This was my husband before we met!!! He didn’t call Dr J, but he worked on his health, lost weight in that process. He moved here from his state of origin and he communicated to his new friends he was looking for a good woman to marry. A common friend introduced us and he did later asked me out. I was celibate, I was actually thinking about becoming a nun… But we went out to the movies and now we’ve been married for over 10yrs with 2 beautiful children… 🥰🙏 We need to do our part and prepare ourselves to be receptive to God’s Blessings… 😘👍💕💕
Same, met my wife at 29, married at 31, first kid at 33…seems like the perfect timeline tbh. Although I’ll concede it doesn’t leave a lot of room for error.
Married my husband at 29 and he was 38. First marriage for us both. He’s an amazing man, there was nothing defective about him or me, just a timing that needed to align.
Beautiful, I too was 29 and my husband was 38 (he was married before though) and we will be celebrating 23 years this year......I always believe this is about Divine Timing too.
I am almost 31, never married, perpetually single, and I just started dating a 33 year old man who is absolutely incredible, also never married. We're both long distance hikers who have lived very full and fulfilling single lives (hiking across the country, family time, finding good community). He literally found me through my hiking blog and was stoked that I talk openly about my faith in Jesus. I'm realizing that sometimes timing is everything, especially when you are already working at creating a happy and fulfilled life as a single ❤️
This was me. It comes to the point you have to do what makes you happy. Join a club, travel, learn a new language, book that restaurant table for 1. That person you're comparing yourself to may not even be happy. Everyone has their own path, don't compare yourselves to others, and focus on self-improvement.
I’m 35 and I’m still single. All my siblings are married with kids and I’m the oldest one. It’s frustrating but I know the time will come where I wish I was single again. 😂
This man sounds adorable. If his expression of his personality on the show is accurate, he sounds like a sweet heart. He will have a nice little wifey and kids in no time. Love that he wants wholesome family things and love that he is working on himself in any way he can.
He won't though because you bi*hes are so cruel and superficial. I know guys who have gone into deep depression because of this and some have even committed suicide. Others have become serial killers and target women specifically because of things like this.
If the caller is reading this: You sound honestly like a catch. I wish you believed how loveable you must be. You seem like a really solid, good guy. Women pick up on that. Just because the right woman hasnt come yet, does not mean there is something wrong with you. Caller, you are important, unique and oh so wanted and needed in life!
I decided I wanted a wife and children when I was 23, I'm 32 now and just had my first child with a woman I love more than anything. You have to be very intentional, it takes time.
Eleven years ago, I was in almost exactly the same situation as this man. I was the same age. I had a good job, was enrolled in grad school and was struggling in the dating arena. I think this guy needs to examine what he is doing wrong (or not doing) in terms of building relationships and make adjustments accordingly. That is what helped me immensely. I’ve been married for five years and have a young daughter.
Most of my friends got married immediately after college. We were churchgoers, and they wanted to start families. I was the only one in the group (as far as I know) that was same sex attracted so I remained single (I did not and do not want to be in a same sex marriage) by the time I got to my 30's, I was very bitter and resntful about "having to be alone". I rebelled and started dating, but unfortunately had no experience and picked the wrong people. 8 years and several heartbreaks later, I decided to stop. A few years into being single again, I started to feel like a failure. I questioned why I couldn't find a relationship. Eventually, I came to the realization that I enjoy my life the way it is. I don't know that I actually want the responsibilities that come with being in a committed relationship. I work a lot, I travel often for said work, and I likely would not be around enough for most people's taste. Getting a job that was based in one location wwould boreme to tears. So, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful for what I have, and accept the life I have as a result of the choices I made. P.S. have seen a lot of engagement on this comment and want to clarify that I am not pro or anti gay, just explaining the role that my experience played in my coming to the conclusion that if someone like myself does not find a partner, it's not a failure, it may be as a result of weighing a number of factors, being real with yourself, and being content with the life that you have instead of second guessing yourself, which is a recipe for misery.
When you were dating - did you date persons of the opposite sex that probable less attractive to you (at least in the long term the spark would be lost). Because that would be an injustice to these persons. Even if you declared your same sex attraction - they might not know what they are getting themselves into. I know of several men with teenage / adult children that are coming out age 40 and older. They married a woman for societal reasons / family & peer pressure. There must be lots of conservative / faithful homosexualas out there (estimated 10 % of the population). WHY NOT date them and try to find a partner for life among them.
I hope you do not get hung up on the alleged "sinfulness". There are homosexual animals and that kind of attraction manifested itself for humans even when it was a risk for life or got a person shunned if it came out. So we can ask ourselves why god would create animals and humans like that, only to declare it an abomination. The persons that felt the deep attraction to the same sex (often despite VERY high risk) were not persons that were evil, mean, eager to commit sins etc. etc. The New Testament does not say much about homosexuality. Only Paul repeated the (Roman) inspired prejudices. As for the Old Testament - methinks it reflects the Bronze Age attitudes (and some were outright cruel mass murderous). But never mind, Jesus as per the written down reports never said anything about the issue, and the "Old Convenant" (the Mosaic Codex) is not binding for Christians (this is why they are not required to circumcise, can eat pork etc.)
Dear Drake, IMHO most women want a stable, funny, loving, faithful, dependable, hard working guy as a boyfriend/husband and they are in short supply. You are just what most women want.
If this were true there would not be endless number of men like Drake being ignored. Being a good man is not enough, and it only matters if you can attract women.
28 single guy slightly overweight humbled by the realities of life and expectations (hopefully )who is a future master accountant sounds like a catch in the making to me. I think all what’s needed is a little more patience. Because all those buddies getting married may join you in a few years after divorce. So it’s better to do it right than to rush it. And the opportunity to do it right are many there is like 12 good years wiggle room
He has plenty of time. Try being 36 single female never married or kids. Everyone thinks there is something hidden wrong with me to get here but there isn’t it sucks
Join the club! It just seems to happen so easily for some people. I feel like I missed a memo or the class where they taught people on how to get married 😂
I know your pain. You try to be polite but want to tell these people to go take a flying leap because they don't understand beans.. (Or rice,...🙄. lol) 😅
The next guy that asks you out say yes to him! Give people a chance that maybe you wouldn’t have 10 years ago. I’m sure you know one guy that is into you but you’ve turned him down at least two or three times in the past.
