Why Can’t I Control Myself and My Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
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- Опубліковано 7 чер 2024
- Urges and Impulses of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox:
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Many individuals with BPD struggle with controlling their impulses. These impulsive behaviors are often destructive to themselves, others, relationships, and many aspects of life. Heck, impulsivity is even a criterion for BPD it’s so common in those with the disorder. In this video we’re going to examine what’s behind your impulsive behavior…your urges. These are the critical components for impulse control. In this video, after we unpack your urges and impulses, I’m going to give you a great tip to help you control your impulsive behavior, so sit tight and let’s get into it.
An urge is a desire or craving. A sensation inside you that grows. The urge can be to text a friend, yell at your significant other, or curse out your boss or mom.
These impulsive behavior can become habitual and create a negative feedback loop (see picture below) that keeps playing out. Here’s how it goes, you get an urge that intensifies as your desire builds. Your BPD starts to play with your mind; you feel fear, doubt, self-contempt, abandonment, rejection, and more. The urge becomes so great that you can’t hold it, your fire burns too hot, and then you act out in an impulsive way leading to the negative consequences of your behavior. Then the negative consequences kick-in, the pain you caused yourself or others, leads to self-attack which then causes you to feel less than and it gets perpetuated again and again as the cycle continues.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Animation by sirak @sirakoart (IG)
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
BPD: "go, do destructive behaviours “
Also BPD: “go hate yourself for being so weak that you engaged in those behaviours”
Me: “yay, I love my life”
🤣😂🥹😭😭 facts!
Break the cycle!
I’m going through this this exact second lol
Dude I’ve ruined my life… I’m about to be homeless I just wanna cry. It’s not my fault. Nobody will help.. I can’t help myself anymore. Mine is very strong… I trashed a whole fast food restaurant, I’ve tried to fight ppl, I cry almost everyday, I do all the urges he named in the video but I also break stuff too like tvs, mac books, cuss at women, I like to fight, I go to mma gyms too so that’s even worse. I’m scared of myself. I rage hard.. I never even knew. I got abused by my adoptive family after I got taken from my fugitive parents and got put in foster care… I always just called it red head rage. I’m 21 and I’ve prob traveled more than a nurse off impulse. I’ve walked 100s of miles out of anger, I’ve cried gallons and beige ate/ starved myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m dangerous, but I have no money or help. I need free healthcare, I need free help
@@tannerjet2771please hang in there. You can change, you can improve.
If possible, I lay on the ground or on a bed, put my focus to the situation and let all emotions roll over me until the urges pass and I can think clearly again. I read about this a couple of weeks ago and it has actually helped a great deal for me. I have quiet BPD.
I did this the other day without realizing omg.
@@Banana42699 dude I do so much without realizing it lol
Thank you for the tip, I think doing this consciously might help me as well
CPTSD Trips I Remind Myself That
"Anger is Only a Sign Of Pain, Gurl.
~Where are You Hurting??"
One of my biggest issues is around texting/calling. The best thing I did to help this was to buy a phone locker. When I feel I'm about to start ranting via text I throw my phone in the locker for a couple hours. By the time I have access to my phone again the urge to angrily text that person has passed. If this is an issue for you I highly recommend buying one.
Great idea ty ❤🙏
Text yourself instead of the other person, just to get it out
This is called TIPS it is a DBT skill. Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Relaxation. I used to joke "yeah I'm going to say hold on while I go drown myself so I don't chew your ass. " hold an ice cube can also work. I use the STOP DBT skill stop, take a step back, observe, and proceed mindfully. Has to be a hard stop go take time alone. I have BPD and it was extreme. I did DBT and it helped like night and day.
Stay strong, if you are here watching Dr. Foxs' videos you care and thats the first step keep growing!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Be well.
I cannot rationalize what’s behind the urge. I just feel intense anxiety, for instance. People tell us there is a thought behind it. But there is not. It is an intense feeling that suddenly builds up, out of the blue.
Loneliness is usually my biggest trigger
Would you please explain more about it?
I hear you, I think impulsiveness distracts us from the emptiness we feel. Because it actually accentuates the emptiness the urges intensify and ‘take over’.
Mine show up most when I feel rejected.
Pray we all find others who are able to be vulnerable with themselves and us which allows us to be vulnerable.
It’s hard sometimes. Because for the most part I can stop and think and sometimes physically separate myself. But lately I’ve been more reactive to things; like I’m not here. My actions take over. My emotions feel bigger than me. I feel like I’ve taken a step back.
