The Gay Best Friend - How It Became a Stereotype
Вставка
- Опубліковано 1 гру 2024
- The first 1000 people to use the link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: skl.sh/thetake...
In the history of mainstream cinema, LGBT characters have mostly existed in the margins. They've been the supporting characters, rarely the lead, and for a long time they weren’t even allowed to exist openly. Nothing exemplifies this marginalization better than the trope of the Gay Best Friend. As increasingly nuanced queer characters have emerged, the Gay Best Friend looks more and more like the product of a different era. Here’s our Take on the history of the Gay Best Friend, and why we need to expect more for this character in the 21st century.
Support The Take:
Shop our Limited Edition Merch: www.the-take.c...
Support our channel and look great doing it with Take t-shirts, hoodies, and more!
If you like this video, subscribe to our channel and support us by:
Joining our Patreon: / thetake vote on the topic we cover next, gain early access to videos and much more!
Follow The Take:
Facebook: / thisisthetake
Instagram: / thisisthetake
Snap: / 3391744384
Twitter: / thisisthetake
Website: the-take.com/
We are The Take (formerly ScreenPrism).
The first 1000 people to use the link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: skl.sh/thetake04211
Please do not use the Q-word as an umbrella term for the LGBT+ community. I am gay, I do not give my consent to being identified that way. If you wish to self-identify that way, that is your prerogative, but that should be done privately, rather than publicly, so as to NOT invite straight people to use that slur - otherwise, you aren't reclaiming the language, but are rather normalizing a slur. Also, when you use that slur, you automatically exclude those members who are upset by it from indulging in your product. I was recommended this video and got into it before you used that slur... I was deeply disappointed that I couldn't watch any further. It completely ruined the experience for me.
@@johnny196775 As a member of the LGBTQ community, I implore you to shut the hell up. You're embarrassing the rest of us.
Wth the man from Frasier wasn't gay he had a wife and kids and was happy married too
@@johnny196775 The ‘q-word’ is now used as an umbrella term and yes it was a slur, but now the lgbtqia2+ community is using it for itself, taking power away from homophobes. So really you are denying the empowerment our community gained from the word
@@johnny196775 I’m assuming you’re an old gay? That word stopped being considered a slur in the community a while ago
Captain Raymond Holt is such a big example of a queer character being more than a best friend. He is a competent captain, not even has traditional gay stereotypes attached to him. He is human male.
Yes! And I also love how he's out and proud
Too true, Holt is allowed to be a badass character without being a stereotype. When Rosa comes out as bisexual, he supported her without hesitation, saying "Everytime someone steps forward and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place." ❤️
Just to point out that the Q word is *extremely* insulting and toxic to many of us gay people, especially us non-Americans, who’ve watched with horror as it’s become normalized in the States, and then started to seep out into our cultures instead. It’s got the same weight as the N word, yet perfectly well-meaning people now endlessly use the Q word in ways they’d never use the N word, without realizing just how offensive and insulting that is to a huge amount of us gay people. I’m middle-aged, and know many gay people around the world, and not one - not One - of them Ever uses that word, while I know that it also angers and upsets many of them, too. Thank you.
Exactly. Holt even has a wife who is a strong female woman with nice heavy breasts 😂
@@trinaq that's one of my favourite lines in the show.
And even though I can't relate directly to Rosa trying to deal with coming out to her parents, that episode breaks me every time.
And Holt being the opposite of the gay stereotype, i.e. not being flamboyant, is really refreshing.
It is nice we are starting to move on from treating LGBT characters like cute accessories!
Precisely, these characters deserve MUCH better depictions than as side dressings to the white, straight protagonists!
Exactly; we’re not little accessories like the ones people put on their purses, phones, or keys that can be carried around at one’s convenience and put away for one’s comfort: we are complicated three-dimensional people with our own stories and narratives, who exist within our own right.
Definitely! Next we could do people of color!!!
Fuck yeah
.....
I know right?
My friend, who is gay and loves that there’s representation of gay men on television, has expressed so much how he’s tired of seeing the same tropes. He’s not flamboyant, has no fashion sense, and doesn’t really like “sexy” talk. He’s a very reserved man. When people find out he’s gay they either use that “sissy talk” towards him (which is incredibly rude) or say “you don’t act like a gay person” to him which is appalling.
Gay men aren’t all walking talking stereotypes. They are regular human beings and shouldn’t be pigeonholed into a category
@Max Milian holy crap- are you sure she's your friend?!!
And I get pigeon holed into the "sassy black token" trope all the time...except I can't dance and that seems to actually really upset people lol
Interestingly in the 90s a lot of gay characters werent portrayed this way and many times this trope was reinforced with gay people trying to be "different" and stand out from their hetero counterparts so they would act more flamboyant in order to empower themselves and be noticed. Hollywood, like they always do, just took what was "in" at the time and overused it to the point of creating a stereotype
I’m a gay male and I don’t fit in the typical gay type. And I’m only attracted to other gay men who are not flaming queens. They’re funny and ridiculous but don’t want them in my bed. Go ahead and rip me to shreds because I’m that way but I don’t give a shit.
@@johnjohnson3709 also interestingly not a lot of people care if you arent flamboyant. In fact most people in the world would accept gay people more if they didnt give in to the stereotype and be more like you, but we also accept the flamboyance because that could be that person's real personality.
Can we see The Take talk about the “opposites attract” trope? I think it would be fascinating to analyze why we’re often romantically drawn to people who are so much more different than us, when in reality, we’re more attracted to people who have similar interests and mindsets.
Hmm, are we though?
Yes, please! It's such a common romantic pairing, usually appearing in the Good Girl/Bad Boy dynamic. 💘
Usually when I see the trope it's when the uptight, serious, and ambitious person, usually a woman, falls for the fun loving, care free, silly person, usually the guy.
I never really see it when the care free person goes after the serious person.