I'm almost 32 and I thought I would be married with kids by now....but I'm not and it sucks sometimes. I almost married the wrong person and joined the wrong family but thankfully I did not. Just keep doing you
You sound like a great guy! I was 29 and he was 36 when we got married last year! Both of us felt that marriage would never happen at times. Take heart and keep working on yourself! ❤
Ok, John. I’ve heard you tell countless people to write that letter to self. I’m finally going to actually do it in order to get myself unstuck from old thoughts to get out of this mental swamp I live in.
I’m in my 30’s and a widow. If I get married again- great. If I stay single- love it. Haha: I couldn’t be more content in myself than I am now. I finally realized my life is mine and mine only, and I don’t know why it took me so long to understand this. There are times where my coworkers will tell me things about their spouses and I get a bit jealous, but they equally (if not more!) often get jealous of my freedom! I love being this age, I love where I am (although I am thinking about moving to Texas to not pay state taxes- that’s looking good to me lately!). I wish for everyone to experience contentment! Comparison is the joy killer when unhealthy and I used to be GUILTY of this!!
Dude, most women don't care much about looks. Its mostly how you make them feel. If you are confident, not using drugs, no criminal record, ambitious and can keep a job. You can get any woman.
Just wait until you hit your 40s and all those friends of yours that got married in their 20s are divorced and miserable. It definitely happens. Sometimes it’s better to take your time, really know and love yourself before you commit to another person.
I really appreciate Drake's self reflection. He's honest with himself and actualy wants to better himself, so he's humbly asking for guidance. Top tier guy
I am 42 not married don't have any kids either. I've chosen this lifestyle 😊 I am happy too. I finally arrived in an awesome stage in my life. I reached my goal when I was 39 to be completely debt free including my home. I love my current job as a design engineer and bring in 6-figure income. I now like the idea of starting a family 😊. Everyone is unique and different 👍 👌 I am ready to start my next life goal. 😊 my advice is to delete all negativity in your life and follow your passion.
He sounds really friendly, likeable and caring - just what women want. John is right to get him to work on liking himself, then just start talking to women - all women - see if you can build rapport without having intention of it going anywhere. That’s how the right one will fall from the sky.
Love the ending comments from Dr, building small wins in myself to build up self confidence and not expecting someone else to complete you when you may not feel confident in yourself. Gonna work on that personally
Wow, this call hit home. Even Drake’s backstory of growing up with bickering/tension between parents… also in Indiana! lol (If the location is true) I also understand his yearning for a life-partner (marriage) & future family. Faith, quality-friends/community, working with purpose & having productive hobbies have been positive influences throughout this season of singleness - especially gratitude. Esteem has been built upon these attributes & ‘small wins’ - John hit the nail on the head with this call! Wishing Drake & other single listeners all the best! You’re not alone ♥️
Try being 42 without kids like me. I don’t even get phone calls from family and old friends anymore. Children are a blessing but when you don’t have any life must go on. Everyday can still be a good day. Just work on yourself every day.
I used to be like him, comparing myself to others at various stages of life. One of the things I had to put into practice when engaging with others was not make their successes about me. I had to be intentional on not internalizing everything. It takes a lot of practice but now I can be inspired by others achievements instead of making comparisons.
The grass may be greener on the other side, but that's where the snakes are. Just because some people appear to have it all doesn't mean they actually do. They may be struggling with depression, serious medical issues, financial strains, broken relationships and more. Comparison is an illusion that robs you of joy.
Self love creates a confident attitude. It makes a person attractive inside and out. Pay attention to your health and your appearance. It takes work to get there. When you do, people will notice. Most importantly, you will notice. Allow God's love to show.
Focus on you and have fun for another few years and it will happen…. I was 28 and in a similar boat and now 36 happily married with a child on the way and I have NO regrets or WHAT IFS
Beautiful.......talking to my wife tonight, kinda frustrated w my parents and who they are and how I was raised. Guess what. It's on me now, I can grieve it. And I should. But the changes start w me
My advice is:Learn to be content with where you are and. continue to better yourself inwardly. Marriage and parenthood are both great and difficult. It’s like we, as humans think that our life will be better when this or that happens. I’m here to say, Not true. Be present in what stage you’re in in life.
Dr. John, can you please come out with an episode where you talk more about what was discussed at 10:05? About children absorbing tension in the home and trying to solve it? Thank you! Also, kudos of hooking him up with Mind Pump workouts. I love those guys! 🤗
Be clean and have confidence!!! Be understanding and compassionate but have boundaries! Someone will give you attention. If you believe you have value, others will believe the same.
39 female and just recently met a great guy. He’s 35. We both want the same things. Kids still unsure but continuously talk about it to make sure we both are aligned.
@@susanhampton9671 if the good Lord says no or not yet, there is nothing you can do to make it happen.If you got blessed with a good person, really value that
My wife works at a hospital. Sounds like a handful of her female coworkers are single in the 30s and 40s....Doctors, Pharmacist, Nurse Practitioners, Nurses, etc....and all fairly attractive according to her.....half are single and have are divorcees. They do vent that not a lot of available men is the summary...and gave up on dating apps...gosh....is it really that hard nowadays......this coming from a happily married 46 year old guy......
I think people are afraid to go find a potential life partner. It can be scary when you have to be vulnerable enough to go meet the guy or gal on a date and not sure if they will like you. Other cases are being afraid of getting rejected so people would rather not take the chance. Then there's all sorts negative statistics surrounding dating, and relationships. If you can move pass those nay sayers, then there is better chance you can meet your person. Best of luck to all those looking to share their life with someone.
It's very hard now since it seems like many people are either scared to open up with a partner, pretend that they dont like you when they actually do or can't help but to feel there's someone better (endless options). It's depressing.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b I mean, a lot of younger women aren't looking for men over 60. Shoot, the elderly women I go to church with who are widowed or have been widowed for 10 years have opted not to date or remarry because they've already spent their adult lives caretaking - its hard work. And, obviously, there are much fewer men than women in the 60+ cohort.
