Thank you for watching this video. I hope you're doing well with everything going on in the world. I know that a breakup is probably the last thing you want to deal with on TOP of everything else happening this year. So, please take care of yourself and stay safe.
Clay Andrews I think it's important to recognize that some people are just more introverted than others. They may not exchange much in a conversation becuz that's just the way they are. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like talking to you.
I've had Ex's text me first and then when I reply to them they reply with short answers. Gotta love women, I swear to God. I mean really, why text to begin with if you're going to give me short answers. Might as well not text.
I often text my ex and sometimes I get a sentence but other times I get short responses, some times when he's giving short responses i asked if he would like some space it's often a yes butnoccasionaly he says no and has happy to talk then he starts trying to keep the conversation going. When he wants space I give it to him and it occasionally leads to s better conversation later on but it's very up and down and I don't know if he likes talking to me or not
Whether he likes talking to you or not is out of question. But it really depends on his emotional capability to connect that would bring out a quality interaction.
I think perhaps sometimes it's quite the opposite Clay. I believe I am experiencing a partner who broke up with me who is too overwhelmed by the idea of emotional conversation with me where she wants to remain guarded behind her walls.... What would you say to that?
(LDR) I’m emotionally connecting with my ex about our past relationship which had more downs than ups, but still had good nonetheless. I would even say absolutely great and amazing. Regardless, is that going against the rules on emotionally connecting, since it’s talking about the relationship? The break up happened a week ago. She called yesterday and wanted to have closure, I saw in her eyes that she had made her mind up. I managed to turn it into an 8 hour phone call and talked about everything. Answered all the unanswered questions. Even saw moments of her letting her guard down but catching herself and putting the mask back on. I took the opportunity to be assertive and not emotional this time around. I know it’s still 50/50. But it ended with a “I still need time to think. So it’s not a yes or a no” in terms of getting back together. “Next time I speak to you” and “I’ll reach out” were some of the phrases used. Also, moments like “We’ve been on the phone this long so of course I care about you” “I know you’re a good person”. I even said that I wasn’t surprised about the length of the call and she said “neither am I” we just got lost in it and went by so fast. I know it sounds good on paper but there’s so much other details and that’s why I’m still anxious about our next conversation. All I can honestly say is that the ball is truly in her court now. I just need the opportunity to break her thoughts on trust and change so I can show consistency over time. Another thing I want to add is that she doesn’t believe that the current situation (pandemic) and the stress that’s comes with it has nothing to do with it and just doesn’t feel that her future is secured. I told her that I’ve been working on it and just hope that she believes me. Ps. Your videos have helped me tremendously over the last 6 days. Thank you, Clay. Stay great!
btw I went to help and have been in therapy right after the break up. The stigma and disbelief about changing so quickly needs to be broken. People need the time and opportunity to implement and show it.
she went out to party on the weekend and said some things which in hindsight, seemed like subconscious feelers. Because she used that as an example that it was something I would’ve normally reacted to. I proved to her in that moment that it didn’t affect me, given the context of the breakup. But it’s something the old me would’ve reacted to regardless of the status of our relationship. Hope that made sense. Bottom line, I would like to be able to prove myself over time. Growing individually (which is what she set her mind on) vs growing individually, but together. I just need a real first chance! Not picking things back up, or a do over.
chrishon thanks brother! All of that is in full effect and thankful for the space as well. I’ve been doing no contact and she actually texted me today as well as her parents. Went very well. After a very light exchange I ended up asking how she was doing aside from work (oops) she mentioned that she knew I wasn’t being pushy, says she just needs more time and will reach out to me. I backed off. Played it cool the whole time and it ended really well with her telling me she cares about me too. Thanks again!
Yes! My ex reply short tex not like bfore. She doesn't tex me I'm the one always initiate the tex so I stop texting her. Don't know what to do cos I miss her so much.
Presto Ferrer if you keep texting her you'll irritate her and she won't eventually respond. If/when she texts you first that'll mean more to her. Let her be in control. I'm going through that.