And the reverse gender scenario would be the typical manic pixie dream girl and sensitive shy guy but the mpdg either leaves or ends up dying by the end of the movie so there is no real happily ever after romance
@@jadziawynter9241 I often see it in real life too though. I've seen a lot of situations where a more serious/shy guy falls fot the "fun" girl and chases after her etc
@@spacecat942 yes, yes we are. Most studies on the topic show this. As does common sense.
What annoys me the most about this character is how he's usually exaggerated, and we usually learn little to nothing about his own life, and that he merely exists to be the supporter of the usually white, straight, female protagonist. He deserves a chance to shine in his own story!
Makes me think about Cam and mitch in the modern family, and their white straight female best friend, sal. The opposite.
totally! one time on Sex and the City you see this called out. Carrie is bitching to Stanford about some self-absorbed thing and he straight up says to her 'Excuse me! You just met my boyfriend that I really like and this is super huge for me and you haven't even said a thing!'. I loved that, but it never really happened again - we didn't get to know stanford or anthony as fully realized characters.
Watch the movie "GBF" (Gay Best Friend), so funny and one of my favorite movies since it came out!🤪💚 give it a watch and im sure it'll itch you need to scratch 🤗
why would you push race stuff everywhere
I thought this with Nigel from The Devil Wears Prada. He would give advice that kinda hints to his experience with work and his personal life and I never got to know more about him.
One of the things that always bothers me is that the "gay friend" never is shown with gay friends of his own tbh.
Lowkey facts! They always gotta make it romantic. Gays have many platonic gay friends too like come on now.
Super unrealistic considering how we tend to subconsciously congregate together
Absolutely! As a lot of people have pointed out, in real life it seems much more common to have a group of mostly LGBT+ friends with a couple straight friends than the other way around.
Exactly! As a lesbian, almost all my close friends are lgbt too. So I always found weird how media portrays us as if most of our circle was made out of cishets while in reality is quite the opposite
@@clairekim2525 Tbh I've always thought it was the opposite, that these shows/movies stereotype gay characters as only having gay friends (outside of this GBF trope) who all hang out together and are super b*tchy. As a gay guy, I only had straight friends my entire life until I moved to uni and met some LGBT people. However, I still have a majority of straight friends and a few LGBT friends
But about the gbf, i hate when writers use him to say humorless mysoginist lines but "it´s okay because he is GAY" like, no is not
Seconded! Using a character's Sexuality to justify their amoral actions DOES NOT make it better, but creates a slew of troubling implications.
Exactly what Dennis tells Mac in Times Up for the Gang.
EXACTLY I've been saying this I've met some sexist gay guys
Honestly that movie has a great premise but isn't actually a good movie. Writing is very very meh.
Omg thats like every twitter gay white man who thinks he "is allowed" to speak over women because he "stans" some pop girls...
I once met a girl and that was exactly the first thing she told me: "You can be my best gay friend!"
Told her to piss off🤣😅
As you should. How disrespectful of her. 🤦🏾♀️😒
WOW that is so embarrassing 😖 imagine reducing a person to an accessory
Wish I was this brave
I was dating a girl for a while and she was a former theater geek. I think we were together 3months when she was reminiscing over dinner about her theater days and said "I haven't seen my gays in a while" I thought I misheard "guys" and shook it off, later she said it again, I asked her what she meant and she stated exactly what I thought.
I left her a 20 and the rest of the dinner bill and went home. This was before cell phones and of course uber so legend has it she's still at the restaurant.
I wanna be this brave too lol I hate when ppl stereotype me cuz I'm a lesbian٫ im a human being too
Here's a question; why is the reverse of this trope, a straight male with a Lesbian best friend, so rare?
Yeah why ? You are so right I have never seen the opposite
Because a guy wants a woman he can potentially sleep with eventually. Duh 😛
@@RisingUnderdog So basically if the women isn’t seen as a love interest or used for sexual interest they are useless. Damn
Most hollywood writers would want to avoid their male leads paired with a woman that won't have sex with them
@@ama8699 it's in our DNA. Plus these days women are becoming more and more a pain in the butt. So much that guys don't want to hang around them unless there's at least the chance of getting something out of it. Once again something he can't get from a lesbian. The opposite is why straight girls hang around gay dudes, because they're not trying to get in her pants.
I hate that this trope has found itself into real life in women who obsess over "GBFs" and wanting to find their shopping bestie, because of movies and shows like the ones mentioned. I feel sorry for the men who are constantly pressured and pushed into that role by ignorant people, regardless of their own personalities and interests.
Thanks 👍
Yep, and also those women usually think "I've always dreamt about having gay best friend" is a compliment for gay men... while it's such an objectification!
and those are the same women who exclude their former girl friends after they came out as a lesbian/bi/pan
like you don’t get to choose who’s a „good“ gay and who isn’t
@@vaze7774 Jeez can you stop it?
Write LGBT+ *characters* and not *LGBT+* characters. Give them depth and complexity and don’t reduce them to outdated stereotypes or narrow down their whole character arc on struggling to accept their identity. I’m glad we’re seeing more characters who are part of the LGBT+ community and are more developed, complex, and wholeheartedly accepting of themselves. I only hope we can see even more nuanced depictions in the future.
Exactly like one of my actual friends calls me this and I know she doesn’t mean anything rude but it’s like why can’t I just be your friend
Exactly, you've hit the nail right on the head! Our Sexuality doesn't define us, so it's important that we create relatable, compelling characters who are more than stereotyped caricatures. 🏳️🌈
When referring to LGBT+ characters, I always point to the new Netflix "She-ra" tv show and in particular, both Adora and Catra. They are two of the main characters and they have believable chemistry while being complex and believable as they come to terms about themselves as a whole and their feelings for each other.
More importantly, neither of them are butch or lipstick lesbian stereotypes.
