless and weak. I am promising all of you now that I will repent and turn away for good. Please pray for me or share your journey if you feel led. I’m unwilling to hand over any more of my mind to the enemy.
Don't beat yourself up. Your story is not unique. A lot of times just having a believing roommate will keep you accountable to your decision to honor God with your body. Are you in a church community? Loneliness is very real and it drives us to make all sorts of poor decisions that we otherwise wouldn't. Having good people around who have your best interests in mind with no judgement attached makes a world of difference! 💕
I rebuke the spirit of condemnation in the name of Jesus. Non of us are perfect not one. God loves you and k own our weaknesses..Thats the whole point he died love💖
Amen! Praise God for your conviction. 1 John 1:7 (walking in the light leads to fellowship with others and being cleansed from sin.), James 5:16 is so true, when we confess our sin to one another we are healed. The point of confession is to walk in Jesus’ healing. 2 Cor. 7:10 are used in my life to get my eyes off myself and my efforts and onto following Christ and loving the things he loves.
Remember how Paul says that the love of Christ compels me? When Temptations of lust or gluttony came my way I would fear failure… The Lord showed me that fear has to do with punishment and no one who fears is perfected in the love of Christ. There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out all fear. 1 John 4:18. I no longer “white knuckle it” we, those reconciled to God through the blood of Christ and his resurrection as a gift by grace through faith, fight sin no longer according to fleshly means rather we fight with weapons that have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Cor. 10:3-5 we put on the full armor of god such as the sword of the spirit which is the word of truth Gods living word which is active sharper than a double edged sword able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart through the Holy Spirit. And the shield of faith which has the power to demolish the flaming arrows of the evil one. :) you don’t have to promise to us. Just depend on Jesus every day he is with those being tempted. Jesus said blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are the meek etc. He didn’t come for the righteous but the unrighteous and to lead them to repentance. Our strength comes from the Lord. In our weakness, and acknowledging our weakness to the Lord, his grace is sufficient for us for his power is made perfect in weakness! Paul says that he boths all the more in his weakness so that Christ power may rest upon him! Just love Christ that is the greatest commandment. May we all let go of everything that hinders and the sin that easily entangles us and run with perseverance the race marked out for us fixing our eyes on Jesus!
@@drealu22 Amen! Replacing the time I spent fearing I would fail Him and the feelings of worthlessness to reading God's word absolutely changed the way I battled with my lust! I can't do it on my own but God can do anything! Focusing on loving God instead of "not doing the bad thing" fills my heart with joy! Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10 NKJV
When the goal is always "your pleasure is mine" and "mine is yours"..it leaves so much more room and vulnerability to be open and honest with each other on what's liked and what's not liked.
This takes so much maturity. This comes easier to some because being a sexual “giver” or “pleasurer” is a type of sex language. Some ppl thrive on “how do you want it” and others struggle.
My husband and I had the conversation about using your old sexual experience to please your new partner! You’re literally trying to please your partner with something someone else enjoyed. And get frustrated because your partner doesn’t like it because we haven’t taken the time to learn what we as a couple like! ❤
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 unfortunately, that’s not everyone’s story, so learning how to move forward from that is also necessary. Open conversations about that.
You also have to realize your spouse may just not desire sex as much as you. Not due to past trauma or anything bad, but simply because they don’t. And if you’re that spouse that doesn’t want it as much, realizing that just as there is beauty and sanctification in your spouse when they humbly sacrifice their desire for sex when you don’t want to, there is a beauty and sanctification when you (the spouse who doesn’t want sex as often) humbly gives themself to their spouse even when you don’t want to and finds joy in doing so.
This is a word! Finding the beauty and sanctification when giving one's self is an amazing concept. I appreciate you sharing this perspective. A lot of time as a lower desire individual one can feel broken and transfer pressure to the higher-desire individual to "make" the lower-desire person want sex more or in the same manner.
Exactly a proper way is to then think of other ways and things to show your spouse love learn about them and ways to bring God closer into the marriage. This culture has made it so condemning to not be hypersexual and oversexualized. But honestly if your wanting to have sex with your husband or wife and they just don't even for a week or however long. It's selfishness pride and greed that make you think ungodly thoughts and be in your feelings. But as a christan it's time to tap into the fact God created marriage and what marriage is and truly represents. God himself isn't forceful God Himself is a giving generous God and sacrificed His own son for our us. God Himself is very creative and patience gentle kind understanding. THATS how marriage should be reflected. Not with condemnation resentment stirring of lust and emotions or seeking inwardly or outerly for that to be fulfilled sex and it's desires shouldn't fulfill or control you or your spouse. That means you should work closer on getting intimate with God. Experience intimacy how it's supposed to be. And God can use that , to show you what to do with your spouse and how to reflect that intimacy and what love actually is when it's real and pure unto your spouse.
Women do struggle in the same way as men when it comes to expectation and fantasy from a broad perspective. The struggle in a lot of women is the fantasy or narrative of deep romance or emotional connection that he will bring. Both parties must realize that it takes work and time to get to these places.
Women have lustful thoughts too! Just because it can look different from men's, doesn't mean it's not there! I'm glad someone else said it. Women tend to want to act like we're so innocent and that we aren't affected by these thoughts and temptations. We are all human, and we are all affected by desires of the flesh!
I was sexually abused as a child from 8 on…… one day my hubby looked at me and said baby can I have sex with you…. Y’all I broke down that healed something in me I dident know neeeded healed ❤🎉
Jackie just answered a question that I didn't realize I held for decades. I wondered if the problems in the marriage bed (heart, mind, physical) wouldn't exist if I was pure. It never occurred to me that is a prosperity type thought. But Jackie is absolutely right. Sure we brought more baggage from not being "pure" before marriage but even "pure" people are sinners. Baggage is part of the human relationship. Wow, just like that, one less twisted thought out my head.
Agreed that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) regardless of purity before marriage; however, the joy, fruit, and reward of an undefiled marriage bed should not be minimized. Also, keeping pure honors God and our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4 ESV
@@jhan_drums yes I agree with you. I don't think any true Christian minimizes the biblical standard for sex and marriage. For me, I was not raised with biblical principles. Nor was I saved until a lot of life had happened. I knew when God saved me that I was forgiven for everything. I was not condemned. I am not condemned. I was saved one year after being married. I have so many issues and me and my husband have so many issues in that area. I often imagined, no on some level, I totally believed that had we been virgins when we got married we would have no issues in that area. Not condemnation. I'm speaking on issues, conflicts and such. I fool heartly believed that those who waited were blessed with a harmonious marriage bed. And those who didn't were not. But what Jackie pointed out released that foolish notion that waiting guarantees a gift of harmony. God does not guarantee harmony in relationships for obeying Him. He guarantees harmony (just to stay consistent with words) with Him. Waiting glorifies God as all obedience to Him does. But just like obeying Him in anything else sometimes the glory is no earthly reward. We are still sinners. We still have baggage. Waiting will not eliminate our issues. It just doesn't add to them. I now realize there are people who waited who have just as much if not more issues then me and my husband of almost 30 years. Look at Joshua Harris and his wife. They waited. And now he has denounced Christ, purity and divorced his wife. There was obviously issues and conflicts that had to have shown up in their marriage bed. And if his wife was saved and is walking with Christ despite her husband's rejection she is still glorifying God in her obedience. Her reward is in heaven. Yet her heart is broke on earth in ways some who did not wait will never know. The obedience to God is not a path of prosperity on Earth in any kind of way. And that really did not sink until I heard Jackie put it that way in this video.
Yes! In all honesty, people who are pure or are pursuing purity have lots of baggage too. They still have desires led by the flesh and even if they “do a better job” of not acting on them, it doesn’t always mean it’s for the right reason. My own purity has been led by immense fear and not the desire to please God. I am slowly working through that but I have realized my intentions were still aligned with the flesh even though I look “pure” to my peers
I’m 37 and never been married but hope to be one day. I must say that even if not I found this conversation to be so delightful. I really love you two ❤
This was so refreshing to watch. I was talking to this gentleman who tried to convince me “you have to try it before you buy it” when I told him I made a vow to God to be celibate before marriage. I stood steadfast in my beliefs and he could not understand why I would make such a “drastic” choice. But your conversation has solidified what God has taught me and what I have learned through my own choices and mistakes. Thank you for speaking openly and biblically and for shedding light on a topic that is avoided by most Christians.
I am cracking up. Jackie is extremely correct. We do sometimes make extra noise so he can move it along. But it doesn't mean he is bad at sex, you might just want to do the "stuff" that comes after the climax (I don't mean sleeping). Foreplay is part of the sexual experience as well. 15 minutes can be as pleasurable as 60 minutes. Just don't let sex become an idol. "Do not give it more glory than the one who created it."😉
I hear you but in marriage he created it for benefit of your marriage…it is not the only thing but it as far as men are concerned it is at the top the freaking list…we feel loved by it and feel like we can express our love though it…so be careful when you reject the love☝🏾
@@dmills06 I’ve always been told that sex is just sex for men and it’s not always attached to love but it seems like thats not true if when a man loves a woman, he can’t separate her “no” to sex from rejecting him and his love. And if a man ONLY associates sex with love when he loves the woman, why or how could he do it if he doesn’t love the woman.
We all have a relationship with sex that is unique to us. The one you marry will not have the same relationship with sex as you. It’s important to find out that person’s relationship with sex before marriage. Not by having sex but by speaking about it with each other. One of the most powerful things to me when I was married, was that she gave herself to me. My relationship with sex was so different than other men's. I had a level of passion that was not normal. I never want sex to feel like I’m doing something to you and not with you!
@@MethodiousMind - It’s a personal thing, to be honest, but it’s not black and white. From some perspectives it’s a good thing from other perspectives it’s bad. To answer your question I would say I will say it was bad. When you get something before you’re supposed to have it, it’s confusing how to deal with it! My relationship with sex started at 5.