I hope you can find your way forward and not be too hard on yourself. I find that I often have set backs of being hyper reactive but I can move forward faster if I don't sit in that cycle of self hate. Much love
Wait SAME!! I don’t have more to say than that, I guess, but it sucks, and I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, too. Take care, buddy.
I also feel that way sometimes. For me it stems from overthinking, perfectionism, and fear of being vulnerable with the wrong ppl.
At least you are doing research and trying, it all takes time and you can do it.
At this point I can confidently say it's not my fault. This pathetic planet can get flushed with all the animals who shit in it, no matter how many legs they walk on.
😊 one thing that was difficult for me was how much judgment I felt towards myself when trying to replace incredibly unhealthy behaviors with such simple tools like the tip skill in DBT. I felt a lot of shame that it wasn't working and that I felt worse instead of better, so I want to validate anyone working on these skills who feels like it isn't working perfectly immediately. It takes time & feels bad, like airing out a wound to heal it. You can do it & it feels better overall to have multiple coping tools & stability instead of relying on an unhealthy quick fix.
Doc~!! i want to share an update: i have seen a marked decrease in my anger!! So, i had a mental breakdown the other day, bcuz i was so angry at my mom, BUT what i did was instead of lashing out at her, i stood and watched her from afar. Man oh man did that break me down. i saw her frail old age and Doc, this was what i needed. There's no way i'm gonna be angry at her. i love her way too much. i cried so much and i hugged her for a good 20 mins. She cried too. In my hatred for how my mom ruined my past, i completely disregarded how she's doing everything to take care of me NOW. i no longer care about what she did in the past.
i have let go of all that. i embrace what is in present.
After that night, i stopped yelling at her, i have seen a marked decrease in my anger!! i no longer get angry at my parents! And if i do, i change to explaining to them in a calm manner rather than shouting. i've even become mentally a bit better than before. But i've got a long way to go.
Yes, the impulses have increased. Specifically on two fronts: binge eating, excessive phone checking. i will apply your technique, thank you so much Doc, for all your help and for allowing me to vent in your comment sections. Truly appreciate your kindness.
You just wrote what I needed to hear badly. Thank you friend. 👍
Keep up the good work for long
This is very encouraging!
This was a really great anecdote. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏽
The ritual of boiling a kettle and putting a tea bag in a cup helps me. It feels familiar and calms the stress and fear.
I need this.. I had been growing out my hair out since April but the day before yesterday I was on a massive mental bpd rollercoaster and impulse cut all my hair off. Now I regret it.
Been there done that! Almost chopped my hair off ytd too haha
Yep. I can relate. I have a voice in my head saying "I don't care." But after doing things that I eventually regret many times I too have a voice saying "you will care" and for some things, not all, I have a chance to stop myself.
I’m sure you look beautiful. 🌸
I just did that last night. Cut my waistlength hair to my chin.
Did that too recently. Everybody said I looked so beautiful with the long hair, was annoyed one moment and it is gone. Oh well, it will grow back.
Dive effect. Vagus nerve. You're right. That shock does help me. Also the punching bag, dbt, pills and walking. Oh and the weighted blanket.
I hope people are watching all the way to the end, your insight has helped save my life.
Did i mention DBT!!!
I do the opposite. That way I can Control the urge to do whatever I feel like to do. Confirming people who hurt me or begging or apologizing or name-calling anything that I feel at that time I do the opposite I keep quiet let the time go. This is working for me after a long time being over reactive to anything. It’s not easy. But it’s doable good luck everybody my heart goes out to all of you I truly understand how everybody feels
How are people reacting when u are quiet? Are they upset?
We are all witnessing one of the greatest minds in modern psychology work. ❤ Thank you Dr.Fox for dedicating your career to tackling the seemingly impossible, it gives us hope! ❤❤❤❤
Taking a nap changes everything for me. Brings me peace and a different perspective, if earlier I was stressed or overwhelmed. I suffer from chronic pain, so I don’t sleep well at night. I take a nap break and I come back more relaxed. I have bpd traits and I grew up in a chaotic environment. Sharing to help others that want some strategies.
