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Please tell me. Can 2 narcissistic live together happily ? I got husband and wife narcissistic living opposite my house. They're both very creepy, sneaky, stalkers, even their children, they stalk everyone and like to use people for their benefit. They have no empathy towards any one.
I’m an Empath that finally had enough! While during a phone call my now ex toxic alcoholic Narcissistic boyfriend had the nerve to say to me. “ I’m going to sleep on the idea weather I want to keep you in my life or not”! I simply stated in return “Let me make this decision quite simple. I am done with you! Good riddance!” I then hung up and immediately went NO CONTACT permanently and have been that way since October 😀! He has tried to open a dozen false Facebook accounts, however I never bother checking his accounts. I have moved on, joined the local gym, going out and am happier than I have ever been at 71 🥰.
I've begun to see remarks and actions in a different light. Like a language. Decoding what's really being said. When he says something particularly nasty or unwanted, I'm training myself to hear, I know I'm losing control. I want it back. If you react, I've got it. And then I don't. Like translating language. Gibberish questions. Redundant remarks. Anything to get me to reply and eventually react, gets met with silence. I don't even bother trying to explain. I don't care what he thinks. If he pushes so hard that I can't get around it? I just say, you need to see a doctor. Until you do that and engage in therapy, there's nothing to talk about. And that stops him cold. Because he knows it's true. I used to crave interaction and attempts to build a relationship. I don't anymore. There's nothing there. There's no reason. He's just a guy I got tangled up with and I've got to untangle. Nothing more. There's nothing even to miss. I used to go around and round with myself. What caused me to interact with a person like this. What's wrong with me? To be honest? I still can't answer that question, other than somehow I got caught off guard. Something went wrong in my thinking. I can either live my life thinking that it might happen again, or I can learn now, remember the lesson, and move on. The truth will set you free
The only way to deal with them is to leave 'em. They do not change. you can NOT change them. EVEN if you pray. It's all between them and their creator.
What ive found about dealing with a narcissist, as soon as you stand up for yourself, they immediately go into victim mode. After so long of being constantly belittled, talked down to, talked to like you're stupid, disrespected, talked to like a dog, you eventually can't stand it anymore and let them have it. As soon as you take up for yourself, they immediately flip and turn into the "victim that gossips" to turn everyone against you and act like you owe them something. You apologize all the time but NEVER will you see them apologize.
This happened to me and the only difference is that the narcissist already pushed their biggest support groups away and they tried to abuse me next but I’m like nah, bye. So they really don’t have anyone to gossip to except people that really don’t matter cause i don’t know them. The narcissist is currently trying to hoover me through forced interactions and unwanted gifts. 🎁 Its annoying to say the least.
I CAN RELATE TO THIS 100 %! Although I appreciate my ( friend) he does this to me almost everyday. I would rather live in my car than to have him treat me like that. I owe nobody any explanations. I will be honest, I have made a lot of mistakes, but it’s no one’s business to yell at me and treat me like a child. I will say this, that people who do these things to others ( it will come back to them), and I honestly feel bad for them, because of the feeling I get when I’m around them ( they will have to be around it 24/7. I can’t imagine having to deal with that constantly. It’s the only way they will learn though.
@@joanieLeventis3077 You deserve to be respected and treated with dignity, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you. It's a basic human right in my opinion.
yup, you nailed it! When you confront them about their not-so-subtle abuse, they present it as "concern for your well being", which serves two purposes: 1) you didn't appreciate their phony well intentioned efforts, which makes you an ingrate and them a victim and (2) they can further cast doubt on your mental health. I had a false friend for almost 25 years, let's just say that the saying "the benefit of the doubt" doesn't exist in my world anymore.
“You’re dealing with an entitled emotional toddler in an adults body who is suffering from egotistical delusions of grandeur,” really really resonated with me. So so so accurate.
1. let them know what s behind their mask. 2. remain completely not reactive 3. be brutally honest, speak your mind 4.treat him with indifference 5. show him rejection for his opinions 6. exposure in front of others 7. unfavorable comparisons 8. ignore them, their messages, etc 9. get happy 10. establish and maintain no contact Thanks so much for this great, useful, unique video. Blessings
@isabellairaca1669 Bless you and I am proud I finally did manage to do all the above at last. I hope to move on happily in 2023 and stay happy always minus this psychotic and abusive baggage. Thank you. Amen.
Yesss. I’ve gone no contact because of the constant abuse from a former “friend”. She has followed me to my gym in the early morning and I decided she doesn’t get to steal this from me so I still turned up and of course a new video on tiktok about me at the gym being a mean person was made because I Never said hi. She literally has no job and knew I went to the gym at 5am. She said if Im so called this nice person I put myself out to be on tiktok then why I don’t I say hi to her. Because I will not speak to someone who has twisted and manipulated every word I breathe so you can post more about me. She’s disgusting
Trying to divorce mines for over a year he won’t sign been separated 9 years he’s still destroying my life he turned my kids family friends against me I’m totally alienated from everyone but yet he won’t let me go it’s tragic and the most painful thing to go thro I seem to attract narcissistic men
According to the video: 1. Let them know you're onto them 2. Remain completely non-reactive 3. Radical honesty 4. Treat them with indifference 5. Rejection 6. Exposure 7. Unfavorable comparisons 8. Ignore them 9. Get happy 10. Establish and maintain no-contact
@@jonnyincognito899 it's been the shock of my life to see my life written by others. I questioned for 50+ yrs. All this adds up like basic math. Smdh!!
I sent mine a pic of my 2 20:09 fur babies today to which he responded why do I do that???? But he speaks so insulting to me . And idk y he always like seeing pics of my dogs before. But now he was so rude. He has been bombarding me today with how stupid I am and how I talk to much... Been so mean all day
I was married to a covert narcissist for 15 yrs. I figured him out pretty early on. These are the tactics I employed daily. It drove him nuts. I have an exceptional ability to control my own reactions so this was my superpower over him. He still made life terrible but I eventually left him. When he finally figured out that I wasn't coming back this time he gave chase. It completely shattered his ego and he spent all his time trying to pull every tactic to get me back but I was 2 steps ahead of him and I anticipated everything. He tried to take our daughter and turn her against me. I cut him off short. He tried burning money but I already safeguarded myself. Begging, going to treatment, stalking...I got a restraining order. He was completely powerless. Mlife did a 180 and I've never looked back. Anyone who is afraid to leave a narcissist I tell you this, no damage yhey do can be worse than the turmoil they will unleash on you for the rest of your life. You will look back and realize it was the best decision you EVER made. Trust me, I know.
I think I just learned in 20 minutes what 50+ professors couldn't teach me during college and graduate school. I'm so sick of feeling guilty. No more. Tamie, you have my deepest gratitude and love. Thank you for this.
Emotional SOBRIETY: S-Silence O-Observe, don’t absorb B-Breathe, breathe, breathe R-Remain non-reactive I-Ignore E-Establish no contact T-Total indifference Y-You be authentically Happy with your life. Thanks Tamie! ❤️❤️❤️ P.S. I love your blouse and necklace. You look absolutely beautiful and radiant.
1)let them know you are on to them: Don't tell them; show them 2)Remain completely nonreactive 3)radical honesty 4)treat them with indifference 5)Rejection 6)Exposure 7)unfavorable comparison 8)ignore them 9)Get happy and at peace 10)Establish and maintain no contact
I was with a Narcissist for 6 years, and had no clue. Everything was my fault, my self-esteem was ruined. I never felt like I was good enough...I needed to hear this!
18 years with a Covert Narcissist, I left 4 times, last time was No Contact. She hacked my email and was messaging me through my own email. Imagine you get an unopened email from your own email address. And someone else is talking to you. Well that time she conned me into coming back, now 8 more years went by, each year getting worse, she now wants divorce!!! I guess I'm such a nothing in her mind, she can no longer feed off me. Whoever the next guy up is, LOOK OUT.
I'm so happy that person is out of your life now! Remember that *you* are awesome and that you're worth so much. It can be hard to recover your own self after going through so much abuse. Keep living your life and being the original you 🙂
I was married to the worst kind of narcissist. I’m a very vocal empath. We fought constantly. I never backed down to my ex nor his family. I don’t speak to him at all. My daughter finally figured out she shouldn’t talk to her father at all either. We’re both much happier and doing great!
Also be prepared for them to bring in one or two reinforcements as it becomes 2 or 3 against 1. Treat the monkeys the same as the narcissist and self-protect until it passes, which it will.
@@loveandhappiness8178 After just 3 months of being together. Plus this is my second one in life. I don't know why I keep attracting or being attracted to them..
Yes now mines is calling me mad and angry because I chose me and I’m no longer even responding. I’m actually not even angry. I feel a since of relief and happiness ☺️
This works so well ! When the narcissist asked how she could “make things better?” I said “ Not lie”. She turned away and never said anything else to me. Win win !
I'm in a legal battle with one now. In the last few months, the whole thing has turned into mostly just them fighting their ever-growing ever more absurd lies and desperation to have control of things that are not and never were theirs. 10% truth and 90% lie is still a lie even if I am admitting that the 10% part is correct. Same with, just because I asked for their advice in the past doesn't equal they have control of whatever it is in the here and now just because I took their advice that one time. They seem to not get that.
When a narcissist realizes that they are no longer charming, or able to manipulate you, they crumble inside. Love that you mentioned to confront them by letting them know you aren’t buying their self glorified superiority. I lived for 24 years with a classic narcissist. It took many more years to heal from the abuse. But what a glorious day it was when I became free from the narcissists web
"Letting them know that you aren't buying self glorified superiority." Amen! This video vindicates me doing the discard. The mask slips off doesn't it after a few years? This is the Crux of the issue and Tammy absolutely vindicates my decision to break free of a friendship with a male. I'm glad that you gave yourself the ticket out to jail you were at for a few decades too. (I'm glad to hear others like those are finally meeting their karma or fate or whatever you want to call it!)
The day i ended it i went straight to her parents and told them infront of her so they could here it from me and not her. I looked over to her and saw on her face she had a smurk while looking at the ground knowing that it really is over, before i could drive off she started telling me i had issues, said i was angry, said i was trying to control her… to which i tried to remember when i would ever try controlling her. She was shocked that i went to her parents to tell them myself.
What's funny is, sometimes a narcissist will create drama and when you react they will suddenly ghost you or be "non-reactive" because that allows them to play victim to your reaction. So yeah, it's a good idea to be non-reactive, but sometimes it's actually the narcissist that uses that technique to play victim.
As in the N covertly prods & pushes buttons to exhaustion I’d necessary and will go deeper when finally the reaction anticipated for the length of it comes boiling from out of the target. You, me and stands there looking down his nose in utter disgust while packing their tools or what have you and walks away as If embarrassed. Sick twisted way out sh*t! All the flying monkeys primed all along will see his hero was.. “ Yup, she IS crAzy”, “HOW DO you LIVE WITH THAT”! And when ya get out yiu will be without a thing at all. No things or proofs even the All you have done managed. Nothing but for the belly your crawling away on. Months or years finding your legs or voice. perhaps your wings hang less low and your recognizing your pin reflection. Sometimes a flash of familiar looks back at you and you believe the smile. Healing does come even accounting for How Come you stayed! Educated you knOw now what this was and that’s empowering. Right until your being worked by one again. They are all over the place and I do the things I’ve learned. Don’t let them know you k ow, I’ll be careful, this narc is in my house bored to do plumbing or some other thing needing done. I got my armor on ever so discreetly…Not! No matter how much praise is given nor billets dodged, the end game is They loathe your strength because they so desperately crAve real confidence, YOURS they are hiding behind so they Take it by hook or crook. Almost Just as awful as the gas lighter IS, is trying to talk to those Who Have No Idea what trauma bonding with these and that abuse even is. Exacerbating and sadly feels like being dismissed in same manner. Ten years after … might need this class!
This is so very true. I have an ex who was exactly that. It was amazing three stuff she would do or create drama then tell everyone the narrative that I was the crazy guy and she would complete ghost me. It was nerve racking
@@andrewharris373 that's the best way for them to play victim. Then they tell people "yeah I had to cut them off." So they can make it seem like you're the bad guy. And they do it to anyone that confronts them or finds out the truth.
Thanks for the 10 ways to drive a narcissist crazy. My husband put me through heck. I literally thought I was going to die. After all of his, addiction to porn, cheating ways, lies, manipulation, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse, deception and uncaring ways, after only 1 year of marriage I had to kick him out. We are getting a divorce.
Bless your heart. I was married almost 20 years to EXACTLY what you just described and I truly did have a nervous breakdown that took me about 10 long years to recover from. But thankfully I did recover and moved on to a much better life!
Been here too!! First one 23 years! After being single for 9 years, got married to a man worse than first and he was a pastor who was full of so many lies and deceit. I left one Friday, divorced and never looked back. Sad part is I went through so much abuse with him, I'm traumatized, but thank God for my counselor
I have found that narcissistic people are often hiding, not devoid of, their feelings. They don't want to deal with yours, but will use them against you constantly. I recently asked my son's mother(long separated), to give me an example of when hiding was seen as strength or courage. As there are only a very few she couldn't come up with any. I then asked her why she thought people who hide their emotions are strong, when hiding is provably cowardly(in most cases). I asked her if it was easy to stand in front of someone and show your true emotions, she said of course not. I told her this was because it takes courage. We have been lied to by weak cowardly liars about the nature of a person who shows their emotions being weak or cowardly, and a person who hides them being strong and courageous. Nothing could be further from the truth. She hated all of this, to my delight, and was still muttering about it when she left hours later. Heartless people want us to believe that they are strong, and that those of us who feel are weak, it is not so. 🕊️♥️🍀🧠🎶👑
I’ve learned over time that cutting them off from your energy is the best thing. No contact. There is no reasoning with these people and they will just turn it all around on you and be disrespectful to your feelings while expressing. I’ve cut friends, family and exes like this. Was always polite but just basically said no more, verbally and energetically
I really wish I can go no contact....I'm really good at that. The unfortunate part is that we have 4 year old child together. Now that I've served him with divorce papers he's trying to attach to my 16 year old son and quote "make sure that he knows he's loved within the context of a masculine energy", clearly trying to use my son as a pawn.
You are so right. It takes will power..but it works. I did that to an ex boyfriend. Broke up 14 years ago. Cut him off completely almost 10 years ago when I met my husband. This was great day: my husband took me to my favorite restaurant one afternoon several years ago as we were building our new house and guess who was there eating by himself? He saw us and nervously came to our table . We were nice and receptive. I invited him to join us and he did. He drank a gallon of margaritas. He also learned just how happily married I was and what a great and loving husband I have. My husband and I shared all the good and positive news going on in our lives with him. Although my husband didn't really know the man, he treated him like an old friend. I could tell that my ex bf hated every bit of it. (Of course I loved that) He couldn't believe that I moved on, left him behind and found a happy, loving relationship. (His life and relationships still sucked!). But I was nice and kind to him... indifferent. He had zero power over me and knew it. BTW...fast forward a few years...at the beginning of this year, I got a random, out of the blue text from him..."Happy New Year...I was dreaming about you..." I just smiled to myself and then walked over to my husband and said, "I love you!! You are the best thing that ever happened to me!!". And quietly, I thanked God for His blessings.