Me too, my relationship with sex is a bit the same. I prefer to feel the togetherness. There are ladies who I literally had to stop midway for I felt the lack of oneness. They probably assumed that only their presence in sex is enough without having to participate or engage fully. Either that or lack of confidence or not taking initiative. But I got saved, and now I'm courting to marry. I have to bring up this convo before marriage
I have never heard people talk about this part of what sex inside marriage can look like ... how you walk through sex with your spouse when you've been through trauma, how important it is for a woman to be able to say no without that meaning, "I reject you." But it creates more freedom and better intimacy and a better sex life as a whole. Thank you. Loved how you mentioned that work in marriage, work in sex actually leads to fulfillment. So many people stop at "marriage is spelled W O R K", you guys touched "and okay, this is why the work is all worth it!!" Enlightening and encouraging, appreciate y'all
That communication part about what is working and not working in your sex life is SO critical. That was something my former spouse and I couldnt really ever have open dialogue about. Another thing to note about trauma in the marriage relationship is that men too bring sexual trauma that they may have suppressed. It takes prayer, patience and humility to walk and work through that. Thank you, Jackie and Preston. So good, y'all! ❤
This is powerful I love y’all openness to strengthen the body. I have been married 32 years and was a virgin when I got married at age of 21. My husband was 26 and experienced I had to tell him babe I’m not a girl from “the streets” and he understood that. He may not have liked it but he understood what I was saying and approached me differently. Open communication ladies and gents are important.❤
I just want to make it known that I love the content you guys publish; meaningful and engaging conversations and topics... something that I aspire to have within my kingdom marriage. I value the transparency and relatability.
I loved when Jackie said “we want to say no without consequences” because yeah ! Really hurtful when there are consequences to us as women not giving our bodies.
@@living1derdefinitely not a Godly reply, because that’s not how Jesus would reply to trauma, that’s your flesh talking and using some verses in a whole chapter to think your point is solid, but that’s just a carnal reply and God is love and you should read what Love is
@walkwithaissata Me too, otherwise it Feels subtly forced. @living1der And if a child who has a loving parent can expect love & compassion to make it better when they have gotten hurt (hopefully they can get at least a hug if not the traditional “kiss it make it better” response) How come we can’t expect compassion I/o “consequences/punishments” from our “loving” partners?
This spoke to me on so many levels. I felt validated listening to it. I was a victim of sexual abuse and it’s mind blowing to my husband why I’m not wanting to please him the way he wants and the frequency he needs. Thank you for y’all’s work!
I love this so much, lust and trauma doesn't end when you enter a marriage. Both marriage and sex requires work and focus from both parties. My hubby and I struggle but we work through it all. Our marriage is always improving 💜
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. Im the only girl he has ever kissed. We’ve been married 12 years and we just had a conversation the other night about expectations in sex. It’s better now than it ever has been. Wonderful. While our sex life has had its ups and downs, we’ve never been tempted to be unfaithful to each other. Yes, he’s had difficulties through the years with keeping his mind only on me, but he’s never been addicted to pornography. And of course we’ve had to grow in this area as we’ve continued to learn ourselves. One thing we’ve always done is talk about what has pleased us. I so wish the church would have these types of conversations! Thank you for sharing!
That's sad he didn't do anything physically but what do you mean he's had difficulty keeping his mind only on you. even as virgins , even without porographic images , even without desiring to cheat. I'm assuming you may not have any problem with keeping your mind only for your husband ? But even with all of that he still desires other women. How is this even possible ?? This makes me never want to even look at men or be around them. to have all of that and still not be enough. But for women it's so natural to only desire your husband and porn , flirtation, aren't even a thought because you'd rather please him , not just a men but him and who he is. This is so discouraging and I'm sad that this even exists. I hate this culture and world , It makes me feel like I'll never be good enough and always have to "perform" just to keep my own husband to want me because men are apparently even in christan marriage comparing thinking of and desiring other women.
@@FIRE4JESUSIt’s a natural desire for a man to think other women look beautiful. I’m sure you thought other guys looked attractive while you were serious with someone, it’s human nature don’t think to deep about it
@@Mr.Jaquaveon2k Alot of people are asexual , and loyal with their eyes as well. Yeah , its a desire of the flesh not holy or righteous unless its PURE brother and sister love and appreciation to God for His creation comes with purity fear of The Lord and respect.
I really like how the Perry's family talk so naturally about this theme. The world really have the lead voice about sex, and churh always flew from this theme. As a husband, married for 8 years, I learn a lot with you guys. Praise the Lord! Sorry if have mistake, I'm just a humble Brazilian, who have never went to a country who speak English
I have been married for 51 years and 8 months. We had been married maybe 8 years when my husband said, “you are not the same person I married”. My response was you are correct and why would you want me to be? Marriage and sex are both work!
I really needed to hear this! As a believer and a sexual health educator, I struggle teaching about the body in way that’s 1) True to the word 2) Easily digestible for anyone. This podcast truly shifted my perspective on sex, teaching and growing with my partner!
This is a GREAT conversation!! Salute for your courage and transparency. My husband and I traveled through every bit of the terrain you mentioned here. I was convinced I was incapable of a climax! I had been so abused and robbed of innocence so young…. He thought he knew what to do and I was convinced that because he was “the one” that he would just know me somehow. Pure ignance and insanity at its best! LOL 20 years in and after much work, many tears, very uncomfortable conversations and prayer in an atmosphere of humility and transparency…intimacy is beyond what I ever thought possible!! It was and is work but that fruit though!!!! 🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥 If you struggling don’t give up on eachother. If HE healed ours… He can definitely heal yours. GOD CAN HEAL ANYTHING BROKEN WHEN WE GIVE HIM ACCESS TO IT
Wowwwww just got married two weeks in nd me and my wife struggled sexually. Struggling with thoughts of an inability to climax part is a real thing. But practice makes perfect
So happy for you!!. It also speaks to your faithfulness and perseverance as a couple. Also to add one adjustment, practice makes better, not perfect. Married nearly 40 years, as we're still learning.
@@normiejeanj that’s what I’m talkin about!!! 40 years and STILL learning… it’s the humility for me! CONGRATULATIONS!! SALUTE!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼And AGREED! Practice definitely makes better, never perfect. The expectation of perfection is a huge stumbling block in marriage. Imperfect people are incapable of perfection…I constantly have to remind myself.
@@Babyboy_Matt be patient. There's more to learn about your spouse other than sexually. Those other areas will help with the sexual one. The more you connect with her emotionally, the easier it will be for her to flourish sexually. Your wife is a treasure to be discovered. The Bible compares a wife to precious gems. Gems are hidden and there's much work to get to them. 😉 Have fun! Together!
Sister Jackie you made a LOT of sense!!! We are ever changing and our desires at “50”, isn’t the same as it was at “30”! I’m praying that married folk understand and respect the change🙏🏽 Thank you both so much for having this conversation because we truly need to allow the church to lead the way for sex and not the world!!!
This is so good! Talking about sex as a Believer is so important, and the stigma needs to taken out of these conversations. It is a lot to expect people to go from purity where they don't even talk about sex to being a husband or wife and pleasing every need of another person while trying to learn themselves sexually. It is important to be committed to your spouse even in the bedroom; to be gracious, kind, caring, and willing to always learn and grow. All of that is key. It is also important and nice to have those spontaneous moments, where one or the other doesn't have to come ask or schedule a time and can just come together out of desire and passion
i’ve fought porn very hard for about the past year now. i’ve even had a bad time using my VR headset watching it combined with the use of alcohol. as time moved on i got rid of the things that tempt me and set me up to fail. i still fail though. i still go through weeks failing. what you guys talked about with purity culture was great and helped lift a weight off my shoulders. i’m 25 and still a virgin. i’ve never dated someone; i’ve never even kissed a girl. and i worry i’ve become too far unpure that i’ve spoiled my future sex life/marriage. i know though, God wants me to have hope for these things. he wants me to make my life a confession. i’ve seemed to form a perspective on life that is toxic that i hope to get rid of: the black and white battle of staying pure and the hell that you’re in when you sin vs the life that you live when you are completely sober and obeying God. i know this isn’t necessarily a bad way to look at life but it can be. instead of focusing on my own ability to overcome sin consciously, instead, focusing on Christ and his life. Knowing that he is ALWAYS with me. Whoever has read this far thank you. this is part of my confession.
I really love the last part of this, not focusing on my own ability but focusing on Christ and his life. And honestly, recently God has been teaching me to totally rely on him cause just like you, ive got some heavy distractions and all through I've been trying in my own strength, my intelligence but recently I'm getting this idea on focusing on Christ. Also please can you pray for me because now I know it's not by my might but it's quite hard to focus on Christ, it's quite hard for me to pray and be on the word.
I've been promiscuous and i am open minded .. but ABSOLUTELY HATE PORN. I think it creates a false understanding of intimacy and doesn't help men understand women. What if you try a bit of replacement? Focus on the women aspect and try to see another side of us. Research our wiring, our anatomy, our fantasies and get to know about the biggest sex organ (the brain!!!!). If you watch negative opinions on porn or porn bloopers it may shatter the illusion. You don't have the real world context so the fantasy has warped your views. You're not permanently tainted but you are grossly misinformed. That's something you do have control of! Get a book about it.
Wake up every morning thanking God for letting you live to see another day. Millions of people are not so lucky. Then proceed to spend the rest of the day putting the devil to shame by avoiding everything that God hates. CONTINOUSLY LISTEN TO THE TYPE OF GOSPEL MUSIC THAT WORKS FOR YOU.....and nothing else. When you are on gospel music 24/7, you are totally surrounded by the host of Heaven as your bodyguards, 24/7!
I am proud of you guys taking on this subject. (and trying to keep it PG). You are awesome! I’m a pastoral counselor for over 40 years and you are hitting the important points right on! I agree with all you are saying and am impressed that God has given you so much in your eight years of marriage. Keep going wi5
Amazing conversation. For the first time, I feel like someone understands. I used to say I felt violated over and over again in my marriage and felt bad for saying it. This was helpful.
As someone raised in a religious family and in a biblically based church, no one in my influential circle put the idea of promiscuity in the same framework as you both; that having that experience with other people teaches you about other people and their wants, but not your spouse. That's powerful. Thank you for being so open and straightforward with your testimonies and insights.
This was so good! Thank you for talking about this. I'm thankful for close friends, newly married and those married for years, that I could talk to and share with. It made the first years of marriage so much easier!!
This is sooo good! Have stayed pure and almost 38….does almost feel like you mentioned like once I’m married (had that purity ring and read those books, etc.) that sex life should be great. But, honestly I think that I’ve waited so long, now I actually feel a bit scared to have sex when I think about it. Prayers needed for once married and grace from my future spouse.
I had my sexual debut on my wedding night and it was pretty bad and never got better. My husband refused to go down on me, was only interested in about 90 seconds off missionary. No interest in my pleasure. And I just thought that I didn't like sex. Eventually my husband revealed himself to be an abusive alcoholic. I followed the rules and lost.