“ Write LGBT+ characters and not LGBT+ characters.” I understand what you are saying but when done right there’s nothing with a character who’s writing just for being LGBT+
@@DylanRomanov Because we don't establish space for sex groups to build strong foundational relationships separate from each other. From preschool we are coupled together in hetero pairs by on looking adults. Girls are pitted against one another in competition for the attentions of the smaller population of boys so we can cast him as Daddy in our make believe games. Boys establish stronger bonds among each other as long as they fit in masculinzed roles and play team building sports (unless parental competitiveness inserts itself) or engage in collective bullying of other children. Most girls sports are singular competitor games where body shape is constantly measured amongst others and the rare girl's soccer team or lacrosse is often tossed aside for cheerleading or other supporting role activity to male sporting events.
There is much question as to whether men and women do actually work effectively as adults in the workplace and that isn't something that I can answer but I do think there needs to be more room for singular sex education or activities in childhood. Not forced, not exclusionary but optional opportunities for kids to work, play and learn with other kids in an environment free from themes of adult sexual competetiveness, rivalry and pressure to conform to an identity as it applies to adult sex roles.
I remember how this one girl started at her new job where a few gay men worked. She told me all about how funny they are and she loves them because they are gay. but maybe they are funny and loveable because, you know, they are actual awesome people and not just some stereotype...
I love how you guys finally talked about this! This trope really annoys me nowadays.
Seconded, why can't the Gay Best Friend be the star of his own story, and not merely exist to prop up his straight best friend? Eric from "Sex Education" is a well written version of this, since he has his own personality and Storylines outside of Otis.
I would love to see the roles reversed
I suggested this topic, i am glad that they finally did it!😁
@Akshay 18 you possibly have, without knowing it.
Nowadays? What happened before & now?
It's also weird to assume that the gay person isn't surrounded by other kinds of gay people. You'll rarely find a gay person with only straight friends, and it's not on purpose. We find each other accidently based on similar life experiences
Tbh I've always thought it was the opposite, that these shows/movies stereotype gay characters as only having gay friends (outside of this GBF trope) who all hang out together and are super b*tchy. As a gay guy, I only had straight friends my entire life until I moved to uni and met some LGBT people. However, I still have a majority of straight friends and a few LGBT friends
Lol most of the gay people I know don't have a ton of gay friends because if you aren't in a big city, it's hard to find any. I have like one gay friend, maybe two if we count vague acquantices. I have tons of straight woman friends though.
I'm so glad you're talking about this. My brother absolutely hates this trope. Most people are shocked when they find out he's not straight, because he isn't flamboyant, he's a pc gamer, hates shopping, and is really masculine. People are so used to the stereotypes they see in media that even some of our close aunts and uncles were shocked when my brother started dating his current bf (who is amazing, we love him) and they found out. Also, as someone who's background is in the arts, 85% of my friends are either gay, bi or Trans. So, I get frustrated with the stereotypes too.
Fr, I'm a gay guy and I've had all straight guy friends my entire life. I'm not flamboyant/feminine, hate shopping, hate musicals, like rap and couldn't care less about Britney Spears or Cher or all the other cliche singers. I hate it when people stereotype me. I once told a girl at a flat party that I'd just met (which I usually would never do for this exact reason) and her immediate response was ''you're a queen''. I nearly burst out laughing from the unexpectedness and the fact that I'm the last person who would fit that term. This literally happened in 2021 which just shows how some people still have such naive ideas of how gay people are
Yeah, your brother sounds like he hates "flamboyant" gays. I swear masc gays are a curse on the community.
@@Random-sk6hm Do you have any gay friends?
@@d818581dd Just because a guy is masculine (or not necessarily even masculine, just not feminine ie. in the middle like most straight guys) and is tired of stereotypes does not mean that he hates ''flamboyant gays''. This is a big issue, when we call out these stereotypes/issues, feminine/'''flamboyant'' gay guys automatically call you homophobic or assume you hate them. This is not the case, again I'm tired of the stereotypes and have no issues with feminine gay people. The issue isn't that there is representation in films and shows of feminine gay guys. The issue is that it's the ONLY representation. This just leads to stereotypes and a one dimensional view of gay people. It leads to stereotypes of an entire group of literally hundreds of millions of people around the world who are all unique and different. Shows/movies should have diverse representation of BOTH feminine AND non-feminine gay guys
@@d818581dd I moved to a different part of the country for university and have a new group of friends. One of my friends is a gay guy
Can I just say that My Best Friend Wedding is a wonderful movie full of subversions? The gay best friend is a true friend, the cool chick doesnt attract the man, the leading man is a bore, the blonde rich beatiful girl is actually very sweet and genuine, and we have a tremendous villian protagonist who doesnt get her way at the end.
A forgoten master piece of the “chick-flick” genre.
True! A top favorite of mine. Along with 9 to 5 and 1st Wives Club.
I really dislike the movie for Julia Roberts' character's toxic, narcissistic behavior, but I like what you pointed out and it makes me think of the movie in a different way.
@@Cat-tastrophee oh yeah. Classic villian protagonist.
I haven't watched it but from these clips he also seems like he has more of a personality than the usual GBF and is somewhat realistic
Why did I think that this was a real life story and not a movie recommendation? 😭😂
Jill in It’s a Sin is based on a real person, a friend of the writer’s, who did just what she did. She actually plays Jill’s mom on the show. Thank you for including her. She’s such a fantastic character.
I didn't know this! Thank you for sharing 😄
Yeah, the real Jill's name is Jill Nalder. She and Russell T Davies have been friends since they were children before either of them moved to London and got into the theatre and tv world. I expect that it must have been both cathartic and also quite hard to watch lost friends be brought back like that on sets.
I thought Cher still hanging out with Christian meant that even though she couldn't have him romantically didn't mean she would shun him as a friend. It taught me a lesson as kid about accepting people who are different even when soicety at that time wasn't super open or accepting
Yes! And near the end, she does look closer at him (as well as her other friends) and learn to appreciate his depths.
I agree. Cher pursuing him is such a small part of the movie that we don't really have time to root for him as her love interest. It's pretty clear from the get-go that he's not interested.