@@juliedepaolo9971good for you!! It is funny how narcs pop up suddenly once you have moved on and living your best life full of love and positivity. Losers 😅
I’ve always been the scapegoat for my family I’ve recently recovered enough to realize that I am an empath and I am surrounded by narcissists I’m kind of losing my mind But I’m also shocked at how easy it is to remove myself from them without emotion It’s empowering and even though it is sad, I am happier Weird
Hi. Yes this is all absolutely right and true. I know because l've used these strategies and they worked for me but l am not married to the person. What on earth can the partner do when all that happens when they show any sign of strength and happiness provokes a vile aggressive response to the point of verbal and physical attack. If that doesn't get the required response,money or alcohol, the accusations of historic sexual abuse become so real in the narcissists mind that they appear totally convincing. I now know this has been used on previous partners who were not married, didn't have children and they escaped. The mother also behaves much the same and virtually moved in and tried every day to destroy the marriage. The partner got sucked in in defense of his wife and baby, managed to protect them and got the mother to leave by holding them to a written behaviour contract. Now years later, years of emotional abuse. From the partner, the mother and child are back in contact via phone and internet and they are constantly undermining the partner who ultimately buckles and complies in order to keep the peace around the child. It is not sustainable and the abused adult is showing signs of severely damaged mental health, stress anxiety, low self esteem and a recent declaration of suicidal thoughts due to feeling totally trapped.
I’ve been attending a codependent class each week. As I heal, I see my husband squirm more and more as I have become a non reactive, logical adult. Not a scared child anymore, reclaiming my light. I see the immature brat he is and am not threatened by his tactics. Thank you for reminding us about our physical safety. I’ve been in that situation with a violent ex. I got away.
I was my mothers scapegoat child. I was 15 when I realized I would never earn my mothers love, which freed me from the burden of trying. It wasn't until I turned 40 that I discovered that she is a narcissist. I told my husband he had to get me far away from her. A year later, my husband, our 4 children, and I relocated across the country. I went no contact and haven't looked back. I'm happy to hear you say that it's driving her crazy.
27 years of dealing with a narcissist!! In March it was over! I’m in such a better state mentally. This video is SPOT ON! Every time this person says something negative or lie about me…I smile, because I KNOW FOR SURE it’s their insecurity speaking. It’s about them, not me. God is Good🙏🏿
I'm still with mine 20 years this past June was in the process of leaving and then he got diagnosed with head and throat cancer and it all started over again and now he's gone their treatment and is in remission and it's back to his always and I just don't know how much more I feel like I'm going insane
One of the most effective ways to fight back, if you will, IS THE TRUTH. {my 95 yr old mother STILL says: "Do anything you want... just DON'T LIE TO ME!} I'm in a place with my grown daughter who is, perhaps, wired like her dad {weaponized by him as well}... my one & only X after 30 yrs of marriage. AND has become absolutely brutal when faced with the TRUTH or even the THREAT of exposure via the TRUTH which causes her to go to ALL NEW depths of destruction. The problem I encounter IS: she is the mother of my Grandchild. My daughter has stopped allowing me to see the child. SHE thinks: {knows} AhHAH! OUCHEE!! I have caused YOU pain for the rest of your natural life! Her young daughter keeps secrets no child should have to keep. And in keeping the child isolated, her secrets are safe forever. ??? I am simply astonished at her ever evolving skills at lying, distorting, deceiving and even her ability to "SET UP" a situation where she can discredit me is sometimes terrifying. What I've come to know is what I and my Grandchild are being subjected to is nothing less than, YES... elder AND child abuse which very few seem to see or understand. I feel STUCK even though I am a very strong person with strong moral values and as a rule, will not tolerate any form of abuse. I've been told: "Whatever you do, do not make yourself the villian in this. Let her be the villian." The child is smart and can see what is going on." I can only pray that the brainwashing she's subjected to will NOT stick with her and the 1st 6 yrs of her life with me will be burned into her memory. This is a "rough row to hoe"... I do not wish this on my worst enemy. May TRUTH and PEACE be your guide.
When the Devil can't get to you he sends a Narcissist! All Empath's will experience Narcissism constantly throughout their lives. Tamie speaks expertly on how to deal with them. Take note fellow sufferer's.
Interesting was just wondering why my mother went through these relationships too, she used to ask do I have victim written on my forehead? Why am I a beacon?
Tamie, I've gone "no contact" with my horribly abusive, narcissistic grown up son for almost one year now. Best peace I've ever had, only wish I'd done it sooner. He said he feels no love, nothing from me, doesn't want a relationship, was constantly arguing every second he was around me. Things escalated when he started shoving me, knew it would lead to assault. What makes things worse is that his narcissistic, psychopathic father is still constantly coaching him big time, even to the point where my son called me the worst vile names. So hard to walk away from your own child, but had to do this to preserve my own sanity. No turning back now.
OMG me too, I divorced my ex. I realized why he pressured me to work so much which I stupidly did thinking I was saving the marriage. He used that time to weasel in on my only son. I had a nightmare it feels like he died like his soul is gone we were so close until 4th grade. He spends all his time with friends I wish he finds his own path away from his father and can change.
I’m dealing with the same right now, my adult son is a toxic human and I’ve been supporting him and his twins for the past two years, my health has been suffering because of his verbal & mental abuse and his total lack of care or respect for me and my home and I’m so tired of being sick and tired-I want him completely out of my life but somehow still have a relationship with my grandsons and I am in therapy trying to learn how to like myself but struggling because I’m still stuck in this toxic environment 😞
I am going thru the same with my son! He hasn't been physical yet and God forbid the day he does!! It hard when it's your child, but we need to think of ourselves!!
@@michellemckinnon438I'm so sorry you're facing that situation. It's like all the good ppl dealin wit these sick spirits is a catastrophe on pure hearts and souls.
They fear to rejection They fear to expose They fear to abondant They fear to death They fear to ignorance They fear to your success They fear to your happiness They fear to loniness
Wonderful. I just did this with my boss in front of HR. I did all 10 unknowingly and gave my 1 month resignation. It was so freeing. He can’t sit still. I literally said whatever. You can no longer verbally abuse me anymore. I will quit and do an exit interview so corporate is aware of what has occurred. Mic drop! Never felt better and took my power back: he hates it and tries everyday to trigger me. I refuse to respond.
I really need help in this area!! My wife of 12 years is very much a narsasist and loves getting reactions outta me... just several weeks ago, Lord showed me that I was giving her power over my actions... day later I told her I was done playing her games and not falling into this reactive trap of hers
@@ryandeweese363 best you can do is learn a lot about how to deal with them The more you learn the better empowerment you'll have. It's harder for men to accept it and find help. If y'all have kids just brace yourself. I wish you the best.
Mark Manson wrote a long time ago that "you can never be happy if your happiness depends on other people". That's basically total opposite of narcistic worldview.
20+ years...it's mind blowing to watch this. The cutting off of energy only happens when you learn not to respond. Stay in your power. Boundaries. Rest. Time away. Find your peace.
And I am having the same reaction. She hid her ways behind alcohol and it was every weekend 2 bottles a night of wine and rage or intense sex and passing out. I don't drink. I always believed she was an alcoholic and this is what I am dealing with....but the sudden disappearance and finding another man in the picture has changed everything. She even cut communication to our kids.
@@camelo1495 ... holding space for you. I am getting better at setting boundaries. I am learning to not respond. Taking back my power. Trying to fix my people pleasing issue. Thank you for sharing this space with me.
Fortunately i have the ability to cut off from ppl. very quickly and without regret including family , / . I will say bec.of all the craziness i was going through with him and never had experienced anything like this , i began to fall into the trap and i began to question my own mind / One day it was like a spiritual sign " to get out now " through my meditation / I got in my power , I assured him he would call me / saying no i wont , but he did . . . I love my power
Yes...mostly true except some people are so sunk it would have no effect on them...and would probably even cleverly and insidiously use it against you.
You’re right, Richard! And we have to be very careful to not use those powers against ourselves. We need to remain vigilant lest our kindness towards another results in harm against ourselves.
Absolute. What you teach here is how i handle my dark-empath-narcicist sister. Seeing her, standing in front of me with her jaw flapping in the breeze, utter shock in her eyes, was indescribable. Not done with malice. No glee on my part. She needed to finally hear it from the one she tried to torment; my entire life. I feel sorry for her, but, i pray she will hear the still, small voice of God The Father, in the Name of Jesus, amen.
All the advice on this video is great but once you’re also tired of the narcissist going crazy, start video recording them and tell them you’re doing so. Not only can you pull the video up later for them to see themselves, but they also won’t want you to show the world who they really are. I imagine it may not work on some and some might be violent but it definitely worked for me. When I start recording I repeat what they just said to me and ask them to explain themselves and give examples of what they are talking about.
True thy think there right your wrong know I am not perfeckt but I neaver deserved what I whent through you all so get them on face book thing there verey bright but not think there better looking not and just bad leir's, but ok when doing fore them and know matter what you do not good nough I am trying too take know notice,😊
I love to turn the narcissists plots on themselves. They get really frustrated and you ask them why they’re so upset yet they can’t tell you because they have to keep their plot a secret. So they’re upset and can’t react because the delusion that nothing was actually happening in the first place according to them. It’s so funny.
@@moeak7935 I just feel dumb after dating a narcissist who is addicted to dating apps and is (by her own words, an emotional whore) im sorry for the language but it was her own words. but yeah. i feel dumb and drained ...
The games are endless. All my interactions with a narc feels like game of chess. What do they think they're winning? Or losing? Also, the weird habit they have of speaking in the 3rd person is so disconnected. I grew up feeling like my life was a fun house mirror.
I am a pretty strong independent woman. I have dealt with some hardcore full blown narcissist. One being my father, a landlord, and quit a few friends. One thing I know for sure is no matter how well you can shut a narcissist down and be indifferent when it comes to relationships it is the constant toxic environment that is what ends up breaking you. Best to just get the hell out and making sure to pay attention to the red flags no matter how minor avoid going there again
The only solution (unless you have inescapable commitments like kids) is to leave. People who attract these types repeatedly need to look at themselves and ask what it is about them their draws them to become a supply so much
I cannot thank you enough. Ive literally been crying myself to sleep. Struggling to fix this relationship that is sucking my soul. Thank you for showing me that I simply have to remove myself from it. 🙏 stay safe..
I pray you reclaim your power and learn that it wasn’t your fault that someone didn’t know how to love you right. Cry and feel what you need to feel in order to heal ❤️ love-Paris-
I am right there. Crying myself to sleep. Still hanging on to hope that he will change and come back. I know it will never work. And I can’t believe that I just can’t detach myself!
@@cristinasanchez-torres2163 hi, I’m going through exactly the same thing. I walked away 2 days ago. But I’m hurting terribly and miss the side of him that I love so much. But that side isn’t real. The unkind nasty side is the real person. And I hate that side.
Thank you. I wrote and practiced these words as my first step to getting out. Every time she tried to manipulate me I would say “There is nothing you can say or do to convince me or manipulate me into doing what you want.”
I would add: Surround yourself with brutally honest but kind people who truly have your best interests at heart. You need them to help you "sit back" and let the narc do their thing and implode. You need a sounding board to remind you that YOU are the sane one! Not the gaslighting narc! Surround yourself with good people!
I did the "don't react, don't fight back" bit instinctively. I always felt she was trying to provoke me into losing control and doing something stupid and I wasn't falling for that.
Omgosh! Yes! Mine was trying to get me to physically attack her but it wouldn’t work and she would end up being the attacker. If I did not live with the attacker at the time, it’s my boyfriends mother the grandmother to my child yay. Don’t worry once we leave here I’m never bringing myself or my child around her ever again but in the meantime while I’m stuck I can only do what I can to protect us, I even called her out on it and told her that she can try all she wants to get me to physically attack her but that I was mentally stronger than her mentally stronger than she will ever be and she is not worth losing my son over. I have audio of her literally physically attacking me with my child in my arms and I still to this day wish I would have press charges but given that I was living in the house with her her husband and her child which is my partner I was in a fucked up situation. And I still am. So I completely understand the whole provoking you to try to get you to do something stupid she wants to make it seem like it’s you and not her.
i came home for the holidays all i did was walk around the house and trying to talk reason to my mom all i heard from her was dont doctor phil me! im not ur girlfriend im your mom! how dare you talk to me with those tattoos! o yea well dad shouldnt have let you in because i didnt have the chance to lock the booze up from u! all i said was of course🤣 she was dumb founded
I did this throughout my own childhood. It's a dangerous strategy in that case. B/c it became a funny game to insult me way more than my more aggressive sister (b/c she was easy. He only wanted that drama every so often). I did all of this to protect my mother from drama and pain. Even though she was a happy flying monkey that ALLWAYS gasslit to protect herself. She got the heat previously before the kids, and she was too comfortable being left more alone. It's not a great strategy, if you want to end up with self-love and confidence as an adult, let me say.
Lol, I feel this. She would also set me up for failure by actually promoting me doing them. She would then use it against me during mood swings. She would consisted tell me how much compassion and empathy I lacked when I wouldn't react.
My mother is a huge narcissist and I have a short fuse. She always knows what buttons to press to make me explode and leave me feeling guilty. This video is a God send, thank you so much, I'll control my temper and take control of my life. I'm tired of this emotional abuse she puts me through.
We believe we have to put up with family. We do not. Maybe you don't have a short fuse - maybe you learned it because of her. It's exhausting dealing with a narcissist.
For me, the best thing I ever did was go no contact 6 years ago. It was a difficult decision, I had to do it for myself and my mental health. I explained to her why I had made this decision and that I didn’t know how long I needed to heal but I still loved her and I needed her to please respect my boundaries. She told me she understood. Few weeks later I received a scathing letter stating all the reasons I was wrong but she understood my boundaries. She also “accidentally” called me, called my best friend and my ex mother in law asking about me. Last year she somehow got my address and sent a birthday card which I sent back return to sender and recently once again called my ex mother in law. Obviously she doesn’t respect my boundaries and has no love for anyone but herself. I’m telling you all this to let you know what a true narcissist is like and if you decide to go no contact what to expect. It was the best decision I ever made. Much love to you
Thank you for this Tamie, I grew up as the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother. I had to eventually go no contact, and a few years later she died. Over the years I’ve learned how to deal with what was done to me and now that I’m in the “Get Happy/Live your Best Life” part, here comes my sister, the Golden Child, turning into my mother and blaming me for my life being pretty good and hers being kind of empty due to her acting just like my mother! One more text outburst from her and she’s out, as this is not my first rodeo!
Me too, I've got a horrible narcissistic mother. I went no contact for 5-6 years, had to call her 2 days ago for something and she was worse than ever...
Dad is my narcissist. His girlfriend, the flying monkey/enabler, isn't any better: both expect me to put up with his garbage. I don't. The truck for the Dumpster just came by. Enough said!
Psychologically speaking. There's a tactic that everyone should apply t deal with the narcissist which is called DEEP Tactic.meaning Do not: Defend Engage Explain Personalize. Try to keep as far as you can from him or her.
good luck. if you ever for a second catch yourself missing this person just remember, you are missing someone that didnt exist...who they really are is who you are distancing yourself from. sometimes i think of my ex and all the love bombing he did...boy was he good at it, it made you feel like the only one in his life...until i realized i was just one of countless others he was using....just have to remember it was an act to get what he needed from people.
14 years with someone I know now is a narcissist....I have completely lost myself trying to please this person...for YEARS....time to take my control (and my life/happiness) back....thank you so much for sharing. ❤
Often I’ve found that asking the narcissist questions works miraculously. “What do you mean by that?” Or “Are you ok? You seem upset.” All the while, you remain calm and un-triggered. Being disinterested in what they are doing or have done is great. If you care about them, you won’t engage in their games.