Thanks for bringing this issue to light! I think having a part 2 episode talking about higher desire women would be helpful. It is often framed that men are the ones that get rejected but there is an increasing number of women get rejected due to the man’s past sexual abuse, porn, extramarital affairs, erectile dysfunction, etc. And the women often end up thinking there is something wrong with them or that they are no longer desirable.
I thoroughly enjoyed this episode , it really helped my frame of mind as a single person - I realise that the pornography expectations don’t just affect men but women too in the unrealistic standards of what my sex life May look like marriage. Also, side note this made me also realise how one definitely needs therapy too. Thank you to The Perrys for such a beautiful discussion 🤍
Real talk! I counsel so many women who do just that Jackie, "fake it so the husband can stop" the husband does not pay attention to the wife's body or learn her... sooo much faking... it is so sad. Then becomes a sexless Christian marriage. 🙏🏾
Jackie hit it on the nail of what women expected (to be pleased, to be loved, to orgasm.) and the fear of telling their husband this because of the stigma around it. Men think if they’re “good” at having sex they please the lady. Not knowing the road to orgasm for a lady is much deeper than that.
It’s really not. I always say if it’s difficult for a woman to orgasm her vagina is just not as sensitive as other women’s. It’s amazing how much women don’t know about their own parts
@@lilrabbitcuz Not quite. “Sensitivity” isn’t exactly what makes a woman orgasm. Vaginas actually don’t have nerve endings, meaning they can’t be “sensitive.” (If vaginas had nerve endings, sex and giving birth would literally be so unbearably painful that women would pass out from pain routinely... thank goodness God created our vaginas without nerve endings!!!!) There are many women that actually CANNOT orgasm no matter what. It has nothing to do with “sensitivity” though. Women can be pleased in other ways. Talking about it is great. The orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all.
I love what you’re saying about 11 mins in. Sex is the gateway of deeper intimacy/connection with the person God has blessed your marriage with. One of the purposes of sex is to become one accord with your spouse in and OUT OF THE BED. This is 🔥🔥 y’all
Not me. Jackie is mocking the gift of tongues. The second she does that, I turn it off. I pray the LORD gives her wisdom for that which she does not understand and I pray she stops with the mocking. Blessings to you and to the Perrys
Thank you so much for talking about this topic. I am 2yrs married and have been so upset with my spiritual authorities for not discussing this with me. Nobody talks about it. Mainly because they are embarrassed, I assume. I'm not! I'm more interested in healing and growth. Thank you thank you thank you.
Yoooo, this blessed me so much. Many Points I never considered and will be praying about these points and that the Lord help me through so that I don't have an unrealistic expectation. Glory to God
Wow.. just wow!!! hitting everything nail on the head! Preston my boy... everything you said was straight facts!!! you too Jackie, having those straight forward convos is real talk and sometimes tough too
I’ve been watching these like I’m not single and have no prospects lol. But whats weird is that God has been throwing a lot of marriage content at me lately so I’m just taking it in hoping that it’s just preparing for the future
Same! ain’t been on date or in a relationship for almost 3 years and no one is checking for me and I be all into these conversations 😂 like hmmm 🤔 okay let me ✍️ this down 😂
Don’t loose hope. Had my 1st ever bf last year @ 36 yrs old (last short 4 months) and almost 38 yrs now in Jan. Dated same guy again this year for almost 4 months again & now been single again for many months. Was a dream of mine to marry my 1st bf, but not sure about that anymore. Lord’s will be done in all our lives
Such a good conversion!!! I've been married 18 years, and yes, we're different people and enjoy or need different things at different stages of our lives. Loved this conversation ❤
Wowwww you both touched on so many things! My husband and I have been married 23+ years and we just had this conversation about how we sometimes have to “schedule” our intimacy. He commented on how that is sad and I reminded him that it’s progress. Previously we would have been mad at each other if we didn’t have time or he’d do the “it’s okay” when I don’t feel good but his whole body language would tell me it wasn’t. Now we can say, hey tonight’s not a good night, let’s shoot for tomorrow. And it helps me to get the house in order so we have us rushed time together. Ahhhh so much goodness here! Everything affects the bedroom! 🤯
For me it was Preston who asked the question that I thought I alone wanted to know the answer to. Wow, thanks for reading my mind, Preston! I also love his sense of humor, he's just so real!! God bless you both, Jackie and Preston!
My ex had been abused and also went through multiple people himself along with an extreme porn addiction, and extreme sexual practices. Because I loved him and his multiple other great qualities, I was willing to be patient and help him through anything and be with him no matter how much his past hurt me. I believe he truly tried to be a better person with more self control while he was with me, and had the intention to leave all that mess in the past, but I simply couldn’t handle his wandering eyes and his tendency to objectify me, as a virgin. We never married, and we remained chaste throughout the relationship, but he definitely had very high expectations for our future sex life in marriage. He would swear up and down that he wasn’t gonna care that much about sex and be patient with me when I expressed insecurity and concern due to his past. Eventually he completely backtracked and admitted very bluntly that he thinks that because I’m a virgin, and I won’t perform a laundry list of specific kinky things that he had so many other partners do for him, I will be really boring in bed. He said he just can’t for a second accept a boring sex life and he’ll have to cheat on me and watch porn if I don’t commit to do what he says once we’re married. I’ve never felt so belittled and horrified in my life. I had to end the relationship that night. It has been really heartbreaking and soul crushing to see the consequences of sexual immorality in him and in our relationship. I don’t know how to trust any more and I’m sure because of this I will experience intimacy issues in my future marriage. I promised myself I will never enter a marriage with a man who expects me to be a pornstar on the wedding night, or on any other night for that matter, even if it means I have to marry another virgin who can understand my insecurities so we can give each other the grace to figure things out without putting so much pressure on each other.
If you can find another virgin to marry that is the best thing. You doged a bullet and most than likely some STDs. rejection is Gods protection. Do what you love and explore the world, God will send you your husband when the time is right.
Hi😊. I do not know if you’re a believer in Christ, but if you are, it’s totally awful for anyone to project their past sexual experiences (might I add sinful) on you and make you feel little for obeying God and being a virgin. And I believe this is one of the reasons still the Lord would have us be chaste and explore with one person in marriage, so we don’t have multiple portfolios that are affecting us of what is ‘required’, but two people learning about each other and building their intimacy. I’m really glad that you ended that relationship (from where I stand and how I see it), but I’d really want to encourage you not to, if I may say, also project unto your future relationship with your spouse and say you’ll have problems, and in some way, doing the very same thing your ex was doing- projecting. Rather trust God to heal you of that past and those terrible words that you may thoroughly enjoy his design for you in marriage. ❤
@@tegaedwardsthis was so well said! God showed you the red flag before you were married and you did the right thing to listen to it and leave. That takes a lot of self respect and I applaud you for it. I can reassure you that if you have the courage to leave that you will have the courage to find the man that will compliment you in Gods image. You are worth waiting for, and you are worth way more than what your flesh has to offer. 🫶🏼
I understand to some extent what you've been through. Not because I've been through the exact same thing, but because all the men I've known in the past were addicted to porn, or at least had watched a lot of it, and asked me to do things that always disgusted me (and that I've refused to do). I'm not a virgin, so to speak, but I've always felt hurt by their impure desires and because I've always had this pure vision of sexuality and above all of using it as God created us, naturally. But I can tell you that many have turned sexuality into perversity even so-called Christians, I've discovered that most of them are still polluted by their sexual past and well, God knows, He knows our insecurities and anxieties, He knows what we can't stand and I just wanted to encourage you to put your ENTIRE trust in Him my sister. I know some very good, pure-hearted men who will never abuse you. It's obvious that this man wasn't the one for you ~ I've known disappointments too, I've shed a lot of tears for men who didn't deserve them. I've been single for 5 years and I'm waiting for the man of my life who will be perfect for me and you know what? Celibacy is much better than being with the wrong man I tell you even if it's not easy every day, Jesus is our husband and he will never disappoint us. Make sure the man you're going to marry has a pure vision of sexuality and a natural use of it without any influence from porn and the devil because he's deceived many unfortunately...
@@Stefy44 You’re absolutely right, I really appreciate your comment although I’m sad you’ve experienced similar situations. But this was so so uplifting, thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏❤️❤️
I was abused a lot as a child and lived a homosexual lifestyle for years. Four years into my walk with christ I still fear sex and wonder what that would look like in marriage. The idea of a man still scares me sometimes.. thanks for this conversation x Edit: thanks for the messages. God has Done a lot of healing in my heart and He did reveal to me that the rest of my healing will be found in marriage where I’ll experience through my husband the true love of Christ. I know enough about my destiny to know that I cannot fulfill it without the marriage God has ordained for me.. so I do want it because of my destiny in serving Christ and I know though it will be hard God promised it would be a good marriage. I trust Jesus with all my heart so I’ll enter the marriage out of faith.. I know my husband is a good man and we will work through my traumas
Release and try Jesus wholly, relinquish your hurt, pain and emotions and God will in his love and grace turn your heart towards him which will aid in turning your heart to men. He loves you and I am so sorry this happened to you.
I think about this a lot. I think no matter the trauma, a good man will make you feel safe so that you don’t feel afraid, and are able to enjoy that beautiful gift with your husband. 🤎
@@ElizabethAxoxo Very true. I'm a living testimony. God was so gracious to allow me and my husband to feel like virgins! 🙌🏾 He's patience, understanding, and adjusts. Almost 2 years in and I know it will get even better 😌 🙏🏾.
Real talk. There are so many variables in this conversation. Each spouses upbringing is a factor. Segue to our marriage and our children. I spoke openly to our daughter, she is the oldest. When I began talking to my sons, my ex-husband discouraged me from talking to our two sons. If we make this topic taboo it will be. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work.
I love the realness that you both share with each other. I’m subscribed! You both have so much to offer and help teach us to better understand ourselves and our partners.
These conversations are so important like we can’t ignore there’s an entire book dedicated to monogamous sexual passion that was even read on important holidays by everyone lol. The reluctance to talk about sex is such a circular problem- it creates the exact conditions that lead to it in the first place. We have to be willing to open up and be honest.