I love your cold therapy Dr. Fox. I don’t think that would do anything for me after being triggered by a narcissist though. At least not in my experience. Ty for your channel! 💪💜
You are a narc thats what bpd is you are in heavy deniel
Laid down list of BPD symptoms all over the internet are vague and possibly far away from explaining what BPD essentially is. At a certain point in my life the Google information made me rule out BPD for myself and was cock sure that i don't have this. From my experience there is a good gap between the "set in stone"labelled symptoms of the disorder and the actual elaboration of those symptoms that would explain how someone with this disorder actually goes through his/her life, their thinking patterns, false assumptions, poor boundaries etc. I would like to thank Dr Daniel Fox for clearing a lot of confusion regarding the disorder and led me to believe that i strongly qualify for the diagnosis.
Definitely needed this today. Been struggling bad to the point of even missing a couple therapy appointments
This video is so damn helpful, thank you so much. I tried using the STOP technique but forget about it sometimes. I've just acted out impulsively in a way where I was going to go out have fun with a friend and their friend but that turned into me pushing them away aggressively and isolating myself, now I'm just in self loathing and pain. I hate this cycle and it's damaging my relationships.
Why are you pushed them away? I just try to understand it better, it's very interesting. I also have a friend who's sometimes pushed me away. But her biggest fear is to be alone.
@@sabaidee5587 That sounds on point with how I feel, I regret my actions every time. I personally push friends away as self preservation. I get hurt a lot by small things that might trigger abandonment issues so if I push them away I might not get hurt anymore. But that always leaves me alone and breaking down and my friends get more and more fed up with my behaviour. This might keep happening until they actually leave and I do end up being abandoned but thankfully one of my friends is very mature for her age and understands we’re all going through trauma and I hope she doesn’t let me go.
You CAN!
As soon as I watched one of your BPD videos recently, self-diagnosed, and began being AWARE of behaviors I want to change, the changes ARE occuring.
I feel in another world.
A transcended timeline.
Tendencies don't mandate DESTINY.
I’ve literally felt my brain plasticity shift hugely and then more gently but non stop after informing myself and watching/researching/reading etc and realizijgnthe depth and magnitude of this.. still processing, grieving and yet finding a relief (though i sabotage enjoying the full relief atm with the grieving..) lifechanging.
Thank you Dr. Fox, you are a Gem. You help people without asking for anything in return. You are a true healer. You answered questions I have had all my life in this short video (All my life), and I am an old guy. I can't thank you enough.
Your videos and books are all I have to help me navigate my BPD, and work on overcoming it. I live abroad, and there are no English speaking therapists available where I live. So, thank you for doing what you do. You are helping me make incremental progress. Blessings to you and your 3 heartbeats.
I needed this advice so much!!! I'm at a breaking point at the moment and have been engaging in maladaptive behaviours. I've written 'ice' on my arm now. Hopefully it helps!
Thank you so much for your videos. Especially the short ones - where I can keep my attention span focused. I've been working on self-awareness a lot this past year, but it is still hard to not see things black or white or to be obsessive or shut people out. Still working on that middle ground.
This is a great video-you give several good coping strategies for any overwhelming emotion, urge or not. I forget sometimes, that de-escalation strategies work for a variety of things.
Think you for generously sharing your knowledge Doc!! Your kindness and compassion for those who suffer is such a blessing.
Great stuff! I'm going to try this strategy. I personally think this kind of video is the 24 carat content, reading through the comments there are plenty of others who need this help too. Much gratitude
My new favorite channel! Thank you DR
Dr. Fox, It'd be really interesting to see a video outlining the differences between antisocial pd and malignant narcissism. Thanks for your regular insight into these disorders :)
the cold water on the face trick was something i learned years ago, to effectively tone down my panic attacks. back when they were daily & debilitating. it really did help, so i can see it being useful when feeling overwhelmed and impulsey tooo , good to keep in mind!
My triggers are perceived injustice, abandonment, fear of abandonment, any change in baseline behavior, gross incompetence.
Usually comes out in rage induced tantrums, hyperfixation, cyberstalking which keeps perpetuating the anxiety, berating people, cutting people off cold over petty issues, etc. Most of the time, it's a build up so then an event happens and becomes the catalyst.
I have not been recognizing or fighting my impulses lately... This is a good reminder
The overlap between ADHD and BPD is incredible
Very true
Thank you Dr Fox...this really helped a lot
Thank you for these videos. They help a lot in time of need.
I’m glad they’re helpful.