They cannot answer direct questions like that. It’s almost comical. Lol I dated a narc and he would hang up when he was told something he didn’t like and then be like my phone did it by a mistake. I noticed the pattern so when he did again I said why is that when I said xyz you hung up on me? He tried to lie and say his phone did it accidentally blah blah. So I said no you asked me xyz and I said xyz and after that you hung up, why did you hang up? He would not answer the question he just got silent. I said noted, that will be the last time you hang up in my ear because you are blocked and I blocked him. He tried to reach me through email, and I would not respond. Tried to reach me through my sisters and they would respond “blocked” and block him. Eventually he left me alone.
I would love to do that, but he wont fulfill my needs than. He also then Ignores me If I dont reply to his toxic abuse. He first tries to start verbal fight than later call me crazy and Fulfill simple need like Cloths, food , etc.. and Blame me
My family doesn’t believe me when I say the truth about my sister. I am the bad one & it drives me to serious panic attacks. This video has given me such relief !!
Looking for validation for your emotions and being reactive is how the narc and their flying monkeys gain strength. Search "flying monkeys narcissist" you'll have some great reading, validation through self empowering, and discover how powerless they are when you have the right mindset. Chin up.... its not you, it's them....
The most powerful weapon against a narcissist is literally and total silence. Not a text, not a word, not a gesture, not a facial expression. Just look through them like they are not standing there and like you are lost in a train of thought moment and walk away. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will destroy them more than that. Then continue to do it. They become powerless and their whole life is centered around having power and controlling you. They will crumble like a cookie.
@donaldbrewer5961 Naw, fully expose them (all of them if possible at the same time) with facts, videos, texts etc., etc. They will transform into a combination of Porky Pig/Sylvester the cat when they open their mouths. It is sad, pathetic and funny all at once. You will definitely hear plenty of off topic subjects that has NOTHING to due with the main topic!🧐
Tamie, I've been working hard for a couple of years to heal from a 45 year narcissistic relationship, 38 of those years married. 4 adult children, 8 grandchildren. You have been one of 3 channels I have watched since I "awakened" 3 years ago. First time posting to anyone's channel, but I felt a need to thank you for "holding my hand" through this journey. Your knowledge, style, articulation, and desire to really help and make a difference to the sufferers of this insidious abuse, is second to none. I am well on my way at this point, and you are one I will forever be grateful to and support. It's not an easy journey when you're awakened in your 60's, despite the fact that you have an advanced degree in psychology, as well as a career as a RN, but one has to understand and believe the truth of the matter; this abuse is not correlated with your intelligence, your physical appearance, your race, religion, or creed. It discriminates against no-one. If anything, if you awaken to the truth that the feeling of something being "off" in your relationship, turns out to be the other person is on the destructive end of the narcissistic spectrum, in all likelihood, you are an intelligent, beautiful, kind, decent, human being. It's not you. It's not about you. Go find the you that you have abandoned, love you, and make a commitment to never abandon you again. Not ever. Lastly, but most importantly, I give all the thanks for my awakening, first and forever, to Jesus Christ. I fell on my knees and begged him to take the pain from me; to fight this battle for me, because I truly felt like my soul was being destroyed. I also believe the Holy Spirit works through others to work in us, in Jesus's name. You were one of those people for me. No way was I ever getting free on my own human abilities at the time. Too much damage and brokenness in me. I'm more at peace, with long lost feelings of joy again, than ever before in my life. I practice gratitude daily, and you are one I'm truly grateful for on my journey. Thank you and God Bless you.
You can watch rooss Rosenberg his a life coach, author and sychotherapy as well !!! He , Lisa A Romano , Jerry wise , etc have transform millions lives in this universe!!! Narcs have ruined billions lives in this world !!! !!!
I'm probably half your age and have yet to escape the financial abuse and invalidation-trauma bonds of my family system, biological father being the malignant one. sometimes I think even if I make it through it won't matter much as the damage is done. but when I read about those that endured this in marriage of several decades and so on and want nothing else but to be out of it and free no matter how many years they have left on the clock, or health... I feel its only incumbent upon me to break this and move on to live healthily and help others out of the dark ditch they find themselves in.
@@WhipRunner Hi WhipRunner, You are right when you speak of the damage done, however, I want you to know, also, that there is something else that is there, and more powerful than the damage that has been done. Your true self, with all the beautiful qualities that have been exploited, silenced, and yes, damaged, are all still there, waiting to shine again. I truly thought that I would never be able to feel happiness or joy again, but as soon as I realized that I was existing based on a faulty, untrue, sort of programming, that I believe starts in childhood, I started the work of changing that. Please believe down to the very core of you, because I promise it's true, that you can work through this and begin having the best life possible. You are worth it, always have been, and always will be. That's the ultimate beauty of this whole process; your empathy, conscious, ability to self reflect, neuroplasticity of your brain, desire to love and be loved, and so much more, means that you have the power to learn, grow, and attain the life you want and deserve. My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey. Go get your life back, your purpose, your destiny. It's still there waiting for you!
@@WhipRunner You can make it through and it does matter because you matter!! Learn the tactics, don't respond to the madness. Watch the show, don't participate.
I have narcissistic and empathic tendencies after being raised by 2 parents. One is a narcissist and the other is a natural empath turned narcissist after being with the narcissistic parent for 42 years. It’s sad to see but, I found Christ to clear all that confusion and chaos out. Im so thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for showing me TRUE sacrificial LOVE and kindness to exemplify. I stay single because I’m still a work in progress and don’t want to hurt anyone. This video is awesome! Thank you for sharing these gems. Be great!
I have several siblings who have manipulated me for decades in the most cruel ways imaginable. Finally I gained strength and confidence in myself and none of their intentionally most hurtful words & actions to this day have any effect on me or my husband whatsoever. In fact it’s a pleasure reacting to them showing I could care less about 11:34 what they think, text etc. Thanks again for all of your very helpful advice. It works and I share it with friends in similar situations. Mag
There's Hell to pay for their pain ad and suffering (damn sickness) That fear in them is evil and destructive . Their wrong judgments reach the highest heights (+ Rev.18:-5)
Ugh don’t you hate when you get sucked in and you are like “darn it, I reacted”? You articulate beautifully these issues. Great video, thanks. I think it’s a hard expectation when you say to yourself “I have to have a relationship with this person that works” such as a bad behaving neighbor or coworker. No, you don’t!
I found it takes practice. We always want to stand up for ourselves or defend our position when we thing the Narc is saying things we find untrue or unfair. Narcs rely on this impulse to suck you in! And if they know you at all, they have honed theirs skills over time to understand all of your particular triggers. Even for the Narc, this takes practice. And if you look back at their earlier interactions with you, you can probably tell that they were "testing the waters" with you to find out what words or behaviors got a reaction out of you, even though it might have been small at that time. Then they build up from there over time. But you can do the same! Trust me, if you start small and practice, you can be successful! I started by practicing my responses in the mirror first in order to make sure they were truly neutral! It helped me develop a type of muscle memory before practicing with the Narc real-time. Then, when facing the Narc, I practiced being non-reactive to something they said that was only slightly triggering for me. I was immediately encouraged by how successful this tactic was! Over the course of 3 months, I was able to safely maneuver the Narc out of my life completely by taking baby steps each time! If they escalated their behaviors, I became even more calm and neutral and (in my case) they lost interest! Give yourself time to hone your skills!
I don't with my wife all the time. I always know I'm getting sucked in every time. It's been 5 years now and it's very easy to see. I still bite. And it's so hard not to.
YES!,YES I DO! lol it's hard not to (when you're a honest, truthful,loving, genuine person!!!!!! But with a lot of practice I've learned how to switch that off to deal with them!!!!😐
Happens all the time. After a couple of "good" days I feel comfortable and let my guard down. Then BAM! Out of nowhere ! Something I say triggers WW3. it's absolutely insane
@@oklahomaisok absolutely I can testify on that !!! I was decade ago I was jounger and not well educated !!! NOW IM HIGHLY educated I mean well educated handsome dude !!! I have the privilege to choose whom to give access to my paradise and heaven !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm enough !!! Toxic folks are out of my league and life for ever I don't ever wanna see for the rest of my life I love them though it gotta from a distance !!! I wish these demonic toxic folks the best in life but I don't wanna ever see them ever again !!! Narcs have ruined billions of livesni. This universe !!! I'm going to marry someone who is jounger so that we can start our lives together we will live in peace and harmony for the rest of my life !!! No wonder on the train on the bus nobody talk nobody when I was younger I didn't no better as I got older I discovered why !!!! Knowledge and education is the key in this life !!!
I’ve recognized over the last few years that I’ve been in an abusive relationship as you’ve described here for 20 years. Realizing that it’s not all my fault has been liberating and I feel like I’m coming back to life and I have new hope. I’m not a terrible person like I’ve been told for so long. I don’t play the games anymore and I’m working diligently on my exit. Thank you so much for what you do!!
Good luck. May God Bless you and keep you safe. God grant you strength and peace and answers to your prayers. Keep true to yourself. Best wishes for your safe deliverance as you continue moving on to get free and live your best life.
I was in it for 13 years...physical abuse I blamed myself for and emotionally abuse is what broke me the most...im free since September...my husband tried to come back recently and it felt good to recognize his game and not play into it. I can't wait to finalize my divorce. Just waiting on a court date.
Good Comment. I can relate. The mistake I made was, I did not plan an exit. She held all the cards, and played them like a Master. Expect mass-Chaos and destruction because, She/He will play every Card in the deck. The hardest part of it all is the 'No Contact' rule. It must be this way, and don't forget it. When you exit, make a big 'No Contact' poster, and hang it on the wall, where you see it everyday, to remind you. Good Luck!
@@error5477-b8r If you want to Trigger him, ask him... "I know your not interested in me but, Do you mind if I ask that singer you don't like out on a Date?" and then go 'No Contact' after that. Do not respond to anything. He will lose his mind, and follow you around like a puppy dog.
There are 3 ways to kill a Narcissist and that's by doing the following 1, ignore them they hate that. 2, change yourself so that you get noticed more, and finally start doing stuff that makes you happy by doing the things you love. Doing these 3 things will destroy the narcissist.
I'm sure my x hasn't enjoyed my 22 years of happiness after getting divorced he resorted to destroying my relationship with my youngest son when he had to move back home. It didn't end well I kicked my son out bc he disrespected me and his step father exactly like his father did. Narcs need to get on with their lives they can't... not my problem. I didn't know I was that important 😂
This really does work. It makes them go find another victim. Mind blowing how staying flat in your emotions protects you, and is like repellent to them. It drives them mad. 💯
@@stevensteven3417when you start doing this, their behavior usually gets worse temporarily. But if you try this and they get dangerous, just stop. Might need a restraining order to remove them from your life.
Last weekend, I introduced my children (7 and 4) to their grandmother, my Mum and their Aunt, my Sister and their Cousins for the first time in their lives. The narcissist in my life's spell has been broken and my family is united. My isolation is finished and the light of truth shines bright on lives beyond mine before it was too late. Thank you!
My ex girlfriend was a narcissist. 2 years was enough for me. She used to manipulate me in almost every part of my life. I get rid of her and now I feel free! Freedom is the most important thing people. Don't negotiate your freedom with anyone!
Now whenever a narcissist "tries" to hurl an insult at me in front of an audience, I throw shade consisting of the best humor/truth-based one-liners that get a chuckle from the crowd. I can see the narcissist almost fold into themselves right on the spot. It took years to master this and I now consider it to be a talent of mine.
I need you in my life!!! I just moved on with my life and ignore the stupidity! I don’t defend myself because we are not married anymore! I know the truth and my faults! I accept my faults and work to improve me and only compete with myself and who I was yesterday not his new supply and that drives them nuts! Know your worth! Rendered powerless!
When I told him I had been watching videos about narcissism he shouted, "turn it off!" I've been in truth telling mode. He has decided I need a dose of the silent treatment. It has been very peaceful and so it can morph into no contact. The truth really has set me free. I'm very thankful to have found this channel. I get answers here. Thank you.
I had a very rich friend who I would do side work for and he started to pull all the narc nonsense. He would outright say things like" you owe me"and " I'm a opportunist of people in dire need ". Just a very pathetic person. After distancing myself from him for awhile I saw him at the bar and he TOLD me to come over to his place to do some work for him. I calmly and with a smile said no and walked off. It destroyed his night. He was mad mad mad. Followed me into bathroom to give me a piece of his mind. Again I just smiled and said nothing. He was RED FACED MAD. It was so good. This was 10 years ago before finding any of these videos. Thanks for the channel. Your saving people. 😊
As somebody who was married (for too long!) to a man with a narcissistic-paranoid disorder, my advice to any woman in my place would be: RUN! Get out of the relationship as quickly as possible, because you are otherwise WASTING YOUR LIFE TIME! You will NEVER EVER "heal" or "change" a narcissist! Promise!
@@lakotasky4733 Indeed. As I learn about the Jezebel Spirit I become increasingly thankful that Jesus unclouded my eyes and removed me from that hell. The healing process gave me a relationship with Jesus, and allowed me to see my childhood wounds.
my boyfriend and i were playing a game, and in the game one of the questions was, “what advice would you give past me?” his answer was RUN. i’ve tried to leave and it hasn’t worked and now i feel trapped and like there’s no way out.
Hello everyone! I am in recovery from my narcissistic and abusive husband. We are separated and are in the process of divorcing. I am so happy to see this channel because I am always looking for more helpful information for my recovery.
"They need a target," I've always thought of this facet in the following term: Narcissists need a rag-doll...someone they can rag on, WITH IMPUNITY; which (i believe) is why family members tend to be such targets/rag-dolls. As though being family means being property.
My now ex suffered the burn of being ignored and rejected, what added insult to injury was that they lost the game on home ground, they were still drunk from the high of devaluing and discarding me...when they realized that I'd gone silent and disappeared. It was time for plan B ( hoover), I responded by letting them know that I wasn't happy with how they'd treated me...then reverted back to ignoring and rejecting. Denied them the opportunity to do any damage control (HOOVER & LOVE BOMB). It was GAME OVER !!!
The trouble with getting to that stage of awareness and mental maturity where you are not triggered by crazed outbursts of disrespect is by that time you already know the patterns, there lack of empathy etc already aware there is no future with them. In many ways the strategy's are brilliant but the control comes with realisation and acceptance. Huge eye opener for me.
I swear that I'm at this point/stage that I know I'm not crazy. I see it and notice when they do these things. maybe I could say I was wrong or I asked questions and I don't know if they do it more on purpose or they did it cause I accused cause I was wrong but I know deep down inside I was not wrong.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn sounds familiar. Who know what twisted pathetic games some head cases like to play. That same shit messed with me.. ya never get honesty when u confront anything. Mayaswel install cameras for piece of mind or just go full relentless mode n stop caring/get a better shiela
Lack of empathy is the worst feeling in the world! The mental anguish and pain that follows is really hard to handle... even from random strangers out there
My narcissistic boss has mistakenly thought that she’s been the first narcissist in my life; my ex prepared me well to deal with her. Aw. Poor thing. Bye, Felicia!