I think the reason for working for it is the only human way of attaching more value to it and not just taking it for granted We often value what we work for more than what we dont
This is a wonderful conversation. Very healthy and loving. Can you all do a video for men that have a hard time having hope for an exciting marriage? I feel like anytime I hear people talk about it, it’s always about how hard it is, and how much I have to let go of all these things that I want. Additionally, I feel like sometimes the grace, patience, understanding, affirmation, is so much more expected and required on one side than it is the other. “Happy wife , happy life”, but any lack, or denied desire I have is rooted in fragile male ego or some other shallow character trait. I do believe in accountability, sacrificial love, etc. Sometimes it just feels like there’s minimal benefit for the man, other than character development, and family. Which are huge yes, but is that all?
Finally a REAL conversation about sex! So glad you all are keeping it real. I've been a christian for 43 years and married 34. Never have I heard a discussion like this. Thank you!
This was an awesome discussion. You've done the body of Christ a great service. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you and the way you play off each other. I pray for continued happiness, communication and love in your marriage.
Jackie praying in tongues when she agrees with something Preston says always tales me out😂😂😂This was a great conversation, i will definitely have more wisdom and awareness regarding this subject.
I so so soooo agree that this is something that's valid to talk about in church! We avoid the topic altogether (as well as other topics) and we end up absolutely leaving believers unequipped- especially in the most sensitive/intimate of areas! If God put it in His Word, then why are we saving it for just Bible Stidy breakout groups? It's so nice to hear this talk. Yall hit so many good points for me to think about in a new way. Thank you!
This episode right here. My God. This is the most reflective, insightful, and accountable slap in the face I’ve had all YEAR. And the jewel about men being particularly fragile ONLY because most are unable to acknowledge and own it **faints** I love y’all. Y’all just just don’t know how much this word has blessed me on my current healing journey 💚
This video is literally giving me so much hope! I’ve recently gotten dumped because of my lack of sexual urge and “sexual availability” due to various things on my end…one being my outlook on our relationship and how I was more focused on learning and growing and caring for one another spiritually, emotionally, and mentally versus physically.
@@BeatriceMedia the context in that verse does not apply to us at all miss. Read the whole book of Job & you’ll quickly find out it’s a life lesson to take from his story. God alone is the one who declares & decrees things in the Bible :)
This is so spot on. Having been married and divorced twice, I can openly say that sex was a problem in both marriages. Some of the problem was due to trauma and some due to drama (infidelity). It's difficult for a woman to not only deal with past trauma (abuse and misuse), but also be dealing with her husband's drama that he is bringing to the relationship. That's disastrous! Thank you for talking frankly about this! I also resonated with the discussion about the purity era of the 90's and the horrible idea that sex in marriage should just happen because one person wants it to happen.
Yes Shalom!! Definitely agree 💪🏾💪🏾 There are so many thought processes that we won’t know we have until we get into marriage. It’s good to start thinking through these things right now
I felt this to my core im currently going through a separation and i know one of the issues was sex! As a mutli time surivor of assualts from childhood to adult i was constantly re-traumatized by my own husband. The past 2 years ive had to seek therapy because when i said no it was demanded or even forced anyway or i would even give in because my no was met with silent treatments etc or my christian wife responsibilities were thrown in my face or because of how i was raised i felt like regardless of how i felt i was supposed to follow through. I felt powerless and definitely felt the trauma all over. I was advised it wasnt Gods will. Im pursing my peace now 🙏
I’m in the same boat. I’m about to go through a long distance separation, & one of our top 5 issues is our sex life that’s not existent. My ex (from age 16-22), who is my only other sexual partner outside of my spouse had severe lust issues that manifested into our dating life & eventually our sex life, where he lead me into. It was such a painful experience that I waited years for “God’s best” only to give up after 8 years of singleness & abstinence, in a season of vulnerability, for a man who also struggled with lust issues. Our entire sex life has been trauma after trauma, & until the attitude & language around sex changes, I’m not sure I can ever get intimate with my husband ever again. He doesn’t feel safe for me & has convinced me that I’m actually the problem. I’m sorry but lust issues (big or small) bring warfare into the marriage & into the bedroom, & I don’t think it’s my duty to fulfill his lust, which is what I feel like I’m the object of when he tries to initiate.
@@Peyitforwardtherapy and DELIVERANCE is needed. Finding a genuine man of God or church where they believe in deliverance, discipleship may be more important for you. Avoid the false churches
Love the open nd honest conversation on this topic. A topic that's rarely discussed in church nd marriage. As a union honesty is also eminent in this particular part of the marriage. Thank u Jacky nd Preston for sharing🙏🙏
I’m 62 and my husband and I are still intimate with each other. I think this is a great topic and needs to be focused on often in the church. Too many Christian’s are walking around feeling defeated in this area because let’s face it life gets in the way and many ppl make intimacy last on their list. It’s not just the sexual part ppl have to deeply love their spouse and have a friendship with them so it is easier to speak on these types of topics. Openness is tough if you have one person who shuts down. But keep praying and approaching and God will open hearts to change. I also believe ppl have to be willing to give even when they don’t feel like it. But when we are honest about our feelings that is when things can change for the better. Someone can’t change something that they don’t know is a problem. Thank you Preston and Jackie for ALWAYS tackling the tougher subject. I pray for your family often and for your strength to press ahead in the ministry. We need more young ppl like the both of you. Jesus is the only one that can change lives but you both are bringing them in for God to heal. Praise the Lord for His goodness!
Wow, I’m so grateful for how vulnerable and honest you both are…I really needed to hear this conversation. I love how real y’all are about thoughts and emotions. Thank you!!🙏🏼🙏🏼
“You don’t even know you” wow. So true. Truly we are still in the process of learning who we were created to be, and how we ought to love others. Marriage isn’t about 1 person but rather selflessly about both individuals coming together under God.
OMG! Thank you for talking about this. It is so important for us to have these conversations. Starting at 15 minutes in. That provided so much clarity. Freedom to say No without consequence. The explaination from the male and female prespective is so refreshing. That is WISDOM.
I love love love this frank, honest, open and transparent conversation about sex. Both of you compliment each other beautifully. God bless y'all for tackling this subject matter. Much needed.
I'm only 22 years but I've seen how destructive lust and porn has crippled me. As I continue to weep in silence i pray to overcome this heavy burden will be lifted off over my shoulders.
You've got this. The first step is being open and honest that you have this problem and humble enough to voice it out. Now take it to the foot of the cross. There is no sin, no weakness of soul and mind for which Jesus does not have an adequate remedy, purchased by his death. It is hard work that you must first desire to do, but oh how rewarding. The Father's mercy is always stopping down to our misery, never forget. Keep running to him. May he give you strength and courage to persevere. Be well. God bless you
@@xty070 Thank you so much for your wise words of encouragement.
Galatians 5:24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Pray colossians 3:5 and Galatians 5:24...if possible fast.
hey, how are you doing with this today? you okay? no judgement if you’re still struggling. just checking in ♥️
“I want to say no and still be loved.” Come on Jackie!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥
It's not a problem to say no but more like how you say it. We man have an ego that woman need to acknowledge,being submissive and humble makes it easier to accept your "No".❤❤
@@Grind_motiwhat do you mean submissive ?
@@Grind_motino is no, we shouldn’t have to sugarcoat it to still earn respect and love from our spouses
@@vanessavazquez5167: Let’s switch the roles…. If your husband tuned you down with annoyance and flat out rejection, would you feel some type of way about that….. Versus, him giving a gentle, “no, babe,” make a difference?
@@GoldenGraham25yep it’s what I was about to comment, ignorance is usually what gets between us and the Lord and within marriage is no different. The thing that makes all the difference is communication straight up, we are people and have feelings and personality, that’s what a bondage and relationship is about too getting to know and stay related with the person; to understand the union of becoming one is in all things, love is selfless and everything is a process…
Normalize healthy christian conversations around sex and relationships. This was insightful!
🔊🔊🔊 so much this.
“God uses the things we want the most to be hard to help sanctify us” sooooo sooooo sooooo good
And true
Question are you born again john 3:3?
Honestly, I never struggled with sexual sin until I recently moved off into my own apartment a few months ago. The spiritual covering and accountability that I was under in my parents’ house was no longer over me when I moved, and to be honest, I wasn’t strong enough to fight it alone. The devil knew where to attack me. Depression and low self esteem caused me to do things I never would have done before because I wasn’t in the word/prayer like I should have been and felt helpless and weak. I am promising all of you now that I will repent and turn away for good. Please pray for me or share your journey if you feel led. I’m unwilling to hand over any more of my mind to the enemy.
Don't beat yourself up. Your story is not unique. A lot of times just having a believing roommate will keep you accountable to your decision to honor God with your body. Are you in a church community? Loneliness is very real and it drives us to make all sorts of poor decisions that we otherwise wouldn't. Having good people around who have your best interests in mind with no judgement attached makes a world of difference! 💕
I rebuke the spirit of condemnation in the name of Jesus. Non of us are perfect not one. God loves you and k own our weaknesses..Thats the whole point he died love💖
Amen! Praise God for your conviction. 1 John 1:7 (walking in the light leads to fellowship with others and being cleansed from sin.), James 5:16 is so true, when we confess our sin to one another we are healed. The point of confession is to walk in Jesus’ healing. 2 Cor. 7:10 are used in my life to get my eyes off myself and my efforts and onto following Christ and loving the things he loves.
Remember how Paul says that the love of Christ compels me? When Temptations of lust or gluttony came my way I would fear failure… The Lord showed me that fear has to do with punishment and no one who fears is perfected in the love of Christ. There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out all fear. 1 John 4:18. I no longer “white knuckle it” we, those reconciled to God through the blood of Christ and his resurrection as a gift by grace through faith, fight sin no longer according to fleshly means rather we fight with weapons that have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Cor. 10:3-5 we put on the full armor of god such as the sword of the spirit which is the word of truth Gods living word which is active sharper than a double edged sword able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart through the Holy Spirit. And the shield of faith which has the power to demolish the flaming arrows of the evil one. :) you don’t have to promise to us. Just depend on Jesus every day he is with those being tempted.
Jesus said blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are the meek etc. He didn’t come for the righteous but the unrighteous and to lead them to repentance. Our strength comes from the Lord. In our weakness, and acknowledging our weakness to the Lord, his grace is sufficient for us for his power is made perfect in weakness! Paul says that he boths all the more in his weakness so that Christ power may rest upon him! Just love Christ that is the greatest commandment. May we all let go of everything that hinders and the sin that easily entangles us and run with perseverance the race marked out for us fixing our eyes on Jesus!
