INTJ social skills
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- INTJ social skills
Should INTJs develop social skills? Are INTJs even bad at social skills? Are social skills a priority we INTJs care to develop? What functions would INTJs use to develop social skills?
ps this thumbnail bothers me so don't make fun of it lol
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0:00 Connecting two related topics
1:21 What I mean by bad social skills
3:44 Overview
4:56 Extroverted Thinking Part 1
6:17 Te part 2
7:03 Introverted Feeling
9:07 Extroverted Sensing
12:44 Introverted Intuition
19:08 Big Takeaways
THE THING to do IS to not think so much!!!!!!!
INTJs are SUCH overthinkers that it KILLS our ability to be social. in truth, others ARE NOT thinking so much. so, in order to 'get on the same level' we need to reduce the amount of internal processing that we do and; just, simply 'go with the flow' more.
THAT IS THE WAY to do it.
ABSOLUTELY.
FOR SURE.
- INTJ
I am an INTJ with strong social skills: a combination that I've seen described as, "Unstoppable". I agree! ;-)
Yes I am currently working on this and it's amazing to see how extraverted you actually can be when you get out of your head
I agree, overthinking takes a toll on my social skills.
Now selling T-shirts that say: "Get Stupid"
How do you NOT overthink!? Lol I don’t know that I can do that with out alcohol
I think it's also interesting how male INTJs = brilliant mastermind... female INTJs = "what's wrong with her, why is she so quiet and zoned out?"
yep totally agree
what are you talking about? I'm a dude (according to 17% of the population) and people always say "what's wrong with him, why is he so quiet". No one calls me a 'mastermind'. And if they did, they would soon have an unfortunate accident.
@@heedmywarning2792 yip me too. always the gender thing. so tiring.
@@heedmywarning2792 same
There are a few intj males that are extremely successful, but there are many that over think things so much that they don’t actually make things happen. The negative things that are predicted and come true reinforce the belief that nothing is worth trying unless it has a high chance of success.
Your story of asking a "weird" question in school jogged my memory for one. While in a college language class, we learned some grammar that changed depending whether you were talking about living or inanimate things. After wondering how it could apply to normally inanimate things that were alive (like a fantasy story), I asked a practical question that applied to real life (at least in my mind): If we talk about a dead thing that was alive earlier, does the grammar also change? The teacher got a worried look on her face before shaking her head saying flatly, "No, no it doesn't." I got a few silent head turns in my direction from the other students. Too philosophical. Too dark. Got it.
lol I relate to that so much!
This is such a valid question in my mind! I probably would have asked the same thing if I'd been in that class. I see how people might have taken it as a dark or philosophical line of questioning but it also has important implications for the application of the grammar because "living" and "inanimate" aren't mutually exclusive categories... I mean sure, sometimes it's obvious; a book is neither living nor animate, for example. But books are made from paper which comes from trees which are definitely alive (until they're cut down and mulched, obviously) but are also generally considered to be inanimate. So which grammatical structure should you use then?
As an INTJ and a former languages student, I feel for you. I used to drive my teachers mad by poking holes in the "logic" of grammatical systems. Language teachers love to talk about how grammar has "systems" and "rules" but there are almost always weird exceptions and loopholes that you won't know about unless you already know about them, so you have to ask. Nine times out of ten the only answer I got was "...that's just the way it is" while my classmates looked at me weirdly but what was I supposed to do? Not ask?? Just trust that a centuries old language system that evolved from a combination of several other now-dead languages has internal logic? Sorry but I think not lmao.
I did that once in high school too. My teacher called me weird infront of the whole class in high school. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but I just remember being confused that nobody understood the angle I was looking at. Come to think of it, how inappropriate of the teacher! I should have reported her 🤣
INTJ here.
Ok so I have to say that I think I just cracked the code today, thanks to this video. In the past I've been able to get into a social flow state and feel like an Se extravert at parties and such, but it was always inconsistent. Other days I just couldn't get out of my head in social situations.
But today what you said about utilizing Te and Se really resonated with me, and I decided to do Se things all afternoon, as I knew I would be at a party tonight. I didn't workout with airpods, I rolled down the windows wile driving, took a long time to get ready, and didn't spend time analyzing what I was going to say.