I was raised by a narcissist and married one for over 20 years. My marriage finally fell apart when I became so sick and tired of dealing with their bullshit that I didn't give them the emotional response they was craving. They accused me of not caring enough, not showing enough emotions. Well they were right! They then tried the same stunts on my children (who are now adults) but luckily they were much wiser than me and saw right through!! I'm so grateful for having come across this video because it outlined some of the things I was unconsciously doing anyway! And I can truly say that I am working on being the happiest person in the world! What a rush!
Thanks, Tami. I did not even know what a narcissist was until I found out that my best friend of eight years was one. For all that time, I helped her with legal problems (successfully), promoted her business (she got over half a million dollars from business that I referred), answered her anxious texts at 3 in the morning when she went through drama, brought her food that I made over the weekend and on and on. Got nothing from her. I said "no" to her once and she completely ghosted me. Literally not a word for 5 months (we work in the same office). Now I know how to deal with her.
I had a friend like that! Very good covert narc, I always was helping her with everything. Said I'm not up for it once and then she began spreading lies that she was the one helping me and I had a substance abuse problem! I was stunned! I wish she would've just ignored me
This episode is Spot On!! I’m divorced after 32yrs & I had NO idea there were people (more like children) out in the real world! With your help I’ve not fallen prey to an idiot narcissist who lives in the same apt bldg as I. Oh he’s handsome, oh he’s smooth but he had NO idea he’d met his match in me. ( I’m a retired Psych dementia RN) I’ve dealt with real crazy, he’s just a “wanna be”. His sophomoric attempts to gaslight me were laughable 🙄😂 he’d say I was weak 😆 I was inferior 😂 I was stupid🤣I’d refuse to engage or I’d say “I don’t care”😳😂 I’d exit the room without a word. He’d implode! I did say 1 thing, “ give it up loser, not 1 ounce of my Self esteem is attached to what YOU think of me,” bye bye! 🥂 cheers to you Tamie!
I never understood gas lighting,,, but boy did I get a dose of it for 10 years,,, been free of her for 12,, but thanks to social media she still out there,,,, I DO NOT DO social media media
Thanks so much for this video. I was about to get involved in a relationship with someone and a situation arose where I knew immediately she was a narcissist and then this video shows up! Purely magical! I love everyone. God Bless you!
This video is so accurate ! My work place is full of narcissists and I’ve mastered handling them. It’s comical to watch them get uncomfortable when I call them out on their behaviour. When they’re attempting to trigger or insult me, the best way is to respond in a calm, poised and relaxed demeanour. It drives them nuts😂
Id say you do feel the emotions, the thing is its like an itch but you cant scratch it. Only scratch the itch later. Head strong too, dont get distracted, i mean you do feel like you wanna say something and react but just like an itch on the back or anywhere on the body dont scratch it just yet, leave the situation first that triggered this response in you. This is not easy it takes time and effort and being hurt but after some time you have forged yourself and emotional armor that no almost no one can break, you Will stand your ground and know your thruths and how to express yourself righlty and justified and not from a negative emotion reaction like anger. Now, its Good to be angry sometimes and to react, but sometimes we can overreact. Espescially when dealing with a narc
100% I do this with my step dad and I’m literally the only one that man respects because he ain’t pushing any buttons here 😂😂 I’m calling out the bullshit and taking no offense 😉
@@RomyaRana This is because they manipulate you like a see-saw. And you do not know what to believe as they are charming one moment and evil the next without batting an eye. Confusion is their glue to retain you serving them. Teach yourself never to believe what they say. Do not believe in them. Never trust them. Do NOT give any more chances. KNOW they do NOT change. Do not treat them as if anything they say is coming from a normal, rational person. Assume they are lying to you. Assume they just want to insult or use you. That way whatever they say has no value in reality and you can't get hurt because you know it's false. Stop feeling FOR them. They do not deserve your empathy. Reserve your empathy for real people. This way you do not open yourself up for hurt. With every encounter you expect what they really are: Deceivers, liars, users, unconscionable people. Don't give them an inch.
These are so true!!! I have used most of these with the narcissist in my life and he stays away but he comes back every now and again still thinking he’s the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I’m on day 22 no contact. I’ve tried to use a few of these tactics over the past year or so. He didn’t like when I deliberately ignored something he was bragging about or trying to ‘impress me’ with 🙄. He’d say ‘well.. did you hear me?’ I asked him one time ‘why do you poke me? Why do you try to upset me?’ He said ‘because it’s fun, I like trying to get a reaction out of you’. 🤯. WTF! I could write here for hours. I have sooo many stories. I’m happy to say I’m 10000% done!!! No looking back. Buh byyyeee
I escaped a relationship with a narc about 3 years ago and I'm still recovering. What I am proud of though is during the last several days of the relationship I intuitively did what this video suggests by intuition. I felt the last thread of empathy snap and I just felt done. No anger, no sadness, just DONE. And that indifferent attitude, or passive response, drove the narc INSANE. Years of being made to feel like I was mental and she showed her true colours in front of my whole family before leaving forever. Again, still recovering, but silver linings and all. Great video, btw.
I experienced similar reactions. Divorced after 33.5 years married. My ex unfortunately remarried… but that wife divorced him. Now 20 years since divorce, I initiated: couldn’t be happier; found myself once again. Remain single. Tired of most men my age ( 70’s) thinking the are the “ head “ and I am a “ possession “! Not this lady ! I love me & not giving up who I really am to have “?love ?!” In my life ! That’s not LOVE !
Had a 30 year relationship and marriage 14 of those years I had an 8 year old son who loved his Dad and Dad threatened suside if I didnt come back to him after a Two year separation. I fell for that for 10 more years of abuse First he got me barefoot and pregnant and abused me all over again. Finally I filed for divorce He actually pulled a fake suside attempt in front ofy children. Thats when I knew i had to get out. he drove me to a severe breakdown where i coulnt stop crying for 7 months night and day. Was susidal but loved my children too much to leave them with thatmonster. For the next 12 yrs I raised my children without a dime of susport. Found out at Age 53 after one more narisistiç marriage that Im a bipolar schizophrenic with PTSD I GAVE MYSELF ONE BIG PAT ON THE BACK FOR SURVIVING ALL THAT Havent been with a man for the past 20 years No hatred just fear.
Oh wow! Spot on! I realized that I dated a narcissist for real! 😅 I left him over two months ago and avoided him since then. I started distancing myself because I knew I’m not safe. I can’t pin point it but I just know. Then, he kept love bombing me. I still said to him no and let him know my boundaries. He agreed. Then, when I didn’t cave in to his request. He did his silent treatment. No response from me either. Then, he came back around again. This time I am more direct. I finally agreed to meet him and see what he’s going to say in person. Then, he ghosted me. Instead of getting mad at him and try to talk to him. I jut let go and this time he’s BLOCK for good. He couldn’t stand that I’m done with him and I’m having such an amazing life without him. I’m glad he finally showed what he’s capable of…what a toxic man.
I'm actually quite stunned how well the no-contact/non-reactivity/indifference works! Been using it on the narcs in my life and it's powerful. A part of me is going 'I hope this sticks', but so far so good. Thank you for your continued epic videos, Tamie! ♥
Ignoring them drives them crazy 🤣. That's the only way to get any peace. Just stay away and don't engage with them and eventually they move on to someone else who will listen to it.
Yes, I've did no contact with my mom and sister for 3 yrs. Currently in a relationship and well, treating them the way they treat me they seem to not like that at all doesn't answer questions but demands answers... victim me victim me she's so mean to me. Lmfao. You only wish I was that mean to you! So, ignoring them, rejecting them sexually, and not picking up the calls or texts right away. Well, last time I did this my front door got broke. So hoping it'll work without my stuff getting broken. And it's like 900 for a new door cause I have to get a customized door
I have done this over and over. they then change their MO,.tell you what you really need to hear, to draw you back in and make you think they have changed. They havent!
All of this is 100% truth. Stand up for yourself. It occurred to me that I "owed" it to God to stand up for myself and not allow myself to become anyone's "doormat". Treat others the way you would like to be treated (Golden Rule). If others cannot/will not comply with behaving decently, then POOF - be done with them! You deserve better than that, because GOD CREATED YOU.
This hits so close to home. The person I dealt with most would try to implant false memories CONSTANTLY. They made up so many "truths" that they couldn't keep them straight and when I called them on it, they would just dodge, deceive, shift blame, implant false memories...on repeat! I couldn't begin to guess the number of times I heard "Remember! You did _____" and they would just fill that blank in with whatever story made them blameless no matter what proof I had. It was so exhausting. I lost so much when I decided that I could no longer do it...beloved family members that were affiliated with this person...but it had to be done as I was becoming severely depressed and increasingly anxious.
I disconnect from a relationship of over 7 years, with this man was his way or no way. He used me financial gain, so I stated by cutting him out closing my Netflix account, phone service, and cut back on driving 60 miles to spend time together. He wanted to control my eating habits portion control… and tried to isolate me from my family, He wanted me to stay at his house after my surgery but he hints Chanel my daughter came to Asist me and he got mad, he text Me like week after my surgery wishing me well. Last time we exchange a text was in New Year’s Eve.
Yes! That mind f***** with false memories should be discussed more when talking about narcissist abuse! It is horrible and they use it a lot!!! "You can not remember correctly." "Your memories are false" "Let me remind you..."
Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass
I was married to one it was crazy dealing all the drama he wanted I tryed everything to let him know I was not dealing with it
I need the class
@@Jwanene you can learn more here: www.tamiemcoaching.com/the-freedom-class-self-paced
Please tell me. Can 2 narcissistic live together happily ? I got husband and wife narcissistic living opposite my house. They're both very creepy, sneaky, stalkers, even their children, they stalk everyone and like to use people for their benefit. They have no empathy towards any one.
I'm currently using all of them. No longer an emotional landing pad.
I’m an Empath that finally had enough! While during a phone call my now ex toxic alcoholic Narcissistic boyfriend had the nerve to say to me. “ I’m going to sleep on the idea weather I want to keep you in my life or not”! I simply stated in return “Let me make this decision quite simple. I am done with you! Good riddance!” I then hung up and immediately went NO CONTACT permanently and have been that way since October 😀! He has tried to open a dozen false Facebook accounts, however I never bother checking his accounts. I have moved on, joined the local gym, going out and am happier than I have ever been at 71 🥰.
When you get to that age its so much easier to cut em loose
My best remedy to a narcissist , is complete silence they detest being ignored in everything you do. It gets to them HEAD ON, AND WORKS EVERYTIME !!
Complete silence plus the death stare if you're around them. It completely disarms them.
72 here,and I have broken free also. Empath, learned strong boundaries, and broke free after 28 yr.marriage.loving life,grandchildren, friends.
I've begun to see remarks and actions in a different light. Like a language. Decoding what's really being said. When he says something particularly nasty or unwanted, I'm training myself to hear, I know I'm losing control. I want it back. If you react, I've got it. And then I don't. Like translating language. Gibberish questions. Redundant remarks. Anything to get me to reply and eventually react, gets met with silence. I don't even bother trying to explain. I don't care what he thinks. If he pushes so hard that I can't get around it? I just say, you need to see a doctor. Until you do that and engage in therapy, there's nothing to talk about. And that stops him cold. Because he knows it's true.
I used to crave interaction and attempts to build a relationship. I don't anymore. There's nothing there. There's no reason. He's just a guy I got tangled up with and I've got to untangle. Nothing more. There's nothing even to miss.
I used to go around and round with myself. What caused me to interact with a person like this. What's wrong with me? To be honest? I still can't answer that question, other than somehow I got caught off guard. Something went wrong in my thinking. I can either live my life thinking that it might happen again, or I can learn now, remember the lesson, and move on. The truth will set you free
Being an empath and dating a narcissist is one of the worst situations one could be in. It’s very draining and chaotic
It doesn't get any better, whatever you thought it was wrong and odd it's much, much worse
@@tatianar.421 Tell me about it smh
The only way to deal with them is to leave 'em. They do not change. you can NOT change them. EVEN if you pray. It's all between them and their creator.
my mom is one and was the scapegoat and then I ended up dating one for a good while and now my boss is one. Im exhausted
Yep..married 23 yrs.BUT, HE FLIPPED on me at year 16....this is NOT who I married🙄.I commented above ...;)
What ive found about dealing with a narcissist, as soon as you stand up for yourself, they immediately go into victim mode. After so long of being constantly belittled, talked down to, talked to like you're stupid, disrespected, talked to like a dog, you eventually can't stand it anymore and let them have it. As soon as you take up for yourself, they immediately flip and turn into the "victim that gossips" to turn everyone against you and act like you owe them something. You apologize all the time but NEVER will you see them apologize.
This happened to me and the only difference is that the narcissist already pushed their biggest support groups away and they tried to abuse me next but I’m like nah, bye. So they really don’t have anyone to gossip to except people that really don’t matter cause i don’t know them. The narcissist is currently trying to hoover me through forced interactions and unwanted gifts. 🎁
Its annoying to say the least.
I CAN RELATE TO THIS 100 %! Although I appreciate my ( friend) he does this to me almost everyday. I would rather live in my car than to have him treat me like that. I owe nobody any explanations. I will be honest, I have made a lot of mistakes, but it’s no one’s business to yell at me and treat me like a child. I will say this, that people who do these things to others ( it will come back to them), and I honestly feel bad for them, because of the feeling I get when I’m around them ( they will have to be around it 24/7. I can’t imagine having to deal with that constantly. It’s the only way they will learn though.
@@joanieLeventis3077 You deserve to be respected and treated with dignity, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you. It's a basic human right in my opinion.
I relate to this soooo much!
yup, you nailed it! When you confront them about their not-so-subtle abuse, they present it as "concern for your well being", which serves two purposes: 1) you didn't appreciate their phony well intentioned efforts, which makes you an ingrate and them a victim and (2) they can further cast doubt on your mental health. I had a false friend for almost 25 years, let's just say that the saying "the benefit of the doubt" doesn't exist in my world anymore.
“You’re dealing with an entitled emotional toddler in an adults body who is suffering from egotistical delusions of grandeur,” really really resonated with me. So so so accurate.
MY FATHER
My father too
Korra Obidi is the worst Narcissist I have ever seen . I never knew there were such evil ,lying ,defiant and terrible mothers.
both Parents
All Siblings
All my partners
Co-workers
But wait, there's more
😢😮😢😮
My son’s girlfriend.
1. let them know what s behind their mask.
2. remain completely not reactive
3. be brutally honest, speak your mind
4.treat him with indifference
5. show him rejection for his opinions
6. exposure in front of others
7. unfavorable comparisons
8. ignore them, their messages, etc
9. get happy
10. establish and maintain no contact
Thanks so much for this great, useful, unique video. Blessings
Damn I guess only men are capable of being narcissistic
Or her*
Until the divorce is over.
@isabellairaca1669 Bless you and I am proud I finally did manage to do all the above at last. I hope to move on happily in 2023 and stay happy always minus this psychotic and abusive baggage. Thank you. Amen.
Don't have kids with one!
"You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
❤
Very well said
Exactly!
Exacly!
This comment hit me like a ton of bricks. Truth!
Don't play the game...If you run into a narcissist....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!
I do. I run from all of the Arabic Speaking people. They have the worst character, and they are a bunch of trifling liars, and big troublemakers.