What if ex is a dismissive avoidant dumper? She reached out initially following the breakup (1st month after). I responded polite but concise. I gave it 3 months and then reached out to her and she is short with me. She responds quickly but keeps it short and sweet. No room to elaborate
Clay, I think Im still in damage control mode I texted him "I miss you" and he was very cold in his response :( Then like the bugger I am I kept on asking him why he's being like that and pissed him off like that. Before that it was going alright but I've done this 4 times now (breaking no contact). I don't know if I just ruined everything.
Sounds to me like you are between Damage Control Mode and Attachment Phase, Rashi. This is not just about doing Active No Contact but it is about healing and practicing the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach.
@Clay Andrews Hi Clay i tried everything from emotional to general conversation to opinion asking. Sometimes he engages sometimes he doesn't. We said that we are going to try to be together again, we update each other on our day everyday. But after a while i feel like he's slipping back to before the break. It's our second break, did NC contact before and he reached out. But now hes back to him same old self again (not very engaging answers), i think not being able to see each other contributes to his coldness but that's not exactly my fault. He forgets that i am also in the same situation and not being able to see him. I told him that, given the dynamic that we are having currently, i dont want him to end up dreading having to talk to me so i think we should go our separate ways and if in future we are still available and would like to try again we can. All he said was he will never feel that and if i still wana talk to him i can. The way he replies is like dreading it, not sure what he means that he will never feel it. I replied if he has an idea on how to improve or make our ineraction better, he has my support. We haven't spoken since and i don't know if i should or what else can i do.
My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. We did a half assed attempt to fix it, but I lost my job and had to move to a new town for the opportunities. We where together for six years, and now she is dating someone new. I wanted to get back with her for awhile, but some differences is creating a valley between us. She wants an open relationship, I want marriage and kids. Our chemistry is great. Same interests, same humour etc. But I feel that our lifestyles choices are too different. My heart wants to try again, but my brain doesn't. How should I fix my own dissonance?
@@chrishon5539 thanks for the reply. I know that the logical decision is to cut losses and move on. But my pesky introverted heart want her back. But yes. No contact sounds like the best option for me right now.
Need help ASAP gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago it was my fault and I'm trying to make up for it she does reply sometimes long some short some with emojis and lol's, I always initiate though shall I just leave it now ? I really wanna turn up to her doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers maybe she replies short because she's scared ??
Hi clay.. im new subscriber.. i see your video great.. now my ex in another relationship 4 month..last time i cheat on him.we are tongether 3 yrs.. now i know what i mistake. And i do right things... i want him back.. idont know what to do.. first i start no contact.. but i think he dont care.. then every week i text him he reply but short only.. i miss him somuch i cannot control my feelings.. everytime he see my status. And never block me also.. but i dont know what to do.. he still love me or he just dont care me?? Please help..what should i do..sorry english im not good
Hi Mary. Thanks for subscribing. if your ex is responses are short, it may seem like he's not that emotionally capable to have that interaction yet. Have you done Active No Contact?
Clay Andrews before 1 month i do.. after 1 month I text him.. he aks me i got boyfriend ready or not.. i say no.. then he say if i got chance to comeback i will comeback..then i cannot wait i make all messy i text i text you can comeback ready or not i asking him.. i know i cannot control myself..then he say i dont think i can comeback.. i feel i make all messy ready..
I did the same thing . hey whats up . yeah i need to get my stuff . give me a few weeks . is that cool . her . ok let me know . me .. Ok . click . boom
@@ClayAndrews i dont entertain conversation . im indiffrent . you have to be in this day and age . you need a thick skin. Just keep busy . get to gym and workout . alot of beautiful women out in the world . life goes on . i have great memories with her and adventures it was a blast but now its over and its time for a new adventure
Thank you for watching this video. I hope you're doing well with everything going on in the world. I know that a breakup is probably the last thing you want to deal with on TOP of everything else happening this year. So, please take care of yourself and stay safe.
Clay Andrews, Thank You Coach for your great videos. They are very good and informative.
You're welcome and don't forget to subscribe to our channel. :-)
Clay Andrews I think it's important to recognize that some people are just more introverted than others. They may not exchange much in a conversation becuz that's just the way they are. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like talking to you.
I've had Ex's text me first and then when I reply to them they reply with short answers. Gotta love women, I swear to God. I mean really, why text to begin with if you're going to give me short answers. Might as well not text.
You're the best Clay!
