I think they are both right. But Jordan Peterson speaks about how to prepare the child for real life and adulthood. Gabor Mate meanwhile speaks of how to navigate emotional situations of children within the family, as a healthy outlet for emotions. They are both right, just speaking of solutions for similar but different situations
A balance of each technique, depending on the situation, is best So both ways can be correct and in most cases incorporate them both. Help your child through their feelings talk, stomp, have a little scream whatever and then explain why you’re giving them a time out (if the last part is necessary)
When you are angry, people don’t want to talk to you. That’s true. The inability to control your emotions in the presence of others does not lead to a positive result. Teaching children to withdraw, take a break, and get control of yourself is a useful skill.
That's why we teach kids how to be present with their anger in relationship by mirroring "oh yes, you're REALLY angry right now. Hitting is NOT okay, but let's stomp our feet together." And yes, sometimes taking space is okay too, but inviting that as ONE option is different than isolating kids when they are feeling big emotions. The ability to control our emotions in the presence of others develops by being in relationship with each other in a healthy way with big emotions. This is different than adults taking space.
It depends on the situation. When you attend university and learn about natural science as opposed to social science it teaches you about variants and reasons for behaviours (as opposed to guessing), as well as why it is natural to have and experience emotions. Dr. Mate has a wider grasp of what is happening versus Peterson's limited view.
This pre assumes that punishment is going to shape their character. I dont know if that's true, espcially at such a young age. Bryan caplan has an interesting take on this.
I think Peterson talks about helping a child to learn how to regulate their behaviour without invalidating them. Something like ‘I love you, but your behaviour is not ok. Take a break, and when you calmed down, you can rejoin us’. I think that this is a good idea.
Thing is, this "isolation for regulation" is an adult interpretation of the situation. Children don't get it. They feel strong emotions, are met with isolation, and because children still see themselves as being the cause of everything, they won't think "oh, my parents are doing this because my behavior is unnacceptable, so I'll learn by myself how to calm down", they'll think "my parents are isolating me because I'm a bad person, so I have to hide my bad parts if I want to belong", leading to disconnection from their emotions and potential future issues like depression and anxiety
@@victornoboru I still beg to differ. It’s behavioural conditioning which, of course, should be done wisely. Children don’t think like an adult does, and to project an adult interpretative perspective on their reactions and thinking is as counterproductive as a therapist projecting his/ her own things on the client.
Same thing applies. Temper tantrums are s normal part of young child's development. If you punish kids or give them "time outs", you are sending the message that they have to suppress their emotions, instead of being regulated and calmed down, which is what an adult should be able to do. You don't have to agree with that, but Jordan Peterson is still wrong. No need to defend him, he has duped you for millions of dollars for his bad parenting and life advice.
Jordan throws temper tantrums all the time during debates. He doesn't follow his own rules. He's full of anger whenever someone doesn't agree with him and keeps speaking in an elevated tone of voice as if anger was a valid argument.
I'm pretty sure you mistook JP's point on this one. JP meant actual bad behaviours of children. We don't need spoilt brats who have not learnt to respect boundaries and tolerance of other people. Raising your kids to learn when to go and express themselves and when to stop is so important.
Don't take JBP's words out of context, please. He does not mean real anger but bad behaviour and in inappropriate situations. And anger tantrums and resentment disturb, damage and weakebn organ functions, Mate didn't mention that...Anger outbursts are not good for the heart, Liver etc at all.
You don't understand anything about psychology, just shut up and educate yourself. "Inapropriate behavior" doesn't mean anything, and you didn't listen. An angry child acting out, isn't "inapropriate behavior", but you don't understand or accept that, because you haven't studied developmental psychology.
Sorry lads. This guy is ludicrous. JP spoke about hitting children in his book? And mate misconstrues anger and tantrums? Mate hasn't read the book and if he had he can only be intentionally strawmaning. I'd love to see mate talk a 3 yo down while I the height of a tantrum. Nope, sorry guys, this lad is full of it.
That's why we teach kids how to be present with their anger *in relationship* by mirroring "oh yes, you're REALLY angry right now. Hitting is NOT okay, but let's stomp our feet together."
@@joseacrossley4790 also i agree with stomping together...when my son gets angry i get angry with him but its not so easy to do that if hes fighting with another kid....I cant also get mad at the other kid and being angry doesnt give kids the right take that anger out and project it onto others...
Can't you try to learn something before pretending like you understand things that you don't??maybe read a book on child developmental psychology or any view that is perhaps different than a Christian, Western, authoritarian point of view? Perhaps you could learn something. A CHILD ACTING OUT LR BEING ANGRY ISNT A SHADOW trait. It's a normal fucking part of brain development, and no it's "bad behavior". Children learn to regulate their emotions when their parents got their shit together. If you look at Petersons family it's obvious his daughter is a nervous wreck, suppressed, afraid to have any opinions. Obviously she grew up with a raging father. And for being "accepted by anyone". Most people I know don't accept Jordan Lobsterson, but who cares who accepts you, are you a child?
The first podcast I heard from him was magnificent
I can only recommend if your having kids listen more to him
Yes! Finding ways to help kids work with their anger & other emotions *IN* relationship - absolutely.
I think they are both right. But Jordan Peterson speaks about how to prepare the child for real life and adulthood. Gabor Mate meanwhile speaks of how to navigate emotional situations of children within the family, as a healthy outlet for emotions. They are both right, just speaking of solutions for similar but different situations
A balance of each technique, depending on the situation, is best
So both ways can be correct and in most cases incorporate them both.
