Comparing to others makes you UNHAPPY? It shouldn't...
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2022
- There is this idea that comparing yourself to others makes you unhappy. Well, it might for a lot of people, but it's not supposed to...
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I would also say, even though you get negative emotions, turn that energy into fuel to better yourself. Having those negative emotions and not doing anything about it probably turns into more negative emotions and it becomes a downwards spiral.
I'm not upset to see people that are better than me in certain areas of their life but I still think comparing yourself to yourself is good advice, mostly because you don't have all the info about others and they're probably showing just the best and hiding the crap, especially on social media.
It can be double edged sword, on one hand comparing yourself with someone who has it way better than you is pointless (money, looks, place of birth etc.) because you know (or should be aware) that you don't have same resources to achive the same goal. However it becomes more intetesting in same or in a group that has it "worse" than you, because then you begin to question yourself a lot more, and at that point you either stay in same position or you change your situation for better or worse.
The problem is comparing yourself (right now, whatever that now is) vs others at their peak and thinking that that is their “baseline”. That is what leads to unhappiness and depression.
Competitiveness, it becomes really toxic once you get in the rabbit hole too deep. It is okay to let your ego drop a little sometimes.
I think that perhaps one of the biggest mistakes people make is to think that ego and competitiveness are necessarily connected.
I think that too much competitiveness is bad. When I was on Instagram I wasn't necessarily jealous or mad at the people who looked like they have better lives but just felt bad because there were so many. After I stopped being on Instagram I felt competitive in a good way with people I meet, friends, and also people I see on UA-cam.
TL;DR this is the only video on comparing yourself to others that actually describes the nuance required to delineate between whether or not your jealous of an unrealistic standard or if it because the person your comparing yourself to is a mirrior for inadaquecies that you are more than capable of fixing.
This is the only video that describes my feeling properly. Thank you rob.
I really appreciate this video. Growing up, I had alot of potential. My teachers constantly praised me for the work I did. I had a mental omagine of this things I wanted to accomplish early on; I wanted to be in academia. Later on, I started considering law or political science.
but as I grew up, I became complacent. I didnt put the work in, I didnt get the marks I needed and near the end, a breakup, some childhood trauma and covid lockdowns combined and I hit rock bottom. All I could think about was the fact that I wasted my time in school and I wasnt anywhere near the person that I wanted to be; That if I had been more focused, I could've been.
Fast forward to now, I work at a fast food place in a prestigeous university (im 18M) and I had a crush on coworker of mine, around the same age. She worked two jobs, she was beautiful, she was a law student and she lived on her own; none of things thing I am. She was funny and wonderfully charasmatic. For months I felt sick whenever we were on shoft together. She was the perfect person. She was by no means a tradition beauty, but she had this charm about her that caused me to feel a deep longing, in hindsight an obession. We really hit it off because she was a kind person, but I read the wrong signals. Now this sounds like a classic crush gone wrong situation, but it hit me harder than I could ever imagine.
The moment I saw her it triggered something me. There was this deep longing feeling that I felt whenever I talked to her or saw her. But when I was rejected, It sent me down this spiral. Every day since Ive felt this pit in my stomach. All I can think about it my wasted potential and all of the ways that Im not the person I should. I feel like a grain of sand in the sahara. The amount of changed required to get to the place I want to be seems so vast.
At first I searched up videos on how to handle tejection. But all of them became some insufferable plea to just, "love yourself".
Then I thought maybe I just need to stop comparing myself. So then I started trying to find videos on how to stop. But, again, they all arrived at the conclusion that I just needed to "focus on myself".
I understood that point they were trying to make, but I never felt like it was the answer that I was looking for. It just didn't feel right to me. Whenever I meditated on how I felt, there was something more.
But with this video I now realize that the reason the rejection hurt so bad is because it was as if this person--who ultimately represented everything I wasnted to be in life; a person who achieved every ideal and expection that I had for myself at this age--was like a mirror. I was rejected by my own ideal. But it wasnt just that; it's that my ideal rejected me and on top of that, Im not even remotely positioned or willing to take the actions required to become my own ideal.
Those videos were right in saying that you shouldnt compare yourself to an unrealistic standard. The issue is that I was comparing myself to a standard that I was more tham capable of achieveing and, furthermore, a standard that I was actively walking away from
It's an utterly crushing feeling. But atleast I now understand.
Remember, we shouldn't make our emotions overpower what is real. Facts over feelings. And this video is something I had related to and had recognized on my self improvement journey. Don't get me wrong I'm still not fond of social media however there are many areas and many that I'm currently working on (bc it's a limitless process) bc I am still not where I wanna be. Playing the victim will hinder you from making progress. It really takes dropping your pride. Even if people might flex to piss you off you are to use that as fuel not to out do them but to build momentum and humility.
I agree with this. I think the wording is a little patronising in a sense that you hold this grudge against whoever because they are ‘better than you’ - I understand the choice of wording to inspire action. And also understand how you could of been depressed or angry beforehand anyway.
I think another viewpoint of looking at this is this:
The reason you hold these grudges, these negative emotions and anger towards these people is because you may have a desire to have what they also have. But in your current situation, you do not have whatever this is, or are not actively taking action to progress. I think progress is the biggest emotional change. Once you’ve started making change, you then begin to view these people differently.
Actually it felt good seeing someone close to me reach their success, they indeed inspired me to be better. However seeing an acquitances or someone I barely know get their success sometimes trigger envy in me. I think it's probably bcs I don't know their struggle and their story, I only see the result and not the process. The opposite is true, when you are close enough to someone you will usuallly know how hard they worked to be where they are at.
4:50 fact
Yeah its probably one of the matrix lies that I strongly believe in. However don't spend 90% of your time comparing. You still gotta spend most of your time working towards your goals.
But if you come across someone having what you want. Don't cry. Instead figure out how YOU could get that.
We are different versions 🔥Thank you sir
I agree with this.
This is opposing to Hamza's opinion though...I'd like to hear his rebuttal to this 👌
What is his opinion?
To be honest thats a 2min vid that got stretched into 12:37 fair point though just a bit longwinded
👍💪🏼
Guru
What is in the thumbnail
Damn the new video about Hamza really blew up 😂
It did
hi Rob
Hi Dennis
@@robmulder this is my step fathers account I've used this for 4 years now. I'm Rey or reymundo which ever you prefer btw sorry about the confusion. im 17 and currently im in my senior year I just wanna say you are an impact in my life with no fap advice and more that you share to the world I just wanna say thank u for all you do and that keep up with great content as all always have a good one rob:)
yeah and you know that in body building some people have wayy more genetics than you and you can't get as much as progress than the person your comparing yourself to and it gives you negative thoughts and stuff so what about that he starts to make changes but that happens?
I honestly don't see why something like that would be a problem. I personally have absolutely no trouble accepting that other people have better genetics than me. I think it's just a form of acceptance and mental health in general. If you are in good mental health, accepting something like that really shouldn't be that hard. I think it also really boils down to what I said in this video. If you are truly happy with your own life, you are working towards your goals, and (for example) you have brought your physique to your own natty limit, I guarantee you that you will not feel bad about the fact that others have better genetics.
Well, most of the time it's not matter of genetics but of steroids
@@riccardoc2524 not really, you can't beat Cbum without good genetics
gonna have to disagree w you in this one
Elaborate