How to Regulate Your Borderline: External Regulation, Regulatory Focus Theory (Higgins)
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- Опубліковано 12 жов 2024
- WATCH Tips: Survive Your Borderline Enchantress • Tips: Survive Your Bor...
Regulatory system
Regulation of consciousness
Ego functions
Regulations of emotions and moods
Cult-like psychology or paracosm shared fantasy
Sense of unitary completion, holistic (benign) perfection, symbiotic merger or fusion
Balance, homeostasis: secure base, safety, stability, predictability all via mere object constancy (to counter introject inconstancy)
Pain avoidance and mitigation via infantilization and assumption of parental roles and discourse
Structure, order, contractual but not transactional (rights and corresponding or commensurate duties)
Nurturance, needs satisfaction, gratification, wishes, aspirations, accomplishments, horizon, hope
Intercession and intermediation of reality: vicarious reality testing
Regulatory focus theory (Proposed in 1997 by U.S. psychologist E. Tory Higgins)
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As someone who suffers severely with BPD, and was misdiagnosed as a young teen with bipolar & ADHD and put on anti-psychotics and amphetamines for years and lost trust in the mental health care system - I can hand on my heart say no therapy has ever helped me anywhere near as much as these videos. And they're all very much appreciated. Thank you so much.
Me too!!!
I agree. UA-cam has really helped me understand myself and others. However, I am using YT to self regulate and it is addicting to say the least. It's the validation.
Thank you for this video. I know of someone with BPD, although not well. I have much more compassion for her now and will try to be generous in my opinions of her from now on.
I have diagnosed borderline nd can confirm that all you said in this video is the truth. Thank you for sharing with us your knowledge Professor Sam
You are the smartest Person i know on UA-cam. Thanks for your wise words
Thank you, Professor Vaknin, for sharing your expert knowledge and time with us. I didn't realize how vulnerable and fragile patients with BPD are. Fortunately, with proper diagnosis, treatment, and nurturing support, remission is possible.
i love u for all this...u made such an impact in my life u don't even know...u made sense out of everything.thank u so much for sharing your knowledge
My undiagnosed ex used often say that she wanted to be inside my skin. I was not sure what she meant but maybe it was related to this theory.
This just convinced me... i must have BPD. the ego functions things just hit me.
Wish I'd known these things 25 years ago. I would have made different choices. Maybe now I can move on and find a healthier partner.
22 years for me. I feel I’m finally waking up from a very bad dream. The reality is that my life has been ruined.
Oh my God! This is totally true! I am in shock because I feel as if you already know me and it´s so so sad...I feel like a monster ! I was raced by a narcisistic mother...my father sexually abused me since I was 2 or 3...I guesss there´s no hope.
Thank you so much Dear Sam❤
Thank you Prof. Vaknin
You were right.
Thank you, Sam❤️
Prof. Vaknin, please make a video about Instagram therapists. It seems they are everywhere these days and their advice is trivial many times, or too vague. It seems to harm the image of therapists.
Search the channel for “expert”.
Hi Sam, so should the special friend do what the borderline wants? Like if she pushes the friend to react in certain negative ways, should the friend comply or remain stable and offer unconditional love while expressing that those negative behaviors are hurtful. If the special friend is healthy and wants the best outcome for the borderline’s mental state, then what’s the best course of action?. Thank you so much
I’d like an answer to this too. Good question
This video is describing some of the unhealthy tendencies/patterns of people with BPD. The person with borderline will often pull loved ones/therapists into this unhealthy cycle of intense need vs escape, all-consuming-love vs engulfment...this is not helpful, or healthy, or balanced, nor does it meet the pwBPD's needs in a way that is good for them or their loved ones longterm. If the special friend is healthy and stable, this can be immensely powerful and healing for someone with BPD who may not have had many healthy stable people in their life before. Remain stable, steady, supportive, loving, and set and maintain healthy boundaries. The book "walking on eggshells" can be helpful to read!
@@kirstenroche8160 thank you very much. I actually refuse to walk on eggshells and it seems to be working fine. Remaining stable, very supportive, transparent, predictable while gently explaining when I am hurt and just speaking about my feelings while not blaming or shaming. It’s working and my friend is wonderful. Truly kind, loving and one of a kind. It’s not easy by any means, but takes a lot of work on oneself and it helps me work on myself and grow in a healthy way. It’s just so painful to witness this horrific pain that a dear friend experiences and I get a sliver of it which shakes me to the core.
The last sentence of this video makes me sad. I suffer with BPD and I’m hearing throughout the video that we just need a sliver of hope. The last sentence makes me feel helpless/hopeless
Great video, it explains my behaviors in my current relationship and previous friendships as a borderline. I wonder can we have multiple special friends? And could even a dog be such a friend? I am quite a loner and at some point my only friend was my dog. I apologize if it’s not a good question or if it has been answered before.
Only humans can serve as special persons.
Thank you so much for answering Professor and also for your amazing content that has been a source of understanding and hope for me and many others for years now 🙏🏻
In one of your videos, I can't find which one hence the question, you had said that the borderline renders her partners narcissistic in nature and borderline in traits.. something like that? Can you tell me please exactly what it was?
Search the BPD playlist.
I know Cluster B personalities are your specialty but could you do some videos on Schizophrenia and DID? Thank you. P.S. I would rather learn from you about these things than other so-called experts.
Search the comorbidities playlist.
I felt seen
Yaaaayyyyy
Sounds like a shitshow.
any question if yes reachout
Thank you, Sam❤️
Thank you, Sam❤️