What is Quiet BPD?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- What is Quiet BPD?
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox:
In English: goo.gl/LQEgy1
In Spanish: tinyurl.com/55...
In Polish: tinyurl.com/np...
In this video, we’re going to discuss the “quiet borderline PD type” what factors distinguish it and what situations encourage its development. Like all my videos, I will go over these issues but also provide you with a tool/tip to help you manage it and grow beyond it. If you’re interested in doing a deeper and more personal dive, check out my book The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook.
Subtypes may be a bit confusing as a term, as it implies that there are subtle
underlying factors that are mutually exclusive, totally separate and unique. Like cookies, cookies is the larger category, but there a ton of subtypes like Oreos, chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, etc. Although these are different kinds of cookies, that appear separate, they have many things in common, like sugar, flour, and other ingredients. In the case of BPD, the subtypes have some distinction but they have many factors in common, such as abandonment fears, rejection sensitivity, emptiness, high probability of relationship disruption, etc.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2a...
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychology...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Animation by sirak @sirakoart (IG)
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
"Being scared [of something you're about to do] means you're about to do something brave." I like that.
Thanks. Me too
Yikes, i get scared of the impulsive things i think to do (like walking in front of traffic). Definitely not something brave that i should be doing, but a self harm impulse idea 😅
Yet..
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor
@@ranc1977 🤔say huh?
@@kohnfutner9637 Yes.
When we talk truth, when we speak our mind - we will get punished for it,
That is how we ended up with Quiet BPD in the first place.
We were punished and reinforced into silence and self censorship - and this makes us easy prey and easy target for all sorts of psychopaths and narcissists around. This is something that ableist CBT does not explain at all.
Instead CBT brainwash us into self blame, as if we are abnormal difficult drama queens who pout around just because.
IT is trauma and abuse that thrown us into Quiet BPD. WE did not catch it by walking in the street. IT is not common cold flying around and waiting for to be sniffed.
Thanks for doing this video about quiet BPD. We often feel like we don't belong even within our own diagnosis since we experience things differently. It's also hard to see the stereotypes about BPD because I know I'm nothing like that. I'll hurt myself before others (as much as I can help it). But I think people with quiet BPD just get used to suffering alone. I appreciate you shedding light on this sub-type 💜
I’m so glad you found this video helpful.
Suffering with it alone is how it feels even when I'm not alone. I mean if my favorite person is not there for much time even they tell me won't be here tomorrow I'm still like 😵 pvvt pvvt *noise frying electricity sound makes*. I'm like are they ok are they dropping me, should I look for others to take my mind off? Those words really stood out. I get it.
i agree. it still is bpd. i feel like it’s one of the most heartbreaking subtypes to go through because of the loneliness you feel. yes all bpd subtypes feel disconnected but i feel like the other types are already used to it n having quiet bpd is lonely n hurts so much because of it.
YES!! You literally said everything I’m feeling and I really did feel like I was the only one!
Everyone with BPD feels this way. There is no real diagnosis criteria for Quiet BPD because it doesn't exist. It's all categorized as BPD.
I wish subtypes were talked about more because when bpd is talked about in general it just does not apply to me but quiet bpd is exactly what I'm experiencing. BPD is often talked about like everyone with the disorder is aggressive and causes negative impact on everyone around them. I'm glad to hear you talk compassionately about this
I absolutely don’t know you but the person I knew with BPD who didn’t fit the exact mold, and today is the first day I’ve heard of “quiet” type, and that must be what she is. She went around hurting people. Me, for instance.
@@M_SC huh
@@M_SC Quiet types generally internalize their emotions and don't lash out at others as much.
I knowww!!! Can you believe that I didn't even find a single video or useful info about quite bpd in my native language "as if it's not existed in the middle-East" ☹️☹️
There are no subtypes because everyone who suffers from BPD has a different set of symptoms since only 5 out of the 9 criteria is used to determine BPD. I wish more people would talk about the truth of BPD instead of these lies which cause more harm than good.
One glaring symptom i've noticed is the passive aggressive desire to show others you are living a radically independent lifestyle
Lmao that's really specific
Yes, it’s to cover up the dependency by acting so independent. True
Omg that’s so true
SO REAL
I think I had noticed this with my friend. I also think they're just hiding their vulnerabilities & protecting themselves from hurt., by appearing stronger than they really are
I was diagnosed with BPD but was not given any information about it. So I was lost because it seemed like BPD was aggressive and I’m the opposite. Quiet BPD makes sense now thank you for this. I’m not clingy though but very withdrawn. I’m a “my world” type of person, I live in my mind, no social skills 🫣 how are people like me supposed to function in society?😢
I’m sorry to hear that that happened. You may find my workbook helpful as well as my book on complex BPD, which could help you not only identify those traits and symptoms of BPD that you may have but also any comorbid conditions. I wish you all the best you can find these books on Amazon or on my website. Take care and be well.
