The Reason Why Men Look at Porn
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- Опубліковано 11 вер 2024
- In order to address the problem of pornography, we must look at its roots: the why behind the what. What is the human heart really seeking when men (or women) turn to porn? As we'll find upon honestly examining the desires God has given us, the real reason why men look at porn is much deeper than mere voyeurism.
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Outstanding explanation Dr. West. We men truly need God’s grace and mercy to overcome the pornography temptation. We live in the culture of death and I can witness to the time when I was slaved to sin and lust due to pornography. I am grateful to our Blessed Mother who led to me to Christ helping me with a life of purity and chastity in my marriage.
People Need to hear the true Spiritual side. Men are excusing themselves and women are heart broken, devastated, like me. Husband's are spiritually bankrupt and don't have God in them, they disobey God because they don't have connection with God, they don't have intimacy with the Lord and they are not Loving their wife.
Women blame everything on men while failing to connect with them and denying them the intimacy they crave.
Women aren't always the best at obeying God. Women cheat and lie too. Women cheat on perfectly good Godly men all the time. Sometimes women are Godless.
@@smokingcrab2290 , so true! So many man out there are being rejected by their own wives , humiliated and disrespected. Women, wives of todays end times are especially tempted by devil in his final battle against families, an earthly image of the Holy Trinity
Women use porn too
@@ottooldenhardtand they also sometimes seek to be desired. That end of the spectrum is never discussed.
Alexis is feeling betrayal, and her husband is feeling entitlement to his behavior. Praying alone will not make this better. They need to go to therapy. Also, pick up the book Unwanted by Jay Stringer, and you will understand this A LOT better.
That is an excellent book! Along with “Worthy of her trust”.
@@sarahalderman3126 yes! That is literally my second favorite book. I run a SA group and we are going through Worthy of Her Trust right now. 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻
@@sk8nchill52 that’s wonderful! It truly was groundbreaking for myself in this long journey. Blessings!
@@sarahalderman3126 it’s good to hear from people that have found good help. It’s encouraging. Thank you for your comment! Personally I was addicted for 17 years, and I now have 3 years of freedom. It seems rare to find others who have found it as well. Take care!
@@sk8nchill52 so very true! I wouldn’t necessarily say that my husband has found freedom from his porn addiction, though he goes to periods when it has less of a pull. However I have found freedom from my own struggles with SSA, while always present it no longer holds any power over me. I am so happy that you have found peace in this, but most of all living in Communion. ❤️
The problem is that in 99.9% of marriages affected by a less than optimal (for each spouse respectively) frequencies/intensities is DUE TO the infidelity of porn/voyeurism. In fact I have not ever heard of porn being a result or cause of a lack of marital relations but actually the CAUSE of the lack of marital intimacy. If either spouses are partaking in porn they themselves are incapable of marital intimacy until they have stopped completely and have repented.
I've ehard the opposite. Men turn to porn because of lack of fulfilment in their wives. And women fail to acknowledge that they change. They lure me into relationships with lots of sex and then once they marry they taper the sex off. Especially after having kids.
It's a very discouraging and infuriating thought for me that women don't feel sexual desire and are aroused just by attractive appearances as often as men. I choose not to believe it, but I'm doubtful enough to want to stay single, because if there's more of that desire for one gender it leaves more males sexual desires less satisfied. Some studies have shown that women often lie about thinking of sexually pleasing things less than they do because of perceived societal pressures making them feel more guilty. I don't know how so many people could be as happy as they are thinking there's a great mismatch of that pleasurable a feeling experienced and wanted by both genders. I'm pretty sure this is a reason I struggle with porn. There's other things that have made it difficult for me to enjoy female beauty as much as I want.
I didn’t have a problem with porn until I got married and my wife rarely ever will have sex with me.
The wife is mistaken. Men don’t watch porn to seek any kind of intimacy if anything it’s to avoid intimacy. It’s just pleasure seeking.