Great point!! When you are looking to spend your time with another person, you put the time in instead of yourself sitting in a room and working out with other guys. Then when he catches the girl and he gets married, going back to not putting any effort in will lead to her not being attractive to him.
This my feeling at the moment. Single guy, 31 years old, divorced, renting a bedroom out, and my job is not ideal for romantic pursuits unless someone has a similar schedule. Been praying to God that post-divorce me is going somewhere, the right woman is out there, and that my goals and dreams are still gonna happen
Schedules aren't the be all end all. I as a RN married a provincial trooper. We in first year of marriage had opposite shift patterns. We were OK. Next posting where we got moved, I knew there was an issue because his bosses offered to match his pattern of shifts to more match mine, and he refused. So he stopped making our days off about us, and took off hunting or fishing. So that was his choice. We had it working well for 2 yrs with opposite conflicting shifts.
The timing of this call is so personally relevant, thanks Dr John for the answer Edit: I don't really get the "you've created a life that you're happy with, be happy with it" comment; many ppl add things into their lives expressly with the intent for self improvement, and hoping to meet someone on the way. I'm not sure that's such a stretch
I got married at 30 when I decided to. It's a decision and anyone can make that choice. There is someone out there that would love to marry you. When you decide to you can.
I relate to him. This has been me for a while. Especially on the self deprecating part. And the growing up as a child with someone who always spoke negatively of me, no matter how hard I worked. This video helped.
Thank you. John this young man has probably been told over and over that he is not enough. He might be the one telling himself that. He needs a new mindset. He needs to put himself out, then he will find a a great partner.
Everybody is NOT at that stage at 28. Continue to live your best life in the moment. Continue to engage in activities that make you feel successful and bring you joy. Practice balance on the ego/humility spectrum and maybe a little meditation or mindfulness to help you maintain a sense of inner peace, openness and approachability. John's suggestion of a letter to your inner child is also great advice. You are worth every opportunity life has to offer, and a gift to this world.
God I am 38 and single. Imagine how I feel. Lol. Today I think it happens later in life. At this point I just let it happens when it happens. I don't get to caller. He said he is in graduate school, I bet he is a good looking dude, and he is funny. Come on. He seems to have the right stuff to do well.
I am I am actively looking and going to speed dating events and such. To be super specific b/c of course this is the internets and someone like you just had to be a jerk, I am taking concrete acting, but not exactly worrying on it. Satisfied? Lol.
@@dabd8175 was that your mother's mindset?, since that's the closest female mindset you would be close to? You think women just sit there for things to happen to them? How many women were just sitting in their homes watching TV ,and a man just knocked on their door? use your logic bro, nothing happens to anyone that is just waiting for things to happen to,they have to get out there
I’m 33, still single and there’s no reasonable reason!!! It’s so frustrating beyond words that people say you must not want it or else you’d put yourself out there more! Or it’s because you don’t like yourself! You’re not confident enough! Then why do so many people who don’t like themselves & have low self esteem get in relationships everyday??? I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m outgoing, I’m funny, I’m kind. I have a good job, I’m self aware, I’m feminine, I have lots of friends. Why am I perpetually single???? There’s no reason or solution!!! It’s maddening. Ive been dying inside for 10 years, because no man will choose me.
I’m about to turn 37 and I’m stuck waiting for my grandparents to die so I can actively pursue a relationship. I wouldn’t dream of bringing someone into a caregiving situation. I love em, but they’re ready to go. They’re miserable and sedentary and I feel like I’m slowly dying with them. God I hate my wasted life. How the hell do I explain myself when I’m dating in my 40’s and I’ve only had a handful of relationships, the longest of which was only nine months?
love that "I am not gonna dress rehearse tragedy. " I can imagine Brenna Brown saying, and know she probably had a really good story about how she recognized herself about to go there. She has a great way of sharing truth.
I wish Dr. John would talk more about body positivity instead of saying things like "just go count your calories." He's already working on his health, he needs more of a mind reset than just exercising.
I think sometimes people, more so with men in MY experience, need something actionable to work towards rather than being told “you are fine the way you are.” Because if whatever it is that is making them unhappy doesn’t change, it will continue to make them unhappy. Working towards improving the thing is what brings about the happiness. But I could also be wrong about that 🤷🏾♀️
@@ccannon1You’re 100% correct. Body positivity is only something that appeals to women, if I’m being brutally honest. Women want emotional support. Men aren’t wired like that at all. We want actionable plans to improve our life. I was fat for a good portion of my mid 20s while I finished school and got my life together. I knew I was fat and hated it. No amount of emotional support or body positivity would have made me content with how I looked. Instead, I began my weight loss journey when my best friend told me in a polite way that I had let myself go and looked awful. That made me really focus on improving my body again. I’ve lost 40 pounds since that day, and am in my best shape since high school. Men want brutal honesty like that, not emotional coddling that doesn’t fix the issue. This is one of many reasons why traditional therapy often doesn’t work for men. It’s torture for us.
Drake sounds like a cool guy. I am thankful to hear a guy in this situation because they make it seem like just women have low self esteem or dating failures. Pray Drake finds love for himself and someone else
accept the fact that you might be single for the rest of your life. what's your b plan if you don't marry or have kids? can you still find a way to enjoy yourself and have a purpose-driven life?
Finally, at 46, I was proposed to and got married. It lasted 8 years. I was too old to have kids. Now I'm just content being single. Looking back, there really wasn't anyone I dated or met that was marriage material. I wasn't in a good dating pool.
You will know when it's time to make that a priority in your life. Right now, you have other goals, and you're focusing on the other things you want. It will happen when it's meant to happen
Drake! I’m right there with ya! What really helps me is knowing that God is in COMPLETE control. He knows your desires and longs to give them to you! He just wants to give them to you at the RIGHT time! Keep your head up my guy😉
Wishing for the downfall of others because of dissatisfaction with yourself isn't only a sign of jealousy and insecurity, but self-hatred. So no. He shouldn't be hoping for anyone else divorce. Let others be happy with their situation, and learn to be happy in your own.