@@drealu22 Amen! Replacing the time I spent fearing I would fail Him and the feelings of worthlessness to reading God's word absolutely changed the way I battled with my lust! I can't do it on my own but God can do anything! Focusing on loving God instead of "not doing the bad thing" fills my heart with joy!
Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Nehemiah 8:10 NKJV
“Y’all don’t even wanna cry in front of people, that tells you how fragile you must be” the way I woooo’d! This was a great video.
Men don't want to cry in front of women because they might weaponize it.
Such a great episode. As a single lady God is showing me the worldliness of my views on sex! Podcasts like this help so much!
Jackie hill the saints and the aints the audacity 😆 It's funny cause it's true 😫
@@isaiahluther1470 you i
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Wow. I have never even thought about the freedom to say no to sex within marriage. Thank you so much for this conversation, Perrys!
When the goal is always "your pleasure is mine" and "mine is yours"..it leaves so much more room and vulnerability to be open and honest with each other on what's liked and what's not liked.
Yes definitely. I think the issue is that as Christians we wait until marriage to be pleasured so we only focus on the pleasure we’ve “missed out on”.
YES
This takes so much maturity. This comes easier to some because being a sexual “giver” or “pleasurer” is a type of sex language. Some ppl thrive on “how do you want it” and others struggle.
I laughed out loud when she said, I have to fake it so you can stop. They are speaking real truth. Learning from these young people.
Then there is truly no hope for me
“I don’t think it’s our job to pick and choose how God chooses to sanctify us.” This hit DIFFERENT 🔥🔥
My husband and I had the conversation about using your old sexual experience to please your new partner! You’re literally trying to please your partner with something someone else enjoyed. And get frustrated because your partner doesn’t like it because we haven’t taken the time to learn what we as a couple like! ❤
Perfect example of why waiting until marriage is best.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 unfortunately, that’s not everyone’s story, so learning how to move forward from that is also necessary. Open conversations about that.
WOW! I've never even thought of this. Thank you for sharing this perspective.
😅😅
Wow thanx for sharing, this is an eye opener.
This is the most authentic conversation I've heard around sex in marriage.
You also have to realize your spouse may just not desire sex as much as you. Not due to past trauma or anything bad, but simply because they don’t. And if you’re that spouse that doesn’t want it as much, realizing that just as there is beauty and sanctification in your spouse when they humbly sacrifice their desire for sex when you don’t want to, there is a beauty and sanctification when you (the spouse who doesn’t want sex as often) humbly gives themself to their spouse even when you don’t want to and finds joy in doing so.
This is a word! Finding the beauty and sanctification when giving one's self is an amazing concept. I appreciate you sharing this perspective. A lot of time as a lower desire individual one can feel broken and transfer pressure to the higher-desire individual to "make" the lower-desire person want sex more or in the same manner.
Preach! It is possible to be intimate with your spouse even when you do not want to as an act of love and find joy in their happiness
I love this submission, wonderful insight🥰
✅
Exactly a proper way is to then think of other ways and things to show your spouse love learn about them and ways to bring God closer into the marriage. This culture has made it so condemning to not be hypersexual and oversexualized. But honestly if your wanting to have sex with your husband or wife and they just don't even for a week or however long. It's selfishness pride and greed that make you think ungodly thoughts and be in your feelings. But as a christan it's time to tap into the fact God created marriage and what marriage is and truly represents. God himself isn't forceful God Himself is a giving generous God and sacrificed His own son for our us. God Himself is very creative and patience gentle kind understanding. THATS how marriage should be reflected. Not with condemnation resentment stirring of lust and emotions or seeking inwardly or outerly for that to be fulfilled sex and it's desires shouldn't fulfill or control you or your spouse. That means you should work closer on getting intimate with God. Experience intimacy how it's supposed to be. And God can use that , to show you what to do with your spouse and how to reflect that intimacy and what love actually is when it's real and pure unto your spouse.
Women do struggle in the same way as men when it comes to expectation and fantasy from a broad perspective. The struggle in a lot of women is the fantasy or narrative of deep romance or emotional connection that he will bring. Both parties must realize that it takes work and time to get to these places.
Women have lustful thoughts too! Just because it can look different from men's, doesn't mean it's not there! I'm glad someone else said it. Women tend to want to act like we're so innocent and that we aren't affected by these thoughts and temptations. We are all human, and we are all affected by desires of the flesh!
I was sexually abused as a child from 8 on…… one day my hubby looked at me and said baby can I have sex with you…. Y’all I broke down that healed something in me I dident know neeeded healed ❤🎉
That’s beautiful.
Jackie just answered a question that I didn't realize I held for decades. I wondered if the problems in the marriage bed (heart, mind, physical) wouldn't exist if I was pure. It never occurred to me that is a prosperity type thought. But Jackie is absolutely right. Sure we brought more baggage from not being "pure" before marriage but even "pure" people are sinners. Baggage is part of the human relationship. Wow, just like that, one less twisted thought out my head.
Love it! AMEN
Agreed that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) regardless of purity before marriage; however, the joy, fruit, and reward of an undefiled marriage bed should not be minimized. Also, keeping pure honors God and our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Hebrews 13:4 ESV
@@jhan_drums yes I agree with you. I don't think any true Christian minimizes the biblical standard for sex and marriage. For me, I was not raised with biblical principles. Nor was I saved until a lot of life had happened. I knew when God saved me that I was forgiven for everything. I was not condemned. I am not condemned. I was saved one year after being married. I have so many issues and me and my husband have so many issues in that area. I often imagined, no on some level, I totally believed that had we been virgins when we got married we would have no issues in that area. Not condemnation. I'm speaking on issues, conflicts and such. I fool heartly believed that those who waited were blessed with a harmonious marriage bed. And those who didn't were not. But what Jackie pointed out released that foolish notion that waiting guarantees a gift of harmony. God does not guarantee harmony in relationships for obeying Him. He guarantees harmony (just to stay consistent with words) with Him. Waiting glorifies God as all obedience to Him does. But just like obeying Him in anything else sometimes the glory is no earthly reward. We are still sinners. We still have baggage. Waiting will not eliminate our issues. It just doesn't add to them. I now realize there are people who waited who have just as much if not more issues then me and my husband of almost 30 years. Look at Joshua Harris and his wife. They waited. And now he has denounced Christ, purity and divorced his wife. There was obviously issues and conflicts that had to have shown up in their marriage bed. And if his wife was saved and is walking with Christ despite her husband's rejection she is still glorifying God in her obedience. Her reward is in heaven. Yet her heart is broke on earth in ways some who did not wait will never know. The obedience to God is not a path of prosperity on Earth in any kind of way. And that really did not sink until I heard Jackie put it that way in this video.
Yes! In all honesty, people who are pure or are pursuing purity have lots of baggage too. They still have desires led by the flesh and even if they “do a better job” of not acting on them, it doesn’t always mean it’s for the right reason. My own purity has been led by immense fear and not the desire to please God. I am slowly working through that but I have realized my intentions were still aligned with the flesh even though I look “pure” to my peers
@@veronicaquiroz8048 that's deep. Thank you for sharing. I never thought about it like that. Also, I pray God heals you in your areas.
I’m 37 and never been married but hope to be one day. I must say that even if not I found this conversation to be so delightful. I really love you two ❤
This was so refreshing to watch. I was talking to this gentleman who tried to convince me “you have to try it before you buy it” when I told him I made a vow to God to be celibate before marriage. I stood steadfast in my beliefs and he could not understand why I would make such a “drastic” choice. But your conversation has solidified what God has taught me and what I have learned through my own choices and mistakes. Thank you for speaking openly and biblically and for shedding light on a topic that is avoided by most Christians.
Try it before you buy it is a common lie to attempt to get us to abandon our commitment to purity
Stay strong sis! 💪💪💪💪
Girl great decision. Stick to it
I am cracking up. Jackie is extremely correct. We do sometimes make extra noise so he can move it along. But it doesn't mean he is bad at sex, you might just want to do the "stuff" that comes after the climax (I don't mean sleeping). Foreplay is part of the sexual experience as well. 15 minutes can be as pleasurable as 60 minutes. Just don't let sex become an idol. "Do not give it more glory than the one who created it."😉
I hear you but in marriage he created it for benefit of your marriage…it is not the only thing but it as far as men are concerned it is at the top the freaking list…we feel loved by it and feel like we can express our love though it…so be careful when you reject the love☝🏾
@@dmills06 I’ve always been told that sex is just sex for men and it’s not always attached to love but it seems like thats not true if when a man loves a woman, he can’t separate her “no” to sex from rejecting him and his love. And if a man ONLY associates sex with love when he loves the woman, why or how could he do it if he doesn’t love the woman.
So very interesting Good thought
@@dmills06ty for saying that
We all have a relationship with sex that is unique to us. The one you marry will not have the same relationship with sex as you. It’s important to find out that person’s relationship with sex before marriage. Not by having sex but by speaking about it with each other. One of the most powerful things to me when I was married, was that she gave herself to me. My relationship with sex was so different than other men's. I had a level of passion that was not normal. I never want sex to feel like I’m doing something to you and not with you!
not normal, in a good way, or in a bad way. So your relationship with sex was good, or not?
@@MethodiousMind - It’s a personal thing, to be honest, but it’s not black and white. From some perspectives it’s a good thing from other perspectives it’s bad. To answer your question I would say I will say it was bad. When you get something before you’re supposed to have it, it’s confusing how to deal with it! My relationship with sex started at 5.
@@-As4me As4Me I went back and read your original comment. I understand what you were trying to say. Thanks for your response.
Me too, my relationship with sex is a bit the same. I prefer to feel the togetherness. There are ladies who I literally had to stop midway for I felt the lack of oneness. They probably assumed that only their presence in sex is enough without having to participate or engage fully. Either that or lack of confidence or not taking initiative. But I got saved, and now I'm courting to marry. I have to bring up this convo before marriage
I have never heard people talk about this part of what sex inside marriage can look like ... how you walk through sex with your spouse when you've been through trauma, how important it is for a woman to be able to say no without that meaning, "I reject you." But it creates more freedom and better intimacy and a better sex life as a whole. Thank you. Loved how you mentioned that work in marriage, work in sex actually leads to fulfillment. So many people stop at "marriage is spelled W O R K", you guys touched "and okay, this is why the work is all worth it!!"
Enlightening and encouraging, appreciate y'all
That communication part about what is working and not working in your sex life is SO critical. That was something my former spouse and I couldnt really ever have open dialogue about.