I wish I had found your site years ago. I have been trying to get help for my son for 10 years or more. Im positive he has BPD. I even went to classes for coping. Can you recommend a doctor here in Ontario, Canada. Not getting anywhere with GP. I've watched some of your videos and they are awesome. So easy to understand, informative and very helpful. Thanks so much fot sharing them.
Hi Dr. Fox, Can you provide us with a video on the research surrounding BPD and how it's linked to individials who were born premature?
I also have PCOS and really benefited from these correlations.
Thank you for your continued education in the mental health space.
Thank you so much Dr. Fox for the videos. Could an impulse included withdrawing in a sense--I feel when there is so much sadness and overwhelming stress--I find the impulse to 'go to bed' for hours on end. To break the cycle--if I am able--I go for long walks and this helps to calm down the cycle. ❤
Great channel 🙏
Thank you so much for your videos.
Thank you Dr.Fox!!!!
I'm definitely going try this.
I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I’ve been waiting a long time and am really looking forward to hopefully get a proper diagnosis and treatment. In the meantime I’ve been learning a lot about my recent query BPD diagnosis. Thank you for all you do for this community, Dr. Fox.
You are very welcome and I would recommend that you write down your symptoms and traits not only of BPD but other issues that may be present. You can find this information in my book called complex BPD. Go into the intake session well structured and prepared to explain your symptoms and issues as well as define the severity of impairment you experience related to the symptoms and issues. This will help you maximize your time with the psychiatrist. I wish you all the best
@@DrDanielFox that’s a great tip, I should do that, thank you! I am getting your book, I just need to wait until I get back to work. I think it’s amazing that you interact with your commenters! It’s obvious you really care about what you do. Thank you.
Cold shower that is cold enough to take my breath away, breathing through the coldness, I literally throw myself in. It has worked for me every time I’m disregulated or in distress.
Thank you for the comment. Be well and take care.
just subscribed! very encouraging I deed!
Awesome! Thank you!
Can't wait doc!
You made one specifically for me??? Gonna have to stay up for this one
I’m gonna try it Dr fox
Perfect timing I'm embarrassed right now, yesterday I was impulsive and sent way too many text to my partner because it was late and I got scared, he didn't have his phone on him and by the time he called me I was crying thinking something happened to him, it was an overreaction I felt stupid he had to console me and I felt like a burden, today I was worrying I may push him away if I continue this behavior, next time I'll try the cold water method and find a distraction
it's an effective strategy I just feel like I don't understand how to actually apply it in my life. yes stopping and asking questions slows me down a bit but as someone who also has autism it feels like the questions never properly get answered. challenging my urges just never seems to get me anywhere aside from more frustrated with myself for not getting it
Interesting video! I'll definitely try the technique!
Great. Let me know how it goes.
I've tried urge surfing and it's worked for the most part...when I remember to even use it. I'll try this, thanks :)
You've helped alot
Thank you for this strategy I will try.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I find grounding myself , distract , if you can master mindfulness, your half way there🙏
Urge surfing has been my latest DBT skill I am learning. I think distracting and also categorizing is this a fear based thought or a loving thought helps me. If it’s fear, I look deeper…is this due to my attachment style or a trauma response? Lately I remind myself that I am responsible for my behavior, I assume the best in others and I check in with myself so I don’t avoid feelings. Thanks Dr. Fox!
Your comment is so useful ♡, is a fear or loving based though? great question to ask myself when I get triggered and feel like doing something
Thanks Dr. Fox
This just described me perfectly!! This has been Very hard for me..🤔☕Controlling impulsive behavior.
With I would have had this when I was in my 20s. Notification on 👍
thank you so much
Thank you so much for this-for all of it-Dr Fox! I feel so dumb because I *know* (and write down, and try to keep front of mind) useful strategies, but it’s like when the urge starts to build, I can’t even slow down or focus enough to try something, if that makes sense? And/or worse, I feel like I don’t even want not to _____ or _____ (even though I know I will feel awful/even more self hatred, etc. afterward). Does anyone know how to combat that feeling of, in the moment, not even wanting to choose different? (Does that make sense??)
How do I identify as a person who is not impulsive? My unstable identity wants to have agency but there is not enough identity-integrity to act most beneficially towards my identity goals. The ice cube technique does work. Amen!
Wow lol this is so me. I’m definitely going to try these methods
Thank you
You’re welcome
Thanks❤️🕊
One of the strategies my DBT group showed me was to hold an ice cube because you get that sensation from the cold and that sensation helps with the urge to cut.