And it worked! At the party I was going from person to person feeling like an absolute ESTP or something. It was glorious. It's super cool to see MBTI implemented into my life and actual change happening. Anyways.
That's amazing!!
my TE- SE IS FUCKING CRUEL and maquiavelian, idk what to do
As an intp, I come across alot nicer than I actually am, because I am usually in Fe mode when I am interacting with people (especially strangers). The problem is that Fe is very draining to me, so I tend to avoid people. I think its the opposite in intjs, they come across meaner than they actually are.
That is REALLY true! I hadn't thought about that before and that's really interesting....
I identify with this. So accurate. I used to have people tell me that before they got to know me, they considered me some intimidating, unkind person; telling me that they realized later I was actually very nice.
I think it's not like that but i like to think of it as a switch to a different function so when i am in a deep state of a Ti hero mood i cannot use the Fe but when i get tired or bored from the Ti i will start to feel the neediness for a human deep connection so it will be so real and not fake at all .. and that maybe because the enneagram wing 4 in me
Thanks so much for this. It can be very lonely and confusing to be an INTJ female, videos like this help so much
Intj female here. How are you? :-)
I consider myself a "Master INTJ" I use what makes me an INTJ to my advantage. I study and experiment on myself psychologically, in turn this helped me to overcome most of the "considered" down falls of my personality. To have zoning-out less frequent, choose a healthier diet and drink plenty of water, because when you're in poor health and social situations drain you, you end up not having much in the tank to engage people with so you zone out.
As of right now I'm working on becoming more giving socially and reducing my robotic perception, one way you can do this is by taking acting classes or mimicking facial and body expressions in movies and knowing when its appropriate and not appropriate to use specific expressions.
start a UA-cam channel talking about this; that would be cool
As an ENTP I can tell just by your writing patterns that you are definitely an INTJ. My best advice is to put yourself in social environments, and be very attentive to what everyone else is doing and discussing. I know this will be draining for you but just wait and DO NOT CHIME IN WITH EDUCATIONAL INFORMATION. Remember your goal is to be around the social action, its not confrontational, it is not a contest. The king of this realm is the friendliest and easiest going.
So just wait around the social action until you naturally slip into the social action.
When I was a baby, my mother worried for a little while that I was autistic because I didn't respond to her (face, eye contact etc) the way babies typically do. But I was just an INTJ! Lol.
lol!
That was just you observing the inferior earthling and determining whether she was worthy of engaging with.... :-)
What is your enneagrem type colywogable? I am a 5 INTJ: "the observer" e type and born with big eyes looking everywhere.
OMG, YES! One of my sisters believes I have autism and actually tells people that to explain my INTJ behavior...unfortunately (or fortunately?), we no longer speak with each other. Her choice, not mine.
I'm an INTJ and i developed my social skill in the crucible of the restaurant industry. Would highly recommend for that and some good emotional scarring.
I think yours is the best w.r.t. INTJ videos on UA-cam.
You tend to describe the cognitive functions with the precision of an INTP.
In the past 2 days since discovering your channel, I've learnt so much about myself and how to optimize my functions. I want to thank you for your work. I feel like I found an INTJ big sis who understands me and can explain things to me.
For me it depends on the person I'm talking with, I realized that when I'm having a strongly engaging conversation with someone my attention is fully there, it just comes naturally. After a long time interacting I get tired, of course, and tend to zone out but I just go for a walk myself, process what just happened and I'm ready to continue. That wouldn't be an option if I'm only listening to someone because I have to and there's nothing interesting for me in their speech. The thing is... Finding those people with whom I can connect is really difficult.
That's so true! Giving Se-presence to people we're no interested in is borderline impossible.
I thought this was one of your best videos, a lot of practical advice. I would also suggest that being present and showing vulnerability are two important skills for people in leadership and management roles, where you need to build and maintain relationships with others in the organization.
Thank you! That's a great connection! I'll use that as a teacher...
Your videos have been really helpful... I'm a 45 year old malfunctioning INTJ teetering on the edge of disaster (I've taken a few Myers Briggs variations all came out INTJ with some leaning toward INFJ). Isolationism, infinite negativity loops, and ruthless hostility to those who threaten or hurt me have been real problems. I've grown to dread working for other people and am finally trying to cook up something for myself finally. Anyhow, when I get some cash flow going, I'm going to get one of your books.