@@DrDanielFox thank you kindly for your response. Was not expecting that. Will definitely look into it. 🙏
You are beautiful ❤
I’m like the in between of an extrovert and introvert so I like being outgoing but sometimes was awkward so I started working customer service and sales and that helped me with my social skills a lot, no longer experience social anxiety as well. :)
You might want to look into autism, lack of social skills and the like isn’t a symptom of bpd, rather it really relates to autism especially being withdrawn and preferring to be by yourself or select few friends
Yup that was me. I noticed I'd cling to certain people that I liked. So I stopped myself when I felt it. Trouble is, I'm distant from people now and can blow hot and cold.
I’m 49 and just found out last year I have bpd. I always thought I had a good childhood, until I did your workbook and realized there was trauma and neglect. I still would never blame my parents, even though most comes from my dad, as there was no mental health support then and they were dealing with their own issues and doing the best they could.
This is exactly why I'm opposed to a lot of psychotherapy. You thought you had a great childhood but someone convinced you that you didn't. If you have a headache do you need someone to tell you you have a headache? I had a good childhood, there were problems and certainly some of them affected today. But I love my childhood. Adolescents and even young adulthood. Everything after age 33 has been nothing but unmitigated hell.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 it’s hard to see neglect and trauma when you’re in the midst of it, and after you might go your whole life thinking that was the norm because it was made to seem that way by your parents. recognizing you experienced childhood in a way you shouldn’t have even years after it happened doesn’t make it any less valid or traumatizing, it might even make it more so because you realize you’re whole view on the concept of love (from the people who are supposed to love you the most) is corrupt
@oh okay exactly 👍
Dad left, was 13 y/o. All the moving that followed, I'm not sure how to bond with friends. I had a 27 year marriage. Title IV with it's Entitlement became tempting. Had finally overcome poverty, after her boyfriend was false accuse witness I lost my life's work. A lot was taken & she thrives. I don't understand. I think I'm cursed.
If you had a bad childhood YOU'D know it. This makes me doubt this book.
I have not been diagnosed yet( Yay U.S. medical system) but I'm about 90% sure that I am this subset. Therapy can't start soon enough, but this video gave me some insight. Thanks.
Good luck to you. You can find help through support groups like ACA, as well. Healing in healthy community when the pain may have (often) originated in unhealthy community
ACA is donation based 1 dollar per meeting if affordable.
when I was diagnosed with borderline I asked why because I don't "act out" then he told me I was a quiet type... I think this subtype is not talked about enough... I hope you make more video's about this subtype in the future :D
They wouldn't diagnose me because I'd not been arrested or sold my house on a whim! They even smirked at me. I know I have it though. You were lucky to have a good therapist ❤
I used to have a therapist that would ask me weekly about my Suicidal Ideation and how much I had experienced it in the previous week and I found a ton of value in it. It was really helpful to have her point out that there were some weeks where I barely experienced any.
Agree 100%. And I found that keeping a journal really helps as well, because you can look back and see that although the mood does fluctuate, with weeks/months/years, things do improve. There are setbacks along the way but (in my case) I have never returned to the time when I compared my life to trying to wade through a giant bowl of cold porridge - everything was that hard! Good luck.
When mine asked me about it, I said no because I was worried about the consequences of admitting it.
It would be great is therapist also explained the mirroring and being listened to concept, validation and acceptance.
@FreddyBoBeddy yep same here, I would lie a lot about it because I didn't want to go to the mental hospital again.
@@karissakessler8877 No Joke. I've been to one, through calling the Crisis Hotline....NEVER AGAIN! I was more suicidal IN THE HOSPITAL than out.
i almost forgot about the fp. I've been completely alone for over a year now. pretty much completely isolated from all of humanity because I can't trust anyone and I'm in such extreme pain, it's not healthy to be around people.
I know it’s been over a year, but just curious, have you came out of isolation? I get it & haven’t seen anyone else ever state they’ve been isolated as long until this comment..
This is so true of me that I hold in my annoyance or frustration and pretend that I’m not feeling bad and then it builds and builds until finally I just get so upset. But the reason that I don’t say anything is because that was the rule in my house -it was never criticize, especially my parents because they would just treat that with total contempt. So the idea is never criticize the people in power because they’ll only punish you for it. And hurt you emotionally or physically. So it’s better to shut up and put a smile on your face and pretend you don’t feel anything. But then you’re a victim and you can’t express your needs. It’s a terrible situation when you grow up with this pattern. I was told little children should be seen and not heard and I was put in a boarding school when I was six years old.
Thank you Dr. Fox for talking about this and teaching about it.
I’ve taken assertiveness classes but it’s still really hard for me to criticize people, make suggestions or negotiate because honestly I don’t have much success and it’s hard to do. In fact, the reverse has happened: I don’t get what I want and it’s worse because I get rejected. But if I shut up, I don’t get what I want but I don’t get rejected.
My jaw dropped on this as if it was a psychic reading… I love my parents so much but moving back in as an adult opened my eyes (in a good, but upsetting way) and I think focusing on not blaming them has been very productive and helpful. I haven’t gotten past this step, but finding this video is so reassuring
I have not diagnosed nor have checked with a psychologists since I live in a country where I cannot trust the practitioners and the fee is really high. Plus it's just around 2 or 3 years ago that the society as a whole have acknowledged mental health problems.