Yesss. I’ve gone no contact because of the constant abuse from a former “friend”. She has followed me to my gym in the early morning and I decided she doesn’t get to steal this from me so I still turned up and of course a new video on tiktok about me at the gym being a mean person was made because I Never said hi. She literally has no job and knew I went to the gym at 5am. She said if Im so called this nice person I put myself out to be on tiktok then why I don’t I say hi to her. Because I will not speak to someone who has twisted and manipulated every word I breathe so you can post more about me. She’s disgusting
@@DavidEdwards-e6mthank you. I have. Restraining order will be done soon. I’ve been keeping records but now have changed gyms
@@Teremoanabrockbank Praying for your safety! She gives off major stalker vibes.
Hear hear! Don't look back either!
Narcissism with explosive anger like my soon to be ex husband is something you have to be careful with. It's terrifying...
Or ex wife
I got 3 little girls and she's completely unaware of the sphere of influence and I just don't wanna even defend myself anymore 😢
Trying to divorce mines for over a year he won’t sign been separated 9 years he’s still destroying my life he turned my kids family friends against me I’m totally alienated from everyone but yet he won’t let me go it’s tragic and the most painful thing to go thro I seem to attract narcissistic men
@@deeottey8243you have an immoral lawyer.
According to the video:
1. Let them know you're onto them
2. Remain completely non-reactive
3. Radical honesty
4. Treat them with indifference
5. Rejection
6. Exposure
7. Unfavorable comparisons
8. Ignore them
9. Get happy
10. Establish and maintain no-contact
👍
Then comes panic mode hoovering, rage or discard. Be prepared.
Thank you so much
@@Laura-nl8df in other words, progress #silverlining 😉
@@jonnyincognito899 it's been the shock of my life to see my life written by others. I questioned for 50+ yrs. All this adds up like basic math. Smdh!!
Does anybody else notice that if you joke around with a narcissist, they take it seriously and get offended easily? Drives me nuts!
Freaking facts... They have absolutely no sense of humor.
100% correct…. They certainly havn’t .. I was with one for 37 years, can’t remember him ever making me laugh.
I sent mine a pic of my 2 20:09 fur babies today to which he responded why do I do that???? But he speaks so insulting to me . And idk y he always like seeing pics of my dogs before. But now he was so rude. He has been bombarding me today with how stupid I am and how I talk to much... Been so mean all day
I feel right now exhausted. I feel best down , rejected, so hurt.
They have the thinnest skin of anybody I ever encountered.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 15 yrs. I figured him out pretty early on. These are the tactics I employed daily. It drove him nuts. I have an exceptional ability to control my own reactions so this was my superpower over him. He still made life terrible but I eventually left him. When he finally figured out that I wasn't coming back this time he gave chase. It completely shattered his ego and he spent all his time trying to pull every tactic to get me back but I was 2 steps ahead of him and I anticipated everything. He tried to take our daughter and turn her against me. I cut him off short. He tried burning money but I already safeguarded myself. Begging, going to treatment, stalking...I got a restraining order. He was completely powerless. Mlife did a 180 and I've never looked back. Anyone who is afraid to leave a narcissist I tell you this, no damage yhey do can be worse than the turmoil they will unleash on you for the rest of your life. You will look back and realize it was the best decision you EVER made. Trust me, I know.
Good on you!
100% true!
All my respect to you!
I needed this..thank you
Good for you!
I needed to hear your story! Thank you for sharing. I am married to a covert now. Finding things for covert is hard.
I think I just learned in 20 minutes what 50+ professors couldn't teach me during college and graduate school. I'm so sick of feeling guilty. No more. Tamie, you have my deepest gratitude and love. Thank you for this.
DONT FEEL GUILTY❤
Emotional SOBRIETY:
S-Silence
O-Observe, don’t absorb
B-Breathe, breathe, breathe
R-Remain non-reactive
I-Ignore
E-Establish no contact
T-Total indifference
Y-You be authentically Happy with your life.
Thanks Tamie! ❤️❤️❤️
P.S. I love your blouse and necklace. You look absolutely beautiful and radiant.
Thanks, Love!! 🥰💕
What about *Alcoholic secret drinking that my Covert Narcissist "S.O." does -- how do I label that one & deal !?? 😵💫
Oh, I saved it:-), thanks. Interesting and helpful.
Knowledge and education is the key to success in life !!!
Not exactly. Intuition and heart play more important role, my humble opinion.
1)let them know you are on to them: Don't tell them; show them
2)Remain completely nonreactive
3)radical honesty
4)treat them with indifference
5)Rejection
6)Exposure
7)unfavorable comparison
8)ignore them
9)Get happy and at peace
10)Establish and maintain no contact
Exactly
Currently practicing all these steps, and ive came back to my power. Which is what the narc wants from me.
@@OceanicPearlz1 how so?
I made the mistake of letting my ex know that I was aware of her being narcissistic. Less than a week later she kicked me out
Start the hell over!! It will hurt. Recovery always does. Now go be you.
I was with a Narcissist for 6 years, and had no clue. Everything was my fault, my self-esteem was ruined. I never felt like I was good enough...I needed to hear this!
9 yrs and 4 kids.
18 years with a Covert Narcissist, I left 4 times, last time was No Contact. She hacked my email and was messaging me through my own email. Imagine you get an unopened email from your own email address. And someone else is talking to you. Well that time she conned me into coming back, now 8 more years went by, each year getting worse, she now wants divorce!!!
I guess I'm such a nothing in her mind, she can no longer feed off me. Whoever the next guy up is, LOOK OUT.
I'm so happy that person is out of your life now! Remember that *you* are awesome and that you're worth so much. It can be hard to recover your own self after going through so much abuse. Keep living your life and being the original you 🙂
10 years for me. Took me a lot longer than that to recover!
Accuser of the bretheren....male or female for harm, whether correct or incorrect, said strategically.
I was married to the worst kind of narcissist. I’m a very vocal empath. We fought constantly. I never backed down to my ex nor his family. I don’t speak to him at all. My daughter finally figured out she shouldn’t talk to her father at all either. We’re both much happier and doing great!
This gives me hope for myself and my kids 🙏🏻🤍
You said enough than...stay clear now.
Girl you are hitting it on the head . They hate strong minded women
Yes they do! LOL
Yes, narcissistic women hate strong minded women.
Yep.
Only men are narcissists?
Lol ..women talking about narcissism...the most narcissistic sex ...females ....fact...all you have to do is watch tick tock videos...
Ignore them. They hate that. Just be prepared for the narcissistic rage.
Also be prepared for them to bring in one or two reinforcements as it becomes 2 or 3 against 1. Treat the monkeys the same as the narcissist and self-protect until it passes, which it will.
This is so true, mines just hit with her car.
@@rooski4049 😲😱😲 OMG ! They are coo coo for coco puffs.
@@loveandhappiness8178 After just 3 months of being together. Plus this is my second one in life. I don't know why I keep attracting or being attracted to them..
Yes now mines is calling me mad and angry because I chose me and I’m no longer even responding. I’m actually not even angry. I feel a since of relief and happiness ☺️
This works so well ! When the narcissist asked how she could “make things better?” I said “ Not lie”. She turned away and never said anything else to me. Win win !
😂
lmao 🤣
❤😂
💪🏻😆
I'm in a legal battle with one now. In the last few months, the whole thing has turned into mostly just them fighting their ever-growing ever more absurd lies and desperation to have control of things that are not and never were theirs.
10% truth and 90% lie is still a lie even if I am admitting that the 10% part is correct. Same with, just because I asked for their advice in the past doesn't equal they have control of whatever it is in the here and now just because I took their advice that one time.
They seem to not get that.
Thats real eye opener when you see how they treat thier own children !
I never knew my dad as a child but it's been my whole life my whole life is been a narcissist and a bully to me
My narc has 3 children he had/has nothing to do with..I should've known just from that to run
Yup my mum
My mom and sister all my 52years 😢
When a narcissist realizes that they are no longer charming, or able to manipulate you, they crumble inside. Love that you mentioned to confront them by letting them know you aren’t buying their self glorified superiority. I lived for 24 years with a classic narcissist. It took many more years to heal from the abuse. But what a glorious day it was when I became free from the narcissists web
"Letting them know that you aren't buying self glorified superiority." Amen! This video vindicates me doing the discard. The mask slips off doesn't it after a few years? This is the Crux of the issue and Tammy absolutely vindicates my decision to break free of a friendship with a male. I'm glad that you gave yourself the ticket out to jail you were at for a few decades too. (I'm glad to hear others like those are finally meeting their karma or fate or whatever you want to call it!)
Yep. Me 25 yrs.. the aftermath fallout was just about as hard as being in it
SUPERIORITY? THEY ARE NOT SUPERIOR. THEY R TOXIC.
The day i ended it i went straight to her parents and told them infront of her so they could here it from me and not her. I looked over to her and saw on her face she had a smurk while looking at the ground knowing that it really is over, before i could drive off she started telling me i had issues, said i was angry, said i was trying to control her… to which i tried to remember when i would ever try controlling her. She was shocked that i went to her parents to tell them myself.
Nn jk
What's funny is, sometimes a narcissist will create drama and when you react they will suddenly ghost you or be "non-reactive" because that allows them to play victim to your reaction. So yeah, it's a good idea to be non-reactive, but sometimes it's actually the narcissist that uses that technique to play victim.
Truth!
Woman too My ex
As in the N covertly prods & pushes buttons to exhaustion I’d necessary and will go deeper when finally the reaction anticipated for the length of it comes boiling from out of the target. You, me and stands there looking down his nose in utter disgust while packing their tools or what have you and walks away as If embarrassed. Sick twisted way out sh*t! All the flying monkeys primed all along will see his hero was.. “ Yup, she IS crAzy”, “HOW DO you LIVE WITH THAT”! And when ya get out yiu will be without a thing at all. No things or proofs even the All you have done managed. Nothing but for the belly your crawling away on. Months or years finding your legs or voice. perhaps your wings hang less low and your recognizing your pin reflection. Sometimes a flash of familiar looks back at you and you believe the smile. Healing does come even accounting for How Come you stayed! Educated you knOw now what this was and that’s empowering. Right until your being worked by one again. They are all over the place and I do the things I’ve learned. Don’t let them know you k ow, I’ll be careful, this narc is in my house bored to do plumbing or some other thing needing done. I got my armor on ever so discreetly…Not! No matter how much praise is given nor billets dodged, the end game is They loathe your strength because they so desperately crAve real confidence, YOURS they are hiding behind so they Take it by hook or crook. Almost Just as awful as the gas lighter IS, is trying to talk to those Who Have No Idea what trauma bonding with these and that abuse even is. Exacerbating and sadly feels like being dismissed in same manner. Ten years after … might need this class!
This is so very true. I have an ex who was exactly that. It was amazing three stuff she would do or create drama then tell everyone the narrative that I was the crazy guy and she would complete ghost me. It was nerve racking
@@andrewharris373 that's the best way for them to play victim. Then they tell people "yeah I had to cut them off." So they can make it seem like you're the bad guy. And they do it to anyone that confronts them or finds out the truth.
Thanks for the 10 ways to drive a narcissist crazy. My husband put me through heck. I literally thought I was going to die. After all of his, addiction to porn, cheating ways, lies, manipulation, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse, deception and uncaring ways, after only 1 year of marriage I had to kick him out. We are getting a divorce.
Bless your heart. I was married almost 20 years to EXACTLY what you just described and I truly did have a nervous breakdown that took me about 10 long years to recover from. But thankfully I did recover and moved on to a much better life!
Been here too!! First one 23 years! After being single for 9 years, got married to a man worse than first and he was a pastor who was full of so many lies and deceit.
I left one Friday, divorced and never looked back. Sad part is I went through so much abuse with him, I'm traumatized, but thank God for my counselor
@@cherylstrauel-xn3kb I can sadly RELATE! Prayers for your healing as well as mine! I'm in the thick of it now...trying to get out!
Good for you honey!! I know how it feels. You’ve got this 💪
👏
I have found that narcissistic people are often hiding, not devoid of, their feelings. They don't want to deal with yours, but will use them against you constantly.
I recently asked my son's mother(long separated), to give me an example of when hiding was seen as strength or courage. As there are only a very few she couldn't come up with any. I then asked her why she thought people who hide their emotions are strong, when hiding is provably cowardly(in most cases).
I asked her if it was easy to stand in front of someone and show your true emotions, she said of course not. I told her this was because it takes courage.
We have been lied to by weak cowardly liars about the nature of a person who shows their emotions being weak or cowardly, and a person who hides them being strong and courageous. Nothing could be further from the truth.
She hated all of this, to my delight, and was still muttering about it when she left hours later.
Heartless people want us to believe that they are strong, and that those of us who feel are weak, it is not so.
🕊️♥️🍀🧠🎶👑
This. It's like they wanna project that h8t onto you and I'm not receiving it so now the silent treatment.
"Entitled Emotional Toddler in an Adult Body". Loved that.
I’ve learned over time that cutting them off from your energy is the best thing. No contact. There is no reasoning with these people and they will just turn it all around on you and be disrespectful to your feelings while expressing. I’ve cut friends, family and exes like this. Was always polite but just basically said no more, verbally and energetically
That’s my motto, disconnect
I really wish I can go no contact....I'm really good at that. The unfortunate part is that we have 4 year old child together. Now that I've served him with divorce papers he's trying to attach to my 16 year old son and quote "make sure that he knows he's loved within the context of a masculine energy", clearly trying to use my son as a pawn.
Love your technique.
You are so right. It takes will power..but it works. I did that to an ex boyfriend. Broke up 14 years ago. Cut him off completely almost 10 years ago when I met my husband. This was great day: my husband took me to my favorite restaurant one afternoon several years ago as we were building our new house and guess who was there eating by himself? He saw us and nervously came to our table . We were nice and receptive. I invited him to join us and he did. He drank a gallon of margaritas. He also learned just how happily married I was and what a great and loving husband I have. My husband and I shared all the good and positive news going on in our lives with him. Although my husband didn't really know the man, he treated him like an old friend. I could tell that my ex bf hated every bit of it. (Of course I loved that) He couldn't believe that I moved on, left him behind and found a happy, loving relationship. (His life and relationships still sucked!). But I was nice and kind to him... indifferent. He had zero power over me and knew it. BTW...fast forward a few years...at the beginning of this year, I got a random, out of the blue text from him..."Happy New Year...I was dreaming about you..." I just smiled to myself and then walked over to my husband and said, "I love you!! You are the best thing that ever happened to me!!". And quietly, I thanked God for His blessings.
@@juliedepaolo9971good for you!! It is funny how narcs pop up suddenly once you have moved on and living your best life full of love and positivity. Losers 😅
I am doing this at this very moment. I started on the 30th of January. Freedom is PRICELESS!!!
You can see their insanity but a true narcissist is in complete denial about their narcissism.
yep
Yup my mum.
@@katee8147my mom too
It's shocking how they can not see it!
Yep my sister
I’ve always been the scapegoat for my family
I’ve recently recovered enough to realize that I am an empath and I am surrounded by narcissists
I’m kind of losing my mind
But I’m also shocked at how easy it is to remove myself from them without emotion
It’s empowering and even though it is sad, I am happier
Weird
Same for me
Same for me as well...
Unfortunately, same with me.