Another thing to note about trauma in the marriage relationship is that men too bring sexual trauma that they may have suppressed. It takes prayer, patience and humility to walk and work through that.
Thank you, Jackie and Preston. So good, y'all! ❤
“I don’t think it’s our job to pick and choose how God chooses to sanctify us.”
Help alllll of me to yield dear God🙏🏾
That was a word!😮💨
Yeessss!
This is powerful I love y’all openness to strengthen the body. I have been married 32 years and was a virgin when I got married at age of 21. My husband was 26 and experienced I had to tell him babe I’m not a girl from “the streets” and he understood that. He may not have liked it but he understood what I was saying and approached me differently. Open communication ladies and gents are important.❤
I just want to make it known that I love the content you guys publish; meaningful and engaging conversations and topics... something that I aspire to have within my kingdom marriage. I value the transparency and relatability.
I loved when Jackie said “we want to say no without consequences” because yeah ! Really hurtful when there are consequences to us as women not giving our bodies.
1 Cor 7:5-7 should be your guide not your emotions or issues
Watch how they are saying ‘OUR body’. I guess we all draw a line somewhere in the bible.
@@living1derdefinitely not a Godly reply, because that’s not how Jesus would reply to trauma, that’s your flesh talking and using some verses in a whole chapter to think your point is solid, but that’s just a carnal reply and God is love and you should read what Love is
@walkwithaissata Me too, otherwise it Feels subtly forced. @living1der And if a child who has a loving parent can expect love & compassion to make it better when they have gotten hurt (hopefully they can get at least a hug if not the traditional “kiss it make it better” response) How come we can’t expect compassion I/o “consequences/punishments” from our “loving” partners?
@@swedmerson90 you should never "endure" sex. No one should be touching you if you're not happy about it
“I want to say NO and still be loved.”
🥺
This spoke to me on so many levels. I felt validated listening to it. I was a victim of sexual abuse and it’s mind blowing to my husband why I’m not wanting to please him the way he wants and the frequency he needs. Thank you for y’all’s work!
I love this so much, lust and trauma doesn't end when you enter a marriage. Both marriage and sex requires work and focus from both parties. My hubby and I struggle but we work through it all. Our marriage is always improving 💜
That is beautiful
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. Im the only girl he has ever kissed. We’ve been married 12 years and we just had a conversation the other night about expectations in sex. It’s better now than it ever has been. Wonderful. While our sex life has had its ups and downs, we’ve never been tempted to be unfaithful to each other. Yes, he’s had difficulties through the years with keeping his mind only on me, but he’s never been addicted to pornography. And of course we’ve had to grow in this area as we’ve continued to learn ourselves. One thing we’ve always done is talk about what has pleased us. I so wish the church would have these types of conversations! Thank you for sharing!
That's sad he didn't do anything physically but what do you mean he's had difficulty keeping his mind only on you. even as virgins , even without porographic images , even without desiring to cheat. I'm assuming you may not have any problem with keeping your mind only for your husband ? But even with all of that he still desires other women. How is this even possible ?? This makes me never want to even look at men or be around them. to have all of that and still not be enough. But for women it's so natural to only desire your husband and porn , flirtation, aren't even a thought because you'd rather please him , not just a men but him and who he is. This is so discouraging and I'm sad that this even exists. I hate this culture and world , It makes me feel like I'll never be good enough and always have to "perform" just to keep my own husband to want me because men are apparently even in christan marriage comparing thinking of and desiring other women.
@@FIRE4JESUSIt’s a natural desire for a man to think other women look beautiful. I’m sure you thought other guys looked attractive while you were serious with someone, it’s human nature don’t think to deep about it
@@Mr.Jaquaveon2k Alot of people are asexual , and loyal with their eyes as well. Yeah , its a desire of the flesh not holy or righteous unless its PURE brother and sister love and appreciation to God for His creation comes with purity fear of The Lord and respect.
Interesting conversation I think it's important to add that autonomy is important even if there isn't trauma.
I really like how the Perry's family talk so naturally about this theme. The world really have the lead voice about sex, and churh always flew from this theme. As a husband, married for 8 years, I learn a lot with you guys. Praise the Lord!
Sorry if have mistake, I'm just a humble Brazilian, who have never went to a country who speak English
Marcos you made perfect sense. God bless yoy
I have been married for 51 years and 8 months. We had been married maybe 8 years when my husband said, “you are not the same person I married”. My response was you are correct and why would you want me to be? Marriage and sex are both work!
Yes!
So what changes over the years that made you guys stay together, amidst different expectations in the beginning?
Wow this is currently me at the 8 year mark. How did you both push past this stage of your marriage ?
@@RearviewWisdom exacly, I'm here for the comments.
Work in a bad way? Does it become a hassle? Asking as a young person.
I really needed to hear this! As a believer and a sexual health educator, I struggle teaching about the body in way that’s 1) True to the word 2) Easily digestible for anyone. This podcast truly shifted my perspective on sex, teaching and growing with my partner!
This is a GREAT conversation!! Salute for your courage and transparency. My husband and I traveled through every bit of the terrain you mentioned here. I was convinced I was incapable of a climax! I had been so abused and robbed of innocence so young…. He thought he knew what to do and I was convinced that because he was “the one” that he would just know me somehow. Pure ignance and insanity at its best! LOL 20 years in and after much work, many tears, very uncomfortable conversations and prayer in an atmosphere of humility and transparency…intimacy is beyond what I ever thought possible!! It was and is work but that fruit though!!!! 🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥🙌🏼🔥 If you struggling don’t give up on eachother. If HE healed ours… He can definitely heal yours. GOD CAN HEAL ANYTHING BROKEN WHEN WE GIVE HIM ACCESS TO IT
Wowwwww just got married two weeks in nd me and my wife struggled sexually. Struggling with thoughts of an inability to climax part is a real thing. But practice makes perfect
So happy for you!!. It also speaks to your faithfulness and perseverance as a couple. Also to add one adjustment, practice makes better, not perfect. Married nearly 40 years, as we're still learning.
@@normiejeanj that’s what I’m talkin about!!! 40 years and STILL learning… it’s the humility for me! CONGRATULATIONS!! SALUTE!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼And AGREED! Practice definitely makes better, never perfect. The expectation of perfection is a huge stumbling block in marriage. Imperfect people are incapable of perfection…I constantly have to remind myself.
Been married for 12 ,I want to believe this but I feel tired.
@@Babyboy_Matt be patient. There's more to learn about your spouse other than sexually. Those other areas will help with the sexual one. The more you connect with her emotionally, the easier it will be for her to flourish sexually. Your wife is a treasure to be discovered. The Bible compares a wife to precious gems. Gems are hidden and there's much work to get to them. 😉 Have fun! Together!
Sister Jackie you made a LOT of sense!!! We are ever changing and our desires at “50”, isn’t the same as it was at “30”! I’m praying that married folk understand and respect the change🙏🏽
Thank you both so much for having this conversation because we truly need to allow the church to lead the way for sex and not the world!!!
This is so good! Talking about sex as a Believer is so important, and the stigma needs to taken out of these conversations. It is a lot to expect people to go from purity where they don't even talk about sex to being a husband or wife and pleasing every need of another person while trying to learn themselves sexually. It is important to be committed to your spouse even in the bedroom; to be gracious, kind, caring, and willing to always learn and grow. All of that is key. It is also important and nice to have those spontaneous moments, where one or the other doesn't have to come ask or schedule a time and can just come together out of desire and passion
i’ve fought porn very hard for about the past year now. i’ve even had a bad time using my VR headset watching it combined with the use of alcohol. as time moved on i got rid of the things that tempt me and set me up to fail. i still fail though. i still go through weeks failing. what you guys talked about with purity culture was great and helped lift a weight off my shoulders. i’m 25 and still a virgin. i’ve never dated someone; i’ve never even kissed a girl. and i worry i’ve become too far unpure that i’ve spoiled my future sex life/marriage. i know though, God wants me to have hope for these things. he wants me to make my life a confession. i’ve seemed to form a perspective on life that is toxic that i hope to get rid of: the black and white battle of staying pure and the hell that you’re in when you sin vs the life that you live when you are completely sober and obeying God. i know this isn’t necessarily a bad way to look at life but it can be. instead of focusing on my own ability to overcome sin consciously, instead, focusing on Christ and his life. Knowing that he is ALWAYS with me. Whoever has read this far thank you. this is part of my confession.
I really love the last part of this, not focusing on my own ability but focusing on Christ and his life. And honestly, recently God has been teaching me to totally rely on him cause just like you, ive got some heavy distractions and all through I've been trying in my own strength, my intelligence but recently I'm getting this idea on focusing on Christ.
Also please can you pray for me because now I know it's not by my might but it's quite hard to focus on Christ, it's quite hard for me to pray and be on the word.
Bless you brother; it's hard out here being saved, Sanctified and redeemed by the blood of Christ yet denying ourselves daily.
I've been promiscuous and i am open minded .. but ABSOLUTELY HATE PORN. I think it creates a false understanding of intimacy and doesn't help men understand women. What if you try a bit of replacement? Focus on the women aspect and try to see another side of us. Research our wiring, our anatomy, our fantasies and get to know about the biggest sex organ (the brain!!!!). If you watch negative opinions on porn or porn bloopers it may shatter the illusion. You don't have the real world context so the fantasy has warped your views. You're not permanently tainted but you are grossly misinformed. That's something you do have control of! Get a book about it.
well done bro! youre doing great
Wake up every morning thanking God for letting you live to see another day. Millions of people are not so lucky. Then proceed to spend the rest of the day putting the devil to shame by avoiding everything that God hates. CONTINOUSLY LISTEN TO THE TYPE OF GOSPEL MUSIC THAT WORKS FOR YOU.....and nothing else. When you are on gospel music 24/7, you are totally surrounded by the host of Heaven as your bodyguards, 24/7!
I am proud of you guys taking on this subject. (and trying to keep it PG). You are awesome! I’m a pastoral counselor for over 40 years and you are hitting the important points right on! I agree with all you are saying and am impressed that God has given you so much in your eight years of marriage. Keep going wi5
"I hate how it is the world leading the way in this conversation because it should not be." WHAT A GREAT POINT!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Amazing conversation. For the first time, I feel like someone understands. I used to say I felt violated over and over again in my marriage and felt bad for saying it. This was helpful.