The gay best friend is like the sassy black friend or the "Magical Negro" trope- not characters of their own, just foils for the protagonist....it takes a really great writer to move a stereotype into actual real characters.....and I always thought how weird it was that the two guys in that Julia Roberts movie looked virtually identical, lol that was hilarious
yeah, I could not keep them straight in the clips
Another thing that ticks me off is that when the protagonist of a story is LGBTQ+ instead of just being a side character, people will immediately question, “Why does the main character have to be LGBTQ+? What does it add to the story?” And those people make me want to tear my fucking hair out. We don’t _need_ a reason to exist; we just do. Expecting there to be a reason for LGBTQ+ people to exist in a creative story cements the belief that cisheteronormativity is the default and any “deviations” need justification. We also need more LGBTQ+ storytellers, writers, and directors; we need to have more say in the depictions of our own narratives and not depend so much on the cis-hets to depict them for us.
Precisely, there should be more stories with LGBTQA Plus protagonists. Bonus points if the story has nothing to do with their Sexuality, and they've accepted their Sexuality as a part of who they are. 💕
@semi god yes - the 'gay agenda'. What, going to work and paying the fucking rent? That agenda?
Also I’d just like to add that not every story with LGBTQ+ protagonists should involve an arc of them coming out. There are so many more facets to our identities and love lives than just declaring ourselves to heterosexual masses. Coming out, while of course still important for representation and destigmatization, is still reflective of a society wherein we have to explain ourselves and our identities, almost to an invasive degree, to the cisgender heterosexual majority and ask for their approval for being just what and who we are, again suggesting that we’re a “deviation” from the default and need to give an explanation. I highly recommend Tee Noir’s video on “the culture of coming out”
@@trinaq Yes!!! My favorite show with LGBTQ+ representation is She-ra, which exists in a world without homophobia or transphobia. The main character is a lesbian and that's just who she is!!!
Well it’s because of the media that people question why a character is gay and think it has to be the center of what their story is media is a powerful thing, and has the potential to normalize many groups of people. It’s just that media also feeds off what people respond to. If we like something, then they force it down our throats so hard until the next thing comes along and they do it again. It’s always slightly manipulating our actions and thoughts, but hardly ever in a positive way. The power is amazing, although misused.
The lovely thing about Otis and Eric in Sex Education is that you really get a sense that they're friends because they really get on, regardless of their sexual orientation or ethnicity. Their chemistry as best friends is just so credibile and well done! The fact Eric is black and gay and Otis is white and straight comes across as almost an afterthought. Also, their respective storylines are equally important in the series.
I remember a girl at work coming up to me and being like "Can you be my gay best friend?" And I deadass looked at her and said "What, are all of the regular friend positions taken?"
Lmao, good response
NO SHE DIDN’T. Oh the absolute nerve of her. However, your response was awesome lol!
"Jill's straight best friend is an inversion of the gay best friend trope that shows how valuable the straight woman/gay male relationship can be when there is not a hierarchy of power that always centres on a straight place or narrative"
Bravo, ladies 👏👏👏.
It’s always interesting to see the different responses that straight women have to gay men vs gay women. I used to have friends who would talk about wanting a gbf/how much they loved gays, but then when I came out as lesbian they freaked out
YES EXACTLY
I had a friend who loved shipping MxM but then when I came out she outed me. . And that’s on being homophobic and fetishizing gay men ✨
Why would I want a friend who would not only creep on me but try manipulating my sexuality?
stay in your lane, creep
This is always happening to us lesbians we are so demonized
Can we really include Kurt from Glee in that, though? When his character started out, it was a deliberate subversion of the GBF trope because he was an enemy to Rachel initially.
I don't think he counts because Kurt became besides Rachel the most important character in that series with his own story line and stuff. Much to my discontent because I hated his character
@@barracuda0405 I tried to make that point, but you actually hit the nail on the head. When I first watched Glee, it triggered me so much, I couldn't continue because of the way it was framed. But I will say that in the first series it subverted tropes extremely well, and in a way that wasn't predictable.
@kibblewibble IDK, they felt like an add-on and that was really disappointing. It's one thing for them to be a subversion of the women's need to validate them, but it kind of undoes all that by not giving them much attention.
He didn’t get along with Rachel at first, true. But that’s partly because he was closer to Mercedes back then.
@kibblewibble Susan was SO hated, my God. 😂😂😂
Once again, I have to talk about David Rose from Schitt’s Creek. His friendship with Stevie subverts this trope in so many ways.
For one, Stevie is kind of the “Straight Best Friend” to David, as opposed to the opposite. She supports and ships his relationship with Patrick, she vies for the attention of one of his love interests, and she’s often the supporting character to his crazy life. However, the funny thing about this situation is that David is actually also attracted to women, so they hook up and she ends up kind of *falling for him* at one point. That almost NEVER happens in television, where a person’s fluidity is treated as just a factor and not an inconvenience.
You're absolutely right! I adore that show, and the way they subverted stereotypes by reversing the usual formula, and by having David announce that he's pansexual by using a creative wine metaphor. He's more interested in the person than the gender, and both his relationship with Patrick and his friendship with Stevie are some of the purest on the show. ♥️
Schitt’s Creek has become one of my favourite shows ever. It just throws every stereotype out the window 😂
was waititng for this comment! i wish they'd mentioned this as the opposite arc!
Schitts Creek is fantastic. The best for me was that he didn't have to go through some enormous struggle because of being LGBTQ, they usually just acted like his life was untouched by homophobia. He really got to be his own person separate from his sexuality. There were a few times where childhood bullies were brought up though.
@@kr3642 I think the main thing is that Schitt’s Creek looked like the kind of town where homophobia would be rampant as it looked like that stereotypical small town where small minded people live but it was the most accepting and loving place where everyone just accepted David for who he was
One of the MOST annoying/disrespectful tropes. It boggles my mind how this trope is STILL happening/exist?!? Give them their own storyline instead man.
Oh my god I’ve always wanted a straight best friend!
But like, can you imagine if people spoke like that?
Honestly after high school where it was all straight girl friends, the second I got to music school and everyone was gay, I never had a straight friend again. Not one. 😂
straight friends are cool. all my guy friends are straight and its cool that they dont care that im gay.