As an INTJ I dread the idea of working in an organization/company. I haven't yet the motivation to find a job..I'm in my mid 20s and struggle to engage with the public let alone networking with people. This video is encouraging though to push myself beyond my little circle and explore the world without overanalyzing.
The Ni is in some ways very close to (what I imagine) ADHD is like. Someone says something and you start going off on a mental tangent analyzing it. If they're still speaking when you're done, you realize you didn't hear a word they said.
I had a hell of a time in school with this, because I kept getting lost during lectures with the implications of one point or another that the instructor had made.
I thought everyone has this. Dont they?
Connecting unrelated things and presenting back in a novel way… says it’s just something she likes to do 🤷🏼♀️ … the INTJ is strong in this one ❤😂
Amazing, an INTJ that I actually relate to.. man that is rare. Great video, this is exactly my thoughts as well, stop jumping the Ni gun and counting people out, share your Ni thought process out loud, bring the other person in.
The “last name” question was totally appropriate. I would ask if I was comfortable with the person. Also I would understand the question if asked of me by a student. Your asking shows that you were interested in her and how you might change how you address her. Students have a need to know about their learning environment. The response of the students around you seems to me to be the belittling and intentional put down. When thinking about this experience in the future, consider the rude and hurtful response of those thoughtless students who wanted you to feel weird about wanting to know how changing a name mid-term would affect how you address the teacher. Maybe they felt superior for doing that. Maybe you felt weird. If so they were successful.
I really related to your explanation of the social skills. I wish I could have understood so much at an early age like you are learning. I look forward to your next revelation. Keep it up.
Thank you!!
I'm an ISTJ and I find a lot of the INTJ social advice too be relevant because of the common Fe Trickster which we share
Wow sweet birthday gift last year! Thank you! The final source, with the best images in the whole community.
This was so good! I found myself laughing at so many relatable moments. Very insightful and helpful.
Ahhhhh, she knows about the delayed hearing in conversations! I am going to try letting the guard down some. I feel like I don’t always get the feedback that they did want me to share equally. I study sports just to have a Venn diagram overlap with my peers. I , for one, am very glad you sought an output for your MBTI knowledge. 💙
The big takeaway section of this video has this really enriching and practically useful information. I'm looking forward to make a practice out of this irl one day at a time. Thank you! =)
You are really insightful Alexis. Great INTJ content
Hi Alexis 👋 I recently came across your channel. Your content is very relatable. I enjoy it. Thank you.
Your channel is a lifesaver tbh
Great video. A lot of good points. Subscribed.
As an INTJ-A, I've noticed that most people who meet an INTJ experience it about the same way they would experience a train wreck. We're direct and assertive and don't give off the warm "feels" others need in social interactions. I took several college-level communication courses, which were effective at giving me the tools to be more social. While you will always be different from others as an INTJ, you can develop the ability to interact with others more effectively.
Yes and as an INTJ ages we can get better at people skills. Acting classes and speech classes from childhood helped but later after my academic training in clinical psych I could be more extroverted with a purpose in mind...raising money for my academic programs...representing my univeristy in the community etc....I was essentially a "missionary" trying to promote growth in individiduals via higher ed....I believed in what we were doing so I could get out of myself when talking...now retired I CAN be more extroverted but when at home I tend to be totally content staying home for days or even weeks...but I CAN push myself out the door if I have a reason...but I dont feel an internal push to get out and socialize.
Wow, Alexis! The ending comment, about sharing all your Myers-Briggs functions knowledge with others, doing You tube videos, really sparked a nerve with me; I can really relate to that. I might have to do the same! My husband, for quite a long time, was the main person who would listen and engage with me, if even just minimally, about the same topic of Myers-Briggs personality types. Couldn't find anyone else interested, for the most part. I wondered how for years I could be so "weirdly" interested in the topic, while no one else seemed to be. I finally realized it is my INTJ nature, I believe, that gives me that extra edge, to want to put in the exuberant amount of effort and hours into the study of any one topic in which I find myself interested. A typical INTJ research strength. Makes sense. Finally, I get it! Also, I remember physically lowering in my seat, when in college I asked the instructor a question about drinking milk, related, at least I thought, to some subject on which she was talking. I felt students' heads turn toward me and their eyes fix on me; whether or not that was the case in reality, it felt like it. I wanted to take back my question. Thanks, again for the clear-spoken video.