So sorry dear
As someone raised in a religious family and in a biblically based church, no one in my influential circle put the idea of promiscuity in the same framework as you both; that having that experience with other people teaches you about other people and their wants, but not your spouse. That's powerful. Thank you for being so open and straightforward with your testimonies and insights.
This was so good! Thank you for talking about this. I'm thankful for close friends, newly married and those married for years, that I could talk to and share with. It made the first years of marriage so much easier!!
This is sooo good! Have stayed pure and almost 38….does almost feel like you mentioned like once I’m married (had that purity ring and read those books, etc.) that sex life should be great. But, honestly I think that I’ve waited so long, now I actually feel a bit scared to have sex when I think about it. Prayers needed for once married and grace from my future spouse.
God bless you more my sister,,,
I had my sexual debut on my wedding night and it was pretty bad and never got better. My husband refused to go down on me, was only interested in about 90 seconds off missionary. No interest in my pleasure. And I just thought that I didn't like sex. Eventually my husband revealed himself to be an abusive alcoholic. I followed the rules and lost.
@@JeniJustJeni You need to take charge of your own pleasure and buy toys. If he has a problem with it you need an exit plan.
@@JeniJustJeniSounds like you did the right thing just with the wrong person. Maybe needed more time before marriage.
@@nathanaelmorrison6073!
Thanks for bringing this issue to light! I think having a part 2 episode talking about higher desire women would be helpful. It is often framed that men are the ones that get rejected but there is an increasing number of women get rejected due to the man’s past sexual abuse, porn, extramarital affairs, erectile dysfunction, etc. And the women often end up thinking there is something wrong with them or that they are no longer desirable.
I will be excited to see part2
You are right!
I thoroughly enjoyed this episode , it really helped my frame of mind as a single person - I realise that the pornography expectations don’t just affect men but women too in the unrealistic standards of what my sex life May look like marriage. Also, side note this made me also realise how one definitely needs therapy too.
Thank you to The Perrys for such a beautiful discussion 🤍
Real talk! I counsel so many women who do just that Jackie, "fake it so the husband can stop" the husband does not pay attention to the wife's body or learn her... sooo much faking... it is so sad. Then becomes a sexless Christian marriage. 🙏🏾
Jackie hit it on the nail of what women expected (to be pleased, to be loved, to orgasm.) and the fear of telling their husband this because of the stigma around it. Men think if they’re “good” at having sex they please the lady. Not knowing the road to orgasm for a lady is much deeper than that.
Na its not that deep tbh
It’s really not. I always say if it’s difficult for a woman to orgasm her vagina is just not as sensitive as other women’s. It’s amazing how much women don’t know about their own parts
@@lilrabbitcuz Not quite. “Sensitivity” isn’t exactly what makes a woman orgasm. Vaginas actually don’t have nerve endings, meaning they can’t be “sensitive.” (If vaginas had nerve endings, sex and giving birth would literally be so unbearably painful that women would pass out from pain routinely... thank goodness God created our vaginas without nerve endings!!!!)
There are many women that actually CANNOT orgasm no matter what. It has nothing to do with “sensitivity” though. Women can be pleased in other ways. Talking about it is great. The orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all.
@@mcgheebentle1958 the clit has nerve endings, and the orgasm is the end all be all- sorry mate.
@@lilrabbitcuz Yes, and the clit is completely different from the vagina. Two different body parts.
Glad you guys as a Godly married couple are talking about this on your podcast
This felt like a conversation given by your older sibling and their partner. Speaking truth and leading by example bc they want the best for you ❤
I love what you’re saying about 11 mins in. Sex is the gateway of deeper intimacy/connection with the person God has blessed your marriage with. One of the purposes of sex is to become one accord with your spouse in and OUT OF THE BED.
This is 🔥🔥 y’all
The comfort between the 2 of you and the honesty of this conversation is 💯. Thank you. Got bless you both
I absolutely love when Jackie breaks out into a tongue when Preston says something that hits her spirit! 😀
Not me. Jackie is mocking the gift of tongues. The second she does that, I turn it off. I pray the LORD gives her wisdom for that which she does not understand and I pray she stops with the mocking. Blessings to you and to the Perrys
@@noble604 Just shut up!
@@noble604 why do you think she’s mocking?
Your name doesn’t suit you
@noble No, she is not. Period.
Thank you so much for talking about this topic. I am 2yrs married and have been so upset with my spiritual authorities for not discussing this with me. Nobody talks about it. Mainly because they are embarrassed, I assume. I'm not! I'm more interested in healing and growth. Thank you thank you thank you.
The subtle shots in the beginning were EVERYTHING lol. Always enjoy the marital banter between you two. Great coverage as always.
Yoooo, this blessed me so much. Many Points I never considered and will be praying about these points and that the Lord help me through so that I don't have an unrealistic expectation. Glory to God
Such an important conversation and done beautifully by The Perry’s!! Even as a single woman this provides so much for me!!
Wow.. just wow!!! hitting everything nail on the head! Preston my boy... everything you said was straight facts!!! you too Jackie, having those straight forward convos is real talk and sometimes tough too
I’ve been watching these like I’m not single and have no prospects lol. But whats weird is that God has been throwing a lot of marriage content at me lately so I’m just taking it in hoping that it’s just preparing for the future
It is.. 👌🏾
Well brother,
This is the year of the Bride.
Genesis 2:22
Same! ain’t been on date or in a relationship for almost 3 years and no one is checking for me and I be all into these conversations 😂 like hmmm 🤔 okay let me ✍️ this down 😂
Don’t loose hope. Had my 1st ever bf last year @ 36 yrs old (last short 4 months) and almost 38 yrs now in Jan. Dated same guy again this year for almost 4 months again & now been single again for many months. Was a dream of mine to marry my 1st bf, but not sure about that anymore. Lord’s will be done in all our lives
This is me, been going to marriage seminars couples services at church with my single self...🤣taking notes
Such a good conversion!!! I've been married 18 years, and yes, we're different people and enjoy or need different things at different stages of our lives. Loved this conversation ❤
Thank you for sharing this , because even though it doesn't apply to everyone's marriage it really is good food for thought .
Wowwww you both touched on so many things! My husband and I have been married 23+ years and we just had this conversation about how we sometimes have to “schedule” our intimacy. He commented on how that is sad and I reminded him that it’s progress. Previously we would have been mad at each other if we didn’t have time or he’d do the “it’s okay” when I don’t feel good but his whole body language would tell me it wasn’t. Now we can say, hey tonight’s not a good night, let’s shoot for tomorrow. And it helps me to get the house in order so we have us rushed time together.
Ahhhh so much goodness here! Everything affects the bedroom! 🤯
This is so real, and I definetely agree that the conversation should be had in the church..
For me it was Preston who asked the question that I thought I alone wanted to know the answer to. Wow, thanks for reading my mind, Preston! I also love his sense of humor, he's just so real!! God bless you both, Jackie and Preston!
ENCORE!!! ENCORE!!! ...YO thank ya'll for this!! I wish the podcast was hour&thirty mins with the Perry's lol
My ex had been abused and also went through multiple people himself along with an extreme porn addiction, and extreme sexual practices. Because I loved him and his multiple other great qualities, I was willing to be patient and help him through anything and be with him no matter how much his past hurt me. I believe he truly tried to be a better person with more self control while he was with me, and had the intention to leave all that mess in the past, but I simply couldn’t handle his wandering eyes and his tendency to objectify me, as a virgin. We never married, and we remained chaste throughout the relationship, but he definitely had very high expectations for our future sex life in marriage. He would swear up and down that he wasn’t gonna care that much about sex and be patient with me when I expressed insecurity and concern due to his past. Eventually he completely backtracked and admitted very bluntly that he thinks that because I’m a virgin, and I won’t perform a laundry list of specific kinky things that he had so many other partners do for him, I will be really boring in bed. He said he just can’t for a second accept a boring sex life and he’ll have to cheat on me and watch porn if I don’t commit to do what he says once we’re married. I’ve never felt so belittled and horrified in my life. I had to end the relationship that night. It has been really heartbreaking and soul crushing to see the consequences of sexual immorality in him and in our relationship. I don’t know how to trust any more and I’m sure because of this I will experience intimacy issues in my future marriage. I promised myself I will never enter a marriage with a man who expects me to be a pornstar on the wedding night, or on any other night for that matter, even if it means I have to marry another virgin who can understand my insecurities so we can give each other the grace to figure things out without putting so much pressure on each other.
If you can find another virgin to marry that is the best thing. You doged a bullet and most than likely some STDs. rejection is Gods protection. Do what you love and explore the world, God will send you your husband when the time is right.
Hi😊. I do not know if you’re a believer in Christ, but if you are, it’s totally awful for anyone to project their past sexual experiences (might I add sinful) on you and make you feel little for obeying God and being a virgin. And I believe this is one of the reasons still the Lord would have us be chaste and explore with one person in marriage, so we don’t have multiple portfolios that are affecting us of what is ‘required’, but two people learning about each other and building their intimacy. I’m really glad that you ended that relationship (from where I stand and how I see it), but I’d really want to encourage you not to, if I may say, also project unto your future relationship with your spouse and say you’ll have problems, and in some way, doing the very same thing your ex was doing- projecting. Rather trust God to heal you of that past and those terrible words that you may thoroughly enjoy his design for you in marriage. ❤
@@tegaedwardsthis was so well said! God showed you the red flag before you were married and you did the right thing to listen to it and leave. That takes a lot of self respect and I applaud you for it. I can reassure you that if you have the courage to leave that you will have the courage to find the man that will compliment you in Gods image. You are worth waiting for, and you are worth way more than what your flesh has to offer. 🫶🏼
I understand to some extent what you've been through. Not because I've been through the exact same thing, but because all the men I've known in the past were addicted to porn, or at least had watched a lot of it, and asked me to do things that always disgusted me (and that I've refused to do). I'm not a virgin, so to speak, but I've always felt hurt by their impure desires and because I've always had this pure vision of sexuality and above all of using it as God created us, naturally. But I can tell you that many have turned sexuality into perversity even so-called Christians, I've discovered that most of them are still polluted by their sexual past and well, God knows, He knows our insecurities and anxieties, He knows what we can't stand and I just wanted to encourage you to put your ENTIRE trust in Him my sister. I know some very good, pure-hearted men who will never abuse you. It's obvious that this man wasn't the one for you ~ I've known disappointments too, I've shed a lot of tears for men who didn't deserve them. I've been single for 5 years and I'm waiting for the man of my life who will be perfect for me and you know what? Celibacy is much better than being with the wrong man I tell you even if it's not easy every day, Jesus is our husband and he will never disappoint us. Make sure the man you're going to marry has a pure vision of sexuality and a natural use of it without any influence from porn and the devil because he's deceived many unfortunately...