Said no one ever
@@hrischique , with the kind did people in the world, someone may have actually said that
It's not fair to ever stereotype gay people, they shouldn't be expected to like pink, dolls, fashion, shop, gossip. This is how they are often represented, even though your preference for a partner doesn't change your gender. People often say if their boy playing with dolls or like fashion magazines they must be gay. It makes me think of Ugly Betty TV show. A man can still like fashion etc without being assumed preference or gender.
You're right. At the time, though, Ugly Betty was really positive and groundbreaking in having a teenage gay character who came out to a fully supportive family on TV. Progress marches on. Now we take it to increasingly evolved and complex representation. Edit: You made a good point about how straight kids can also get misjudged by the way our gender tropes and ideas about sexual orientation intersect.
There’s a reason why they are portrayed as flamboyant and sissy, it’s because a good number of gay men are that way. They far outnumber the gay men who are masculine.
@@johnjohnson3709 I'll have to agree with you there, although that trope of the gay fem is overplayed in the movies.
They stereotype themselves
What a silly comment. Is it ok to stereotype swomen and men then? Because your comment suggests that some interests are male or female. That men who like shopping or pink are being stripped of masculinity. That it makes them femme. Who told you a penis or vagina determines whether you like cars or fashion?
Not to mention that a lot of the time the gbf is also portrayed as some kind of relationship wizard.
As a lesbian though I have a best friend who is a straight man who has joked about me being his gbf and I've made jokes about him being the "token straight friend" so it's nice to see that inversion exists in media too.
robin and steve from stranger things are a lesbian and her support himbo. Their bond is very beautiful despite starting out with her hating his guts for having been a jock and her crushes object of desire and him hitting on her when they grow closer. The moment she comes out to him he treats her with all the respect she deserves, is supportiv and makes no drama at all out of having been rejected by her. They are great ^^
Nice to see this trope inverted
It’s also interesting to point out that the gay best friend tends to be a male rather than a female. There are definitely many reasons for this too
And white
I'm sorry but there is absolutely no point in having a female gay best friend. No point at all
@@rachaelcc6588 u seem to have repressed homosexuality from the million of comments u left, get better love
Sex and the City pairing off Stanley and Anthony in the movie was a step back for the series. When Charlotte tried setting them up in one of the episodes, Anthony calls her out for not caring that the only thing they have in common is being gay.
Yet the show had to marry them anyways when Anthony called it out in the earlier episode you reference. Anthony said the answer I said to many people in life...no I'm not going to date him just because I'm gay. Some of us gay men are vicious enemies to each other.
I've been the gay friend so so so many times, I act like a therapist for all my friends l, giving them advice, guidance in thier love life ect. There's also some dangerous things with being the gay friend, my female friends and my guy friends would get way too comfortable touching me cuz I was just "one of the girls" or with guys they'd say "don't you like it?" I was almost SA by a female friend if them because she said she could be the exception. It's really tiering, I just wanted friends but I got owners (yes I have safe and good friends these are just examples on why this trope can be dangerous
Wow... none of my gay friends are like the GBF stereotype. They don't really talk relationship with us girls and they're not obsessed about fashion what so ever. I hope your friends treat you better.
@@brokenglassshimmerlikestar3407 ya many people don't fit the stereotype people just find me comforting to talk to when they are having problems other than that the stereotype and I don't share too much in common
Have you tried telling them about it? If they're you're real friends they shouldn't have a problem changing their ways.
@@squidwardtentacles7144 oh ya totally that was a couple years ago, I have good and respectful friends now
i hope you are well...sorry for what happened to you.
Patton Oswalt has a hilarious take on this trope where he was offered to play the role of the Gay Best Friend and responded with "I'll only do it if I can play the character dumb and unhelpful"
Subversive
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 Agreed! It's unfortunate they said no.
@Rebecca Woolf Glee did this in an early episode with Kurt giving Rachel bad advice. Unfortunately, it was coupled with the stereotype of the gay guy pursuing a straight guy. (Basically, he only gave Rachel bad advice because he wanted the same man she did.)
Like Wallace from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
@@Visplight Wallace was great.
eric’s story in sex ed was so refreshing and genuinely made me cry
I love when someone expects me to be their sassy, fashionable, campy, partying "GBF" only to discover that I'm a chain smoking, curmudgeonly, bookish trainwreck. I've even had people tell me I'm "bad at being gay" because of it. Lmao, I only date men...last I checked, that makes me pretty good at being gay.
It's totally fine to be an effeminate gay man, it's not fine to expect that every gay man should be effeminate though.
You should experience being bi while being not effeminate at all.
That's a treat. On top of all the homophobia you get by gay people.
@@Heidegaff my dude, getting harassed isn't a competition
the hell with people some times . . .
Surprised it took The Take this long to do this one! Seemed like they’d gotten pretty much every other stock character.
Too true! They covered the general "Best Friend" character last year, but I love that they're delving into the "Gay Best Friend" in more detail! 💙
I kind of wish they’d do more analysis of great individual films, they were really good at it.
@@samfilmkid Yeah I mean I loved their rundown of Promising Young Woman.
I hate being the gay best friend. They don't even get my sexuality right. To them, I'm just ✨GAY✨...not any other sexuality...
NO! NO! NO! Many people say I am sick in the head. NOOOO!!!! I don't believe them. But there are so many people commenting this stuff on my videos, that I have 1% doubt. So I have to ask you right now: Do you think I am sick in the head? Thanks for helping, my dear girl
You don't hate being the gay best friend. You hate being used as the gay best friend. Any woman who actually thinks of you as their friend would see beyond the gayness. I have a gay best friend and he's everything the stereotypes portray. Flamboyant, Sensitive, Quirky, has an odd thing for flamingo patterned clothing that I'm never going to understant, best partner for boys talk and I absolutely love him to death. Not because he's gay (that came up in exactly one conversation just for affirmation and since then the topic was off the table. I honestly forget it sometimes), but because he's fun, cuddly and I love spending time with him. If you were honestly anyone's gay best friend, that's how they'd think of you; a wonderful person who is amazing to be around.
