Why does a Person w/ Dementia Get So ANGRY and MEAN TO ME? || The "Why" Series
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- Why does a Person with Dementia Get So ANGRY and MEAN TO ME? || The "Why" Series
This is a biggie. Caregivers need to understand this issue so they know NOT to take it personally...THANKS FOR WATCHING!! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE!
~About the Book~
“Dementia with Grace: A New, Positive Way of Dealing with Behaviors in People with Dementia” addresses behaviors whether caused by Alzheimer's Disease, Lewy-Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontal-temporal dementia or any other type.
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In this book, you will find information, tips, and techniques to help take care of a person living with dementia, with grace.
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~About Me~
My name is Vicky Noland Fitch and I hold a Bachelor of Social Work degree and I am also a Certified Dementia Practitioner. I have been a dementia caregiver for over 25 years, and I love to help people problem solve when difficult behaviors arise. I live and work out of an 1892 farmhouse deep in the heart of Dixie with my husband, Phil and my ragdoll cat, Contessa. I have one daughter, Emily, and a son in law, Eric.
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Disclaimers and Disclosures:
The information presented herein has been developed by Vicky Noland Fitch, BSW, CDP over a 25+ year career of working primarily as a dementia caregiver, educator, trainer and now as a consultant.
The information provided in this video should not be construed or relied upon as medical advice for any specific fact or circumstance. Its content was prepared by Dementia With Grace for informational and entertainment purposes only. You should not act or rely on any of the information contained herein without seeking professional medical advice.
Any links to products for sale are affiliate links. I earn a little money if you click through and buy it. It costs nothing to you, and adds a little change to my pocket! I would never endorse something I have not personally read or used or believe to be of benefit. If it is here, I have found value in It! ~ Vicky New contact email: vicky@dementiawithgrace.org for 1:1 consult requests, business inquiries....Thanks! Vicky
Not everyone with dementia does this, BUT when they do, it is devastating. ESPECIALLY when it is out of character for them! Hang in there! All my love, Vicky
I needed that today. Thank you!
@@nancyreddish5254 love you, girl! 😍 ~Vicky
It’s even worse if they were abusive parents. You question yourself constantly: is this the dementia or just her being her typical self?
Amen!
I think a lot of it is their typical self -- just worse.
Absolutely. I think dementia magnified the worst part of my lo.
Yep
Going through this now
I think it helps us be ok when they die but it sure makes you dislike them.
I was thinking about that. It's like God's way of getting us to be at peace with the inevitable.
What ridiculous and simplistic view on a loved one’s demise. Good job guys… 🙄
Yes!!! Thank you for this video!! My mom kicks me out of her house after driving 2 1/2 hours to visit her, and she does this, especially in front of other family members, during the holidays!!! I hate it!!
Hang in there. All behaviors have a natural end! I have that video in my Behaviors playlist! ❤️❤️❤️
My brother tells me to get lost after flying across country to see him! I guess family just will never be able to win 😰
I'd have to limit visits with that kind of behavior, self-preservation is essential, and this would destroy me.
@@MaN-pw1bnYes, I think you may have to quit visiting that person….they don’t care for you anyway.
Just this morning, our German Shepherd puppy put his front paws on the bed to greet my person. John grabbed his paw in a death grip and I couldn’t pry him off the yelping puppy. I had to bite him on the wrist to get him to let go. Poor puppy was limping for awhile.
Diana Latimer I’m so sorry that happened. They have incredible strength at times. I hope the puppy is ok. Be careful with that kind of behavior. If it persists, it indicates that he may need to be managed in a facility. Hopefully this was a one time issue. Prayers.
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Thank you for being the first professional that I've heard address this! Had my MIL with Alzheimer's living here for 12years and she was cruel to me and the kids. Now I'm dealing with it with my husband...."you're an f'n b' and my mother and her sisters always said you're an f'n b". I'm exhausted and now sick myself. The cruelty of Alzheimers is more than I can take anymore
Thankyou so much. I get so upset even listening. I’m sorry. Today he was really angry nasty, I thought his eyes would fall out if his head. I don’t have enough help. 💔
So sorry! Sending prayers!
So sorry! Please come join our group on Facebook for more support! Link in description!! ♥️. Vicky
Great video and a question I’ve been struggling with. Why does mom get so hostile and agitated when I’m trying so hard to be there for her everyday. As hard as it is, your thoughts on it help a little. Thank you♥️
Thank you ,Thank you ,Thank you ,for this segment I know it's a long time since this aired but I have now just found it ,my momma has Dementia and I am the one who takes care of her and I have looked for someone to answer this question many times I really was beginning to think my own mother didn't like me it is the hardest thing I have gone through watching my momma slowly lose herself and everything she has always been able to do was hard ,but never in a thousand years would I ever thought she would get ugly with anyone and she doesn't except me ,I know you are busy but I just wanted you to know I am grateful for your input on this horrible disease .and all the questions that someone like me has no answers to .