@@Stefy44 You’re absolutely right, I really appreciate your comment although I’m sad you’ve experienced similar situations. But this was so so uplifting, thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏❤️❤️
I was abused a lot as a child and lived a homosexual lifestyle for years. Four years into my walk with christ I still fear sex and wonder what that would look like in marriage. The idea of a man still scares me sometimes.. thanks for this conversation x
Edit: thanks for the messages. God has Done a lot of healing in my heart and He did reveal to me that the rest of my healing will be found in marriage where I’ll experience through my husband the true love of Christ. I know enough about my destiny to know that I cannot fulfill it without the marriage God has ordained for me.. so I do want it because of my destiny in serving Christ and I know though it will be hard God promised it would be a good marriage. I trust Jesus with all my heart so I’ll enter the marriage out of faith.. I know my husband is a good man and we will work through my traumas
Sorry for the trauma. Praying you find healing 🙏🏽 to experience the joys in the way that God intended 🙏🏽 🙌 🙂
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Release and try Jesus wholly, relinquish your hurt, pain and emotions and God will in his love and grace turn your heart towards him which will aid in turning your heart to men. He loves you and I am so sorry this happened to you.
I think about this a lot. I think no matter the trauma, a good man will make you feel safe so that you don’t feel afraid, and are able to enjoy that beautiful gift with your husband. 🤎
@@ElizabethAxoxo Very true. I'm a living testimony. God was so gracious to allow me and my husband to feel like virgins! 🙌🏾 He's patience, understanding, and adjusts. Almost 2 years in and I know it will get even better 😌 🙏🏾.
Real talk. There are so many variables in this conversation. Each spouses upbringing is a factor. Segue to our marriage and our children. I spoke openly to our daughter, she is the oldest. When I began talking to my sons, my ex-husband discouraged me from talking to our two sons. If we make this topic taboo it will be. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work.
Y’all’s opening banter makes me smile..
I love the realness that you both share with each other. I’m subscribed! You both have so much to offer and help teach us to better understand ourselves and our partners.
These conversations are so important like we can’t ignore there’s an entire book dedicated to monogamous sexual passion that was even read on important holidays by everyone lol. The reluctance to talk about sex is such a circular problem- it creates the exact conditions that lead to it in the first place. We have to be willing to open up and be honest.
👌👌
What’s it called..? 📚💭
@@acharich lol Song of Solomon. Make you do a double take when you read it
I can’t handle how good this is. Thank you guys for always being 💯 REAL.
I think the reason for working for it is the only human way of attaching more value to it and not just taking it for granted
We often value what we work for more than what we dont
💯👍🏼
This is a wonderful conversation. Very healthy and loving. Can you all do a video for men that have a hard time having hope for an exciting marriage? I feel like anytime I hear people talk about it, it’s always about how hard it is, and how much I have to let go of all these things that I want. Additionally, I feel like sometimes the grace, patience, understanding, affirmation, is so much more expected and required on one side than it is the other. “Happy wife , happy life”, but any lack, or denied desire I have is rooted in fragile male ego or some other shallow character trait. I do believe in accountability, sacrificial love, etc. Sometimes it just feels like there’s minimal benefit for the man, other than character development, and family. Which are huge yes, but is that all?
This was sooooo good! I’m still single and I wrote this on my prayer list about a 2-3 years ago. This was confirmation.
Finally a REAL conversation about sex! So glad you all are keeping it real. I've been a christian for 43 years and married 34. Never have I heard a discussion like this. Thank you!
This was an awesome discussion. You've done the body of Christ a great service. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you and the way you play off each other. I pray for continued happiness, communication and love in your marriage.
Jackie praying in tongues when she agrees with something Preston says always tales me out😂😂😂This was a great conversation, i will definitely have more wisdom and awareness regarding this subject.
My husband and I listened to this-beautiful episode!
This was awesome. Both husband and wife openly being honest and speaking the truth!
I so so soooo agree that this is something that's valid to talk about in church! We avoid the topic altogether (as well as other topics) and we end up absolutely leaving believers unequipped- especially in the most sensitive/intimate of areas!
If God put it in His Word, then why are we saving it for just Bible Stidy breakout groups?
It's so nice to hear this talk. Yall hit so many good points for me to think about in a new way. Thank you!
This episode right here. My God. This is the most reflective, insightful, and accountable slap in the face I’ve had all YEAR. And the jewel about men being particularly fragile ONLY because most are unable to acknowledge and own it **faints**
I love y’all. Y’all just just don’t know how much this word has blessed me on my current healing journey 💚
This video is literally giving me so much hope! I’ve recently gotten dumped because of my lack of sexual urge and “sexual availability” due to various things on my end…one being my outlook on our relationship and how I was more focused on learning and growing and caring for one another spiritually, emotionally, and mentally versus physically.
This is Good! I have been there and it is difficult when the other party doesn’t have the same vision or desire
Why not both?
I decree and declare that Preston and Jackie Perry will write a book together based off of these series and more. You two are amazing together.
We can’t decree and declare. Not only is is not found or taught in scripture, but it also resembles manifesting in the new age.
@@isaiah7787 I think they were joking... I could be wrong tho
See what the enemy was fighting, her future generation..
@@isaiah7787 so where does Job 22:28 fit in???
@@BeatriceMedia the context in that verse does not apply to us at all miss. Read the whole book of Job & you’ll quickly find out it’s a life lesson to take from his story. God alone is the one who declares & decrees things in the Bible :)
This is so spot on. Having been married and divorced twice, I can openly say that sex was a problem in both marriages. Some of the problem was due to trauma and some due to drama (infidelity). It's difficult for a woman to not only deal with past trauma (abuse and misuse), but also be dealing with her husband's drama that he is bringing to the relationship. That's disastrous! Thank you for talking frankly about this! I also resonated with the discussion about the purity era of the 90's and the horrible idea that sex in marriage should just happen because one person wants it to happen.
Awesome convos. We need to hear more about this in the Christian community
Yes Shalom!! Definitely agree 💪🏾💪🏾 There are so many thought processes that we won’t know we have until we get into marriage. It’s good to start thinking through these things right now
@@musingswithmo yesss Mo 🤗
I felt this to my core im currently going through a separation and i know one of the issues was sex! As a mutli time surivor of assualts from childhood to adult i was constantly re-traumatized by my own husband. The past 2 years ive had to seek therapy because when i said no it was demanded or even forced anyway or i would even give in because my no was met with silent treatments etc or my christian wife responsibilities were thrown in my face or because of how i was raised i felt like regardless of how i felt i was supposed to follow through. I felt powerless and definitely felt the trauma all over. I was advised it wasnt Gods will. Im pursing my peace now 🙏
I’m in the same boat. I’m about to go through a long distance separation, & one of our top 5 issues is our sex life that’s not existent.
My ex (from age 16-22), who is my only other sexual partner outside of my spouse had severe lust issues that manifested into our dating life & eventually our sex life, where he lead me into. It was such a painful experience that I waited years for “God’s best” only to give up after 8 years of singleness & abstinence, in a season of vulnerability, for a man who also struggled with lust issues.
Our entire sex life has been trauma after trauma, & until the attitude & language around sex changes, I’m not sure I can ever get intimate with my husband ever again. He doesn’t feel safe for me & has convinced me that I’m actually the problem.
I’m sorry but lust issues (big or small) bring warfare into the marriage & into the bedroom, & I don’t think it’s my duty to fulfill his lust, which is what I feel like I’m the object of when he tries to initiate.
I’m going to be seeking intense therapy!
@@Peyitforwardtherapy and DELIVERANCE is needed. Finding a genuine man of God or church where they believe in deliverance, discipleship may be more important for you. Avoid the false churches
As someone struggling with lust, I clicked on this so quick
So refreshing to see a female admit this. Thank you for being transparent.
Same, girl, same😭
I am too. Glad they're having these conversations.
Me too.
Stay strong girls
Five minutes in and ears wide open. This is so needed. Thanks.
Love the open nd honest conversation on this topic. A topic that's rarely discussed in church nd marriage. As a union honesty is also eminent in this particular part of the marriage. Thank u Jacky nd Preston for sharing🙏🙏
I’m 62 and my husband and I are still intimate with each other. I think this is a great topic and needs to be focused on often in the church. Too many Christian’s are walking around feeling defeated in this area because let’s face it life gets in the way and many ppl make intimacy last on their list. It’s not just the sexual part ppl have to deeply love their spouse and have a friendship with them so it is easier to speak on these types of topics. Openness is tough if you have one person who shuts down. But keep praying and approaching and God will open hearts to change. I also believe ppl have to be willing to give even when they don’t feel like it. But when we are honest about our feelings that is when things can change for the better. Someone can’t change something that they don’t know is a problem.
Thank you Preston and Jackie for ALWAYS tackling the tougher subject. I pray for your family often and for your strength to press ahead in the ministry. We need more young ppl like the both of you. Jesus is the only one that can change lives but you both are bringing them in for God to heal. Praise the Lord for His goodness!
Can't say I didn't learn a lot from y'all. A much needed conversation especially in the church. Thank y'all for keeping it real.💯💯 God bless you!💫
Thank you Jackie for providing language that expresses my past trauma and the correct way this should be approached in marriage. God bless y'all ❤
Yah neh. 😪 Great conversation. Definitely need more of such honest healthy conversations. Thank you so much ❤️
‘Yah neh’ got me thinking ‘She’s South African’😂😂❤️
Wow, I’m so grateful for how vulnerable and honest you both are…I really needed to hear this conversation. I love how real y’all are about thoughts and emotions.
Thank you!!🙏🏼🙏🏼
“You don’t even know you” wow. So true. Truly we are still in the process of learning who we were created to be, and how we ought to love others. Marriage isn’t about 1 person but rather selflessly about both individuals coming together under God.
OMG! Thank you for talking about this. It is so important for us to have these conversations. Starting at 15 minutes in. That provided so much clarity. Freedom to say No without consequence. The explaination from the male and female prespective is so refreshing. That is WISDOM.
I love love love this frank, honest, open and transparent conversation about sex.
Both of you compliment each other beautifully.
God bless y'all for tackling this subject matter.
Much needed.
Thank you for the truth without the awkwardness! THANK YOU! So refreshing.