They are divorced because they didn't get to know each other properly or because they wanted a different path in life ,people are not JUST GETTING A DIVORCE
@@MENACE-km6bdI don’t think he’s “wishing for the downfall of others” but merely stating facts. I’m in my 40s now and so many people that got married in their 20s that I know are now divorced, single parents. I think it’s wise to say, don’t rush into marriage just because everyone else appears to have their life figured out in their 20s. Give it time and you’ll see many of those people probably never had what you thought you were jealous of in the first place.
I have seen so many give in to the pressure of having a ball and chain but looking at it with rosy glasses. then they complained about how hard life was. if you get there, you get there. if you don't after making changes, that's just your luck.
Learn how to be alone and not lonely. There is a difference. The thing that you need to know is that has been on its way for a while. Im 27 and its tough to be patient, but I want good. God has better than what I want. You got this bro
Society places too much pressure to be married, as though being married brings happiness, which is not necessarily true. One must be happy with oneself first an foremost. Being single has its own benefits that should not be under rated.
Complete and utter tangent: If I were living in Tennessee, Texas or Florida as a woman 30 or younger, I'd be really nervous about dating man who attends Bible study.
@@arh1234 The men who are super-public about their Bible study habits here in Texas lean fundamentalist/neo-calvinist... hard. They seem like they hate us, but want us to be economically dependent on them and perform as an appliance. Are there men who aren't fundamentalist/neo-Calvinist who do Bible study? Probably. I'd still be nervous, though.
Lots of my church friends got married a lot younger than I did. I really wanted to get married, so it hurt that i couldn't get dates and got very little interest from girls who i saw as prospects for marriage. But i did find a wife and got married at 27 even though I felt I was much too old, I needed time to grow and see the world a little bit so i had wisdom to lead my family, and needed to be closer to my purpose. I thought I could start a family at 18 but God saw differently. I wanted a young and attractive woman and did not realize that as I got older and developed careerwise I would be more attractive to all females and would have no trouble getting a young lady to fall in love with me. 1. World experience 2. Hierarchy 3. Career and money 4. The IDGAF factor of men over 30
The honest truth, the women in the age bracket he wants to date/marry are looking for men in their 30s and 40s. The good news is time is on his side- men gain value with age.
The questioning at the 3:35 mark makes absolutely no sense.....Sooooooo, because the guy works out to stay healthy and goes to church, that means he doesn't desperately want to find his soul mate and have a family?!?!?!?!....Seriously what in the world did those questions mean?!?!?!??!
This was my husband before we met!!!
He didn’t call Dr J, but he worked on his health, lost weight in that process. He moved here from his state of origin and he communicated to his new friends he was looking for a good woman to marry. A common friend introduced us and he did later asked me out. I was celibate, I was actually thinking about becoming a nun… But we went out to the movies and now we’ve been married for over 10yrs with 2 beautiful children… 🥰🙏
We need to do our part and prepare ourselves to be receptive to God’s Blessings… 😘👍💕💕
Awesome
Girl, I'm 29, and I was thinking the exact same thing, becoming a nun because I just can't find someone I love.
I love that! That’s so beautiful! I’m so glad you two found each other!
That's a great story. I was a novice at a monastery when I realized my calling was to marriage. Funny how things work.
What a waste to have become a nun !! If fraulein Maria had become a nun ... there would have been no SoundOfMusic !!
Bro I got married just after turning 29, met my wife at 28... have 4 boys now. You're good man, count your blessings and ready up because it's coming.
Still before 30. I'm 29 yr old woman with no husband. So.... yeah.
You're literally the demographic he is envious of buddy lol 29... get out of here he's 28. Lol 😂
I felt the same way that he did. There is always reason for hope that things can change and that the future is bright.
Just said the same thing! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Same, met my wife at 29, married at 31, first kid at 33…seems like the perfect timeline tbh. Although I’ll concede it doesn’t leave a lot of room for error.
“You cannot be at peace with other people until you’re at peace with you” that’s gospel right there!
Being lonely sucks. So while I get your desire to be married and have a family, it's even worse to be paired with someone who's not right for you.
This is so true
Married my husband at 29 and he was 38. First marriage for us both. He’s an amazing man, there was nothing defective about him or me, just a timing that needed to align.
Love that you shared this 😂
Thanks for sharing this
Beautiful, I too was 29 and my husband was 38 (he was married before though) and we will be celebrating 23 years this year......I always believe this is about Divine Timing too.
As a guy who just turned 30, that does give some hope for the future. Glad you were able to find each other!
I am almost 31, never married, perpetually single, and I just started dating a 33 year old man who is absolutely incredible, also never married. We're both long distance hikers who have lived very full and fulfilling single lives (hiking across the country, family time, finding good community). He literally found me through my hiking blog and was stoked that I talk openly about my faith in Jesus. I'm realizing that sometimes timing is everything, especially when you are already working at creating a happy and fulfilled life as a single ❤️
This was me. It comes to the point you have to do what makes you happy. Join a club, travel, learn a new language, book that restaurant table for 1. That person you're comparing yourself to may not even be happy. Everyone has their own path, don't compare yourselves to others, and focus on self-improvement.
I’m 35 and I’m still single. All my siblings are married with kids and I’m the oldest one. It’s frustrating but I know the time will come where I wish I was single again. 😂
Same 😂 and it's actually easier for me now than it was when I was panicking in my late 20s
Same! I'm oldest im my mod 30s and my all my younger are married with kids. I do not envy them. I got money and time to myself.
Good Grief !! Enjoy the single life ... love may find you unawares when least expected.
Nothing like having your first kid with a woman at age 71, lol.
I’m 34 and still not yet
I had given up. When I met my husband at 41. I now realize we both had to go through. In order to be where we are at. Emotionally and financially.
Wow! So, there is hope for me. I'm a 37-year-old man who is very shy and awkward. Maybe I can also find someone in like 5 - 10 years. 🙂
I'm 46 now and still looking. Very happy for you guys. I think the same will happen to me
I’m 34 and still haven’t met my person! :/
This is rare! Congrats! Love to see people happy! Don't forget to fight for the marriage when things inevitably get hard!
@@CyberSecurityFashionDesignerthat’s ok!