So I embarked my journey to figure out what the heck is wrong with ne when I was around 13 or 14, that was 16 or 17 years ago. I cannot simply chuck my bad behavior to teenage angst or whatever sh*t I can blame. I knew deep inside that that's not fundamentally who I am. That I know I can bring joy rather than tears to the people I love. Ten years after that, after so much denial, thousand of self assessment, self reflection, I figured out that I relate the most with BPD's symptoms and turns out that it is the quiet type.
With the knowledge that I have learned throughout the years, I have worked hard to get over the symptoms and to function the best that I could. I am 31 now, I work as an analyst, pay my rent, help my parents financially and I'm maneuvering myself around a 1-year relationship with my partner. That's my first relationship after 12 years of being single. I wouldn't say my journey is over. It's still there and it still get hard sometimes. I still feel like I am at the other end of the abyss. I don't think it will ever go away but I just found a way to live it it.
Channels like yours Dr. Fox, specially yours, is really a big help for someone who suffers BPD and BPD traits. Not all psychologist are as dedicated as you are - some do more hurt than help. Thank you for your service.
You are a blessing to me and so many. A sincere thank you.
You are so welcome
All etiology points apply to me unfortunately. Parents that restricted autonomy, were authoritarian and strict themselves, cared little about emotional needs and were often very confusing in their reactions. If I did the same thing on day 1 and day 2 it could have different outcomes. Sometimes decisions were encouraged, sometimes punished. It was confusing. Now I struggle with decision-making, feeling like a constant burden to others and getting a stable sense of what I need, want or can do. It's hurtful to feel not seen and misunderstood most of the time. Sometimes I am very angry and sad about it but... I know I am not alone with this. And it is not my fault. I can do better and I try. :)
Stay the course. You define you, not your past.
Can you elaborate on the differences between "quiet BPD" and CPTSD and misdiagnosis around this? Where does the subgategorical BPD lens fit into or alongside the IFS model?
Obviously he is CBT guy.
CBT bans Complex Trauma since corrupt medical industry in USA cannot make money if we actually heal our trauma.
Profit lies in being hooked to psychopaths in psychiatry industry.
if I understand correctly, bad or confused parenting is a huge factor. many conversations in my experience went in the direction of: " you were difficult as a kid, there was nothing we could have done...." to "we did everything to protect you so you were the one who made wrong decisions" I was 22 when diagnosed , before that is was long agony of councilors who tried their best to treat the side effects as ads, dyslexia and ptsd.
I just want to thank you, so much. I just got diagnosed and I feel scared, ashamed, and confused. The way you explain it, I sense such genuine care without you playing it up. You're just here to give information to help, and knowledge gives power to improve. It makes me feel like you believe I am capable of good change and want to give me the tools to do so. I am so grateful to you, Dr. Fox
Edit: both my parents passed away within the last 2 years, both of which were depressed and I think my dad had BPD that he didn't get help for, leaving me with a lot of scars and no chance of fixing my relationship with those who gave them to me. I was 23 without parents so older men who are mild, patient, and kind are really a comfort to me, I appreciate your presence. I hate myself less when I hear you describe this.
God Bless You. I feel the exact same way so glad I can watch these videos when I’m feeling shitty. I’m sorry for your loss
@@drewgrant2795 I'm so glad you have this, too! You are a beautiful person doing they're best just like everyone else. ❤️ thank you so much
Oh honey!! There is nothing for you to feel ashamed or bad about. You did not cause your bpd,you don't deserve to have it,none of us do, it's like having diabetes,or needing eye glasses.
These videos have become a comfort to me as well.
You're not there to make someone feel better, but to make them better at feeling.
Gabor Maté
You are the only one who can save me from my insurmountable sadness because I know you actually understand.
Hey Dr. Fox!
I began watching you 3 years ago and I just have to say thank you. You honestly saved my life and have helped me in my day-to-day. I went from extremely suicidal and feeling like nothing could save me and i was doomed forever to being a semi-normal and over-all happy gal.
Thank you so so much for doing your channel all this time.
I would be cautious.
He sees and explains Quiet BPD as being drama queen who can't think with own head so we need strong bulky macho man to explain us that we are hysterical Karen and that our brain is abnormal so we need to "learn" how to behave in civilized manner.
This is all ideology.
Quiet BPD is trauma, it results from being exposed to psychopaths and it gets activated with psychopaths around us - since most of toxic people wear fake mask to cover their abnormality.
To follow CBT explanation that Quiet BPD is being hysterical and that toxic people do not exist is self blame which consists the after-effect of exposure to emotional abuse which created Quiet BPD in the first place.
Narcissists in medical industry use CBT and DSM to exert control, as any psychopaths are obsessed with coercive control. Then psychopaths will explain that our reactions are abnormal and that we must negotiate with serial killers and mass murderers, as Chamberlain did with Hitler before 1939. It simply won't work - since we are not the problem,.
Narcissists and psychopaths are the only problem here.
We seek validation and acceptance - and CBT does not provide this at all - instead it places more burden and shame on top of existing one. That is because CBT is ableist therapy of misdiagnosis, since it is created by psychopaths hidden in medical industry.
Narcissist Personality Disorder
One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated.