Nop, the problem is that this pleasure escalate… what gives you pleasure today, will escalate in the future, I know a person that started just watching and masturbating in the bathroom, next he was meeting with “escorts”, with a STD and a divorce … this is the real problem… besides the spiritual contamination…
@@lavidaesbella_ ok so how does that negate my point? I didn’t say it couldn’t escalate, I didn’t say it was harmless, I just said it’s not about seeking intimacy.
It's really enlightening 🙏🙏🙏. May God bless your work 🙏
Porn is stopping at the surface of sexuality, not reaching intimacy. God help us. It makes u feel good but there is a feat motivating us to resort to this.
It makes you feel good? I don’t think so.
There is a spirit behind the act.It's also the matters of the heart and deeper root issues.
@@artugert
It is fornication, although digitally. So yes biologically physiologically it is satisfying. The hormonal response confirms that it does "feel good."
Your'e only speaking from a spiritual stance, in this context this type of sex is wrong and it is sinning against yourself and your own body. So your'e right, it feels good and it doesn't feel good. That is the nature of sin.
I wished I had done things different in my marriage.my wife filed for divorce.its not final yet but we been separated for a year now.i hurt everyday for my marriage and my children.
My husband and I were in this exact position, due to his persistent infidelity with porn which turned into voyeurism of people we knew (photos of my sister and friends) for sexual purposes… that is unimportant but I also filed for divorce and left with 7 of our 9 children. I ended up finding the book called “his needs her needs” and “love and respect”… which we began listening together once a week, as a last attempt. After doing so for only 4 weeks, I moved back. We’ve since gone on to take EMS through “affair recovery” which you can find on UA-cam! Anyway this is 13 years later and we’ve just celebrated our 21st anniversary! Your wife is in pain, reach out to her, help her see that you are willing to do “whatever it takes”! We all inherently want to know that our other half is doing whatever it takes for as long as it takes!
What did she do to drive you away?
She lost faith
@@eddiehernandez7806disgusting comment. She had faith god would provide for her and didn’t want her to live in constant abuse
I agree with their analysis of the husband. But they didn’t question if the wife has sexually shut herself off to him. Many guys get rejected by their wives so long that pornography is the escape they see as the only means of intimacy. Most marriages are sexless it wouldn’t surprise me if they have one as well.
I think men should ask themselves why their marriages are sexless in the first place. Women enjoy sex.
This is such a broad comment. I would have sex with my partner more then 11 times a month sometimes the stupid sessions will last longer then 1 hour, & he was still using. So no not every case is like that.
@@mariselaangeles8818 tell me you didn’t even read my nuanced response without telling me you didn’t even read my response
so true@@mariselaangeles8818
This is so ignorant. Women are not responsible for men’s choices-period. We were having sex 4 x a day and he still watched
This is actually a really easy question to answer. Men look at pornography because it's the closest thing to real physical sex that they are ever going to get.
If a man is single, there is an overwhelmingly high likelihood that this is, always has been, and always will be a permanent state of affairs, because he falls into the really very large category of men who are deemed sexually untouchable by women because they are not Hollywood-star tall and handsome. So the only way that a man like this will ever even see sexual activity of any kind - which his God-given sex drive makes him crave, let's not forget - is to watch it on a computer screen.
If man is married or in any other kind of relationship, then theoretically he has access to sex all of the time. Except that this isn't actually true. Very many married men report that their spouses never agree to have sex with them, or if they (infrequently) do, it is in a very grudging and unpleasant manner. So these men fall back on the much easier approach of assuaging their - again - God-given sex drives by watching women at least pretending to be sexually compliant in pornographic videos.
So I have a counter-question: if God intends human beings to have holy and fulfilling sex lives, why does He make it so stupidly difficult for this to happen?
Yup
My girl just left me and all this guilt
@@anuragtyagi9764 Never mind, mate. At least your sex life will remain the same now that you don't have a girlfriend....