Hi. Yes this is all absolutely right and true. I know because l've used these strategies and they worked for me but l am not married to the person. What on earth can the partner do when all that happens when they show any sign of strength and happiness provokes a vile aggressive response to the point of verbal and physical attack. If that doesn't get the required response,money or alcohol, the accusations of historic sexual abuse become so real in the narcissists mind that they appear totally convincing. I now know this has been used on previous partners who were not married, didn't have children and they escaped. The mother also behaves much the same and virtually moved in and tried every day to destroy the marriage. The partner got sucked in in defense of his wife and baby, managed to protect them and got the mother to leave by holding them to a written behaviour contract. Now years later, years of emotional abuse. From the partner, the mother and child are back in contact via phone and internet and they are constantly undermining the partner who ultimately buckles and complies in order to keep the peace around the child. It is not sustainable and the abused adult is showing signs of severely damaged mental health, stress anxiety, low self esteem and a recent declaration of suicidal thoughts due to feeling totally trapped.
So rip the band-aid and you'll find peace?
I'm scared. I feel like I'm the crazy one.
Is no contact the best way?
I’ve been attending a codependent class each week. As I heal, I see my husband squirm more and more as I have become a non reactive, logical adult. Not a scared child anymore, reclaiming my light. I see the immature brat he is and am not threatened by his tactics. Thank you for reminding us about our physical safety. I’ve been in that situation with a violent ex. I got away.
Already becoming non reactive and honesty
“Immature brat” is too nice girl! 😂
We have an over abundance of narcissists in our society
I've started doing this to all the women that do silent treatments for attention and reactuons, ah works like a charm
This lady is the bomb 💣 😍 🙌
I was my mothers scapegoat child. I was 15 when I realized I would never earn my mothers love, which freed me from the burden of trying. It wasn't until I turned 40 that I discovered that she is a narcissist. I told my husband he had to get me far away from her. A year later, my husband, our 4 children, and I relocated across the country. I went no contact and haven't looked back. I'm happy to hear you say that it's driving her crazy.
Much care. Me too but my poor dad is there 90 & blind. Nicest man ever.
I wish my hubby did that now he's constantly begging her for love as the scapegoat and now our marriage is really suffering.
27 years of dealing with a narcissist!! In March it was over! I’m in such a better state mentally. This video is SPOT ON! Every time this person says something negative or lie about me…I smile, because I KNOW FOR SURE it’s their insecurity speaking. It’s about them, not me. God is Good🙏🏿
22yrs for me. Lol
26 here
22 for me, too. March was a big month, I guess. 😂
Are you in therapy? 27 years dealing with a narcissist 😢
I'm still with mine 20 years this past June was in the process of leaving and then he got diagnosed with head and throat cancer and it all started over again and now he's gone their treatment and is in remission and it's back to his always and I just don't know how much more I feel like I'm going insane
The narcissist's HATES the truth, because the truth HURTS!!! Thank you so much for this AWESOME information! 🌝
You're welcome, Rhonda!! 💕
Big time
One of the most effective ways to fight back, if you will, IS THE TRUTH. {my 95 yr old mother STILL says: "Do anything you want... just DON'T LIE TO ME!} I'm in a place with my grown daughter who is, perhaps, wired like her dad {weaponized by him as well}... my one & only X after 30 yrs of marriage. AND has become absolutely brutal when faced with the TRUTH or even the THREAT of exposure via the TRUTH which causes her to go to ALL NEW depths of destruction.
The problem I encounter IS: she is the mother of my Grandchild. My daughter has stopped allowing me to see the child. SHE thinks: {knows} AhHAH! OUCHEE!! I have caused YOU pain for the rest of your natural life!
Her young daughter keeps secrets no child should have to keep. And in keeping the child isolated, her secrets are safe forever. ???
I am simply astonished at her ever evolving skills at lying, distorting, deceiving and even her ability to "SET UP" a situation where she can discredit me is sometimes terrifying.
What I've come to know is what I and my Grandchild are being subjected to is nothing less than, YES... elder AND child abuse which very few seem to see or understand.
I feel STUCK even though I am a very strong person with strong moral values and as a rule, will not tolerate any form of abuse.
I've been told: "Whatever you do, do not make yourself the villian in this. Let her be the villian." The child is smart and can see what is going on."
I can only pray that the brainwashing she's subjected to will NOT stick with her and the 1st 6 yrs of her life with me will be burned into her memory.
This is a "rough row to hoe"... I do not wish this on my worst enemy. May TRUTH and PEACE be your guide.
Absolutely!!! 😊😊😊😊👍👍👍👍
@@Targetdrew thats exactly my mom bc her narcs actions is from from her own mom (grandmother)
When the Devil can't get to you he sends a Narcissist! All Empath's will experience Narcissism constantly throughout their lives. Tamie speaks expertly on how to deal with them. Take note fellow sufferer's.
Yeah I'm wondering why I'm surrounded by narcissistics!
TRUTH 💯 It finally makes since. Thanks for sharing
Didn't know that. Isn't it because of the narcissistic mother? ...because she never valued you (me)?
Interesting was just wondering why my mother went through these relationships too, she used to ask do I have victim written on my forehead? Why am I a beacon?
Both the Devil and the Narcissist are evil! Exorcise them from your life and you will feel much better!
Tamie, I've gone "no contact" with my horribly abusive, narcissistic grown up son for almost one year now. Best peace I've ever had, only wish I'd done it sooner. He said he feels no love, nothing from me, doesn't want a relationship, was constantly arguing every second he was around me. Things escalated when he started shoving me, knew it would lead to assault. What makes things worse is that his narcissistic, psychopathic father is still constantly coaching him big time, even to the point where my son called me the worst vile names. So hard to walk away from your own child, but had to do this to preserve my own sanity. No turning back now.
OMG me too, I divorced my ex. I realized why he pressured me to work so much which I stupidly did thinking I was saving the marriage. He used that time to weasel in on my only son. I had a nightmare it feels like he died like his soul is gone we were so close until 4th grade. He spends all his time with friends I wish he finds his own path away from his father and can change.
I’m dealing with the same right now, my adult son is a toxic human and I’ve been supporting him and his twins for the past two years, my health has been suffering because of his verbal & mental abuse and his total lack of care or respect for me and my home and I’m so tired of being sick and tired-I want him completely out of my life but somehow still have a relationship with my grandsons and I am in therapy trying to learn how to like myself but struggling because I’m still stuck in this toxic environment 😞
I am going thru the same with my son! He hasn't been physical yet and God forbid the day he does!!
It hard when it's your child, but we need to think of ourselves!!
@@michellemckinnon438I'm so sorry you're facing that situation. It's like all the good ppl dealin wit these sick spirits is a catastrophe on pure hearts and souls.
Demonic. So sorry that hurts and from your own child. I would just walk away and stay gone. But pray, pray and pray for his conversion.
They fear to rejection
They fear to expose
They fear to abondant
They fear to death
They fear to ignorance
They fear to your success
They fear to your happiness
They fear to loniness
Wonderful. I just did this with my boss in front of HR. I did all 10 unknowingly and gave my 1 month resignation. It was so freeing. He can’t sit still. I literally said whatever. You can no longer verbally abuse me anymore. I will quit and do an exit interview so corporate is aware of what has occurred. Mic drop! Never felt better and took my power back: he hates it and tries everyday to trigger me. I refuse to respond.
good on ya!!!
Queen
Legend. ✊🏾
I really need help in this area!! My wife of 12 years is very much a narsasist and loves getting reactions outta me... just several weeks ago, Lord showed me that I was giving her power over my actions... day later I told her I was done playing her games and not falling into this reactive trap of hers
@@ryandeweese363 best you can do is learn a lot about how to deal with them
The more you learn the better empowerment you'll have.
It's harder for men to accept it and find help. If y'all have kids just brace yourself.
I wish you the best.
I think the biggest one is to REMAIN HAPPY. They can’t stand when you just keep moving on with your day.
Remain happy and ignoring , say nothing
Yes it works
That's what I'm doin. I must.
Mark Manson wrote a long time ago that "you can never be happy if your happiness depends on other people". That's basically total opposite of narcistic worldview.
Julie. I was born an empath and apparently I've been a magnet for narcissists. I'm so over it. And I'm getting the knowledge to defeat all narcissists
Me too!
Me tooo
same for me😢❤
20+ years...it's mind blowing to watch this.
The cutting off of energy only happens when you learn not to respond. Stay in your power.
Boundaries. Rest. Time away. Find your peace.
13 years for me.
And I am having the same reaction. She hid her ways behind alcohol and it was every weekend 2 bottles a night of wine and rage or intense sex and passing out. I don't drink. I always believed she was an alcoholic and this is what I am dealing with....but the sudden disappearance and finding another man in the picture has changed everything. She even cut communication to our kids.
@@camelo1495 ... holding space for you. I am getting better at setting boundaries. I am learning to not respond. Taking back my power. Trying to fix my people pleasing issue.
Thank you for sharing this space with me.
Fortunately i have the ability to cut off from ppl. very quickly and without regret including family , / . I will say bec.of all the craziness i was going through with him and never had experienced anything like this , i began to fall into the trap and i began to question my own mind / One day it was like a spiritual sign " to get out now " through my meditation / I got in my power , I assured him he would call me / saying no i wont , but he did . . . I love my power
100%
Sensitivity and kindness are strengths. Never doubt it.
Yes...mostly true except some people are so sunk it would have no effect on them...and would probably even cleverly and insidiously use it against you.
You’re right, Richard! And we have to be very careful to not use those powers against ourselves. We need to remain vigilant lest our kindness towards another results in harm against ourselves.
Absolute. What you teach here is how i handle my dark-empath-narcicist sister. Seeing her, standing in front of me with her jaw flapping in the breeze, utter shock in her eyes, was indescribable.
Not done with malice. No glee on my part. She needed to finally hear it from the one she tried to torment; my entire life.
I feel sorry for her, but, i pray she will hear the still, small voice of God The Father, in the Name of Jesus, amen.
This sounds like my story as well...
All the advice on this video is great but once you’re also tired of the narcissist going crazy, start video recording them and tell them you’re doing so. Not only can you pull the video up later for them to see themselves, but they also won’t want you to show the world who they really are. I imagine it may not work on some and some might be violent but it definitely worked for me. When I start recording I repeat what they just said to me and ask them to explain themselves and give examples of what they are talking about.
True thy think there right your wrong know I am not perfeckt but I neaver deserved what I whent through you all so get them on face book thing there verey bright but not think there better looking not and just bad leir's, but ok when doing fore them and know matter what you do not good nough I am trying too take know notice,😊
My sister is the same, can't hear the truth either.
I love to turn the narcissists plots on themselves. They get really frustrated and you ask them why they’re so upset yet they can’t tell you because they have to keep their plot a secret. So they’re upset and can’t react because the delusion that nothing was actually happening in the first place according to them. It’s so funny.
Exactly then they run away when they know u know their games lol
@@moeak7935 I just feel dumb after dating a narcissist who is addicted to dating apps and is (by her own words, an emotional whore) im sorry for the language but it was her own words. but yeah. i feel dumb and drained ...
The games are endless.
All my interactions with a narc feels like game of chess. What do they think they're winning? Or losing?
Also, the weird habit they have of speaking in the 3rd person is so disconnected. I grew up feeling like my life was a fun house mirror.
I am a pretty strong independent woman. I have dealt with some hardcore full blown narcissist. One being my father, a landlord, and quit a few friends. One thing I know for sure is no matter how well you can shut a narcissist down and be indifferent when it comes to relationships it is the constant toxic environment that is what ends up breaking you. Best to just get the hell out and making sure to pay attention to the red flags no matter how minor avoid going there again
The only solution (unless you have inescapable commitments like kids) is to leave. People who attract these types repeatedly need to look at themselves and ask what it is about them their draws them to become a supply so much
Perfectly said…I lost everything after blinking one day. My question will always remain: why the hell did he have to choose me?
So wasn’t my ex “wife”
@@tamarabrunozzi8482 They choose nice people. But there were always flags we ignored or excused. Learn to see the flags.
You can add neighbors. Especially if your property "boundaries" abutts theirs.
I cannot thank you enough. Ive literally been crying myself to sleep. Struggling to fix this relationship that is sucking my soul. Thank you for showing me that I simply have to remove myself from it. 🙏 stay safe..
Yes same for ME its my own daughter doing this between me and my wife!
With who
I pray you reclaim your power and learn that it wasn’t your fault that someone didn’t know how to love you right. Cry and feel what you need to feel in order to heal ❤️ love-Paris-
I am right there. Crying myself to sleep. Still hanging on to hope that he will change and come back. I know it will never work. And I can’t believe that I just can’t detach myself!
@@cristinasanchez-torres2163 hi, I’m going through exactly the same thing. I walked away 2 days ago. But I’m hurting terribly and miss the side of him that I love so much. But that side isn’t real. The unkind nasty side is the real person. And I hate that side.
Thank you. I wrote and practiced these words as my first step to getting out. Every time she tried to manipulate me I would say “There is nothing you can say or do to convince me or manipulate me into doing what you want.”
Ignore them.
This will drive them
Insane
It's true 😀
More challenging when there's a child involved
@@lize5755 Do what works for you.
I would add: Surround yourself with brutally honest but kind people who truly have your best interests at heart. You need them to help you "sit back" and let the narc do their thing and implode. You need a sounding board to remind you that YOU are the sane one! Not the gaslighting narc!
Surround yourself with good people!
Agreed! If you don’t other people will be easily manipulated and fooled
I did the "don't react, don't fight back" bit instinctively. I always felt she was trying to provoke me into losing control and doing something stupid and I wasn't falling for that.
Omgosh! Yes! Mine was trying to get me to physically attack her but it wouldn’t work and she would end up being the attacker. If I did not live with the attacker at the time, it’s my boyfriends mother the grandmother to my child yay. Don’t worry once we leave here I’m never bringing myself or my child around her ever again but in the meantime while I’m stuck I can only do what I can to protect us, I even called her out on it and told her that she can try all she wants to get me to physically attack her but that I was mentally stronger than her mentally stronger than she will ever be and she is not worth losing my son over. I have audio of her literally physically attacking me with my child in my arms and I still to this day wish I would have press charges but given that I was living in the house with her her husband and her child which is my partner I was in a fucked up situation. And I still am. So I completely understand the whole provoking you to try to get you to do something stupid she wants to make it seem like it’s you and not her.
@@heatherc6512 be strong. And GTFO as soon as possible!
i came home for the holidays all i did was walk around the house and trying to talk reason to my mom all i heard from her was dont doctor phil me! im not ur girlfriend im your mom! how dare you talk to me with those tattoos! o yea well dad shouldnt have let you in because i didnt have the chance to lock the booze up from u! all i said was of course🤣 she was dumb founded
I did this throughout my own childhood. It's a dangerous strategy in that case. B/c it became a funny game to insult me way more than my more aggressive sister (b/c she was easy. He only wanted that drama every so often). I did all of this to protect my mother from drama and pain. Even though she was a happy flying monkey that ALLWAYS gasslit to protect herself. She got the heat previously before the kids, and she was too comfortable being left more alone. It's not a great strategy, if you want to end up with self-love and confidence as an adult, let me say.
Lol, I feel this. She would also set me up for failure by actually promoting me doing them. She would then use it against me during mood swings. She would consisted tell me how much compassion and empathy I lacked when I wouldn't react.
My mother is a huge narcissist and I have a short fuse. She always knows what buttons to press to make me explode and leave me feeling guilty. This video is a God send, thank you so much, I'll control my temper and take control of my life. I'm tired of this emotional abuse she puts me through.
We believe we have to put up with family. We do not. Maybe you don't have a short fuse - maybe you learned it because of her. It's exhausting dealing with a narcissist.