This WORKS... And it helps with managing kiddos urges as well. I taught my daughter to hold an ice cube and scream Christmas carols when she started spinning. So lucky to have gone through treatment. I struggle often, but these little tricks are amazing.
That’s great idea. Thanks for sharing.
@@DrDanielFox It meant a lot to me that I could give this gift to my baby. Ice cubes remind her of snow, so it even gives her a decent amount of dopamine.
I just want her to have the skills... The trained gut responses to maintain her own spinning. In the summer time, I hand her a popsicle and headphones. The porpoise response was one of my favorite science parts of DBT
Fighting with my GF and her walking away or her taking time for herself, I feel abandoned and I push her away telling her to find someone better. She's still with me and understanding. 😢 I wish i can just forget and let go of my childhood feelings of abandonment and feeling unwanted.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time. Communication is key in any relationship, and it's great that your girlfriend is understanding.
This technique 👌 hoping will work. It's hard to stop cold turkey from impulses without medication 💊.
That's an awesome strategy. But what if i am wearing make up? 😜
Thank you
I will try this
I have figured out that something like this may work
Cold water splashed does catch the attention.
69 years old and still moving forward within to better enjoy the outward.
More Thanks!
You’re welcome ☺️
Running balances me. Not convenient I know, so I gotta do it before potential triggers, like on days I work😉
What is the strategy for those with heart conditions?
I would love to know answer to my question.i have been married to a person with Bpd. It has been extremely difficult to say the least. I want to know why his heart seems so closed and everything I ask (lots of questions) is met with triggering his lack of control on every level of emotions. Unable to control any conversations and demonstrates all the spectrums of his disorder. He ask a lot of questions I answer most of them.but he usually twist my responses to fit his unhealthy thinking. And generally goes to rage in a matter of seconds. I hesitate to communicate on any level even basics. He is in denial about his diagnosis and has had this disorder all his life he is 60 years old. And dominates his life by this disorder,which generally leads to chaos and frustration all around. No admittance and gaslighting to regain control. This situation seems to have no hope of getting better! And his control by fits is scary.i have had to call police on him several times. Why are people with bpd.have difficulty being translucent,honest,in touch with reality and have such closed minds and hearts,seem narcissistic,and come across as resistant and unable to relieve healthy love or give healthy love. They seem trapped in a nightmare of nonreality. Closed off to a happy life.
How to control the urges while I am outdoor or I don't have access to cold water at that moment? Please advise.
"Stay for the whole video" he says, me: fighting anxiety when it comes to fixing myself lol. Needed this though, thank you. Stop the adrenaline to be able to think, imma try..
just going to share my inner monologue:
*i had an urge to cut off my hair, i really wanted to cut off my hair so badly, because i dont like men, i dont like looking pretty* ( this was my thought)
then i paused
"okay its okay, this is urge, if i want to cut my hair someday, i would love to do that but why, that i have to think about more mindfully"
deep slow breaths in and out
as i breathe in i tell myself
"i love myself,i am beautiful, i love myself, i am beautiful, i am beautiful even without trying, i am really very beautiful when i dont even think about how i look, i love you *my name* i love you so much, nothing i have to do to feel good or bad,people are good people and the there is good in the world, there is alot of good in the world"
continue breathing as i keep thinking good thoughts, i am loved, i am loved, i am beautiful then i let the impulse pass
everything will be okay deat reader, we just have to hold on tight
Bruhhhh I literally gasped so hard when he said "driving by someone's house". I had to move OUT OF STATE because every day I would pass by my ex's house who lived 30 mins from me, so I can see if he was with another girl or not, after he broke up with me😢 he was my fp and I was (and still am, even 3 years later) obsessed with him... we have a kid now so every time I see him when we pass out daughter back and forth, I think about him being with me again. Idk I feel like a stalker
is there a way where you can talk about eating disorders in detail for people with bpd. and how to help?
Eating too much or too less?
Need this one, for sure! 😂
Thanks 😊
During episodes... The emotions are so strong, that it gets hard to divert mind elsewhere.... People around me say, "just focus on good things" or if it's a dating scenario, they say "start dating another person" or "have good friends in life"......
The sad part is, I know it, but the emotions are so strong that no amount of logic works.. it's extremely painful.. the attachment becomes so strong, it feels as if it's the only thing that matters in life, nothing else... emotions are always at their peak.... Hypersensitivity....