(PierceTheDarkness)
This was so helpful! I find I sometimes regress a bit during conflict and struggle to be assertive and mature, you going through this skill was really helpful.
ive been questioning whether or not i've had bpd for a while now, ive recently turned 18 and have been doing quite a bit of personal research along with working through diagnosis with a psychiatrist and its obviously a long journey but i do and have believed for a long time that bpd is the right diagnosis for me (despite how unfortunate of a diagnosis i know it is because of the biases and stigmas, along with the discrimination that it brings, but i had never heard of any subsets of the disorder until this video, and comparing myself and my actions/mannerisms to some of the characteristics of "quiet bpd" i've noticed a lot of things fall into place, thank you Dr Fox, your videos and content has helped me so incredibly much on this journey of discovering my disorder and more importantly how i can overcome it within myself, no matter where my journey takes me i have you to thank for getting me as far as i have come* today
Thank you for sharing about "Quiet Borderline". Everything about myself is finally starting to make sense. Your videos are SO helpful!
Sir your knowledge and research is bringing a lot of hope and transformation in my life... And i am sure in many people's life who are watching your videos.. great insights and healing... 🙏 Namastey from India 🇮🇳
Hi Dr. Fox! Thank you so much for the content you provide! 🦋 I don't know if you do video requests but if so, I would love your insight on being BPD with no contact with parents who are narcissistic.. Any tips for healing/overcoming/finding peace. Thank you so much!! 🥰
Thanks and I always love suggestions.
Can u cycle through the different types of BPD?
I second this so much 👌👌👌
same!!
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your trauma and that you've had to take this step. Myself and another sibling went NC with my parents this year, it was hard but so necessary.
Could you do a video focusing the difference between dependent personality disorder and (quite) borderline?
Dated a girl with quiet BPD for a short time, though she didn’t know it. I still think about her all the time, even a year and a half later.
I hope she’s ok
@@yourstrength1314 Me too.
Hi there. Been working through your BPD workbook. Turns out I am strongly quiet BPD. I did not know that the subtype even existed until a few weeks ago. Thanks again for being so positive when talking about this disorder because I have heard some terrible things said. Now I know some of the things I need to work on with my new psychologist.
Brilliant as ever. Thankyou. I carry a lot of guilt thinking about my explosive rage and its self-perpetuating effect on my young, hypersensitive child. How I wish I knew then what I know now, but we're both on the right track, and we can break the destructive cycle. I have often thought that she and I should write a book from our respective points of view. The Quiet BPD parent and the not-so-quiet BPD child.
Thank you Dr, Fox for looking out for us "quiet" types.
Ah, my dad was a narcissist, very controlling. It makes sense now that the dependent dynamic affected my development towards quiet bpd. I do know it is a large number of contributing factors. It's not just one thing but I am piecing together each factor. Also I would just like to point out that covid has made things very tough. I now see that the system is really pushing virtual therapy groups, that is something that will stay, it's an extra layer of separation. I DO NOT trust Zoom for my mental health
I had an in person therapist and then he dropped me with no warning after 2 meetings and a bullshit reason of "he stopped taking your insurance". I can't find any other in person therapists in my area. I hate zoom, and not being face to face because if I'm not, I just won't talk or express myself because I can just leave.
This is me! Finally getting support but the diagnosis feels validating.
I'm 66 in September. I'm reacting to neighbors who sit in front of my brick wall between my kitchen & living room windows. I blew a gasket & insisted that she move. I was yelling/screaming & was having a flashback to other traumas that I'd lived. I live in a basement. I don't follow any crowd. I'm totally solitary. My family is cats. There's no people in my life. I just don't understand what's happening to me. Yes, I do self harm daily by drinking beer while doing my household tasks. I'm also depressed. Yes sometimes I think of suicide but it's a one way ticket & I'd never do it. My mother was a narccissist & there was no love or hugs. They divorced & we three kids were sent to separate foster care. I was the mom to my siblings. Even then, my dad thought I was crazy.
I would reach out to a therapist as soon as you can, but in the meantime the best thing to do would be to start getting out of the house and seeing people. Start with small structured activities. Can you join a yoga or pottery class? Go a few times a week even if you don't talk to anyone at first. It's not good for people to be alone for so long, you deserve and are capable of healthy, warm relationships. But I understand it's been hard.
@@katieg7679 thanks for your input. There's a chair exercise class every Wednesday afternoon but I must arrange for handicapped transportation in advance. It's a great service, but sometimes there's alot of dropping/picking up people. It tires me. Presently I have scheduled many dr/hospital appointments (I keep losing weight without trying) between now & September, so I put this group on hold. I look after many cats & that's also draining. I should be 120 lbs. Saw my dr I was 117 then internal specialist a few weeks later 114 lbs. So I must investigate what's happening. My stomach feels full after just a bit of food. I'm skin/bones now. So I haven't the energy right now. Thanks for caring enough to comment. Appreciate it. Not fun getting older & having disabilities & chronic pain!!!
@@malkaringel7864 Ugh, I'm sorry, that sounds really rough. I'm glad you are checking up about your health and hope everything's okay.
@@katieg7679 Thanks very much Katie. I try to stay optimistic. I can implement changes to improve my life. It's just a question of self control/discipline.