I often text my ex and sometimes I get a sentence but other times I get short responses, some times when he's giving short responses i asked if he would like some space it's often a yes butnoccasionaly he says no and has happy to talk then he starts trying to keep the conversation going. When he wants space I give it to him and it occasionally leads to s better conversation later on but it's very up and down and I don't know if he likes talking to me or not
Whether he likes talking to you or not is out of question. But it really depends on his emotional capability to connect that would bring out a quality interaction.
I think perhaps sometimes it's quite the opposite Clay. I believe I am experiencing a partner who broke up with me who is too overwhelmed by the idea of emotional conversation with me where she wants to remain guarded behind her walls.... What would you say to that?
What became of this if you don't mind me asking?
(LDR) I’m emotionally connecting with my ex about our past relationship which had more downs than ups, but still had good nonetheless. I would even say absolutely great and amazing. Regardless, is that going against the rules on emotionally connecting, since it’s talking about the relationship? The break up happened a week ago. She called yesterday and wanted to have closure, I saw in her eyes that she had made her mind up. I managed to turn it into an 8 hour phone call and talked about everything. Answered all the unanswered questions. Even saw moments of her letting her guard down but catching herself and putting the mask back on. I took the opportunity to be assertive and not emotional this time around. I know it’s still 50/50. But it ended with a “I still need time to think. So it’s not a yes or a no” in terms of getting back together. “Next time I speak to you” and “I’ll reach out” were some of the phrases used. Also, moments like “We’ve been on the phone this long so of course I care about you” “I know you’re a good person”. I even said that I wasn’t surprised about the length of the call and she said “neither am I” we just got lost in it and went by so fast. I know it sounds good on paper but there’s so much other details and that’s why I’m still anxious about our next conversation. All I can honestly say is that the ball is truly in her court now. I just need the opportunity to break her thoughts on trust and change so I can show consistency over time. Another thing I want to add is that she doesn’t believe that the current situation (pandemic) and the stress that’s comes with it has nothing to do with it and just doesn’t feel that her future is secured. I told her that I’ve been working on it and just hope that she believes me. Ps. Your videos have helped me tremendously over the last 6 days. Thank you, Clay. Stay great!
btw I went to help and have been in therapy right after the break up. The stigma and disbelief about changing so quickly needs to be broken. People need the time and opportunity to implement and show it.
she went out to party on the weekend and said some things which in hindsight, seemed like subconscious feelers. Because she used that as an example that it was something I would’ve normally reacted to. I proved to her in that moment that it didn’t affect me, given the context of the breakup. But it’s something the old me would’ve reacted to regardless of the status of our relationship. Hope that made sense. Bottom line, I would like to be able to prove myself over time. Growing individually (which is what she set her mind on) vs growing individually, but together. I just need a real first chance! Not picking things back up, or a do over.
chrishon thanks brother! All of that is in full effect and thankful for the space as well. I’ve been doing no contact and she actually texted me today as well as her parents. Went very well. After a very light exchange I ended up asking how she was doing aside from work (oops) she mentioned that she knew I wasn’t being pushy, says she just needs more time and will reach out to me. I backed off. Played it cool the whole time and it ended really well with her telling me she cares about me too. Thanks again!
@Elvis Freshly... LDR too here with my bf for 5 years. He is DA and now he ghosted me.
Cristnil Cristnil I’m sorry to hear. What led up to that?
Yes! My ex reply short tex not like bfore. She doesn't tex me I'm the one always initiate the tex so I stop texting her. Don't know what to do cos I miss her so much.
Presto Ferrer if you keep texting her you'll irritate her and she won't eventually respond. If/when she texts you first that'll mean more to her. Let her be in control. I'm going through that.
@@rohbot007 same
Good to know.
What if ex is a dismissive avoidant dumper? She reached out initially following the breakup (1st month after). I responded polite but concise. I gave it 3 months and then reached out to her and she is short with me. She responds quickly but keeps it short and sweet. No room to elaborate
Clay, I think Im still in damage control mode
I texted him "I miss you" and he was very cold in his response :(
Then like the bugger I am I kept on asking him why he's being like that and pissed him off like that. Before that it was going alright but I've done this 4 times now (breaking no contact). I don't know if I just ruined everything.