Great tips. I read a book called the social skills guidebook and that really helped with this topic.
I was raised my an ESTJ and it helped me to understand regimented social interaction and it’s benefits.
I think ni can be wrong too.. which can be frustrating for the other person.. and they feel misunderstood..as a entp I notice this .
I think it's so good that you pointed out that not all relationships are draining! 👍 I and my husband are both INFP's and we actually feel recharged and empowered when we are talking together. ❤️
That's probably more to you knowing each other's likes and dislikes. As with strangers there are more awkward, less meaningful conversations just because you don't know each other.
Pleasantly surprised to hear about this topic from someone who claims to be an INTJ and actually sounds like one. Thank you.
[9:07] The way you described how we end up going so far down the path when someone tells us somethings was eye opening. The who "detached looking" definitely struck home. I had just grown accustomed to people asking me if something was wrong whenever I was in "my zone." But your explanation was logical, descriptive and relatable. It was so INTJ. Thank you. 👍
I think that being vulnerable and having developed Feelings whether Fi or Fe is important for relationships yes but at the same time I like someone if they are enigmatic & mysterious at the same time; not purposefully mysterious but naturally like INTPs for example.
I need an outlet too for discussing MBTI! It’s so fascinating 🧐
Good video. I have learned and improved on communication, but I will say that when someone that doesn’t have power over me isn’t contributing to the relationship that I’m trying so hard to, I’m done with them.
I think I have acquired in younger years better social skills(cultural upbringing is to blame here). I am still really bad at it in some cases but I can pass as a pleasent presence who is not very talkative. I loved it when you mentioned probing questions and not understanding why people are reacting to it is quiet relatable and something I need to reflect more on.
I started expressing to people what I was feeling (when I'm nervous for something) more often and I think it helped me so much not only to feel less nervous but also to connect with people more
Look for the Se evidence. Be in the moment. Great advise Alexis!
Thank you!!
I think omniverts aren't well understood, or represented in within this field of study. My default setting is INTJ, but I can only stay in it so long before needing social interaction. There is an incredible dynamic with this trait. Imagine being able to bridge the sentiment gap between I's, and E's in any given situation. Like any other trait, it's not without it's challenges. We may not interface with either side of the spectrum entirely.
Sooo many things here really resonates, thank you (but now I need to go back in my thinking hole to digest it all, lol). A friend got her hearing checked because she couldn’t hear me. Your insights are helping me because I’m still deep deep deep in my head after the pandemic isolation and moving to a new city. Can you do a video on how INTJs can reintegrate into society after the pandemic?
Its 2023 and I'm still in lockdown mode
Alexis, you are amazing.
That was an awesome video! Thanks
I'm freaked out. I've been like this. Investigation, over thinking, analyzing, organizing, counting. Didn't realize people saw me as zoning out, but I see that know. I'm ambivert, very excited or totally in a shell terrified and paralyzed. This video I will watch again.
Hahahha. Very interesting/entertaining topic. All so true and very relatable. I can almost laugh thinking back about my socially awkward situations in the past. With age, especially now, I try to be kind, more empathetic, more conscious of ppl especially those I don't vibe too well naturally with. A close friend.. who is also my biz partner whom I trust and very different to my personality (he has high Fe) once said.. and very politely.. that I have the lowest empathy among the partners and 'Semi Autistic'. I was not offended at all and was highly amused. I think he knows that it is also just my outward facade and internally I am very empathic. After all we INTJ are highly observant and have Fi which does play a role. We just communicate what's really inside us poorly. Not that we really want to anyway.. hahaha. Once you get to knows us..if you're lucky to be in our elite club.. haha.. you'll realize that we're not as Detached... Cold... Aloof.. etc as the rest of the world thinks. We're quite nice and fun to be with. Just have to be very patient with us. Either way we're fine with it :)
Semi autistic 🤣
Wow, my brain works so much like yours.