Help your child through their feelings talk, stomp, have a little scream whatever and then explain why you’re giving them a time out (if the last part is necessary)
Yes!!!
Why so tired mr Mate?
When you are angry, people don’t want to talk to you. That’s true.
The inability to control your emotions in the presence of others does not lead to a positive result.
Teaching children to withdraw, take a break, and get control of yourself is a useful skill.
That's why we teach kids how to be present with their anger in relationship by mirroring "oh yes, you're REALLY angry right now. Hitting is NOT okay, but let's stomp our feet together." And yes, sometimes taking space is okay too, but inviting that as ONE option is different than isolating kids when they are feeling big emotions. The ability to control our emotions in the presence of others develops by being in relationship with each other in a healthy way with big emotions. This is different than adults taking space.
@@joseacrossley4790 That's a good explanation that taught me something. Thank you.
@@bradyprice4001 you're so welcome! :)
It depends on the situation. When you attend university and learn about natural science as opposed to social science it teaches you about variants and reasons for behaviours (as opposed to guessing), as well as why it is natural to have and experience emotions. Dr. Mate has a wider grasp of what is happening versus Peterson's limited view.
This pre assumes that punishment is going to shape their character. I dont know if that's true, espcially at such a young age. Bryan caplan has an interesting take on this.
I think Peterson talks about helping a child to learn how to regulate their behaviour without invalidating them. Something like ‘I love you, but your behaviour is not ok. Take a break, and when you calmed down, you can rejoin us’. I think that this is a good idea.
Thing is, this "isolation for regulation" is an adult interpretation of the situation. Children don't get it. They feel strong emotions, are met with isolation, and because children still see themselves as being the cause of everything, they won't think "oh, my parents are doing this because my behavior is unnacceptable, so I'll learn by myself how to calm down", they'll think "my parents are isolating me because I'm a bad person, so I have to hide my bad parts if I want to belong", leading to disconnection from their emotions and potential future issues like depression and anxiety
@@victornoboru I still beg to differ. It’s behavioural conditioning which, of course, should be done wisely. Children don’t think like an adult does, and to project an adult interpretative perspective on their reactions and thinking is as counterproductive as a therapist projecting his/ her own things on the client.
Jordan spoke about temper tantrums, not just being angry
Same thing applies. Temper tantrums are s normal part of young child's development. If you punish kids or give them "time outs", you are sending the message that they have to suppress their emotions, instead of being regulated and calmed down, which is what an adult should be able to do. You don't have to agree with that, but Jordan Peterson is still wrong. No need to defend him, he has duped you for millions of dollars for his bad parenting and life advice.
Jordan throws temper tantrums all the time during debates. He doesn't follow his own rules. He's full of anger whenever someone doesn't agree with him and keeps speaking in an elevated tone of voice as if anger was a valid argument.
@@alvodin6197prolly his "advice" stems from his own inability to regulate emotions.
Jordan himself is an “anger child-adult”. He was repressed and teaches how to do it
So then, according to Peterson, it IS all right to hit a child who is experiencing a temper tantrum?
I'm pretty sure you mistook JP's point on this one. JP meant actual bad behaviours of children. We don't need spoilt brats who have not learnt to respect boundaries and tolerance of other people.
Raising your kids to learn when to go and express themselves and when to stop is so important.
Don't take JBP's words out of context, please. He does not mean real anger but bad behaviour and in inappropriate situations. And anger tantrums and resentment disturb, damage and weakebn organ functions, Mate didn't mention that...Anger outbursts are not good for the heart, Liver etc at all.
You don't understand anything about psychology, just shut up and educate yourself. "Inapropriate behavior" doesn't mean anything, and you didn't listen. An angry child acting out, isn't "inapropriate behavior", but you don't understand or accept that, because you haven't studied developmental psychology.
temper tantrum often because child emotions are surpress, so yes it could still applied.
Wrong
Sorry lads. This guy is ludicrous. JP spoke about hitting children in his book? And mate misconstrues anger and tantrums? Mate hasn't read the book and if he had he can only be intentionally strawmaning. I'd love to see mate talk a 3 yo down while I the height of a tantrum. Nope, sorry guys, this lad is full of it.
Gabor Mate is a silly weak beta
This is ridiculous....When people cant control their shadow side then they will never be accepted by others.
That's why we teach kids how to be present with their anger *in relationship* by mirroring "oh yes, you're REALLY angry right now. Hitting is NOT okay, but let's stomp our feet together."
GAGAGAGAGAGGAGA
@@joseacrossley4790 Jordan Peterson doesnt say to hit your kids...but to simply remove them from the situation
@@joseacrossley4790 also i agree with stomping together...when my son gets angry i get angry with him but its not so easy to do that if hes fighting with another kid....I cant also get mad at the other kid and being angry doesnt give kids the right take that anger out and project it onto others...
Can't you try to learn something before pretending like you understand things that you don't??maybe read a book on child developmental psychology or any view that is perhaps different than a Christian, Western, authoritarian point of view? Perhaps you could learn something. A CHILD ACTING OUT LR BEING ANGRY ISNT A SHADOW trait. It's a normal fucking part of brain development, and no it's "bad behavior". Children learn to regulate their emotions when their parents got their shit together. If you look at Petersons family it's obvious his daughter is a nervous wreck, suppressed, afraid to have any opinions. Obviously she grew up with a raging father. And for being "accepted by anyone". Most people I know don't accept Jordan Lobsterson, but who cares who accepts you, are you a child?
I think he didn’t get the message 😂