@@malkaringel7864 I hear you. I’m older but have made quite a few changes with more information here. My body hurts and I’m unable to walk. Please find someone professional who really cares. 🌱
I’ve been working so hard on healing this. I found a girl who’s exactly like me. She probably has this too. Idk if this is going to end badly but I friggin love this girl and she’s really helping me heal even though she doesn’t realize it
This describes exactly how I feel inside. Thank you
thank u so much for the quick DBT tips, your small tips always give me a light in this flightless tunnel
Dear Dr Fox, I broke down hearing you talk- for how you talk. I haven't been spoken to like this ever. I don't know if its your tone or pace or mere intent to display affection through words but I started sobbing. Felt like a hug.
Dearman bookmarks or even better posters would be invaluable for us to stay mindful and be present in the moment
That's a great idea!
@@DrDanielFox do you think learning and practicing the emotion code could rid us if some of our "baggage"
I started watching this and I'm currently reading the BPD work book by this author... what a coincidence! 1:29
But recognising my issues can feel I'm rejecting myself too or I will lose the whole me. Thank you Dr. Fox, you're a big help to all of us bpd warriors 😭
I understand the fear and self exploration but it is important in order to learn more about yourself to counter a lot of those BPD issues that include unstable self image. I wish you well.
I'm pretty sure I'm discouraged BPD even though my pyschologist only thought I had traits. She doesn't specialize in BPD like Dr. Fox and I get the feeling she doesn't know much about it other than the most obvious classic textbook types/cases.
I also feel they are only concerned with those that create a nuisance just to keep the peace and if you are quiet they feel they can turn a blind eye because you won't make a fuss or say too much and then you get over looked and ignored.
I had psychologist like that too … wasted thousands on adhd test and i said i also have bpd symptoms. She said i wasn’t hyperactive enough for adhd (i know ikm mainly inattentive, but still, adhd!) and that i didn’t create big emotional reactions like throwing chairs or breaking stuff when i’m mad (i’m extremely empathetic and have self control… i’d rather hurt myself than objects and scare ppl around me). God, i’m getting pissed just thinking of her. Stupid b*tch omfg
I love your videos Dr Fox. You have such a compassionate way of talking about these things 💛
Can I make a small suggestion? It could just be an issue on my end but I have noticed the noise quality is a little poor sometimes. I reckon if you got a good quality microphone and/or a filmed in rooms with less echo, you would get more people bingeing your videos (which are awesome!!!). Much love from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤
Just have people submit captions, no need for a mic
@LycheeMusic that's an interesting suggestion, especially if English isn't a first language. I prefer aural intake, especially when Foxy Loxy pops outside into the sunshine to do a vid: it's a change of scenery, a bit of breeze is okay.
This is literally me in a nutshell. I had am extremely terrible childhood where I was abandoned. Then adopted by extremely controlling parents. Makes sense why I know what I'm doing, I hurt the people I love the most, and it kills me doing that.
This video was very insightful. It seems to give the best description/explanation of Quiet BPD of all those I've seen thus far, and reinforces my suspicion that this is my subtype. Thanks, as always, for the helpful information!
You’re welcome and I’m glad the video was helpful.
Thank you so much for doing this. All of your videos are very helpful. I feel like there is hope. It is obvious now that I have some issues and I definitely want to get better. I am living in Thailand and I find it is hard to find someone that can really help me. I went to some therapist and I don’t feel like their method are work with me. Sometimes I even get frustrated during the therapeutic session of course I don’t express it just want to sit there and get it over with . 😢 Because I don’t feel like they can really help me.
Ive always wondered wtf is wrong with me . I thought I had Asperger's but this is the disorder that hits EVERY nail on the head. Im functioning on the outside, but on the inside I'm constantly in a fight or fligh situation. My house burned down about 4 months ago. Also, Im the kitchen Manager at my friends new bar. I haven't been able to cope as well as I would if I had a house, etc
I think anyone would be traumatized and struggling after losing their home like that. I hope you’ve been well.
Understandable. I have BPD, autism, ADHD, OCD, OSDD1B and of course: C-PTSD and a couple other, smaller things xD so you may have both autism and BPD
this is extra great for families and friends of people with bpd
This video made me cry. I've been aware of my diagnosis for a while and I have been working on it but I need dbt and with watching you and your videos, I've decided to do therapy
Is it possible to have repeated hallucinations as a symptom of quiet BPD?!
Thank you so much for this video. It helped me a lot because your style is different and more open than most of the information sources I've seen❤️
This was incredibly helpful identifying traits in myself and even more importantly how to navigate communication with my toxic partner so thank you
Super helpful video; I have not yet been able to meet with a professional for any sort of diagnosis but I feel that this pretty strongly aligns with my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. In your experience, have you noticed any sort of relationship or interaction between BPD and persons along the LGBTQ+ spectrum? My parents were pretty good parents for the most part, but I feel their deep religious beliefs, specifically about gender and sexuality, may have contributed in some part to some of my current issues. I would be very interested in a video or resources about this subject if you have any insight!
CBT is totally wrong approach,
Humanistic psychology works.
CBT is ableist therapy - and DSM considered LBGT spectrum as abnormality in the past. CBT ought to be banned.
"Reach out for help". I'm so tired of hearing that useless advice. Define "reach out", define "help", because obviously I've been doing it wrong for the past 14 years.
So true! I'm sure he's sincere when he says that but the reality is just another story!