I hope you find someone like that.
@@sheelaflower
You've had one (1) conversation with you best friend about him being gay? That seems to be a huge chunk of his life you guys don't talk about.
@@DjurslandsEfterskole Because it's not important? I don't care that he's gay, our friends don't really care that he's gay, his parents don't really care that he's gay ... it's just not an issue. We'll joke about each others sexuality once in a while. Like how I heckled him about being such a gay friend stereotype when I found out just how many flamingo patterned socks he has. Or how I jokingly asked him if he was sure he was gay when I asked him about husbandos and he answered he only has waifus (we're both huge weebs). Similarly, he heckles me about how I really should be a lesbian instead of bi with how much of a butch goth I am (I'm not really butch because I don't grow muscle easily, but I'm much stronger than the average woman) or how my type in men and women is exactly the same somehow and he finds that hilarious.
So if that counts to you, we do that. But full conversations? Why would that be necessary? I don't have conversations with my straight friends about being straight or my white friends about being white.
@@sheelaflower not sure why you think being “butch” is related to muscle mass? that’s kind of a bizarre idea...but i think he was referring to the fact that when you say that, about not caring that he’s gay, it sounds exactly the same as someone claiming to be “colorblind”. that’s problematic: you shouldn’t block out his gayness or make it an off limits topic, because it’s a vital part of his identity as a human (just like a POC has an entire vast culture & experiences based on being POC). it’s not like it’s something necessary to bring up just for the sake of conversation, but that it shouldn’t be considered a taboo topic by any freakin means. i’d assume if he has relationship stories or topics to discuss, that would be ok with you? if that’s the case, then you are discussing his sexuality. and that is a GOOD thing.
It irritates me deeply when a gay character is treated as a "waste" by the female protagonist because he can no longer be a resolution to her romantic plot.
well, cher for example did not really do that, she was dissapointed, which makes sense no matter ones sexuality, getting rejected or noticing you never had a chance is never pleasent, but the did not let christian fall and discard him over that, she still valued their friendship and held on to that.
Can y’all do the teacher/student romance trope? And I mean criticize it of course because it’s one of the worst tropes in media and encourages/normalizes predatory behavior towards teens. So many teen dramas are guilty of it
Coughs in Ezra Fitzgerald
I remember telling my co worker that my brother was gay and she immediately asked if he could be her new gay best friend. I thought that was the weirdest thing 😳
another thing i dislike about this trope is that it sends the message gay men only come in one flavor. the gay best friend is always extra, effeminate, sarcastic, and ✨ fabulous ✨ but mlm are so much more nuanced than that, because we're human too and the gbf trope fails at that. we deserve to be represented as masc, gritty, reserved, etc. we deserve to be given depth.
Why does depth equal masculinity?
I met my best friend, Doug, when I was in 6th grade. I knew that he was different but he was so kind to me that I didn't care. He was just so awesome. We graduated in 1988 and I haven't seen him since but I miss him something terrible. What was so great about him was no matter how bad he got teased by some, he knew who he was and he didn't care what others thought. He and I would hang out with a couple of other girls (study hall and lunch) and we would talk about writing, favorite tv shows, etc... He wasn't my gay best friend, he was my best friend.
Can we just acknowledge that this video kept showing Ryan from High School Musical? I love that it's just accepted as canon that Ryan was gay. 😂
omg I just remembered that wasn't canon
The actor and director have said that Ryan was gay, but they felt he probably wouldn't have come out until college. They approached the character as gay from the beginning.
He's coded as gay using stereotypes
I had a friend's friend in highschool who made such a big deal about wanting a gay best friend to go shopping with and talk about boys to, it was gross (especially since i'm gay). Gay people have higher standards on who is their best friend than just good sense of fashion...
Ricky from My So Called Life was such an amazing early example of a nuanced, fleshed out, relatable gay character.
Iconic! Love that show
Yes! I love him 💗 I wish they’d had a second season so they could have explored him even further
Yes! So well said!!
So true! By the way, if you don't mind me saying this, but your pfp is so cool! You are a very beautiful person. 😊✨
Cher did come to appreciate Christian and her other friends towards the end of the movie in a more well rounded way.
Excellent analysis ladies! When I first came out as gay in early college years, I loved any and all representation of LGBTQ characters, because I needed some validation and representation that I had really never seen before, even if they were very cliche. Some of my favorite movies of all-time have the GBF in them like Mean Girls, Easy-A, etc. Now I understand that while I'm grateful for some representation, this trope is damaging because of all the things you said, and I am so glad to see more queer characters getting nuanced and complex stories that aren't just in service of the heterosexual protagonist. That's why I love Brokeback Mountain. It was the first piece of media I saw that was raw, real and treated the queer characters with emotional gravitas not often found in cinema.
Ugh, Its a Sin SHATTERED me. Such an immensely important show.
I loved this one so much ! Please talk about the friendzone trope . Specifically why platonic friendships between men and women are regarded as bizarre , unnecessary or unacceptable.
Basically, the gay best friend is the gay version of the magical black: they're all there to help and support the white straight people to solve their white straight problems. In some of the new TV shows they even have the black gay best friend...
This trope always annoyed me. One of my best friends is gay but I didn’t seek him out because he was gay. We became friends, he said he’s gay, and I said that’s cool. But the trope was definitely a positive development for the times.
I hate being the gay friend, I fell like a sidekick and is often misunderstood. I had to often let my friend know I do have a life of my own.
This is the video I have been hoping you would do for a very long time. As a gay male with straight best friends, I have ways had mixed feelings about this trope. There are clearly a lot of problems as described in this video, but my relationships with my straight friends are different and I always thought there was a lot of value in showcasing that. So it always makes me happy to see examples of the trope that are able to display that uniqueness without reducing any of the characters to cliches.
The fact that they actually included clips of Benson and Adam (from Kipo and The Hollow, respectively) makes it even better
I've learned from this video that Paul Rudd is perfect.