I had a strong long extraverted phase that left me exhausted, and always wondered whether that came from the end goal of pursuing a career or I just deteriorated over time or what.
Thanks for the helpful information.
Talking to others. I've been digging deep into typing. I get so excited I think everyone will want/should know about THIS FABULOUS THING IM LEARNING ABOUT BUT THEY JUST WRIGHT ME OUT AS A FOOL. PS MOST THINK THEY KNOW ABOUT TYPEING. Thanks
the way u describe intp makes me happy somehow..
About the being too probing, some people get uncomfortable when I friggin breathe in their presence. On the other hand I find curiosity a very attractive personality trait, I very much like if someone is a bit probing in other people's eyes but not in mine. It means they're actually interested. Which today is a rare occurence.
I'm an INTJ, 8w9 with the LSI D Socionics type, people either tend to hate me, look at me like I'm a monster or to others that know me well, they love me greatly. I'm also well known in my social circles for having a piercing gaze, my ESFJ mother and ISFP stepfather absolutely hate that gaze.
Can you make a video on INTJ - INFJ interaction, relationship, hurdles, plus points, conflict management, growth, teamwork etc? Thank you in advance.
INFJ
Brilliant insight ❤
Just soo many things that resonate w me (jokes, probing, Se's, Te's!) 😂😅😅
Very good 👏🙌 from a INTJ male.
As a 35 year old INTJ, I would say this video will help INTJs who are trying to understand themselves. A lot. Excellent video, Alexis!
I can 100% relate to what u said.
I spent the last 10 years learning to interact in a normal way an learn some degree of charm. What I did was;
1 make friends with people who are good at socializing and study them. These extroverts found me and we had a similar sense of humor.
2 my weird thoughts I vocalize them but in a joke. A "what if..." and laugh. They then think you're weird but in an entertaining sometimes clever way. Make the jokes that only you get. You are you're target audience. Those who get it you know you'll be great friends with.
3 accepted that most people feel socially awkward and want to be accepted and liked. I'm not alone and in fact, am on equal footing with them. If I reach out and am rejected, dont hyper analyze and personalize.
4 last and the most important one! Find something about each person you're curious about and ask questions. Some boring people turned out to be fascinating beneath the surface.
It takes practice to read people in the moment and I credit with having a charming extroverted mother who taught me to think through through what i say with a empathy filter.
Thanks, Alexis! As an INTJ, I found this to be very relatable to my experiences.
If you don’t mind sparing a minute, I was wondering if you have ever felt that you have to go into that interrogatory mode of communication because the person on the other end doesn’t seem to be interested in getting to know you?
I often get into that default mode because I feel like I have to do it to keep up the conversation. Have you ever experienced that?
I don't usually write people off during first impressions, but if they express willful ignorance, lack of responsibility for the results of their actions, or don't give me any chance to talk while they yammer trivialities upon meeting at a social event, that's all the Se (or if that's the wrong letter, substitute the correct one :), I move on.
That was awesome.
23:18 that is the EXACT thing that happened to me with my hobby/interest (fencing)
Oh man… My body language gives me away with being closed off. - ENFP
Only warm when i want to be. I'm assertive and direct
I highly suspect my bf is an INTJ. I’m either an ENTP or INTP but I strongly think I’m an INTP. So we have opposite functions which is kinda fun cause it’s a challenge, causing me to develop my last 4 functions.
I think my daughter is ENFJ and my son is an INFP.
I would really love to have an assessment from you to get your thoughts on my actual type. Reach out to me if you’re interested. Also, insight into an INTJ is very interesting to me. 😁👍🏻
So interesting! Yes I'd love to! You can go to my website alexiskingsley.com to book a session. If none of those times work, message me on instagram alexismkingsley and we can find a time!
This is a damn good video.
Funny too 😂
Oh snap, kudos from the Eric Wen! 🤩
Reading people is great tho you can forsee their actions and motivations if they're playing power games or something
Incredible video
Resonated with thumbnail.
Great video
Several 'a ha!' moments for me in this video.
Completely agreed to most of the things being said... Took me a long time to realise how badly we(INTs) misunderstand others while thinking that we put alot of effort for'em. Usually we give a vibe to make people run away, and then rant on how bad the world is... Low Se sucks😖
tis right.