Wishing you healing ! 🌹
The worst part is when a friend says get help. Not how can I lead you to help? Or I'll stay your friend if you get help. They say get help as they're walking out the door they honestly don't give a s*** about you. They only care how you make them feel. Not how you feel. Ugh I'm just tired of people fortunately I was able to beat the favorite person clinging by realizing they all suck. And they all will leave. All of them.
Help is not easy to get when you have a mental illness that traps you in poverty.
"reach out" - you need someone to make an appointment with. search psychology today for a provider that specializes in bpd. Call them and make an appointment. I've had bad luck with emailing providers, never an issue calling.
"help" - subjective here. Some people are frequent inpatient admits. If it's not at the point of contemplating injury to yourself or others, it may be overkill. Majority are just looking for therapy, specifically DBT.
I think I am likely the quiet subtype. Thanks for your detailed description
Hi, really liked this video, very helpful targeting one skill towards the specific subtype. If you could follow up with a petulant subtype video in similar style I'd find that really helpful, I have your workbook and it seems I'm between this and that. Also really appreciate your reminder not to just blame the parents, my folks are great and I still ended up with BPD from a hostile school environment- a lot of treatment providers seem to focus so much on attacking the family of origin and ignoring other possible causes so I felt very understood when you said there are a lot of potential etiological factors in the development of this disorder. Thanks again.
This clip will definitely help me communicate a lot better! Going to get it printed out and put on my wall 😊
Everyone just keeps saying it's extreme anxiety and depression. I feel like no one is listening 😢
Thank you so much for this. I wish someone would have been able to explain this to me years ago. This is so helpful for me, and I'm sure many others.
I've read about this type, but I don't understand it well, although I do understand the commonalities and that they turn their pain/suffering internally harming themselves instead of others.
I'll listen to this again, and maybe a 3rd time. Thank you, as always, for taking the time to compile the info, film, and edit this video.
Understanding different personality types can be challenging, but it's great that you're diving into the topic! Keep exploring, and it will start to make more sense.
FINALLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE HOLY
I am definitely going to switch my clinical verbage to types of baked goods... That is 100% gold. keep up the great work!
Glad it was helpful. Thanks
my sister has been diagnosed with BPD tendencies, we pass from having a good relationship were she talks to me about what is going on with her to treating me as an enemy. Sometimes all it takes it's a stupid mistake to make her explode on me, she often interpret my actions as malicious, and even arrived to the point to discredit whatever help I might have given her. I love her immensely and all I want is a stable relationship with her, sometimes in order to do that I need to be careful about every step I make until I inevitably make a mistake. I want to be there for her but she often doesn't allow it, it makes me suffer when she accuse me of not loving her. What can I do? I want to be there for her but it's so overwhelming when she is upset at me, I just want to let her know I love her but it is difficult when she doesn't want to listen.
I’m speaking as someone like your sister, it’s best to take a step back when she isn’t being reasonable. it’ll hurt but you have to preserve your mental health if you want to continue supporting her.
Thank you! I really needed to remind myself of this today!
Beautifully put, Dr..
🌱
Although my psychologist doesn’t like to diagnose patients (doesn’t like the label aspect of it), I’m pretty certain I have this version of BPD. I’ve had this intense obsession with a girl for 5 years who I was friends with but also dated during the period multiple times. I haven’t spoken to her in about 2 years but the obsession is still intense, to the point where I’m scared of looking at social media/ going to certain places in public with the fear that I might see her with someone else. I’m quiet for the most part and struggle intensely with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts as a result of these events. It’s extremely hard for me to concentrate, remember things, and I have a hard time maintaining interests/motivation along with an intense feeling of brain fog. I was wondering if you felt like this version of BPD might accurately describe what I’m going through. Thanks.
Definitely watch Dr. Fox's video on "favorite person" (the one with the clay figure in the pic). Will it solve everything?... No. Will it help to know what and possibly why you are doing what you are?... Absolutely. :)
BTW, I also never received a direct diagnosis. That being said, ever sense coming across the symptoms (and especially figuring out that was what was throwing off my bipolar 2 diagnosis) it was like perfect 20/10 all across the board... Most people with BPD don't trust psychologists enough to get a diagnosis anyways, but if you just read and watch about it you'll know pretty quick (the things that never made sense will click and you'll start losing composure pretty fast). It's also hard to explain but you'll feel kinda like you belong a little like you've probably never really felt before (that's a huge hint).
@@Nuetral768 I appreciate the comment. Dr Fox’s videos about favorite persons were actually how I found his content to begin with a few years ago but I need to check it out again. I’ve learned that diagnoses aren’t the end all be all but it’d be nice to officially be able to characterize all of the uncomfortable feelings. I tend to go through moments where I start to accept these issues and work to improve on them only for an inevitable derailment of my mental health to ensue just from the smallest trigger. Thanks for the help!
@@connorking3523 You start to find your center then someone says or does something to rip you away from that center and turn you on yourself sounds like. I've known many people whom have struggled with this, and I used to be one of them.
What follows is something I made up almost 2 years ago now, and I honestly can't say enough good things of it (but I'm not a professional so do with it as you will)...