This man sounds adorable. If his expression of his personality on the show is accurate, he sounds like a sweet heart. He will have a nice little wifey and kids in no time. Love that he wants wholesome family things and love that he is working on himself in any way he can.
Yeah, as long as he’s not sleeping around and destroying his pair bonding potentials. 😂
For sure!! And I know he feels behind but 28 is still young. It’s gonna happen for him for sure.
He won't though because you bi*hes are so cruel and superficial. I know guys who have gone into deep depression because of this and some have even committed suicide. Others have become serial killers and target women specifically because of things like this.
One mature striving person is a whole person.
@@Emptytopfloor That only happens to women, it's different for men
If the caller is reading this: You sound honestly like a catch. I wish you believed how loveable you must be. You seem like a really solid, good guy. Women pick up on that. Just because the right woman hasnt come yet, does not mean there is something wrong with you. Caller, you are important, unique and oh so wanted and needed in life!
That was very sweet!
I decided I wanted a wife and children when I was 23, I'm 32 now and just had my first child with a woman I love more than anything. You have to be very intentional, it takes time.
Drake literally sounds like my dream man - smart, active, fun, friendly, spiritual, goal oriented - he is a true gem. ❤
Yep totally he seems to have a good heart
Hey there's a line here! 😂
he's humble too...
I appreciate his courage to be vulnerable and confront his beliefs. I wish him a great love story and a beautiful family. 😊
We don’t self improve because we’re not enough and need to prove our worth, we self improve because we are enough and know we are worth it.
❤
Unrelated comment here. Dr. Delony has wonderful eyes; dark and expressive.
Eleven years ago, I was in almost exactly the same situation as this man. I was the same age. I had a good job, was enrolled in grad school and was struggling in the dating arena. I think this guy needs to examine what he is doing wrong (or not doing) in terms of building relationships and make adjustments accordingly. That is what helped me immensely. I’ve been married for five years and have a young daughter.
Congratulations! What do you think helped you make that relationship?
Congrats! I've had a similar experience. Hoping to have children in the next few years.
Most of my friends got married immediately after college. We were churchgoers, and they wanted to start families. I was the only one in the group (as far as I know) that was same sex attracted so I remained single (I did not and do not want to be in a same sex marriage) by the time I got to my 30's, I was very bitter and resntful about "having to be alone". I rebelled and started dating, but unfortunately had no experience and picked the wrong people. 8 years and several heartbreaks later, I decided to stop. A few years into being single again, I started to feel like a failure. I questioned why I couldn't find a relationship. Eventually, I came to the realization that I enjoy my life the way it is. I don't know that I actually want the responsibilities that come with being in a committed relationship. I work a lot, I travel often for said work, and I likely would not be around enough for most people's taste. Getting a job that was based in one location wwould boreme to tears. So, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful for what I have, and accept the life I have as a result of the choices I made. P.S. have seen a lot of engagement on this comment and want to clarify that I am not pro or anti gay, just explaining the role that my experience played in my coming to the conclusion that if someone like myself does not find a partner, it's not a failure, it may be as a result of weighing a number of factors, being real with yourself, and being content with the life that you have instead of second guessing yourself, which is a recipe for misery.
Come to the light. In the Bible homosexuality is a sin. You can turn it around and live a pure life with eternal salvation. Cheers.
When you were dating - did you date persons of the opposite sex that probable less attractive to you (at least in the long term the spark would be lost). Because that would be an injustice to these persons. Even if you declared your same sex attraction - they might not know what they are getting themselves into. I know of several men with teenage / adult children that are coming out age 40 and older. They married a woman for societal reasons / family & peer pressure. There must be lots of conservative / faithful homosexualas out there (estimated 10 % of the population). WHY NOT date them and try to find a partner for life among them.
I don't know whether to be sad that you didn't want to be alone but didn't want to be gay, or happy for you that you practiced radical acceptance.
I hope you do not get hung up on the alleged "sinfulness". There are homosexual animals and that kind of attraction manifested itself for humans even when it was a risk for life or got a person shunned if it came out. So we can ask ourselves why god would create animals and humans like that, only to declare it an abomination. The persons that felt the deep attraction to the same sex (often despite VERY high risk) were not persons that were evil, mean, eager to commit sins etc. etc.
The New Testament does not say much about homosexuality. Only Paul repeated the (Roman) inspired prejudices. As for the Old Testament - methinks it reflects the Bronze Age attitudes (and some were outright cruel mass murderous). But never mind, Jesus as per the written down reports never said anything about the issue, and the "Old Convenant" (the Mosaic Codex) is not binding for Christians (this is why they are not required to circumcise, can eat pork etc.)
@@suhwateezea.214oh stop ittttt........
Dear Drake, IMHO most women want a stable, funny, loving, faithful, dependable, hard working guy as a boyfriend/husband and they are in short supply. You are just what most women want.
If this were true there would not be endless number of men like Drake being ignored. Being a good man is not enough, and it only matters if you can attract women.
@@healthymindhappierlife5089 If you say so.
@@9liveslisa I do say so. I've observed it my entire life. Men know this innately. You can claim the moral high ground when youre uninformed.
28 single guy slightly overweight humbled by the realities of life and expectations (hopefully )who is a future master accountant sounds like a catch in the making to me. I think all what’s needed is a little more patience. Because all those buddies getting married may join you in a few years after divorce. So it’s better to do it right than to rush it. And the opportunity to do it right are many there is like 12 good years wiggle room
He has plenty of time. Try being 36 single female never married or kids. Everyone thinks there is something hidden wrong with me to get here but there isn’t it sucks
Join the club! It just seems to happen so easily for some people. I feel like I missed a memo or the class where they taught people on how to get married 😂
Same!
35 male here, never married, no kids and I was just actually in my first relationship ever this year lol
I know your pain. You try to be polite but want to tell these people to go take a flying leap because they don't understand beans.. (Or rice,...🙄. lol) 😅
The next guy that asks you out say yes to him! Give people a chance that maybe you wouldn’t have 10 years ago. I’m sure you know one guy that is into you but you’ve turned him down at least two or three times in the past.