You didn't already know?
As I gay man, thank you so much for this video. I urge you to make a whole essay on I May Destroy You because it was truly a game changer for me. Best series I've seen in years.
One of the worst thing this stereotype did was convince so many women that they needed a GBF which led them to *go to gay bars and attempt to talk the ears off of any man unfortunate enough to being within ten feet of them* Uhh.
I blame sex and the City were a group went to the Gay bar and outed coworkers(miranda}, Looked for Penis in the men's room{samatha}, and got annoyed 4 not getting attention at the bartender(carrie}. Girls don't do these things in our bars please.
@@kennek1976 Amen
Thank you so much for doing this video!! I feel so seen! We have long way to go but I'm very happy with the progress we've made so far. Gays and women have been leaning on each other for decades. I'm always proud and blessed to have that connection.
Once young gay me got out of small town high school and met other gay people I never had a straight best friend again. It was like I found my people and suddenly my straight friendships all shifted in importance. I’m 40 now and my friends have diversified over the years, but all of my straight friends now have entered my life through gay spaces like piano bars and musicals, so they had been vetted.
“You’re Jewish?” “No darling, I’m gay!” Excuse me what???????
This trope has served an undoubtably essential stepping stone in LGTBQ+ representation but in my opinion we have long outgrown it. If the topic of “gay people” ever comes up in conversation with my straight friends it’s always somewhere along the lines of “Wow it would be so much fun to have a gay best friend”, as if they were literal objects or a new tiktok trend.
What’s even worse is the people who have said this haven’t even met a gay person and are basing it solely of of this stereotype! It’s so damaging and not just to gay men, but by how exclusionary it is by very nature. It refuses to acknowledge the fact that their might be someone else who doesn’t fit into this cookie cutter idealised day dream...
It so hurtful (and I say this from experience) to hear friends who I’ve loved and trusted my whole life say that lesbians just “wouldn’t be as much fun” or that they would “be afraid to be near one in case they assaulted me because of the extra testosterone”. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced anything like this.
This was excellently done. It also gave me a new perspective on some of the problematic actions and behaviors of the straight women I’ve had as best friends in my life. At times I questioned whether or not I perceived certain things as being low key toxic or if I was being hyper critical. This brought clarity and validation to my original perceptions. It was enlightening.
One of my best friends came out to me 5 year ago, and later to the whole world. One of my girl friends told me that I'm so lucky to have a gay best friend and she wants one too. I'm friends with him because he is an incredible human being, him being gay is just another thing to love him for
“Glee” is this trope stretched out into a tv series.
Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” - James Baldwin
Precisely! We are more than are sexualities, and love is love, no matter the form it may take! 🏳️🌈👬👭💘
@@trinaq I agree
They need to make a movie where the gay best friend is the main character and you learn more about them and their character develops.
"SCREW MAXIMILIAN!!"
"I do"
"So do I 😋"
Lmao!!!
That was actually supposed to be a dramatic moment in the movie but this video made it seem funny. 🤣
@@Firespawnable It was such an honest moment. Until that time, we were still under the spell of movie conventions, where the focus character would be redeemed by the love of a wild, free-spirited young woman. Now the main character was gay and the woman was shown to have an unstable emotional life. They wouldn't live happily ever after together. Yet we still sympathized and identified with them. It was a type of realism that hadn't been seen before, and hasn't been seen since.
@@PhilipDeLong No, he was actually bisexual he slept with both of them 😂 he wanted to be with her but relationship ended after she aborted his baby 🙄
@@PhilipDeLong Thanks for sharing your thoughtful understanding of this complex story and its characters. It seems so many responses here are all about griping about classic films and then pointing out with that dreaded overly used term .....trope, is way of objectively attempting any form of critical analysis.
I would love to see the gay best friend as a lead along the straight lead, that way the dynamic would feel like an actual friendship instead of a tool for the writers.
In Julie and the Phantoms, Alex a gay boy, is the best friend of a straight boy,Luke (and maybe a bissexual boy,Reggie) and they are all leads.
@@AnaLu07 cool, if it seems like my thing I'll check it out!
I remember years ago I used to work with a lady who once said me ' I need to now get a gay best friend'...I was utterly shocked and I remember saying to her ' you do know you are taking about a person and not a thing....it's not a check box you can tick'. Then I not long realised that I was her 'black friend'/ side kick. I didn't like it one bit and fell out with her because she was narcissistic loony toons
a quick word about titus from uks: he is completely his own character and I would argue that he and kimmy share the lead of the series despite its name. he has a everything a main character has: background story, plotlines, character development, lots of screen time etc
Yes! He also “failed”, so to speak, by giving poor fashion advice, poor dating advice and poor life advice. He ate like a pig, he was poor at managing his living, bad at performing arts and even disliked listening to anyone else’s drama. The more the character “failed”, the more it showed the actor’s (the real Titus’) true performative talents. Much like in I Love Lucy how Lucy the character failed in all her narratives and antics but Lucille Ball the actress won at performing Lucy. Titus is a brilliant character and the actor is so amazingly talented.
Can u please please do the Muslim girl trope and the harmful stereotypes that are portrayed
Wallahi that’s so true. If they don’t want to portray us as normal humans then I don’t want representation in Hollywood.
@@هدي-ه8ظ fr
This would be so cool!
Question: where would you put sana from skam norway on there?
@@ilincabogza I haven't seen the entire show but I think it's still pretty good representation(which is rare) However nadia from elite and other shows were well... Let just say the writers could've done a better job
@@hafsakhan5626 True they completely butchered Nadia's character. Thanks for your answear, i liked Sana too!
I'm actually really happy GBF was mentioned and how it was satire. I thought it was really funny and I enjoyed how they also shot down the idea of Tanner and Brent dating because they're the only two gay ( main ) characters in the movie as well as how it showed, although through a comedic lens, that being explicitly gay can actually be dangerous for people, especially in high school, which straight women don't think about a lot - or even at all - with how they treat gay men like accessories. One thing I've also noticed, although not explored in the movie, is how straight women treat gay men vs. how they treat lesbians - both are terrible & dehumanising but one is positive discrimination ( treating gay men like a handbag or a necklace ) and another is negative ( "i hope that d*ke doesn't have a crush on me" like we're constantly pining after straight women lmfao ). MLM are fetishised and always forced to come out when they're not ready and WLW are demonised.