I found it is important to realize that your disorder is not the monster many people will make it out to be but rather a reflection of the monster they treat you (and others) as. Popularity does not equal right nor righteousness. Allow your BPD to become the guardian it was meant to be instead of the enemy others make it out to be. When you do this it will defend you and you will appreciate it more, and together you won't likely feel so alone nor out of control because you'll both be stronger from not turning on each other so often (and as the old saying goes, two is better than one). :)
I have dependent personality disorder, maybe this could fit your description too. There's more than just bpd.
@@Nuetral768 Hmm that’s an interesting insight. Most of what my therapist and I do is centered around acceptance which is similar/ slightly dissimilar to your methods. I really don’t get treated poorly bc of my issues bc I’m so introverted and don’t outwardly project my unstable emotions (aside from a brief period a few years ago). I’ve always heard that these types of maladaptive behaviors are a type of defense mechanism sort of like you said but I never really understood why they manifest the way they do.
Would you consider making a whole book for us with quiet bpd and for mental health professionals to treat us? I loved both your workbooks but I want more ro-dbt stuff Took me 5 years to realize I need to work on being over controlled in public. No therapist told me :(
Hello im wondering if youd be able to elaborate on what you mean by being over controlled in public?
@Marilyn Richards Sorry just saw this. If I'm upset I hide it and I avoid close relationships unless it's my favorite person or roomates. For example I didn't tell anyone at work when I was homless or lost a family member even tho I worked there for 4 Years. I show a small amount of vulnerability unless I'm close to them. My attachment is disorganized, but avoidant to those I don't let in.
Awesome explanation Dr. Fox. Thank you--the video is really helpful.
You can tell he really cares about people who are suffering. I often feel so misunderstood by pretty much everyone around me and I highly suspect I have bpd and I've been told by multiple people they think I might.. I've been diagnosed with other disorders starring in my childhood and I just want to know what I have and get the proper treatment. Whatever this is.. it hurts living like this every day and now I'm wishing my dad understood and cared about mental health more than just trying to push people to do things and not realizing what doing that feels like and can do to someone with a brain that works differently than his...
It's really important to feel understood, and I appreciate you sharing your journey. Seeking proper treatment is a brave step, and I hope you find the support you need. Remember, you're not alone in this.
@DrDanielFox thank you! I often just feel so alone and I've been learning more about this disorder lately and I just feel like it's making sense now, when I am how I am. I do have a therapist but she's a social worker and I'm not sure she's able to fully help me.. I wish it was easier to be properly evaluated so I'd know the most effective treatment. Also thank you again, it helps a lot to reach out and be able to not just be told "do more" or "you won't have a very good life".. my dad said this to me earlier today. Sorry for rambling also, I tend to do that but I appreciate your videos and your reply a lot!
Thank you Dr.Fox for all your Wonderful Videos!!
Can you please make a video on petulant bpd as well?
Thank you so much Dr Fox. I have only recently found your videos and they are helping me through such a traumatic time in my life. I am understanding myself so much more thanks to you and I am so grateful to you in all of your insight.
This is very good stuff. Thank you for sharing. It’s extremely insightful and helpful!
I found it irritating and annoying and self pathologizing,.
I have all the symptoms except I don't feel empty. I feel close to animals, nature, God and the universe. People are another story. Whenever I feel close to humans it is problematic. I have figured out humans cannot fill the void.
I suspect I might be an Aspie and I feel the same. Not sure about BPD though.
DEAR MAN is awesome!
Thank u doctor fox..ur vdos are always of great help🙏
most helpful video ive seen about bpd so far thank you🦋❤️🦋 just found you and subscribed!
Awesome! Thank you!
I’ve been waiting for this one!! Thanks Dr. Fox! 🦊
What are the differences between BPD Quiet Type and CPTSD?
I always though I had the quiet type but now I’m not sure… I actually avoid being too close to people, not even saying about being dependent on someone. I indeed feel lonely but I don’t let people to get closer, including my best friends. Speaking of the symptoms, I suffer inside but try not to show it to others. I rarely show anger (I just wait till it’s gone) and I’ve never had suicidal attempts. Also I’m not the type of person who would follow the crowd, I rather feel disconnected from the crowds and society. I worked hard trying to fit in.
But I have extreme mood swings, drastic changes of how I feel about people, eternal feeling of emptiness, difficulties in self-perception etc. Then neither quiet nor classic BPD fully describe what I have. I could have been mistakenly diagnosed but what other disorder can it be?
i very much relate to this and feel this way, did you ever get to the bottom of it? if you don't mind me asking and sharing. some light shed would be super helpful
I relate
Well whatever you have I have too apparently cause same
If i were you, i’d definitely look into Autism spectrum disorder
Same I identify more with antisocial personality disorder although I had one suicide attempt in jail. Really embarrassed by it looking back on it
I think that some people are just biologically more sensitive and then things happen to them and their reactivity is more than others towards these things and they then develop BPD.
I've thought about this ... but I'm still considering this and destructive due to my self harm and muliple ods. I have the work book, need the motivation to do it. This is a good video, it helped me realize some stuff. Thank you
I’m glad that my material is helpful I don’t wanna encourage you to not feel like you have to engulf all of it in one shot. Take steps, small steps towards progress. It is a slow process but one that pays off in the end.