I'm almost 32 and I thought I would be married with kids by now....but I'm not and it sucks sometimes. I almost married the wrong person and joined the wrong family but thankfully I did not. Just keep doing you
This video was meant to cross my path today. Thank you.
You sound like a great guy! I was 29 and he was 36 when we got married last year! Both of us felt that marriage would never happen at times. Take heart and keep working on yourself! ❤
29 is old? Interesting
Ok, John. I’ve heard you tell countless people to write that letter to self. I’m finally going to actually do it in order to get myself unstuck from old thoughts to get out of this mental swamp I live in.
It really works
I started thinking about that one too, this time around.
I’m in my 30’s and a widow. If I get married again- great. If I stay single- love it. Haha: I couldn’t be more content in myself than I am now. I finally realized my life is mine and mine only, and I don’t know why it took me so long to understand this. There are times where my coworkers will tell me things about their spouses and I get a bit jealous, but they equally (if not more!) often get jealous of my freedom! I love being this age, I love where I am (although I am thinking about moving to Texas to not pay state taxes- that’s looking good to me lately!). I wish for everyone to experience contentment! Comparison is the joy killer when unhealthy and I used to be GUILTY of this!!
You can cope all you want but the loudness of the silence will eventually be loud enough to make you go insane
@Fe26man Grace and Peace to you 🙏🏿❤️
I was like that too Drake. I’m 31 and single but I’m enjoying life right now. Don’t be too hard on yourself, be your own bestfriend.
Dude, most women don't care much about looks. Its mostly how you make them feel. If you are confident, not using drugs, no criminal record, ambitious and can keep a job. You can get any woman.
If she's worth having this is really all it takes to win her 🎉
In the 209 it is the opposite. I have to date in other area codes.
Ah YES THEY DO, you are not the only people who have eyes
@@joeriveracomedy what's 209?
@@kikiisabeast2575no,it doesn't, you have been lied to
Just wait until you hit your 40s and all those friends of yours that got married in their 20s are divorced and miserable. It definitely happens. Sometimes it’s better to take your time, really know and love yourself before you commit to another person.
Absolutely. That happened to me
I really appreciate Drake's self reflection. He's honest with himself and actualy wants to better himself, so he's humbly asking for guidance. Top tier guy
I am 42 not married don't have any kids either. I've chosen this lifestyle 😊 I am happy too. I finally arrived in an awesome stage in my life. I reached my goal when I was 39 to be completely debt free including my home. I love my current job as a design engineer and bring in 6-figure income. I now like the idea of starting a family 😊. Everyone is unique and different 👍 👌 I am ready to start my next life goal. 😊 my advice is to delete all negativity in your life and follow your passion.
Hello @armandoweckmann5699, that's great. You should like a good person.
He sounds really friendly, likeable and caring - just what women want. John is right to get him to work on liking himself, then just start talking to women - all women - see if you can build rapport without having intention of it going anywhere. That’s how the right one will fall from the sky.
Love the ending comments from Dr, building small wins in myself to build up self confidence and not expecting someone else to complete you when you may not feel confident in yourself. Gonna work on that personally
Wow, this call hit home. Even Drake’s backstory of growing up with bickering/tension between parents… also in Indiana! lol (If the location is true) I also understand his yearning for a life-partner (marriage) & future family.
Faith, quality-friends/community, working with purpose & having productive hobbies have been positive influences throughout this season of singleness - especially gratitude. Esteem has been built upon these attributes & ‘small wins’ - John hit the nail on the head with this call! Wishing Drake & other single listeners all the best! You’re not alone ♥️
1:59. "Grief of a life not lived." That's a great title for a book.
Try being 42 without kids like me. I don’t even get phone calls from family and old friends anymore. Children are a blessing but when you don’t have any life must go on. Everyday can still be a good day. Just work on yourself every day.
I used to be like him, comparing myself to others at various stages of life. One of the things I had to put into practice when engaging with others was not make their successes about me. I had to be intentional on not internalizing everything. It takes a lot of practice but now I can be inspired by others achievements instead of making comparisons.
The grass may be greener on the other side, but that's where the snakes are.
Just because some people appear to have it all doesn't mean they actually do. They may be struggling with depression, serious medical issues, financial strains, broken relationships and more. Comparison is an illusion that robs you of joy.
Self love creates a confident attitude. It makes a person attractive inside and out. Pay attention to your health and your appearance. It takes work to get there. When you do, people will notice. Most importantly, you will notice. Allow God's love to show.
Focus on you and have fun for another few years and it will happen…. I was 28 and in a similar boat and now 36 happily married with a child on the way and I have NO regrets or WHAT IFS
Get good at stuff!
Awesome
Beautiful.......talking to my wife tonight, kinda frustrated w my parents and who they are and how I was raised. Guess what. It's on me now, I can grieve it. And I should. But the changes start w me
My advice is:Learn to be content with where you are and. continue to better yourself inwardly. Marriage and parenthood are both great and difficult. It’s like we, as humans think that our life will be better when this or that happens. I’m here to say, Not true. Be present in what stage you’re in in life.
Dr. John, can you please come out with an episode where you talk more about what was discussed at 10:05? About children absorbing tension in the home and trying to solve it? Thank you!
Also, kudos of hooking him up with Mind Pump workouts. I love those guys! 🤗
Be clean and have confidence!!! Be understanding and compassionate but have boundaries! Someone will give you attention. If you believe you have value, others will believe the same.
39 female and just recently met a great guy. He’s 35. We both want the same things. Kids still unsure but continuously talk about it to make sure we both are aligned.
Drake where u at? Your story is my story. Feeling cursed romantically no matter what I do, or how I try. I'm 29 n it really sucks
No one is cursed. Unfortunately, you need to get back out there. Good luck. It is a numbers game.
@@susanhampton9671 if the good Lord says no or not yet, there is nothing you can do to make it happen.If you got blessed with a good person, really value that
Yes, I always have believed it is on God's time table, not ours. Thank you. @@tishataray
My wife works at a hospital. Sounds like a handful of her female coworkers are single in the 30s and 40s....Doctors, Pharmacist, Nurse Practitioners, Nurses, etc....and all fairly attractive according to her.....half are single and have are divorcees. They do vent that not a lot of available men is the summary...and gave up on dating apps...gosh....is it really that hard nowadays......this coming from a happily married 46 year old guy......