You are talking as if Hollywood existed for ever. And apart from that I don't feel like it is impossible to have sex. It has to be the easier time in history to have sex (without rape). I never had because I'm Catholic, but I'm pretty sure that if I wanted I could. I'm 5 '7", poor and don't look like a model. I'm ok, not fat, have hair and can maintain a thoughtful conversation. The bar is low. You may just be overlooking all women that don't look like pornstars.
_Keep the conversation going. I want to know your thoughts._
@@LucasDanielSantoro Oh, the bar is very low indeed, Lucas - but still many men are unable to reach it. Sure, I'm talking anecdotally about myself and all men that I have known and communicated with in my life - but that is still a substantial sample of people. As my grandfather used to say: "It doesn't matter how ugly, fat, stupid and nasty a woman is, she will still believe that she deserves to marry Cary Grant". Although the Hollywood thing is a red herring: women in developed countries were still the property of men until the time of the First World War, and either accepted the marriages foisted on them by their fathers, became prostitutes, or starved. But now that they have the choice: boy, are they exercising it. Your description of yourself could easily be a description of me, right down to the Catholicism. Although I went off the rails in my younger days, which is why I sought to "hook up" with women. You say that you "think that you could have had sex, but chose not to". And that was a fine choice. But I also suspect extremely strongly that it will have served as a convenient cover for the fact that you might not have been able to access sex quite as easily as you think, in reality.
Why don't you go after women who watch romantic comedy movies in the same way?
It's hypocrisy. Every sermon or Christian podcast that talks about porn seems to go after men as if we are the only ones who sin.
@@DillonColtMusic glad someone else sees my side of things
Bc it’s not the same. This is such a cope. Romantic comedies are not porn nor cheating nor are they training your brain via the powerful chemicals released via orgasm to view other human beings as objects. You’re asking why movies- which men Also watch isn’t the same as sex magic. And last I checked women don’t imagine themselves with the main character..
Wow this video moved me so deeply. 25 (now 28) years of marriage, I’m 24 and I struggle with pornography and now I understand why. I crave true intimacy and connection. God bless you both thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable! God bless you too.
Guys he's scared to ask his wife for what he wants but he still loves her don't be upset
This question cannot be answered in a 13mins video clip. There are many reasons - loneliness, isolation, boredom, frustration, limerance and more. This discussion is too cerebral.
And women fail to acknowledge the role they play in it as well. Rejection, shaming, putting men down when they communicate their needs, failure to acknowledge mens sexual desires for them as a blessing, etc. Especially after women have kids. Men go into relationships hoping the women will never change, but they inevitably do. This is why most marriages don't make it.
This is BS. Because the first thing I would ask would be “How your sex life been?” Or if they have had children I would reword it “How has you sex life been since having kids?” This question would be asked to both persons in the room together. It would be important to do this because it forces both parties to admit to at least some of the underline issues that drew him to porn. Because I guarantee there may have been times he has tried to initiate sex and was refused. Or he lose attraction in her because she no longer makes an effort to be sexy at all. Men that are married don’t just decide to turn to porn for intimacy while having a well kept and sexually receptive wife.
I agree with your statement, the porn is just a symptom to a underlying issue. Its like saying cars are the problem with drunk driving.
"Is it ever justified to treat another person as a 'thing' for your pleasure?"
He opens his response by addressing all the causes, and suggesting they do to justify pornography use. He is in the business of guiding people away from externalizing blame and taking accountability for sin.
@@nojo1986 You're right it isn't justified, That's why porn is so appealing, It never says no, It gives any type of sex you're looking for.
It's not going to say , no we're not doing that !
I heard an analogy , sex is about leftovers you decide what you'll be willing to do , and they decide what they're willing to do ,and there you go, you got the leftovers.
@@sitka49 that is an incredibly sad and disheartening view of marital intimacy! That is not at all how my husband and I have addressed these issues. Rather we actually discuss our desires with each other and do our individual best to satisfy those desires, within the bounds of our marriage. To love another is to give of ourselves for their benefit. My greatest desire is for my husband to be satisfied, which works perfectly since my satisfaction is also his greatest desire. That doesn’t equate to leftovers in my book.