This was very helpful for me! Thank you 🙏
Thanks Dr. Fox appreciate your channel
thank you so much. i feel understood by this
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
tysm for running through a skill!! Especially this one; I have been trying to repair my filter by speaking up for myself in ways that don't cause three days of extremely unstable emotions in reactions to that, and me just winging it, or putting some thihout into a script of sorts then having a strong emotion during it that throws me off, I have not liked how that went. It tends to make me feel like my abusive caregiver, which I really am not but the black and white thinking kicks and and everything pretty much goes to hell at that point.
You’ve developed some really good insight and I want to encourage you to continue to use it to develop adaptive strategies they can help you increase the probability of long-term positive outcome.
Thank you! Could you record a video explaining what's the difference between quiet bpd an cptsd if you haven't already that would be really nice! Greetings from Germany!
Wanting to ask.. Would you do a video on different types of female narcissists and BPD? I don't think this is spoken about enough but at the same time I'm questioning someone in my life that could possibly fit this but obviously I'm not trying to just put a label on her, just that I'm trying to make the best reasonable and educated decision about their role in my life.
This makes so much sense to me. Thank you Dr. Fox.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you Dr Fox!💛
I had explosive and volatile BPD (or whatever it's called) in my teens, 20s and into my 30s. But since my mid 30s to now (early 40s), it's become more withdrawn, more empty and depressive.
My experience is that that shift away from the explosiveness is due to growing life experience and a reflective nature. Withdrawing puts you in a safe space perhaps, while you figure everything out? What you describe resonates with me also: I withdrew physically by moving away to the country where the peace and quiet suits. The "depressive" bit for me really just equates with an "absence of emotional intensity". It's a refining experience in many ways.
@@jordsupp I'm glad to hear that you've found a more peaceful way to be!
Yes, I definitely grew up, learned the hard way that the explosiveness was just making things worse, and I've always been a fairly introspective and self aware person anyway. I do wish I'd known what BPD, emotional dysregulation and CPTSD were back then though. I just thought I had "anger issues". lol
For me, my depression is very much a lack of ability to feel pleasure and interest in anything (anhedonia). I feel very empty all the time and seek out constant distractions and escapes. If I can't do that, I try to avoid everything by sleeping, sometimes all day.
The only time I feel interested in anything and enthused / motivated is when I have a Favourite Person. But then a bit of that old volatility and instability comes out again. It's hard.
I feel like bpd definitely develops when the child has one caregiver that truly loves them but is overwhelmed or not present consistently due to a heavily abusive parent. So the child is getting a mixture of actual love and care from one parent but then that parent becomes depleted and drained from other abusive parent or then projects on the child by saying stuff like "just go to your room right now you're going to make your father/mother mad!" So then the child feels both parents are abusive and not stable therefore, the child gets extremely scared and confused and can not trust but I think that is the VERY big split to where some become bpd and some become narcissistic because the child with bpd has experienced real love and empathy from one parent at least but it was static like and confusing so that is why borderlines have deep emotional empathy from watching the caretaker they love and who loves them being abused by the other caretaker so the child wants to care for and protect said parent. Interesting thought I just personally had about my own upbringing.
u just described my childhood and this feels so validating as someone with bpd
@@garbitchgirl ❤️
Interesting. I have mostly hear quiet BPD as being a sort of high-functioning BPD but this description is totally different.
This video helped. I think one of my parents were a narc and one has bpd. Got a lot of work ahead of me, I don't wanna be either, but know I have traits of both
Thank you for making this video.. i was never sure how to define my emotions and moods bc i wouldn’t have instant aggression/ anger but instead would disassociate myself from my partner and ignore them. But if they kept talking and asking me what’s wrong and in other words “poking the bear” that’s where i exploded
@prof. Sam vankin
Thank you! This is so unknown here in Germany. I figured out myself that i am of that quiet type and aducated my Therapist lol And this Cookie excample is awesome xD
Wow it took me 30 years to understand what was wrong with me. And yes I am that guy that fits perfectly to Dr. Fox's perfect explanation. And I have zero intent or enjoyment for being like this. Imagine a bunch of atoms from all the atoms in the universe get along to make you, a consciousness that lives for 30-40-70-100 years. And you were that lucky that you managed to be but unlucky to be this wicked. I hope the best for all and any.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. I wish you all the best.
If you want to understand quiet BPD read the article in Physiology today. It's almost completely opposite to what this video implies. Quiet BPD is about internalising and avoidance. Definitely not dependency. Your inner child may feel like that but you've left them behind many years ago.
@x 🖤 x I know exactly what you're saying. We're just a robot where BPD defines everything we do and think. That inner child is us, but that was all in some distant land.
Quiet is the least understood subtype, in my opinion, as someone diagnosed with it. My therapist had a hard time connecting the dots with me for a long time. He gets it now, though. For my case - my parent was just 100% neglectful. We raised ourselves. My brother was never home and I took to the PC.
Thank you for this
Not my youtube feed calling me out...
I used to have a lot of suicidal ideation but my faith helps with this. I never ever used it as a tool to get a partner to stay with me and wanted to hide these feelings from my partners but would tell my friends after the fact, never before.. I only really told family during.