For me, the best thing I ever did was go no contact 6 years ago. It was a difficult decision, I had to do it for myself and my mental health. I explained to her why I had made this decision and that I didn’t know how long I needed to heal but I still loved her and I needed her to please respect my boundaries. She told me she understood. Few weeks later I received a scathing letter stating all the reasons I was wrong but she understood my boundaries. She also “accidentally” called me, called my best friend and my ex mother in law asking about me. Last year she somehow got my address and sent a birthday card which I sent back return to sender and recently once again called my ex mother in law. Obviously she doesn’t respect my boundaries and has no love for anyone but herself. I’m telling you all this to let you know what a true narcissist is like and if you decide to go no contact what to expect. It was the best decision I ever made. Much love to you
We don't come with buttons, they are INSTALLED in us🙏😔❤😇
I hear ya!
My mother is like that too.Im happy being away from her.
Thank you for this Tamie, I grew up as the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother. I had to eventually go no contact, and a few years later she died. Over the years I’ve learned how to deal with what was done to me and now that I’m in the “Get Happy/Live your Best Life” part, here comes my sister, the Golden Child, turning into my mother and blaming me for my life being pretty good and hers being kind of empty due to her acting just like my mother! One more text outburst from her and she’s out, as this is not my first rodeo!
Me too, I've got a horrible narcissistic mother. I went no contact for 5-6 years, had to call her 2 days ago for something and she was worse than ever...
Dad is my narcissist. His girlfriend, the flying monkey/enabler, isn't any better: both expect me to put up with his garbage. I don't. The truck for the Dumpster just came by. Enough said!
Psychologically speaking. There's a tactic that everyone should apply t deal with the narcissist which is called DEEP Tactic.meaning
Do not: Defend
Engage
Explain
Personalize.
Try to keep as far as you can from him or her.
Wrote this down!!
Thanks for the video, comments and experiences. My son is narcissistic and verbally abusive to me. I love the d.e.e.p
Best strategy every time; no nagging, whining, begging....
I'm divorcing a narcissist right now. I need all the help I can get. Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️
good luck. if you ever for a second catch yourself missing this person just remember, you are missing someone that didnt exist...who they really are is who you are distancing yourself from. sometimes i think of my ex and all the love bombing he did...boy was he good at it, it made you feel like the only one in his life...until i realized i was just one of countless others he was using....just have to remember it was an act to get what he needed from people.
I'm going through the same. It's horrible because you love them so much.
Same here Chelsey 🙏 sending love to you
Me too!
I’m about to also
14 years with someone I know now is a narcissist....I have completely lost myself trying to please this person...for YEARS....time to take my control (and my life/happiness) back....thank you so much for sharing. ❤
Go for it you deserve happiness and ownership to your life. Take care ❤️.
Often I’ve found that asking the narcissist questions works miraculously. “What do you mean by that?” Or “Are you ok? You seem upset.” All the while, you remain calm and un-triggered. Being disinterested in what they are doing or have done is great. If you care about them, you won’t engage in their games.
Yes, true! I did that with my horrible parents recently. They're so confused. Dumb shits. I quit talking to those absolute losers. 👍✌️😀
They cannot answer direct questions like that. It’s almost comical. Lol I dated a narc and he would hang up when he was told something he didn’t like and then be like my phone did it by a mistake. I noticed the pattern so when he did again I said why is that when I said xyz you hung up on me? He tried to lie and say his phone did it accidentally blah blah. So I said no you asked me xyz and I said xyz and after that you hung up, why did you hang up? He would not answer the question he just got silent. I said noted, that will be the last time you hang up in my ear because you are blocked and I blocked him. He tried to reach me through email, and I would not respond. Tried to reach me through my sisters and they would respond “blocked” and block him. Eventually he left me alone.
I had perfected the blank stare by age 12. It drove my narc mother INSANE.
She already was, if she was like mine. 😂
I would love to do that, but he wont fulfill my needs than. He also then Ignores me If I dont reply to his toxic abuse. He first tries to start verbal fight than later call me crazy and Fulfill simple need like Cloths, food , etc.. and Blame me
Poor little you...
@@annahelena5162you're definitely a narcissist for saying that...gtfoh
My family doesn’t believe me when I say the truth about my sister. I am the bad one & it drives me to serious panic attacks. This video has given me such relief !!
Looking for validation for your emotions and being reactive is how the narc and their flying monkeys gain strength. Search "flying monkeys narcissist" you'll have some great reading, validation through self empowering, and discover how powerless they are when you have the right mindset. Chin up.... its not you, it's them....
They don't know how much they are really hurting them selves
The most powerful weapon against a narcissist is literally and total silence.
Not a text, not a word, not a gesture, not a facial expression. Just look through them like they are not standing there and like you are lost in a train of thought moment and walk away.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will destroy them more than that. Then continue to do it. They become powerless and their whole life is centered around having power and controlling you.
They will crumble like a cookie.
@donaldbrewer5961 Naw, fully expose them (all of them if possible at the same time) with facts, videos, texts etc., etc. They will transform into a combination of Porky Pig/Sylvester the cat when they open their mouths. It is sad, pathetic and funny all at once. You will definitely hear plenty of off topic subjects that has NOTHING to due with the main topic!🧐
Agree. No point wasting you precious life energy, just make it as if they never existed ❤
Tamie,
I've been working hard for a couple of years to heal from a 45 year narcissistic relationship, 38 of those years married.
4 adult children, 8 grandchildren.
You have been one of 3 channels I have watched since I "awakened" 3 years ago.
First time posting to anyone's channel, but I felt a need to thank you for "holding my hand" through this journey.
Your knowledge, style, articulation, and desire to really help and make a difference to the sufferers of this insidious abuse, is second to none.
I am well on my way at this point, and you are one I will forever be grateful to and support.
It's not an easy journey when you're awakened in your 60's, despite the fact that you have an advanced degree in psychology, as well as a career as a RN, but one has to understand and believe the truth of the matter; this abuse is not correlated with your intelligence, your physical appearance, your race, religion, or creed. It discriminates against no-one.
If anything, if you awaken to the truth that the feeling of something being "off" in your relationship, turns out to be the other person is on the destructive end of the narcissistic spectrum, in all likelihood, you are an intelligent, beautiful, kind, decent, human being.
It's not you.
It's not about you.
Go find the you that you have abandoned, love you, and make a commitment to never abandon you again.
Not ever.
Lastly, but most importantly, I give all the thanks for my awakening, first and forever, to Jesus Christ.
I fell on my knees and begged him to take the pain from me; to fight this battle for me, because I truly felt like my soul was being destroyed.
I also believe the Holy Spirit works through others to work in us, in Jesus's name.
You were one of those people for me.
No way was I ever getting free on my own human abilities at the time.
Too much damage and brokenness in me.
I'm more at peace, with long lost feelings of joy again, than ever before in my life.
I practice gratitude daily, and you are one I'm truly grateful for on my journey.
Thank you and God Bless you.
You can watch rooss Rosenberg his a life coach, author and sychotherapy as well !!! He , Lisa A Romano , Jerry wise , etc have transform millions lives in this universe!!! Narcs have ruined billions lives in this world !!! !!!
😪🙏❤
I'm probably half your age and have yet to escape the financial abuse and invalidation-trauma bonds of my family system, biological father being the malignant one. sometimes I think even if I make it through it won't matter much as the damage is done. but when I read about those that endured this in marriage of several decades and so on and want nothing else but to be out of it and free no matter how many years they have left on the clock, or health... I feel its only incumbent upon me to break this and move on to live healthily and help others out of the dark ditch they find themselves in.
@@WhipRunner
Hi WhipRunner,
You are right when you speak of the damage done, however, I want you to know, also, that there is something else that is there, and more powerful than the damage that has been done.
Your true self, with all the beautiful qualities that have been exploited, silenced, and yes, damaged, are all still there, waiting to shine again.
I truly thought that I would never be able to feel happiness or joy again, but as soon as I realized that I was existing based on a faulty, untrue, sort of programming, that I believe starts in childhood, I started the work of changing that.
Please believe down to the very core of you, because I promise it's true, that you can work through this and begin having the best life possible.
You are worth it, always have been, and always will be.
That's the ultimate beauty of this whole process; your empathy, conscious, ability to self reflect, neuroplasticity of your brain, desire to love and be loved, and so much more, means that you have the power to learn, grow, and attain the life you want and deserve.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey.
Go get your life back, your purpose, your destiny.
It's still there waiting for you!
@@WhipRunner You can make it through and it does matter because you matter!! Learn the tactics, don't respond to the madness. Watch the show, don't participate.
I have narcissistic and empathic tendencies after being raised by 2 parents. One is a narcissist and the other is a natural empath turned narcissist after being with the narcissistic parent for 42 years. It’s sad to see but, I found Christ to clear all that confusion and chaos out. Im so thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for showing me TRUE sacrificial LOVE and kindness to exemplify. I stay single because I’m still a work in progress and don’t want to hurt anyone. This video is awesome! Thank you for sharing these gems. Be great!
Keep it up
Pray for them. I'm pretty sure they have demons. So sad for that parent that "caught" it
I can’t imagine an empath turning into a narcissist. Maybe she’s just Borderline?
I have several siblings who have manipulated me for decades in the most cruel ways imaginable. Finally I gained strength and confidence in myself and none of their intentionally most hurtful words & actions to this day have any effect on me or my husband whatsoever. In fact it’s a pleasure reacting to them showing I could care less about 11:34 what they think, text etc. Thanks again for all of your very helpful advice. It works and I share it with friends in similar situations.
Mag
You don’t get to take your pain out on me any more! That’s excellent!
There's Hell to pay for their pain ad and suffering (damn sickness)
That fear in them is evil and destructive .
Their wrong judgments reach the highest heights (+ Rev.18:-5)
Ugh don’t you hate when you get sucked in and you are like “darn it, I reacted”? You articulate beautifully these issues. Great video, thanks. I think it’s a hard expectation when you say to yourself “I have to have a relationship with this person that works” such as a bad behaving neighbor or coworker. No, you don’t!
It's hard for someone with A.D.D./A.D.H.D. not to react because of the impulsivity.
I found it takes practice. We always want to stand up for ourselves or defend our position when we thing the Narc is saying things we find untrue or unfair. Narcs rely on this impulse to suck you in! And if they know you at all, they have honed theirs skills over time to understand all of your particular triggers. Even for the Narc, this takes practice. And if you look back at their earlier interactions with you, you can probably tell that they were "testing the waters" with you to find out what words or behaviors got a reaction out of you, even though it might have been small at that time. Then they build up from there over time. But you can do the same! Trust me, if you start small and practice, you can be successful! I started by practicing my responses in the mirror first in order to make sure they were truly neutral! It helped me develop a type of muscle memory before practicing with the Narc real-time. Then, when facing the Narc, I practiced being non-reactive to something they said that was only slightly triggering for me. I was immediately encouraged by how successful this tactic was! Over the course of 3 months, I was able to safely maneuver the Narc out of my life completely by taking baby steps each time! If they escalated their behaviors, I became even more calm and neutral and (in my case) they lost interest! Give yourself time to hone your skills!
I don't with my wife all the time. I always know I'm getting sucked in every time. It's been 5 years now and it's very easy to see. I still bite. And it's so hard not to.
YES!,YES I DO! lol it's hard not to (when you're a honest, truthful,loving, genuine person!!!!!! But with a lot of practice I've learned how to switch that off to deal with them!!!!😐
Happens all the time. After a couple of "good" days I feel comfortable and let my guard down. Then BAM! Out of nowhere ! Something I say triggers WW3. it's absolutely insane
I've had no narcissist in my life for a long time now, but watching this great advice still cheers me up.
I like to stay reminded and aware at how destructive narcissists are, because there are so many of them out there lurking!
Congrats:-)
It’s a peaceful easy life when you cut them all out of your life.
@@oklahomaisok absolutely I can testify on that !!! I was decade ago I was jounger and not well educated !!! NOW IM HIGHLY educated I mean well educated handsome dude !!! I have the privilege to choose whom to give access to my paradise and heaven !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm enough !!! Toxic folks are out of my league and life for ever I don't ever wanna see for the rest of my life I love them though it gotta from a distance !!! I wish these demonic toxic folks the best in life but I don't wanna ever see them ever again !!! Narcs have ruined billions of livesni. This universe !!! I'm going to marry someone who is jounger so that we can start our lives together we will live in peace and harmony for the rest of my life !!! No wonder on the train on the bus nobody talk nobody when I was younger I didn't no better as I got older I discovered why !!!! Knowledge and education is the key in this life !!!
@Jake Grimes You have to do that to have peace in your life even family.
Omg!!!
Needed to hear that.
Breaking up after 10 years of Narcissistic abuse.
He’s moving out in a few months.
Enough!!!!
I’ve recognized over the last few years that I’ve been in an abusive relationship as you’ve described here for 20 years. Realizing that it’s not all my fault has been liberating and I feel like I’m coming back to life and I have new hope. I’m not a terrible person like I’ve been told for so long. I don’t play the games anymore and I’m working diligently on my exit. Thank you so much for what you do!!
Good luck. May God Bless you and keep you safe. God grant you strength and peace and answers to your prayers. Keep true to yourself. Best wishes for your safe deliverance as you continue moving on to get free and live your best life.
I was in it for 13 years...physical abuse I blamed myself for and emotionally abuse is what broke me the most...im free since September...my husband tried to come back recently and it felt good to recognize his game and not play into it. I can't wait to finalize my divorce. Just waiting on a court date.
Good Comment. I can relate. The mistake I made was, I did not plan an exit. She held all the cards, and played them like a Master. Expect mass-Chaos and destruction because, She/He will play every Card in the deck. The hardest part of it all is the 'No Contact' rule. It must be this way, and don't forget it. When you exit, make a big 'No Contact' poster, and hang it on the wall, where you see it everyday, to remind you. Good Luck!
@@error5477-b8r If you want to Trigger him, ask him... "I know your not interested in me but, Do you mind if I ask that singer you don't like out on a Date?" and then go 'No Contact' after that. Do not respond to anything. He will lose his mind, and follow you around like a puppy dog.
I felt like I was a terrible man because of daily berating and false accusations. I am a good man and so are you , you are not alone.
There are 3 ways to kill a Narcissist and that's by doing the following 1, ignore them they hate that. 2, change yourself so that you get noticed more, and finally start doing stuff that makes you happy by doing the things you love. Doing these 3 things will destroy the narcissist.
So true thanks 😊
Completly true
I'm sure my x hasn't enjoyed my 22 years of happiness after getting divorced he resorted to destroying my relationship with my youngest son when he had to move back home. It didn't end well I kicked my son out bc he disrespected me and his step father exactly like his father did. Narcs need to get on with their lives they can't... not my problem. I didn't know I was that important 😂
Not saying it doesn't hurt losing my son no other way only God and narcs can help themselves
What are u suppose to do if u have kids w him bout ignoring him
This really does work. It makes them go find another victim. Mind blowing how staying flat in your emotions protects you, and is like repellent to them. It drives them mad. 💯
It really does kinda blow your mind how this works! I honestly wasn't sure if it would! But it's like starving them or not giving a fire any oxygen.
Insect repellent for the narc! 👊💥
i will try but they are like bullies and i dont believe its gonna work
@@stevensteven3417when you start doing this, their behavior usually gets worse temporarily. But if you try this and they get dangerous, just stop. Might need a restraining order to remove them from your life.