There are more women than men, if I’m correct. Also, there aren’t that many great men out there. Been online trying to date, it’s not worth it.
I think people are afraid to go find a potential life partner. It can be scary when you have to be vulnerable enough to go meet the guy or gal on a date and not sure if they will like you. Other cases are being afraid of getting rejected so people would rather not take the chance. Then there's all sorts negative statistics surrounding dating, and relationships. If you can move pass those nay sayers, then there is better chance you can meet your person. Best of luck to all those looking to share their life with someone.
It's very hard now since it seems like many people are either scared to open up with a partner, pretend that they dont like you when they actually do or can't help but to feel there's someone better (endless options). It's depressing.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b I mean, a lot of younger women aren't looking for men over 60. Shoot, the elderly women I go to church with who are widowed or have been widowed for 10 years have opted not to date or remarry because they've already spent their adult lives caretaking - its hard work. And, obviously, there are much fewer men than women in the 60+ cohort.
When more people are single does that drive up the rental economy/workforce?
Great point!! When you are looking to spend your time with another person, you put the time in instead of yourself sitting in a room and working out with other guys. Then when he catches the girl and he gets married, going back to not putting any effort in will lead to her not being attractive to him.
This my feeling at the moment. Single guy, 31 years old, divorced, renting a bedroom out, and my job is not ideal for romantic pursuits unless someone has a similar schedule.
Been praying to God that post-divorce me is going somewhere, the right woman is out there, and that my goals and dreams are still gonna happen
Schedules aren't the be all end all. I as a RN married a provincial trooper. We in first year of marriage had opposite shift patterns. We were OK. Next posting where we got moved, I knew there was an issue because his bosses offered to match his pattern of shifts to more match mine, and he refused. So he stopped making our days off about us, and took off hunting or fishing. So that was his choice. We had it working well for 2 yrs with opposite conflicting shifts.
The timing of this call is so personally relevant, thanks Dr John for the answer
Edit: I don't really get the "you've created a life that you're happy with, be happy with it" comment; many ppl add things into their lives expressly with the intent for self improvement, and hoping to meet someone on the way. I'm not sure that's such a stretch
What a beautiful soul. I hope he finds what he’s looking for.
I got married at 30 when I decided to. It's a decision and anyone can make that choice. There is someone out there that would love to marry you. When you decide to you can.
I relate to him. This has been me for a while. Especially on the self deprecating part. And the growing up as a child with someone who always spoke negatively of me, no matter how hard I worked. This video helped.
🙏🏿❤️
Thank you.
John this young man has probably been told over and over that he is not enough. He might be the one telling himself that. He needs a new mindset.
He needs to put himself out, then he will find a a great partner.
Met my wife at 28 and I’m so happy I did. we didn’t marry till 33 hang on brother it’s coming.
I'm lonely not because I can't be alone or hate myself , it's just I've been doing alot of things all by myself and the silence is loud now.
Well John maybe you could be his friend and open up his circle of friends and he'll meet more people. 😊
These are my favorite kind of calls .
Everybody is NOT at that stage at 28. Continue to live your best life in the moment. Continue to engage in activities that make you feel successful and bring you joy. Practice balance on the ego/humility spectrum and maybe a little meditation or mindfulness to help you maintain a sense of inner peace, openness and approachability. John's suggestion of a letter to your inner child is also great advice. You are worth every opportunity life has to offer, and a gift to this world.
That's profound: "Grief for a life not yet lived". Heavy. It makes me see my own discomfort from a new and honest perspective.
God I am 38 and single. Imagine how I feel. Lol. Today I think it happens later in life. At this point I just let it happens when it happens. I don't get to caller. He said he is in graduate school, I bet he is a good looking dude, and he is funny. Come on. He seems to have the right stuff to do well.
I am I am actively looking and going to speed dating events and such. To be super specific b/c of course this is the internets and someone like you just had to be a jerk, I am taking concrete acting, but not exactly worrying on it. Satisfied? Lol.
@@DominickSpano if you are a single mother or obese forget it
@@PepeCoinManiathis is a man
@@dabd8175 was that your mother's mindset?, since that's the closest female mindset you would be close to? You think women just sit there for things to happen to them? How many women were just sitting in their homes watching TV ,and a man just knocked on their door? use your logic bro, nothing happens to anyone that is just waiting for things to happen to,they have to get out there
You don't have to be married to be happy. There are a lot of people out there in unhappy marriage.
I’m 33, still single and there’s no reasonable reason!!! It’s so frustrating beyond words that people say you must not want it or else you’d put yourself out there more! Or it’s because you don’t like yourself! You’re not confident enough!
Then why do so many people who don’t like themselves & have low self esteem get in relationships everyday???
I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m outgoing, I’m funny, I’m kind. I have a good job, I’m self aware, I’m feminine, I have lots of friends.
Why am I perpetually single???? There’s no reason or solution!!! It’s maddening. Ive been dying inside for 10 years, because no man will choose me.
I’m about to turn 37 and I’m stuck waiting for my grandparents to die so I can actively pursue a relationship. I wouldn’t dream of bringing someone into a caregiving situation. I love em, but they’re ready to go. They’re miserable and sedentary and I feel like I’m slowly dying with them. God I hate my wasted life. How the hell do I explain myself when I’m dating in my 40’s and I’ve only had a handful of relationships, the longest of which was only nine months?
Im 45. Its taken me this long to like the person i am, learn a whole heap of lessons about myself. But i want that more then anything!
I'm proud of you 🙏🏿🥹❤️
love that "I am not gonna dress rehearse tragedy. " I can imagine Brenna Brown saying, and know she probably had a really good story about how she recognized herself about to go there. She has a great way of sharing truth.
“comparison is the thief of joy” - T. Roosevelt
Minus the overweight thing, this is me at 30. Wish I could figure out why I have the self dislike issues I do.
I wish Dr. John would talk more about body positivity instead of saying things like "just go count your calories." He's already working on his health, he needs more of a mind reset than just exercising.