Befriending a gay man meant him and his SO. Dan & Mike and Ross & Pete. They were never accessories to me but rather beloved friends with whom I shared all phases of life. I love and miss them dearly. 💔
Finally, I don't hate this trope as much as others but God is it stereotypical
I'm so glad we are allowed to expect more from representation. Minorities should be allowed to be just as complex, flawed and taken seriously as non Minorities.
This is so true. My heart broke when my best friend referred to me as her gay best friend when introducing me to someone. Am I your secondary best friend after your female best friend? Like where do I fit in?
Im so sorry you experienced that, hope you're feeling better :))
@@copycat7815 that’s so nice thank you 💗
Back in the day any positive representation of gay men was scandalous. The gay best friend character showed a easily acceptable stereotype that helped transform societies views.
Now we have progressed as a culture past the need for such stereotypes and can recognize all people as complex individuals. I hope...
I need a video about the trope that people from opposite sex can be real friends!
That would be super interesting. I think it's part of the reason why the GBF exists, when a woman wants a platonic male presence in her life but is afraid that heterosexual men will see that as an invitation for romance.
@@fruitygarlic3601 i think the nice girl trope can also relate, since if a girl has a lot in common with a guy, they can't just be the great of friends, they need to be in a romantic relation.
This video makes very good points. Let's start having gay male characters who are full bodied humans and less the sassy best friend. Every single gay on "Modern Family" , whether regular or guest star, was a stereotype. The characters can be flawed but make them human beings
and not cliches. We also need some tough superhero gay males. Lesbians get to be warriors . Where are the gay male warriors?
I feel Eric is one of the most fleshed our characters, he rose above the GBF and black best friend stereotype and had his on persona on that show. Personally he was my favorite
My ex best friend used to tell me "some girls want me to be a whole ass pink flamboyant stereotype, and its like...bro I just wanna play Skyrim"
you cant have the gay best friend when you and all your friends are gay
*insert meme here*
Could you do one on the black best friend trope?
Oh yes they should. They've tapped into a few on this channel even in this video, but it would be great if we saw a more in depth video.
black best friend, gets two lines per episode. Parents are shown maybe once in the whole series...
Please do the love hate relationship trope,explained
It's so toxic. The bully and victim getting romantically together is so........ugh
I do not like that trope, or it's close relative, the enemies to lovers trope.
@@CeliMe007 but thats not a gay thing. Its more a straight thing.
@@ozurking4748 Never said it was just a gay thing
@@CeliMe007 *cough, cough* Sam and Freddie *cough, cough*
Eric from Sex Education is awesome. It's not common to have a guy and his gay best friend (who is not secretly into him or something) on a show. And these guys are like true best friends, the friendship is so wholesome.
I am gay, but I’ve never seen myself as the stereotype mean, sassy friend to my straight female friends. If anything, I always want to be seen as a person who has as many feelings and problems as any straight friend I have, but as soon as anyone learns I’m gay, the girls flock to me like I’m supposed to be a bitch and listen to their problems. I don’t wanna be a gay best friend, I want to be a best friend.
Thank you for making this video. I am often struck and saddened to remember what my aunt and then my best friend went through being gay in the the 80s. They were both their own unique people who struggled and achieved while happening to be gay . At the end of the day I miss the people they were not who they slept with.
My gay husband behaves just like Anthony from sex in the city, he's opinionated, over the top and absolutely fabulous. He hates talking about how his parents never accepted him or how society sees him, he's just himself. He doesn't belong in any particular box.
Are you a woman?
This is a great video essay. I'd love it if you did one on the butch lesbian and men, or mens fetishization of lesbian relationships. I'd also really appreciate it if you did some essays on disability in the media
*The Obsessed Fan Trope*
I think they already did in their “Free Britney” video
Is that sta
Is that Stan from South Park in your profile pic
Can we see the take do a the Drunk Girl Trope? Just finished watching the Flight Attendant and reminded me a lot the Queen's Gambit and Girl on the Train.
I remember a friend of mine in high school saying “I want a gay best friend so badly!”
All of these stereotypes are the source of my internalized homophobia. I am still afraid of being a stereotype and of being either too masculine or too feminine. When someone compliments me for my masculinity, I feel like a traitor and whenever I get a compliment for being feminine, I feel like a weirdo.
I am the straight best friend in my friend groups and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way
Honestly, watching the gay best friend in certain movies growing up, has helped me (and probably many others) come out of the closet by making it easier to envision the relationship with my female friends after the coming out. Even in movies where the BGF is portrayed as superficial and only helping the female caracter grow, it still presents an enduring respectful, safe connection between the straight girlfriend and the gay person.
I'm surprised Curtis Holt, aka Mr. Terrific from "Arrow," wasn't mentioned. He started off as Felicity's employee and later GBF but as the series progressed he became his own character, especially when he joins Team Arrow in the field as a full-on vigilante. When the Season 5 Big Bad attacked him and his husband, Curtis has his own mini-arc dealing with his husband discovering Curtis's secret, filing for divorce because he couldn't handle seeing Curtis in the hospital, and Curtis dealing with the emotional fallout of his decision to become a vigilante ruined his marriage. Season 6 put him in the background somewhat, but he did move on with a handsome cop at the end of the season, though it's unclear whether or not he rode off into the sunset with the cop after that.
I remember 20 years ago when I was a teen and very insecure. Adopting mannerisms like armour was a not particularly helpful way to get through life. It also made others around me unhappy as I became so guarded and adhered so closely to the stereotypes available that I realised I was becoming rather unkind.
Also the GBF can often reenforce toxic ideas like the notion that men and women can't have true platonic friendships - one of them needs to be gay for it to really be platonic.