Sounds to me like you are between Damage Control Mode and Attachment Phase, Rashi. This is not just about doing Active No Contact but it is about healing and practicing the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach.
That sounds right. Thank you for your advice and teaching. It is helping me a lot through this time!
I hope you're good now, cuz I can feel you sis
What would be an example of an emotional level question?
It's been a month we are talking but she never msg or call me first, and now also she says like don't care for me
What to do in this situation??
Is it really worth pursuing someone who didn’t want you to begin with? I never reply to exes and ignore them for good reason. I deserve better.
@Clay Andrews Hi Clay i tried everything from emotional to general conversation to opinion asking. Sometimes he engages sometimes he doesn't. We said that we are going to try to be together again, we update each other on our day everyday. But after a while i feel like he's slipping back to before the break. It's our second break, did NC contact before and he reached out.
But now hes back to him same old self again (not very engaging answers), i think not being able to see each other contributes to his coldness but that's not exactly my fault. He forgets that i am also in the same situation and not being able to see him.
I told him that, given the dynamic that we are having currently, i dont want him to end up dreading having to talk to me so i think we should go our separate ways and if in future we are still available and would like to try again we can. All he said was he will never feel that and if i still wana talk to him i can. The way he replies is like dreading it, not sure what he means that he will never feel it. I replied if he has an idea on how to improve or make our ineraction better, he has my support.
We haven't spoken since and i don't know if i should or what else can i do.
Such a long time ago but how did things turn out?
Such a long time ago but how did things turn out?
My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. We did a half assed attempt to fix it, but I lost my job and had to move to a new town for the opportunities.
We where together for six years, and now she is dating someone new. I wanted to get back with her for awhile, but some differences is creating a valley between us. She wants an open relationship, I want marriage and kids.
Our chemistry is great. Same interests, same humour etc. But I feel that our lifestyles choices are too different.
My heart wants to try again, but my brain doesn't. How should I fix my own dissonance?
@@chrishon5539 thanks for the reply. I know that the logical decision is to cut losses and move on. But my pesky introverted heart want her back.
But yes. No contact sounds like the best option for me right now.
Need help ASAP gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago it was my fault and I'm trying to make up for it she does reply sometimes long some short some with emojis and lol's, I always initiate though shall I just leave it now ? I really wanna turn up to her doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers maybe she replies short because she's scared ??
@@revenge6738 no point now its done and dusted I did no contact we spoke a few times but she's just sleeping around no so won't touch it 😴
Hi clay.. im new subscriber.. i see your video great.. now my ex in another relationship 4 month..last time i cheat on him.we are tongether 3 yrs.. now i know what i mistake. And i do right things... i want him back.. idont know what to do.. first i start no contact.. but i think he dont care.. then every week i text him he reply but short only.. i miss him somuch i cannot control my feelings.. everytime he see my status. And never block me also.. but i dont know what to do.. he still love me or he just dont care me?? Please help..what should i do..sorry english im not good
Hi Mary. Thanks for subscribing. if your ex is responses are short, it may seem like he's not that emotionally capable to have that interaction yet. Have you done Active No Contact?
Clay Andrews before 1 month i do.. after 1 month I text him.. he aks me i got boyfriend ready or not.. i say no.. then he say if i got chance to comeback i will comeback..then i cannot wait i make all messy i text i text you can comeback ready or not i asking him.. i know i cannot control myself..then he say i dont think i can comeback.. i feel i make all messy ready..
Clay Andrews now i feel like he is happy with his women.. i want him back..😭 i really dont know what to do..
My ex is showered with gifts , hotel resorts visits by her sugar dad dinations and other materials just to get her ..
I did the same thing . hey whats up . yeah i need to get my stuff . give me a few weeks . is that cool . her . ok let me know . me .. Ok . click . boom
Hi Mike, how do you usually handle that type of interaction? How do you feel about it?
@@ClayAndrews i dont entertain conversation . im indiffrent . you have to be in this day and age . you need a thick skin. Just keep busy . get to gym and workout . alot of beautiful women out in the world . life goes on . i have great memories with her and adventures it was a blast but now its over and its time for a new adventure
Sounds like you have already made a decision, Mike. That's totally fine because our goal is for people to find quality and lasting relationships.