I think sometimes people, more so with men in MY experience, need something actionable to work towards rather than being told “you are fine the way you are.” Because if whatever it is that is making them unhappy doesn’t change, it will continue to make them unhappy. Working towards improving the thing is what brings about the happiness. But I could also be wrong about that 🤷🏾♀️
@@ccannon1You’re 100% correct. Body positivity is only something that appeals to women, if I’m being brutally honest. Women want emotional support. Men aren’t wired like that at all. We want actionable plans to improve our life.
I was fat for a good portion of my mid 20s while I finished school and got my life together. I knew I was fat and hated it. No amount of emotional support or body positivity would have made me content with how I looked. Instead, I began my weight loss journey when my best friend told me in a polite way that I had let myself go and looked awful. That made me really focus on improving my body again. I’ve lost 40 pounds since that day, and am in my best shape since high school. Men want brutal honesty like that, not emotional coddling that doesn’t fix the issue. This is one of many reasons why traditional therapy often doesn’t work for men. It’s torture for us.
Drake sounds like a cool guy. I am thankful to hear a guy in this situation because they make it seem like just women have low self esteem or dating failures. Pray Drake finds love for himself and someone else
accept the fact that you might be single for the rest of your life. what's your b plan if you don't marry or have kids? can you still find a way to enjoy yourself and have a purpose-driven life?
Finally, at 46, I was proposed to and got married. It lasted 8 years. I was too old to have kids. Now I'm just content being single. Looking back, there really wasn't anyone I dated or met that was marriage material. I wasn't in a good dating pool.
Wait for the right person in life, don't rush into anything. Enjoy your life.❤❤❤❤
You will know when it's time to make that a priority in your life. Right now, you have other goals, and you're focusing on the other things you want. It will happen when it's meant to happen
This call was so healin.
"my buddy layne norton" you beast!! great videos man ty! this one specifically reminded me of me
Drake! I’m right there with ya! What really helps me is knowing that God is in COMPLETE control. He knows your desires and longs to give them to you! He just wants to give them to you at the RIGHT time! Keep your head up my guy😉
Wait till everybody is 40 years old and divorced, then see how you feel. 😂
Wishing for the downfall of others because of dissatisfaction with yourself isn't only a sign of jealousy and insecurity, but self-hatred. So no. He shouldn't be hoping for anyone else divorce.
Let others be happy with their situation, and learn to be happy in your own.
They are divorced because they didn't get to know each other properly or because they wanted a different path in life ,people are not JUST GETTING A DIVORCE
@@MENACE-km6bdI don’t think he’s “wishing for the downfall of others” but merely stating facts. I’m in my 40s now and so many people that got married in their 20s that I know are now divorced, single parents. I think it’s wise to say, don’t rush into marriage just because everyone else appears to have their life figured out in their 20s. Give it time and you’ll see many of those people probably never had what you thought you were jealous of in the first place.
I think I diagnosed my condition by writing the journal like Dr suggested. Thank you so much. I found a solution at the end of one page journal.
What a great call. Thank you Dr. John.
I have seen so many give in to the pressure of having a ball and chain but looking at it with rosy glasses. then they complained about how hard life was. if you get there, you get there. if you don't after making changes, that's just your luck.
Learn how to be alone and not lonely. There is a difference.
The thing that you need to know is that has been on its way for a while. Im 27 and its tough to be patient, but I want good. God has better than what I want. You got this bro
Drake sounds awesome! I understand where he is coming from. As an athlete I struggle with self confidence and being in shape
Dr John is correct. He's going to have to change some aspects of his life to attract new opportunities
I personally got tired of trying to be smart and sexy all my life and I just became a Millionaire instead. Super happy now, lol.
Society places too much pressure to be married, as though being married brings happiness, which is not necessarily true. One must be happy with oneself first an foremost. Being single has its own benefits that should not be under rated.
Complete and utter tangent: If I were living in Tennessee, Texas or Florida as a woman 30 or younger, I'd be really nervous about dating man who attends Bible study.
Oh, yes. Men with values who read - very scary. Maybe best to leave them to women who attend Bible study?
@@arh1234 The men who are super-public about their Bible study habits here in Texas lean fundamentalist/neo-calvinist... hard. They seem like they hate us, but want us to be economically dependent on them and perform as an appliance.
Are there men who aren't fundamentalist/neo-Calvinist who do Bible study? Probably. I'd still be nervous, though.
These are the type of guys you see marrying onlyfans models that have been ran through.
The title has two different meanings
Yay to 200k 🎉
If Drake simply just starts going by the nickname "Drizzy" and gets some nice shades it will be a 10X confidence boost! 😎
😆 “last name ever, first name greatest”
😂
Lots of my church friends got married a lot younger than I
did. I really wanted to get married, so it hurt that i couldn't get dates and got very little interest from girls who i saw as prospects for marriage. But i did find a wife and got married at 27 even though I felt I was much too old, I needed time to grow and see the world a little bit so i had wisdom to lead my family, and needed to be closer to my purpose. I thought I could start a family at 18 but God saw differently. I wanted a young and attractive woman and did not realize that as I got older and developed careerwise I would be more attractive to all females and would have no trouble getting a young lady to fall in love with me.
1. World experience
2. Hierarchy
3. Career and money
4. The IDGAF factor of men over 30
“Can I borrow your credit card so I can go to ER”…..?!?!?! Man, US health care is so messed up.
The honest truth, the women in the age bracket he wants to date/marry are looking for men in their 30s and 40s. The good news is time is on his side- men gain value with age.
man at 40s with money btw
@PepeCoinMania implied but yes that's why lol
The questioning at the 3:35 mark makes absolutely no sense.....Sooooooo, because the guy works out to stay healthy and goes to church, that means he doesn't desperately want to find his soul mate and have a family?!?!?!?!....Seriously what in the world did those questions mean?!?!?!??!
Everyone is on their own path.
Everything will come in due time
Favorite Single's Podcast: Waiting and Finding
God bless him. And good luck.
I can relate. It’s all trauma 😢
Drake from Indianapolis.. hmmm I’m in Indy. Now I wanna search him lol
Thank you! This helped me so much.
He sounds like an awesome guy!