How do I deal with a narcissist manager at work who won't stop being a bully? Literally made me look bad infront of everyone in the company..
Last weekend, I introduced my children (7 and 4) to their grandmother, my Mum and their Aunt, my Sister and their Cousins for the first time in their lives. The narcissist in my life's spell has been broken and my family is united. My isolation is finished and the light of truth shines bright on lives beyond mine before it was too late. Thank you!
My ex girlfriend was a narcissist. 2 years was enough for me. She used to manipulate me in almost every part of my life. I get rid of her and now I feel free! Freedom is the most important thing people. Don't negotiate your freedom with anyone!
Amen.
Never truer words spoken❤
Now whenever a narcissist "tries" to hurl an insult at me in front of an audience, I throw shade consisting of the best humor/truth-based one-liners that get a chuckle from the crowd. I can see the narcissist almost fold into themselves right on the spot. It took years to master this and I now consider it to be a talent of mine.
I need you in my life!!! I just moved on with my life and ignore the stupidity! I don’t defend myself because we are not married anymore! I know the truth and my faults! I accept my faults and work to improve me and only compete with myself and who I was yesterday not his new supply and that drives them nuts! Know your worth! Rendered powerless!
I’m a truth teller and speak my mind that might explain while my ex hated me and my own father wow revelation
Excellent! Glad to hear this! ❤️
GOOD 😁
When I told him I had been watching videos about narcissism he shouted, "turn it off!" I've been in truth telling mode. He has decided I need a dose of the silent treatment. It has been very peaceful and so it can morph into no contact. The truth really has set me free. I'm very thankful to have found this channel. I get answers here. Thank you.
I had a very rich friend who I would do side work for and he started to pull all the narc nonsense. He would outright say things like" you owe me"and " I'm a opportunist of people in dire need ". Just a very pathetic person. After distancing myself from him for awhile I saw him at the bar and he TOLD me to come over to his place to do some work for him. I calmly and with a smile said no and walked off. It destroyed his night. He was mad mad mad. Followed me into bathroom to give me a piece of his mind. Again I just smiled and said nothing. He was RED FACED MAD. It was so good. This was 10 years ago before finding any of these videos. Thanks for the channel. Your saving people. 😊
As somebody who was married (for too long!) to a man with a narcissistic-paranoid disorder, my advice to any woman in my place would be: RUN! Get out of the relationship as quickly as possible, because you are otherwise WASTING YOUR LIFE TIME! You will NEVER EVER "heal" or "change" a narcissist! Promise!
@@lakotasky4733 Indeed. As I learn about the Jezebel Spirit I become increasingly thankful that Jesus unclouded my eyes and removed me from that hell.
The healing process gave me a relationship with Jesus, and allowed me to see my childhood wounds.
my boyfriend and i were playing a game, and in the game one of the questions was, “what advice would you give past me?” his answer was RUN.
i’ve tried to leave and it hasn’t worked and now i feel trapped and like there’s no way out.
I know exactly what you are saying. It is like a pure hell having one as a neighbor,; so, I could only imagine what it must be like to live with one.
Hello everyone! I am in recovery from my narcissistic and abusive husband. We are separated and are in the process of divorcing. I am so happy to see this channel because I am always looking for more helpful information for my recovery.
Becareful..they lie and the judge believes them..as they too are narcissist
"They need a target," I've always thought of this facet in the following term: Narcissists need a rag-doll...someone they can rag on, WITH IMPUNITY; which (i believe) is why family members tend to be such targets/rag-dolls. As though being family means being property.
My now ex suffered the burn of being ignored and rejected, what added insult to injury was that they lost the game on home ground, they were still drunk from the high of devaluing and discarding me...when they realized that I'd gone silent and disappeared. It was time for plan B ( hoover), I responded by letting them know that I wasn't happy with how they'd treated me...then reverted back to ignoring and rejecting. Denied them the opportunity to do any damage control (HOOVER & LOVE BOMB). It was GAME OVER !!!
The trouble with getting to that stage of awareness and mental maturity where you are not triggered by crazed outbursts of disrespect is by that time you already know the patterns, there lack of empathy etc already aware there is no future with them. In many ways the strategy's are brilliant but the control comes with realisation and acceptance. Huge eye opener for me.
I swear that I'm at this point/stage that I know I'm not crazy. I see it and notice when they do these things. maybe I could say I was wrong or I asked questions and I don't know if they do it more on purpose or they did it cause I accused cause I was wrong but I know deep down inside I was not wrong.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn sounds familiar. Who know what twisted pathetic games some head cases like to play. That same shit messed with me.. ya never get honesty when u confront anything. Mayaswel install cameras for piece of mind or just go full relentless mode n stop caring/get a better shiela
Good for you. 😉👍
Lack of empathy is the worst feeling in the world! The mental anguish and pain that follows is really hard to handle... even from random strangers out there
@@mattking5390 are you referring to a relationship with a narc or just narc people?
My narcissistic boss has mistakenly thought that she’s been the first narcissist in my life; my ex prepared me well to deal with her. Aw. Poor thing. Bye, Felicia!
Exactly the same here
The truth is like flashing a full-sized mirror in their face! They don't want to see their true reflection.
You are sooooo right on! I'm growing out of a snakepit of family narcissism.....including my "adult" daughter and son. This lady gets it deeply!🎉🎉🎉🎉
I was raised by a narcissist and married one for over 20 years. My marriage finally fell apart when I became so sick and tired of dealing with their bullshit that I didn't give them the emotional response they was craving. They accused me of not caring enough, not showing enough emotions. Well they were right! They then tried the same stunts on my children (who are now adults) but luckily they were much wiser than me and saw right through!! I'm so grateful for having come across this video because it outlined some of the things I was unconsciously doing anyway! And I can truly say that I am working on being the happiest person in the world! What a rush!
Thanks, Tami. I did not even know what a narcissist was until I found out that my best friend of eight years was one. For all that time, I helped her with legal problems (successfully), promoted her business (she got over half a million dollars from business that I referred), answered her anxious texts at 3 in the morning when she went through drama, brought her food that I made over the weekend and on and on. Got nothing from her. I said "no" to her once and she completely ghosted me. Literally not a word for 5 months (we work in the same office). Now I know how to deal with her.
I had a friend like that! Very good covert narc, I always was helping her with everything. Said I'm not up for it once and then she began spreading lies that she was the one helping me and I had a substance abuse problem! I was stunned! I wish she would've just ignored me
This episode is Spot On!! I’m divorced after 32yrs & I had NO idea there were people (more like children) out in the real world! With your help I’ve not fallen prey to an idiot narcissist who lives in the same apt bldg as I. Oh he’s handsome, oh he’s smooth but he had NO idea he’d met his match in me. ( I’m a retired Psych dementia RN) I’ve dealt with real crazy, he’s just a “wanna be”. His sophomoric attempts to gaslight me were laughable 🙄😂 he’d say I was weak 😆
I was inferior 😂 I was stupid🤣I’d refuse to engage or I’d say “I don’t care”😳😂 I’d exit the room without a word. He’d implode! I did say 1 thing, “ give it up loser, not 1 ounce of my Self esteem is attached to what YOU think of me,” bye bye! 🥂 cheers to you Tamie!
I never understood gas lighting,,, but boy did I get a dose of it for 10 years,,, been free of her for 12,, but thanks to social media she still out there,,,, I DO NOT DO social media media
32 years! Happy you are free. Some people can't do what you did. Live happy for us who can't free ourselves. God bless you always. 35 years and going
Thanks so much for this video. I was about to get involved in a relationship with someone and a situation arose where I knew immediately she was a narcissist and then this video shows up! Purely magical! I love everyone. God Bless you!
This video is so accurate ! My work place is full of narcissists and I’ve mastered handling them. It’s comical to watch them get uncomfortable when I call them out on their behaviour. When they’re attempting to trigger or insult me, the best way is to respond in a calm, poised and relaxed demeanour. It drives them nuts😂
That's the best way to deal with them.. I'm just very bad at handling people like this.. I react, get hurt.. how do u not end up being emotional?
Id say you do feel the emotions, the thing is its like an itch but you cant scratch it. Only scratch the itch later. Head strong too, dont get distracted, i mean you do feel like you wanna say something and react but just like an itch on the back or anywhere on the body dont scratch it just yet, leave the situation first that triggered this response in you. This is not easy it takes time and effort and being hurt but after some time you have forged yourself and emotional armor that no almost no one can break, you Will stand your ground and know your thruths and how to express yourself righlty and justified and not from a negative emotion reaction like anger. Now, its Good to be angry sometimes and to react, but sometimes we can overreact. Espescially when dealing with a narc
100% I do this with my step dad and I’m literally the only one that man respects because he ain’t pushing any buttons here 😂😂 I’m calling out the bullshit and taking no offense 😉
@@RomyaRana This is because they manipulate you like a see-saw. And you do not know what to believe as they are charming one moment and evil the next without batting an eye. Confusion is their glue to retain you serving them. Teach yourself never to believe what they say. Do not believe in them. Never trust them. Do NOT give any more chances. KNOW they do NOT change. Do not treat them as if anything they say is coming from a normal, rational person. Assume they are lying to you. Assume they just want to insult or use you. That way whatever they say has no value in reality and you can't get hurt because you know it's false. Stop feeling FOR them. They do not deserve your empathy. Reserve your empathy for real people. This way you do not open yourself up for hurt. With every encounter you expect what they really are: Deceivers, liars, users, unconscionable people. Don't give them an inch.
You're a narcissist-whisperer😁 (or wrangler - take your pick!)
I think being non-reactive is the true meaning of “turning the other cheek.” ✅
"Cheap shots,hurtful criticism,personal attacks"100% well stated,this puts it into words i needed see instead of being bewildered their behavior.
These are so true!!! I have used most of these with the narcissist in my life and he stays away but he comes back every now and again still thinking he’s the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I’m on day 22 no contact. I’ve tried to use a few of these tactics over the past year or so. He didn’t like when I deliberately ignored something he was bragging about or trying to ‘impress me’ with 🙄. He’d say ‘well.. did you hear me?’ I asked him one time ‘why do you poke me? Why do you try to upset me?’ He said ‘because it’s fun, I like trying to get a reaction out of you’. 🤯. WTF! I could write here for hours. I have sooo many stories. I’m happy to say I’m 10000% done!!! No looking back. Buh byyyeee
I escaped a relationship with a narc about 3 years ago and I'm still recovering. What I am proud of though is during the last several days of the relationship I intuitively did what this video suggests by intuition. I felt the last thread of empathy snap and I just felt done. No anger, no sadness, just DONE. And that indifferent attitude, or passive response, drove the narc INSANE.
Years of being made to feel like I was mental and she showed her true colours in front of my whole family before leaving forever.
Again, still recovering, but silver linings and all.
Great video, btw.
I experienced similar reactions. Divorced after 33.5 years married. My ex unfortunately remarried… but that wife divorced him. Now 20 years since divorce, I initiated: couldn’t be happier; found myself once again. Remain single. Tired of most men my age ( 70’s) thinking the are the “ head “ and I am a “ possession “!
Not this lady ! I love me & not giving up who I really am to have “?love ?!” In my life !
That’s not LOVE !
Holy Ghost hugs @bobocop69420 Jesus loves you❤
Had a 30 year relationship and marriage 14 of those years I had an 8 year old son who loved his Dad and Dad threatened suside if I didnt come back to him after a Two year separation. I fell for that for 10 more years of abuse First he got me barefoot and pregnant and abused me all over again. Finally I filed for divorce He actually pulled a fake suside attempt in front ofy children. Thats when I knew i had to get out. he drove me to a severe breakdown where i coulnt stop crying for 7 months night and day. Was susidal but loved my children too much to leave them with thatmonster. For the next 12 yrs I raised my children without a dime of susport. Found out at Age 53 after one more narisistiç marriage that Im a bipolar schizophrenic with PTSD I GAVE MYSELF ONE BIG PAT ON THE BACK FOR SURVIVING ALL THAT Havent been with a man for the past 20 years No hatred just fear.
...this video just magically popped up, and God is showing me that I am on the right path🤟😎
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear today💚
Oh wow! Spot on! I realized that I dated a narcissist for real! 😅 I left him over two months ago and avoided him since then. I started distancing myself because I knew I’m not safe. I can’t pin point it but I just know. Then, he kept love bombing me. I still said to him no and let him know my boundaries. He agreed. Then, when I didn’t cave in to his request. He did his silent treatment. No response from me either. Then, he came back around again. This time I am more direct. I finally agreed to meet him and see what he’s going to say in person. Then, he ghosted me. Instead of getting mad at him and try to talk to him. I jut let go and this time he’s BLOCK for good. He couldn’t stand that I’m done with him and I’m having such an amazing life without him. I’m glad he finally showed what he’s capable of…what a toxic man.
I'm actually quite stunned how well the no-contact/non-reactivity/indifference works! Been using it on the narcs in my life and it's powerful. A part of me is going 'I hope this sticks', but so far so good. Thank you for your continued epic videos, Tamie! ♥
You’re so welcome! Glad it working!! 😊💕
believe me, put a note around your house if you are alone with this word "IGNORE".... finally I teach myself some real tricks and it usually works
Ignoring them drives them crazy 🤣. That's the only way to get any peace. Just stay away and don't engage with them and eventually they move on to someone else who will listen to it.
I think they don't double down in those circumstances because it would expose them and it's easier to seek fuel elsewhere.
Yes, I've did no contact with my mom and sister for 3 yrs. Currently in a relationship and well, treating them the way they treat me they seem to not like that at all doesn't answer questions but demands answers... victim me victim me she's so mean to me. Lmfao. You only wish I was that mean to you! So, ignoring them, rejecting them sexually, and not picking up the calls or texts right away. Well, last time I did this my front door got broke. So hoping it'll work without my stuff getting broken. And it's like 900 for a new door cause I have to get a customized door
I have done this over and over. they then change their MO,.tell you what you really need to hear, to draw you back in and make you think they have changed.
They havent!
All of this is 100% truth. Stand up for yourself. It occurred to me that I "owed" it to God to stand up for myself and not allow myself to become anyone's "doormat". Treat others the way you would like to be treated (Golden Rule). If others cannot/will not comply with behaving decently, then POOF - be done with them! You deserve better than that, because GOD CREATED YOU.
This hits so close to home. The person I dealt with most would try to implant false memories CONSTANTLY. They made up so many "truths" that they couldn't keep them straight and when I called them on it, they would just dodge, deceive, shift blame, implant false memories...on repeat! I couldn't begin to guess the number of times I heard "Remember! You did _____" and they would just fill that blank in with whatever story made them blameless no matter what proof I had. It was so exhausting. I lost so much when I decided that I could no longer do it...beloved family members that were affiliated with this person...but it had to be done as I was becoming severely depressed and increasingly anxious.
I disconnect from a relationship of over 7 years, with this man was his way or no way. He used me financial gain, so I stated by cutting him out closing my Netflix account, phone service, and cut back on driving 60 miles to spend time together. He wanted to control my eating habits portion control… and tried to isolate me from my family, He wanted me to stay at his house after my surgery but he hints Chanel my daughter came to Asist me and he got mad, he text
Me like week after my surgery wishing me well. Last time we exchange a text was in New Year’s Eve.
Yes! That mind f***** with false memories should be discussed more when talking about narcissist abuse! It is horrible and they use it a lot!!!
"You can not remember correctly." "Your memories are false" "Let me remind you..."