I made my moto life since 2021 "dont think twice" but i've always fail
I have social skills, pretty good actually. I CHOOSE not to talk or be AS friendly as a defense mechanism to keep meaningless conversations as close to NONE as possible. You can say what you want, but intj could care less what you think about em.
Socialising with workplaceses, institutions even romantically. Ok. People think some girl for me in workplace she is a good girl but imnot sure about vibe thing. We must be comfortable with that person yeh?
10:00 Hahahaha it can be embarrassing some times but I can't help it.
hahahahaha
Lean *into* it! :) About a year or so ago, I decided to lean into my quirkiness and love of learning, and say the quiet parts out loud as to how my mind works, and it's hilarious! I've never *had* so much fun in everyday comings/goings.
I also do not understand what was wrong with that question… it was a good question 😂
It’s not my fault small talk makes me want roll my eyes into the back of my head yo
I just had a great movie idea; trapped in an elevator for 4 hours with Kim K.
12:40 is golden
As an INTJ, I fking hate organization!
0:47 what you said I'm going to try
where do you meet all these people who know their type and can tell you what they are? Is MBTI more popular than I think?
Thanks for sharing your stories, or it’d be hard for me to believe you’re really an INTJ.
The thumbnail 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂
I don't have any.
So complex and tiring trying to understand intjs
I only go out when asked
Can INTJ-A be an omnivert
finally a real INTJ on youtube
according to what objective parameters?
@@heedmywarning2792 objective parameters are for Si users
@@gunsbulletsheroin So, your decision making process leans towards feelings. Tingly feelings.
@@heedmywarning2792 i just take drugs and then watch the letters shuffling around on my ceiling and they tell me what to post
Where have you found them 22:14?
I have found them all inadvertently from the advice "expand friend groups." I have learned to hang out with people I'm not that into if they'll introduce me to people I'm more into. For example I had a friend who is an ESFJ, and we didn't jive particularly well, but she introduced me to an ENTP, INTP, INFP, and ENFJ, who I enjoyed a lot more. I now just hang out with them, but it was useful to utilize the ESFJ for networking.
I'm trying so hard to be vulnerable, but my Fi (inner child) won't let me smile and be open 😬
@@umizahirah638 I'm fine with sympathy thank you. I don't need to be "humanlike"
@@umizahirah638 Why? What will being more humanlike offer me? My problem is being vulnerable not feeling the pain or joy of others. Stop offering advice that would solve your issues, it won't fix mine.
@@umizahirah638 unconditional love and trust. Only a typical woman would use this words. Being vulnerable is about risk and hoping that someone is trustworthy.
@@umizahirah638 I get what your trying to say but your not saying it in a way that I can agree with. Words like empathy and love don't get through to me.
@@umizahirah638 so I don't need empathy, I just need to be less self absorbed.
Fe Blindspot makes
Ixtjs really awkward
Can you recommend any good books to improve social skills? and please don't say How to win friends and influence people, its too mainstream and not a good book.
lol about the book HTWFAIP I was just talking about how lame it is to be recommended that book on my collab with Aimee Y a few days ago. I have no recommendations, I don't think I've EVER read a book about that lol 😂But I do have a video of general book recs ua-cam.com/video/CerP6Gn4YKk/v-deo.html on that video a subscriber said "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss is great for how to talk to people. I know 'How to Win Friends & Influence People' is good but it kind of sounds like a xSxJ on how to talk to other xSxJs. Never Split the Difference seems like a xNTx on how to talk to everyone." I haven't read it but thought I'd pass it along, and I really like Chris Voss in general.
15:23 me to
My jokes are just like that, 2 or 3 steps to figure and then laugh. Also i really like jokes that are like that, when you have to think a while and the laugh. Before i was allways thinking to by myself that why do i have to make everything so difficult.
Oh I must give this person some attention.
Say something to him/her/theyeyeyeyeyyeyey.
Or else that persons brain stops working and starts doing the wrong thingy......
Unfortunate but inevitable.
-- INTP --
It's 1000 times more difficult to output as an INTJ male.... You get thousands of views simply because you are female. Males are lucky to get 10 views saying the exact same thing. I feel like, however, that you and i could talk for an eternity. And I don't wanna date you or anything