I'm sympathetic to your situation. It is very difficult when dementia manifests this way. You are NOT ALONE! Consider joining the group...link in description...so much support and advice there...Vicky
Phenomenal video. So well put. I wish I could listen to it 500x to get it through my head. This is exactly the info I needed to hear. Thank you so much
I’m thrilled it helped so much! Please come join our group on Facebook for more support! Link in description!! ♥️. Vicky
This is the most wonderful video ever ❤🙌🙏❤️ Every single word is true !!!! We actually take our aggression out on each other because it’s safe to do so 🙌 it’s not fair at all ☝️ yet most of us in the same position would completely agree ❤🙌❤️🙏
I stopped talking to her. I'm conviced my grandmother died years ago and this is just her body.
I understand. The heart is for you and your loss. It is a grief response. I would encourage you to continue to try to connect with her. The sound remains. Always. I have a playlist about it. I will grab it for you. ❤️❤️❤️
I understand Joe, my LO can be so mean and nasty... so vulgar, physically/mentally abusive, I’m tired... so sometimes I just stop talking to her.
@@LostInThisGardenofLife mine was like that years ago. Now she doesn't know who I am.
@@joebaumgart1146 same here... my LO hasn’t known me the last 4 years, just the other day she called me a black whore, her racist past is surfacing. :(
😪Thank you. I needed this explanation.
Oh my this is helpful to understand, in hindsight a friendship that, unfortunately, went toxic.
Your videos are excellent....watching several tonight... All spot on with my VD spouse, wish I had discovered Dementia with Grace long while ago.
You found us now!! Usually the information arrives when you are ready to hear it!
UTI makes mom a BEAST!
My grandma is mean to me, my mother and complete strangers. She once fat shamed some other patients daughter that she never even met. She constantly tells me, her grandson, that I'm ugly, and insulted her own nurse several times.
I get it. I do. I responded above. Unfortunately, in dementia, sometimes the difficult personality of the person expands. And later in the disease the personality softens. ♥️♥️♥️
I am so sorry for you. You're much too young to be subjected to this kind of verbal abuse. Maybe try not to visit your grandmom so frequently.
This made a lot of sense to me. Thank you!!
Glad it was helpful!
When I took my healthcare program for nursing and in home care I was told and I believe it. If they are angry and call you names it is because they know they can and you will never hate them, but be there for them. I took care of my mother the last 5 years of her life and Jesse argued, but basically did okay. She didn't have dementia but her baby sister just around the corner did have it. They talked nearly everyday on the phone and sometimes we went to visit her sister. Mom didn't understand why they couldn't be friends? But my aunt liked to talk about things like her work. Mom stayed home and raised us kids. When her sister didn't know who she was I told my aunt I brought somebody that grew up where you did and they had good conversations.
You get it! I left another comment on a Nother video I think that you made a comment on!? Anyway, please come over to the group if you are not already there! Since you are obviously a genius 😊 😉 ❤️ come over there and associate yourself with the genius is in that group! We all help each other! m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
I dictate these ⬆️ make sure you see where this dictation app. Heard my southern voice say Nother instead of another! 😝🙃🤓
I agree that if you're there for them and do the best you can, you will never have guilt feelings after they pass. I want to do the best for my brother -- not so much for his sake -- as for the sake of our parents, who would want me to do the best I could for him.
Sorry i hate to break it out but I have completed my nursing diploma here in Germany. In Germany nursing is called Pflegeausbildung. Most probably you have to get yourself training at a nursing home and 3 to 4 months of training at a hospital within these 3 years. My colleagues wasn't understanding abusive and too be honest I wasn't really too fond of working with old age dementia Alzheimer patient. These patients were not at all kind used to spit at me as well as bite. Although I used to complain,instead of understanding my nurse head, manager and colleague used to blame me. I hate working with old age dementia patients or you can say I am not all fond working with them . End of my studies I left nursing home and joined hospital to work at an ENT department. Even at ENT you will confront such patient but it's rare. Many students as well as nurses have resigned from nursing home,old age home.
My neighbor shes 83 she has dementia and shes angry and has alot of unforgiveness. I pray in Jesus name that she will have Christ like mind and that she will reconcile
Amen❤
It truly is a tough one eight year carerer here 😥
Seems to me that if that person is a mean , nasty person, it would be better to just put them in a care facility if possible. Visit on occasion, but live your life, don’t allow that person to destroy you!!!
That absolutely happens and I don’t judge that at all. I have a video about why I refer to “person with dementia” instead of loved one. I’ll link it. There are some ROUGH situations out there. I have seen a lot in my practice and I understand this take. Here is the link: ua-cam.com/video/AoGYMHBHCEY/v-deo.htmlsi=MF4nQ823RX_WjfaC
Hello. We may be placing my mother in a home and have started investigating. As she is prone to angry outbursts and silent treatment (which can last for hours), how do we make it smoother and more comfortable? I have heard have some familiar objects around but I need help with the actual transition. Thank you.
Roll well, madame!
Sorry, I disagree. The reason why my LO treats me the way he does isnt because deep down he knows that I will love him through it. It’s because he is basically a narcissistic, mean person who is becoming even meaner now. Let’s call it what it is.
Smile and don't hover, but allow them to hover lose to you. Show respect and !ove!
Exactly!
"I wanna go home!"