But we have to try and try and try...
How are your emotions when you like or love somebody? Can you control then? Are the feeling scare you and you reject that person because of this?
Thank you.
@@sabaidee5587 I am just unable to reject that person... He becomes my favourite person immediately.... The feelings are so overwhelming that even if I try to reject him, his thoughts keep popping in my brain
@Politike Science Very interesting . Thank you so much.
But do you have periods when you keep that person far away from you? If yes, why?
@@sabaidee5587 mentally? No.... The thoughts are running 24x7... And I can't help it.. even when I am studying or painting or doing chores. I keep going back to the same person .....again and again...
@Politike Science wow.. that's incredible interesting.
You said "mentaly.. no" what about physically? Please answer me just if you feel confident with that. Don't want to bother you. 😊 Greeting from Germany.
For me (quiet bpd) I can rationalise 30%, suppress 40% (remove myself from the situation), redirect 20% and self harm 10% of the time
recently been getting the urge to chuck my water bottle across the classroom If someone says something uneducated about mental illness. ofc I don't but it can be quite intense.
I totally get that. I've poured/thrown water on people and had it all come back my way. Thankfully he's dead, but I used to fantasize about bouncing whatever ham or turkey off of my sadistic narc dad's head at holiday dinners, that would have felt so good! But hey, way to go keeping it civilized ash tray, it's always better in the long run. 😊
@@skydog22 yeah that sounds interesting, It's like last night at dinner ya boy banged her hands on the table after being in a stressful environment and trying to suppress it like 4 times. It's hard when my brother was there and I don't think he needs to see it yk.
Might need to make the self harm one higher it's my most frequent urge.
@@ashtray1647 yo, I feel you big time. It's not easy by a long shot. Stress is a killer. Hey, I found out this thing that works for me, when I'm about snap I close my eyes and breathe every last bit of air out -like all the way- then start back breathing as super slow as I can, then open my eyes and whatever...it helps. 🌬☻️ ♡Respect & good looking out for your brother☆
@@skydog22 I read that as you breathed out of your eyes and was like hell yeah I'm gonna try that but yeah I'm a swimming so I get that breath control can really affect you physically and mentally. Losing my favourite person reminded me how important he is.
My BPD kicked full force in the elevator 😖 I was triggered by a woman talking on speaker just she and me there - BPD said I was invisible so I pushed all the buttons above my floor so she would “notice”?😔
Dr Fox there was no cold water in the elevator - if I practiced the cold water at different times will it help keep my mind in my body?😢
Hi there! I have a question, if you're willing to give some time to answer it. It's very complicated, and i thank you in advance if you bother reading it.
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I've self diagnosed with bpd, and used to have all nine symptoms very frequently. My sister and i have similar trauma, and she was diagnosed with bpd, and I've always suspected i had it, but I can't afford therapy, so I've been working very hard on my own treatment for myself.
But since I've started working on myself and doing meta-cognition and always trying hard to process my thoughts and feelings and their origins and if i need to deal with deep seated stuff to get rid of my more problematic behaviors, I thought i would be generally happier as a person.
I've become much easier to be around. A lot of people like me. I'm generally a kind and patient person, especially when it comes to comforting friends and loved ones.
But now that I've become much less of a nuisance to other people, I've started doubting my self diagnosis.
I sort of just exist in very long periods of flat "I'm neither good nor bad" baseline moods. It's really hard to give people an honest answer when they ask how I'm doing because i just literally don't know how I'm doing.
I just sort of exist and react to things in as neutrally or factually of a manner as i can.
But sometimes, i have periods or "bpd episodes" i call them where I'm very dissociative and not present, with extreme angry and sad and lonely emotions even though i have plenty of friends now.
I rarely feel joy, but I'm not sad most of the time. Just this sort of "eh, I'm above emotional reactions" neutral kind of state.
Is this common in people who have mostly started recovering from bpd? Am i on the right track with my healing, or have i just clipped the symptoms that hurt other people and kept the ones that hurt only myself?
I prefer neutral than extreme
I am curious to try this next time I feel like texting excessively. I don't have a DX, but I suspect I might have BPD. The issue is I know why I do this. It's out of fear of rejection or abandonment. The only other thing I can think of is to address my concern with the person... But it happens so often, I feel like I'd be bugging that person constantly, which then makes me worry that that will push them away too. Anyone else?