@@sarahalderman3126 Its not a sad view it wasn't meant be derogator, everyone has boundaries, if you and your husband are discussing your desires ,I'm sure there are few you or he would rather not participate in ? But yet you both don't have same idea's.
Everyone has fantasy's that they would not discuss with anyone. No ones a mind reader ,there might be things your husband knows better not to bring up ,because you might look at him like he has horn growing out his head , or already figures it would be a hard NO.
From my experience, when I find 2 people that agree on everything one of them is lying
Amen God. Ty. I love how the session ended up being a prayer for one couple because after all God said he wouldn't destroy niniveh if there were only 5.
Christopher I need a help
I don’t know what you’re going through, but I am praying for you, Ann.
This is a cultural issue and societal issue now. 100% of men and 86% of women will have seen porn at some point in life either straight up porn or soft core on TV. It’s not excusable no matter the way or reason. There is something inherently wrong with human sexuality in spirit because even animals have some sense of integrity when they find a mate. I’m mostly comparing to birds but even birds are better than us at this…
It's a very discouraging and infuriating thought for me that women don't feel sexual desire and are aroused just by attractive appearances as often as men. I choose not to believe it, but I'm doubtful enough for sexuality to come with torment for me, because if there's more of that desire for one gender it leaves more males sexual desires less satisfied. Some studies have shown that women often lie about thinking of sexually pleasing things less than they do because of perceived societal pressures making them feel more guilty. I don't know how so many people could be as happy as they are thinking there's a great mismatch of that pleasurable a feeling experienced and wanted by both genders. I'm pretty sure this is a reason I struggle with porn. There's other things that have made it difficult for me to enjoy female beauty as much as I want.
Another reason is that I’ve seen many people say that much of what makes women curvy in any area is fat, which makes it difficult for me to enjoy female beauty as much as I want the more I believe that because fat isn’t a body part. It’s much looser than what keeps body structures stable and is meant to be absorbed, so it feels to me like something besides the body itself being shaped that way if it’s a loose material stored inside doing it. I still am attracted to the shape, but it depends on if the composition of it is mostly dense matter for my enjoyment of it. I’ve read that there’s no way to tell if it’s largely fat without certain technologies, so I always suspect that any curves of any woman I see could be largely or mostly fat. If it’s someone I think looks attractive, I often don’t like looking at them because of the conflicting feelings I have about the curvy figure.
I've heard of cases where the wife has a higher drive than the man?
@pineapple1784 What I meant was it being more common for men than women.
@@ericbreaux6124 Ah I see. I hope you find someone that matches your drive
Women aren't attracted to appearance but who someone is as a person, we see the soul and experience true love. Seems men only see looks and only want teens and don't know what true love is
The nudeness I haven't got a problem with, looking no further then at the renaissance artist like titian, Giorgione where painting nudes in the 1500 ( you go to other countries besides the US and not such a issue ) the problem with porn, you have to one up it all the time you can't get the same satisfaction out the last scenes or images. And every time I hear " just pray it away" I just want puke, it's just a platitude for "I don't have an answer "
Very true! One has to change their inner perspective, their true self.
Good music
This thing about using other people... I do it every day. The bus driver, I use him. The cashier, I use him. My coworkers, I use them. The journalists on TV, I use them. I understand it would be better to love them and that using people is bad, but is that even possible? I feel used in my job, even. It's not like my boss thinks I'm an object, but that's just a fact of life in the XXI century. When there will be self-driving busses, and self checkouts on stores, and automation on jobs and AI written news we won't need to use each other. But as long as there are jobs people will be using one another for personal pleasure, comfort or gain. It's less than ideal in my view, but I would like to have anyone else's perspective on using people. Especially in big cities this is a problem. I can have a personal relationship with the janitor in my building or the butcher closer to home, but I cannot love 3 million people living in my city.
I agree w/U. The "usage" factor is not exploitative if all parties agree. I also don't agree w/his definition of voyeurism. Overall i am drawn to his message of love
❤
Kylie Ireland. Seka. Jenna. Etc etc etc etc😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