"Ma'am, you ARE home. This is where you live"
"WHAT, NO I DON'T! I LIVE IN MY HOUSE!"
"Ma'am, you are in an assistance living favility"
I'm not sure if this woman I'm dealing with has dementia but she's in her 80's and she literally blames me for EVERYTHING that happens. She can't remember doing things and she also lies on top of that.
You didn't explain anything. You just said people should tolerate abuse. That leads to caregiver burnout and depression.
So many in my orbit decide to stay and “tough it out”…I don’t judge any persons decision. I try to help in each situation. There is another video about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Maybe that is the best video for you. Thanks for your comment!
I try to keep my person in a quiet environment to control the anger towards me. Although they enjoy TV .
So maybe they should go to a nursing home so they don't abuse us
That is certainly an option. This is usually a phase that they will pass through fairly quickly. But some people just have zero tolerance. I understand both POVs
@@DementiaWithGrace We had a neighbours grandfather, born and raised in the area, get killed in a provincial health facility. Shipping them off to even a good run institution (Canada has some pretty high end facilities for those with Dem. and Alz. I volunteer with one connected directly to ourh hospital) But if they get angry, they often get physical. After breaking two ladies arms, this grandfather was killed by a guy who would go into their room . Protests were ignored. I can't believe what it would be like down south, when so many inst. are so sketchy , badly run, run for profit, and have poor personnel and too few of them.
As hard as it is for me, I love my dad so much I would never put him in a murder house of abuse... not the answer!
Wow I just found out I’m the golden child
Lucky you ... lucky us ... we should be so lucky 🥲
Can you help cos I really don't like how he is. He started to forget things. And it was like he was elsewhere even though he was with me at my side. He has started to be little careless lately and I don't know if he is ill or getting ill. .he has hypertension also. Stage 1 he is at. Why does he have random anger toward me.. it could be over some thing leaking in the fridge. He can't just speak nicely it is sharp and like he is your mother help
Digree that it's "human nature" to treat someone you dont' know better than those close to you. IT's safe: those strangers don't know the person, and can't call them on their BS. It's a comfort zone of control: I'll loan or give money or time to someone falling out of a dumpstter I've never met, to SHOW the family I AM IN CONTROL, not them.
I’m meaning initially, like a once in a while meeting. Not a relationship. I honestly need to completely reshoot this video! I was married to a narcissist (I mentioned in my other comment to you!) So I do know. I glossed over history of Narcissism to get on to the dementia part. You are not the first to point this out recently. Thank you for your comment!
My mom
My dad
I have become the target for a pair of elderly women, who are on the same committee, who both shows signs of Dementia and Alzheimers. One/age 72 shows signs of early onset Dementia--can't follow a conversations, acts muddled headed, repeats herself and has become somewhat of a stalker. She acts out in a aggressive, hostile demeanor towards me every chance she gets, using emails and sending me USPS correspondence to vent.
The other one/age 83--has a core personality of racism, likes to pulls stunts on people form a distance, and acts out in a hostile demeanor using politics as her weapon. Has taken to flying that "Thin Blue Line" flag, even though the committee she is on--needs to remain neutral for the benefit of the members.
Sorry your are having trouble with people...we must be VERY CAREFUL not to ascribe a diagnosis to people based solely on interactions with them. There is much that goes into getting a diagnosis! Stay well! Vicky
Oh isn't this the truth!!! My brother has always been nasty, condescending and insulting to me. But now it seems even worse. He treats his friends as if they walk on water -- always has -- but he's always treated his family like they were squashed bugs. I don't know how I'm going to cope with this.
I would let them... "his friends" look after him. The end.
Being the golden child is horribly overrated. I now only get anger when I visit and I have learned to literally back out of her strike zone. My husband refuses to let me take her abuse for any length of time. So now I breeze in and out before her smiling “happy to see you” face turns into a look of anger and defiance.
Brenda Carlson perfect way to handle it. As I said, it’s not fair. And it’s why I suggest trying to not take it personally. I try to provide an alternate way of “reframing” interactions, to try and find some positive aspect to help with dealing with an awful manifestation of the disease. Bless you. It will pass, as all behaviors do. All my love! Vicky
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Hi. I . concerned about my husband.. he works and everything but out the blue he will get angry over nothing. And he is blaming me for everything that goes wrong for him or in the house which ever. He is 62 he will be 63 on 25 December this year 2023. He goes to work and is fine with work colleagues. And he sees me and he is then speaking toe with harshness and with a horrible cutting tone of voice. He is meant to be Christian also. And God demands that he move his wife and love me as his sister in Christ. And his neighbour. But he treats me like I am His enemy
Same with me but it has progressed to falsely accusing me of having affairs which is so abusive. Tonight I had had enough and I asked God to take this burden and he did. I am feeling at peace.
Sound like a narcissistic UA-cam it
This literally does not ass up at all. Being a just and dealing with patience with dementia...you couldn't be more of with this take.
Unfortunate....I would rethink my thought process tbh if I thought like you. This is a super opinionated take and not at all what its really like dealing with folks with dementia
Can you elaborate? I cannot follow your comment. Thanks!