The cold water or ice cubes help immediately its like magic
I lost loved ones because of my Bpd urges. I didn't know I had Bpd at those times and now that I do know why they left me, Im wondering why I was considered well and just making problems and excuses. I was so clearly messed up. Why is it easier for people to not understand mental illness and call someone bad? Why is it so important for me to have them know I was ill and not monstrous, beyond help, worthy? Why can't I dismiss them so easily?
Just chopped off my waist long hair last night. I love my hair 😢 It's to my chin now and my bf called it ugly.
Can a neurological disorder like epilepsy cause BPD?
Honestly doc, the ice is better than the Look Around the Room skills. Though, what truly grounds me is spirituality and esoteric knowledge that reminds me I’m part of a bigger purpose. That reminds me just because I can’t hold a relationship or place in society long, I have ancestors, spirits, guides, everlasting love and meaning on my side. I’ll hold ice and look around the room AFTER I remember my Why. Hard to do when at a 10 but when you intake hours of mysticism a day, it’s a bit easier for me. That, and mindfulness practices, but ones back by yogi’s, not atheist sterile white ladies in a studio where I don’t belong.
It’s good that you found ones that work well for you. I think that’s so important and I hope that you continue to use a strategies in order to help yourself out. I wish you all the best.
What if one checks the urge and the urge is logical and helpful? For example one wants to cut and that helps with soothing pain?
Self harm is a maladaptive pattern and it tends to produce long-term severe consequences. I would push back on embracing those maladaptive patterns in the urges to engage in them. I wish you all the best.
I was diagnosed with bpd 9 years ago.. And never had impulse issues until this past year.
I started playing a game on the google play store, and quickly got wrapped into inapp purchases. I've probably spent 20k on this game, and have slowly drained a portion of my savings..
yet my problem now even though I don't want to spend.. I've already spent so much, how can I just stop?
Call your card holder company and tell them to block charges to the purchaser. How that helps.
Yes it does
I really like the idea of stopping somehow but water in my face is a trauma trigger for me. I love ice packs or a specific music that I have always with me (Cure for ADHD - 30 min of Breakcore!)
How do I identify what the need or emotion is? I know I'm angry, but there are underlying feelings that are there. I can't name them let alone try to explain them to anyone. It all comes across as anger even though I'm crying inside.
Water dries out my skin but I had the idea of putting an ice pack in a towel and pressing it against my face. Would that work too? Is it the temperature change that is important?
It is the temperature change. Someone else mentioned holding an ice cube in your hand. But you could also just moisturize your skin again
18 months ago I was depressed and lonely, after my daughter moved 1000 miles away.
I sold my downtown city condo and moved to a small town 200 miles away, i was afraid to go the whole distance. Nearer my daughter, but far from anything I've ever knowned.
Bad idea. I got really depressed. I was neither here nor there.
In April I bought back in my city and 8 weeks later I got terrible buyer's remorse and missing my daughter, I sold it at great loss under the delusion that prices were falling in real estate. I undersold lost 70k.
Only topanick buy another unit a week later!!!!
Which I don't even want to occupy because what I really want is to live near my adult daughter, my only family 💕 i was afraid of the move.
What I want in fact is a bit of both... Hard to forget the city I've known all my life, i live the metropolis, though honestly I only want to be there for my daughter. 🙏 I need her more than she needs me. We are each other's only family 💕
I'm unsure about living in a small coastal village 1000 miles from my city, i appreciate the ocean view etc and it's really calm and soothing.
My daughter needs me, she's also here with only her fiance and she needs support for anxiety etc and to have family 🤗 of course
I've been assessed formally 2 times and my presentation doesn't seem to worry anyone at the psychiatrists, since I don't hear voices.
I'm sorry. What state?
Thank you Dr. Fox and all who pay attention to behaviors that negatively impact themselves and others AND want to better (not cure) life for themselves and others.
May we all learn and grow in the knowledge of how much God loves us!
👆🏼🙏♥️
Dr. Fox does the cold water reset the vagus nerve? Thank you!
In the early part of Instutionalisation in america they used the method of ice baths until reforms later.
Is it you’re opinion that bpd patients are often diagnosed with various substance use disorders in excess, I used to drink much too frequently but woke up after a last straw of drinking episodes that I just stopped because I didn’t want to exacerbate my symptoms of bpd
Yes, there is high prevalence of dual diagnosis (substance abuse disorders).